Christian Counseling - B
Christian Counseling - B
What is counseling?
Goals of Counseling:
1. Emotional Well-Being: Helping clients manage emotions, reduce stress, and improve
overall emotional resilience.
2. Personal Growth: Supporting clients in understanding themselves better, enhancing self-
awareness, and achieving personal goals.
3. Problem Solving: Assisting clients in identifying problems, exploring options, and
developing effective strategies for coping and decision-making.
4. Behavioral Change: Addressing specific behaviors or habits that may be causing distress
or hindering personal growth.
5. Relationship Improvement: Enhancing communication skills, resolving conflicts, and
improving relationships with others.
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Types of Counseling:
1. Individual Counseling: One-on-one sessions between the counselor and client to address
personal issues, emotions, and goals.
2. Couples Counseling: Also known as marriage or relationship counseling, it focuses on
improving communication and resolving conflicts within intimate relationships.
3. Family Counseling: Involves working with entire families to improve dynamics, resolve
conflicts, and strengthen relationships.
4. Group Counseling: Sessions involving a small group of individuals with similar
concerns or goals, facilitated by a counselor to encourage support and shared learning.
Counseling is a valuable resource for individuals seeking support, guidance, and strategies to
navigate life's challenges and improve their well-being. It provides a collaborative and
professional relationship where clients can explore their thoughts and emotions, gain new
perspectives, and develop skills to lead more fulfilling lives. The effectiveness of counseling
often depends on the client's willingness to engage in the process and the quality of the
therapeutic relationship established with the counselor.
What is a therapist?
Therapists, often known as psychotherapists, are individuals whose goal is to provide you with
improved well-being. They will do this by using therapeutic techniques. This will help you
develop healthier coping mechanisms, healthier relationships, and improved self-esteem.
Therapists come from different educational backgrounds with a wide range of experiences. The
type of therapist you work with may be based on your personal preferences, needs, and
therapeutic goals.
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Psychiatrist- Psychiatrists can prescribe medication to treat mental health conditions.
Licensed Professional Counselor - are experts in helping people deal with life issues
and mental health conditions.
Marriage and Family Therapist - are experts in helping couples and families deal with
relationship issues and mental health conditions.
Social Worker - Social workers are experts in helping people deal with life issues and
mental health conditions.
What is counselling?
It is a process where an individual, couple or family meet with a trained professional counsellor
to talk about issues and problems that they are facing in their lives.
Counselling can provide people with the opportunity to share their views, be heard and gain new
perspectives on their situation and experiences.
Together with their counsellor people identify and work towards achieving the desired outcomes
and goals for counselling.
According to 20/20: A Vision for the Future of Counseling, the delegates comprised of 31
counseling organizations agreed upon a unified definition of counselling:
Counselors work with clients on strategies to overcome obstacles and personal challenges that
they are facing.
The Psychotherapy and Counselling Federation of Australia define professional counselling as:
Counselling is used to deal with a broad range of issues and problems that you may be facing.
It can help you to deal with stress, provide treatment for anxiety and treatment for depression.
Counselling can provide you with the opportunity to reassess or set new goals in your life and
help you to gain clarity and direction.
Counselling can be used to address issues and problems within your relationship or provide
mediation between you and your partner.
Counselling can help by allowing a very safe and private space for you to talk about issues and
problems that are you having. These are problems that you may find difficult to talk to other
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people about because they feel very private. It may feel unsafe or uncomfortable to talk to your
normal support network, friends or loved ones.
A professional counselor is trained and registered, and will provide you with a genuine, caring
and empathic response to your problems. A trained counsellor will have tools and techniques that
are evidence based. They can use these tools to support you or help you to move through the
difficult, problem, feelings, behaviours, thoughts or situation that are you experiencing.
The process of counselling is where individuals, couples or family members meet with a
professional counselor to confidentially discuss problems in their lives.
The counsellor will draw on tools and techniques from their training and should provide
understanding and empathy to their client, while their client works out how to move through the
issues that they have brought to counselling.
During the process of counselling, goals will be identified, and this is the purpose of the
counselling process. The goals can change if that is what the counselor and client see as
beneficial.
Counselling is often client-centred, the goal is for the client to make the decision on the best
course of action with the support of their therapist. The counsellor can provide tools, techniques,
suggestions and homework.
Ultimately it is the client who needs to make the decision on what is best for themselves as a key
part of the process.
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Types of Counselling
Counsellors can specialize and train in different areas to help certain groups of people.
Family Therapy
Trauma
Rehabilitation
Student
Depression
Anxiety
Sex Therapy
Types of counseling may also come from the method or approach that the counsellor uses such
as; Behavioural, Cognitive, Systemic, Constructionist, Humanistic, Psychoanalytic
or Neurocounseling.
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Faith Based Denominational Counselling
Faith Based Denominational Counselling can be provided through a religious group such a
Church or Mosque. It can include Christian Counselling, Muslim Counselling, Buddhist
Counselling for example. It can centre around or support a person’s spirituality, faith, belief
system and religion.
The benefit of using a denominational counsellor and a counsellor of the same cultural
background, is that it may help with rapport and a genuine understanding of your spiritual beliefs
and your religious practices and principles. If the therapist shares the same faith with you, they
may have understanding of how your faith influences your options and decisions for your life.
There are many skills that are required to be an effective counsellor. First and foremost the
counsellor must be genuine and can establish rapport with their client. For therapy to be effective
the client/counsellor relationship must be healthy, genuine, safe, nonjudgmental and
professional.
That counsellors are caring, genuine and empathic to towards their clients.
Counsellors should use evidence based treatments from their formal training. Counsellors need
to have a very large set of skills in their ‘tool box’ as every human and their situation is so
different. Counsellors need to undergo professional development to keep their skill set current
and up to date, utilizing best practice methods.
Not every counsellor can help every client. Counselors will need to have a strong community
network and resources as part of their skill set. They will need to be able to recognize when they
can not help someone and refer clients to alternative mental health supports for counseling.
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Finding a Counsellor
Often people will engage in counselling when a crisis has occurred in their lives.
When searching for an appropriate counselling service, don’t be afraid to ask the counsellor
questions.
Counsellors will specialise in different areas. You may like to ask the counsellor –
1. if they have a particular area of expertise (such as marriage counselling or grief and loss)
3. the number of sessions that may be required to achieve your goals for counselling
To ensure that you will receive a professional counselling service, ask your counsellor
or psychologist if they are member of one of the peak professional bodies in Australia, such as
the Australian Counselling Association and if they adhere to a Professional Code of Ethics.
Telehealth Counseling/Therapy
Telehealth is the process of receiving counseling from a therapist online. (Chester & Glass,
2006)
Rather than receiving care in an office, you can receive therapy in the privacy and comfort of
your home or wherever you feel most comfortable.
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Counsellors use counselling skills to help them better understand and listen to clients.
Through active listening, rapport is built, trust forms and the speaker feels heard and understood
by the counsellor or listener.
Core listening skills are basic counselling skills, or practiced techniques, that help the counsellor
to empathetically listen to the speaker.
Skills include:
active listening
being aware of nonverbal communication
building rapport
The core counselling skills are described below.
1. Attending
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Attending in counselling means being in the company of someone else and giving that person
your full attention, to what they are saying or doing, valuing them as worthy individuals.
2. Silence
Silence in counselling gives the client control of the content, pace and objectives.
This includes the counsellor listening to silences as well as words, sitting with them and
recognising that the silences may facilitate the counselling process.
Reflecting in counselling is part of the ‘art of listening’. It is making sure that the client knows
their story is being listened to.
This is achieved by the helper/counsellor by both repeating and feeding a shorter version of
their story back to the client. This known as 'paraphrasing'.
Questions in counselling are classed as a basic skill. The counsellor uses open questions to
clarify his or her understanding of what the client is feeling.
Leading questions are to be avoided as they can impair the counselling relationship.
5. Focusing
Focusing in counselling involves making decisions about what issues the client wants to deal
with.
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The client may have mentioned a range of issues and problems and focusing allows the
counsellor and client together to clear away some of the less important surrounding material
and concentrate on the central issues of concern.
6. Building Rapport
Building rapport with clients in counselling is important, whatever model of counselling the
counsellor is working with.
7. Summarising
Summaries in counselling are longer paraphrases. They condense or crystallise the essence of
what the client is saying and feeling.
The summary 'sums up' the main themes that are emerging.
8. Immediacy
Using immediacy means that the therapist reveals how they themselves are feeling in response to
the client.
According to Feltham and Dryden (1993: 88), immediacy is ‘the key skill of focusing attention
on the here and now relationship of counsellor and client with helpful timing, in order
to challenge defensiveness and/or heighten awareness’.
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a. Be genuine.
If you don't understand, it's OK to check and ask for further information.
To avoid sounding like a parrot, it's better to use your own words when summarising or
paraphrasing.
This part will involve some general ideas and practical helps for the counselor’s office. Certainly,
the way to decorate the office is not mentioned in the Bible. I believe God thought we would be
intelligent enough to be first-class in this particular matter.
1. The counselor’s office should be decorated in good taste and look professional. The office
should be color-coordinated; certain colors go well together. Certain designs and patterns
clash such as a striped wallpaper and a polka-dotted border. One may wisely choose to let his
wife or a decorator help decorate the office. The colors chosen need to be warm colors; they
should not be bright. I talked to a gentleman recently who works for one of the oldest law
firms in Chicago. He told me how their buildings and offices were maintained. For instance,
he said the doors where people enter are cleaned three times a day to make sure no
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fingerprints are on them! I like that professionalism! I believe a church should be as
professional and clean as any other building in town. God’s people should be clean people.
2. When possible, a counselor should have two seating arrangements in his office. The first
arrangement would be a business type of seating arrangement: the counselor is seated at his
desk, and a person sits in a chair in front of the desk. The second setting would be a more
relaxed type of seating arrangement—a living room type of seating. The counselor and the
person seeking counsel can sit comfortably and relaxed during the counseling session.
3. A counselor should have a comfortable waiting room. The waiting room could have some of
the following for those waiting for their appointment:
A. Good reading material.
Books of philosophy or books of Christian poetry, the Christian school yearbooks,
or a church directory all would provide enjoyable reading. People enjoy looking
at photographs. However, I recommend to never place controversial items of
reading in the waiting room because these often cause frustration. It is probably
not wise to have sports magazines in the waiting room because there is no way to
regulate the contents. A Bible should definitely be available.
B. Promotional items.
Perhaps a pastor had a big day at his church, and some special bookmarks were
printed to commemorate that day. Those bookmarks could be placed in the
waiting room with a little sign that says, “Free! Please take one.” I believe it is
second-class to distribute old, dated material, but some things could be used and
would be enjoyable to have.
C. A little bowl of wrapped candy.
Temperature changes cause unwrapped candy to stick together, and that “glob” of
candy would not be appealing or appetizing. People also tend to touch candy.
When one person handles unwrapped candy, no one will want any.
D. Little games.
Mind teasers create a lot of enjoyment and fun, as well as keep people occupied.
E. Comfortable seating.
By all means, provide people with chairs that are comfortable, especially if their
wait is an extended one.
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F. Pictures or photographs.
A photo of one’s church staff or the Christian school staff, a picture of the church
building, or even a picture of the board of deacons are all acceptable ideas that
could be enlarged, framed, and displayed as a part of the waiting room
decorations.
G. Air-conditioning.
Not only should the waiting room be well air-conditioned, it should also be well-
heated.
H. Carpeting.
One should be careful in choosing carpeting, both in the office and the waiting
room. He should choose carpet that will wear well and carpet that will not readily
show grime.
4. If the appointment is for a businessperson, the wise counselor could do some extra things in
the waiting room for that person. The use of a freestanding hallway marquee could be used
to greet people coming for an appointment. The words, “Welcome, Mr. John Smith, Smith’s
Paper Corp.” would be very impressive. Possibly the gift of a clipboard or portfolio with the
name of the church imprinted on the front could be offered as a gift to make note-taking
easier during the appointment.
Have a host on hand to greet the businessperson. The host could be a retired gentleman who
would love to do something for his church. Refreshments could be made available. A
counselor could use such things as hot water and tea bags or coffee so people could prepare a
drink. I have been in pastors’ waiting rooms where the ladies of the church provided
individually wrapped homemade cookies. A little professional sign was beside the plate
which said, “Free! Please take one.” Napkins were also provided. I could not help but think
what a generous thing for someone to do.
5. A counselor needs to learn to deal with professional people with extra care. The following
are principles I employ when dealing with professional people:
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think the counselor is lazy. Seeing a professional person early may well promote the idea of
an unorganized counselor. See the professional on time.
C. A professional needs to know that a counselor is a busy person just as he is. I assure you
that professional people will not be faithful to a church with a lazy pastor. Professional
people want to be around those who are professional. They will not bring business associates
to visit a church if they are ashamed of the Christians in the church.
D. A counselor needs to learn all he can about the professional people seeking counsel. He
should know where his office building is located, the name of his business, and perhaps
some of his business associates. He can tell that person honestly, “I know of your business.”
Don’t you feel good when someone says, “I know about your ministry; I have heard about
your church”? It never hurts to make small talk.
E. It is unwise to schedule an appointment for a businessperson on a drop-in type basis. He
needs to obtain an appointment, just like everyone else. I have no doubt he will appreciate
the astuteness of the counselor. If a businessman feels he can drop in anytime he wants,
sooner or later he will see the situation as careless.
F. While the professional is in a counselor’s office, the counselor should ask him if he has
family needs or if he can pray for him and his business. When dealing with a professional
person, it is not always wise to witness to him the very first time he is in the office. A
businessperson needs to see a pastor is not just out to get something from him; nor should
the pastor let the businessman think the pastor wants him to build the pastor’s business. A
businessman needs to find out first that the counselor is real, then present the Gospel. Let me
explain. I am for confrontational evangelism. I am just saying that with businessmen, a
counselor cannot be a “pushy salesperson.” Believe me, they know the technique very well.
G. When dealing with a businessperson, a counselor needs to make sure that he has on hand
everything needed for the appointment. Mentally, he needs to think through the appointment
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and research to prepare for this particular appointment. I believe a professional looks very
disdainfully at the counselor who has to leave his office many times to find a piece of paper,
a file, a pencil, an eraser, or a phone number. Advance preparation is needed to think of
every problem or need before starting the appointment. I call this method of organization
“preventive maintenance” instead of “breakdown maintenance.”
H. A counselor needs to be careful not to be too humorous with the professional. Although
there is nothing wrong with using some humor, it should not be used as a sales pitch. The
counselor needs to strive to become the professional’s friend.
I. When his appointment time is finished, it might be very wise to escort him not only to the
door of the office but also to his car. This is called being a good host.
J. A counselor needs to let other people know who the businessperson is. By all means, the
counselor should introduce the businessperson to his staff.
K. A counselor needs to write the businessperson immediately. He needs to thank him for
coming to the appointment.
L. He needs to learn the businessperson’s name and use it in their conversation. A
professional person who carries himself well will use the names of his people, and he will
use their names often.
M. When shaking the hand of the professional (anyone’s hand for that matter), a counselor
needs to shake his hand like a man. When shaking someone’s hand, don’t give him a high
five. Make the handshake firm and appropriate.
6. A counselor needs to have good lighting in the office. I recommend that soft lighting
which has a bit of a haze be used because it cuts the glare. People should not be blinded by
shiny, bright, or blinding lights. The counselor needs to watch for shadows because people
are apt to let their attention be drawn to shadows. Windows should have window treatments
to cut down on bright sunshine. Eye contact is very important when dealing with people.
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7. A counselor should have a window to open or air conditioning to turn on in the office. A
room can get stuffy when the door is closed for extended periods of time. Opening a window
or turning on an air conditioner at a low setting can be a breath of fresh air.
8. A few conversation pieces should be made visible to the people seeking counsel. It is
important to have casual conversation with people so they will relax. Conversation pieces
usually relay to those seeking counsel that a counselor is human, too. The following are
some suggested conservation pieces to place in the office.
A. A picture of the family. I believe every man should have a picture made with his family.
Someday, he will regret not having a family picture because a family picture promotes the
family; and in this day and age, people need to have the family promoted.
B. A picture of your wife. I recommend a picture of just your wife or maybe a picture of you
and your wife together. Above my desk in my office at First Baptist Church, I have a picture
of my wife. First, I like to have a picture of Schery so I can think about her. In fact, I want
her to know that I do so. Another reason for having a picture of my wife is so the women
who come for counseling cannot miss the fact that I have a wife to whom I am happily
married. If a woman was immediately convinced that her counselor was a happily married
man with a family he loved, she may be less likely to be inappropriate.
C. Other pictures. When a person comes to my office, one of the first things he sees are some
pictures of my heroes. I also have a picture of my soccer team. I have coached soccer for
years, and having a picture of my team helps me to think about my players. At the same
time, many people with whom I counsel are interested in sports, and that photo gives us a
common interest. I have a winter scene with a big buck standing majestically on a mountain.
I also have a summer scene with a lake of fish. Some will come into my office and say, “I
love that winter picture. That deer is beautiful!” I say, “Yes, I love winter, too. The deer is
beautiful (especially through the scope of a gun!).” Someone else may say, “Oh, I love that
summer scene; I just love summer.” I can agree with that person, too. I have both pictures for
the sake of conversation.
9. A counselor should have tissues available on the desk for the person seeking counsel.“I
am weary with my groaning; all the night make I my bed to swim; I water my couch with
my tears. Mine eye is consumed because of grief; it waxeth old because of all mine
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enemies.” (Psalm 6:6, 7) People will shed tears, and the tissues will be very needed and
important.
10. The wise counselor will choose carefully where to sit. As I said before, a counselor
should have two seating arrangements—one business and one relaxed. He needs to be very
careful in choosing which setting to use. It is better to start in a formal setting and change to
the informal seating. The way to determine where to sit depends upon the need.
11. A counselor also needs to choose carefully how to sit. Every man needs to learn how to
sit tall with his shoulders back and his feet flat on the floor. Every man needs to learn how to
cross his legs. There is nothing wrong with a seated man crossing his legs at the knees if it is
done correctly. A man should not sit like a woman or in an effeminate way. Neither should
he slouch.
12. A counselor needs to be careful about the odor in the office. Whether or not he is aware
of any odor doesn’t mean anything; the office probably has an odor. My wife has a cute
statement she makes when teaching her college course: “It is an amazing thing that our
mouth and nose are very close. Nobody’s nose is closer to our mouth than our own, but we
are the last one to know that we have bad breath!” A counselor can spend a lot of time in his
office, yet be the last one to realize that the office smells bad because he is accustomed to the
odor.
A counselor needs to make use of air fresheners. He also needs to be cautious about eating in
the office because the furniture, carpeting, and curtains will absorb food odors. This odor
buildup is one of the reasons for having a window or an air conditioner which will circulate
fresh air to keep the office smelling clean. A counselor should have the upholstery cleaned
periodically to eliminate smells. As I said before, God’s people should be clean.
13. The counselor’s desk should look used, but it should not look cluttered. There should be
work on the desk, but it should be organized work. Some will have to fake their way through
this point. There are others who will have a rude awakening when they find out just how
busy the work of God can be.
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14. The wise counselor will have a clock visible at all times. The clock needs to be visible in
whatever seating arrangement the counselor chooses to use. The clock should be easily seen,
but it should not be obvious to the person seeking counsel that the counselor is occasionally
watching the time. He should place the clock where he can glance over the shoulder of the
person being counseled and notice the time without it being obvious. A clock is better than a
watch because the person being counseled cannot help but see a counselor looking at a
watch.
15. A counselor must learn to stay on schedule. He can do this by starting the counseling
session by saying, “I apologize that our time is brief today, but we do have the next 30
minutes. Let’s not waste any of that time. I am so glad you came.” With some people, no
matter how much time they are allotted, it will never be adequate. Because a counselor is
busy with other duties, he must learn to stay on schedule.
16. The wise counselor will have personal office supplies. I personally keep all of the
following in my office: breath freshener, hairspray, toothbrush and toothpaste, an extra suit
of clothing, a lint brush, shoe polish, a comb, fingernail clippers, antiperspirant, washcloth,
soap and towel, razor and shaving cream. Of course, the personal supplies another counselor
may choose to have on hand would be different from mine.
I trust this list of practical helps will be an aid in planning an office that is first-class and
professional.
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References
J. and McLeod, J. (2011) Counselling skills: a practical guide for counsellors and
helping professionals. 2nd ed. Maidenhead, Open University Press.
Dingman, R. L. & Weaver, J. D. (Eds.) (2009). Days in the lives of counselors (Reprint
Ed.). British Columbia, Canada: IA Books. [ISBN: 8189617796]
Hill, M. (2004). Diary of a country therapist. New York: The Haworth Press. [ISBN: 0-
7890-2116-1]
Kottler, J. A. (Ed.) (2001). Counselors finding their way. Alexandria, VA: American
Counseling Association. [ISBN: 1556201923]
Kottler, J. A. (Ed.) (1996). Finding your way as a counselor. Alexandria, VA: American
Counseling Association. [ISBN: 1556201613]
Kottler, J. A. (2010). On being a therapist (4th ed.). San Francisco, CA: Jossey Bass.
[ISBN: 0470565470]
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