Assertiveness

Presented by

Prof. Dr: Ghada Mourad

Professor and Head of psychiatric mental health nursing department

Objectives:

By the end of this lecture, each student will be able to:

− Identify the concept of assertive behavior

− Describe the Basic human rights

− Apply techniques that promote assertive behavior.

Definition of assertiveness
Assertiveness is the ability to express your opinions, feelings, ideas, and
needs openly, in a way that is true to who you are and respectful of
others. It involves standing up for yourself in a way that encourages
conversation rather than defensiveness

Assertive behaviour :

Help us feel good about ourselves, tend our self-esteem and feel good
about other people and increased our ability to develop satisfying
relationship with others

Assertive individuals stand up for their own rights while protecting the
rights of others feeling are expressed openly and honestly, they assume
responsibility for their own choices and allow others to choose for
themselves.

• They maintain self-respect for others by treating everyone equally

and with human dignity.
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Characteristics of Assertive behaviour:

• Achieving goals without hurting others

• Protective of own rights and respectful of others' rights
• Socially and emotionally expressive, warm voices, expressive and
eye contact is intermittent but direct.
• Making own choices and taking responsibility for them
• Asking directly for what want, while accepting the possibility of
rejection
• Accepting compliments

Nonassertive

passive behavior:

seek to please others at the expense of denying their own basic human
rights. They feel hurt and anxious because they allow other to choose for
them and they seldom achieve their own desired goals. They use actions
instead of words and hope some one will guess they want to please
others. Their voices are hesitant, weak and expressed in a monotone.

Submissive communication:

This pattern is about pleasing other people and avoiding conflict. A

submissive person behaves as if other peoples' needs are more important,
and other people have more rights and more to contribute

Characteristics of Submissive Behaviour:

• Apologetic, Feeling like a victim

• Inexpressive of feelings and desires
• Opting out
• Avoiding any confrontation

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 • Finding difficulty in taking responsibility or decisions
• denying own rights and needs
• Blaming others for events

Aggressive Behavior:

As individuals who defend their basic rights by violating the

basic rights of others. Feelings are often expressed dishonestly and
inappropriate. They say what is on their mind. Rights of other are denied.
They devaluate the self-worth of others, they impose their choices, and
their voices are often loud, angry or cold.

Characteristics of aggressive Behaviour:

• Frightening, threatening, loud, hostile

• Willing to achieve goals at expense of others
• Demanding, abrasive
• Explosive, unpredictable
• Intimidating (threatening )
• Bullying

Passive Aggressive behavior:

Individuals defend their own rights by expressing resistance to

social and occupational demands. It is called indirect aggression, this
behavior takes the form of being passive, they are manipulative, shy,
express the opposite of what they are feeling and they allow other to
make choice for them.

Characteristics of passive-aggressive behaviour:

• Indirectly aggressive Sarcastic

• Unreliable, Unpredictable, undependable

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 • Complaining, Sulky and Angry
• Voice Often speaks with a polite sweet voice
• Two-faced
• appear to be warm and friendly
• Never saying what they want to do, then sulking about it

Manipulative communication:

Manipulative communicators are skilled at influencing or controlling

others to their own advantage. Their spoken words hide an underlying
message, of which the other person may be totally unaware

Characteristics of Manipulative behaviour:

• Asking indirectly for needs to be met

• Making others feel obliged or sorry for them.
• Uses 'artificial' tears

The Basic Assertive Rights of Every Human Being include

• The right to be treated with respect

• The right to Express feelings, opinions and beliefs
• The right to say no without feeling guilty
• The right to make mistakes and accept the responsibility for them
• The right to listened to and taken seriously
• The right to change your mind
• The right for what you want
• The right to put your self first, sometimes
• The right to set your own priorities
• The right to refuse justification for your feeling or behavior

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denying self, seek to Willing to compromise, denying others, seek to
please others mutual respect please self
Other needs are given Respect own needs and own needs are given
priority needs of others priority
Does not achieve desired May achieve desired Achieves desired goal
goal goal at expense of others
Insecure response, self Builds self -confidence Insecure response, self
confidence and self esteem confidence
Anxious, angry Happy, confident Defensive, angry,
controlling
Socially inhibited Socially productive Socially destructive

Hold thoughts, ideas and Express thoughts, ideas Express thoughts, ideas
feelings and feelings and and feelings
encourages others to
contribute

Essential Steps to Assertive Communication

1. Tell the person what you think about their behavior without
accusing them.
2. Tell them how you feel when they behave a certain way.
3. Tell them how their behavior affects you and your relationship with them.
4. Tell them what you would prefer them to do instead.

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 5. Start communication easy and confidently.
6. It’s not necessary to be assertive all the time.
7. Strengthen gradually.
8. Ask for time
9. Assertiveness equals openness.
10. Assuming responsibility

Techniques that promote assertive behavior:

1-Standing up for one’s basic human rights. I have the right to express
my opinion.
2-Responding as a (broken record) persistently repeating in a calm
voice what is wanted.
3-Agreeing assertively accepting negative aspects about oneself;
admitting when an error has been made.
4- clarifying assertively and seeking additional information about
critical statements
5- Shifting from content to process changing the focus of the
communication from discussing the topic at hand to analyzing what is
actually going on in the interaction.
6-reject concurring with the critics without argument or becoming
defensive and without agreeing to change.
7- Delaying the discussion with an angry individual until he or she is
calmer
8- Use clear “I” statements, such as “I feel ...,” “I think ...,” “I would
like ....”
9- Use a firm, calm voice, and make and keep direct eye contact

10- Choose an appropriate time and place to make a request.

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Assertiveness Skills in Practice
There are some of the most important things to remember when you are in a
situation that calls for assertiveness.
Rate the difficulty of each strategy in the space beside it.
E = Easy
M = moderately difficult
D = Difficult
Use body language effectively: Your message depends on how you say it
as much as what you say. Make eye contact. Relax your hands and face.
Use a firm, warm voice and speak up clearly.
Find out what’s really going on: Describe the situation as you see it, and
ask others to describe it as they see it.
Be honest about your opinion: Use the word “I” to make sure people
understand this is your opinion but state it clearly. “I think…”
Express how you feel: Your feelings are an important consideration in
many decisions. Be clear about your feelings and take responsibility for
them.
Be clear about what you want: What you want may seem perfectly clear
and reasonable to you but may be very unclear to others. State your
preferences as precisely as you can.

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Find out what others want from you: Just as they won’t know what you
want until you tell them, you often won’t know exactly what they want.
Actively seek this information. Don’t assume anything. Maybe it’s not as
much as you think.
Don’t try to win: Winning every battle is not the goal of assertiveness.
Don’t try to crush your opponent with your logic or gloat over their failings.
You may win the battle but lose the relationship.