Not readyto retireAM 57 and haw k n working in the engineering industry for morr than 19 years.

A couple of months ago my company issued me a rebrement letter. Iwas deeply affected. 1 am still capable of working, both physicalty and mentally. The letter had some words of praise, that was all. I was quite disappointed. Since then. t have been seeking a replacement post. I tried very hard and even offwed to conduct a martial arts class as I'm also a taekwondo instructor. Unfomnarely, all this is not impressive in terms of quantity. Each time I ask about staying on, my employer will mull over my age and give me a negative response, 1 feel hurt and have been asking myself: *'Am Ireally not needed by society
anymore?"

depend on them as they haw their own commitments. 1 understand the high cost of living because E have personal bills Iike life insurance, car insurance, etc Most of the t m ,I cannot sleep well thinking ie
of this matter. Unwilling Retiree

your life, Your children aregrown up

DO notgiw up so easily. Our working

My wife is in Sydney helping our only daughter, who is due to deliver soon Our three sons are all employed but 1 do not want to

lifapon is no lmget:defined by age and many people in their sixties and seventies are still working out of choice, not necessity. You must have some savings or EPF to keep you goingfar some time, so do not push yourse!fjnto a tight corner. You have skills and experience, so that is an edge. Ifyou are not too dernanding abour perks and salary, thew ore many job vacancies. Have the right attitude and mindset as employers prejer smfl to be positive and confident. C o n s o l e ~ t h oyou have t . already achieved mmty milescones in

and financially independent Byou are hlly in need, they will not leave you in the poorhouse. Be a hoppierperson and do the chings you missed out on when you were b u y with work and bringing up your children. Artend relevant seminan andjoin wganisations that ul[ow networking with the working sector-soyou can spread the word thar you are mailableforfish career opportunities. It is easier to get 4job when you are not desperately focused on it. Keep busy and happy. You wilI not feel so lost and ernply ifyou m i fN your days [Link] some charity or comrnuniw work as helping those in need i always rewarding, s You are more blessed than most as you have~mily, health andfiends. Think of all those years when you had to be in the qFce until evening,You on@ had weekends for thefarnily, Now t m is all youn Enjoy and savouryour ie freedom and make the most of it.

Write to Dear Thelma, c/o StarMag Menara Stat, 15 Idan I611I, 46550 ~ m i i n~ a ~ a g

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or e-mail stamag@thestar.
corn-my. The Slar does not give any war-

runty on accuracy,cornp[eteness, usefilness,~hressJor particuany Far p u ~ o s or other assurances as e

+w"-yw-%<y-* 9 ,

to the opinions and views mressed in this column. The Star diiclaims all responsibilityfor any losses suflered direcrIy or indirectly arisinghm reliance on such opinions and views.

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Friends also have their own pals

W H E N !entered college, I made some new friends. One guy in parricuIas became close as we exchanged text messages alniost daily. M is nly only best friend e as I don't have any close friends. The problem i s I feel our friendsh~ps weakening day by i day. We attend [he same class and talk a lot when we meet, but we've stopped exdtanang sms-es. Maybe l am being senative, but t h ~ f~eiing s kmps haunting me. Most of Iny colle~e mates befnend me because of my intelligence. 1 always get good grades and am the most responsible when ~tcomes to assign-

anyone and you will not be disappointed. Friends should ny to be tllerr, foryo,otr,h u t they have t k i r
oizm live.? too.

You seem n lonely soul. You appear difident and Iacking m confidence ond spy-ateern. You . ~ ~ ~ p ~ ~ t r k ~ r y 0 ~ r f r r ~ n 'd 5 ~ qfleryour academic input You wijl arways have problems with orJ~m YOU are not comfofl~hle wirl~ in t?ri:?tions, rl~fil, AwmpurmeWwh&you enttrgd colfege but when he :tarted dn'flng away, yutl f ~ l used t

ments.
t wated A as my best friend because of his sincerity. However, I have a feeling he is also using me to help him in his studies. Ihave tried my best to maintain our r~I;rtionship. Most of the time, I take the initlalive to 5MS Rim first, He rarely texb me and I h o w he sms-es his orher friends daily. 1 may sound a little childish but words cannot describe how I feel. We may part ways later this year, aftcr our course. 1 guess that means we can't he close anymore. 1 know time heals, b~1t truly I feel suhmted at the moment. Should I continue to by being fdends with A, or give up? Disappointed Friend

NEVER expect roo much frnm

and abandoned. You are more upset becausrr Re s c m the mast caring and sincere 01 lor, the Tehng i not the best way t o s mainlai~ ntlfture a relalionor ship. Sliming time during lunch, dinner or drinlrc, having,fin and simply re!o~+~g hctteel-ways to arr gel close. Bur do not exFecl A to give up all his tirncporyou. Respect. chat he has atherfiends - you can oIwnysger lo knmr them, too, M a k otherfiends for yourself and do not suspect chat t h y onlv want to pick your brains. Sharey our knowledge and helv them, ahd they will appreciate yourfiendship. Get out of your shell and learn to interact with dgeren t groups of people. College is a great time ta develop your imtinm and people skills. You will need to be sharp and savvy when you get into the workforce wenhral!y. Do not depend an ashen far your own I~[Link] chorgtk - it's your I#.

Wife can't forget married lover

I AM currently in the middle of a crisis with my husband, He has since pledged his promise to change and true enough, 1 have seen these changes taking place. Dut I am still worried that after a while things would turn back to where they were before, Ar the same time, I am in love with another man wha is also married, RationalIy, 1 know this love affair won't go anywhere even though I always fantasise that 1 will spend the rest of my life with him, But I can't forget him. Can you give me some thoughts on how to forget him and try to love my husband again? c0nfu.d Wife
E you are in love with a married mon, you F have no choice but toforget him unless he is prepared to get a divorce/oryou. Your marriage is another issue.

Think ofyour husbond and ask yourself i f you con love him wn Why did you have an i. oflair? Was your marriage on the rocks? Now chat your husband has pledged to change his ways for you and'to save the mam'uge, are you emotionally ready to work on the relationship? Or are you so in love with your lover that the rnam'age is already doomed. You seem to hold the key to your rnam'age. When your heart and mind is not on your husband, then how do you #y to love him again? You need to settle yourselfand decide on whatyou want. Drop your lovw ifyou m l y wont your marriage. Do not meet him ever again to avoid distraction and temptation. Focus on your husband and think of ways to make this relationship work Askingyour husband to change willnot" help when you are emotionally and physimNy estranged. Only love can help salvage your marriage.

Out of control
NOW and again 1 really feel that 1 am not myseIk I am easily frustrated over small matten and become very cold towards my loved ones. The one I love most is my daughter. But when 1 am down. the more I try to control: myself, the more explosive J am towards her. After that, I feel very disgusted with myself and end up crying a h e . A for the man that 1 love dearly and deeps ly, I do the same. 1 even once blurted out that

I wanted to break off with him. although that's definitely not what 1 want. I Iove him yet I keep showing him the harsh side of me. I am losing control of myse![Link] help me.
Hurt

aware so that rhey can understand and s u p port you through these moments ofunreasoneble behavior. Hating youneIf;trying to hide your worries and concerns will only aggravate your stress levels. Perhaps you could share your feelings with daughter cnd husband when you are enjoying somcJumi!~~ time. It is good so he able lo ~xprrss yourself. wen
hirve a good laugh at yourgrotrchygrurnpy s i d ~Talk so your girf~ends or check out the .

specialist so that you could determine gyou are simply going through life'sbiologic~I cycle. Many women mperi~nce such crnotional upheavals, including depression when going through menopause. Aledication can help to-settIcand bulanm the body's system so do not feel 106 a[ormed or wom'ed. Family members should bemode

MOOD swings and uncantro!table emoh'ans could mean chat you are going through hormonal changes. Have a check up with a medical

internetfos support groups. You are definitely' not done.

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J E been a writer sin work- .t . . . La Iew hiories that w ~ u Iruyr~u~~y, , ur ished by the end of the ycx. Isa have a strong pa ssion For 1naking ~ e and haw dlrecte d a short rmovie s for my college projcct. However, my dad wants me to have a "solid" job like lfcturing and indirectly said he will not allow rnc to do a degree in Film and Televis~on. fccI niy dream has 1 been shatterecI. I understancI his point of view, 1le wants his son to have: a stalllc (:arccr. I-le's told . .. .. ine to do writing ancl aircctlng as a srde caret:r and concentrate on scoring in the scierkces for casy university entry. lr~r ,-3ging I)y my extroverted char WOU Id havt. fla~ i as a Iecturer. Hovvever, r c my t n ~ passicIn lies in vvriting ant1moviemak ing. Iam t orn ovcr vvhat to ch005C. m-3 ,,,ting in Cii:cIes
111g or1 a
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feel [hot
A:--

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YOU,R dad wan rs the bestfor you b~ VOll 1ran decide t l ~ bestforyourseIf: r
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nothing joh slnhiti tp and bor dom. , . It ic L~ugrt ,, t n . chalferrgrlg parents aDout lrnllr choice ofstudies and col'ccr. H o ~ ~ c v eir . !YOU wan[ to get n degrr illfilm nnd televisiIon, then you rrllrst bc prupclmd l o persuude your '-'"--dctnils oJrhr roirlse. do son] 'et and llavc u p o d chrrt b i t h dar h1n1wit11jjo1ir d e t rmincllion ~ ICC inf~d$t!i~q tirennr. ,yo!ir . . -. H Q I ~ ~yonrjorhel ~ advice r~as r m p i : P I ~ ~ ~ 's ~ s its fJyoufeeI that you I~ave rhefIoir anr approacl? l a mokc I~crures int~resting o inspiring. You could smrt ofi~dtlrulriti~ and direcling un ti/ you feel mody to pa: your exl;lrn'rnce to the next gneration. A soulrd educntion is never wasted. ~ ~ o w Lr;v ( ' , ' studyingsubj~cts that do nor --. - - UI ULIbU L uriosity ar UWII your ent husiasm a Ily and faSol/[)w your he
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~pprmr wn'ring and . uu nor I ~ W S ~ C and Sin~e monw Plursuinx a cnunc tha r offers yo1
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