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Photoshop for Digital Video Creative Solutions for
Professional Results Mike Gondek Digital Instant
Download
Author(s): Mike Gondek, Archie Cocke
ISBN(s): 9781423708025, 1423708024
Edition: Pap/DVD
File Details: PDF, 13.79 MB
Year: 2004
Language: english
Gondek_FM 19/07/04 10:22 AM Page i

PHOTOSHOP
FOR DIGITAL VIDEO
Gondek_FM 19/07/04 10:22 AM Page ii
Gondek_FM 19/07/04 10:22 AM Page iii

PHOTOSHOP
FOR DIGITAL VIDEO

Creative Solutions for Professional Results

Mike Gondek

Archie Cocke

AMSTERDAM • BOSTON • HEIDELBERG • LONDON

NEW YORK • OXFORD • PARIS • SAN DIEGO
SAN FRANCISCO • SINGAPORE • SYDNEY • TOKYO
Focal Press is an imprint of Elsevier
Gondek_FM 19/07/04 10:22 AM Page iv

Focal Press is an imprint of Elsevier

200 Wheeler Road, Burlington, MA 01803, USA
Linacre House, Jordan Hill, Oxford OX2 8DP, UK

Copyright © 2005, Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system,

or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photo-
copying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior written permission of
the publisher.

Permissions may be sought directly from Elsevier’s Science & Technology

Rights Department in Oxford, UK: phone: (+44) 1865 843830, fax: (+44)
1865 853333, e-mail: [email protected]. You may also complete
your request on-line via the Elsevier homepage (http://elsevier.com), by
selecting “Customer Support” and then “Obtaining Permissions.”

Recognizing the importance of preserving what has been written, Elsevier

prints its books on acid-free paper whenever possible.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Application Submitted.

British Library Cataloguing-in-Publication Data

A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
ISBN: 0240806336

For information on all Focal Press publications

visit our website at www.focalpress.com

04 05 06 07 08 09 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Printed in the United States of America

Gondek_FM 19/07/04 10:22 AM Page v

CONTENTS

Preface xi

SECTION I
“Knowing Photoshop” 1

1 Startup Kit 3
Preferences 3
Tools 12
Hardware 14

2 Color (Management & Design) 19

Calibrate your Computer Monitor 20
Color Systems and Swatches 26
Color Psychology 33
Broadcast and Technical Issues 34
Text Color 38

3 Pixels 39
Resolution 39
Safe Margins 42
Image Size and Canvas Size 42
Cropping 44
Square versus Non-Square Pixels 49
Building for DV, DVD, D1, and HDTV 51

v
Gondek_FM 19/07/04 10:22 AM Page vi

4 Working with Files 53

File Formats 53
Layer Comps and Save Tricks 56
File Browser 59
Exporting 61
File Management 61
Alpha Channels 63
Importing 63

5 Layers 67
Using Layers 67
Layer Sets and Linking Layers 71
Merging Selected Layers 72
Moving Layers into Documents 73

6 Layer Styles and Patterns 75

Style and Adjustment Layers 75
Tiled Patterns 80

7 Vector Shapes 85
Bitmapped or Vector? 85
Shapes 86
Pathfinder 88

8 Brushes 91
They’re Not Just For Painting Anymore 92
Brush Palette 92
Instant Autumn 100
Tablets 100
Independent Practice 101
Custom Brushes 101
Image Hose 103
Stroke Path 104

9 Speed Up Photoshop 105

Keyboard Shortcuts 105
Palettes and Workspaces 110
Crop and Straighten 113
History Brush and History Palette 114
Actions 116
Batch Automation 118

vi CONTENTS
Gondek_FM 19/07/04 10:22 AM Page vii

SECTION II
“Typography and Titles” 121

10 Typography 123
Managing Fonts 123
Typesetting 125
Opentype 127
Typography for Video 128

11 Creative Typography 133

The Text Tool 133
Warping Text 137
Shortcuts for Text 139
Editing Text 139

12 DVD Menus 143

DVD Authoring Applications 144
Design Tips 145
Photoshop for Adobe Encore 148

SECTION III
“Masking and Transformations” 151

13 Selections 153
Eraser 153
Magic Wand 154
Pen Tool 155
Extract 156
Color Range 158
Magic Lasso 159
QuickMask 160

14 Layer Masks 163

Hairy Monkey 164
Marshall Fields Clock 167

Contents vii
Gondek_FM 19/07/04 10:22 AM Page viii

15 Transformations 173
Transform Tool 174
Effects 176
Liquify 179

16 Transparency and Blending 181

Transparent Glass 181
Gradient Tool Masks 184
Brushing Layer Masks 185
Clipping Groups 185
Layer Blending Options 187
Blending Modes 187

SECTION IV
“Better Images” 191

17 Color Correction 193

Auto Color Correction 193
Manual Color Correction 198
Setting the Whitepoint 198
Shadow/Highlight 200
Color Replacement Tool 202
Raw and 16 Bits 203

18 Fixing Images 209

Dust & Scratches 209
Healing Brush 211
Clone Stamp 213
Patch & Color Replace Tool 214
Extending an Image 216

19 Photo Retouching 219

People 219
Exteriors 225
Working with the Image 227

viii CONTENTS
Gondek_FM 19/07/04 10:22 AM Page ix

SECTION V
“Creative Projects” 229

20 Creating Custom Backgrounds 231

Helpful Filters 232
Helpful Tools and Palettes 236
Lower 3rd Banners 239

21 Matte Paintings and Virtual Sets 243

Matte Paintings 244
Virtual Sets 249

22 Illustrative Effects 253

Halftone Pattern 253
Interlace Shift 255
Pearl Iridescence 256
Fairy Dust 257
Color Scratchboard 258

23 Gradient Transitions 261

Understanding How They Work 262
Building Gradient Maps 262
Working with Gradient Maps 266

24 Photo Montages 269

Organizing Large Projects 270
Merging a Panorama 276

25 Pseudo 3D Animation 281

Selecting the Right Photos 282
Preparing the Photo for Animation 284
Animation 285

26 Enhanced Freeze-Frames 289

Selecting the Right Frame 290
Treatments 291
Finishing in the Edit Suite 293

Contents ix
Gondek_FM 19/07/04 10:22 AM Page x

27 Fun with Filmstrips 297

Film Grain, Hair and Scratches 298
Light Sabers 300
Sequential Images 302

SECTION VI
“Final Tips” 307

28 Troubleshooting Photoshop 309

Frequent Errors 309
Reset your Preferences 310
Hard Drive Maintenance 311
Flush Cache 312
File Browser 312
Fonts 313
Networks, Applications, Plug-Ins, and Printer 313
Update your Operating System 313
Printing 313
RAM and Video Card 314
Virus and Pop-Ups 314
Mac OS X 315
PC Windows 316
Get Free Help Online 316

29 Extending Photoshop 317

Plug-Ins 317
Adobe Studio Exchange 320

30 Illustrator for Video 323

Warping Images 323
Advanced Strokes 324
Caterpillar 327
Spirograph 1 328
Spirograph 2 328
Corkscrew Spiral 329
Copying Illustrator Paths Into Applications 330

Index 333

x CONTENTS
Gondek_FM 19/07/04 10:22 AM Page xi

PREFACE

USING THIS BOOK

Who is this book for

This book focuses on creative & technical issues dealing with using Photoshop
CS for video editing, beyond the Adobe manual. You will find useful new tech-
niques in this book, whether you are a beginning or advanced Photoshop user.
The first section prepares you to use the core Photoshop tools and commands,
and is a stepping stone to the advanced techniques in the final chapters. You can
skip around, and use the index or table of contents to help you find a more
detailed explanation. Learn to work smarter and faster and using new techniques
& tools to open up new creative possibilities for you.
You will find issues a video editor encounters and many of these issues apply
to all Photoshop Users. Every Photoshop user, from beginner to advanced, will
learn masking techniques which are important timeless material for anyone in
web, video or print. Photoshop for Video is written for anyone who uses
Photoshop!

COLOR

Bold colored text will assist you in navigating and using this book. This is
helpful for instructors, students and anyone reading this book. With technical
training books your eyes go back and forth from computer monitor to book.
We learned from other authors, and hope they will use this feature in their
books.

xi
Gondek_FM 19/07/04 10:22 AM Page xii

Blue Bold Type

Examples:
Edit >> Preferences >> File Browser [Photoshop >> Preferences >> File
Browser]
Hit (V) to change to the move tool.
Blue type prompts you to use a keyboard shortcuts or menu command. The PC
shortcut is first, followed by the Mac shortcut in brackets. Single letter keyboard
shortcut are surrounded it by parenthesis to help make it more visible. The brack-
ets are used so nobody will feel their platform was not represented in this book,
and to more users become cross platform. Usually menu commands are in the
same place on Mac or PC so we do not repeat ourselves in that instance (except
for locating the preferences so we listed that one above). Keyboard shortcuts are
faster to use than menu commands. In many cases we show you the menu com-
mand instead so you will know what action you invoked. We use menu commands
in the book to help you follow the examples, but please use keyboard shortcuts
when you know them.

Red Bold Type

Example: Open Chapter #/Filename.psd.

The red type signals you to open a file which comes from the Photoshop for
Video DVD. Slashes are used to separate names of folders, and help you navigate
to their location quickly. This naming technique originally came from Unix, and
is used in HTML and browsing the web. The name of the file will be followed
by a period and a 3 letter filename extension. Red type may also tell you to load a
setting file such as curves, but always means that you will be utilizing a file from
the DVD.
We also use red on screenshots to point out areas of interest, or a position on
an image you are to apply a tool.

DVD

Chapters

You may wish to copy the chapter folders from the DVD to your hard drive.
This is recommended if you plan to follow along interactively and have
enough free hard disk space. Files are in various file formats as we wish for you to
find out the benefits some file formats have over others. We also use a naming
convention which describes the image, and has a number afterwards. The higher
the number, the closer you are to the final image. This allows you to skip parts
if you are an advanced user, or to help you get back on track if you having
difficulty.

xii PREFACE
Gondek_FM 19/07/04 10:22 AM Page xiii

Demos

Software from vendors is always in a folder with the name of the product, and
inside will be 2 folders so you can choose Mac or PC. We included demos of a few
choice manufacturers on the disk that you should know about. We want the focus
of this to book to be on learning new techniques that will change the way you
work with Photoshop.

MAC OR PC

Does not matter which platform you use, and those who work on both show the
signs of craftsmanship needed to work with video. Most video design awards
are won by people who work on both platforms. For being 2 different operating
systems, Photoshop works similarily on Mac or PC.
Contextual Menus – You get this very useful set of menus by right clicking [Ctrl
clicking]. We find this feature extremely useful because it is quicker than pulling
down a menu or pressing keys on your keyboard. Apple does not ship a 2 button
mouse, but we recommend you buy one.
Right Click [Ctrl Command click] on an open Photoshop file and a contextual
menu shows the layer names underneath the mouse click, which you can choose
to go to that layer. Enable rulers using Ctrl R [Command R], and then Right Click
[Ctrl Command click] the ruler to change measurement units—we recommend
using pixels for video.
Screenshots – Both Mac & PC screenshots are used throughout the book, it does
not mean anything and after becoming a cross-platform person you will not even
notice. The main difference between Mac & PC windows or palettes is the color,
but they mostly have the same features of maximize, minimize, hide and close.
The Mac has a feature where you can command click on a finder window, and
it shows you the hierarchy of where the file is located on your drive. You could

Mac contextual menu for

folder navigating

Preface xiii
Gondek_FM 19/07/04 10:22 AM Page xiv

release the mouse on a location you would like to navigate to. The windows
explorer shows this location in the address using slashes to separate folders. You
can quickly get to a location by just deleting letters after a slash and hitting return
to change the window to that location.
On the PC you can right click a Photoshop file window name and get options
for page setup, image size, canvas size and duplicate.

PC Photoshop contextual
menu

On both platforms when you have rulers enabled, you can right click on the
rulers, and switch on the fly to different units measurements. For video, pixels is
the recommended units to switch to. Photoshop will keep using pixels for the
ruler units until you change to something else.

Contextual menu for

switching units

Modifier Keys – These keys are important to learning Photoshop as a profes-

sional. The differences in modifier keys between both platforms are:
PC Ctrl Alt Right Click
Mac Command Option Ctrl Click
Hold down all modifier keys prior to the final alphanumeric key which deter-
mines which keyboard command will be invoked. Shift Ctrl > makes selected type
larger. The > is not a modifier key but the final stroke telling Photoshop to invoke
a keyboard command.

xiv PREFACE
Random documents with unrelated
content Scribd suggests to you:
 ot s dot c ed, a d so ed g a s e ed bac t e o d, o
more."
Merely dis, und noding more.

Back indo my bedroom turning, all mine sole mitin me burning,

Den vonce more I heert a tapping, someding louder as pefore.
Now I cries out, "Dunder vedder! vot the devil ish the madder?"
Surely dis ain't Johnny Snyder hitting cabbage mit mine door?
No! I dink dis cannot be, for I bet, by geminee!
'Twas the vind, und noding more.

Oben here I flung mine vindow, ven dere all at vonce came into
A ding just like a big plack cat I never saw pefore;
Von fearful vink he gafe me, not von moment sdoped nor sdayed he;
His pack he humped, und den he jumped upon mine bedroom door.
Dare he sat, und noding more.

The air dew vas so funny, for it schmells no more like honey,
Und den I squease mine nose hard until it vas quide sore;
Den vonce I cried mid all my mide, "I vant to vare mine pants to-
night,
Und of you dink dot I vos dighd, chust chumped down of dot floor;"
Again I heard it gently say: "You'll vare dem pants no more."
Dis it said, und noding more.

"Profid," said I, "ding of efil; profid sdill, if dorg or devil,

For vot you comes into mine house? I vant you here no more;
Leafe no ding here as a doken of dot lie vich you hafe spoken;
You go home, I vas not joking, for I told you vonce pefore,
Chust dake dot smell frum out mine house, und jump down off mine
door!"
But it vinked, und said no more.
 THE DUTCHMAN WHO GAVE MRS.
SCUDDER THE SMALL-POX.
Some years ago, a droll sort of a Dutchman was the driver of a stage
in New Jersey, and he passed daily through the small hamlet of
Jericho. One morning, just as the vehicle was starting from Squash
Point, a person came up and requested the driver to take in a small
box, and "leave it at Mrs. Scudder's, third house on the left after you
get into Jericho."
"Yaas, oh yaas, Mr. Ellis, I knows der haus!" said the driver," I pleeve
der voman dakes in vashin', vor I always sees her mit her clothes
hung out."
"You're right, that's the place," said Ellis (for that was the man's
name), "she washes for one of the steamboats."
The box was thereupon duly deposited in the front boot, the driver
took his 'leven-penny bit for carrying it, and the stage started on its
winding way. In an hour or two, the four or five houses comprising
the village of Jericho hove in sight. In front of one of them, near the
door, a tall, muscular woman was engaged at a wash-tub; while lines
of white linen, fluttering in the wind, ornamented the adjoining lawn.
The stage stopped at the gate, when the following ludicrous
dialogue, and attendant circumstances, took place:—
Driver—Is dis Miss Scutter's haus?
Woman [looking up, without stopping her work,]—Yes, I'm Mrs.
Scudder.
Driver—I'fe got der small pox in der stage; vill you come out and
dake it?
Woman [suddenly throwing down the garment she was washing]—
Got the small-pox! Mercy on me! why do you stop here, you wicked
man? You'd better be off, quick as you can. [Runs into the house.]
Driver mutters to himself—I vonder vat's der matter mit der fool; I'fe
goot mind to drow it over der fence.
Upon second thought, he takes the box, gets off the stage, and
carries it into the house. But in an instant he reappears, followed by
a broom with an enraged woman at the end of it, who is shouting in
a loud voice—
"You git out of this! clear yourself quicker! You've no business to
come here exposing decent people to the small-pox; what do you
mean by it?"
"I dells you it's der shmall pox!" exclaimed the Dutchman,
emphasising the word box as plainly as he could—"Ton't you
versteh?—der shmall pox dat Misther Ellis sends to you."
But Mrs. Scudder was too much excited to comprehend this
explanation, even if she had listened to it. Having it fixed in her mind
that there was a case of small-pox on the stage, and that the driver
was asking her to take into the house a passenger thus afflicted, her
indignation knew no bounds. "Clear out!" exclaimed she, excitedly,
"I'll call the men folks if you don't clear!" and then shouting at the
top of her voice, "Ike! you Ike! where are you?" Ike soon made his
appearance, and inquired—
"W-what's the matter, mother?"
The driver answered—"I dells you now onct more, for der last time,
I'fe got der shmall pox; and Misther Ellis he dells me to gif it to Miss
Scutter, and if dat vrow ish Miss Scutter, vy she no dake der pox?"
By this time several of the passengers had got off the stage to see
the fun, and one of them explained to Mrs. Scudder that it was a
box, and not small-pox, that the driver wished to leave with her.
The woman had become so thoroughly frightened that she was still
incredulous, until a bright idea struck Ike.
"Oh, mother!" exclaimed he," I know what 'tis—it's Madame Ellis's
box of laces, sent to be done up."
With this explanation the affair was soon settled, and Mistress
Scudder received the Dutchman's "shmall pox" amidst the laughter
and shouts of the occupants of the old stage-coach. The driver
joined in, although he had not the least idea of what they were
laughing at, and as the vehicle rolled away, he added not a little to
the mirth by saying, in a triumphant tone of voice, "I vas pound ter
gif der old vomans der shmall pox, vether she vould dake it or not!"
ELLEN McJONES ABERDEEN.
Macphairson Clonglocketty Angus McClan
Was the son of an elderly laboring man.
You've guessed him a Scotchman, shrewd reader, at sight,
And p'r'aps altogether, shrewd reader, you're right.

From the bonnie blue Forth to the beastly Deeside,

Round by Dingwell and Wrath to the mouth of the Clyde,
There wasn't a child or a woman or man
Who could pipe with Clonglocketty Angus McClan.

No other could wake such detestable groans

With reed and with chaunter, with bag and with drones.
All day and all night he delighted the chiels
With sniggering pibrochs and jiggety reels.

He'd clamber a mountain and squat on the ground,

And the neighboring maidens would gather around
To list to his pipes and to gaze in his een,
Especially Ellen McJones Aberdeen.

All loved their McClan, save a Sassenach brute

Who came to the Highlands to fish and to shoot.
He dressed himself up in a Highlander way;
Though his name it was Pattison Corby Torbay.

Torbay had incurred a good deal of expense

To make him a Scotchman in every sense;
But this is a matter, you'll readily own,
That isn't a question of tailors alone.

A Sassenach chief may be bonnily built;

He may purchase a sporran, a bonnet, and kilt;
Stick a skean in his hose—wear an acre of stripes—
But he cannot assume an affection for pipes.

Clonglocketty's pipings all night and all day

Q it f i d P tti C b T b
Quite frenzied poor Pattison Corby Torbay.
The girls were amused at his singular spleen,
Especially Ellen McJones Aberdeen.

"Macphairson Clonglocketty Angus, my lad,

With pibrochs and reels you are driving me mad.
If you really must play on that horrid affair,
My goodness, play something resembling an air."

Boiled over the blood of Macphairson McClan—

The Clan of Clonglocketty rose as one man;
For all were enraged at the insult, I ween,
Especially Ellen McJones Aberdeen.

"Let's show," said McClan," to this Sassenach loon

That the bagpipes can play him a regular tune.
Let's see," said McClan, as he thoughtfully sat,
"'In my Cottage' is easy,—I'll practise at that."

He blew at his "Cottage," and he blew with a will,

For a year, seven months, and a fortnight, until
(You'd hardly believe it) McClan, I declare,
Elicited something resembling an air.

It was wild—it was fitful—as wild as the breeze:

It wandered about into several keys.
It was jerky, spasmodic, and harsh, I'm aware;
But still it distinctly suggested an air.

The Sassenach screamed, and the Sassenach danced;

He shrieked in his agony, bellowed and pranced.
And the maidens who gathered rejoiced at the scene,
Especially Ellen McJones Aberdeen.

"Hech gather, hech gather, hech gather around;

And fill a' ye lugs wi' the exquisite sound.
An air fra' the bagpipes—beat that if you can!
Hurrah for Clonglocketty Angus McClan!"
Hurrah for Clonglocketty Angus McClan!

The fame of his piping spread over the land:

Respectable widows proposed for his hand,
And maidens came flocking to sit on the green,
Especially Ellen McJones Aberdeen.

One morning the fidgety Sassenach swore

He'd stand it no longer—he drew his claymore,
And (this was, I think, in extremely bad taste)
Divided Clonglocketty close to the waist.

Oh, loud were the wailings for Angus McClan!

Oh, deep was the grief for that excellent man!
The maids stood aghast at the horrible scene,
Especially Ellen McJones Aberdeen.

It sorrowed poor Pattison Corby Torbay

To find them "take on" in this serious way.
He pitied the poor little fluttering birds,
And solaced their souls with the following words:—

"O maidens!" said Pattison, touching his hat,

"Don't blubber, my dears, for a fellow like that;
Observe, I'm a very superior man,
A much better fellow than Angus McClan."

They smiled when he winked and addressed them as "dears,"

And they all of them vowed, as they dried up their tears,
A pleasanter gentleman never was seen—
Especially Ellen McJones Aberdeen.

W. S. Gilbert.
 A DUTCH SERMON.
Mine friends, ven first you come here, you was poor; and now,
friends, you is prout; and you's gotten on your unicorns, ant dem
vits you like a dongs upon a hog's pack. Now, mine friends, let me
dell you dis: a man is a man if he's no pigger as my dumb. Ven Tavid
vent out to fight mit Goliah, he dook noting vid him but one sling.
Now don't mistake me, mine friends: it vas not a rum sling; no, nor
a gin sling; no, nor a mint vater sling; no: it was a sling made mit an
hickory stick. Now, ven Goliah sees Tavid coming, "You little dampt
scoundrel, does you comes to vight me? I vill give you to de birds of
de fielt, and de peasts of de air!" Tavid says, "Goliah, Goliah, de race
is not always mit de shwift, nor ish de battle mit de strong; and a
man is a man if he's no pigger ash my dumb." So Tavid he fixes a
shtone in his sling, and he drows it at Goliah, and knocks him rite in
de vorehead; and den Tavid takes Goliah's swort, and cuts off his
head; and den all de pretty cals comes out and strewed flowers in
his way, and sung, "Saul is a creat man, vor he has kilt his tousands;
put Tavid is creater as he, vor he has kilt Goliah." Now, mine friends,
when you coes out to vight mit te rebels, remember vat I dell you,—
dat a man is a man if he's no pigger as my dumb.
SHACOB'S LAMENT.
Oxcoose me if I shed some tears,
Und wipe my nose avay;
Und if a lump vos in my troat,
It comes up dere to shtay.

My sadness I shall now unfoldt;

Und if dot tale of woe
Don'd do some Dutchmans any good,
Den I don't pelief I know.

You see I fall myself in love;

Und effery night I goes
Across to Brooklyn by dot pridge,
All dressed in Sunday clothes.

A vidder vomans vos der brize,

Her husband he vos dead;
Und all alone in this colt vorldt,
Dot vidder vos, she said.

Her heart for love vos on der pine,

Und dot I like to see;
Und all der time I hoped dot heart
Vos on der pine for me.

I keeps a butcher shop, you know,

Und in a stocking stout,
I put avay my gold and bills,
Und no one gets him oudt.

If in der night some bank cashier

Goes skipping off mit cash,
I shleep so sound as nefer vos,
Vhile rich folks go to shmash.

I court dot vidder sixteen months,

D t idd h t
 Dot vidder she courts me;
Und vhen I says, "Vill you be mine?"
She says, "You bet I'll be!"

Ve vos engaged—oh, blessed fact!

I squeeze dot dimpled hand;
Her head upon my shoulder lays,
Shust like a bag of sand.

"Before der vedding day vos set,"

She vispers in mine ear,
"I like to say I haf to use
Some cash, my Jacob, dear.

"I owns dis house and two big farms,

Und ponds und railroad shtock;
Und up in Yonkers I bossess
A grand big peesness block.

"Der times vos dull, my butcher boy,

Der market vos no good;
Und if I sell"—I squeezed her handt
To show I understood.

Next day—oxcoose my briny tears—

Dot shtocking took a shrink;
I counted out twelf hundred in
Der cleanest kind o' chink.

Und later, by two days or more,

Dot vidder shlopes avay;
Und leaves a note behindt for me,
In vhich dot vidder say,—

"Dear Shake:—

Der rose vas redt,

Der violet blue—
 Der violet blue
You see I've left,
Und you're left, too!"
 MR. SCHMIDT'S MISTAKE.
I geeps me von leedle schtore town Proadway, und does a pooty
goot peesnis; bud I ton't got mooch gapital to vork mit, so I finds id
hard vork to get me all der gredits vot I vould like. Last veek I hear
aboud some goots dot a barty vas going to sell pooty sheap, und so
I writes dot man if he vould gife me der refusal of dose goots for a
gouple a days. He gafe me der refusal; dot is, he sait I gouldn't haf
dem. But he sait he vould gall on me, und see mine sthore; and den
if mine schtanding in peesnis vas goot, berhaps ve might do
somedings togedder. Vell, I vas behint mine gounter yesderday, ven
a shentleman gomes in, und dakes me py der hant, und say, "Mr.
Schmidt, I pelieve." I say, "Yaw," und den I dinks to mineself, "Dis
vas de man vot has dose goots to sell, und I musd dry to make
some goot imbression mit him so ve gould do some peesnis."—"Dis
vas goot schtore," he says, looking aroundt; "bud you ton't got a
pooty pig schstock already." I vas avraid to let him know dot I only
hat 'bout a tousand tollars voort off goots in der blace, so I says,
"You ton't vould dink I hat more as dree tousand tollars in dis leedle
schtore, aind id?" He says, "You ton't tole me! Vos dot bossible?" I
says, "Yaw." I meant dot id vas bossible, dough id vasn't so; vor I
vas like Shorge Vashingtons ven he cut town der "olt elm" on Poston
Gommons mit his leedle hadget, und gouldn't dell some lies aboudt
id. "Vell," says der schentleman, "I dinks you ought to know petter
as anypody else vot you haf got in der schtore;" und den he dakes a
leedle book vrom his bocket oudt, und say, "Vell, I poots you town
vor dree tousand tollars." I ask him vat he means py "poots me
town;" und den he says he vas von off der daxmen, or assessors of
broperty, und he tank me so kindly as nefer vos, because he say I
vos sooch an honest Deutscher, und tidn't dry und sheat der
gofermants. I dells you vat it vos, I tidn't veel any more petter as a
hundord ber cent, ven dot man valks oudt off mine schtore, und der
nexd dime I makes free mit sdrangers, I vinds first deir peesnis
oudt.
Charles F. Adams.
JOHN AND TIBBIE DAVISON'S
DISPUTE.
John Davison and Tibbie, his wife,
Sat toasting their taes ae nicht,
When something startit in the fluir,
And blinkit by their sicht.

"Guidwife," quoth John, "did ye see that moose?

Whar sorra was the cat?"
"A moose?"—"Aye, a moose."—"Na, na, guidman:
It was'na a moose, 'twas a rat!"

"Ow, ow, guidwife! to think ye've been

Sae lang aboot the hoose,
An' no to ken a moose frae a rat!
Yon was'na a rat! 'twas a moose!"

"I've seen mair mice than you, guidman,—

An' what think ye o' that?
Sae haud your tongue, an' say nae mair,
I tell ye, it was a rat!"

"Me haud my tongue for you, guidwife!

I'll be mester o' this hoose:
I saw't as plain as een could seet,
An' I tell ye, it was a moose!"

"If you're the mester o' the hoose,

It's I'm the mistress o't;
An' I ken best what's in the hoose:
Sae I tell ye, it was a rat!"

"Weel, weel, guidwife, gae mak' the brose,

An' ca' it what ye please."
So up she rose, and made the brose,
While John sat toasting his taes.

They supit, and supit, and supit the brose,

A d th i li l d k
 And aye their lips played smack:
They supit, and supit, and supit the brose,
Till their lugs began to crack.

"Sic fules we were to fa' oot, guidwife,

Aboot a moose."—"A what?
It's a lee ye tell; an' I say again
It was'na a moose; 'twas a rat!"

"Wad ye ca' me a leear to my very face?

My faith, but ye craw croose!
I tell ye, Tib, I never will bear't!
'Twas a moose!"—"'Twas a rat!"—"'Twas a moose!"

Wi' her spoon she strack him ower the pow.

"Ye dour auld doit, tak' that;
Gae to your bed, ye canker'd sumph,—
'Twas a rat!"—"'Twas a moose!"—"'Twas a rat!"

She sent the brose caup at his heels,

As he hirpled ben the hoose;
Yet he shoved oot his head as he steekit the door,
And cried, "'Twas a moose! 'twas a moose!"

But when the carle was fast asleep,

She paid him back for that,
And roared into his sleepin' lug,
"'Twas a rat! 'twas a rat! 'twas a rat!"

The de'il be wi' me if I think

It was a beast ava!—
Neist mornin', as she sweepit the fluir,
She faund wee Johnnie's ba'!

Robert Leighton.
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