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Exploring the Variety of Random
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What a fool I was! I ought to have known that if you took it so calmly it
could only be because you didn’t care. If a woman doesn’t make scenes it
can only mean that she doesn’t love you.... You used to love me?
Penelope.
Yes.
Dickie.
How can you be so fickle? I never thought you’d treat me like this.
[Penelope looks about as if she’d lost
something.
Dickie.
What are you looking for?
Penelope.
I fancied you’d lost your sense of humour. I was just seeing if I could
find it.
Dickie.
How can I have a sense of humour when I’m suffering?
Penelope.
[Starting at the word.] Suffering?
Dickie.
The tortures of the damned. I want you. I want your love.
[He does not see Penelope’s face. An
expression of remorse comes into it at the
pain she is causing him. She outlines a
gesture towards him, but quickly restrains
herself.
Penelope.
[With a mocking laugh.] Poor darling.
Dickie.
[Furiously.] Don’t laugh at me.
Penelope.
I wasn’t. I was quite sorry for you.
Dickie.
D’you think I want your pity?
Penelope.
I’m very unfortunate. I seem quite unable to please you. I think it’s just
as well that I’m going away for a week.
Dickie.
[Starting up.] No, you’re not going away.
Penelope.
[Raising her eyebrows.] What makes you think that?
Dickie.
Because I forbid you to.
Penelope.
[Smiling.] And are you under the delusion that at your command I shall
fall flat on my face?
Dickie.
I’m the master of this house, and I mean to make myself respected.
Penelope.
My dear, since you pay the rent and the taxes it’s quite right that you
should rule this house with a rod of iron if you wish it. Personally, at the
moment I only want to get out of it.
Dickie.
You’re not going out of it.
Penelope.
Do you propose to keep me here against my will?
Dickie.
Certainly, if needful.
Penelope.
H’m.
[She gets up and goes to the door. He
intercepts her, locks the door, and puts the
key in his pocket.
Penelope.
Brute force.
Dickie.
I think it’s about time I showed you I’m not going to be made a perfect
fool of.
[Penelope shrugs her shoulders and sits
down. Suddenly she chuckles.
Dickie.
I don’t see anything to laugh at.
Penelope.
I do. It’s so mediæval. And are you going to feed me on bread and
water?
Dickie.
[Angrily.] Ugh. [He looks at her.] Now, look here, Pen, be reasonable
about it. Why the deuce d’you want to go for this stupid trip?
Penelope.
I refuse to discuss the matter till you’ve opened the door.
Dickie.
It’s not the time of year for a motor trip. [Pause. Penelope looks straight
in front of her, taking no notice of what he says.] It’ll rain cats and dogs, and
you’ll catch a beastly cold. You’ll probably get pneumonia. [Pause.] I’m
feeling awfully run down, and I shouldn’t wonder if I were sickening for
something myself. [Penelope smothers a giggle and continues to stare into
vacancy. Dickie breaks out passionately.] But don’t you see that if I’m
preventing you from going, it’s because I can’t bear to let you out of my
sight? I want you. I want you always by me. I want you to love me.... Oh, if
you only knew how much I love you, you wouldn’t be so heartless.
Penelope.
[Turning to him and speaking quite calmly.] But surely, if you cared for
me, you wouldn’t try to deprive me of a little enjoyment. You’d be willing
to sacrifice yourself sometimes. You’d have a certain regard for my wishes.
You wouldn’t put every absurd obstacle in the way when the chance offers
for me to have some amusement.
[Dickie looks at her for a moment then
turns away and walks up and down, with
downcast head. He takes the key out of his
pocket and silently puts it on the table
beside her.
Penelope.
What does that mean?
Dickie.
[In a broken voice.] You’re quite right. I’ve simply been beastly selfish. I
was only thinking of myself. I dare say I bore you. Perhaps you’ll like me
better when you’ve been away for a few days.
[Penelope is so moved that she can hardly
keep up her acting any longer. She
struggles with herself, and in a moment
masters the desire to throw herself in his
arms.
Penelope.
Since you locked the door, perhaps you’ll be good enough to unlock it.
[Without a word he takes the key and goes
to the door. He unlocks it.
Penelope.
Am I to understand that you offer no objection to my trip?
Dickie.
If it’ll give you pleasure to go, I shall be pleased to think you’re happy. I
only want you to be happy.
Penelope.
Would you rather I stayed?
Dickie.
No.
[Penelope gives a slight start. This is not at
all what she wants.
Penelope.
Oh!
Dickie.
I don’t know what I shall do without you. I feel as if I were only now
getting to know you. It’s as though—oh, I don’t know how to express it.
Penelope.
But you’ve just said you would rather I went.
Dickie.
I don’t want to think of myself any more. I want to think only of you. It
makes me so happy to think of you, Pen. I want to sacrifice myself.
Penelope.
[Relieved.] Will you go to my room and see if my bag has been taken
down?
[He goes out for a moment. She remains
with an ecstatic look on her face. He
comes back.
Dickie.
Yes. Peyton’s taken it.
Penelope.
Then—[she gives him a look from beneath her eye-lashes]—ring and tell
her to bring it up again.
Dickie.
[Hardly able to believe his good fortune.] Pen!
Penelope.
Are you pleased?
Dickie.
Oh, you’re much too good to me. I can’t tell you how grateful I am. Oh,
Pen, if you only knew how much I adore you!
[He falls on his knees and passionately
kisses her hands. She can hardly restrain
herself from lifting him up and flinging her
arms round his neck.
Dickie.
Is there any chance for me at all? D’you think you’ll ever love me as you
used to?
Penelope.
How can I tell?
Dickie.
Oh, why can’t we go back to the beginning? D’you remember how we
loved one another then? You used to come down with me every day when I
went out, and when I came back you always ran down to kiss me. And
d’you remember how you used to sit on my chair in the morning while I
smoked my pipe and we read the paper together?
Penelope.
[Concealing a smile.] How you must have hated it!
Dickie.
Hate it? I’ve never been so happy in my life.
Penelope.
At all events I hope we shall always continue to be good friends.
Dickie.
[Starting up.] Friends! What’s the good of offering me your friendship
when I’m starving for your love? How can you make me so unhappy?
Penelope.
[Smiling indulgently.] But I’m not going to make you unhappy. I hope I
shall always be very pleasant and agreeable.
Dickie.
What d’you think I care for that? Pen, promise that you’ll try to love me?
Penelope.
[With a smile.] Yes, I’ll try if you like.
Dickie.
I’ll make you love me. I’ll never rest till I’m sure of your love.
Penelope.
And when you are sure of it I suppose you won’t care twopence for me
any more?
Dickie.
Try me! Try me!
[He kisses her hands again. He does not see
her face. She smiles and shakes her head.
Dickie.
I never knew that you were so adorable. It fills me with rapture merely to
kiss your hands.
[Penelope gives a little laugh and releases
herself.
Penelope.
Now I must just go to the Hendersons and tell them I can’t come
motoring.
Dickie.
Can’t you telephone? I don’t want to let you out of my sight.
Penelope.
They’re not on the telephone. It’ll be more convenient for me to go.
Dickie.
Very well. If you must, I suppose you must.
[She smiles and goes to the door. When she
reaches it he stops her.
Dickie.
Oh, Pen!
Penelope.
Yes.
Dickie.
At what time will you be back?
[Recognising the phrase, she gives a
gesture of amusement, quickly kisses her
hand to him, and slips out of the door.
The End.
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