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Mastering Difficult Conversations

This document discusses managing difficult conversations by shifting to a mindset of mutual learning. [1] It outlines some unproductive thinking habits like assuming one is always right and avoiding conflict, and explains how these can derail conversations. [2] Productive thinking habits are proposed instead, like assuming partial knowledge and positive intentions in others. [3] The key is to stop, reflect on one's own thinking and assumptions, and have conversations with the goal of understanding different perspectives rather than just asserting one's own views.

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Sailesh Nallapothu
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200 views19 pages

Mastering Difficult Conversations

This document discusses managing difficult conversations by shifting to a mindset of mutual learning. [1] It outlines some unproductive thinking habits like assuming one is always right and avoiding conflict, and explains how these can derail conversations. [2] Productive thinking habits are proposed instead, like assuming partial knowledge and positive intentions in others. [3] The key is to stop, reflect on one's own thinking and assumptions, and have conversations with the goal of understanding different perspectives rather than just asserting one's own views.

Uploaded by

Sailesh Nallapothu
Copyright
© Attribution Non-Commercial (BY-NC)
We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.
Available Formats
Download as PPTX, PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd
  • Ladder of Inference
  • “Be In Control” Mental Model
  • Unproductive Thinking Habits
  • Our Thinking Influences Our Actions
  • The Left Hand Column
  • Mutual Learning
  • Productive Thinking Habits
  • Shift to Mutual Learning
  • Conclusion

Managing Difficult Conversations

Group I2
Ladder of Inference
• Follows the concept of
Bounded rationality
• Select Data
• Interpret Data
• Draw Conclusion
• Mental Models strongly affect
our ladder of inference.
“Be In Control” Mental Model
• Use- conversation takes an
unproductive or unexpected turn.
• Aim- to win, not lose - desire to assert
our views
• Accomplish Aim – VALUE of being
Rational
• Assumption – our point is sensible,
obvious
• Avoid conflict- by suppressing feelings
Unproductive Thinking Habits
• Assume we are right
– Based on ‘Intuitive decision
making’ or ‘Overconfidence Bias’
Unproductive Thinking Habits
• Assign negative attributes and
motives
– Similar to the false attribution
error stated in the Attribution
Theory
– Suspect a hidden agenda in others
disagreement.
– Seem factual and obvious to us
Unproductive Thinking Habits
• See ourselves as more
reasonable
– Expect others to see as
well agree with our view.
– Try to reassert our
perspective
Unproductive Thinking Habits
• Hold others accountable
– Others’ disagreement
causes difficult
conversation.
Unproductive Thinking Habits
• Avoid upsetting
situations
– Assume that others are
too fragile to handle
criticism.
– Prevents from rectifying
the mistake
Our thinking influences our actions
• Attribution theory suggests
we interpret others
behavior and act
accordingly
• We generally don’t share
our negative attributions
• But our behavior confirms
to our perception.
The Left hand Column
• Reflecting on our private
thinking isn’t easy
• Gap exists between our
perception and our actions
• Left hand column case study
helps us identify the activation
point of be in control theory.
Mutual learning
• A new mental model – leads to
productive conversations
• Identifying the point of break
down of a conversation
• Stopping and reflecting
• This pushes the dialogue to a
place of greater openness
Productive Thinking Habits
• Assume we have partial
knowledge
– Selected data
accumulation pertaining
to one’s area of interest
– Decision based on
understanding of all the
functions of a business
Productive Thinking Habits
• Grant legitimacy to other
perspectives
– Recognizing the rationale
behind other’s conclusions
– Existence of probability
of misunderstanding
other’s view point
– We may be unreasonable
Productive Thinking Habits
• Assume positive
intentions
– Most people want to do
good
– Disagreement need not
be disrespectfulness
– Other’s decisions are not
meant to create problems
Productive Thinking Habits
• Acknowledge our role
– ‘My actions might have
unintended consequences’
– Analyze how we contribute to
communication problems.
– Revise and realign actions
with intentions.
Productive Thinking Habits
• Embrace learning
– Don’t avoid upsetting
situations.
– Don’t assume others to be
averse to criticism.
– Give yourself and others an
opportunity to learn from
mistakes
Shift to Mutual Learning
• Difficult to implement.
• Practise stopping and thinking during
conversations.
• Sharpen your advocacy and inquiry
skills.
- State your viewpoint with reasoning
(advocacy)
- Ask about other’s line of reasoning
(inquiry)
- Invite others to challenge your views.
Conclusion
• Mutual learning makes difficult
conversations immensely
productive and less personal:
- What each of us has selected from
the data pool.
- What is that we have ignored.
- Which mental models have
influenced our interpretation.

• Change the way you think and


you’ll change the way you
Thank You

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