Kobold

Davvy Chappy: Davvy's D&D 5e Kobold

Guide
Introduction
Howdy, how's it going? My name is Davy Chappie, and today, it's time to
look at another side of a story once told in a previous Chappie video.
From the gnomish world of the Nels and the Newans to the knack-knack-
knacking of the little dragon fanboys themselves, the Kobolds, I'm going to
talk all about the lifestyle of the Kobolds, how they interact with the rest of
the world, and give stats so that you can play your little noodile however
you'd like. As always, keep in mind that a lot of this is just my opinion, so if
you decide that making incidental Homestuck references every time you
want to talk about a Cobalt isn't your style, feel free to run your little half-
baked lizard folk however you want. But with that out of the way, let's
begin.

Society and Lifestyle

So, Kobolds are teeny tiny little level-one fodder enemies who bear a
vague resemblance to dragons, and that vague resemblance to dragons
gives them the mightiest charge of unearned confidence in the world.
These little critters are really good at digging holes and hide from every
other race for fear of being enslaved for their extremely good skill of
digging holes. And yet, each Kobold has a small connection with dragons
that makes every individual one think that despite all of their various
shortcomings, they are still destined for greatness from the moment that
they're born.

The beginning of a Kobold's life is pretty basic, all things considered.

From the moment that they're hatched into their communal egg nest, they
have no idea who their paternal relatives are. They just recognize that
they are a part of the tribe and that all other Kobolds in that tribe are their
extended family. This connection leads Kobolds to work in a very
communal way, always doing what's best for the tribe and working
together to ensure that it both thrives and stays out of nose from the other
races who might want to do it harm. From the hunters to the tunnelers to
the tiniest scavenger, every Kobold works in a symbiotic relationship to
ensure the survival of the pack.

As the Kobold grows older, it will find mates to make gigs with, and since
Kobolds don't exactly have a concept for monogamy or any particular
notion of romance, these pairings are usually just out of convenience. Up
until the Kobold lives a long, natural life of over a century or, much more
likely, until a Kobold dies a horrible death by around 20 years or so. But
death isn't all bad, since Kobolds believe that when they die, their soul will
just find its way into the body of the next laid egg in the nest, ready to pop
out and dig a little hole once again. It's for that reason, when a particularly
valiant and powerful Kobold dies, all of the people in the tribe suddenly go
right to the nest, and they're all like, "Hey, you, give us that egg!" And they
nurture the Kobold that comes out and coddle it and make sure that it's
pampered because that Kobold was important, God damn it, and now it
will be important again.

Innate Skills: Tunnelers and Scavengers

And I may not be painting the best picture of it, but the tunneling skills of
Kobolds are actually really, really good, to the point where they've
developed an innate, instinctual understanding of where to dig and how
deep to dig without the caves collapsing on them, or which way will lead
to water and cavern systems. This spectacular skill of theirs doesn't
always go unnoticed by the rest of the world. Oftentimes, cities that have
discovered that there are Kobolds living underneath it will actually barter
with the tribe, offering it food and safety if they build irrigation and sewer
systems for the city. Alternatively, if they're met with antagonistic races—
mean-spirited humans or even dragons, which they actually literally revere
as demigods—the Kobolds will still do the same work, only with a bit more
mal-intent headed their way. Meaning that every time you go to a town,
there could be hundreds of Kobolds living under you, and you would
never know. And Kobolds prefer it that way.

Their other incredibly useful, if not ofttimes irritating, skill is scavenging

items from the area surrounding their homes. Oftentimes, this means
going into a nearby town and digging a secret passageway into
someone's house, then slipping in every once in a while and taking things
that would potentially go unnoticed, like an extra pair of knives, or a few
cups, or perhaps a delicious raspberry pie that's been left out on the table.
But they never take anything that would be missed because they don't
want to instigate the people that they're stealing from to actually want to
do something about them. So they stick to just being a little annoying at
worst and completely unnoticed at best.

A Mythic Grudge
There are only two things that break this trend, and they are magic items
and gnomes, both for the same reason. Now, if you've watched my gnome
guide, then you already know the story of the honorable and innocent
Kurtulmak and the conniving and trixy Garl Glittergold. But spoken from
the Kobold point of view, Kurtulmak was just being a good vassal to his
lord, the mighty dragon goddess Tiamat, when Garl Glittergold, jealous of
Kurtulmak's good fortune, stole some of Tiamat's horde and prompted
Kurtulmak to chase after him where, as we know, he was led into a never-
ending maze. Glittergold turned around and said, "You got gnomed," and
he was trapped there for all eternity. It's due to this reason that if Kobolds
ever find their way into either the hoard or the presence of a gnome, they
will do their absolute best to make that gnome's life a living hell until they
either die or get the hell out of their territory. And getting magic items
means that they are potentially one step closer to freeing Kurtulmak from
his never-ending prison, just as soon as they can figure out how to get the
things to work.
Unexpected Cunning and Biology
Regardless of the outward intelligence to normal folk, Kobolds, for all their
insecurities and their pension for being manipulated by people wiser than
them, actually happen to be one of the cleverest little creatures in the
entire multiverse—even more clever, I dare say, than the Gnomes. These
little guys are always prepared for the worst situations, having already
studied every room they go into for possible escape routes and
distractions. And their tunnels are filled to the brim with traps and endless
passages to nowhere to ward off any intruders. Honestly, I can fight a
dragon or a giant all day long if it means that I never have to go through
the unbridled horror that is navigating a Kobold den. The things just turn
every staircase, every walkway, every entrance of every room into a trap
that ranges from the basic, like a box lifted up by some rope, to the clever,
like a poison needle that'll drug you, to the downright insane, like a literal
bag of bees.

Hell, even their biology is intuitive. On one hand, certain rare Kobolds are
hatched with wings. And on the other hand, when a Kobold tribe is
partially wiped out and the survivors are left with either too few males or
too few females, Kobolds can, over time, change their own sex to balance
out what's left of the tribe, making actually getting rid of Kobolds an
absolute chore and a half.

Player Race Statistics: A Critique

But we have spent a nice long time talking about the wonder that is the
Kobold, so let's get into the nitty-gritty of their own stats so that you can
start knacking at your own problems. The modest Cobalt gets a +2 to
Dexterity and a -2 to Strength. They also get darkvision, sunlight
sensitivity, advantage on attacks when there's an ally nearby, and a
Kobold-unique ability known as Grovel, Cower, and Beg, which lets you
distract nearby enemies to give your allies advantage on attacks against
them.
Now, unlike most guides, I actually have a bit to say about this stat block,
which is that while the Kobold has always been one of the more slapstick-
comedy-type races meant to be basic fodder enemies that a bushy-tailed
adventurer can handle without too much of a problem, this stat block
makes playing them feel the same way. Particularly with the fact that
Kobolds only get a bonus to one stat and then also get a negative to
another stat, which is something that's shared with literally only one other
race: the orc. I'd personally recommend homebrewing it to maybe giving
them a +1 Intelligence to give some credibility to the idea that they are
actually clever enough to fill their entire caves with millions of traps, and
getting rid of the negative to Strength. Because even if you're one of those
people that preferred the olden days when D&D would give negatives to
almost every race, Fifth Edition has never made it a thing until now, and it
doesn't look to be doing it again in the future if Mordenkainen's or the
Guildmasters' Guide has anything to go off of.

So, giving two races a negative on the grounds of, "Oh, well, it fits with the
lore," but then shrugging at the elf not having a negative to Constitution or
the dwarf not having a negative to Charisma is just trying to handwave the
problem away. The whole idea of not giving things negatives is to reward
the player for choosing the race's archetypical class options if they match
up with their ability score increases, but not penalize the player for
wanting to try something off-the-wall or different, like a half-orc wizard. So
even if the Kobold is a monster race and Wizards says that they wanted to
stay true to the monster, that shouldn't be to the detriment of the player.

Runesmith: Kobolds: Traps and Chambers

What are Kobolds
The point is they're fully aware of their weaknesses, which makes them
more dangerous than any insecure high schooler. As a result, they
compensate for physical weakness with clever traps and organized
tactics, but that's where their similarities end.
Kobolds are sort of like borrowers. They hide beneath towns and cities,
sneaking through the night and gathering up lost or broken goods to use
down below, but they're greedy little dragon bastards and go out of their
way to snag some loose gold or, I don't know, all your magic items. They
don't pick fights and run away from any scraps outside a home, which
keeps them safely under the radar. But three little vices cause
adventurers to delve down and storm the tiny Drake's homefront. Firstly,
they're tiny dragon thieves who want to gather a hoard. They snag gold
because it's shiny, fancy gems cuz they're also shiny, and Hot Wheels,
and all your left socks. They grab magic items in hopes of using it to free
their God, Kurt, because he was trapped by the gnome God, Karl, but
garl? This is their second vice: being a racist.

They hate gnomes for what Karl did to Kurt and jump gnomes, like a band
of scrawny street thugs, when given the chance. The third reason an
adventurer would want to fight kobolds is their draconic worship. If an evil
dragon is in the area, you can bet your juicy ass that the kobolds served
that dragon. In case you didn't read the video or the thumbnail, this video
is about fighting kobolds. So for one of the three reasons above, or if
you're in a weird campaign where kobolds are war mongers who drive
around giant cave networks like machines of war, you're taking the fight to
them. As a little side note:

Kobolds Traps
Kobolds will never take the fight to you unless you are exactly three
gnomes around a campfire. This is where we lay out our combat. I'll detail
why they have this layout and why they take certain actions during the
whole shebang. This isn't just a combat map; this is their entire colony.
The top left quarter is two sleeping chambers lined thickly with sleeping
mats. The eggs are kept here, warmed by a small fire. To the top right is a
mushroom farm and a deep ravine. Down below is a large chamber that's
being mined for ores. To the bottom left is a kiln and a crafting room, and
the throne room, which is an altar to their God. It's also where they keep
all their treasure. Gauging the population based on the size of the
sleeping chamber, we'll say there are about 20 in this tribe, which, when
facing kobolds, matters very little, for the little scaly bastards is as deadly
as dealing with a hundred because each one builds traps and runs away.
With the populace and the map covered, it's time for traps, starting with
the sleeping quarter.

Let's think like kobolds. The number one tool they use to their advantage
is their height and their weight. Every trap is triggered either by someone
being too tall, too heavy, or manually by a kobold. The first thing we'll do is
flood the deeper parts of tunnels with water or oil. Oil pools can be ignited;
muddy water can hide Cal trips and bear traps, as well as Hungry
clippers. Moving into the sleeping chambers, we'll put a pair of net traps.
When triggered by a heavier creature, these things pull the victims 60 feet
up in a specially made shoot away from combat.

Here's a quick kobold thought process: All the wealth I have is jewelry I
wear. An intruder would assume I kept it in a footlocker like some kind of
idiot. I'm gonna make a footlocker and then fill it with centipedes. So, we
have a couple of those, too. Lastly, in these rooms, we have entry trip
wires set just above a kobold's head that triggers a volley of poison darts
from the about-facing wall. Kobolds are great with bugs and rats, and
most tribes have learned to extract poisons for traps or weapons.

Moving over, we have a rickety bridge over a hundred and twenty foot
deep ravine. Placed here is the defender known as Dave, a very stupid
kobold stationed as a trap, destined to die for his people and because no
one really liked him all that much. He's been given a bell and a ring of
thunder wave with one charge. If intruders enter, he is to ring the bell to
lead them cross the bridge that will break under heavier circumstances
and beckon for the adventurers to follow, then launch them into the ravine.
Down some walkways, we'll put weak pottery filled with spiders and
deadly mold. In the mushroom farm, I'll put nothing but a visible rope near
a shut exit door.

Kobolds, like dwarves, can tell how sturdy a stone is just by looking at it,
so their homes look shabby, but it's on purpose. Anyway, pulling this rope
causes two things to happen: first, the stone it rests in breaks and the
walls to the chamber cave inward, as well as the cave itself; second, at
the far end of the rope in a box on the surface reveals an embarrassing
photo of Spongebob at the Christmas party. Down here, we'll add a
collapsing dead end, and all the overlapping tunnels are riddled with
murder holes for kobolds to attack from above or below. Put more spiders
over here, another oil basin, and a pit trap for good measure. Guarding
the entries of the mine is a lazy pair of giant rats. I'll prep a giant rolling
boulder from this dead end below and put some hanging crates full of
spiders and centipedes.

For the last quarter, we'll add some classic collapsing tunnels and another
muddy puddle. In the crafting room, near the kiln, boiling bubbles of oil
and water soak in its heat, ready to be spilled. With the exhaust vent from
the kiln being the closest thing to give away the tribe, they laced this
chamber with alarm bells and dig below the soft earth here to place toxic
spikes. Finally, in the throne room, we put all the treasure: a bulk of
jewelry and magic items offered to their God, and deadfall support beams
blocking each and every entry. A kobold can slide right under it; a giant
paladin cannot. Well, that's about as clever as I can get, but give him a
few hours, I'd rig the place to blow and add some more nets.

After following the party druid, a team of adventurers looking to recover

their stolen wand of fireball and plethora of gold roll up to the scene.
Here's a quick breakdown of the four souls: a level six elven druid, a level
5 human fighter, a level 5 gnomes sorcerer, and a level 6 half-orc cleric.
Pretty fair and diverse. Alright, that took exactly twice the amount of time
to explain than the Goblin bit did, but in any case, on to the encounter.

It begins after the druid tracks down their lair and enters via an uncovered
escape tunnel. Cautiously entering, bow ready, he spots this totally not
goblin focused on crafting. With a magic message sent off to his bros, he
knocks an arrow and starts the surprise round. An arrow flies, and anyone
level 6 or higher should do more than 5 damage, so the kobold dies. The
gnome follows up, racing between the elf's legs and launching an acid
splash. The kiln worker barely avoids this. The kobold gets a chance to
react at the top of round 1, making a note of the gnome before racing off
to alert the tribe. On the way, he collapses his tunnel. The human fighter
holds his turn until the damn elf moves out of the doorway. Lucky for him,
the Druid's turn drops, and he pushes into the room to kill the last little
boy. Piece of cake.

However, this entry sets off the bells and alarms. Well, who knows? The
fighter steps in and moves toward the only remaining tunnel. Passing
under a few murder holes, he gets bombarded by boiling oil and a set of
arrows. With a pained yell, both the party and more kobolds are alerted to
the issue at hand. In the room ahead, eggs are gathered and rushed
toward the nearest escape holes. The wizard is up and races past the
fighter to I the next chamber. As she passes under the murder holes, a
pair of flaming arrows target her and ignite the poor fighter. In the next
chamber, he sees four kobolds racing out with baskets full of eggs.
Amplified magic missiles fly into the room from his fingers, downing two
carriers and injuring another. The survivors can in you their escape,
shouting racial slurs and making aware the gnome's location. Other
kobolds race into the room with bows and Spears, riddling the Wizards we
have solid damage, and then dashing back out. The half-orc that you
completely forgot about barely enters the scene and heals the fighter a
bit.

Infuriated and on fire, the fighter storms into the next room, accidentally
triggering more traps. Firstly, he trips the wire and earns more damage
from poison needles, not just for himself but also for our poor gnome.
Then, he steps into the net, flying up 60 feet and igniting the rope. The
gnome, pulling a spear out of her tiny chest, steps into the room and waits
for the cleric to follow. Also, the druid kind of has to wait too because the
orc is thick. They both get taxed by the still active murder hole and finally
group up. They heal up and prep for the next round. The fighter, burning
through the net, then falls 60 feet and unconscious. A pair of kobolds run
back in, target the gnome because they're still racist, and then run away.
Some good ol' slow healing magic from the half-orc brings them back from
the brink. The half orc's luck runs out in this chamber, as every other
tunnel is much too small for their giant body. Dave's bell rings down the
hall, beckoning the party forward.

Half mortalized, our merry band lets the druid scout ahead and prep their
actions to take out skittering kobolds. The elf moves forward, accidentally
downing the gnome again with darts, spotting Dave, and firing an arrow.
Back at home base, the party cautiously peers down silent halls, devoid of
kobolds for now. The cleric spell slots run even lower as the gnome
returns, and the pair decided that the druid can handle themselves. They
duck under the tripwire and wade through some oil. The druid is smart
enough to cross the bridge as a lightweight snake, making their way to the
crossroads and reverting their form. Our beloved dunce twins reached
some pots, and everyone opens their presents at the same time. A pair of
brief fights and a couple of Con saves leaves our fighter well under the
weather, and the lucky ass druid takes his first real nick of damage.
Tracking the escape route, the fighter sees footprints behind this door
while the halfling gathers mushrooms for potion ingredients. The final
mistake leaves them both in a very heavy grave.

Anyway, this perfectly timed boom of a structure caving in distracts the

kobolds waiting above the druid long enough for him to pass by a murder
hole unharmed. After wading through some more oil and carefully passing
more spider pots, they enter the mine. Here, we have three kobolds ready
to drop some spiders and our rat friends. Dominating initiative, the druid
acts first and turns into a bear. Luckily for the druid, bears scare the out of
kobolds. When you live in caves hiding from predators, the one cave
dwelling predator is a common fear. He smashed the rat dead, meets the
kobold hole, scaring the out of the other combatants. Those still alive run
for their lives, ending combat for our druid. After scoping the scene, he
trades forms to continue his search. At this point, unbeknownst to the
remaining adventurers, there are no more kobolds in this lair. Our
triumphant failure of an exterminator carefully enters the treasure room,
just barely avoiding the support beams. Gathering their lost treasures, this
hero walks back to… oh wait, no, he's dead.
Conclusion
This encounter works mostly based on probabilities or assumptions. If you
want to clone the encounter for your game, just do it. See how it turns out.
If you learned a thing about kobolds, here's another one: they all work
together. They're more organized than goblins, and each one has a task
to do. Aside from employing traps and pets, working together makes you
more of a threat.