Swings and Roundabouts A Self Coaching Workbook for

Parents and Those Considering Becoming Parents, 1st

Visit the link below to download the full version of this book:

https://medipdf.com/product/swings-and-roundabouts-a-self-coaching-workbook-for-
parents-and-those-considering-becoming-parents-1st-edition/

Click Download Now

This workbook is not intended to provide medical or psychological advice, or to take the place
of medical advice and treatment from your GP or other medical specialist.
Readers are advised to consult their own doctors or other qualified professionals regarding
the treatment of any conditions. The authors shall not be held liable or responsible for any mis-
understanding or misuse of the information contained in this handbook, or for any loss, dam-
age or injury caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly by any action discussed in this
book. This handbook is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disorder but rather
to facilitate readers making their own effective decisions and plans.
CONTENTS

LIST OF ACTIVITIES ix

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS xiii

COPYRIGHT PERMISSIONS xv

ABOUT THE AUTHORS xvii

SERIES EDITOR’S FOREWORD xix

FOREWORD xxi

INTRODUCTION xxiii

CHAPTER ONE
Choosing to have a baby or not 1

CHAPTER TWO
Pregnancy 41

CHAPTER THREE
Birth 53

vii
viii CONTENTS

CHAPTER FOUR
The first year of your child’s life 65

CHAPTER FIVE
Next steps 103

WHERE TO FIND HELP 135

FURTHER READING AND REFERENCES 137

USEFUL CONTACTS AND WEBSITES 139

INDEX 143
LIST OF ACTIVITIES

1.1: WHERE AM I NOW? 2

1.2: AREAS OF MY LIFE THAT ARE IMPORTANT TO ME 5

1.3: KNOWING YOURSELF 7

1.4: MANAGING THE STRESS AND ANXIETY OF CHANGE 12

1.5: LIFE GOALS 14

1.6: SHOULD I (WE) GET PREGNANT? 20

1.7: PROS AND CONS OF HAVING A BABY/ANOTHER BABY 22

1.8: ALTERNATIVES TO GETTING PREGNANT 25

1.9: PARENTING STYLES 27

1.10: FOOD DIARY FOR PREGNANCY 29

1.11: SUPPLEMENTS 31

1.12: EXERCISE IN PREGNANCY 32

ix
x LIST OF ACTIVITIES

1.13: FITNESS GOALS 33

1.14: MY FINANCIAL PLANNER 35

1.15: THINK BEFORE YOU BUY 39

2.1: DIET AND PREGNANCY 42

2.2: EXERCISE 43

2.3: STRESS TRIGGERS 44

2.4: SEX DURING PREGNANCY 45

2.5: ANTENATAL CLASSES 47

2.6: CHOOSING YOUR BABY’S NAME 48

2.7: RELIGIOUS BELIEFS 49

2.8: PLANNING YOUR MATERNITY/PATERNITY LEAVE 50

3.1: CHOOSING WHERE TO HAVE YOUR BABY 54

3.2: PLANNING FOR YOUR BIRTH 56

3.3: STRESS AND PAIN DURING BIRTH 58

3.4: DRUGS 60

3.5: BONDING 61

3.6: SIBLINGS 62

3.7: FEEDING 64

4.1: SIGNS OF CULTURE SHOCK 66

4.2: SWINGS AND ROUNDABOUTS 69

4.3: ROLES 70

4.4: CRYING 73
 LIST OF ACTIVITIES xi

4.5: NIGHT-TIMES 75

4.6: CONTAINMENT, RECIPROCITY, AND ATTUNEMENT 77

4.7: ATTACHMENT 78

4.8: SEPARATION ANXIETY 79

4.9: CHILDREN’S NEEDS 81

4.10: LANGUAGE DEVELOPMENT 85

4.11: YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR PARTNER 86

4.12: LETTING YOUR FEELINGS BE KNOWN 88

4.13: GETTING OUT AND ABOUT 89

4.14: QUALITY TIME WITH YOUR PARTNER 90

4.15: GETTING YOUR BODY BACK 91

4.16: WORK/LIFE BALANCE 92

4.17: MANAGING MATERNITY/PATERNITY LEAVE AND RETURNING TO WORK 94

4.18: WHERE AM I NOW? 95

4.19: MY SIX-MONTH FINANCIAL PLANNER 96

4.20: CHOOSING CHILDCARE 98

4.21: REFLECTIONS ON BEING A PARENT 101

5.1: YOUR ROLE AS A PARENT 103

5.2: PARENTING AUDIT 106

5.3: YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR PARENTS 108

5.4: THOUGHT PATTERNS 111

5.5: TAKE A FRESH LOOK 112

5.6: PLAY 118

5.7: PRAISE 120

5.8: A LETTER OF PRAISE 120

5.9: COMMUNICATION 122

5.10: LISTENING 123

5.11: DEALING WITH FEELINGS 124

5.12: HELPING YOUR CHILDREN DEAL WITH THEIR FEELINGS 125

5.13: DISCIPLINE 126

5.14: CHOICES AND CONSEQUENCES 128

5.15: RESPONSIBILITY 129

5.16: LABELS 130

5.17: READY TO HAVE ANOTHER BABY? 132

First and foremost, we would like to thank our parents—Clive and Anne Dorthea Bamford and
David and Stephanie Staples for being there for us always and for generously giving us love,
praise, responsibility, and new experiences. It’s not until we became parents ourselves that we
truly appreciated how much you did for us as children—thank you!
Some of the activities in this book were inspired by those contained in the book “Seasons of
Change” (Passmore & Pearson, 2011) which we wish to acknowledge with thanks for allowing
their use and development.
We would like to thank colleagues in the School of Psychology at the University of East
London for being the initiators behind this book and for directing and supporting us along the
way. We would like to thank Alan Wilson MD of Develop Your Child for kindly allowing us
to reprint some of the material from his book “The Parent Champion” and for his inspirational
coaching attitude and passion for parents and children.
And finally we would like to express our sincere thanks to Barbara Gersch for kindly proof-
reading the entire text and providing valuable advice.

xiii
COPYRIGHT PERMISSIONS

The authors of this book would like to acknowledge and thank the following people and
organisations for their kind permission in allowing us to use the following quotes:
“Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your
heart walking outside your body”—From “A Boy I Once Knew: What a Teacher Learned From
Her Student” by Elizabeth Stone. Reprinted by permission of Algonquin Books of Chapel Hill.
All rights reserved.
“Coaching is about unlocking a person’s potential to maximize their own performance”—
From “Coaching For Performance” by Sir John Whitmore. Reprinted by permission of Nicolas
Brealey Publishing.
“A hundred years from now it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house
I lived in, or the kind of car I drove … but the world may be different because I was important
in the life of a child.”—From the poem “Within my Power—The Power of One Man” by Forest
E Witcraft which appeared in the October 1950 issue of Scouting Magazine.
The quotation from David Barry is from The Ice Cream Time Machine (ebook published by
Andrews UK), and is reproduced by kind permission.
The quotation from Stephen Covey is from 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families (published by
Simon & Schuster UK Ltd), and is reproduced by kind permission of the publisher.

xv
ABOUT THE AUTHORS

Agnes Bamford, as a working mother of three children, can relate to the challenges and
roller-coaster of emotions faced by most parents. Agnes has experienced the difference coaching
can make for parents and families and she believes strongly in empowering parents to generate
the relationship with their children that they dream of having. Agnes delivers parent-coaching
courses in schools and corporations in addition to business coaching and group facilitation. She
has written and contributed to coaching articles in the UK and Norway.
Agnes and Anna also wrote a chapter in the book “Coaching and Mentoring in Education:
Getting Better Results for Students, Educators and Parents”, published by Karnac Books in June
2012.

Irvine Gersch BA(Hons) PGCE DipEd Psych PhD FBPsS FHEA FRSA CPsychol HCPC
registered. Irvine is a professor of educational and child psychology at the University of East
London. Following his first degree in psychology, he went on to qualify as a teacher and educa-
tional psychologist, and complete a PhD on child behaviour and school leadership. He has held
positions as a teacher, principal educational psychologist, university lecturer, and programme
director for the training of educational psychologists. He is a chartered psychologist and holds
fellowships of the BPS, HEA, and RSA. He has published widely in the field of listening to chil-
dren, run many parent training sessions, and continues to enjoy learning enormously from, and
being with, his own children and grandchildren.

Anna Golawski is a dedicated mum to two young children and successfully manages to run her
own coaching business. After spending many years in the corporate world she totally under-
stands the tears and triumphs that go hand-in-hand with being a working parent.

xvii
xviii A B O U T T H E AU T H O R S

Anna is described by her clients as being highly effective and having a natural, down-to-earth
approach that helps them get the most out of their coaching sessions and fulfil their goals and
ambitions, and increase their confidence in parenting abilities. Anna works with individuals,
companies and the education sector and is also a mentor for The Prince’s Trust. She has written
several coaching articles for magazines and business publications.
SERIES EDI TOR’S FOREWORD

The swings and roundabouts of parenting—from

We are delighted to bring you Swings and Roundabouts: A Self-Coaching Workbook for Parents and
Those Considering Becoming Parents by our colleagues Anna Golawski, Agnes Bamford, and
Irvine Gersch.
As part of the Professional Coaching Series we have always had in mind the varied contexts
in which coaching adds value. This has included the workplace, family business, and educa-
tion. There are more contexts we plan to cover in future editions.
One theme that has informed us in making choices for inclusion in the series is the power of
guided self-coaching. Our very first book in the series, The Art of Inspired Living by Sarah Corrie
focused on the use of positive psychology as a self-coaching tool. We return to the power of
self-coaching in this book. It is very much a practical book to help parents and parents-to-be to
consider the choices available to them.
It is based on good practice in coaching and takes as a starting point reflection as a way to
frame choice processes. By learning to reflect with others on our choices as parents we can
begin to open up options. What otherwise would seem daunting becomes less so. However, the
authors do not encourage reflection as an end in itself but to help you as a parent reading this
book to move from reflection to action. The questions they pose assist that process. They are
able to draw upon the literature from coaching, childcare, and their own experience as profes-
sionals and parents. They speak with authority but without ego. They do not pretend to know
all the answers or promote one view. True to the fundamentals of coaching, they help you to
find the answers that make sense for you. They do not seek to create parents in their mould but
help you to formulate your own approach.
The exercises in the book are there to generate your reflections on the questions posed and
to create new questions of your own for further reflection. From this starting point they take
you through a range of activities and approaches you can use as a parent. They point to other
xix