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HUSTLER Parody: This is not a real ad or a real photo of Kirstie Alley. She is far more disgusting than our model here. This is social commentary
on how we are expected to laugh at the fact that the once-sexy Cheers co-star has really let herself go and become as bloated as Fat Elvis
on the crapper. Forget poor Terri Schiavo. Someone, please remove Kirstie Alley's feeding tube.
will she?
las uegas
los angeles
miami
mon&real
nashuille
new england
new jersey
new orleans
new uork
orange coun&y
palm springs
philadelphia
phoeniH

lake ci&U
san diego
san francisco
sea&&le
Gampa
GoronGo
Gucson
swln eiGies
uaneouuer
washinoson d.e.
 KATIE JORDAN HOW TO SMOKE MARIJUANA...
These Boots Are Made for Fucking LEGALLY
Photography by Holly Randall The Law's Growing
Tolerance of Grass
ANGIE & DEVON SAVAGE by Carolyn Sinclair
Stairway to Heaven
Photography by John Brant LI'L DUBNER
Cornball Repooblican
HELENA Cartoon Strip by AI Crapp
French Kisses
Photography by HUSTLER
Laurent Sky FUNNIES
Right Stuff Comedy,
ZUSANNA Hottie Sandy Brown, Nerdy Neil Hamburger
Natural Wonder by Ed Rampe/1 & Dan Kapelovitz
Centerfold Photography
by Matti Klatt

GUINEVEVE & ARIEL

Which Witch Is Which? PUBLISHER'S
Photography by Matti Klatt STATEMENT
by Larry Flynt
ALLIE SIN & TALON
Jungle Love FEEDBACK
Photography by Laurent Sky What Our Readers Have to Say

SONIA ASSHOLE OF THE MONTH

Beaver Hunt
Finalist #2 BITS & PIECES
Photography by News Babes, Wrestling Grannies,
Ladi von Jansky Celebrity Fantasy Cocksucker & More

HOT LEnERS
Pickup Man's Bewildering Conquest
KIRSTIE ALLEY: FAT-ASS BITCH
HUSTLER Sex Parody 88 HUSTLER HUMOR
GENERAL MOTORS 89 EROTIC ENTERTAINMENT
HUSTLER Political Parody New Hard-Core Fare, Vintage Smut, Seka DVD,
Plus XXX Reviews by Funnyman Jim Norton
THEY'RE MAKING YOU SICK!
Ray Moynihan Outlines the Marketing 105 AURAL PLEASURES
Ploys of the Pharmaceutical Industry Stat Quo, Nocturnal
Interview by Bruce David & Carolyn Sinclair Rage's Bootyful Covergal,
The Bravery and Obscure-
GUINEA PIG KIDS Sum 41 Giveaway Details
Big Apple Foster-Care
System Implicated in 108 GAME ON
Drug-Testing Scandal Latest Video Gaming
Report by Jamie Doran
109 TECH KNOW
JENNA JAMESON Better Living Through Marvelous Gadgets
The Ultimate Sex
Goddess Speaks Out 119 HUSTLER ON CAMPUS
O&A by Bryan Keith Peddling Ass to Stay in Class
Report From NYU
54 FLASHES by Charmaine Pang
OF FAME
Mrs. Donald Trump, 120 REAL COLLEGE
Supermodel Prototype Janice Dickinson GIRLS
& Thespian Bai Ling Pop for Paparazzi Butt-Naked Coeds
Expose by Keith Valcourt
154 BEAVER HUNT
NO, PARIS, THAT'S HOT! Coast-to-Coast
Ms. Hilton's Steamy Lesbo Spectacle Amateur Revue
 HUSTLER
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 THE F WORD
W
e've danced around this word. judiciary. Without the jud iciary, we will lose the
We 've expressed our concern in protection of the courts. Without the courts, we
print. We've made jokes about it. stand defenseless against a government that
But until now I've only used the believes Christ was a Republican. In America,
word as a warning about what might be coming fascism has a Christian face .
our way. Until now I've stopped short of saying It's not enough for the Progressive Left to man
that our wonderful country, the bulwark of the barricades. We need the political middle,
democracy for nearly 230 years, is turning into sane Right and rational Christians at our side as
a fascist state. But I can hesitate no longer. well. Surely, whatever other differences we may
All the signs are in place. Giant corporations have, we must all come together in an effort to
control our politicians, assuring that the rights of push back the tide of fascism in this country. The
the working class are eroded while those of the truth is, it can happen here. It is happening here.
rich and Big Business are strengthened. Consider
the new bankruptcy bill, recently signed into law
by Bush . The rich and the corporations can still
obtain bankruptcy protection , but you can't.
More ominous is the Republicans' attack
against our judiciary, led by Congressman Tom
Delay and Senator Bill Frist in lockstep with the
fundamentalist Religious Right. They have made Larry Flynt
it clear that they mean to discredit and destroy the Publisher

OCTOBER HUSTLER
 than they are in reporti ng the terests readers, but also grounds incredible influence on my in -
news. That, in fact, is the main reporters in a world where tellectu al evo lution. It is no
talent of many so-called j our- they might actually be able to exaggeration to say that this
nalists: getting ahead . do some good investigative work. man is the greatest single intel-
Ma ny of these me n a nd Regrettably, more and more lect of our time; so it's no sur-
wome n have never exp eri- journalism jobs are being fi lled prise that he, and he alone, was
enced any of the rough-and- by an elite class of university insightf·ul and heroic enough to
tumble ways of life that used to graduates who-because th ey get to the bottom of the worst
be part of a good reporter's don't know how the real
street education. Rece nt j our- world works-are un-
CONSUMER ALERT: When ordering
merchandise through any mail-order
nali sm-schoo l graduates are able to perfo rm the very
company, minimize your risk of being much more interested in and sort of investigative du-
disappointed by dealing only with mer- knowledgeable about the stock ties they hanker for.
chants who accept credit-card payment market and retirement plan -Lee Quarnstrom
and include a working phone number in tha n they are about, say, base- La Habra, California
their ads. Any offer that seems too good ball or strip joints or what it's
to be true is probably bogus. like to scuffl e fo r a livin g- After serving as HUSTLER's
sleep in g in cars, the bushes or executive editor in the late
Out-of-Focus Press floph ouses. Consequently, not '70s and early '80s, Mr. Quarn-
Interesting Media Iss ue (] une only do these neoph ytes lack strom went on to become a
'05), althou gh it seems the law- perspective, but also they are long-time columnist for the
yers are still tossing too much un able to talk with real peo- San Jose Mercury News until
weight around the Bits & Pieces ple-viable so urces for tips on his recent retirement.
section. A couple of thoughts excelle nt stories or exposes.
from someone who worked most Also, too many young re- Lovely Lei-dy
of his life as a newspaperman . porters-whe n they do get I'd like to see more of
One reason there is the dis- inte rested in a story- only Lady, who appeared in
conn ect between the press and want to "bl ow the li d off" your December '03 iss ue.
real life is th at many young re- something. T hey don't want to She's the fin est native
porters and ed itors these days write abou t cops and robbers H awaiia n stripper I've
are much more interested in or slum-hotel fires or the bread- eve r seen. -N.C.
getting ahead in the business and-butter tuff that not only in- Florence, Arizona

1Ji~'l"l'l~lli~Jl()~l ()IJil 'l'llf)()JJS We've lost touch with Lady since her traged y in our nation's hi story.
I'm a member of th e armed fo rces who rece ntly retu rned layout ran, but our photo library had It's often been said that the
from Iraq. In you r J u ne '05 issue I noticed a cartoon show- a pair of nice retro shots for you, N.C. majority op inion is alm ost al-
in g a dead woman with a bloody fetus ha ngin g ou t of her as ways wrong. This is the famou s
Baghdad is being bombarded. T he captio n read : "The U.S. Rethinking 9/11 "contrarian" view of life, and
is against stem-cell research because it d oesn't respect life ." Congratulations to Mr. Flynt even J esus Himself believed in its
T ha t is th e most brainless j oke I've ever and th e ed itors of H USTLER valid ity. Not surpris ingly, it is
seen . You d id n't go to Iraq, a nd you don't Magazine for in terviewing the also true of the horrendous 9!1 1
know what it's like! T hese Iraqis a re killing our greatest phi losopher of science catastrophe, because tl1e majori-
soldiers every day, an d you 're sh owing sympa- and theologia n in the world ty op inion about thi s un speak-
thy for them in your cartoons? I lost a friend regardi ng 9/ll-Dr. David Ray able evil is clearl y dead wrong.
while I was there, a nd that cartoon made me Griffi n. I've known David for Dr. Griffin proves this fact in
sick to my stomach. You talk badly about ou r the better part of 16 years be- a remarkable scientific fashion
cause he was my professor and many times over in his two mas-
government and wonderfu l country, bu t how
in the hell can you ? Where else would Larry mentor at Claremont Graduate terful books on the subject, and
Flynt have gotten so rich! Bein g in Iraq, I h ave a deepe r re- School and tl1e Union Institute. now he is being heroic and pa-
spect for how well everyone has it back here. T he only thin g He literally taught me all I triotic enough to share the truth
I do agree with you is how full of shit the media is. -Scott C. kn ow about how to interpret with the rest of the world . Vir-
Pryor, Oklahoma seemingly unrelated scientific tu ally no other media outlet
clues, just as he taught me th e has been heroic enough to ac-
We support our troops and deeply regret the kind of pain and suffer- many subtle distinctions re- cept his breathtakin g descrip-
ing they and their families have had to endure as the result of a war garding the infamous problem tion of the truth, which makes
of evil. yo ur interview all the more im-
that never should have been waged. The cartoon that angered you
was a statement regarding the hypocrisy of the moron who sent you My various books on the pressive in tl1e historical scheme
into combat thousands of miles from home. This God-fearing man subj ect (including The God Hy- of things. The truth is the trutll ,
fJothesis: Discovering Design in and it will indeed set us all free.
won 't condone the use of stem cells to further scientific research
Our j ust Right Goldilocks Uni- Of course, the 9!1 1 trage-
designed to save lives, but continues to give his blessings to a war
verse; and Evolution and the Prob- dy-and its catastrophic after-
that has cost thousands of lives. Kind of a one-sided "respect for life,"
wouldn't you say? lern of Natuml Evil) were all math in Iraq and Afghanis-
direct outgrowths of David's tan - is (continued on jJage 159)

OCTOBER HUSTLER
 GM

Everyone loves a big car. Here at General Motors we

make the biggest ones possible. Who cares if they
burn fuel faster and pollute the environment more
than others? Not you.
You want giant trucks, vans and SUVs. It's your right as
ltJUIMtrican. That's why GM joined with other car man-
and sued the hippie-dippy state of California
lawmakers there pushed for tougher emissions
"'aJIInfllarrlco Who are they to tell you what to drive? They
probably would like to see us all in crappy electric cars.
Go sell that shit to Ed Begley Jr., you Commie!

e r m ri an
and it' our right o destr rid.
HUSTLER Parody: This is not a real ad. This is social commentary on an automobile company that continues to put profits over the environment.
For more information about the lawsuit and the effects of global warming, visit NextGeneration.org/globalwarming. This political parody may
be reproduced, in written publications and on the Internet, but only in its entirety and without modification or alteration of any kind for non-
profit ·and noncommercial purposes, without further permis_pion of L.F.P., Inc. or HUSTLER Magazine.
~- l -
T
his is it-the last nail in out his journalistic career, Bill
the coffin of unbiased Moyers has not been known as a
broadcasting. rabble-rouser. His televised re-
Longtime Bush crony Kenneth ports focused on stories the Bush
Tomlinson, the newly appointed camp would rather see buried,
Chairman of the Corporation for such as the truth about global
Public Broadcasting, has vowed to warming and chemical pollution.
root out what he considers "liberal After the debacle, Moyers re-
bias" on public airwaves. signed, observing, "We were get-
Translation: The last remaining ting it right, but not right-wing."
vestige of untainted speech on Speaking like a true right-winger,
American television and radio is Tomlinson unwittingly explained that
soon to become another propagan- his actions boiled down to money
da machine. and cronyism: "This was brought home
A nonprofit organization, the tax- to me in November 2003 by a phone
payer-funded CPB oversees public call from an old friend complaining
broadcasting (including National about Mr. Moyers's bias and the lack
Public Radio and TV's Public Broad- of balance on the Friday-evening
casting System) to ensure "objectiv- lineup," Tomlinson said. "He explained
ity and balance." According to the the foundation he heads made a six-
most recent nationwide public-opin- figure contribution to his local public
ion survey, in 2002, the majority of television station for digital conver-
the adult population does not be- sion. But he declared there would be
lieve that news and information pro- no more contributions until something
gramming on public broadcasting is was done about the network's bias. "
biased. In fact, more than 50% of the Avenue. There he found Mary Cath- conservative Wall Street Journal. Tomlinson denies that any
respondents felt that the PBS's news erine Andrews, director of the White But Tomlinson 's most brazen ef- changes have been made for politi-
coverage was more trustworthy House's Office of Global Communi- forts were targeted against NOW cal reasons. He even appeared on
than that of CNN, FOX News and cations, who helped draft guidelines With Bill Moyers. Citing the critically FOX's The O'Reilly Factor to deny any-
other mainstream outlets tainted by to analyze CPB content. The resulting acclaimed PBS offering as "unbal- thing underhanded. At the end of the
the profit motive. witch-hunt is already under way. anced," Tomlinson spent $10,000 interview he thanked Bill O'Reilly, say-
So why is Tomlinson hell-bent on In recent months three high-level for a consultant to monitor the ing: "We love your show!"
fixing what isn't broken? In addition PBS officials with "Democratic affil- show's political content. (Read: "Ex- The airwaves belong to you-
to being a self-proclaimed conserv- iations" have been ousted and re- perts" were paid your tax dollars to but not for long. Commercial net-
ative, he's also a party hack. Tomlin- placed with neocons. Tomlinson ap- watch television , something we works routinely kill stories critical of
son, a campaign strategist for Repub- pointed Ken Ferree, a former top aide might expect he'd be doing himself Big Business and the war in Iraq.
lican Steve Forbes's 1996 Presidential to conservative Michael Powell at as Chairman.) Although the consul- And with Tomlinson 's influence,
campaign, later was the head editor the Federal Communications Commis- tant's findings were never disclosed, even nonprofit PBS will be reduced
who right-shifted Reader's Digest sion, as temporary CEO. As the new Moyers's time slot was chopped in to FOX News Lite. With public media
For an ally in "righting " PBS, he CPB hatchet man, Tomlinson also half. Filling the void is bow-tied con- as its last frontier, the GOP has
went to the most "unbiased" source encouraged PBS to air the views servative Tucker Carlson. found that the best way to silence
at his disposal: 1600 Pennsylvania of a columnist for the notoriously It should be noted that through- the media is to co-opt it.

PAT O'BRIEN is The Insider reporter and sharing hugs with the boob tube's Dr. endorsed Dubya and told his congre-
caught sending explicit voice mail mes- Phil as he strives to redeem himself in the gation at the East Waynesville Baptist
sages to a female co-worker he was try- public eye. Church that anyone who planned to vote
ing to coerce into a threesome. On the for John Kerry should either "repent or
tapes the career television journalist also CHAN CHANDLER is the North Carolina resign." Before Chandler's own recent
expressed his desires for cocaine, hook- preacher who led an effort to kick out resignation, nine worshipers got the boot.
ers and kinky sex. What's more, the mes- members of his flock who didn't support Addressing the local press, he said the
sages were ultimately leaked all over the George W. Bush. During last year's Presi- shitstorm evolved from his strong convic-
Internet! Now O'Brien is fresh from rehab dential campaign, Chandler steadfastly tions regarding abortion."

OCTOBER HUSTLER
 CEMENTING
THEIR FAME
HUSTLER Hollywood recently inducted two
legendary porn performers into its ever-
growing Walk of Fame. Nina Hartley and
Randy Spears have both had long and
enduring careers that guarantee lasting
recognition in the annals of XXX cinema.
On hand to award the trophies and witness
the sex stars as they made their marks was
Larry Flynt himself.

CTJ'M'M'IJ/ftl SOOJ/fl
When comic actor Alan CUmming (Son of the Mask) launched a
personal line of fragrances and body lotions with monikers like
Cumming in the Air and CUmming All Over, we thought it was
an elaborately planned hoax. It had to be. When the Brit started
promoting the personal-care products by sending out naked
postcards of himself, we thought the joke had reached its apex.
When the unisex items ultimately hit retail outlets, we thought
we must be really high. Since the funnyman seems serious about
this venture, we here at HUSTlER have a few suggestions for
future products: a toothpaste named
CUmming in My Mouth
and the
CUmming
in My Ass enema kit.
Think about It,
Alan.

"Some time I fee l like a n old hooker. "

-CHER, SINGER/ACTRES S OCTOBER HUSTLER
NEWS BABES!
Thanks to Jeff Sandford for submitting this month's supersexy News
Babe. Kathryn Eisman is a field reporter for Today in New York, which
HUSTLER'S
BOOK CLUB
,_______ -;

Welcome to
airs daily from 5 to 7 a.m. on WNBC, Channel 4. One look at this blond
the twisted
. . . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - , beauty and you
world of
can see she is D a v e
well worth rising Cooper, a
early for. dark and
To nominate a grotesque
local news babe, p 1 a c e
provide the eye- inhabited
catcher's com - by oddly
plete name, sta- shaped
tion and channel women
(include a picture and bloat-
if possible). If your ed, wide-
favorite is chosen eyed crea-
as an issue's tures designed to
" Tasty Talking both excite and repulse.
Head," you'll re- Cooper's latest gem is
ceive a HUSTLER Underbelly: Additional
prize pack. Send
Observations on the
Beauty/ Ugliness of Mostly
your selection to
Pillowy Girls. The hard-
HUSTLER Maga-
bound volume features
zine, "Hot News
more than 50 lush oil
Babes," c/o Bits & paintings and drawings dedi-
Pieces , 8484 cated to a slightly different
Wilshire Blvd ., female form. Available online
Suite 900, Beverly at Fantagraphics.com.
Hills, CA 90211 .
HUSTLER OCTOBER
THANKS FOR THE MAMMARIES: In 1998
exotic dancer Tawny Peaks was charged
with battering a Florida nigh tclub pa-
tron with her "crazy-big" tits and later
exonerated. Recen tly she a uctioned off
one of her oversize breast implants,
h oping the removed bu st-enhancer
would fetch a hefty sum on eBay. Pea ks
claimed, "It is the firs t boob ever to be
sued over in a lawsuit." That is, unless
you cou n t Bill O' Reilly. We're not sure
if the talkin g head put in a bid, but a n
online casino paid a whopping 16 grand
for the true crime-scene collectible.

SHADY BUSINESS: Authorities in Ant-

werp , Belgium , have d ecid ed to d im
the city's new waterfron t ligh ts after
several co mpl ain ts fro m local bu si-
~fle~''"e ~1!1~1( lfat ~ .2
HUSTLER appreciates gifted artists, and now our spotlight ~
Q.)
>

nesswomen. o, they weren't shop shines on Los Angeles -based Roberta D'Cunha. The sexy 8
own rs . T hey were hookers. See ms thirtysomething paints brightly colored lush erotic nudes like :-
the working girls grumbled to offi cials This Is for You (below). For more of Ms. ·o'Cunha's impres- 0
that the brigh t ligh ts hindered th e ir sive portfolio, visit BadMommy.net. E
trad e (p r ostitu tion is toler a ted in
Antwerp) because it prevented priva-
cy. T hat's why bu siness was dow n? Not
the fact that an old Belgian who re
loo ks better in the clark ?

RING AROUND THE COCK: Romanian

d octors successfu lly removed a wed -
cling ring fr om around a married
man's membe r. T he patien t was un -
su re how the band of gold came to
rest aroun d hi pe nis, but speculated
tha t an an gry mistress may h ave . }\,1;0"51; tA~'tt~ ;t'ARtQOW'
placed it th ere to embarrass him .
Wh y? During the previou s night's in-
discretions, th e two-timing Romeo fi 11
asleep right in the middle of sex. So it
was either revenge for bad boud oir
I
ma nners, or maybe the sligh ted j eze-
bel just coul d n't resi t sliding th e sym-
bol of matrimon y around the nim-
rod 's needle-thin d ick.

TASTY TREATS?! A high-schooler in

Coeur d 'Alene, Idaho, combined what
h e'd learn ed in his home eco nomics Let's face it: Everyone likes to play
a nd sex edu cation classes, with some with themselves. Now you can for
disgusting results. T he boy sen t semen- around $60, thanks to Whoopass! !
frosted brownies to another student to Enterprises, which will create an
original bobble head figu re of just
avenge a p revious p rank . T he unsus-
about anyone. Provide photos
pectin g victim and two friends ate the
with body specifications, and
dirty dessert before learning of the
soon you'll have your very own
secret in gredien t. In a related story a mini -me. Check out Whoopass!! 's
maj or bakery announced it would be great custom bobble head of
launchin g a line of Famo us Anu s
'Just tuch those hemorrhoids bach in,
Lover, and we're good to go!" Larry Flynt. For more info, visit
coo kies that taste just like ass . BobbleMe.com.
OCTO BER HUSTLER
 T he voluptu o us vixe n came back fo r a second, longer run
in 1989 and performed lascivio usly in fro nt of the came ra
until th e 1997 release of her fin al XXX film , Vivid's
Domination Nation. M terward , Ca nyon followed the fa miliar
path fro m licking p ole to spinning around a brass o ne, hit-
tin g the lucrative strip-club circuit fo r several years. "I was
on the road two to three weeks out of the month , but I loved
it," th e unforgettable superstar reports.
Wh en Canyon quit d ancing, she took writing classes and
in 2003 her a utobiography, Lights, Camera, Sex! was pub-
.......~~--"'"' lished. Mean while, you can keep up with the porn icon at ChristyCanyon.com.

HUSTLER
WILL NOT BE
INTERVIEWING
THE FOLLOWING
CELEBRITIES
BECAUSE THEY
ARE DEAD.

"Women need a reason to have sex. Me n just need a place."

HUSTLER OCTO BER -BILLY CRYSTAL, COMIC
 Ariel frantically stripped off her blouse not three miles down the road...

MYSTERY
APHRODI S IA C
princess I'd met several times over lunch. Then again,
what the hell did I care? Bonkers or not, this lady could
suck a golf ball through a garden hose.
I stayed still for as long as I could, enjoying the hot
pressure on all sides of my tool. But when her tongue
The girl had to be frigid. I was sure of it. Beautiful, blond, came into play, swirling all around my boner, my hips
intelligent, but not a spark of sexuality. Or so I thought. It began moving of their own accord. Soon I was fucking her
was our third date in five days. The first two had been face , and get this: Ariel seemed to like it! At the end of
meet-for-lunch occasions-safe, noncommittal, plenty of every deep lunge, she'd gulp, and her throat would close
conversation, but little else. Fact is, I almost didn't invite tighter around my prick cap. Fuck, it's no wonder I didn't
Ariel out that Friday night. Figured my chances of getting last five minutes.
laid lay somewhere between slim and none. Still, I really did Ariel sensed I was on the edge. At just the right second
enjoy talking to her. So what the fuck? I called her up. she squeezed my nuts, and my whole world exploded into
And there we were, my Ford F-250 taking us to my stars. She swallowed every drop, wiped her mouth with
favorite steak house in the country, where the T-bones are the back of her hand and smiled. "Let's eat," she said.
two inches thick and the bartender knows how to pour a Then, during dinner, nothing. The snooty, smart, cold
stiff drink. Funny thing, though, as soon as we pulled Ariel surfaced to drone on about music and world eco-
away from the curb in front of Ariel's house, her demean- nomics. It was as if the blowjob of the century had never
or changed. She slid over next to me on the bench seat happened, but at least I had some awesome grub.

0
and pressed a warm thigh against mine. While I held the f course, I was a little confused by the time we
wheel, Ariel's left hand fell on my right leg, and her fin- climbed back into my pickup for the drive home.
gers started toying with the inside seam on my jeans. And totally confounded when Ariel frantically
Slowly those fingers inched higher and higher while we stripped off her blouse not three miles down the road-
chatted about politics, the weather, whatever. When she followed by her bra, skirt, panties and heels. Lord, buck
touched the outline of my peeker, I swerved off the road, naked she was more gorgeous than I'd imagined! Hard,
onto the gravel. Suddenly Ariel attacked me. pink nipples a half-inch long, flat tummy, smooth thighs,
It was like she was jonesing for cock. Tugging down my shaved snatch. She pressed her back against the passenger
zipper, tearing pants and briefs to my knees, she hoovered door and started stroking my prod with her toes.
my dick to the back of her throat. Her lips clamped Sure, I couldn't figure out hot-and-cold-running Ariel,
around the base of my throbbing shaft, and she just stayed but I sure wasn't stupid. The very next dirt road I came
there, nursing contentedly. to, I pulled over and immediately dove between her
Who the fuck was this woman? Certainly not the ice thighs. She had these silky, fat pussy flaps you could suck
on for days. I got lost in her sweet, musky scent. And the
-=-=-- taste-mmmmm, heaven. I tongue-slapped her clitoris,
rimmed her rosebud, nibbled on her labes. I drove deep
into pink again and again till my face was glazed with girl
cream. Ariel was incredibly responsive. I bet she had five
powerful climaxes before we finally called it quits.
And then we were speeding ·back to her place, my dick
harder than fuckin' granite. Couldn't wait to bury it in her
hot, wet, tight twat. Oh, yeah, it was going to be great.
Her door closed behind us, and-nothing. Ariel ig-
nored my pulsing throbber and nonchalantly asked if I'd
like a cup of coffee. What the fuck?! That's exactly what I
said too: "What the fuck?!"
Finally, the flaky chick filled me in. I guess Ariel had
been brought up in a strictly religious, right-wing family.
She'd rebelled and been something of a teenage slut. But
all of her fucks, growing up, had taken place in the back-
seats of cars or in pickup trucks. Now for some damn rea-
son the 23-year-old couldn't get off or even get hot any-
where else. Well, I thought about that for a minute and
suggested we go for a little drive.
This weekend we're taking a long road trip. - T. R.
Seattle, Washington
<
"Legend has it that whosoever dares pull the Send your sexperiences to HUSTLER Hot Letters, 8484 <
Glowing Dildo from her pussy shall become king." Wilshire Blvd ., Suite 900, Beverly Hills, CA 90211. fe :
L-----------------------------------------~ <

HUSTLER OCTOBER
 th '50s I thought
"When you said your hob bY was e · . ,
'n' roll hot rods and poodle skirts.
you meant roc k •
"Th e other tenants are complaining
about the screaming."

• A-£j~v~V\i5\"C\n
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"As with all military operations, Mr. President,

"Oh, way to go, buddy! Now you've exposed the film!" there are bound to be civilian casualties!"

OCTOBER HUSTLER
A
mericans now spend $200 which is designed to expand and them that they have a dysfunction that
billion annually on prescrip- inflate markets and maximize sales. requires medication.
tion drugs, and that figure is Many critics say these companies are So you believe that the drug industry
nsmg at a rate of about 12% a year. directly benefiting from publicly fund- sometimes takes normal body processes
The cos t of drugs represents the eel research. There's been a huge de- associated with aging and sells the idea
fastest-growing part of our national bate about that in recent years in the that they're somehow abnormal and
health-care tab, wh ich is itself rising at a scientific literature. I don't think any- treatable in order to make a profit?
d isturbing rate. one can put an exact figure on it. But That's essentially the issue. But we
Ray Moynihan is an internationally it's certainly true that many of the also know about harmful side effects
respected health journalist, coauthor moneymaking drugs that the industry from some drugs on the market. One
of the book Selling Sickness and current promotes, the original science came of the many dangers is that the treat-
guest ed itor at The British Medical jour- from taxpayer-funded science. ment may end up being worse than the

Interview by Bruce David & Carolyn Sinclair

nal. HUSTLER sits down with Moyni- In Selling Sickness you declare that actual condition. As an example, that's
han to discuss the unhealthy relation- part of the problem involves selling what we see with irritable bowel syn-
ship between society, medical science drugs to healthy people. What do you drome. You have claims in the market-
and the pharmaceutical industry. mean by that? ing and promotional literature that
HUSTLER: Let's begin with an Particularly after 1997, the laws 20% of people suffer from this disease.
overall description of the American were loosened in America to allow But if you talk to independent experts,
health-care system. much more aggressive television ad- the proportion of the population with
RAY MOYNIHAN: Indisputably, it's vertising of drugs. And so now we see genuine, severe, debilitating irritable
one of the worst organized, least fair more than $3 billion a year spent on bowel syndrome is much, much small-
and most inefficient systems in the de- d irect-to-consumer marketing of er. The danger is that if people who are
veloped world. It's a kind of gross irony drugs. Critics and other researchers otherwise healthy are treated with
that Americans spend far more than working in this area are seeing a trend drugs for irritable bowel syndrome, the
anyone else and yet arguably get less shift from drug ads targeting people side effects of the drugs could in fact be
for it. This country has a weeping sore who are genuinely or severely ill to tar- worse than the condition they have.
of some 40 million uninsured people, geting those who are generally healthy. This is what happened with Lou·o-
and yet almost one in eight of every And you just have to turn on the 6:30 nex, a drug made by GlaxoSmithKline
dollar that changes hands is going news to see it. for treating irritable bowel syndrome,
toward th e busin ess of health care. A good example is osteoporosis, or which had rare but very severe side ef-
Roughly half of the U.S. system is fund- thinning bones, which is part of the fects including death. This drug was
ed through public money-Medicare natural process of aging. The whole being marketed to generally healthy
and Medicaid-and the rest is funded notion of osteoporosis as a disease is people.
through private health insurance, which being pushed heavily in direct-to-con- Other than through direct advertis-
is a much bigger proportion than in sumer marketing. ing, how are drugs being marketed to
most other developed nations. Menopause and erectile dysfunction healthy people?
Why do prescription drugs cost so arc other examples. With erectile dys- There's also the entanglement be-
much? function, you have lots of people with tween drug companies and physicians.
Drug co mpan ies are amon g the genuine medical problems who can The pharmaceutical industry can influ-
most profitable corporations on the benefit from medication, but we've ence the way doctors and, in turn, pa-
pl anet. T he margins on prescription seen direct-to-consumer advertising tients think about health and illness.
drugs are just mind-bogglin g. For move from targeting those men toward These companies work with physicians,
exampl e, Pfizer has $10.9 billion annu- targeting every man. And next you're through drug representatives and re-
al revenue for its cholesterol treatment going to see the same thing happen tailers. Physicians go off to dinners to
Lipitor alone. with the marketing of drugs to women. hear about the latest drugs. Physicians
These companies will vehemently There are currently campaigns run- go to educational events and confer-
argue that they spend billions on re- ning which suggest that 43% of ences sponsored by drug companies,
search and development, which is true. American women have a disorder where drug reps are in strong atten-
But what is equally true is that they called "female sexual dysfunction." dance. Not in every case, but some-
spend at least the same amount on Clearly, those campaigns are designed times, these trips are more like perks
marketing, promotion and advertising, to target h ealthy women and convince because they happen to be held m
OCTOBER HUSTLER 31
 RAY MOYNIHAN QaA
exotic locations, at the right time of year. I'm not suggesting They're also directly relevant to the concerns about the ris-
that every conference is a perk, but the fact that these aren't ing costs of the national drug bill.
independent scientific forums is the real problem. I sn't th e Food and Drug Administration supposed to be
Another strategy is the use of patient groups. To the p ub- a watchdog for the p harmaceutical industry?
lic, patient groups look as if they are independent, but they I think the story of the FDA has been an absolute tragedy
are in fact sometimes heavily dependent on drug company for public policy. More than 50% of what the FDA spends on
money. In Australia there was an organization called Im- drug regulation comes directly from the drug industry. So
potence Australia, which was set up with a $200,000 grant essentially, FDA bureaucrats and officials know that the
from Pfizer [the makers of Viagra]. The arthritis foun- pharmaceutical industry is their client, not the American
dations take money from the makers of arthritis drugs. people. This has created enormous problems, and there are
Another example involves Attention Deficit Disorder. There plenty of examples of drugs that have entered the market
is a rich controversy about exactly how to define ADD and
the role of medication in its treatment. There's an advocacy
group called CHAD [Children With Attention Deficit Dis- MICHAEL MOORE GETS SICK
order], which receives a significant proportion of its revenue Michael Moore is back. His next flick, Sicko, targets America's malfunc-
from a drug company. CHAD takes a particular view and tioning health-care system, health-maintenance organizations (HMOs),
argues that ADD is likely a neurobiological problem that can the FDA and the pharmaceutical giants.
"Being screwed by your HMO and ill-served by pharmaceutical compa-
benefit from drugs as the basis of therapy.
nies is the shared American experience," Moore told the Los Angeles Times.
At the top of the chain you have the so-ca lled "thought
Already, corporate Goliaths are running scared. According to Moore,
leaders," or senior physicians, who take money from multi-
drug giant Pfizer sent out a "secret memo" instructing its employees not
ple companies, whose lives are essentially lubricated with to talk to him and to alert their boss if Moore was spotted on the premis-
drug company money. All of these entanglements are es. Memos from five other drug-company giants reportedly warned staff
becoming increasingly controversial and problematic. And I to be on the lookout for "a scruffy guy in a baseball cap."
think they're directly relevant to the selling of sickness. There is also a rumor, reported by the U.K. paper The Guardian, that
Moore has offered some physicians $50,000 to install secret cameras in
IT'S RAINING RAI their offices in an effort to document alleged corruption.
The film 's release date is yet to be determined. To glean some clues
about Sicko, we look to the past. In one segment of his Bravo channel TV
show The Awful Truth, Moore staged a mock funeral for a diabetic patient
whose HMO denied a life-saving pancreas transplant. The ballsy stunt
led to the company changing its policy
and helping the patient.
-Carolyn Sinclair

Child-health advocacy groups say a chemical found in vaccines given in

early childhood may cause autism, a brain disorder that inhibits one's
ability to interact with others and often turns a person into an obsessive
idiot savant. Thimerosal is a mercury-based preservative found in vari-
ous vaccines. Some scientists say it's possible the stuff causes brain
damage. Apparently, their heap of heavily funded studies and warnings
are still inconclusive.
What's certain is that autism rates have been steadily climbing since
the vaccines were introduced. In the U.S. , rates are reaching epidemic
proportions, with one to two in every 1,000 kids having some sort of
autistic-spectrum disorder. That's rough ly a 400% rise in autism cases
in just 20 years, according to some studies. Others put the rise much
sharper, with ten ti mes more cases now than a decade ago-too many
to be explained away with an increase in reporting and diagnosis.
Therefore, play it safe: When you take your kid for vaccinations, grill the
doc about Thimerosal and mercury. If he can 't give you a clear answer,
grab your toddler and run. -Mark Johnson

32 HUSTLER OCTOBER
too quickly or haven't been taken off
quickly enough, and people have
ended up dying.
There was a big internal debate with-
in the FDA about pulling Lotronex off
the market and then about putting it
back on the market. There are strong
allegations from former senior insiders
within the FDA that the agency is just
too timid.
This problem has become so intense
that Congress has had a number of
hearings specifically about the FDA's
closeness with the drug industry. And
so we've seen in recent months the
FDA attempt to take a hard line in
terms of warnings about antidepres-
sants and anti-arthritis drugs. Also
recently we've seen the FDA pull
Bextra, a Pfizer arthritis drug, off the
market and call for tougher warnings
on the other anti-arthritis drugs. But I
think it's fair to say that there has been
a loss of legitimacy inside the regulator
that's supposed to protect Americans
from dangerous drugs.
What must be done to fix this prob-
lem and protect Americans from dan-
gerous drugs?
"Wow, nice kick! I guess Chris Matthews doesn't
I think one of the first steps is to just
stop the direct-to-consumer marketing
have such hard balls, after all!"
of diseases. Now I think that is proba-
bly for all intents and purposes practi-
cally impossible in the political climate
of this country. However, elsewhere
around the world there are limitations
in place regarding direct-to-consumer
advertising, and they're likely to get
tougher rather than looser.
The major players are Pfizer, which
is the biggest, Merck, Eli Lilly, Bristol
Myers-Squibb, Roche, Bayer, Glaxo-
SmithKline and Abbott. They're some
of the major ones. But these marketing
strategies that we're talking about are
endemic within the industry. It is not a
company-to-company specific prob-
lem. They are supposed to be maxi-
mizing the market for their products.
That's what their shareholders de-
mand. That's what society expects of
for-profit companies.
The problem here, though, is about
regulation. I think what's needed is
more widespread public debate about
this, because I don't think people real-
ize how much influence drug compa-
nies now have on the very definitions "She's making good money now. But I knew her when she used
of illness. to sell pussy out of the trunk of a car."
OCTOBER HUSTLER 33
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 ks the wall of silence
been used as test

.I': hildren, too sick to move or speak, lie

" - sprawled around a playroom. Some sit
in wheelchairs amid younger kids tot-
tering aimlessly, their coordination hindered by
severe brain damage. Others are deformed, their
limbs twisted. Many of the little ones have tubes
surgically implanted to pump milky-white fluid
through holes in their stomachs.
These wards of a New York City orphanage
are human guinea pigs. HIV-positive and some
only a few months old, they have been enrolled
in toxic experiments without the consent of
guardians or relatives. Many of these children
were taken forcibly from their homes by decree
of a seemingly benevolent municipal agency, the
Administration for Children's Services (ACS).
Most of these drug trials were cosponsored by
giant pharmaceutical companies and the National
Institute of Health (NIH). In conjunction with the ACS,
hospital administrators, doctors and their subordi-
nates helped to carry out the experiments, which
apparently led to severe injury, deformation, brain
damage and even death for some of the subjects.

n New York City more than 23,000 chil-

dren are either in foster care or inde-
pendent homes supervised by religious
organizations on behalf of the local authorities.
Most of these kids are black or Hispanic. Some are
born addicted to crack; others are HIV-positive. For
more than a decade, the ACS admits, 465 children
have been forced to receive dubious experimental
cocktails provided by such pharmaceutical firms
as Merck, Bristol-Myers Squibb, MicroGeneSys,
Biocine, Glaxo Wellcome and Pfizer.
There have been allegations that these
clinical trials have killed children. What is cer-
tain is that most of the experiments were cruel
and unnecessary.
 "They tested these very highly experimental
drugs, Phase 1 and Phase 2," says Vera Sharav
of the Alliance for Human Research Protection.
"Why didn't they provide the children with the
current best treatment? That's the question I
have. Why did they expose them to risk and
pain when they were helpless? Would they
have done those experiments with their own
children? I doubt it."
In studies conducted under the auspices of
the foster-care system, children were adminis-
tered multiple concoctions simultaneously, at
up to eight times the usual doses. No one
seemed terribly concerned what effects Afl,
Nevirapine and vaccines for herpes and chick-
en pox would have on the kids.
"We're talking about serious, serious side
effects," says Dr. David Rasnick, a visiting ince the 1980s, activists have been pres- Research Protection's Vera Sharav. "This means
scholar at the University of California at
Berkeley, who specializes in AIDS research .
"These children are going to be absolutely mis-
S suring the government to rush new AIDS
drugs onto the market. Since then, Liam
Scheff maintains, the relationship between the NIH,
that if the researchers want to do the experi-
ments on children, they are going to look for vul-
nerable children whom they can get. And when
erable .. .they're going to have cramps and FDA and drug companies has grown incestuous. you have a city government agency accommo-
diarrhea, and their joints are going to swell up. Scheff, the investigative reporter who origi- dating them, that is the biggest betrayal of those
They're going to roll around the ground, and nally broke this story and brought it to the BBC, children. They don't have anyone but the city
you can't touch them." claims that drug companies were motivated to agency that is their guardian on paper. "
Rasnick describes some of the drugs co-sponsor orphan drug studies with the NIH "to And how can anyone believe that drugs
administered in the experiments as "lethal." For keep old, failed drugs on the market. " proven devastatingly toxic in adults might bene-
example, Nevirapine can cause severe liver tox- "When a profitable drug fails in one popula- fit infants or children?
icity. Another potential side effect is Steven tion," Scheff explains, "its manufacturer will try to "When asked by a reporter or a city council per-
Johnsons Syndrome, which is characterized by find a use for it in another.With AIDS drugs, they've son, the doctors will say they're offering the most
painful flaking of the skin. dumped drugs that harmed and even killed adult advanced treatment to these kids," Scheff says.

There have been allegations that these clinical trials have killed children.
What is certain is that most of the experiments were cruel and unnecessary.
Government documentation (available at males into pregnant women and their children." "That's a lie. If you review any of the studies, it
ClinicaiTrials.gov) lists some of the ex- "A drug company only has to alter a drug becomes obvious that that's totally contradictory."
periments carried out on children. One involved slightly, or simply change its name," he continues, Scheff goes on to explain why the NIH and the
a herpes treatment; another gave subjects double "to be able to claim a new use. They run it through FDA don't restrain the drug companies: "The NIH
doses of a measles vaccine. One trial involved new clinical trials cosponsored by the NIH, a tax- and the FDA are the drug companies. It's unclear
administering cocktails of drugs with side payer-funded government agency.As such, the NIH anymore where one stops and another begins.
effects that included severe abdominal pain, publishes lots of data and claims it's fighting the It's the same if I say that General Electric and
muscle wastage and organ failure. war on AIDS, which justifies its growing budget. Boeing are the Department of Defense. The NIH is
How could this happen in America? Conversely, drug companies get to run their old, an organization created to be a liaison between
failed drugs through new trials the drug companies and the public they pretend
subsidized by taxpayers. It's a to serve. The job of the NIH is to keep drug com-
win-win situation. The only panies in business, not to serve the public."
losers are orphans."
The NIH will partner with a eople do things for a reason, good or
hospital and a government- bad," says 15-year-old Carlos (not his
sponsored foster-care system. real name), who was reluctant to be
Suddenly, they have an endless interviewed. "We have to forgive them for what
supply of subjects on which to they do." Soon after being born to an HIV-posi-
test-sick youngsters with no tive mother, Carlos was sent to the Incarnation
guardians. Children 's Center-a New York City nursing
"You would not expect too facility for children and adolescents with HIV or
many parents to volunteer their AIDS-and has spent most of his life in foster-
children for such experiments," care facilities.
says the Alliance for Human From a distance, Carlos looks like a typical
OCTOBER HUSTLER 37
 urban teenager: reversed baseball cap, bomber Since the late 1990s, children have been used in ness visibly improved. For the first time they were
jacket hanging off his shoulders and baggy jeans. experiments. If a child refused to take a given med- able to go swimming and cycling. Both the kids'
On close examination, his frailty is starkly ap- ication, he or she was force-fed through a tube sur- social worker and mental-health visitor were
parent. The youth stands 5-foot-1 0, but his arms gically inserted into the stomach. Both Incarnation delighted. But when the ACS discovered that their
and legs are so thin, they appear as if they'd snap Children's Center and its public-relations firm refused mother had stopped administering the girls' med-
at the slightest touch. His eyes are sallow, sunken to comment about activities within the facility. ications, there was a knock on the door.
and better fitted for a man 50 years older. "It was a Saturday morning," Hoerger says, "and

J
Today, Carlos lives in Harlem with his aunt, a acklyn Hoerger was a pediatric nurse they had come a few times unannounced. So when
teacher. She was frightened that if the ACS heard at Incarnation for more than five years. I saw them at the door, I invited them in, and they
that he'd spoken to the press, the boy could be She says doctors there insistent that said that this wasn't a happy visit. And at that point
taken away from her and put back on the exper- any of the children's pain or suffering had noth- they told me that they were taking the children
iments once again. ing to do with the experimental drugs. "At the away. I was in shock; I couldn't believe it. "
It was around ten years ago that Carlos had time, it did not occur to me that anything was For refusing to administer drugs, Jacklyn
been removed from his family after their refusal wrong ," Hoerger recalls. "If they were vomiting, if Hoerger lost the children and was also convicted of
to continue administering drugs at home, they lost their ability to walk, if they were having child abuse. Four years later she still has no idea
because they were making him ill. Twice he'd diarrhea, if they were dying, then all of this was what happened to the girls she'd grown to love.
ended up on life-support. because of their HIV infection."

A
But the ACS knew best. Carlos was placed in a Hoerger changed her mind after she and her ccording to records, more than 50 chil-
children's home, which had become a virtual con- husband had adopted two little girls from the dren in 13 experiments from Incarnation
veyor belt of sick kids on which doctors could test home. Despite receiving the utmost care and were offered up for experiments. An
new drugs. He was perfect: Not only was the boy attention, their conditions continued to deteriorate. unknown number of others came from foster
black, poor and HIV-positive, but also his family "I gave them good-quality food ," Hoerger says, homes and other children's facilities under the
couldn't afford a private attorney. Having taken him "and the best private schooling they could get, supervision of the ACS, which was granted far-
into its care, the ACS became his official guardian. occupational therapy, physical therapy, speech reaching powers in the 1990s by then-Mayor
Incarnation Children's Center is under the juris- therapy and tutoring, the best psychologist that I Rudolph Giuliani. After a particularly horrific child-
diction of the Archdiocese of New York's Catholic could find on all levels, and I just didn't seem to abuse case, literally thousands of children were
Charities. The Center is housed in a refurbished con- be making any headway. The only thing that was effectively rounded up and placed in foster care.
vent in upper Manhattan. In 1992, Incarnation part- left was the medication that I was giving them. " "They're essentially out of control ," says
nered with nearby New York-Presbyterian Hospital Hoerger took the children off the drug regime David Lansner, a family lawyer in New York. "I've
and became a testing ground for clinical drug trials. and, almost immediately, their health and happi- had many ACS case workers tell me, 'We 're ACS.
We can do whatever we want. ' And they usually
get away with it. "
Inexplicably, in 2002, the trials at Incarnation
suddenly stopped. But documentation shows that
similar experiments continue at up to six other
locations in New York City's metropolitan area.
According to the New York Post, the state
Health Department has launched an investigation.
Also, the ACS itself has agreed to hire an indepen-
dent research firm to look into the allegations. The
agency reports it will form a panel of national health-
care experts to review the findings.
"We do know that several [children] passed
away during the course of these experiments,
and we do know that some are still involved,"
says Bill Perkins, the New York City Council's
deputy majority leader. "And there is somewhat
of a secrecy about the whole thing, I must say. It
has not been easy to get through the bureaucra-
cy as to exactly what this is all about. "
Others believe that the damage is already obvi-
ous. "They were just experimenting, like you had a
bunch of lab rats, an unending supply," says AIDS
researcher David Rasnick. "You had subjects, you
had drugs, and you were just experimenting,
throwing things around."
Liam Scheff, who has written numerous arti-
"Vinnie, I'm almost positive the boss said for us to put a cles on AIDS and related topics, contributed to
horse head in the guy's bed." this report. "

38 HUSTLER OCTOBER
 "One last show of hands. Who thinks it's okay to sleep with little boys, is old as dirt and
belonged to Hitler's youth brigade? Congratulations, Cardinal Ratzinger. You're the new Pope!"
 All Locations Feature a Premium Selection
of Wine & Spirits, Private Couch Dance
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: New York, NY : Son Francisco, CA : New Orleans, lA : Baltimore, MD : St. louis, MO : Son Diego, CA : Westminster, CA : Redlands, CA : Paris, France
Log on to: WWW.HUSTLERCLUBS.COM For Complete Club Information COMING SOON : Honolulu, HI
"Freeze! Drop the weapon!"
 A FEW MONTHS BACK WE PROMISED YOU AN EXCLUSIVE AND
scintillating peek at the queen of overexposure. We even ran a teas-
er shot of Ms. Hilton engaged in some passionate girl-on-girl action.
Due to a flurry of legal action (fucking lawyers!}, we were unable to
print these photos in all their uninhibited glory... until now!
Here she is: America's favorite spoiled little rich girl shown in the
midst of a scorching same-sex romp with an unknown gal pal at a
nightclub. Unlike the shots from her PDA, these images don't
appear to be posed and gimmicky. There is genuine affection
between The Simple Life star and her unidentified lover. While it
was rumored that the tryst had occurred wh ile both ladies were
under the influence of Ecstasy, we'd like to think it's true love. We
just wonder what happened after the happy couple left the club.
As her star continues to rise with performances in "legit" feature
films like House of Wax, we hope Paris doesn't forget that it's her work
in amateur porn that has made her a household name. We pray that
the tales of more hard-core tapes of Ms. Hilton's sexcapades are
true and that the images make their way into our hot hands.
According to Britain's News of the World, one additional sex tape
currently circulating is said to include scenes of Paris indulging in
some raunchy girl-on-girl action-including oral, 69-style-and
using sex toys with the daughter of a famous singer. We don't know
who it is, but just thinking about it makes our Rods hard. Anyway.
We hope you enjoyed these shots, everyone. And, Paris, if you're
reading this, why not stop pretending you don't want to be in porn
and contact us about a photo-spread? Paris Hilton showing pink in
HUSTLER? Now that's hot!
Got nude celebrity pictures? Contact us at nakedcelebs@lfp. com. "
Unlike O'Reilly, Sean and Greta haven't perfected the technique of phone sex.
FRENCH KISSES
Wanting to make sure she
was the real deal, we asked
her, "Voulez-vous coucher
avec moi?'' The frisky
Frenchy quickly chirped,
"Do I want to sleep with
you? Sure. I mean, mais
oui! But only if you're a ~~~~~
good kisser and know what :: iill;:~rts:~r.fl
to do with your tongue."
However, Helena quickly
warned us not to get too
attached. "I think of my
bedroom as the United
Nations because I love
variety in men and
women." Man, that made
our baguettes stiff.
 Sadly, right after t hese shots were
taken, Helena returned t o her simple
life in t he City of Light. "Maybe
someday I'll come back to America
and do more modeling," she
remarked . "Until then, au revoir, boys!"
 L I ~~. D u. IIIII E. AL. CRAPP
I<!:POOBL.ICANS MUST 5T£At BACK
THE: WHIT£ HOUSIE! FUST WE: GOTS
TO G!:T US A PATSY TO I<UN WHO
WE: KIN !:ASIL.Y MANIPUL.AT!:S!

'TIL. THE: COAST

IS CtEAR!!
DANG THOSE:
MOOSt/MS!
AH HAS HAL.F
A MIND TA STOP
SEtt!N' rHEM
SOMSS!!

68 HUSTL ER OCTOBER
 WHE:N AH IS PUZZL.E:D PAPPY AND HIS ADVISORS DE:CIDE: IT'S TOO
'BOUT WHAT TO DO AH HARD TO FIND OSAMA t.AMA DING DONG
AL.WAYS ASKS PAPPY! AND INSTe:AD BOMB THE SHIT OUT OF AN
E:ASIE:R TARGE:T, NAME:L. Y HE:L.PI.E:SS WOME:N
AND CHIL.DRE:N IN /RACK!

,.,
YO' IS A
OFF THE: OL.D
CONS~RVATlVe
SL.OCKH~/
OCTOBER HUSTLER 69
 '
EXHIBITION

OF MASS DESTRUCTIOt

ELECTIONS
1TIHIE •
[llJAffi§
. [[[J]B
 HUSTLER FUNNIES:
PART I

Conservatives are often stereotyped as

blue-nosed country-clubbers or ~imwiH~d
hicks. Not sure what to expect, JOU~nallst
Ed Rampell sets out to discover 1f red-
staters can be (intentionally) funny.
Considering 2004's election results, GOPers have lots to laugh about. Enter The Right Stuff, a conservative cadre of comedians unit-
ed by laissez-faire levity. Right-Stutters (RightStuffComedy.com) have performed at Times Square's Laugh Factory during the
Republican National Convention and at comedy clubs for private parties and corporate gatherings. The troupe includes Bushies,
Reagan Democrats and libertarians {the latter of which member Julia Gorin defines as "sex-obsessed Republicans"), but welcomes
liberals in their audiences because they're "tolerant, open-minded and appreciate diversity of thought," host Jeff Wayne jokes.
 Ed Rampell is a Los Angeles-based free- "YOU KNOW YOU'RE A LIBERAL IF••• ''
lance writer and photographer who co- The Right Stuff Comedy show ends with • You bitch about smoking right after you
authored Made in Paradise and Pearl comics taking turns playing the game "You blow out your last bong hit.
Harbor in the Movies. A regular contribu- Know You're a liberal if..." • You believe it's your divine right to
tor to L.A. CityBeat and Pasadena Weekly, • You feel guilty about things that hap- breast-feed at a Little League game.
he has also reported for Variety, The Nation, pened 200 years ago that you had absolute- • You think sex is wonderful, unless it's
AlterNet, Reuters, ABC News' 20/20, Chi- ly nothing to do with. within a committed heterosexual marriage.
cago Tribune, L.A. Times, Boston Globe • You think the terrorists might stop killing • You think saving a bug is more important
and the Associated Press. people if we just give them a hug. than providing electricity to the Northeast.
72 HUSTLER OCTOBER
 Sandy Brown, America's sexiest comic,
shares the intimidating experience of
toy-shopping at HUSTLER Hollywood.
omedienne Sandy Brown is hot. She's been a beauty

C pageant contestant and a model in magazines such as

Essence, but there's something this diva is missing.
"I'm one of those soul sisters who wasn't blessed with a big
rearend," confesses Brown, who has performed at renowned
comedy clubs like The lmprov, Caroline's and Catch a Rising
Star. "According to urban legend, it's supposed to come stan-
dard with this model."
Despite minor lacking in the booty department, Brown must
be doing something right. She has guest-starred on Curb Your
Enthusiasm, ER, The Parent Hood (as a voodoo priestess!) and
The Jamie Foxx Show, and has done a standup routine on Def
Comedy Jam.
And true to the stereotype, this preacher's daughter has sex
on the brain. One of her recent forays into funny involves some
shopping of an intimate nature.
"I find it funny when you go into HUSTLER Hollywood," says
Brown. "It's the biggest store on Sunset Boulevard, huge
panoramic windows, with panties and bras. Inside, the sign
says, 'Relax ... it's just sex.' You look around at all the other per-

Eye-catching San119
..Brown concludes her
s hopping spree~aden
with erotic goodies.

verts, and it's okay. Anybody's welcome

to enter, but once you get to the turn-
stile, another sign says, '21 and over' to
go where they have .. .'' Brown pauses. "I
don't even want to say vibrators. It's a
wall of body parts, whatever you're into.
Breast, wing, thigh, it's there."
Brown was in the market for a vibra-
tor- or "toy-toy," as she prefers to call
the implement, because saying vibrator
makes her feel"naughty.''
"It took everything I had to take my
little 'toy-toy' to the counter," the whim-
sical beauty continues. "The cashier
picks it up, looks at me and looks at it.
L-_ _ _.;..._ _ _ __.. She looks me up and down, and her face

sours. If you have issues, you need to work that out in therapy before you
apply for that job. You can't have issues and work at HUSTLER, honey!"
Meanwhile, Brown's wit feeds on the salesclerk's oft-repeated spiel.
"She goes, 'Will this be cash, check or charge?' I'm like, 'Honey, cash. I
don't want a paper trail.' She goes, 'Because it's an item of a personal
nature, it's nonreturnable.' What does she think I'm gonna do? Go home,
come back and say, 'You know what? It's so silly. I bought the wrong size!
Can I exchange it?"'
It seems that the lovely Miss Brown did find the right size-but will
she tell her boyfriend?
She gives a knowing smile. "let's just say boyfriends can get lazy if
they think something else can handle it for them.'' -Ed Rampe/1
OCTOBER HUSTLER 73
 Depending on who you ask, You seem to anger some people. Kimmel Live. That uoke] was preapproved.
Neil Hamburger is either the This guy at a campground at the Yosemite What wasn't preapproved?
greatest standup comedian on National Park was mad because the jokes were Why did Michael Jackson get a vasectomy?
Earth or the worst (his true booming out through the canyon. The park had to Because he was worried about the impact on his
ambition). A typical joke goes give back all his campground fees. It was a career were he to get one of these eight-year-old
like this: "Why does E.T. , the vicious, ugly scene. He said to me, "If I wanted to boys pregnant. That one didn't make the grade.
Extra-Terrestrial, like Reese 's hear all these fucking jokes about faggots and We saw a Kimmel broadcast that kept cut-
Pieces so much? Because on fucking, swearing up a storm, I would have taken ting to shots of the audience not laughing at
c.. his planet, that's what cum my kid to San Francisco. " your jokes.
tastes like. " While his bits are sometimes fun- Have you ever tried to win over a hostile No, everyone there was laughing. That was
ny-or so intentionally unfunny that they still get audience member? stock footage from when Carrot Top was on.
a laugh-Hamburger's act is more than just the In Darwin,Australia, this guy, who was about 17, How many times have you done Jimmy
sum of his one-liners. HUSTLER sits down with was mad. I quickly realized the psychology involved Kimmel Live?
the comic "master" to fill in a few blanks. and offered him some of my whiskey. Here's a kid Two times now, not counting the reruns.
HUSTLER: Who's your favorite comedian? who's underage, never gets to drink. He'd rather Besides the Michael Jackson bits, were
NEIL HAMBURGER: Probably the one who passes drink than punch me; so he took it and left. there issues with the censors?
away, thus freeing up a booking for me. If they'd What's your sex life like on tour? They thought some of the jokes were off-color;
all die, I'd have a monopoly. T, ere're 300 million I don't have time for that. I can barely keep up so we had to cut them.
people in America; if r even get half a cent from with TV sitcoms, let alone something that's a two- Give us a casualty.
each one of them, I'll be doing pretty good. way street. What was Elvis Presley's worst release? The ejacu-
What's been your biggest gig? Do you ever hire hookers? lation containing Usa Marie. They found this unsuitable.
We had a show in Sydney, Australia, at the No. How could I afford to do something like that? Anything else HUSTLER readers should know?
Olympic Stadium where there must have been I can't even afford to give a tip to a cute waitress. I don't really think they're reading this article,
50,000 kids. The Foo Fighters headlined. We had Would you ever star in a porn film? do you?
a swell time with that one except for the shoes, That's something I would like to get into may- You never know. "
rocks and coins they were throwing. Those Aus- be when I'm in my 80s.
tralian 50-cent coins have sharp edges. Do you have any Britney Spears jokes?
What other memorable objects have come Why did Britney Spears have sex with her coke
your way? dealer? Because she wanted to get back at the
I've had traffic pylons thrown at me. Pepsi people for dropping her as spokesperson.
It's funnier with an audience.
What abut Eminem jokes?
What's the difference between Eminem and
M&Ms? M&Ms have better tattoos.
Michael Jackson jokes?
Why did Michael Jackson dangle his infant son
from the balcony of his hotel room? He was pun-
ishing his boy for refusing to finish his plate of
sperm. We brought the house down on Jimmy
74 HUSTLER OCTOBER
"I am not fucking my secretary! This is an outsourced, part-time temp."
Despite having a straitlaced, quiet life
as a businesswoman, Zusanna jumped
at the chance to do something
different. "I never thought I would
pose naked for a magazine," she
reveals, "but here I am. It makes
me happy to be a woman."
 T he old man again said yes, but th is snapped his mouth shu t as th e
time broke down crying. "What in th e crowd gasp ed. After a minute the man
world is wrong?" the gal wondered. grabbed a beer bottle and smacked
Drying his eyes, the old farmer re- the gator ha rd on the top of its
~,·~·tiJ- plied , "A drought got my corn, a fl ood head. T h e reptile's m ou th opened
got my cotton, and it looks like I'm and the daredevil re moved his gen i-
gonna get screwed out of my peaches!" tals unscathed as promised .
Totally flab bergas ted , everyone
The H USTLER Dictionary defi nes cheered a nd bought th e gu y drinks.
an Irish lesbian as : a Gaelic. The Cajun then stood up again and
made an o ther offer: 'T il p ay anyone
Q uestio n : Why d on't blondes make $100 wh o's willing to give it a try."
good cattle h erders? A h ush fell over the crowd. Fi-
Answe r: Because they can't even nally, a h an d went up in the back of
kee p two calves togethe r. the bar. A sexy blond e timidly spoke
up, 'Til tr y it, mister! Ju st don't hit
A Cajun walked in to a saloo n me so h ard with the beer bottle."
with a pet alligato r by his sid e.
H e put the critter up on the bar Q uestion: What do you do when you
HUSTLER Humor jokes are provided by our and anno unced , 'T il make y'all a see your wife staggering arou nd ou t-
readers. If you've heard a gut-buster lately, deal. I'll o pe n this alligator's mouth side your h ouse?
why not send it our way? Submit your witty and p lace m y genitals inside. T h en Answer: Shoot her again.
stuff to HUSTLER Joke Page, 8484 W ilshire the gator will close his mouth for
Blvd., Suite 900, Beverly Hills, CA 902 11 ;
o n e minute . Whe n h e opens it, I'll w hile making the ro unds, a doctor
or by e-mail to HUSTLER@Ifp. com. If your
item appears here, we' ll send you a check for re m ove m y un it un scathed . In pointed o ut an X-ray to a group of
$50. Sorry-we can not return submi ss ions. return for witnessing this spectacle, interns. "As you can see," he said, "th e
each of you will bu y me a drink." patient limps because his left fibula
Aman called his supervisor a nd told T h e cr owd murm ured their a p- and tibia are radically arch ed. Dob-
him he was quitting. "Why?" the sur- proval, whe reupo n the Cajun stood zhynski, wha t would yo u do in a case
prised boss asked. up on the bar, d ropped hi s pa nts like th is?"
"Because I have anal glaucoma," and placed his cock a nd balls in th e "Well ," th e intern res ponded, "I
the employee explained. alligato r 's gapm g Jaws. T he gato r suppose I'd lim p too.""
"What the hell is that?!" th e con-
fused honcho bellowed .
"It's where I just can't see m y ass
workin g for you an ymore," the dis-
gruntled wage slave replied.

Q uestion: Why did the gay ma n

think his lover was cheati ng o n him ?
Answer: His partner came ho me
shit-faced.

Abodacious young woman went to

the farmers' market. "Wanna buy some
peaches?" an old farmer asked h er.
T he beauty p ulled her top up ,
exp osin g her bra, and asked in
re turn , "Are they as firm as this?"
T he codger quickly said yes, a tear
running from his eye. Then the gal
pulled her boulder-holder down, ex-
posing a nipple, and cooed, "Ar e they
nice and pink like this?"
T he coot said yes, an d another tear
trickled from his eye. T hen the doll lift-
ed her skirt and tu gged aside her pant-
ies. "Are your peaches as fuzzy as this?"

HUSTLER OCTOBER
 Young and Anal #30 shows why Jim Powers is one
of the best directors in porn. His movies don't
involve pretentious, artsy-fartsy experiments in
cinema, nor are they cookie-cutter formula flicks.
A long time ago Powers discovered the connec-
tion between the mind and the meat. Here he sets
the mind in motion with lurid tales about hot,
young, horny girls who love to fuck, flavoring the
festi vities with ersatz incestual overtones that
play into the psychological bit of the whole "Let
me call you Daddy" teaser that adorns the box
cover. The "Keep it in the family " bit pops up
throughout the entire film , complete with pigtails
and colorful cotton panties. But what really sets
Young and Anal #30 ablaze is its attractive, enthu-
siastic female cast, all of whom seem to like noth-
ing better than to fuck and suck. The end result is a
well-photographed, high-octane fuck flick chockful
of nonstop captivating action and great-looking
chicks. A -Tom Farrell

OCTOBER HUSTLER
 If you miss the good-old days of burl esque, pin-
ups and bosomy exotic dancers, fear not. Here's
a heads-up on some of the current DVD releases
that chronicle unforgettable porn from the past.
Our pals at Cult Epics have released a three-
DVD boxed set that pays homage to one of the
most popular skin models of all time: The Bettie
Page Collection. Disc one, titled Bettie Page: Pin
Up Queen, is 97 minutes of bliss, highlighting the
doll 's three full -length '50s burlesque films
(Striporama, Varietease and Teaserama) . Also
included is a written commentary from the lady
herself, a list of the Top 100 glamour girls of the
century, Page's 8mm film Exotic Dance and an extensive biography of the raven -
haired beauty, who was born in 1923.
The second disc, Bettie Page Bondage Queen, contains the dark angel 's 8mm
and 16mm films Fetish, Bondage and Catfight. Nearly two hours long, BPBQ fea-
tures a written commentary by the skin-biz legend, a history of fetishism and S&M,
and a Bettie Page photo gallery.
Disc three contains 100 Girls by Bunny Yeager, which includes mainly pho-
tographs from the former Playboy Playmate-turned-shutterbug's extensive
cheesecake collection and
some film clips.
Also highly recommendable is
Cult Epics' Vintage Erotica
Collection boxed set, offering a
bevy of dazzling damsels from
.,• ......,. the pre-hard-core 1930s, '40s
and '50s.
Big Top Digital has released
Reel Classics, a three-hour
special culling rare footage of bosomy babes from the '50s and '60s, such as
Roberta Pedon, Margaret Middleton, Paula Page, Cupcake Cassidy and others.
A HUSTLER photographer gets into the act with Pure Play Media's Suze Randall
Double Feature, which showcases two of the auteur's famous '80s hits. Miss
Passion is a campy, New Wave piece featuring Ginger Lynn, Lisa de Leeuw and
Crystal Breeze. Starring Amber Lynn and Peter North, Love Bites was abruptly
pulled from the shelves shortly after its 1985 rel ease when it was discovered that
one of the performers, Traci Lords, was
underage. Even without the Lords footage,
Love Bites rocks.
Paradise Visuals has some sans-Traci
releases of its own, most notably Ginger
Lynn: The Movie, whi ch also boasts
Christy Canyon, John Holmes and Harry w~...,..
Reems. Of course, the two Lords jailbait _ ...,.._.
scenes are gone, but there's great bonus
material-including surviving footage from
Night of Loving Dangerously (Canyon 's first
fuck flick) and 65 minutes of interviews ...._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ ___,
with Ginger Lynn, Christy Canyon, Ron Jeremy and XXX historian Bill Margold.
Cal Vista takes us back to the '80s with megabosomy wonder Candy Samples
in More Than a Handful, available again in its original VHS format. The hard-core
movie stars fellow titwillows Honey Wilder and Lotta Topp.
NJ Films has released the final three fi lms by the late, great director Alex
DeRenzy: 1992's Two Women starring Ashlyn Gere (who has a great anal scene)
and Victoria Paris; 1996's Virgin Dreams with Nici Sterling and Monique DeMoan;
and 1993's Slave to Love, starring Sierra and Brittany O'Connell.

HUSTLER OCTOBER
 Why are bitchy women onscreen
so appealing? According to Les Stormy Daniels is a hot blonde
Zipper returns with the kinky, cool Bitches, seeing them get their with a 36DD chest, and her assets makes good with One Whore Plus
sequel to his AVN-award-winning comeuppance is the big payoff. don't stop there. She also wrote One More #2. Although he's still
debut. The hip, cutting-edge visu- Voluptuous redhead Kira Kener, the script for the feature flick grappling with simple math,
als push the style envelope further stacked blonde Roxanne Hall and Neighbors and has the acting Wood's obviously done his home-
out, while the performances boil tawny vixen Lezley Zen play a trio chops to rival a Hollywood starlet. work when it comes to making
over with white-hot intensity. Mika of uberbitches whose sex lives in- Thanks to Stormy's performance, great porn. The girls in the cast
Tan kicks things off in a hurry, tersect. Venom-spewing Lezley the plot is simple yet engrossing. aren't just cute faces, but feral sex
sucking cock without coming up is the most hostile and callous of The sex scenes are well integrat- fiends. You wouldn 't think some-
for air. The flashy jump-cuts make the bunch. Eating ice cream, she ed into the story and never feel one as goofy-looking as Wood
the flick look like a music video, doesn't even put down the bowl as rushed, although they can be brisk could drive these ladies into a tuck
but keep the action moving at a her dutiful boyfriend bangs her and are occasionally far between. frenzy, yet he cranks it to 11 while
breathless pace. Taking center- from behind, but she lights up in Stormy's co-stars bring their A- taking them two at a time. Behind
stage in Stuntgirl #2 is succulent the sack to sink her claws into a game too. Lesbian lovebirds Ni- the camera, he captures the ac-
Kimberly Kane, a gorgeous blonde rich guy. Self-obsessed Kira loves cole Sheridan and Exotica pour on tion with great close-ups and good
with a ripe young body and the watching herself in the mirror to the heat and add humor with a angles. The babes are insatiable
perkiest boobs on the planet. Her the point where she makes love sexy slip 'n' slide fantasy and a and out of control. Genesis Skye
sizzling lesbo action with Katrina with her tantalizing reflection . vicious catfight. Exotica's moun- comes unglued as she's being
Kraven is second only to the mind- Kira's body-double Reina Leone tainous mams are even larger pounded in the ass. Redhead Au-
blowing way she handles a strip- steps in here for a trippy scene. than Stormy's, and Roxanne Hall's drey Hollander is sweet and salty
per pole. Cytherea is wild and horny Roxanne has designs on Lezley's rack isn't far behind, giving tit-lovers all at once, while luscious young
as tuck for her raw threeway, set ex-guy, but in the end it's sweet- plenty to feast on. Stormy is a pow- Latina Chanel Chavez has a face
to a blistering rockabilly sound- heart Sharon Wild who takes him erhouse talent ready to take the as dewy as her mind is dirty.
track. With help from several of home for a shag session hotter porn world by storm on all fronts. Constant dirty talk throws more
the most ravenous babes in the than Paris Hilton's catchphrase. Neighbors is ideal for couples to fuel on the roaring anal fire. One
biz, an auteur director turns Stunt- Les Bitches is a stylish feature cozy up to, but there's so much Whore Plus One More #2 drags
girl #2 into a true tour de force. with more sex than most all-out sex and eye candy that single guys things out, but never loses steam.
-Kevin Wright gonzo flicks. -K.W. can join the party too. -K.W. -K.W.

OCTO BER HUSTLER

Ass Feast #2 is hard- core porn for Tired of seeing the same, played-
people who have serious issues. out phony ho 's over and over
Sexual gratification plays second again? Then check out New Trix,
fiddle to subjugation and defile- Settle down, O.C. fans. This Porn which brings together a fresh crop
ment. Slapping, choking, spitting, Identity isn't the skin flick that sala- of young, eager tuck bunnies who
gagging, gaping, handcuffing, blind- cious character Julie Cooper starred are quite pleasing to the eye and
folding, ponytail butt-plugging and Don 't let the title fool you. Blow in on an episode of the TV show. other parts. The action starts off
tons of ass-play are the order of Jobs Gone Wild isn 't about drunk But with superhot Jessica Jaymes with goth chick Deja Daire, who
the day. If that sounds like your cup ho's flashing at Mardi Gras. It's a fucking a guy in front of the camera purrs out erotic moans while being
of tea, be sure to set aside a whole standard flick about chicks giving for the first time, there's reason to made the luncheon meat in a
day to watch this thing, because it mondo-head. You know, the hold- get your knickers in a twist. She sandwich of love. Deja has a hot,
clocks in at nearly three hours. In 'em- by-the-hair-and-stuff-their- takes to dick like a duck to water, exotic look, and she's no slouch in
the right hands, that could be bliss; mouth-like-Max-Hardcore type of no doubt having honed her impres- bed. Other highlights include smil-
here it's torture. Offering a feminist movie. First up is Roxy Jezel, who sive skills offscreen. Actually, Jessi- ing, girl-next-door beauty Tianna
twist, the flick's women are given gets her yap stretched during a ca has two meaty boy/girl trysts, the Lynn, whose invigorating, natural
free rein to their dark sides, not let- spit-laden hummer that seems to finale an incendiary threesome looks are matched only by her un-
ting up until their grotesque fan- last for hours, with the Brit cough- with jaw-dropping Veronica Da abashed sexual prowess. Deliver-
tasies are fulfilled. Venus is an ing, sputtering and spitting spew Souza and Denis Marti (talk about ing a straightforward, nut-draining
awesome lovemaker with fire in everywhere. The procession of director privilege). Jessica squeezes performance, Tianna alone is worth
her belly. Her desire is to dominate face-fucking continues with Dani in a bit of her favorite sextivity- the price of admission. When you
a guy and then get raped by him. Woodward , Soma and a host of thrashing Veronica with a strap-on throw into the mix foxy newcomer
Thankfully, her scene stops just sluts until it culminates with four dildo-but lavishes so much at- Harmony and brace-faced beauty
short of that. The sex is extremely blond airheads being used like tention on her stunt cock that you Kat, there's even more reason to
rough and nastier than shit, but trash cans. A lot of gonzo b.j. action can tell this is just the beginning of add New Trix to your permanent
with tighter editing and a sexier and a lot of bang for your buck. further debauchery. Can anal be far erection collection. With fresh new
vibe, the director might have been Still, when the chips and dicks are behind? Not with Jessica's vora- faces seemingly too gorgeous for
on to something. As it is, Ass Feast down, Blow Jobs Gone Wild is cious sexual appetite. The Porn porn, plenty of vibrant sex and
#2 is just a gross-out marathon for worth only one trip in your DVD Identity is packed with hard- great direction and sight lines, who
the sick and twisted. -K.W. r. -T.F. thrills. -K.W. could ask for more? -T.F.

HUSTLER OCTOBER
..JIM NORTON
Funnyman Jim Norton, who will
appear in an upcoming HBO
special, can be heard daily on
XM Satellite Radio's The Opie &
Anthony Show. For more hilari-
ty, take a trip to EataBullet.com.

Anal Romance
[l] Director: Steve Holmes. Starring: Lara Stevens, Trinity, Dora Venter,
Angelina Crow, Kathy Blanche, Franco Roccaforte, Erik Everhard and
Steve Holmes. DVD & VHS: Platinum X

The title is slightly deceptive; while there is a lot of anal action, there is not quite
as much romance as one may be led to believe. I was expecting a lighthearted,
comedic romp featuring zany misunderstandings, ass-fucking and possibly a tear-
jerker ending.
We begin with Kathy Blanche in a slinky pink dress squatting and flashing in
public. She sits across from a gentleman (director Steve Holmes) and shows him
her pussy, and then 30 seconds later they're kissing at the table. If there's one thing
I love in pornography, it's believable character interaction. Most people I know have
had a beautiful girl flash her twa! at them while they were enjoying a beverage
alone in a cafe. Despite the cheesy beginning, the scene gets very hot immediate-
ly when the sweetie begins to suck on what appears to be Mr. Snuffleupagus's
trunk. And while this is supposedly the girl's first anal scene, she takes this guy's
massive hog with the ease of a blue whale eating plankton. So either the produc-
ers lied to us about it being her first time, or it's the greatest example of beginner's
luck ever captured on film.
The swordsman continues deep-dicking Kathy like a true professional, although
I wish his testicles had been a bit less prominent in the scene. (I could also do with-
out the bright-red couch. Nothing distracts from ass-fucking like furniture taken di-
rectly off the set of A Clockwork Orange.) What I honestly did love was how the cou-
ple would go from the fucking, back to the blowjob (including an always-pleasing
ass-to-mouth). The payoff is great: a shot in the gullet that (continued on page 94)

What do you do if you're a Norwegian journalist obsessed with early-'80s porn,

and you want to make a documentary film? You grab a camera and start your
quest to find the woman once considered to be the most beautiful woman in adult
entertainment. Disinformation DVD 's Desperately Seeking Seka follows Stefan
Nylen as he travels to Vegas and beyond, hot on the trail of the platinum-blond
bombshell who starred in several Swedish Erotica r•••~
films. (But was actually born in Virginia.)
...
The DVD features interviews with a who's who of
blue-movie superstars combined with a ton of vin-
tage clips. Seeing Seka team up with John C.
Holmes in Dracula Sucks is worth the price of
admission alone.
What will happen when Nylen's saga ends in
Chicago, and he comes face to face with the XXX
legend? Will the lady cook her guest a tasty home-
made meal? Will sparks fly? Will they get it on?
Check out Desperately Seeking Seka to find out.
-Keith Valcourt

OCTOBER HUSTLER
 Stroker's Guide
These m flicks (with only female cast listed)

JIM NORTON ON ANAL ROMANCE were reviewed in previous issues of HUSTLER.

L Fully Erect
(continued from page 93) the harlot takes with all the enthusiasm of a kid eating lima beans. For some
4-Way Whores {Red Ught District)
reason, when the girl doesn't seem to enjoy the cum-shot that much, I find it hotter, possibly because Kelli Tyler, Paola Rey, Missy Monroe,
it reminds me of my own awful life. Asia, Gen Padova, Angela Stone, Ty/a
Scene two begins with Angelina Crow walking down the street, once again the camera following her Wynn, Svetlana
dumper aIa Buttman. The hot brunette walks into an apartment, and in less than 30 seconds her dress Stuntgirl (HUSTLER)
has been hiked up and she's getting the ass-eating of a lifetime. You will also notice the bright-red couch Jessica Jaymes, Venus, Hollie Stevens,
Kimberly Kane, Deja, Saline Diamond,
from the previous scene has made it back for a second Elizabeth Michelle, Tina Fatale
consecutive appearance. Adventure Sex #2 (HUSTLER)
To the surprise of no one, scene three starts by fol- Katrena Starr, Brooke, Haley Paige
lowing another hot chick in the street (Trinity). She HUSTLER's Taboo #2 (HUSTLER)
walks into a familiar apartment, and there is our old reagan Presley, Taylor Rain, Melissa
adversary, Mr. Couch. If this sofa is in one more fuck- Lauren, Felix Vicious, Sarah Blake,
ing scene, it will be eligible for AFTRA insurance. The Rachel Rotten
male performer proceeds to give his lady visitor's Road Tri}()(X #2 (Wicked Pictures)
Devinn Lane, Aria, Becca Bratt
colon a beating that Oz inmates would be proud of,
even pausing to slap her a bit in the middle of it. There Acting Out (Vivid)
Mercedez, Haley Paige, Roxy Jezel,
is one point in this scene when the hombre pulls out Ashley Haze, Alex Divine
of Trinity's keister, and the camera pans back to show The Harder They Cum (HUSTLER)
the entire asshole, wide open. If I don't see that again Mili Jay, Roxy Jezel, Terri Summers,
for another hundred years, it will be too fucking soon. Victoria Swinger, Suzie Carina,
A gaping asshole reminds me of many things, none of Veronica Da Souza, Debbie
them sexy. (Gunshot wound, catfish mouth and empty I' Three-Quarters Erect
eye socket are three charmers off the top of my head.) Emotions (Vivid Entertainment)
Scene four starts in a field. Surrounded by trees Mercedez, Dominica Leoni, Sharon Wild,
and grass, DoraVenter proceeds to lift up her skirt and Teoni, Karina, Dru Berrymore, Angelica
squat onto a black dildo sticking out of a lawn chair. I Sin, Natasha Dolling, Julie Robbins,
Wendy Divine, Natalia Wood
don't find this to be particularly sexy; however, it was
hilarious when my grandmother did it accidentally last Grudgefuck (DVSX)
Katrina Kraven, Selena Silver, Olivia
year at a Fourth of July party. And in the spirit of nat- O'Lovely, Jennifer Luv, Vicky Vette,
ural progression, who should come over when she's Shayna Knight, Gen Padova
riding a black dildo but a real live black fellow. I don't Flrebush (Platinum X)
know where he came from, but all of a sudden a Tracey Morgan clone is standing there feeding her a Kylie Ireland, Ginger Lynn, Cherry Poppers,
Dani Woodward, Lena Juliette,
cock that Mighty Joe Young would have been proud of. He gives her a thick, ropey batch, and she does-
Amber Simpson, Keiko
n't even flinch.
The brunette in the next scene (Lara Stevens) is very hot, although she has a nose that would be r· Half Erect
perfect for selling Fruit Loops. After sucking her lover boy's mule for a bit (it's our old nemesis, The Story of J (Digital Playground)
Snuffleupagus from scenes one and three), she takes off his shoes and socks and proceeds to suck his Jesse Jane, Jana Cava, Je/ena Jensen,
Jassie, Jacqueline
toes. Lara also licks the dude's ass while yanking
his prick, which immediately earns her another star ~- One-Quarter Erect
in my book. Of course, during the anal they are ob- Racer X (Adam & Eve)
ligated to once again show a wide-open ass as the Carmen Luvana, Tanya Daniels, Chane/
cock is yanked out. I am not sure how to describe Chavez, Dee, Eve Laurence
this slut's asshole other than to say the Brady kids Welcome to the Valley #2
(Nectar Entertainment)
should be riding donkeys down into the middle of it. Jana Cova, Isabella, Alexis Malone, Ty/a ~n.
Of all the girls in Anal Romance, Lara Stevens Mackenzie Mack, Hannony, Rio Mariah
has the meatiest pussy, which automatically en- , Totally Limp
dears her to me. If I have one weakness in life, it's
Chloe & Rose: Fucked Up
a vagina that could just as easily fit onto a bron- Adventure (X-Piay)
tosaurus. There are times when the vixen seems to Chloe Jones, Rose, Paula Rio, Katarina
be enduring real discomfort, probably a natural Beach, Anita Keyes, Veronica
reaction when having an uncircumcised canoe nanng uutue
rammed into your anus. The scene concludes with
an ass-to-mouth cum-shot, which is how all Will
.. Fully Erect
Superior. A top-notch production.
Smith films should end. ( Three-Quarters Erect
All in all this was a very good movie. I had cer- Above average. Hard·on material.
tain problems with the furniture, but the fact is that r· Half Erect
all of the performers were excellent, the sex was Standard fare. Has its moments.

well shot, and the asses were most certainly well

tucked. I recommend it; you will definitely be able
to scrape a few batches to this one. -Jim Norton ,
~ One-Quarter Erect
Poor. Don't expect much.

Totally Limp
A total waste of time and money.

HUSTLER OCTOBER
Nancy Ann is a sexologist and freelance writer contri buting insights on
the latest sexual techniques, sex toys, and supplemental enhancements
in the U.S, Canada, and Europe.

Gire Her Acum·Drenehing

She'll Nerer Porgetl
Learning 11The Ropes" ••• plement, and gave my
The letters keep pouring in, written boyfriend a month 's supply,
by women of all ages, about a sup- telling him it would teach him
plement that has made their sex "the ropes " of great sex.
lives " explosive" (literally). I' d like The supply is about to run
to share one, from a loyal reader... out, and we want to know
where we can buy this incred-
Rebecca writes: ible enhancement. Do you
Nancy, my boyfriend has always sat- know if this product is avail-
isfied me sexually. With an ample able in the States?
cock-size, average endurance, and
creative oral technique, he almost Rebecca M .
never fails to get me off. But what I San Diego, CA
experienced the night he returned
home from a business trip in Europe Rebecca , as I've mentioned in
was the surprise of my life-a fuck- previous columns, I do know all
ing I will never forget, and an about what your last boyfriend
orgasm that no man before him has used to enhance his orgasms.
ever come close to equaling. I'm happy to report that across
Since I love to suck cock, the second my the U.S. and Canada more and more men are finding
boyfriend dropped his luggage I stripped off his out and using th is unique supplement, learning that
clothes and proceeded to please him with my not only do they themselves benefit sexually, so too
best welcome-home blowjob. do their partners.
Before long my wet mouth had him pumping The contractions and release during male orgasm
gob after hot gob down my throat and on my face. can be multiplied using an all-natural product called
With a fistful of throbbing cock, I held on for dear Serogen. Although formulated to trigger stronger,
longer orgasmic experiences by strengthening the
life as he unloaded his sweet jism; these were
"power throbs " that kept launching massive vas deferens muscle in men, an added bonus-
amounts of cum. I've never seen anything like it- from a woman's perspective-is that these power-
ful contractions men achieve while in the throes of
a man having a multiple! I was so totally turned
on being nearly drowned with his super-human an orgasm can induce an intense, female climax.
Moreover, the term "ropes " Rebecca mentions in
load. And it didn 't stop there! He stayed erect,
her letter is actually European slang for the added
throwing me down on the floor and pounding my
contractions and heightened release that cause
twat until we both had simultaneous, earth-shat-
these rope-like sensations during male orgasm.
tering orgasms, practically causing both of us to
As far as finding Serogen in the States, I know
pass out. The rest of the evening and throughout
of just one importer-Somalab. The company has
the week we tucked ourselves into a frenzy; his
a product line for men that includes newly added
recovery time between these super-charged
Serogen-SP, a premium blend of the original. If
orgasms was that of a teenage boy.
interested in purchasing Serogen or SP,
Since that night, all I can think of is sucking and
Somalab can be contacted toll-free at
fucking my new "power lover" all hours of the
1-866-SOMALAB. Orders can also be placed
day. Finally, curiosity got the best of me, so 1asked
through Somalab's informational Web site:
what had turned him into such a tuck machine. His
www.learntheropes.net.
answer: He had learned " The Ropes. "
Turns out my boyfriend had spent an evening
in Europe with a Swedish nutritionist and his
wife of 20 years. The couple was openly sexual
and couldn't keep their hands off each other, so
my boyfriend asked them their secret. The nutri-
Nancy Ann
tionist explained he regularly took a natural sup-

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A
rmed with a dual degree in business and econom- English. I point up to my room like, "Go upstairs, " and she's
ics, 26-year-old Stat Quo, ne Stanley Benton Jr., like, "Yeah , yeah ."
o nce co nsidered head ing to law school. Instead, at She sat on the bed, and I started taking my clothes off, and she
the advice of Geto Boy Scarface, the Atlanta-born rapper traded started taking her clothes off too. I rolled a rubber on, and she
matriculation for microphones. Recently inked to th e Sh ady/ just laid on the bed and cocked her legs back. We didn't speak at
Aftermath label, Stat has his debut di c, Statlanta, dropping all, nothing. She didn't attempt to say any English. All she said
this summer. "All you can do is pay me," Stat raps in a rough, was, "Ahh, ohh, ahh!" That's all, nothing else. That's the sh it!
deliberate Deep So uth drawl that sets him apart from his That's some international ass right there. She was from France.
hometown's typ ical urban fare . "Rhyme slick shit, covered in Can you tell us a bit about your upbringing?
gravy/Two words and I'm takin' your lady-'Come here'/ The 'hood. I was raised in a single-parent home, just me
Larry Flynt style, I' m a hustler, baby." and my mom. My pops wasn't around. My memories of him-
And why a rising voice in Southern rap willingly gives us a basically pimpin' 'cuz my pops was a pimp. A Iotta my memo-
few minutes is qu ickly apparent. ries of him are just of the way he interacted with the women
HUSTLER: Thanks for taking some time out for us. that came around . And I played basketball for most of my
STAT QUO: C' mon, bro'! HUSTLER's like one of my fa- adolescence. I graduated from the Un iversity of Florida.
vorite magazines. Anything freaky, I'm into that shit. Tell us what it was like hustling to get your Underground
What do you know about HUSTLER Magazine? Atlanta Mixtapes heard.
Fuckin' Larry Flynt? C'mon, player. Y'all got the big build - We started [doing] what 50 Cent was doing up on the East
ing right off of Wilshire [Boulevard]. That's like a monument. Coast with the mixtape. Instead of coming out and trying to
That's American freed om of speech. There's nothing like free- sell the CDs, my manager and I decided to give them away be-
dom of the press, dog. I love y'all magazines , man. Tell Larry cause we were both from a hu stlin' background . When you
I said, "What's happenin'?" ext time I t's set a photo-shoot got a new product that people aren't aware of, to get 'em
~ up or something. hooked you gotta let them sample it a little bit first.
ffi Have you been enjoying the groupie love that comes with What do you hope to accomplish with your first album,
5'; stardom? Statlanta?
33 When I went overseas, that was incredible- definitely I want people to respect Southern artists more as being lyri-
-@ some groupie shit. Homegirl is sitting in the lobby, I signal her cists. More people in the South should be looked upon as the
&. to "come here" with my hands, and I reali zed she don't know greatest lyricists, becau se we are . •
OCTOBER HUSTLER
 CONCERT REVIEW: The Killers
April 17, 2005-The Wiltern LG, Los Angeles

I
ntro'd by actor Efren Ram irez (Napoleon Dynamite's
compassionate friend Pedro), th e wildly successful
rockers took th e stage for the last of fo u r sold-out
L.A.-area shows. From start to fi nish , the Vegas quartet
delivered catchy-as-the-clap keyboard hooks, thrashing,
2-ish guitar riffs and hard-driven bass li nes. H earing
these seemingly '80s-obsessed musicians in person just
drives home the fact that The Killers are talented , hard-
working performers.
Dressed to the nines in a tuxedo j acket, white shi rt and
bow tie, Brandon Flowers was a man possessed. T h anks
to h is animated stage presence, crisp vocals and echoing
keyboards, Flowers seemed to be sim ultaneously ch an nel-
ing both David Bowie and Billy J oe l. Drivin g ever yth ing
was bassist Mark Stoermer and dr ummer Ronnie Van-
nucci, while guitarist David Keun ing kept up nicely.
The explosive group hit almost every song on their
chart-dominating, self-produced debut release, Hot Fuss,
as well as "Stereo of Lies" (a new tu ne from a presently
un titled follow- u p CD). A well -done show to say the
least, judging by the ravenous reaction of The Ki llers'
ever-widening fan base. -Hans Feuersinger

DISC REVIEWS Various Artists

Scratch: All the Way Uve
Aerosmith
You Gatta Move
A half-dozen COs and DVDs Scratch Recordings Sony Music DVD
you need to know about. T he second Dj -documentary Aerosmith's first concert DVD
fro m Doug Pray gives viewers is not bad, but nothing special.
Nirvana an up-d ose look at how to- Steven and the boys rip
Classic Albums: Nirvana day's most cutting-edge tu rn- through th1·ee decades of hi ts
Nevermind '----=='-' tablists rock a crowd . Show- for fans young and old, with
Eagle Rock casin g live performa nces by z .:rri p, The tracks ranging from vin tage
T he sLOry behind the record ing O riginal J azzy J ay, T he X-ecutioners and Mix "Dream On" and "Love in an
of one of rock's greatest albums Master Mike, this DVD is a must-have for prac- Elevator" to tracks fi·om their
includes interviews with ba nd ticing beat ju nkies. - H.F. 2004 CD Honhin' on Bobo. With bland jam ses-
members Krist Novoselic and Dave Grohl and
producer Butch Vig. A truly informative look
at Nirvana in the early days. -Tom Farrell Public
It Takes Enemy
a Nation:
The First London Inversion
lllil sions and st.:lndard pre-performance prepa-
rations, this DVD seems too predictable.
- Keilh Valcourt
Elvis Costello P!MIM!IIJII!""' Tour 1987 Eddie Griffin
and the Imposters Music Video Distributors VooDoo Child
Club Dale: live in Memphis MC Chuck D and legendary Image Entertainment
Eagle Rock hype-man Flavo•· Flav explode Originally broadcast on HBO
T he first in Eagle Rock's Club onstage amid a howling air-raid siren and Uzi- in 1997, VooDoo Child is a great
Dale series (which brings estab- toting militants. Capturing the visceral atmos- document of a modern hip-hop
lished performe rs into intimate phere of the epic performance, London Invasion comic genius before he became
ve nues at short notice) highl ights Costello in a Jour 1987 also comes complete with behind- a star. You ca.n't deny the humor in bits like
250-seat facility in Memphis. For tv.ro ho urs he the-scenes interview , 5. l Sur round Sound, "Fuck O.J ., T hat Ain't Our Nigga" and "Go
draws upon his extensive songlist, a set that is foo tage from an Australian concert and more. Back to Africa." A young and hungry Eddie
su re to leave fa ns well-chuffed. - 7:F. So hot it'll burn a hole in your playe r. -H.F Griffin at his muthaf·uckin' funni est. - K. V.

HUSTLER OCTOBER
 Nine Inch Nails
With Teeth
Nothing/lnterscope
We waited six years for this? T he title
is a clear misnomer; With Gums
S ince bursting on to m e rock scene
earlier this yea r with a self-titled
debut, Th e Braver y have been th e
subject of all kinds of gos ·ipworth y contro-
versy, most notably th eir purported rivalry
would've been more ap propriate for tl1 is uneventliil with fellow synti1-pop hipsters T he Killers.
j aunt ti1rough mediocri ty. Reznor's writer' block
seems to have eased just enough to let ti1 rough But as frontman Sa m End icott tells it, m e
material tl1at is listenable and on par with me rest of heavily in-demand cw Yo rkers have more
contemporary music, but utterly pedestrian by I important things to wo rry abou t.
standards. The emperor has no songs. Again. HUSTLER: Is the beef with The Killers
- T.F.
Hot Hot Heat a pain, or do you welcome the publicity
Elevator it's generated?
Sire Records SAM EN DICOTT: I t's reta rd ed. It's
Canadian New Wavers deli ver on me
amaz ing mat people care about it. It was in
potential evident on 2002's Make UfJ
L..::..:....:C!.__ _,

the BTealalollln. T his time around, singer Steve Bays th e fu cking New York Post," Page Six." It's like,
avoids any Robert Smiti1 imitations, find ing a voice "Donald Trump does tl1is," and 'The Killers Is success how you had envisioned it?
of his own. Such ultracatchy cuts as "Runnin g out of are mad at T he Braver y." l t's like [Brandon T here're things abo ut it th at are cool on
Time," "Goodnight Goodnight" and "Midcile of
Flowers] minks mat he in vented the syn ti1e- a level that I co uldn't have imagined. And
owhere" bum it up. -Michelle McCaTlhy
sizer. Like Mr. Moog is r ip ping him off. there are m ings about it that suck so bad
M.J.A. Has speaking your mind come back to that I never wou ld have thought.
Arular haunt you? Are you worried about bandwagon
XL Recordings/Beggars Banquet
Shake yo ur booty raw to the guer- Yes, I' ve definitel y regretted it some- groups oversaturating the synth-pop genre?
rilla beats of the U. K.'s Sri Lankan - times. And there's a lot of times when the I thin k I would find it flattering, and it
born M.I.A. ArulaT is a melting pot of dan ce-hall second after I say somethin g, I'm like, Oh, would pus h us to try new things. But the
island rh yth ms, late-'80s hip-hop and political ly important thi ng is, look at the state of
fuck . 1 shouldn 't have said that. Bu t it's eiti1er
charged lyr ics that proves to be an endurin g if
highl y add ictive first release. - Matthew Bmnd that, or yo u' re constantl y second-gu essing modern rock in America-it's in bad
yo urself. And that's no fun . shape. Most of the bands out there uck! It
Elmer Bernstein/Royal How has the band dealt with the sud- seems like th ere might be a trend toward
Philharmonic Orchestra
den notoriety? more creative mus ic in th e mainstream. I
Bernard Herrmann Film Scores
Milan Records We don't really mink about it too mucl1 hope that we can be a part of th at. And if
From the ro mance of VeTtigo to m e because we' re so fuc kin g busy. Whatever we other band are insp ired by what we're
brood ing tension of 1/J:xi DriveT, th ere was a lot happen to be doing that day, we just try to doing, men that would be a great thing.
more to Herrm ann's screen repertoire than the
familiar slash ing strings of Psycho's showe r scene.
H errm an n was the master of mood , and who
better to tease out every nuance th an fellow fi lm-
GET BACK TO SCHOOL, GHOUL, WITH OBSCURE AND SUM 41
score virtuoso Elmer Bernstein ? - MaTk j ohnson chool has never been creepi-
Various Artists
Millions
Milan Records
S er thanks to DreamCatcher's
Obscure.The first action game
created in the style of teen horror
A quaint soundu·ack fi·om me British movies, Obscure features music by
film Millions features tracks provided Sum 41 , who want you to take their
by Muse, The Clash and S-Express, plus an opus tunage and the new game's well-
fi·om Engli h composer J ohn Murp hy (best known
rendered carnage out for a free ride.
for his nalch and 28 Days Later scores). The CD is
perfect for Sunday tea or some late-n ight loving. Inspired by the offering's unique two-
- K.V player cooperative mode, the fine
folks at DreamCatcher have teamed
Goldie Lookin Chain
Straight Outta Newport up with Island Def Jam Records to
Record Collection give away free sets of Obscure and
Willi tongue firmly planted in cheek, Chuck, Sum 41 's latest album. •...li..i..i
amid lots of bad dentisu-y, tl1e Welsh Three lucky winners will receive a copy of each-and no purchase is
crew known as Goldie Lookin Chain po e me ques- necessary! Just send an e-mail with your name, address and phone number
tion: ls it British comedy, or is it just knucklehead to [email protected] with Obscure Sum 41 in the subject line. Or, if you pre-
soccer hooligans gone wild on me mic? A bit ofboti1.
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Best comparison wou ld be early-period Beastie Boys
(before tl1ey were political) meets Ali G. Highlights mail it to HUSTLER, Obscure Contest, 8484 Wilshire Blvd., Suite 900, Beverly
of me lowbrow include: "Yo ur Mower's Got a Hills, CA 90211 . You must be 18 or older, one entry per person, and all entries must be received
Penis" and "Guns Don't Ki ll People, Rappers Do." by October 5, 2005. Employees of L.F.P. , Inc. and their families and pets are not eligible. •
- K.V ·--------------------------------------------------------------------4
OCT O BER HUSTLER
 Ultimate Baseball Online
Netamin Communication Corporation
Online/PC
After two years of beta testing, th e
largest multiplayer online sports game
is ready for Opening Day. UBO allow
Hang on to your joystick. HUSTLER previews hot fa n s to play interactive baseball over
new commodities coming to a console near you. their broadband connection. Standout
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players. It's all part of ESP T 360's mas ive online interacti ve sports
SPOTLIGHT GAME site. Visit UltimateBaseballOnline.com for more info.

Dungeon Lords S.C.S.-Dangerous Waters

Battlefront.com/Sonalysts, Inc.
DreamCatcher PC
PC Sonalysts lives u p to its rep as the
Fa n tasy RPGs h ave quality combat-sim company with
bee n a stap le in elec- S.C.S.- Dangerous Waters, which
tronic gamin g since the give the user total control over mul-
get-go, and it's no won - tiple air, surface and sub- surface platforms in a modern -day naval
der they've had a chance environment. You have command over seven of the world's most
to perfect their ar t longer potent naval components (there are 270 in the game), ranging
than m ost oth er genres. Dungeon Lords is a playable tes- from helicopters to guided-mi ile fr igates and nuclear subma-
timon y to th at level of tim e-h oned q u ality, offerin g a rines. And it fea tu res fu ll voice command sup port using
unique combo of RPG a nd fig h ti n g action in full 3-D . Microsoft's Speech Recognition Engine! T hrow in A. I.-guided vir-
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--
....._

- -------
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--

- WINNa<!S
-- -
--
I
once Jed this guy on a leash around the house, making move into a new place. A friend suggested modeling to make
him bark like a dog," admits a 22-year-old NYU psychol- ends meet.
ogy undergrad whose obeisant clients know her as Ling. "A lot of what I do is hang out naked ," Sophie, 24, remarks.
"I used someone else as a human toilet, and he drank my piss." "I do nothing and get paid by creepy artist guys." A self-
Is this the new wave of creative debt management? Even identified lesbian, she often brings up her sexual prefere nce
before landing his or her first real job, the average college stu- to discourage would-be Casanovas from en tertaining any
dent will be about $50,000 in the hole. Traditional part-time funny ideas when she's posing nude in front of them.
work no longer offsets the monumental costs of tuition and liv- Sop hie's strangest as ignment involved an antique-doll col-
ing expenses. That could explain why YU, a private school with lector. The man's posh residence was filled with eerie porce-
campuses on both ends of pricey Manhattan, seems to have an lain figurines, and th e temperature was kept inordinately
endless supply of student bod- low. It seems the conn oisseur wanted to take photos of the
ies for sale. woman so he could later paint a series of "living dolls."
Making the most of her "I had to wear ruffled panties, baby-doll clothes and
Asian-schoo lgirl loo ks, Ling mu slin caps," Sophie recalls. "They all smelled like moth-
may seem innocent, but she be- balls. He had some black lip tick he made me dot on my
comes surp1isingly enthusiastic cheeks, plus white face powder. He loved it,
when talking about her ex- N though. He was say-
tracurricular gig as a "fetish "*l ing things like, 'I love
service provider" to cover tui- § your torso! I love your
tion. One regular, a business- ~ child ass! You look like
0
man, has "disturbingly long nip- ·g you could be 11 !' He
ples" and makes her twist them a: kept telling me to
~
while she rubs her feet on his en make my eyes look
crotch through his underwear. -§
.<::
dead, that kind of
The submissive once told a.. stuff. I left as quickly
Ling that a freak like himself as I could. "
co uld only pay for the privi- Despite the perils,
lege of spending time with hard cash is enou gh
her-which is true. Getting incentive to keep So-
into NY is a privilege, and phie and other stu-
it's expensive. (Unless you're millionaire actress dents peddlin g their
Ashley Olsen.) bodies. ''I'm in control
"Of course, we all love having the money, an d of what I'm doing, so
that's mostly why I do it," Ling explains. it's manageable," says
And it isn't just women getting into the act. Ling about her non-
Wishing to remain anonymous, an YU film student scholastic endeavors.
describes himself as a "gay-for-pay" erotic masseuse. "I like doing it be-
''I've worked a lot of shitty jobs before, but now the cause it's so absurd ,
money's amazing for the amount of effort and time I and you make crazy
put into it," he confides. money for what you're
"I originally started out responding to guys' ads. doing. "
They wanted to see a guy jack off to straight porn, and And it beats work-
they weren't going to touch me. Eventually I posted my ing fast food .
own ad, offering a sensual, relaxing massage. I got a lot Charmaine Pang is
of responses. I'd be doing this kind of thing for women an NYU student whose
if the demand was there, but it's not. Guys are willing ft"eelance writings have
Finding herself in a financial graced such publications
to pay, and I'm just going where the money is."
crunch, NYU coed Sophie was
Calling herself Sophie, an NYU criminal-justice forced to give art modeling a whirl. as Time Out New York,
major moonlights as an art model to cover expenses. Travelweek and Bust.
It all started when she had to borrow $2,000 from her mom
and felt guilty about the arrangement. Next, her roommate
Attention college journalists: If you have an idea for a news
couldn't pay her share of the security deposit they needed to
story involving your school, contact us at [email protected]. flj

OCTOBER HUSTLER
 Since the '70s, HUSTLER has been a sanctuary
for uninhibited sweethearts, but bookworms who
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photos and garner $350 in financial assistance!

An erstwhile waitress, nanny and

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Mokawk College. "I want to spy on cheat-
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the beaver is the national symbol of our
neighbor to the north. -Photos by Friend

HUSTLER OCTOBER
"I preside over the honor society during /love a good bite and
11

the day," declares this 22-year-old nurs- spank from my man as

ing major at Cuyamaca College in El Cajon,
California, "and I love to get wild and I ease my mind with a tasty
kinky all night long. " A scrappy gal stand- issue of HUSTLER."
ing 5-foot-4, Bre details her extracurric-
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homemade porn ." And , hey, what a tail!

"Since I don't deny any of my sexual fantasies ,"

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-Photos by Husband
ELIGIBILITY: Candidates must be 18 years of age or older and currently enrolled in an accredited
school. To be considered for exposure here, follow detailed instructions in model release that appears
on page 157 of this issue and indicate Real College Girls on submission envelope. All published
RCG applicants have a shot at HUSTLER amateur models' annual $5,000 grand prize!

O CTOBER HUSTLER 121

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LfP MERCHANDISING, INC. !U.S. r..d. only. No .,J, paymonb ~ c.o.o.•.l 0 HX4 O HX5 U HX6 u HX7 O HXS O HX9
CJ HXIO 0 HX11 U HX12 U HX13 0 HX14 HX15
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O HX16 O HX17 0 HX 18 0 HX19 0 HX20 0 HX21
0 VISA 0 MASTERCARD AMERICAN EXPRESS
U HX22 O HX23 HX24 0 HX25
1''1'1-.1'1-.1'1--.--1'1--.-1'1--.--,--,1-.1'1-,1 I I I Milito: Merchandise
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P.O. BOX 17317
Subtotol _ _ __
I£VERlY HlllS, <A90209 CA Residents Add
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Total Enclosed --: I

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148 HUSTLER OCTOBER
CUM SUCKING SLUTS
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OCTO BER HUSTLER 149

150 HUSTLER OCTOBER
OCTOBER HUSTLER 151
 COCK
CRAzy

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152 HUSTLER OCTOBER

 on't £ght
the feeling, 11
mY clit is
throbbing
for you!

OCTOBER HUSTLER 153

 "It's so freeing to get naked and have
everyone see me .m a magaz1~e,. "
declares Amanda, 21, a boat repa~rer
hailing from oceanside, California: '~I'm a
very outgoing person who's w•llmg to
try anything-and being in HUST~ER
was high on my wish list." Provmg
she's a true aqua buff, the 5-foot-8
novice proclaims, "If I had gills, I'd
live in the water and never come out•"
Meanwhile, as a landlubber, what g~
Amanda wet? "Being on top and bemg
spanked and whipped," she candidly
replies. Yearning "to be molested by
four girls," the West Coast dish also
has a deep-sea fantasy: "I'd love
to be a horny mermaid looking for
another beautiful mermaid to hang
with." What a tale that would make!
-Photo by Friend

154 HUSTLER OCTOBER

 This well-built housewife from
Tampa, Florida, may have hit
Jack Benny's proverbial age, but
she still has the verve of a recent
high-school graduate. "I'm open
for anything," JoJo says, "even
watersports and crazier stuff.
Don't knock it till you've tried it,
I like to say." A gracious hostess,
the 5-foot-8 vixen serves more
than food and drink when visitors
pop in. She disrobes and offers
herself as the main course. "I like
to be naughty with men while my
husband takes pies and video,"
JoJo confides. "I especially love
being involved with chocolate
and strawben'ies." Also a grateful
amateur, JoJo sent us a brief
note after learning naked she was
heading into our pages: "Thank
you for the opportunity. You have
made my year!" Thank you, JoJo.
-Photos by Husband

Nevada whose kicks include Here's a frisky fraulein from Frankfurt, Genna
Katie, 27' is a teacher from Ren~, nd trvsts in public places. at 5-foot-8 and a succulent 4 ny. T~lly Teutonic
an ardent exhibitionist. "I love beiODD, Madisson IS more _than
lizard-hunting, nude.housek?,e:·~~ ~dmits, "but I'm mostly into
"I love sex ~very whtch way, J, The hottle's fantasy? "Waking up
other people's fantasies , chirp t:g ;:ked, and m~ sex hfe is
giving blow)obs and doggy~b- my face· then after we're all
with Krystal Steal's pussy ru mg tches'" -Photo by Husband
a":n:v~~gs::P~~.;:th~~~es an~~oy:. "I ~!::r;:!:,:::gd:::
' pussy or dessert." -Photo by Friend
done, my husband tucks me as she wa •
OCTOBER HUSTLER
 Seemingly joined at the hlp is a pair of strippers from HUSTLER's old haunt-
Columbus, Ohio. Best friends for eight years, Brianne, 25, and Shy, 24, like to tum up
the heat. "My old man has no complaints," says Brianne, a candlemaking enthusiast
who's wed to the household's third member. "I'm always horny," adds her lanky,
5-foot-8 pal. "And Brianne doesn't have a monopoly on liking it in the butt." Well,
that explains the married haH's fantasy: "letting my husband fuck me and another
girl in the ass." Still-single Shy's amorous wish? "A threesome with all girls."
-Photos by Brianne's Husband

•" mesa fantasy-booth dancer from

For helping fill pages in BEST OF BEAVER HUNT #34 (now on sale With the credo "I gotta have it· co to droOl and the
at newsstands), as well as two orifices, we've brought back StocktOO, california.~ 21 ' parae:.==- "Bein~ pussy-
the homiest and kinkiest chick in Texas. With that cute cooze and 5-foot-8 modeling aspirant hopes lity" she chirps "Now my fantasy
hot ass, Angel is a 24-year-old Dallas housewife who tempts her licked by two girls beCame a ret~me.'" So what always takes her to
guy to call in sick every fucking day. -Photos by Husband . h two guys at the same I F· d
IS to ave . f k d ·n the ass•" -Photos by nen
paradise? "Gettmg uc e 1 •
HUSTLE R OCTOBER
 AMIYEUR PHOTO COI1EST
WIN $5 000 CASHI
Attention, ladies! Are you an amateur exhibitionist
18 years of age or older? If so, our world-famous Beaver Hunt competi-
tion wants you! Every gal whose image is printed as a monthly selection
gets $350 and a chance at the mag's annual Grand Prize -a layout worth
$5,000. (Grand Prize Finalists win $1,500 each; the Grand Prize Winner's
lensman pockets $500, the Finalists' shooters $250 each.) All photogra-
phers of models appearing in Beaver Hunt are entitled to a one-year sub-
scription to HUSTLER. Fill out the model release below and provide the
requisite documentation. We hope to see you here in the near future.

MODEL RELEASE/ENTRY FORM

To enter HUSTLERBeaver Hunt, you must be 18 years of age or older at the time the pho-
tographs, transparencies or digital images were taken, and you must fill out and send this
entire release and legible copies of two forms of ID, one with photo and denoting your
date of birth (i.e., driver's license, passport or photo ID issued by state). Second ID can
be a birth certificate, Social Security card, marriage certificate or immigration card. Also,
one ID must include your signature. Provide photocopies, not originals. All entries must include
sharply focused color prints, transparencies or digital images. All photos become the
unreturnable property of L.F.P., Inc., which buys all rights in perpetuity to photos we pur-
chase. Send photos, IDs and this release with all information requested to HUSTLER
Beaver Hunt, 8484 Wilshire Blvd., Suite 900, Beverly Hills, CA 90211 . Contest not open
to residents of Arizona. Void where prohibited. No purchase necessary.

Please Print
Model's full legal name

Any aliases, nicknames, stage or professional names

Name to be published Date images were produced (month/date/year)

Date of birth Model's Social Security number Occupation

Telephone (include area code) Personal e-mail address

Address

Once too shy to

City State Zip
be a cheerleader:
this Austin, Texa~, Hobbies & personal interests
...,.,~-=,...-• home cleaner will
get a lot of rah-
rahs by weartng
much less than a Sexual fantasy (can be listed on separate sheet of paper if necessary)
sweater and short I hereby declare under penalty of perjury that I am the individual depicted in the
photographs, transparencies or digital images submitted with this model release/
skirt. "Redheads entry form and that I was at least eighteen (18) years of age at the time I posed
are wild," declares for the photographs, transparencies or digital images submitted herewith. I autho-
rize L.F.P., Inc. to disclose this information as required by law.
Becky, 25, whose
hobbies Include
collecting old porn Model's legal signature (each individual pictured must provide entry form) Date (month/date/year)
magazines, jogging, Warning: Anyone signing this release form other than the
surfing the Net and model will be subject to monetary damages and/or criminal
squirting. Bodacious prosecution. I declare under penalty of perjury that all of
the information I have given above is true and correct.
bi and orgasmic, th~
Note: Prize money sent to model only.
5-foot-7 babe is also Inconsideration of $350for photographs, I grant to L.f.P., Inc. all rights of every ~nd whatsoever, whether now known or
a swinger with a unknown, exclusively and perpetually, in any submitted photographs of myself [the "Images']. Without limiting the generali·
ty of the foregoing, and in additioo thereto, I further grant to L.f.P., Inc. and its affiliates and assigns, the lollowng perpetu·
lusty, adventurous al and exclusive rights: (1] to copyright, copy or reproduce, by any present or future means, all or any part of the Images;
fantasy: "I often (2] to exhibit, sell, assign and transmit, and l~ense others to do so (whether by means of still photographs, magazines, news·
papers, radio, television, televised motion pictures, videodiscs, ~deocassettes, videotapes, computer, CO·ROM, Internet
dream about my man transmissioo or any other means now known or unknown) any or all ol the Images; (3) to use the Images in connection with
and I having sex advertising as well as for commercial exploitation, including, without limitation, in magazines, newspapers, books, one·
sheets, f~ers, catalogs, and covers or wrappers ol recordings, discs, CO·ROMs, tapes and/or cassettes, and in connection
with two beautiful, with the saleof any by-products or merchandising; (4) to use the Images, or any parts thereol, as aportion of amoMn pic·
hot brunettes on the ture or other work (and lor the advertising thereon and in connection with the sale ol any by-products or merchandise relat·
ing thereto, and to reproduce aOO/or transmrt the same by and in any and all media; and (5) to edit, add to, subtract lrom,
shores of Hawaii at arrange, reanange, distort and r~se the Images in any manner as L.F.P., Inc. rnay, in its sole and oornplete dW!itOO, deter-
Becky tl
*'
sunset." -Photo by
Boyfriend
mine, lrom time totime.l certify that I was 1Byears ol age or older at the time my photographs were shot, and that I am ol full
age and am possessed ol full legal capacrty to execute the loreg~ng authorizatioo.

~~~~~~~-
OCTOBER HUSTLER
 I I ,.
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(continued from page 11 ) t h e want to model nude. I'm 6-1 a layout if you're as hot as you claim!
Do you hove a comment, suggestion
perfect example of moral evil with red h ai1~ and I'm hot! or complaint? We wont to hear it.
at work. T hanks for your time. Sbdf That Backdoor! Send your letters (typed or neo~y
And in ca e anyo ne might -Emily I'd love to see more anal in handwritten) to HUSTLER Feedback,
be wondering why such a gift- Clovis, California H STLER. So bring back Mo- 8484 Wilshire Blvd., Suite 900,
ed theologian would do an niqu e Alexander and Lolana Beverly Hills, CA 902 11 , or e-ma il to
interview with a "girlie" maga- We're always on the lookout for (March '04), but this time have [email protected] and indicate your
zine like H STLER, the answer new talent. A great way to get your Moniqu e put the strap-o n up hometown. Please include a phone
is that Mr. Larry Flynt is obvi- foot in the door is by entering Beaver Lolana's ass. I'd also like to see number if you wo nt your letter con-
ously fa r more in touch with Hunt, our amateur photo contest. J enna J ameson get butt-fucked sidered for publication. All letters
the political reality in this coun- (See page 157 for details.) Have a by a black Brazilian she-male. become property of L.F.P., Inc. and
try than virtually anyone else. pal snap some pix, and you just might -R.R. may be printed at our discretion.e
The only thin g I as k of your pocket $350 and be considered for Dyersburg, Tennessee
readers is that they not preju-
diciou ly dismis Dr. Griffin's
ideas out of hand . For the sake
of truth alone, please give him
a chance first by reading The
New Pearl Harbor and The 9!11
Commission Report: Omissions and
Distortions. His two books are
utterly convincing.
-Michael A. Corey, Ph.D.
Charleston, West Virginia

We appreciate Dr. Corey's com-

ments regarding David Ray Griffin's
August '05 interview. For additional
information, check out Goldilocks
Universe.com.

Everyone's Mag!
I have been a loyal reader of
HUSTLER for the past ten years.
I am a married mother with
two children and another on
the way. I dislike how people
love to hate Larry Flynt be-
cause of his opinions. I applaud
the magazin e and Larry for
printin g all th at you do, from
the beautiful women to the polit-
ical views.
I don't always agree with
what's said , but I love the mag-
azine for showing the world that
an opinion is just that. You
shouldn't get your panties in a
tangle because you don't agree.
I just want to thank Larry Flynt
and his staff for making the
best magazine on the market.
HUSTLER isn't just a "men's
magazine." -Lisa Serrano
Forty Fort, Pennsylvania

Eager to Peel
Hi, how are you all doing?
was wondering if you are look-
ing for new models to pose for
your magazine. I started mod -
eling while I was still in high
school, but now that I'm 18, I

OCTOBER HUSTLER
 "We're on it, Captain. My partner is obtaining a DNA sample
from the suspect as we speak."
160 HUSTLER OCTOBER
 I ~eJ.,JE,VE, 11:
~CAU$~ YaJ $Ufe
L..OOK ~IKE:. $1111
Gee, DOC,
I ,:e~L.- JUSI
L--1 I<S $1--111.
When it comes to sex, this Pez Nerce hottie is very, very open. "I love
to have sex while people are watching," she reveals. "Whether it's
in public places, or maybe at a party where I let the guests check
out my action, I love the attention." Hey, where's our invite?
 "I would hope someday to be a
millionaire," Sonia adds. "Since that's not
likely, I'd love to do real l)ard-core porn.
All I've done so far is some amateur
stuff." And what would her dream scene
be? "Being part of an all-girl g ;,.,ng-bang
with lots a d lots of hot gals. Maybe ten
or more, ~·ach hotter than the next."
)

We here at HUSTLER hope that sexy

Sonia has ' ong and lusty career in the
adult industr~ so we can say we knew
her when and were there first. How
many ti~es can you say that?
Monica Sweet