UNIT III: BUILDING AND

MAINTAINING
RELATIONSHIPS

MODULE 9: Personal
Relationships
OBJECTIVES
Big Question:
How does knowing more about
attraction, love, and commitment
help you become more
responsible in a relationship?
 ACTIVITY: STATEMENTS ON
RELATIONSHIPS
State whether these statements are True or
False.
1.It is important to work on communicating our feelings in
relationships.
2. To love someone, we must love our self first.
3. Trying to understand where other people are coming from
rather than judging them helps us build and maintain
relationships.
4. Having a good relationship does not contribute anything
to us having good health.
5. When people listen deeply and let us know that they
recognize the feeling behind our words, more likely than
not, our relationship is doing good.
6. In our relationships, it is vital that we practice
forgiveness when a loved one has hurt us.
7. Our loved ones cannot help us when we deal with
stress.
8. Using positive methods to resolve conflict will more
likely help us maintain good relationships.
9. Expressing gratitude to our friends and family help us
maintain good relationships.
10. Significant differences in core values and beliefs
never create a problem in relationships.
11. We are happy in our relationships when our
loved ones stay connected by spending time with
us and letting us know that they love us.
12. Excessive reliance on social media can be a
cause of tension in relationships.
13. Relationships are static; they are
unchangeable. 14. Being compassionate,
forgiving and grateful contribute to healthy
relationships.
15. To fully enjoy and benefit from relationships
we need skills, information, inspiration, practice,
and social support.
 WHAT DO WE MEAN BY PERSONAL
RELATIONSHIPS?
In our model, personal relationships refer to
close connections between people, formed by
emotional bonds and interactions. These bonds
often grow from and are strengthened by mutual
experiences.
Relationships are not static; they are continually
evolving, and to fully enjoy and benefit from them
we need skills, information, inspiration, practice,
and social support. In our model there are three
kinds of personal relationships:
 The concept of "family" is an
essential component in any discussion FAMILY
of relationships, but this varies greatly
from person to person. The Bureau of
the Census defines family as "two or
more persons who are related by birth,
marriage, or adoption and who live
together as one household.

Although the concept of "family"

is one of the oldest in human nature,
its definition has evolved considerably
in the past three decades. Non-
traditional family structures and roles
can provide as much comfort and
support as traditional forms.
 FRIENDS
A friendship can be thought of as a close tie between two
people that is often built upon mutual experiences, shared
interests, proximity, and emotional bonding. Friends are able to
turn to each other in times of need.
Nicholas Christakis and James Fowler, social-network
researchers and authors of the book Connected, find that the
average person has about six close ties—though some have
more, and many have only one or none.
Note that online friends don’t count toward close ties—
research indicates that a large online network isn’t nearly as
powerful as having a few close, real-life friends.
 PARTNERSHIPS

Partnerships Romantic partnerships, including

marriage, are close relationships formed between two
people that are built upon affection, trust, intimacy, and
romantic love. We usually experience this kind of
relationship with only one person at a time.
 A RESEARCH STUDY ON
RELATIONSHIPS
A sample of 1,110 adolescents assessed nine
aspects of their relationships with their mother, their
father, their best same-sex friend, their most
important sibling, and their most important teacher.
These aspects were admiration, affection,
companionship, conflict, instrumental aid, intimacy,
nurturance, reliable alliance, and satisfaction with the
relationship. Early adolescents (11 through 13 years of
age) gave higher ratings than did middle (14 through
16years of age) and late (17 through 19 years of age)
adolescents for all relationships on most attributes.
WHY PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS ARE
IMPORTANT
Research shows that healthy relationships can
help you:

Live longer
Deal with stress
Be healthier
Feel richer
 ON THE OTHER HAND, LOW SOCIAL SUPPORT IS
LINKED TO A NUMBER OF HEALTH CONSEQUENCES,
SUCH AS:
Depression
Loneliness has long been commonly associated with
depression, and now research is backing this correlation up: a
2012 study of breast cancer patients found that those with fewer
satisfying social connections experienced higher levels of
depression, pain, and fatigue.

Decreased immune function

The authors of the same study also found a correlation
between loneliness and immune system dysregulation, meaning
that a lack of social connections can increase your chances of
becoming sick.
 25 MOST COMMON RELATIONSHIP
PROBLEMS
Here is the list of the most common relationship problems
most often encountered by couples
1. Affairs / infidelity / cheating. This includes emotional
infidelity, one-night stands, internet relationships
(including ‘sexting’), long- and short-term affairs and
financial infidelity

2. Sexual Issues, particularly loss of libido and including

questions around your gender, or your partner's gender

3. Significant differences in core values and beliefs

4. Life stages – you have ‘outgrown’ each other or
have ‘changed’ significantly for whatever reason
5. Traumatic and/or Life-Changing Events
6. Responses to prolonged periods of Stress, such as
Work-Related Stress, long-term illness, mental
health issues, Financial Problems, problems with
the children, infertility and many more
7. Bored in or with Your Relationship
8. Dealing with a jealous partner
9. Having 'blended' family issues
10. Domestic violence, which includes verbal as
well as physical abuse: THE most serious
relationship problem.
11. Knowing you should not have got married in
the first place!
12. Lack of responsibility regarding finances,
children, health and many other issues
13. Unrealistic Expectations- still thinking your
partner / spouse is the princess / knight and not
seeing the 'real' human being
14. Addictions - substance abuse
15. Excessive reliance on social media, at the cost
of the relationship
16. Lack of support during particularly
difficult times from people that matter to
you
17. Manipulation or over-involvement in
your relationships with family or friends
18. Lack of communication about
important matters
19. Poor division of and / or one-sided
lack of responsibility for chores and
tasks. It is not always women who
complain about this relationship problem!
20. Perceived lack of concern, care and consideration /
attentiveness: feeling the relationship is one-sided is a big
one!
21. Significant personal disappointments and traumas
that lead to a change in relationship dynamics
22. Long term depression or other mental health issues
suffered by one partner or both
23. Significant differences in opinion on how to discipline /
deal with the children
24. Long-term stress, particularly when not taking
responsibility for doing something positive to address the
cause, or about learning to handle it if it cannot be changed
25. An unsupportive partner during pregnancy and/or
significant problems after the birth of your baby.
 PORTFOLIO OUTPUT NO. 18:

Response to Mom’s Letter Put yourself in the

shoes of Shane and write a letter in response to Mom.
Explain your thoughts, feelings, and actions as a child
who is now almost an adult.
 NURTURE YOUR
RELATIONSHIPS
Connect with your family
Family support can provide comfort, support, and even
influence better health outcomes while you are sick.
Practice gratitude
Gratitude is one of the most accessible positive emotions,
and its effects can strengthen friendships and intimate
relationships.

Learn to forgive
It’s normal for disagreements or betrayal to arise in
relationships, but your choice about how to handle the hurt can
have a powerful effect on the healing process. Choosing to forgive
can bring about a variety of benefits, both physical and emotional.
Be compassionate
Compassion is the willingness to be open to yourself and
others, even in painful times, with a gentle, and nonjudgemental
attitude.
Accept others

It is also important to be accepting of

the other person in the relationship.
Obviously, this does not apply in situations
of abuse or unhealthy control, where you
need foremost to protect yourself.
Create rituals together

With busy schedules and the presence of

online social media that offer the façade of real
contact, it’s very easy to drift from friends. In
order to nurture the closeness and support of
friendships, you have to make an effort to
connect.
 TEN RULES FOR FINDING LOVE AND
CREATING LONGLASTING AUTHENTIC
RELATIONS
1. YOU MUST LOVE YOURSELF FIRST
Your relationship with yourself is the central template
from which all others are formed. Loving yourself is a
prerequisite to creating a successful and authentic union with
another.

2. PARTNERING IS A CHOICE MUST NURTURE THE

RELATIONSHIP FOR IT TO THRIVE
The choice to be in a relationship is up to you. You have
the ability to attract your beloved and cause the relationship
you desire to happen.
3. CREATING LOVE IS A PROCESS
Moving from “I” to “we” requires a shift in
perspective and energy. Being an authentic
couple is an evolution.

4. RELATIONSHIPS PROVIDE OPPORTUNITIES TO

GROW
Your relationship will serve as an unofficial
“lifeshop” in which you will learn about yourself
and how you can grow on your personal path.
5. COMMUNICATION IS ESSENTIAL
The open exchange of thoughts and
feelings is the lifeblood of your relationship.

6. NEGOTIATION WILL BE REQUIRED

There will be times when you and your
partner must work through impasses. If you
do this consciously and with respect, you will
learn to create win-win outcomes.
7. YOUR RELATIONSHIP WILL BE CHALLENGED BY
CHANGE
Life will present turns in the road. How you maneuver
those twists and turns determines the success of your
relationship.

8. YOU MUST NURTURE THE RELATIONSHIP FOR IT TO

THRIVE
E Treasure your beloved and your relationship will flourish.
9. RENEWAL IS THE KEY TO LONGEVITY
Happily ever after means the ability to keep the
relationship fresh and vital.
10. YOU WILL FORGET ALL THIS THE MOMENT YOU FALL
IN LOVE
 ACTIVITY: I KNOW THE SIGNS OF A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP PUT A HEART
BEFORE EACH STATEMENT THAT YOU THINK IS A SIGN OF A HEALTHY
RELATIONSHIP; PUT AN X ON EACH STATEMENT THAT YOU THINK IS A SIGN
OF AN UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP.
 KEEPING HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS
Good relationships are fun and make you feel good
about yourself. The relationships that you make in your
youth years will be a special part of your life and will
teach you some of the most important lessons about
who you are. Truly good relationships take time and
energy to develop. All relationships should be based on
respect and honesty, and this is especially important
when you decide to date someone.
 IN A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP,
BOTH PARTNERS:
 Are treated with kindness and respect
 Are honest with each other
 Like to spend time together
 Take an interest in things that are important to each
other
 Respect one another’s emotional, physical and sexual
limits
 Can speak honestly about their feelings
 LOVE SHOULD NEVER HURT
Dating relationships can be wonderful! But
while it’s important that dating partners care for
each other, it’s just as important that you take care
of yourself! About 10% of high school students say
they have suffered violence from someone they
date. This includes physical abuse where someone
causes physical pain or injury to another person.
This can involve hitting, slapping, or kicking.
Sexual abuse is also a type of violence, and
involves any kind of unwanted sexual advance. It
can include everything from unwelcome sexual
comments to kissing to intercourse. But abuse
doesn’t always mean that someone hits or hurts
your body. Emotional abuse is anything that
harms your self-esteem or causes shame. This
includes saying things that hurt your feelings, make
you feel that you aren’t worthwhile, or trying to
control who you see or where you go. Remember,
you deserve healthy, happy relationships.
ABUSE AND ASSAULT
Love should never hurt. But sometimes it does:  1 in 6
women and 1 in 33 men will be sexually assaulted in
their lifetime
 1.5 million women are sexually assaulted or
otherwise physically abused by their partners each
year.
 Over 800,000 males are sexually or physically abused
by partners.
 Abuse can occur in any type of relationship--gay and
straight, casual and long-term, young and old.
 About 10% of high school students say that have
suffered violence from someone they date.
 SO WHAT'S TO TALK ABOUT?
 Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs): This is actually an
issue that all teenagers and adults must be aware of. Anybody
who engages in sexual activity is prone to have this one.
 Possibility of Pregnancy: Females who engage in sex have a
high percentage of putting themselves in this kind of situation.
 Right time for sex: You can consider your current status as a
student if it is really high time to be involved in this kind of
activity. Will this make or break your future?
 Boundaries: Making the decision to set your limits in a
relationship shows your maturity to assert your priorities and
respecting yourself.
 MAKING THE DECISION: DECIDING
WHETHER OR NOT TO HAVE SEX
The decision of whether or not to have sex is up
to you, and you alone. Therefore don’t be afraid to
say "no" if that’s how you feel. Having sex for the first
time can be a huge emotional event.

There are many questions and feelings that you

may want to sort out before you actually get "in the
heat of the moment."
Ask yourself:
 Am I really ready to have sex?
 How am I going to feel after I have sex?
 Am I doing this for the right reasons?
 How do I plan to protect myself/my partner from
sexually transmitted infections or pregnancy?
 How am I going to feel about my partner
afterwards
 The best way to prepare for the decision to
have sex is to become comfortable with
communicating about your needs. If you don’t
feel right about something, say so! Anyone who
challenges your choices about whether or not to
have sex is not giving you the respect that you
deserve. Pay attention to your feelings, and
don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for making
decisions that are right for you.
 HOW TO AVOID PEER OR
DATE PRESSURE

 Hang out with friends who also believe that it's

OK to not be ready for sex yet.
 Go out with a group of friends rather than only
your date.
 Introduce your friends to your parents.
 Invite your friends to your home.
 Stick up for your friends if they are being
pressured to have sex.
 Think of what you would say in advance in case
someone tries to pressure you.
 Always carry money for a telephone call or cab
in case you feel uncomfortable.
 Be ready to call your mom, dad or a friend to
pick you up if you need to leave a date.  Never
feel obligated to "pay someone back" with sex in
return for a date or gift.  Say "no" and mean "no"
if that's how you feel.
 BASIC RIGHTS IN A
• The right to emotional support RELATIONSHIP
• The right to be heard by the other and to respond
• The right to have your own point of view, even if this differs from your
partner’s
• The right to have your feelings and experiences acknowledged as real
• The right to live free from accusation and blame
• The right to live free from criticism and judgment
• The right to live free from emotional and physical threat
• The right to live free from angry outbursts and rage
• The right to be respectfully asked, rather than ordered In addition to
these basic relationships rights, consider how you can develop patience,
honesty, kindness, and respect.
THANK YOU!!