Lesson 8

personal
Relationships
 Prehistoric era
Facts:
• Interacting with other people existed even
before the language was invented.
• Interaction was necessary for the survival of the
group to which an individual belonged.
CURRENT TIME
Facts:
• This need to belong still exists, because it has been
imprinted in our genetic memory that was passed
on to us by our ancestors. However, the need to
belong today goes beyond mere survival in the
physical sense.
 “Relationships are essential to one’s
happiness”. From the published article:
“Attraction and Relationships – The
Journey from Initial Attachments to
Romantic Love,”
 absence of close relationships
• It may lead to a profound negative effect to an individual
who is deprived of it, such as feeling worthless, powerless,
and alienated.
• Research goes further in concluding that our very
humanity is defined by our relationships.
 relationships
DEFINITION: “The way in which two
or more people, groups, countries,
etc., talk to, behave toward, and
deal with each other.” - Merriam
Webster
 TYPES OF RELATIONSHIPS
• Business transactional
relationship
• Professional relationship
• Friendly relationship
• Romantic relationship
• many more..
 Personal Relationship
-is the type of relationship that is closely
associated with a person and that can only
have meaning for that person.
 impersonal or informal relationship

- An impersonal or informal relationship may have

a commitment not to a person or group of people
but to an entity, such as a business organization, a
principle, or a cause.
HOW ARE ATTACHMENTS
DEVELOPED?
Our attachments and first
intimate relationships
begin with our mother.
What will happen if a mother doesn't show affection
to her child?
A careless and non-caring pregnant mother can affect the
child in the womb, which may leave psychological and
emotional scars even before the child is born. Research has
confirmed that the emotional experiences of expectant
mothers, particularly strong emotions such as anger or
anxiety, which produce chemicals in the body such as
adrenaline, affect the child in the womb. Eventually, the
infant grows up with a predisposition to anxiety as well.
What will happen if a mother doesn't show affection
to her child?
The Rozenberg Quarterly article quotes a research
finding by Bowlby in 1982 that our succeeding
relationships in the future are all shaped to a large
extent by our attachment to our parents (Larsen et
al. 2008).

A mother who gazes at her child’s face and the

child responding with a smile are the foundations
of our sense of physical and psychological well-
 3 types of attachments
Defined by Ainsworth, Blehar, Waters, and Wall

• Secure attachment –is when the primary caregiver is most of the

time present and available and when all the emotional needs of an
infant are met, providing a sense of security to the infant.
• Avoidant attachment – is when the primary caregiver is cold and
detached, and even unresponsive to a child’s needs.
• Anxious-ambivalent attachment – when the primary caregiver is
not consistent in terms of presence and in meeting a child’s
emotional needs.
 ATTRACTION
-is the first stage in a continuum of
stages that lead to intimacy and
commitment.

-is primarily based on physiology or

certain hormones that persons who
get attracted to others often pick up
with their noses.
 ATTRACTION
3 STAGES OF FALLING IN LOVE
1. Lust – is driven by the sex hormones, testosterone, and
estrogen. These hormones affect both sexes.
2. Attraction – is described as the love-struck phase, which
involves neurotransmitters in the brain, such as dopamine,
norepinephrine, and serotonin. This is the stage when a
person loses sleep and appetite over someone, and swoons
while daydreaming of this special person.
3. Attachment – when the couple in love decides to continue
with the relationship, they enter the attachment stage where
long-lasting commitments are exchanged, and may lead to
 ATTRACTION
• Attraction also involves our unconscious assessment
of another person’s genes through their physical
appearance.
• Physical attraction is biologically driven by
chemicals in
• Pheromones, anour bodychemical
odorless called hormones.
found in urine and sweat,
and can only be detected through an organ as the nose, are
also involved in the assessment of a future mate, this is an
indication of a person’s immune system.
Theories related to attraction and liking:
By: Rozenberg Quarterly

• Transference Effect 6. Personality Characteristics and

• Propinquity Effect Traits
• Similarity • Empathic persons - exude
• Reciprocity warmth and positivity.
• Socially competent - persons,
• Physical
who are good communicators
Attractiveness
and enjoy good conversations.
 TRANSFERENCE EFFECT PROPINQUITY
EFFECT
OUR PAST People we are familiar
RELATIONSHIPS CAN with make us feel safe and
THEREFORE AFFECT OUR secure. Because we can
CURRENT interactions predict their behavior, we
with people. We may find people who we While
prefer some and avoid proximity promotes
others because of a bad familiarity, and hence
experience we had with liking, there are
exceptions when we come
someone to whom we
to dislike the person living
associated this person
 SIMILARITY RECIPROCITY
WE ARE OFTEN ATTRACTED TO RECIPROCITY IS A STRONGER
LIKE-MINDED PERSONS AND BASIS FOR LIKING another person
THOSE WHO HAVE SIMILAR than similarity. The more we are
BELIEFS AND values as ours, liked by someone we equally like,
because the similarity is a the more we behave in ways that
validation of our innermost values promote mutual feelings of liking.
and belief system, and who we are Research by Curtis and Miller
as a person. similarity is a strong found out that when we express
factor in friendship and in the our liking for another, oftentimes,
selection of a mate because it this would elicit a pleasant
gives a common platform for
behavior
understanding, which in turn
and mutual liking from the other
promotes intimacy that is
person.
essential for trust, empathy, and
 PHYCAL ATTRACTIVENESS PERSONALITY
CHARACTERISTICS AND
THE PHYSICAL features that are TRAITS
usually found attractive are average
facial features, which are found to be People are often attracted to
a component of beauty; higher
empathetic and socially competent
cheekbones; thinner jaws; and larger
eyes Average facial features do not people other personality traits found
mean common, but rather fall within desirable in almost all cultures are
the average of a population. Bilateral having a happy and cheerful
symmetry is also found to be
disposition, poised and can present
attractive. Less attractive individuals
themselves well, outgoing, and
may compensate by offering other
qualities like wealth and status to sexually warm and responsive
attract a potential mate, but
relationships built on this exchange
do not last long.
 NOTE
THERE ARE MANY WAYS TO EXPRESS ONE’S
ATTRACTION TO ANOTHER PERSON. THIS MAY BE
CONVEYED THROUGH words of appreciation and
liking, or in acts such as winking, smiling,
engaging in small talk, giving gifts, doing errands,
writing or sending messages, or simply admitting
to the other person that you are attracted to him
or her.
love and intimacy
- a feeling of deep affection,
passion, or strong liking for a
person or thing.
 love and intimacy
• A strong feeling of affection and concern toward another
person, as that arising from kinship or close friendship;
• A strong feeling of affection and concern for another
person accompanied by sexual attraction;
• A feeling of devotion or adoration toward God or a god; •
a feeling of kindness or concern by God or a god toward
humans; and
• Sexual desire or activity: the pleasures of love; a night of
love.
3 components of love
Robert Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love

• Intimacy - Being intimate with another

person is about being open and vulnerable to
that person whom we deeply trust.
Communication is a key component in
•developing
Commitment intimacy.
- Commitment is an act of
deciding to consistently fulfill and live by
agreements made with another person,
entity, or cause, and where the values of
integrity and respect serve as a guide to
3 components of love
• Passion - is the intense state of being that
drives and consumes a person to pursue an
interest, a vision, or a person.
seven combinations that make up
the different types of love.
• Liking
• Romantic love
• Infatuation
• Fatuous love
• Empty love
• Companionate love
• Consummate love :
Intimacy+Passion+Commitmen
t
Non-love - is an 8th type of
love. It is the absence of the
three components
 COMMITMENT: SAYING YES AND
MEANING IT
- a continuing process of showing love and care;
fulfilling the promises or agreements made with
each other; and through bad times and good
times, the commitment stays firmly in place.
3 variables of commitment
Examined in the Rozenberg Quarterly
article:
• Accumulation of all rewards of
the relationship – considered as
the most important determinant
of satisfaction in a relationship
 3 variables of commitment
Examined in the Rozenberg Quarterly
article:
2. Temptation of alternative partners
– the presence of possible
alternatives for another partner can
rock the relationship and destabilize
the commitment of a couple.
 3 variables of commitment
Examined in the Rozenberg Quarterly
article:
3. Investments- it is made by the
couple in the relationship are also
important in maintaining
commitment.
 four behaviors that married couples may do that
can predict a divorce or separation:

1. Consistently finding fault with the partner – consistent

criticism negates the person being criticized and may send
the message to the partner that he or she is inferior to the
other.

2. Tone of the criticism – this happens when there is the

absence of unconditional positive regard for each other in a
relationship, criticizing in ways that belittle the other person.
Positive and constructive criticism that is done in a light and
 four behaviors that married couples may do that
can predict a divorce or separation:

3. Denial of the existence of conflict – when one party eludes

the presence of a problem and refuses to discuss it, as if
belittling the problem, it will result in frustration on the side
of the other party.

4. Contempt – like criticism, contempt is present when

someone who looks down on the party as inferior does not
give unconditional positive regard, and aggravates the
 RESPONSIBILITIES IN A
RELATIONSHIP
• Be responsible for what you think and say to the other
person.
• Be responsible for what you promise to do or not do.
• Ensure the relationship is mutually beneficial.
• Respect the other party or parties involved.
• Be ready to provide support when needed.
Thank You
MEMBERS:
*MA. COLEEN GEDUQUE
*SEAN CORDOVA
*KELLY SAMPAYAN
*JEREMY CAGULA