Call Fuck Off As A Service in PHP

$fuck = new Foaas\Foaas;

// "Fuck off, Joker. - Batman"
echo $fuck->off('Joker', 'Batman');

// "Fucking fuck off, Esienhower. - Kruschev"
echo $fuck->ing('Esienhower', 'Kruschev');

// "Fuck you, Harpo. - Groucho"
echo $fuck->you('Harpo', 'Groucho');

// "Fuck that. - Moses"
echo $fuck->that('Moses');

// "Fuck this. - Jesus H. Christ"
echo $fuck->this('Jesus H. Christ');

// "Fuck everything. - John F. Kennedy"
echo $fuck->everything('John F. Kennedy');

// "Everyone can go and fuck off. - Bumblebee"
echo $fuck->everyone('Bumblebee');

// "Hillary, go and take a flying fuck at a rolling donut. - Bill"
echo $fuck->donut('Hillary', 'Bill');

// "Wolverine, Thou clay-brained guts, thou knotty-pated fool, thou whoreson
// obscene greasy tallow-catch! - Professor X"
echo $fuck->shakespeare('Wolverine', 'Professor X');

// "Lucy, there aren't enough swear-words in the English language, so now I'll
// have to call you perkeleen vittupää just to express my disgust and
// frustration with this crap. - Charlie Brown"
echo $fuck->linus('Lucy', 'Charlie Brown');

// "Oh fuck off, just really fuck off you total dickface. Christ Lucy, you are
// fucking thick. - Ricki"
echo $fuck->king('Lucy', 'Ricki');

// "Well fuck me pink. - Simba"
echo $fuck->pink('Simba');

// "Fuck my life. - Gandhi"
echo $fuck->life('Gandhi');

// "Fuck me gently with a chainsaw, Jim. Do I look like Mother Teresa? - Dr.
// McCoy"
echo $fuck->chainsaw('Jim', 'Dr. McCoy');

// "Fuck you very much. - Abraham Lincoln"
echo $fuck->thanks('Abraham Lincoln');

// "I don't give a flying fuck. - Barack Obama"
echo $fuck->flying('Barack Obama');

// "Fascinating story, in what chapter do you shut the fuck up? - Marie Curie"
echo $fuck->fascinating('Marie Curie');

// "What you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have
// ever heard, Doctor. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were
// you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought.
// Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you
// no points Doctor, and may God have mercy on your soul. - Rose"
echo $fuck->madison('Doctor', 'Rose');

// Cool story, Bro - Joseph Stalin
echo $fuck->cool('Joseph Stalin');

// And Homer said unto Marge, "Verily, cast thine eyes upon the field in which I
// grow my fucks", and Marge gave witness unto the field, and saw that it was
// barren. - The Book of Fucks
echo $fuck->field('Homer', 'Marge', 'The Book of Fucks');

// Well Mary, aren't you a shining example of a rancid fuck-nugget. - Joseph
echo $fuck->nugget('Mary', 'Joseph');

// Fuck off, you must, Doc. - Marty
echo $fuck->yoda('Doc', 'Marty');

// Fucking Spacely is a fucking pussy. I'm going to fucking bury that guy, I
// have done it before, and I will do it again. I'm going to fucking kill
// Spacely Space Sprockets. - George Jetson
echo $fuck->ballmer('Spacely', 'Spacely Space Sprockets', 'George Jetson');

// What the fuck?!. - Applejack
echo $fuck->what('Applejack');

// Why? Because Fuck you, that's why. - Muad'dib
echo $fuck->because('Muad\'dib');

// Can you use fingers? Fuck no! - Ron Paul
echo $fuck->caniuse('fingers', 'Ron Paul');

// Fuckity bye! - Han Solo
echo $fuck->bye('Han Solo');

// I'd love to stop and chat to you but I'd rather have type 2 diabetes. - Worf
echo $fuck->diabetes('Worf');

// Christ on a bendy-bus, Sam, don't be such a fucking faff-arse. - Dean
echo $fuck->bus('Sam', 'Dean');

// Merry Fucking Christmas, Lars. - James
echo $fuck->xmas('Lars', 'James');

// Happy Fucking Birthday, Trapper. - Hawkeye
echo $fuck->bday('Trapper', 'Hawkeye');

// This is Fucking Awesome. - 2Pac
echo $fuck->awesome('2Pac');

// Come the fuck in or fuck the fuck off. - Kim Kardashian
echo $fuck->tucker('Kim Kardashian');

// Please choke on a bucket of cocks. - Pope Francis
echo $fuck->bucket('Pope Francis');

// Fuck you, your whole family, your pets, and your feces. - Bill Gates
echo $fuck->family('Bill Gates');

// Steve, shut the fuck up. - Woz
echo $fuck->shutup('Steve', 'Woz');

// Ask me if I give a motherfuck ?!! - The Hamburglar
echo $fuck->zayn('The Hamburglar');

// Keep the fuck calm and pound sand! - Captain America
echo $fuck->keepcalm('pound sand', 'Captain America');

// Eat the fucking paint chips! - Mister Rogers
echo $fuck->dosomething('Eat', 'paint chips', 'Mister Rogers');

// Happy fuckin' Mornin'! - Mark Zuckerberg
echo $fuck->mornin('Mark Zuckerberg');

// Who has two thumbs and doesn't give a fuck? Deez nuts. - Snoop
echo $fuck->thumbs('Deez nuts', 'Snoop');

// You Fucktard! - Bernie Sanders
echo $fuck->retard('Bernie Sanders');

// The point is, ladies and gentleman, that misery -- for lack of a better word
// -- is good. misery is right. misery works. misery clarifies, cuts through,
// and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit. misery, in all of its
// forms -- misery for life, for money, for love, knowledge -- has marked the
// upward surge of mankind - Harry Potter
echo $fuck->greed('misery', 'Harry Potter');

// Bravo mike, Bert. - Ernie
echo $fuck->bm('Bert', 'Ernie');

// Golf foxtrot yankee, Janet. - LaToya
echo $fuck->gfy('Janet', 'LaToya');

// Fuck me. - Akira
echo $fuck->me('Akira');

// R2-D2, back the fuck off. - Han
echo $fuck->back('R2-D2', 'Han');

// Chun Li, you think I give a fuck?. - Cammy
echo $fuck->think('Chun Li', 'Cammy');

// moot: Fuck off. And when you get there, fuck off from there too. Then fuck off some more. Keep fucking off until you get back here. Then fuck off again. - Lowtax
echo $fuck->keep('moot', 'Lowtax');

// And not a single fuck was given. - Edward Snowden
echo $fuck->single('Edward Snowden');

// Lars, what the fuck were you actually thinking? - James
echo $fuck->thinking('Lars', 'James');

// Looking for a fuck to give. - Beyonce
echo $fuck->looking('Beyonce');

// No fucks given. - Splinter
echo $fuck->no('Splinter');

// I give zero fucks. - Elvis
echo $fuck->give('Elvis');

// Zero, thats the number of fucks I give. - Theo de Raadt
echo $fuck->zero('Theo de Raadt');

// Sindarin, motherfucker, do you speak it? - Elrond
echo $fuck->pulp('Sindarin', 'Elrond');

// For fuck's sake! - Michael Jordan
echo $fuck->sake('Michael Jordan');

// Fuck this pizza in particular. - Papa John
echo $fuck->particular('pizza', 'Papa John');

// Who the fuck are you anyway, Toys For Tots, why are you stirring up so much trouble, and, who pays you? - Kim Jong Un
echo $fuck->anyway('Toys For Tots', 'Kim Jong Un');

// Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe fuck yourself. - Bill Nye
echo $fuck->maybe('Bill Nye');

// Charles, your head is as empty as a eunuch’s underpants. Fuck off! - Margaret
echo $fuck->blackadder('Charles', 'Margaret');

// Fuck you and the horse you rode in on. - William Wallace
echo $fuck->horse('William Wallace');

// John you are being the usual slimy hypocritical asshole... You may have had value ten years ago, but people will see that you don't anymore. - Paul
echo $fuck->deraadt('John', 'Paul');

// What the fuck is you problem Scully? - Mulder
echo $fuck->problem('Scully', 'Mulder');

// Fuck off Maverick, you worthless cocksplat. - Goose
echo $fuck->cocksplat('Maverick', 'Goose');

// Thanks, fuck you too. - Stalin
echo $fuck->too('Stalin');

// Fuck off with a well balanced meal - Alex Trebek
echo $fuck->{'off-with'}('a well balanced meal', 'Alex Trebek');

// "Fuck clowns." Seriously. Clowns are creepy.
// This example only uses the FOAAS message response, not the subtitle.
echo $fuck->clowns('me')->message;