My name is Andrew Joyce and I understand my dog Danny has been posting his ramblings here, on occasion. I’ve read one or two of them and I must tell you I am not pleased. You think it’s easy to live with that cute little hunk of fur. Yes, he’s cute and that’s the only reason he gets away with so much.

Anyway, today I thought I’d turn the tables on the little bugger. I’m going to give you an abbreviated version of a podcast we did while back. We were there to promote one of my books. I don’t know why, but every time I’m asked to do an interview, they always ask me to bring Danny along. So here ya go, nice people. This is what I have to put up with.

(The host hands me a microphone and tells me to introduce myself and Danny and say what a few of our favorite things are.)

My name is Andrew Joyce. Lucy has asked me and my dog to stop by today to talk about my new book and discuss some of our favorite things. But first of all, I’d like to introduce Danny. He also goes by the name Danny the Dog.

Say hello, Danny.

Hello.

Could you please be a bit more enthusiastic?

May we get on with it? You dragged me away from a Lassie rerun. She was just about to save Timmy, who fell into a well, again! I wanted to see how she was gonna save him this time, seeing as she has no opposable thumbs. You never know, I might have to save you from a well someday. Then you’ll be sorry you didn’t let me finish watching my show.

Okay. Let’s just get down to it. I’ll say my favorite things first and then you can tell everyone about your favorite things.

Why do you get to go first?

It really doesn’t matter to me, Danny. Do you want to go first?

No.

Boy, oh boy! You are something else. I’m sorry, Lucy, but Danny seems to be in a mood today. I’ll start the ball rolling by telling you some of my favorite things.

Make sure they’re not too sappy.

Be quiet, Danny. Okay, here goes. I like getting up early to see the sun rise out of the ocean. I like rainy days when I can stay inside and read a good book. I like a good cup of coffee, and happy endings in movies. Now it’s your turn, Danny.

Whoa! Are you kidding me? What are you trying to do, fool these poor people listening to your drivel? I’ll tell ’em what you really like.

No need to do that, Danny. I’m just trying to sell some books here.

Hush. If you want to sell books, then be honest. It’s my turn and I’ll use it to tell everyone what you really like. Andrew’s favorite thing is vodka. That’s #1. Then there’s his obsession with beer. You should see him when he has a snootful. He’s just like Hemingway. I don’t mean he can write like Hemingway, but he sure can drink like him.

Thanks a lot, Danny Boy.

I’m just getting started. Sunrises? Andrew hasn’t seen a sunrise since I was a pup. And coffee? Of course, he loves coffee. He puts three shots of vodka in every cup. I will admit he does read a lot, rain or shine.

You are a bad doggie, Danny. Alright, you blew my cover, but we still haven’t heard about your favorite things.

I thought you’d never ask. I love to sniff where other dogs have peed. I love our walks in the morning when it’s just the two of us. I love it when, after our walks, you give me those treats. But do you want to know what I love the most?

I’m afraid to ask.

I love you the most. I’m hard on you because I’m trying to keep you on the straight and narrow. An impossible task, I think. But I’ll keep trying because I think maybe you’re worth it.

Aww shucks, Danny.

Aww shucks yourself. Can we please get out of here? There’s an old Rin Tin Tin movie on TCM that I don’t want to miss.

I haven’t mentioned my book yet.

Okay. I’ll mention it for you. Buy Andrew’s new book. Available on Amazon and where all fine books are sold. How’s that?

You didn’t mention the title.

Oh, for Pete’s sake. The name of the book is Mahoney. Now can we go?

Sure, Danny. Let me just thank Lucy for having us over.

Please make it fast.

So that’s it. Every time I get ready to trade Danny in for a cat, he says or does something nice. I reckon we’ll be together for a while longer. But any future posts of his, please take with a grain of salt where I’m concerned.

Thank you.