BDSM manual for beginners

Written and compiled by: Madame

Naia
Prologue

This manual is to help you better understand the world of BDSM since no one is born
knowing, one learns little by little in life.

It is based on my own experiences, and some compilations of related pages for

people who are starting out in the Bedesmero world, whatever their role or gender.

Madame Naia
 BDSM manual for beginners
Written and compiled by: Madame
Naia
Before you can dominate a submissive person, you have to learn to dominate
yourself, in every aspect. You will say that this has to do with domination, well I will tell
you that if a dominant person does not have self-control, then how do they expect to
dominate another person?

Domination does not mean yelling or insulting a submissive person without

realizing that person is your property. Submission and respect are earned, NOT
demanded.

A Dominant person who respects himself does not say SUBMISSIVE WANTED.
Submissive people are not objects or merchandise that can be put as if they were in
the yellow pages or as if you were buying a product, respect them, they are human
beings like all of us, in the same way Dominant people have feelings, we are not
made of stone, nor are we robots.

Differences between the roles AM@, SIR/MAID and DOMINANT, according to my

criteria:

AM@: This is the dominant person who has won the will of a submissive person, and
who has chosen him/her to dominate her.

SIR/MAD: It is the title that the submissive person gives to dominant people.

DOMINANT: This is the person initiated in BDSM, who does not have a submissive
person.

For submissive people, never send photos and videos to strangers, unless they are
your Master/Dominant and you have been there for at least a month, since there are
many people on the Internet who only get into BDSM for the XXX photos or
homemade videos and can misuse said photos. These people are known as
PSEUDOS (Fake) and they exist on both sides, both Dominants and submissives.

Before starting the first session with our submissive, we will try to find out their pain
tolerance. It is very important to know the fine line that separates pleasant pain from
unbearable pain.

For this reason, we must always keep in mind that in a session there may be different
times and in each of them, that fine line may vary.

Let's imagine we want to find out what levels of pain our property can withstand on its
nipples. Obviously, we cannot immediately start squeezing her nipples hard at the
beginning of the session. We must remember that we are in a cold state and that
these levels will never be real. That's why I always recommend the foreplay we talked
 BDSM manual for beginners
Written and compiled by: Madame
Naia
about as a start to the session, that will make her excitement increase and we will get
much closer to her level of pleasure.

I define sadomasochism as the known use of psychological domination and

submission and/or pain and/or related practices in a safe, legal and consensual
manner for the purpose of allowing the participants to experience erotic pleasure
and/or personal growth.

A widely accepted upper limit in SM is that the dominant will not do anything to
his or her property that requires a doctor, psychotherapist, or other outside
source to heal.

Because SM (SadoMasochism) varies widely in form and intensity, people use

several terms to describe it.

“Bondage and discipline” (B&D) should refer to the dominant confining the submissive
in some way to “train” them to behave in a certain way. However, it usually refers to
the softer side of SM and not to “extreme” sadomasochism. Unfortunately, there is no
uniform opinion about where one ends and the other begins.

Another term sometimes used is “D&S” or “DS,” referring to “dominance and

submission.”

This is more accurate. “DSS,” as an acronym for “domination and submission to

sexuality” (SDS), has been proposed recently and is quite good, but it has unfortunate
political implications. [Footnote: SDS in the United States is the acronym for the group
Students for a Democratic Society]

A new descriptive term that is rapidly gaining currency is “BDSM,” which incorporates
bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism.

However, custom has firmly established the social alarm and the ease of
misunderstanding of the term “sadomasochistic” as a word of general use to describe
this area of sexuality.

How to find out? Well, it is important to know that not all properties have the same
tolerance to clamps or simply squeezing their nipples with our fingers, so we will start
the pressure very gently by asking what level of pain from 1 to 10 they are receiving.

With this simple question we will have a good idea of how far to proceed, and we will
repeat until we get the maximum level of pain that she can bear, in this case 10.
 BDSM manual for beginners
Written and compiled by: Madame
Naia
The same goes for spanking, whether with our hand, a cat, whip, stick or any other
item. After a spanking we will ask him the same question and thus we will know what
intensity he needs to enjoy it.

We must keep in mind that when we go above 7 we are already reaching its limit and
perhaps its enjoyment will translate into severe punishment.

What happens when we want to punish? We simply resort to the 10 marked by our
property and never above that level. We can repeat the practice we are doing several
times, but always remembering that repeating 10 is a punishment that is rarely
bearable. Furthermore, maintaining a significant number of lashes at level 5 can be as
bad or worse than a level 10 lash. There's the game.

It is important to repeat the questions at various times during the session, this way we
will have an idea of how the degree of pain changes depending on the arousal or the
passage of time.

How to choose a potential lover?

Choose the dominant person you want to be your Owner, you will feel it the moment
you are in their presence, even if it is virtual, you will still feel their dominance in you,
and when you have that feeling, that person will be the right one for you.

These tips are intended to be a guide for you to choose a possible Owner for yourself
and to help you build a BDSM relationship with him/her from scratch.

First step: get informed and know yourself

Before you think about choosing your Master/Lover you should know your real BDSM
needs. The reason is very simple: if you don't know yourself, you won't know what you
need. BDSM covers a very broad world, so before exploring your needs, you should
know what BDSM offers you so you can take from it what you really need.

It is very common to find submissive people whose first experience has been at least
disappointing, if not bad. Most of the time it has been due to a lack of information
about the BDSM world, and above all to a lack of knowledge about themselves. The
BDSM community (as everywhere) has been joined by opportunists, predators of
submissives and even unbalanced people who have nothing to do with authentic
BDSM.

These tips are intended to help you by giving you the information you need to avoid
them and choose your owner.
 BDSM manual for beginners
Written and compiled by: Madame
Naia
Don't try to be the submissive you CAN'T be.
Don't try to emulate other submissives no matter how much admiration you have for
them. Before building your submission model, you must know your true needs, which
is why it is so important that you know what BDSM is and, above all, how you fit into it.

Of course your future Master will have a lot to say about it, but that will come later,
now you must choose your Master based on your submissive character, your
fantasies, your realities, your possibilities, etc.
Be yourself in choosing your future lover.

Even the most experienced submissives continue to train and read in order to offer
their Master better and better submission, you should start to cultivate the habit of
studying in this regard.

If you are a beginner, avoid stories and pages that only offer pornography and focus
on basic BDSM training pages, there are some very good ones. Don't be surprised if
at some point you discover different tendencies in yourself depending on the personal
moment you find yourself in. It's normal.

We are all switches in some way, and almost all of us go through a period of
uncertainty. What differentiates us is the percentage of dominants or submissives we
have. There are those who remain in uncertainty all their lives, they are happy being a
switch. No trend is better than another. As always, the best trend is yours, the one you
feel most comfortable with. Your fantasies will be your main source of information.

Character does not define the trend. Don't be disturbed by the apparent paradox
of having a strong character and yet having submissive fantasies.

If you have exclusively submissive fantasies, chances are your primary tendency is
actually submissive. You can perfectly have a strong character and your tendency is
to be submissive, or vice versa in terms of the dominant. Furthermore, submission
does not appear with just anyone and in just any place, it is usually triggered at certain
times and situations, not at any time.

Hence, for example, a dominant attitude from someone you don't know or who is out
of context is usually perceived more as something ridiculous than something exciting.

Before choosing your Master/Lover you must be clear not only about the type of
Master/Lover you need, but also about something much more important: what type of
relationship you want and how far you want to go in your submission.
 BDSM manual for beginners
Written and compiled by: Madame
Naia
All BDSM relationships are respectable if they are healthy and satisfy both, but you
will want your relationship to have its own level, yours and that of your future lover.

And you must be clear that a higher level corresponds to a higher cost in effort,
energy and time for both. You need to know how much of it you are willing to
contribute.

Make it clear to your future lover, because the level you want for your relationship may
not be theirs. If so, thank him for his honesty with you and keep choosing.

Who to choose?

The first thing you have to keep in mind is that the perfect lover does NOT exist. A
lover is not very different from any other person. You will find things in it that you will
like and others that you will not. Don't look for the perfect lover, look for the best
possible lover.

Each friend dominates with a style that normally corresponds to his/her character,
education, experience, etc. The best friend is not the most famous, the one who
knows the most or the one who ties the best, but the one who is the best friend for
you, which does not necessarily have to be the best for others. Don't be dazzled by
the fame that some people have.

The first thing that distinguishes a good friend is the respect he or she shows towards
you. Respect is earned, not imposed.

A lover cannot expect your respect if he/she has not first shown his/her respect
towards you.

Your partner should respect your health first, then your children, your family and
friends, your job and finally your finances.

By the way, your motherhood is the part of your life that I should respect the most.
The reason is simple: your children are innocent and should be completely outside
your games, which depending on their age and maturity they may or may not
understand and may even misinterpret.

The damage can be especially serious if, in addition to being your Master, he is the
father of your children. Therefore your Master should be especially careful to avoid
dominant displays in the presence of your children.

When choosing your lover, keep in mind that there is usually a correspondence
between their values and virtues, their quality as a person in general, and their
behavior as a lover.
 BDSM manual for beginners
Written and compiled by: Madame
Naia
There are many things about him that will give you a clue as to how he will behave
towards you. His education, culture, self-control, his behavior with those around him
(respect above all), etc.

If a Dominant is a disaster in his life, he will almost certainly be a disaster as a Master,

and also very insecure. Your safety requires order, self-control and safety is the first
thing you need.

The most important values you should consider when choosing your future partner are
their human values. The reason is very simple: rope and whip skills can be learned
(and it's nice that he does it with you), but moral values: honesty, respect, patience,
chivalry, etc., are virtues that if they didn't have before meeting you, are difficult to
learn.

If you want to give yourself to a lover, you must do it with confidence. Trust is the
cornerstone of the building you will build together. And the confidence that a

Love can inspire you in direct proportion to their moral quality.

Value your submission. If you have a true submissive calling (what they call
“submissive essence” these days), you should think that you also deserve a Master
with a true dominant calling. If you are serious about your submission and are willing
to dig deeper and work on it, you should demand the same from your future Master.

If a vanilla relationship requires a certain emotional stability, in a Love relationship

maturity and emotional balance are essential. The reason is very simple: in a vanilla
relationship your physical safety will almost never be in danger, whereas in a BDSM
relationship, your physical and emotional health often depend on your Master.

Never compare, this is another world and has other requirements when it comes to
safety. There are those who are not unbalanced, but have imbalances induced by
drugs or alcohol. It is quite obvious that an alcoholic or a drug addict is totally unfit to
act as a lover. He may even be a good vanilla lover, but he will NEVER be a Lover,
good, bad or average.

There are many dominants who confuse authority with arrogance, an arrogant
Master/Mistress is above all insecure. Precisely the authority (essential in a Master)
comes from self-confidence, and that confidence does not require arrogance.

On the contrary, a confident lover is not afraid to express his/her emotions and even
comment on his/her defects with humor. Only weak and insecure Lovers need to be
abrupt and distant, the last thing you need as a submissive is an immature clown
playing tough.
 BDSM manual for beginners
Written and compiled by: Madame
Naia
Submissives usually quickly realize that behind a Master who maintains his
authority through shouting and hitting, there is a bad Master, and a very
insecure one at that.

If you ask a Dominant to discuss the possibility of establishing a D/s relationship, in

almost all cases you will get a positive response even if he or she already has other
submissives. I don't know for what strange reason, almost all Masters have a
tendency to collect submissives, creating what they call "their stable."

You must decide if you want to be part of that stable or belong to someone whose
only stable is you.

When choosing, you must be clear that a higher level corresponds to a higher cost in
effort and energy. time for you and also for your love. You need to know how much of
it you are willing to contribute.

Make it clear to your future Master, because the level you want for your relationship
may not be his. It is common to find Masters who stupidly insist on getting their
submissives to surpass a level for which they have no capacity or possibility. Their
level is often limited simply by their own personal circumstances.

Sometimes the Master's impatience and immaturity causes him to demand a higher
level from his submissive too soon and too quickly.

Unless you want a Master just for one session, inexperience should not be a criterion
to rule out your potential Master. Inexperience is one thing, immaturity is another.

A dominant can be inexperienced in BDSM, even inexperienced in life itself because

he is very young, but at the same time be an excellent person and a good Master.
Think how nice it can be for him to gain experience with you.

If you are looking for a Master to share your life with, don't look for the Master who
only promises you unforgettable sessions. Rather, look for the Master who improves
his domination day by day. The one who promises to work diligently for the
relationship. The one who encourages your progress, the one who makes you grow
not only as a submissive, but also as a person. Find someone who encourages you to
become a positive, creative and happy person.

You can choose the dominant person that you have affinity or feeling for, even
if at first you don't meet in person, but when there is affinity you feel it.
 BDSM manual for beginners
Written and compiled by: Madame
Naia
Where to find them?

THE ADS: Most submissives who want to start a D/s relationship don't post ads, the
reason is very simple: if you post an ad on a BDSM dating site, your inbox will be
overflowing and you'll find yourself faced with the titanic task of judging your potential
Master based on a few lines, so don't expect them to make any more effort, and if
they do, they will fill the message with empty words and a lot of commonplaces that
will leave you without knowing what you are really interested in: a detailed description
of themselves, their personal situation and their expectations in BDSM, what they ask
for and what they are willing to contribute to build a relationship together.

Instead of placing an ad, it's more practical to just look at the many dominants on the
internet who are looking for their submissive.

Observe them, read their contributions in forums, blogs, chats and above all, if they
have one, their own blog, where you will surely get a clear idea of their way of
understanding BDSM, sometimes even their way of understanding life and you can
even get an idea of their personality. Take it easy. If you are really interested in a
particular dominant, use a search engine to find everything he has posted online.
Once you've decided, send him a message to add him to your Messenger, then... talk,
talk a lot.

The first date

The first conversations are usually done via the keyboard and follow the first
messages. Their way of expressing themselves will tell you a lot about who they are,
their intelligence, their culture and even their way of being and thinking. It is an
excellent way to get to know him. Modern technology gives us the means to talk on a
computer out loud at no cost. If all goes well, over time you will arrange the first
interview, which you will attend sooner or later depending on the distance between
you and the mutual interest in getting to know him.

In the first conversations DO NOT accept foul language from anyone. The
misinformation of some dominants is such that they believe that submissives like to
be humiliated without further ado. Of course they haven't heard about the need for
prior consensus, pace, appropriate context, etc. Make them understand that you may
like being humiliated in the future, but that it's out of the question now. The first thing a
dominant who aspires to be your Master should understand is that if he plans to
respect you in the future he should start respecting you “now.”

It is customary in the BDSM community for submissives to address dominant

 BDSM manual for beginners
Written and compiled by: Madame
Naia
people as Sir/Madam/Your Majesty. Doing so is a sign of good manners.

This treatment is maintained as long as the dominant's behavior is chivalrous and

polite, and is withdrawn if the interlocutor treats them in a disrespectful manner.

This custom seems very positive to me, because among other things it encourages
good behavior among the dominant ones. You may find some dominants who, out of
ignorance, interpret what is nothing more than good manners and protocol as a clear
sign of surrender. A small but respectful clarification on your part should help get the
conversation back on track.

It is universally accepted in the BDSM community that the first date is about chatting
and getting to know each other, preferably in a public place. If a dominant asks you
for the first appointment to have a session, ask for patience. Tell him/her that respect,
patience and above all self-control are the first things that distinguish the quality of a
good friend. Before dominating anyone, the first person a Master must dominate is
himself.

Don't expect the first interview with your potential partner to be much different than
the vanilla first date. The nerves and questions one asks oneself are the same. What
you may begin to notice is that courtship is different.

One look can convey more submission than all the conversations before.

The first session

First of all, the first session serves to get to know each other in many ways, and not
just physically. The first session is for many things, but NOT for doing wonders.

If you are a first-timer, the first thing an intelligent Master will try to achieve is that you
are as calm as possible when entering this exciting world, which he knows you have
fantasized about a lot, but which more than your fantasies, he must achieve your
peace of mind and your trust. I have always thought that the first session should
begin with a big, warm hug.

It is assumed that they will have talked a lot at first and that they have enough
information about you to make you feel comfortable and above all calm in their
presence. If you feel that the session is unbearable or distressing, do not continue
with it.
 BDSM manual for beginners
Written and compiled by: Madame
Naia
Your behavior as a submissive

Being submissive consists only of that: BEING submissive, that is, that in the
presence of your Master, your body and mind reflect a submissive ATTITUDE, having
submissive thoughts, obeying, and above all, that your happiness in giving yourself is
noted, along with the satisfaction of increasing the well-being of your Master. A
submissive who is not happy being so is a woman who acts out her submission, but is
NOT submissive. This topic is described in more detail

Don't think that grand gestures of surrender will make you a great submissive. Grand
gestures pass and are forgotten, on the contrary, true submission is demonstrated
day by day, showing your submissive attitude in the small details, the small gestures
and daily deliveries that will strengthen your bond.

You should value much more the Master who appreciates small daily gestures, than
the one who asks you for a big gesture (sometimes very suspicious).

The main enemy of your submission is within yourself, the problem of a submissive is
not how she should behave, it is believing that you are submissive exclusively for your
own pleasure, the pleasure of using your Master for your submission games.

Depending on the level at which you want to live your submission, the more you
detach yourself from your own satisfaction to devote yourself to achieving that of your
Master, the happier you will be in your surrender.

This is the great PARADOX of submission. When you understand it, internalize it and
put it into practice (according to your level), you will have overcome the main
challenge that a submissive has. All this, on the condition that your Master knows how
to recognize your devotion. It's your right.
 BDSM manual for beginners
Written and compiled by: Madame
Naia
Don't be sold the idea that you are a bad submissive because you don't accept
everything your master asks of you; "everything" should not be accepted or assumed.

It is a mistake resulting from ignorance. A bad submissive is one who lies to her
Master when the question is pertinent, one who fails to comply with her submission
commitments when these are within the agreed limits, one who disrespects her
Master if he deserves it, etc. But she is not a bad submissive if she refuses to obey
an order that is out of bounds.

Don't consider yourself less submissive for using your safe word. If a session
becomes unbearable, it is not your fault but your Master's, and that legitimizes you to
use it. It is logical that your Master wants you to move forward but on the condition
that he respects your pace. Furthermore, pushing the submissive beyond her
capabilities goes against the general principle that the submissive should be
comfortable in her role. A submissive must make an effort, yes, but NOT hate what
she does.

Before obeying an order from your Master, the only thing you have the right to ask
yourself (as a Submissive) is whether the order is within the agreed limits, whether it
goes against your health, your family, your children, the law, whether it harms your life
in any way, etc. If it does not contravene any of these rules, you do not have the right,
as a submissive, to refuse to comply with it, and you should also experience the
pleasure of giving that satisfaction to your Master.

Lying to your Master can make the feeling of dominance he has towards you (a
treasure that you should take care of) turn into a sand castle. All your self-esteem and
pride as Master will come crashing down. Lying and its little sister, secrecy, are the
worst faults that a submissive, as such, can commit. If your Master asks you things
that are off limits you have the right to answer or not, it is your prerogative. But if you
answer, DO NOT lie. Do not be surprised if your Master, faced with a repeated lie,
takes off your collar and gives you freedom without you asking for it.

As opposed to concealment, transparency (within the limits of your submission)

should be your greatest virtue as a submissive, your best surrender. Transparency
means giving away your moods, your most intimate feelings, your fears, hopes, etc.
Your Master should know how to appreciate and value it as the most beautiful of your
gifts.
 BDSM manual for beginners
Written and compiled by: Madame
Naia
There are thousands of articles defending the submissive, talking about her rights, her
suffering, the difficulty of her surrender, and the beauty of her submission.

But what about the dominant person?

The dominant person carries the responsibility, education, protection, the script of the
session, must have self-control, have a cool head so as not to cross the line, know
something about first aid, heal a wound, structure tasks, evaluate himself and his
property, be creative so that his female does not get bored, comply (sexually
speaking). In the case of virtual love, we add lack of skin, smell, taste, if the
submissive lives in a very remote area, the time difference causes lack of sleep and
dysfunction of normal biorhythms. Anyway, let's thank our good friends for their
sacrifices.

TIPS FOR BEGINNERS

The “play” aspect of a BDSM relationship can be somewhat scary and confusing for
those new to the field. A common misconception is that pain has to be included in the
relationship, this is not true.

Another common misconception is that the game starts out intense and stays that
way, but this is also not true.

For those who are just getting into BDSM, and are eager to try different types of play,
but want to take it easy, it is often difficult to find the information that meets those
needs.

Most people will agree that taking BDSM slowly is the best course of action,
especially if you are new to the physical aspects of BDSM. It is dangerous for yourself
and your partner or a third party involved to undertake aspects that you do not know
how to develop. Practice and planning are essential when attempting new challenges.

When a couple who is just beginning to introduce BDSM into their lives encounters
the physical aspects of the game, it can often arouse fear in the submissive partner. It
is best to go slowly. Start with a very light type of game.

A flogger made of soft velvet or flexible suede. A velvet flogger causes very little pain
(unless you apply it harshly) but produces a very erotic sensation that awakens the
senses.

It is used by many of us as a warm-up or sensual toy, its usefulness being to cause

 BDSM manual for beginners
Written and compiled by: Madame
Naia
pleasure, not pain. Since it is difficult to cause harm to your partner with the flogger, it
is great for learning. It takes a lot of effort to get a velvet flogger to really hurt. Use
only small strokes at first, increasing the intensity little by little each time. This allows
both of you to adjust the sensations as they increase and learn to relax into the
process.

Another way to start playing is with soft bondage. To start, choose a position, for the
submissive person, with arms and legs extended in a cross (Spread eagle) using a
sufficiently wide rope that is very soft. It could be on the bed, either facing up or face
down with pillows under your belly. Many find those types of velvet fabric bow to work
very well. Once again the softness creates a more erotic feel, and also allows you to
see the sensation of being tied clearly.

Also, being softer, they are less likely to dig into the skin if tied too tightly, or slip.
ALWAYS have scissors on hand in case you need to cut the rope to free the
submissive person. There is a chance that really soft knots will slip and the knots will
tighten as the property is jostled.

Basically, any type of game you've read or heard about can be taken to a gentler level
and used by the beginner with a little forethought and creativity.

Initially, focusing on pleasure and this awakening can go a long way toward alleviating
the fear of these new activities.

Always comment on the role-plays after they are done, to learn what your partner
liked or disliked.

These conversations are of great importance for thinking about the next sessions that
come later. However, it is essential during these conversations that both parties
sincerely express their feelings and opinions. If the submissive person would like the
blows to be stronger, both parties must know this, otherwise the dominant person will
not know when to take the game to a higher level.

Always play it safe, always try to test toys on yourself if possible before using them on
your property, always practice technique and aim with any flogger until you feel
comfortable using it before applying it to a living thing. (A velvet or plush pillow is
useful for practice because the change in color of these materials will indicate where
the blow is delivered. Remember, a session is for the pleasure of those participating,
so design your specific preferences (and those of those participating) and let nature
take its course.
 BDSM manual for beginners
Written and compiled by: Madame
Naia
DUTIES OF A SUBMISSIVE PERSON

The role of a submissive person entails a series of obligations and responsibilities that
are as important as the rights that I will talk about later. Just as a submissive person
can choose their Master, according to the causes or conditions that they have seen in
said dominant, that Master in turn has the right to demand certain minimum behaviors
and conduct so that the D/s relationship runs in harmony.

Below, as part of the agreement that a submissive person accepts when choosing
his/her Master, I will cite a small list of duties that he/she must always keep in mind
and never deviate from.

I respect.

You must always respect your Master, in BDSM as in any other type of relationship
between a couple, the most important thing is to forge a foundation and the main
foundation is respect, from which comes trust, the most important link in the A / s
relationship, just as a Master always respects and values the delivery, dedication,
submission, fulfillment of each of the whims and desires of his Master, a submissive
must not forget that she must respect her Master, he puts a lot at stake, self control,
care, effort and the responsibility that the submissive at all times is comfortable in the
game and enjoys it, always taking into account the safety of the submissive and
always being present the imposed limits.
 BDSM manual for beginners
Written and compiled by: Madame
Naia
Sincerity.

What a submissive person should always keep in mind is transparency with their
Master, they should always tell them their fears, concerns, doubts, as well as desires
and fantasies. As long as there is transparency and sincerity, it will make things easier
for the Master to fully and effectively satisfy the games as well as the training of the
property. If not, and for fear of not pleasing their Master, a property keeps quiet about
their concerns or fears, or simply reaches the limits of their possibilities and does not
speak, the Master may make wrong decisions within the game that may end in
damage, injury or end the D/s relationship.

Modesty

To become the best submissive you only have to base yourself on how you please
and serve your Master, when ownership only focuses on arrogance and feeds your
ego thinking that you are the best, that you do everything right, neglecting the orders
of your Master ends in failure, true success lies in everything being together, if either
party believes that everything is thanks to themselves everything will be lost between
D/s.

Clear ideas

A submissive must be open to new proposals, willing to listen to details, expectations

and new motivations that her Master proposes to her. By refusing or closing herself
off to this, she loses the opportunity to grow, to learn, to enjoy and to know new
sensations, always of course without breaking the foundations of respect, trust and
limits.

A submissive person may not like or accept certain practices but should never close
the doors with a resounding no without studying, evaluating and sharing possible
novelties between the two, since most of the time they are rejected due to fear,
doubts, ignorance or simply because of a lack of trust.
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Naia
Mistake

Failing, not meeting expectations, making mistakes, is something common that

usually happens although it must be taken into account in order to study and be able
to solve and find the balance of said error, a submissive must always recognize her
mistake and not look for excuses or blame others or simply hide behind moods, lack
of interest, carelessness, losing attention or even not mastering the technique, if the
submissive is committed she will never get discouraged or leave the mistake in a
bottomless pit, but will learn from it and do everything in her power to improve and
show that a mistake is not a step back but the beginning of a long road.

Hear

A submissive person has the obligation to always listen to what their Master has to
say, just as they have the right to ask, debate, inquire and everything they want to
know about what their Master is asking them. This part is linked to having clear ideas.
After listening and paying attention, they can refuse or accept, but always keeping in
mind that everything is part of their learning and the knowledge that their Master
acquires about the submissive at all times.

Obedience

A submissive person must always obey their Master, if they do not surrender their will
and mind to the person they have chosen as Master, a D/s relationship will have no
meaning. Every Master has the right to order and the property has the obligation to
comply with their orders, without forgetting that these orders are within limits, and that
they never put the property at physical or other risk.

Once both have mutual trust and know each other's desires, fantasies, motivations, a
submissive person must always agree without hesitation to everything that their
Master requires. The fulfillment of a submissive person lies in feeling that they are
always pleasing their Master's desires and feeling within themselves the pride,
admiration and satisfaction that their Master feels in possessing their will.

Effort.

Although submission is a feeling, a submissive person constantly learns to be

submissive, always hand in hand with his Master, willing to improve every day,
striving to please his Master in everything, in different ways and without a doubt,

A submissive person who wishes to fully serve his Master must always keep alive the
motivation, the illusion and everything that awakens growth within his training.
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Naia
Knowledge

If a submissive wants her Master to fulfill his role correctly at all times, a submissive
must know her Master, his tastes, desires, needs in order to successfully fulfill each of
his requests. We must not forget that for a D/s relationship to exist, both the
submissive and the Master must work on getting to know each other, on sharing all
their desires. It is important for a submissive to know and recognize each movement,
each gesture of both satisfaction and disappointment, in order to best serve her
Master. A submissive must acquire knowledge with each step of her Master.

RIGHTS OF A SUBMISSIVE PERSON

A submissive person is born, not made. If you are not submissive by nature, if you do
not have the feeling and the need, yes, the need, to be so, to submit and obey, to
please and serve... you will not be able to be submissive, at least not comfortably,
giving yourself and being happy.

As strange as it may seem to vanilla people, not every woman can be submissive.
What I think is correct in the rights of a submissive person is:

1-You have the right to be treated with respect: NOT only do you have this right, you
also have the right to demand it. Being submissive doesn't mean being less of a
person than anyone else.

The word submissive describes your nature and does not belittle you as a human
being. You also have the right to respect yourself and not agree to certain things if
you don't want to do them.

2-You have the right to be proud of who you are: Being submissive is not something
that should make you feel ashamed or have feelings of disgust. Your submission is a
gift and should always be a source of pride and happiness.

3-You have the right to feel safe: Being submissive should not make you feel
insecure, scared or threatened. Submission is not living playing with fear. You must
feel secure in any situation or there will never be true surrender.

4-You have the right to feel: Your emotions and feelings come from within you and are
as valid as those of any other person. You have the right to have them. These
feelings, both positive and negative, make you who you are and suppressing them
would only bring unhappiness later.

5-You have the right to express your negative feelings: Being submissive does not
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Naia
make you an object without negative thoughts. Your concerns are real and you have
the right to express them. If you feel that something is not right, is unfair, makes you
feel bad, SAY IT.

6-You have the right to say NO: Saying NO is as easy as saying YES, if you oppose
something for any reason, firmly refuse.

7-You have the right to expect to be happy in life: Being submissive does not mean
aspiring to a miserable life full of suffering and despair. Your submission should fulfill
you, give you peace and joy. If not, something is wrong.

8-You have the right to take part in the relationship: You are an active part of the
relationship and you have the right to contribute to it. You are submissive, not
passive. A relationship that does not include your needs, thoughts, opinions and
desires is not the ideal relationship to start with.

9-You have the right to belong to someone: Being submissive largely means feeling
like you belong to someone. You belong to this lifestyle and, in time, you will belong to
him, the only one.

10-You have the right to love and be loved: Anyone who tells you that love has no
place in D/s relationships has never experienced how fulfilling a relationship of this
type can be.

Submissive people love by nature and feel the need to be loved, they have every right
to have love as a part of their lives. It takes love to feel your submission fully, don't
aspire to less.

11-You have the right to be healthy: Health involves physical, mental and emotional
well-being. Any relationship that causes you suffering beyond your limits is abuse.
There is no place for abusive behavior in D/s relationships and it is up to you to make
sure that line is not crossed. Being submissive doesn't give anyone the right to hurt
you physically, mentally, or emotionally.

12-You have the right to practice safe sex: It is not only a right, it is almost a duty. You
need to be aware of sexually transmitted diseases and prevent them. It is your right
and you should not allow ANYONE to make you give it up.

WHERE YES AND WHERE NO

In addition to the limits and preferences of the couple, there are some points to
consider. Under no circumstances should spanking be carried out on the face, head,
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Naia
neck, fingers and toes for obvious reasons.

You can whip very lightly and carefully on the palms and back of the hands, on any
joint, on the lower part of the pelvis, on the lower ribs (they cover the kidneys and
other internal organs), the spine, the soles of the feet, the instep.

The feet and hands contain many tiny bones, once they are broken it is very difficult
for them to heal properly. Internal organs are more fragile than one might think, avoid
blows to those areas.

Very lightly on the lower legs, inner and outer arms, genitals (the skin is more fragile
there), top of the shoulders, top of the buttocks near the spine, on both sides of the
spine, on the breasts.

The upper part of the buttocks protects the coccyx, a small, fragile triangular bone at
the base of the spine.

You can whip harder on the buttocks, the back of each side of the spine, the thighs,
and the lower shoulders. These areas are mainly composed of strong bones
protected by thin muscle tissue and a fatty layer.

The position of the body affects the position of the skin and muscles. If someone is
bent over, the muscles in the back lengthen - the same muscles that protect the inner
areas. Spanking someone who is not supported can cause them to fall. If someone is
tied up or suspended, we must also take into account that they may faint if the
spanking is too intense.

Spanking in an even, gentle manner can have intense effects on both participants; a
caress, or a simple touch during spanking can work wonders as well.

Don't count on verbal responses from the submissive, as while you are spanking her
she may not be able to speak easily, or even hear your questions.

Bruises may appear immediately, not appear at all, or appear suddenly after a day or
two, depending on the body and the instrument used, and the reaction to the marks is
different in different people.

The philosophy of spanking can be a loving and important act between a lover
and his/her property, not something that separates them, but something that
unites them more deeply.”
 BDSM manual for beginners
Written and compiled by: Madame
Naia

EirEL -anguine
 BDSM manual for beginners
Written and compiled by: Madame
Naia
CHARACTERISTICS OF A DOMINANT PERSON

ACCEPTANCE

Accept yourself, what is inside you, what your needs and desires are. Acceptance of
your limitations and those of your property. The ability to accept another human being
begins with accepting who they are, including their flaws and especially accepting
your own.

Accepting to be a dominant is an individual thing and should not embarrass or

intimidate your need to be one, but it should make you happy.

COMMUNICATION

The ability to see, accept, and understand the emotional aspects of the submissive
people's psyche. To understand and be aware of the multitude of things that can
really affect a submissive person physically, mentally and emotionally.

Being able to understand many situations that occur within daily life and that can limit
the submissive to serve better. Using compassion wisely allows you to help your
submissive, to support him during the time when stress shows that you are truly the
dominant one. The one that makes doms and subs real people. Without compassion
you are not a dominant, just a sadist.

COURTESY

This is a half-explanation but many people ask me to specify what courtesy is. It is the
ability to show appropriate manners: please, thank you, you're welcome. It is speaking
to someone with a respectful tone of voice.

A dominant person should show courtesy even to his property and to other
submissives around him. Just because you are dominant doesn't give you the right to
be crude, cruel or rude. This includes courtesy towards your fellow human beings.

FUNNY

Elegance is the way a dominant person presents himself with an important, desirable
level of personality to treat submissives and to be treated in the same way.

The way a dominant takes care of himself, his style of play, no matter how graphic it
is, his style and grace will always emerge. Your behavior should not be hesitant,
affected, or confused.
 BDSM manual for beginners
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Naia
If this is a natural deficiency, the dominant will need to learn and grow more in this
area.

DOMAIN

This is the most important characteristic of a dominant. It is a natural ability to be in

front, to be the leader. To use control in a respectful, intelligent and humble manner.
The strength of character that allows you to exercise the control necessary in a power
exchange relationship. The ability to take good care of another person.

HONESTY

Personally I feel like it shouldn't need to be said, but there are a lot of people who lack
honesty, especially within BDSM. Honesty is the ability to speak, to be open and
truthful about what you say. Do not hide emotions, fears, limits, fantasies, ideas and
thoughts. You should not tell the submissive what you think he wants to hear just to
“sweeten his ears.” Honesty is the basis of truth, if it is not there, there can be no
authentic relationship.

MODESTY

This is basically the ability to see yourself as fallible and vulnerable. Of seeing
yourself as a person, not just a dominant. To see that sometimes your needs really do
have to be put aside for the good of the relationship (possibly to settle a
disagreement, set boundaries, or the like). A good dominant knows that he can make
mistakes, that he is not perfect.

Abuse is using your status as a dominant to force the submissive into doing
something without any knowledge or idea of what is happening. Abuse is a completely
selfish action.

A dominant who constantly abuses will only cause the submissive to leave his side
and lose the respect of his peers. This shows a lack of humility and can also mask a
poor sense of self-esteem or a possible abusive personality who uses this lifestyle to
hide their true nature.

INTELLIGENCE

This applies to a good dominant like this: intelligence is the ability to learn the most
appropriate way to act at all times, whether it be by informing oneself to satiety, by
asking and investigating, and by testing each toy or instrument on oneself before
using it on another person.
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Naia
The willingness and ability to make informed decisions about your needs and how to
meet them, how a dominant should be in all aspects. The ability to take the time to
learn about your partners outside of the dominant and submissive roles, learning who
they are as people, their likes and dislikes.

The ability to learn what your submissive likes and always keep it in mind. A dominant
must not only take the time and intelligence to learn the physical tools, but also the
basic psychological aspects of their submissives.

There is nothing more terrifying than seeing an ignorant dominant trying to use
humiliation as a tool of domination. Humiliation is a difficult tool that requires maturity,
intelligence and experience.

LOYALTY

This is a very important characteristic in a dominant. It is the ability to uphold your

honor and keep it as something real between you and your submissive, just like
monogamy or any other arrangement. Inconstancy is very unattractive in a dominant
and dangerous to the emotional initiation of the submissive who serves you.

PATIENCE

A good dominant is patient. It is the ability to wait for things. Becoming insistent is an
aggravating factor and nothing worthy of a dominant. This doesn't mean you have to
be soft, but you have to learn to apply pressure at the right time.

This is also an ability to wait for those things that take time to develop and learn,
especially within oneself. It takes time for a submissive to learn the intricacies of
serving and for you to have enough patience to teach him the intricacies that you
prefer as a Dom.

PRIDE

This is the ability to know your capabilities and that makes you not only a good person
but also a good dominant. The ability to recognize your own strengths.

This doesn't mean you should close your mind to new ideas, nor does it mean you
should ignore your mistakes or take care to inflate your ego. Taking pride in your
mastery is a beautiful thing, arrogance or false pride is deadly. False pride often
masks insecurities that can threaten the submissive's life.

I RESPECT

A good dominant shows respect all the time, even when the submissive shows no
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Naia
respect. A disrespectful dominant will never earn the respect of his peers or his
submissives.

Respect others, regardless of whether they are dominant or submissive, and you will
earn the respect of each of them at the same time.

RESPONSIBILITY

Good dominants should have a sense of responsibility and allow those they control in
a scene to do so as well. They will take this responsibility seriously and act in a way
that allows them to take care of themselves and their submissives.

A good dominant must take responsibility for his actions, even to admit a mistake
when he makes it and not blame someone else. A good dominant will use this sense
of responsibility to learn before playing or dominating.

SELF-CONTROL

A good dominant must control himself before he can hope to control another in a
healthy way. A good dominant is not prone to losing control, having outbursts of panic
or anger.

A dominant should be able to take care of his psychological needs by checking the
order of a scene before carrying it out so that it is completely safe for the submissive.

A good dominant must also have the self-control necessary to put away his weapons
and face a new submissive in something that the Dom knows is dangerous and where
the submissive has no experience.

SELF-RESPECT

A good dominant values himself and respects his limits.

Abuse does not excite a submissive. A strong sense of self-worth is necessary for a
dominant or he will cause serious damage to the submissive's psyche. Just be aware
that we all have limits.

SERVICE

This applies to dominants but not in the same sense as a submissive.

A dominant serves his submissive through domination.

By intelligently applying your dominant nature and knowing the physical and
emotional needs of the submissive.
 BDSM manual for beginners
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Naia
A good dominant remembers that without a submissive, there is nothing much to
dominate.
And receiving a person's submission as a gift makes it better to keep it and not abuse
it.

This is the key to a power exchange relationship. Although to tell the truth, no
dominant brings them all together, but several can be learned and polished.

However, these characteristics reflect what a good dominant would be.

This list is intended only as a guide or aid, not as an absolute rulebook.

We all have the opportunity to grow and improve.

 BDSM manual for beginners
Written and compiled by: Madame
Naia
BDSM STAGES

Stage 1: The initial stage (of discovery) where one discovers one's own sensations.
Sensations and emotions related to BDSM can emerge at any age.

People discover these feelings after a difficult period in their lives. This is probably
due to the fact that when such events happen, people tend to evaluate themselves as
well as their environment. Since the context is BDSM, these sensations have sexual
connotations and can almost always coincide with the general development of the
person's sexuality.

At this stage these sensations are not explicitly dominant or submissive BDSM
sensations, but they are related. Dominant and submissive feelings may or may not
exist deep within people's nature.

Strictly speaking, there is no person who is 100% Dominant or 100% submissive.

What develops is a tendency, towards one end of the scale, Dominant or submissive.
The intensity of Dominant or submissive sensations can be different for each person.

It is unclear what exactly causes developmental differences, although aspects have to

do with education, freedom of thought, creativity, family and religion. This stage is
usually marked by uncertainty.

Stage 2:

The Stage of Fear. Uncertainty and other social factors will lead to fear about
sensations and emotions and can lead to shorter or longer periods of depression.

Again, religion and education are the influencing factors here, combined with social
taboos, prejudices, stereotypes and a substantial deficit in general sexual education.

Dominants and submissives at this stage will think that they are the only being with
feelings like these and in almost all cases they still do not talk about them.
Some will actively seek out information, others will hide their desires and at the same
time secretly consolidate their feelings.

However, there is a direct conflict with social aspects and politically correct behavior.

Stage 3:

The first stage, where one will begin to experiment with oneself, read, and search for
information. Even while keeping their fantasies and dreams to themselves, people will
begin to experiment, usually on themselves, sometimes actively, incorporating both
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Naia
the Dominant and submissive roles into themselves. People will start looking for more
information.

This “information” will be related as much as possible to your fantasies (i.e. looking for
books and stories about them, as well as paintings and Internet sites).
This is generally the stage where a person finds that there are other people like him or
her.

Finding out about others who share the same feelings is a revelation for most people
at this stage, but it can be frightening at the same time. For this reason they will take
their time before they really start looking for others.

Stage 4:

Search Stage Generally, 3 actions are developed in this fourth stage, when one
begins an active search to find other people who share the same feelings.

If this happens within an existing relationship, the main problem for the person
involved is that there is a big risk that happens frequently and it is the end of the
relationship.

It is known that due to the risks involved, some people tend to stop their development
here and try to satisfy their fantasies in secret.
At this stage some people may have a problem, and that is prioritizing BDSM as part
of their entire life.

Three problems can arise in this regard:

1. The person involved wants to experience these sensations at any price, putting
them before all other aspects of a relationship.

2. Many people will struggle for a long time to balance their daily lives, trying to be a
different person at different times.

Submissive women in particular may struggle with their various roles as mother,
professional, and submissive.

3. Another problem, specifically for submissive women, is how to prioritize ideals. On

the one hand, they feel self-confident and strong. On the other hand, they have
submissive emotions, which seem to be in direct conflict with that.

These priority issues will sometimes lead to disappointments and disillusionment.

Submissive women at this stage are sometimes very vulnerable to an abusive
relationship, due to accentuating their BDSM tendencies too much.
 BDSM manual for beginners
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Naia
Stage 5:

The stage of reconciliation, where one accepts one's fantasies and begins to
understand them. The information that has been gathered up to this stage, the things
that have been tested and found, mean that the person involved begins to understand
what is going on inside him, in his mind.

The disappointments of Stage 4 will now be an important part of the learning process.
We use the plural here, because most BDSM people go through more than one
relationship (sometimes very short) and other experiences before finding the right
partner.

Stage 6:

The stage of change, where one grows, learns, experiences, grows again, etc… This
is the never-ending stage where the relationship really begins to thrive by
experimenting and learning together. The beginning of stage 7 marks the beginning of
a well-balanced, true relationship with erotic exchange of energy.

Some observations: Dominant and submissive people will go through these stages,
although individual experiences may be different from those described here. People
can skip stages, they can combine or mix some of them. The stages have no marked
beginning, nor any end.

A person will generally flow from one stage to another. There is no specific time for
the stages. The entire process can sometimes take many years for some – due to
circumstances and personal capabilities – or pass through certain stages faster than
others.

Access to information, and a person's ability to find such information, is vital to the
speed of development. Early disappointments and abuse can cause additional
conflicts and will set back or prolong earlier stages.

Not all people go through all the stages. Some people stop pursuing their interest in
BDSM and try to develop it in other ways.

This is sometimes the end of BDSM for her, or it may just mean an interruption.
Disappointments, social taboos and the problems they bring can determine the end of
the approach to the BDSM world.

Once the right partner is found, new stages in submission begin: The beginning is a
very delicate time. None is more so than the beginning of a D/s relationship, because
of the need to resolve the apparent contradiction of consent and surrender, how to
change a submissive from being a willing candidate for Submission to being a
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Naia
submissive possessed by his Master.

Although we believe that a relationship should begin with consent, there is potentially
a tension between the freedoms that the submissive has and the authority and needs
that the Master progressively acquires. At worst, progress can be halted and the
Dominant's authority can be undermined by a backlash from the submissive who feels
that his decisions selectively become the Dominant's decisions. A model for transition
in the first few weeks or months is “Stage Submission.” In this approach, each stage
is an increasing transfer of submissive consent to the authority of the Master that
allows trust to grow.

Submission in Stages can be agreed upon verbally or through written agreements or

even with formal contracts (although we must point out that submission contracts are
only a means of clarification and do not offer protection against a dominant or an
abusive submissive).

However, we must emphasize that the Internal Submission process will have already
begun at the first meeting, building trust and opening the submissive Self to the
Dominant.

The “emotional” acceptance of the Dominant’s authority will generally be deeper

than the “rational” acceptance during this phase – that is, because the submissive
thinks that there cannot be any aspects of his life in which he loses control; but if the
Dominant’s control becomes apparent, the submissive finds that he can accept this
control.

However, this gradual process of “leading” a submissive into submission is

unpredictable, especially when the Dominant does not have a deep understanding of
the submissive mind.

A Staged Submission can give more certain and quicker results than a trial and error
process of the Dominant continually testing how far his authority extends.

Let us not forget that mistakes undermine trust and authority.

If these early stages are successful, then the final stage is for the submissive to
formally accept the Dominant's authority in all aspects of his life, and confirm his
desire to become the Dominant's submissive.

With this Submissive Consent, the emotional acceptance of

your submission, is underway.
 BDSM manual for beginners
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Naia
HUMILIATION AND SELF-ESTEEM IN SUBMISSION
First of all, anyone with low self-esteem should refrain from practicing D/s. The reason
is very obvious, in this type of game, or way of life, or philosophy, or whatever you
want to call it, since it depends on how each person lives it, there are two clearly
defined roles: one dominant, and the other submissive. Of course, a Dominant with
low self-esteem theoretically would not practice it, since it requires a lot of mental skill,
security, firmness, etc., things that he obviously could not exercise if he were not sure
of himself.

Let's talk about the submissive then. There is a false belief that the submissive is an
“inferior” being, since she follows the orders of another being, her Master.
Paradoxically, the submissive must be a strong person, know herself well, value
herself, esteem herself, which also means having high self-esteem. To give yourself
to another person, you must first be very clear about your ideas, know how to choose
who you give yourself to, learn and improve every day as a person so that your
Master feels proud of you, and love yourself. A submissive is a reflection of her
Master, so both of them will want her to grow, not to devalue herself as a person. And
most importantly, everything the submissive gains both personally, emotionally,
sexually, etc., will result in pleasure and enjoyment for her Master. The more you
nurture your submissive, the more she will please you and give to you.

This is a task that requires time and a lot of patience, but the fruits obtained will be
solid and pleasant for both. I digress to say that if a submissive wants to practice D/s
to heal that self-esteem, it is not at all advisable.

This is a way of life, not psychological therapy, and it can cause many problems
for both her and her potential Master. Unfortunately, there are many Masters
who do not adequately look after the mental health of their submissive, and
limit themselves to humiliating her. This can cause psychological injuries.
 BDSM manual for beginners
Written and compiled by: Madame
Naia

WHAT YOU BELIEVE IS NOT THE SAME AS WHAT IS.

If you are afraid of nurses because they are perverse, BDSM is not your place.
Humiliation truly humiliates. The whip really hurts.

Being on your knees for a long time also hurts! Giving over your will to another is a
little more than letting him decide which movie to rent.

You don't learn to be submissive by reading a couple of BDSM-themed stories and

calling everyone "Mr.", in a chat. Real submissives are not beautiful, sexy and almost
perfect like the photos you see on the website (they are paid models).

Real submissives may not be as aesthetically appealing, but unlike models, they have
the soul of a submissive and that is infinitely more valuable.
Stilettos, if you step on them, hurt. The soles you lick may be dirty… you have been
warned.

Eat a spicy “chili.” Now imagine that you have other holes in your body.
Sumi: No matter how much you think you have conquered your ego, you will be
surprised to know how much you are missing.

But, if you are still determined to stick with the idea, don't claim that a strange Asian
mosquito bit you, you are like that, it's your head and you will be like that forever... so,
take off your pants and offer those butts!

Bangles are not bracelets. If you see a person dressed in black leather, don't ask him
to slap you.

Maybe he's not a sadomasochist. Your nose is going to itch just when they have you
tied up, you have to hold on, because one part of being a Sado and the other a
Masochist.
Your cell phone will ring (if you haven't turned it off) just when they have you well tied
up... this time, whoever is not tied up will have to hold it while you talk.

Even though your interlocutor won't have any idea what situation you're in, the hard
part is holding back your laughter.

If you think Switches don't need a safeword because they are in solo mode, you're
wrong.

If you hear someone spending a lot of time on the corner, don't assume they're
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Naia
directing traffic.

Humiliations are sometimes harder than a session of a hundred spankings. When we

talk about brands, we are not talking about commercial names of products.
Brackets in nicknames are not part of any mathematical formula.

A BDSM collar is worn with much more pride than the most expensive pearl or
diamond necklace.

If you dare to say that someone is “killing mosquitoes” during a spanking session, take
whatever comes your way.

Certain brands are worn with pride. You will learn to be submissive when you see that
sometimes what deprives you of freedom is what makes you feel the freest.

The tweezers hurt when they are put in, but more when they are taken out. It's a
strange idea, we know. But the idea is that you are tortured AND THAT YOU LIKE IT.

The property of submissives is not subject to the Personal Property Tax.

No matter how good your PC is, a cyber session can never compare to a real one.

When we talk about expanding boundaries, we are not talking about an international
conflict.

Differentiating types of pain: “Sir, please stop spanking me… I have a horrible cramp
in my foot!” No, masochists don't orgasm when they catch their fingers in the door.

The safe word is for when everything “surely” went to hell.

Sometimes Dominants are left with more pain in their arms than submissives in their
bodies.

If you call a submissive's phone and get the answering machine saying, “I can't talk
right now…” that's probably literally true.
If you are blindfolded and in a bathtub and you feel something warm, don't think it's a
nice bath!

When you see someone approaching with a fly swatter, don't think that they've run out
of insecticide.

If that same person or, failing that, someone else approaches you with a candle, do
not believe that there was a problem with the neighborhood's electrical substation.

If you are told to go to the grocery store to buy a cucumber, don't dream that they are
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Naia
preparing a beautiful vegetarian dinner for you.

If you are told to buy ginger, don't dream of a sushi night!!!

However, if they tell you to buy turnips, carrots, cucumbers, the chances of you
eating salad persist even after the corresponding use.

If you are told to make banana puree, forget about using a fork.
If you don't have a pet and your Master gives you a dog bowl, don't start looking for
names for your future puppy.

AMOS

Accepting delivery from another person is a bigger commitment than buying a canary.

You are people, you did not come out of a mythology or religion book, even if you
refuse to believe it.

Housewives can also trip over stilettos. Umis@s are people too… when in doubt, treat
them as such.

You don't learn everything that being a Dominant or Master/Mistress entails after
reading a couple of stories on a BDSM site and being provoked.

A woman dressed in leather and boots is NOT necessarily a Mistress…much less

YOUR MISTRESS.

Penetrating another person's anus is not a little game. Dominants can also take Mox
Ibuprofen if something hurts.

You're not going to become Dom because your shift key is stuck, something else is
needed.

Being a Mistress is more than just yelling to warm up the atmosphere. If you think that
because you are a Master you will be full of women adoring you, I am sorry to
disappoint you.

Do you know how hard it is to get just 1?! No… not all Masters have a Dungeon in
the basement of the house.

Ladies do not stop being ladies for being submissive or Mistresses, and gentlemen do
not stop being gentlemen for being submissive or Masters.

If you are a Dominant and you are testing electricity on your submissive, you might
think how exciting those contractions would feel around your penis... think twice: IT IS
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Naia
NOT A GOOD IDEA TO TRY THAT!

If you walk into a store and say, “Everyone get on your knees and worship my feet,”
you won’t exactly be greeted like a god.

Internships

Trampling is not about ornamental jumping from a springboard, in fact it is not an

Olympic discipline.
Bondage is not a human attribute, there is no person who is more bondage than
another.

Bondage is not the same as crochet. Sadomasochism is more than just whipping
people left and right.

BDSM is an acronym, and it is not eaten with ketchup.

Sado is not free cybersex.

Strappado is a form of bondage… not a term for Italian fashion.

Switches are not for turning anything on or off.

Shibari is not a new Japanese car brand. Do you know what CBT is? …, it’s better
that you don’t know!

When you watch any spanking video, think that in a real session, that will be your real
ass.
BDSM is like a movie, but without “students” doubling the dangerous scenes.

Canning is not just an avenue that is now called Scalabrini Ortiz.

When we talk about needle discipline, we are not referring to knitting needles, but
rather… we put them on your skin.

Bastinado is not exactly a crochet stitch.

Fisting is not a facelift from the inside.

PonyGirls never compete in rural SPANK is not an 80s glam group, and SPANKee
are not their fans! .

If someone says they had a STRETCHING session, don't think they are referring to a
new service at the gym.

Facesitting is not a new method of facial beauty.

The Golden Shower… is not the shower of gold coins that Scrooge McDuck gave
himself in his vault.
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Naia
And a “FRENCH MAID” is not a domestic service lady of Gallic origin.
When we talk about “mummification” it does not mean that a Mistress/Master will force
his submissive to watch a documentary about the tombs of the pharaohs.

Spread Eagle is not a type of golf club Hogtied is not a brand of neckties.
Taking on the position of spankee has nothing to do with a promotion in your job.

Ballbusting is not an NBA team. Spanking is not a punk band.

Trampling is not a circus stunt. Blood-sports is not broadcast on ESPN+. Breath
Control is not a brand of control, Rometo Pere does control.

Ageplay is not a strategy game for the PC but you have to use your head. Foot-play is
not a new way of playing football, but it is played with the feet. Golden shower is not a
golden shower, but a golden liquid falls.

Whipping is not an alarm brand, but say the word as fast as you can and it sounds like
a broken alarm.

KARADA is not the latest motorcycle from Suzuki, but it is beautiful and very subtle,
as well as incredibly strong.

STRAPPADO is not an Italian pasta sauce, but you may like it more than any sauce.

SSC is not a Mexican soccer club. When we talk about Rack we are not referring to a
24/7 piece of furniture, it is not a news channel or a radio.

Consensus is closer to Con seso than you think.

Elements and instruments

El Potro is not the Cordobes.

Spreader bars are not part of Olympic Gymnastics.

The clamps they put on badly parked cars are not the same ones used in BDSM.
FLOGGER can be a lot more awkward than a guy with stupid bangs and skinny jeans.

GAGS are not funny at all.

If someone says he is going to bring handcuffs, he is not a bigamist.
A cat with nine tails is not a mythological animal.

CHINESE BALLS… are not the same ones that are passed from hand to hand to
relax muscle tension and stress and are sold in health food stores.
BALL-GAG is not a comical situation produced at a dance.
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Naia
Bullwhip is not a breed of dog or bull.
The St. Andrew's Cross does not always mean that there is a level crossing.

When we talk about chains, we are not talking about emails that are passed from
person to person.

PARAPHILIA

Paraphilias are characterized by intense and recurrent sexual impulses, fantasies, or

behaviors involving unusual objects, activities, or situations.

These disorders produce clinically significant distress or impairment in social,

occupational, or other important areas of functioning. Paraphilias include
exhibitionism, fetishism, frotteurism, pedophilia, sexual masochism, sexual sadism,
transvestic fetishism, voyeurism, and unspecified paraphilia.

This concept of paraphilia is something strictly biological and not social, it is limited to
describing and cataloging sexual behaviors that are outside of normality,
understanding this as the sexual act necessary to engender a human being and
perpetuate the species. Knowing how to separate the biological from the social is
essential to understanding any type of human sexuality. What we understand as
biological sexuality we have just described but,

What is sexuality from a social point of view?:

The ability or free choice to carry out the sexual act with or without reproductive
purposes, with a person of our liking regardless of their sex, in the way or ways that
we both consider most pleasurable and by mutual agreement.

Within social sexuality (let us coin this term to differentiate it from biological sexuality)
there is room for homosexuality, heterosexuality and other sexual behaviors such as
those that the DSM-IV describes as paraphilias, provided that they are consensual
and meet certain requirements that we will discuss later.

The degree of tolerance and openness to sexual behavior that goes beyond what is
strictly biological is directly proportional to the maturity of said society and a clear
example of this is the fact that at the end of the 19th century, in some societies it was
considered a sin and an aberration to have a sexual relationship in a position other
than the missionary position. If this was considered an aberration, which is within
biological normality, the reader can imagine how all other sexual options were
considered.

Not knowing how to differentiate between the two types of sexuality or being
completely unaware of social sexuality has been the cause not only of the
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Naia
marginalization of those who practice these other sexual options but also, through a
process that anthropology calls endoculturation (a process by which the older
generation transmits its ways of thinking, knowledge, customs and rules to the
younger generation), this marginalization is passed on from generation to generation.

Fortunately, the prejudices transmitted endoculturally are diluted or softened for

various reasons, among them that the level of education and culture of the new
generations is higher than that of the previous ones and this fact, among others,
produces an open mind that allows social tolerance to increase. This does not mean
that a society is already totally and absolutely receptive to these other sexual options,
but that some of them are becoming normalized (at least in public, another thing is
what a person thinks internally), as is the case of homosexuality.

This process of enculturation, for the reasons we have described above, causes
people outside our community to relate BDSM with unhealthy sadomasochistic sexual
practices as something over which the practitioner of such practices has no control
and as a mental illness, causing society to reject our community and making the
normalization of our way of life still far from being effective.

At this point I would like to make a clarification. Until now the reader will have noticed
that I have only focused on the sexual aspect of BDSM and I would like to clarify that I
have done so for the simple reason that it is the only thing that unites the concept of
paraphilia, social sexuality and BDSM itself.

But as we all know within our group, BDSM is a very broad spectrum and the
members of our group have many and very diverse ways of understanding this, each
one very valid and respectable and ranging from mere sexual practices to a way of
life. Taking this into account and also by transmission from one generation to another,
when we try to explain to people outside of BDSM that those of us who understand
what these acronyms encompass as a way of life are in favor of the voluntary
submission of one person to another for a series of reasons that we all know, we run
the risk of being labeled as sexist (even when we try to make them see that this
submission has nothing to do with a person's gender and that there are men who
submit to women) and dictatorial.

Until now we have talked about people outside our group, but what happens when a
person does not know that they are Dominant or submissive but feels that
inside without knowing how to recognize it? In the worst case scenario, he feels
such an internal conflict due to the education he received, which we have talked about
previously and what he feels inside, that he ends up seeing a psychiatrist or
psychologist who treats him as a paraphiliac in the first case, since psychiatrists are
doctors and they have a very physiological concept of mental problems, or who tries
to redirect him socially in the second case, because within the working group of
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Naia
psychologists, as in all, there are more professional and less professional people and
also less open-minded (I consider this to be an essential requirement to exercise said
profession) and less. In the best case scenario, this person, after going through this
journey or without doing so, can find a group of BDSM practitioners who make this
conflict disappear by giving an idea of normality by making this person see that there
are more people with their way of understanding this and that this does not prevent
them from leading a normal life.

We have just hit upon a key concept at this point, many people within our group
wonder if by engaging in sadomasochistic sexual practices they are paraphilic or not,
others, the minority, (since once this life option is chosen, these people are more likely
to stop asking themselves these questions), if by exercising dominance over someone
or being subjected to such dominance the former are dictatorial and intransigent or
the latter emotionally invalid. I address a series of guiding questions to them to help
them get out of that doubt:
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Naia
Does engaging in these practices prevent you from leading a normal life,
meaning that you can work, spend time with your family and friends, and enjoy
your hobbies? Does it prevent you from being happy or from keeping the
people you love happy?

If the answer to these questions is no, you are a completely and absolutely normal
person who has chosen a sexual and life option that is as valid as any other.

If the answer is yes, please contact a professional from our group through this. Within
BDSM there are people from many walks of life and professions, including
psychology, and I am sure they will be able to help you approach this in the best
possible way.

STABLE COUPLE AND BDSM

I would like to write about coupled people and bdsm.

But not about game participants paired with each other, that is another topic, but
about those who have a fixed "vanilla" partner and have or seek to have a BDSM
relationship apart from that partner.

Suddenly you discover BDSM, you read a book or magazine article, you watch a
movie, you browse the internet and you realize that what you read you like, it excites
you, or it simply catches your attention and you start looking for information. Normally
you don't tell anyone, because after all, hitting, humiliating or exercising a dominant or
submissive role with your partner is frowned upon these days. Now what prevails, and
we all agree on this, is equality, the non-differentiation of gender.

You read, you get informed, you talk to people who are into the subject and you
decide to give it a try. But you already have a partner. You decide not to tell him.

There may be thousands of reasons, the most common one being the famous one: “I
know him/her and I wouldn't understand.” This is perhaps the least reasonable. You
can't know a person's opinion on a subject they don't know about.

On the other hand, not telling it is very uncommitted. A way to avoid being judged,
accused or condemned by the person with whom one has decided to share one's life.

Maybe I'm a bit cowardly, but it's a personal decision. Can you lead a double life?
Why not, many people do it, some are happy, others cope as best they can and
others have a bad time, have doubts or internal conflicts. It depends a lot on the
person. I will not go into whether it is correct or incorrect. What is clear is that we must
evaluate how we want to live our life and act accordingly. Try to be as happy as
possible. Another possibility is that you tell him. Of course there are very rude people:
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Naia
“Hey honey, tonight, how about instead of making love like always, you tie me (I tie
you) to the bed and you give me (or I give you) a few hits with this cute riding crop I
bought”… Well, joking aside, the normal thing is that it happens little by little, one day
you buy a book that talks about the subject, (Nine and a Half Weeks is a perfect title,
people think of the movie and think the book will be something like that, erotic and a
bit risqué, when in reality it's a D/s relationship. And quite strong, by the way.) Or you
rent some movie with D/s scenes, (The Ages of Lulu has some scenes that,
personally, opened my eyes and of course my mind.) And you make innocent
comments, "this scene is so erotic, wouldn't you like to try it?" “And you watch their
reactions. He reacts well, so you insist on the subject more, a dinner and a
conversation telling him about what you have recently discovered and want to try. In
an open-minded couple, where sexual tastes and fantasies are discussed and shared,
where trust reigns, where trying new things is not a taboo, it does not have to be
strange that this type of practice ends up being part of the couple. The form and
intensity will depend on both parties, but by having good communication, being honest
with each other, a consensus can be reached, which, let's not forget, is one of the
pillars of BDSM.

But let's suppose that he doesn't react well. That an unequal relationship is not your
ideal relationship, that you don't like "different" sexual games, that you see it as an
aberration or that you simply don't feel like it at all for whatever reason. Here we are
entering into murky territory. The reality is that if one of your commitments to your
partner is sincerity, fidelity or any other and your decision is to continue and not tell
him/her, you are breaking any of those commitments. Or all of them.

Generally, when someone is unfaithful, in a vanilla way, to their partner, it is usually

something that happens, not premeditated. But in the case of bdsm this is not the
case. It's not easy to find a partner, whether you're Dominant or submissive.

The thing goes through a period of approximation, mutual knowledge and finally
acceptance of the other person. It is usually a process with a long search, here the "I'll
catch you here, I'll kill you here" does not apply.

You can lie to yourself and find justifications that will also be corroborated by a lot of
people in your same situation, but being honest with yourself, you know that you are
being unfaithful to your partner, that you are cheating on them or at the very least,
hiding something that is important to you. You also know that it would be a reason to
break up.

In my opinion, sincerity has always been the best option, but of course I am not in that
situation. Commitments can be endless, from children in common to mortgages,
including social or economic prestige. Even the comfort of living in company.
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Naia
All equally valid. But the truth is that in that life you are missing something that you
want to find. With or without your partner. There is one case I haven't talked about.

What happens if you know your tastes before meeting your partner and you still
haven't told them anything?

And in this case, just my very personal opinion, I think that not talking about this to the
person you are getting to know, with whom you want to have a relationship, is, to put it
very mildly, foolish.

It could be compared to hiding the fact that you hate sex. Or that you are impotent or
frigid. Or that lingerie turns you on when he or she is a die-hard fan of cotton
garments.

I don't know, I think that hiding your tastes or inclinations from the other person from
the beginning is like building a relationship on false pillars.

Solutions? Whatever each person wants to give themselves. In this, as in everything,

it will depend on each person.

There is no universal solution. You can lead a double life if your ethics allow it. You
can have a BDSM relationship parallel to your relationship as a couple, with their
knowledge or acceptance.

You can turn your current relationship into a bdsm relationship (with time and
patience, of course.) Or you can forget about it. Neither option is easy.
Perhaps the best way is to live it with your partner. Or find a partner who feels the
same way you do.
But circumstances are what they are and the truth is that each person is a world.

Only we can do it in the way that best suits us.

SPANKING TECHNIQUES

Whipping a slave is not intended to strip her skin, but rather to provide her with a point
of excitement through pain, a point that is quite high.

In a good spanking session, several things are convenient, on the one hand it is a
good idea to alternate different utensils, for example starting with the classic spanking,
so at the same time that we warm up the area, we will give time for the endorphins to
act, which will allow us to lengthen the session even more; then being able to move
on to the paddle or a cat or tail whip, with which we will obtain more intense spankings
while the whip also allows us to "caress" the skin with the result that the slave's
excitement increases.
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Naia
It is also a good idea to alternate spanking with caresses, both to relax the skin and to
further raise the slave's temperature. On the other hand, stopping from time to time
allows us to have greater control over the session, to realize that everything is within
the slave's limits and to maintain a constant rhythm.

Another detail to keep in mind when spanking is that depending on the equipment
used, the blow will be as intense as possible. The wider the spanking, the greater the
contact surface and therefore the blow will be more evenly distributed and will hurt
less. That is why it is recommended to start with your hand or a paddle.

If we use a whip, we will also have to be careful to direct it correctly, for which the
easiest way is to collect the lashes with the free hand, when collecting the whip after
the blow. This will also allow us to alternate the blows of the lashes flat, as well as
only from the tip, etc.

You also have to take into account the position in which you whip her. If the slave is in
a position in which her skin and muscles are tense (leaning forward, for example), the
area will be less protected and the whipping will always be more intense.

And finally, we have the whipping areas, since it is not sensible to just whip wherever
we feel like, since there are areas of the body, such as the kidneys or face, in which
you should never whip. The ideal, especially when starting out, is on the buttocks, and
later on you can move on to other areas such as the upper back, etc., as shown in the
graph.
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Naia

And of course, in the case of the Masters, do not be afraid to learn, do not think that
buying a whip is enough, you have to know how to direct it, how to modify the intensity
of the blow, prevent the lashes from getting tangled, what equipment to use at each
moment, and even the best materials.

So don't worry if it seems ridiculous. Practicing with the whip, even if you don't whip
anyone, is not a bad thing. It will allow us to get used to it, learn to control it and direct
it exactly where we want it to, and for it to hit with the force and in the way we want it
to.

ALL OF THIS BETWEEN CONSCIOUS ADULTS AND ALWAYS WITHIN AGREED

LIMITS, THIS IS NOT A GAME.
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Naia
Stages of Training

1- INITIAL - Control. (Body, mind and feelings) - Education. - Training. - Expanding

Knowledge.

Initial - Body Control

- Physical appearance. (Waxing, hair, code {mild, medium, strict} Grooming or denial
of it at specific times) - Clothing. (What is allowed to use and what is not.) - Signs of
belonging. (At this stage, ornaments and little else) - Health of the submissive.
(Physical, mental and emotional) - Preparation for sexual use. (Body preparation prior
to the session, diet) - Control of sexuality. (masturbations, orgasms, relationships)

Initial - Education

- Treatment. (In public, in private) - Education in availability. (overcoming resistance

to groping) - Education in submission. (Postures, diary, evaluations) - Inspections.
Initial - Body Training - Techniques and Practices

- Training for nudity. (private, semi-hidden, public) - Body exercises. (Maintain good
general tone) - Body training. (Anal Dilation, Fellatio) - Sensory deprivation. Home -
Initiation to Humiliation. (In private) - Initiation to pain. (tweezers, whips, small
weights) - Initiation to hot wax. - Initiation to Cold.
Initial - Expanding Knowledge

- Learning BDSM. (Watching BDSM movies and photos, discussing them together) -
Readings about BDSM (Commenting on them).

2 MIDDLE PHASE

- Tighter control. New areas. - Exhibition. (Controlled, free exposure) - Pain control
and learning to turn it into pleasure. - Medium spanking. - Transfers (In the presence
of the Dominant) - Bukkake. - Average dress code. - Property marks. (piercing,
tattoos, minor burns) - Suspensions. - Forced Postures. - Fellatio. Deep Throat. -
Specific training. (Pony, bitch, whore, servant) - Endurance exercises. (Weights, long
penetration times) - Humiliation. (Published among friends, among strangers) - Pain.
(Long periods of pinching, spanking with various instruments) - Learning assessment.

2 ADVANCED PHASE

- Advanced practices. - Strict fetish code. - Severe spanking. - Electricity games. -

Needles. - Scat. - Asphyxiation. - Fire marks. Branding - Initiation into slavery. - The
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total surrender of power. - The chains that free.

Education of the submissive person

Respectful treatment

The submissive must at all times and on all occasions speak in a respectful, but
humble and affable manner, that is, correctly, both to other submissive beings and to
the Dominants with whom he can, if his Dominant allows him, engage in conversation.

This treatment must always be pleasant, that is, without outbursts, overly informal
uses or any other type of expression that may be inappropriate.

If you talk to other submissive beings of your Master, personal friends of His or
common friends, there may be more familiarity, but never to the point of being able to
bother someone present.

The submissive in the presence of his Master (alone with him) accompanied by his
Master and other people, (Dominant, submissive, etc.) must, as a rule, remain silent,
observe and be attentive, trying to learn from other people, (Dominant or submissive)
but without interfering, unless expressly requested, generally he will ask his Master's
permission with a look or a gesture before responding, and if it is granted, he will do
so in a slow, clear and concise manner, trying to make his tone of voice audible, but
without raising his voice excessively and taking care to use words that can be
understood by all.

If you need to ask something or make some clarification, it is always preferable to ask
the Master's permission first if he is present. In his absence, it would be natural to ask
for it before asking, looking for the right moment and trying not to interrupt the
conversation.
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Naia
In session

During the session, the submissive being will generally be silent, attentive and
concentrated, at the request of his Master he may express himself in different ways
(with exquisite gentleness or vulgar and extreme language, humiliating himself or
others, always with adoration towards his Dominant) to magnify the sensations of
those present.

He will be able to moan, beg, plead, scream, etc. as long as his Dominant allows it,
but knowing that, if that day is not to his liking, the Dominant will be able to gag him
without further ado.

Correct ways to address the Dominant

Each Dominant will explain in detail to their property their preferences regarding the
treatment they wish to receive; Mistress, Sir/Madam, Tutor, Master, using the informal
form but always in a respectful manner, etc., at what time and in what situation.

Some Dominants mark the states, the stages of submission with different treatments:
Tutor, Sir, Master, Mistress, Lady, etc.

Likewise, you may require the submissive to add or precede the phrase, according to
your tastes. Example: I understand you, Sir (or) Sir, I understand you.

The degree of rigidity in the use of a certain protocol ritual depends on the Dominant,
but often and especially at the beginning of the relationship, clear rules in this regard
help the submissive to enter the situation and become aware of his condition, so it is
advisable to make use of certain basic rules from the beginning so that the
submissive incorporates them as soon as possible into his natural way of expressing
himself and proceeding, which will give him confidence to converse, within correct
limits, both with his Dominant and with other people present, without fear of
disappointing his Dominant.

Special attention must be paid when asking questions (it is never a right of the
submissive to "be attended to" by the Master when required, but it depends on the
moment and the availability of the Master) and when listening (maintaining the correct
postures and attitudes, knowing how to listen, not interrupting the Dominant, speaking
up if asked and speaking if allowed to, trying to explain clearly and briefly whatever it
is, always in a soft and polite tone).

Education in availability

Both physical (groping, inspections by the Dominant, by others at the invitation of the
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Naia
Dominant, joint use with other submissives of the same Owner or other Dominants,
exchange in session, temporary transfers, etc.) and mental (any form of use that the
Dominant proposes, whether carried out by him or by others, is service to the Master).

Submission Diary

It reflects the Master's tastes, preferences, pleasures and forms of satisfaction; the
Master's orders, the difficulties that arise, the search for solutions, the progress that
occurs, etc. Diary of discoveries (physical, mental, new sensations, feelings, etc.).

List of punishments; cause, punishment, application and overcoming thereof. (A

punishment is, above all, must be an action of correction and learning. It must be
explained and understood by the Dominant, accepted and assumed by the
submissive being. The mild ones are usually carried out immediately, the more
serious ones may require certain special elements for their execution, so they are
delayed in time giving the submissive the opportunity to analyze what led him to that
situation and to appreciate that "that corrective" is for his own good, that it aims to
become more perfect for his Master. Finally, the punishment must have a beginning,
an execution phase and an end, after which the submissive being can and must feel
forgiven in order to forgive himself.

Submission Assessment

These are chats that can take place at any time, arise during a conversation, or be
scheduled from time to time. They are necessary above all so that the submissive
being can clearly see, in front of his Dominant, the characteristics that his submission
is acquiring: The way, speed and concreteness with which he obeys orders, the
sensations obtained with new experiences and achievements, the mistakes made, the
reasons, the way to overcome them, etc.

There is no specific rule on frequency, but it is advisable to do a review at least every

time new things are incorporated.
The following aspects should be considered:

Review of concepts. Changes that occur in the submissive. Interrogations by the

Dominant about discoveries and their influence on the BDSM relationship.

Redefinition of the type or degree of submission if applicable. Evolution of the

relationship.

Dominants who guide the training of their submissive beings in stages, usually give
the submissive different collars, names, privileges or restrictions, depending on the
desired evolution or the use to which the submissive being is intended.
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They tend to be different stages, especially in areas of greater power of the Dominant
and greater commitment on the part of the submissive being (novice, dog,
submissive, auxiliary, slave, etc.)

Keep the submissive open to experiencing new things by pushing boundaries to

expand the relationship.

The Dominant must know how to stimulate the mind and body of the submissive
constantly, leading him to want to know new areas, techniques, uses, disciplines and
experiences that are exciting for both. BDSM is a practice that, given the variety of
elements it can contain, is always susceptible to being expanded.

Body marks resulting from the sessions

There are different types of body marks that can be produced during sessions due to
the use of ropes, whips, paddles, riding crops, etc. The duration of these marks often
varies depending on the element used and can last from a few hours to a few days,
reaching permanent marks that last forever.

The mildest are inscriptions on the skin of the submissive being, often giving an
account of his condition to whoever can see them; they are usually used in humiliation
sessions, for the photographic display of the submissive or to humiliate him publicly
before groups or practicing individuals. It may be just the inscription of his condition:
submissive to... or his submissive name: whore, dog, pig, colt, etc.

Post-session body care (Aftercare)

This includes above all physical care. Cleaning and sanitizing the skin, chafing
caused by ropes, straps, chains or other types of restrictions. Reactivation of
circulation through vigorous massage if swelling has occurred. Application of common
disinfectants or anti-inflammatories in case of wounds or bruises that have occurred.

For burns, it is advisable to clean, cool and disinfect the area and then apply a
soothing ointment if the pain persists or a moisturizing cream to prevent the area from
drying out and producing a "tight skin" effect.
Mutual post-session care (emotional aftercare)

It is important not to break contact immediately, but to have a few moments of mutual
relaxation to talk and analyze the sensations that have just been experienced. It is a
dialogue, not a monologue. All participants in the session have sensations to relate
and things to share in addition to sharing those of others. Exploring areas such as the
mental after a session can be an exciting journey into what has been experienced and
how it has been perceived. It helps Dominants and submissives to know themselves
more intimately and also to know others and how they can provide more pleasure,
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Naia
pleasurable pain or humiliation.
Training

From the beginning, a BDSM relationship is based on Knowledge; of oneself, of the

other, of each other's desires and needs, etc. To achieve this deep knowledge, it is
necessary to have created a warm and welcoming environment in which mutual trust
flows and helps to freely express what each member of the relationship hopes to
achieve from the other and from the relationship itself. Sincerity and communication
are essential, and once mutual respect and trust have been gained, desires, tastes
and fantasies have been expressed, and a minimum initial agreement has been
reached, the Training begins.

Training is above all learning.

The Dominant begins to exercise the control that has been given to him, with specific,
detailed and clear orders about what he wishes to possess and observes the
submissive's disposition to his orders and desires, the manner of execution, the times,
the difficulties that this submission represents and the resources that the submissive
person uses to overcome them.

For the submissive it is a difficult time, until now the drive was there, the desire to
obey, to surrender, was present but it was not yet something tangible and real, it is
now when the desires and words have to become actions and this will lead to a series
of sensations and feelings, - very often in conflict with each other - that he must learn
to balance and manage adequately, with the help of his Dominant, to be able to
assume and accept the changes that will invariably occur within his being.

The verbal renunciation of his freedom may have been more or less difficult, but it is
at this moment when the submissive being becomes truly aware of his condition as
such, of what it means to belong to someone who, from that moment on, will make the
decisions (however inconsequential some of them may seem at first glance) for him in
many areas of his life, although it will allow him, due to the personal or professional
circumstances of each one, to maintain the power of decision in some other areas.

Good training must be carried out with patience and consistency, in a calm but
continuous manner. We must not forget that the purpose of training is to instill in the
submissive being habits of conduct, behavior and service that will form, from then on
and forever, the foundations of a solid intimate relationship (perhaps the most intimate
that can exist between two people) with their Dominant.

Training and the practice of correct training from the beginning will provide the
submissive with the security and basic knowledge necessary to serve his Dominant in
the most appropriate way and will increase the desire to improve and go further,
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advancing hand in hand with his Owner, wherever the evolution of the relationship
takes them, will provide the submissive with sufficient resources that will make
possible, as time goes by, an increasingly pleasurable use for his Dominant, without
hesitations, doubts or fear of letting him down and failing. Always attentive to serve or
be used as indicated, as quickly and correctly as possible.

It does not have a specific duration, the Dominant will evaluate when his submissive
has reached the degree of perfection of physical execution and the mental maturity
necessary to be initiated into more advanced practices; nor is it the same for all
Dominants or submissive beings, it will be adapted for each submissive according to
what his Dominant wishes to obtain from him, and the evolution of teaching and
learning will delimit the times of each stage.

There are many types of specific BDSM training due to the different practices and
disciplines it covers, we will mention them below.
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Naia
Training Control

As we have already said before, Training is the learning phase, essentially for the
submissive being, but also for the Dominant, who through the days, and the
conversations, and by some simple indications learns to know the tastes, needs,
times and forms of reaction, and the responses of the submissive.

Training must provide both the submissive and his Dominant with a safe space in
which the practice of BDSM is satisfactory for both, and this is achieved by the
Dominant instilling in his submissive the habits of conduct, treatment rituals and
practices that he wishes to see from now on in his submissive being and in the clear
explanation of how they must be carried out for his complete satisfaction.

Since BDSM is a never-ending path, and one that must be taken with an open mind to
new teachings, but with a certain degree of security, the time dedicated to correct
training will never be wasted time. In fact, the more a Dominant pauses in this phase,
the better performance they will obtain from their submissive being and the faster they
will be able to advance to the following phases without having to go back frequently to
"refresh their memory" or re-educate their submissive.

Training begins with Control, and this must be simultaneous in three specific areas:

- Physical Control. From the body of the submissive being, preparation, training,
adequacy, security, etc.

- Mind Control. Responsible dominance, mental security of the submissive being,

clarity of goals and objectives. The reality of the possible.

- Spiritual Control. Encourage and direct submissive desires in a safe way, making
them possible and more compatible with those of the Dominant. Feelings and
sensations. Mutual understanding and growth.
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Control - Physical - Control of the submissive's body.
The Dominant, having just begun to understand the subject, will gradually initiate the
submissive into taking control of his or her body. At first, these will be simple rules,
more to test whether the submissive person's attitude is submissive than anything
else, but they already give the Dominant a guideline about the level of Obedience that
the submissive person possesses. So it is normal that during the conversations in
which the Dominant and the submissive get to know each other, the Master requires a
series of approximations to the subject of submission, for example: not wearing
underwear during the conversations, keeping your legs open as a sign of availability,
etc.

All of this reminds the future subject of his condition, and prepares him mentally and
physically to assume his role.

Later, when the Training agreement is established, Physical Control has another
purpose; that of “educating the submissive’s body” so that, through a series of
techniques, exercises and practices, it adapts to the different uses it will have from
now on, without problems arising that hinder an offer of multiple services, (and the
security of being able to offer them without fear of failure) and a satisfactory
enjoyment for the Dominant, always in the security of not harming his submissive.

Unless the Dominant is a sadist, he will never consciously seek to harm his
submissive, he will never inflict excessive physical punishment that could result in
serious temporary or permanent consequences, nor, of course, will he expose his
submissive to situations in which the risk of failure or fear forces him to face the
dilemma of giving up.

It is therefore very important to be absolutely clear about the physical limitations of

both the Dominant and the submissive, so as not to lead to dangerous situations for
either of them.
Always warn clearly about:

- Hearing difficulties. (Commands, pleas or “safe words” are of little use if they cannot
be heard.) The Dominant will seek other forms of non-verbal communication, in the
same way, the submissive will adapt to the physical limitations of his Dominant,
seeking the best form of communication. In the case of hearing difficulties or
deafness, it is not advisable (unless you are very careful in its use) to restrict the
sense of sight (blindfolds, blindfolds or masks) because they completely isolate the
subject, depriving him of any point of reference with his environment, disorienting him,
which can cause him to freeze due to panic.

- Verbal expression difficulties. The Dominant will provide the submissive with some
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Naia
type of “sign code” or other alternative language to facilitate communication between
the two. Use of utensils (balls, sound toys, finger snaps, etc.) to get the Dominant's
attention if a limiting situation is reached for the submissive.

- Mild to severe breathing difficulties. That make some practices difficult in which
good breathing is essential. (Deep fellatio, use of gags, etc.)

- Blood circulation difficulties. (Diseases such as varicose veins, phlebitis, etc.,

condition certain types of practices such as spanking and simple ties or bondage.

- Bone, muscle or fibrous injuries that make a specific practice difficult. Stiffness of
joints, ligaments, bone weakness, etc.

- Permanent sequelae of diseases, treatments or surgical interventions. Painful

scars, weak points, places with a lack of sensitivity to touch (where the actual damage
cannot be assessed through pain, etc.) Control - Physical - Body control, Physical
appearance of the submissive.

The Dominant takes control of his submissive's body in different ways, paying
attention to the physical appearance that he wants it to present both in private and in
public at all times, as long as it belongs to him. You can control areas such as:

- Control of sexuality. Masturbations, orgasms and relationships, controlled, granted

or denied by the Dominant. Frequency. Absence due to temporary deprivation, long-
term forced chastity. Special conditions for use of the submissive by others (including
his/her partner, if he/she has one). Masturbations in private, in public.
- Body shaving. Temporary or permanent.

- Genital shaving. Temporary (hair removal at specific times), permanent (always hair
removal for the Dominant) or permanent (use of methods that inhibit hair growth
forever).

- Dress. What is allowed to use and what is not. Dominant Preferences. Also called
“code”, it is the use of clothing or accessories that may indicate your state of
submission; it can be soft, (barely noticeable to the general public, chains or collars
that only have specific meaning for the members of the relationship) medium,
(clothing and accessories that indicate your role in some way) and strict (normally
used in BDSM meetings or with other members of the scene. Leather, chains, large
and visible necklaces, etc.).

- Hair. The Dominant may wish to control the appearance, length, shape and color of
the submissive's hair.

- Personal hygiene. Frequency, schedules, elements that must be involved, how to

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Naia
do it, etc. Denial of personal hygiene at specific times (after a session, etc.)

- Toilet training. Request for permission. Obedience to relieve oneself to the

satisfaction of the Dominant, whether in private, in his presence or in the presence of
others.

- Signs of belonging. In the initial phase, they are almost exclusively body ornaments
for daily use, necklaces, ankle chains or bracelets, initials or symbols that remind the
submissive of his belonging to the Master, etc.

- Health of the submissive. The Master must be informed and will take care to know
the physical and health condition of his submissive in order to plan the scenes and
practices that can be carried out (using ice, for example, if one has a bad cold, can
lead to a serious deterioration in health, something that can be avoided if the practice
is postponed for a few days. The same applies to injuries resulting from practices that
are especially difficult for the submissive, e.g. the appearance of anal fistulas due to
defective or overly impatient anal dilation).

- Diet. Some Dominants may also control the diet of their submissive beings, to try to
make them gain or lose weight according to their tastes. They may also do this with
orders that must be fulfilled before the session in order to prepare the submissive's
body for use without any annoying inconveniences arising.

- Control of the submissive's sleeping hours. Each person needs a certain number of
hours of sleep, the recommended amount seems to be an average of 6 hours in a
row, during which the submissive being can be “used” in various ways, whether it be
having to sleep with different sex toys on, or even being woken up to satisfy his
Master.

- Sleep deprivation.

- Places, ways and attitudes in which the submissive can sleep (at the feet of the
Master, on the floor, naked and chained, etc.).

- Body searches. Weakening resistance to handling and ensuring that the Dominant's
preferences are promptly met.

- Preparing for the exhibition. Among acquaintances. In front of strangers.

- Adaptation to submission positions. For use. For photo model.

- Mild body modifications. Stretching of nipples, clitoris, penis, vaginal and anal
dilation, use of corsets to slim the waist, etc.
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- Use of sex toys (anal or vaginal tampons, vibrators, stimulators, clamps, harness-
shaped straps or soft ties, corsets, etc.) in private, in public, during the submissive's
normal life, or only in sessions.
Mind Control

Mind control is surely one of the most delicate parts of Domination. It is not about
“brainwashing the submissive” by making him accept or suffer practices for which he
is not prepared, but rather taking advantage of the submissive’s natural gifts, his
desire for submission and his need for surrender to firmly control those areas that will
enrich the relationship in both directions.

Few Dominants tend to like having to watch every step of their submissives, so the
Dominance has to be responsible, but so does the submission and surrender; wanting
or seeking more than what was initially agreed upon, trying to force times,
experiences or practices, can be very damaging to the relationship in this initial
phase.

The use of respectful language and a humble attitude towards Dominants, the use of
the terms that the Dominant indicates to address him, and others, whether they are
submissive or Dominants, all of this will become part of the submissive being in a
natural way, it will place him in his place unequivocally and at the same time will avoid
future doubts and problems with the Dominant arising due to negligent or
inappropriate behavior, whether alone with him or in front of others.

It is as important and desirable that the Master encourages the submissive to learn
and instill in him the desire to improve, as it is for the submissive to be completely
sincere with regard to what is easy, difficult, pleasurable or annoying for his Master to
do.

The complete trust that led the submissive to choose his Master, is the same that will
help him to face each problem that arises and to explain it to his Master with total
clarity so that, between the two of them if necessary, they can find new ways to make
the most complete surrender possible, which will help them to complement each
other, each one in their role until forming an intimate team that is more united and
complicit every day.

Responsible mind control will NEVER lead the submissive into dead ends, to being
forced to put at risk his daily life (family or work), his mental health, or to a feeling of
failure that is impossible to overcome. Therefore, the balance that the Master must
establish must be clear, demanding, firm, but flexible.

It is therefore very important to be absolutely clear about the psychological limitations

of both the Dominant and the submissive, so as not to lead to dangerous situations for
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Naia
either of them.

Always warn clearly about:

- Permanent or temporary situations of illness and medical treatments. (In the event
of a family loss, unstable job situation, etc.)

- Psychological self-esteem problems. Cases of low self-esteem, abuse, etc.

- Tendency to depression. Avoid potentially risky actions and situations. Limit

practices and adapt them to a tolerable limit without danger.

- Stress anxiety crisis. Temporary stress situations, limiting practices that may cause
stress during these periods to avoid collapse.
- Regular use of sedative or stimulant substances. Take into account the effects of
lack of immediate response or the elevation of the same that may occur. It is not
necessary to be an expert in pharmacology, but even superficial knowledge in this
area is never a bad idea, since, during the practice of BDSM, and depending on some
of the techniques that can be given, the body itself produces substances, both
relaxing and stimulating, which can increase the effects of the chemical substances
that have been administered before.

Due to its importance, Mind Control, its techniques, phases and forms of application,
will have its own, more detailed section within this section, but this serves as a
preliminary note or as a definition. Mind training is necessary to achieve a healthy
Dominance/submission relationship.
Control - Sentimental and/or Spiritual

One of the most difficult areas to balance in the BDSM game, since surrender and
dominance produce an “addiction” that is very difficult to set limits on because the
intensity experienced at certain moments magnifies everything. The sensations and
feelings that are handled, that are experienced, can lead us to confuse more than
once what the relationship is and what it should be.

A BDSM relationship creates unavoidable emotional ties in both directions, depending

on each role, some take on more importance than others, but the ideal and the real
tend to clash very often.

Establishing safe spaces, where expectations can be controlled, understood and

established by the members of the relationship in total freedom, is a good way to
avoid later problems that, when it comes to feelings, sensations and desires (they
grow, get out of control, become exalted and are not always easy to objectify) can
occur during the course of the BDSM relationship itself, as trust, desire or the need to
go further grows.
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Naia
To love someone is to desire, seek and fight for them to achieve happiness and full
fulfillment in any field or aspect of life.

To need someone is to desire, seek and fight for one's own happiness first and then
share that happiness with the other.
To love is to want and need at the same time.

Thus, for the Dominant, Responsibility, Sentimental Security and the emotional well-
being of the submissive being must prevail, reality over idealization; this is acquired
and transmitted through Control. Misunderstandings (which are so frequent, by the
way) in these areas only contribute to instability in the relationship.

In the submissive being, however, the adoration of the Master, the desire for service,
for use, for “a certain degree of dependence” physically, mentally and emotionally are
encouraged and instilled, which, if not properly controlled, can give rise to false
expectations that, in the long run, end up undermining and destroying the relationship.

Submission and surrender to the power of a Dominant is often referred to as an “Act

of Love,” and in a way it is, but it is a kind of love that does not have to include all the
parameters of a normal loving relationship. Just as there can be satisfying sex without
love, there can be BDSM without absolute love. I will try to explain it in a way that is
understandable.

The “ideal” and what can or cannot be given are things that often contradict each
other. We have seen in the forums that in many cases the way of realizing oneself as
a BDSM participant has to be compatible with another type of life, let's call it "official".
Being realistic about what can be demanded (in the case of Dominants), offered or
given (in the case of submissive beings) is essential to avoid misunderstandings that
deteriorate or end up making the relationship impossible.

The discussion is not about whether the ideal is to feel full and total love in both
directions of the relationship, but rather trying to be realistic at all times with what the
personal situation of each member can offer.

The “ideal” is that the relationship flows naturally and is satisfactory even if the
conditions to which it is subjected are not “ideal.”

Both the submissive and the Dominant must love their condition, they must assume it
with joy and respect for themselves above all, and also towards others. When they
find the Dominant or submissive being that best suits their inclinations, preferences or
needs, they surrender themselves to their Power and Control or to their Training and
Care, however, although personal appreciation and affection are almost unavoidable
and highly recommended, Love must often be limited to the moments of the session
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Naia
so that it does not interfere with the real life of each person.

In BDSM, the situation of “Double Life” occurs very frequently and both must be
scrupulously respected and safeguarded by everyone.

Creating false expectations, “playing” with one’s own feelings or those of others
without a clear agreement on the real limits, is dangerous and very damaging, and
leads to situations of extreme frustration that no one knows where or what they may
lead to; harassment, family estrangement, etc., so that, unless the conditions can be
created for the members of the relationship to carry it out in a real way in the near
future, by mutual decision, and due to the evolution of the relationship, it will be better
for everyone to control that point in a primary way.

There are things that, due to their importance and the consequences they entail, it is
better not to play with.

The perfect healthy and safe relationship is one that is built with common sense,
responsibility, clarity of goals and objectives and the greatest possible personal
balance by the members of the relationship. There is no magic formula other than
sincerity and absolute clarity between them.

Furthermore, without knowledge there is no possible domination, which is why

transparency is an excellent way for your Master to get to know you better. With it you
will help make her domination better quality and safer. Plus, thanks to it, you'll get her
to trust you more.

Behaving submissive is not the same as “being” and especially “feeling” submissive.
True submission is a deep, joyful and intensely desired feeling. Only a stupid Master
can believe that such a feeling can be ordered.

On the contrary, submission must be given time to flourish. The Master has to do
nothing more than sow, care for and wait for it to grow if his behavior has been correct
and his dedication sufficient for this to happen.

How to find a submissive

Submissive women exist, logically there are very few who go around with a sign on
their chest saying so. There are some on specialized BDSM websites, although there
are few of them, but they do exist, although you should understand that they are very
tactful when announcing them to the four winds. Man is man and although not all are
the same, their instinct always betrays them.

Why am I telling you this? Well, because in most of the sessions we always look for
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Naia
sexual connotations, which is logical, but we should know how to handle it. To tell
them things that for the sake of decorum and good manners I cannot reproduce, and
that is what submissives are afraid of.
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Naia
Tools

The flogger, also known as the Cat, is an item that you can find in many different
qualities and prices. Nowadays, everyone has some model of this type of toy. It is not
worth investing a large amount of money if you do not yet know too much about its
correct practice. Remember that you must know very well where and how to spank
with this toy.

Gag.- Without a doubt another very important element in our games, although
depending on the game we want to play it will be uncomfortable, I recommend using it
in some practices but not for the entire session. Regarding this element, it is worth
highlighting that if we play games with the gag, we must always agree on a signal to
stop the game if the submissive requires it.

Ropes: I recommend those braided with jute thread with a cotton core, or those made
of linen. They are very light and will never cause any harm to our playmate.

Clamps - I can tell you about many types of clamps, the important thing is that you
look for those that make your submissive feel comfortable (within their purpose of
causing some pain or pleasure, depending on how you look at it). Keep in mind that
you won't know until you try them on your nipples or genitals.

For this reason and to start, I recommend clothespins, whether they are made of
wood or plastic, with them your submissive will learn to appreciate contact and
pressure on her nipples and genitals. Once you get those sensations and find them
pleasurable, you can invest in clamps for BDSM games. There are many types of
clamps as well as types of nipples, so she will have to find the one that makes her feel
most comfortable (within her role as submissive).

Candles - Buy the cheapest ones you can find on the market, simply because they
contain less pure wax and more paraffin, which means the degree of “heat” is lower. I
always recommend the Chinese ones, candles that are fine and cheap.

Tip: Before trying an instrument on the submissive person, try it on yourself, so you
will know how to handle the instruments and the degree of pain they inflict.
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Naia
AFTER CARE OR POST-SESSION CARE

It is the care that is given to the submissive person, depending on the degree of injury
inflicted. The care ranges from a hug to calm mixed emotions or feelings, to healing
possible wounds on the body of the submissive person.

Both submissive and dominant people must have basic knowledge of first aid, as well
as basic knowledge of psychology to deal with the states within the SubSpace that
may occur.

Role Play (most common)

Age.- The submissive person is known as Little (either boy or girl), assuming the role
of child. The age of her avatar, so to speak, is chosen by Little according to what she
wants, ranging from 3 years old to 15 years old. The dominant person is known as
Daddy (Men) and Mommy (Women). The game consists of educating the submissive
person according to their age, playing with them, and when necessary punishing
them. This is a healthy role-playing game, not as kinky as BDSM itself.

Pet.- In this role play the submissive person assumes the role of animals, the most
common being cats and dogs. The less common are pony, cow, horse, rabbit. The
dominant person is known as Master. The game consists of educating the pet in
question, taking care of its food, health, playing with them, taking them for walks (in
the case of dogs).

Spanking.- Within this role play the Dominant is known as the Spanker and the
submissive person is known as the Spankee. The game consists of spanking the
submissive person, and ends with sexual intercourse (only if agreed upon
beforehand). The instruments used in spanking range from a ping pong paddle to a
bamboo stick. Imagination is the limit.

All this can be summed up in three words:

Eroticism, Respect and Control.