Looking Forward

Blah

It’s hard to keep blaming his age on his shitty attitude. I think that A is turning into his narcissistic other parent. It’s hard to understand how he can be so selfish and entitled after all the time and effort I put into trying to make him understand that’s not how the world works. Once he turned 16 I told him to get a job. When he turned 17 I told him to get a job. Eventually he did. He kept it for 3 months and then got a different job. He had that job for 3 months then he quit. That is the extent of his work experience.

After he quit his job, he decided he had enough money in savings to not work for a while. Despite me sending him jobs nearly every day, he continued to not work. He asked me for money and I told him no. He should be working to get his own money. He somehow continued to think that, even though he’s not in college, even though he’s living with his father, and even though he’s not working, that he is somehow entitled to my money.

His father hired him to make him a website for his new ‘law firm’. He told A that he would pay him 750 dollars once it was done. I pointed out, again, the car payments, the insurance payments, the cell phone payments that he was responsible for, and for the upcoming traffic violation fines he would likely have to pay. A insisted he didn’t need a job.

He was caught texting and driving in April. He went to court to contest it, but failed. On Sept 19th, his license got suspended for 30 days . He has to pay a 250 dollar fine. He has to pay a 50 reinstatement fee and he had to take a drivers class that cost 50. I paid for the class, because I’m nice and thought I could be helpful.

He’s been asking me for rides to the college to visit his friends. I’ve obliged more often than not. No matter how nice I am, he doesn’t see it like that. He seems to think that it’s my job to give him what he wants.

Currently, he has no money to pay his bills. He’s decided that he wants to go to the state university now, and wants to start in January. I paid for the SAT to be sent over and I paid for the application fee. Because I’m nice to my kids. I want to help them move on to better things.

He thinks he’ll get enough financial aid and loans to be able to pay off his car and to stash away for bills so he won’t have to work.  I cannot make him understand that is not how it works. Even if he gets extra money, it won’t be enough for all that.

This last week he’s figured out that he doesn’t have enough money to pay his bills this month and will probably have to get a job. And probably return his cell phone to me.  I suggested that he sell his car, especially if he plans to live on campus. He was disgusted by that idea. I told him that between now and the time he gets his first paycheck, any bills he can’t afford to let me know and I could help him out. He would pay me back with his first paycheck.

This was the conversation we had this morning over IM

ME: so do you have money for the cell phone bill this month?

A: so you’re not helping out with my phone because I’m going to college, because i thought that was the plan

ME: college doesn’t start for you until January

A: k

ME: and you’re supposed to be getting a job, then talking to me about your bills, how much money you can put towards them and how much help you need from us

A: just transferred 60.

ME: ok. While you’re in school, we don’t mind helping you with bills, since the amount of time you can actually work is limited

A: that should go along well with all the child support and 6000 dollars for the house you just got, sorry you’re struggling with bills so much.

ME: A. I’m not getting any child support right now. B. That money went to pay off the credit cards I racked up while your dad wasn’t paying any support. it’s not like I have wads of cash just sitting around

A: I watched him write the check like 2 days ago, but okay lol. you have enough money to plan a trip for just you and Husband to go to florida?

ME: well, that’s good if that’s the case, but he would have to send it to DHHS, which takes extra time for it to get to me. And we have been saving for this trip since March.

A: i find it awfully hard to believe that since ive left your house you are having a tougher time paying for shit. I have a hard time believing you dont save at least 60 dollars from me not being there, but don’t worry about me. You certainly haven’t for a while. I’ll sell the car.

ME: if you don’t have 60.00 to pay for your cell phone this month, then you just have to say so. I told you the other day that between now and your first paycheck, you just have to let me know what you need help with and you can pay me back

A: You got 60 in your fucking bank account dont you?

ME: you’re 18 now, its not anyone’s job to financially support you. If you quit your job, and didn’t find a new job before your license got suspended…that’s on you.

you know you have bills that need to be paid

but, because you can’t drive right now, if you need help, you just have to say so

but its not like I’m giving you free money
A: no, we both know you get plenty of that elsewhere.

ME: plenty of money from elsewhere?

do you think someone sends me an extra check every month just for being awesome?

That was the end of the conversation. I’m nice. I’m helpful. And what do I get? Shit on based on some brainwashing bullshit his father has been spewing for years now about how my husband is super wealthy and we’re just screwing Asshat out of his hard earned cash.

If I replace A with Asshat – this whole conversation was perfectly predictable.

This is not how I imagined my relationship with my child would turn out. Not at all. It makes me really sad.