Agelessly Irresistible:

Attraction Mastery for

the 35+ Man
 Agelessly Irresistible: Attraction Mastery for the 35+ Man

TABLE OF CONTENTS

The Ten Irresistible Qualities of The Advanced Masculine ............................. 6

The Good News: You Are At Your Prime .......................................................... 9
Women Want - And Need - To Admire You..................................................... 10
The Sexy Qualities of Your "Kingship"............................................................ 14
Irresistible Quality #1  ..............................................................................  17
Practices: Creating Safety: ................................................................................................. 19

Irresistible Quality #2  .............................................................................  20

Irresistible Quality #3  .............................................................................  21
Integrity Practice 1: Under-promise and Over-deliver ........................................................ 25
Integrity Practice 2: Create Easy Trust-ability Victories Early On ...................................... 26
Integrity Practice 3: Over-deliver ....................................................................................... 27
Integrity Practice 4: Eliminate "Woulda-Couldas" Forever ................................................. 28

Irresistible Quality #4  .............................................................................  31

Physical Practice: Being at Center ...................................................................................... 31
Social Practice: Being at Center .......................................................................................... 33
Emotional Practice: Being at Center .................................................................................. 34

Irresistible Quality #5  .............................................................................  35

Irresistible Quality #6  .............................................................................  40
Irresistible Quality #7  .............................................................................  42
Irresistible Quality #8  .............................................................................  45
Wisdom Practice: ............................................................................................................... 47

Irresistible Quality #9  .............................................................................  48

Practice: Give Gratitude For 50 Things a Day................................................................... 52

Irresistible Quality #10  ............................................................................  55

Sexual Claim Practice: ........................................................................................................ 59

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Claiming Technique 1: Touch Like a King ......................................................................... 61
Claiming Technique 2: Kiss Like a King ............................................................................ 61
Claiming Technique 3: Hand to Hand................................................................................ 63

The Essential Character Elements of Attraction Mastery  ....................  65

EXERCISE: How You Can Embody Your Warrior King Today ...................................... 76
ELEMENTS OF THE KING: .......................................................................... 80
HONE YOUR INNER LOVER....................................................................... 80
Cultivate Your Love of the Feminine in All Its Forms ....................................................... 80
Cultivate and Demonstrate Intuition .................................................................................. 82
Listen To What's Not Said ................................................................................................. 83
Observe Others For Fun and Profit................................................................................... 84
Read Palms ........................................................................................................................ 85
Read Handwriting.............................................................................................................. 85
Simple Mirroring ............................................................................................................... 85
Love Her Wholeness (Not her Hole-ness) ......................................................................... 86
Love Your Vision .............................................................................................................. 87
Taking Your Inner Lover To The Deepest Point ............................................................... 88
Sexual Practice #1: Expand Your Awareness ................................................... 90
Sexual Practice 2: Worship Her Divinity Through Her Body ......................... 91
ELEMENTS OF THE KING #3: .................................................................... 93
BRINGING YOUR HERO ............................................................................... 93
EMBRACING YOUR INNER HERO ............................................................ 99
The Heroism of Telling Your Story Anew ...................................................... 101
Choosing Freedom ........................................................................................... 103
Your Six Stories ................................................................................................. 105
You Are The Orphan ...................................................................................................... 105
You Are Also The Wanderer ........................................................................................... 106
You Are Also The Warrior .............................................................................................. 107
You Are Also The Innocent ............................................................................................ 112
You Are Also The Magician ............................................................................................ 115
Exercise 1: Join a men's group or a mastermind. .............................................................. 121
Exercise 2: Write an Ideal Vision of Your Life ................................................................ 122

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 Agelessly Irresistible: Attraction Mastery for the 35+ Man

Exercise 3. Admit Your Shadow Tendencies................................................................... 123

Exercise 4: Hold To Your Vision, Without Making Others Wrong ................................. 124

YOUR STORY, YOUR CHOICE  ........................................................  125

The Way of the Inspired Man  ...............................................................  127
1. Study and Admire Great Men ....................................................................... 128
2. Invoke Your Private Board of Advisors ....................................................... 129
3. Act "As If" ..................................................................................................... 132

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Agelessly Irresistible:
Attraction Mastery for the 35+ Man
PART 1: The Ten Irresistible Qualities of The
Advanced Masculine
Welcome to the second half of your life. The culmination. The
peak. The ride.

This book is your initiation.

If you feel stuck, uninspired, blocked or - yes, you can admit it -

afraid - you're about to make a huge shift.

In every culture throughout recorded human history, there were

initiations - ordeals, tests and ceremonies to help men transition
from one phase of life to the next.

It might have been a four-day fast/vision-quest in the desert to

discover your totem animal.

It might have been putting your arm in a fire ant nest and having
your limb bitten to shit, swelling for days afterwards.

Initiation - marking and celebrating the ending of one phase of

your life and entering the other - has been lost in our culture. The
lines have blurred and few people know where they stand. How
long does adolescence last? What does it mean to be a real man?
What do you really want - one partner or many? What do women
want?

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Women are confused as to how strong and independent they
should be or appear to be.

Men don't know how authoritative they should be. When does
authoritative slide into authoritarian, when does "control" slide
into controlling? When does compassion slide into being a
doormat?

What does it mean to be a man in this culture anyway? Do you

have to kill something particular? Sell something particular? Fuck
someone or a number of someones in particular??

A little while ago I had lunch with the editor of Esquire

Magazine, and the subject that fascinated him was what he called
"the extended adolescence" of the American Male.

From Animal House to The Hangover we, as a culture, celebrate

the boy-man - drinking, partying, avoiding growing up.

And why not? We all like fun.

Do we have to give that fun self up as we get older, as we pass

into our thirties and forties?

At what point do women stop admiring that kind of man? Do

they want that guy they enjoy on the screen to be the guy in bed
with them?

Do they want to entrust their bodies and their hearts to that guy?
Do they want to laugh with you - do they want to admire you?
Do they want something different? If so, what?

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This Book, Agelessly Irresistible, is your answer to a lot of these
questions. It's based on years of research, and has one aim for
you:

You are going to gather up all the energizing parts of your young
manhood - the striving knight, the flirtatious prince, the explorer,
the lover, the party boy, the hero - and weave them together into
a powerful, mesmeric, integrated and well-articulated masculine -
so that you will attract the highest level of woman/women into
your life.

Consistently. Naturally. Effortlessly.

It's about taking ownership of each of the key elements of your

life, each of your key "attractor qualities" - it's about becoming a
truly grounded leader of your own life, what I call the "King of
your realm".

This foundational book is about stepping out of your young

prince persona and into your far more powerful, far more
attractive, full Kingship.

That may sound weird or esoteric right now, but I guarantee you
- by the end of this book, you will have a profoundly new
appreciation of your real gifts: your strength, your wisdom, your
humor, your depth, your sensitivity, your ability to lead and to
mentor, to order and to bestow.

You will also have entirely new tools to both hone and articulate
these qualities, both online and offline.

And what do you know, by coincidence…

…these are the very qualities that are magnetically attractive to
women.

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You will learn how to be vastly more attractive whether, as King,
you are looking for your one magnificent Queen, or simply to live
out the advantages of being the king of a kingdom of many, many
women.

Either way, as Mel Brooks said, "it's good to be King".

The Good News: You Are At Your Prime

The core truth for you to own is that what is attractive about a
man at 25 is NOT the same as what makes you attractive at 35 or
40 or 45 or beyond.

Yes, women want the fun guy who will make their life more
exciting than it is.

But they also want your wisdom, your solidity, your trustworthy
guidance and your sense of being inspired.

In most cases, I find that men don't realize the qualities that are
wildly attractive to women. They think because the culture tells
'em so that it's about the bling or the biceps.

Below we are going to walk through the DEEP attractors that

draw women that you probably you don't even know you already
possess.

And they all add up to one overriding thing:

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 Women Want - And Need - To Admire You.

The point of this book is to help you sharpen up any dull edges
you may have.

To help bring out the most effortlessly admirable you.

I want to start by breaking down admiration into its two key

components.

1. You need to embody confidence

2. You need to inspire women by being inspired

I've been in the dating and attraction business for many years.
I've seen every program and technique on how to attract women,
from the most manipulative pick-up stuff to the deepest practices
of spiritual communion.

And I have seen thousands of men over 35 - maybe never really

successful with women and trying to get a handle on it, maybe
newly divorced - trying the techniques taught to 21-year-old pick
up artists. And what they learn quickly is that what a 23-year-old
bar girl falls for, a 30-year-old women will not. Much less a 35- or
40-year-old quality woman.

My analysis of pick-up or seduction techniques is that they teach

young men to convey the qualities that they want to actually
embody.

These qualities include things like confidence, a sense of higher

value, a sense of detachment from results, a certain cocky-funny
ability to see the world (and women) with a detached humor and
a sense that you are driving your own ship.

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The truth is a lot of young men don't actually feel these things,
and so project insecurity and dependence, reactivity and
neediness - and turn off women left and right.

So "pick-up techniques" give them a chance to convey the

confidence and knowingness they hope to attain in a few years.

You are not at a time of your life where conveying isn't enough.

You are at the time of your life where you must embody these
qualities.

Notice I don't say "be" - I use the word "embody" advisedly.

These qualities of confidence and solidity must be present and
palpable in your body. In your breath, in your posture, in your
eye contact, in the way you move.

You must not only "know" these qualities in your head, they
must be obvious in your body itself. As a man, you may not find
this intuitive, but women will feel the difference in a fraction of a
second.

This book - and the accompanying workbook - will teach you

specifically how to import these qualities into the very cells of
your body and hold them, so that women will feel the difference
in you, immediately and powerfully.

That's goal one.

The second goal of what I will teach you in this manual - and
really I teach it in everything I write and create - is to guide you
into be an Inspiring Man to women. I will give you the tools to
be that man.

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Actually, that isn't the ultimate goal - I'm lying. My ultimate
ultimate goal for you (and for me, by the way) is to continually
generate the tools and support to live an inspired life.

Not simply because you want to meet great women - but because
you only have one life and you should boldly experience it
in all its joy, adventure, depth and pleasure!

It just so happens that women find a man who is vitalized,

passionate, on-fire, adventurous, happy, outgoing, inspired and
inspiring to be wildly attractive.

Women are the reward. The main benefit is that this is your life.

And I want you to live it inspired - energized, happy, purposeful.

I want you to make a difference in this world, and make it better
while you are making yourself happier.

So as you dive into this program I want you to reinforce in your

mind, soul and body the following statement. Say it out-loud.
Post it on your bathroom mirror. Tape it inside your wallet.

**

I am committed to living an inspired life.

Women are naturally and profoundly attracted
to men who live an inspired life.

**
Because THAT is where we are going here.

You see, Agelessly Irresistible is a sneaky program.

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You might have invested in it to get quick, effective ways to meet
and attract women.

You'll get those. In droves.

But you'll also get something so much more. You are getting a
guidebook to living your life to the fullest - so that you thrive and
live an extraordinary life.

It's important to remember that you are not alone. You not only
possess your accumulated wisdom from your own life - but also
from all the lives of other men who have come before you,
including our ancestors.

It's essential to remember that as a man coming into your

fullness, you are living the same story, more or less, that untold
men have lived before you - and that many of your brothers are
living right now.

The difference is - you have access to their stories and their

lessons (you'll get them here).

My challenge to you is - what can you learn from their stories?

How can you learn from their mistakes, and how do you stand on
their shoulders to achieve the ultimate level of attractiveness that
will bring the women you want into your life - and attain the life
that you actually, really, deeply, boldly want?

All you need to do is commit to learn, apply what you learn, and
grow.

Here we go…

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 The Sexy Qualities of Your "Kingship"

"The good and generative king is also a good warrior, a

positive magician, and a great lover."

As a 35+ man, you are passing into the next phase of your
manhood, the time of your full power. Wise. Vital. Sexual.
Potent. At your peak.

You are entering the time of your Kingship. It's up to you

whether or not you take the throne.

I want you to think of the King as a kind of energy - a kind of

generative (i.e. sexual/creative) father, or at least paternal energy -
the nurturer, the protector - in any or all of its many forms. The
buck stops with you. You are the holder of ultimate responsibility
in your life. You cannot blame anyone for anything.

You've got the scepter. You've got the power to create your life
and your surroundings. End stop.

You must step into this role and become the one on whom
people can rely.
Whatever else you are, this ultimate ground of responsibility must
be your foundation.

If you do not build that foundation, very few will rely on, or trust,
or be attracted to you at all.

Because few things are less attractive than a 35+ man who
blames others for his situation. Want to know why? Because,
whatever the details may be, it sounds like a boy blaming his
father.

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It is easier to step into this role if you had a good role model
when you were a boy.

I was lucky.

Growing up, I felt my Dad was there for me. When I screwed up,
when I needed help or advice, even when he disagreed with me -
I knew that he loved and supported me, and that he would bring
wisdom to any decision. I often didn't want to hear what he had
to say, but even as a fast-moving and mercurial teen, I knew he
always stood for honesty, integrity, patience and steadfastness.

And inside, though I didn't want to admit it, I knew he was

usually right.

In my chaotic early life of adventure and discovery, he was my

rock, the guardian and the keeper of order for me and my whole
family. His "kingship" provided the stability for me and my
brothers and sisters to go out and explore the world safely.

Now, what exactly does this mean - this kingship thing?

Psychologist John W. Perry did pioneering work in which he

discovered the power of the image of the King to heal
schizophrenic patients as a character appearing in dreams and
visions, rising from the unconscious. He described how the
"King" would rush up from the depths to order their minds and
mend their worlds when everything seemed chaotic and divided.
According to Moore and Gillette, authors of King, Warrior,
Magician, Lover…

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 "There was something about the King -- in ancient times
and in the dreams and visions of his suffering patients --
that was immensely organizing, ordering, and creatively
healing. He (Perry) saw in their visions the ancient mythic
battles of the great kings against the forces of chaos and the
attacks of the demons."

Ask any woman…

Bringing order is sexy. Strength is sexy. Being in control of your

environment is sexy.

How about you? How do you embody these qualities now? And
what can you do to embody them even further?

What we are going to do here is to break down the qualities of

the powerful king - what you really need to be at 35+ - and why
each of them is essential to your ultimate, irresistible and
effortless attractiveness to women of every age.

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Irresistible Quality #1
Making Her Feel Safe is Sexy

One of the greatest gifts you can give to women is to make them
feel safe. We take safety for granted as men because we have
physical power, and we are wired to solve problems.

Even if we are deluding ourselves about our physical power and

our ability to solve our problems (!), our subconscious MALE
mind tells us that in a pinch, in an emergency, we can handle shit.
We can fight to survive -- and if it comes to it, we find a
masculine pleasure in the idea of the honor and glory in going
down fighting.

On the whole, this isn't true for the ladies.

Generally, women are wired to experience more deeply what's
happening in the moment more so than "solving" experience and
moving on the next problem. Generally, they do not find it
pleasurable or natural to fight to survive. And they generally find
no glory in the fight. But they find it sexy to be protected and
made feel safe.

More importantly, because they did not evolve as

hunter/warriors, they are not confident that if they fight, they will
survive. So more often than not they look to you to provide as
much order and safety in their world as possible, so that they may
be the thing that does give them pleasure…

… which is to be the vehicle of love they are wired to be.

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When you give a woman the context of safety (emotional,
physical, and yes, financial), she, in general, will be able to better
relax and self-express herself as love - as an artistic creator,
girlfriend, wife, a nurturing mother, better connected to her own
friends and family, or even something as simple as creating a
beautiful home.

I say this often because it is essential to understand: please always

realize that a woman's desire to create beauty - whether on her
body or in her home or in relationships - is an expression of her
desire to give and create love in the world.

This is a sacred desire of hers and should never be denigrated. In

fact, it should be consistently celebrated by you -- at both the
dating and relationship phase.

Practice: You can never go wrong by complimenting a woman

on her evident "big heart". If she tells a story about her work,
family or even a pet (!) - if you can comment, "You really have a
big, loving heart, don't you?" You will rarely get a "no!" The more
she feels acknowledged by you about her loving core, the more
will be grateful and attracted to you.

So your first role as the King archetype (or leader, or alpha) is to

help to create safety through order in her world.

There is the big way - marry her and buy her a house -

But don't worry, there are little ways too - and these will make a
woman feel safe, and allow her to relax and open into your
strength.

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Practices: Creating Safety:

a. Walk on the outside of the sidewalk, closer to passing

cars.
b. In fact, place yourself bodily between her and any
"danger" including creepy guys, menacing guys, rumbling
trucks, big dogs - no kidding, you'll be amazed how
deeply women will feel this subtle "protective" instinct in
you.
c. Take her hand when stepping over a curb or while
descending or ascending stairs.
d. Keep your word on the smallest commitments - call her
when you say you will, and show up on time.
e. Have a Swiss Army knife and a flashlight handy wherever
you go. (I keep them in my car. Leave the knife home on
flights, but buy one "there" if you travel together.)
f. Get some training in boxing or the martial arts - chances
are you'll never have to actually use it, but it's a turn on to
a woman to know that you can handle yourself in a fight,
especially to protect her and to know that you are ready
to do so.

Those are the foundations of physical safety. You'll notice

keeping your word is on this list. That's because it's a hint of
what's coming now: the true "sexy safety" a woman feels from
you will come from your character. And that starts with trust-
ability…

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Irresistible Quality #2
Your Trust-ability is Sexy

Trust-ability is simply a container you create that allows a woman

to relax when she thinks of you or when she is in your presence.

Trust-ability goes beyond "not lying". It means keeping your

word. And it starts right now.

Starting this instant, yes right now, today - cultivate impeccable

trust-ability. Do it with the smallest things, such as keeping your
appointments. If you tell a woman you will be with her at 6 PM,
do not arrive at 6:01. This may seem obsessive, but in fact, it
creates the level of absolute reliability that will allow a woman to
relax.

It gives you the practice of being the King whose word is law
rather than the prince who is at play in the world. Remember -
the prince can play and frolic and break trust at his whim because
he knows that the powerful King is standing behind him with all
his might to bail him out. The King is behind the scenes to
forgive and excuse the prince.

However, as you grow into your thirties and forties, no one is

standing behind you but you. And no one, women especially,
WANT anyone to be standing behind you.

They want you to be the center. The rock on whom everyone else
relies. The center of the your moral universe.

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She wants to see that you are trustworthy with others, in your
family, in your business, that you keep your word across the
board.

If you do not, she will know that, sooner or later, you can't be
trusted with her. No matter what you say, your actions will tell
the truth.

Irresistible Quality #3
Your Integrity is Sexy

"I love the man that can smile in trouble, that can gather strength from
distress, and grow brave by reflection. 'Tis the business of little minds to
shrink, but he whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves his conduct,
will pursue his principles unto death."
-Thomas Paine

The root of the word integrity means "one" or "oneness", as in

the word "integer". What does this look like? It means that your
words and actions reflect each other in such a way that you are
living your life as a whole, not as a chaotic collection of
fragmented selves. It means you "walk your talk".

One of my favorite teachers, Allison Armstrong, makes a point

of this excellent little formula:

"Men require authenticity from women;

women require integrity from men."

What does that mean?

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It means that we rely on women to genuinely feel what they feel
and let us know what's going on. Because we are often blind to
their feelings (and ours), and they can supply the function in a
relationship of keeping us both closer to our hearts' true
yearnings and what is paining us. Their authenticity in feeling is
necessary - even when it annoys or makes demands on us.

As guys, we tend to just repress confusing or disruptive feelings

and focus on solvable things like work or engines or stock trades.
It's good when one of you is the heart and the other is the spine
in the relationship, more or less, with plenty of room for sharing
those responsibilities.

Let her be authentic - feel what she authentically feels (even if it

doesn't make sense to you) and then allow her communicate what
she feels to you - so that you first know what's going on inside of
her - and then after, you can make a decision on what to do - or
not to do.

If she's lying to herself or lying to you, if she's not mature enough

to feel her own feelings authentically or too fearful to share them
- you as a man will be like a racing car with no steering. You,
trying to drive each other's happiness, will be crashing into every
wall you find.

Encouraging Authenticity Practice:

When she tells you what she is feeling, listen!!!! Don't solve! If
you have set the context by establishing your clear integrity from
the start (explained below), she can now safely express her
feelings. But it's a three-step process…

1. Once you have listened without interrupting or "reacting"…

2. And once you reflect back to her what she said without
interpretation so that she feels 100% heard…

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3. Only then you can dig deeper. When did you start feeling this
way? Have you felt this before? What triggered it? What would
help make you feel better?

Women give you a gift when they tell you what they are
authentically feeling. It allows you to show that you appreciate
them by simply listening (an easy win!), and it clues you into what
you can do to help create more happiness for her. But there is a
catch…

If you are not in integrity first, her authenticity will be wasted and
you will lose her respect. By integrity, I mean that you know your
core. You know what you believe in and what you stand for. And
you stick with it, no matter how strong her "feelings" might call
for something else.

I am not here to tell you what your belief system should be, only
to say that you SHOULD have one! It doesn't mean that you are
rigid or an asshole about it, it just means that you have a CODE.

One that a woman can and should respect.

For instance, I won't be in relationship with a woman (or a man,

for that matter) who is a habitual complainer. I choose to
surround myself with people who don't get off on victimhood as
a strategy of getting sympathy of feeling (temporarily) better
about themselves.

I choose people who are active creators, who look with clear eyes
at their life and find strategies to improve it if something's off. If
you hate your job, find a replacement or start your own business.
If you hate your boss, move. If you don't get along with your
father, find a way to communicate or set boundaries on how or
when you communicate. Just take control.

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Now, if that's my talk, I gotta walk it too. And if that is part of
my code, then the woman I'm with will know that from the
beginning.

I don't indulge in victimhood, and I won't accept it in a

relationship. And if she does complain, I redirect her - reminding
her of my code.

If she's got a complaint about me I'll say, well, let's turn your
complaint into a request. If it's something I can do, I will, but if
it's not aligned with my priorities in life, I won't.

I'm in integrity with my masculine code.

If I have a work deadline that is essential, I will hit it. If I have a

commitment to develop a skill-set or take care of my health, I will
stay committed.

You may think she may hate you for it but if she does, it will only
be for a flash-second. What follows is sexy-submission.

Because here's the secret of what she knows that you may not:

If you don't have the strength and integrity to stand up to

her, how can you possibly stand up to the world on her
behalf?

Keeping integrity with an internal code that doesn't bend for

anyone (including her) is sexy.

It's what she wants from her man.

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Confronting her with high direction (without scorn or ego) is
sexy. She will respect you all the more for it. And she will want to
please a man who is a rock of integrity.

Because she knows she can count on you.

Here's a practice for you to shore up both your aura and

embodiment of integrity.

Integrity Practice 1: Under-promise and Over-deliver

Want to lose credibility with a woman in an instant? Tell her

you're going to do something - meet her somewhere, call her by a
certain time, give her a certain experience, work out a specific
number of times a week - and then don't do it.

Women magnify. If you deliver what you promise, that magnifies

your trust-ability and solidity in her eyes. You don't deliver and it
diminishes you, and she gets put "on guard" and subconsciously
won't trust anything you say.

So be careful what you promise. If you have doubt about your

ability to deliver something on time, then don't promise you will.
Make it conditional from the start - or better still, don't vocalize it
and just deliver it.

A lot of young men want to be heroes - so they talk big, they

promise big. And in many ways, they believe they can deliver.
With testosterone levels burning high inside, they believe they can
do anything.

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One of the marks of the mature masculine is being judicious. You
only promise what you can deliver. Because you know that
actions talk and bullshit walks.

So this is a key transition into your mature masculine.

Now, would you like to give yourself the extra edge? Win easy
points? Here are two more Practices to help you do that:

Integrity Practice 2: Create Easy Trust-ability Victories

Early On

Promise you will do something small, and do it. This will create a
bedrock of "delivery" experiences and, believe it or not,
immediately separate you from other guys, many of whom
women have discovered are "flakes".

I told a first date I was going to bring a football and test her
throwing arm on the beach. Sure enough, I showed up with a
football - she was delighted and thought it was hilarious as well as
weirdly sexy.

If your girl mentions she loves chocolate, say you're going to

bring her a special chocolate next time that she's gonna love.
Then find a great local gourmet chocolatier and show up with a
special morsel. Or better yet, on your next date, build in a
"surprise" visit to a gourmet chocolatier shop or counter.

Little victories. Deliveries on-time. Little "trust bombs". Build

your track record. (This is also useful for when you screw up later
and forget something important! She may forgive you because
you delivered last time.)

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Integrity Practice 3: Over-deliver

This principle is really the same in business - you want to create

goodwill with your customers, so you give them even more than
they paid for.

For example, some restaurants will give you tasters of some

chef's specialty while you're waiting for your meal. A merchant
might throw in an extra "unadvertised" bonus. A rental car
company might give you a free upgrade if you're a good
customer.

It builds trust and gratitude. On the personal level, if you

volunteer to pick her up at the airport and she is expecting you to
pick her up at the curb, get there 15 minutes early and meet her
inside as she disembarks. Have a bottle of water, some chocolate
or a snack for her if it's been a long flight.

These are simple things, but they are trust-building - and

adoration-building. She can count on you.

Of course, this can create expectations that you will always over-
deliver, so remember that before you go overboard. Do what you
can consistently do.

Before we move on the next category of "sexy", I want to point

out a potential challenge to communicating your "integral" nature
and how to fix it.

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Integrity Practice 4: Eliminate "Woulda-Couldas" Forever

Chances are you went to college, where you were encouraged to

experience all kinds of new activities and passions and hobbies
and interests and possibilities - but as you grew into adulthood
you discovered you don't have time for everything that you enjoy.
Men didn't use to have to deal with multiple possibilities. It was -
go into your father's business or ship off to sea! What happens
now, underneath the surface, is that you tend to develop
frustrations or unfulfilled yearnings in your day-to-day life.

It might sound like this - "I could have been an artist…I could've
started my own business but I missed the door of opportunity…I
could've been making more money… …I'm in a job that isn't
really me, I's so much better than this..."

It's been decades or centuries since men grew up in a village with

limited possibilities with a limited horizon of vision. Part of
becoming the King in our new world of unlimited possibilities is
to gently release the possibilities of the other lives and other
relationships you "coulda" had.

My dad repeatedly told me, and I hated hearing it, that "you can't
have everything". Naturally, he was right. Choosing one thing
means you are necessarily turning down other things.

So stop complaining that you could have been this or could have
been that. Choosing to be a King means you are leaving behind
the kind of schizophrenic jumping from identity to identity of the
prince at play.

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Becoming a King means deciding what are the CORE passions
of your life and mastering them - and letting the lesser ones go,
like balloons into the air. You may love those balloons, but
you've got to let them go and wish them well.

You must show that you are relaxed into your choices in
life.

And if you are sincerely not happy with your choices and the
elements of your life - don't complain. Just change them. Even if
it means massive change. Just choose. And commit.

It may sound like an overstatement, but a real man, a real king,

doesn't hope. He plans. The difference is that the first way is dis-
empowered and the second is empowered.

The prince whines. The king acts.

When it comes to attraction with women: no complaining. No

bitterness. No jealousy of other men's lives.

Just choosing. Acting. Committing to action. And excelling at

your choices, step by step, day by day. Excelling at your core
passions and activities.

What does this require? With the Internet, with 500 channels of
shit on the TV to choose from, with all your Facebook "friends"
- your life can easily become a swamp of distractions.

Eliminate distractions. They weaken your brand, dilute your sense

of focus, excellence and ability to exert stewardly kingship over
your realm.

29
Decide now: what are 5 core values of your life, and how do you
support, nourish and act on them?

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.

Now - if there are any ways in which you are detracting from
living your core values - in either speech or action - let them go.

Know your integral core. Act on your integral core.

Flawlessly.

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Irresistible Quality #4
Being The Hub is Sexy: Take The One Seat

There's something you notice about a King…

He sits in a throne at the center of his palace. If you have ever

been to the Forbidden City in Beijing, you will notice that there
are several outer courtyards that a courtier would have to pass
through in order to reach the King. The same set-up was
designed by King Louis XIV - people spent an entire day in
preparation before they could finally enter his inner sanctum and
make their offering or request.

You will inspire order and safety in your woman when you
sit in the central throne of your life - which means you
welcome people into the zone of your authority rather than
run around seeking validation or authority from others.

This applies to your (1) physical space, (2) your social space and
(3) your emotional space - and can be applied at the simplest and
most everyday levels.

Physical Practice: Being at Center

On the physical level, you're not the one who flits around at
parties. Ideally, you stay put and greet people who come into your
space. Plant yourself at a well-chosen spot where there is some
traffic, but you clearly "own" the space. Welcome people as if you
literally owned the place.

In Hollywood meetings, executives notoriously have the chairs

arranged so everyone else is crunched together on a low couch
facing him or her, who sits alone, in the center, in a grand chair.

31
When I agreed to go on the ABC dating show, "How To Get
The Guy", I did it on the condition that I would not do anything
that was against my principles or would embarrass me. Partly
because I knew my kids would make merciless fun of me if I
looked stupid on TV!

The producers of course agreed, then of course immediately went

against their word. I was supposed to meet the woman on the
show who found my online profile and selected me - on a beach
in SF. They told me they wanted me to hold a picnic basket and
walk along the water. Then, when I saw her I was supposed to go
running up to her.

I refused. I told them that was not masculine. They told me she
was the star, not me, so it had to be that way. I refused. I said I
would spread a blanket, have the basket ready, and would stand
as she approached and welcome her into my space.

For an hour and half, they kept her in the van while I wrangled
with them. Ultimately, I won, and when I told her the story later
of why she had to wait so long in that stupid van, she agreed that
it was a much more powerful way to meet and loved me for
standing my ground. It turned her on.

Welcome women into your space, don't run into theirs. You
choose the location where you meet. You create the nest and
invite them in. By the way, that doesn't mean not standing. Stand
graciously. It is a sign not of weakness, but of cherishing the
feminine.

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Social Practice: Being at Center

On the social level, become the hub of social activity. This means
you organize the world around you. This means you host regular
networking events, or parties, or social events. You don't just
attend the events of others. Here are some ideas to kickstart you.
Do them!

a. Create a local Facebook group (or many) and have a

monthly get-together at a cool local hotel bar. It can be just a
social group, or it can be build around a shared passion. Start
with the question: what do you love? Great wine? Cooking?
Mountain biking? Heavy Metal? Progressive politics? Best choice
here is create a social group that will attract the type of women
you like.

b. If you're in a cool biz, create a networking group for that

biz that meets at a cool bar, wine bar or hotel bar.

c. This one is simple. Create a cool, hip "Happy Thursdays"

kind of party group that gathers at a different cool location in
your area for cocktails. This has the extra fun of getting people
out to discover new haunts. Here's how: create a group page on
Facebook - and give it a playful name like "The Westside
Wanderers", "The Downtown Dive Bar Daredevils," "Seek and
Ye Shall Vine". Then, starting with friends of yours, invite them.
Then look at their friends lists. Identify both men and women in
the cool, hip age group you are looking for and write something
like: "I see you're a friend of Jenny Anderson too. You seem like a cool, fun
person and I think you'd enjoy our second Thursdays roving cocktail party -
here's the page and we'll let you know where our next party is. Come join
us on the 17th at X. Make sure they join the group page so you
can blast everyone at once with invites.

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This process will snowball as you spider out into friends of
friends. Post happy photos of beautiful people having fun at your
events at each event. If you want to really do it right hire a
photographer - or at least assign the job to a friend - so that you
get the kind of photos of happy boys and girls that will be an
incentive for an ever higher quality of new member. Expand your
list daily. Send out 5x more invites than you expect will attend,
and you will find yourself with a new social and party circle that
will keep growing - with you at the center.

Emotional Practice: Being at Center

On the emotional level, the goal and the practice here is to wean
yourself from requiring the approval of others in order to
experience self worth:

Keep an eye on any moments when you are seeking approval -

from men or for women - and gently note that aspect of what
you're doing. Remind yourself you are perfectly worthy without
this person's approval and gently commit to yourself to stop
seeking approval in this way. Notice I use the word "gently"
twice. This is a process that requires time and self-forgiveness.

When you are at the "center" of your self-worth, you will be

infinitely more sexy. The trick is to not merely "believe" this, but
to put it into practice, by halting any behavior that seems
desperate for approval.

Persist, and don't beat yourself up. Brent Smith, the great dating
coach, often says, "the difference is indifference". Women tend
to be more attracted to men who don't give a shit what others
think of them, and who do what they are called to do, regardless
of others' approval. You cannot order your woman's world or

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garner her admiration if you are a suck-up to her, to women or to
other men.

It diminishes the solidity and safety of you.

Irresistible Quality #5
Your Ability to Order Your World is Sexy

What is the first thing that other Adam did in the Garden of
Eden?

He named the animals, which provided order and classification.

This happens to be an archetypal masculine thing to do. As men,
we like names and categories and numbers. We like measuring.
We like keeping score. We are good at organizing knowledge,
which allows us to compartmentalize crises in our minds -
allowing us to function in the midst of stress.

So one very important way you can demonstrate to women that

you are a "slayer of chaos" - I know, it sounds like a metal band --
is to create order in your own life. What may seem like small
things to you, such as dishes in the sink, socks on the floor,
papers strewn around your living space - may tend to magnify in
a woman's eyes, may convey to her that you are not a force of
order - therefore not a bringer of safety.

35
There are, of course, larger indications that you are not a bringer
of order, and one of those is messiness in your personal
relationships. Now, there are some people you will never like or
be buddies with - including your ex.
But there is a difference between achieving internal peace with
old conflicts, and being the man who continually and repeatedly
rages against others - including your ex (!) - thereby giving others
power over your internal order.

I saw an extreme example of this the other day, right here in LA -

a car with the license plate: "IH8MYEX."

No kidding. So what is your initial response to this guy? At first

you might laugh. Then you might think, "Wow! This guy must've
had a nasty divorce, probably paying through the nose".

But ultimately you're going to think: this guy is so lost. He is

totally stuck in the past. He is carrying a huge grudge and is weak.
He wears his bitterness like garish body paint. His focus is on the
negative, and he obviously gets off on feeling like a victim and on
his sense is injustice and rage.

In short, he's a mess.

Not very attractive.

If your internal world is messy, if you are feeling rage at others,

handle it. Act on creating balance of justice if there has been an
injustice done. If there is nothing more to do and you are just
raging - get help.

Take action and get a therapist, a trained coach, or a sustained

relationship with a spiritual teacher or practice. I personally

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believe that an good friend who can reflect you and call you on
your shit is more effective than meditating on a cushion.

A spiritual practice - going to church, meditating, yoga, martial

arts - will give you a sense of discipline and help you create a
sense of order in your priorities and intentions - all very
important.

But these things do not give you another man who can wrestle
you into truth. And it is my experience that there is nothing as
powerful as having another man who is as committed as you are
to the journey of self-mastery, to bold, fearless open-heartedness
in your life to help you achieve the kingship that you want to be
embodying. It is my experience that you need a man, or men for
this.

I've sought out men like this. Men who could refine me. Not just
friends but also men's groups. I'll be honest - I was very hesitant
at first. When I started out, I was afraid of being exposed. As a
fraud, as weak, as less than I should be. But once I started getting
involved in deeper men's works and practices, I realized - damn!
Those are exactly the things I want to get rid of, and here was a
place to iron them out.

Here are some great resources for men's work where you will
meet men who are devoted to handling their inner shit, letting go
the past and even increasing your presence and attractiveness to
women.

WarriorSage - run by my friend and teacher, Satyen Raja. In

short, Satyen is the bomb. A great man, a great father and
husband, an extraordinarily bold spiritual explorer and world
traveler - and funny as hell. (His ability to blow your mind open
to new levels of freedom is so strong, I put him first, week one,

37
month one of the 6 Month Home Intensive series - the perfect
jumping off point.)

His course - Sex, Passion and Enlightenment - will put you

face to face with man after man as well as woman after woman as
you serve each other and open into greater vulnerability, power
and sexiness - plus its fun!

His course - The Illumination Intensive - was one of the most

powerful experiences of my life. I can't give away but happens,
but let's say it's intense, you will clear away anything false you've
been hanging on to, and you will find that your truest self
emerges stronger than ever - and you do it all yourself. Seriously
powerful stuff.

Be sure to tell them I sent you to get the special discount I had
them arrange for you. Phone # 1-800-815-1545

The Mankind Project - this organization does some of the best

work around on refining the new Masculine. Especially good for
anyone who feels they want to sharpen their warrior. I have done
a lot of this kind of work, but haven't done their workshops yet.
But I will. For Accountability, Authenticity, Compassion,
Generosity, Integrity, Leadership, Multicultural Awareness,
Respect - www.mankindproject.org.

The Authentic Man Program - these guys are my friends and

they run a number of workshops in San Francisco and in other
cities. They have combined Deida-type work with other
awareness work and are great on relaxing you into your most
authentic, openly-expressed self. I especially recommend this for
you if you are shy or have any challenges expressing yourself
confidently to women. Be sure to tell 'em I sent you. Go to
www.authenticmanprogram.com/

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David Deida - what can I say about DD? He's a crazy master.
You must read The Way of the Superior Man no matter what -
just go order it now if you haven't already. And I recommend
Blue Truth as well, which is one of the three most life-changing
books I've ever read. Go his workshops if you can. He teaches at
the Omega Institute sometimes and other locations. I produced
several large workshops for him and may or may not in the
future. They are life-transformative. Check them out.
www.Deida.info

There are a few charlatans out there: for example, one guy in
New York who claims to be a student of Deida's and who uses
David's name to market himself but Deida has 100% repudiated
him, his character and his ability to teach David's work. Be
careful of anyone who claims to teach Deida but who isn't Deida
(Satyen Raja, Michaela Boehm, Kaidan Erwan are among the few
who actually get it, and who David has approved as using his
name).

In the Bay Area, I've been impressed with Jim Benson. He seems
like a man of great integrity. Also, Dr. Robert Glover, author of
No More Mr. Nice Guy (his "life cake" system is featured in
Month Three of the 6 Month Home Intensive).

39
Irresistible Quality #6
Your Generosity is Sexy

The King not only orders his realm but - this is key - he helps it
thrive. Call it generosity, call it beneficence, call it nurturing, but
the important thing you must take on is this:

The more you can help the people in your world thrive,
the greater your Authority and Attractiveness as a man.

Generosity is the King's power to bring blessings to your realm -

your family, business environment, neighbors, community.

But it goes deeper than being just a nice guy. Follow me here,
because this is important…

There is a specific way of connecting Generosity to your

Attractiveness - of leveraging your generosity into an archetypal
grandeur.

And that is this: you not only bring good things, but these good
things are part of an intentional bettering of the order you bring:
in other words, your strategic generosity creates what the
Buddhists might call "Right Order".

You can call it Aligned Order, or Integral Order. It is part of your

wisdom, part of your plan - it is part of your alignment with a
bigger picture.

In traditional or mythic terms, the King's own life represented the

order of the universe, and when his life and his actions are

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aligned with the truth of the "universe" - when he is just and wise
- the universe, in turn, provides. Crops grow. The people prosper
and propagate.

This is what mythologists mean when they call your Kingship

aspect "generative". It's kind of a big idea, but its powerful - and
real:

Life literally generates anew around you because you have

aligned those around you with the generative power of the
universe.

You are the pass-through from universal abundance to others.

You are the conduit, the vehicle of delivery. Goodness pours
through YOU to reach others.

A practical way of putting this is - the more you help the people
around you thrive, the more you are aligned with whatever power
in the universe sustains life.

Note, this isn't the power to control others, it's the power to
empower - which is far sexier.

We'll talk more about this in a minute when I get to mentorship

as one of your key leveragable attractors, especially when it comes
to turning on younger women.

Be generous in your wisdom, your advice - but not necessarily in

your cash.

Generosity Practice: find a way to mentor. Could be an inner-

city kid, could be college students. Could be class you set up
through a local bookstore or community college. If you want to
find a way to meet young women, speak at women's

41
entrepreneur's groups or professional groups. Give of your
wisdom. Cultivate your giving from a place of regal beneficence.
Get comfortable being the source.

Irresistible Quality #7
Your Ability To Fearlessly Tell the Truth is Sexy

Do not shy away from telling the truth. But there are at least two
ways to do it and you'd better know the difference…

One of my favorite teachers talks about the ability to switch

between offering truth as a sword and offering it as a flower.

Truth as a sword may hurt at the start, but it serves deeply over
time. "I don't feel like you're being honest with me." "You're
coming off as inauthentic." "You're putting up a front, and it's
not believable."

Truth as a flower is easier to handle for most people (though

most people find the compassionate sword-wielder sexier). "I
can't feel who you really are. I know you have a sweet and open
heart, but I find this front you put up to being a mask to the real
you." (Sword version: "You're full of shit.")

Can you speak truth to your friends, to your colleagues, to your

woman? Can you be the "loving abrasive" that people need in
order to refine themselves. Can you call your friends on their shit
- tell them they're being selfish or abusive or acting out, hurting
the people or the business they love?

Can you take the pain of risking offending people while serving their best
good by standing in the truth?

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Are you willing to risk a friendship over it?

A servant is not willing. A serf is not willing. A subject is not

willing.

A king is willing.

And a good woman will admire you for this. When we are young,
we tend to value people liking us as we are trying to make it
upwards in the world. You need the beneficence and favor of
Kings.

But one sign that you are coming into your kingship is that we
value truth more than being liked or approved of. Again - it
shows that we don't need the favor of kings. We are the king.
It becomes more important that we stand on our word, and that
truth is served, order is served. Even if that means people don't
like us in the moment.

How does this translate to meeting - and then growing the

devotion of - a woman?

At the start, don't shy away from showing your sword of truth.
It's a way of establishing the boundary of your integrity right up
front. It's also your way of showing that you have no fear. That
you are utterly in control of the situation, results be damned.

I met a blazingly beautiful, sexy, confident woman online, we sat

down and she started telling me about the men she had met and
dated only once or twice - how they were intimidated by her
because she was sexy, strong, witty, vital and fun. Essentially, she
had more life energy than they had. So I said to her: "What you're
telling me is that you are looking for a man who has a bigger cock

43
than you." She nodded with a great smile - and that was the
beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She might have been offended by that, but if she was, she
wouldn't have been the girl for me, anyway. I got it right on the
table, right up front. Not my cock, but the metaphorically, my
comfort with sexuality and language. It was a filter.

Another example. I met a young woman on a cruise ship -

exquisite, furry boots, miniskirt, cowboy hat - who was sitting on
the upper deck having a glass of wine alone. I said hello, asked
her what brought her here. She told me she was invited by an ex-
boyfriend who hadn't yet shown up. We had 30 minutes to
departure and she couldn't reach him. I told her straight up: "I
hope he doesn't make it." And I meant it. The sword of truth.
No creepiness, no smirkiness - just directness. It was the
beginning of a beautiful relationship and one of the sexiest,
happiest weeks of my life. She later told me what first attracted
her to me was my confidence. We are still very close.

If you feel that it would serve a woman to let down her guard or
"show", go ahead and say what needs to be said. If it's true, say:
"You don't have to try so hard. I like you for you."

I have told women that they were projecting their past

relationships on me, thus undermining ours. I have told women
they needed to stand up to their mothers - that the verbal abuse
had to change or she would cut off all contact. I have been a
STAND for myself and a STAND for my woman. And it always
served both her and me.

Even at the risk of our relationship.

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Do not shy away from telling the truth. Tell it like a flower when
she is vulnerable or feeling unsteady, but do not be afraid to pull
out your sword and tell it straight.

Sometimes that's the only way you'll get through.

Truth is power. Truth is sexy.

Irresistible Quality #8
Your Fair, Considered Judgment is Sexy

A good king is the ultimate judge in the land. He is where the

buck stops - the ultimate arbiter of what's good and fair. He is the
one who can understand, empathize with and especially articulate
all sides of an issue - and then make a decisive call.

These are the marks of a leader.

Name-calling, flying off the handle and all forms of adolescent

reactivity to provocation are the marks of fiery youth. And, hell,
youth should be fiery.

They are full of passion and revolution and protest and self-
certainty as much as they are full of testosterone. But the
archetypal substratum of all this storm and fury, remember, is
rebellion against the father. The young man has to - HAS TO -
individuate against his father. He needs to establish his own
identity and will make all kinds of noise to do so.

You no longer have to do this. Nor should you EVER be

perceived as having to do this.

45
You are the calm center. You are not thrashing against a father
figure. Doing so will make you appear weaker - and, after 35 -
more feminine.

Can you imagine James Bond getting all hysterical about a

personal slight? A political issue?

You, as king, sit comfortably in the throne of wisdom, you listen

to all sides without blurting out your opinion before everything is
on the table. Ideally, you have the equanimity to repeat the best
of all sides, then render calm, cool, collected judgment.

As has often been said about deep masculinity - you are the
flagpole and the feminine, with all its energy, is the flapping flag.
You are ship, steaming steadily toward your goal. The feminine is
the ocean.

Don't be the flapping flag or the stormy ocean.

Approach everyone you meet with an air of warm but subdued

curiosity. And see how you can grow wiser from the interaction,
not how you can impose your ego or personality in the moment.

There is a great saying:

Who is Wise? He who learns from every person.

When you embody this aspect of your Kingship, it means you are
open and aware, not wrapped up in your ego and self-image and
defending your little plot of land on earth like a spoiled child.

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Wisdom Practice:

When a woman asks you your political opinion, or it comes up in

mixed company - demonstrate your wisdom and authority by
outlining the best that each side of an issue has to offer - then
offer your decisive judgment on why one option is the preferable.
It is rare that one side has no merit at all!

Impetuousness is another characteristic of youth, not of the

mature masculine. Make your decisions slowly, with
consideration, but make them. Indecision is more unattractive
than careful pondering.

Avoid interrupting anyone when they are speaking - especially

when they are stating a position that you disagree with. Let them
finish. If you can re-state their position intelligently before
offering your alternative, all the better.

Here are a few lines from the great Sufi poet, Rumi on Creation
and Kingship. They say something important about persistence
and the wisdom of slow consideration.

God could have created the universe in a second

Just by issuing the simple order "Be!"
Why, then, did He prolong Creation over six days,
Each one of which equaled a thousand years?
Why does the formation of a child need nine months?
Gradual action is characteristic of the King.
Why did the creation of Adam take forty days??
God perfected his clay by slow, perfect degrees.
Not like you, crazy one, rushing everything always.

47
Irresistible Quality #9
Your Ability to Mentor is Sexy

You have lived a few years and you have learned something.
Knowledge and experience are sexy. Your gathered wisdom is a
gift to give and you might be surprised at how hungry people -
yes, that includes women - and especially younger women - are
for what you have to offer.

As I'll show you in the section on Internet Dating, my most

successful online profile ever, started with the line:

"I am a man at the height of my powers, and you are a woman at

the threshold of your possibilities…"

Now, first of all, I meant it and the rest of the profile followed up
with this central idea and was in integrity with my promise. Here
is the next part of that profile, which was wildly successful in
drawing up to 20 emails a day.

I am a man at the height of his powers and you are a woman on the threshold
of your possibilities.

What turns me on are people whose hearts are deep and loving, and who
dream big - and will do anything to see their visions come to life. I have done
it on Wall St, in Hollywood and around the world. Nurturing talent and
ambition, finding the glowing gem at the core of a beautiful, ambitious goddess
and warming it into life is one of my great passions. Too many people are
jaded or negative, but you aren't and neither am I. We will dream together,
but with me, you'll get mentorship, creativity, strength and the wisdom of the
battle won.

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I believe in what I have to offer and I actually really do thrive on
helping people achieve their dreams (as I'm doing right now with
you). It genuinely turns to me on to inspire people into new
freedom and accomplishments in their lives. And in return I've
received emails online such as:

You bio is very inspiring and impressive. I admire a man who is positive,
driven and optimistic. It's really sexy!!!! You seem like the type of guy i need
in my life. There is nothing sexier to me than a driven man. I myself, know
what i want out of life and will stop at nothing to achieve it. I really hope
that you and I can get the chance to know each other better.

~Toodles

**

I'm almost finding myself speechless after reading your profile.... you sound
like a fairytale dream of life... your profile is what I want! I am unsure If I
am what you seek though ... The mentoring is what grabs me most!

~Kaitee
**
Hi There Mr. Adventure,

Reading your profile was enlightening and inspirational because it shows there
are still great guys out there with something meaningful to say. A world
traveler with a great smile must meet very interesting people and enjoy the
many cultures that surround him. Thank God "you" don't seem negative and
or full of drama as I can appreciate that being the Goddess that I am. ha!
ha! Write me! Have a great day!

**

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How are you?

I read your profile - and I must say, I felt you were speaking to me - or about
me.

Like you, I am authentic, loving, and kind. What stands out to me the most
is "deep" it's amazing how few of us there are out there. And, if you dream
big and expect big--big realized dreams is what you get :)

I am a modest and humble woman with the biggest dreams in the world!
Dreams are made to come true--but you have to make them come true.

You are a kindred spirit. Hope to hear from you.

~mayra

p.s. did I mention I am intelligent, charismatic, vivacious, and fun?! :)

**

The key to being an authentically attractive mentor is that you:

(1) Really care about the other person and are desirous of
their happiness and success, regardless of whether you "score" or
get anything back and…

(2) Are not afraid of being replaced or giving away your best
stuff. A king tends to spiral down into being a tyrant when he is
ruled by fear - when he is afraid of losing potency.

Notice that neither of these qualities are about sucking power

toward you nor self-glorification. They are both about exactly the
opposite - about giving away your best stuff. Giving your
energy for the benefit of others, with full knowledge that you may

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not gain any more power, or any more life, or any direct benefit
whatever.

You are literally passing on life-force.

The true king, the good mentor delights in the success of others,
is generous with advice, knowledge and praise - authentic praise -
and takes consistent, concrete actions that enhance the lives of
the others.

The mentor in you is not greedy for attention or gain. You must
embody a relaxed sense that all is okay with you in the world.

As you pass 35 and 40, self-gain loses its sexiness. I mean, yes, by
all means, you should continue building your wealth and position
in the world (without that becoming the source of your self-
worth) but you should be equally known for what you give.

The key message here that you are sending women is that you are
"enough". You are full. In fact, you are overflowing.

If, for whatever reason, you are not feeling complete enough at
this point in your life, chances are you are not grounded enough
in gratitude for what you already actually have.

Sometimes it takes a good bout with cancer to get you there,

because it makes you suddenly grateful for all the gifts in your
life. Sometimes it is just a well-practiced grounding in a sense of
gratitude that can give you the boost from "needy" to
"mentoring" energy.

If you feel that you are anxious and even fearful about yourself in
this moment in life, take gratitude on as a project - you'll be

51
amazed at the impact it will have on your mood, your relaxed
presentation and your awareness.

Practice: Give Gratitude For 50 Things a Day

This is actually fun. When you wake up, be grateful you get to live
another day. Be grateful your feet work when you stand, that your
innards work when you pee. Be grateful that you have running
water, food in your fridge, a car, a job, an education. Note
gratitude for your friends' friendship and your family's love when
it arises. Be thankful that food grows from the earth when you
eat. That someone invented electric products, transistors,
computer chips etc., so you could read this.

When you become attuned to all the FREE gifts you receive
every moment of your life, you will leave the scarcity mindset that
seeks to get, get, get.

And you will relax into your natural position as the mature
masculine of the giving, providing, helpful, empowering king.

Even if you are not rich, you are.

Remember, facts are facts, but it is your mindset that decides the
interpretation of facts and that is absolutely flexible. If you want
to dig a little deeper and hone your Mentor energy from a sense
of your relaxed self-accepting, self-worth, go buy the book
Loving What Is by Byron Katie.

In it, she offers a very quick and extremely effective way to turn
around any negative or "scarcity" thoughts you may have about
yourself. In essence you are to ask yourself four questions
whenever you have a negative thought:

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1. Is it true?
2. Can you absolutely know it is true?
3. How do you react when you think that thought?
4. Who would you be without the thought?

These simple questions will help you detach from your opinions
that you are not enough in any way at all. Remember: the less you
have scarce ideas about yourself and your life the more attractive
you will be.

Despite what men like to say, women are attracted to the

generous nature in you, not the actual number of dollars you have
to give away.

Stay wealthy of spirit inside. Always.

Now I want to add one more idea to your king-mentor power.

It's an idea I learned from Dr. Carol Pearson in her book, The
Hero Within.

One of the essential qualities of embodying your true Kingship,

of being the wise mentor, is your recognition that your Kingship
is not yours to keep, and that your power, whatever it is, is
something to pass on. It's what I mentioned above about the king
descending into a tyrant when he thinks his power is actually his.
How do you accomplish this quality? How do you gracefully
release any clench and greed to hang onto power?

The first step is to dis-identify your ego from the king-energy you
claim. In other words, yes, you possess it, but you do not own it.
You and your life come and go. But the function of the king-
mentor stays and is needed, generation after generation.

As Pearson writes,

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"Realistic greatness in adult life, as opposed to inflation and grandiosity,
involves recognizing our proper relationship to this (kingship) and the other
mature masculine energies. That proper relationship is like that of a planet to
the star it is orbiting. The planet is not the center of the star system, the star
is."

The planet derives its life from the star. So it is with you.

To access your full king-mentor energy, you must know it is not

"all about you". Rather, you must embrace the fact that you are
in service you are just carrying the mentor power with you right
now and it ain't yours to keep. It's yours to give.

There is FAR more power in this detachment from your power

than in inflating your ego with what you have to offer.

The king becomes a tyrant when the planet pretends to be a star,

which ends in disaster. As goes the saying, "pride goeth before
the fall".

King energy is not tyrant energy. It is, rather, steward energy.

It is not for the benefit of you. It is benefit for those with in your
realm. And your realm, in any given moment, may be as small as
the woman you've just met.

Or it may be a kid in your neighborhood, your family, your

workplace, your town, your community, your country - or indeed
this world.

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Whatever the size of your "realm", as the bestower of wisdom
and experience, you become sexy as the carrier and giver of
empowerment.

Irresistible Quality #10

Your Ability to Claim is Sexy

"You don't want a rigid man, but you want a man whose heart's courage
and authentic truth runs deep. You want a man who feels you, listens to you,
considers everything you have said, and then claims you, taking you to where
you couldn't tell him to take you, even if you tried. He takes your heart to
new depths of adventure and openness, and he shows you new aspects of life."

- "Dear Lover", a book by David Deida

The King claims. He knows what's rightfully his. It is not an

expression of his desire to "get" for himself. It is a claiming that
is an expression of your abundant ability to give.

The key here is that you claim justly.

You claim a woman, for example, not for your own sexual
pleasure, but because you want to serve her opening, her
pleasure, her greatness.

In the training session on Mastering Your Inner Lover (Month

#6) I talk with Zan about having the conscious belief that "all
women are mine". Not to seduce and destroy, but to pleasure and
delight. Cultivating this mindset alone will make you stand out

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from the vast majority of men - and will have the romance-novel
effect on women that you are here to claim her as a grand lover.

Done right, claiming is the sexiest thing you can do.

Done wrong, claiming becomes stealing.

The shadow-king claims unjustly, as in the prima notte tradition

that you saw in the movie, Braveheart, where the king takes every
bride to bed the night before her wedding.

So let's be clear from the start - you as king - you don't steal. You
don't rape. You don't damage. You claim. Justly.

Now, how to do you claim justly?

To embody this incredibly sexy aspect of your kingship, you do it

in service to her pleasure, her opening, her experience…

"You can chat all you want, but nothing aligns her as love's light more
quickly than absolute presence: gazing deeply into her eyes, touching her with
fearless confidence and sensitivity, feeling deeply into her heart without pulling
back, claiming her by relaxing as the pervading consciousness that already is
entering and opening her, now, before any genitals are even involved."

From "Waiting To Love", David Deida

Women, generally, are ready right now to surrender to love's call.

On one level, it's already happening. Deida points out that

women are already being claimed right now by the world around
them - by, as he puts it, the omnipresence of love. They are right
there on the edge waiting for you. They are open to be taken,
penetrated, loved - If only you come along - not with your little

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hungry dick - but with your vast, loving claim of her which may
absolutely involve sexual penetration…

"Your desire to be claimed by a man's deep love is based in the truth of your
heart: You are love. Your love shines as light, so you want to be seen. Your
love shows as the full force of surrender, so you want to be passionately
entered. In truth, your deep heart is right now being claimed by openness,
ravished by the openness of love."

From "Dear Lover", by David Deida

Can you imagine what it feels like to feel fucked open by the
world right now? Can you imagine your body open to the world,
your open pussy filled with love become flesh, hard as marble,
soft and forceful as a pillar of warm water, as loving as the heart
of Jesus or Buddha?

Not likely. But women can. When they are in touch - or get put
in touch with the poetry or penetration of you - this very moment
is a moment full of life, of music, of abandon.
If you can imagine what it feels like to be a woman for a second,
Deida is expert in taking you inside her head and heart…

"You long to be claimed, taken open, surrendered blissfully, so that every

moment of your life is ablaze as the light of love's passion, an offering of your
heart's devotion, and adoration of love's radiant blessing."

From "Dear Lover", by David Deida

This kind of language may not do a lot for you, but I have seen
many, MANY women literally swoon at language like this, either
out of Deida's mouth, or when I read to them aloud from his
books.

57
Claiming is, of course, a dance. She will surrender if she can feel
the power and "service" to her of your claim.

"Dear lover, when I look into your eyes, I feel your heart's yearning. Nothing
is more beautiful to me than your love. I want to drink your love and dive
into your heart and take you open to God. But I need to feel you wanting me
to enter you. I want to feel you let down your guard in trust, just a little bit,
so I can feel your heart's invitation. Please, open so I may claim your heart."

From "Dear Lover", by David Deida

Claiming is not forced entrance. It's the response to the subtlest

invitation.

It's a world of difference. The difference between eros and rape.

You are not claiming for yourself, note, but as a vehicle of
something vaster - of love itself. This is one of the deepest and
most important points of Deida's work, as it is of most spiritual
traditions: again, you are a conduit of powers greater than
yourself. He writes, for women…

"Although you may be reluctant to trust your own love's yearning, your
deepest heart waits to be loved so fully that you are opened more than you are
willing to open by yourself, blissfully forced open by love's deepest claim,
revealed open and held in love's gentle command."

Notice not "blissfully forced open by Bob's deepest claim…" but

by "love's" deepest claim. He writes for women…

"At times, you yearn for him. Not necessarily a specific man, but a force of
masculine love, seeing who you really are, entering you, gently forcing you open
with pleasure, massive love, insisting, persisting, unyielding in desire for you,
loving deeper into you and opening you, not stopping. You are filled by his

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love, taken open by his claim. Breathing more and more deeply, your body
undulates, pressed open by his weight, filled by love's enormity."

From "Dear Lover", by David Deida

In other words, awesome as you are - you are also simply an

incarnation of masculine love. Just as your kingship is a
temporary stewardship of an eternal power than passes from
generation to generation, so too your personal claim is the
masculine's love's claim, through your body.

Does this sound strange to you? It might. We live in an atomized

culture - we all consider ourselves, wrongly, "self-contained
units". We are an individualistic culture, but we are all inextricably
intertwined.

Why just try to shove your little dick into a woman, when you can
enter, penetrate and fill her as the conscious embodiment of
every masculine being who has ever lived?

Does THAT sound strange?

It's okay. But try this. It's an exercise given by Satyen Raja,
(Month One, Week One) - in another program of mine called
Erotic Mastery (www.EroticMastery.com)

Sexual Claim Practice:

For a good 15 minutes or half an hour before making love, stay

still, breathe deep and meditate on all the men that have come
before you. Meditate on the cavemen and warriors, the scholars
and poets, the fathers and valiant young men. Meditate on all the
love these men had for their brothers, their wives, their children,
their tribes, their families. Meditate on their fearless devotional

59
love, on their births, lives and deaths. Then, as you are making
love to a woman, as you kiss, and slowly slide into nakedness,
take a deep breath and, as you enter your woman, enter her as all
men. As all the masculine care that has ever existed on Earth.

You can also do this as all life that has ever existed on Earth.

I can attest to the power of this. You will be filled with a

conscious vastness that she will feel. I've literally had women cry
and ask "What did you do?" when it we were finished.

She will feel a depth in you that is so much greater than the
standard young guy trying to pop in his cock in yet another hole.

Claim her in the name of all being, of all life, of all men. Claim
her as a conduit of a love far greater than your limited life.

This is an entirely different way to make love. It is an entirely

different way to live.

Find me a woman who doesn't want to feel this…

"You long to be claimed, taken open, surrendered blissfully, so that every

moment of your life is ablaze as the light of love's passion…"

From "Dear Lover", by David Deida

A woman, profoundly claimed and fucked open in this manner,

will radiate 24 hours a day in the glow of the gift you have given
her.

Claiming is a sure touch and sure penetration. Here are a few

other ways of establishing "claim" as you build up to the levels
we've just discussed.

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 Claiming Technique 1: Touch Like a King

So many men are afraid to show physical strength with women at

the beginning because there are such negative connotations
toward rape and abuse. And indeed, just as stupid, unjust wars are
the shadow effect of the noble warrior, wrong-touch is the
shadow effect of the vital King.

Firm touch is something women often crave, but don't articulate.

So for example, when you first meet a woman and you touch her
arm or shoulder or leg as a way of initiating touch (measuring her
response carefully to see if you should escalate to hair or neck)
and she responds pleasurably, then you can drop in a "firm
touch". This is a claiming touch.

For example, when you make a point about which you are
passionate, put your hand on her wrist and hold very firmly for
one or two seconds, firm as a blood pressure test, then let go.
Crucial: then move on with the conversation as this highly-
sexually-charged touch was nothing at all. Don't make a point of
it. The erotic charge that lingers on her skin and shoots through
her body will speak worlds enough.

Claiming Technique 2: Kiss Like a King

I have read so much nonsense from "dating" coaches about

getting to the first kiss. They offer so much strategy but it's
actually very simple. Here's how to do it: you will know when a
woman is sending positive signals your way, so when the moment
is right (and any moment is right if you do this right), you just
say, with directness and calm: "I'm going to kiss you"; "I'm going
to kiss you now"; or "You are so adorable. I have to kiss you."

61
If she says, "No you're not", then don't. Just continue the
conversation, and if the attraction builds, you can bring it up
again later. Or you can just move on. You have to judge if there's
real attraction.

But if she says nothing or smiles or says "okay" or anything else

positive, move toward her as if you're going to kiss her on the lips
- then move fluidly to the side of her neck just below the jaw-line
and press your lips gently, then a little more firmly, then inhale as
if you are inhaling her very essence, her beauty, her innocence,
her wholeness, then as you exhale, allow your lips to linger almost
imperceptibly on her skin.

Then, pull away slowly and pick up the conversation where you
left off or change the subject entirely.

If you do this right, as described, you will have accomplished a lot

of things:

a. You have claimed as a King claims. You have shown that you
speak directly and that your actions follow your words. You are a
man of your word who claims what is his and you determine
what is yours - unless and until someone informs you are
mistaken.

b. You have separated yourself from almost every other man who
would then kiss her directly on her lips, probably too hard and
probably with tongue - too much, too fast. No finesse, no
anticipation is left. It would be like jumping right into a steak the
second you sit at a table. No bread, no wine, no appetizers.

c. You will have shown that you understand that a woman yearns
to be savored not used. She is not an object, but an entire
landscape, a person-scape, an eros-scape - something to be

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explored and lingered in. It is a promise of your sensual
sensitivity - tempered by the firmness of mid-kiss, showing you
are not weak or timid. You HAVE power and force, but you
don't throw it around injudiciously. (Remember your Machiavelli
here, war is an extension of politics by other means. War is not
your first and only option. The wise king uses force judiciously).

d. You will have shown that you are not needy. You are not 16.
One kiss doesn't throw you into a frenzy. You're not scrambling
to unhook her bra or your belt! You kiss her, you savor her,
appreciate her, drink her in - then direct attention elsewhere.
You loved the moment, you are not thrown by it. By doing this,
of course, she will want to get that experience back and may even
likely kiss you while you are talking.

Claiming Technique 3: Hand to Hand

This one is simple, and you can put it to use minutes after
meeting a girl, assuming you're both laughing and having a good
time. Take her hand. As you talk to her, turn it over in your hand,
examine it, adore it, even as you're talking. Run your fingertips
along her palm and in the sensitive spots where her fingers meet
her palm.

Another deeply and complex physical claim I learned from Lance

Mason, who is part of this program. If you are in a fun social
situation and a girl says something funny or tells a tale of triumph
or drops an awesome diss - high-five her - then gently grip her
fingers, and fold her arm behind her back, where you now have a
secret bond. To amp up the sexual tension, turn away from her
and talk to the other people in the group.

Now she feels secretly claimed - as if you have a private story

going on that no one knows about. Remember, the worst that

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can happen is that she squirms free. The best that could happen
is that she recognizes you as a subtly confident man who knows
how to claim a woman, in public or in private.

I hope that these 10 Sexy Characteristics of the King - along with

all the practices included - have given you a sense of what makes
you already attractive as a man who is coming into his fullness.

I hope it also gives you a lot to think about - about how to refine
your life and your activities so that you are naturally sexy and
attractive to great women.

Too many men want to get quick techniques or things to "say" to

attract women.

But you will find that by inhabiting these 10 Qualities, you will
hardly need to say anything. Women will choose you. They will
be allured to you.

They will admire you and feel safe and inspired around you.

My only request - for your success - is do the damned practices.

They are there for a reason.

Again, true mastery comes from "doing" not by "knowing". You

will learn so much about yourself and about women by putting
these practices into action.

Okay?

Enough of my soapbox. Now, on to gathering together the

power-archetypes of your young life into your full Masculine
Presence.

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4
 **
PART II: The Essential Character
Elements of Attraction Mastery
As the "King" leader or CEO of your life, of your realm, of your
surroundings, you want to have a full arsenal of skills.

To maximize your attractiveness to the highest quality women,

you must be able to reach into your bag of tricks and embody the
warrior when need be, the lover in you, the magician in you and
the hero.

I want to stress that you don't want to be limited by any of these

without the others. They are all aspects of the Advanced
Masculine - tools to be used when needed. Not identities to
define and limit you.

What follows are the key elements of your full masculine, along
with exercises to help hone each one.

Sharpen these aspects of yourself and you will evoke the

admiration and attraction of women without even trying.

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 4. ELEMENTS OF THE KING:
HONE YOUR INNER WARRIOR

What does it mean to be a "warrior"?

Women want a man who, when necessary, will kill to defend

them. The killer in you is sexy - incredibly sexy - to women.

But like all virtues, your warrior-instinct has a shadow side. And
because that shadow side is so evident in the random violence
and militarism of our species - just at this historical moment
when we need to evolve faster than our technology - women are
often rightly suspect of the "warrior" that lurks inside men.

So I want to focus on the necessary and positive aspect of your

inner Warrior. This aspect of yourself is essential to hone in order
to attract the best women into your life. Also, you need this from
you. Only by sharpening your inner Warrior skills can you really
give your deepest gifts to the world.

Can you think of the type of character you see in film: the
"reluctant warrior" - you know, the guy who, in the past, has
killed for good cause, but who now wants to live quietly with his
family. He does not SEEK violence, in fact, tries to avoid it - yet
cannot. Because, as it happens, injustice now calls him out of
domestic bliss to kill again - for a high cause.

You see this in Clint Eastwood's near-perfect film, "The

Unforgiven". You see it in Walking Tall, Rambo, Braveheart,

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Gladiator - these are all stories that explore the Reluctant Warrior
theme.
First lesson for you - as a true Warrior, you do not seek violence.
You resort to force when all else fails - the true priority is to keep
and restore order and safety for the women and children - for
what I call your "realm".

(Remember: start thinking of the people in your life as part of your "realm",
just as a King has a realm. How are you providing for them, creating order
and bounty for the people in your life? The more you move in this direction,
the more you are taking on the mantle of the Deep Masculine role of
"kingship" - something that will inspire enduring devotion in addition to
initial attraction from your woman.)

So what does it mean to claim your "warrior" in your daily life

and how do women see it?

It doesn't mean you're eager to fight. It doesn't mean you're a

bully or a hothead or provocateur.

Instead, these are the qualities of a true Warrior:

1) Inner discipline

2) Accuracy and precision

3) A bright awareness of all that is occurring around you

4) A capacity to withstand challenge and pain patiently and

calmly as you maintain…

5) Focus and movement toward your highest goals and

highest good

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 6) A dogged embodiment of potency applied toward
worthy causes

If you really want to get to the core of what women find wildly
attractive in you, write these qualities down and review them 10x
a day!

How are you embodying them at home, at work, when you are
out socializing?

These are the qualities that allow your Inner Warrior to be ready
to do "noble battle" when it counts. They allow you to be
prepared to commit yourself, commit until victory.

There are ways to begin communicating that you are working to

embody these noble qualities. If you are dating online, for
example, you might want to say something like:

"I have high ideals in my life and I will stand behind

them, even if that means going against the grain."

"I love to come into a difficult situation, get a quick,

solid handle on what the problems are, and then cut
through to find the best solution that serves everyone
involved."

"I am committed to a daily practice of increasing my

health, my vitality, my self-understanding and my
growth as a professional as well as a man and intimate
partner."

At the core of this messaging is fearlessness and decisiveness.

The core of your warrior-self.

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And beneath, lie two essential qualities: discipline and urgency.

You can cultivate your inner Warrior by amping up your

discipline in even the smallest ways…

* Discipline your mind through short meditations (I recommend

the powerful book "Meditation in a New York Minute" by my
friend, Mark Thornton – www.SoundsTrue.com) and other
awareness practices.

* Discipline your speech by staying aware of the impact every

word makes, and by cutting out any self-denigration or self-
limitation (I show you in detail how to do this in my book on
online dating, www.DeepAttractionOnline.com). The core is to
remove all the kind of, sort of, not really language so many
people use today. Never say "I guess" but "yes"or"no". Specificity.
Clarity. Beware of qualifying statements.

* Discipline your breathing by taking three deep grounding

breaths before any important meeting or date - bring your full
awareness back to the present.

* Discipline your body by eating unprocessed foods, lean

proteins. Cut out the crap food. Get trim and vital and able to
move quickly and decisively.

* Discipline yourself for success by taking decisive actions toward

your highest goals. If you want to meet more women or that one
great woman, deepen yourself daily, write 10 women a day online,
or introduce yourself to ten women in public. The key - take
action after action after action. This is the seedbed of expertise
and success.

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* Discipline your "killer". By this I mean, develop skills with
which you will be able to defend your woman or your family if
need be. There is a tremendous confidence that comes with a
martial skill - whether boxing, muay thai, karate, MMA. Just go
start a class this week. And no, hacky-sack does not count.

As for urgency, I will go more into this later. But here is a start:

Know that there is only this moment. Your excellence, your

ultimate attractiveness to women is not something you want 10
years from now. It's something you want NOW. It's something
to create NOW.

Life moves quickly. Ignite your Inner Warrior. And fight the real
battle - against your own hesitation, distraction, lack of focus,
weakness, fear, negative self-talk and laziness.

Be the man who inspires women. Alert. Prepared. Vital.

Disciplined. Ready - right now - to make Good happen in
everything you do.

That - is a true Warrior.

Note: there are two elements of the Warrior I want to point out
that women look for. One is that you are DISPASSIONATE -
that means you don't get caught up with your own emotion or
ego - you can enter any situation and cast a cold eye to see what is
the right course of action, regardless of your personal investment.

The second is COMPASSIONATE - though you may have a

cold eye and see with absolute clarity, your heart remains open
and you take the well-being of others into consideration at all
times. It is the difference between a cold-blooded killer and a
servant-warrior.

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 *

You Don't Have To "Be" A Warrior…

"A warrior is not something you become. It is something you either are in the
moment or you are not."

- Dan Millman, The Way of The Peaceful Warrior

You will often hear me mention service to a higher good, a

worthy cause, etc. Why is this so important - both for attraction
and for life? Because a Warrior who is primarily after his own
glory (chick after chick, money, fame, things) is, ultimately a dick.
Is Donald Trump instead of Richard Branson. Is Patton before
he reformed (somewhat).

What's cool about the Warrior practice - and honestly, this may
be a relief to you if you look at your life and don't quite feel like a
Navy Seal (!) - it's not about the victory - it's about how you
conduct yourself in the moment.

In other words, it's about process - which means it's about both
what you are doing and how you are doing it right now. You
could be the greatest Warrior in history and find that you are
starting over from square one - as in the story of the great
Samurai who, for years, tracked the murderer of his Lord, but
when the murderer spat in his face, and he was about to slice him
in two out of rage (reactivity), he sheathed his sword and walked
away.
I have heard this from women time after time: they care if you
are TRYING. They are turned on if you are turned on by life,
refining your discipline, making an effort to be a more noble,

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disciplined Warrior for what you believe is good and best and
right.
*

What the Warrior Knows About Death

I often say that life begins at 40. For me, that is when I became
single and so it has special meaning for me. It was the end of 17
years of serving another, and the beginning of truly dedicating
myself to understanding what my mission was in the world as an
individual.

But for most men, I have come to see that between the age of 35
and 45, we come to it. We're building our ego, building our place
in the world, proving ourselves - ultimately to our fathers - find a
natural resolution. We find ourselves at midlife standing atop a
hill - behind us are all our struggles, accomplishments and
learnings - and in front of us, lies a downward slope that, when
we are honest, reveals to us aging, decay and death.

What ever else may come, whatever challenges and offerings,

accomplishments and adventures - the hill clearly slopes, in
temporal terms, in one direction only. The warrior knows this.

"The warrior knows the shortness of life and how fragile it is. A man under
the guidance of the warrior knows how few his days are. Rather than
depressing him, this awareness leads him to an outpouring of life force and to
an intense experience of his life that is unknown to others. Every act counts.
Each deed is done as if it were the last. The samurai swordsmen were taught
to live their lives as if they were already dead. Castanada's Don Juan taught
that there is "no time" for anything but meaningful acts if we lived with death
as "our eternal companion."

- From "King, Warrior, Magician Lover", by Moore and Gillette

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2
I've mentioned the work of David Deida. If you have not read his
book, The Way of the Superior Man, stop reading, and order it
right away on Soundstrue.com or Amazon. I say this over and over.

He has another book which I find even more useful. I have read
it through several times, and have written practically as much in
the margins as he has written upon the page.

This book is called Blue Truth: A Spiritual Guide to Life & Death
and Love and Sex. Chapter 1 is called "Love Fully and Die". And
from its first words, it is a codebook, a written initiation into
living as a Warrior of the Heart. It begins:

"You are alive, for now. Feel your heart beating in your chest. Soften your
belly and relax your jaw. Feel your heart beating deep in your body, and feel
your heart rhythm radiating outward, pulsing in your hands and feet and
neck. Feeling your heartbeat, relax open as if offering your heartbeat to the
world.

While feeling your heartbeat as an offering to all, feel how you live your
moments. What did you do today? What are your plans for tomorrow? Who
do you love and how deeply?

No matter how much money or love you have made, one day your legs will
become cold and numb, your heart will stop, your breath will cease, and all
will disappear. In some now-moment as real as this present one, your life will
end. Are you ready for your death? Are you ready for the death of your
children, your parents, and your friends?

... A life lived well embraces death by feeling open, from heart to all, in every
moment. Wide open, you can offer without holding back, you can receive
without pushing away. Wide open, heart to all, you are openness, unseparate

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from this entire open moment. Every part of the moment comes and goes as
openness.

Your daughter's smile: temporary, precious, already dissolving. Your lover's

embrace: sweet, full, already loosening. Every moment is miraculous and
disappearing. Every experience, profound and empty, both.

Life lived for the sake of experience is a half-life, tense, insecure, lonely, and
unfulfilled. Your experience cannot fulfill you because as soon as it comes, it
is already gone. A thin wisp, the tail end of hope, receding out of reach.

Once grasped, this moment of life burgeons free and bright. Surrendering
wide, breathing deeply, offering your heart, you are birthed open as this
moment. Death is permission to open freely as love."

There is no objective bar or hoop you have to jump through.

You just have to continually sharpen the sword of your actions,
mind, words, sexing, business practices. You only need to be
committed to pushing to your edge to bring your Warrior aspect
in service of your King energy.
Starting - as always - right now.

And over and over again. As Moore and Gillette write…

"When the Warrior Energy is connected with the other mature

masculine energies, something truly splendid emerges. When the
Warrior is connected with the King, the man accessing these
powers is consciously stewarding the "realm", and his decisive
actions, clarity of thinking discipline, and courage are, in fact,
creative and generative…. His admixture with the Lover energy
gives the Warrior compassion and a sense of connectedness with
all things."

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This is about fighting the good fight - perhaps the most
admirable thing, as a man, you can do.

"If we are accessing the Warrior appropriately, we will be energetic, decisive,

courageous, enduring, persevering, and loyal to some greater good beyond our
own personal gain….. We will care for ourselves and others. We will fight
good fights in order to make the world a better and more fulfilling place for
everyone and everything."

When the Warrior is disconnected from your other energies,

however: lover-less, he becomes destructive; Kingless, he
becomes wanton; magician-less, he becomes robotic.

And without the lover and king, the warrior hurts women. He
uses them, like the Japanese used "comfort women" enslaved out
of Korea during WW II - or like any army raping the conquered
women.

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EXERCISE: How You Can Embody Your Warrior King
Today

Let's get practical…

Here is a list of "realms" where you can bring the alertness, will
and edge of your warrior spirit. I have included some suggestions
on how to sharpen your edge - moment by moment - that means,
right now, today, tomorrow and every day. This is not something
you set and forget. It is a code to live by. Feel free to add any
further "edge" practices and shoot me an email so I can share
your ideas with other men ([email protected])

1. You:

a. Your body: are you disciplined in your eating? Eating

slowly or consciously? Eating to serve the higher good of a high-
functioning, vital physical machine/lover/world-conqueror?

b. Your mind: are you watching your thoughts? How is your

infantile aspect plotting revenge or denigrating others who have
"hurt" you? How disciplined is your focus on your highest goals?

c. Your words: are you serving others' good with your

words? Or are you splattering "negative energy" because it
temporarily makes you feel important.

d. Your sex: are you serving your lover open? Leading her
into deeper surrender by making her feel safe and appreciated
(remember: foreplay begins when you open your eyes in the
morning! See: www.EroticMastery.com )

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e. Your work: are you in deep service to your customer,
your company, your colleagues? If not, how could you
outperform?

2. Your family:

Have you called your mother today? :

b. Can you reach out to your siblings and offer any kind of
help - just support, a friendly inquiry, random praise for how they
are living their lives, or raising their children - a simple word of
appreciation. Can you offer guidance or financial help? How
about a gift that would serve their productiveness or joy?
Remember: not a gift to make them like you more - but a gift to
serve them as "realm".

3. Your Lover

a. What has she been saying she wants that you haven't yet
tended to?
b. What does she need? Medically? Educationally?
Luxuriously? What gesture of appreciation can you give her (note
the "6 Flowers" exercise in the "Get Her To Say Yes" training
with Allana, Unit Six, Training #21). Something simple like a
handmade card? Perhaps a weekend spa retreat (name me one
woman who doesn't want or need that)?

c. Who in her life can use your wisdom, resources, help,

guidance? Does she have a family member who could use your
help? A friend?

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4. Your Neighbors:

a. Is there an elder who could use help with groceries or

tasks?

b. A fatherless kid who could use someone to appreciate

him and play catch with? Read a book to? Give a gift of a
meaningful book? Sometimes a 20 dollar investment can change a
person's life.

c. Can you clean the area in your building or neighborhood

where no one else will - or arrange to have it cleaned?

5. Your Community

a. How can you contribute to the common good? With your

time or money? How can you use your skills to organize
something for the common good? Who needs the MOST help?
If you're a lawyer or biz whiz - can you do one Sunday morning a
month in a local café and give advice (legal caveats apply of
course) - just to show that you care. That you are taking care of
the "realm".

One of the trainings in the full 6-month version of this program

is my discussion with Brent Smith, who is famous for advising
men at parties, bars, clubs to "be the mayor". That means you
walk up to a couple of girls, put your arms around them and ask:
"Is everything going okay tonight?" Even though you don't own
the bar (a king doesn't "own" the source of trees and grain etc.) -
you assume the caretaker, or steward role. You actually CARE if
they are having a good time.

It's like the Boy Scout thing writ large. Do you leave each "realm"
in your life better off than when you found it? Put in Jungian

7
8
archetypal terms: are you leaving your "realm" better off after you
eventually release your King energy than when you first began to
take it on.

Remember - you will release it. It always goes back to the Source.

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 ELEMENTS OF THE KING:
HONE YOUR INNER LOVER

"We cannot cure the world of sorrows, but we can choose to live in joy."

- Joseph Campbell

What is it like to be perceived as a powerful lover by a woman -

before you ever touch.

They are primal energies she can feel on you - energies of

vividness, aliveness, and passion.

Cultivate Your Love of the Feminine in All Its Forms

Whenever you express joy, bliss or enthusiastic gratitude for

music, wine, tactile sensations - you are expressing your lover of
life. Women tend to idolize men who are sensually aware - the
artist, the chef and the rockstar.

It's a signal to her. A man who was alive to his senses, and to all
the pleasures that life offers, will likely be an attentive lover and
enjoy her of her pleasure centers (meaning her entire body!).

The lover has no trouble playing in the realm of the senses. At his
deepest expression, he feels the all in all, sensitive to and
delighting in the play of sunlight on the landscape, the textures of
clothing, the subtle and sudden sensitivities in a woman's skin.

Exercise: Wine

If you are not used to drinking complex wines, go to wine tasting

or a winery or a wine store - and ask for a truly complex one that

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shape-shifts in your mouth as you hold it on your tongue and
move it to your cheeks.

If you're not great with words, ask for a description or feedback

for what you are feeling as you sip and roll the wine in your
mouth. Try to feel and then describe the bite, the dryness, the
flavors, the sudden appearance and disappearance of its many
textures. A good, complex wine will talk to your mouth for a
while.

Exercise: Clouds

Outside - look up at the clouds really note the texture, thickness

and variation of what's out there. Try to describe it in words.
Imagine what they would feel like if they were clothing, if you
could touch them. If you could run them across a woman's body.

Start thinking like this. What might anything feel like against a
woman's body? Suddenly the whole world looks new. One night,
I cut some fennel in my garden and drew the feathery fronds
across a woman's body. That subtle touch, plus the heady licorice
aroma created an erotic moment that would have been a shame
never to experience!

Exercise: Sounds

Any time of day, at the office, on the street, on a walk - close

your eyes and listen to every sound: machines humming, voices
murmuring, wind sifting, your own breathing. Others' breathing.
Practice hearing everything. You will become attuned to a
woman's breathing, her tiniest sounds.

These are exercises to grow your sensual awareness - your lover

archetype.

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Our culture tends to not trust the lover, tends not to trust nature
lovers or artists. We live in a mercantile culture where they well-
rounded humanitarian, renaissance-citizen ideal has slowly and
sadly given way to a crunched-down consumer identity.

How can anyone linger on the sensual wonder of every moment

when they has to be buying something the next? So please
remember that our culture is against you on this one.

It has often been said that nature itself is the great feminine
(mother nature, Gaia, etc). To love the feminine in its nature
form is to love the feminine in its human embodied form -
woman.

Get used to the idea of LOVING the feminine in all its forms. In
our training on Accessing your Inner Lover in Month 6, we have
a great set of practices, including learning to add the sentence "I
love women" into your compliment of any woman.
Practice saying "I love" when it comes to women, but also to the
wind, the clouds, birdsong, sunshine, moonshine, dusk, dawn, the
smell of grass or jasmine, the rustle of tree leaves, the swoosh of
tides, the grace of deer, old women - it's ALL woman. It's ALL
the Great She.

Cultivate and Demonstrate Intuition

There is another element to embodying the Lover - and this one

is the power of intuition.

On a deep level, according to Moore and Gillette, a man who has

hunches can feel the vibrations of what's going on beneath the
surface, a man who mysteriously senses the connection of the all-
to-all.

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2
Listen To What's Not Said

Try this as a daily practice: listen to the words that people say but
watch which aspect of that person is talking at the moment. Is it
her or his pride, malice, ignorance in the moment?

What might another part of the person want to say right now?
What is that person unable to say right now because one aspect
of them is dominant.

This practice will help you in all relationships to separate the

person from the current state of being that is speaking.

This is a huge piece of wisdom!

It allows you to detach from the self-blinding knee-jerk

judgmentalism in which most people engage. He's an angry
person. She's a stuck-up bitch. He's a bully. She's cold.
These are the kinds of labels teenagers put on each other.

As an integrated, wise and intuitive man, you are expected to

know that EVERY ONE OF US is a complex, layered being.
That under the angry boss is an insecure man, or someone who
may feel unloved and unappreciated. That the cold woman is
simply armoring herself against hurt.

By being able to say "it's just the scared pride in him talking" or
"I really get that you're feeling angry, and I'm also feeling that you
feel really hurt - that someone hurt you before and this is
reminding you of that hurt", you demonstrate that you have a
subtler appreciation of what it means to be human.

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Oh, and by the way, it works on yourself to - and will give you a
more regal detachment from your emotions.

It will help you get through life - and especially rough patches
when you may be feeling defensive, armored, angry etc - to
detach from your emotional state at the moment, and say, that's
just the scared part of me talking, or that's the self-denigrating
voice in me that doesn't like to fail - so that you don't confuse
your whole integrated SELF with this particular voice inside of
you.

Observe Others For Fun and Profit

This ability to read people as a collection of voices (which we all

are!), and to spot what's coming out in body language or words, is
something you can apply to the "Judgment Game" that Lance
Mason and I talk about in his contribution to this Dating over 35
Program (Month #3, Week #2). I prefer to call it "The Intuition
Game" but either way, it's a way for you not only to "stand on
the same side of the fence" of your date or partner, but also to
demonstrate your intuition.

In short - if you are in public with a woman, study another couple

and "intuit" what you feel is going on there, based on their body
and facial language and who's talking. Draw her into a game of
intuition. Demonstrate your sensitivity to human interaction by
"reading" others.

The fact that you are even interested at all in people is a great way
to connect with a woman. Most men just want to talk about
themselves.

To develop your lover archetype, learn "intuitive" or soft

sciences.

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Read Palms

For example you could learn how to "read palms". It won't take
you more than a couple of hours to get the basics and you can
demonstrate skill and authority in this "science" to great
entertainment and intrigue to women almost anywhere you go.

Read Handwriting

Same with being able to read handwriting (and for this I

recommend the work of Bart Baggett at
www.HandwritingUniversity.com. He's got a terrific playing card sized
kit called the Grapho-Deck which gives you the basics of how to
read personality in handwriting).

I have seen women gather around as if we were going to give

them revelation on Sinai - just to learn what their open loops and
high-crossed 't's reveal about their sexuality.
Hilarious - and a very effective way to capture the erotic attention
of women.

Here's another practice…

Simple Mirroring

I'll give you a secret - one that never ceases to amaze me. I
discovered it online, but find that it is equally effective offline.
And that is the very simple technique of mirroring. This falls in
the category of "connecting" or "rapport".

Women will write that they are innocent and shy but secretly
adventurous. So I will write back to them: "I'm just guessing here,

85
but I feel it - there's something about you that is innocent and a
little shy, but underneath, you are really adventurous and want to
cut loose! Probably your family didn't let you, growing up."

Not rocket science. Yet more times than not, they will respond
with "How did you know!" or "You're so intuitive!" or even - this
is my favorite "Wow! You really get me!"

As a man, you get points simply for paying attention.

Love Her Wholeness (Not her Hole-ness)

What is the shadow side of the lover archetype? On the one

hand, there is the addicted lover who gets caught up in his own
sensual immersion in the world - think of Van Gogh.

It can drive you mad - everything becomes input, distraction,

overwhelm. He became overwhelmed by the fragments of reality
and could not put the pieces together. Often the shadow lover
cannot love a whole woman but instead, fixates on her parts - her
breasts, her legs, even aspects of her personality.

Beware that in yourself. You do yourself a disservice as well as

her. Please know that the guy who calls himself a "breast man" or
who obsesses over parts is truly afraid of women in their fullness.
Note any tendencies in yourself toward that.

See through her parts to the whole, loving goddess that she is
expressing as best she can, given her upbringing and kinks in her
flow.

Behold her in her fullness. More on this in the workbook. It is a

powerful way to love women - and to have women feel the
breadth and fullness of your true masculine power.

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6
Love Your Vision

The other shadow side of the lover archetype who is not in his
fullness are those who are chronically depressed - the man who
has nothing but dissociation from the world, no vision.

The lover is not afraid to be passionate about what he loves.

Accessing your lover means accessing your sense of meaning,

your sense of vision - it is the passionate or sensual side of your
mission, or purpose or inspiration in life, something that is
usually defined as and a masculine thing. But your inner lover is
the one in you who is an idealist and a dreamer and combined
with the king and warrior in you you bring life, vision and
enthusiasm into the world to serve, ultimately, the power of love.

If you have ever seen a movie where a man confesses his dream
to a woman about the art he wants to create, the play he wants to
write, the well he wants to drill in that African village, the way he
wants to inspire those damned rascally kids - you have seen a
woman fall in love.

I like to pull back from the words purpose and mission - and hit
the words vision and inspiration because there is more heart in
them.

If you have a vision with a heart in it - and you can articulate that to a
woman - you are well on the way to capturing her heart!

If you feel cut off from your inner lover, if you feel that your life
is somewhat rote and dry and unenthusiastic - give a lot of
attention to what your dreams are.

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Cultivate those dreams and vision. Take some steps toward them.

Then go out and woo women.

Let them feel your passion. They will understand, in their bodies,
that this man who is passionate about life will also be passionate
in love and sex.

Taking Your Inner Lover To The Deepest Point

Ready to go really deep?

This part isn't for everybody, but I'd be cheating you if I didn't
introduce you to these ideas and practices.

Can you love another without sensing any separation between

you and her?

Almost all mythologies - the Upanishads, Plato's Symposium, the

biblical ur-Adam - intuit that that love is one, that the divine is
one and that love - and sex - are a way for us to reunite what is
originally and best known as one.

Love and sex - they represent the desire to return to original

oneness.

You can learn this from no less sexy a guru than Albert Einstein,
who said:

"There is no place in this new kind of physics both for the field
and matter, for the field is the only reality."

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8
When you unite with a woman, you are putting together the
masculine and feminine into what's known as the "androgyne"
(andro = man, gyne = woman).

Joseph Cambell writes:

"If you marry only for the love affair, that will not last. You must also marry
on another level to reconstruct the androgyne, to make the perfect whole, male
and female."

Ken Wilber writes about David Deida's book, "Finding God

Through Sex":

"For many of the world's great wisdom traditions, particularly in their

mature phases, sexuality was deeply viewed as an exquisite expression of
spirituality - and a path to further spiritual realization. After all, in the
ecstatic embrace of sexual love, we are taken up far beyond ourselves, released
from the cramp of a separate self, delivered at least temporarily into timeless,
spaceless, blissful union with the wonderful beloved…"

So, how do you do that? How do you raise sexing to a spiritual

realization of the oneness of all things, or at least, as Deida puts
it, "awakening the one of spirit through the two of flesh"?

Big question and big practices, but I want you to have two of the
foundational practices necessary.

The first is to uncramp yourself from reduced focus, either on

her or on your sensory experience.

The second is to fuck her as if you are fucking the divine goddess
herself (because, in reality - you are).

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For these practices, I bow to Mr. Deida, who can articulate these
practices better than anyone I know…

Sexual Practice #1: Expand Your Awareness

Deida talks about making love and how attention can be reduced
to the adoration of her particular form - especially when we fixate
on a particular body part.

He says there is nothing wrong with that, she is beautiful and is

making you happy. But by reducing your attention to her form,
you have forgotten the larger picture. When it happens to him…

"I have forgotten the expanse of awareness that is the foundation

of this moment. I've forgotten the depth of love that is the basis
of our sexing…

Here is a practice to unlock yourself from reducing your

attention…

"If you want sex to go deeper, move your attention from the surfaces of sex to
the depths of free feeling. When you notice your attention stopping at her
breasts, relax your focus in two steps. First, widen your attention like a
floodlight covering the entire scene. Feel everything, the smell of the air, the
position of her feet, the rhythm of her breath. Second, deepen your capacity to
feel into your woman. Do your best to sense your lover's emotions and the flow
of energy in her body. Try to feel her innermost secrets, the deepest chambers of
her heart. Don't stop enjoying her breasts; simply keep your awareness so you
are also feeling much more. This is how you begin to cultivate sexual
depth…"

- From "Finding God Through Sex" by David Deida

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Now, as I hope you realize by now, your sex life is not
disconnected from your whole life. So to truly cultivate the lover
archetype for yourself and for your woman, you need to bring
this ability to feel into the full, boundless openness of every
moment any time during the day - and ultimately all day.

Last night, I went for a long moonlight hike with a beloved

partner to a place called Eagle Rock high above Malibu. In the
silence, with only the occasional wind in the grass or owl
alighting, it was so easy to feel the breadth of the moment. Sitting
atop that towering rock, which juts high above trails and
wildgrass fields, it was very easy to feel what Deida calls the
spaciousness of every moment.

But the truth is that with practice I, and you, should be able to do
that anywhere. In a doctor's waiting room, at the DMV, in our
car, even taking a shit.

It's a matter of practice. It's a matter of intention. Of cultivating

the breadth of our consciousness and awareness.

"Most men spend the majority of their lifetime trapped in the seriousness of
the game - trying to win financially, sexually, emotionally, or spiritually -
rather than relaxing as open being, living as the spontaneous flow of love,
blessing all others with the gift of their deepest presence. It is important for
each of us to approach our self-created suffering with great humor and
compassion… Once we realize that our suffering is due to being lost in the
game, we can relax open as the freedom of deep being."

- From "Finding God Through Sex" by David Deida

Sexual Practice 2: Worship Her Divinity Through Her Body

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Think you're just making love to some compilation of neuroses,
story, body parts and perfume? Sure, you could do that.

But imagine the pleasure you can give her - and ultimately
yourself - if you touched something far more profound in her:

"Practice worshiping and relaxing in communion with the divine through the
physical form of your lover. Actually feel your lover's form to be the form of
the divine. How would you make love with the most holy of beings? How
would you kiss a perfect sage? How would you touch the breasts of the wild
woman who eats the stars for breakfast? Even if your lover seems anything
but the divine incarnate, practice to feel her as a goddess. If you treat your
lover is a closed or unhappy person, he or she will remain so, but if you treat
your lover's form as divine, as a sacred incarnation of infinite Spirit, then
your sexing will serve to liberate her from anything less. Your lover will be
free to be of spirit, devoted to spirit, just as he or she is, without having to fit
the peon mold of your need."

- From "Finding God Through Sex" by David Deida

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2
 ELEMENTS OF THE KING #3:
BRINGING YOUR HERO

"Out of perfection nothing can be made."

- Joseph Campbell

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so

as to have the life that is waiting for us."

- Joseph Campbell

"The goal is to live with Godlike composure on

the full rush of energy, like Dionysus is riding the
leopard, without being torn to pieces."
- Joseph Campbell

This chapter is about busting out of stagnation. Busting out of

mediocrity. Busting out of fear of not being attractive or worthy.

You are not perfect. You are deeply flawed. You have fears and,
in significant ways, are shying away from the greatness.

You bury your feelings of shame at not living your full greatness.
By keeping busy. By talking. By buying things. By fucking women
or trying to fuck women.

But in the quiet moments of your life. Maybe it's when you watch
a truly inspirational person speak (the founder of Kiva recently
did this to me). Or maybe when you see a family member or old
friend - and they remind you that you are, in some way that you
hate, still the awkward insecure boy you were in high school -
despite any worldly success.

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And women feel this.

They feel when you are not living your deepest gifts.

Women feel when you are a coward in the face

of your edge, your greatness.

And they HATE it. They are so let down by you not living your
greatness. They don't want to settle for a man who has settled for
his mediocrity.

They feel when you have stagnated and you are reaching out to
fill a void - OR, BY CONTRAST - when you are giving your
vitality, intelligence and sexuality in order to serve, expand,
deepen, pleasure, raise and en-joy - to give joy - to her and to all.

Women can feel when you have refused to stagnate and it turns
them on.

That should be motivation enough for you. Especially if, at

roughly midlife, you feel stuck in a cycle of work and taking care
of things such that you feel uninspired.

The Hero aspect of you is the one you awaken to get your
inspiration back.

The Hero aspect of you is the part that refuses to stagnate.

It doesn't leap into action right away.

Fascinatingly, the hero always at first refuses the call to change

and grow and leave his comfort zone - and then gets compelled
to break forward into new discovery and growth - usually by an
outside force.

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If you're stuck at all today - let me be your outside force!

If you are not familiar with Campbell's telling of the Hero's

Journey, you must be.

Here's why. It is the universal story. It is the story told in every

culture, from the Haida of Queen Charlotte Islands off
Vancouver, to African tales, to the story of Buddha, Jesus,
Mohammed, to every movie written in Hollywood.

Here's why:

"The hero's journey always begins with the call. One way or another, a guide
must come and say, look, you're in Sleepy Land. Awaken! Come on a trip.
There's a whole aspect of your consciousness, your being, that's not been
touched. So you're at home here? Well, there's not enough of you there." And
so it starts…"

Joseph Campbell dedicated his life to teasing out why human

cultures tell the same stories globally. In short - they awaken us to
our greatest potential - and the niggling obstacles we ourselves
put in our own greatness's way.

He writes about that moment in your life where you are thrown
off center, when you feel off-center, so that you know - it's time
to go. It's time for a change.

This is when the hero part of yourself grudgingly admits

something precious has been lost in your life and you make the
commitment to go and find it. You have to cross the threshold
into new realms, new practices, a new life. It's a dangerous
adventure, because you're moving out of the sphere of the

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knowledge of you and your community. Out of what you have
known up to now.

If you feel stuck…

If you feel that your life is passing you by…
If you feel that you are too old to attract a woman you find
sexy…
If you are afraid no woman will ever love or even fuck you…
If you are coming off a divorce or a job loss…

The hero is that part of you you need to grasp right now!

It is the part of you that knows, subconsciously, that what seems

like a disaster - is actually, when you look at it a new way - the call
to your new hero's journey.

What happens on every Hero's Journey?...

On the hero's journey, magical guides appear to help you - as it

turns out, exactly the guides that you need. You will cross into a
dark forest or plunge into a sea - the night journey where you
experience terror - which is a way of symbolizing that you don't
know where you are going yet - you're not even sure if there is an
end point for you or if you will just fail.

You are leaving the zone that you understood. As you advance
on the journey, you have to give up more and more of what
you're hanging onto.

In stories, you have to give up your clothing, you must try on

disguises. (I can't not think of Mystery and his whole
"'Peacocking" school of pick-up - it is all just a part of a great
journey!)

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Think of the Wizard of Oz for example - how they had to don
the uniforms of the guards in order to enter the castle.

On the hero's journey you must penetrate the witch's castle, or

the dragons cave - which is all a symbol of your deepest fear
(often death, or it's familiar incarnations - a fear of failure,
irrelevance, undesirability).

What happens then is you "die" and get resurrected (the old you
falls away, the new powerful you is reborn because you've faced
up to your fear), you kill the dragon (your fear) you steal the gold
(new wisdom) and you complete the adventure cycle by taking
the "gold" of your wisdom and replenishing the world from
which you came.

Wow.

That is the hero's journey and it is retold in ten thousand ways

across the world in every culture.

It is told because symbolically it is the story of you breaking out

of your cramped place in life right now - post divorce, insecure,
fearful, depressed etc. - and it is the light that shines on your road
forward.

What are the lessons to learn?

x You must take a step out of the safe circle even though
you don't want to.
x You must learn from new teachers you meet on this
perilous new road.
x You will be scared but you must keep moving forward.

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 x You may have to try on new "clothes" - for dating, that
means new modes of socializing, forming new groups,
altering your conversation and rapport skills.
x You must ultimately face your deepest fear head-on
x You must slay your fear when the time is right.
x You must own the new wisdom that reveals to you.
x You must serve the world, not just yourself with your
bounty.

Campbell has some gems about what this path feels like…

"There is no security in following the call to adventure. Nothing is exciting if

you know what the outcome is going to be. Where there is a way or path, it is
someone else's path."

"The very cave you are afraid to enter turns out to be the source of what you
are looking for. The damned thing in the cave that was so dreaded has
become the center."

"The return from the cave back to your familiar world is seeing the radiance
everywhere."

"It may look like a wreck but go at it as though it were an opportunity, a

challenge. If you bring love to that moment - not discouragement - you will
find the strength is there. Any disaster you can survive is an improvement in
your character, your stature, and your life. What a privilege!"

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EMBRACING YOUR INNER HERO

Heroes are not only people who grow and change and take their
journeys - they are also agents of change.

There are two important things here - one - you change the world
when you change yourself - ultimately, in becoming the best man
you can be, finding the great woman you then deserve - you've
still got to be about something bigger than yourself.

But the other important thing here is that word "agent" - you've
got to be the active force. And to do that, you must take 100%
responsibility for your fate.

There's a wonderful book I've read a few times, going back to my

movie writing days, called The Hero Within, by Dr. Carol S.
Pearson. In it, she gives it to you straight…

"To claim the hero within, we must let go of our belief that we are victimized
if we do not have perfect parents or a perfect job, a perfect government or
unending affluence. The very nature of heroism requires us to face the Dragon,
not sit around and complain that dragons exist and someone should do
something about them."

The heroic part of you doesn't whine that the world is imperfect -
in fact it lives for adventure. That's why you invested in this
Program, by the way, because you are an action taker. You're not
content to sit around and complain that life's passed you by, that
women are too demanding, that they are bitches, that your kids
or your job make dating impossible.

That's all bullshit. It's all self-created mind-obstacles - and don't

worry, if you're still carrying some of them, we will dispense with
them in the first Chapter of the Workbook and then again in

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more depth during the first Month of the Intensive part of this
program.

Boredom is your enemy!

Boredom is ultimately only another choice!

Boredom in your life is the slayer of attraction!

Don't you think women are turned on by a guy questing for

something great? Triumph in the business world? Artistic
greatness? Excellence in any kind of creation or service?

Of course! These are huge turn-ons.

There's a reason that movies about bored men who remain in

stasis, unhappy, depressed, confused, and bitter - do not do very
well.

I ask you right here…

You came to this Program looking to find ways to attract

beautiful women into your life and win their hearts or bodies or
both.

Well, this is ground zero.

Are you going to fire up the hero with and venture out of
comfort?

Are you going to fix the things in your life - whether personal or
at work - or are you going to accept mediocrity?

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So many men look for the perfect "line" or close to attract
women.

This is your line. It is your narrative line - the story that you
decide to write of your life every day.

The Heroism of Telling Your Story Anew

Most people are slaves of the stories they unconsciously tell

themselves about their lives.
True freedom begins the moment you become aware of the story
you're unconsciously living - so that you can change storylines on
a dime.

As Alex Allman explains forcefully (Month #4, Training #2) in

his Training in this series, at every moment, you get to choose
your identity. You get to appoint yourself and anoint yourself to
be the loving man, successful man, appealing man that women
want.

Even if you don't fully believe it now, the more you embody the
belief through your actions and through how you carry yourself,
the more it becomes true - for you and for others!

In Hollywood terms, you not just the lead, but you are the
screenwriter, director and producer of your life.

This is the absolute key point of self-empowerment.

Your experience is driven by your assumptions.

In the GREAT book, "The Mastery of Love" by Don Miguel

Ruiz, I learned, once and for all, how each of us lives what Ruiz
calls our individual "dreams".

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Your world and my world are absolutely different, shaped by
different upbringings, influences, experiences - and assumptions.

I once developed an exercise for a creative writing class where

students wrote their life story in 3 minutes. They read them
aloud, laughing and crying at the depth and beauty and humor of
their story. Then I had them write it again - but they were not
allowed to repeat ANYTHING. No person, place or thing. After
a few seconds of bewildered stares, they started again.

And they were astonished that they could tell an entirely different
story - and it was still their life!

Energized, amazed, opened-up, they then read their stories aloud

once again - and were amazed at how differently they could tell
their life story.

Then I had them do it a third time - no repeats allowed.

I am telling you here and now, and I can't hammer it into your
skull hard enough: the story you are telling yourself about who
you are - any limitations you are setting at all - it's just a dream.
It's just a collection of opinions floating around in your head.

And you're perfectly welcome to tell it an entirely different way.

And it will be entirely as untrue as the story you're telling now.

Especially with the web, you are hyper-empowered to learn

anything, relearn anything - a language, a skill-set, psychological
insight, the elements of a new personality type.

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You can pick up and move pretty much anywhere in the world if
you decided to, and find a way to earn money there or online.
You have the entire storehouse of human knowledge at your
fingertips, unlike every generation that's ever lived.

So don't tell me you are limited, or are a slave to your story as it's
been told to you by your parents or your ex or your boss or your
buddies or even as you've been telling it.
It's just one way of telling who you have been so far. There are at
least 5 other ways.

It's time to undo your assumptions. Ready?

Choosing Freedom

Think of the following six archetypes as six alternative ways of

looking at the same movie of your life.

There is a great movie, by the Japanese director Kurasawa called

"Rashamon". Get it. In it, the same violent forest incident is
retold before a judge by four different participant-observers.
Each story is utterly different - yet none is untrue.

Similarly, I want you to read the following six "story-lines" that

you might tell about yourself - and then tell yourself the story of
your life as each.

The great gift of this exercise is that if you do this well, you will
release yourself from the limitations of what you've been telling
yourself. You will begin to - or immediately - embody a more
expansive self-conception - and women will feel this new
freedom and expansiveness on you.

You will grow far more attractive in their eyes.

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Think of these six archetypes as "tools" in your toolbox.

Sometimes, when you feel someone is keeping you down, you

may need to pull out the warrior in you. But you are not limited
to being a "warrior".

Sometimes, when someone may be hurting deeply, you may need

to access your "altruist". But you are not Mother Theresa. (P.S.
that hurting person may be you.)

If your life has reached some kind of deadening stasis, you may
need to pull out your "wanderer". But this doesn't mean you are a
hobo by definition.

These are all merely tools that make you a flexible, more
complete and effective adult.

Here are some of the stories you can tell about yourself - as well
as the dangers and opportunities of each. Remember - you are all
of these stories - and it is up to you which one you are going to
tell at any given time.

Just don't get attached to any of them. Practice this, and you will
be able to lead your woman out of her self-inflicted limited
stories as well - an admirable skill, and one that will lead to her
deeper devotion to you.

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 Your Six Stories
You Are The Orphan

If you are telling yourself the story of "I am an orphan", then the
plot line of you is how much you suffered, how much you
struggled and how you have survived. This is clearly an
empowering tale to tell. But beware the shadow of the orphan,
which is the victim. "Everyone is against me. I did it myself."

The gift of the orphan story to your self-esteem is - resilience. If

you feel that you have overcome great odds in your life, whether
it is an alcoholic father, poverty or even something like cancer -
the attractive quality here is your strength of will, your ability to
solve problems, and importantly, your great-heartedness in being
able to share that power of resilience with the woman in your life.
As the orphan, you know that life can be difficult, but that
persistence can get you through almost anything.

The trap, of course, of being stuck in the Orphan story is that

everyone becomes your abandoning parent - and you end up
turning your intimate partner into another enemy or obstacle
over which you must triumph, and from whom you must show
your independence.

If you stay stuck in your orphan, you will kill any relationship you
enter, because subconsciously, you will always need to break free
and be alone, which you believe is your natural, safe state.

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 You Are Also The Wanderer

The wanderer story you might tell yourself and others is of

yourself as the adventurer archetype, the guy who set off a new
frontiers. The knight, the romantic Explorer.

It's a great story to tell, and women of course find it very

romantic - until they want you to settle down and make their
babies. Then, that part of yourself becomes the enemy.

The shadow side of this self-appointed character is the guy who

loves to be alone, fears intimacy and cannot commit. Men who
stay in this stage, or story, tend to live the "I don't need anyone"
philosophy, use and leave women, and avoid deep friendships.

For a man who has children who seeks a woman who has
children, you may both have already passed through the "tending
the babies" phase and may be ready to re-ignite your Wanderer
selves.

What is universally attractive about this story you may tell

yourself, and which women may hear from you, is your ability to
break through the ordinary, not accept mediocrity, and find the
world and life afresh every day.

If you decide to tell yourself this story about yourself, and if you
want to develop a lasting intimacy, then you must consciously
welcome your woman into the adventure of life. Depending on
her personality, give her as much an equal role in the adventure
story of her life. Do not turn her into yet another stop on the
tour that you must escape.

Or you will torpedo your love.

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 You Are Also The Warrior

The warrior story you probably tell, is about challenge and

victory.
It is a fun story for young men to tell, because it is the story of
self-individuation from the father and from "the man".

In fact it feels so good to tell, it becomes a trap in later life.

Conquest is incredibly appealing in young man, but it begins to
feel like an obsessive desire to hang onto a young role as we grow
older.

The shadow side is the conqueror who doesn't mature or relax

into his power - he has to keep conquering. What happens is that
he is unable to let go of the conquering role, the reins of power -
and so is unable to trust others.

King Lear is the perfect example, and I think Sumner Redstone is

the embodiment of the pathetic warrior who has not evolved -
who is stuck in warrior mode. His children are at war with him,
he has ridiculous red dyed hair in his 80s, and nothing seems to
turn him on more than putting on his armor and fighting one
more battle.

At some point the eternal warrior becomes Don Quixote, tilting

at windmills.

So your warrior self must be tempered with kingship and your

lover self.

The warrior story you tell yourself is ultimately about proving

your worth against others.

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But at some point, you must temper your telling yourself and
others your warrior story with the assumption that you have
already proven your worth. The prince needs to prove his worth.
The King quietly knows his worth.

Although I personally think he is an most vile incarnation of the

king archetype, you never see Dick Cheney blathering on about
why he is right - he clearly just quietly knows he is right and
everyone should step in line. The man understands his warrior-
king archetype.

If you have been telling yourself your warrior story for most of
your adult life, and like to tell women about how you've
conquered the outer world as your foothold, as your self worth,
try to now tell yourself how your warrior-self has evolved, as
you've entered your thirties, forties and more so your fifties - how
you've grown your heart into greater kindness, self acceptance,
generosity without expectation of return and love. This is the
ultimate warrior's victory.

This is the ultimate knight's service - to a greater cause.

Also, if you have been telling yourself the warrior story - allow
yourself to retell your life story as the altruist or the innocent, the
next two archetypes.

Telling the story of the altruist help you take your focus off
yourself, and the telling yourself the story of the innocent allows
you to recognize and appreciate what you have received, rather
than what you have taken.

In this balance, there is great wisdom the erotic appeal of the

King - as well as inner peace. You don't have to carry your sword
forever.

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 You Are Also The Altruist

The Altruist in you tells the story about how you give your
energy, intelligence, heart and life in service to others. Told the
wrong way, clearly the downside, or shadow of this story is
victimhood.

The man who tells this story in the shadow form is constantly
looking for reaffirmation of his words from others - and this will
not be appealing to women of high self-esteem.

It will appeal, however, to other altruists also living in their

shadow - and what you get is a victim-fest. Told well, you can tell
your life story as a beacon of compassion.

If you are a schoolteacher, or in the health professions, for

example, you can tell a strong self story of compassionate
altruism. Your job in this exercise, is to prevent yourself from
tipping over into altruism as ego trip.

If you are going to present the Altruist side of yourself, you must
also have some selfish Warrior going on, or a woman will feel
that you will give yourself - and anything you build together -
away.

This next section is for you if you, like me, were married a while
and did everything you could to please your woman.

Or if you are a "pleaser" or "nice guy" who ends up squelching

your own needs and life force by subsuming your mission and
inspiration to another person or other people.

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Or maybe you've just been a great and devoted dad for a long
time, they've grown up, and now you're trying to remember what
YOU are about, what inspires you for you.

If you are giving too much weight to your inner Altruist, you may
be trying to prove your self-worth by, as U2 sings it - "and you
give yourself away". That song used to rip my soul out - that's
how I felt.

When you give yourself away, you are not only ignoring what you
must do for yourself, but also you may be smothering the target
of your good deeds - your girl, your kids - by not allowing them
to create their own lives and grow.

One of the greatest expressions of what you have to do is found

in a poem by Mary Oliver called The Journey.

If you tend to be an out-of-control altruist, print it out and read it

daily. If you meet a woman who is dragged back by her self-
obliteration by over-serving others, read this to her in the context
of support of her individuation and self-worth. I guarantee you
she will cry, or at least be deeply touched by your faith in her
internal power. Here's the poem:

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The Journey

One day you finally knew

what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice -
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,

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 determined to do
the only thing you could do -
determined to save
the only life you could save.

Mary Oliver

That is some powerful medicine!

(By the way, one day soon, I'm going to compile a collection of
poems and fragments of poems you should have in your arsenal
that open the heart of women. Use them with care!)

You Are Also The Innocent

The innocent is the part of ourselves that experiences the grace

of the world, the perfection of the child loved by his parents, or
Adam and Eve in Eden before they got munching.

The innocent is aware of the bounty and gifts the world has given
him.

The shadow side of the Innocent in you is denial - trying to look

good, perfect, whole - when in fact you are wounded, hurting, or
simply afraid of seeming imperfect.

In our strange American culture, you see this shadow by those

who flaunt their self virtue, jingoistic patriotism or religious
correctness. Now, I am all for virtue, healthy patriotism and
spiritual connectedness - but when you see people wielding these
things like a hammer to crush others, you are seeing the shadow
of the archetype of the innocent.

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They are hiding their complex selves behind a monochrome
show.

If you are telling yourself and women the story of your

perfection, whether of ideology or personal story - (i.e. "The
divorce was entirely my ex-wife's fault!") - know that you are
hiding your ability to self-accept on some level.

The temptation of telling yourself the story of the innocent is to

ignore your true pain and suffering - which guys love to do.

The orphan in you loves to tell the story of pain and suffering
because there is someone to blame.

When you embody your Innocent archetype, you look for the
grace, wisdom, or lesson in everything around you.

At its best, the archetype of the innocent in you is always ready to

receive wisdom and to choose the best path forward. It is a part
of you that says, I am open, I am ready, I blame no one, anything
is possible - and I am the master of the road I choose.

One of the gifts of running the Innocent narrative, is that as the

innocent, you do not blame, conquer, or escape.

Rather, you go inward to see what inner change might produce

outer change, because your inner assumption is that Grace and
Paradise is possible and close at hand. As the innocent, you
accept that there is great good in the world, redemption no
matter how difficult times may get. Call it God, spirituality, the
bounty of nature, time healing all wounds - love is all around.
This is a very useful tool to have when things look dark.

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The Innocent is not very useful if you are in an abusive situation -
this is where you must call upon your warrior or your wanderer,
so you can fight or take off and leave your abuser behind.

But in a situation that can be solved, where good people are

struggling to get along, the innocent is the part of you that trusts
yourself to discover a beautiful way forward.

Pearson gives some great exercises to help you access your inner
Innocent…

Exercise 1. Every day, take every opportunity to appreciate what

you have. Take every opportunity to thank people who are
helpful to you. Call your parents. Call an ex-teacher. If you really
want to leap ahead, call your ex, and find something to appreciate
about her some gift she has given you. Essentially, this is the
gratitude exercise I've offered you earlier - just here she
recommends sharing it with others.

Exercise 2. If you have a problem or challenge, close your eyes

and imagine the vision of the ideal outcome. Then write it in the
present tense as if it has already been accomplished. Say it aloud.
This has the power to shake you out of the spin cycle of anxiety
and move you into a more helpful state of grace.

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 You Are Also The Magician

You access your Magician archetype when you vision a better way
to do anything and then conjure magic in the world around you
to help create that vision.

At its best, your magician aspect inspires people to take action

toward your vision.

At its worst, your magician manipulates others to their detriment

in accordance to your selfish will.

Sound a little esoteric. Just think of figures who have created

something out of what seemed like nothing at the time.

Merlin, hiding in a cave from the worst of the dark ages, had a
vision of Camelot, then gathered Arthur and pals, each of whom
brought a distinct quality and the result - by combining leaders
with this variety of virtues - was to bring order, peace and
prosperity out of darkness.

So too your inner magician can assemble your own virtues and
qualities to create the life you actually want.

Nelson Mandela held a vision in his long, dark imprisonment,

and by the inspiration of his inner magician, transformed a
hideous country into a somewhat slightly less hideous country.

Every great teacher movie, Mr. Holland's Opus, Stand and

Deliver, Freedom Writers and my own TNT film, The Ron Clark
Story, inspires audiences by showing a magician-teacher
transforming lost, depressed or forgotten children into
empowered successes.

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Your inner magician is the part of you that can transform lead
into gold, boredom into energy, dead-end jobs and relationships
into new beginnings.

It is the part of you that can transform a classroom, a workplace,

a neighborhood, community or country - or even more difficult,
your own intimate relationship (-) into something bright and
inspiring.

It also happens to be the part of you that can transform an

unsuccessful dating life into an ideal one!

What your magician can do is to take an honest assessment, and

take responsibility for making choices. Unlike the Warrior, this
part of you doesn't simply conquer.

It may not even know all the answers, but with a clear vision of
where you want to go, it starts mixing and matching like
alchemist - and making miracles. Like the Innocent, the magician
is aware of, and claims a piece of a greater goodness, a greater
power. But where the Innocent is more a Taoist, going with the
flow, the Magician takes responsibility for taking that flow and
shifting the world to benefit from it.

Jesus turning wine into water, Moses parting the Red Sea, the
Buddha slaying demons - these are all magician archetypes
conjuring up powers outside themselves to effect great change.
Not that they are all aligned with greater powers. It is not ego, it
is not paltry manipulation of others to suit your petty desires. It is
the ability to change the world.

Now for those few of us who are not Jesus or the Buddha, let's
remember that they each went through their ordeals. They did
their 40 nights in the desert or 40 days in silent mediation

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warding off demons. They put in their time and their work. Just
as you must. That means workshops, adventures, altered states of
various kinds, spiritual journeys, edge-testing or whatever it is
that jars you out of reliance on your habitual, limited powers, and
imbues you with a whole new level of knowledge.

Shamans, the great spiritual magicians of traditional cultures, do

not depend on their book learning! They travel "between worlds"
- something that may require ascetic practices or entheogens like
peyote, San Pedro cactus or ayahuasca. ("Entheogen" literally
means "God within").

My experience with each of these, especially Ayahuasca, is a

profound humbling of my self, my ego and an opening to a
pouring in of visions, wisdom, self-understanding (many of which
I wouldn't be willing to hear in a "normal" state) and perspective
on mind, birth, life, death, matter and possibility.

I could not do what I do, I could not live as I live, I could not
teach as I teach if I had not gone through these profound
transformative "shamanistic" or "magician" initiations.

You're on your path too…

It was the magician part of you who invested in the raw materials
of this Program. Now, your magician will create a great online
profile that shows the most inspiring part of you, it will create
your own local Facebook passion-group, meet-up or cocktail
hour.

Your magician will dive deeper into Deida's books, or will attend
a Tony Robbins seminar or a WarriorSage seminar or the
Mankind Project - because you KNOW you can transform your
life!!!

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And if you need it, ask your magician self to access your Warrior
self to make SURE you transform your life because you know -
this is it.

As they say, life is not a dress rehearsal. It's now or never.

If you need it, will access your inner Altruist to show compassion
for yourself so you don't judge or berate yourself for not being
further along. You just start NOW.

Do you see how it is necessary to understand your different inner

archetypes? People who get stuck in life get stuck on the idea
that they are one thing or only have one skillset. If you don't feel
strong or innovative enough to go sign up for a transformational
workshop, or a boxing class or tango or craft a great online
dating profile - because you're sitting at work under awful
fluorescent lights - reach for your sleeping archetypes.

Or recognize your friends as strong incarnations of them and get

them to kick your ass or inspire you to take action.

Just take action!

Your inner magician makes miracles happen.

My inner magician turned me from a depressed divorcee who

thought his life was over, who thought no one would ever date an
overweight, balding guy who was broke and who couldn't keep
his family together into a vibrant, involved dad of two strong,
passionate sons who still like to hang out with him, and who
dates the most beautiful, sexy, vibrant, adventurous, self-
expressed women in the world.

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It is a miracle that didn't happen overnight, but came through
warrior ordeals of intense learning cycles, workshops, the fire of
relationships, reading, testing and pushing my own limits. I dated
women I thought were way out of my league and raised my
standards. I booked crazy adventure travel trips not knowing
where I'd end up. I signed up sight unseen for Satyen Raja's
workshop "Sex, Passion and Enlightenment" because a beautiful
redhead called me after she completed it and said it was like
having a full weekend orgasm. Enough for me.

It also helped that I had two sons looking up to me and that I

had to be a role model for self-invention. If I wanted them to be
great men, I needed to model that for them. Even when I felt I
couldn't do it, I pushed myself into new areas.

If you are at all stuck in your life or unhappy with anything about
your life, I urge you to activate your inner magician, the part of
you that makes change happen.

If you're feeling out of balance in any way, your magician will

look inside and see what you can change inside - free of blame of
the outside world. The outside world, including other people,
becomes raw material in your magician's world - what will you
create from it?

Now, there is a shadow side to magician as there is a shadow side

to every aspect of you.

Essential to the Magician in you, if you are not going to take it to

the dark side, is humility. In most traditions, fessing up,
confession, repentance, forgiveness and self-forgiveness are part
of this initiation.

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The power you wield as a magician cannot be for your selfish
gain. It is part of your greater Kingship and ultimately, your self-
transformation must serve those around you.

The inspiring Magician in you knows that true power isn't power
over but "power to".

When you try to get power over people, you crush them and you
lose your true self. It never ends well. Men who focus on gaining
power over women to date them or bed them or control them
hurt women and themselves.

Men who focus on their power to create a great, happy, self-

fulfilled and inspiring life draw women at every turn - and
continue to inspire them into deeper devotion.

When you transform yourself, when you inspire yourself - you

inspire others.

In fact, I have found that this is one of the most attractive things
possible about you.

Inspire women with your Magician self. Hold a high vision. Take
100% self- responsibility to transform the lead parts of your life
into gold. Don't settle for any mediocrity in your life at all.

Transform your frightened closure into open-hearted embrace of

all life, all experience and all people.

Take responsibility to make your greatest dreams come true.

Even if you don't make it happen in the end, you've walked the
noble path and inspired those around you.

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You didn't trudge through life on a treadmill of mediocrity like
Dilbert. You lived boldly.

A friend of mine recently died, and his kids are amazingly okay.
Why? They knew he lived full out. He built empires and lost
them. He got his black belt and killed members of a gang who
jumped him and his family coming out of a restaurant. He loved,
he adventured, he never held back - and when he died - his kids
didn't mourn so much as celebrated his life. It was kind of hard
not to.

Okay, let's get practical…

Here are some ways to access your inner Magician…

Exercise 1: Join a men's group or a mastermind.

As Pearson writes in The Hero Within, "No one creates paradise

alone". Her description of Merlin and Camelot is useful. Merlin
held out the vision, then slowly assembled all the parts. You can't
be Merlin, Arthur, Guinevere, Lancelot, Galahad etc. You have
all these aspects in you, but you must also lean on the shoulders,
sometimes, of a great collection of others for guidance and ideas
to get you where you want to go.

Just recently, I was set to be in the room with a guy who has
done me public damage and disservice as part of his manic desire
to ruin someone I worked with - and my desire was rather than
take out my Warrior and kill the sonofabitch, I wanted to
transform the meeting into an opportunity to bring light, to
maybe show him life is more than a grudge-match, and to inspire
him to a higher path.

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So I called a friend of mine who is a deep, wise, meditation
teacher for advice and he gave me a practice to prepare me. I
didn't call my black belt MMA instructor!

Gather great teachers and friends, and give them the

opportunities to share their gifts with you. Be an open vessel to
learn.

You can check Meetup.com for men's groups - or check out the
Mankind Project or local Deida-inspired men's groups. There is
also something called the Sterling Men's group which I'm told is
very good.

The point: Find good men who are also determined to live their
greatness - and to take responsibility to transform mediocrity into
inspiration.

Exercise 2: Write an Ideal Vision of Your Life

Really put it down on paper or on computer. Describe in

DETAIL the love life you most desire. The work you most aspire
to. The relationships with your family. Your ideal health. Your
ideal learning schedule. Your ideal travel. Then make one move
every day in the direction of each, no matter how small. I'm
sick of this quote by Goethe because I've heard it so many times,
but it is TRUE!!!...

"Whatever you can do, or dream you can,

begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and
magic in it."

Take action. Take action. Take action.

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Exercise 3. Admit Your Shadow Tendencies

This is a humbling one, and an honesty one, because you cannot

be a transformative magician unless you balance your inner world
first. The exercise is to name three people who piss you off and
see what in them exists in you.

Because whether you like to admit it or not, you are seeing your
shadow and that is what's pissing you off. If their negative quality
didn't trigger that same quality in you, you would feel nothing but
sorrow or compassion for them!

Your job is to first acknowledge that you possess the shadow of

what you hate, and your second job is to identify the positive
version of that shadow and bring it out into your life.

I'll give you a personal example. I once entered an Ayahuasca

ceremony with the request to find peace and forgiveness with my
ex-wife. I was carrying a lot of anger and wanted to release it
once and for all. During the 5 hour journey, Ayahuasca showed
me, point by point, how every single quality I detested or
resented in her already existed in me before I even met her!
Arrogance, selfishness, the need to be right - I was shown examples
how I already was each of these.

The result: I had to laugh. Because suddenly it was so obvious: I

was resenting in her things I was embarrassed about in myself.
Humbling, yes, and freeing! This is the path of the Magician,
whether you used earth medicines as helpers or not.

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Exercise 4: Hold To Your Vision, Without Making Others
Wrong

Practice standing up for your principles of values without making

any one else wrong. Use the language of "this is my vision" rather
than "this is my moral stance".

Moral stances have a way of becoming fundamentalist, have you

noticed? Doctors who perform abortions are murdered. Towers
are brought down. Bombs go off in marketplaces. These are acts
of people who are locked into their morals, ego-attached to their
ideas - and need to impose them. The world has had enough of
this bullshit.
Instead, be light with your vision - hold it out there, follow it,
inspire others to follow their highest vision. Here, there is great
power, and magnetism.

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YOUR STORY, YOUR CHOICE
As you can see, how you choose to tell the story of yourself to
yourself and to others utterly shapes how you relate to women,
how they relate to you, how you unconsciously block your
growth and how you open new avenues of growth.

Each of us, ultimately, sees the world as nothing more than a

mirror of the dominant story we are currently telling…

"When we are in the wanderer stage, the world is full of suffering. When we
move into the warrior stage, then the world miraculously changes with us and
confronts us not so much with catastrophes as with challenges. In the altruist
stage we find ourselves surrounded by people needing love and care at every
turn. As we enter as a magician stage, we encounter situations and people
needing to be transformed…"

The danger of seeing the world as a mirror of your inner story

becomes most acute in intimacy.

You must avoid projecting your story onto your intimate partner.

You must always remember that she is living her collection of

archetypes, telling her own story - and you must forever remain
curious as to how she is telling it herself, rather than trying to
impose the needs of your story on her.

This is why understanding archetypes is so essential to finding,

creating and sustaining love.

Because we are all lying to ourselves in our own creative ways!

As a man over 35, you will find great dignity, power and appeal to
women when you are able to recognize which of these archetypes

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are arising in yourself or in her to meet the challenges and
opportunities that come up every day.

If you can recognize and appreciate her warrior rising to

challenge an idiot boss, for example, and then recognize and
celebrate her altruist as she takes time out of the day to care for
her sister, you are not only building a foundation of love, but you
are also giving her the gift of freedom - freedom from her own
self-limiting stories.

It's a great and boundless feeling to sense that you have all these
inner resources. This archetype work, therefore not only
empowers you, but empowers the women in your life.

In Conclusion…

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 HERE IS YOUR CALL TO IMMEDIATE
AND CONTINUAL ACTION

The Way of the Inspired Man

If you have been to college in the last 20 years you have heard
about the horrors of the patriarchy, which dominates and
subdues women and nature - the feminine in all its forms.
It's been suggested, and I think this important, that what we call
the patriarchy is actually not the rule of the mature masculine: not
a patriarchy, but a puerarchy - (puer = boy) - the rule of boys (as
in Lord of the Flies).

It's up to you to reclaim the true integrated generative masculine -

which includes wisdom and nurturing, intuition as well as
knowledge, your fierce warrior for the good as well as your tender
lover - all tempered by humility and a devotion to service.

We, as men, must take responsibility for the destructiveness of

the immature forms and shadows of the masculine that dominate
and shape so much of our world today.

You don't do this by being apologetic for men. Instead it is

up to you to take a stand for the integrated, inspiring
mature masculine.

If you and I did more of this, it could lead to what Joseph

Campbell called…

"…a world-wide awakening to a kind of initiation that would rally a deep

inhuman sense of responsibility and maturation."

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How does that sound to you? Like a worthwhile goal? Something
that inspires you? I guarantee it will inspire quality women when
you meet them.

So my last word here is - get inspired.

Have a goal that inspires you with regard to your body and
vitality.

Have a goal that inspires you with regard to your knight and hero
- aim to accomplish something BIG.

Have a goal that inspires your lover - grow your sensual love and
appreciation of this world - indulge in some wine-tasting, some
chef-work, learn tantric massage, plant an herb garden and enjoy
the incredible aromas.

Take action. And follow through.

The more you love life, the more love you will attract -
effortlessly.

Here are a few more exercises to spur you forward…

1. Study and Admire Great Men

One lack in this culture is that families are split up, generations
are separated, elders rarely see children and we don't really learn
from each other intergenerationally.

We, as men, need to look up to other men, both living and dead.
Read their biographies, Google them; if you're on Netflix, put
documentaries in your queue and become familiar with both their

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words and their deeds. I personally like to memorize snippets of
Shakespeare, or great speeches.

When you can repeat the words of Martin Luther King or

Abraham Lincoln, recite the opening of the Declaration of
Independence and think of Jefferson's fire, get to know the depth
and poetry of the Buddha and recite a few lines of the Fire Sutra,
the passion of Isaiah and recite the mighty lines of his call for
Justice, know the key moments of your favorite business leaders
(I have read Richard Branson's Losing My Virginity three times),
or study the doggedness of great scientific greats - you will be
hanging out with superstars.

You will be absorbing their wisdom and their greatness. It will

become part of your synapses. Your oxygen. Your reality. And
being in your greatness will feel more natural than ever.

Conversely, stop reading and listening to the blowhards in the

media.

You want to be inspiring to women? Spend time immersing

yourself in the minds and deeds of inspiring men. And act to
inspire yourself.

2. Invoke Your Private Board of Advisors

Invocation is a conscious, focused method of calling up the

image of the archetype you would like to see in your life. At the
time you most need it, you "invoke the warrior," for example. Say
you have to break up with a woman and you don't want to cause
her excess pain. You know telling the truth will be excruciating,
but that, in the long run, it will save her pain. So you call up the
Warrior to get you through it.

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This process is almost like an actor calling up the spirit of the
character he wants to embody. It's almost a game, something
children do, to "experience" the qualities of the heroic archetype
they want to embody.

Here's a grown up way to do it…

Collect visual images of the purest incarnations of each archetype

to you. Create files - and patch in photos and articles for each
archetype.

Then, when you need some inspiration, you can open your file
and immerse yourself in the archetype itself and its
representatives. These are some ideas, but you can add your
own…

If you want to get through a tough task…

The Warrior: Braveheart, Ulysses S. Grant, Marcus Aurelius,

Stonewall Jackson, Malcolm X, Muhammad Ali, George
Washington, Samurai, Bruce Lee, the character Maximus from
Gladiator.

When you want to bring full presence and sensual attentiveness

to a woman, call up…

The Lover: Casanova, Warren Beatty, Romeo, Krishna (look

him up and pay attention to his milkmaids!), Jackson Pollack
wildly splashing paint on his floor canvases, Miles Davis, pulling
gentle beauty from his trumpet.

When you want to "magically" transform a situation, call up…

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The Magician - think of Michael Jordan, Kobe who can drop a
3 pointer at the buzzer, Oprah who can start a mass movement
with one episode of a show, Robin Williams, who can find humor
in anything (Jonathan Winters for the real old timers here!) Jesus,
Buddha.

When you want to summon up your deepest strength and

wisdom…
The King - Marcus Aurelius, Solomon, Jeff Bezos, Steve Jobs,
Ashoka, King Arthur, Roosevelt (either).

Who you gonna call? Not Ghostbusters. Call up men you admire
who embody the different archetypes.

Let them be your "inner library", your inner "Board of

Directors". When you need them, they are there for you.

In other words, ask yourself when you feel you need to summon
up a boost…

WWMKD? (What would my inner King do?)

WWMWD? (What would my inner Warrior do?)
WWMLD? (What would my inner Lover do?)
WWMMD? (What would my inner Magician do?)

You will find freedom and fresh ideas by getting out of your
everyday mind and letting yourself dream a little.

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3. Act "As If"

This is the old "fake-it-till-you-make-it" process.

If you're pretty lazy by nature, commit to a trainer and train 2x or

3x a week as if you were heading for the Olympics. Don't miss a
session, no matter what. Do 20 pushups every morning before
you do anything.

If you don't feel artistic, if sunsets don't really grab you, get out
there and really sit with the sunset and feel every nuance and shift
of color. Try to describe it in words to yourself. Practice speaking
sensuality.

If you need to access your warrior but you really don't feel like
fighting - get yourself into a martial art or boxing class. The carry
over is amazing. You will find that you will be taking action in
other areas of your life.

It is my expectation that your getting deep into the various

masculine energies as we've just done, has already seriously
expanded your sense of your worth, your gifts and your
capacities.

And you would be justified in feeling this way. Too often, we

don't know our own worth until its reflected back at us. And I
can tell you this - the more competently you can talk about the
aspects of the masculine and how you honor them in your life,
the more women will respect, admire and feel attraction toward
you. Deep self-understanding is sexy - and unusual among men,
who rarely take the time to dig deep.

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 Live The Way of the Inspired Man --
Inspire Yourself; Inspire Women

In stepping into your full manhood, into your greatness, it's both
helpful and important to remember that you are not the first, and
that you have tremendous resources to support you, including
this program.

As Joseph Campbell wrote in The Power of Myth, the task of life

is a grand adventure…

"We have not even to risk the adventure alone, for the heroes of all time have
gone before us. The labyrinth is thoroughly known. We only have to find the
thread of the hero path, and where we had thought to find an abomination,
we shall find a God. And where we had sought to slay another, we shall slay
ourselves. Where we had thought to travel outward, we will come to the center
of our own existence. And where we had thought to be alone, we will be with
all the world."

Your self-development, your continual busting through your

edges of knowledge and experience, your cultivation of more and
greater inner resources, your "slaying" of your shadow sides, of
your fears, of your self-limitations - this is what will distinguish
you immediately and enduringly from 95% of men.

Your enthusiasm, your vitality, fed by breaking through into new

levels of your own development will radiate from you as the life
force - whether you are 35 or 45 or 65!

You not only experience life more fully - you bring life into your
world, into your "realm".

As a full man, entering your King energy, anytime you identify a

wasteland element in your life - illness, boredom, lethargy,

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alienation, emptiness, loss, addiction, failure, anger, or outrage - it
is time to take a journey.

You can be called to the quest by this kind of dissatisfaction or

simply a desire for adventure.

"By experiencing your own metamorphosis, you can contribute to the

transformation of all the social systems of which you are part: family, school,
workplace, community, and society as a whole."

"Heroism is contagious."

The point here is that you don't grow and live an inspired life
simply to make a show of yourself to women (or to anyone, for
that matter) - but also to lay the path, set an example and inspire
them to live their highest and best possible lives, themselves. Says
Pearson:

"If you examine your life, you may notice that this same pattern has been true
for you. A family member, a friend, a teacher - anyone at all - who had
exemplified the heroic life blazes a path that makes yours easier. You also
may notice that every time you take the risk to be true to your own soul…
your example helps others to do likewise. When you notice this pattern, it
becomes easier to have absolute fidelity to your own path without fear that
doing so is selfish. We can do nothing better for others then model the
authentic life."

By embodying the hero, you encourage others into their heroic

paths. You are not looking for admiration, but ultimately,
gratitude, which leads to something far more beautiful and
satisfying: devotion.

This, at last, is the ultimate win-win in life.

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You, by your example, change the lives of the women you meet.

By inspiring yourself, you inspire your woman. And by inspiring

your woman, you raise what is commonly called a "relationship" -
into devotion.

Please put the exercises of this book into action for yourself

Step outside of your safe circle and grow boldly.

And may you create and find a life full of the luscious reward of a
magnificent woman's full, relaxed, trusting, vulnerable, freely-
offered, celebratory devotion.

Your friend,

Adam Gilad

The Book's End

Your New Beginning …

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