“But you must not forget it.

You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed.”

- Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince

This quote means that forming a bond with someone makes you responsible for their well-being and the
relationship you share. It highlights that connections come with a commitment to care, nurture, and
respect the other person.

Essential Questions

 What are the different types of relationships among adolescents?

 How can attraction, love and commitment be expressed?

 How do relationships affect adolescents?

 How can adolescents be responsible for a relationship?

Lesson 1: Relationships in Adolescence

Belongingness in friendships provides a sense of safety, acceptance, and love, which influences identity.
Identity reflects how individuals see themselves based on their abilities, beliefs, and experiences and
evolves over time as they grow and learn.

What are your significant relationships? How do these shape your well-being and

identity?

Important Relationships in Adolescence:

Family

Parents are the primary relationships

you have. Parents are expected to look

after you and provide for you. They

decide your environment, church, and

school.

Though you become more independent

from your parents during adolescence, it

does not mean that you are replacing

your parents with your friends. In fact,

parents can act as mentors or coaches to you when it comes to relating to others.

John Bowlby, a psychologist who

highlighted the importance of

attachments between parents and

children, pointed out that those who

are securely attached to their parents

are most likely to have healthy

relationships with their peers and future spouses. On the other hand, those who are insecurely attached
to parents may face challenges in having positive peer relations.
Peers

Peers, individuals of similar age or maturity, play a key role in social and emotional development by
providing protection and shaping relationships. While peer interactions can foster sensitivity and
perspective, they may also involve pressure to conform to negative behaviors, with rejection being a
potential consequence of non-conformity.

Intimacy and Similarity in Friendship

Friendships are shaped by intimacy and similarity. Intimacy involves self-disclosure, creating emotional
bonds and trust, particularly evident in adolescent relationships. Girls tend to have more intimate
friendships than boys, partly due to societal stereotypes discouraging boys from expressing emotions.
Similarity, such as shared interests or backgrounds, also plays a key role, fostering connection and a
sense of belonging through common activities and groups like clubs or organizations.
Dating and Relationships

“Will she go out with me?” “What does he think of my hair?”

“What do I say next?” “Does he like me back?” Those are

the questions you ask yourself whenever you consider

dating someone else.

As peer groups form, some of you engage in dating.

Dating is a form of interaction with the intention of getting

to know another person better. Back then, people dated

with the intention of finding a mate and marrying them.

Role of Social Media in Dating

Social media has amplified online dating among adolescents, serving as a platform for expressing
interest and seeking validation through "like" buttons. Psychologist Erik Erikson noted the adolescent
need for belonging, which now intertwines with online interactions. However, social media can also
facilitate harmful behaviors, such as stalking or coercion, in romantic relationships. Adolescents should
address discomfort by communicating boundaries and, if necessary, seeking help from trusted adults or
using platform safety measures.

Acceptable and Unacceptable Expressions of Attraction and Love

Expressions of attraction and love vary in acceptability, depending on individual perspectives. Reflecting
on values such as truth, honor, and respect can help differentiate acceptable from unacceptable
behaviors. Senders should consider if their actions are respectful and commendable, while receivers
should assess their comfort and whether their boundaries are honored. Unwelcome physical contact,
particularly on private areas, is unacceptable. If boundaries are violated, it is crucial to communicate
clearly and seek help from trusted adults or authorities if the behavior continues.
Lesson 2: Ways of Showing Attraction,

Love and Commitment

As friendships with both sexes develop, romance may emerge, altering thought patterns, behaviors, and
interactions. If unmanaged, these changes can cause distractions or discomfort. It is essential to reflect
on your actions and the messages you send to others.

Adolescents often develop crushes or romantic interests due to hormonal changes, media exposure, and
peer influences. While you may choose to act on these feelings or not, understanding the concepts of
attraction, love, and commitment can help you navigate these emotions responsibly.

Romantic love or passionate love is

common among adolescents. It is

associated with a strong desire to be with

someone you are interested in. Such strong

desire is called infatuation or the feeling of

being overwhelmed by someone you like. A

less serious desire for someone else can be

called attraction.

Admiration for looks, talents, personality, and shared experiences can spark infatuation or attraction in
adolescents. Not everyone experiences or acts on these feelings, with some focusing on studies or
following parental advice to avoid relationships. Romantic feelings can bring happiness but also
emotional challenges like distraction, loneliness, or mood swings. These emotions can lead to changes in
behavior, and expressing interest may result in acceptance or rejection.

What are some expressions of love and attraction?

The Five Love Languages

Dr. Gary Chapman, a relationship expert, introduced the concept of five love languages: Words of
Affirmation, Gifts, Acts of Service, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. While everyone expresses love
through all five languages, one typically resonates more deeply. Chapman suggests that for relationships
to thrive, it's important to understand and speak the love language of the person you're with.
Nonverbal communication is a subtle way of expressing attraction or love through body movements,
such as eye contact, hand gestures, and facial expressions. It also includes vocal tone, personal space,
and the time spent with someone, all of which convey messages without words.

Courtship readiness cues, such as preening, body positioning, and inviting gestures, are used to express
attraction and confidence in dating. Touching, a key nonverbal cue, is more welcomed from close friends
and less accepted from non-close friends, as seen in a study of adolescent friendships in the Philippines.

Expressions of Attraction through Social Media

Because of technological

advancements, you may

now express your

attraction and interest to

another person through social media. Below are the following ways you do so according to a study:
You may be a receiver of the above-mentioned cues of how attraction and love are

expressed in relationships and still find yourself frustrated, confused, and uncertain

of the person showing those actions. This is because some of those expressions

were given innocently and without any intention to turn the friendship into a

romantic relationship. Some of these actions can be misread or misinterpreted. You

who seem to receive flirtatious signals from your crush may raise your hopes high

and expect to be asked into a relationship. Discovering that the actions of your

crush were misinterpreted and meant nothing may cause you extreme sadness,

depression, and frustration.

Clarity and commitment in relationships help improve interpersonal skills like sensitivity, conflict
management, and communication. However, expressing attraction or love doesn't guarantee a
relationship, and unmet expectations can lead to heartbreak, frustration, and depression in adolescents.

To avoid confusion and to raise false hopes, actions expressing attraction and love

must be done with the intention of asking someone on a date or relationship. You
must avoid expressing sweet gestures just to play around as it will raise someone

else’s hopes to be in a relationship or make him/her uncomfortable. The best way

you can do when faced with romantic feelings towards a friend is to do the

following:

1. Assess Your Emotions

Evaluate why you are attracted to another

person. Are you attracted because of his/her

looks? Achievements? Status? How he/she

makes you feel? Are your feelings beyond

attraction and escalating to love?

2. Make a Decision

Do you want to enter into a relationship with

this person? Will your friends and family approve of your decision? How will this

affect your other responsibilities? Is it the right time? Can you handle being

responsible for another person?

3. Clarify Intentions

In most cultures, males are expected to initiate the relationship, while females

respond to these invitations. Given the premise, a male adolescent who decides to

enter a committed relationship with female adolescent must state his intentions.

The female adolescent may respond by accepting or rejecting his offer.

Lesson 3: Relationship

Responsibilities

Building healthy relationships, whether in friendship or romance, requires mutual responsibility, effort,
and hard work, which contribute to a flourishing community.

Healthy relationships enhance well-being and teach essential pro-social skills, such as empathy, conflict
management, and responsibility. Understanding your rights is key to fostering responsibility in
relationships. According to the Australian website Respect Me, everyone has rights, including the right
to respect, safety, honest expression, setting boundaries, and deciding whether to stay in or leave a
relationship. Recognizing these rights for yourself and others lays the foundation for mutual respect and
responsibility.

Responsibility in relationships involves clear communication, respecting boundaries, and valuing others'
feelings, identities, and privacy. It also means avoiding abuse, listening actively, being considerate,
compromising, and admitting mistakes. By embracing these responsibilities, you contribute to healthier
relationships and a more supportive and compassionate community.

Boundaries

Boundaries are limits set to define acceptable actions or words in a relationship, encompassing material,
physical, mental, and emotional aspects. Material boundaries involve sharing belongings, time, or
services; physical boundaries cover personal space and touch; mental boundaries protect beliefs, values,
and opinions; and emotional boundaries safeguard feelings and choices. Respecting and communicating
boundaries is essential, though some, like avoiding inappropriate touch or emotional harm, should be
inherently understood and upheld.
Sean Covey's The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens outlines habits for a healthy life, emphasizing
personal and relationship dynamics. Covey introduces the concepts of a Personal Bank Account,
representing trust and confidence in oneself, and a Relationship Bank Account, reflecting trust in
relationships. Positive actions like keeping promises, kindness, and honesty are deposits that strengthen
these accounts, while negative actions like breaking promises and dishonesty are withdrawals that
weaken them. Maintaining more deposits than withdrawals ensures healthy self-esteem and strong
relationships.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens are the following:

1. Be Proactive
Being proactive means taking control and responding thoughtfully to situations rather than
reacting impulsively. In relationships, being proactive allows you to pause, assess, and respond
appropriately, leading to better outcomes even in challenging situations.

2. Begin with the End in Mind

Beginning with the end in mind means envisioning your goals and taking steps to achieve them
while avoiding distractions. This mindset helps you focus on your roles and responsibilities, such
as excelling as a student or maintaining healthy relationships. Covey reminds us that while you
can choose your actions, you cannot choose their consequences, emphasizing the importance of
responsible decisions, especially regarding sex and relationships.

3. Put First Things First

Your values shape your decisions and help you prioritize what is important and urgent, making it
easier to resist distractions and pressures. By identifying your values, you can manage conflicts
and make better choices, such as saying no to peer pressure and harmful activities, which
strengthens your personal growth and relationships.

4. Think Win-win
Win-win means both people in any relationship are benefitting from an agreement.

5. Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood

People's behaviors are shaped by factors like family background, experiences, and current
struggles. Instead of reacting with anger, practicing empathy—putting yourself in their shoes—
helps you understand their perspective and build trust. Creating a safe environment through
attentive listening, avoiding criticism, and withholding judgment strengthens relationships. After
 understanding someone, sharing your feelings allows them to see your perspective and fosters
mutual understanding during conflicts.

6. Synergize
Synergy involves celebrating differences, teamwork, open-mindedness, and finding better
solutions through collaboration. It emphasizes that cooperation often yields better results than
working alone and fosters stronger relationships in both group and one-on-one settings.

7. Sharpen the Saw

This habit emphasizes self-care by nurturing your body, mind, heart, and soul. A healthy body
requires proper nutrition, exercise, and rest, while keeping the mind sharp involves learning and
creativity. Building meaningful relationships fosters emotional well-being, and feeding the soul
through prayer, meditation, or journaling brings inner peace and balance.

Taking care of yourself is a responsibility. A person with a sound body, mind, heart,
and soul can see things, respond better to situations, and build healthy
relationships.

The chart below shows the seven habits of highly effective teens along with some
examples in the context of relationships:
8.