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© Dramatic Publishing
 The Drama Department

By
JAMES HINDMAN

Based on a true story

Dramatic Publishing Company

Woodstock, Illinois • Australia • New Zealand • South Africa

© Dramatic Publishing
 *** NOTICE ***
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©MMXVII by
JAMES HINDMAN

Printed in the United States of America

All Rights Reserved
(THE DRAMA DEPARTMENT)

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ISBN: 978-1-61959-107-3
© Dramatic Publishing
 IMPORTANT BILLING AND CREDIT REQUIREMENTS
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THE DRAMATIC PUBLISHING COMPANY, INC., of Woodstock, Illinois.”

© Dramatic Publishing
The Drama Department was presented at Second Stage New
Play Reading Series on April 22, 2015, directed by Peter Flynn.

Cast:
Rob Chalmers..........................................Brooks Ashmanskas
Elyce Unger...................................................... Andrea Burns
Gerald Stevenson..............................................Martin Moran
David Sullivan............................................... Alex Sheitinger
Stuart Elliott...................................................... Hunter Foster
Sarah James...................................................... Kelsey Fowler
Barbara Sullivan...........................................Jessica Molaskey

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© Dramatic Publishing
 The Drama Department
CHARACTERS
ROB CHALMERS: 30s to 50s. Lead character. Rob is a very
enthusiastic drama and debate teacher at Chippewa Valley
High School. He is sociable, charismatic and out for the
good of the student.
DAVID SULLIVAN: Attractive high-school student. The
new kid in school, David is affable but shy, somewhat
fragile. He finds a new, shaky confidence in being cast in
the school play.
GERALD STEVENSON: 30s to mid-50s. Music teacher and
tennis coach. Cautiously energetic. With the completion
of the new auditorium, Gerald will finally fulfill his
dream of conducting a real orchestra in a real orchestra
pit. Ultimately, his religious beliefs win out over what he
feels is best for the school.
STUART ELLIOTT: 30s to 40s. First time principal.
Nervous about getting through his two years of probation,
Stuart tries to be authoritative but ultimately comes off
ineffectual. He will do or say anything to keep his job and
the president of the school board happy.
ELYCE UNGER: 30s to 50s. Math teacher and best friend
to Rob. Elyce loves being part of the plays at school, but
after being divorced for eight years, she is ready to get
back in the dating pool. She has a 10-year-old son.
SARAH JAMES: High-school student. Sarah is a drama
student in every sense of the word. She is much more

5
© Dramatic Publishing
 interested in hanging out with her friends than finishing
up the school year.
BARBARA SULLIVAN: 30s to 40s. Barbara is a likeable,
well-mannered woman able to maintain pleasant
conversation while navigating intense, overwhelming
suffering. She is courteous, gracious and truly interested
in Rob. Her steady, cheerful persona belies a depth of
pain and self-examination that will become unrelenting in
the scene and in her life.

PLACE: A small town in Kansas.

TIME: 2007.

6
© Dramatic Publishing
 The Drama Department

ACT I
SCENE 1
(SFX: School bell. Lights up on ROB CHALMERS
addressing a group of high-school students.)

ROB. Friends, Romans, countrymen, thespians of Chippewa

Valley High School, listen up. You have just made me the
happiest man on earth. I am so proud. So excited. Tell them,
Mr. Stevenson … (Indicating to the back of the house.) He
practically had to strap me to my chair to stop me from
running down and hugging every last one of you. In the
sixteen years I have taught here at Chippewa Valley High
School, these have been the best auditions we have ever had!
A hundred and twenty seven students. Nearly a quarter of the
entire student body. And all of you … each and every one of
you will take part in our fall production of the hit musical
comedy, Seussical! (He gets them to applaud.) Now … some
of us are going to be disappointed—you played the lead last
year—your friends have been telling you how perfect you are
for a particular role … We all want to be the lead. We all want
to be the star. “Beware, my lord, the green-eyed monster for it
doth mock the meat it feeds on.” We are a troupe. A company.
Here to support, to rally behind! It is this attitude that will
keep us number one at districts, and this year, by gosh, push
us to number one in the state of Kansas!
Callbacks are tomorrow and the results will be posted Monday
morning outside my door. “Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and

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© Dramatic Publishing
8 The Drama Department ACT I

tomorrow and tomorrow … ” That’s four tomorrows until

you can find out, so please do not call, email, text, Facebook
or tweet me because I’m not going to tell you. I want you
to feel anxious. I want you to feel vulnerable. Meryl Streep
said it on a PBS special— “Two of the greatest emotions you
can have in your actor tool box … ” (Distracted by a student
in the audience.) “Two of the greatest emotions you can
have … ” (Referring to his watch.) Yes, I see the time. Your
mother can wait one minute, I’m talking about Meryl Streep.
(To audience.) When you find the vulnerable place, you find
your true character. Allow yourself to be open … live in the
moment. “Will I wake up to find out I’m a monkey, a talking
bird … The Cat in the Hat?!” Anxiety. Vulnerability. Two
things that tell us we are alive. Standing at the precipice. “If
everything in my life were to change right now, who would I
be?” Remember this feeling, it will serve you well.

(SFX: School bell.)

ROB (cont’d). “’Tis the knell that summons thee to Heaven

or to Hell!” And so … adieu. (With a slight bow, he exits.)

SCENE 2
(ROB’s classroom. ELYCE UNGER and GERALD
STEVENSON enter, arguing.)

GERALD. Don’t you see what an exciting opportunity this is

for the students?
ELYCE. For you, Gerald, it’s exciting for you.
GERALD. For all of us. We will finally have an orchestra.
ELYCE. Correction, we will finally have an entire theatre. We
need the rest of the grant money to buy lights, drapes—we
can’t afford new band instruments.

© Dramatic Publishing
ACT I The Drama Department 9

GERALD. They are not “band instruments,” they are

instruments for the orchestra.
ELYCE. For the band. To be used in band class, and I wish
you would just admit it.
GERALD. What’s the point of having an orchestra pit if it
sits empty?
ELYCE. “Pit” as in “hole in the ground” as in “the audience
can’t see you.” Conversely, if we don’t purchase lights, the
audience will not see the actors.
GERALD. I’ve spent sixteen years shoved in the back corner
of a gymnasium behind a black curtain.
ELYCE. And it’s been your dream to conduct the Philharmonic.
Big picture, Gerald.
GERALD. What if Rob budgets the rest of the money away
and there’s nothing left for me?
ELYCE. I’ll buy you a kazoo. Why don’t you give your ulcer
a rest and see what the man has to say?

(STUART ELLIOTT, the new principal at Chippewa High

School, enters.)

STUART. Where’s Rob? I’ve been waiting in the parking lot

for twenty minutes.
ELYCE. He’ll be here.
GERALD. Good morning, Stuart.
STUART. Tell him to come to my office the minute he gets in.
ELYCE. Can’t you wait two minutes?

(STUART turns to go.)

GERALD. Good morning, Stuart.

STUART. Good morning, Gerald. (He turns back.) Do either
of you know what time he puts up the cast paper?

© Dramatic Publishing
 10 The Drama Department ACT I

ELYCE. The what?

STUART (pulling a sheet of paper from his pocket).The, this.
The paper that tells the kids what part they’re playing?

(GERALD and ELYCE laugh.)

GERALD. It’s called a “cast list.”

STUART. What time does he put it up?
ELYCE. He has Gerald post it after first period.
STUART. Well, don’t. Don’t show it to anyone. Not until after
I talk to Rob.
ELYCE. Maybe he stopped to see his mother. He had to move
her into a home.
GERALD (pulling out his cigarettes). Stuart, do you have a match?
ELYCE. I thought you quit?
GERALD. I stopped carrying matches. (Pointedly to ELYCE.) I
only smoke now when people make me upset.
ELYCE. You make yourself upset.
GERALD. Can we at least buy music stands where the lights don’t
fall off? I’m tired of borrowing everything from my church.
ELYCE. That what churches are for.
STUART. Tell him to find me.

(STUART turns to go as a bolt of fabric is thrown through

the door, unrolling itself along the floor. ELYCE screams with
delight.)

ELYCE. Ahhhhh!
GERALD. He’s here.

(ROB enters carrying bags of material.)

© Dramatic Publishing
ACT I The Drama Department 11

ROB. Our kingdom shall be saved!

ELYCE. It’s perfect! (Rushes to the material.) You have made
me the happiest woman in all of Chippewa Valley!
ROB. Forty-five minutes I spent waiting for JoAnn’s Fabric to
open so I could return a cotton brocade that doesn’t move.
STUART. Rob? …
ROB. I needed polyester! Who knew those words would ever
pass these lips?
GERALD. Rob, if we could discuss how the rest of the grant
money is going to be spent …
ELYCE (dancing with material against her body). It
practically dances by itself! (To STUART.) We want the
three singing birds to look like The Supremes.
GERALD. And if we want them to sound like the Supremes,
we need to buy more instruments. Rob—the orchestra is an
integral part of a musical.
ELYCE. So are lights and sound.
GERALD. It’s called a “musical,” not a “lightical” or a
“soundical.”
STUART. Rob?
ROB. One second. (To GERALD and ELYCE.) I have an
announcement! Hear ye, hear ye! I stayed up all night and
have decided how I am going to spend the rest of the “grant
monies.”
GERALD. Rob, before you say anything …
ROB. And, Elyce … sixty-five percent of it will be used to
decorate the lobby …
ELYCE (quietly). Yes!
GERALD. Decorate the lobby?!
ROB. And …

© Dramatic Publishing
12 The Drama Department ACT I

GERALD. Is that why you didn’t want him spending money

on my instruments?
ROB. And …
ELYCE. I don’t appreciate your tone.
GERALD. Don’t you talk to me about “tone,” I’m a musician.
ROB (to GERALD). AND … the other thirty-five percent will be
spent to buy a few, badly needed instruments for our orchestra.
GERALD. Thank you. Thank you, very much, Rob. (To
ELYCE, mocking.) Yes!
ELYCE. Hold this.

(ELYCE hands GERALD a piece of material as they walk

away. STUART pulls ROB aside.)

STUART. Look … You have to change the casting.

ROB. What are you talking about?
STUART. You didn’t give Greg Barnes the role of the Cat in
the Hat.
ROB. No, he’s going to play Horton the Elephant.
STUART. I’m not sure you know who Greg Barn’s father is?

(ROB notices ELYCE draping the material to the floor.)

ROB. I want it just below the knees. Early ’60s. YouTube

Diana Ross on The Ed Sullivan Show.
STUART. He happens to be the head of the school board.
ROB. Ted Barnes. I know very well who he is.
STUART. He’s my boss.
GERALD (to ROB). What if these kids don’t know who The
Supremes are?
ELYCE. They know Beyonce.

© Dramatic Publishing
 ACT I The Drama Department 13

STUART. He called me this morning to find out if his son was

cast as the Cat in the Hat.
ROB. And you told him? Stuart, I emailed you that list as a
formality.
STUART. What was I supposed to say?
ROB. No one gives out that information but me.
STUART. The guy hit the roof.
ROB. Greg has played the lead in nearly every production since
the seventh grade.
STUART. He wants to give his son one more chance to win the
best actor award.
ROB. This time someone else was better suited for the part.
That’s how the theatre works.
STUART. The guy built you a new auditorium; all he is asking
is that you give his son the lead in the play.
GERALD. He what?
ELYCE. Wait a minute … Ted Barnes told you he built the
auditorium?
STUART. He put it on the ballot.
GERALD. After the town forced him to. We picketed outside the
superintendent’s office for three weeks, in the middle of winter.
ELYCE. They were tired of giving money to a football team
that never wins.
GERALD. This drama department is the only thing the school
has going for it.
ELYCE. It’s the only thing this town has going for it.
GERALD. Desoto has sports, Duncanville has brains, we have
drama. If it wasn’t for Rob, we’d have nothing.
ELYCE. Gerald, that’s a terrible thing to say. We have a
wonderful tennis team.

© Dramatic Publishing
14 The Drama Department ACT I

GERALD. Doubles. We have a wonderful doubles team. We

stink in singles.
ELYCE. Gerald …
GERALD. I can say that. I’m the coach.
ROB. If anyone built us a new auditorium, it was the taxpayers.
ELYCE. A 1.5 million Capital Improvement Bond for
Chippewa Valley High School.
GERALD. Slam dunk!

(GERALD, ELYCE and ROB give each other a high-five.)

STUART. That really isn’t the point …

ELYCE. Call Mr. Reno; he’ll tell you.
STUART. Mr. Reno is no longer the principal of this school, I
am. (Referring to a piece of paper.) Who is David Sullivan
anyway?
ELYCE. He’s new.
STUART. You gave the lead role to a kid you don’t even know?
ROB. Stuart, I had to give Greg Barnes the role of the elephant.
David Sullivan is skinny. Greg Barnes, on the other hand,
is husky.
GERALD. He’s imposing.
ELYCE. He’s fat. It’s type casting.
STUART. I’m taking a lot of heat over this grant money.
Every department has their hand out. Coach Ladrass is
begging for a new weight room.
ELYCE. So the football team can lose with bigger muscles?
STUART. Barnes is calling me back in ten minutes.
ROB. Advice for the new guy—don’t get sucked in. Tell Mr.
Barnes it is out of your jurisdiction.
STUART. But it is my jurisdiction … I’m the principal.

© Dramatic Publishing
ACT I The Drama Department 15

(ROB shrugs.)

STUART (cont’d). I thought this place was going to be easy.

A tiny little high school in the middle of nowhere.
ROB. It is, Stuart. It’s very easy. And very rewarding. And
the fact that it’s a tiny town actually makes it all the harder
because there isn’t a lot else to think about. Stuart … we are
about to embark on the most important production of our
careers. I am about to direct, for the first time in all my years
here, in a real theatre. We have a brilliant cast. (Referring to
GERALD.) We have a wonderful musical director who will
finally fulfill his dream of conducting an entire orchestra!
With some brand new instruments!
GERALD. Two oboes and a clarinet. And, please God, a cello.
ROB (referring to ELYCE.) We have a superb associate
director—slash associate costume designer—slash assistant
choreographer—slash right hand …
ELYCE. Slash left hand … slash both wrists …
ROB. This “tiny little high school in the middle of nowhere”
… Sixteen years ago, when I started here, do you know
how many kids auditioned for the musical? Three. Three
kids auditioned.
GERALD. We were stuck doing I Do! I Do! (Holding up two
fingers.) Two characters.
ROB. In sixteen years we have come home with so many
trophies they’ve had to build another display case. Every
high school in the state quakes when we walk in the room.
Pride. Loyalty. Confidence. That’s what we’ve brought to this
school. And in my hand … (He presents a manila envelope.)
An application for the Jester Award for best production of a
high-school musical in the entire state of Kansas!
ELYCE. Oh, Rob.

© Dramatic Publishing
16 The Drama Department ACT I

ROB. In six months, the state trophy will be sitting outside

your office. A photo of you cradling it in your arms will
appear in every newspaper in the district. You’ll have so
many feathers in your cap you’ll look like Sitting Bull.
STUART. If he comes to the school, I’m sending him to you.
ROB. As a high-school student, I had to deal with bullies. As
a teacher, I do not.
STUART. He’s a very persuasive man.
ROB. So am I.
STUART. He has a lot of power in this town.
ROB. So does this department. (Grabbing his things.)
“Parting is such sweet sorrow.” I am off to paint Whoville
over Anatevka. “Act well thy part, oh principal; for there
thy honor lies.” (Handing GERALD the cast list.) Post it
after class.

(ROB exits. ELYCE follows.)

STUART. I should have stayed a teacher.

GERALD. Why didn’t you?
STUART. I hate teaching.

(GERALD exits. STUART follows.)

STUART (cont’d). Don’t post the list. Give me three

hours.

© Dramatic Publishing