Women With ADHD

A Life-Changing Guide to Overcome the Hidden

Struggles of Living with ADHD – Includes Debunked
Myths and 15 Effective Tips to Positively Transform
Your Life

Roberta Sander
 ©Copyright 2021 - All rights reserved

The content contained within this book may not be reproduced, duplicated,
or transmitted without direct written permission from the author or the
publisher.

Under no circumstances will any blame or legal responsibility be held

against the publisher, or author, for any damages, reparation, or monetary
loss due to the information contained within this book, either directly or
indirectly.

Legal Notice

This book is copyright protected. This book is only for personal use. You
cannot amend, distribute, sell, use, quote, or paraphrase any part, or the
content within this book, without the consent of the author-publisher.

Disclaimer Notice

Please note the information contained within this document is for

educational and entertainment purposes only. All effort has been executed
to present accurate, up-to-date, and reliable, complete information. No
warranties of any kind are declared or implied. Readers acknowledge that
the author is not engaging in the rendering of legal, financial, medical, or
professional advice.
Table of Contents

Introduction
Chapter 1: What is ADHD?
Chapter 2: What are the different types of ADHD?
Chapter 3: Common Signs you need to know
Chapter 4 : How to diagnose ADHD in women
Chapter 5: What Happens to Women with ADHD Left Undiagnosed?
Chapter 6: Gender Differences in ADHD: Why Women Struggle More
Chapter 7: ADHD and Relationships
Chapter 8 : ADHD and Motivation
Chapter 9: ADHD and Social Skills
Chapter 10: ADHD and Social Anxiety
Chapter 11: ADHD and Sleep Problems
Chapter 12: ADHD and Emotional Dysregulation
Chapter 13: ADHD and Sexuality
Chapter 14: ADHD and Money Management
Chapter 15: ADHD and Organization
Chapter 16: ADHD and Time Management
Chapter 17: The Good Side of ADHD in women
Chapter 18: Postmenopausal Women with ADHD
Chapter 19: Pregnancy and Children of a Mother with ADHD
Chapter 20: Best Jobs for Women with ADHD
Chapter 21: How to improve focus in women with ADHD
Chapter 22: Life-management Tools for Women with ADHD
Chapter 23: How Exercise can help women with ADHD
Chapter 24: 6 Executive Function Strategies that Really Work for People
with ADHD
Chapter 25: The 15 most effective methods for coping with ADHD
Chapter 26: How to stop losing things
Chapter 27: 22 Things not to say to someone with ADHD
Chapter 28: ADHD treatment for Women
Chapter 29: Self-love for women with ADHD
Chapter 30: How mindfulness practice can benefit Women with ADHD
Chapter 31: ADHD myths and facts
Chapter 32: ADHD Q&A
Conclusion
Author’s Note
 Introduction

A DHD does not distinguish between the sexes. It can occur in women
as often as it does in men. There is a tendency for ADHD to go
undiagnosed in women, but men are more likely to receive a clear diagnosis
during their lifetime. Studies show that misdiagnosing a woman with
ADHD is more likely to occur because symptoms of this disorder present
themselves differently in women than in men. Whereas symptoms in men
exhibit as the stereotypical ones, symptoms in women tend to be more
subtle and do not necessarily become obvious until something drastic and
“unwoman-like” happens.
Oftentimes, when women are misdiagnosed with ADHD, they may attribute
their symptoms and behavior to another condition, consequently failing to
get the help they need. They have probably not realized they have ADHD to
begin with to talk of coming to terms with it. This puts women with this
disorder in a vicious circle of them not getting the proper treatment and the
right help they need. This may lead to self-destructive behavior, especially
when one is receiving treatment for the wrong condition. Women with
ADHD may find it very hard to live up to the stereotypical woman figure in
their society, especially when they are not diagnosed or are misdiagnosed.
This can often cause depression and anxiety because they fail to fit in
society for reasons that would still be unexplained and unknown to them
until they are diagnosed. Although not every woman who fails to fit the
stereotypical figure created by society does so due to an undiagnosed or
misdiagnosed mental health disorder such as ADHD, many women with
undiagnosed ADHD can find it hard to abide by these stereotypes. How
society thinks a woman should behave varies from one society to another,
and although some independent women have no one to answer to in their
daily lives, they still impose expectations on themselves based on the
society they live in.
You might feel like you are inconsistent in your daily tasks or feel like you
are falling short of expectations. It might feel like your life overall is too
much! You might struggle to succeed or feel overwhelmed at times. There
are ways to overcome this or, better yet, live in harmony with one’s state of
ADHD. This book is not to help you use this condition as an excuse to opt
out of living your fullest life but rather to help you and the people around
you to better understand why you feel some particular emotions or do
certain things. Your closest friends and family can once and for all know
why you act the way you do and why sometimes you find it hard to keep up
with commitments you have taken up impulsively. They can be there with
you to support you and help share your load. Your inner circle of people can
become more compassionate and understanding of you and your actions.
You can eventually stop hearing the things you do not want to hear as a
woman with ADHD! Learning how to say ‘’Maybe’’ before you say ‘’Yes’’
can help take away that nagging feeling that you should be capable of doing
more or performing better.
Reducing the number of commitments in one’s life can help relieve the load
on your schedule and will also help de-clutter your life. Women are often
expected to be the organizers and planners for themselves and their
families. They tend to commit to tasks leaving no time for themselves. It
should be acceptable to assign tasks you are not good at or share duties you
are not capable of completing on your own. There are plenty of tools that a
woman with ADHD can utilize to help make their lives more manageable,
and this book will outline just that. Women should learn to love themselves
and understand that one is born with value rather than judging oneself based
on the expectations put on them.
I will define ADHD and talk about the different types, including the most
common signs and symptoms to look out for. Understanding the condition
can help you understand yourself. ADHD can affect your relationships, your
sleeping patterns, your emotions, and your sexuality. Hormonal changes
and aging can cause symptoms of ADHD to worsen, making performing
daily tasks an even bigger challenge. Although you might find yourself in
the depths of despair at times, do keep in mind that there are certain jobs
that women with ADHD perform better than those that do not have ADHD,
your focus can be improved, and physical activity can help your state of
ADHD. There are effective ways to cope with your ADHD, and yes, you
can stop constantly losing things! Diagnosing a woman with ADHD can not
only change their perception of themselves but help them cope with this
condition throughout their lives. How can you instigate change without
finding the root cause, right? If you are a woman with ADHD, you might
have realized by now that there is no cure for this condition, but there are
ways to manage it to enable you to live your best life; I can’t stress this
enough.
Just know that as a woman with ADHD, it all boils down to first getting you
properly diagnosed then putting you on the right treatment. Everything else
will follow through.
 Chapter 1:
What is ADHD?

A DHD is short for Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. This is a

mental health condition that mostly affects children, but because it
often lives up into adulthood, it significantly affects adults as well. This
condition mainly affects people’s behavior and often makes the sufferer
look like they are restless and find it hard to concentrate or often act
impulsively. People with ADHD might come across as having above-
average levels of energy and may find it very hard to focus or sit still for
long periods of time. The differences in brain development and brain
activity of people with ADHD affect their attention levels and self-control.
Tedious activities that require sustained attention over a long time might be
difficult for people suffering from ADHD unless it is something they
absolutely enjoy doing and will voluntarily engage in.
ADHD is not the result of poor parenting skills, excessive sugar
consumption, or a lot of screen time, and it can be hard to explain this to
non-sufferers. I think it is fair to say that everyone has, at some point,
forgotten to turn in an assignment, misplaced their keys, or spaced out
during a conversation. What sets someone with ADHD apart from someone
without is how frequent these incidents are. When someone with ADHD
does these things, it is very easy to assume this is normal behavior since
people who do not have ADHD do them as well. If someone with ADHD
misplaces stuff all the time, shows up late for appointments, or often seems
spaced out during conversations, they might come across as careless, not
being time-conscious, or inattentive to those who do not have a clear
understanding of ADHD and what it is. Behavior is affected by the brain.
ADHD brains develop and function much differently than neurotypical
brains. If you are surrounded by the right support system, the attributes of a
brain with ADHD can be extremely beneficial in certain situations;
otherwise, they can be highly debilitating for the sufferer and those around
them. Although AD stands for attention deficit, it does not necessarily mean
people with ADHD showcase a lack of attention but rather find it difficult
to regulate their attention or shift it onto the right task. Think of a brain that
is jumping from one thing to the next or, the other extreme, hyper-focusing
on one task. The executive function system of the brain acts like the self-
management system helping to plan, prioritize and distribute efforts over
different tasks. This internal system will help one inhibit their impulses and
only switch from one task to the next when appropriate. These executive
functions tend to develop slower in brains with ADHD. People with ADHD
tend to have a deficit in certain brain chemicals that help them function this
way, like norepinephrine. This is a chemical in the body that should be a
naturally occurring one. Norepinephrine, also known as NE, is a
neurotransmitter that helps send signals between one nerve cell to the next.
The deficiency or lack thereof can cause ADHD. NE usually bonds to
dopamine, another chemical messenger in the body primarily responsible
for feelings like pleasure, motivation, memory retention, and attention. It
also helps in planning and thinking. An ADHD brain has an impaired
neurotransmission activity in four functional regions of the brain: frontal
cortex, Limbic system, Basal ganglia, and the reticular activating system.
The frontal cortex is responsible for attention and organization. The limbic
system is located deep inside the brain, and it helps regulate attention and
emotions. The basal ganglia are found within the cerebral hemispheres and
are tasked with our motor control functions, behavior, and emotions. The
reticular activating system maintains consciousness, motivation, and
arousals associated with behavior.
Those with ADHD tend to have an even more limited working memory
than those who do not suffer from ADHD, making a simple task even more
challenging, like reading the steps of a recipe and following through
without referring to it multiple times. Following multistep directions can be
very hard to keep up with when you have ADHD, and it is perfectly
understandable to rely heavily on post-it notes; they are helpful!
Not everyone with ADHD is hyperactive. You might not see ADHD
sufferers bouncing around the room, but their brain might be; you just
cannot see it. This is described as internal restlessness, and it can be very
exhausting. Think of a mind constantly going around in a hamster wheel,
like your brain being put in a ping-pong machine.
When energy is directed well, besides being beneficial, it can also be seen
as creativity, curiosity, and drive. Before someone with ADHD takes
advantage of their brain’s strength and capabilities, they must learn to
manage and control their energy. People with ADHD not only have
difficulty regulating attention but also controlling their emotions. This is
often referred to as emotional dysregulation. People with ADHD who have
trouble regulating their emotions can come across as being too sensitive.
Both adults and children with ADHD may find it difficult to concentrate on
tasks presented to them either at work or school. Some confess they often
find themselves daydreaming. Adult ADHD sufferers may make rushed
decisions that will, in turn, adversely affect their lives. Scientifically ADHD
displays alterations in the brain’s growth and overall development.
Everybody has trouble keeping still, paying attention, or suppressing
impulsive behavior from time to time. However, for some people, the issues
are so prevalent and constant that they affect every part of their life: home,
academic, social, and employment. ADHD is distinguished by
developmental abnormalities in inattention, impulsivity, and hyperactivity.
Individuals with ADHD can achieve great success in life. However, if
ADHD is not identified and treated properly, it may have negative
repercussions such as lack of performance at school, family tension and
disturbance, depression, marital troubles, drug abuse, delinquency,
unintended accidents, and failure at work. Early diagnosis is crucial.
When symptoms of ADHD are perceived as personality defects rather than
an actual mental health condition, it can be hurtful to those going through it;
this causes sufferers to believe that it is a personality defect, which affects
their self-esteem and leads to other conditions such as anxiety and
depression. Can you imagine being the most motivated, the laziest, the
smartest, and the stupidest all at one go? It can be very confusing for the
sufferer and misleading for those around them. This can be avoided if the
person suffering from ADHD, and others around them, acknowledge and
understand the constant struggles one faces and, together, find strategies to
help overcome these challenges. Eventually, people with ADHD stop
beating themselves up about these flaws and focus on the more important
things like finding their strengths.
 Chapter 2:
What are the different types of ADHD?

A DHD starts off affecting children, but it is possible to develop late-

onset ADHD, with certain signs and symptoms being present in
childhood, although gone unnoticed. It is therefore considered to be a
chronic condition. ADHD exists in three different major types: inattentive
type, hyperactive-impulsive type, and the combination type. For someone to
identify which type of ADHD they suffer from, they would have to analyze
their symptoms. Someone is considered to have ADHD not only when they
experience some of the symptoms we are yet to discuss but when these
symptoms start to affect their day-to-day life. Symptoms might not always
be consistent, and one might experience various symptoms over time that
would pertain to all three types of ADHD.
ADHD is mainly characterized by inattention, hyperactivity, and impulsive
behavior overall. Inattention means you get distracted very often and
possess poor concentration and organizational skills. Impulsivity means you
take risks and often interrupt while someone else is talking or doing
something. Hyperactivity is often depicted as never slowing down,
fidgeting, constantly talking, and having difficulty staying on one task.
Although many specialists in the field have identified numerous types of
ADHD, we will be looking only at the major types and helping to identify
them according to their symptoms.
The inattentive type-
If you have this type of ADHD, you experience inattention more frequently
than you would impulsivity or hyperactivity. You still struggle with these at
times, but they would not be the main symptoms you exhibit. If you have
this type of ADHD, you miss details or get distracted easily. You have
trouble focusing on a single task and often are reluctant to do tasks
requiring a sustained mental effort. On the other hand, people with this type
of ADHD fixate on activities that do not require mental effort, such as
watching television. You also have trouble organizing your thoughts and
learning new information. The inattentive type tends to misplace or lose
valuables such as house keys, phones, or other important things required to
complete tasks such as pencils or papers. Although this happens
involuntarily, people with this type of ADHD might seem like they are not
listening or appear to be daydreaming during a conversation. Some might
process information much slower, while others misinterpret it. People with
this type of ADHD have trouble following directions or instructions. They
also have poor organizational and study skills appropriate for their age and
tend to be forgetful and miss attending to details. People with this type of
ADHD tend to come across as making careless errors. There is a tendency
for girls to be diagnosed with this type of ADHD more than boys, and it
also prevails in older children and adults rather than younger ones. Children
with this form of ADHD have trouble paying attention. They have disrupted
concentration but do not suffer from impulsivity or hyperactivity. This is
often referred to as attention-deficit disorder informally because the
hyperactivity part is not present. Since they are not noisy in class, children
with this form of ADHD can go unnoticed. They can seem shy or
“daydreamy” in reality. They may not have major behavioral issues.
However, their concentration issues can continue to cause them a great deal
of trouble.
The hyperactive-impulsive type-

Although people with the hyperactive-impulsive type of ADHD tend to

showcase signs of inattention, is it not the main characteristic. Often people
with this type of ADHD experience symptoms of impulsivity and
hyperactivity. They tend to fidget, feel restless, and have difficulty simply
sitting still. They often move around without an apparent goal besides just
being in motion. Some may play with or touch objects even when
inappropriate or unrelated to the task at hand. Hyperactive-impulsive
ADHD sufferers tend to have trouble engaging in quiet activities and are
often impatient. As the term itself implies, some may act out and do not
think about the consequences of their actions. They may also pass
inappropriate comments and blab out answers without giving it a second
thought. They may finish other people’s sentences unintentionally. People
with this type of ADHD may have temper outbursts. Children and adults
with this type of ADHD may hinder the learning process for themselves and
others in a classroom setup. This is the least common type of ADHD and is
more prominent in men and boys. This type is most often found in very
young children. This form of ADHD is frequently easier to detect because
of the constant moving about.

The combination type-

This type of ADHD will have sufferers display different symptoms that do
not exclusively fall within one category or the other. A combination of both
categories characterizes this type of ADHD. Almost everyone, including
non-ADHD sufferers, at some point, experience some degree of
inattentiveness or impulsive behavior, and I am not referring to that recent
expensive purchase you made from the mall recently, justifying it as
impulse-buying. These characteristics are more severe in people with
ADHD to a point where it interferes with their lives, how they function at
home, school, work, and in social situations. If you have this type of
ADHD, you probably also have a short attention span. This type of ADHD
is also the most common. You are easily distracted and often forgetful. You
interrupt others more than you should and often act without thinking things
through. Besides fidgeting excessively, you probably come across as a
chatterbox. You also lose things more often than you should. Children with
this form of ADHD have serious issues with hyperactivity and impulsivity
as well as inattention. However, when they enter adolescence, they may
become less impulsive.

Studies show that ADHD affects different parts of the brain, primarily the
prefrontal cortex and the cerebellum. These areas are affected by dopamine,
serotonin, and GABA neurotransmitters, short for gamma-aminobutyric
acid. Areas of the brain, like the frontal lobe, control the executive function,
memory, understanding, emotional impulses, mood stability, and visual
processing. The basal ganglia are large structures deep in the brain that help
generate the neurotransmitter dopamine; and the limbic system, which sets
emotional responses. These are all affected parts of the brain mainly looked
at in neurodiverse individuals to help determine which type of ADHD they
have and what their symptoms are. Scientists who divide ADHD into
further sub-types often look at the symptoms and their cause to prescribe
the right treatment. Usually, they focus on the neurotransmitter deficiency
and how that can be compensated.

For instance, apart from the three types mentioned above, some believe that
there is an over-focused type of ADHD caused by dopamine and serotonin
deficiencies. People with this type of ADD, also known as attention deficit
disorder and does not include hyperactivity symptoms, as the name implies,
will have trouble shifting from one task to the next and are often stuck in
negative thoughts, disrupting their progress in life and causes them to have
poor sleeping patterns. Some believe that supplements can help treat this
specific type of ADD by taking saffron, 5-HTP supplements, and L-
tryptophan. A low protein diet is also suggested in this instance.
Researchers believe that magnesium can also help with aggressive
behaviors, anxiety, and irritability if you have temporal lobe ADD, which
usually displays classic ADD symptoms and behavioral problems. Some
researchers go as far as dividing ADHD into seven types rather than three;
however, these include the main three types, and this all depends on their
approach, experience, and research in the field. The resources they have to
diagnose ADHD also determine whether they go by the three main types of
ADHD. Diagnosing also depends on the country and the guidelines given to
professionals in that area. For example, the US uses the DSM5, which is the
Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental disorders, while Europeans go
by the guidelines given by the European Psychiatric Association.

If they have access to brain imaging, they may be able to further their
diagnosis, but family doctors and physicians can diagnose ADHD using
general guidelines and clinical assessments.
 Chapter 3:
Common Signs you need to know
W omen will often live their lives with undiagnosed ADHD mostly
because they have been taught to believe this condition only affects
men. Women, like I’ve already said, tend to exhibit lighter symptoms of
ADHD, mostly the inattentive type, unlike men who usually showcase
symptoms attributed mostly to behavior and tend to be more hyperactive
and impulsive. Women may find it hard to focus or pay attention to detail.
They may struggle to stay organized or even remember the simplest of
things. Active listening can also be a hard task for women with ADHD.
Instead of diagnosing women with ADHD, one might be perceived as
spacing out, chatty or forgetful. Once these women pluck up the courage to
reach out for help, they might even be diagnosed with anxiety or depression
instead.
If you have been told to fall silent or pull yourself together more times than
you can remember, you should probably stick around to read the rest of this.
If you have been told to be more punctual and stop misplacing things, or at
some point have secretly wondered if you have ADHD, you should stick
around too. If you have been to a professional only to be misdiagnosed or
feel like the treatment you are receiving is barely helping you, you would
probably benefit from keeping an eye out for the common signs and
symptoms you need to know about when it comes to suspecting ADHD.
The symptoms you detect must be present in two or more environments,
much like having two variables but consistent results. Most of these
symptoms would have been present in one’s childhood but overlooked the
entire time.
In this day and age, it is safe to say that many things are designed to get our
attention, like pop-up ads, billboards, and social media in general. If you
fall for these almost every time, it does not mean you do have ADHD, and
that is why you must also have more than just a handful of these
forthcoming symptoms and in different environments, to a point where it is
interfering with your daily routine. Your symptoms might include:

Failing to pay close attention to detail, making careless mistakes,

and producing inaccurate work or have been told to push through
and be less careless.
Finding it difficult to sustain attention during assigned tasks. You
may find yourself constantly writing notes during a lecture because
if you are not always engaging your senses, your mind will trail off.
Checking out of conversations unintentionally or finding it hard to
complete lengthy reading. Your mind may seem to be elsewhere
even in the absence of an obvious distraction, kind of like
daydreaming.
Finding it difficult to follow through on instructions, directions, or
some of the simplest of tasks like doing the laundry. You may get
easily side-tracked.
Finding difficulty in organizing tasks, activities, or belongings.
Poor time management and failure to meet deadlines- You might be
perceived as chronically late because you always assume you have
more time available than you actually have. You might have even
stood your friends up or picked up your kids late from school.
Avoiding or feeling reluctant to engage in tasks you know will
require sustained attention. You may find it hard to study or to
engage in a subject you are not interested in. Reviewing lengthy
articles or filling of forms can become a challenge.
Often losing or misplacing necessary things such as diaries, home
keys, wallet, or phones. Some might often find themselves trying to
be productive out of a cluttered desk or workstation.
Being easily distracted by external stimuli like background noises
while you struggle to concentrate on one particular task.
Forgetting to complete daily activities, like not returning calls or
overlooking daily appointments.
Seeming uneasy, fidgetting, or constantly tapping your finger or
feet.
Leaving your seat in inappropriate situations like during class or a
meeting
Climbing or running in inappropriate situations, mostly present in
children. It may be depicted as feeling restless in adults.
Being unable to engage in leisure activities such as yoga classes.
Meditating can be difficult to complete if you have ADHD. In cases
of children, they might be unable to play or engage in games with
their peers.
Often being perceived as always on the go and never easy-going.
You may find it hard to relax and always want to work on a million
things.
Talking excessively and being thought of as a chatterbox.
Babbling out answers before a question is even completed. You may
complete people’s sentences before they even finish. Although
people with ADHD may come across as rude when doing this, they
do this unintentionally.
Finding difficulty in waiting your turn in lines or queues.
Interrupting or intruding on others like butting in conversations,
games, or tasks.
Constantly feeling exhausted and overwhelmed.
Finding yourself constantly taking care of other people and their
duties and rarely taking care of yourself and your own needs.
Constantly comparing yourself with the people around you or your
idols on social media and often getting disappointed with the result.
This may make you feel inadequate or subpar. You may try to
overcompensate by striving to be more organized or be more put
together. This may result in other co-existing conditions like eating
disorders or sleep issues.
Having lower self-esteem levels than neurotypical women.
Experiencing more depression, anxiety, and stress when compared
to neurotypical women.
Becoming more emotionally oriented rather than task-oriented, like
coming across as overreacting, freaking out, or even freezing in
certain situations.
Finding it difficult to simply say ‘’No’’ and biting off more than you
can chew. You feel responsible for taking over new tasks, although
you are perfectly aware you already have so much on your plate and
would be better off refusing any more responsibilities.
Emotional dysregulation. Finding it hard to control or tolerate
frustration, be less patient, and finding it hard to plan or organize
oneself.
Feeling incompetent and unable to perform tasks others might
complete effortlessly.
Finding it hard to make the simplest of decisions and struggling
even more to make a final ruling for more important life decisions.
Finding it hard to hold a job or not getting in trouble at work, to
begin with.
Finding it hard to stay motivated to accomplish your set goals.
Finding it hard to follow a pre-set schedule that has been set out for
you. You would rather work late at night than having to start work
early in the morning like the rest of your co-workers.
Feeling psychologically distressed or inadequate.
Devoting a lot of time trying to look normal and fit in with the
norm.
Avoiding social events like attending parties because you feel shy or
find it difficult to interact or make new friends.
It may be hard to keep up friendships because social rules may seem
complicated to you or you have a hard time following them.
May fall behind with bills.
You tend to compensate for your shortcomings with expensive gifts.
If, for example, you forgot your best friend’s birthday, you buy them
an extravagant gift to make up for your forgetfulness.
Trips to the mall may give you a momentarily feel-good vibe, but
you often regret it when you realize how much you have spent.
A trip to the grocery store takes a toll on you because you find it
hard to decide which chocolate or pasta to buy.
Although you always spend more time at the grocery store than you
should, you still manage to walk out of there forgetting one item
you absolutely told yourself not to forget when you walked in there.
If your house is cluttered, you will be embarrassed when family and
friends come to visit you, rather than enjoying the time you have
with your loved ones.
You come across as a rebel because you do not fit the stereotypical
women figure in your society.
You feel like shutting down in the middle of the day.
Spending most of your day trying to cope or looking for things you
have misplaced.
You often feel like life, in general, is too much and find yourself
trying to constantly meet the demands of others.
You might have great ideas but fail to work on them, plan or
organize them.
You spend most of your energy trying to cope, stay organized and
hold things together without leaving anytime for relaxation.
 Chapter 4 :
How to diagnose ADHD in women

W omen with ADHD tend to have the inattentive type of this disorder,
as said before. There would be, of course, women who have the
hyperactive-impulsive type, which will get these women diagnosed earlier
in life as the symptoms they exhibit are more commonly associated with
ADHD. Imagine giving a woman the responsibility to take care of her
family and kids over and above the duties she has already been assigned,
like pursuing a career. They already struggle with organizing and taking
control over their life; any further duties would be too much. This places an
even bigger burden on women with ADHD, and they often come across as
the ones that do not perform well enough.
Like men, women with ADHD have issues self-regulating themselves and
often fall victim to peer pressure. They are more likely to experiment with
sex, alcohol, or drugs. Because symptoms of ADHD in women are more
subtle, they are often confused with personality traits. Young girls or female
adolescents might be less disruptive in school compared to boys, so their
condition may remain undetected. During puberty, young girls get increased
estrogen levels which consequently causes their ADHD symptoms to
worsen. Some girls may have never experienced or displayed symptoms of
ADHD until their adolescent years, making this a big contributor to late
diagnosis.
There is a strong link between ADHD and other conditions. There is no
arguing; ADHD places a mental strain on the sufferer, which may lead to
other disorders like anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, depression,
bipolar disorder, sleep disturbances, and eating disorders. Early diagnosis of
ADHD can substantially improve the lives of these women. Professionals
tend to get side-tracked by other co-existing conditions and fail to diagnose
the root cause of their symptoms.
Healthcare professionals can take various approaches to diagnose ADHD.
There is no right or wrong test for this, and often, a psychiatrist or a
therapist will diagnose you after a series of assessments. Guidelines ask
specialists to also consider the severity of the condition. This varies
depending on how it manifests itself over the course of a person’s life.
Clinicians may categorize ADHD intensity as mild, moderate, or severe.
Mild can mean that few symptoms are present, and these symptoms
minimally impair the sufferer in a social setting, at school, or at work.
Moderate ADHD means symptoms have a functional impairment and are
usually more powerful than those presented in mild cases of ADHD. Severe
ADHD can mean symptoms are present heavily and are highly interfere
with one’s life at work, in a relationship, at school, or at home. Individuals’
symptoms can diminish, improve, or take on new forms as they mature.
Adults that retain any but not all of the signs of childhood ADHD can be
diagnosed with ADHD in partial remission.
Diagnosing adult women with ADHD varies from diagnosing young
children, so is the diagnostic approach taken by clinicians. The specialist
gathers more information from you about your present symptoms. At
present, clinicians are guided to verify whether symptoms were present in
childhood; if otherwise, a confirmed diagnosis of ADHD cannot be given. If
this cannot be confirmed because someone may be unsure about signs and
symptoms present years ago, the specialist might want to review your
school records, speak to your previous teachers, and consult your parents or
guardians. For a definitive diagnosis to be made, one must display effects of
their symptoms during their day-to-day activities, such as dangerous
driving, underachieving at work or school, struggle to maintain friendships
and relationships. Questionnaires and psychological tests are also
performed by a specialist to help diagnose ADHD. At present, guidelines
indicate one must have at least five or more symptoms to be diagnosed with
ADHD, and these symptoms must interfere with their day-to-day living. In
adults, symptoms need to be traced back to childhood, and your therapist or
specialist will help you identify these issues from the past. In the clinic
room, you will also identify how often these symptoms appear and in which
settings do they often exhibit.
Because ADHD traits tend to be hereditary, some adults find out about their
own state of ADHD after their children get diagnosed. You may also be
subject to attention-span tests and other checklists. During the assessment,
it will be determined whether the sufferer has any co-occurring conditions
or if the symptoms mistaken for ADHD are being caused by another
disorder. Besides gathering additional information from others around you,
the clinician will perform a behavior-rating scale to help compare behaviors
of people with ADHD and others without. After gathering enough
information, it might be required to perform further tests based on the
results already achieved. A medical examination will also take place to rule
out any medical causes for the symptoms. Diagnosing ADHD can start with
a simple visit to your primary healthcare practitioner, although it will likely
not end there. As complex as it is, ADHD might be hard to diagnose if a
general practitioner is not trained enough or does not have the right tools to
help diagnose you. It is a first step in the right direction, and when outside
their capabilities, doctors often refer you to different specialists. Diagnosing
adults with ADHD can be trickier than diagnosing children because general
guidelines tend to be more targeted towards children rather than adults and
because symptoms in children may be more prominent.
A diagnosis in adult women is mostly made from the individual’s history,
but other methods may be used, such as continuous performance tests,
checking for impulsivity or attention problems, and brain scans. Social,
medical, and family history are all assessed during one-on-one
consultations with your clinician. This will help determine the challenges
you seem to face in your life and underlying medical conditions that may be
mistaken for symptoms of ADHD. Completing an ADHD rating scale test
will help determine whether an adult has ADHD and if they also have other
issues like learning disabilities, auditory disorders, or mood disorders.
These tests may take from a couple of hours to multiple days, depending on
the clinician’s approach and the extent of the condition. An intelligence test
may also be performed to test one’s IQ and help identify other learning
disabilities. If a mood disorder is suspected, a broad-spectrum scale test
may also be performed to help identify other emotional or psychiatric
problems such as obsessive-compulsive disorder. Depending on the
outcome of these tests, one might opt to perform other specific tests to test
abilities like motor skills or memory recall. Computer tests for ADHD are
also becoming a trend, primarily because sufferers enjoy taking them. These
will screen them for impulsivity and attention problems. Continuous
performance tests, known as CPT, challenge people to maintain attention
throughout. Targets will appear on the screen, and the users need to respond
to these targets. The system records their ability to stay on task.
It has been revealed that certain parts of the brain have different imagery,
with the help of Positron emission tomography (PET) scans, single-photon
emission computed tomography (SPECT) scans, and Magnetic resonance
imaging (MRI), than those suffering from ADHD when compared to those
that do not have ADHD. These scans are carried out to help monitor and
identify the brain’s activity and blood flow in certain parts of the brain.
This will reveal areas of the brain that function at normal levels, other areas
that work too hard, and others that do not work hard enough. Because every
part of the brain is responsible for different functions, these scans can help
pin down symptoms attributed to low or high activity of specific areas of
the brain that contribute to the overall diagnosis of ADHD. It is proven that
ADHD brains mature slower than neurotypical brains. This delay usually
occurs in the frontal lobe of the brain. This is responsible for impulse
control, focus, attention, and planning. When diagnosing ADHD, it is
important to look not only at behavior but also at how different parts of the
brain communicate with each other. Women with ADHD may also exhibit
symptoms related to behavior, cognitive issues, and motivational
functioning. Both brain structure and activity are important for ADHD
diagnoses. Another biological test used to diagnose ADHD is the
neuropsychiatric EEG-based assessment aid. This monitors the number and
type of brain waves nerve cells emit each second. ADHD brains tend to
have higher brain waves when compared to neurotypical brains. Getting a
high score on this test will not necessarily mean you have ADHD. It can
indicate you may have suffered head trauma in the past, substance abuse, or
auditory-related disorders. This test is not the sole testing tool for ADHD,
but it can be used alongside other clinical tests and examinations.

Diagnosing ADHD is purely based on a clinical evaluation as there are no

laboratory-based tests that will help diagnose ADHD, such as blood tests.
Different physicians can have different approaches to diagnosing ADHD,
and this can depend on their resources and their preferred methods.
All in all, taking the first step in the right direction, as I’ve said previously,
is what matters the most. Seeing your trusted practitioner is all it takes to
get you started and eventually getting you the help you need.
 Chapter 5:
What Happens to Women with ADHD Left
Undiagnosed?

M issing a diagnosis for any condition can be devastating for one’s

physical and mental health, including ADHD. By now, we have
very well established why and how women are mostly undiagnosed or
misdiagnosed with ADHD more often than men. Women will get a
diagnosis mostly when they enter adulthood and start taking up heavier
responsibilities like running a family or working a career. This may result in
frequent trips to the psychiatrist, only to be told they have depression or
anxiety and be treated for these conditions; however, they would notice that
the problem remains.
Women with undiagnosed ADHD tend to have different manifestations than
men, such as eating disorders, anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem, as
extensively discussed. The inattentive type of undiagnosed ADHD in
women can result in teen pregnancy, higher rates of dropouts in school, and
a higher risk of getting fired from their job. Undiagnosed women may be
prone to more frequent career changes. If you have been misdiagnosed with
ADHD or not diagnosed at all, you may tend to let your bills go unpaid and
not running errands properly. A series of these events leave women feeling
disappointed because they are not completing tasks as expected of them.
Women with undiagnosed ADHD may experience rejection-sensitive
dysphoria, also known as RSD. This is an emotional sensitivity and pain
usually triggering a notion of rejection and criticism caused by the most
important people in one’s life. This can also be caused by a sense of failing
to meet expectations or unable to fulfill standards either imposed on oneself
or imposed by others. This does not mean that ADHD sufferers with RSD
are too sensitive or unable to handle criticism but rather have an amplified
emotional response compared to people without this condition. No one likes
criticism or that feeling of rejection; however, people with ADHD and RSD
have a more severe reaction to criticism, and this may highly impair their
lives. Because the emotional response of RSD is internalized, it will often
be portrayed as a mood disorder, with occasional suicidal ideation. Think of
someone who is feeling perfectly fine at a given moment and immensely
sad in the next. This results in diagnosing individuals with cycling mood
disorders rather than ADHD. It might take time for clinicians to make a
correct and accurate diagnosis in these instances because RSD is very
common in adults with ADHD. This emotional response can also be
externalized, often seeming like instant rage towards the person responsible
for causing such emotional pain.
RSD in women with ADHD may make sufferers anticipate rejection even
when it is not likely to happen. They may also be on the lookout for
avoiding such feelings all together resulting in social phobia. Women with
ADHD who also experience RSD may describe this feeling as
overwhelming and often triggered by fear of loss, approval, and love from
others around them. Women with undiagnosed ADHD may cope with this
differently, but it mainly boils down to two ways. They may become
people-pleasers and present a false version of themselves, hoping to feel
accepted and be liked by those around them. This may become such a big
focus of their lives that they forget what they wanted for themselves,
causing them to overachieve and doing so at their own emotional and
physical expense. On the other extreme, they may stop trying altogether.
The notion of trying and possibly failing would be too risky for them, so
they stop making an effort. They avoid activities that can provoke anxiety
and stay away from applying for new jobs or career changes, dating, or
speaking in public. When women as young girls are constantly told they are
dumb, stupid, not good enough, and daydreaming too much, they tend to
get into a vicious circle of a negative thought pattern. They eventually start
believing what they are told. Girls with undiagnosed ADHD tend to receive
much more criticism in their childhood than neurotypical girls. Hearing
these adjectives too many times may cause you to clip your proverbial
wings. This may manifest as fear of going forward in careers or making
life-changing decisions later on.
Women whose ADHD goes undiagnosed may also experience emotional
dysregulation. This may manifest itself in both sexes and in different ways.
One way is getting easily irritated and having a minuscule emotional
threshold. Anything can set them off, and they get upset with the smallest of
things. Certain information may rub them the wrong way. Most women
with ADHD may also be introverts, leaving them to feel trapped by the
circumstances that they are in and bottle up their emotions. They would
often feel they are invisible to others. Although they might commit to
something they love or enjoy doing, that feeling at the back of their mind
will still lure them into perceiving themselves as losers and good-for-
nothing. Keep in mind, these young women would have been called names
throughout their childhood because their symptoms and behaviors were
misconceived.
Women with undiagnosed ADHD can often experience executive
dysfunction. Executive function is a set of skills used to perform tasks such
as paying attention, remembering information, and multitasking.
Neurotypical individuals use these skills to plan, organize, pay attention,
and manage their time effectively. These skills start developing from the
ripe age of two and continue to fully evolve till the age of thirty. These
skills are important in daily life and at the workplace. Executive
dysfunction will make it harder for the individual to follow through on
plans, remember things, abide by complex or detailed instructions, and
execute a project or a task they have been assigned. Women with ADHD
who also have executive dysfunction may misplace things, struggle with
their time management, be unable or struggle to organize schedules and
sticking to them, struggle with dealing with setbacks and frustration, and be
unable to self-monitor emotions or behavior. This weakness in your brain’s
self-management system means that your day-to-day tasks will be affected.
This will mean that errands or things around the house may not get done as
often as they should or sometimes not at all. It can sometimes be the case
that important things one needs to prioritize will often get put aside for
much less important things. The latter might be something the sufferer finds
much more fun and engaging, consequently resulting in the release of
dopamine in the brain. Dopamine is a chemical produced by the body and
used by your nervous system. Dopamine plays a role in the way we feel,
and it affects moods and feelings of motivation and rewards. Because it
helps us feel pleasure, it helps us find things that are interesting to us.
Dopamine plays an even bigger role in mental health. Lack of dopamine
levels will cause a lack of motivation and desire. ADHD itself may be
exacerbated by a shortage of dopamine levels.
Let’s look into the “hyper-focus” aspect of ADHD. Women with
undiagnosed ADHD may also experience hyper-focus and essentially fixate
on things or activities they love. This fixation may go on for extended
periods, even blocking other things. This can be a positive attribute of
ADHD if you think of it as persistence in striving at a particular task to
excel in it. The issue with hyper-focus is that people with ADHD do not
concentrate on one thing at a time, kind of like neurotypical individuals
would do for their hobbies, for example. The issue arises when they hyper-
focus on many things, moving from one thing to the next, leaving a lot of
unfinished projects that will often never get done. Alternatively, hyper-
focusing on a single task and ignoring the rest of the things you should be
paying attention to may also pose an issue. When women with ADHD fix
their attention on one task, it does not necessarily mean that that task is
important or is the actual task they should be devoting most of their energy
and time to. For them, that is what interests them, and they become
oblivious to the rest of their surroundings, all the while ignoring other
responsibilities. If you fixate on video games or online shopping, then yes,
it might pose an issue. This may result in a lack of productivity at work,
failed relationships, or setbacks in education.
Undiagnosed women with the inattentive type of ADHD still experience
hyperactivity, but not as you would imagine young boys to be, jumping off
walls. They experience the same feeling bottled up inside, leaving their
brains constantly going. This results in sleep disturbances, causing them to
focus on subtle sounds around them, like that bird outside their window or
the humming sound of the refrigerator. Adult women with ADHD may still
face difficulty paying attention, be impulsive or feel restless. Daily tasks
can be a challenge for women with ADHD and hyperactivity. They may
miss deadlines or forget meetings. They may struggle to wait in line or wait
their turn. This may result in mood swings or occasional outbursts of anger.
They may have a hot temper or low tolerance to frustration. They will
overall have trouble coping with stress. On top of this, they will also have
to deal with whatever emotions they have going on at that moment.
Teens with ADHD face a unique set of challenges. Academic and personal
expectations escalate during these years. Around the same time, these
children struggle with common teenage problems such as exploring
sexuality, gaining individuality, dealing with social pressure, and the
difficulties of driving.
In a nutshell, this can be described as feelings and emotions that never
switch off, making you constantly distracted and unable to focus. This
might contribute to not getting much done at the end of it all. Neurodiverse
people will thrive in the right environment and when surrounded by the
right support system. Taking entrepreneurs as an example, people with
ADHD tend to be self-employed or entrepreneurs. Many adults with ADHD
opt to be self-employed because they tend to be more creative and have an
entrepreneurial spirit. Others may struggle with getting or holding a job.
Being their own boss will give them a more flexible schedule and may
allow them to delegate tasks they are not so good at completing themselves.
Although self-employment or entrepreneurship will present its set of
challenges, it may provide the right flexibility for women with ADHD. We
will look more into job opportunities in a later chapter.
 Chapter 6:
Gender Differences in ADHD: Why Women
Struggle More

D iagnostic principles that have been based on studies in men and an

inadequate understanding of symptoms in females means females
experience different pathways than boys and men with ADHD. This
discrepancy results in a lack of understanding for women with this
condition. There is no male or female type of ADHD, although women tend
to exhibit traits of one of the subgroups of ADHD more than the others, the
inattentive type. The more science learns about ADHD and its differences in
men and women, the lesser the gap in its diagnosis. The inattentive form of
ADHD is most common in girls, and since it has more internalized
symptoms, it often goes unnoticed. Science and research have a lot of
information on ADHD and its symptoms; however, this information is more
based on boys than girls. Because there is ample information about the
topic, it often gives us the notion of knowing enough about it; however, it is
not the case at all in women with ADHD. Unlike men, women tend to also
get comorbid disorders that show up at the same time as ADHD. This will
often divert clinicians from diagnosing ADHD itself. Comorbid disorders
could be personality disorders, eating disorders, and substance use.

During puberty, girls will have an exacerbation of symptoms associated

with ADHD because of the drop in hormone levels. They would have lower
estrogen levels that will, in turn, trigger more irritability, mood disruption,
sleep disturbances, and concentration issues. Young women with ADHD
have lower levels of self-efficacy and poorly cope with general life
situations. Whilst physical aggression and other externalized behaviors tend
to be higher in men and boys, depression and anxiety are higher in girls.
Men will show external frustration while women will direct their pain and
anger inwards. Women with undiagnosed ADHD are at a higher risk of
experiencing problems in school, social setups, and relationships than
neurotypical girls. Men with ADHD would typically be more
hypersensitive, are unable to concentrate, and tend to change jobs more
frequently. Women with ADHD will note psychological distress, low self-
esteem, and feelings of incapacity. Women with ADHD will likely face
time-management challenges, disorganization, overwhelm, struggle with
money management alongside a history of anxiety and depression. Women
with ADHD tend to suffer from separation anxiety disorder, also known as
SAD, while men will be more likely to have opposition- defiant disorder.
SAD is a disorder characterized by anxiety where one experiences
excessively concerning levels of separation from home or individuals with
whom they hold a strong connection. This will have them feeling extremely
sad and have difficulty focusing when away from the people they love or
away from their comfortable environment. Opposition defiant disorder, also
known as ODD, is more characterized by repeated patterns of irritability,
anger, arguing, and maliciousness. People suffering from ODD easily and
often lose their temper and are often resentful. They may refuse to comply
with rules or obey authoritative bodies. The fact that women often
experience SAD and men experience ODD is greatly influenced by gender
roles and societal expectations.

While women with ADHD may experience some of the same symptoms
experienced by their male counterparts, women still have to endeavor under
the imposed burden and restrictions imposed on gender roles. They have to
deal with fluctuating hormones, unlike men, resulting in a higher tendency
to self-doubt and self-harm. Although at face value, women and men with
ADHD may display similar symptoms, in the long-term, women will face
conclusively different fallouts. As a practical example, if a female with
ADHD is disorganized and forgetful to the point where if she forgets to pick
up her children from school, she may be perceived as lacking motherly
instincts and disregarding her duties as a mother. A man will be more
accepted in society to be disorganized and forgetful primarily because
women are “assigned” to be homemakers. They are the ones expected to set
appointments, take care of the house chores and the children. If a mother is
is late to her child’s first school play, it may be easily mistaken for her
disordered life. Women may still try hard to hide these flaws and may be
afraid to ask for help. They will often end up doubting themselves and back
off when their integrity is questioned.

Women might feel that fitting in and conforming is the road to acceptance.
Women with ADHD are constantly facing unpredictable feelings and
emotions. Already anxious, they conclude that they do not deserve a support
system because they are their own support system or should be. Due to the
societal roles imposed on them, women will often point fingers at
themselves for being too distracted and unable to cope with the daily
responsibilities. They might allow their flaws like lack of motivation and
disorganization to define who they are. Because they often self-criticize,
they usually expect to be criticized by others. When women with ADHD
lack support from their family members, they often direct their frustrations
into outbursts intended for their other halves or children. Following such
episodes of outbursts, they often end up feeling demoralized and regretful.
When their ADHD is left undiagnosed, they will not attribute these episodes
to their condition but rather blame it on their damaged character.
Hormone levels in women drop during the premenstrual phase leading to
more enhanced ADHD symptoms. Low estrogen levels can trigger more
irritability. This can all affect their concentration and sleep patterns. These
signs and symptoms are similar to those of premenstrual dysphoric disorder,
also known as PMDD. PMDD causes severe irritability, depression, and
anxiety around two weeks before their menstrual cycle. These symptoms
may subside two or three days after the period starts. It is more likely for a
woman to be diagnosed with PMDD than ADHD, as the underlying
symptoms of these two conditions are very similar and sometimes
interchangeable. Women with ADHD are more prone to have hormone-
related disorders such as PMDD or post-partum depression, for example.
When estrogen levels decrease during menopause, women experience
heightened symptoms of ADHD. During menopause, a woman may already
be experiencing sleep disturbances, age-related cognitive changes such as
slow processing of information and memory changes, and confusion. This
intensifies her ADHD symptoms during menopause.

Women with ADHD rely heavily on their intelligence to compensate for

their flaws, all the while struggling to maintain focus. This makes them
question their abilities overall. Succeeding can require bigger portions of
their energy and time. They often compare themselves to others who always
seem to achieve more than them effortlessly. They are forced to self-
monitor continuously and strive for perfection. They can spend most of
their time preparing obsessively, and if they overlook minor details, they
beat themselves up, making themselves feel unworthy of love and
compassion.

Undiagnosed ADHD may not only take an emotional toll but also a physical
one. Women with ADHD tend to complain of nausea, headaches, have
irregular eating patterns, and may have higher BMI, also known as body
mass index. They are more prone to fall for compulsive shopping and
gambling. Because women with undiagnosed ADHD may have experienced
early physical or sexual abuse, they may also have post-traumatic stress
disorder knowns as PTSD. A consolidation of these comorbid issues may
create an even more complex picture for clinicians.

If ADHD is left untreated in girls, it will go on to affect them at a later stage

in life. Women, as we know, would be given greater responsibilities as they
grow older and get a career or form families. Their low self-esteem will not
allow them to put their needs first. They may postpone their regular check-
ups and try to function with low amounts of sleep. They often depend on
medication to treat their anxiety, chronic pain, disruptive sleep patterns, and
depression. They may also self-medicate with drugs or alcohol. Although
women might seem less symptomatic as they grow older, it does not
necessarily mean they are suffering less. They may distance themselves
from others in the hope of masking their despair. As they might feel
unworthy, they may accept to endure physical or emotional abuse in an
unhealthy relationship. Enduring an abusive relationship coupled with
impulsivity, they are more likely to resort to self-harm than men.
Undiagnosed women with ADHD are at a higher risk of suicidal thoughts
and attempts and are likely to die earlier than men of unnatural causes, such
as accidents.

The disastrous combination of internalized symptoms, hormonal changes,

and societal pressure creates a series of stressors exclusive to females with
ADHD. Women with ADHD can perceive their negative experiences more
agonizingly than men. They are more likely to struggle with low self-
esteem than men and feel lucky if things turn out well for them instead of
praising themselves for a job well done. If we take the experiences of men
with ADHD as a standard, we will fail to understand women with ADHD
and how to diagnose them altogether. It may be more helpful to equate
women with ADHD to women who do not have the disorder because this
analysis can be done based on one variable, the condition. If men and
women with ADHD are compared, you are more likely to miss traits in
women because, as already established, women’s symptoms exhibit
themselves differently than that of men’s.
 Chapter 7:
ADHD and Relationships

A DHD can be detrimental to relationships if both the sufferer and the

partner are not appreciative and understanding of this condition. All
the symptoms of ADHD like distraction, procrastination, forgetfulness, and
fixation can cause havoc in the relationship, often leading to its termination.
Symptoms of ADHD may cause frustration, anger, and hurt to both parties.

Because people with ADHD tend to suffer from executive dysfunction, they
may often show up late for dates or meetings with their other half. This may
come across as disrespectful to the other party and may be misinterpreted
for lack of interest. People with ADHD tend to be forgetful and misplace
things often, including personal belongings. If you text your partner, who
suffers from ADHD, and do not hear back from them for a day or so, they
probably forgot to respond to your text or call unintentionally, and they
might have misplaced their phone. People with ADHD also suffer from
sleep issues, so they might lack sleep or sleep too much. So, if you texted
them to see where they wish to go for dinner and they are yet to reply, they
could be napping. If you have ADHD and spend a big portion of your time
looking for your wallet, keys, or phone, it is not because you are
disorganized or a mess; it is probably because of your neurodiversity. The
one suffering from ADHD may start avoiding their neurotypical partners as
much as possible to avoid being criticized.

If your partner is the one suffering from ADHD, you may see them doing
the same. Certain behaviors may not bother someone whilst dating, but in a
long-term relationship, their actions will reflect their interest in the
relationship and wherever it is headed. This can often lead to failed
relationships and frequent break-ups. It is important to bear in mind that the
behavior of an ADHD individual is not a reflection of how they feel about
their other half or the relationship itself, but rather, symptoms of ADHD.
Instead of blaming their partners for what seems to be the lack of skills, one
should be more aware of their behavior and work on accepting the
challenges someone with ADHD would experience.

Dating someone with ADHD can, in the beginning, be fun, instinctive, and
exciting. For a long-term relationship to work out, there needs to be mutual
understanding and willingness. Remind your partner that they should not
take your behavior personally because you probably do not intend to act the
way you do and that you are harmless. Your neurotypical partner can feel
devalued when you space out during a conversation, remind them that it is
not intentional. Missing important details or committing to plans you forget
or cannot honor later will make your partner feel ignored but making them
aware of you and your condition should get them to understand your good
intentions.

Inattention caused by ADHD in a relationship does not only mean losing

stuff or spacing out during a conversation, but it can also mean getting
bored. Boredom may be far more damaging to a relationship than
misplacing your stuff.

People with ADHD look for things that are of personal interest and are
challenging to them. They engage in new things, and ideally, these new
challenging things have deadlines. All these factors contribute to firing up
the dopamine levels in the brain. At the beginning of a relationship, the first
three factors would all be present, making a relationship a new and
challenging commitment, which all started because of the interest you had
in each other. At the start of the relationship, people with ADHD can barely
think about anything else except for this new commitment. All the attention
and energy are lavished on their partner. As time goes by, the relationship
may not be as stimulating as it was in the beginning, and people with a
neurodiverse brain will shift their focus to ways to keep having fun with the
hope to fire up their dopamine levels again. By this time, the non-ADHD
partner would have gotten used to all the care and attention they were
receiving, and as you can imagine, it will not feel good to them when you
pull away. They may take it personally and might think you do not love
them anymore. Before you start shifting to other things that will give you
that dopamine kick, neurodiverse brains will do their best to preserve the
relationship because they got hooked on the exclusive attention they
received in the beginning. They can pretend everything is perfect in a
relationship, even when it is obvious it is not. They want to preserve what is
making them feel so good. If and once they realize that the relationship is
not perfect, they may want to change the other person to protect it. In some
instances, if boredom takes over, the ADHD partner may also turn to
cheating and hope they do not hurt their partner and at the same time keep
up the relationship whilst getting the high they need. With cheating comes
lying; neurotypical individuals may lie to the other half with the same intent
to keep up the relationship and avoid hurting the other.

Because people with ADHD tend to hyper-focus on all things of interest,

they may go too fast at the beginning and push the relationship too fast too
soon. This will give them the thrill of something new in their lives. Both
parties in the relationship will get stuck in this cycle and might be a little
hard to avoid altogether. Honesty is the best policy here. You must be
honest with yourself and others. You must be honest about your needs and
wants, your views, and what you want out of this. Achieving this might be a
struggle if there isn’t effective communication. It must be understood that
two weeks in the relationship will not give either of the partners enough
information to determine whether they are the perfect match for each other.
Two years down the line, the relationship will probably not be so exciting
and euphoric as it was in the beginning. Nonetheless, it will be very hard to
sustain the same excitement as two years prior. If you are in the relationship
for the dopamine high, you need to understand that this will someday end,
and the other person will still be there.

If you are honest with each other and know where you stand, it will become
less challenging because, although you will have to work out solutions to
make it work for both of you, you will be working towards previously
discussed goals. You will only get involved with people that are interested
in you and vice versa. With constructive and open communication, you will
constantly reinvent yourselves and the relationship. This creates a deeper
connection between the parties, making it even more interesting. If you feel
emotionally charged at any given moment, it is best if you take a break and
walk away. Come back only when you are ready to really listen to each
other and work together to identify the root problem. It is important to not
bottle up emotions but rather deal with them as they come. It is important to
watch what you say, although this may be challenging if you are impulsive.
Adding a little humor to the situation will lighten things up. Going in with
the right mindset of listening to understand will completely reshape your
perspective on issues.

This advice is for your partner: To help with communication in a

relationship when one of the partners has ADHD, it will help if there are
fixed times for discussions, so they are aware of the plans and are able to
follow through a lot easier. It also helps to set up external reminders like
whiteboards or sticky notes. Since people with ADHD get easily distracted,
it is best if clutter is avoided around the house to help them stay focused. If
you want to verify whether your partner with ADHD understood what you
said, you can ask them to repeat the requests. Once this harmony is
achieved, neurotypical brains can stop worrying about ending it, finding, or
trying to save the relationship. This will enable people with ADHD to look
for other things they can hyper-focus on other than the relationship and will
be in it for their partner. Establishing the right support system in a
relationship is essential to keep the relationship going. It is important to be
compassionate and try to find the good in your partner.

It is understandable to mess up at times, and if both partners are fully

invested and aware of each other, it will work out. One must work hard to
prevent the relationship from becoming a co-dependent one, where only one
partner is trying to make the relationship work. Make sure that duties and
responsibilities are divided, and one party is not picking up too much slack
for the other. It is understandable for tasks to be assigned to whoever does
them best. People with ADHD may feel like they lack some skills and will
feel more at ease to have certain tasks done by their other half. If the load is
divided equally and one does not feel more invested than the other, it should
work out just fine. Some of the simplest of tasks like chores can be difficult
for people with ADHD to complete, not because they find them physically
hard but because they are tedious duties that do not strike any interest in
them. It will be very beneficial for the person with ADHD to received clear
instructions regarding priorities and get help completing the most important
tasks. Remember, it is very easy for neurodiverse brains to get side-tracked
by the less important things if it is interesting to them. Hiring help at home
or a professional organizer can help ease the load on the relationship. Most
often than not, the issue with a relationship where one of the partners is
neurodiverse is misunderstanding and misinterpreting actions and intents.
Couple therapy can also be beneficial even though things might not seem to
be going bad. It is suggested that this state is avoided altogether, and even if
there are no serious or threatening issues you wish to address at any given
time, therapy will help you learn effective communication.

Lastly, it is important to never look at the neurodiverse partner and see them
as a burden or a duty, but rather think of it as having a partner who is trying
to accommodate one’s needs, but their condition gets in the way of that.
There are ways of overcoming this, and working together is where it all
starts.
 Chapter 8 :
ADHD and Motivation

M
otivation is inconsistent in people with ADHD. When they focus
their attention on certain tasks, they manage to complete them
easily but struggle to find the spark to start others. From the
neurotypical perspective, people who manage to focus on one task should
be able to focus on every task in the same way. This can come across as a
lack of willpower and just being lazy. This is not a willpower issue but a
problem in the chemical dynamics of the brain. The process by which their
perception and consciousness change towards things they find interesting is
not voluntary. ADHDers can struggle with their working memory for
prioritizing duties step by step. Emotions are a powerful and critical aspect
of motivation. Emotions play an important role in executive functions like
initiation, prioritization, maintaining or shifting interest, holding logic in
memory, and picking tasks or avoiding them. The brain responds to the
intensity of emotions relating to memories. Executive functions are not only
driven by conscious feelings but also by unconscious ones. These
unconscious emotions cause one to act inconsistently. Usually, this process
leads to failure to complete tasks, disengage from actions altogether, or
doubt if a task is completed. Someone with ADHD may want to complete
the task and want to give it their full attention; however, they do not manage
to act upon it. They will continue to procrastinate and put it off. ADHDers
seek distraction and spend their time on less important things.

Individuals with ADHD have been shown to have consistently insufficient

release and reloading of the neurotransmitter dopamine at synaptic
junctions of neurons in the executive function networks. Stimulant
medication may only work for tasks that the individual is interested in. If
someone with ADHD, under stimulant medication, is presented with a task
that interests them, then the stimulant medication will take hyper-focusing
to another level during such tasks. This would usually be because that task
has brought a positive feeling to the individual, or they recall positive
memories when performing said task. Someone who has been postponing
tasks till the very last minute, something people with ADHD tend to do,
works better under pressure because they fear an unpleasant situation like
missing a deadline. This fear increases dopamine release in the brain
instantly and can help the individual maintain focus and interest to complete
the task.

Working memory is another issue present in people with ADHD, and this is
required to prioritize tasks one at a time according to their importance.
People with larger working memory can deal with emotions, whether
positive or negative ones. People with ADHD struggle to link memories to
tasks abruptly and may find it difficult to see the complete picture. Think of
someone watching a game through binoculars. They focus on the action and
fail to see the rest of the court and what is happening around it.

Parents with ADHD, for instance, may struggle to express anger or scold
their kids without making a scene. When neurotypical parents feel rage is
taking over their emotions, their working memory helps them to remember
their love towards their kids, and they calmly tell their kids what they did
was wrong.

These are ways people with ADHD can overcome their lack of motivation:

1. Celebrate small milestones. Try incorporating things that can feel

rewarding during the day and give this priority. Make sure you do
 not just focus on work but also include creative tasks that you enjoy
doing. You can make a small list of things you can do to celebrate
when you have completed small tasks. Set rewards for when the
small tasks are completed so you can have something to look
forward to. Try sticking to small but frequent rewards rather than
far-fetched ones; otherwise, you can get discouraged.

2. Remove uncertainty in your life. Try conquering your lack of

motivation by sounding more certain in your decisions. Avoiding
using ‘should’ instead of ‘must’ for things you know you have to do.
Try finding the little positive things in the tasks you avoid doing.
Although you hate doing the laundry, try keeping in mind that once
your laundry baskets are empty and your clothes are organized, you
feel accomplished and motivated, and you can’t get this feeling
unless you do the laundry.

3. Be creative. If you have been assigned a task or know you have to

complete a chore, try to think of creative ways you can complete
this task, and if someone else can do it better than you do not be
afraid to assign it to them, in exchange for a task you like doing. If
you do not have this luxury, you can always outsource your tasks,
like getting a housekeeper every so often to help you clean the
house if you dread doing it alone or avoid it altogether.

4. Customizing tasks according to your interests. If you must complete

this task and no one else can do it on your behalf, try to change the
process according to your needs. You do not have to complete a task
according to what everyone else does or using their methods. These
will probably not work for you. If you struggle to complete your
grocery list because you get distracted during peak hours, try going
 later during the day or meet up with a friend and turn this into an
outing.

5. Make the process exciting for you. Make sure you treat yourself
when you complete the task and try setting a timer if you work
better under pressure. If the task feels overwhelming, try planning
ahead of time so you can divide it into different milestones. You can
find it easier to complete simpler tasks and can reward yourself as
you go along.

Make sure you identify what excites and recharges you; otherwise, you will
not know what tasks you are willing to complete and those you dread. If
you have set limitations for yourself because of past failures, make sure you
identify these instances and, if needed, speak to a therapist. Ensure you
always know who the second-best option is to complete the task on your
behalf and know you need to be willing to exchange tasks. Try recalling a
time when you managed to complete the task and identify the differences
between then and now. Try bringing back some of those elements into the
present situation to help you complete the task or at least find the
motivation to start. Do not be afraid to divide the tasks into smaller ones
and find whatever works for you. Identify your strengths and let go of
negative self-talk that hinders your ability to complete tasks and motivate
yourself. Identify why that task is meaningful or important for you. This
way you will be encouraged to see the bigger picture. Find the best time to
start the task, ideally not too close to its deadline. Identify what support you
have or need to complete this task, and if those around you are aware of
your ADHD and can assist or help facilitate the process for you, do not
hesitate to ask for their help. Identify the obstacles you have and try to
eliminate most of them. Finally, make sure you find creative ways to
complete your goals because otherwise, the process of completing them will
be a treacherous one.

Adults and children with ADHD are often stereotyped as unmotivated, lazy,
or even apathetic. These derogatory labels are both unjust and harmful.
Understanding these impairments is essential to address widespread
misconceptions about ADHD. Neurodiverse brains can describe their lack
of motivation to complete or initiate a task as almost paralysis. This feeling
of helplessness can easily lead to feelings of overwhelm, procrastination,
and avoidance, which can lead to productivity issues. Neurotypical brains
can often become frustrated and confused by people with ADHD who are
unable to perform well when a task is tedious and monotonous. It is not a
matter of not knowing what to do, but people with ADHD can start the task
and struggle to complete it. If a task is repetitive, it can make someone with
ADHD feel frustrated and demotivated.

If the people around you struggle to understand your motivation and your
lack of it in different scenarios, try explaining to them that you experience a
disconnect between your intentions and goals. If they think this can simply
be hurdled by inspiration, motivation, and self-discipline, explain that you
may have had instances where you completed this task without issue, but
the reason you are struggling now is not laziness. Neurotypical brains can
struggle with lengthy, repetitive, and boring tasks. Urgent and novel things
will strike a motivation in you like no other, especially if it interests you.
Working under pressure or with urgency can give you a dopamine kick and
get you working on your task. Stimulating and engaging activities are
things you know you can complete if you have ADHD. Seeking stimulation
via medication or exercise is not a luxury for people with ADHD but a
necessity. If your superiors at work know you have ADHD, you may ask
them to create different deadlines before the major one to help you submit
minor parts of the project and to help you avoid procrastinating till the very
last minute to complete a project. If you are in school, try asking your
teacher for mini-deadlines for drafts of your assignment or otherwise find a
close friend who can keep you accountable. Having someone to answer to
can encourage you to keep up with deadlines. If you often feel ashamed to
have people over because your house is always a mess, try inviting your
friends over, so you are bound to clear the clutter and organize your space
for when guests come over.

If you have taken up hobbies, you must understand that whatever feels
interesting now may no longer be in a few months, and that is fine. You
may have a list of things you enjoy doing, and if you are fed up with some,
you can have a list to chose from but know you can always go back to
playing that old guitar of yours whenever the motivation is rekindled.
 Chapter 9:
ADHD and Social Skills

I
mpulsive, disorganized, violent, overly sensitive, intense, emotional, or
destructive actions are common perceptions in people with ADHD. Their
relationships with others in their social world, parents, siblings, teachers,
colleagues, co-workers, and spouses or partners, are often marred by
confusion and miscommunication. The ability to self-regulate one's
behavior and reactions toward others is impaired in people with ADHD.
Relationships may become unnecessarily strained and unstable because of
this. As a result of their inattention, impulsivity, and hyperactivity, people
with ADHD often face social challenges, social rejection, and interpersonal
relationship issues. Emotional pain and suffering are caused by such
negative interpersonal outcomes. They tend to play a role in the
development of comorbid mood and anxiety disorders as well.

To interact viably with others, an individual should be mindful and ready to

control indiscreet practices. Grown-ups with ADHD are frequently
unmindful and careless and regularly need reminders to control their
behavior. Since ADHD is an "undetectable incapacity," often unnoticed by
the individuals who might be new to the problem, socially unseemly
practices that are the side effects of ADHD are frequently attributed to
different causes. That is, individuals regularly see these practices and the
person who submits them as inconsiderate, conceited, untrustworthy,
apathetic, uncouth, and many other adverse character attributes. Over time,
such negative marks lead to social dismissal of the person with ADHD.
Social dismissal causes enthusiastic torment in the existence of many
youngsters and grown-ups who have ADHD and can cause destruction and
lower confidence levels for the duration of their life. In a relationship,
improper social conduct may outrage the companion without ADHD, who
may in the long run "wear out" and abandon the relationship or marriage.
Educating people with ADHD, significant others, and their companions
about ADHD and how it influences their social abilities and relational
practices can help mitigate a large part of the contention and fault.
Simultaneously, the person with ADHD needs to learn procedures to
become as capable and conceivable in a social environment, so effort needs
to go both ways. With appropriate appraisal, treatment, and training, people
with ADHD can figure out how to communicate with others viably such
that it improves their public image.

Observing people, copying their actions, practicing, and receiving input are
common ways to learn social skills. They may grasp what is proper yet
come up short in general on social expectations. Shockingly, as grown-ups,
they regularly acknowledge "something" is missing yet are never fully sure
what that "something" might be. Social acknowledgment can be seen as
going up or down. People who show proper social abilities are compensated
with more acknowledgment from those they socialize with and are
encouraged to utilize their friendly abilities. For those with ADHD, the
winding regularly goes the other way. Their absence of social abilities
prompts peer dismissal, limiting the freedom to master social skills, which
prompts more dismissal, and the cycle goes on. Social discipline
incorporates dismissal, evasion, and other more obvious methods for
displaying one's objection towards someone else. Note that individuals do
not frequently tell the offender the reason for the social infringement.
Calling attention to a social mistake is frequently considered socially
unacceptable. Hence, individuals are almost always left all alone to attempt
to improve their social abilities without seeing precisely what aspects need
improvement because there is no feedback from others.

Try to be more observant of your environment and mindful of other

people’s actions. Make sure you notice other’s body language, tone of
voice, and behavior. Do not avoid eye contact but rather maintain it. Give
enough importance to other people’s choice of words as that can translate
into what they want to say. For example, if they say they would love to do
something, they probably want to do it. Be attentive to actions because they
speak louder than words. If they say one thing and do another, believe their
actions because they are more reliable and reveal their true self. If you have
someone around you that you trust, and they know about your ADHD, try
telling them about your perceptions and see if you are on the same page. Do
not be afraid to ask for various perspectives from different people. Someone
with ADHD can be engaged in a conversation and miss the main point of
the conversation. If they ask again to verify or gather what they have
missed, they are often perceived as inattentive and missing out on details
intentionally, when this is not the case. Repeating information can be
frustrating for the other party. People with ADHD can struggle with
translating communication adequately enough for them to understand it, let
alone reading between the lines. This can pose an issue because what is said
is not always what is meant, so ADHDers can often miss the message
implied by the other parties.

Impulsivity adversely influences social connections since others may credit

imprudent words or activities to the absence of really focusing or respecting
others. The inability to pause and think first regularly destroys social
results. Rushed activities can likewise challenge people with ADHD and
have them acting before thoroughly considering their conduct. Settling on
choices dependent on an "at the time" attitude regularly prompts a helpless
dynamic. Those with ADHD regularly end up baited off task by something
seriously welcoming. Indiscreet shifting from one task can incorporate
taking crazy risks, inability to read or plan for school or business-related
activities, stopping occupations, settling on choices to move, monetary
overspending, and surprisingly forceful activities, like hitting others or
tossing things. Quick and over-the-top discourse can likewise be an
indication of impulsivity. The quick-fire discourse of a person with ADHD
pretty much rules out other people who should participate in the discussion.
Physical hyperactivity can make it difficult to participate in recreational
activities. Others can view a person's inability to sit still and focus during
concerts, religious activities, lectures, or even holidays as a lack of care or
consideration on the part of the person with ADHD. Furthermore, the
inability to be attentive makes others feel unattended.

During an ADHD assessment, the physician takes into consideration the

individual’s social skills and can ask for a report from the ADHDer and
their spouses or partners for confirmation.

These reports can often include the following incidents:

Paying attention when spoken to is difficult and often misses vital

details.
Appears to be unconcerned with others.
Taking turns in conversation is difficult.
Tendency to interrupt frequently.
Having trouble completing activities or duties.
Inability to use correct etiquette.
Misses verbal cues.
 Living an unorganized way of life.
Shares information inappropriately.
Find noises or vibrations others can easily shut out distracting.
Immediately shutting down when feeling swamped or frustrated.
Thoughts that are disorganized.
Abruptly ending a discussion.
Have trouble keeping friends or maintaining relationships.
Going off-topic during conversations and getting distracted by
unrelated thoughts.
Being unreliable because you give off the vibe of someone who can
be counted on, but you fail to meet deadlines.
Overreacting, lashing out, or having meltdowns when it is not
appropriate.
Social skills can be worked upon, and once the flaws are identified, it is
important to speak to an ADHD coach or a therapist who can help you
better these skills. Medication usually helps with certain impulsive actions
and hyperactivity because it allows for more concentration and self-control;
however, medications alone cannot provide the sufficient help needed to
gain the required skills for socializing. Therapy can often include role-play,
modeling, feedback, and instructions. There are also ways to improve social
skills through changes you apply yourself. Start by gaining knowledge on
social skills and identify areas that need improvement. Apply a positive
attitude and make sure you are open to growth. Make sure you are open to
feedback and take this constructively and not personally. Once you identify
your flaws, make sure you take one skill at a time and improve on it as you
go. Make sure you master one skill before you move on to the next one. If
you are struggling with gathering all the important information in a
conversation, try to ask for a repetition of what was said to clarify and make
sure you understood everything said without leaving out any major details.
If you look up to someone around you and feel like their skills are way
developed than yours, use them as a model. Once you gain these skills, try
practicing them via role-playing. Allow the person you are practicing with
to provide you with feedback. If you cannot do role-play, you can also try
visualizing circumstances under which you can utilize these skills. Try
running it through your mind and practice it as much as possible. Make sure
that visualizations are realistic and practice the skill in situations and with
people you are likely to need it. ADHDers who lack social skills may use
prompts to help them stay on track. If you are often fidgety and talk a lot,
try setting reminders on your watch every five minutes. People who are
honest, loyal, understanding, trustworthy, considerate, and reliable are more
likely to have social relationships. Try developing these skills, and you will
be more likely to create and maintain healthy relationships.

With the help of combined treatment like therapy and medication, if you are
already on any, you can learn to stop before you speak your mind and filter
any inappropriate information you are about to give to others. Making those
around you aware of your ADHD wherever possible can help them
understand your intentions if you slip up and avoid misunderstanding you.
If you feel like you never fit in or struggle to make new friends, it is
because your social skills are lacking due to your ADHD.

Although you might feel anxious attending social events, try to go with
someone you feel comfortable with and can keep you company while there.
If you feel like you are not invited to parties or events often, try inviting
people over instead. Try engaging in activities one at a time and try sticking
to things you know you can handle, like meeting for walks in the parks, to
begin with rather than skipping to watching movies with friends
immediately. If the first wedding you’ve been invited to is coming up next
month, try asking someone who has the experience to walk you through it.
If you are unsure of the social etiquette, dress code, and who to take as a
guest, ask someone you trust for honest feedback. The more you practice,
the more comfortable you will be. Accept feedback from others and make
sure you do not take it the wrong way but use it to improve. Take examples
from people who you know and feel are good at socializing. You do not
have to look at them and feel bad about yourself but rather be opportunistic
and allow yourself to grow. Do not take advice from people who strive to be
people pleasers or do things to be liked by others; that is not the right way
to improve your social skills. If you feel anxious around certain people or
when attending events, it means you are not ready for that yet. It is
acceptable to refuse to attend such activities if, besides hindering your
learning, it also makes you anxious and uncomfortable.

While ADHD can make social interactions more difficult, there is

knowledge and services available to help you develop your social skills.
Get advice from books, therapy, or coaching, and most importantly, make
and sustain social ties. You do not need a lot of friends to improve your
skills. A small circle of reliable and honest friends is all you need.
 Chapter 10:
ADHD and Social Anxiety

S ocial anxiety disorder, also known as SAD, is one of the most common
anxiety disorders that can coexist with ADHD. In one or more social
contexts, social anxiety is correlated with a distinct fear of possibly
devastating attention and judgment from others. Worries about
embarrassment and rejection are common in people with social anxiety, and
they can last for six months or longer. Worrying about being judged
negatively by others can limit involvement in events, interests, and
relationships; it can also make it difficult to form new relationships. It is
crucial to understand the nuances between the two conditions when it
comes to managing and treating them. Although experts are unsure why
ADHD and SAD always coexist, some believe that the same factors that
trigger ADHD, like genetics, environmental contaminants, or premature
birth, may often exacerbate anxiety disorders. Others agree that the signs of
ADHD, in and of themselves, lead to anxiety. Inattention, hyperactivity, and
impulsivity are common symptoms of ADHD, and they place a person at
risk of being ridiculed, mocked, or otherwise socially rejected. Fearing
more rejection, many people withdraw into themselves, avoiding any
potentially threatening social situations. At first glance, ADHD and SAD
may seem the same. If you suffer from SAD, you are constantly concerned
about being viewed negatively by others. You might find it difficult to eat or
speak in public or use public restrooms. It might be difficult for you to
attend social gatherings. You may be aware that your fear is unfounded, but
you feel helpless to change it, as with other anxiety disorders.
The following are some symptoms where ADHD and SAD overlap:
Struggle to socialize- Because people with SAD fear rejection, they
struggle to socialize. Likewise, people with ADHD can also struggle to read
between the lines and have low control over their impulses resulting in a
lack of maintained social relations.

Inattentive- People with ADHD can often come across as inattentive, and
that is because their brain affects their focus. People with SAD can also
seem inattentive, and that is because their brain is taken over by worrisome
thoughts.

Struggle completing tasks- People with SAD often struggle to complete

tasks, and those with ADHD also find difficulty sticking to deadlines or
plans as they should.

Some of the symptoms of SAD can be misinterpreted, and people with

ADHD may not get diagnosed with SAD because of this. If you have both
SAD and ADHD, your doctor can properly evaluate your symptoms and
deduce which ones are causing you the most impairment. If possible, the
doctor can treat these two conditions together or otherwise opt to treat the
one that is interfering with your life the most. If ADHD is what is causing
your SAD symptoms, then managing your ADHD can help solve both
issues. Medications that can help both SAD and ADHD can be either non-
stimulant medication or stimulant ones. Stimulant medication increases the
levels of certain brain chemicals, such as dopamine and norepinephrine.
They allow nerves in your brain to communicate with one another. They are
also generated in reaction to pleasurable experiences. Non-stimulant
medication increases the level of norepinephrine, a critical brain chemical.
This tends to increase attention span while decreasing impulsive behavior
and hyperactivity. Because medication will not cure all problems, therapy
can also be a great solution for treating SAD and managing ADHD. Many
of the underlying issues of both ADHD and SAD, as well as the complex
symptoms that overlap between them, can be addressed through cognitive
behavioral therapy (CBT). CBT aims to teach people with SAD strategies
and practice controlling their anxiety. Exposure therapy, a form of CBT
most often used to treat SAD, is a method in which you and your therapist
work together to gradually introduce you to anxiety-provoking scenarios so
that you can build healthier coping strategies and eradicate associated fear
over time. You can learn and practice social skills and other aspects of CBT
and learn relaxation techniques.

SAD is not the same as shyness. Shyness is regarded as a personality

characteristic. When confronted with a social or interpersonal situation, shy
people feel nervous or anxious, but they understand that being shy is a part
of who they are, much like bubbly people. Social anxiety sufferers can be
reserved or extroverts, but they see SAD as a negative trait and are often
critical of themselves for feeling this way. The signs of SAD are:

Self-consciousness in front of others.

Extreme fear of being judged.
Feel anxious and worry for days before a social event.
Feel intensely uncomfortable in social situations.
Avoid social situations altogether.
Struggle to make or keep friends.
Experience panic attacks, including shaking, sweaty palms, nausea
in social situations.
Struggle to start a conversation or talk to others.
 Feel uncomfortable talking to people unless it is immediate friends
or family members.
Feel afraid that people will negatively judge you.

Not everyone experiences all of these symptoms. Some individuals may

only show symptoms in a specific situation, while others may show
symptoms in a variety of social circumstances. Although some people with
SAD choose to remain in the shadows, others are outgoing in places where
they are not required to perform the behavior that causes them problems.
Only when an individual's causes are triggered do symptoms of social
anxiety disorder appear. SAD can make it difficult to make new friends and
engage in social activities. Your fear of answering questions or speaking in
class can cause problems in school. If you must be able to speak publicly
and present to the rest of your team at work if you are given a promotion,
you might decide not to go in for the promotion. If you are required to deal
with customers, especially in unpleasant situations, you may struggle to
complete your duties at work. Teens who suffer from social anxiety are
often depressed. According to some studies, people with SAD are more
likely to also have dysthymia, which is a severe depressive disorder, or
another mood condition. Early intervention can help to minimize the risk of
depression and other coexisting conditions. An over-reaction to a stimulus
or a circumstance is one tell-tale sign of social anxiety. For example, a
person can be so sure that everyone is staring at them, even if no one is
paying attention while waiting in line for a muffin and coffee that they
refuse to stay and place their order. Many people who suffer from social
anxiety are aware that their acts are illogical, but they are powerless to alter
them. They feel bad for themselves and wish they could be someone else.
However, with the right help, you can successfully handle social anxiety if
you want to improve.
Try these simple steps to start reducing your social anxiety: Focus on one
thing- Begin by looking for quick wins to boost your confidence in yourself
and self-esteem. What is the one thing you wish you could change that is
causing you the most difficulty right now? Focus on this target repeatedly to
summon the will to confront what worries you. Find someone to help you in
this process. You'll need someone to hold you accountable, such as a
sibling, a relative, a psychiatrist, or a mentor.

Start light- Start small to avoid being discouraged at first. Before taking on
a larger mission, master a transition that is within your grasp. For example,
if you are shy about meeting new people but want to make new friends,
expecting to make 10 friends on your first try might be asking too much of
yourself. Instead, consider the first, very small move you might take: ask
someone you do not know a question.

Be compassionate with yourself- People who have ADHD and social

anxiety tend to be very critical of themselves. For years, you have heard
cynical stories about how you have missed the mark and what you should
do differently. You continue to unwittingly follow this dialogue over time.
When it comes to dealing with social anxiety, pessimistic self-talk is the
worst enemy. Begin by thinking about something inspirational you might
say to yourself, "I am smarter than I thought," for example. Write it on Post-
It notes and place them at vantage points within your surrounding. This may
sound corny, but you need to know what to say to the cynical voice when it
tells you that you can't take a risk to try anything new. Consider keeping a
written diary in which you record one daily achievement about your
challenge. Go back to it whenever you feel down because you failed one
task, and it also helps to keep yourself accountable and on track.
Be mindful- When you are having a panic attack or are caught up in a guilt
trip as a result of social anxiety, try to become more conscious of your
physical body and your breathing. This is your exit ticket from the spiral.
When people are nervous, their breathing picks up as adrenaline takes over.
This is our fight or flight reaction at work. In these situations, you must
ground yourself and slow down your breathing. Try putting one hand on
your shoulders and the other on your stomach. Breathe into both hands,
feeling their weight, and pretend that you are breathing in a soothing color
with each breath. Do this for a few minutes. Alternate nostril breathing from
yoga can also be used for five rounds. You can feel uncomfortable and
insecure when you work to alleviate your anxiety. Those are indications that
you're on the right track.

Talk to someone every day- You must exercise your social skills, even
though you do not want to. Combat your natural proclivity toward
loneliness by engaging in a 3 to 5-minute interaction with someone outside
your home at least three days per week. It can be done via Zoom or
FaceTime, over the internet, or in person, but you must make real-time
contact with someone who cannot be reached via text messaging or social
media. Make a list of people you call: distant or near relatives, cousins,
siblings who have passed on, grandparents, and so on. You cannot enhance
your ability to communicate with others or read their emotional state by
email, which is precisely the talent you need to develop. If you are unsure
what to say, prepare any questions ahead of time or ask your accountability
partner for assistance and practice. Having a list of people you know you
can go to practice and enhance your skill is much easier than having to
think at the top of your head because you are less likely to be encouraged
and talk to strangers or to people you do not feel comfortable with.
Anxiety is a formidable opponent that tries to keep you disarmed, so it takes
bravery and maturity to face it. To effectively address social anxiety, you
must first set a fair and achievable target and be prepared to feel some
discomfort along the way. That is how you can learn and develop the skills
you need to gain the social trust and relationships you desire. You cannot be
able to get rid of all the social anxiety at once. It serves a useful but
unwanted purpose: it protects you from pain. Although unintentionally, you
may fall short because fear is a normal part of being human. The aim is to
lessen its impact on your life, which is more practical.
 Chapter 11:
ADHD and Sleep Problems

O ver half of adults with ADHD report going to bed late and waking up
late. They also confess to having trouble with feeling tired after a
night of sleep during the day if they do not wake up late. They rarely
manage to fall asleep effortlessly or wake up feeling good in the morning.

The physical and mental restlessness in adults with ADHD disrupts a

person’s sleep, leaving them with exhaustion. The reason why there was
never a direct link between sleep issues and ADHD is that this was not
strongly evident in kids with ADHD but became more consistently present
in adults with ADHD. To date, sleep disturbances are considered as
coexisting issues of ADHD, and medication used to treat ADHD may have
been accused of interfering with healthy sleeping patterns in people with
ADHD. Sufferers call this perverse sleep, which pretty much works in
reverse; they are awake when they want to be asleep and fall asleep when
they want to stay awake. This is also known as delayed sleep phase
syndrome. People with ADHD tend to have trouble with their circadian
rhythm, sometimes also referred to as the internal clock. This regulates
sleep and wake patterns. Melatonin production is affected by this rhythm.
Melatonin is a chemical that makes us feel sleepy. This naturally occurring
peptide in the body is produced following the rising and setting of the sun,
supposedly. The internal clocks in neurodiverse individuals still produce
melatonin, but not at the right time. This could be because circadian
rhythms are off naturally or because a certain behavior creates or reinforces
this disrupted rhythm. Your internal clock can be reset either by
medications, which your doctor will prescribe as they deem fit or by
controlling light exposure. To reset one’s internal clock, one might need to
get exposed to sunlight in the morning and avoid it late at night. There are
alarm clocks that are stimulated by sunlight that can help one wake up when
they need to. Once successful, this will help set one’s internal clock and
may also help with time management. People with ADHD tend to have a
false sense of time, and this also contributes to them being late a lot of
times.

A lot of people with ADHD report restlessness, specifically at night. They

describe it as their mind racing as soon as they decide to fall asleep, leaving
them unable to sleep at night. They might also describe themselves as night-
owls and tend to work better at night. They would not be morning persons,
and completing the simplest of tasks in the morning can prove to be
extremely challenging. Some also report taking over an hour trying to fall
asleep at night. When people with ADHD manage to fall asleep, they often
toss and turn a lot and are very sensitive to noises around them. They wake
up to the slightest sound, which mostly reduces the hours and quality of
sleep, having them wake up in the morning as tired as they went to bed the
night before. People with ADHD often wake up multiple times during the
night, and when they manage to get into a deep sleep, they find it very hard
to wake up in the morning. They will eventually wake but do so groggily
and may need a huge cup of coffee to kickstart the brain.

People with ADHD will disengage if something does not interest them. This
may cause them to feel drowsy and may get them to fall asleep, wherever
they are; this might be in a meeting or in class. This can often be mistaken
for EEG negative narcolepsy. EEG stands for electroencephalography, and
it is a test used to detect electrical activity in the brain using electrodes
attached to the scalp. EEG is a test used to diagnose various brain disorders,
including epilepsy, encephalitis, sleep, and other disorders. It is also used to
diagnose narcolepsy, which is a neurological condition that causes
excessive daytime sleepiness. People with ADHD who fall asleep during
the day may be misdiagnosed with narcolepsy instead.

It is suggested that improved sleep hygiene is applied. This will foster and
initiate the sleep process and hopefully maintain it. Sleep hygiene can vary
according to the individual. Ideally, and as a standard, the bed should be
kept as a place for sleep and intimate action, not to argue or to work. You
must have a set bedtime routine, and many phone applications can help you
do this. It would be beneficial to consider avoiding naps during the day. If
you require specific sounds or music, make sure you have it set up by the
time you go to bed. Warm showers or baths can help you get sleepier. If
some sounds bother you at night or hinder your sleep, try your best to
eliminate them, and try wearing earplugs to block out noise. If you want to
try and go to sleep, try getting into bed to begin with. Avoid drinking coffee
late at night because we all know caffeine will keep you awake and because
it is a diuretic, it will also wake you up several times during the night for
multiple visits to the bathroom. Ideally, consumption of any liquids is
minimalized closer to bedtime, and gadgets like your tablet or laptop should
be put down 2 to 3 hours before bedtime as the blue light they emit will
hinder the production of melatonin, making you unable to fall asleep. If you
must work late at night, try using a blue light filter to avoid disrupting your
sleep. Some spectacles can come with this filter even if you do not have to
wear prescription glasses, so the lens serves purely as a blue light filter.
Certain foods are also said to help and promote sleep, such as kiwis, nuts,
tart cherries juice, and grapes. Valerian and chamomile teas also help.
Meditating 10 to 15 minutes before bedtime can help you relax.
There are plenty of things one can do to promote a healthier sleeping
pattern, but it starts by giving your symptoms the diagnosis and importance
they deserve. If your ADHD is overlooked, you will, in return, receive
inadequate treatment.
 Chapter 12:
ADHD and Emotional Dysregulation

I f you have ADHD and find yourself on an emotional rollercoaster, it is

probably caused by your emotional dysregulation. This is a big part of
how ADHD affects the lives of neurodiverse individuals. Some doctors do
not consider emotional dysregulation as one of the symptoms of ADHD
because the literature they use to help identify people with ADHD does not
list emotional dysregulation as being part of them. Researchers wanted to
measure results that could be assessed in a laboratory, but emotions are a bit
hard to compute like that. Research is, all the time, evolving, and there is an
understanding of emotional dysregulation and its prominence in ADHD.

People with ADHD feel and experience the same emotions as any
neurotypical individual; the issue is regulating those emotions. Regulation
will give you the ability to calm down and make the right choices when
something gets to you. The process of regulating emotions is a process that
tends to rely on characteristics an ADHD brain struggle with or lack. This
process starts with inhibition. This means you do not impulsively react to an
emotion. Regular people would not struggle to achieve this, but people with
ADHD can find this to be a hard task when you are naturally impulsive
already. Some say that the more generally impulsive one is, the more likely
they are to be emotionally impulsive as well. Because of impulsivity, people
with ADHD may not even surpass this step as they would spontaneously
react to their emotions without controlling them. The next step of the
process is self-soothing, which is the ability to calm down that initial
emotion. Self-soothing methods may work for some, but they may not
always be healthy choices. Consequently, one would need to refocus one’s
attention and energy towards regulation and not on negative thoughts or
emotions. Lastly, one would need to act in line with their goals. It might not
be easy for people with ADHD to go on with this last step because they
must put in a lot of thought to consider their goals: what the other person
said, what they want to say, what happened the last time something like this
happened and analyze all the variables in that situation to try predicting the
different possible outcomes based on this response and choose the best
outcome. For someone with ADHD doing all this can be very challenging
because of their limited working memory. This can be troubling in a school
or work setup. This process happens with all emotions, from sadness to fear
and excitement.

Emotional dysregulation can get in the way of one’s goals and may make
someone with ADHD not so fun to be around in certain situations if, for
example, those around them do not understand their condition and their
intentions. Emotional dysregulation will not always exhibit itself in the
same way in different situations. It might help to keep track of your
emotions and jot down how you feel in certain situations. This can help you
identify your bad habits, and by being more aware of them, you can learn to
avoid getting into these habits in the first place. In this way, you can
understand better when your emotions are getting you in trouble or
hindering your goals. Awareness is also where to start. Being aware of your
emotions will help you slow down your emotional reactions leaving time
for you to think and decide how you want to respond instead of reacting
impulsively. This is also called mindfulness and is a method of meditation.
This will make you more aware of your thoughts and interpreting them
without judgment. You must be curious to explore ways to deal with these
emotions to the best of your abilities. This will help to reduce stress overall.
Not everyone suffering from ADHD will experience emotional
dysregulation, but those who do will often describe themselves as very
emotional. Borderline personality disorder or mood disorder can also have
emotional dysregulation as a symptom. This is also why people with
ADHD, specifically women, may get misdiagnosed. People with emotional
dysregulation can be sensitive to criticism, have perceived rejections, and
be overly sensitive to teasing. They would often find it hard to brush of
teasing comments from those around them and would take it very seriously.
Emotional responses in people with emotional dysregulation are often
displayed as emotional responses at a higher magnitude than those without
this issue. It would be beneficial to let the people around you know what
you are overly sensitive about and the jokes or teasing comments you
would not tolerate. Those that care and understand you will do their best to
avoid passing comments on things they know will upset you. People with
emotional dysregulation often seem impatient, tense, and edgy. This would
not necessarily mean someone finds it hard to sit still through a meeting or
finds it hard to relax. It is more like extreme levels of frustration internally.
For example, if technological devices, such as laptops or mobile phones, are
faulty, you are likely to get frustrated because you need them to work. If
something is not going to plan, it may also trigger emotional dysregulation,
and one may find it hard to assess the situation in a practical way, detached
from one's emotions.

Mood swings are also another symptom of emotional dysregulation. You

may wake up in a negative mood only to end the day with a positive
feeling. It might be difficult to deal with the negative moments in your life,
but you must remember that nothing is permanent and that this too shall
pass. You might feel negative about yourself because you had a target to
reach, which you failed to do by mid-day but by the end of the day,
something may happen that will turn your mood around. If you reflect on
the past and realize that you’ve been in this situation before and recall how
it ended, you will realize you are going to get through it. People with
emotional dysregulation may also experience emotional outbursts. These
reactions may seem. This may not always be the case for people with
emotional dysregulation because some may bottle up their emotions leading
to internal frustration rather than exerting their anger.

Lastly, people with emotional dysregulation can have a harder time going
back to a neutral emotional baseline, and it will take them longer to get
back to their calmer state. This can be highly impacted by the people you
surround yourself with. If those around you have fluctuating emotions as
well, it will leave you feeling uneasy, and because you are anxious and
constantly on the lookout for when the other shoe will drop, you have a
hard time feeling at ease around them. It is important who you surround
yourself with because, from teasing and jokes to the positive or negative
vibes they emit, it will all affect your emotions and how you feel towards
those emotions. If you are surrounded by someone who makes you feel at
ease, safe, and fully understands your flaws, they are more likely to
understand your intentions and will be less likely to trigger or set your
emotional dysregulation issue off even over frivolous things. On the other
hand, if you are ringed by negative people whose emotions are even more
alternating than yours, you are very likely to be anxious around them.

Emotional dysregulation can have its positive sides. People with ADHD can
enjoy feeling strong emotions and are usually very sensitive to the emotions
others around them experience, making them very empathetic. They easily
get excited and are not able to hide that excitement. This makes people with
ADHD very fun to be around. This makes them very interesting, passionate,
and expressive people. Emotions are a way of communicating with
ourselves and others too. They can also motivate new ventures, like when
you are excited about an idea which you finally start working on and turn
into a new project or business. A healthy diet with the right water intake
coupled with the right amount of sleep will help make you feel less edgy
and irritable. Physical activity will relieve stress, depression, anxiety, and
symptoms of ADHD. Because physical activity increases endorphin release
in the body, it will boost your overall mood. Regular short 10-minute walks
can do magic for your mood. Meditation or yoga sessions can also help you
relax. If you notice that caffeine or a high sugar intake makes you feel
jittery or anxious, avoid them altogether. It is important to get help if you
are experiencing emotional dysregulation because it often leads to problems
in relationships and at work. It may lead to anxiety and depression. You
may lean towards substance abuse to help cope with your emotions if this is
left untreated. Cognitive behavior therapy can be very beneficial for people
who experience emotional dysregulation as part of their ADHD and is
usually given by therapists.
 Chapter 13:
ADHD and Sexuality

A DHD in adults already impacts their lives, including difficulty

maintaining stable relationships and fostering a poor self-image.
Symptoms affecting sexuality can vary from person to person and may be
hard to measure for this reason. Common ADHD symptoms can include
emotional instability, depression, and anxiety. All of these can harm your
sex drive. If you are constantly focusing your time and energy on staying
organized, you will probably not have much energy left to get involved in
sexual activities with your partner.
Two commonly reported symptoms of ADHD and sexuality are
hypersexuality and hyposexuality. Although sexual dysfunction is not one
of the diagnostic criteria for ADHD, it is still very much real.
Hypersexuality refers to an uncommonly high sex drive. Sexual stimulation
releases endorphins in the brain, giving a feeling of calmness and reducing
restlessness— two very common feelings in people with ADHD. ADHD
individuals are already probably very impulsive, and this may have them
engage in risky sexual behavior. People with ADHD may also experience
hyposexuality, where their sex drive drops. This may be due to the
condition itself or caused by medications used to treat ADHD. The same
issues people with ADHD face during normal day-to-day activities will also
be faced during sex. They will have a hard time concentrating, may lose
interest, and become distracted.
Women with ADHD may have trouble achieving orgasm because they
either reach it too quickly or not at all despite lengthy stimulations. People
with ADHD may be hypersensitive, meaning they have extreme physical
sensitivity. What may feel good to the non-ADHD partner may feel
irritating to the ADHD sufferer. Odors, touch, and tastes often involved in
sex may come across as nasty to someone with ADHD. Getting intimate in
the first place can also be a challenge for people with ADHD because of
their hyperactivity. They may struggle to relax enough to set the mood for
sex. Neurodiverse brains are mostly always busy, and when their brain is
focused on a million other things, it is very hard to transition into sex.
ADHD individuals tend to get distracted during sex, particularly women,
but even neurotypical brains do this. It is possible for people with ADHD to
hold their focus throughout sex but initiating activity can be a challenge.
ADHD brains tend to rate higher on sexual eagerness because they are more
willing to try new things and may contribute to keeping things more
exciting in the bedroom. This does not mean that all ADHD individuals
experience sexuality the same way because everyone is different.
Surprisingly enough, ADHD and its effects on sexuality are not solely about
sex itself but more about how ADHD is managed, either by ADHD brains
or their partners. Whoever tries hard enough to manage their ADHD and
makes sure their partners know they are trying will more likely experience
intimacy when compared to those that do not put in the effort. Making the
other party aware of your efforts is very important. It is easy to see that you
are trying hard enough or putting in the effort because you are very aware
of your actions. It will be a little harder knowing what your partner is doing
because you cannot see it all. If awareness is not present, it will be easy to
have one of the partners, usually the neurotypical one, feel like they work
harder or put in more effort than their other half, usually the ADHDer.
Putting in the effort the other party expects can be a good start, although the
effort might not mean everything is as your partner expects it to be. They
are more likely to appreciate your good intentions even though not
everything is as they please. If they walk into the living room only to find a
mess but know that it is you trying, they are more likely to feel happier
towards you because they know you are doing the best you can. The
neurotypical brain would feel that although their needs are not being met
fully, there is an effort, and the intention is to try. If there is not enough
communication and the non-ADHD partner does not recognize that their
ADHD counterparts are putting in the effort, it may be demoralizing for the
ADHDer. They may come across as careless when, in fact, they do care. If
their effort goes unnoticed, they may be inclined to give up rather than try
their best. ADHD needs to be managed by the partner suffering from it and
by the neurodiverse partner.
Managing ADHD when it is not your own can come across as parenting
your other half. This will often take a toll on your sex life because no one
wants to get intimate with someone who they feel parental towards or who
is being parental towards them. Think of it as teamwork, everyone needs to
pool in their biggest strengths, and together, they will create something
better for everyone. People with ADHD may fall into the trap of pleasing
others and being co-dependent on their partners. If you are too co-
dependent on your partner, it might limit your options. As a couple, you
need to be able to speak your mind, and your partner needs to be there to
hear it. If you are too co-dependent, you may settle to be treated less nicely
than you should. This is because you might feel threatened or scared to push
back and may settle for much less than you deserve. If people with ADHD
feel they are not deserving of good treatment because they feel they are not
doing well enough, they will be more at risk of becoming co-dependent on
their partners. People with ADHD tend to be more forgetful, as I’ve stated
previously, and because of this, they may punish themselves and be hesitant
to ask for their needs to be met because they feel like they do not deserve it.
If you take ADHD more seriously and put in the effort to manage the
condition, you are more likely to remember your duties in the relationship
and complete more and more of them. This will result in more harmony in
the relationship where both parties feel their needs are being met or mostly
met. With the right set-up, couples will want to have sex with each other. If
the non-ADHD partner feels like their needs are being overlooked, they are
more likely to complain about it as they would feel like they are putting in
all the effort and they are alone. The ADHD partner will likely get
defensive, discouraged and try minimizing the gravity of the situation. On
the inside, the ADHD-partner would still feel that whatever it is that they
are doing is not enough and is constantly failing. Non-ADHD partners may
expect their ADHD partners to do things and complete tasks as a
neurotypical brain would, but this is not possible for neurodiverse
individuals. A partner that challenges you to bring out the best in yourself is
the ideal partner. With that said, it is important that no one in the
relationship feels like they are selling out their integrity and compromising
more than they should. It should not be like you are doing too much for
someone else but not enough for yourself. It is important to never get the
feeling of someone doing too much and the other half not doing enough. A
balance needs to be achieved so no one feels like they are either selfish or
being used.
It can be ideal if, with compromise, couples chose to try new techniques to
reduce the risk of boredom during sex. It is very important to be attentive
and sensitive to the other person’s feelings and goals. Any plans need to be
approved by both partners. It is best to communicate and discuss how
ADHD affects your intimacy. Partners need to be considerate to each
other’s needs and adjust accordingly. If perfumes or light bother the partner
with ADHD, then agree to avoid these triggers altogether in the bedroom.
Sex therapy or couple therapy can also be beneficial. Doing calming
exercises before the act can help get you both in the mood, like yoga and
meditation. Try getting rid of distractions and make plans for intimacy and
commit to them. It may not necessarily mean you will get intimate every
time, but it will help to have the time set for what is important for both of
you and mentally preparing for what may happen next. Leaving room for
transitioning will also help set the mood and get ADHD partners ready for
their next task rather than remaining hooked on the previous task they were
doing. It will be helpful to expand the definition of sex, and although you
want to get intimate today, it does not necessarily mean you will do
everything you usually do.
Ultimately ADHD needs to be managed if it is affecting your sex life and
your life in general. ADHD cannot be looked at as being the whole story
and the big problem. Both partners have their parts to play. ADHD does not
create new issues; it just exacerbates universal struggles that even non-
ADHD couples have to go through. You may define sex in whatever way
works for you, but if it is a priority for the both of you, make time for it.
Although you may struggle with getting things started, you will generally
feel happy afterward.
 Chapter 14:
ADHD and Money Management

M oney management can be an issue for people with ADHD.

ADHDers tend to procrastinate, be disorganized, and impulsive
when it comes to their finances. Sorting out paperwork such as bills and
rent notifications can be a burden for people with ADHD. So much so they
keep on putting it off until there is no way to avoid it anymore. Financial
struggle can have negative implications on people and relationships. This is
the number one cause of conflict amongst couples, whether one of the
partners has ADHD or not. You must have been accused of impulse
spending because of that last-minute decision to buy something that caught
your eye in a supermarket window or something more expensive that you
thought was worth the splurge. An impulse buy can be as small as a pack of
gum or as big as a laptop. Holding impulse spending in check as an adult
with ADHD can be difficult, but your bank account and budget will thank
you for taking the time to manage your finances and limit impulse buys.
If you have ADHD, you often lose money and time because you are
disorganized; remember, time is money. If you live in a country where you
are responsible for filing your tax returns, you might struggle to submit
these on time. You may misplace receipts or even lose them because you do
not have a practical filing system in place. If you find yourself turning to
close friends and family to borrow money to cover your debts, you have a
money management problem. If you find yourself buying things
unnecessarily without considering your set budget and the necessity of
these things, it is because of your impulsivity. If you struggle with money
management and also happen to have your own business, you might be at
risk of filing for bankruptcy. You may pay interest often because you do not
make it on time to settle your dues. If you struggle to manage your finances
in real-time, it is likely you haven’t started planning for your retirement yet.
If you are a mother with ADHD, you may struggle with keeping a family
budget. It has been proven that stress and sadness can cause overspending.
If you are familiar with the above situations, it is time you start to get ahold
of your finances and find better ways to manage them.

Tips to improve your money management skills:

Start by organizing any incoming mail. Sort your bills separately

from other correspondence and put your bills where you can see
them. This way, you don’t lose or forget about them.
Create a filing system if you still receive bills in the traditional way.
Create separate folders and categorize them: home insurance, health
insurance, motor insurance, credit card, and so on. Make sure you
file every bill immediately as you receive it once it is settled. If you
have not paid it out yet, leave it at the same spot where you can see
it is still pending.
Create a workstation where you keep all your files, calculator,
checkbook, and so on. This can help you stop looking for things
when you need them, and you know where everything you need to
keep your finances organized is.
Create reminders when your bills are due. Set reminders a couple of
days before the deadline to make sure you are always settling on
time.
Create rules for keeping paperwork. Make sure you keep receipts
for the stipulated time as instructed by law in your country or for as
long as you need them. Avoid keeping unnecessary paperwork as
this will add to your clutter.
Try to minimize the use of credit cards. Paying with credit cards can
give you an unrealistic notion of how much you are spending.
Wherever possible, try withdrawing cash as per your budget and try
sticking to that. Having cash at hand can help you manage your
spending because you can see how much you have left to spend.
Keep a record of your earning and spending. Create a table on your
laptop or a piece of paper, and list down all your expenses; ideally,
you do this monthly.
Create a budget taking into consideration your income. Dedicate
some of your money for leisure activities and impulse buying but be
realistic. Allow time to review your spending at the end of the
month. You can write down what you spend at the end of the month
and compare it with what you have planned to. This means you can
eliminate unnecessary purchases and do better the following month.
Identify your main categories that require budgeting, for example,
fuel, parking, groceries, bills, and so on.
Try to plan by making budgets for months or years to come based
on your income. This way you can be realistic about the money you
have to spend, especially if you are considering spending more on
occasions like holidays or getting new items like buying a new car.
Try creating direct debits with your bank. You can use this to get a
small portion of your salary at the end of the month into a savings
account. You can do the same for separate accounts dedicated to
paying bills. For example, if you pay your motor insurance once a
year but can add up to $600.00 yearly, try dividing that amount by
12, the number of months, and reserve a small portion every month.
This way, when your bill arrives, you do not have to reserve the
entire amount just to pay this bill from one month’s salary. You can
end up struggling to make ends meet that month because you did
not plan ahead of time. You can do the same for home insurance,
condominium expenses, life insurances, and so on. Do not be afraid
to use technology to help you budget.
To reduce impulse buys, try leaving your credit cards at home and
only take the set budget in cash with you. Credit cards instigate
impulse buying and make it harder to save money. When buying
things online, try putting them on your debit card instead. If you
made a large purchase on your credit card, get into the habit of
writing a cheque to your bank immediately, so you know you have
that purchase covered and already paid off.
Try putting a sticky note on your credit card with your main goal or
what you are saving for written on it. So that every time you grab
the card to make an impulse buy, you can have a constant reminder.
If you feel like you are tempted mostly when you get ads online, use
certain mobile applications, or go to specific stores, try avoiding
your temptations. Remove these apps from your phone and set
targets for impulse buys. If you are at a store, try to set a budget; for
example, if something is less than $5.00, you can buy it, but if it is
more than $100.00, take note of it and go back to the store after a
24-hour time period. If you still think you need that thing, try taking
into consideration your set budget for the month, where and how
you can use it, and whether you really need it. Try thinking about
how often you plan to use it and if you have something already that
can perform the same function. You may want to talk to a trusted
friend or family member to help you decide whether you need this
item. If you did not plan for this in this month’s budget, then make
room for it in next month’s if you still feel you need it.
When shopping, make a list and stick to it.
Never go to the supermarket hungry, you will want to buy
everything.
You may want to take a calculator with you to the supermarket to
total everything you have in your cart before getting to the cashier.
You may use the calculator on your phone.
Do not be intimidated to negotiate your car insurance or mortgage.
Shop around for competitive prices.
As a woman with ADHD who is often struggling with money
management, if you feel your partner can do a better job of this, do
not be afraid to hand this duty to him or her. You are not failing
yourself and your family by doing so. On the contrary, you are
safeguarding your family’s finances.
If you struggle to plan your finances yourself, you may want to
consider hiring a professional financial planner or coach to help you
with this. Allow money for their professional fee in your budget.
If you are subscribed to online email lists, unsubscribe. Those
emails you get in your inbox certainly do not help your impulse
buying. They will have you surf the website to buy what you
probably do not need or can go without.
If you tend to get into expensive hobbies like video gaming, find
new inexpensive or less expensive hobbies. Try exploring museums
with free entrances, join clubs, explore public parks, get into an
exercise routine, and attend public libraries regularly. If you love
reading, but you can never stop buying books all the time and are
running out of space. Try borrowing books from a library if you
probably read a book once and never return to it again. This can
save you money and help declutter your space. Try buying books
you want to keep a hard copy of or the ones you are likely to want
to read more than once.
If you and your partner wish to control your spending, try keeping
separate bank accounts. If your partner is highly organized, it may
cause a conflict if you forget to record cheques or fall for an impulse
buy.
If you struggle to create or come up with a detailed budget, try a
simple one. That is better than nothing. Try rounding up numbers
and budget in the simplest way possible. If you feel like you can
manage your budget if you write things down, then draft a table and
simply budget.
Identify the areas where you struggle the most, be it falling for
impulse buys, having bouncing cheques, or missing paying bills.
Identify your goals. Whether you want to save for a car or pay off
your credit card debt, it is important to identify your goals;
otherwise, you cannot work towards achieving them. Once you have
a clear picture of what you want to achieve, you can then figure out
how to reach them.
 Try to create a safety net, and when budgeting, try spending less
than what you earn. This way, if an emergency comes up that
month, you can afford it. Try transferring a certain amount of money
into a savings account straight away. If you can afford and still have
money to spare, create an emergency account. If you get a fine or
your car breaks down, you do not have to eat out of your savings
account. There can be times when this emergency account is not
used, and that can be further transferred into your savings account.
Budget your spending based on your income. If you just started
your career, allow yourself time to take off and accept the fact that
you might not be making enough money to live a champagne
lifestyle just yet. Be realistic about your goals.
It also makes it easier to see how you spend your money. Carry a little
notebook with you, or find a mobile app that suits your needs, and keep
track of all your transactions, big and small. Include everything you
purchase or pay for online as well. You can create categories as well.
This could include groceries, restaurant meals, drinks, coffee shops,
books, movies, fuel, bus fare, and clothing. Watching your expenses can
be difficult or irritating at first, but stick with it, even if only for a week
or two. If you are married or in a relationship, your spouse or
companion can keep track of his or her spending so that you can share
notes. If you are single, you may want to have a reliable friend or
family member check in with you to ensure you are on track . And if
you do not maintain an exact log of every other bill, the details you
gather will help you change your financial habits. In the monitoring,
provide both constant and variable expenditures. Fixed expenses can be
utility bills, loans, and transportation expenses. Variable expenses can
be food, fuel expenses, entertainment, and clothing. Add up all the fixed
 and variable costs. If they exceed your revenue, you need to take a
closer look to see where you can save or cut back. Your disposable
income is the sum of money left over after all the costs have been met.
What you do with your extra cash can be determined by your
circumstances and lifestyle desires. You can use it to go out to eat, do
home renovations, take vacations, or plan your retirement. You may
find it useful to jot down notes or make a collage of a few items you
would like to save for. Sort the data or pictures into two categories:
essential and non-essential. What are the next three or five things on
your must-have list? What is on your list of non-essentials? What stands
in the way between where you are now and where you want to be?
Once you have this sorted, you can easily identify the problems you
have that interfere with getting you what you need or want. Short-term
goals can be saving a little every week by eating out less often or
settling bills on time to avoid penalties. Mid-term goals can be saving
over a longer period for a slightly bigger expense like going on
vacation. Long-term goals can be saving for much bigger expenses like
retirement or college tuition.

How to Save Money

Saving is one of the most beneficial things you will do for yourself,
your families, and your prosperity. Maybe you will need it for a crisis,
or maybe it will go toward a down payment on a new home, but
knowing you have some extra cash can provide real comfort . Start
small if you do not have any savings, and be cautious with yourself
until you learn this new habit. If you have a big target, you might
choose to open a separate bank account only for savings or one specific
goal and have automatic payments taken out of your salary. You can
also opt not to get a savings bank card to force yourself to think twice
about borrowing money from this account . Motivate yourself by
making cutting costs enjoyable and visually appealing. For example,
you could make a map with a savings "temperature gauge" and mark it
while you save, or you could use your computer to generate a bar graph
and monitor your savings every day or weekly. This can work better for
larger saving goals. You could also put cash in a special container or an
envelope with a snapshot of something you are saving for taped to the
back, just to keep it safe before you can get it to the bank. This way, any
time you put money in the envelope, you can be aware of your goals.
You can do this if you plan to take a trip to whatever destination you
please. Since most services and debt payments are made monthly, you
can have a monthly schedule. This is usually spending your money
before you get it; this way, you know where your salary goes before you
are paid and are less likely to spend it on useless things. You can
forecast what you need to pay for by looking at your previous expenses
or account history. Several applications can assist you in gathering this
information. Online credit card applications can also allow you to save
electronic copies of receipts and previous purchases. You should sum
up the expenses from the previous 12 months and split it by 12 to get
the budget you will need to function for every month from now on. You
may set weekly or monthly reminders to go over your planned budget.
Choose a day during the week to evaluate your shopping schedule and
budget daily. I repeat, if you cannot stick to this routine, set reminders
or have close friends or loved ones reminding you to do so. If you and
your partner are managing your finances separately, try doing this
evaluation alongside them to help you stick to the schedule. Determine
which bills or expenditures you anticipate having in the coming week.
 Then, look at the whole month and see which bills must be charged in
the coming weeks. Pay all bills that are due in the week.
Have a financial calendar, ideally incorporated in your daily calendar,
something you look at every day . Having a visual alert of your bills is
beneficial. An electronic or paper calendar that shows all incoming
money, as well as the dates of scheduled payments such as rent or lease,
bills, taxes, credit cards, groceries, and fuel, can help you stay on track.
Some find it useful to organize money management ideas into a
timetable that displays financial activities and how long it will take to
complete each one. You must build your timeline based on your
objectives and habits. This can be incorporated with your calendar or
within your app if you use one to manage your finances. You can start
by downloading some applications and taking note of the one that
works best for you. You may find some to be more user-friendly than
others.

Your money management schedule

Create a timeline that you can stick to instead of dealing with a lot of
receipts and bills at the very last minute. Collect receipts daily from
your wallet and car, log them into your app or spreadsheet and file
them, then open physical bills from the mail and set a deadline for each
one. Ideally, you do not leave it till the very last day. Put them in order
of their due date and keep them where you can see them. Try settling
bills weekly and filing them straight away. Mark the ones you settled as
PAID. If you do not need the previous bill as a hard copy, discard it to
avoid clutter and unnecessary paper. Review your spending at the end
of every week. If there is an issue with your spending, you can identify
it straight away instead of only becoming aware of it at the end of the
month when it is often too late. Make sure you have a look at your bank
accounts monthly. Like this, if you see a transaction you did not make,
you can make inquiries right away instead of having to look back at
three months to try and trace that transaction. You can do this by using
your bank’s mobile app if they have one. Try balancing your amounts to
zero every month to avoid paying charges or being penalized. File your
ATM receipts. Once a year, collect your documents for tax filling. This
should be easy if you kept your filling organized during the year like
you need to. You may want to use software to help you manage your tax
returns if you keep them yourself, otherwise outsource it to your
accountant. Once your tax payments have been made, keep receipts and
proof of payments where you can find them. Make sure you keep
records for the period stipulated by law. Once the year is complete and
you paid your dues try evaluating the year and how you performed as
opposed to what you planned. Identify whether you have reached your
goals. Jot down goals you want to be saving toward in the next year,
like buying a new car, buying your first home, or saving for that dream
vacation. Make sure you identify any ongoing financial commitments
you have, like mortgage and car debt, and make a list of the remaining
balance until these are paid off. Keep the target date of when these are
paid off as a motivator to help you keep your finances organized.
Divide your priorities into steps that you can take on a regular, weekly,
monthly, or annual basis. It is useless leaving things at the very last
minute because you know very well you may not be able to concentrate
on sorting out your spending for the entire month all at one go.
Remember that good money management entails paying attention to all
the objectives. They are an important part of the financial reporting
routine. You will discover that you can master it once you have devised
 a financial strategy. Consider how good it would feel to be organized:
you would not have to worry about your bank account running out of
money, being turned down for a loan, or having your electricity cut off
because you failed to pay the bill.

Budgeting for special occasions

When budgeting, take into consideration special occasions like

birthdays and holiday seasons. You may procrastinate to buy your loved
ones a gift and end up buying them something out of your budget and
shipping it in a rush, which ends up breaking the bank for you. Instead
of buying Christmas decorations every year, try to organize your space
and have decorations you can reuse each year; remember to keep them
well. The holiday season is not meant for impressing those around you
with gifts you did not intend to get because you cannot afford them.
This time of the year is for spending precious time with your family and
friends. Before buying a gift, spend time reflecting on what that person
might like as a gift, what they enjoy the most, and what they mean to
you. Try to place yourself in someone else’s shoes and try to imagine
how they would feel when receiving this gift. If a gift is too expensive
because you wanted to make up for forgetting to get them one in the
first place, it may make them uncomfortable or put their gift to shame
because they bought you something meaningful rather than expensive.
If you know your gift cannot get there in time for the occasion, try
printing a photo of what you bought them and explain the situation.
They know they have a gift waiting for them, and this can also build a
connection.
When saving up for your holiday budget, do not just focus on gifts; take
dinners and parties into consideration. Consider a budget for cards and
new outfits you need to purchase to go to parties and work events. If
you want to host a party and need food and new decorations, try to
incorporate that into your budget too. If you opt for DIY gifting, try to
consider budgeting for supplies. If a project is out of your capabilities
or you do not have the time for it, do not commit. This can only add
stress, anxiety, and it can ruin your budget if you did not think it
through. If you do your holiday shopping online, try leaving things in
your online shopping cart for 24 hours at least. If it is a large purchase,
try to check in with yourself and identify ways you are going to use to
pay for this item. If you want to get something for yourself, try
considering if you need it, have space for it, how you will pay for it,
and how often you intend to use it. If you still feel like you need to get
this gift after a lot of consideration, try consulting with a family
member or close friend to help you realize whether this purchase is
worthwhile. The idea is to slow down before purchasing because if you
make rushed decisions, you are very likely to regret them soon
afterward. Instead of trying to buy everyone gifts, prepare Christmas
dinners and parties from your November salary, try reserving a small
amount from prior months. By the time the holiday season is upon us,
you can have your mind at rest that the expenses associated with are
already covered.
Having ADHD does not have to result in financial ruin. Start with a
plan and work your way forward step by step. Don't be afraid to call for
assistance; you don't have to do it all on your own. Also, don't be
ashamed. Many adults who do not have ADHD struggle with financial
control. You can do it, so step up to the plate and begin.
 Chapter 15:
ADHD and Organization

G etting and keeping organized is a real struggle for people with

ADHD. Many adults can struggle with clutter in both the home and
the workplace, leaving them feeling exhausted or trapped. Getting
coordinated will benefit you in various ways, including increasing
efficiency, reducing fear, giving up time wasted searching for stuff, and
serving as a good role model for your children

Getting tasks underway is one of the most difficult aspects of making a

transition. Reward systems or promotions will assist you in being more
prepared, as previously stated. Until you begin an organizational project,
decide on a prize for yourself after you've completed it. When you've
finished the job, make sure to reward yourself. Having a friend assist you
will make the job simpler and quicker, especially if you need to declutter.
Friends will assist you with getting rid of items because they do not have
the same emotional connection to them as you do. You may also find social
help in online chat communities . Some have features where you make
clear promises to arrange a room, then leave your computer to organize for
a while before returning to support each other. You may benefit from using
a timer or music. The timer can be programmed to go off in 15-minute
intervals, with 15-minute breaks in between. Breaking down a difficult task
into simpler steps and tackling these steps one at a time is the only way to
master it.

Try the following steps to organize a physical space:

1. Choose the spaces to be organized. Make a list of the areas you
want to declutter.

2. Arrange them in descending order of difficulty. You may write these

down on post-its and stick them to your refrigerator or on the notice
board in your study. Estimate how long each task can take you to
complete. Once you establish how long it can take you, try dividing
that time into smaller intervals with short breaks in between. Do not
pretend to clear a whole room in 3 hours without having a break.
You can be headed for failure if you do. Dividing the task into
realistic intervals can get you a higher rate of success, and as you
might have figured by now, starting is a big hurdle for people with
ADHD. Once you start off performing the task, you feel a sense of
accomplishment which convinces you to persevere and complete it
as planned.

3. Begin with the simplest space. Starting easy can maximize your
chances of completing the task and being successful. Because
people with ADHD feed off adrenaline rush and stimulation,
succeeding at one task can make you more likely to complete the
following ones. Divide the room into parts and focus on one at a
time, arranging, discarding, or reorganizing each item in that section
until it is completed. Dividing the space you want to organize into
quarters can be very helpful. You can plan to declutter a quarter of
the room in 30 minutes, for example. This can give you a more
realistic notion of time and its management. People with ADHD can
struggle with this attribute because they have a false sense of time.
When organizing your room, try to keep things according to their
function. Keep things where you know you use them and can find
 them later. If you need cleaning supplies or other things to organize
your space, make sure to prepare it before starting on the task. If
you need garbage bags or vacuum cleaners, make sure you have
them available; otherwise, it can be very easy to get distracted.
When clearing your space, decide whether you can get rid of some
things, box them, store them away, or keep them handy.

4. Choose an incentive or inspiration to promote the completion of this

task. Once you complete the task, make sure you reward yourself.

5. When the smallest room is arranged, work your way up to the most
complex, repeating steps if necessary.

Another challenge can be staying organized and maintaining the hard

work you have just done . If you work with paper, recycle or trash
unnecessary ones. If you can, try working electronically and limit the
paper piles. Try using a scanner or an application on your phone to save
soft copies of important documents. Create a filing system. Make sure
you file every day if possible or as frequently as required to avoid
cluttering your space again.

You can create storage space if your area is limited. If you work from
your room, try storing work material under your bed or use over-the-
door organizers to store smaller things like stationery and pantry items.
These would usually hang on the side of a cabinet or a door and helps to
create storage space. They are usually made either of fabric or plastic
and can be bought from your local store for cheap. Besides creating
storage space, they also organize your space and help you put things in
one spot. Store things where you are likely to spot them easily when
needed. This can save you time and frustration.
Try these tips for staying organized and limit the clutter:

If whilst you clean, you end up discovering long-lost items and

do not know where they go, collect them in a box and after you
are done cleaning, try finding them adequate space.

Work at the moment by putting things away immediately when

you realize they are out of order. If you walk by an open drawer,
close it. If your wastebin is full, empty it. If you see clothes
lying around on the floor, pick them up and put them in the
laundry basket straight away. If you notice some papers lying
around, file them.

Take ten minutes from your day to clean up around the house.
This small step every day can alleviate the burden of having to
devote bigger chunks of your day just to clean up your space.

The most difficult part is getting started, but once you start and
see that you are making gains, you are more inclined to stick
with it. Try to adopt a mindset that allows you to believe you
will only stick to this task for a stipulated amount of time. Once
you start, you are more likely to continue.

Try eliminating an item before you get a new one. After

contemplating whether you can get that item, try eliminating
something else that you are not using that much or at all. You
may donate items you no longer use or resell them. You may
want to keep a box on the side for things you no longer need,
and once you have enough items, you can make one trip to the
charity shop and donate.
After reading these tips, some readers would be able to begin
planning. Others can require the help of a mentor, experienced
organizer, or therapist to get started. If you need assistance, do not
despair or give up. It took a lifetime to get to the state of disarray in
which you have been living; it could take years to repair it. The
important thing is to get started.
 Chapter 16:
ADHD and Time Management

Y
ou are not alone if you struggle to manage your time or follow
through with your plans. Many individuals with ADHD discover that
a combination of inadequate leadership abilities, poor time control,
and difficulties with working memory results in wasted time and unfinished
tasks and schedules at work and at home. Adults with ADHD have a
different perspective on time. The failure to predict potential incentives and
repercussions, as well as the impressive propensity to procrastinate and
disregard the static surroundings, all add to the difficulties with schedules,
punctuality, and preparation. Individuals with ADHD have the most misery
and difficulty getting things done while struggling with time management .
The advantage of completing tomorrow's tasks or establishing good work
routines now could be the avoidance of complications and indisposition
later. Understanding and managing ADHD can change if you consider it to
be a matter of time management.

How many times have you said these words to yourself; “I am late’’, “I am
on the way’’, or “I will be there soon?” It hurts to be late for work, your
doctor's appointment, your dinner, meeting a friend, taking the kids to
school, and, most of all, picking the kids up from school. How do you break
the cycle? What steps would you take to boost your time management?
Planning and marking time can be two skills people with ADHD lack.
Overcoming this hurdle can mean you need to plan your day every day. Try
adopting methods that work to your liking. Use external factors to get a
realistic idea of time. Try not to over-schedule. People with ADHD tend to
be people-pleasers and often avoid refusing requests from people or saying
no. This can overburden their schedule with no time left for them to relax.
Over-planning can set someone up for failure and frustration.

There are various ways to avoid this, so try the following:

Get hold of a planner that works for you. Consider technology,

compatibility, aesthetics, and ease of usage.

Once you have a planner, block your schedule with things you know
you have to do, like attend work, medical appointments, and family
dinners. Scheduling activities allows you to see if your day is filled
up, which can help you from overcommitting. Rather than making a
list of things to do, block out time for each task. If conditions
change or something isn't done, it's no huge deal to shift it to
another time slot on the calendar. You can see the big picture: the
amount of time you have in the day and the things that are starting
to take up the time.

Keep a list of things you want to do and things you must do. People
with ADHD can often choose to do whatever pleases them whilst
other important things remain unattended to.

Chose high-priority things to put on your to-do list and jot them
down on your planner. Do not overload your day, and be realistic on
how much a task can take you to complete.

If something comes up during the day that must be done, try

swapping it for another task. Do not just add things to your day
without removing others. 24 hours is not endless, and you need time
for yourself.
 If you find yourself surfing the internet more often than you should,
try switching off auto-play mode and switch of electronic devices or
TVs to help you go to sleep earlier.

Try to schedule regular check-ins with someone you trust so they

can help you stay up-to-date on your time management skills.

Make your lifestyle a priority. Plan for grocery shopping, meal prep,
and exercise during your day.

Establish a bedtime and a wake-up time to help motivate you to go

to bed and get up in the morning.

Leaving the house on time can often be a challenge for people with ADHD.
Think of the time you need to make it on time and allow time to get
yourself ready and get there. Leave a time window for emergencies or
unforeseeable situations like traffic. Establish a station close to your door at
home and hold all important things there, your phone, wallet, glasses, and
keys. Get ready the night before, prepare clothes, bags, or any items you
might need. If you have a false sense of time, which most people with
ADHD do, try setting timers for everything you do in the morning to limit
the time you spend for every activity like having coffee or taking a shower.
Alternatively, you may want to set your time some minutes ahead to ensure
you are not late. Allow time for a shower and getting ready, and when your
timer goes off, move on; otherwise, you will be late. This can take some
getting used to but once done every day, it gets easier. If you think you can
stop by a drive-through coffee shop on your way to work, you probably will
be late for work again. So, avoid saying you have one last thing to do
because that thing can put you behind schedule, a schedule you worked so
hard on planning. Take into consideration the time it took you to complete
the same task the last time you did it. If you planned for 30 minutes last
time but ended up using twice that amount of time, do not repeat the same
mistake this time.

Take into consideration time-eaters, those little things that waste your time,
but you often do not consider. These can be walking to work from the tube
station, getting out of the parking lot, small talk with passers-by, and
waiting at elevators. Some people with ADHD end up being late most of the
time because they want to avoid getting there early. That can put them in an
awkward position and uncomfortable situations. Try leaving things in your
car that can help you fill the time if you arrive early, like playing on your
phone or reading a magazine. You can also use the extra time to meditate-
this can help you recharge your brain and make you more productive during
the day. If you always put off cleaning your wallet or your purse, use this
time to do so.

Many with ADHD are strongly affected by their surroundings; those

without find it easier to ignore environmental stimuli. Neurotypicals may
use their executive functions to make decisions based on their interests. The
further away from a possible incentive or penalty, the less inspired people
with ADHD are by it. On Monday, a Friday deadline means little. A set
alarm clock for 6 am does not mean people with ADHD get in bed at 10
pm. They know what they have to do but struggle to do it. If performing a
task takes longer, people with ADHD may put it off because the reward is
farfetched. Similarly, if the deadline is not in the coming hours, they are
very likely to keep putting off working on that project because they are not
encouraged by deadlines or penalties. Many people with ADHD are
unaware of potential events and implications as they do not appear on their
internal radars until much later, and if a mission is on their agenda, they
cannot complete it. This makes them too reliant on the burden of the
approaching deadline and, as a result, free to procrastinate. And if they are
aware that they should begin sooner, they do not feel the burden fast
enough. Meanwhile, the present's temptations build an unequal battle, and
the future has a difficult time winning . The more clearly you can recall
past emotions and outcomes, the more motivated you can be to make
changes in the future.

You can find yourself arriving on time, if not early, and feel much more
comfortable and content the next time you use these tips. Time management
may seem to be a hazy, alien phenomenon, but it boils down to a tug of war
between maximizing the current benefits and maximizing the prospects.
Time is money; being late costs you money, so think of the things you can
do with that lost money, and you can soon be on the way to better managing
your time.
 Chapter 17:
The Good Side of ADHD in women

M any people just see the many issues associated with ADHD and
believe the media and society's misinformation and negativity
towards it, seeing it solely as a flaw, and are unaware of ADHD's strengths.
Do not confuse your ADHD qualities with symptoms! They are distinct
characteristics and abilities that make you more imaginative, spontaneous,
compassionate, and enthusiastic than anybody else you meet. Be proud of
your ADHD and all the creative thinking, humor, drive, and excitement it
offers. Not all women with ADHD have the same personality
characteristics, but certain personal qualities can turn ADHD into an asset
rather than a disadvantage. Research into the benefits of ADHD is often
dependent on stories about individuals with ADHD rather than studies.
Anyone who has this condition says that it has improved their lives if the
characteristics are turned into strengths and used in the right environment.
There is a widespread belief that people with ADHD are too busy to get
things done. Nothing may be farther from the facts.

Here are some of the characteristics for ADHD which can be considered an
advantage rather than an impairment:

Hyperfocus- ADHD's signature hyper-focus is a significant gain, provided

you can successfully redirect all your attention and commitment into
meaningful practice. Many scientists, researchers, and artists with ADHD
have had very fruitful careers, thanks mainly to their willingness to
concentrate on what they are doing over long periods. If you enjoy doing
something so much you focus on it excessively, this can be an advantage
because it means you will get things done. This causes them to get so
focused on a mission that they do not know what is going on around them.
The advantage of this is that if a person with ADHD is assigned a task, they
will concentrate on it till it is completed without losing focus, spending
hours of undivided attention and concentration on an assignment. You may
get into a trance and become fully lost in what you are doing as the outer
world fades away.

Energetic- Some people with ADHD appear to have an infinite supply of

energy that they can turn into progress on the playing field, in education, or
at work. Some jobs or activities require copious amounts of energy, and
where neurotypical brains can often feel drained after a 12-hour shift,
someone with ADHD may still be going strong at the end of their shift. The
high-tech world's rapid transition, for example, may be exhausting and
upsetting for some people, but it's also exciting and energizing for the
ADHDer because it is a fantastic source of dopamine. Your brain works at a
breakneck pace to absorb information. You can do something on a machine
in 30 minutes that might take others hours. The energy ADHDers have can
help motivate those around them and help keep everyone focused and
enthusiastic about the set goal.

Resilient - People with ADHD succeed at overcoming obstacles,

implementing new tactics, and getting on further than ever before.
ADHDers have failed multiple times before becoming successful, and this
failure has turned them into persistent individuals. They are used to things
not going to plan, so they learn to adapt and keep trying harder. They tend
to be the ones working on solutions when everyone else around them is
freaking out. They have developed perseverance and stubbornness to just
keep going, even if it feels like swimming against the current.

Enthusiastic- Because of emotional dysregulation and because of the

dopamine kick people with ADHD strive to experience, they can get excited
about the little things and celebrate small successes often. This
characteristic can be very beneficial both for the ADHDer and those around
them when in the right environment.

A glowing personality- Individuals with ADHD are brilliant, imaginative,

and funny, and they often use self-deprecating humor to show the world that
perfection is completely uninteresting. They have overcome obstacles,
discovered new ways to treat their symptoms, and gained a sense of
modesty and self-respect along the way. All these characteristics add up to a
person who is a joy to be around and brightens the days of others with their
warmth.

Generous- People with ADHD tend to please those around them and care
so much about others. They are always ready to help primarily because they
understand what they are used to going through emotional turmoils
themselves and would not wish it on others. They tend to be very
compassionate and empathetic, hence always available to lend a helping
hand. ADHD individuals can offer a helping hand without overwhelming
others but ensure they are there if needed and are patient with others.

Fair- People with ADHD who have lived with making adjustments or who
have struggled without them understand that "fair" does not necessarily
mean "equal." They realize that different people need different aspects to
excel, and they are dedicated to assisting everyone they can.
Spontaneity- Anyone with ADHD can be able to turn their impulsivity into
immediacy. They may be the life and soul of the group, or they may be
more open and eager to explore new ideas and break away from the status
quo. This characteristic is what makes things generally boring become
interesting.

Humorous- People with ADHD who are well-adjusted have learned to use
laughter to deal with stressful situations, relieve tension, reinforce
relationships, change minds, and more. Because they have been through a
lot of experiences neurotypical brains have not experienced, like storing
their wallet in the refrigerator or losing their credit card twice a week, they
learn to take every situation as it comes. Laughter helps people with ADHD
get through their daily challenges, making life fun for them and those
around them. The situations women with ADHD find themselves in
cultivates the ability to have a humorous character.

Creative and inventive- While further research on ADHD and creativity is

needed, it appears that there is a connection between ADHD and increased
creativity. Living with ADHD provides a person with a new outlook on life
and allows them to view activities and circumstances with a more reflective
approach. Consequently, some ADHD people can be creative thinkers.
Other terms that may be used to characterize them include original,
imaginative, and innovative. This characteristic can be either learned or
otherwise developed because people with ADHD must always find their
way through a world that is not always very ADHD-friendly. They tend to
think outside the box and find solutions where others cannot. . This comes
effortlessly to ADHDers, while others would spend thousands of dollars to
master it. In certain careers thinking outside the box can be an asset, and
people with ADHD tend to shine in these positions. They have a stream of
ideas, and although they might struggle to finish every idea that comes to
their mind, they love to create and can often instigate new projects for
others to work on and finalize, especially when working as part of a team.
Since you take in more detail than the average human and are easily
distracted, you are more inclined than neurotypical brains to approach a
problem from several different perspectives and thus come up with far more
potential solutions to a problem. People with ADHD thrive on variety,
transition, and disorder. They can seamlessly construct order from chaos.

Willing to risk- ADHD brain can jump headfirst into challenges and
opportunities a neurotypical brain is unwilling to do. Therefore, many
ADHD brains opt to open their own business or become self-employed.
Neurotypical brains may remain employed because they cannot pluck up
the courage to open their own business either because they have not come
up with an innovative idea or rather not risk what they perceive as safe.
Often, innovative business ideas and risks would work for people with
ADHD, take the founder and chairman of IKEA, for example. ADHD
allows you to note more details and discover facts and resources that some
overlook. It also encourages you to see potential challenges and possibilities
that others can miss. Impulsivity indicates that you are more likely to take
chances and have a bias towards action; strike now when the iron is hot
rather than being paralyzed by analysis paralysis.

Forgiving- ADHDers are very self-conscious and know they are not
perfect. Because of this, they are very understanding of other people’s
flaws. People with ADHD know that being a good person does not mean
you need to be perfect.

Surprising- ADHDers are full of surprises, and both themselves and those
around them, do not know what they are going to say or do next. Everyday
life can be an adventure if you have ADHD. This can be an asset in
relationships as well. You will never live the same day twice, and you can
often choose to surprise your loved one with a weekend getaway or a road
trip. This can help keep the relationship alive and show that you care for
your other half. This can mean you are willing to put in the work to make
things last.

Rapid learner- If it is something that piques your curiosity, you are fast to
grasp it or the concept of it. ADHD is mostly a boredom disorder; if
anything is important to you, you have no problem paying attention to it.
Being an information junkie may be beneficial in the right situations.

Work well under pressure- Pressure and deadlines give ADHD brains the
dopamine kick they are after. Women with ADHD tend to hyper-focus and
get motivated to finish tasks and reach deadlines when under pressure. They
can often procrastinate and put things off till the very last minute for this
reason. They always assume they have more time than they really do, and
when things get real, they can work very well under pressure. Others may
panic and fail to meet expectations under pressure.

Singer Justin Timberlake, actor Channing Tatum, actor Jim Carrey, actor
Will Smith, and athlete Michael Phelps all have two things in common, they
all have ADHD and are very successful personalities who have made it
despite what everyone might have told them growing up. An individual
with ADHD may need assistance in harnessing these characteristics to their
advantage. Teachers, psychologists, therapists, and parents all have a part to
play. They must assist a person with ADHD in exploring their artistic side
or devoting energies to completing a mission. An ADHD diagnosis does not
have to place a person at a disadvantage in life. Instead, ADHD may and
has helped many artists, athletes, and business people succeed. Many
individuals with ADHD have hit the top of their respective careers. ADHD
is a highly manageable disorder, with a variety of approaches available to
improve a person's attention and behavior. Medication and rehabilitation are
examples of these. People with ADHD who are taught adaptive approaches
to assist with time management and organization skills are likely to reach
higher levels of focus.

ADHD is not a failed version of a neurotypical brain; they just work

differently. It is best to focus on what you have done right than what you
have done wrong. Differences in ADHD need to be seen as strengths and
not failures. ADHD individuals must keep in mind that they are not alone,
and they form part of a community that is constantly striving to make this
world more ADHD-friendly and make ADHDers feel accepted and
appreciated. The reality, as I’ve countlessly repeated, is that when people
with ADHD discover something they are excited about, they will work
harder than anybody else might ever think, sometimes smashing the
challenge. Based on what other people have done, I believe it is fair to
assume that it should be seen as a strength rather than a weakness.
 Chapter 18:
Postmenopausal Women with ADHD

M enopause is a natural phase in a woman’s life where her menstrual

cycle eventually stops. Menopause can occur at different stages in a
woman’s life, and not everyone experiences it at the same age. A woman
would go into menopause primarily because her ovaries have stopped
producing hormones, mainly estrogen and progesterone. Testosterone
levels, the follicle-stimulating hormone, also known as FSH, and luteinizing
hormone, also known as LH, also fluctuate during menopause. A woman is
thought to reach menopause when she fails to have a menstrual cycle for
one year. Estrogen levels are said to drop drastically during this period, and
those going through this phase may experience irregular menstrual cycles,
hot flushes, vaginal dryness, mood swings, and trouble sleeping. These
symptoms are experienced by most women regardless of whether they
suffer from ADHD or not. But having ADHD surely does not help to get
through this natural event. Menopause may at times be induced in cases of
surgical removal of the ovaries, pelvic radiation, or hormone therapy. Blood
tests can be a way of knowing whether you have entered the
perimenopausal stages, whereby you would experience lighter symptoms of
menopause. Menopause is also associated with osteoporosis, fractures,
changes in cognitive behavior, mood changes, and loss of libido. Measuring
levels of hormones in the blood can help determine whether you are
currently going through menopause.

Women who have ADHD and start getting into menopause confess
experiencing confusion, difficulty multitasking, memory struggles, and
general cognitive difficulties. Some might suspect developing Alzheimer’s
or dementia. Someone who is already on ADHD medication and was
controlling their condition may find that whatever used to work just fine for
their ADHD may not be sufficient when menopause hits. This is because
ADHD combined with lower levels of estrogen can cause an overwhelming
feeling. Women who get diagnosed with ADHD at a later stage might
experience regret and remorse when looking back at the things they could
have achieved if they got the help and treatment they deserved. They would
have suffered fewer years of self-abuse and treating themselves as if they
were complete failures, lazy, and stupid.

Estrogen affects the release of serotonin. This is the key hormone that
stabilizes your mood and helps your brain cells to communicate. This will
affect digestion, sleeping, and eating habits. Lack of serotonin can be the
cause of depression and anxiety. You can help increase levels of serotonin
in the brain naturally; by exposing yourself a little more often to bright
light, exercise, meditate, get massages, and consume certain foods.
Serotonin is not readily available in food sources but is found in its amino
acid form, tryptophan which is converted into serotonin in the brain.
Consuming nuts, seeds, spinach, salmon, and eggs can help increase
tryptophan levels naturally. Low levels of estrogen during menopause
causes even lower levels of dopamine in the brain, exacerbating the
symptoms of ADHD. Certain treatment that would usually or mostly work
for college students with ADHD may no longer be as effective for
menopausal women with ADHD. This is because the decrease in dopamine
stems from hormones and not from ADHD. Controlling your ADHD can be
crucial in women with perimenopausal symptoms. If your ADHD is not
controlled, it will be very difficult to identify the issue and why you are
experiencing such symptoms. If your ADHD is controlled, then one can
easily rule it out as the root cause of your current symptoms. Increasing
ADHD medication will not help in these cases because nothing is being
done for low estrogen levels.

One would hope that by the time you reach menopause, you would have
also received adequate treatment for your ADHD. At this point, your ADHD
is controlled, but minimizing the symptoms of menopause can help control
your ADHD as well. It is suggested that loose, layered, and light clothing is
worn to help manage hot flushes. Avoiding heavy blankets and keeping the
bedroom cool can also help with this. If you experience hot flushes even
during the day, try carrying a small portable fan to help with this. Regular
exercise can help with increasing energy, promote better sleep, and improve
your mood. Physical activity, even for 30 minutes daily, can help promote
general well-being and help control your weight. If you are experiencing
massive mood changes and going through periodic episodes of depression
or anxiety, speak to a therapist and make sure your family members or
loved ones are aware of what you are going through. Vitamins can help to
supplement your diet during menopause. Calcium, Magnesium, and vitamin
D supplements can help reduce the occurrence of osteoporosis or slow its
progression. This will also improve sleep and energy levels. Although some
of these supplements can be found over the counter, it is best to consult a
healthcare professional before adding them to your daily regimen. The same
goes for natural sleep remedies, like melatonin. If you are experiencing
sleep issues, try consulting a professional to help control your sleeping
patterns. Irregularities in melatonin production can cause depression, but in
the right amounts, it can help create a healthy sleeping pattern. Yoga and
meditation can also help ease stress. Because during menopause, women
tend to experience skin dryness, it is suggested that moisturizers are used
daily. Avoiding excessive bathing or swimming can help lessen skin dryness
and irritation.
If you feel like completing certain tasks at work has become a challenge, try
bartering them with someone else at the office. If you forget to make phone
calls daily, try asking a colleague if she can complete them for you, and in
exchange, you can do some of her tasks. Try finding the root cause for what
is making you forget or avoid making phone calls. You may want to keep a
clean working area to avoid clutter and confusion. Prepare for phone calls
before making them, so you avoid forgetting what you need to say. If emails
work better for you, try encouraging your clients to contact you via email. If
you can delegate more work to ease the workload, go ahead and do it. Do
not feel like a failure because you are not doing everything on your own;
you should not. You need to understand that those around you are part of
your support system and are there to share your burden. If what you need to
work better is a strategy, use the help of those around you to set one up. If
you feel like you already have too much work, learn to say no to new
responsibilities or negotiate a better deadline. Writing to-do lists will help
you get into the right mind frame for the day. If your day is over and you
know you have left so many unfinished tasks, try jotting them down one by
one in order of importance and priority. Once you have that done, clear the
clutter to start afresh the next day. With a to-do list set, your day is already
planned and will help you stay focused longer. Strick things off the list
when you are done, and keep with this habit if it works for you. If one task
is complicated or you are sure you will not complete it the next day, divide
it into smaller tasks and try completing those mini-tasks to keep up with
goals and deadlines. If you work in a dynamic office environment where
your superiors fire duties and tasks to you as they make their morning
coffee in the staff canteen, get into the habit of carrying a small notebook
and pen with you wherever you go. You will be able to write down tasks,
instructions, and deadlines when this happens. If you feel unsure about the
goal objectives, try asking your boss to email you the assignment in detail
later so you can have something to look back to while completing the
assignment and be sure you do not miss any important details.

Although this tip may not work for everyone, it can help to take it under
consideration. You may want to hire a professional organizer who will help
you declutter your space and keep you accountable. It is easier to stay on
track when you have a professional reminding you all the time. Cognitive
behavior therapy can also help in increasing self-control and self-esteem,
two factors negatively impacted during menopause.

Menopause cannot be avoided, but by keeping track of any menstrual

changes, mood changes, and sleep disturbances, you will soon start to
notice these changes and have a record of them. This will give you an
indication of where you stand, and with that information at hand, you can
discuss your ADHD symptoms and menopausal ones with your psychiatrist,
therapist, gynecologist, or physician. ADHD will not disappear with time
but knowing how to manage it based on the different stages of life is key to
keep it under control.
 Chapter 19:
Pregnancy and Children of a Mother with ADHD

P regnant women who also have ADHD may report a drop in their
ADHD symptoms. This is because estrogen levels spike during
pregnancy. Estrogen targets the brain, helping with dopamine and other
neurotransmitters. Keep in mind that ADHD is a spectrum, and some
symptoms may be more grievous in some individuals than others.
Pregnancy and the estrogen fluctuations it brings with it might help lessen
the ADHD symptoms, but that does not make it disappear completely or
even cure it. Once pregnancy is over, estrogen levels will plummet again,
causing ADHD symptoms to return, in some cases with more intensity—
some report experiencing post-natal depression and anxiety. With becoming
a parent, one must keep in mind this is a process and a life-changing event
in itself, might I add. ADHD will impact you and your child whether you
have it diagnosed or not.
Pregnancy and ADHD
Women may have a planned pregnancy, but some may get pregnant
unexpectedly. Ideally, women with ADHD who also happen to be on
medication for this condition would discuss and contemplate whether to
stay on ADHD medication during pregnancy before getting pregnant. At
this stage, women planning to get pregnant together with their physician
and partner would weigh in the risks and benefits of getting pregnant and
seizing ADHD medication versus continuing with treatment just the same.
Women with ADHD who decide to alter or seize their ADHD medication
may also need to continue doing so during breastfeeding. In most cases, this
decision is taken after the woman learns she is pregnant, which would
usually be four or more weeks into the pregnancy. At this stage, the fetus
would have already been exposed to medication. None of the treatments
used in ADHD is proven to be safe in pregnant women, but there is no
confirmation of them being unsafe either. There has never been an ethical
way of conducting studies for the safety of such medication on pregnant
women and the outcome on their babies to date. This leaves both physicians
and expectant mothers at a crossroads. A physician would usually decide
based on their knowledge, the documented outcomes of similar situations,
and their best judgment for their patient. They consider the woman with
ADHD, the severity of her condition, and other environmental variables.
Seizing ADHD medication for a pregnant woman will affect her directly,
her baby, her family, and those around her. Because medication passes
through the placenta and to the fetus, this will expose the baby to stimulant
medication in the womb. Many researchers are trying to gather information
about these effects. To date, stimulant medication is harmful to the fetus
based on animal studies carried out. There is a record of women continuing
their ADHD treatment while pregnant for observational purposes because
actual trials cannot be conducted for ADHD medication during pregnancy.
A designated office forming part of the Food and Drug Administration still
gathers this data and keeps a register for it. This information gathered is
factual and is there to teach more about medication during pregnancy.
Although these studies are not accurate for pregnant women who are about
to decide whether to continue their ADHD medication during pregnancy,
results show a high infant mortality rate and preterm deliveries. These
results cause many physicians to advise against continuing their ADHD
medication through their pregnancy. Some may choose non-
pharmacological treatment for women with mild to moderate ADHD who
happen to be pregnant. Exercise, cognitive behavior therapy, diet, and
dialectical behavior therapy can be an option. The latter is a type of
cognitive behavior therapy that aims to teach people to cope with stress,
control their emotions, improve their relationships, and helps them live in
the moment rather than worry about past or future events in life they have
no control over. Cognitive behavior therapy will help with awareness and
change problematic patterns of behaving and reasoning. Whether or not an
expectant mother continues her ADHD treatment will be based heavily on
her needs for the medication and her inclination to not expose her unborn
baby to drugs that we know very little about when taken during pregnancy.
If an expectant mother with ADHD decides to stop her medication, those
around her should be made aware. Symptoms of inattention, hyperactivity,
and impulsivity may return during pregnancy and when off medication.
People at work, family members, and friends may be taken off guard by
this. They can also offer help and be your support system if you involve
them in your decision. Decreasing your responsibilities during this time is
beneficial. Women who take medication for their ADHD may find it
difficult to transition to a period where they are off their medication and
pregnant. Especially during maternity leave, expectant mothers tend to
spend their last few days before giving birth at home. Staying at home a lot
would not help, especially when you are off medication. Managing a
business from home or doing simple house chores can also prove to be
challenging without the help of your usual ADHD medication. ADHD
treatment tends to build up in one’s system, so once you stop the treatment,
you would not experience symptoms straight away. This is subjective and
depends on the dosage one would have been on before seizing treatment.
During the first months of pregnancy, a neurotypical woman would
experience a stir of emotions caused by the pregnancy itself, so being a
woman with ADHD who is also off her treatment may experience an even
bigger emotional turmoil once the effects of the medication start to wear
off. They may struggle with emotional overload and may also find it hard to
control it. Pregnant women off treatment may feel tired, demotivated,
experience suicidal thoughts and depression. When an ADHD brain has
nothing to focus on or is not stimulated by anything, it may feel like
shutting off, hence making the neurodiverse individual feel tired more
often. Impulsivity may also be an issue for expectant mothers who stopped
their ADHD treatment and so sticking to healthy eating practices and
incorporating physical exercise may be slightly difficult to stick to.

If you are a woman with ADHD who just discovered you are pregnant and
happen to be impulsive because of your ADHD, then it is best if you start
adopting healthy eating habits to avoid impulse eating. This will help you
avoid complications in pregnancy associated with your diet, like gestational
diabetes. Setting time aside for food preparation can help with impulse
eating as well. Make sure you make frequent grocery trips to ensure a good
amount of healthy food is always available during your 9-months. Pre-natal
vitamin intake is crucial during the first trimester, and remembering to take
your vitamins can be very challenging if you have ADHD. Try setting up
alarms on your phone, have a stash of vitamins in areas you will remember
to take them, like in your bag, at work, and at home. Allow yourself to feel
tired and permit yourself to rest because you are most definitely going to
need it. Discuss budgeting ways with your partner, so you will not find
yourself struggling to get the supplies you need at the very end of your
pregnancy. If you are taking time off work and find yourself bored at home,
try reading pregnancy books. With ADHD, it may be very easy to lose focus
but reading about a stage you are going through at this very moment can
help you keep your focus and teach you handy tips along the way.
Socializing can also help you get the support you need from your family
and friends whilst also enjoying some time out. If you are an introvert, you
may not opt for this last tip, which is perfectly fine. At the end of your
pregnancy, you may want to start getting all the things you need for
yourself and for the baby to come. You may also take setting up a nursery as
a project. Taking prenatal classes can also help you during this special time
in your life. Try avoiding triggers that would stress you out because
emotional reactivity can be a struggle in itself for women with ADHD, let
alone if you are also pregnant. Experiencing stress during pregnancy can
also negatively impact the baby, so it is best to avoid this altogether. It is
very important to be kind to yourself and understand that pregnancy can be
a struggle for neurotypical brains and even more so for neurodiverse ones.
Yoga or meditation for pregnant women can help alleviate the symptoms of
ADHD.
Breastfeeding and ADHD

Research and data on women with ADHD and breastfeeding on medication

are lacking. ADHD treatment should only be taken if the potential benefit
justifies the potential risk to the baby. Some physicians give a lot of
importance to breastfeeding, which may vary from country to country as
traditions tend to diversify. Doctors who emphasize breastfeeding and its
benefits to the baby may encourage nursing mothers to discontinue any
unnecessary medication as traces of these drugs may come up in the
mother’s milk. A physician may opt for short-acting medication for ADHD
rather than a long-acting one. This will help the medication to peak quickly
in the blood and last for a lesser amount of time. This can be achieved by
switching from sustained-release medication to immediate-release
medication. In these cases, the dosing schedule can be modified to fit the
mother’s and the baby’s feeding and sleeping schedule. Immediate release
medication can help reduce the exposure of treatment to the baby. With this
treatment, drugs can peak for about two hours and will mean that during
this time, the drug is highly present in the mother’s blood and can be
transferred easily to the baby during lactation. With sustained-release
medication, the levels of medication in the blood rise at a slower pace and
will remain available for longer, usually about 8 hours. Choosing to lactate
before taking the medication can work better with immediate-release
medication but not sustained ones. Mothers may nurse their child before
taking the dose, leaving a lessened possibility of passing the ADHD
medication effects on the baby. This can become easier as the baby grows
older as they tend to lactate less often, leaving the mother with a bigger
window of availability for her to take her drugs. Because a baby’s liver is
less capable of breaking down medication, drugs secreted into the mother’s
breast milk can take longer to be cleared in a baby than an adult. This
makes the baby more susceptible to adverse drug effects. This will also
depend on whether the baby is exclusively breastfeeding or also taking
formula milk or solid foods. If this is the case, they would be taking less
breastmilk and therefore are less exposed to traces of ADHD medication. If
the mother opts to stay on ADHD medication while lactating, she may want
to work closely with the pediatrician to monitor any reactions caused by the
negative effects of her medication. A parent may notice irritability,
abnormal weight gain, agitation, changes in feeding habits, and poor
sleeping habits in their child. They must speak to their doctor and consider
lowering the dose or stopping treatment altogether if this is the case. When
a woman with ADHD decides to stop her treatment when she first becomes
aware of her pregnancy, she might also be prepared to not take her
medication at all, even after giving birth. Some physicians may ask
expecting mothers to try getting off their medication whilst pregnant and
allow them to start back on if they need to. If this is the case, then the
mother may continue with ADHD medication throughout the pregnancy and
follow through the nursing period as well. This will need to be discussed
with your doctor to find the best possible solution for your condition and
the baby.

Parenting and ADH D

It is very common for children to be diagnosed with ADHD, and the

diagnosis of one of the parents follows right after. ADHD can be hereditary.
It might be very well established by now that women will often get
misdiagnosed at their early ages. The stigma surrounding adulthood ADHD
and the lack of understanding certainly doesn’t help. Parenting can be
overwhelming, and parents with undiagnosed ADHD may find it harder to
meet their children’s requirements. They may lack organizational skills,
struggle to keep with their kid’s schedules and find dealing with their
behavior very stressful. They forgot to get kids their school supplies on
time, picking them up late from school, forget to take them to extra-
curricular activities, and fail to provide a harmonious environment at home.

It would be ideal for a mother with ADHD to get diagnosed because it will
benefit them and their kids, drastically improving the quality of life for
them and their families. Kids with ADHD require a caregiver who can
handle the scheduling of appointments, fill prescriptions for controlled
drugs, take care of health insurance or manage whatever health system is
applied in their home country, monitor side effects, and make sure
medication is being taken as it should. If the caregiver has ADHD and is
uncontrolled or undiagnosed, doing all this besides taking care of the home
and the rest of the family can be challenging and nearly impossible. A
child’s treatment requires compliance and consistency to achieve results. It
is relatively obvious that this cannot be achieved by the child alone.
Mothers with ADHD may know what needs to be done but have a hard time
carrying tasks out. Parents with ADHD can benefit from getting a diagnosis
because it will alleviate stress and reduce the level of guilt they impose on
themselves and allow them to focus more on the genetic disorder they have,
the same as their child does. They will understand where everything is
coming from and will get the treatment they need. A mother with ADHD
who is also receiving the right treatment will notice an incredible
improvement in her parenting skills and a reduced load on the entire family.
If you can become organized and stay organized, you will be able to give
more attention to your kids. Feeling more relaxed and comfortable with
their children is what every mother hopes to attain. Cognitive behavior
therapy can be a great accompaniment for ADHD medication for both the
kid and the mother. If both you and your child have ADHD, you probably
struggle to pick up their toys or minimize their clutter. Apply the same
techniques you use for yourself and set a timer for them to clear the clutter,
give them something to look forward to, and set a deadline for them. Write
routines for kids so they know what to follow. Set the tone every morning
and try to stay positive; it is likely to carry on during the day. If they
struggle to complete their tasks try helping them with their homework, it
can help them get over that hurdle while you also spend quality time with
them. Organize your kids’ medical records in binders, color-coded if you
wish, and make one for yourself too. You might have bills that are due as
well, but if you need their medical records, which you will very often, you
know where to find them. Try to avoid picking fights unnecessarily; if their
socks do not match every morning, cut them some slack and think back to
what you did as a child, it can help you understand them.
 Chapter 20 :
Best Jobs for Women with ADHD

A
n ADHD brain can have unique attributes considered to be an asset in
certain jobs. There is no one-size-fits-all career for either
neurotypical or neurodiverse brains, but there are jobs that would fit
better for women with ADHD. Having said this, there are no jobs ADHDers
cannot perform, but there are some environments and careers that will help
people with ADHD to thrive rather than struggle in their job posts. ADHD
symptoms can cause difficulties in the workplace for adults, just as they do
for children in school. Adults with ADHD will have a very promising
career. Others can face several difficulties, such as poor listening skills,
distractibility, procrastination, and trouble handling complicated tasks.
Seeking advice from an occupational coach, nurse, social worker, or other
health care worker with career therapy experience will help you understand
and cope with ADHD at work. Each person with ADHD faces a unique set
of challenges. As a result, it is essential to remember your specific image
when developing plans, accommodations, and modifications for the job.

If you have ADHD and are struggling at your current employment or feel
like you do not fit the bill at your current post, have a look at this career list:
-

Journalism- This is a creative and dynamic environment to be part of, and

the inattention issue will not be a problem here. The fast-paced environment
will have you working on different stories all the time, and because you
probably function better under pressure, you are likely to find this career
role a better fit for you. Journalists also interact with a lot of people and will
need to deliver a quick turnaround. Keeping to tight deadlines can,
however, be a challenge for some women with ADHD, but that can be
overcome.

Copy Editor- This is very similar to journalism because you would be set
up to work on multiple stories at once and will need to deliver work within
fast and tight deadlines. Working on an array of different stories will help
with your inattention as well.

Hairstylist- You are working on different clients who are after different
hairstyles, colors, and looks. This environment is very casual and social,
and creativity plays an important role in this career. A lot of hairstylists
might wish to open their salon, and this is also one of the ADHD traits-
wanting to be their boss. This role has many diverse tasks that will keep you
focused on the client at hand. This role also has plenty of room for growth
because you can strive to make a name for yourself.

Beauticians- Beauty salons have different clients walking in, each asking
for different services, which usually require creativity and focus for a short
time. They also tend to work long hours and may be required to work
outside shop hours during weddings or special occasions. Having a packed
schedule leaves less time for boredom and gives plenty of opportunities for
social contact. This job post is also ever-changing because new techniques
come in regularly.

Doctor- Becoming a doctor requires you to be over-ambitious, and that is

exactly what ADHDers are. Doctors need to multitask well under pressure,
and this might be overwhelming for the neurotypical brains but not the
ADHD ones. In a doctor role, one needs to be creative to handle different
emergencies under pressure. ADHD tends to live on emergency mode all
the time, so it fits the bill perfectly. Graduating from med school is not easy
for anyone, but if young girls with ADHD are passionate about medicine
and health, they will hyper-focus on the one thing that interests them.

Nurse - Nurses tend to work very long shifts and need to stay focused
because a mistake on their side can cost somebody's life. They are very
aware of this and are happy to be assigned responsibilities. If a nurse needs
to be in surgery or help prepare medication for patients, they can stay
focused on the task and deliver. Because a hospital is bustling with patients
and duties to be completed, nurses often are worked up, and if you are a
neurotypical brain, you might lack enough energy to complete your 12-hour
shift.

The entertainment industry- Jobs in this industry are usually very vibrant
and ever-changing. This will require you to put your absolute best in each
role, kind of like hyper-focus! Once you are done with this role, you can
move on to the next and put the same time and effort into that. Anyone who
thrives in creative chaos will find themselves opting to work in a fast-paced
and artistic environment. This can be as a TV producer, pianist,
choreographer, dancer, or actor. Theatrical stage managers are required to
facilitate production, including rehearsals and meetings. No two days are
the same, and entertainment industry workers are required to maintain their
focus in a dynamic environment. This career also calls for creativity,
something women with ADHD do not struggle with!

Teacher- Adults with ADHD tend to find satisfaction in careers that allow
them to be dynamic and creative. This might also mean that your patience is
put to the test, which is expected when working with kids. Transitioning
from one task to the next and understanding the strengths of kids in your
class who have ADHD as well may be a plus.
Childcare worker- This is very similar to teaching but will allow people
with ADHD to be even more creative and switch tasks constantly because
the syllabus at childcare centers is less academic and more creative. Having
a lot of energy is also very important when working with kids who
themselves are bursting with energy.

Owner of small businesses- Being your own boss can help you thrive as a
woman with ADHD. You can oversee your schedule and duties. You can
pick a business sector that you are most interested in, so you are sure you
will be doing what you find interesting and not be forced to stick to
whatever is assigned to you. Your own business will be something you
create, so hyper-focusing on this will be a plus for you. Your work setup can
vary from day to day, and this will accommodate your boredom and
restlessness. Having the opportunity to choose your career will make your
life more meaningful. Owning a small business and having people work for
you can be advantageous if you want to delegate tasks that you know you
struggle to perform.

Freelancer- If you have struggled with completing deadlines at your past

employment, freelancing might be the right choice for you. You will be free
to take up whatever task you feel like you can handle. Clients will want
their product or service delivered on time against set requirements. You will
get to use your best skills, and because you have a set deadline and clear
instructions on how to carry out that task, you might thrive at this as an
ADHDer. Freelance is very broad, and you can also do this job remotely.

Emergency first responders- This encompasses police officers,

paramedics, and firefighters. All these require the ability to work well under
pressure and emergencies. These jobs do not have one fixed setting and
have that adrenaline rush ADHDers seek. When neurotypical individuals
start to panic in certain situations, neurodiverse individual’s brains will kick
in and allow problem-solving to complete the task presented to them.

Chef- People with ADHD tend to have a lot of energy and be creative.
Chefs work insanely long shifts in a fast-paced environment. Whether they
are pastry chefs or manage an a la carte restaurant, attributes of an ADHD
brain will go very well in a culinary job. Even if you might not be seeing
orders all the time, there is a lot of preparation to be done before service
commences. You will also need to keep a good inventory in your pantry and
fridge. If you hold a higher post as a chef like a sous chef, you will be given
more responsibility, and as a woman with ADHD, this will go very well
with your personality. Again if you are in charge, you may be more flexible
about delegating tasks you seem to lack in, leaving you with more
opportunity to use your strengths instead.

Hospitality industry worker- Very similar to the job above, working in

this industry will have you on a very unpredictable schedule. Bartenders
and food and beverage attendants will need to switch from one duty to the
next whilst also attending to clients. They would be trained and have
learned the processes needed to complete tasks at the job, so they have a
process to follow and know exactly how to complete that tasks. Operating a
bar, for example, will require you to open the outlet ahead of time, prepare
for service, make sure you have adequate cash for the day, and when it is
time to serve customers, all you must do is complete their orders. Once
opening hours are over, you will need to clear your station, make enough
preparation for the next shift, and close the cash. All of this is an entire
process which once learned, can be easily followed through by ADHDers. If
you work in a hotel that forms part of a network of hotels and forms part of
the food and beverage department, you are very likely to be asked by your
line manager to compete in local bartending competitions to make a name
for the hotel and yourselves. This will fuel your energy, and because you
must create a cocktail, for example, or a signature drink from start to finish,
you will be highly engaged and see this as a target. This will require you to
invent the recipe after multiple trials, create a garnish for it, and ultimately
put up a show for your colleagues and judges alike. This will keep you
focused for the time you invent, create, and rehearse for this competition.
This will be an added goal during your career and enable you to use the
ADHD traits.

Computer technicians- The frontal lobe of the brain is stimulated by

technology in people with ADHD. Computer technicians or IT staff in a
company go from one desk to the next fixing technical issues for their
colleagues. Solving other people’s issues will give you a sense of
satisfaction because you will feel valued for your skills.

Software developers- Whether in a company or by themselves, they will

create content or troubleshoot programs, websites, or applications. This will
help people with ADHD to hyper-focus. They would be assigned diverse,
interesting, and hands-on tasks. This will help people with ADHD to stay on
track and meet targets. Women with ADHD who wish to opt for this career
path may also have the opportunity to work as freelancers and remotely.

Factory assembly line worker - This might be a boring job post for
someone who does not have ADHD. Some ADHD brains will work better
when they have an ultra-structured career. The process is laid out to them,
and they would also have targets to reach during production. Some
ADHDers succeed when they have instructions spelled out to them. In most
cases, their shift is never the same, and their schedule will vary from week
to week, leaving some sort of flexibility in their daily lives. This career may
not be ideal for every woman with ADHD, but some line workers can be
given more responsibilities and get promoted.

Retail Workers- Whether it is a bookstore or an administration-type post,

you are very likely to be busy with clients or tasks most of the time. You
have a set of procedures to follow to open and close the outlet, and
whenever you are not seeing to clients, you have plenty of stocking up to
do, inventory duties, and cleaning. If you work in an office or assist other
managerial staff, you are very likely to be given instructions for things to be
completed. You are mostly always going to be busy with filing, emails,
bookkeeping, and answering phone calls.

Interior designer- This is a hands-on, creative post and will require your
creativity. Some ADHDers combine this attribute with problem-solving and
often excel in this post. Their brain would be racing with ideas, and they
will transpose beautifully in such a role. Thinking outside of the box can be
very appreciated in this job post.

Personal trainer- ADHD brains have so much energy to spare, and if they
are passionate about sports, this might be a good swap for whatever boring
job they are doing now. This will require them to plan training sessions or
one-to-one classes for their client. Personal trainers may be using up most
of their energy at work, and that will not leave them jumping off the wall at
the end of their day because they feel they have not used up enough of their
energy at work. This may mean you are a yoga instructor, pilates instructor,
do personal training sessions at your client’s houses, or are employed at a
gym or fitness center.

Mechanic- This is a very technical career that requires you to know how
things work. Because vehicles are constantly changing, you will also need
to stay ahead of the game and learn new things as you go. At this point, if
you have chosen this path, cars are probably your passion. So, whenever a
faulty car comes in, you will very likely be invested in fixing it and sticking
to a deadline set either by yourself or by the vehicle owner. This will also
get you in contact with a lot of people, and you can socialize while you
work on what you love. This post may also allow you to work and own the
business simultaneously, allowing flexibility in your schedule.

Photographer- This is a very dynamic occupation whether you work with a

company or are self-employed. You may be called to work at weddings,
baptisms, holy communions, or family events. This job is ever-changing.
Learning new techniques and owning state-of-the-art camera equipment
will help you build a good reputation. People with ADHD will very likely
enjoy doing this because of the characteristics it entails to succeed; focusing
on the task at hand, keeping up with new technology and new skills, and it
is also very dynamic.

Adults with ADHD will discover that their original career choice does not
play to their strengths, no matter how hard they try, and that a shift is
needed. Before making a career change try considering the below aspects
before you do, and this can help you better pick an alternative career.

Interest- Take into consideration both your leisure and your professional
interests. Try listing these down and consult with a career counselor. They
can provide a list of occupations that correspond to your likings and what is
required to fit the job. It is best to choose a job that interests you for it to
last; otherwise, you are very likely to quit or be unhappy.

Skills - List down your skills and achievements. Try to look back at what
subject you enjoyed at school. Your counselor will help identify the jobs
that your skills can best fit. Skills can be mental, interpersonal, or physical
depending on the job and whether it entails dealing with data, people, or
things.

Personality- Knowing your personality strengths will help you change your
professional habits, broaden your career opportunities, and chart a more
promising route to a successful career future.

Values - People place different values on various objects. People are usually
accepted to work better and more focused when the job at hand is in line
with their ideals.

Aptitude- The ability to gain proficiency in a particular field is known as

aptitude. It can seem that these are inherent, but this is not always the case.
Aptitudes can be taught as well. An aptitude is the propensity to learn a skill
dependent on innate gifts or experience, while a skill is a present ability.
This includes reasoning, numerical skills, verbal skills, mechanical or
spatial skills, language learning, and accuracy.

Energy levels- Different jobs require different levels of energy to get

through the day. Some may go through the day with constant levels of
energy daily, while others have fluctuating levels of energy. If you intend to
make a career change, try keeping a log of your energy levels either in your
notebook or via a mobile app. Check in your energy levels during the day
and go back to it at the end of the week. If changes in energy levels are
minor, you are likely to go through the day without feeling depleted, but if
you have major fluctuations, you are very likely to have trouble completing
tasks.

Habits- There are habits at the job that can be either expected or measured
up. These often depend on personal traits like reliability, commitment, and
attitude. If you are expected to be super friendly at a sales-career job, and
you tend to be an introvert, then it is very likely that this job is not for you.

Past experience- There is no more valuable information than the

experience you have lived. Try extracting information from your past job
posts and evaluate what went wrong, what you should have done better or
differently, and what you would not rather be doing again. Consider what
you enjoyed doing at your previous job and what you would like to have at
your current one. Consider things you disliked and what you would not
want to have at the next job. Evaluate the time you spent at the previous
job. Did you leave after a few months, or you managed to stay committed
for years?
ADHD brains are very passion-fueled and hands-on creative. They are
independent risk-takers and work at a lightning pace. Some ADHD brains
feel like they work better when their duties are ultra-structured and required
to work at a high intensity. For people with ADHD, having a healthy and
steady relationship is very important, as much as finding the best job for
their capabilities. One needs to keep in mind that at the end of the day, one
tends to spend more time at work rather than home. People with ADHD will
need a creative outlet, and if they fail to find it, they might fall into a pit of
depression. It is important to identify the things you love to do, what you
are good at doing, and what people will pay you to do. Anywhere these
three overlap, you will find your ideal job. If you currently find yourself in
a job that you like and enjoy doing but feel like you have reached full
saturation at this post, you might want to speak to your superior and explore
ways to use your abilities differently; maybe they can assign different or
new tasks to you. Your goal and your boss’s goal are probably the same;
maximum productivity, so do not be afraid to speak to your manager about
this issue.
It is not always suggested that you disclose your ADHD at work, so when in
doubt, do not directly spit it out but rather discuss your strengths and
weaknesses. This way, they would know where your capabilities fit best.
You might feel like using the term ADHD can be used against you at work,
so it is best to talk about your personality traits without using the term
directly. It is acceptable to ask for adjustments at work, like working with
your headphones on, because noise often distracts you. There will be a limit
of accommodations that can be done because you must keep in mind you do
work in a team, and if your boss had to accommodate everyone, they would
no longer keep to a corporate structure with its rules and regulations. So,
your best option is to find the right job. There are many ways of coming
across as dedicated at work. For example, instead of saying you
procrastinate and struggle with getting things done, you may want to
rephrase it by saying you work better under pressure, can follow
instructions, and will work best with a deadline. Naming your strengths and
weaknesses will also put your boss at ease about you because if they tend to
not know much about ADHD, they would just think you are unreliable. If
you do not need adjustments, then disclosing is not required. If you feel like
disclosing your ADHD can have your manager or superior discriminate
against you, don’t.
Here are some suggestions to help cope with many symptoms of ADHD:
Distractibility- This can be both internal in the form of daydreaming or
external, like noises and movement around you. You may benefit from a
private cubicle or by working from home. Using earphones and listening to
music can also help. If having your own space can seem unfair to others or
it is just not possible, then try using unused space like meeting rooms or
conference rooms. Divert your phone calls while you work on projects and
do not wish to be distracted or set your voicemail to take messages which
you can return to later. If an idea pops in your head, try keeping a notebook
so you can jot it down and get back to it when you finish what you are
doing. If you are in a meeting and know you will be asked about your
opinion or ideas, try writing them down instead of impulsively shouting
them out when it is not your turn. When your turn comes, you will be able
to give feedback and talk about your suggestion in a timely manner. Try
performing one task at a time.
Impulsivity- If you struggle with impulsivity and anger outbursts, try using
self-talk to control your emotions. Try working with a coach to manage
appropriate replies and manage difficult situations. Do not hesitate to ask
for feedback and take it constructively to become more aware of yourself.
Try to incorporate meditation and relaxation techniques during the day. A
20-minute meditation session as soon as you wake up before work can help
you relax. If you know what regularly triggers your impulsivity try to
anticipate these situations so you are mentally and emotionally prepared. If
possible, try to avoid these altogether.
Hyperactivity- This symptom can be beneficial if your work requires a lot
of movement or stamina, but this can be an issue if you have an office job.
Try taking frequent breaks from the task that requires you to sit down, keep
photocopying tasks for later so you can get up every hour or so. Try filling
your water bottle every so often, so you get the chance to walk around and
not sit at your desk all the time, but do not seem like you are wasting your
valuable time.
Poor memory- If you struggle to remember deadlines, your co-workers are
probably irritated to have you on the team. Try taking loads of notes during
meetings to go back to them if you forget what was said. Make use of
checklists to complete tasks and make sure you have them wherever is
visible to you, your desktop, laptop, phone, and post-it notes; set reminders
for these deadlines, using every source possible, alarms on your phone and
desktop. Make use of a bullet journal and make sure you carry it around
everywhere.
Boredom- Unless your brain is really stimulated, you tend to blackout
easily, especially when performing routine tasks like filing and scanning.
Use a timer to help you focus on that task during that time. Do not try to
complete long and tedious tasks at one go; instead, split them into smaller
tasks. If taking breaks to walk around is not something you can do at the
job, try picking a job that has minimal routine duties.

Time-management- Divide big projects into smaller ones and make sure
you set a deadline for each task. This will help you stay motivated and work
within the deadline. Cut yourself some slack, and make sure you reward
yourself every now and again. Make use of reminders or buzzers on your
watch, phone, or computer. If you struggle to remember meetings, make
sure you set reminders 5 minutes before, and you can also mentally prepare
for the meeting ahead besides being on time. Try being realistic of the time
a project can take and do not take over more tasks than you can handle.
Procrastination- If you keep putting things off, your colleagues will hate
you for it. If a big project is too much to handle and you keep avoiding
working on it, try splitting it into smaller projects and ask your superior for
deadlines for these. Keeping you accountable is what can make you want to
work on tasks. If you work in teams, try pairing up with someone who has
good time management skills to learn from them and help keep you on
track. If this is hard for you to do, try working with an ADHD coach so they
can help to keep you accountable.
Carelessness- If your job involves paperwork, loads of it, you can struggle
to turn files in as expected or maintain an organized filing system. Make
sure you handle a paper only once and if you have an administrative
assistant at the office, ask him or her to handle that for you if possible.
Leave the papers you are using at the time handy; the rest make sure you
file them where they belong. Try color-coding your files and use labels to
make filing fun and organized.
Interpersonal skills- If you struggle with this skill, you probably offend
co-workers unintentionally because you are too honest, talk a lot, or
interrupt often. Make sure you ask for feedback from co-workers so you can
avoid doing what bothers them. Be more attentive and try to pick up social
cues. You will notice when your behavior is angering your colleagues. If
you are already working with a coach, ask to address this issue during your
sessions and determine what usually leads to these situations. If you
absolutely don’t work well with others, try choosing an autonomous job.
ADHDers are innovators, explorers, risk-takers, dreamers, creatives,
visionaries, entrepreneurs, strong-willed, generous, persistent, amongst so
many other good qualities that cannot be bought or taught. The positives of
people with ADHD outway the negatives; that can be managed. People with
ADHD tend to be people who also like to work and prefer it when they are
busy. Your body will tell you when you need to stop. If you tend to work
overtime or stay up late working, your body will hint it when you need to
stop and get some rest. People with ADHD do not have inferiority of mind,
they are simply more creative, and their approach to things is different than
that of the neurotypical ones. Some might feel that because of their ADHD,
they might struggle with managing workplace pre-requisites; however,
some ADHDers report a high level of job satisfaction not despite their
ADHD but because of it. ADHD brains can love what they do, and they can
succeed at it. If you are at the right job, your position will leverage your
strengths. It is very important to find the job you love to juxtapose your
strengths and accommodate your shortcomings. People with ADHD tend to
take tremendous pride in what they do and do it with a passion. They tend
to be very committed and loyal at work if they are treated well and feel that
they belong there. People with ADHD will admit the impact their condition
has on day-to-day job performance, but it is not insuperable.
ADHDers at work tend to be very distractable, may struggle with managing
their time, may be disorganized, be forgetful at times, and tend to get bored
easily. Despite this, most employees with ADHD do not disclose their
condition to their superiors and do not ask for accommodations.
Here is a recap of all the points addressed above:
People with ADHD may feel like there is never enough time in their day’s
work. Using timers, alarms, and to-do lists can help you manage your time
better. If you feel like you are forgetful or struggle to remember certain
details, write everything down. Always have a pen and a notebook available
with you. If something comes to mind and you know you will forget it later,
write it down and get back to it when you have time. Make use of a planner
or a calendar. Block times during the day and plan your day.
If you are in doubt about what interests you, try volunteering or shadowing
before you commit. It is to be expected that you might be required to work
harder than the average person in some areas but know you will thrive in
other sectors where your colleagues struggle.
 Chapter 21:
How to improve focus in women with ADHD

W
hether at work or home, staying focused may be difficult for people
with ADHD. They struggle with staying focused, multitasking,
staying organized, get bored easily, forget things often, fail to meet
deadlines, and are unable to tune out distractions. Having ADHD will not
mean you do not get things done like neurotypical brains, but you just get
things done differently. It is about every individual finding their way of
dealing with tasks and setting your own goals, and being realistic about
what you can manage to get done. Starting a task can be a challenge for
women with ADHD, so here are some tips on how to improve focus: -

Avoid distractions- If you are working on a computer, try clearing as many

unnecessary windows as possible to avoid getting distracted. If you are
working on a video or writing, try opening your window to a full screen to
help block any other background functions. Put your laptop or computer in
a do not disturb mode; this way, notifications of new emails or messages
will not pop up on your screen, causing you to lose your focus. Your phone
can be an enemy if you are trying to get things done. Put your phone on do
not disturb mode too, and put it away in a drawer if you tend to be tempted
to check your messages, only to find yourself 2 hours later scrolling through
social media. If it helps, put it on silent or even switch it off.

Take your medication at the right time- It might be beneficial for a

woman with ADHD who is on medication to discuss options with their
prescribing doctors on how their stimulant medication, if any, can help them
work better. This is something your doctor will help you navigate, and
talking to them about it can make you more productive if you outline your
schedule to your doctor and explore how your treatment can help you
perform better.

Set reminders and timers- If you know you must dedicate so many hours
to a particular task or several duties at home, for example, try planning your
day and set reminders so you can remember you need to do that task. Once
you set a reminder and you are ready to start working on the task, set a
timer for it. This will help you stay focused, especially if you need to stick
to deadlines, but if it is something that you dread doing, this means that
when the timer is over, you no longer must do that thing you dislike
anymore, for now. The timer will add a little pressure to get you to do
things, and you know for how long you must keep at it.

Reward yourself- To follow up on the above tip, you may reward yourself
once you complete a task. Be diligent with yourself, and make sure you
stick to completing the task before you reward yourself. If you dread doing
the laundry or cleaning the house, try to reward yourself with something
you enjoy, maybe watch an episode from your favorite show or meditate if
that is something you enjoy doing. Women with ADHD tend to be reward-
driven, so if you know something you like or enjoy doing is waiting at the
finish line, you are very likely to persevere to complete the task at hand.

Write it down- Writing things down can help you remember more and
think in a more organized manner. Try having a notebook with you
everywhere you go, so whatever comes to mind, whether it is errands you
need to run or things you need to do, you can write it down and go back to
it later. You might use your phone for this, but some might find it easier if
they write things down. It is suggested you keep a notebook next to your
bed because you might have an overflow of ideas as you are going to sleep.
This interrupts your sleeping habits and may have you working on things
you can leave for the next day, at 3 in the morning. You may dump
whatever ideas you get in the middle of the night and see to them the next
morning. You may tend to struggle with shutting off your brain at night, and
adapting this tip may give you a better chance of getting to sleep and having
a restful night. It has been proven that our brains process information better
when we write by hand instead of electronically. Not having an app to keep
your to-do lists is probably more beneficial because you will not get
interrupted and distracted by other social media apps or advertisements. A
physical notebook will also be there whether your phone has run out of
battery or has crashed.

Create checklists- List down the things you know you need to do. It helps
to have one big list of things you know you need to do at some point, but it
will help if you do a realistic checklist, one you know you can manage to
complete. This means you can take things you need to do from your main
list and write them down on a smaller list for the day, like that you would be
taking a larger goal and dividing it into smaller and reachable tasks. Try
making a list of things for the next day so you will get right into it as soon
as you are ready to start your day. Prioritize tasks according to importance
and deadline.

Ask for accommodations- It is important to know what helps you

complete tasks, and do not be afraid to ask for the accommodations you
need. If sitting next to a window gets you distracted, try asking for a
different seat in class. If there is a quiet area in the office where you feel
you can work better, try asking for that desk. If you feel like you work
better with headphones on, ask for permission. This is not only at work or at
school but also in a relationship. If you feel like the noise at home is a
distraction that impedes you from working, try to ask for some quiet time.
Let your family members or partner know you need some time alone to get
work done. This way, they will know better than to initiate a conversation
with you because it will disrupt you.

Know your limits- Knowing your limits also means knowing your
capabilities. You will be better off not comparing yourself to others. As a
woman with ADHD, it does not mean you are less valuable or you will do
less; it simply means that you can do things differently. Knowing where you
stand with your skills means you will use them more than trying to compare
yourself to others or compete to reach their same targets. Try focusing on
your strengths and your idea of productivity. When you identify skills you
lack or struggle with, you can improve on them.

Keep adapting- Growth comes from perseverance. Try adapting and be

open to changing some of your ways. Some ways you adopted at your
previous job might not work at your current one, and that is fine. Try to
keep an open mind and find things that work for you. Women with ADHD
have been naturally finding ways to adapt without realizing it, especially if
they were undiagnosed before. Changing your ways may mean you are
doing it for the better. Try finding ways that will most suit you and will get
the most out of your capabilities.

The Pomodoro technique is a time management tool discovered by

Francesco Cirillo in the 1980s. This is used to break down tasks in intervals,
typically 25-minute intervals with breaks in between. This uses a kitchen
timer shaped like a tomato and was used by the inventor himself as a
university student. This method is helpful at work or school. It can also help
you make better use of your time and hopefully leave you in a less stressed
state and with more free time to spare. The to this technique are as follows:
1. Chose a task you want to work on. Try to identify how much time it will
take you to complete this task. For the sake of using this technique, try to
calculate how many Pomodoros are required to complete it, so you must
think in blocks of 25 minutes.

2. Set the timer for 25 minutes. When you set the timer, make sure you do
not get distracted, and if need be, set the right work environment before you
start the timer.

3. Work on the chosen task only until the timer is over. This means that no
distractions are to be allowed during this time. If you do not manage to do it
for the set time, stop the timer and start all over again. If someone distracts
you, start over, but ideally, you get to complete your task in a quiet place
and let those around you know what you are trying to attain. During this
step, you will likely get a better idea of how much time is required to
complete that task, especially if you struggle with time management or
always seem to have a false sense of time.

4. Stop working when the timer is up. Try to include reviewing your work
during break time to ensure you have completed the task in its entirety.
There is also no way of turning the timer back or stopping it before it rings,
so you know that if you distract yourself during those 25 minutes, you will
not bring back the time you would have wasted on something trivial as
opposed to a more important exercise.

5. If the task you have at hand will not be completed in 25-minutes, divide
it into various intervals and try having a short 5-minutes break in between.
This will help you distinguish when it is time for work and when you are
free to just do whatever you please.
6. If you have longer tasks that you know will take longer than an hour,
give yourself longer breaks. Make sure you identify your goals during your
time working. If you want to have better quality or produce more quantity
during this time, then make sure this is identified before starting the timer
and make sure to keep at it whilst completing the task. This will allow you
to dedicate more time to revise your work, for example, if you feel like you
need to spend more time on this.

It is very important to follow all steps of this technique; otherwise, it will

not be effective. If you did not set your objective and have no specific goal
whilst the timer is running, you will likely be unable to complete the task. If
you did not get rid of distractions before starting the time, you would very
likely have to stop in the middle of it and start over. This will also help you
with your estimates and make sure you have more concentration. Because
you would have reviewed the task you need to complete and how to reach
your goal, you are less likely to have errors, all the while simplifying the
process. You will be more likely to be motivated, responsible, and focused
when using this technique. Allowing for regular breaks will mean you get to
rest or allow yourself to have a treat. This will reduce pressure and tension.
You are dividing a bigger goal into much simpler and more structured tasks,
so this will help you keep to deadlines, keep you motivated, focused, and
almost always ensure success. The task will feel like it is more manageable
in this manner.

For women with ADHD, this technique or a similar one that works for them
means they will know when to start, and the timer will sort of act as a mini
deadline as well, providing enough pressure to stay focused but not too
much. The break between intervals will also help you stay motivated. The
issue of hyper-focusing will be better managed here because when the time
is up, you know you need to stop. This means you will be setting
boundaries because your life cannot be overtaken by one task. If you have
small tasks that do not require 25 minutes to complete, you can add them up
as one task. If you experienced interruptions while the timer was on, it is
suggested that you take note of these so you can figure out ways to avoid
them during the next cycle. If you manage to finish before the timer, use the
remaining time intelligently, and for next time you know how long it takes
you to complete that task. Same if you did not manage to complete what
you planned in 25-minutes, you know this duty takes more of your time,
and you need to dedicate more time to it. In its simplicity, this technique
identifies time.

Procrastinating does not mean you are lazy; sometimes it just means you
keep putting off tasks to the next day because you do not know where to
start, you do not know what it involves to complete, and watching a movie
or playing a video game will certainly seem more intriguing. If you need to
write an assignment that will require extensive research or a lot of time to
write, dividing the task can help you get less disheartened. If you are
learning to play a new instrument, try dedicating 25 minutes every day to
practice, and you will find that you have made huge progress in a week. 25
minutes a day does not seem a lot out of a 24-hour day, but you can get so
much accomplished if you use your time efficiently and effectively.
Distractions can be caused by external factors, but most of them are also
self-inflicted. Although small distractions may seem insignificant, they do
add up at the end of the day. It is not just time you would have wasted but
think of how hard it will be to refocus on the task. You may remain
distracted and focus on that distraction for over 20-minutes after you have
switched off that phone app, and you might still be struggling to regain your
concentration. Time may be difficult to understand as it is abstract, but
using such techniques can help you change your perception of time, reduce
anxiety, and measure your level of productivity. 25-minute intervals are the
set target for this technique because people tend to reach their peak for
concentration between 25 to 50-minutes with a break that lasts between 5 to
15-minutes. Try performing the tasks you dread the most first. This will
keep you motivated because you know far more interesting things await,
and the day will get better as it goes by. If your assignments are done on a
laptop or computer, try using your break to stay away from monitors. Try
not to get off your laptop and move to your phone straightaway during your
break. Standing up and moving around will probably benefit you more. You
may want to meditate if it is something you like to do or just grab a healthy
snack. You may want to set reminders or use functions on your laptop, so
you are locked out for the duration of your break; that way, you ensure you
take your break and do not hyper-focus.

It is important to realize that multitasking will get you to start on multiple

projects and never finish any of them, so avoid doing this. This will create a
stressful environment and make you feel enslaved whenever you take work
home and work overtime to make up for the lost time. Work on one thing at
a time, and if 25 minutes is too little for you to complete the tasks you
usually have, then extend that time to 45-minutes, for example, and take
longer breaks. The concept is ultimately going to be the same.

To recap this chapter, here are the main points discussed:

Always divide bigger projects into smaller tasks and help to complete that
task by using a timer. Use visual reminders to help you remember, whether
they are on your phone or written down, find whatever works for you.
Surround yourself with people you feel comfortable around, as this will
help you stay at ease and feel less stress and overwhelm. If you find it hard
to sit still, try using fidget toys during meetings, for example. If you
struggle with instructions, try paraphrasing to make sure you understood
correctly and help translate it into jargon that you can comprehend. Try
getting into the habit of using planners and notebooks. If at any point you
feel overwhelmed or it just feels too much, learn to stop and take a breather.
Just find whatever works for you.
 Chapter 22:
Life-management Tools for Women with ADHD

W
omen with ADHD want to live a more fulfilling life, and they can
do so by reducing their ADHD challenges in their daily lives.
Medication can help you reduce some of the challenges but only
with changes you make yourself will you be able to achieve a more
satisfying life. Therapy can also help you build a life that is more ADHD-
friendly. Increasing your knowledge and surrounding yourself with the right
people can do magic for you.

You can try the following tools:-

Join a support group- You might have already realized by now that the
expectations imposed on you as a woman by society carry a heavier load
than you can imagine. With the help of others, it is easier to break free from
those unrealistic expectations. One can find encouragement and
understanding in these groups and help to create a more realistic approach
towards life. These women should be on common ground and help each
other deal with almost impossible situations in life.

Educate those around you- There is a lot of misconception about ADHD,

especially in neurotypical individuals. Parents might compare you to your
siblings and question why you are all over the place when your sister is so
organized. Your partner might feel upset about a messy house. People may
look at you in resentment when your children misbehave in public, and you
cannot control them. Your circle of friends may judge you or pass negative
comments about your ways if they do not understand where you are coming
from. The people around you should be there to support you and help you
live your best life. They should not attack you for your struggles. Teach
them and explain to them that most of your actions and behaviors are
generated from your ADHD. If they do not know, they will not understand.
If you are part of a support group, it will be very beneficial to take them to a
session. It will be very valuable for them to listen to other people’s
struggles and how they overcome them. They will feel like they are not
alone, and the situation they find themselves in can be resolved and worked
around. They can be more understanding of the situation, and together you
can work to manage a more harmonious life. While being open at home can
help make those around you more aware of your ADHD, be careful at work.
Bosses tend to think you have questionable behavior if you say it out loud.
So, at work, try controlling your symptoms of ADHD and outline your
strengths and how you reach goals because the way you reach goals is
different than neurotypical brains but indistinguishable.

Create an ADHD-friendly environment- If you are a mother with ADHD,

one of your kids likely has it too because it is hereditary. It is best to treat
your condition and that of other family members with acceptance, and the
likelihood of emotional outbursts will decrease. You will be able to reserve
your energy for the more positive things in life. You can start by identifying
what causes stress around the house and try to eliminate these things.
Routines can work great for both parents and children. You know what to
expect and what is coming next and so do your kids. This will help them
stick to the house rules and leave you feeling less frustrated. Try creating an
area where any of you can go to seek shelter when you are exploding with
emotions. For kids, it can be a corner of the house with their favorite fidget
toys. For an adult, a study room where you can meditate, practice yoga,
read a book, or listen to relaxing music can work better. Rather than
blaming each other, try resolving the issue. Blame will cause guilt, and you
struggle with this already as it is. Problem-solving is not a straightforward
process, but it can get easier. If you feel like you lack certain skills or feel
like your partner can do certain tasks better, do not be afraid to delegate
tasks. The same goes for your children. If you are a mother of two children,
one of whom has ADHD, try delegating tasks according to their strengths.
This will help put a positive light on their qualities and not exacerbate their
flaws. Setting an ADHD-friendly environment needs to apply to all family
members irrelevant if they have ADHD or not, it will benefit everyone. Try
sorting dirty laundry before washing them. This way, laundry will be less
daunting. Have a key hook installed next to the door, so you stop looking
for those keys every time! If you often run out of essential items at home
like shampoo or laundry soap, try stocking up and keep extras around the
house. If you misplace your utensils, try having doubles of the items you
often misplace. This will save you the frustration of looking for them and
having to find alternatives that don’t always work for you. If you are
struggling with these tips, try working with a professional ADHD organizer
who can help you create an ADHD-friendly home.

Make life easier- Because of societal expectations, women are overbooked

already. If you are a woman with ADHD, it is very likely you already
struggle with this. Do not be afraid to refuse to take any more
commitments. Some tend to not only pack their schedule but that of their
children as well. Running from school to private lessons, piano classes,
baseball practice, and homework leave children and parents alike drained.
Do not forget that wherever your children are scheduled to go, you need to
take them. This is on top of your career and house chores. Try to be realistic
and keep track of time. You are not robbing your children of their childhood
if you do not overpack their schedule as other parents might do.
Exercise regularly- Exercise greatly improves brain function. You do not
have to enroll in a state-of-the-art gym or pay for expensive classes. A
simple 30-minute home workout can be enough if you add it to your
routine. You do not have to work out for hours . 30-minutes, ideally in the
morning, is enough. It can be difficult to fit this into your daily routine, but
be realistic with yourself and admit that you spend more than 30-minutes on
your phone. Try to use your time wisely and stick to 30 minutes of exercise,
be it meditation, aerobics, yoga, or any physical activity first thing in the
morning because many things can happen during the day that will have you
put off exercise every day. If you create a routine, morning activity can get
consistent. This will help you focus better during the day and sleep better at
night.

Surround yourself with positive vibes- If you are following these tips,
you should have educated the people around you about your ADHD. Not
everyone can come around to support you and understand where you are
coming from. If you feel like your people do not appreciate you and do not
bring out the best in you, try changing your clique. When joining a woman
support group, you are very much likely to meet people who share your
same struggles and will understand you better. Do not compare yourself to
others and their perfectionism.

Make time for breathers- Breathers are great for reducing stress. Try
compromising with your partner so they can take care of the kids for an
hour or so. If your partner is not available, try hiring a babysitter. Make this
a ritual, and make sure you do this regularly. Use this time to do whatever
you like doing, whatever relaxes you, or simply do nothing. You can take
your kids to their grandparents, aunties, or cousins. They keep good contact
with their extended family members while you retain your sanity.
Do not exhaust yourself- With managing a house, family, having kids with
ADHD, and a career, know that you are already doing your best. You strive
to manage your ADHD at work, at home, and with your family, neglecting
yourself along the way. Learn to say no and limit your responsibilities.
Leave time for yourself.

Appoint or eliminate- Try to identify your strengths, and if you feel that
your struggle to accomplish some things, do not be afraid to delegate. If you
think you will be better off without a particular commitment in your life,
eliminate it. If you also have kids with ADHD, try delegating tasks to them
according to their capabilities. If you know one struggles with organizing,
assign them a different task they can do better. This will only build their
confidence in themselves but will make them feel like they are useful and
are just as capable of completing tasks assigned to them. If you struggle to
keep the house clean and can afford to hire a housekeeper, do not hesitate to
do so. And no, you will not come across as incapable of taking care of your
home, but rather create a less stressful environment that all your family will
benefit from, including yourself.

Set goals to achieve- One of the hardest things for adults with ADHD is
reaching their goals. Planning for people with ADHD can be a struggle,
which means we will start working on multiple projects only to finish none.
The best way to achieve this is by first choosing a goal and determine what
you expect to attain if you reach this goal. Once you have picked a goal,
think of how important it is to get to this goal. Make sure you do not choose
this target during a momentary rage, as you will likely run out of motivation
very soon. Think of what you need to get to this goal and what it will cost
you, be it time, money, or energy. Think of what will happen if you do not
achieve this goal, is there anything more important you can dedicate your
time and energy to? If you start doubting yourself whether achieving this
goal is worth it, you might realize there are more important things you can
be working on, or maybe you can amend this target so that it is worth
achieving. Try to anticipate what obstacles you might come across and how
you will overcome them if you do come across them. This will help you
chose the best way to navigate getting to your goal, and by now, if this is
not the right time, you may want to put it on pause for some time. If you
have convinced yourself this is the right goal you need to be working on
and figured out how to overcome obstacles as they come, you will need to
start monitoring your progress. It might be difficult for women with ADHD
to monitor their progress. You can either appoint someone close to you to
help keep you on track or, better yet, hire an ADHD coach.

Use a calendar or a planner - This can be on your phone or a traditional

hard-back diary. Some find it easier to have everything on their phones, but
others prefer the old way and would rather write it down in a planner. Find
whatever you prefer if it works. If you make use of a planner, try having it
around the house and position it somewhere you will notice first thing in the
morning. Your mind will be set up, and you will be aware of what you have
planned for the day. This is also very helpful for your kids with ADHD, as
they wake up in the morning, seeing they have a day planned and they
know exactly what needs to be done, knowing what activity comes next,
hopefully facilitating your life along the way. A whiteboard or notes on the
fridge may work magic for kids with ADHD. If you have been recently
diagnosed with adult ADHD, try opting for a paper calendar or planner;
writing things down is said to help you remember more than putting things
on your phone. Your phone is flooded with distractions, apps, and adverts
that will leave you scrolling on social media unknowingly. You may choose
an electronic calendar or application to go with your physical planner. This
will help you better along the way and reinforce the lists on your physical
calendar. There are many different formats for calendars and planners;
chose the one that is most suitable for you and maybe leaves you with some
flexibility as well. Try not to get distracted by the fancy design but make
sure it is practical.

Do not strive for perfection- You may find yourself comparing your
achievements to others. Try not to do that. Once you have a set list of goals
or tasks you wish to achieve, try ticking things off your list even if you feel
unaccomplished with what you have achieved. Make sure you have done
your best, and if that is the case, you would have likely done your best. Do
not compare your product to others because you can be striving for
perfection when you know that can be hard to achieve. Doing the task
sometimes is enough.

Create a jar of success- This is a psychological method to help you or your

kids. You can often get discouraged and feel like you never do enough. Try
writing your success stories in short on a piece of paper and putting it into
this jar. Every time you or your kids get discouraged, get a piece of paper
out of the jar, and that little success story can help you reset to a positive
mind frame. This can help kids if they each have their jar, or you can use it
for relationships too.

Organize your clutter - If you end up holding on to too many sentimental

objects, try minimizing these as much as possible. If you can take a photo
of it and trash it, that would be ideal; if not, keep these sentimental objects
to a minimum. If you pay bills the old ways and have too many papers to
file, try switching to electronic and settle your bills via electronic banking,
keep folders in your inbox to file electronic receipts and bills. You can also
set reminders on your banking app to settle bills or, even better, create a
piggy bank to help save a little every month for your yearly health
insurance bill or mortgage. If you are subscribed to multiple monthly
magazines or newspapers, try switching to online versions.

Manage your time- Try predicting what time you have to leave home to be
on time at work or when meeting friends. Try allocating a little extra time
for leaving your car or walking to the restaurant from the train station. Work
backward and plan how much time you need to get ready and how long it
takes you to get there. Try giving a leeway of 15 extra minutes. Make sure
you have multiple clocks around the house, at your desk, and on you. This
will keep you aware of the time the whole time. If you do not like timers or
stopwatches, try keeping track by listening to your favorite songs; it usually
all lasts approximately 3 minutes, so calculate in songs instead of time.

Work on your social skills- Try to wait five seconds before jumping into a
conversation to speak your mind. Try maintaining eye contact when
someone is talking to you to avoid getting distracted and having your mind
trail off. If you said something you should not have, apologize for it and
explain that you did not intend to say that, and acknowledge what you said
was extra. If someone asks you to do something and you know you will
forget, ask them to send you a message or a text so you know you can go
back to it and are less likely to forget.

Control your emotions- control your breathing if you feel like your
emotions are all over the place. If the situation is too much to handle, go to
the restroom or a separate room and take time for yourself. Stop
apologizing when you do not have to and learn that not everything is your
fault.
Adopt healthy eating habits- Plan your meals ahead of time. You do not
need to meal prep a week ahead but make a list of breakfast, lunch, and
dinner for 7-days. Make sure you have all the ingredients available and
keep this list handy. You are less likely to consume food impulsively,
especially if you had a rough day at work. You are less likely to go out of
your grocery budget if you have one, and you get to choose your meals
according to what you like. If you find it hard to prepare the 7-day meal
plan, try creating a bigger list of meals you enjoy and take ideas from there
every week. Make a list of the things you always want at home and once
you run out, put a tick next to it, so you know what you need to get the next
time you go to the supermarket. Have a slow cooker or microwave available
for quick and easy meals to fit our busy schedule. If you have limited time
or dread preparing meals, pick a time during the week to prepare soups or
meals in bulk and freeze them. This way, you can always include soup in
your meal-prep weekly plan and know you have that ready for when you
get home from work. This will have you use the kitchen fewer times during
the week.

Adapt to your ADHD- If you are a night owl, work at night if you can.
Your phone won’t be ringing, and you can work in peace. Try using blue
light for alarm clocks because they tend to wake up your brain. Red or
amber put you to sleep. Use a pillbox if you often forget to take your
ADHD medication and recharge yourself by calming yourself. If you like
everything to go in its place or wish you could keep things where they
belong, try getting your daily bag with multiple pockets and zippers. You
can start putting things in the same place, and you will get used to where
everything goes. If you struggle to choose an outfit in the morning, try
preparing ahead of time and plan your outfit the night before. If you often
misplace your makeup, try using plastic organizers in your bathroom or on
your dresser and keep all your essentials in one place. If you often end up
looking for wipes or tissues, stock your car with them. If you have recurrent
appointments, you need to set repeated reminders on your phone, and if you
need to book ahead, set the reminder ahead of time.

Manage your finances- Automate your payments by creating vaults in your

accounts or setting direct debits for monthly bills. Use cheque books stubs;
like this, you will have a record of what you paid. Keep a small folder for
receipts or re-use an old envelope to store your monthly receipt. If you need
to budget, you know how much you have spent, and if you need to return an
item, you know where to find the receipt. If you prefer keeping hard copies
for receipts and bills, try color-coding your folders.

Try not to define yourself by your deficiencies but focus on your talents and
strengths. Do not compare to someone else's benchmark. In some ways,
ADHD can be a blessing, so celebrate it. Women with ADHD are creative,
warm, empathetic, sensitive, humorous, and spontaneous. Try to create an
environment where your personality traits are appreciated and given
importance.
 Chapter 23:
How Exercise can help women with ADHD

A
DHD is caused by a malfunction of the brain's attention structure,
which is made up of an interconnected network of neurons distributed
across different areas of the brain, including those that regulate
arousal, motivation, and reward, as well as those that control executive
function and movement. Neurotransmitters like norepinephrine and
dopamine help usher signals through these attention circuits, and here is
where women with ADHD struggle. Treatment for adult ADHD can vary
from medication to therapy. This will help regulate the chemical misbalance
in the brain. Physical activity is a non-prescription treatment that will help
you adjust the chemical composition in your brain. Exercise is often
perceived as a way to reduce your waistline and weight. It turns out that
exercise can also help shape your brain. During exercise, your brain
releases serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine. These are the chemicals
in your brain that are usually lacking if you have ADHD. Exercise can also
decrease the level of adrenaline and cortisol, two chemicals that contribute
to your body’s level of stress. Physical activity also stimulates the
production of endorphins, acts as a mood elevator, and a natural pain killer
in the body. Serotonin also helps with depression, mood, and appetite
regulation.

Exercising for 30 to 45 minutes a day, three times a week, can help advance
cognitive function and behavior. With the release of neurotransmitters in the
brain, you are less likely to struggle with going to bed that night, and that
feel-good feeling is experienced immediately after you exercise. It usually
lasts for about 2 to 3-hours. You are less likely to experience stress during
that day or let stress get to you as you usually do when you do not exercise.
This is a short-term benefit one experiences with regular exercise. In the
long term, regular exercise helps promote neurogenesis, which is the
production of new brain cells. Chronic stress and aging can cause a
decreased production of neuronal production, so exercise can help combat
that.

You might think finding 30 minutes during the day to exercise sounds easier
than it is. Some find exercising in the morning far more beneficial for them
because they get it out of the way, and the boost they get from exercising
will get them ahead in the morning. Others may feel better running after
work to clear their minds and help them fall asleep faster. Some may
struggle with picking an exercise they enjoy doing in the first place. Ideally,
physical activity is done outside because it will reduce symptoms of ADHD
even more. Sunlight is also a mood booster. When exercising outdoors, you
are likely to be drawn by the sounds and sights around you, pulling your
thoughts away from your problems. This can recharge your brain and
refresh you. This can be far less boring than running on a treadmill. But if
you cannot exercise outside, that is fine. Try picking an activity that works
for you and enjoy doing. If you do not like running or walking, try trekking
or biking. If you are into video games and find it very hard to get out of
your room, then try playing video games that require you to move around.

When creating an exercise program that works for you, you must consider
the features of an ADHD brain. ADHD brains need structure, so it is ideal
to have structured workouts incorporated into your daily routine. Having
someone to overlook your progress like a coach is perfect. ADHD brains
seek variety; therefore, you need to allow variety in your exercise program
and switch between functional movements, resistance training, and
cardiovascular training. Incorporating new functional movements will also
help you learn new skills. An ADHD brain usually always works better
when there is a set deadline, so you need to set a specific goal to work
toward. It can be running a 10K run or simply reduce your stress.

If you want to try the benefits of exercise on your ADHD, follow these
strategies to help you incorporate it into your schedule:

Be Accountable- If you set yourself up for home workouts, it is very likely

for you to get discouraged easily, and because you do not have to answer to
anyone, you are very likely to miss your workout or put it off for the next
day. Try choosing an activity that requires a partner, like tennis, squash,
running with a friend, making regular appointments with friends at the gym,
or booking for classes. This way, you will have a bigger commitment you
feel like you need to honor more often. Having a coach or a private
instructor will probably make it easier for you if it is something you can
afford to do, but it isn’t a necessity. The bottom line is that peer pressure is
beneficial when considering exercise for an ADHD brain.

Be prepared- If waking up in the morning is already a challenge for you

because of your restless nights, try preparing your gym bag the night
before, lay out your clothes for the run ahead of time, or book the squash
court beforehand. Make it easier for you to go and harder for you to cancel;
this way, you are less likely to refuse to stick to your exercise regime.

Be creative- You may get bored easily if all you do is structured and
tedious. If you are only motivated after you have new gym wear available,
then go and buy some. If you like hiking, try experimenting with different
trails and if you like running, try taking different routes. Do not limit
yourself to one physical activity because you are more likely to be putting it
off every time you must do it. Try having a variety of activities like cycling,
running, and squash. If the court is booked or you do not feel like running
today, you know you have other things to turn to, and there are no excuses.
If there is a new fitness craze like aerial yoga, trampoline workouts, or
spinning classes, do not hold back and try them. Physical activity does not
have to be boring and repetitive. You are less likely to quit if you vary your
exercise regime. Now certain exercises are more beneficial than others,
especially for women with ADHD. If you want to get the maximum benefit
from your physical routine, ideally, you include circuit, strength, or
endurance training. But if you are not a fan, you can still work out; the
slightest physical activity will be much more beneficial than doing nothing
at all. If you feel like skipping it today, try to anticipate its benefits and the
way you feel after doing it; that can help you not postpone.

Take it easy at first- I hope reading this made you excited enough to want
to start exercising straight away but start slowly. You do not have to attend
the first HIIT class tomorrow morning. Start by walking for 30-minutes
daily and increase that as you go along. You may make use of mobile
applications to help you increase your endurance or distance over time.
Make sure that your plan is sustainable. You do not want to start with too
much energy and burn out shortly after. It can be tempting to overdo it at
first because you may hyper-focus on the benefits of this, it is a new thing
in your life, and you want to yield those benefits. You can create a simple
circuit training set including push-ups, squats, use homemade weights, or
your body weight.

Set a routine- Try exercising at the same time every day. Mornings are
ideal for some, but it isn’t a set rule. You need to make adaptations
according to your errands, family commitments, and work schedule.
Getting exercise done first thing in the morning can help you get it out of
the way straight away, and you can be less likely to postpone it as if you
had it scheduled later during the day. If you work a 9 to 5 job, working out
before going to work can be very beneficial, especially if you have
meetings first thing in the morning. The neurotransmitter boost you get
from exercising can last for approximately 3 hours, and this can cover a
portion of your shift at work. It can help you stay focused during meetings
and gets you to concentrate on clearing that inbox in the morning. This can
have you less panicked and stressed during the day because it can seem like
you have less clutter. You may want to start with the more difficult tasks in
the morning because this chemical boost will help you get those things done
quicker without nagging doing them in the first place.

Compensate yourself- Cut yourself some slack and reward yourself after
you manage to work out. If you find running on a treadmill at the gym
boring, try making a playlist specifically for when you are running at the
gym. Select tracks that you enjoy listening to and can keep you motivated.
If you like smoothies or shakes, make sure you award yourself with one
after your workout is complete. Do give yourself credit for actually
completing a task. It may seem trivial for an athlete to incorporate exercise
in their lifestyle, but it is a struggle for you, and that is fine. You may snack
on your favorite refreshment once you have completed your physical
program because you deserve it.

Record your activity- If your target is to improve symptoms of ADHD,

you do not have to weigh yourself every morning. You need to record what
you did for physical activity on that day, for how long, and how you felt
after it was over. If you postponed it or canceled your plans, keep a record
of it just the same and make sure you take note of why this happened. If this
happens often and is always because of the same reason, you can know
what is getting in your way. If the time you selected for exercising is getting
you late to work, then you know you must change your schedule or exercise
at a different time. This should not have you blaming yourself for not
exercising but rather help eliminate whatever is getting in the way of
achieving your goals. Find specific goals and what you hope to attain by
exercising regularly. If you are focusing on reducing stress and increasing
focus, take into consideration whether you are reaching your goals with
your current physical activity plan and tweak it as required.

Make it accessible- Driving to the gym every morning can make you feel
disheartened. If you live in an urban area, trekking may be impractical
because you must drive to start your trail. Try investing in cheap home
equipment and dedicating a corner of your house to it. This way, you can
wake up in the morning and work out, or if you feel a boost of energy, you
do not have to physically get ready and be somewhere. If you suffer from
impulsivity, this might be very beneficial for you to use up the excess
energy you might have. The easier it is to access your exercise program, the
more likely you are to stick with it and be consistent. Do not let things get
in between your goals.

Find your power source- Your goal is not losing weight here but making
sure your ADHD symptoms are controlled and you should be motivated to
keep going. The scope of this is to treat your mind and manage your
symptoms. Recording your activity can help you monitor how you feel and
when you see that you are reaping the results for it, you are more likely to
keep doing what you are doing.

It is best to consult your doctor before starting an exercise regime,

especially if you suffer from any other chronic conditions or are pregnant.
Exercise is a free and fun way of controlling your ADHD. You need to
understand the benefits of exercise to convince yourself to get started and
get over that initial hurdle. From walking your dog to dancing, you can find
ways to exercise unknowingly if the idea of sticking to an exercise regime
sounds hideous to you. If you feel like going for a walk is boring, try
listening to your favorite podcast while you do so. Fitness can ease your
stress and anxiety levels and enhance your working memory. It can improve
your impulse control and decrease compulsivity. Exercise can help you
improve executive function, something you already struggle with. Because
women with ADHD tend to be more impulsive and binge eat under stress,
exercise will help them maintain a healthy weight. This will consequently
reduce your risk of heart-related diseases and diabetes. Fitness enables you
to control your blood pressure levels and cholesterol levels. It also helps
with strengthening your bones and improve overall mood and self-esteem.
Making treatment choices can be complicated, as many adults with ADHD
know. Prescription drugs, on the one hand, can help with symptoms, but
they will not magically solve any of your problems immediately. Even if the
medication is working, you can still experience forgetfulness, emotional
issues, social ineptitude, and you may experience disorganization,
distractibility, and relationship issues. It is important to note, though, that
medication is not the only choice for treating ADHD. Experts now agree
that daily exercise is one of the most important things you can do for your
health. Scientists have discovered that moderate exercise causes changes in
many of the same neurochemicals and brain structures as common ADHD
drugs do.

Hyperactivity has also been linked to an overactive cerebellum, which is an

area of the brain located at the back. This is responsible for receiving
information from the sensory system and regulating motor activity. It also
helps voluntary coordination movement, including balance, posture, and
speech. ADHD drugs elevate dopamine levels and norepinephrine to bring
this area of the brain back to normal. Exercise has also been shown to
mimic the same function of ADHD medication in this area. This is where
neurogenesis happens, as referenced earlier. People who exercise regularly
will dramatically improve their levels of brain-derived neurotrophic factor,
also known as BDNF and referenced as neurogenesis. This growth takes
place in the cerebellum.

Does it mean that if you manage to stick to a regular and effective exercise
program, you can stop taking your medication? No. As previously
mentioned, ADHD is a spectrum, so severity can vary. Some women can
find exercise to be a replacement for prescription drugs because they
usually experience mild to moderate symptoms. If you are already on
medication, it does not mean that exercise will not benefit you. Physical
activity needs to be complementary to your treatment. It will help increase
attention and improve your mood. After consulting with your doctor, you
may want to adjust the timings for your medication. If you exercise in the
morning, for example, you may delay taking your stimulant medication 3
hours after your workout, so you can benefit from the cognitive boost
produced by exercise. You are more likely to be less hyperactive after
exercising, and you will have more mental clarity.

Just know that exercise and ADHD are a winning pair. ADHD brains work
better after a good exercise.
 Chapter 24:
6 Executive Function Strategies that Really Work
for People with ADHD

E
xecutive functions are a set of processes used to manage oneself and
one's resources to reach a goal. This involves neurologically-based
skills like mental control and self-regulation. Depending on your
ADHD severity, this can mean that life is a little bit harder to manage or
feels completely unmanageable. People who lack executive function may
struggle to plan their day, remember things that have been told to them, or
get things done on time. The pre-frontal cortex is the part of the brain
assigned to control our executive function, and this area of the body is still
developing till age 25. It is proved that people with ADHD have a 30%
delay in this area of the brain. Although not everyone with ADHD will
struggle in the same way, people with ADHD have some sort of overall
impairment. They are often perceived to be lazy and exhibit a lack of effort
or seem childish.

Before getting to the strategies that can help executive dysfunction, it is best
if one can understand the areas that are affected by our executive functions:

1. Initiation- One can struggle to start projects or tasks out of their

own free will. They struggle to come up with problem-solving ideas
and often procrastinate working on tasks they know well need to be
done. You might wait for someone else to start something and then
join them to contribute.

2. Inhibition- One may struggle to stop certain behavior at an

appropriate time and can have a hard time not acting out in certain
 situations. They can often come across as impulsive and behave
inappropriately in some situations.

3. Emotional control- One can struggle managing emotions and may

respond to certain situations inappropriately in the eyes of those
around them. One may lash out in anger before even giving time to
the other person to voice their opinion. There would be no break in
between emotions and what is said, literally like speaking their
mind.

4. Shift- One may struggle with transitioning from one task to the next
and often dislike when things do not go as planned. They struggle
with being flexible, and if they are asked to do something they were
not prepared to do, they may struggle with shifting their attention
and energy to it. People with executive dysfunction would rather
stick to their schedule and have a hard time moving from one
activity to another without getting distracted or lost.

5. Working memory- People with executive dysfunction may

struggle with holding information long enough to complete the task
at hand. It can be difficult to take notes during class or a meeting,
for example, to go back to that information later.

6. Planning and organization- Someone with executive dysfunction

may struggle to manage current or future plans. Planning an event
or a holiday can be difficult because there are many steps involved,
and one must get organized to complete a plan on time.

7. Organizing materials- It can be tough keeping things in order if

you have executive dysfunction and may struggle to retrieve your
 stuff when you need them. You may have a cluttered home or a
disorganized station at work.

8. Self-Monitoring- Because you struggle with impulsivity and

organization, it is very difficult to recognize how you treat those
around you. It is difficult to track our flaws and work towards fixing
them.

If you have a relative or close friend who you know struggles with
executive functions, it is best to ask them in which areas they struggle most
and how it affects them personally. If you are someone suffering from
executive dysfunction, there are some behavioral tasks that you can make
habits that will help with this:

Make use of organizers, lists, planners, alarms, and reminders! Use

anything that can help you remember.

Ask for written instructions, whether it is in a meeting or something

your partner wants to be done in the house. These instructions will
help you remember and facilitate the process of completing the
tasks as you should. It is a fact that people with ADHD will struggle
with functioning memory so writing things down is key.

Plan your day and make sure you have a schedule set up. If you
need to set alarms or reminders so they can alert you to check your
schedule and go by it, do so.

Try to break down large tasks into smaller ones. Because people
with executive dysfunction can have a hard time dealing with large
goals, distributing the tasks into smaller ones can make it easier to
complete and will give you a better understanding of the time it
takes for you to complete each task. Make sure that each deadline is
written down and is clear. Whenever you are working on each task,
make sure that the deadline is visible to make sure you do not miss
out on completing tasks on time.

Make sure you have separate spaces for leisure and work. It is easier
to concentrate and get straight to work if you have a designated
work area and you do not have to work in bed, for example. You are
less likely to be productive if your brain is used to relaxing on the
couch or in bed, and you also use that area to work.

Set reminders to prepare yourself for transitions. If you struggle to

switch from task to task, make sure you allow yourself a few
minutes before switching from one task to the next. If you need to
conduct a presentation at work, make sure you set a timer 5 minutes
before the presentation to go in there with the right mindset.
Unfortunately, this is not something that can be applied to all
situations in life as some things happen unexpectedly, and there
would be no other option but to adapt and carry on, but wherever
possible, allow yourself some time to get ready for your next task.
This will reduce further disappointment and stress.

Allow time to think before interacting with others. Because

someone with executive dysfunction tends to be impulsive, it is best
to think before expressing our emotions or speaking our minds. We
might say things we did not intend to or that we maybe should not
have said. Remember, things you say cannot be taken back. This
will save you embarrassment and avoid hurting others as well. Not
everyone knows you may do this unintentionally.
If the above advice was given to you plenty of times before and you just
feel like you simply cannot follow through with these habits, then the
following six Executive Function Strategies that really Work for People
with ADHD should be a blessing:

1. ‘’Out of sight is out of mind’’- John Heywood’s 1546

People with ADHD tend to live by this saying unknowingly. Storing

things on top of each other can cause clutter and can be difficult if
you are looking for something. Try storing things vertically so you
can see all the items. It is best if you make use of clear containers to
store your items as well, from jeans to shirts and spices in the
kitchen. This will help you stay organized and makes sure that all
things are visible.

2. Make use of bullet journals. Most planners and calendars are

designed for neurotypical brains, and people with ADHD can start
off using a standard planner only to disregard it a few weeks after.
There are plenty of ways to design a bullet journal specifically
targeted at people with ADHD. Ideally, it would have flexibility so
you can design as you please. Too much design can often distract
you from the main purpose of this, staying organized and sticking to
deadlines. Writing things physically can help you remember tasks
and deadlines more than if you had to use an electronic app for the
same functions. Having electronic planners or calendars means you
are more likely to get distracted by adverts, pop-ups, or find
yourself on social media unknowingly. Bullet journals have the
flexibility of a regular notebook but are also structured as a regular
planner. You can create a key, an index, including daily, monthly,
and weekly logs, plus you are free to tailor it to your needs. You
may create one by simply using an empty notebook and a pen. The
idea of a bullet journal was created to give people, specifically those
with ADHD, the flexibility they need but keep them grounded.
Unfortunately, in today’s world, one might still fall for an electronic
calendar because if you are scheduling meetings with others, there
is no way for them to know what you have written down in your
journal. Ryder Carroll, an ADHD himself, has created this journal
and confirms using this journal to empty your mind and write down
everything you intend to do during the day, week, or month. The
monthly planners can still be used even if you still use an electronic
calendar. You may want to list down all the things you intend to do
and then find a place for each of them in your electronic planner.
You can keep track of your previous month and evaluate how much
you have achieved, what you have missed doing, and why. If you
have taken on too much that month, you can take up fewer
responsibilities the following month. If your planning did not work
well, you can find and fix the flaws for the coming months. Often,
people with ADHD can struggle with the guilt and shame of not
completing tasks as if this makes up for what you missed out on
doing. The bullet journal will help you improve on these skills and
allow you to appreciate the effort and the work you have done by
focusing on all the tasks you have completed. Setting reminders to
check your journal is perfectly fine and suggested for people with
ADHD. If you wish to keep one journal to have everything in one
place rather than having information scattered on different
notebooks in your car, at the office, and in your house, you may do
so, so using an app for temporary thoughts, ideas, or appointments
when your journal is not handy, is fine too. Set reminders to jot
updates on the original journal so you can have everything in one
place and information is updated. Put challenging things on top of
your to-do list so you will get it over and done at the start of your
day, and everything else that follows during the day will seem less
hard to complete. Creating a key for your journal will help you
create symbols that work magic for speedy ADHD brains. Put page
numbers in your notebook because you will need to update your
index as you go. No more forgotten post-it notes or little misplaced
pieces of paper. You can also include a future log that means you
can jot everything you want to include later but can avoid worrying
about it for now. If you are the artistic type and use your notebook
to sketch or draw, you can do so here as well if you add it to your
index. You know what pages you have reserved for drawing, and
you can go back to them if you want to. You can briefly plan your
months in the monthly log and go into further detail in the daily
logs. You can leave one page for a brief plan of your day to keep
you updated on what is to come on that day. The opposite page can
be used to go into further detail as to what is required to complete
your plan for the day; if you need supplies for that meeting or if you
need to go to the grocery store, you may include the shopping list
also. The detailed daily log is there to help you remember what you
need to complete your tasks, but if you do not want to feel
overwhelmed in the morning when you look at the planner, you
may want to only consider looking at the summarized version. This
will keep you on track but still have the detailed version as a backup
to help you remember. Because you can migrate tasks from one
month to the next, this can help you prioritize important duties and
make you realize that the task you have putting off and postponing
 for months now may not be as important. If you keep on postponing
tasks from one month to the next, you can realize that you cannot
keep on doing this, and you cannot magically get a thousand things
done next month.

3. If you struggle with initiation because you tend to procrastinate, try

meeting with a friend in a coffee shop or at each other’s house and
plan to work on things you need to get done. Make sure you make it
clear that this is not a coffee date, but you need that little spark to
start working on your duties because otherwise, you will never get
them done.

4. When you have big projects to complete against a deadline, do not

feel like you are putting it off because you are lazy. ADHD brains
are wired to think that most tasks are far more difficult than they
are, and that is why they procrastinate. Tell your mind that you do
not have to start working on the entire project but only start
working on a small portion of it. If you manage to convince
yourself that starting little by little is enough, before you know it,
you would be getting on with more than just a minor part of the
task. Remember that ADHD brains tend to hyper-focus but getting
starting is more difficult. So, initiation can be the biggest hurdle.
You are very likely to persevere at this project after you have started
working on it. If you are dividing larger projects into smaller ones,
this step is useful for each step. Make sure you understand the
benefits of initiation and why getting yourself to start slowly will
ultimately lead you to complete the task eventually. If you do not
feel like working on this project at any given time, try to give
 yourself a break and avoid judging yourself, but know that this is
the only stumbling block you will encounter along the way.

5. If you have been told that you are too emotional or too loud, that is
because those around you focus more on emotional control. You
would rather feel emotions deeply and express them without
boundaries if you have ADHD. What you need to take as advice is
therapy by professionals; give yourself the love and care that you
need. Create boundaries and accept only the treatment you deserve.
You have the freedom to occupy space in the universe.

6. Outsource duties that you cannot do yourself. Do not persist in

completing tasks that are not important to you or tasks you are not
good at. As a kid, you might have been pushed to read for subjects
or credits in school you were not keen on doing because they were
part of the curriculum, but as an adult, you have the freedom to
choose your career and only do things you love to do. If you are
delegating chores at home because your partner mutually agrees to
it and supports your ADHD, then you are already doing this. You
might be doing this unknowingly; if you hire someone to service
your car or get a housekeeper weekly to help you tidy up. If you
spend your time struggling to complete tasks you are not good at,
that is only taking precious time away that can be used on things
you enjoy doing, are good at, and highlight your potential rather
than putting you down.

Incorporating the tips and skills mentioned above can help get a better hold
on your life and manage your ADHD better. Change can take time to adapt
to, and that is understandable. Know the benefits of change and recognize
you are giving it your all.
 Chapter 25:
The 15 most effective methods for coping with
ADHD

S
ymptoms of ADHD can easily interrupt your day-to-day activities.
Fortunately, there are a variety of approaches you can take to
effectively handle your condition and treat your symptoms. These will
help you live in harmony and manage your condition better.

Try the below methods to help you cope with ADHD:

1. Get Diagnosed

If you suspect having ADHD, make getting a diagnosis a priority.

The scope of this is not to have you labeled but getting you
diagnosed can have a positive impact on how you perceive yourself.
You are more likely to forgive yourself for the shortcomings you
had in the past and have more control over your current life. There
is a condition for what you are going through, and getting
diagnosed can give you a sense of relief. It is not a death sentence
to have ADHD; it is a result of the way the brain is wired, and
understanding how it works can help you lead a better life.

2. Make self-care a habitude!

If you have ADHD, you probably hyper-focused to a point where

you forgot to eat, sleep, or use the restroom. Try checking in on
yourself occasionally. It is accepted to work on the task for a long
time because it needs to be finished, but if you know this can
happen, try keeping snacks on your desk for when you get hungry.
 Make frequent visits to the grocery shop and make sure you opt for
healthy snacks and not junk food. Try getting up in the morning and
getting ready for a day’s work by having a shower and make
yourself breakfast, even if you are working from home. Start by
decluttering your space and consider making your bed every
morning even though you are not expecting anyone to come over. If
you manage your health, then managing everything else just
follows.

3. Get a healthy amount of sleep!

If you are restless, you are more likely to have exacerbated ADHD
symptoms. This can affect your attention span, memory, and
problem-solving skills. Issues with sleep issues is a common
problem you might face, and the cure can be as simple as a change
of habit. If you are getting less sleep than you need, you are likely
to be more irritable. Adding physical activity can help you get a
restful night.

4. Identify conditions arising from ADHD.

ADHD rarely exists on its own. If you have ADHD, you are very
likely to have one or more other conditions. This should not be an
alarming discovery, but rather, the goal is to raise awareness. If you
are a woman with undiagnosed or misdiagnosed ADHD, you
probably have already been diagnosed with these coexisting
conditions before being diagnosed with ADHD itself. Identify what
coexisting conditions you have and start treating each one directly.
Sometimes symptoms of coexisting conditions can be disguised by
symptoms of ADHD or the other way round. Other conditions
 coexisting with ADHD can be anxiety disorders, bipolar disorder,
depression, personality disorders, and substance use disorders. It is
crucial to share all symptoms with your physician when discussing
your ADHD symptoms as well. This can help your physician get a
full diagnosis and give you the treatment you need.

5. Drive carefully.

Women with ADHD tend to feel very distracted and inattentive

when driving. You can increase safety on the roads by opting for a
manual transmission instead of an automatic one. This can help you
become more engaged while driving, and you are less likely to
switch your attention to something else other than driving. Try
switching off your phone before you start driving and avoid using a
headset. If music distracts you, remove your stereo system. Do not
do recreational drugs and use alcohol before driving, as these can
reduce your focus even more.

6. Give up perfectionism!

You do not need to be perfect. You probably spend too much time
on trivial things, and this is detrimental to your health. Perfecting
small things takes time away from more important tasks leaving
you working on the bigger, most important tasks under further
stress and anxiety. This can have you missing deadlines of far more
crucial things.

7. Learn the art of time management!

If you are a woman with ADHD, you probably struggle with time
management. You often miss deadlines and underestimate the
power of time. You may struggle to anticipate how much time a
 task can take you to complete. If you also hyper-focus, you may
devote your time and energy to one task leaving others undone.
This can leave you feeling stressed and overwhelmed. Create a
schedule and get organized. Try writing down the things you want
to get done the night before and prioritize your list. Do consider
your strengths and not only your weaknesses. This will boost your
self-esteem and confidence. If you start working on a task or plan
to, allow some extra time than you anticipate it will take. This can
help you manage your time better and leave you with fewer
disappointments. Make use of timers or alarms; this way, you know
for how long you need to work on a particular task whether you like
doing it or not.

8. Physical activity

If you have the hyperactive type of ADHD, you may highly benefit
from this. Either way, exercise can help you focused and calm.
Physical activity is not only great for your health but also for your
mind. This can help you channel your energy in the right way and
can help you rest better at night.

9. Make use of pillboxes.

If you are a woman with ADHD one medication, you may struggle
to remember whether you have taken your medication or
remembering to take it at all. Using a pillbox can help you stay alert
for when your medication is running low because you would
prepare a week's supply in advance. This can help you manage your
filling of prescriptions better and avoid leaving you without
treatment for some time. This can save you from carrying multiple
 boxes with you wherever you go. A pillbox can also keep you more
organized, and if you forgot whether you have taken it or not, all
you need to do is look back in your pillbox. There are pillboxes
with timers within them if you feel like you have enough reminders
on your phone.

10. Learn to say no!

Women with ADHD tend to be people-pleasers and often feel

anxious when saying no. Do not take more than you can handle as
this can only leave you overwhelmed, stressed, and anxious. If you
want to help, try taking on tasks you know you enjoy and can
complete. If you are asked to participate or commit, do not say yes
straight away but postpone it and say you will think about it. If you
commit as soon as you are asked, you are likely to say yes
involuntarily, whereas if you give it some thought, you can make a
more informed decision and only take on tasks you really want to.

11. Keep a clock in your shower.

You may not admit it, but you spend more time in your bathroom
than you should. You can get carried away wondering about your
next invention, things you should have said, or things you have
done in the past when under the shower. Keep a clock in your
bathroom to help you stay on top of time and avoid getting carried
away by unnecessary thoughts.

12. Look for help!

It is perfectly fine to ask for help. If you feel you are struggling at
any given task, do not be afraid to ask for help, email your superior
for further instructions via email about that project, and if you are
 struggling in life in general, do not be afraid to seek help from a
therapist if you feel like you need a little extra help together with
your medication.

13. Create a master list.

You can use this in addition to your bullet journal or your favorite
mobile application. Make a list of whatever comes to mind, and
make sure you always have a notebook handy. Handling this master
list can be a little overwhelming, so it is suggested that this is done
in combinations with a planner. You can take items from the master
list and jot them down on your planner in order of prioritization.
This can help you plan your day better with tasks you actually
intended to complete at some point.

14. Monitor your impulsive behavior.

You probably struggled at some point with impulse buying or binge

eating. Try to go for healthier stimulations like music, exercise,
puzzles, fidget toys, or just a good laugh with a friend. Avoid falling
for substance abuse and alcohol consumption; if you struggle to
control your impulses, especially when it often drives you to the
latter, try getting professional help.

15. Consult with an ADHD-oriented nutritionist.

Numerous studies have shown that artificial flavors, colors, and

other ingredients can lead to increased feelings of violence and
hyperactivity. Eat nutritious meals and snacks during the day and
avoid candy and yeast goods. With the help of a nutritionist, you
can plan your meals better, prepare a grocery shopping list ahead of
time, and help you have healthy food available all the time. Sticking
 to a list of healthy items can help you spend much less time
wandering at the supermarket and can almost guarantee you will
walk out with everything you need without having to go back
immediately because you missed an important item on the list. A
nutritionist that understands or has worked with people with ADHD
can help keep you accountable.

Some things are easier said than done! Knowing where to begin and what
methods you need to apply to get better is what you need to start your
journey towards a better-navigated life with ADHD.
 Chapter 26:
How to stop losing things

P
eople with ADHD constantly lose or misplace things. This is because
you are distracted when putting things away and cannot recollect the
last place you left them. You may put things down for what seems to
be a split of a second and forget about where you left it. When looking for
that thing you just misplaced, you are very likely to get distracted by
external stimuli, like the sound coming from your TV set or that open
videogame on your laptop. You can empty the dishwasher and do a full load
of laundry before remembering to start looking for that thing you lost 2
hours ago. This can cause most people with ADHD to be often late to work
or meeting with friends. Some people with ADHD tend to compensate for
this inner turmoil and end up being extremely organized, almost perceived
as obsessive-compulsive, but not every ADHD brain is like this.

Try having a dedicated place for everything you use. This strategy can work
for the neurotypical brain without struggle, but for an ADHD brain, you
might need to modify it a bit to make it suitable for your needs. Putting
things away where they mostly make sense does not always work.
Something can make sense to be placed somewhere in particular now, but
this may not come to mind when you are looking for it. Try placing things
where they are most useful. Think of a restaurant or a coffee bar. Every
server would have their station, which is always replenished. It does not
make sense to have a server cross the opposite side of the restaurant to get a
fork because they are very likely to be stopped a million times by people
along the way constantly asking for things. Those people in a restaurant are
the external stimuli people with ADHD struggle to block out. If you take an
umbrella with you before leaving the house, try leaving an umbrella holder
near the door. If you often leave your jacket everywhere but where it needs
to be, try having a coat hanger next to the door. If you often misplace your
keys, try installing a key holder next to your door. Your keys can have
multiple points of usage because you can place them in your car, bag, or
house. Keep those places to a minimum to avoid confusion whenever you
need to go look for them. It is perfectly fine to have duplicates or more
copies of one item around the house. Take your phone charger as an
example. You will probably need one in the bedroom, one in the living
room, and another at your desk. That is fine. You will avoid looking for it
every time you need to charge your phone.

Make it easy to put things back because you know you can struggle with
this. You can make use of a label machine to label where things go. This can
make it easier for you to put things back, and you do not have to remember
where everything is meant to go. Placing things in clear containers can help
you know what is in them without having to hover down every canister in
your house. Make things fun to put back. Decorate your space and make
sure you can easily get acquainted with where things should go. Think of it
as if it is a puzzle. Spare some time during the day, usually in the morning
before you leave the house and, in the evening, before you go to bed and
scan for things that are out of place. Have a look around you, and you can
probably notice things that are out of place. Take some time to but them
back. This can help you keep a decluttered space every day without having
a backlog of lost and misplaced items. It can also help you find things easily
whenever you need them. Try this with your workstation as well. Try
decluttering it every day at the end of your shift. This can help you start the
next morning on a good note. Do the same thing with your dishes; try
putting dirty dishes in the dishwasher if you have one, or make sure you
clean everything after you finish eating. Like this, you can avoid
procrastinating and can avoid ending up with a pile of dirty dishes, which
you probably put off for days before you get yourself to clear that sink up.

If you are a woman with ADHD who shares a home with a partner who
likes to keep things organized, you might have ended up in a fight a couple
of times because they misplaced your things in the name of tidying up.
Them clearing your space does not necessarily mean they are helping you.
You may struggle with finding things you put away, let alone when
someone else does that for you. You have a lesser chance of findings things
you are looking for when someone clears the space on your behalf. Try to
always clear your things yourself, or if anyone else is helping you do that,
make sure you agree on where things should go. You can encourage
yourself to put things back by making things fancy and as attractive to get
your attention as possible, but things will stay put only if they are practical
to you. Make things easier to be put back and try to facilitate this process
for yourself as much as possible.

Depending on how important that thing you just misplaced is, you are often
going to feel anxious, stressed, and annoyed when you lose it. Do your best
to be organized; highlight, label, or decorate areas, so they get your
attention, and you can misplace things less often. If you often misplace
small things like your wedding ring or watch, try keeping them in a bigger
container like a bowl as soon as you walk in and out the door. Try to do one
thing at a time because it has been established that people with ADHD
struggle with multitasking, so this cannot help you find things when you
lose them. If you need that set of keys because otherwise you cannot get out
the door, try to ignore all other distractions and focus only on finding the
keys, try to recall where you placed them last, and go look for them there. If
you often misplace your stationery at work or home if you work remotely,
try using a compact desk organizer so all your stationery items can stay
collected in one place. Try making it a habit to clear your desk and place
everything in your drawer before leaving at the end of the shift.

If you often misplace your phone, keys, watch, and tablet, try introducing a
docking station in your life. Leave it where you are most likely to leave the
items that go on it. You can have all your valuables and electronics in one
place and charged at one point. This way, you can lessen the times you walk
out of the house with your phone uncharged. The chargers can all be at one
place, and as soon as you walk in the house, you know where things have to
go because you want them charged by the next morning too. You know
where to look for things before walking out of the house as well. You can
include compartments in the docking station to host things that do not
necessarily need to be charged, like your house keys, your precious bullet
journal, and your glasses.

You may find it even harder to find things you do not use often. Say you
have many small items you usually always use only for traveling, like your
passport, your travel toothbrush, your luggage tag, or your padlocks. Try
creating a space around the house that is dedicated to these items only.
Keep everything in a visible container and label it or decorate it as you
please.

If you wake up in the morning struggling to make a cup of coffee because

everything is everywhere, try to create a designated area for coffee-making
if this is something you often do and struggle with every day. There are
plenty of fancy ideas online that will help you create a coffee station and
make it a fun project. Try keeping your favorite mugs, a couple of spoons,
coffee machine, tea, coffee, and sugar in one place. The next time you need
to make a coffee, it can be a breeze with this strategy.

If you have a project to deliver at work the next morning and need supplies
to be taken to work, you can struggle to sleep at night knowing the things
you must remember. Avoid the restless night and make a list. Gather all the
things you know you will need and place them in your car, in your drive-in,
or by the door. Collect everything you need to take with you, and if it helps,
try making a list and leaving it where you can see it the next morning. This
way, you can check off the things you need to take with you and avoid the
anxiety or stress that comes with all of this. Although the last thing you feel
like doing after a day at work or running errands is clearing the clutter or
organizing your stuff, try making putting things back a habit and part of
your routine. It can be difficult until you make this a habit.
 Chapter 27:
22 Things not to say to someone with ADHD

I
f you, your kids, or your partner have ADHD, you will almost certainly
meet skeptics who do not understand the disorder or its implications in
daily life. Unfortunately, there are a lot of myths about ADHD, and these
misconceptions can be harmful to those that have the disorder. Some people
incorrectly label ADHD as a "made up" condition that is over-diagnosed
and over-medicated. Others see ADHD as a harmless, insignificant disorder
that can be easily handled with good parenting and fades away in
adulthood. Whether you have a child with ADHD, a partner with ADHD, or
if you have ADHD yourself, you've probably heard any of the following
erroneous and upsetting comments about ADHD. It is crucial to know what
to avoid saying so that you can be as helpful as possible to people who have
ADHD.

If you have ADHD, the following things are the last things you want to
hear:

1. ‘’ADHD is just an excuse to be lazy’’- Those around neurodiverse brains

tend to visualize the person as the problem rather than recognizing the
disorder or the condition as the problem.

2. ‘’You need to try harder to get organized’’- People with ADHD will often
struggle to get organized like the neurotypical brains, and they can, in most
times, fail to do so successfully. This can make people with ADHD feel like
a failure, and although one would try hard enough, they can still come
across as not doing enough from someone else’s perspective. People with
ADHD must find their way and methods to stay organized because other
people’s ways will not work for them.

3. ‘’Taking ADHD medication is a bad idea’’- Medication is not the only

means of treatment for ADHD. You can opt for therapy, supplements,
exercise, and neurofeedback. There is no compulsory approach for ADHD,
and because it is a spectrum, severity can vary. Treatment for ADHD needs
to be adapted to the lifestyle of the ADHD brain and its goals.

4. ‘’Stop Overreacting’’- People with ADHD do not overreact, but because

of emotional dysregulation, their emotions tend to be heightened.

5. ‘’ADHD is not real; we need to let kids be themselves’’- Some people are
unaware of the reality of this condition that they do not consider it a real
disorder. Some may say you do not allow kids to be energetic and do not
allow them to be themselves. Some blame technology because you have set
a standard of kids playing on their tablets rather than letting them play
outside like old times. If kids who are now adults went undiagnosed or
misdiagnosed, it does not mean that ADHD is a modern disorder and did
not exist in the past; there was not enough knowledge about it.

6. ‘’Everyone has a little bit of ADHD, or an ADHD moment, it is nothing

major’’- Anyone can experience occasional moments of forgetfulness or
inattentiveness. Some people claim to have had an ADHD moment, which
can be normal incidents for neurotypical brains. Little do they realize that
ADHDers do not occasionally experience this but rather find it hard to
focus anywhere unless it is something they are super devoted to.

7. ‘’ADHD is diagnosed far too easily and regularly’’- To the contrary of

this common misconception, ADHD in women is not diagnosed enough. It
has been established by now that when compared to boys, girls live much of
their life believing they suffer from depression or anxiety if their ADHD has
been misdiagnosed.

8. ‘’People use ADHD as an excuse for bad behavior’’- People with ADHD
may deliver a task on time when it happens to be something that triggers
their hyper-focus. They may perform other tasks poorly and will therefore
be perceived as inaccurate and unreliable. The neurotypical brains that are
not aware of this condition would not understand the impairments
associated with ADHD. Really and truly, people with ADHD put a lot of
time, effort, and energy into staying on track and just being organized.

9. ‘’That child needs more discipline’’- Many parents deal with these
statements when out and about with their kids in public. These comments
come across as judgments towards their parenting abilities.

10. ‘’ADHD is caused by poor parenting’’- Children with ADHD can be

more challenging to bring up, but poor parenting skills or lack of control are
not the causes of ADHD. It is common practice to blame yourself as a
parent when your child is diagnosed, and these delusions certainly do not
help. The environment by which the kids surround themselves can impact
how ADHD is expressed, but it does not cause it.

11. "Students or employees who obtain special accommodations for ADHD

have an unfair advantage."- People with ADHD do not receive special
treatment to give them an advantage over others but rather to level the
playing field and make it fair for everyone. Remember, people with ADHD
will do the same things and achieve the same goals but with different
processes.

12. "In females, ADHD is less intense than in males."- This is not the case
at all as women with ADHD have symptoms that are overlooked. Because
boys would disrupt the classroom and hinder learning for the other students,
their behavior must be treated. Girls can often be perceived as disorganized
and lazy, and these can only interfere with their learning processes. Girls
internalize their symptoms and are at a greater risk of sexual promiscuity,
teen pregnancies, alcohol abuse, drug abuse, and cigarette smoking.
Because you do not see the symptoms, it does not mean they are not there.
Undiagnosed females, like undiagnosed males with ADHD, are at risk for
chronic underachievement. The difficulties that ADHD mothers have
dealing with the demands of daily life can easily spill over into parenting.
Because of the genetic connection between ADHD and parenting, many of
these mothers will have children with the disorder, who will need even
more organization, focus, and consistency.

13. ‘’Did you take your meds today?’’- This is something neurotypical
brains would say when they are in a close relationship with someone with
ADHD. ADHDers can come across as goofy or too loud at times, and that is
probably not attributed to their ADHD or them skipping their medication,
but because their character is that way. This can easily translate to someone
not liking your character, and they like you better when you are under the
effect of medication. Coming from someone close to you can make it even
more offensive because they are the ones that should be the most
understanding of your situation.

14. ‘’It is not that hard to focus’’- You can never say to someone with a
broken leg to walk because it is not that hard for you to do with two fully
functioning lower limbs. The same goes for people with ADHD. Where
neurotypical brains have no issue blocking external distractions, people
with ADHD struggle just to shut off the sound of that ticking clock in the
classroom. They process everything around them without filtering the most
important things.

15. ‘’Calm down’’- Because of emotional dysregulation, people with

ADHD can seem over-excited in certain situations, and those around them
may want to quiet them down. Ideally, ADHDers are left to express
themselves in whatever way they deem fit. In the case of kids, if they need
to be told to calm down, ideally, this is to be done discretely, and the reason
behind their excitement and why it is inappropriate in that situation should
be explained. In general, whether someone has ADHD or not, telling them
to calm down can guarantee they won’t calm down. Try telling that to your
angry partner and see where it takes you!

16. ‘’My boyfriend’s brother’s friend from high school has ADHD, I
understand’’- ADHD severity varies from person to person, and no two
people with ADHD are the same. Because you know someone, or you met
someone you know has ADHD once does not make you universally
understand every other ADHD person. Try to be more considerate towards
that individual as a person and do not compare them to others.

17. ‘’How you could forget that’’- If you mentioned something to a

neurodiverse individual and they seem to not have a clue that this even
happened, keep in mind that they might have been toppled by a million
distractions. The last thing they need is being judged for something they
forgot to remember.

18. ‘’I think I have ADHD too’’- Everyone can experience a little
forgetfulness or inattention now and again, but self-diagnosis is not
acceptable here. People with ADHD go through multiple tests and
evaluations to get hold of their diagnosis. This can also be why everyone
underestimates the severity of ADHD and can struggle to understand a
neurodiverse brain.

19. ‘’You can’t have ADHD, you are too smart’’- ADHD does not affect
your intelligence, and people with ADHD are not stupid, no. You can get to
the level of the rest of your friends in class and even surpass that; it is the
way you get there that can be different. Hyper focusing can also play an
important role here because if you find something you enjoy doing, you will
persevere until you get it right. Focusing on multiple things can also be an
advantage because whilst others focus on one thing until they complete it
and move to the next task, people with ADHD struggle to filter things, and
this helps them put everything in perspective, seeing the bigger picture.
Therefore people with ADHD are innovative and creative.

20. ‘’Your handwriting is messy’’- ADHD brains can race with ideas and
can often jot down so many things randomly in their notebook. They know
they can forget if they do not do so quickly. Some may struggle with
reading their handwriting, but they can go without you reminding them of
this every time you cannot read what they have written.

21. ‘’Are you even listening to me?’’- People with ADHD have a hard time
focusing, and the little distraction can take their minds into another different
dimension. If you have a close friend or relative with ADHD, learn to adjust
to their listening pace and ask them to stop you when they lose their focus
on what you are saying. This will avoid embarrassment for them and
frustrations for you.

22. ‘’Can I borrow your meds?’’- ADHDers on stimulant medication need

to call their doctors monthly to get a new prescription every time.
Navigating the healthcare system can be challenging for people with ADHD
because they must have regular appointments, remember to call in for their
medication on time, and remember to take them. If they fail to go by the
system, they may need to pay hundreds out of their pocket or end up
without medication for weeks. Abuse and misuse of stimulant medication
have led to this complicated process that people who need this medication
must go through every month. Dispensing is done accurately, and no
medication can be bartered or exchanged, especially if it is a controlled
drug like stimulant medication used for people with ADHD.

When you are unsure whether someone is truly lazy or has an underlying
condition, rather than saying things that can come across as inconsiderate,
try just being kind instead!
 Chapter 28:
ADHD treatment for Women

A
DHD is a condition that influences different parts of the mind,
intellectual capacities, practices, and everyday life. Compelling
treatment for ADHD in women may include a multimodal approach
that incorporates medicine, psychotherapy, stress management, ADHD
training as well as expert organizing techniques.

Indeed, even those women sufficiently lucky to get a precise ADHD

analysis regularly face the resulting challenge of tracking down an expert
who can give suitable treatment. Not many clinicians are experienced in
treating grown-up ADHD, and surprisingly fewer know about the novel
issues experienced by women with ADHD. Accordingly, most clinicians
utilize standard psychotherapeutic methodologies. Albeit these
methodologies can be useful in giving knowledge into enthusiastic and
relational issues, they do not assist a woman with ADHD to figure out how
to even more likely deal with her ADHD consistently or learn ways to lead
a more gainful and fulfilling life. Medication does not build skills, and
skills do not change the dopamine levels in the brain. So ADHD treatment
should be planned by taking into consideration all available treatments to
improve the overall life of a woman with ADHD.

ADHD-centered treatments are being created to address an expansive scope

of issues, including confidence, relational and family issues, everyday
wellbeing propensities, day-to-day anxiety, and life management abilities.
Such medications are frequently alluded to as "neurocognitive
psychotherapy," which joins intellectual conduct treatment with
psychological recovery procedures. Intellectual conduct treatment centers
around the mental issues of ADHD, for instance, confidence, self-
acknowledgment, self-fault, while the psychological recovery approach
centers around life management skills for improving psychological
capacities like recollecting, understanding, critical thinking, assessing and
utilizing judgment, learning compensatory methodologies, and rebuilding
the environment.

Treatment for women with ADHD does not only include medication. The
right treatment can be chosen with the help of your loved ones, taking into
consideration your goals, and taking your doctor’s advice.

Here are some treatment options for women with ADHD:

Medication- Prescription medication issues are frequently more muddled

for women than for men. Any medicine approach needs to consider all parts
of a woman's life, including the treatment of coinciding conditions which
she might already be on. Women with ADHD are bound to experience the
ill effects of coexisting disorders such as anxiety and depression, including
learning incapacities. Since alcohol and substance abuse problems are
common in women with ADHD and might be present at an early age, a
cautious history of substance use needs to be taken into consideration when
choosing the right treatment. Prescription medication might be additionally
confounded by chemical variances across the hormonal changes and stages
of life, for example, adolescence, perimenopause, and menopause, with an
increment in ADHD side effects at whatever point estrogen levels fall. At
times, chemical substitution may be incorporated into the treatment regime
used to treat ADHD to make up for the lessened estrogen levels. ADHD
medication helps to improve impulsivity and attention. ADHD treatment
does not cure the condition but rather controls its symptoms when taken as
prescribed. The same concept as prescription glasses, long or short-
sightedness is not cured but rather controlled when wearing spectacles.
Medication affects the transmission of molecules from one neuron to the
next in the brain, mainly norepinephrine and dopamine. There can be a trial
of medication at first, so physicians may determine what medication works
best for each ADHD individual. Doses would be increased slowly until the
desired benefits are achieved while also keeping an eye on any potential
side effects.

Methylphenidate and amphetamines are two of the most common

psychostimulant medication used for the management of ADHD. There are
various brand names for these active ingredients, but because they are prone
to abuse, they are highly controlled drugs. The user must see their doctor
for monthly prescriptions and cannot be given refills without it. There are
various preparations of these drugs; some that are long-acting and some
short-acting. The long-acting ones would last anywhere from 6 to 12 hours
for the newer preparations. Short-acting drugs would last approximately 4
hours. Long-acting medication may be preferred because people taking it
would experience fewer mood fluctuations and can often stick to one fixed-
dose daily rather than having to take multiple doses during the day, at work,
or at school. Both long and short-acting drugs can be used together because
some may feel the need for a booster in the afternoon and try to eliminate
the rebound effect for when the long-acting drug does wear off, and the gap
between this period and the next dosage the next day. Different drugs have
different mechanisms of action, so the practitioner can base their
assessment on this when choosing which drugs can work best for you.
Depending on the individual sensitivity and severity of their ADHD, the
long-acting drug might not be enough as a sole daily dose.
If an ADHD individual has a substance-use issue, this should be treated
before treating ADHD. Stimulant medication is very well tolerated in
therapeutic doses and if it is taken as prescribed and not abused. If an
individual is prone to substance abuse and must take stimulant medication,
the physician can opt for a drug that, because of its formulation and
mechanism of action, is less likely to be abused. People who start taking
stimulant medication can experience headaches, anxiety, weight loss, and
some loss of appetite. Regular blood pressure monitoring is suggested for
people with ADHD on stimulant medication, as cardiovascular effects have
been reported but not deemed a risk for stroke or cardiac death. Stimulant
medication is prescribed while taking into consideration the needs of the
individual. Treatment is not set in stone and may change over time. A
businesswoman with ADHD, who usually has meetings till late afternoon,
might find an immediate-release drug to be taken in the afternoon beneficial
when the sustained-release effect of the drug is wearing off. This can help
her stay focused and carry on through her work schedule.

Non-stimulant medication is also a treatment option for people with ADHD

who have an incomplete reaction to stimulant medication or have other
psychiatric conditions. An example of non-stimulant medication for ADHD
is Atomoxetine. This is not a controlled drug and can be prescribed over the
phone with refills, unlike stimulant medication. Atomoxetine takes longer to
act. People on this medication may experience cardiovascular side effects,
decreased libido, loss of appetite, dry mouth, and insomnia. This drug is
metabolized by the liver. Certain drugs like fluoxetine and paroxetine may
inhibit the breakdown of atomoxetine, so it is very important to inform your
physician of any other medication you might be on.
Antihypertensive treatment is rarely used in children and adults with ADHD
but can be taken into consideration. These drugs affect norepinephrine
levels to then affect dopamine levels. Antidepressants can directly increase
neurotransmitters in the brain and can appear to improve ADHD symptoms.
Antidepressant medication is not yet licensed to treat ADHD, depending on
which regulatory board is considered for approval of medication in your
area or country. However, such medication can still be considered as an off-
license medication if your physicians believe this is the right treatment for
you. Wake-promoting agents such as Modafinil are used to indirectly
activate the frontal cortex without directly involving the central pathways
for dopamine and norepinephrine in the brain. This is not the first line of
treatment for people with ADHD, but when ADHDers on medication are
not responsive to the most common treatments for ADHD, this can also be
an option.

When choosing the right medication for your ADHD, your doctor will
consider the negative effects of the drug, the characteristics of your ADHD,
and your needs. If someone with ADHD also suffers from hypertension, not
every drug is suitable for them, so an overall approach needs to be taken
into consideration here. It is very important to monitor the effects of the
medication, whether positive or negative. Adjusting doses and timings for
the medication can only be established by monitoring the effects of the
drug. Try keeping track of your emotions during the day, when the drug has
been taken, until its effects wear off. You may jot down notes in your
journal or use a mobile app. During follow-up consultation, the doctor will
ask for your feedback. This way, if you require additional treatment like
therapy or coaching, this need can be met. The scope of ADHD medication
is not only to treat the symptoms of ADHD, but the overall goal is to
provide improved functioning in the real world. The goal of medication is
to help ADHDers be self-sufficient and cope with the order of daily life. If
taken as prescribed, ADHD medication can improve the functioning of a
good quality lifestyle at the workplace, in school, and in interpersonal
relationships.

If you have been diagnosed with ADHD and were previously diagnosed
with another psychiatric disorder, it is important to decide which condition
needs to be treated first according to its severity and its effects on your daily
life. For example, if someone has been long diagnosed with depression and
has now been diagnosed with ADHD, certain medication can exacerbate
depressive symptoms. Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, also known
as SSRIs, are used in depression and can be used with stimulant medication
for ADHD in harmony. If ADHD was the undiagnosed condition, treating
this as the main issue can help treat the other co-existing conditions. If
ADHD is the main concern, treating it first can improve the other
symptoms.

Stimulant medication is the first line of treatment for ADHD, although this
is surrounded by a stigma, and ADHDers often make decisions about
treatments based on the stigma around medicating ADHD. Stimulant
medication for ADHD can often be considered on the same line as illegal
drugs like cocaine, when for the individual with ADHD, that medication is
giving them a second chance at life, without having to worry of not fitting
in or never making the cut. Stimulant medication cannot be generalized as
any other drug and if taken with caution and as prescribed. People with
untreated ADHD are at a higher risk of drug and alcohol dependence and
not the other way round. People with undiagnosed or misdiagnosed ADHD
tend to use illegal drugs to compensate for their ADHD symptoms,
depression, or anxiety, which has been left untreated. Taking medication for
your ADHD is not succumbing to the condition you have because there is
nothing wrong with taking medication that will help correct the
neurotransmitter deficit in your brain, just as if you have anemia and take
iron supplements to treat it.

Parent training- Women with ADHD are more likely to have a child with
ADHD. A lot of women understand they have ADHD when one of their
kids is diagnosed. They realize that whatever their child is going through
right now, they experienced during their childhood. Parenting requires the
mother to be the manager of the house and juggle multiple duties like
cleaning, setting appointments, and cooking. This requires a lot of focus,
organization, and planning. These are all areas women with ADHD struggle
with. Parenting tools can help women in managing their household duties,
kids’ upbringing, and the pressure at work on top of everything. Parent
training can be done in groups or individually. Some may attend group
classes where basic skills are thought to help women with ADHD cope with
their lives as mothers.

Group therapy - Women with ADHD can struggle with their self-esteem
and social interactions. They often compare themselves with other women
and feel shame. Group therapy can provide women with ADHD with a
therapeutic experience and help them feel accepted and understood. This
can help them accept themselves and better manage their lives. During
group therapy, partners of women with ADHD may be invited to share their
experiences and how they deal with their partner’s ADHD. Hearing people
sharing similar experiences to yours can nest hope in that woman with
ADHD that often felt out of place in the world. Women with ADHD may
compare themselves to neurotypical brains and decide to strive for
perfection when this is often unrealistic. Therapy can help eliminate these
guilt factors and improve overall confidence and self-esteem in women with
ADHD.

ADHD coaching- ADHD coaches will help you via the phone, via email, or
in person. ADHD coaching is a newer sector that has gained popularity in
recent years. Coaching is a non-pharmacologic technique that can be used
in conjunction with treatment. ADHD coaching is a practical technique that
directly addresses the core impairments of ADHD, such as preparation, time
management, goal setting, organization, and motivation. It is a
specialization within the wider area of coaching. ADHD mentors work
cooperatively with their clients with ADHD or ADHD-like manifestations
to address their specific necessities and individual objectives. Most current
ADHD instructing programs recognize the natural underpinnings of the
problem affecting the main manifestations of ADHD like
absentmindedness, hyperactivity, and impulsivity. Nonetheless, training
focuses on the scholastic, professional, passionate, and relational life
troubles that are a consequence of these side effects and assists customers
with discovering approaches to conquer these difficulties. Through
individualized or group help and backing, mentors help individuals focus on
where they are currently, where they need to be and how they get there. A
mentor assists individuals with ADHD complete the down-to-earth
exercises of everyday life in a coordinated, objective-oriented, and
opportune manner. In close association, an ADHD mentor assists the
ADHDer with mastering viable abilities and start a change in their day-to-
day life. Women with ADHD can be aided by a coach to maintain focus,
come up with goals, achieve set goals, bring their abstract ideas to fruition,
and build motivation. An ADHD coach will also help sufferers to identify
what their symptoms of ADHD are and how they play an important role in
their lives. They can help them identify their behaviors in certain situations
and which ones are attributed to their ADHD. An ADHD coach may ask the
sufferer what changes they want in their lives, what steps can be taken to
get to those goals, what motivates them to take action, what actions they’ve
taken toward their goals, and when they want to achieve set goals. The
coach will ask about steps already taken and what is left to be done, if any.
Evaluation needs to be done. Coaches are there to help support their clients
through feedback and practical suggestions. Another thing coaches do is
hold you accountable. ADHDers can struggle to complete tasks if they are
not held accountable. They can be there to help remind you and suggest
better management methods you can adapt. Coaches have an initial session
to identify the goals they wish to achieve by providing their services to the
client, but regular check-ins and follow-up sessions are carried out. These
can be done virtually or in person. Initial sessions can take up to 2 hours
and may not be enough to go over all the issues one intends to address, but
follow-up sessions can take up to 60 minutes each time. During the
sessions, reflection is made whilst discussing whether last week’s goals
were met, how and what can be improved, and what is the goal for the next
session. Once goals are met after several sessions, the ADHD sufferer may
choose to extend the coaching sessions or terminate the service. During this
period, the ADHDer would have obtained skills and learned how to adapt
them. The goal is to carry on putting these skills into practice without the
constant need of a coach. Studies show that coaching improves executive
functioning skills and determination skills in college kids. People under the
care of a coach can develop more positive thoughts and manners. They can
take up greater responsibilities, where before, these were avoided. They can
better regulate their stress levels and emotions, where before, emotional
dysregulation was often present. Coached women with ADHD can improve
their studying and learning skills and report to be more self-aware and
satisfied in life overall. Coaching can be done on an individual basis or as a
group. Coaching is targeted as a wellness model, and dealing with
psychological barriers is usually left in the hands of a therapist. It is more
focused on daily living like practical habits in everyday life, lifestyle
changes, managing finances, and maintaining a healthy nutrition and
exercise regime. Cognitive-behavioral therapy deals with the emotional side
of things, so these two fields do not overlap. Coaches would not be trained
to deal with psychiatric issues and can only focus on practical changes. A
psychotherapist or psychologist will deal with the emotional aspect and
cannot help with regards to practical aspects of life like the coach would.
The ‘’why’’ of an ADHD behavior is better dealt with by a therapist.
Coaching is different than tutoring. Tutoring is more common in kids who
struggle in certain subjects in school and would rather have some extra
hours on the subject via one-to-one encounters to keep up with the class
curriculum. Before choosing coaching as a non-pharmacological
intervention for your ADHD, you must accept that there is an issue and
decide to want to make changes. Coaching can require time to create
strategies and improve your behavior, so willingness is a must. If an ADHD
coach feels like his intervention is not yielding its benefits, he or she may
refer you if the need for a psychiatric assistant is required. Referrals do not
mean coaching will seize, but rather the ADHD coach can work in
collaboration with a therapist or a psychiatrist to help improve your overall
state of ADHD. There are plenty of services as such, and one must consider
their own situation and question whether they require a coach specializing
in any area. If you feel like any specific approach can work best for you;
like humorous or energetic, and if you struggle with comorbid conditions
like anxiety or depression, make sure coaching is the right type of treatment
for you, or if it is best to combine it with other alternative therapy
treatments to get the best results.

Behavioral therapy- Cognitive behavioral therapy is also known as CBT

and is often used in conjunction with medication. There are various types of
therapy, and CBT is one of them. CBT works on how your thoughts affect
your emotions and behavior. CBT also provides you with tools to help
manage these thoughts. Another type of therapy is dialectic behavioral
therapy, also known as DBT. This can help with emotional dysregulation, a
common effect of ADHD. It can also help with mindfulness and increase
your ability to notice your thoughts and feelings and not react to them. This
treatment is provided by either a psychologist or a psychotherapist. A
therapist can help you by providing you with a different perspective and
solutions outside your brain, but at the same time, resolutions that are
tailored to you. A therapist takes into consideration what you know about
ADHD, what you have tried to do to control it so far, what works for you,
and where your current tools can be used. They can help you change the
way you use your tools or help you develop new ones. It is common to get
different diagnoses from different therapists because ADHD shares
symptoms with other conditions like depressions and anxiety. Most people
with ADHD can suffer from one or more of the other conditions, and the
latter can be more recognizable than the formal. Not every therapist will
understand ADHD, and some may also claim to specialize in ADHD
because of their clinical work, research studies, or experience working with
ADHD clients. Various tests can be used to evaluate ADHD, and the
therapist can use whatever source is available to them. ADHD is determined
depending on the number of symptoms and level of impairment, and this is
all subjective. The therapist will focus on alleviating ADH- related
impairments while a psychiatrist can help you reduce the symptoms with
the help of medication. Ideally, following therapy sessions, you leave
feeling optimistic and look forward to the next session. You must feel
comfortable enough with your therapist so you can discuss your issues, and
he or she can help you grow. Initially, you can start with the first session
with the therapist, often referred to as Intake, where the therapist would
gather information about your ADHD and the goals you wish to achieve. It
is important that you feel heard and validated during therapy. You must feel
comfortable enough to ask whatever questions you like. Building a good
therapeutic relationship during the third or fourth session can usually mean
you are more likely to gain success out of this treatment. Progress can
fluctuate because this can be affected by various life events. Your therapist
will keep a record of your progress, so check in with them whenever
possible because they might notice the progress you have made from time
to time, but you have not realized it.

Professional Organizing- The organizer career has expanded to meet the

demand as modern lives have become more complicated. Women with
ADHD often experience extreme disorganization in a variety of areas of
their lives, in their house, and at work. Some women can keep their
workplaces organized but at the cost of their homes being a complete mess.
Some ADHDers may compensate by becoming overly organized, but this is
rarely the case in women with ADHD. Disorganization is common among
other areas of a woman’s life, which adds to the problems and difficulties.
You may hire someone who can do the organizing for you if you lack the
skill in this sector; otherwise, you may conduct sessions with a professional
organizer who can help you get organized in your daily life, after which you
will be able to maintain a relatively organized lifestyle after the sessions are
over.
Career Guidance- Women with ADHD can benefit greatly from career
guidance, which can help them take advantage of their strengths while
minimizing the effect of ADHD on job success, much as they may benefit
greatly from clear guidance as a parent with ADHD. Many technical and
office occupations require a person with ADHD to perform tasks and duties
that are difficult for them, such as paying attention to detail . Some
companies may impose certain ways or methods to be used to reach set
targets. These methods might not always work for women with ADHD.
This is not to say that they cannot reach set targets, but their methods are
different than neurotypical brains. There are careers and job posts that will
allow their employees the flexibility they need if results are promising. Not
every career allows this, so career guidance can help a woman with ADHD
choose the right path for her and highlight her strengths rather than putting
her down for her weaknesses.

Medication-assisted treatment for ADHD is particularly effective at

reducing the main symptoms of the disorder like inattention, hyperactivity,
and impulsivity. Your healthcare provider will assist you in selecting the
appropriate drug and dosage for your specific requirements. It's important to
work with your doctor to track your care and manage any side effects you
may have. The most effective treatment for ADHD is to combine medicine
with therapeutic treatments such as parent education training and behavioral
therapy. There are various aspects of life where women with ADHD will
struggle, but thankfully there are various approaches that provide either
general help for these issues or specific assistance according to the
weakness one may experience exclusively . ADHD is deserving of
treatment like any other medical condition.
 Chapter 29:
Self-love for women with ADHD

T
he ADHD brain can go into extreme mentality. The issue is that
humans are complex and inconsistent. Consequently, often women
with ADHD oscillate between intense views of themselves; poor or
nice, stupid or clever, driven or lazy. This reactive, intense thought
contributes to low self-esteem, which can be supplemented by inward
thought and a good dose of self-compassion. You probably grew up
believing that you were either smart or stupid, happy or unhappy, sweet or
rude. Maybe you feel good and optimistic one day, then the next you were
exhausted, even frozen, by your ADHD symptoms and depressive thoughts.
You can still be experiencing these feelings to date. Changing views and
mood swings are not exclusive to the ADHD brain. Everyone goes through
cycles of delusional thoughts and periods of clarity. One may feel guilty
when screaming at someone they care about, but then be nice to strangers.
Everyone is different at all moments, often within the same day. This is
natural, but these human contradictions are disturbing and confounding to
the ADHD brain. The ADHD brain thinks in terms of extreme polarities:
inspired vs. lazy, imaginative vs. dull, ordered vs. disorganized. Your
subconscious is compelled to take sides. However, when humans are always
evolving and vacillating, this neurological phenomenon leaves them flip-
flopping from day to day, reduced to reactivity rather than deliberate
thinking and behavior.

Kids with ADHD grew up being told they did something wrong more than
neurotypical kids every day. It is estimated that kids with ADHD are given
five times more corrective messages than neurotypical brains every day.
This can go on into adulthood if you are a woman with undiagnosed or
misdiagnosed ADHD. Eventually, this negative talk will become your inner
dialogue, and you start believing the negative feedback you are being given
or have been given for most of your life. It can be hard to get oneself out of
this deeply ingrained negative self-thought. Although it can be challenging,
you can talk yourself out of this negativity and enhance trust in yourself
despite whatever you have been told as a kid or growing up. Once you
receive negative feedback, acknowledge it but do not let it get to you.
Acknowledge and understand you have a condition, and your behavior is a
result of your symptoms. This is not making up excuses but acknowledging
the fact that the reason you missed out on an important conversation from
that meeting you just had, and are now being scolded for, did not happen on
purpose and not because you are careless. It is because of your ADHD.
Much like someone who needs prescription glasses who has run over a
stray cat on their way home from work late at night. It is not because they
meant to do that, but because of their impaired vision, they could hardly
have avoided that incident. Acknowledging your ADHD can make room for
you to grow. If you know you are chronically late, you can try and do better
next time. Beating yourself up and thinking you are a horrible person will
not get you anywhere besides filling you with negative thoughts and
emotions. Try engaging in positive self-talk to help to get you past your
negative self-talk. If you are surrounded by the right people and happen to
feel down because of something you did or failed to do because of your
ADHD, try calling someone you know and trust. Explain what happened
and ask them to help you talk yourself out of the negative self-talk. Make
sure you are well educated about your ADHD. Understanding your
condition, its symptoms, and how it may exhibit in different people can help
you understand and validate your actions. ADHD awareness can help you
understand yourself and empower you to know how to deal with yourself
and daily challenges. To heal, you must be able to keep all of who you are
in one picture that encompasses a wide range of characteristics. That means
no longer dwelling only on your problems or your strengths. You partake in
reductionism as you overemphasize one part of oneself and ignore the
others. You oversimplify or exaggerate one aspect of yourself. Moving into
a more complete narrative necessitates a break from reductionism and the
completion of the whole image of oneself. Women with ADHD have been
given so much shame in their lives that they think they cannot live with
their ADHD unless they correct themselves. Certainly, ADHD influences
who you are, and coping with your brain-based problems is unavoidable.
Accept that you cannot completely differentiate your minds and bodies is a
positive development. You must allow yourself to think you can do a task or
complete a project, even though it might be a struggle to do so. This can
take you away from the two extremities, one of which is often thinking you
will fail or are better off not even trying. This can make room for self-
improvement and positive thinking. When you come to know you have a
condition, you often want to find the fix for it. The reality is that there is no
permanent fix that can have you fit in and perform like neurotypical brains
but focusing on improvement and self-awareness can help you complete
tasks via different methods. It is normal to struggle with this concept and to
have moments where you wish your ADHD would all go away. True
recovery, on the other hand, comes only through the act of convincing
yourself and others that you do not need to be fixed. Once you agree that it
is understandable and natural to have both strengths and weaknesses, you
begin to address the struggles with some self-compassion, and this is the
secret to seeing positive progress. You are well-versed in the difficulties
associated with ADHD. In fairness, you have been overly dependent on
them your whole life. Drawing an accurate portrait of yourself entails
giving equal weight to your talents and dreams that represent your ideals.
However, many people are unaware of these places or find them difficult to
navigate. To help navigate your ADHD, start by becoming aware of your
strengths and take note of what you do well. Acknowledge the fact that you
have acquired skills and developed through the years. Be aware of your
challenges and your weaknesses and how this affects you in your daily life.
Leave room for these weaknesses even if you are on ADHD medication, as
your ADHD symptoms might not always be fully under control. Try
thinking about how you react in certain situations and how your ADHD is
exhibited in different walks of life. Endorse the good qualities you have in
life and how you adapt these in different situations. People speak a lot about
the relevance of ideas, but they rarely use them as a guideline. To know
what humans want their lives to be like, women who are controlled by the
push and pull of the ADHD brain must look inward and return to an internal
compass. When you feel like you are running around in circles, take a
moment to tell yourself who you are and what is important to you. When
you feel confused or mentally exhausted, following your internal compass,
your beliefs, rather than the distractions of ADHD, will direct smarter
decisions. If you have determined what you admire, you should create a
personal mission statement in the same way you would if you were running
your own company. After all, you are in control of your destiny. Start living
by your values and define what is meaningful to you. Become aware of
what you want your life to be about and what you represent. Identify your
values and what you want people to come to know about you. Take into
consideration your past experiences, what you made of them and what you
have to say about yourself.
Self-esteem refers to how you see yourself. It is your assessment of your
abilities and weaknesses. People with high self-esteem can admire their
talents while still being sympathetic about their shortcomings. They esteem
themselves and expect people to honor them. This means that they do not
settle for less than they deserve. They do not beat themselves up for failing
or not trying hard enough. They do not accept being part of an abusive
relationship because they are not deserving of love. People with ADHD
have numerous traumatic memories and life events because of ADHD
symptoms such as poor focus, forgetfulness, and the desire for instant
gratification. For example, they may struggle with academic
underachievement, career issues, or social issues such as making and
maintaining friends and interpersonal relationships. These disappointing
experiences and shortcomings harm their self-esteem. Bad experiences and
mistakes harm your self-esteem. As a result, you begin to question your
skills and talents. To end the loop and begin improving your self-esteem,
you must first believe in yourself. Believing in yourself can sound boring
and predictable, but trusting your strengths and skills is a wonderful first
step toward raising your self-esteem. According to research, individuals
with ADHD may be extremely adaptive and will be able to adjust
continuously, but improvement is inevitable regardless of the background.
This is called resilience, the ability to recover from failed targets and try
again. This means not giving up and using your failures to succeed.

Women with ADHD may struggle with this personality trait because they
have been told they cannot do it numerous times. They were given duties in
society as women or mothers, and because they often struggle to complete
these tasks or fit in society, they may have been told to quit or give up more
times than they can remember. Resilience is striving to be better and
ignoring the negative energy around you telling you to give up. Women
with ADHD may struggle to be resilient because of how they have been
taught to perceive themselves. With the help of professionals and the right
circle around you, you can learn how to become resilient. Go to people you
trust and know can understand you when you feel like giving up. If you
cannot remind yourself of the strengths and good qualities you hold, those
around you can. So, when you feel discouraged, do reach out to someone
you know can help you get out of despair. Remind yourself that someone or
many people around you believe in you and can help keep you on track.

Contrary to all the negative comments you received as a kid, use that energy
to fuel your resilience and prove them wrong. If you feel that your efforts
do not matter, try volunteering. It can make you feel so accomplished and
helpful. Do not focus your energy on negative feedback only. Try to recall
positive feedback you received in the past and use it to empower yourself to
try again. It does not have to be feedback related to that struggle you are
facing; use whatever you can to help boost your self-esteem. Enable no one
to make you doubt yourself. If they criticize something you did, cut
yourself some slack and consider some of the things you have done right,
and remind yourself that not everything you do is a complete disaster.

People are all born with their own set of skills and abilities. If you are not
sure, spend the next week observing which tasks and behaviors come
naturally to you. Which ones do you love performing, and on which do you
get compliments? All of those are hints! Take note of the things people ask
you for help or come to you for opinions on; that is a clear example of your
strengths. Spending time remembering these details is a quick way to boost
your self-esteem. Rather than attempting to improve at jobs that are difficult
for you, devote the rest of your effort to activities at which you excel. Apply
this principle to all aspects of your life, including employment, home,
hobbies, and so on. This does not mean you refuse to work on anything you
do not do well, your weaknesses, or the skills you lack most. Besides
relying on your strengths, there are some fundamental qualities you must
master to excel in life and feel good about yourself. Because of the way
your ADHD brain functions, these abilities may not come easily to you.
However, with practice, they are possible to master. Keep in mind that
improving your skills can benefit you. Arriving on time to appointments or
meetings can make you feel reliable. Managing your money well can help
you avoid overspending and forgetting due bills, can, in turn, boost your
self-esteem because you do not feel like you are being eaten away by your
debt. If you master the skill of meal planning and healthy eating, it can, in
turn, make you feel your best because you are no longer surviving on junk
food and unhealthy meals. If you learn how to manage your house, you can
no longer be crippled by a dirty house full of clutter and can finally enjoy
time with family and friends when they come over to visit, instead of
feeling embarrassed. These activities could be more difficult for you
because they require abilities that ADHD makes challenging. It is, however,
possible to excel at any of them. How you were rewarded and punished as a
kid has an impact on how you see yourself now and then. Children with
ADHD are more likely to earn disapproval than encouragement.

As an adult, you may dwell on anything you did bad or poorly because it
has become your default mode. From now on, for any critique you direct at
yourself, consider two positive aspects of yourself. This can help to
rebalance things and boost your self-esteem. You may have developed the
habit of comparing yourself to others as a teenager. Unwillingly you may
have been compared to others all the time, in class or within your family.
Your siblings, relatives, and peers can most likely do stuff you find difficult,
such as pay attention in class or stay still. When you compare yourself
negatively to others, it undermines your self-esteem.

You are too hard on yourself, which induces actual physical and emotional
discomfort. Rather than focusing on your supposed failures, consider these
uplifting ways to recognize your worth. Adults with ADHD are good at
putting themselves down and being much harsher on themselves. They are
more tolerant and accepting of their mates' blunders than they are of their
own. Self-criticism is a behavior that many people develop as children. A
child with ADHD notices his parents' and teachers' dissatisfaction with him,
and he does not feel well enough. The kid spends his early years striving to
impress others and, as a result, starts to judge himself harshly. By the teen
years, some children are always working desperately for recognition from
teachers and guardians, while others have given up and believe they are still
losers.

I have a strategy for you if you tend to focus on your flaws. Everyone has
flaws, and no one is flawless. Things you have done should not lower your
self-esteem or make the impression that you are not good enough. You are
sufficient, whether you have accomplished something or not. You may have
spent far too much time dwelling on your flaws and weaknesses that you
have forgotten about your talents. Make a list of your innate strengths, gifts,
and expertise. This could include your easy-going personality towards
others, your sense of humor or narrative style, your sincerity, or your
willingness to work well with others. You will learn and develop your skills.
Do not abandon something you like just because you are not good at it right
now. Get the training or practice you need to transform your threats into
opportunities. It is difficult enough to have ADHD without dealing with
family and friends who criticize you for your struggles. Seek people who
admire and value your qualities. Begin by doing an impartial appraisal of
those whose comments are harmful and damaging, and then either teach
them about ADHD or limit your interaction with them. If your mother still
hopes you are more like your sister or if your brother demoralizes you when
he calls, then stops answering their phone calls! You are not allowed to
detach from your family, but you may restrict the amount of time you spend
with them. Being in the company of people who admire you will cause you
to think more positively of yourself, paving the path to satisfaction and
prosperity. Measure yourself against your expectations. True self-esteem is
unaffected by the views of others. To do this, you will need to consult with
a mental health specialist to rewrite the scripts that have been playing in
your mind for a long time if this is something you still find yourself
struggling with despite all efforts.

Stop describing yourself based on your ADHD symptoms. You may have
ADHD, but it does not own you. A condition is just one aspect of who you
are. Learn to appreciate the other aspects of yourself and allow yourself to
feel strong enough to acknowledge some level of self-worth!
 Chapter 30:
How mindfulness practice can benefit Women with
ADHD

W
omen who have ADHD face stressful events and pressures.
Meditation, with or without ADHD drugs, should be part of the
management regimen that increases the quality of life. According to
research, meditation may help reduce destructive ADHD-related symptoms,
including difficulty concentrating and impulsivity.

Women with ADHD have traditionally been an underserved category and

pay a high price as a result. A delayed diagnosis, a misdiagnosis, and a lack
of real ADHD knowledge translate to years of unnecessary struggle, poor
self-esteem, being marginalized, and thinking something is flawed with
them. As a result, women with ADHD can benefit greatly from
mindfulness, which is an excellent tool for improving health and reducing
the burden of living with an often misunderstood disorder. Some women
can go their entire life without ever realizing they have ADHD. This can be
a very upsetting feeling for many women, who all too frequently find
themselves in the unfortunate situation of "moving on" without assistance
when an adequate diagnosis could greatly change their lives. Furthermore,
those who seek treatment with possible signs run the risk of being
misdiagnosed with another illness, such as mood disturbance or anxiety.
The result, though, remains the same: a lack of assistance and care for the
appropriate conditions, which could contribute to more mental health
issues. Women with ADHD often experience profound tension as they try to
maintain an outwardly natural character that satisfies social demands and
desires while simultaneously coping with an influx of ADHD symptoms
frequently compounded by changing hormones over time. This dynamic can
also contribute to burnouts daily. Females with ADHD sometimes conceal
how much time it takes to get through each day, secretly wondering how
other women seem to have it so simple. Meanwhile, their stray thoughts,
interests, and sacrifices are overlooked in a society that struggles to
accommodate minds that think differently. It is not shocking that living this
way can lead to increased anxiety, feelings of inferiority, and deterioration
of self-esteem over time. It is difficult to be accused of being dreamy or
careless when you are trying nonstop to keep life going, feeling bad when it
fails, and drained when it is complete. Overall, the feeling can be
debilitating, leaving those who are masking ADHD in desperate need of
help.

Meditation may not be the only means of treating your ADHD, but it can
help to ease the symptoms. There are many forms of meditation, which
means that there is one that works better on your brain. Personalized
mantras, for example, can be especially powerful due to their familiarity.
Mantra meditation, as opposed to deliberately focusing on silencing a busy
or disturbed mind, asks you to repeat a sentence in your head and let it take
you naturally to a place of peace and rest. So, consider the right methods of
meditations if you are a woman with ADHD because not all forms work.
Mantra meditation has the virtue of providing little space for the mind to
drift. This is one of the most difficult obstacles for beginners of meditations
and women with ADHD and those who suffer the most with concentration.
This refocusing of the mind, if performed daily, will help clear your mind
and strengthen your concentration.

Meditation, in addition to its relaxing and de-stressing properties, can help

develop communication abilities over time by promoting pauses and
contemplation. Women with better communication skills are less likely to
be stressed in meetings and social settings and can strike a happy medium
while communicating with others. This can help women with ADHD
control their impulsivity, letting them have better communication in their
daily lives, which in turn will alleviate stress during usually uncomfortable
situations.

Meditation allows your brain and body to reach a deeper resting state than
even your longest sleep. Tapping into this state allows the prefrontal cortex
to fully relax. As a result, cortisol and other stress chemicals are decreased
by up to a quarter, while happy hormone output increases, leaving you even
more resistant to unwanted yet unavoidable future stress. This is vital for
women with ADHD because it alleviates stress and paranoia while also
building morale and encouraging them to be more loyal to themselves.
Meditation can be performed whenever and wherever the individual
requires it, making it the ideal, independent method for ADHD symptom
control. Although meditation is not a substitute for ADHD treatment, it can
be used as part of a holistic recovery strategy to greatly contribute to the
betterment of women with ADHD. Mindfulness and meditation enable you
to devote attention to your emotions and emotional wellbeing so that you do
not behave recklessly and respond differently to tense situations.

After a lifetime of rushing emotions, it can be difficult to picture yourself

happily seated in the lotus pose. You do not have to sit or even quit moving
to meditate, which is a little-known secret. You can meditate using music. It
does not need to be in silence. You can use melody to practice your
breathing patterns. It is acceptable to have your thoughts drift away from
meditation. Try to disengage and move your focus back to meditation. You
can find yourself doing this multiple times at first, and that is fine.
Understand that meditation is something that requires practice, and there is
no right or wrong in this. Do this activity not to judge yourself but to better
your state of mind. When you meditate, calm your agitated body with
quick, repeated motions such as walking. Start by meditating for a few
minutes a day and increase the time as it becomes more manageable. Try to
stick to it and make this a habit. If you find it hard to stick to this as a
routine, try enrolling in a meditation course or organize regular meet-ups
with a close friend. You can make use of mobile applications as well.
Meditation can help you deal with difficult feelings at work or home. It
helps you to take a step back from the chaos and concentrate on your
relevant field. You can keep seeing both optimistic and bad interactions.
However, if you learn to relax and control your tension, you and those
around you can enjoy the happiness you deserve. Throw out your
preconceived notions of meditation because you do not have to sit silently
to do it. Most meditation applications are online. Download a lot, then pick
your favorite. Perhaps a certain narrator's voice irritates you, or another's
tone appeals to you more than the others. Each application begins with a
step-by-step explanation of how to be conscious. Breathing seems to be
easy, doesn't it? Breathing is the first ability you must learn before you can
meditate to control your concentration and feelings, which might sound
strange. You start by counting to five as you breathe in and counting to
seven as you breathe out. There is no magic number; just take as many
breaths as you feel comfortable. It is difficult to plan your time while you
have ADHD. Finding time for yourself is much more difficult. Some hardly
have time to take a shower, let alone meditate for a half-hour a day. When
you first start to meditate, you can notice that your response to physical
stress changes. You no longer get a feeling of overwhelm, and if you do, it
can be much easier to get rid of that feeling. Prioritizing can get easier with
the help of meditation too. It can feel easier to decide which tasks need to
be tackled first. Once you master meditation, you should be able to function
better at home and work. You should stop striving to be perfect and believe
you are the best version of yourself. Meditation can help you hinder your
negative self-talk and change the way you think and look at yourself.
According to research, cognitive meditation for ADHD will teach the brain
to properly concentrate and maintain focus. Keeping focus and managing to
self-regulate are two persistent regular obstacles for both adults and
children with ADHD. As a normal ADHD treatment, it stands to reason that
any kind of concentration training that also improves self-control will be
invaluable and extremely effective.

Mindful meditation, also known as mindfulness, is used in various religious

cultures. Buddhism, for example, includes a form of mindful practice
known as vipassana. If you are not spiritual or religious, it does not mean
you cannot meditate. It entails paying careful attention to your emotions,
feelings, and physiological sensations; in other words, having a better sense
of what is going on with you at any given time. It can be used to promote
health, especially psychological well-being. Similar methods have been
used to treat chronic pain, fatigue, and mood disturbances, as well as to
reduce blood pressure. ADHD medication cannot work on inner skills,
unlike meditation. It helps to increase your capacity to self-observe, train
attention, and build new relationships to stressful experiences,
strengthening your ability to monitor your attention. In other words, it helps
you to give heed to paying attention, and it will also make people more
mindful of their psychological response, preventing them from reacting
recklessly. For a long time, researchers have discussed using meditation to
treat ADHD, but the challenge has always been whether people with ADHD
can use it, particularly if they are overactive. Mindfulness's adaptability and
simplicity allow for individuality in the strategy, allowing it to fit for you.
The trick is to practice mindfulness during your day, constantly being
conscious of where your concentration is directed when doing repetitive
tasks. For instance, you might find that your mind wanders when driving.
Many people exercise mindfulness as they snack. Once you are used to
tuning in with yourself and your body, you can use the practice whenever
you're feeling stressed.

Meditation can be something you master on your own if you know you can
stick to this new commitment together with your already busy routine. Sit in
a quiet spot where you cannot be interrupted for five minutes, concentrating
on the feeling of breathing in and out, paying attention to how your stomach
peaks and drops. You might soon find that you are worried about something
else; your career, a noise you just overhead, or your plans for later in the
day. Mark these ideas as "thought," and then refocus your attention on
meditating and breathing. Do this mental exercise regularly. Increase the
amount of time you spend on the workout every couple of days if you
notice you can. Do this during the day, reflecting on your breath for a few
minutes as you stroll from place to place, at a traffic light, or while seated at
your workstation. You may exercise mindfulness at any moment, even when
conversing with others. Turning on the mind-awareness state at any point
during the day, even for a few minutes, is an excellent practice. It is simply
letting go of the hustle of the mind and focusing on what is happening in the
current moment of the daily situation.

Distraction is in the essence of the subconscious. Mindful consciousness is

about returning to the breath rather than sticking in it. That is what
improves your ability to concentrate. You do not need help breathing
because that is already an involuntary action of the body. You use breathing
to help control your thoughts and re-center your mind. It is the focus on re-
shifting your concentration, on outwitting the mind's normal propensity to
escape, that makes this approach particularly useful for anyone with
ADHD.

In contrast to other therapies, mindfulness therapy does not require a

prescription or a visit to a clinic. You can do it while seated, walking, or
even doing certain kinds of yoga. When a muscle is fragile, you can
strengthen it with workouts. The same goes for your brain. Meditation is
believed to help with ADHD since it thickens the prefrontal cortex, which is
involved with concentration, planning, and impulse regulation. It also
increases the amount of dopamine in the brain, which is in low supply in
ADHD brains. Yoga has also been found to help relieve ADHD symptoms,
though most of the studies have been conducted on adolescents. It increases
dopamine levels and activates the prefrontal cortex, much like mindful
practice. According to research, people with ADHD can meditate
effectively, and meditation can help some of the habits associated with the
condition.

Some people feel that meditating first thing early in the morning helps them
cope with the stresses of the day. Early morning meditation can also help
you incorporate it into your routine before your daily routines begin, and
you are less likely to put it off to later during the day because things seem
more important. If you are a night owl or have trouble falling asleep,
meditating before bedtime might be a safer option for you. There is never a
bad time to meditate. Find whatever works for you. No one posture is more
conducive to meditation than another. Traditional poses are appealing to
some individuals. However, you can meditate either seated in your
comfortable chair or lying down on the couch. Whatever location you
choose, make sure it is comfortable enough for you to hold for the length of
your meditation session.

Make sure the location you chose is quiet with no to minimal distractions. It
can be more difficult to calm your mind if your trousers are uncomfortable
or your sweater itches. The same is true for earrings or shoes that are too
tight. Wear clothes that fit well and are comfortable for you. Place yourself
in a calm, distraction-free environment, free of mobile device reminders
such as text messaging and incoming emails. Close the door or go into a
room where you can be quiet for the duration of your meditation if possible.
It is possible to meditate effectively even though you live in a city or on a
busy street. Meditation, through repetition, will teach you to ignore
distractions by concentrating on your breathing techniques. You can also
block out sounds by meditating to soft music or using a guided meditation
program if you prefer. Meditation incorporates the internal experience of
breathing to get the consciousness back to the current moment. Begin by
naturally breathing in and out, noticing how it makes the body feel. When
you are ready, take a deep breath in and notice how your body feels. Hold
your breath for a few seconds, then exhale softly for as long as your breath
allows. Take note of how the body responds when it exhales. When your
mind wanders away from the present moment, quickly remember the
sensation, and return your attention to your breathing. Accept that thinking
is the essence of the mind and grant yourself consent to have a wandering
mind. Do not criticize yourself or concentrate your mind on your emotions.
Simply return your consciousness to the present moment by concentrating
on your breathing. If you meditate for one minute or thirty, allow yourself a
few seconds or minutes to return to the current moment after the
experience. Open your eyes if they were closed. Take a minute to observe
what is going on around you. Take note of how the body feels. Take a
minute to recognize your feelings and ideas. Much like you allow time for
yourself to get out of bed in the morning, allow time for yourself to get out
of your mindful state.

Meditation is not easy, and it will not heal ADHD. It can be a challenge to
master meditation when you have ADHD. But it can help you train your
mind to work better under higher levels of stress and more demanding
situations. Allow your mind to explore and decide what works better for
you during meditation. More research on the efficacy of mindfulness on
symptoms of ADHD is required, but the research on this natural ADHD
treatment is positive so far.
 Chapter 31:
ADHD myths and facts

T
hose who have not come across or know someone close to them who
suffers from ADHD may still struggle to understand and believe
ADHD is real. There are so many misconceptions that create
confusion and make it difficult for people with ADHD to get the help they
need at school, work, and in society in general. The evidence from scientific
findings continues to debunk ADHD stereotypes and misconceptions.

Here are some ADHD myths and facts to help overcome some
misconceptions: -

#1-ADHD is not a real disorder.

A lot of people think ADHD is not like any other medical condition. A lot of
research has been done over time confirming ADHD is very much real, and
although the name of this condition has been changed from time to time, it
was confirmed by multiple studies that ADHD exists. The name ADHD was
made up by researchers to describe this condition and has replaced previous
outdated names like minimal brain damage, as used in the past. ADHD is
one of the most researched mental health conditions. It has been established
that ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder. A lot of health centers and
psychiatric associations recognize ADHD as a real disorder. Brain imaging
is being used to prove differences in the brain of people with ADHD.
Needless to say, those who have ADHD do more than recognize ADHD as a
real condition but also live with it.

#2-ADHD is a fancy name for bad behavior .

To those who do not know much about ADHD, it may come across as
laziness or bad behavior. What most overlook and fail to consider is that
behavior is controlled by the brain. ADHD is affected by genetics, and they
leave their effects on the brain. Those with ADHD are often trying very
hard to pay attention and sit still. Thinking people with ADHD can just
focus is like asking someone who suffers from short-sightedness to see
better. Neurodiverse brains do not battle with attention because of an
attitude but because of the differences in their brain function when
compared to neurotypical brains.

#3-ADHD is just for kids.

Kids diagnosed with ADHD cannot grow out of ADHD. Some adults may
still experience ADHD symptoms, but these will not affect them to the point
where their lives are impaired. That does not mean that they have outgrown
ADHD. A huge portion of people with ADHD are not diagnosed until they
became adults. Some adults may be diagnosed when one of their kids is
diagnosed because ADHD is hereditary, and if your kid has it, it is very
likely one of the parents does too. Kids with ADHD grow up to become
adults with ADHD. They learn to cope with their symptoms and find ways
to overcome their difficulties, but that does not mean they have outgrown
this disorder.

#4-ADHD is caused by bad parenting, sugar consumption, or excessive

gaming.

ADHD is influenced by changes in the brain, not by poor parenting. Some

adults, though, see children fidgeting, acting impulsively, or not
concentrating and conclude it is due to a lack of control. They are unaware
that what they are seeing are symptoms of a serious disorder rather than the
product of something their parents or guardians did or did not do. Although
some of these factors can worsen symptoms of ADHD, these of themselves
do not cause ADHD. High sugar intake can cause hyperactivity or
exacerbate ADHD symptoms, but it does not cause the condition in the first
place. If parents are overly critical of their kids, it can have adverse
reactions on kids with ADHD, but it does not mean that criticizing your
child can cause him to suffer from ADHD. Kids with ADHD need all the
support they can get and require their parents, as their support system, to
help them get through the challenges. These challenges can be very hard to
handle if you are an adult, let alone a kid who is completely dependent on
an adult for medication, therapy, other forms of treatment, and
organizational aid. Research shows that rather than blaming an ADHD
diagnosis on their bad parenting, they should consider birth complications,
potential brain damage in childhood, and possible infections as a probable
contributor to ADHD. Studies show that family environments contribute to
a certain extent to the child’s ADHD. Excessive time on video games
cannot cause ADHD. Having kids spend excessive amounts of time on their
consoles can disrupt their sleep, interfere with their development, both
intellectually and socially, and make them more distracted at school.

#5-You cannot have ADHD because you seem fine .

People with ADHD do not have a visible impairment. Most of the time,
they would have developed a coping mechanism to help them cope with
ADHD and compensate for their shortcomings. This does not mean that
people with ADHD do not face daily struggles, but it just means not
everyone can see these struggles. ADHD does not have a noticeable
disability or anything that people can see, like a bandage or a tattoo saying,
“I have ADHD.” So, it's often easier for people to criticize because they
have no idea what they're talking about.

#6-You cannot have ADHD because you get good grades.

People with ADHD can be gifted too. Contrary to what most people
believe, if someone with ADHD is pursuing a college degree that interests
them, they are likely to not only succeed but excel. They can hyper-focus all
their time and energy, making them some of the best in class. Many
successful people who have ADHD have made it in the business industry,
became famous actors or athletes, and come up with inventive ideas. Take
Scott Kelly, an astronaut, and Bill Gates as an example. People with ADHD
can struggle to be part of companies and corporate associations that fail to
fit their needs, so they tend to become entrepreneurs or owners of small
businesses, often with innovative ideas.

#7-You should be jumping off a wall if you truly have ADHD.

There are different types of ADHD. The most common are the main three
types: hyperactivity impulsive type ADHD, inattentive type, and
combination type. There are different approaches to this, and some
researchers and psychiatrists divide ADHD into further categories.
Although the hyperactive-impulsive ADHD type is the most common type
in boys and the most occurring one, it is not the only one. Those who have
the hyperactive type of ADHD may grow out of that symptom later in life,
but it does not mean that their ADHD goes away. Girls often experience the
inattentive type, and this can often go unnoticed. Hyperactivity can also be
internalized, where the brain never stops working and the body is restless.

#8-Girls cannot have ADHD.

This myth is what leaves a lot of girls undiagnosed with ADHD or
misdiagnosed. Both boys and girls can have ADHD. But because girls do
not disturb in class and the type of ADHD they usually have can seem like
they are more forgetful and lazy, they are not encouraged to be treated, but
rather become labeled from a very young age. They might seem to be more
daydreamy. ADHD in girls and women has only recently been recognized,
and further scientific reports are focusing on the significant impairments
they face, often to the same degree as boys. They are at a potential threat for
many of the same coexisting disorders and impairments as men, including
oppositional defiant disorder, behavioral disorder, academic and social
disorders, driving difficulties, drug misuse, and mental health issues.
Adolescent girls with ADHD are more likely than boys to have eating
disorders, like anorexia and bulimia.

#9-Everyone is a little ADHD.

This myth is equally offensive as it is incorrect. People can experience

moments of forgetfulness, but that does not make everyone suffer from
ADHD. For ADHD to be diagnosed, manuals and guidelines require the
individual to experience more than just one symptom, at least 5 to be exact,
in two different environments, since childhood to the point where it
interferes with their lives. Before getting to an ADHD diagnosis,
individuals can be diagnosed or misdiagnosed with other conditions like
depression, anxiety, or mood disorder. This is because someone with ADHD
would experience other symptoms besides forgetfulness, impulsivity, hyper-
focus, sleep disturbance, and restlessness. So this myth is best to be avoided
to minimize offending someone who has ADHD.

#10-Medication cures ADHD

There is no cure for ADHD, much like diabetes, insulin, good eating habits,
and exercise can help control the condition but not cure it. Medication can
only go so far. Usually, a holistic approach is taken to help control ADHD,
including therapy, meditation, and coaching, together with medication.
ADHD drugs do not work the same for everyone; besides, usually,
physicians give trials of medications before concluding which one works
best, with the dosage and frequency. People with ADHD can confirm that
once the medication is stopped, symptoms can return. Additionally, people
with ADHD on medication can still face difficulties and struggle with
certain symptoms of ADHD. Medication makes ADHD symptoms easier to
manage. Stimulant medication is not the only option that works for ADHD.
Your doctor will determine what is best for you, and there are more options
besides stimulant medication.

#11-Medication turns ADHD kids into zombies.

The purpose of ADHD drugs is not to turn kids into zombies but to make
ADHD symptoms more manageable and their lives less of a struggle.
ADHD drugs can help kids achieve their full potential. It can help them
focus on the right tasks at school or help them transition from one task to
the next. Research has also been conducted on ADHD in different ethnic
groups. To further contradict this myth, research shows that African-
Americans and Hispanics are less likely to accept ADHD medication as
treatment for their kids diagnosed with ADHD.

#12-ADHD is over-diagnosed.

There has been an increase in ADHD diagnosis, but this does not mean
assessment is being done carelessly. Doctors and physicians use specific
guidelines when assessing a potential ADHD individual, and they do so
based on their based practice and resources. The increased numbers of
ADHD diagnoses are attributed to the increased awareness about the
disorder. More screenings are being done by doctors and pediatricians.
Treatment options and diagnostic tools are becoming more available to
more physicians.

#13- People with ADHD cannot focus.

It is evident that people with ADHD have trouble focusing, but that happens
only when something does not interest them. If there is something they
enjoy doing, they can not only focus, but they will over-focus, to the point
where you cannot make them do anything else until they are exhausted and
ready to stop. In adult life, this may affect employees at work. As an
employed individual, you may be asked to complete different tasks, some of
which are of interest and others you might find boring. Neurodiverse brains
will dedicate most of their time and energy to the tasks they enjoy doing.
The issue is not lacking focus but finding it difficult to shift their focus from
one task to the next, especially if one task seems boring. So, people with
ADHD can indeed focus.

#14-ADHD is a learning disability.

Symptoms of ADHD interfere with the learning process of the sufferer, but
it does not impede learning skills like reading, working on math problems,
or writing. With that said, this does not mean that kids with ADHD cannot
benefit from adjustments at school. This goes for people with ADHD at
work, especially if they just started their career; on-the-job learning
experience can be more challenging if they have ADHD.

Education and awareness is the only thing that can help people understand
this condition and give it the attention and credit it deserves to facilitate the
lives of people with ADHD.
 Chapter 32:
ADHD Q&A

I f you have ADHD, you probably have questions all the time and seek to-
the-point answers to help explain your symptoms and feelings. Here are
some of the frequently asked questions relating to ADHD, whether you are
a woman suspecting to have ADHD or have been diagnosed with ADHD: 1.
What is ADHD?

Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a neurodevelopmental

disorder that lasts a lifetime. In more than three-quarters of cases,
symptoms persist into adulthood. ADHD is distinguished by developmental
abnormalities in inattention, impulsivity, and hyperactivity.

2. What is the difference between ADHD and ADD?

ADD means an individual has attention deficit disorders but does not
experience hyperactivity as a symptom. Remember, there are different types
of ADHD, and one of them does not have hyperactivity as its main
symptom. ADD is a term that was created to better describe those who
suffer from the inattentive type of ADHD. Think of ADHD as an umbrella
term.

3. What is executive function?

This refers to one of the brain functions that work on activating, organizing,
and managing other functions. This helps people evaluate their actions and
make decisions. This is one of the symptoms of ADHD where most would
experience executive dysfunction and have trouble organizing and making
informed decisions.
4. How is ADHD diagnosed?

ADHD is diagnosed in various ways, and it all depends on the resources

available to your physician or doctor. There are general guidelines that help
specialists diagnosed ADHD in a simple clinical setting through assessment
and evaluation. Others may have brain imaging equipment available to
them and may take different approaches to diagnose you. Ultimately the
guidelines are the same for everyone. To be diagnosed with ADHD, you
must experience more than 5 symptoms of ADHD since childhood in two or
more different environments. Assessment is done with the neurotypical
individual and their close relatives to be able to gather more information
about their childhood at home and their learning experience at school.

5. How does one find a mental health doctor to help diagnose my

symptoms?

It is important to seek qualified and licensed professionals to help diagnose

you with ADHD if you suspect you suffer from it. Ensure that the person
you go to has had experience in the field and has worked with individuals
with ADHD before. This depends on the availability of such professionals
in your area and health insurance coverage. Many psychiatrists and
therapists chose to specialize in different areas in the field like anxiety,
depression, abuse, and ADHD. Find someone you are comfortable working
with and someone you feel can help you diagnose yourself. Neurologists,
physicians, general practitioners, and therapists can diagnose ADHD.
Pediatricians can also do ADHD assessments in the case of children. Once
you are diagnosed, you might be referred for different types of treatments
like coaching and therapy. Ensure you feel comfortable with these
professionals as well and ask about their experience in the field.
6. Is there a connection between obesity and ADHD?

Because people with ADHD often suffer from impulsivity, they might binge
eat or fall into unhealthy eating habits. Some ADHDers spend a lot of time
indoors or playing video games, with little to no physical activity. This can
all contribute to obesity and unhealthy lifestyles. This obstacle can be
overcome by seeking help from a qualified nutritionist who can help you
meal plan, make healthy eating choices, and keep you accountable for
regular physical activity that can, in turn, help you manage your condition
and help you keep a healthy weight.

7. Are there any other conditions that can occur with ADHD?

Most people with ADHD can have at least one coinciding condition.
Symptoms of ADHD may hide these disorders like anxiety and depression.
Your doctor can determine whether to treat your coexisting condition first
before your ADHD or whether treating your ADHD can help control your
other conditions.

8. How can my ADHD be treated?

You need to start by getting diagnosed. Once diagnosed, your doctor can
determine what further assistance and treatment you required. ADHD
treatment varies from parenting advice, medication, coaching, counseling,
cognitive behavioral therapy, and education about ADHD.

9. Can my medication be prescribed electronically or over the phone?

This can vary from country to country. Non-stimulant medication can often
be prescribed via refills over the phone and is easier to dispense. Stimulant
medication, however, needs monthly prescriptions because it is a controlled
substance. This is done to avoid substance abuse. Having access to
stimulant medications is possible if you are under the care of a professional,
and when taken as prescribed, this can help control your ADHD symptoms.
Stimulant medication may require more commitment in terms of keeping
appointments, getting your insurance to cover for it, and making sure you
have prescriptions ready for your next month's supply.

10. Doesn’t ADHD affect only children?

One-third of children who exhibit ADHD symptoms as kids can continue to

experience ADHD symptoms into adulthood. For adults and children to be
diagnosed with ADHD, they must meet criteria issued by the medical board
that controls the country you find yourself in.

11. Is there a relation between smoking and ADHD?

Adolescents with ADHD can have a higher risk of cigarette use than those
who do not have ADHD. Smoking is more occurrent in adults with ADHD
also. Those who have ADHD and smoke may have difficulty quitting.

12. Is it safe for women to take stimulant medication to treat their ADHD if
they are pregnant or planning to be?

Stimulant medication and pregnancy is not a study done in clinical trials;

therefore, research and safety are lacking. This is solely dependent on your
doctor and gynecologist. Ideally, if you plan to become pregnant and have
ADHD that is being treated with stimulant medication, you should start
discussing your options before getting pregnant. This can help you
understand the pros and cons of having stimulant medication whilst
pregnant, may decide to explore other options, and determine whether you
intend to continue your treatment throughout the pregnancy. You may be
able to seize medication before your pregnancy, so if there are any side
effects you are not willing to risk, they can be avoided. This is a decision
you are most likely to take with your physician and partner after some
deliberation.

13. Should I let the people at work know I have ADHD?

This can put you in a pickle. Employers may not be obliged to make
accommodations for an individual unless they have disclosed their special
ability. The employee may feel discriminated against as soon as he or she
discloses their ADHD. Ideally, you weigh in your options and determine
whether you need accommodations because if you do not, it can be useless
disclosing. If you already do a great job at work and your position is not at
stake because your superiors think you complete your duties as you should,
then disclosing your ADHD won’t make a difference and can be avoided. If
you feel like disclosing can have you discriminated against, then ideally,
you do not disclose.

On the other hand, if not disclosing means you lose your job because you
cannot complete your duties, you should consider disclosing. If you might
get fired because your superiors think you are not working hard enough, but
the reason for your struggle is your ADHD, then you may consider
disclosing it. Disclosing your ADHD does not mean you put yourself in a
bad light, but rather highlight your strengths so you are assigned tasks that
best highlight your abilities instead of leaving you struggling to complete
something you cannot do by yourself or without having accommodations.
Accommodations need to be fair to the rest of the team and can vary from
having your own space to being allowed to work with headphones to cancel
out background noise. A great employer who is proud to have you on their
team will accommodate your needs and encourage you to reach the best
version of yourself. If your work environment is a difficult one to
accommodate and despite your disclosure, you are still being assigned tasks
that you struggle to complete with no guidance or assistance, then you may
need to consider a career change that better fits your abilities.

14. Can women with ADHD be successful?

Success is subjective, and whatever you view as successful may not be the
same criteria for others. Success needs to be defined as the best version of
oneself, whether they have ADHD or not. But to answer your question,
YES, women with ADHD can and are becoming successful. Take Karina
Smirnoff, a professional dancer, Mary-Kate Olsen, an award-winning
actress, and Lisa Ling, a journalist who was diagnosed with ADHD at age
40. These are all women with ADHD who have become successful. ADHD
can get in the way of your life, but treating it and educating yourself and
those around you about it can make you reach your goals easier than
expected.

15. What is the best advice you can give to women and young girls with
ADHD?

If you feel like you might have ADHD, do not be afraid to speak up about
your feeling and symptoms. If you feel like your current diagnosis of
depression or anxiety is not the right one for you, seek a second opinion.
Make sure you chose a physician you feel comfortable with and is a
professional. Educating yourself and getting diagnosed is the starting point
of an easier journey to life with ADHD. This condition cannot stop you
from enjoying life, but if you understand the change your life needs to
better fit your ADHD, you can be successful. Therapy and getting the right
help can help you feel less sabotaged by your guilt and fear.

16. What are the most common misdiagnosed conditions to mask ADHD?
ADHD in women is often mistaken for anxiety, depression, and mood
disorders. At a young age, they may be perceived as dreamy and lazy when
they would be trying their best.

17. Why is it so hard for women to get diagnosed with ADHD?

As young girls, they would not disrupt their classmates and would allow a
lesson to go on as planned. A boy with ADHD, usually the hyperactive-
impulsive type, would not allow this and can be referred by their
schoolteachers for treatment. If a girl misses her homework weeks on end,
she is sent home with a note to the parents or guardians. She can be seen as
lazy and not trying hard enough. As they grow older, women with ADHD
can feel depressed or anxious, and when seeking medical assistance, they
can often be misdiagnosed.

18. Do ADHD symptoms vary significantly in women than in men?

Women usually have the inattentive type of ADHD, and the symptoms do
vary because most of the men have the hyperactive-impulsive type. There
are some universal symptoms that both men and women with ADHD
experience. They may both be chronically late, be impulsive, experience
emotional dysregulation, be forgetful, and often misplace or lose things.

19. Do hormone changes affect ADHD in women?

Yes, ADHD is greatly affected by hormone changes in women. Because

estrogen levels vary during puberty and menopause, ADHD symptoms can
worsen or improve during a woman’s lifetime. High estrogen levels can
lighten ADHD symptoms, but during menstruation and later during
menopause, ADHD symptoms can worsen. Menopause naturally makes a
woman forgetful and confused, so having ADHD does not help.
20. Can a woman manage a job, her household, and a family if she has
ADHD and does not take stimulant medication?

Women are asked to complete many tasks and are assigned a lot of duties as
the organizers in society. Everyone can manage the same situation
differently, so there is no one correct answer. One may feel like meditation
and therapy are enough to manage their ADHD because they are surrounded
by family members that understand and strive to make a household that is
ADHD-friendly. Others may strive at work with the help of coaching and
accommodations from their superiors because they happen to be at the right
employment and have a good support system. But this may not be the
situation for everyone. A single mother with ADHD, who also has a kid
with ADHD, may struggle to manage her symptoms and duties without
stimulant medication. She may require therapy, coaching, accommodations,
and occasionally some medical treatment to help subside her symptoms and
keep up with her demanding life. The ideal situation is to try whatever you
think works for you, and if that is enough and you feel like you are making
progress, you can keep doing what you are doing. There is no shame in
asking for medication or contact your therapist out of your scheduled
sessions.

21. Will getting diagnosed change my life?

Educating yourself and those around you can help you live a better life with
ADHD. If you are not diagnosed, you cannot get the treatment you need,
and if you need accommodations at work or from those around you, you
cannot get them because no one knows what you are struggling with, not
even yourself. Getting diagnosed is not labeling you but making you aware
of the situation.
 Conclusion

A
s of now, there is very little information on ADHD in women since
only a few studies have been conducted on this population. Women
have recently been diagnosed and treated with ADHD, and today, the
majority of what one believes about this population is based on the
scientific expertise of mental health specialists who have spent considerable
time counseling women. ADHD in small children is often overlooked, the
reasons for which remain unknown, and often females are not evaluated
until they are adults. Occasionally, a woman becomes aware of her ADHD
after one of her children receives a diagnosis. When she explores ADHD,
she notices a plethora of parallel cases of herself . Few women seek care
for ADHD because their lives are out of control; their finances may be in
disarray; their administrative job and record-keeping are often ineffectively
overseen; they may struggle futilely to stay aware of the demands of their
positions; and they may feel much less prepared to stay aware of the day-
by-day tasks of meals, food, and life overall. Different women are more
successful because they are isolated from all their ADHD, fighting bravely
to remain mindful of increasingly problematic demands by working late
into the evening and investing their spare time trying to "get coordinated."
If a woman's life is clearly in disarray or she can hide her struggles, she
often presents herself as overwhelmed and exhausted.

Although research into ADHD in women lags behind that in men, more
clinicians are finding important issues and co-occurring symptoms in
women with ADHD. Women with ADHD may be prone to binge eating,
alcohol abuse, and chronic sleep deprivation. Women with ADHD also feel
dysphoria, severe sadness, and tension issues, as well as troublesome and
anxiety symptoms like men with ADHD. Regardless, women with ADHD
tend to have more emotional suffering and have poorer mental self-esteem
than men with ADHD . Women diagnosed with ADHD in adulthood are
more likely to have burdensome side effects, to be more pushed and
restless, to have a more external locus of control, to have poorer morale,
and to be more locked in adopting practices that are feeling-oriented than
task-situated. According to studies, having a parent with ADHD puts a
strain on the whole family. However, women may experience more anxiety
than men because they are more responsible for their homes and children.
Furthermore, ongoing research suggests that husbands of women with
ADHD are less tolerant of their partner's ADHD than spouses of men with
ADHD. Persistent pressure harms women with ADHD, affecting their
mental health. Women that experience chronic stress, such as that
associated with ADHD, are more vulnerable to illnesses associated with
chronic stress, such as fibromyalgia. As a result, it is becoming increasingly
clear that the lack of proper diagnosis and treatment of ADHD in women is
a critical public health problem.

If you have made it this far, a situation or two must have appealed to you.
You most probably have so much in common with the practical examples
brought to light. ADHD has been defined, and the different types have been
outlined to facilitate the process for potentially undiagnosed or
misdiagnosed women with ADHD. There is no denying that women with
ADHD are misunderstood and overlooked in society. The idea is not to take
the spotlight away from men and young boys with ADHD but rather shed
light on women and their ADHD.

Addressing the main concerns for women with ADHD means no stone is
left unturned. ADHD needs to be discussed and acknowledged in all walks
of life, working women, mothers and mothers-to-be, and women going into
menopause. ADHD cannot be cured, but it can be managed. Understanding
cues the body gives off can help women keep an eye out for potential
ADHD symptoms. Getting the right diagnoses can often mean scouting
around for the best medical advice and seeking a practitioner you feel
comfortable with, who also happens to have the right experience and
sources to diagnose you. Women with ADHD require assistance and support
throughout their lives. Some may have the luxury of having a great support
system, making things easier for them. Others may need to be more
perseverant to manage their lives and those of their children independently.
Women with ADHD need to learn that all their failed tries and mistakes
have shaped them and made them who they are. It does not stop at that.
There are plenty of skills one can have and sources one can go to to help
manage their finances, daily schedules, emotions, and relationships.

If a woman with ADHD feels out of place at work, she can now know better
than blaming herself for not being good enough. Learn to use your best
skills and overcome the weaker ones. Do not let your ADHD define you
because you are more than your ADHD. Begin to enjoy yourself. To begin
with, you have no power over your genetics. ADHD is a psychological
condition, and self-control alone would not be enough to overcome
genetics. Creativity, intuition, and resilience are also hereditary traits that
are often associated with ADHD. Knowing all about this disorder can help
everyone cope with it better. Help yourself understand that you need relief
and assistance. This need fuels your creativity and allows you to excel in
high-risk or high-stress situations. Choose activities where your ADHD
characteristics can support rather than hinder you, helping you feel
accomplished and fulfilled. Know that you are unique and always
remember ADHD doesn’t make you less human; your brain just doesn’t
stick to the “acceptable” way of living set by society. Don’t make ADHD an
excuse but rather the fuel that empowers you to get all your heart desires. I
believe in you!! Believe in yourself and GO GET IT!!!
 Author’s Note

Dear reader,
I hope you enjoyed my book.
Please don’t forget to toss up a quick review on amazon, I will personally
read it! Positive or negative, I’m grateful for all feedback.
Reviews are so helpful for self-published authors and your feedback can
make such a difference for my book!
Thanks very much for your time, and I look forward to hearing from you
soon.
Sincerely,
Roberta