"LAMB TO THE SLAUGHTER" “Hullo darling,” he answered.

by Roald Dahl
from Harper's, September 1953
She took his coat and hung it in the closet. Then she walked over
and made the drinks, a strongish one for him, a weak one for herself;
and soon she was back again in her chair with the sewing, and he in
Betrayal can be deadly
the other, opposite, holding the tall glass with both hands, rocking it
so the ice cubes tinkled against the side.
The room was warm and clean, the curtains drawn, the two table
lamps alight - hers and the one by the empty chair opposite. On the
For her, this was always a blissful time of day. She knew he didn’t
sideboard behind her, two tall glasses, soda water, whiskey. Fresh
want to speak much until the first drink was finished, and she, on her
ice cubes in the Thermos bucket.
side, was content to sit quietly, enjoying his company after the long
hours alone in the house. She loved to luxuriate in the presence of
Mary Maloney was waiting for her husband to come home from
this man, and to feel - almost as a sunbather feels the sun - that warm
work.
male glow that came out of him to her when they were alone
together. She loved him for the way he sat loosely in a chair, for the
Now and again she would glance up at the clock, but without
way he came in a door, or moved slowly across the room with long
anxiety, merely to please herself with the thought that each minute
strides. She loved intent, far look in his eyes when they rested in
gone by made it nearer the time when he would come. There was a
her, the funny shape of the mouth,and especially the way he
slow smiling air about her, and about everything she did. The drop
remained silent about his tiredness, sitting still with himself until the
of a head as she bent over her sewing was curiously tranquil. Her
whiskey had taken some of it away.
skin - for this was her sixth month with child - had acquired a
wonderful translucent quality, the mouth was soft, and the eyes, with
“Tired darling?”
their new placid look, seemed larger darker than before. When the
clock said ten minutes to five, she began to listen, and a few
“Yes,” he said. “I’m tired,” And as he spoke, he did an unusual
moments later, punctually as always, she heard the tires on the
thing. He lifted his glass and drained it in one swallow although
gravel outside, and the car door slamming, the footsteps passing the
there was still half of it, at least half of it left.. She wasn’t really
window, the key turning in the lock. She laid aside her sewing,
watching him, but she knew what he had done because she heard the
stood up, and went forward to kiss him as he came in.
ice cubes falling back against the bottom of the empty glass when he
lowered his arm. He paused a moment,leaning forward in the chair,
“Hullo darling,” she said.

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 LAMB TO THE SLAUGHTER, BY ROALD DAHL

then he got up and went slowly over to fetch himself another. have it right here and not even move out of the chair.”

“I’ll get it!” she cried, jumping up. Her eyes waited on him for an answer, a smile, a little nod, but he
made no sign.
“Sit down,” he said.
“Anyway,” she went on, “I’ll get you some cheese and crackers
When he came back, she noticed that the new drink was dark amber first.”
with the quantity of whiskey in it.
“I don’t want it,” he said.
“Darling, shall I get your slippers?”
She moved uneasily in her chair, the large eyes still watching his
“No.” face. “But you must eat! I’ll fix it anyway, and then you can have it
or not, as you like.”
She watched him as he began to sip the dark yellow drink, and she
could see little oily swirls in the liquid because it was so strong. She stood up and placed her sewing on the table by the lamp.

“I think it’s a shame,” she said, “that when a policeman gets to be as “Sit down,” he said. “Just for a minute, sit down.”
senior as you, they keep him walking about on his feet all day long.”
It wasn’t till then that she began to get frightened.
He didn’t answer, so she bent her head again and went on with her
sewing; but each time he lifted the drink to his lips, she heard the ice “Go on,” he said. “Sit down.”
cubes clinking against the side of the glass.
She lowered herself back slowly into the chair, watching him all the
“Darling,” she said. “Would you like me to get you some cheese? I time with those large, bewildered eyes. He had finished the second
haven’t made any supper because it’s Thursday.” drink and was staring down into the glass, frowning.

“No,” he said. “Listen,” he said. “I’ve got something to tell you.”

“ If you’re too tired to eat out,” she went on, “it’s still not too “What is it, darling? What’s the matter?”
late. There’s plenty of meat and stuff in the freezer, and you can

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 LAMB TO THE SLAUGHTER, BY ROALD DAHL

He had now become absolutely motionless, and he kept his head

down so that the light from the lamp beside him fell across the upper When she walked across the room she couldn’t feel her feet touching
part of his face, leaving the chin and mouth in shadow. She noticed the floor. She couldn’t feel anything at all - except a slight nausea
there was a little muscle moving near the corner of hisleft eye. and a desire to vomit. Everything was automatic now - down the
steps to the cellar, the light switch, the deep freeze, the hand inside
“This is going to be a bit of a shock to you, I’m afraid,” he said. the cabinet taking hold of the first object it met. She lifted it out, and
“But I’ve thought about it a good deal and I’ve decided the only looked at it. It was wrapped in paper, so she took off the paper and
thing to do is tell you right away. I hope you won’t blame me too looked at it again.
much.”
A leg of lamb.
And he told her. It didn’t take long, four or five minutes at most,
and she sat very still through it all, watching him with a kind of All right then, they would have lamb for supper. She carried it
dazed horror as he went further and further away from her with each upstairs, holding the thin bone-end of it with both her hands, and as
word. she went through the living-room, she saw him standing over by the
window with his back to her, and she stopped.
“So there it is,” he added. “And I know it’s kind of a bad time to be
telling you, but there simply wasn’t any other way. Of course I’ll “For God’s sake,” he said, hearing her, but not turning round. “Don’t
give you money and see you’re looked after. But there needn’t make supper for me. I’m going out.”
really be any fuss. I hope not anyway. It wouldn’t be very good for
my job.” At that point, Mary Maloney simply walked up behind him and
without any pause she swung the big frozen leg of lamb high in the
Her first instinct was not to believe any of it, to reject it all. It air and brought it down as hard as she could on the back of his head.
occurred to her that perhaps he hadn’t even spoken, that she herself
had imagined the whole thing. Maybe, if she went about her She might just as well have hit him with a steel club.
business and acted as though she hadn’t been listening, then later,
when she sort of woke up again, she might find none of it had ever She stepped back a pace, waiting, and the funny thing was that he
happened. remained standing there for at least four or five seconds,gently
swaying. Then he crashed to the carpet.
“I’ll get the supper,” she managed to whisper, and this time he didn’t
stop her. The violence of the crash, the noise, the small table overturning,

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helped bring her out of he shock. She came out slowly, feeling cold better now. She rehearsed it several times more. Then she ran
and surprised, and she stood for a while blinking at the body, still downstairs, took her coat, went out the back door, down the garden,
holding the ridiculous piece of meat tight with both hands. into the street.

All right, she told herself. So I’ve killed him. It wasn’t six o’clock yet and the lights were still on in the grocery
shop.
It was extraordinary, now, how clear her mind became all of a
sudden. She began thinking very fast. As the wife of a detective, she “Hullo Sam,” she said brightly, smiling at the man behind the
knew quite well what the penalty would be. That was fine. It made counter.
no difference to her. In fact, it would be a relief. On the other hand,
what about the child? What were the laws about murderers with “Why, good evening, Mrs. Maloney. How’re you?”
unborn children? Did they kill then both - mother and child? Or did
they wait until the tenth month? What did they do? “I want some potatoes please, Sam. Yes, and I think a can of peas.”

Mary Maloney didn’t know. And she certainly wasn’t prepared to The man turned and reached up behind him on the shelf for the peas.
take a chance.
“Patrick’s decided he’s tired and doesn’t want to eat out tonight,”
She carried the meat into the kitchen, placed it in a pan, turned the she told him. “We usually go out Thursdays, you know, and now
oven on high, and shoved t inside. Then she washed her hands and he’s caught me without any vegetables in the house.”
ran upstairs to the bedroom. She sat down before the mirror, tidied
her hair, touched up her lops and face. She tried a smile. It came out “Then how about meat, Mrs. Maloney?”
rather peculiar. She tried again.
“No, I’ve got meat, thanks. I got a nice leg of lamb from the
“Hullo Sam,” she said brightly, aloud. freezer.”

The voice sounded peculiar too. “Oh.”

“I want some potatoes please, Sam. Yes, and I think a can of peas.” “I don’t know much like cooking it frozen, Sam, but I’m taking a
chance on it this time. You think it’ll be all right?”
That was better. Both the smile and the voice were coming out

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“Personally,” the grocer said, “I don’t believe it makes any cook supper for her husband.
difference. You want these Idaho potatoes?”
That’s the way, she told herself. Do everything right and
“Oh yes, that’ll be fine. Two of those.” natural. Keep things absolutely natural and there’ll be no need
forany acting at all.
“Anything else?” The grocer cocked his head on one side, looking at
her pleasantly. “How about afterwards? What you going to give him Therefore, when she entered the kitchen by the back door, she was
for afterwards?” humming a little tune to herself and smiling.

“Well-what would you suggest, Sam?” “Patrick!” she called. “How are you, darling?”

The man glanced around his shop. “How about a nice big slice of She put the parcel down on the table and went through into the living
cheesecake? I know he likes that.” room; and when she saw him lying there on the floor with his legs
doubled up and one arm twisted back underneath his body, it really
“Perfect,” she said. “He loves it.” was rather a shock. All the old love and longing for him welled up
inside her, and she ran over to him, knelt down beside him, and
And when it was all wrapped and she had paid, she put on her began to cry her heart out. It was easy. No acting was necessary.
brightest smile and said, “Thank you, Sam. Goodnight.”
A few minutes later she got up and went to the phone. She know the
“Goodnight, Mrs. Maloney. And thank you.” number of the police station, and when the man at the other end
answered, she cried to him, “Quick! Come quick! Patrick’s dead!”
And now, she told herself as she hurried back, all she was doing
now, she was returning home to her husband and he was waiting for “Who’s speaking?”
his supper; and she must cook it good, and make it as tasty as
possible because the poor man was tired; and if, when she entered “Mrs. Maloney. Mrs. Patrick Maloney.”
the house, she happened to find anything unusual, or tragic, or
terrible, then naturally it would be a shock and she’d become frantic “You mean Patrick Maloney’s dead?”
with grief and horror. Mind you, she wasn’t expecting to find
anything. She was just going home with the vegetables. Mrs. Patrick “I think so,” she sobbed. “He’s lying on the floor and I think he’s
Maloney going home with the vegetables on Thursday evening to dead.”

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“Be right over,” the man said. Which grocer?” one of the detectives asked.

The car came very quickly, and when she opened the front door, two She told him, and he turned and whispered something to the other
policeman walked in. She know them both - she know nearly all the detective who immediately went outside into the street.
men at that precinct - and she fell right into a chair, then went over
to join the other one, who was called O’Malley, kneeling by the In fifteen minutes he was back with a page of notes, and there was
body. more whispering, and through her sobbing she heard a few of the
whispered phrases - ”...acted quite normal...very cheerful...wanted to
“Is he dead?” she cried. give him a good supper...peas...cheesecake...impossible that she...”

“I’m afraid he is. What happened?” After a while, the photographer and the doctor departed and two
other men came in and took the corpse away on a stretcher. Then the
Briefly, she told her story about going out to the grocer and coming fingerprint man went away. The two detectives remained, and so did
back to find him on the floor. While she was talking, crying and the two policeman. They were exceptionally nice to her,and Jack
talking, Noonan discovered a small patch of congealed blood on the Noonan asked if she wouldn’t rather go somewhere else, to her
dead man’s head. He showed it to O’Malley who got up at once and sister’s house perhaps, or to his own wife who would take care of
hurried to the phone. her and put her up for the night.

Soon, other men began to come into the house. First a doctor, then No, she said. She didn’t feel she could move even a yard at the
two detectives, one of whom she knew by name. Later, a police moment. Would they mind awfully if she stayed just where she was
photographer arrived and took pictures, and a man who knew about until she felt better. She didn’t feel too good at the moment, she
fingerprints. There was a great deal of whispering and muttering really didn’t.
beside the corpse, and the detectives kept asking her a lot of
questions. But they always treated her kindly. She told her story Then hadn’t she better lie down on the bed? Jack Noonan asked.
again, this time right from the beginning, when Patrick had come in,
and she was sewing, and he was tired, so tired he hadn’t wanted to No, she said. She’d like to stay right where she was, in this chair. A
go out for supper. She told how she’d put the meat in the oven - ”it’s little later, perhaps, when she felt better, she would move.
there now, cooking” - and how she’d slopped out to the grocer for
vegetables, and come back to find him lying on the floor. So they left her there while they went about their business, searching

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the house. Occasionally on of the detectives asked her another to be growing weary, a trifle exasperated.
question. Sometimes Jack Noonan spoke at her gently as he passed
by. Her husband, he told her, had been killed by a blow on the back “Jack,” she said, the next time Sergeant Noonan went by. “Would
of the head administered with a heavy blunt instrument, almost you mind giving me a drink?”
certainly a large piece of metal. They were looking for the
weapon. The murderer may have taken it with him, but on the other “Sure I’ll give you a drink. You mean this whiskey?”
hand he may have thrown it away or hidden it somewhere on the
premises. “Yes please. But just a small one. It might make me feel better.”

“It’s the old story,” he said. “Get the weapon, and you’ve got the He handed her the glass.
man.”
“Why don’t you have one yourself,” she said. “You must be awfully
Later, one of the detectives came up and sat beside her. Did she tired. Please do. You’ve been very good to me.”
know, he asked, of anything in the house that could’ve been used as
the weapon? Would she mind having a look around to see if “Well,” he answered. “It’s not strictly allowed, but I might take just
anything was missing - a very big spanner, for example, or a heavy a drop to keep me going.”
metal vase.
One by one the others came in and were persuaded to take a little nip
They didn’t have any heavy metal vases, she said. of whiskey. They stood around rather awkwardly with the drinks in
their hands, uncomfortable in her presence, trying to say consoling
“Or a big spanner?” things to her. Sergeant Noonan wandered into the kitchen, came out
quickly and said, “Look, Mrs. Maloney. You know that oven of
She didn’t think they had a big spanner. But there might be some yours is still on, and the meat still inside.”
things like that in the garage.
“Oh dear me!” she cried. “So it is!”
The search went on. She knew that there were other policemen in
the garden all around the house. She could hear their footsteps on the “I better turn it off for you, hadn’t I?”
gravel outside, and sometimes she saw a flash of a torch through a
chink in the curtains. It began to get late, nearly nine she noticed by “Will you do that, Jack? Thank you so much.”
the clock on the mantle. The four men searching the rooms seemed

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When the sergeant returned the second time, she looked at him with “Have some more, Charlie?”
her large, dark tearful eyes. “Jack Noonan,” she said.
“No. Better not finish it.”
“Yes?”
“She wants us to finish it. She said so. Be doing her a favor.”
“Would you do me a small favor - you and these others?”
“Okay then. Give me some more.”
“We can try, Mrs. Maloney.”
“That’s a hell of a big club the guy must’ve used to hit poor Patrick,”
“Well,” she said. “Here you all are, and good friends of dear one of them was saying. “The doc says his skull was smashed all to
Patrick’s too, and helping to catch the man who killed him. You pieces just like from a sledgehammer.”
must be terribly hungry by now because it’s long past your supper
time, and I know Patrick would never forgive me, God bless his “That’s why it ought to be easy to find.”
soul, if I allowed you to remain in his house without offering you
decent hospitality. Why don’t you eat up that lamb that’s in the “Exactly what I say.”
oven. It’ll be cooked just right by now.”
“Whoever done it, they’re not going to be carrying a thing like that
“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Sergeant Noonan said. around with them longer than they need.”

“Please,” she begged. “Please eat it. Personally I couldn’t touch a One of them belched.
thing, certainly not what’s been in the house when he was here. But
it’s all right for you. It’d be a favor to me if you’d eat it up. Then “Personally, I think it’s right here on the premises.”
you can go on with your work again afterwards.”
“Probably right under our very noses. What you think, Jack?”
There was a good deal of hesitating among the four policemen, but
they were clearly hungry, and in the end they were persuaded to go And in the other room, Mary Maloney began to giggle.
into the kitchen and help themselves. The woman stayed where she
was, listening to them speaking among themselves, their voices thick END.
and sloppy because their mouths were full of meat.