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Copyright 2017 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part. WCN 02-200-203
 To my wonderful wife Mary—my best friend and travel mate; to Sam, Lindsay, Teddy, and
Archie; and to Bryn, our ball-playing Welsh corgi! S.C.A

To my wonderful family W.L.W.

Copyright 2017 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part. WCN 02-200-203
 About the Authors
S. Christian Albright got his B.S. degree in
Mathematics from Stanford in 1968 and his PhD in
Operations Research from Stanford in 1972. He taught
in the Operations & Decision Technologies Department
in the Kelley School of Business at Indiana University

© Cengage Learning
(IU) for close to 40 years, before retiring from teaching
in 2011. While at IU, he taught courses in management
science, computer simulation, statistics, and computer
programming to all levels of business students, including
undergraduates, MBAs, and doctoral students. In addition,
he taught simulation modeling at General Motors and Whirlpool, and he taught
database analysis for the Army. He published over 20 articles in leading operations
research journals in the area of applied probability, and he has authored the books
Statistics for Business and Economics, Practical Management Science, Spreadsheet
Modeling and Applications, Data Analysis for Managers, and VBA for Modelers.
He worked for several years after “retirement” with the Palisade Corporation
developing training materials for its software products, he has developed a
commercial version of his Excel ® tutorial, called ExcelNow!, and he continues to
revise his textbooks.
On the personal side, Chris has been married for 44 years to his wonderful wife,
Mary, who retired several years ago after teaching 7th grade English for 30 years. They
have one son, Sam, who lives in Philadelphia with his wife Lindsay and their two sons,
Teddy and Archer. Chris has many interests outside the academic area. They include
activities with his family (especially traveling with Mary), going to cultural events at IU,
power walking while listening to books on his iPod, and reading. And although he earns
his livelihood from statistics and management science, his real passion is for playing
classical piano music.

Wayne L. Winston taught in the Operations & Decision

Technologies Department in the Kelley School of Business
at Indiana University for close to 40 before retiring a few
years ago. Wayne received his B.S. degree in Mathematics
from MIT and his PhD in Operations Research from
© Cengage Learning

Yale. He has written the successful textbooks Operations

Research: Applications and Algorithms, Mathematical
Programming: Applications and Algorithms, Simulation
Modeling Using @RISK, Practical Management Science,
Data Analysis and Decision Making, Financial Models
Using Simulation and Optimization, and Mathletics. Wayne has published more than
20 articles in leading journals and has won many teaching awards, including the
school-wide MBA award four times. He has taught classes at Microsoft, GM, Ford,
Eli Lilly, Bristol-Myers Squibb, Arthur Andersen, Roche, PricewaterhouseCoopers,
and NCR, and in “retirement,” he is currently teaching several courses at the

iv
Copyright 2017 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part. WCN 02-200-203
 University of Houston. His current interest is showing how spreadsheet models can
be used to solve business problems in all disciplines, particularly in finance and
marketing.
Wayne enjoys swimming and basketball, and his passion for trivia won him an
appearance several years ago on the television game show Jeopardy!, where he won two
games. He is married to the lovely and talented Vivian. They have two children, Gregory
and Jennifer.

v
Copyright 2017 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part. WCN 02-200-203
 Brief Contents
Preface xviii
1 Introduction to Business Analytics 1
Part 1 Exploring Data 17
2 Describing the Distribution of a Single Variable 19
3 Finding Relationships among Variables 79
Part 2 Probability and Decision Making Under
Uncertainty 137
4 Probability and Probability Distributions 139
5 Normal, Binomial, Poisson, and Exponential Distributions 166
6 Decision Making under Uncertainty 222
Part 3 Statistical Inference 277
7 Sampling and Sampling Distributions 279
8 Confidence Interval Estimation 311
9 Hypothesis Testing 363
Part 4 Regression Analysis and Time Series Forecasting 415
10 Regression Analysis: Estimating Relationships 417
11 Regression Analysis: Statistical Inference 482
12 Time Series Analysis and Forecasting 539
Part 5 Optimization and Simulation Modeling 597
13 Introduction to Optimization Modeling 599
14 Optimization Models 661
15 Introduction to Simulation Modeling 759
16 Simulation Models 829
Part 6 Advanced Data Analysis 895
17 Data Mining 897
Introduction to Spreadsheet Modeling (only in MindTap)

vi
Copyright 2017 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part. WCN 02-200-203
Part 7 Bonus Online Material* 18-1
18 Importing Data into Excel 18-3
19 Analysis of Variance and Experimental Design 19-1
20 Statistical Process Control 20-1
Appendix A Statistical Reporting A-1
•
Bonus Online Material for this text can be found on the text companion website at cengagebrain.com.

References 943
Index 945

Brief Contents vii

Copyright 2017 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part. WCN 02-200-203
 Contents
Preface xviii
1 Introduction to Business Analytics 1
1-1 Introduction 3
1-2 Overview of the Book 4
1-2a The Methods 4
1-2b The Software 7
1-3 Modeling and Models 10
1-3a Graphical Models 10
1-3b Algebraic Models 11
1-3c Spreadsheet Models 12
1-3d A Seven-Step Modeling Process 13
1-4 Conclusion 15

PART 1 EXPLORING DATA 17

2 Describing the Distribution of a Single Variable 19

2-1 Introduction 21
2-2 Basic Concepts 22
2-2a Populations and Samples 22
2-2b Data Sets, Variables, and Observations 23
2-2c Types of Data 24
2-3 Descriptive Measures for Categorical Variables 26
2-4 Descriptive Measures for Numerical Variables 30
2-4a Numerical Summary Measures 31
2-4b Numerical Summary Measures with StatTools 40
2-4c Analysis ToolPak Add-In 45
2-4d Charts for Numerical Variables 45
2-5 Time Series Data 54
2-6 Outliers and Missing Values 61
2-6a Outliers 61
2-6b Missing Values 61
2-7 Excel Tables for Filtering, Sorting, and Summarizing 63
2-8 Conclusion 71

viii
Copyright 2017 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part. WCN 02-200-203
3 Finding Relationships among Variables 79
3-1 Introduction 80
3-2 Relationships among Categorical Variables 82
3-3 Relationships among Categorical Variables and a Numerical Variable 86
3-3a Stacked and Unstacked Formats 86
3-4 Relationships among Numerical Variables 95
3-4a Scatterplots 95
3-4b Correlation and Covariance 101
3-5 Pivot Tables 108
3-6 Conclusion 131

PART 2 PROBABILITY AND DECISION MAKING UNDER UNCERTAINTY 137

4 Probability and Probability Distributions 139

4-1 Introduction 140
4-2 Probability Essentials 142
4-2a Rule of Complements 142
4-2b Addition Rule 142
4-2c Conditional Probability and the Multiplication Rule 143
4-2d Probabilistic Independence 146
4-2e Equally Likely Events 147
4-2f Subjective Versus Objective Probabilities 147
4-3 Probability Distribution of a Single Random Variable 150
4-3a Summary Measures of a Probability Distribution 151
4-3b Conditional Mean and Variance 154
4-4 Introduction to Simulation 156
4-5 Conclusion 160
5 Normal, Binomial, Poisson, and Exponential Distributions 166
5-1 Introduction 167
5-2 The Normal Distribution 168
5-2a Continuous Distributions and Density Functions 168
5-2b The Normal Density 169
5-2c Standardizing: Z-Values 170
5-2d Normal Tables and Z-Values 172
5-2e Normal Calculations in Excel 174
5-2f Empirical Rules Revisited 177
5-2g Weighted Sums of Normal Random Variables 177
5-3 Applications of the Normal Distribution 178

Contents ix
Copyright 2017 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part. WCN 02-200-203
 5-4 The Binomial Distribution 190
5-4a Mean and Standard Deviation of the Binomial Distribution 193
5-4b The Binomial Distribution in the Context of Sampling 193
5-4c The Normal Approximation to the Binomial 194
5-5 Applications of the Binomial Distribution 195
5-6 The Poisson and Exponential Distributions 207
5-6a The Poisson Distribution 207
5-6b The Exponential Distribution 210
5-7 Conclusion 212

6 Decision Making under Uncertainty 222

6-1 Introduction 223
6-2 Elements of Decision Analysis 225
6-2a Identifying the Problem 225
6-2b Possible Decisions 226
6-2c Possible Outcomes 226
6-2d Probabilities of Outcomes 226
6-2e Payoffs and Costs 227
6-2f Decision Criterion 227
6-2g More about the EMV Criterion 228
6-2h Decision Trees 230
6-3 One-Stage Decision Problems 232
6-4 The PrecisionTree Add-In 236
6-5 Multistage Decision Problems 239
6-6 The Role of Risk Aversion 257
6-6a Utility Functions 258
6-6b Exponential Utility 259
6-6c Certainty Equivalents 262
6-6d Is Expected Utility Maximization Used? 263
6-7 Conclusion 264

PART 3 STATISTICAL INFERENCE 277

7 Sampling and Sampling Distributions 279

7-1 Introduction 280
7-2 Sampling Terminology 280
7-3 Methods for Selecting Random Samples 282
7-3a Simple Random Sampling 282
7-3b Systematic Sampling 287
7-3c Stratified Sampling 288
7-3d Cluster Sampling 289
7-3e Multistage Sampling Schemes 290

x Contents
Copyright 2017 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part. WCN 02-200-203
 7-4 Introduction to Estimation 292
7-4a Sources of Estimation Error 292
7-4b Key Terms in Sampling 293
7-4c Sampling Distribution of the Sample Mean 295
7-4d The Central Limit Theorem 299
7-4e Sample Size Selection 304
7-4f Summary of Key Ideas for Simple Random Sampling 305
7-5 Conclusion 307

8 Confidence Interval Estimation 311

8-1 Introduction 312
8-2 Sampling Distributions 314
8-2a The t Distribution 314
8-2b Other Sampling Distributions 317
8-3 Confidence Interval for a Mean 317
8-4 Confidence Interval for a Total 324
8-5 Confidence Interval for a Proportion 326
8-6 Confidence Interval for a Standard Deviation 331
8-7 Confidence Interval for the Difference between Means 335
8-7a Independent Samples 335
8-7b Paired Samples 339
8-8 Confidence Interval for the Difference between Proportions 342
8-9 Sample Size Selection 344
8-9a Sample Size Selection for Estimation of the Mean 345
8-9b Sample Size Selection for Estimation of Other Parameters 347
8-10 Conclusion 352
9 Hypothesis Testing 363
9-1 Introduction 364
9-2 Concepts in Hypothesis Testing 365
9-2a Null and Alternative Hypotheses 366
9-2b One-Tailed Versus Two-Tailed Tests 366
9-2c Types of Errors 367
9-2d Significance Level and Rejection Region 368
9-2e Significance from p-values 368
9-2f Type II Errors and Power 370
9-2g Hypothesis Tests and Confidence Intervals 371
9-2h Practical versus Statistical Significance 371
9-3 Hypothesis Tests for a Population Mean 372
9-4 Hypothesis Tests for Other Parameters 377
9-4a Hypothesis Tests for a Population Proportion 377
9-4b Hypothesis Tests for Differences between Population Means 379

Contents xi
Copyright 2017 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part. WCN 02-200-203
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 9-4c Hypothesis Test for Equal Population Variances 387
9-4d Hypothesis Tests for Differences between Population Proportions 388
9-5 Tests for Normality 395
9-6 Chi-Square Test for Independence 401
9-7 Conclusion 406

PART 4 REGRESSION ANALYSIS AND TIME SERIES FORECASTING 415

10 Regression Analysis: Estimating Relationships 417

10-1 Introduction 418
10-2 Scatterplots: Graphing Relationships 421
10-2a Linear versus Nonlinear Relationships 426
10-2b Outliers 426
10-2c Unequal Variance 427
10-2d No Relationship 427
10-3 Correlations: Indicators of Linear Relationships 428
10-4 Simple Linear Regression 430
10-4a Least Squares Estimation 430
10-4b Standard Error of Estimate 438
10-4c The Percentage of Variation Explained: R-Square 440
10-5 Multiple Regression 443
10-5a Interpretation of Regression Coefficients 443
10-5b Interpretation of Standard Error of Estimate and R-Square 446
10-6 Modeling Possibilities 449
10-6a Dummy Variables 450
10-6b Interaction Variables 456
10-6c Nonlinear Transformations 460
10-7 Validation of the Fit 470
10-8 Conclusion 472
11 Regression Analysis: Statistical Inference 482
11-1 Introduction 484
11-2 The Statistical Model 484
11-3 Inferences about the Regression Coefficients 488
11-3a Sampling Distribution of the Regression Coefficients 489
11-3b Hypothesis Tests for the Regression Coefficients and p-Values 491
11-3c A Test for the Overall Fit: The ANOVA Table 492
11-4 Multicollinearity 496
11-5 Include/Exclude Decisions 502
11-6 Stepwise Regression 507
11-7 Outliers 512

xii Contents
Copyright 2017 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part. WCN 02-200-203
 11-8 Violations of Regression Assumptions 517
11-8a Nonconstant Error Variance 517
11-8b Nonnormality of Residuals 518
11-8c Autocorrelated Residuals 519
11-9 Prediction 521
11-10 Conclusion 527
12 Time Series Analysis and Forecasting 539
12-1 Introduction 540
12-2 Forecasting Methods: An Overview 541
12-2a Extrapolation Models 541
12-2b Econometric Models 542
12-2c Combining Forecasts 543
12-2d Components of Time Series Data 543
12-2e Measures of Accuracy 546
12-3 Testing for Randomness 548
12-3a The Runs Test 550
12-3b Autocorrelation 552
12-4 Regression-Based Trend Models 556
12-4a Linear Trend 556
12-4b Exponential Trend 559
12-5 The Random Walk Model 562
12-6 Moving Averages Forecasts 565
12-7 Exponential Smoothing Forecasts 570
12-7a Simple Exponential Smoothing 571
12-7b Holt’s Model for Trend 575
12-8 Seasonal Models 580
12-8a Winters’ Exponential Smoothing Model 581
12-8b Deseasonalizing: The Ratio-to-Moving-Averages Method 584
12-8c Estimating Seasonality with Regression 585
12-9 Conclusion 590

PART 5 OPTIMIZATION AND SIMULATION MODELING 597

13 Introduction to Optimization Modeling 599

13-1 Introduction 600
13-2 Introduction to Optimization 601
13-3 A Two-Variable Product Mix Model 602
13-4 Sensitivity Analysis 615
13-4a Solver’s Sensitivity Report 616
13-4b SolverTable Add-In 619
13-4c Comparison of Solver’s Sensitivity Report and SolverTable 626

Contents xiii
Copyright 2017 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part. WCN 02-200-203
 13-5 Properties of Linear Models 626
13-6 Infeasibility and Unboundedness 629
13-7 A Larger Product Mix Model 631
13-8 A Multiperiod Production Model 640
13-9 A Comparison of Algebraic and Spreadsheet Models 649
13-10 A Decision Support System 750
13-11 Conclusion 652

14 Optimization Models 661

14-1 Introduction 662
14-2 Employee Scheduling Models 663
14-3 Blending Models 670
14-4 Logistics Models 676
14-4a Transportation Models 677
14-4b Other Logistics Models 685
14-5 Aggregate Planning Models 693
14-6 Financial Models 703
14-7 Integer Optimization Models 714
14-7a Capital Budgeting Models 714
14-7b Fixed-Cost Models 720
14-7c Set-Covering Models 729
14-8 Nonlinear Optimization Models 735
14-8a Basic Ideas of Nonlinear Optimization 735
14-8b Managerial Economics Models 736
14-8c Portfolio Optimization Models 740
14-9 Conclusion 749

15 Introduction to Simulation Modeling 759

15-1 Introduction 760
15-2 Probability Distributions for Input Variables 762
15-2a Types of Probability Distributions 763
15-2b Common Probability Distributions 766
15-2c Using @RISK to Explore Probability Distributions 770
15-3 Simulation and the Flaw of Averages 780
15-4 Simulation with Built-in Excel Tools 783
15-5 Introduction to @RISK 794
15-5a @RISK Features 795
15-5b Loading @RISK 795
15-5c @RISK Models with a Single Random Input Variable 796
15-5d Some Limitations of @RISK 806
15-5e @RISK Models with Several Random Input Variables 806

xiv Contents
Copyright 2017 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part. WCN 02-200-203
 15-6 The Effects of Input Distributions on Results 811
15-6a Effect of the Shape of the Input Distribution(s) 812
15-6b Effect of Correlated Input Variables 815
15-7 Conclusion 820

16 Simulation Models 829

16-1 Introduction 831
16-2 Operations Models 831
16-2a Bidding for Contracts 831
16-2b Warranty Costs 835
16-2c Drug Production with Uncertain Yield 840
16-3 Financial Models 847
16-3a Financial Planning Models 847
16-3b Cash Balance Models 852
16-3c Investment Models 857
16-4 Marketing Models 864
16-4a Models of Customer Loyalty 864
16-4b Marketing and Sales Models 872
16-5 Simulating Games of Chance 879
16-5a Simulating the Game of Craps 879
16-5b Simulating the NCAA Basketball Tournament 882
16-6 Conclusion 885

PART 6 ADVANCED DATA ANALYSIS 895

17 Data Mining 897

17-1 Introduction 898
17-2 Data Exploration and Visualization 900
17-2a Introduction to Relational Databases 900
17-2b Online Analytical Processing (OLAP) 901
17-2c Power Pivot and Self-Service BI Tools in Excel 904
17-2d Visualization Software 911
17-3 Classification Methods 912
17-3a Logistic Regression 913
17-3b Neural Networks 918
17-3c Naïve Bayes 923
17-3d Classification Trees 926
17-3e Measures of Classification Accuracy 927
17-3f Classification with Rare Events 930
17-4 Clustering 933
17-5 Conclusion 938

Contents xv
Copyright 2017 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part. WCN 02-200-203
 PART 7 BONUS ONLINE MATERIAL 18-1

18 Importing Data into Excel 18-3

18-1 Introduction 18-4
18-2 Rearranging Excel Data 18-5
18-3 Importing Text Data 18-9
18-4 Importing Data into Excel 18-15
18-4a Importing from Access with Old Tools 18-15
18-4b Importing from Access with Power Query 18-16
18-4c Using Microsoft Query 18-18
18-4d SQL Statements and M 18-26
18-4e Web Queries 18-26
18-5 Cleansing Data 18-28
18-6 Conclusion 18-35
19 Analysis of Variance and Experimental Design 19-1
19-1 Introduction 19-2
19-2 One-Way ANOVA 19-5
19-2a The Equal-Means Test 19-5
19-2b Confidence Intervals for Differences between Means 19-8
19-2c Using a Logarithmic Transformation 19-11
19-3 Using Regression to Perform ANOVA 19-17
19-4 The Multiple Comparison Problem 19-20
19-5 Two-Way ANOVA 19-24
19-5a Confidence Intervals for Contrasts 19-31
19-5b Assumptions of Two-Way ANOVA 19-34
19-6 More about Experimental Design 19-35
19-6a Randomization 19-36
19-6b Blocking 19-38
19-6c Incomplete Designs 19-42
19-7 Conclusion 19-45
20 Statistical Process Control 20-1
20-1 Introduction 20-3
20-2 Deming’s 14 Points 20-4
20-3 Introduction to Control Charts 20-7
20-4 Control Charts for Variables 20-9
20-4a Control Charts and Hypothesis Testing 20-15
20-4b Other Out-of-Control Indications 20-16
20-4c Rational Subsamples 20-17
20-4d Deming’s Funnel Experiment and Tampering 20-20
20-4e Control Charts in the Service Industry 20-23

xvi Contents
Copyright 2017 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part. WCN 02-200-203
Exploring the Variety of Random
Documents with Different Content
“adorable,” “too cute for words,” or “truly stunty,” according to their
favorite adjectives. The open fire, the carriage lamps, and the
darkened oak gave just the effect of dim splendor that Madeline had
wanted. The bits of old brass tempted one to exploring expeditions;
the double-decker bread-trays made one long to order them filled
and eat them empty.
“When we get the prints and the candle-shades, it will be about
perfect,” declared Madeline, surveying the scene complacently.
“You need a horseshoe over the door for luck,” suggested Dr.
Hinsdale.
So Georgia rushed out to a near-by stable to get one, and Dr.
Hinsdale nailed it up while the girls sang:

“Here’s to Betty Wales & Co.!

Drink ’em down!
Here’s to Betty Wales & Co.
Drink ’em down!
Here’s to Betty Wales & Co.
They’ll be sure to make things go!
Drink ’em down,
Drink ’em down,
Drink ’em down, down, down!”

Betty, standing with Georgia’s arm around her, gave a little shiver.
“What’s the trouble? Are you catching cold?” whispered Georgia
anxiously.
“No, nothing,” Betty whispered back. Well, there wasn’t—
anything at least that you told people, except perhaps Miss Ferris,
who had been kept from the private view by an important department
meeting. It was only what K. had once laughingly dubbed “growing
pains,”—the same frightened feeling that you had the first time your
brother teased you to swim out over your depth, and you weren’t a
bit sure he could rescue you if you went down. Also, it had taken
Betty the whole long afternoon to clean and fill the carriage lamps
that every one was exclaiming over. Cleaning lamps didn’t come
under the head of either waiting on table or cooking. Betty wondered,
with a tired little sigh, who would do it all the other days.
 CHAPTER VI
EUGENIA FORD’S LUNCHEON

The success of the Tally-ho Tea-Shop’s opening day left the

amazed proprietors somewhat aghast. When Babbie Hildreth arrived
at twelve, in a plumed hat and a trained gown, and with a lunch party
of six in tow, things were already at such a pass that after a
whispered word with Betty she shoved her guests hastily into the
one empty stall, pinned up her train, tucked her plumed hat under
one of the benches, and proceeded to take Betty’s place as cashier,
so that Betty could go to the rescue of her well-nigh distracted cook.
At twelve-fifteen Madeline appropriated Polly Eastman’s runabout
and drove at a gallop to the Hinsdales’ to borrow Mary’s waitress
and a fresh supply of linen and silver. At twelve-thirty Georgia Ames
appeared, very hot and hungry from a strenuous game of tennis,
only to be mercilessly seized upon by Babbie and rushed off for
more oranges and bananas.
“They cry for fruit salad like children for castoria,” declared
Babbie fiercely. “And they have nothing but five dollar bills. Bring me
all the change you can carry.”
At one o’clock the real rush began. Girls sat on the broad steps
or swarmed over the lawn waiting for vacant tables. At half-past one
Madeline went out to them and explained that nearly everything was
gone, except tea and bread-and-butter sandwiches; and some of the
girls went off, after having engaged tables for next day. At half-past
five, when the last of the afternoon tea drinkers had departed, the
managers of the Tally-ho Tea-Shop held a solemn conclave in the
front stall, their aching feet tucked comfortably under them on the
long benches.
“It was a fright,” said Babbie. “I took three hundred checks, and
money enough to pay the rent till Christmas. I hope I made right
change some of the time.”
“It’s great,” sighed Madeline, “simply great! There’ll be perfectly
huge profits for Mrs. Hildreth and Mrs. Bob and me.”
“If this is going to keep up,” put in Betty, “we’ve got to have more
of every single thing. I’m afraid we’ve killed off Bridget already.”
“Send her home in a carriage,” suggested Madeline recklessly.
“Let’s all go home in a carriage. Speaking of home, I’ve got to take
the sleeper down to-night. Poor Mrs. Bob has telegraphed twice. You
see I told her to advertise the apartment, and the would-be tenants
are standing on the door-steps shrieking to get in. I’ll be back here
the first minute I can, though.”
Betty looked at Babbie. “Didn’t you say your mother had changed
her plans and come home?”
Babbie nodded. “I’ve got to fly back to her or she’ll get blue and
rush me off to Palm Beach for the whole winter. You’ll be all right
without us, Betty. You must have all the extra help you want, and if
we’re going to do such a tremendous business I think you ought to
have more salary.”
“So do I,” chorused Madeline, “which is very sweet of me,
considering how it will wipe out profits.”
“We’d better wait and see whether this rush keeps up,” advised
Betty wisely. “Maybe those that came to-day didn’t like it and won’t
come again.”
“Everybody was perfectly crazy over it,” declared Madeline. “I’m
sure it’s all plain sailing, now that we’ve got started.”
Betty, tucking a complicated marketing list into her shopping-bag
with a still more complicated memoranda of “things to be attended
to,” said nothing. She wasn’t afraid of hard work, but the
responsibility and the thought that perhaps she couldn’t possibly get
through it all worried her a good deal. She could have hugged
Georgia Ames next morning, when that brisk young person, having
banged persistently on the tea-shop door, finally climbed in the
kitchen window.
 “Found you a room,” she announced breathlessly, “in that little
white house in front. Woman has a big beauty left over, and you can
have it cheap, because it’s so late in the season. With or without
meals. Heard you say you wanted one. Now send me on more
errands. I’ve got a free morning—no classes till twelve, and then only
a snap course in psychology. What? You silly! As if I wouldn’t do
anything for you after the way you treated me last year.”
It was Georgia who suggested applying to the Students’ Aid for
more waitresses and who, when the Students’ Aid insisted that it
couldn’t be expected to provide them on less than a day’s notice,
sought out the spendthrift Dutton twins and pressed them into Betty’s
service.
“They’re always poor after the second of the month, aren’t you,
my children?” she asked them, as they presented themselves in two
of Nora’s aprons, flushed and giggling, for Betty’s inspection. “Your
hair is in a mess, as usual, Fluffy. Remember, Straight, your right
hand is the one you take notes with—if you ever do take notes. Now
run out to the kitchen, and Bridget and Nora will show you where
things are. And remember it’s only a lark to you, but you mustn’t
queer the Tally-ho Tea-Shop.”
These instructions they faithfully obeyed, seeking out Betty later
to tell her so.
“And we think we ought to have our lunch extra,” the fluffy-haired
twin explained, “because all our little pals came in to see us do our
stunt.”
“And we egged them on to have all sorts of expensive things,
more than they’d meant to order,” added her straight-haired sister.
“Besides, we want to save our wages for lucky pieces.”
But while they were eating the lunch that was “extra,” Lucile
Merrifield came in, and being noisily invited to join them, ate up the
lucky pieces and much more, while she listened to the twins’ joyous
account of their new “stunt.” “So the lunch wasn’t exactly extra after
all,” said the fluffy-haired twin as she paid the bill, “because we
egged Lucile on too. Extravagance is a good quality in a waitress,
isn’t it, Miss Wales? I shall write my father that. It may tickle him so
that he’ll raise our allowance, and if he does we’ll be right down here
giving a party.”
After the first fortnight things began to settle themselves into a
more businesslike routine. The girls Betty knew, having recklessly
indulged themselves during the tea-shop’s first week, were obliged
to be content with campus fare for a while. One noon she realized
with a little start of amazement that there wasn’t a girl that she knew
in the room. Some of them doubtless knew her. Most of them had
probably heard that she was a Harding girl, who was suddenly
obliged to earn her living. Well, wasn’t she? And hadn’t she wanted
to go into a really and truly business, and been almost sorry that in
Harding everything was too much fun to seem like real work?
“We’ve been waiting a perfect age,” announced somebody over
her shoulder. “Will you send a waitress, please, right away? You
ought to give good service, you know, when you’re just starting in.”
The speaker was a tall, overdressed girl, with a scowl and a
mouth that drooped at the corners. Betty remembered distinctly
having seen her come in only a minute before. But she said, “I’m
sorry,” and took the order out to the kitchen herself.
When Bridget had served it in a hurry, Betty heard the tall girl
laugh disagreeably. “Wasn’t that neat?” she demanded of her
companion. “I can always get what I want. Maybe she did see us
come in; she couldn’t say so. That’s the way to treat tradespeople,
even if they have been to college.”
That very afternoon, while the tall girl’s speech still rankled in
Betty’s memory, recalling other petty slights and snubs, Miss
Eugenia Ford rustled in to order a luncheon for twelve for the next
noon.
Eugenia Ford was small and fair, and as exquisitely dainty and
delicate as a French doll. She was universally conceded to be the
prettiest girl in the entering class, and the petting she had received
had gone to her head.
 “If her grandmother dies before long, she may get a little real
expression into her face, and then she’ll be the college beauty,”
somebody had said about her.
“It will take heaps more than losing her grandmother to put any
expression into Eugenia’s face,” Georgia Ames had retorted wisely.
At present Eugenia was certainly as vain and frivolous as she
was pretty, and very badly spoiled indeed.
“Good-afternoon, Miss—Miss Welch,” she began in businesslike
tones.
“Wales,” suggested Betty, smiling at the child because she was
so pretty, and because she had been so comical about gargles and
gargoyles at Georgia’s party.
“Wales.” Eugenia accepted the correction gravely. “I want a table
for twelve persons to-morrow, for a one o’clock luncheon. This is the
menu that I want served. I shall have my flowers sent here, and I
suppose you can arrange them. Here are my place-cards, and this
list gives the order that I want them arranged in. I want the front
stall.” Eugenia completed her directions without relaxing one iota of
her unsmiling dignity.
“I’m sorry,” Betty told her, “but the front stall is engaged for to-
morrow. You can have the third—that’s just as large—or the big
round table out here.”
“But I like the candle-shades in the first stall better,” announced
Eugenia calmly. “Change them to the third, and give me that. And
please serve us very promptly, because some of the girls have
afternoon engagements.” And Eugenia started off.
“I’m sorry, Miss Ford,” Betty called after her, “but the girl who
engaged the first stall particularly wanted those candle-shades. They
are understood to belong to the stall, you know.”
Eugenia’s smooth white forehead puckered itself into a
disagreeable frown. “Very well,” she said crossly, “but you ought to
have two sets of that kind of shade. They’re the only pretty ones in
the place.” And she rustled off, annoyance in every line of her dainty
little figure.
Betty smiled sadly after her. “I suppose she’s forgotten that she
ever met me. Freshmen have so many people to remember.
Madeline will be pleased to know her opinion of all those candle-
shades that she’s so proud of.”
Betty arranged Eugenia’s roses herself, and inspected every
detail of the table with great care. Last of all she put around the
place-cards in the order that Eugenia had specified. Georgia’s name
was on one, and Lucile’s, and Polly’s, and the fluffy-haired Dutton
twins’—the one who wrote such cunning verses and was sure to go
into Dramatic Club the first time. It was plainly what Katherine used
to call a “polite, politic” luncheon.
Unfortunately for Eugenia she was late in arriving—or her guests
were early. When she hurried in, looking prettier than ever because
her cheeks were flushed with her quick walk down the hill and her
eyes sparkling in anticipation of a triumphant occasion, she found
Georgia, Polly, Lucile, and the Dutton twins all hanging over Betty’s
desk, so absorbed in their conversation that they entirely failed to
notice the advent of their small hostess.
“Oh, here you are,” began Eugenia, with a vague little nod toward
the group. “Shall we go and sit down while we wait for the others?
Our table is all ready, I think.”
“Come on, Betty, and give us the rest of it while we’re waiting,”
coaxed Lucile, pulling Betty toward Eugenia. “She’s been telling us
how Babe the man-hater fell in love. It’s a joyous tale. You met Babe,
Eugenia, when she was up this fall—and you’ve met Betty Wales, of
course.”
Eugenia looked gravely at Betty. “Yes, I believe I’ve met Miss
Wales,” she said.
“Of course, at my gargoyle party,” put in Georgia. “Go on, Betty,
about that fascinating Paris pension, and their rubbering out into the
garden and planning to have breakfast together every morning.”
 Betty, watching Eugenia, shook her head, with a brave little smile.
“Some other time. I’m busy now. That is, I can’t desert my post to
play with you, as I’ve told you all sixty times before.”
“Shall we go and sit down?” asked Eugenia again, sweetly. And
as they filed off, her clear high voice came back distinctly to Betty. “I
didn’t ask her to come,” she was explaining to Georgia, “because I
think it’s much better not to mix business and society, don’t you, Miss
Ames? Of course if I saw her up on the campus I should be nice to
her. But here it’s rather awkward, because some of my friends would
think it was awfully funny to be introduced to the cashier.”
Betty couldn’t hear Georgia’s low, emphatic retort, but she could
guess at its tenor, and later, when Polly Eastman leaned around the
edge of the stall, wearing her widest, most provoking smile, and
waved her handkerchief, she could imagine how she and Lucile and
the Dutton twins were making poor Eugenia’s life a burden to her by
those subtle methods of persecution that had won the trio their
reputation for being the best friends and the worst enemies that a
Harding girl could have. It was four to one, and Betty pitied poor
Eugenia, who felt the hostile atmosphere—without in the least
understanding what it meant, and spent the afternoon writing a
tearful letter to her boarding-school chum, all about the hatefulness
of Harding upper-class girls who were “too sweet for anything” one
minute and “perfectly horrid” the next. She thought she would leave
at Christmas time, she wrote, even if her father had said she couldn’t
keep changing her mind. Then she made out a check to the Tally-ho
Tea-Shop for her luncheon and mailed it, with a disagreeable little
note, complaining of the waitress’s awkwardness and too much
pepper in the soup. “The table wasn’t decently laid, either, and the
flowers were a mess,” she concluded, and addressed the note to
“Miss Welch.”
“That’s what Georgia Ames gets back for calling me an idiotic
little snob,” muttered Eugenia, as she posted her letters.
Eugenia’s note, which Betty couldn’t find time to read until late
the next afternoon, was the last straw in the load of a very hard day.
The week before, business had been so dull that Betty had
reluctantly decided to dispense with two of the Students’ Aid
waitresses, and, having tried to choose the ones who could best do
without the money, she had screwed up her courage and explained
the situation. They had both cried, and now, the very day after they
were gone, the Tally-ho Tea-Shop was crowded to overflowing, and
poor Nora and her one remaining assistant fairly ran back and forth
between the kitchen and the stalls in their efforts not to keep
impatient customers waiting. Then everybody had been seized with
a mad desire for English muffins just on the very day when Bridget
had decided only to make up a few, and the sandwiches that there
never had been enough of before were all left over. Several people
had complained that they could never get what they ordered, and
some had gone away. Betty stood it until five o’clock, and then,
confiding to the Students’ Aid waitress that she felt as if she should
fly, she left her in charge and went up to see Miss Ferris.
“What’s the trouble now, little girl?” demanded Miss Ferris, when
she had established Betty in a big easy chair by the open fire, with a
box of chocolates at her elbow.
“Nothing,” said Betty bravely, “or at least there oughtn’t to be
anything. What would you do, Miss Ferris, if things that you knew
oughtn’t to bother you, bothered you awfully all the same?”
Miss Ferris considered. Anybody else would have said, “What
things, for instance?” but Miss Ferris never asked stupid questions
like that. She only smiled back at you and read what she wanted to
know in your face.
“Well,” she began slowly after a minute, “I’d go to bed very early,
so as to get well rested, and next morning I’d look around to find
somebody with a big, real trouble that I could help, perhaps—or try
to help anyhow. And first of all I’d take off my hat and stay to dinner
at the Hilton.”
When Betty bid Miss Ferris good-night after a merry evening in
the Hilton House parlors, she was her smiling self again.
“I’m all right even without the going-to-bed-early part,” she
declared eagerly. “The things I can’t help I won’t worry about. The
things I oughtn’t to mind I won’t mind—not one little speck. I guess
that disposes of all my troubles, and the first thing to-morrow I’ll
begin hunting for somebody to help. I don’t believe I’ve thought much
about helping lately—except helping father by earning this money.
Things are so different——”
“No, they’re not,” Miss Ferris cut her short, “because you’re the
very same Betty Wales.”
“Am I?” Betty wondered, as she buttoned the coat of her last
year’s suit and ran down the hill. “I suppose I am. Now there’s
Rachel—she couldn’t be any dearer if she owned a gold mine.
Besides, I promised father I wouldn’t care and I won’t.”
 CHAPTER VII
MARY, THE PERFECT PATRON

Madeline had been gone for three weeks and never sent so
much as a line of “inspirations” back to the Tally-ho Tea-Shop, when
the expressman drove up one morning with a great mahogany
writing-desk for Betty, with “Sent by M. Ayres” on the shipping ticket.
On one of the lovely old-fashioned brass knobs was tied a note, and
Betty stopped unpacking the desk to read it.
“The chief joy of having a tea-shop,” Madeline wrote, “is that it
grows on your hands. I never was quite satisfied with your desk. A
harness cupboard, with a covered watering trough underneath it,
ought to have made a picturesque and Tally-ho-ish effect, but some
way it didn’t. Yesterday I went out into the country to meditate on my
Literary Career, and at the little old inn where I lunched I saw the
very thing, which I enclose herewith. (That’s what I say to all the
editors about my stories. I hope you’ll like the enclosure well enough
to keep it, which is a thing no editor has done yet.)
“Isn’t the inlay lovely, and don’t you adore the bulgy little
compartments? There’s also a secret drawer—not the fake kind that
anybody can open after a little hunting, but the real thing. I got all
these fascinating features for a song, with the recipe for the most
luscious cake thrown in—literally thrown in, Miss Betty Wales. Open
the secret drawer, and you’ll find it. (Ha! ha! A lively hunt you’ll have
first.) It’s called Aunt Martha’s cake, and if it doesn’t make a hit for
the Tally-ho, I shall lose faith in the Harding appetite.
“Now don’t look solemn and sigh over the wild extravagance of all
good Bohemians, Betty dear. If you feel that the Tally-ho can’t afford
the desk just now, why, Mrs. Bob Enderby is crazy about it, and she’ll
give the firm exactly twice what I paid. Get little Mary Brooks to
bidding against her, and we shan’t have to worry over dull times.
 “I am sending this with the desk, because my Literary Career
takes all the postage stamps I can afford,—and then some. Dick
Blake says that writing is exactly like painting. You’ve got to learn
how. He calls my stories ‘beginner’s daubs—promising, but daubs.’
I’ve talked to a lot of other discouraging people, and I’ve got
hundreds of plans, and several inspirations for B. W. & Co., so I’m
coming back to-morrow to settle down for what Katherine calls a little
spell of work.”
“Goodness, but I shall be glad to see her and talk things over!”
Betty said to herself, and looked up to find Mary Brooks standing in
the door, smiling in her vague, near-sighted fashion.
“Oh, it is you,” she said, as Betty hurried to meet her. “Are you all
by yourself? Where are the members of the ‘Why-Get-Up-to-
Breakfast Club’?”
Betty laughed and then looked sober. “It’s almost as nice a name
as the ‘Merry Hearts,’ isn’t it? They’ve stopped coming here lately. I
wish I knew why.”
“Give them buckwheat griddle-cakes,” advised Mary promptly.
“Cuyler has nothing but wheat ones. Tell Lucile to tell everybody that
yours are heaps nicer. What’s that in the crate?”
Betty explained, and Mary, who adored old writing-desks and had
been hunting for years for one just to her liking, pulled off her gloves
in great excitement and helped unpack the desk, move it into a
sunny alcove between the front door and a window, and hunt for the
secret drawer.
“It’s exactly what I want,” she declared rapturously, after they had
spent half an hour without finding any trace of the recipe for Aunt
Martha’s cake. “I’ll give you ten dollars more than your Mrs. Bob
offered. But you mustn’t sell it to either of us, Betty. A secret drawer
is a splendid tea-room feature. It suggests all kinds of romantic
mysteries.”
Betty nodded. “Of course, I should just love to have it here, but
we can’t afford it. We haven’t done a bit well lately, Mary.”
 “Try the buckwheat griddle-cakes,” Mary called over her shoulder,
as she hurried off to meet her husband at the end of his eleven
o’clock class.

SHE STOPPED THE GIRLS AS THEY WENT OUT

But directly after luncheon she was back again. “I’m bound to find
that drawer before Madeline comes, so we can crow over her,” she
explained. “Besides, George Garrison Hinsdale is writing a paper for
a philosophical society with a name a yard long, and he’s most
dreadfully cross. So I thought that as I can’t help talking and looking
frivolous, I’d better go away. Shall I bother here?”
 Mary hunted for the secret drawer in the same sociable fashion in
which she evidently expected Dr. Hinsdale to write a paper for his
learned society. She stopped the girls as they went out, to ask if they
knew anything about secret springs, and she soon had an animated,
admiring group around her, eagerly examining the points of Betty’s
treasure, and incidentally revealing to the astute Mary their opinions
of the Tally-ho Tea-Shop and drinking in her casual references to
delicious crispy brown buckwheat griddle-cakes and to the wonderful
new recipe in the desk, that would certainly come to light before
long.
About four o’clock, in the lull between lunch and afternoon tea,
Mary detached herself self from the girls around the desk and
buttonholed Betty in a secluded corner.
“I always knew I had a head for business,” she began modestly.
“The reason they don’t come in to feed isn’t because they don’t like
the eats, but because they’re saving up money for Christmas. Don’t
you remember how we used to do that? At least,” added Mary, with a
reminiscent smile, “I used to mean to save, but in the end I always
sent home for an extra check.”
“I know,” agreed Betty. “But what can you do about it? It’s just one
of the drawbacks of the tea-room business, isn’t it?”
Mary surveyed her smilingly. “Don’t you really see what to do?”
she inquired impressively. “Why, my child, it’s as plain as two and
two. Open a gift-shop department, of course.” Mary paused for the
full splendor of her idea to dawn upon Betty.
“But—but this is a tea-room,” began Betty doubtfully.
“Of course it is,” Mary took her up, “and if people won’t buy
enough tea, you have to give them griddle-cakes, don’t you? And if
they don’t jump at griddle-cakes, you’ve got to find out what they will
jump at. That’s business. What you want is their money. You’ve got
plenty of room for a long table of fol-de-rols over there in the corner.
They’ll hear about it and come in to buy Christmas presents, and
they’ll see Aunt Martha’s cake melting in their friends’ mouths and
have to have some. While they’re eating, they’ll remember that they
haven’t bought a thing for their own dear Aunt Martha. So they’ll hop
up and pick out more Christmas things. See? That’s Association of
Ideas, my child. George Garrison Hinsdale is writing his paper about
it. I’m going home this minute to tell him that I know how it works,
and also to give him his tea, which is an idea that he associates with
me. I’ll be in to-morrow, to see if you’ve found the drawer.”
The more Betty thought of the gift-shop department the better
she liked the idea. They could make a specialty of Tally-ho candle-
shades and one or two other things that Madeline could be trusted to
think up. The Students’ Aid girls that she had been obliged to
dismiss could take charge of the table—“I shan’t have it look a bit
like a counter,” Betty reflected, remembering the unpleasant remark
about tradespeople—during her own busiest hours. Some of the
other girls who were earning their own way might like to put work on
sale there.
“Pretty things would surely sell better here than from the bulletin-
board in the gym,” Betty decided swiftly, “and that’s a way to help.
We might take orders for mending and copying and such things, too.
The girls who come here are the very ones who have money to
spend, and I’m sure lots of them don’t bother to hunt up Students’
Aid girls, when they want work done. Why, this is more helpful than I
ever could be when I was in college! Miss Ferris was right—she
always is. We’ll do it! I must consult Babbie and Madeline first, of
course.”
But Mary, appearing bright and early the next morning, scoffed at
delays.
“George Garrison Hinsdale looked as if he wanted to put me in
storage till lunch time,” she explained, “so I can work for you the
whole morning if you’ll only decide now. Anyway, we know Madeline
is for it. Don’t you remember she said in her letter that she liked tea-
rooms because they grow on your hands? Well, this is a beautiful
example of growth. And you and Madeline are a majority, though I’m
sure Babbie will be for it too. Now I’ve thought of a lovely new kind of
Tally-ho candle-shade with little bunches of oats for fringe. I’m going
to fix up a workroom for the gift-shop department in the loft. I’ve
brought down oceans of things in here,” and Mary emptied paste,
paints and brushes, scissors, a sewing kit, and a miscellaneous
collection of scraps of paper, which she explained were designs for
Christmas cards, out of a very stylish shopping-bag, borrowed
Betty’s biggest apron, and proceeded to improvise a work-table out
of two sawhorses and an old storm door. But having laid out her
implements on it, she discovered to her dismay that the workroom
would be plainly visible to the inmates of the third stall, and she
came down to consult Betty about the most artistic color for a curtain
to screen her from the curious public below.
“For this gift business is to be a secret, you know,” she explained
to Betty, “until you’re ready to spring it on them. Not exactly a dead
secret, but the interesting half-way kind. Madeline knows how to
manage secrets. And speaking of Madeline, here she comes.”
Madeline approved the new departure so vehemently that she
would hardly wait to shake hands before she was up in the loft
investigating Mary’s arrangements, and emptying the miscellaneous
contents of her suit-case out on the floor, to find a “spook” candle-
shade, that the little artist, whose cousins had once had a tea-room,
had designed for the new adventurers in the same field. When you
examined it, you saw just a confused mass of red, blue, green,
yellow, and white spots separated by broad black lines; but with the
light behind them the spots resolved themselves in a big yellow Tally-
ho coach drawn by white horses, who pranced grandly up to a red-
roofed inn on the next panel, with a green lawn in front of it and
green trees and blue sky behind.
“Isn’t it too cute?” Betty declared enthusiastically. “It ought to be
our very specialest specialty, oughtn’t it, Mary?”
“I suppose so,” agreed Mary grudgingly. “They’ll take loads of
time to make, though. There’ll be more real profit in mine. I must get
some oats for my kind, while I’m out buying the curtain. Why, it’s
noon already—I must fly! Madeline, come down and show us the
secret drawer before I go.”
Madeline had appropriated a piece of Mary’s cardboard and was
tracing the design of the “specialest specialty” on it.
 She shook her head absently. “It’s a trade secret, only for
members of the firm. Perhaps, if you don’t call me ‘my child’ too
often, and make us some terribly cute shades and cards, we’ll let
you into it by and by.”
“You ought to let her in right away,” declared Betty loyally. “I was
getting just dreadfully blue, with you and Babbie away, and first she
thought of buckwheat griddle-cakes and then of this.”
“Yes, I’m the very Perfect Patron,” Mary chimed in eagerly, “and I
ask you where any business would be without patrons? They’re as
necessary as the firm, if not more so.”
Madeline stopped work to smile benignly at her. “Mary, the
Perfect Patron,” she repeated, “your logic is irresistible. Your
distinguished husband ought to be very proud of you. I’ll tell you
what, Betty, I’ll make out a set of Rules for the Perfect Patron, and if
Mary agrees to abide by them she shall be duly initiated with the rite
of the Secret Drawer.”
“I agree to anything, if you’ll only show me that drawer right off,”
begged Mary.
But Madeline was inexorable. “It is the present duty of the
committee on Inspirations to see if it can copy this candle-shade,”
she said. “And I may add that it is the duty of the Perfect Wife to be
on time for meals. And the moral of that is——”
“Goodness gracious!” supplied Mary, who had been consulting a
diminutive watch, and now rushed down the stairs murmuring sadly,
“It must be fast, but I thought it was slow this morning.”
“I’m not at all sure that I can find that drawer again, myself,”
Madeline confided to Betty, when they were alone. “It’s an awfully
complicated arrangement.”
But that night just before they closed the tea-room, Madeline
found the combination, after a little preliminary fumbling, and proudly
entrusted to Betty the much-vaunted recipe for Aunt Martha’s cake.
“Let’s see.” She went over the formula. “First you press a spring
that opens this panel. Then you pull out that drawer. There’s a
second spring back of that, and a false bottom that comes up, and
then a spring to open the secret drawer. I shan’t forget it again. The
woman who sold the desk to me said she thought there was some
way of working the whole combination at once, but I don’t believe
there can be.”
“We mustn’t put anything in there if you’re ever going away
again,” Betty declared, “for I never could get it out, unless you write
down the rules for me.”
Madeline shook her head vigorously. “Don’t you see, dearie, that
the whole idea of a secret drawer is not to have the rules written
down where anybody can get at them? Sometimes things get lost in
secret drawers for a generation or two, and it’s so lovely having your
grandfather’s will or your great-aunt’s love-letters, or your wicked
uncle’s confession of a murder he committed, tumble out some day
unexpectedly, just because you touched a spring that you didn’t even
know was in existence. But the rules for the Perfect Patron are a
different matter. I shall devote my evening to composing them.”
Madeline sighed deeply. “I suppose I ought to devote it to my Literary
Career. I simply mustn’t neglect that, Betty, even to make extra-
special Tally-ho candle-shades.” She sighed again. “The trouble with
a Literary Career is that you work on it for ages, and you’ve got
nothing to show for your trouble but a story that ten editors have
turned down. Whereas a candle-shade is a candle-shade, and a
Rule for a Perfect Patron is sure to be amusing at least to yourself.
Let’s see—‘First Rule for the Perfect Patron: Don’t act patronizing to
the Firm; confine your patronage to the menu.’ How’s that, Betty?”
“Lovely!” declared Betty with enthusiasm. “Only Mary never can
do it. She loves to call us my children.”
“That’s the point of the rule,” explained Madeline sagely. “Little
Mary has got to work hard before we initiate her into the rite of the
Secret Drawer. If I can think up enough joyous impossibilities for
rules we might organize a Perfect Patrons’ Society, limited to six
members.” Madeline threw aside her pencil and paper and curled up
comfortably on Betty’s couch. “I foresee,” she announced blandly,
“that the secret drawer is going to be our prize feature. First rule for
tea-rooms: Take care of the features, and the patrons will take care
of you.”