“Make me know Your ways, O

LORD; Teach me Your paths.

Lead me in Your truth and
teach me, For You are the God
of my salvation; For You I wait
all the day.”
Psalm 25:4-5
Talking to children about sex has always
been difficult for parents.
It presents many problematic questions,
such as:

“Is a ‘talk’ really necessary?”

“What questions will they (my children)

ask?”

“Will I have to go into my past?”

“Will I have to talk about the anatomy of it

all?”
 Stay focused on a vision.
Parenting is an intentional task.
A shared vision or mission keeps me focused on
what is important and that which ultimately bears
lasting fruit in my life.

“Make me know Your ways, O LORD; Teach me

Your paths. Lead me in Your truth and teach
me, For You are the God of my salvation; For
You I wait all the day.”
Psalm 25:4-5
God’s Plan for Sexual Purity

Society’s view:
Society takes no moral stand and accepts
that students will engage in sexual activity.

Society views sex, not as an intimacy

builder within a committed marriage
relationship, but rather as an expectation of
passion.
God’s Plan for Sexual Purity

God’s view:
God created the sexual union between a
man and a woman. He also created the
context for this union: marriage.

God’s design for sex is to build intimacy in

the relationship between a husband and his
wife.

Another portion of this blessing is the fruit of

this union: children.
God’s Plan for Sexual Purity

God’s view:
We are quick to tell people that our children
are a blessing from God, but we will do
everything in our power to keep from telling
our kids about the blessing of God which
resulted in their birth (Sex).

Sex becomes something taboo and dirty

when it is removed from God’s designed
context of marriage.
God’s Plan for Sexual Purity

Analogy:
It takes something precious and valuable (one’s
purity) and treats it as common and disposable. It is
like taking an original Monet or Renoir, removing it
from its’ frame, and using it as a rag to check the oil
level in your car.
By teaching society’s view of sex to your children
either on purpose (you accept society’s views) or by
default (you don’t teach anything, so society teaches
for you) you are teaching them that their personal
purity is worth more used up than preserved. It’s the
same as telling them that those invaluable works of
the masters are worth more as oil rags than preserved
pieces of art.
God’s Plan for Sexual Purity

Emphasizing the benefits

Society seeks to educate people as to the
dangers associated with sexual activity by
informing them of those dangers and how to
“safely” avoid them.

God seeks to have people commit to purity

and its benefits, which will help them
“completely” avoid any dangers.

It is the difference between running from

consequences (focusing on the worst), and
running to blessings (focusing on the best).
God’s Plan for Sexual Purity

Emphasizing the benefits

Students will not avoid pre-marital sex
because they are well acquainted with the
consequences of promiscuity. They will
remain pure because they are committed to
purity and desire its benefits.
God’s Plan for Sexual Purity

What are the benefits?

Waiting gives honor to God’s plan and order
in your life.

Waiting is a symbol of radical allegiance to

Jesus.

Waiting holds purity as a precious treasure,

which is to be protected and preserved.

Waiting denies the possibility of a contracted

STD or chance pregnancy.
God’s Plan for Sexual Purity

What are the benefits?

Waiting retains for a single person, within
marriage, what is appropriately theirs.

Waiting refuses the worldly view that true

love requires sexual expression for
fulfillment.

Waiting gives us power over sexual drives,

opening the possibility for experiencing the
highest in sexual expression.

Waiting avoids the spiritual damage that

comes with lost purity.
God’s Plan for Sexual Purity

What are the benefits?

Waiting helps us stay on a straight and
narrow path, which helps us avoid
contracting other polluting traits of a
decaying world.

Waiting exercises and shows a self-control,

which gives us a greater sense of self-worth.
God’s Plan for Sexual Purity

Who is responsible for communicating

this plan?
God says: Parents!
 “These words, which I am
commanding you today, shall be on
your heart. You shall teach them
diligently to your sons and shall talk
of them when you sit in your house
and when you walk by the way and
when you lie down and when you
rise up. You shall bind them as a
sign on your hand and they shall be
as frontals on your forehead. You
shall write them on the doorposts of
your house and on your gates.”
Deuteronomy 6:6-9
God’s Plan for Sexual Purity

Who is responsible for communicating

this plan?
God says: Parents!

Students say: Parents!

God’s Plan for Sexual Purity

Establishing the priority

1.Accept God’s directive to be the moral

educator of your children.
2.Have parents pray for God’s wisdom,
timing, and individual care in the
teaching of their children.
3.Help them determine to live according
to the principles they teach.
God’s Plan for Sexual Purity

Establishing the priority

4. Guide parents into the understanding

that moral education is more about the
journey than the destination.
God’s Plan for Sexual Purity

Dealing with your issues

Comfort in addressing the issue

Instead of fretting over explaining the

explicit physical details, anticipate the
opportunity to explain to your child that a
great sex life is found within the loving,
encouraging purity of a committed marriage
relationship.
God’s Plan for Sexual Purity

Dealing with your issues

Your past and your child’s past

The baggage of your past or the success of

your past can be a critical help to your
communication of moral truths to your child.
God’s Plan for Sexual Purity

Dealing with your issues

Your past and your child’s past

Some keys:

Don’t glorify your past.

Your children have not been predestined to

commit your mistakes.
God’s Plan for Sexual Purity

Dealing with your issues

Your past and your child’s past

Some keys:

You do not have to go into every detail of

your past. If your past was flawed, teach
about consequences.
If your past was exemplary, teach about
benefits.

Consider that your child may have a “past”

as well.
Sex Talks That Don’t Work…

One-time graphic anatomy lesson.

“Look it up” approach.

The bad analogy.

Avoidance.
Creating Opportunities

Teachable Moments

Accidental – Some teachable moments happen

by accident.

On Purpose – You can design teachable

moments.
Creating Opportunities

Teachable Moments Tips:

Don’t break into a speech

Ask good questions:

In teachable moments, often the lesson is

obvious and specific.
Creating Opportunities

Q & A: The Art of Listening

Q & A can be powerful as a part of a regular

exchange with your teenager.
Length: It may be a minute or two or it may
be an hour. It will vary.
Time: It may be before school, after school or
late at night.
Subject Matter: It may be light-hearted or it
may be serious. It might be about a friend or
it might be about them. It might be about
sports or it may be about God.
Creating Opportunities

Q & A: The Art of Listening

Ask open-ended questions and not “yes” or

“no” questions.

Ask specific, rather than general, questions.

Note: If you use Q & A, be prepared to answer

as many questions as you ask. This is an
exchange, not an interrogation.
Creating Opportunities

Family Devotions

Pick a day and time and make it a priority.

Make it fun.

Make it special.
Creating Opportunities

Vital attitudes and actions:

God’s word is the final authority.

Don’t be judgmental.

Be honest.

Be comforting.

Be “care”fronting. You need to be a parent, not

a peer.

Be consistent.
Setting Boundaries

Dating

What kind of person will I date?

What is the starting age for dating?

What are the guidelines for group dates or

individual dates?

What are acceptable and unacceptable places to

go?

What is my curfew?
Setting Boundaries

Culture

What are the guidelines for my dress code?

What are the guidelines for what I can view?

What are the guidelines for my music?

Setting Boundaries

Contracts

Type of people to date

Length of dates

Determine quantity of time spent alone

Curfews

Off limit places

Church attendance
Setting Boundaries

Contracts

Phone Rules

Consequences for breaking contract

Parent Response

Optional: 40 Hour Rule

Setting Boundaries

Church commitment

Nonnegotiable regular attendance

Parent and Child

Making it Possible

Parental Involvement

Don’t be a matchmaker.

Be a facilitator.

Relationship Options

Dating & Courtship

Making it Possible

Relationship Options

Dating & Courtship Principles

Seeking and receiving the approval of
parents before entering into a romantic
relationship.

Waiting to start a serious relationship until

you are at the age where you could
consider getting married.
Making it Possible

Relationship Options

Dating & Courtship Principles

Entering into the relationship with the
purpose of pursuing the idea of
marriage, not just going out for fun with
no serious intentions.

Setting high standards for physical purity.

Making it Possible

Modeling the Behavior

If you are married, the relationship you have

with your spouse should model the type of
relationship and purity you would want
your son or daughter to have with his or
her future spouse.

If you are a single parent, the relationships

you model in your dating life should reflect
the purity you desire to see in your
student’s life.
Making it Possible

Modeling the Behavior

The standards are not different for you in

regard to purity. What you watch, listen
to, take part in, all reflect the standard
you will pass on. If you desire to pass on
purity, you will have to model it.
Making it Possible

Encouraging Good Decisions

Too often we erupt at bad decisions, but fail

to encourage our children when they make
good ones.

Find both simple and creative ways to

express your appreciation and respect for
a well-made decision.