Sanders, Roberta - Women With ADHD - A Life-Changing Guide To Embrace The Hidden Struggles of Living With ADHD - Includes Debunked Myths and 15 Effe (2021) - Libgen - Li
Sanders, Roberta - Women With ADHD - A Life-Changing Guide To Embrace The Hidden Struggles of Living With ADHD - Includes Debunked Myths and 15 Effe (2021) - Libgen - Li
Roberta Sander
©Copyright 2021 - All rights reserved
The content contained within this book may not be reproduced, duplicated,
or transmitted without direct written permission from the author or the
publisher.
Legal Notice
This book is copyright protected. This book is only for personal use. You
cannot amend, distribute, sell, use, quote, or paraphrase any part, or the
content within this book, without the consent of the author-publisher.
Disclaimer Notice
Introduction
Chapter 1: What is ADHD?
Chapter 2: What are the different types of ADHD?
Chapter 3: Common Signs you need to know
Chapter 4 : How to diagnose ADHD in women
Chapter 5: What Happens to Women with ADHD Left Undiagnosed?
Chapter 6: Gender Differences in ADHD: Why Women Struggle More
Chapter 7: ADHD and Relationships
Chapter 8 : ADHD and Motivation
Chapter 9: ADHD and Social Skills
Chapter 10: ADHD and Social Anxiety
Chapter 11: ADHD and Sleep Problems
Chapter 12: ADHD and Emotional Dysregulation
Chapter 13: ADHD and Sexuality
Chapter 14: ADHD and Money Management
Chapter 15: ADHD and Organization
Chapter 16: ADHD and Time Management
Chapter 17: The Good Side of ADHD in women
Chapter 18: Postmenopausal Women with ADHD
Chapter 19: Pregnancy and Children of a Mother with ADHD
Chapter 20: Best Jobs for Women with ADHD
Chapter 21: How to improve focus in women with ADHD
Chapter 22: Life-management Tools for Women with ADHD
Chapter 23: How Exercise can help women with ADHD
Chapter 24: 6 Executive Function Strategies that Really Work for People
with ADHD
Chapter 25: The 15 most effective methods for coping with ADHD
Chapter 26: How to stop losing things
Chapter 27: 22 Things not to say to someone with ADHD
Chapter 28: ADHD treatment for Women
Chapter 29: Self-love for women with ADHD
Chapter 30: How mindfulness practice can benefit Women with ADHD
Chapter 31: ADHD myths and facts
Chapter 32: ADHD Q&A
Conclusion
Author’s Note
Introduction
A DHD does not distinguish between the sexes. It can occur in women
as often as it does in men. There is a tendency for ADHD to go
undiagnosed in women, but men are more likely to receive a clear diagnosis
during their lifetime. Studies show that misdiagnosing a woman with
ADHD is more likely to occur because symptoms of this disorder present
themselves differently in women than in men. Whereas symptoms in men
exhibit as the stereotypical ones, symptoms in women tend to be more
subtle and do not necessarily become obvious until something drastic and
“unwoman-like” happens.
Oftentimes, when women are misdiagnosed with ADHD, they may attribute
their symptoms and behavior to another condition, consequently failing to
get the help they need. They have probably not realized they have ADHD to
begin with to talk of coming to terms with it. This puts women with this
disorder in a vicious circle of them not getting the proper treatment and the
right help they need. This may lead to self-destructive behavior, especially
when one is receiving treatment for the wrong condition. Women with
ADHD may find it very hard to live up to the stereotypical woman figure in
their society, especially when they are not diagnosed or are misdiagnosed.
This can often cause depression and anxiety because they fail to fit in
society for reasons that would still be unexplained and unknown to them
until they are diagnosed. Although not every woman who fails to fit the
stereotypical figure created by society does so due to an undiagnosed or
misdiagnosed mental health disorder such as ADHD, many women with
undiagnosed ADHD can find it hard to abide by these stereotypes. How
society thinks a woman should behave varies from one society to another,
and although some independent women have no one to answer to in their
daily lives, they still impose expectations on themselves based on the
society they live in.
You might feel like you are inconsistent in your daily tasks or feel like you
are falling short of expectations. It might feel like your life overall is too
much! You might struggle to succeed or feel overwhelmed at times. There
are ways to overcome this or, better yet, live in harmony with one’s state of
ADHD. This book is not to help you use this condition as an excuse to opt
out of living your fullest life but rather to help you and the people around
you to better understand why you feel some particular emotions or do
certain things. Your closest friends and family can once and for all know
why you act the way you do and why sometimes you find it hard to keep up
with commitments you have taken up impulsively. They can be there with
you to support you and help share your load. Your inner circle of people can
become more compassionate and understanding of you and your actions.
You can eventually stop hearing the things you do not want to hear as a
woman with ADHD! Learning how to say ‘’Maybe’’ before you say ‘’Yes’’
can help take away that nagging feeling that you should be capable of doing
more or performing better.
Reducing the number of commitments in one’s life can help relieve the load
on your schedule and will also help de-clutter your life. Women are often
expected to be the organizers and planners for themselves and their
families. They tend to commit to tasks leaving no time for themselves. It
should be acceptable to assign tasks you are not good at or share duties you
are not capable of completing on your own. There are plenty of tools that a
woman with ADHD can utilize to help make their lives more manageable,
and this book will outline just that. Women should learn to love themselves
and understand that one is born with value rather than judging oneself based
on the expectations put on them.
I will define ADHD and talk about the different types, including the most
common signs and symptoms to look out for. Understanding the condition
can help you understand yourself. ADHD can affect your relationships, your
sleeping patterns, your emotions, and your sexuality. Hormonal changes
and aging can cause symptoms of ADHD to worsen, making performing
daily tasks an even bigger challenge. Although you might find yourself in
the depths of despair at times, do keep in mind that there are certain jobs
that women with ADHD perform better than those that do not have ADHD,
your focus can be improved, and physical activity can help your state of
ADHD. There are effective ways to cope with your ADHD, and yes, you
can stop constantly losing things! Diagnosing a woman with ADHD can not
only change their perception of themselves but help them cope with this
condition throughout their lives. How can you instigate change without
finding the root cause, right? If you are a woman with ADHD, you might
have realized by now that there is no cure for this condition, but there are
ways to manage it to enable you to live your best life; I can’t stress this
enough.
Just know that as a woman with ADHD, it all boils down to first getting you
properly diagnosed then putting you on the right treatment. Everything else
will follow through.
Chapter 1:
What is ADHD?
This type of ADHD will have sufferers display different symptoms that do
not exclusively fall within one category or the other. A combination of both
categories characterizes this type of ADHD. Almost everyone, including
non-ADHD sufferers, at some point, experience some degree of
inattentiveness or impulsive behavior, and I am not referring to that recent
expensive purchase you made from the mall recently, justifying it as
impulse-buying. These characteristics are more severe in people with
ADHD to a point where it interferes with their lives, how they function at
home, school, work, and in social situations. If you have this type of
ADHD, you probably also have a short attention span. This type of ADHD
is also the most common. You are easily distracted and often forgetful. You
interrupt others more than you should and often act without thinking things
through. Besides fidgeting excessively, you probably come across as a
chatterbox. You also lose things more often than you should. Children with
this form of ADHD have serious issues with hyperactivity and impulsivity
as well as inattention. However, when they enter adolescence, they may
become less impulsive.
Studies show that ADHD affects different parts of the brain, primarily the
prefrontal cortex and the cerebellum. These areas are affected by dopamine,
serotonin, and GABA neurotransmitters, short for gamma-aminobutyric
acid. Areas of the brain, like the frontal lobe, control the executive function,
memory, understanding, emotional impulses, mood stability, and visual
processing. The basal ganglia are large structures deep in the brain that help
generate the neurotransmitter dopamine; and the limbic system, which sets
emotional responses. These are all affected parts of the brain mainly looked
at in neurodiverse individuals to help determine which type of ADHD they
have and what their symptoms are. Scientists who divide ADHD into
further sub-types often look at the symptoms and their cause to prescribe
the right treatment. Usually, they focus on the neurotransmitter deficiency
and how that can be compensated.
For instance, apart from the three types mentioned above, some believe that
there is an over-focused type of ADHD caused by dopamine and serotonin
deficiencies. People with this type of ADD, also known as attention deficit
disorder and does not include hyperactivity symptoms, as the name implies,
will have trouble shifting from one task to the next and are often stuck in
negative thoughts, disrupting their progress in life and causes them to have
poor sleeping patterns. Some believe that supplements can help treat this
specific type of ADD by taking saffron, 5-HTP supplements, and L-
tryptophan. A low protein diet is also suggested in this instance.
Researchers believe that magnesium can also help with aggressive
behaviors, anxiety, and irritability if you have temporal lobe ADD, which
usually displays classic ADD symptoms and behavioral problems. Some
researchers go as far as dividing ADHD into seven types rather than three;
however, these include the main three types, and this all depends on their
approach, experience, and research in the field. The resources they have to
diagnose ADHD also determine whether they go by the three main types of
ADHD. Diagnosing also depends on the country and the guidelines given to
professionals in that area. For example, the US uses the DSM5, which is the
Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental disorders, while Europeans go
by the guidelines given by the European Psychiatric Association.
If they have access to brain imaging, they may be able to further their
diagnosis, but family doctors and physicians can diagnose ADHD using
general guidelines and clinical assessments.
Chapter 3:
Common Signs you need to know
W omen will often live their lives with undiagnosed ADHD mostly
because they have been taught to believe this condition only affects
men. Women, like I’ve already said, tend to exhibit lighter symptoms of
ADHD, mostly the inattentive type, unlike men who usually showcase
symptoms attributed mostly to behavior and tend to be more hyperactive
and impulsive. Women may find it hard to focus or pay attention to detail.
They may struggle to stay organized or even remember the simplest of
things. Active listening can also be a hard task for women with ADHD.
Instead of diagnosing women with ADHD, one might be perceived as
spacing out, chatty or forgetful. Once these women pluck up the courage to
reach out for help, they might even be diagnosed with anxiety or depression
instead.
If you have been told to fall silent or pull yourself together more times than
you can remember, you should probably stick around to read the rest of this.
If you have been told to be more punctual and stop misplacing things, or at
some point have secretly wondered if you have ADHD, you should stick
around too. If you have been to a professional only to be misdiagnosed or
feel like the treatment you are receiving is barely helping you, you would
probably benefit from keeping an eye out for the common signs and
symptoms you need to know about when it comes to suspecting ADHD.
The symptoms you detect must be present in two or more environments,
much like having two variables but consistent results. Most of these
symptoms would have been present in one’s childhood but overlooked the
entire time.
In this day and age, it is safe to say that many things are designed to get our
attention, like pop-up ads, billboards, and social media in general. If you
fall for these almost every time, it does not mean you do have ADHD, and
that is why you must also have more than just a handful of these
forthcoming symptoms and in different environments, to a point where it is
interfering with your daily routine. Your symptoms might include:
W omen with ADHD tend to have the inattentive type of this disorder,
as said before. There would be, of course, women who have the
hyperactive-impulsive type, which will get these women diagnosed earlier
in life as the symptoms they exhibit are more commonly associated with
ADHD. Imagine giving a woman the responsibility to take care of her
family and kids over and above the duties she has already been assigned,
like pursuing a career. They already struggle with organizing and taking
control over their life; any further duties would be too much. This places an
even bigger burden on women with ADHD, and they often come across as
the ones that do not perform well enough.
Like men, women with ADHD have issues self-regulating themselves and
often fall victim to peer pressure. They are more likely to experiment with
sex, alcohol, or drugs. Because symptoms of ADHD in women are more
subtle, they are often confused with personality traits. Young girls or female
adolescents might be less disruptive in school compared to boys, so their
condition may remain undetected. During puberty, young girls get increased
estrogen levels which consequently causes their ADHD symptoms to
worsen. Some girls may have never experienced or displayed symptoms of
ADHD until their adolescent years, making this a big contributor to late
diagnosis.
There is a strong link between ADHD and other conditions. There is no
arguing; ADHD places a mental strain on the sufferer, which may lead to
other disorders like anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, depression,
bipolar disorder, sleep disturbances, and eating disorders. Early diagnosis of
ADHD can substantially improve the lives of these women. Professionals
tend to get side-tracked by other co-existing conditions and fail to diagnose
the root cause of their symptoms.
Healthcare professionals can take various approaches to diagnose ADHD.
There is no right or wrong test for this, and often, a psychiatrist or a
therapist will diagnose you after a series of assessments. Guidelines ask
specialists to also consider the severity of the condition. This varies
depending on how it manifests itself over the course of a person’s life.
Clinicians may categorize ADHD intensity as mild, moderate, or severe.
Mild can mean that few symptoms are present, and these symptoms
minimally impair the sufferer in a social setting, at school, or at work.
Moderate ADHD means symptoms have a functional impairment and are
usually more powerful than those presented in mild cases of ADHD. Severe
ADHD can mean symptoms are present heavily and are highly interfere
with one’s life at work, in a relationship, at school, or at home. Individuals’
symptoms can diminish, improve, or take on new forms as they mature.
Adults that retain any but not all of the signs of childhood ADHD can be
diagnosed with ADHD in partial remission.
Diagnosing adult women with ADHD varies from diagnosing young
children, so is the diagnostic approach taken by clinicians. The specialist
gathers more information from you about your present symptoms. At
present, clinicians are guided to verify whether symptoms were present in
childhood; if otherwise, a confirmed diagnosis of ADHD cannot be given. If
this cannot be confirmed because someone may be unsure about signs and
symptoms present years ago, the specialist might want to review your
school records, speak to your previous teachers, and consult your parents or
guardians. For a definitive diagnosis to be made, one must display effects of
their symptoms during their day-to-day activities, such as dangerous
driving, underachieving at work or school, struggle to maintain friendships
and relationships. Questionnaires and psychological tests are also
performed by a specialist to help diagnose ADHD. At present, guidelines
indicate one must have at least five or more symptoms to be diagnosed with
ADHD, and these symptoms must interfere with their day-to-day living. In
adults, symptoms need to be traced back to childhood, and your therapist or
specialist will help you identify these issues from the past. In the clinic
room, you will also identify how often these symptoms appear and in which
settings do they often exhibit.
Because ADHD traits tend to be hereditary, some adults find out about their
own state of ADHD after their children get diagnosed. You may also be
subject to attention-span tests and other checklists. During the assessment,
it will be determined whether the sufferer has any co-occurring conditions
or if the symptoms mistaken for ADHD are being caused by another
disorder. Besides gathering additional information from others around you,
the clinician will perform a behavior-rating scale to help compare behaviors
of people with ADHD and others without. After gathering enough
information, it might be required to perform further tests based on the
results already achieved. A medical examination will also take place to rule
out any medical causes for the symptoms. Diagnosing ADHD can start with
a simple visit to your primary healthcare practitioner, although it will likely
not end there. As complex as it is, ADHD might be hard to diagnose if a
general practitioner is not trained enough or does not have the right tools to
help diagnose you. It is a first step in the right direction, and when outside
their capabilities, doctors often refer you to different specialists. Diagnosing
adults with ADHD can be trickier than diagnosing children because general
guidelines tend to be more targeted towards children rather than adults and
because symptoms in children may be more prominent.
A diagnosis in adult women is mostly made from the individual’s history,
but other methods may be used, such as continuous performance tests,
checking for impulsivity or attention problems, and brain scans. Social,
medical, and family history are all assessed during one-on-one
consultations with your clinician. This will help determine the challenges
you seem to face in your life and underlying medical conditions that may be
mistaken for symptoms of ADHD. Completing an ADHD rating scale test
will help determine whether an adult has ADHD and if they also have other
issues like learning disabilities, auditory disorders, or mood disorders.
These tests may take from a couple of hours to multiple days, depending on
the clinician’s approach and the extent of the condition. An intelligence test
may also be performed to test one’s IQ and help identify other learning
disabilities. If a mood disorder is suspected, a broad-spectrum scale test
may also be performed to help identify other emotional or psychiatric
problems such as obsessive-compulsive disorder. Depending on the
outcome of these tests, one might opt to perform other specific tests to test
abilities like motor skills or memory recall. Computer tests for ADHD are
also becoming a trend, primarily because sufferers enjoy taking them. These
will screen them for impulsivity and attention problems. Continuous
performance tests, known as CPT, challenge people to maintain attention
throughout. Targets will appear on the screen, and the users need to respond
to these targets. The system records their ability to stay on task.
It has been revealed that certain parts of the brain have different imagery,
with the help of Positron emission tomography (PET) scans, single-photon
emission computed tomography (SPECT) scans, and Magnetic resonance
imaging (MRI), than those suffering from ADHD when compared to those
that do not have ADHD. These scans are carried out to help monitor and
identify the brain’s activity and blood flow in certain parts of the brain.
This will reveal areas of the brain that function at normal levels, other areas
that work too hard, and others that do not work hard enough. Because every
part of the brain is responsible for different functions, these scans can help
pin down symptoms attributed to low or high activity of specific areas of
the brain that contribute to the overall diagnosis of ADHD. It is proven that
ADHD brains mature slower than neurotypical brains. This delay usually
occurs in the frontal lobe of the brain. This is responsible for impulse
control, focus, attention, and planning. When diagnosing ADHD, it is
important to look not only at behavior but also at how different parts of the
brain communicate with each other. Women with ADHD may also exhibit
symptoms related to behavior, cognitive issues, and motivational
functioning. Both brain structure and activity are important for ADHD
diagnoses. Another biological test used to diagnose ADHD is the
neuropsychiatric EEG-based assessment aid. This monitors the number and
type of brain waves nerve cells emit each second. ADHD brains tend to
have higher brain waves when compared to neurotypical brains. Getting a
high score on this test will not necessarily mean you have ADHD. It can
indicate you may have suffered head trauma in the past, substance abuse, or
auditory-related disorders. This test is not the sole testing tool for ADHD,
but it can be used alongside other clinical tests and examinations.
While women with ADHD may experience some of the same symptoms
experienced by their male counterparts, women still have to endeavor under
the imposed burden and restrictions imposed on gender roles. They have to
deal with fluctuating hormones, unlike men, resulting in a higher tendency
to self-doubt and self-harm. Although at face value, women and men with
ADHD may display similar symptoms, in the long-term, women will face
conclusively different fallouts. As a practical example, if a female with
ADHD is disorganized and forgetful to the point where if she forgets to pick
up her children from school, she may be perceived as lacking motherly
instincts and disregarding her duties as a mother. A man will be more
accepted in society to be disorganized and forgetful primarily because
women are “assigned” to be homemakers. They are the ones expected to set
appointments, take care of the house chores and the children. If a mother is
is late to her child’s first school play, it may be easily mistaken for her
disordered life. Women may still try hard to hide these flaws and may be
afraid to ask for help. They will often end up doubting themselves and back
off when their integrity is questioned.
Women might feel that fitting in and conforming is the road to acceptance.
Women with ADHD are constantly facing unpredictable feelings and
emotions. Already anxious, they conclude that they do not deserve a support
system because they are their own support system or should be. Due to the
societal roles imposed on them, women will often point fingers at
themselves for being too distracted and unable to cope with the daily
responsibilities. They might allow their flaws like lack of motivation and
disorganization to define who they are. Because they often self-criticize,
they usually expect to be criticized by others. When women with ADHD
lack support from their family members, they often direct their frustrations
into outbursts intended for their other halves or children. Following such
episodes of outbursts, they often end up feeling demoralized and regretful.
When their ADHD is left undiagnosed, they will not attribute these episodes
to their condition but rather blame it on their damaged character.
Hormone levels in women drop during the premenstrual phase leading to
more enhanced ADHD symptoms. Low estrogen levels can trigger more
irritability. This can all affect their concentration and sleep patterns. These
signs and symptoms are similar to those of premenstrual dysphoric disorder,
also known as PMDD. PMDD causes severe irritability, depression, and
anxiety around two weeks before their menstrual cycle. These symptoms
may subside two or three days after the period starts. It is more likely for a
woman to be diagnosed with PMDD than ADHD, as the underlying
symptoms of these two conditions are very similar and sometimes
interchangeable. Women with ADHD are more prone to have hormone-
related disorders such as PMDD or post-partum depression, for example.
When estrogen levels decrease during menopause, women experience
heightened symptoms of ADHD. During menopause, a woman may already
be experiencing sleep disturbances, age-related cognitive changes such as
slow processing of information and memory changes, and confusion. This
intensifies her ADHD symptoms during menopause.
Undiagnosed ADHD may not only take an emotional toll but also a physical
one. Women with ADHD tend to complain of nausea, headaches, have
irregular eating patterns, and may have higher BMI, also known as body
mass index. They are more prone to fall for compulsive shopping and
gambling. Because women with undiagnosed ADHD may have experienced
early physical or sexual abuse, they may also have post-traumatic stress
disorder knowns as PTSD. A consolidation of these comorbid issues may
create an even more complex picture for clinicians.
Because people with ADHD tend to suffer from executive dysfunction, they
may often show up late for dates or meetings with their other half. This may
come across as disrespectful to the other party and may be misinterpreted
for lack of interest. People with ADHD tend to be forgetful and misplace
things often, including personal belongings. If you text your partner, who
suffers from ADHD, and do not hear back from them for a day or so, they
probably forgot to respond to your text or call unintentionally, and they
might have misplaced their phone. People with ADHD also suffer from
sleep issues, so they might lack sleep or sleep too much. So, if you texted
them to see where they wish to go for dinner and they are yet to reply, they
could be napping. If you have ADHD and spend a big portion of your time
looking for your wallet, keys, or phone, it is not because you are
disorganized or a mess; it is probably because of your neurodiversity. The
one suffering from ADHD may start avoiding their neurotypical partners as
much as possible to avoid being criticized.
If your partner is the one suffering from ADHD, you may see them doing
the same. Certain behaviors may not bother someone whilst dating, but in a
long-term relationship, their actions will reflect their interest in the
relationship and wherever it is headed. This can often lead to failed
relationships and frequent break-ups. It is important to bear in mind that the
behavior of an ADHD individual is not a reflection of how they feel about
their other half or the relationship itself, but rather, symptoms of ADHD.
Instead of blaming their partners for what seems to be the lack of skills, one
should be more aware of their behavior and work on accepting the
challenges someone with ADHD would experience.
Dating someone with ADHD can, in the beginning, be fun, instinctive, and
exciting. For a long-term relationship to work out, there needs to be mutual
understanding and willingness. Remind your partner that they should not
take your behavior personally because you probably do not intend to act the
way you do and that you are harmless. Your neurotypical partner can feel
devalued when you space out during a conversation, remind them that it is
not intentional. Missing important details or committing to plans you forget
or cannot honor later will make your partner feel ignored but making them
aware of you and your condition should get them to understand your good
intentions.
People with ADHD look for things that are of personal interest and are
challenging to them. They engage in new things, and ideally, these new
challenging things have deadlines. All these factors contribute to firing up
the dopamine levels in the brain. At the beginning of a relationship, the first
three factors would all be present, making a relationship a new and
challenging commitment, which all started because of the interest you had
in each other. At the start of the relationship, people with ADHD can barely
think about anything else except for this new commitment. All the attention
and energy are lavished on their partner. As time goes by, the relationship
may not be as stimulating as it was in the beginning, and people with a
neurodiverse brain will shift their focus to ways to keep having fun with the
hope to fire up their dopamine levels again. By this time, the non-ADHD
partner would have gotten used to all the care and attention they were
receiving, and as you can imagine, it will not feel good to them when you
pull away. They may take it personally and might think you do not love
them anymore. Before you start shifting to other things that will give you
that dopamine kick, neurodiverse brains will do their best to preserve the
relationship because they got hooked on the exclusive attention they
received in the beginning. They can pretend everything is perfect in a
relationship, even when it is obvious it is not. They want to preserve what is
making them feel so good. If and once they realize that the relationship is
not perfect, they may want to change the other person to protect it. In some
instances, if boredom takes over, the ADHD partner may also turn to
cheating and hope they do not hurt their partner and at the same time keep
up the relationship whilst getting the high they need. With cheating comes
lying; neurotypical individuals may lie to the other half with the same intent
to keep up the relationship and avoid hurting the other.
If you are honest with each other and know where you stand, it will become
less challenging because, although you will have to work out solutions to
make it work for both of you, you will be working towards previously
discussed goals. You will only get involved with people that are interested
in you and vice versa. With constructive and open communication, you will
constantly reinvent yourselves and the relationship. This creates a deeper
connection between the parties, making it even more interesting. If you feel
emotionally charged at any given moment, it is best if you take a break and
walk away. Come back only when you are ready to really listen to each
other and work together to identify the root problem. It is important to not
bottle up emotions but rather deal with them as they come. It is important to
watch what you say, although this may be challenging if you are impulsive.
Adding a little humor to the situation will lighten things up. Going in with
the right mindset of listening to understand will completely reshape your
perspective on issues.
Lastly, it is important to never look at the neurodiverse partner and see them
as a burden or a duty, but rather think of it as having a partner who is trying
to accommodate one’s needs, but their condition gets in the way of that.
There are ways of overcoming this, and working together is where it all
starts.
Chapter 8 :
ADHD and Motivation
M
otivation is inconsistent in people with ADHD. When they focus
their attention on certain tasks, they manage to complete them
easily but struggle to find the spark to start others. From the
neurotypical perspective, people who manage to focus on one task should
be able to focus on every task in the same way. This can come across as a
lack of willpower and just being lazy. This is not a willpower issue but a
problem in the chemical dynamics of the brain. The process by which their
perception and consciousness change towards things they find interesting is
not voluntary. ADHDers can struggle with their working memory for
prioritizing duties step by step. Emotions are a powerful and critical aspect
of motivation. Emotions play an important role in executive functions like
initiation, prioritization, maintaining or shifting interest, holding logic in
memory, and picking tasks or avoiding them. The brain responds to the
intensity of emotions relating to memories. Executive functions are not only
driven by conscious feelings but also by unconscious ones. These
unconscious emotions cause one to act inconsistently. Usually, this process
leads to failure to complete tasks, disengage from actions altogether, or
doubt if a task is completed. Someone with ADHD may want to complete
the task and want to give it their full attention; however, they do not manage
to act upon it. They will continue to procrastinate and put it off. ADHDers
seek distraction and spend their time on less important things.
Working memory is another issue present in people with ADHD, and this is
required to prioritize tasks one at a time according to their importance.
People with larger working memory can deal with emotions, whether
positive or negative ones. People with ADHD struggle to link memories to
tasks abruptly and may find it difficult to see the complete picture. Think of
someone watching a game through binoculars. They focus on the action and
fail to see the rest of the court and what is happening around it.
Parents with ADHD, for instance, may struggle to express anger or scold
their kids without making a scene. When neurotypical parents feel rage is
taking over their emotions, their working memory helps them to remember
their love towards their kids, and they calmly tell their kids what they did
was wrong.
These are ways people with ADHD can overcome their lack of motivation:
5. Make the process exciting for you. Make sure you treat yourself
when you complete the task and try setting a timer if you work
better under pressure. If the task feels overwhelming, try planning
ahead of time so you can divide it into different milestones. You can
find it easier to complete simpler tasks and can reward yourself as
you go along.
Make sure you identify what excites and recharges you; otherwise, you will
not know what tasks you are willing to complete and those you dread. If
you have set limitations for yourself because of past failures, make sure you
identify these instances and, if needed, speak to a therapist. Ensure you
always know who the second-best option is to complete the task on your
behalf and know you need to be willing to exchange tasks. Try recalling a
time when you managed to complete the task and identify the differences
between then and now. Try bringing back some of those elements into the
present situation to help you complete the task or at least find the
motivation to start. Do not be afraid to divide the tasks into smaller ones
and find whatever works for you. Identify your strengths and let go of
negative self-talk that hinders your ability to complete tasks and motivate
yourself. Identify why that task is meaningful or important for you. This
way you will be encouraged to see the bigger picture. Find the best time to
start the task, ideally not too close to its deadline. Identify what support you
have or need to complete this task, and if those around you are aware of
your ADHD and can assist or help facilitate the process for you, do not
hesitate to ask for their help. Identify the obstacles you have and try to
eliminate most of them. Finally, make sure you find creative ways to
complete your goals because otherwise, the process of completing them will
be a treacherous one.
Adults and children with ADHD are often stereotyped as unmotivated, lazy,
or even apathetic. These derogatory labels are both unjust and harmful.
Understanding these impairments is essential to address widespread
misconceptions about ADHD. Neurodiverse brains can describe their lack
of motivation to complete or initiate a task as almost paralysis. This feeling
of helplessness can easily lead to feelings of overwhelm, procrastination,
and avoidance, which can lead to productivity issues. Neurotypical brains
can often become frustrated and confused by people with ADHD who are
unable to perform well when a task is tedious and monotonous. It is not a
matter of not knowing what to do, but people with ADHD can start the task
and struggle to complete it. If a task is repetitive, it can make someone with
ADHD feel frustrated and demotivated.
If the people around you struggle to understand your motivation and your
lack of it in different scenarios, try explaining to them that you experience a
disconnect between your intentions and goals. If they think this can simply
be hurdled by inspiration, motivation, and self-discipline, explain that you
may have had instances where you completed this task without issue, but
the reason you are struggling now is not laziness. Neurotypical brains can
struggle with lengthy, repetitive, and boring tasks. Urgent and novel things
will strike a motivation in you like no other, especially if it interests you.
Working under pressure or with urgency can give you a dopamine kick and
get you working on your task. Stimulating and engaging activities are
things you know you can complete if you have ADHD. Seeking stimulation
via medication or exercise is not a luxury for people with ADHD but a
necessity. If your superiors at work know you have ADHD, you may ask
them to create different deadlines before the major one to help you submit
minor parts of the project and to help you avoid procrastinating till the very
last minute to complete a project. If you are in school, try asking your
teacher for mini-deadlines for drafts of your assignment or otherwise find a
close friend who can keep you accountable. Having someone to answer to
can encourage you to keep up with deadlines. If you often feel ashamed to
have people over because your house is always a mess, try inviting your
friends over, so you are bound to clear the clutter and organize your space
for when guests come over.
If you have taken up hobbies, you must understand that whatever feels
interesting now may no longer be in a few months, and that is fine. You
may have a list of things you enjoy doing, and if you are fed up with some,
you can have a list to chose from but know you can always go back to
playing that old guitar of yours whenever the motivation is rekindled.
Chapter 9:
ADHD and Social Skills
I
mpulsive, disorganized, violent, overly sensitive, intense, emotional, or
destructive actions are common perceptions in people with ADHD. Their
relationships with others in their social world, parents, siblings, teachers,
colleagues, co-workers, and spouses or partners, are often marred by
confusion and miscommunication. The ability to self-regulate one's
behavior and reactions toward others is impaired in people with ADHD.
Relationships may become unnecessarily strained and unstable because of
this. As a result of their inattention, impulsivity, and hyperactivity, people
with ADHD often face social challenges, social rejection, and interpersonal
relationship issues. Emotional pain and suffering are caused by such
negative interpersonal outcomes. They tend to play a role in the
development of comorbid mood and anxiety disorders as well.
Observing people, copying their actions, practicing, and receiving input are
common ways to learn social skills. They may grasp what is proper yet
come up short in general on social expectations. Shockingly, as grown-ups,
they regularly acknowledge "something" is missing yet are never fully sure
what that "something" might be. Social acknowledgment can be seen as
going up or down. People who show proper social abilities are compensated
with more acknowledgment from those they socialize with and are
encouraged to utilize their friendly abilities. For those with ADHD, the
winding regularly goes the other way. Their absence of social abilities
prompts peer dismissal, limiting the freedom to master social skills, which
prompts more dismissal, and the cycle goes on. Social discipline
incorporates dismissal, evasion, and other more obvious methods for
displaying one's objection towards someone else. Note that individuals do
not frequently tell the offender the reason for the social infringement.
Calling attention to a social mistake is frequently considered socially
unacceptable. Hence, individuals are almost always left all alone to attempt
to improve their social abilities without seeing precisely what aspects need
improvement because there is no feedback from others.
With the help of combined treatment like therapy and medication, if you are
already on any, you can learn to stop before you speak your mind and filter
any inappropriate information you are about to give to others. Making those
around you aware of your ADHD wherever possible can help them
understand your intentions if you slip up and avoid misunderstanding you.
If you feel like you never fit in or struggle to make new friends, it is
because your social skills are lacking due to your ADHD.
Although you might feel anxious attending social events, try to go with
someone you feel comfortable with and can keep you company while there.
If you feel like you are not invited to parties or events often, try inviting
people over instead. Try engaging in activities one at a time and try sticking
to things you know you can handle, like meeting for walks in the parks, to
begin with rather than skipping to watching movies with friends
immediately. If the first wedding you’ve been invited to is coming up next
month, try asking someone who has the experience to walk you through it.
If you are unsure of the social etiquette, dress code, and who to take as a
guest, ask someone you trust for honest feedback. The more you practice,
the more comfortable you will be. Accept feedback from others and make
sure you do not take it the wrong way but use it to improve. Take examples
from people who you know and feel are good at socializing. You do not
have to look at them and feel bad about yourself but rather be opportunistic
and allow yourself to grow. Do not take advice from people who strive to be
people pleasers or do things to be liked by others; that is not the right way
to improve your social skills. If you feel anxious around certain people or
when attending events, it means you are not ready for that yet. It is
acceptable to refuse to attend such activities if, besides hindering your
learning, it also makes you anxious and uncomfortable.
S ocial anxiety disorder, also known as SAD, is one of the most common
anxiety disorders that can coexist with ADHD. In one or more social
contexts, social anxiety is correlated with a distinct fear of possibly
devastating attention and judgment from others. Worries about
embarrassment and rejection are common in people with social anxiety, and
they can last for six months or longer. Worrying about being judged
negatively by others can limit involvement in events, interests, and
relationships; it can also make it difficult to form new relationships. It is
crucial to understand the nuances between the two conditions when it
comes to managing and treating them. Although experts are unsure why
ADHD and SAD always coexist, some believe that the same factors that
trigger ADHD, like genetics, environmental contaminants, or premature
birth, may often exacerbate anxiety disorders. Others agree that the signs of
ADHD, in and of themselves, lead to anxiety. Inattention, hyperactivity, and
impulsivity are common symptoms of ADHD, and they place a person at
risk of being ridiculed, mocked, or otherwise socially rejected. Fearing
more rejection, many people withdraw into themselves, avoiding any
potentially threatening social situations. At first glance, ADHD and SAD
may seem the same. If you suffer from SAD, you are constantly concerned
about being viewed negatively by others. You might find it difficult to eat or
speak in public or use public restrooms. It might be difficult for you to
attend social gatherings. You may be aware that your fear is unfounded, but
you feel helpless to change it, as with other anxiety disorders.
The following are some symptoms where ADHD and SAD overlap:
Struggle to socialize- Because people with SAD fear rejection, they
struggle to socialize. Likewise, people with ADHD can also struggle to read
between the lines and have low control over their impulses resulting in a
lack of maintained social relations.
Inattentive- People with ADHD can often come across as inattentive, and
that is because their brain affects their focus. People with SAD can also
seem inattentive, and that is because their brain is taken over by worrisome
thoughts.
Start light- Start small to avoid being discouraged at first. Before taking on
a larger mission, master a transition that is within your grasp. For example,
if you are shy about meeting new people but want to make new friends,
expecting to make 10 friends on your first try might be asking too much of
yourself. Instead, consider the first, very small move you might take: ask
someone you do not know a question.
Talk to someone every day- You must exercise your social skills, even
though you do not want to. Combat your natural proclivity toward
loneliness by engaging in a 3 to 5-minute interaction with someone outside
your home at least three days per week. It can be done via Zoom or
FaceTime, over the internet, or in person, but you must make real-time
contact with someone who cannot be reached via text messaging or social
media. Make a list of people you call: distant or near relatives, cousins,
siblings who have passed on, grandparents, and so on. You cannot enhance
your ability to communicate with others or read their emotional state by
email, which is precisely the talent you need to develop. If you are unsure
what to say, prepare any questions ahead of time or ask your accountability
partner for assistance and practice. Having a list of people you know you
can go to practice and enhance your skill is much easier than having to
think at the top of your head because you are less likely to be encouraged
and talk to strangers or to people you do not feel comfortable with.
Anxiety is a formidable opponent that tries to keep you disarmed, so it takes
bravery and maturity to face it. To effectively address social anxiety, you
must first set a fair and achievable target and be prepared to feel some
discomfort along the way. That is how you can learn and develop the skills
you need to gain the social trust and relationships you desire. You cannot be
able to get rid of all the social anxiety at once. It serves a useful but
unwanted purpose: it protects you from pain. Although unintentionally, you
may fall short because fear is a normal part of being human. The aim is to
lessen its impact on your life, which is more practical.
Chapter 11:
ADHD and Sleep Problems
O ver half of adults with ADHD report going to bed late and waking up
late. They also confess to having trouble with feeling tired after a
night of sleep during the day if they do not wake up late. They rarely
manage to fall asleep effortlessly or wake up feeling good in the morning.
People with ADHD will disengage if something does not interest them. This
may cause them to feel drowsy and may get them to fall asleep, wherever
they are; this might be in a meeting or in class. This can often be mistaken
for EEG negative narcolepsy. EEG stands for electroencephalography, and
it is a test used to detect electrical activity in the brain using electrodes
attached to the scalp. EEG is a test used to diagnose various brain disorders,
including epilepsy, encephalitis, sleep, and other disorders. It is also used to
diagnose narcolepsy, which is a neurological condition that causes
excessive daytime sleepiness. People with ADHD who fall asleep during
the day may be misdiagnosed with narcolepsy instead.
It is suggested that improved sleep hygiene is applied. This will foster and
initiate the sleep process and hopefully maintain it. Sleep hygiene can vary
according to the individual. Ideally, and as a standard, the bed should be
kept as a place for sleep and intimate action, not to argue or to work. You
must have a set bedtime routine, and many phone applications can help you
do this. It would be beneficial to consider avoiding naps during the day. If
you require specific sounds or music, make sure you have it set up by the
time you go to bed. Warm showers or baths can help you get sleepier. If
some sounds bother you at night or hinder your sleep, try your best to
eliminate them, and try wearing earplugs to block out noise. If you want to
try and go to sleep, try getting into bed to begin with. Avoid drinking coffee
late at night because we all know caffeine will keep you awake and because
it is a diuretic, it will also wake you up several times during the night for
multiple visits to the bathroom. Ideally, consumption of any liquids is
minimalized closer to bedtime, and gadgets like your tablet or laptop should
be put down 2 to 3 hours before bedtime as the blue light they emit will
hinder the production of melatonin, making you unable to fall asleep. If you
must work late at night, try using a blue light filter to avoid disrupting your
sleep. Some spectacles can come with this filter even if you do not have to
wear prescription glasses, so the lens serves purely as a blue light filter.
Certain foods are also said to help and promote sleep, such as kiwis, nuts,
tart cherries juice, and grapes. Valerian and chamomile teas also help.
Meditating 10 to 15 minutes before bedtime can help you relax.
There are plenty of things one can do to promote a healthier sleeping
pattern, but it starts by giving your symptoms the diagnosis and importance
they deserve. If your ADHD is overlooked, you will, in return, receive
inadequate treatment.
Chapter 12:
ADHD and Emotional Dysregulation
People with ADHD feel and experience the same emotions as any
neurotypical individual; the issue is regulating those emotions. Regulation
will give you the ability to calm down and make the right choices when
something gets to you. The process of regulating emotions is a process that
tends to rely on characteristics an ADHD brain struggle with or lack. This
process starts with inhibition. This means you do not impulsively react to an
emotion. Regular people would not struggle to achieve this, but people with
ADHD can find this to be a hard task when you are naturally impulsive
already. Some say that the more generally impulsive one is, the more likely
they are to be emotionally impulsive as well. Because of impulsivity, people
with ADHD may not even surpass this step as they would spontaneously
react to their emotions without controlling them. The next step of the
process is self-soothing, which is the ability to calm down that initial
emotion. Self-soothing methods may work for some, but they may not
always be healthy choices. Consequently, one would need to refocus one’s
attention and energy towards regulation and not on negative thoughts or
emotions. Lastly, one would need to act in line with their goals. It might not
be easy for people with ADHD to go on with this last step because they
must put in a lot of thought to consider their goals: what the other person
said, what they want to say, what happened the last time something like this
happened and analyze all the variables in that situation to try predicting the
different possible outcomes based on this response and choose the best
outcome. For someone with ADHD doing all this can be very challenging
because of their limited working memory. This can be troubling in a school
or work setup. This process happens with all emotions, from sadness to fear
and excitement.
Emotional dysregulation can get in the way of one’s goals and may make
someone with ADHD not so fun to be around in certain situations if, for
example, those around them do not understand their condition and their
intentions. Emotional dysregulation will not always exhibit itself in the
same way in different situations. It might help to keep track of your
emotions and jot down how you feel in certain situations. This can help you
identify your bad habits, and by being more aware of them, you can learn to
avoid getting into these habits in the first place. In this way, you can
understand better when your emotions are getting you in trouble or
hindering your goals. Awareness is also where to start. Being aware of your
emotions will help you slow down your emotional reactions leaving time
for you to think and decide how you want to respond instead of reacting
impulsively. This is also called mindfulness and is a method of meditation.
This will make you more aware of your thoughts and interpreting them
without judgment. You must be curious to explore ways to deal with these
emotions to the best of your abilities. This will help to reduce stress overall.
Not everyone suffering from ADHD will experience emotional
dysregulation, but those who do will often describe themselves as very
emotional. Borderline personality disorder or mood disorder can also have
emotional dysregulation as a symptom. This is also why people with
ADHD, specifically women, may get misdiagnosed. People with emotional
dysregulation can be sensitive to criticism, have perceived rejections, and
be overly sensitive to teasing. They would often find it hard to brush of
teasing comments from those around them and would take it very seriously.
Emotional responses in people with emotional dysregulation are often
displayed as emotional responses at a higher magnitude than those without
this issue. It would be beneficial to let the people around you know what
you are overly sensitive about and the jokes or teasing comments you
would not tolerate. Those that care and understand you will do their best to
avoid passing comments on things they know will upset you. People with
emotional dysregulation often seem impatient, tense, and edgy. This would
not necessarily mean someone finds it hard to sit still through a meeting or
finds it hard to relax. It is more like extreme levels of frustration internally.
For example, if technological devices, such as laptops or mobile phones, are
faulty, you are likely to get frustrated because you need them to work. If
something is not going to plan, it may also trigger emotional dysregulation,
and one may find it hard to assess the situation in a practical way, detached
from one's emotions.
Lastly, people with emotional dysregulation can have a harder time going
back to a neutral emotional baseline, and it will take them longer to get
back to their calmer state. This can be highly impacted by the people you
surround yourself with. If those around you have fluctuating emotions as
well, it will leave you feeling uneasy, and because you are anxious and
constantly on the lookout for when the other shoe will drop, you have a
hard time feeling at ease around them. It is important who you surround
yourself with because, from teasing and jokes to the positive or negative
vibes they emit, it will all affect your emotions and how you feel towards
those emotions. If you are surrounded by someone who makes you feel at
ease, safe, and fully understands your flaws, they are more likely to
understand your intentions and will be less likely to trigger or set your
emotional dysregulation issue off even over frivolous things. On the other
hand, if you are ringed by negative people whose emotions are even more
alternating than yours, you are very likely to be anxious around them.
Emotional dysregulation can have its positive sides. People with ADHD can
enjoy feeling strong emotions and are usually very sensitive to the emotions
others around them experience, making them very empathetic. They easily
get excited and are not able to hide that excitement. This makes people with
ADHD very fun to be around. This makes them very interesting, passionate,
and expressive people. Emotions are a way of communicating with
ourselves and others too. They can also motivate new ventures, like when
you are excited about an idea which you finally start working on and turn
into a new project or business. A healthy diet with the right water intake
coupled with the right amount of sleep will help make you feel less edgy
and irritable. Physical activity will relieve stress, depression, anxiety, and
symptoms of ADHD. Because physical activity increases endorphin release
in the body, it will boost your overall mood. Regular short 10-minute walks
can do magic for your mood. Meditation or yoga sessions can also help you
relax. If you notice that caffeine or a high sugar intake makes you feel
jittery or anxious, avoid them altogether. It is important to get help if you
are experiencing emotional dysregulation because it often leads to problems
in relationships and at work. It may lead to anxiety and depression. You
may lean towards substance abuse to help cope with your emotions if this is
left untreated. Cognitive behavior therapy can be very beneficial for people
who experience emotional dysregulation as part of their ADHD and is
usually given by therapists.
Chapter 13:
ADHD and Sexuality
Saving is one of the most beneficial things you will do for yourself,
your families, and your prosperity. Maybe you will need it for a crisis,
or maybe it will go toward a down payment on a new home, but
knowing you have some extra cash can provide real comfort . Start
small if you do not have any savings, and be cautious with yourself
until you learn this new habit. If you have a big target, you might
choose to open a separate bank account only for savings or one specific
goal and have automatic payments taken out of your salary. You can
also opt not to get a savings bank card to force yourself to think twice
about borrowing money from this account . Motivate yourself by
making cutting costs enjoyable and visually appealing. For example,
you could make a map with a savings "temperature gauge" and mark it
while you save, or you could use your computer to generate a bar graph
and monitor your savings every day or weekly. This can work better for
larger saving goals. You could also put cash in a special container or an
envelope with a snapshot of something you are saving for taped to the
back, just to keep it safe before you can get it to the bank. This way, any
time you put money in the envelope, you can be aware of your goals.
You can do this if you plan to take a trip to whatever destination you
please. Since most services and debt payments are made monthly, you
can have a monthly schedule. This is usually spending your money
before you get it; this way, you know where your salary goes before you
are paid and are less likely to spend it on useless things. You can
forecast what you need to pay for by looking at your previous expenses
or account history. Several applications can assist you in gathering this
information. Online credit card applications can also allow you to save
electronic copies of receipts and previous purchases. You should sum
up the expenses from the previous 12 months and split it by 12 to get
the budget you will need to function for every month from now on. You
may set weekly or monthly reminders to go over your planned budget.
Choose a day during the week to evaluate your shopping schedule and
budget daily. I repeat, if you cannot stick to this routine, set reminders
or have close friends or loved ones reminding you to do so. If you and
your partner are managing your finances separately, try doing this
evaluation alongside them to help you stick to the schedule. Determine
which bills or expenditures you anticipate having in the coming week.
Then, look at the whole month and see which bills must be charged in
the coming weeks. Pay all bills that are due in the week.
Have a financial calendar, ideally incorporated in your daily calendar,
something you look at every day . Having a visual alert of your bills is
beneficial. An electronic or paper calendar that shows all incoming
money, as well as the dates of scheduled payments such as rent or lease,
bills, taxes, credit cards, groceries, and fuel, can help you stay on track.
Some find it useful to organize money management ideas into a
timetable that displays financial activities and how long it will take to
complete each one. You must build your timeline based on your
objectives and habits. This can be incorporated with your calendar or
within your app if you use one to manage your finances. You can start
by downloading some applications and taking note of the one that
works best for you. You may find some to be more user-friendly than
others.
Create a timeline that you can stick to instead of dealing with a lot of
receipts and bills at the very last minute. Collect receipts daily from
your wallet and car, log them into your app or spreadsheet and file
them, then open physical bills from the mail and set a deadline for each
one. Ideally, you do not leave it till the very last day. Put them in order
of their due date and keep them where you can see them. Try settling
bills weekly and filing them straight away. Mark the ones you settled as
PAID. If you do not need the previous bill as a hard copy, discard it to
avoid clutter and unnecessary paper. Review your spending at the end
of every week. If there is an issue with your spending, you can identify
it straight away instead of only becoming aware of it at the end of the
month when it is often too late. Make sure you have a look at your bank
accounts monthly. Like this, if you see a transaction you did not make,
you can make inquiries right away instead of having to look back at
three months to try and trace that transaction. You can do this by using
your bank’s mobile app if they have one. Try balancing your amounts to
zero every month to avoid paying charges or being penalized. File your
ATM receipts. Once a year, collect your documents for tax filling. This
should be easy if you kept your filling organized during the year like
you need to. You may want to use software to help you manage your tax
returns if you keep them yourself, otherwise outsource it to your
accountant. Once your tax payments have been made, keep receipts and
proof of payments where you can find them. Make sure you keep
records for the period stipulated by law. Once the year is complete and
you paid your dues try evaluating the year and how you performed as
opposed to what you planned. Identify whether you have reached your
goals. Jot down goals you want to be saving toward in the next year,
like buying a new car, buying your first home, or saving for that dream
vacation. Make sure you identify any ongoing financial commitments
you have, like mortgage and car debt, and make a list of the remaining
balance until these are paid off. Keep the target date of when these are
paid off as a motivator to help you keep your finances organized.
Divide your priorities into steps that you can take on a regular, weekly,
monthly, or annual basis. It is useless leaving things at the very last
minute because you know very well you may not be able to concentrate
on sorting out your spending for the entire month all at one go.
Remember that good money management entails paying attention to all
the objectives. They are an important part of the financial reporting
routine. You will discover that you can master it once you have devised
a financial strategy. Consider how good it would feel to be organized:
you would not have to worry about your bank account running out of
money, being turned down for a loan, or having your electricity cut off
because you failed to pay the bill.
3. Begin with the simplest space. Starting easy can maximize your
chances of completing the task and being successful. Because
people with ADHD feed off adrenaline rush and stimulation,
succeeding at one task can make you more likely to complete the
following ones. Divide the room into parts and focus on one at a
time, arranging, discarding, or reorganizing each item in that section
until it is completed. Dividing the space you want to organize into
quarters can be very helpful. You can plan to declutter a quarter of
the room in 30 minutes, for example. This can give you a more
realistic notion of time and its management. People with ADHD can
struggle with this attribute because they have a false sense of time.
When organizing your room, try to keep things according to their
function. Keep things where you know you use them and can find
them later. If you need cleaning supplies or other things to organize
your space, make sure to prepare it before starting on the task. If
you need garbage bags or vacuum cleaners, make sure you have
them available; otherwise, it can be very easy to get distracted.
When clearing your space, decide whether you can get rid of some
things, box them, store them away, or keep them handy.
5. When the smallest room is arranged, work your way up to the most
complex, repeating steps if necessary.
You can create storage space if your area is limited. If you work from
your room, try storing work material under your bed or use over-the-
door organizers to store smaller things like stationery and pantry items.
These would usually hang on the side of a cabinet or a door and helps to
create storage space. They are usually made either of fabric or plastic
and can be bought from your local store for cheap. Besides creating
storage space, they also organize your space and help you put things in
one spot. Store things where you are likely to spot them easily when
needed. This can save you time and frustration.
Try these tips for staying organized and limit the clutter:
Take ten minutes from your day to clean up around the house.
This small step every day can alleviate the burden of having to
devote bigger chunks of your day just to clean up your space.
The most difficult part is getting started, but once you start and
see that you are making gains, you are more inclined to stick
with it. Try to adopt a mindset that allows you to believe you
will only stick to this task for a stipulated amount of time. Once
you start, you are more likely to continue.
Y
ou are not alone if you struggle to manage your time or follow
through with your plans. Many individuals with ADHD discover that
a combination of inadequate leadership abilities, poor time control,
and difficulties with working memory results in wasted time and unfinished
tasks and schedules at work and at home. Adults with ADHD have a
different perspective on time. The failure to predict potential incentives and
repercussions, as well as the impressive propensity to procrastinate and
disregard the static surroundings, all add to the difficulties with schedules,
punctuality, and preparation. Individuals with ADHD have the most misery
and difficulty getting things done while struggling with time management .
The advantage of completing tomorrow's tasks or establishing good work
routines now could be the avoidance of complications and indisposition
later. Understanding and managing ADHD can change if you consider it to
be a matter of time management.
How many times have you said these words to yourself; “I am late’’, “I am
on the way’’, or “I will be there soon?” It hurts to be late for work, your
doctor's appointment, your dinner, meeting a friend, taking the kids to
school, and, most of all, picking the kids up from school. How do you break
the cycle? What steps would you take to boost your time management?
Planning and marking time can be two skills people with ADHD lack.
Overcoming this hurdle can mean you need to plan your day every day. Try
adopting methods that work to your liking. Use external factors to get a
realistic idea of time. Try not to over-schedule. People with ADHD tend to
be people-pleasers and often avoid refusing requests from people or saying
no. This can overburden their schedule with no time left for them to relax.
Over-planning can set someone up for failure and frustration.
Once you have a planner, block your schedule with things you know
you have to do, like attend work, medical appointments, and family
dinners. Scheduling activities allows you to see if your day is filled
up, which can help you from overcommitting. Rather than making a
list of things to do, block out time for each task. If conditions
change or something isn't done, it's no huge deal to shift it to
another time slot on the calendar. You can see the big picture: the
amount of time you have in the day and the things that are starting
to take up the time.
Keep a list of things you want to do and things you must do. People
with ADHD can often choose to do whatever pleases them whilst
other important things remain unattended to.
Chose high-priority things to put on your to-do list and jot them
down on your planner. Do not overload your day, and be realistic on
how much a task can take you to complete.
Make your lifestyle a priority. Plan for grocery shopping, meal prep,
and exercise during your day.
Leaving the house on time can often be a challenge for people with ADHD.
Think of the time you need to make it on time and allow time to get
yourself ready and get there. Leave a time window for emergencies or
unforeseeable situations like traffic. Establish a station close to your door at
home and hold all important things there, your phone, wallet, glasses, and
keys. Get ready the night before, prepare clothes, bags, or any items you
might need. If you have a false sense of time, which most people with
ADHD do, try setting timers for everything you do in the morning to limit
the time you spend for every activity like having coffee or taking a shower.
Alternatively, you may want to set your time some minutes ahead to ensure
you are not late. Allow time for a shower and getting ready, and when your
timer goes off, move on; otherwise, you will be late. This can take some
getting used to but once done every day, it gets easier. If you think you can
stop by a drive-through coffee shop on your way to work, you probably will
be late for work again. So, avoid saying you have one last thing to do
because that thing can put you behind schedule, a schedule you worked so
hard on planning. Take into consideration the time it took you to complete
the same task the last time you did it. If you planned for 30 minutes last
time but ended up using twice that amount of time, do not repeat the same
mistake this time.
Take into consideration time-eaters, those little things that waste your time,
but you often do not consider. These can be walking to work from the tube
station, getting out of the parking lot, small talk with passers-by, and
waiting at elevators. Some people with ADHD end up being late most of the
time because they want to avoid getting there early. That can put them in an
awkward position and uncomfortable situations. Try leaving things in your
car that can help you fill the time if you arrive early, like playing on your
phone or reading a magazine. You can also use the extra time to meditate-
this can help you recharge your brain and make you more productive during
the day. If you always put off cleaning your wallet or your purse, use this
time to do so.
You can find yourself arriving on time, if not early, and feel much more
comfortable and content the next time you use these tips. Time management
may seem to be a hazy, alien phenomenon, but it boils down to a tug of war
between maximizing the current benefits and maximizing the prospects.
Time is money; being late costs you money, so think of the things you can
do with that lost money, and you can soon be on the way to better managing
your time.
Chapter 17:
The Good Side of ADHD in women
M any people just see the many issues associated with ADHD and
believe the media and society's misinformation and negativity
towards it, seeing it solely as a flaw, and are unaware of ADHD's strengths.
Do not confuse your ADHD qualities with symptoms! They are distinct
characteristics and abilities that make you more imaginative, spontaneous,
compassionate, and enthusiastic than anybody else you meet. Be proud of
your ADHD and all the creative thinking, humor, drive, and excitement it
offers. Not all women with ADHD have the same personality
characteristics, but certain personal qualities can turn ADHD into an asset
rather than a disadvantage. Research into the benefits of ADHD is often
dependent on stories about individuals with ADHD rather than studies.
Anyone who has this condition says that it has improved their lives if the
characteristics are turned into strengths and used in the right environment.
There is a widespread belief that people with ADHD are too busy to get
things done. Nothing may be farther from the facts.
Here are some of the characteristics for ADHD which can be considered an
advantage rather than an impairment:
Generous- People with ADHD tend to please those around them and care
so much about others. They are always ready to help primarily because they
understand what they are used to going through emotional turmoils
themselves and would not wish it on others. They tend to be very
compassionate and empathetic, hence always available to lend a helping
hand. ADHD individuals can offer a helping hand without overwhelming
others but ensure they are there if needed and are patient with others.
Fair- People with ADHD who have lived with making adjustments or who
have struggled without them understand that "fair" does not necessarily
mean "equal." They realize that different people need different aspects to
excel, and they are dedicated to assisting everyone they can.
Spontaneity- Anyone with ADHD can be able to turn their impulsivity into
immediacy. They may be the life and soul of the group, or they may be
more open and eager to explore new ideas and break away from the status
quo. This characteristic is what makes things generally boring become
interesting.
Humorous- People with ADHD who are well-adjusted have learned to use
laughter to deal with stressful situations, relieve tension, reinforce
relationships, change minds, and more. Because they have been through a
lot of experiences neurotypical brains have not experienced, like storing
their wallet in the refrigerator or losing their credit card twice a week, they
learn to take every situation as it comes. Laughter helps people with ADHD
get through their daily challenges, making life fun for them and those
around them. The situations women with ADHD find themselves in
cultivates the ability to have a humorous character.
Willing to risk- ADHD brain can jump headfirst into challenges and
opportunities a neurotypical brain is unwilling to do. Therefore, many
ADHD brains opt to open their own business or become self-employed.
Neurotypical brains may remain employed because they cannot pluck up
the courage to open their own business either because they have not come
up with an innovative idea or rather not risk what they perceive as safe.
Often, innovative business ideas and risks would work for people with
ADHD, take the founder and chairman of IKEA, for example. ADHD
allows you to note more details and discover facts and resources that some
overlook. It also encourages you to see potential challenges and possibilities
that others can miss. Impulsivity indicates that you are more likely to take
chances and have a bias towards action; strike now when the iron is hot
rather than being paralyzed by analysis paralysis.
Forgiving- ADHDers are very self-conscious and know they are not
perfect. Because of this, they are very understanding of other people’s
flaws. People with ADHD know that being a good person does not mean
you need to be perfect.
Surprising- ADHDers are full of surprises, and both themselves and those
around them, do not know what they are going to say or do next. Everyday
life can be an adventure if you have ADHD. This can be an asset in
relationships as well. You will never live the same day twice, and you can
often choose to surprise your loved one with a weekend getaway or a road
trip. This can help keep the relationship alive and show that you care for
your other half. This can mean you are willing to put in the work to make
things last.
Rapid learner- If it is something that piques your curiosity, you are fast to
grasp it or the concept of it. ADHD is mostly a boredom disorder; if
anything is important to you, you have no problem paying attention to it.
Being an information junkie may be beneficial in the right situations.
Work well under pressure- Pressure and deadlines give ADHD brains the
dopamine kick they are after. Women with ADHD tend to hyper-focus and
get motivated to finish tasks and reach deadlines when under pressure. They
can often procrastinate and put things off till the very last minute for this
reason. They always assume they have more time than they really do, and
when things get real, they can work very well under pressure. Others may
panic and fail to meet expectations under pressure.
Singer Justin Timberlake, actor Channing Tatum, actor Jim Carrey, actor
Will Smith, and athlete Michael Phelps all have two things in common, they
all have ADHD and are very successful personalities who have made it
despite what everyone might have told them growing up. An individual
with ADHD may need assistance in harnessing these characteristics to their
advantage. Teachers, psychologists, therapists, and parents all have a part to
play. They must assist a person with ADHD in exploring their artistic side
or devoting energies to completing a mission. An ADHD diagnosis does not
have to place a person at a disadvantage in life. Instead, ADHD may and
has helped many artists, athletes, and business people succeed. Many
individuals with ADHD have hit the top of their respective careers. ADHD
is a highly manageable disorder, with a variety of approaches available to
improve a person's attention and behavior. Medication and rehabilitation are
examples of these. People with ADHD who are taught adaptive approaches
to assist with time management and organization skills are likely to reach
higher levels of focus.
Women who have ADHD and start getting into menopause confess
experiencing confusion, difficulty multitasking, memory struggles, and
general cognitive difficulties. Some might suspect developing Alzheimer’s
or dementia. Someone who is already on ADHD medication and was
controlling their condition may find that whatever used to work just fine for
their ADHD may not be sufficient when menopause hits. This is because
ADHD combined with lower levels of estrogen can cause an overwhelming
feeling. Women who get diagnosed with ADHD at a later stage might
experience regret and remorse when looking back at the things they could
have achieved if they got the help and treatment they deserved. They would
have suffered fewer years of self-abuse and treating themselves as if they
were complete failures, lazy, and stupid.
Estrogen affects the release of serotonin. This is the key hormone that
stabilizes your mood and helps your brain cells to communicate. This will
affect digestion, sleeping, and eating habits. Lack of serotonin can be the
cause of depression and anxiety. You can help increase levels of serotonin
in the brain naturally; by exposing yourself a little more often to bright
light, exercise, meditate, get massages, and consume certain foods.
Serotonin is not readily available in food sources but is found in its amino
acid form, tryptophan which is converted into serotonin in the brain.
Consuming nuts, seeds, spinach, salmon, and eggs can help increase
tryptophan levels naturally. Low levels of estrogen during menopause
causes even lower levels of dopamine in the brain, exacerbating the
symptoms of ADHD. Certain treatment that would usually or mostly work
for college students with ADHD may no longer be as effective for
menopausal women with ADHD. This is because the decrease in dopamine
stems from hormones and not from ADHD. Controlling your ADHD can be
crucial in women with perimenopausal symptoms. If your ADHD is not
controlled, it will be very difficult to identify the issue and why you are
experiencing such symptoms. If your ADHD is controlled, then one can
easily rule it out as the root cause of your current symptoms. Increasing
ADHD medication will not help in these cases because nothing is being
done for low estrogen levels.
One would hope that by the time you reach menopause, you would have
also received adequate treatment for your ADHD. At this point, your ADHD
is controlled, but minimizing the symptoms of menopause can help control
your ADHD as well. It is suggested that loose, layered, and light clothing is
worn to help manage hot flushes. Avoiding heavy blankets and keeping the
bedroom cool can also help with this. If you experience hot flushes even
during the day, try carrying a small portable fan to help with this. Regular
exercise can help with increasing energy, promote better sleep, and improve
your mood. Physical activity, even for 30 minutes daily, can help promote
general well-being and help control your weight. If you are experiencing
massive mood changes and going through periodic episodes of depression
or anxiety, speak to a therapist and make sure your family members or
loved ones are aware of what you are going through. Vitamins can help to
supplement your diet during menopause. Calcium, Magnesium, and vitamin
D supplements can help reduce the occurrence of osteoporosis or slow its
progression. This will also improve sleep and energy levels. Although some
of these supplements can be found over the counter, it is best to consult a
healthcare professional before adding them to your daily regimen. The same
goes for natural sleep remedies, like melatonin. If you are experiencing
sleep issues, try consulting a professional to help control your sleeping
patterns. Irregularities in melatonin production can cause depression, but in
the right amounts, it can help create a healthy sleeping pattern. Yoga and
meditation can also help ease stress. Because during menopause, women
tend to experience skin dryness, it is suggested that moisturizers are used
daily. Avoiding excessive bathing or swimming can help lessen skin dryness
and irritation.
If you feel like completing certain tasks at work has become a challenge, try
bartering them with someone else at the office. If you forget to make phone
calls daily, try asking a colleague if she can complete them for you, and in
exchange, you can do some of her tasks. Try finding the root cause for what
is making you forget or avoid making phone calls. You may want to keep a
clean working area to avoid clutter and confusion. Prepare for phone calls
before making them, so you avoid forgetting what you need to say. If emails
work better for you, try encouraging your clients to contact you via email. If
you can delegate more work to ease the workload, go ahead and do it. Do
not feel like a failure because you are not doing everything on your own;
you should not. You need to understand that those around you are part of
your support system and are there to share your burden. If what you need to
work better is a strategy, use the help of those around you to set one up. If
you feel like you already have too much work, learn to say no to new
responsibilities or negotiate a better deadline. Writing to-do lists will help
you get into the right mind frame for the day. If your day is over and you
know you have left so many unfinished tasks, try jotting them down one by
one in order of importance and priority. Once you have that done, clear the
clutter to start afresh the next day. With a to-do list set, your day is already
planned and will help you stay focused longer. Strick things off the list
when you are done, and keep with this habit if it works for you. If one task
is complicated or you are sure you will not complete it the next day, divide
it into smaller tasks and try completing those mini-tasks to keep up with
goals and deadlines. If you work in a dynamic office environment where
your superiors fire duties and tasks to you as they make their morning
coffee in the staff canteen, get into the habit of carrying a small notebook
and pen with you wherever you go. You will be able to write down tasks,
instructions, and deadlines when this happens. If you feel unsure about the
goal objectives, try asking your boss to email you the assignment in detail
later so you can have something to look back to while completing the
assignment and be sure you do not miss any important details.
Although this tip may not work for everyone, it can help to take it under
consideration. You may want to hire a professional organizer who will help
you declutter your space and keep you accountable. It is easier to stay on
track when you have a professional reminding you all the time. Cognitive
behavior therapy can also help in increasing self-control and self-esteem,
two factors negatively impacted during menopause.
P regnant women who also have ADHD may report a drop in their
ADHD symptoms. This is because estrogen levels spike during
pregnancy. Estrogen targets the brain, helping with dopamine and other
neurotransmitters. Keep in mind that ADHD is a spectrum, and some
symptoms may be more grievous in some individuals than others.
Pregnancy and the estrogen fluctuations it brings with it might help lessen
the ADHD symptoms, but that does not make it disappear completely or
even cure it. Once pregnancy is over, estrogen levels will plummet again,
causing ADHD symptoms to return, in some cases with more intensity—
some report experiencing post-natal depression and anxiety. With becoming
a parent, one must keep in mind this is a process and a life-changing event
in itself, might I add. ADHD will impact you and your child whether you
have it diagnosed or not.
Pregnancy and ADHD
Women may have a planned pregnancy, but some may get pregnant
unexpectedly. Ideally, women with ADHD who also happen to be on
medication for this condition would discuss and contemplate whether to
stay on ADHD medication during pregnancy before getting pregnant. At
this stage, women planning to get pregnant together with their physician
and partner would weigh in the risks and benefits of getting pregnant and
seizing ADHD medication versus continuing with treatment just the same.
Women with ADHD who decide to alter or seize their ADHD medication
may also need to continue doing so during breastfeeding. In most cases, this
decision is taken after the woman learns she is pregnant, which would
usually be four or more weeks into the pregnancy. At this stage, the fetus
would have already been exposed to medication. None of the treatments
used in ADHD is proven to be safe in pregnant women, but there is no
confirmation of them being unsafe either. There has never been an ethical
way of conducting studies for the safety of such medication on pregnant
women and the outcome on their babies to date. This leaves both physicians
and expectant mothers at a crossroads. A physician would usually decide
based on their knowledge, the documented outcomes of similar situations,
and their best judgment for their patient. They consider the woman with
ADHD, the severity of her condition, and other environmental variables.
Seizing ADHD medication for a pregnant woman will affect her directly,
her baby, her family, and those around her. Because medication passes
through the placenta and to the fetus, this will expose the baby to stimulant
medication in the womb. Many researchers are trying to gather information
about these effects. To date, stimulant medication is harmful to the fetus
based on animal studies carried out. There is a record of women continuing
their ADHD treatment while pregnant for observational purposes because
actual trials cannot be conducted for ADHD medication during pregnancy.
A designated office forming part of the Food and Drug Administration still
gathers this data and keeps a register for it. This information gathered is
factual and is there to teach more about medication during pregnancy.
Although these studies are not accurate for pregnant women who are about
to decide whether to continue their ADHD medication during pregnancy,
results show a high infant mortality rate and preterm deliveries. These
results cause many physicians to advise against continuing their ADHD
medication through their pregnancy. Some may choose non-
pharmacological treatment for women with mild to moderate ADHD who
happen to be pregnant. Exercise, cognitive behavior therapy, diet, and
dialectical behavior therapy can be an option. The latter is a type of
cognitive behavior therapy that aims to teach people to cope with stress,
control their emotions, improve their relationships, and helps them live in
the moment rather than worry about past or future events in life they have
no control over. Cognitive behavior therapy will help with awareness and
change problematic patterns of behaving and reasoning. Whether or not an
expectant mother continues her ADHD treatment will be based heavily on
her needs for the medication and her inclination to not expose her unborn
baby to drugs that we know very little about when taken during pregnancy.
If an expectant mother with ADHD decides to stop her medication, those
around her should be made aware. Symptoms of inattention, hyperactivity,
and impulsivity may return during pregnancy and when off medication.
People at work, family members, and friends may be taken off guard by
this. They can also offer help and be your support system if you involve
them in your decision. Decreasing your responsibilities during this time is
beneficial. Women who take medication for their ADHD may find it
difficult to transition to a period where they are off their medication and
pregnant. Especially during maternity leave, expectant mothers tend to
spend their last few days before giving birth at home. Staying at home a lot
would not help, especially when you are off medication. Managing a
business from home or doing simple house chores can also prove to be
challenging without the help of your usual ADHD medication. ADHD
treatment tends to build up in one’s system, so once you stop the treatment,
you would not experience symptoms straight away. This is subjective and
depends on the dosage one would have been on before seizing treatment.
During the first months of pregnancy, a neurotypical woman would
experience a stir of emotions caused by the pregnancy itself, so being a
woman with ADHD who is also off her treatment may experience an even
bigger emotional turmoil once the effects of the medication start to wear
off. They may struggle with emotional overload and may also find it hard to
control it. Pregnant women off treatment may feel tired, demotivated,
experience suicidal thoughts and depression. When an ADHD brain has
nothing to focus on or is not stimulated by anything, it may feel like
shutting off, hence making the neurodiverse individual feel tired more
often. Impulsivity may also be an issue for expectant mothers who stopped
their ADHD treatment and so sticking to healthy eating practices and
incorporating physical exercise may be slightly difficult to stick to.
If you are a woman with ADHD who just discovered you are pregnant and
happen to be impulsive because of your ADHD, then it is best if you start
adopting healthy eating habits to avoid impulse eating. This will help you
avoid complications in pregnancy associated with your diet, like gestational
diabetes. Setting time aside for food preparation can help with impulse
eating as well. Make sure you make frequent grocery trips to ensure a good
amount of healthy food is always available during your 9-months. Pre-natal
vitamin intake is crucial during the first trimester, and remembering to take
your vitamins can be very challenging if you have ADHD. Try setting up
alarms on your phone, have a stash of vitamins in areas you will remember
to take them, like in your bag, at work, and at home. Allow yourself to feel
tired and permit yourself to rest because you are most definitely going to
need it. Discuss budgeting ways with your partner, so you will not find
yourself struggling to get the supplies you need at the very end of your
pregnancy. If you are taking time off work and find yourself bored at home,
try reading pregnancy books. With ADHD, it may be very easy to lose focus
but reading about a stage you are going through at this very moment can
help you keep your focus and teach you handy tips along the way.
Socializing can also help you get the support you need from your family
and friends whilst also enjoying some time out. If you are an introvert, you
may not opt for this last tip, which is perfectly fine. At the end of your
pregnancy, you may want to start getting all the things you need for
yourself and for the baby to come. You may also take setting up a nursery as
a project. Taking prenatal classes can also help you during this special time
in your life. Try avoiding triggers that would stress you out because
emotional reactivity can be a struggle in itself for women with ADHD, let
alone if you are also pregnant. Experiencing stress during pregnancy can
also negatively impact the baby, so it is best to avoid this altogether. It is
very important to be kind to yourself and understand that pregnancy can be
a struggle for neurotypical brains and even more so for neurodiverse ones.
Yoga or meditation for pregnant women can help alleviate the symptoms of
ADHD.
Breastfeeding and ADHD
It would be ideal for a mother with ADHD to get diagnosed because it will
benefit them and their kids, drastically improving the quality of life for
them and their families. Kids with ADHD require a caregiver who can
handle the scheduling of appointments, fill prescriptions for controlled
drugs, take care of health insurance or manage whatever health system is
applied in their home country, monitor side effects, and make sure
medication is being taken as it should. If the caregiver has ADHD and is
uncontrolled or undiagnosed, doing all this besides taking care of the home
and the rest of the family can be challenging and nearly impossible. A
child’s treatment requires compliance and consistency to achieve results. It
is relatively obvious that this cannot be achieved by the child alone.
Mothers with ADHD may know what needs to be done but have a hard time
carrying tasks out. Parents with ADHD can benefit from getting a diagnosis
because it will alleviate stress and reduce the level of guilt they impose on
themselves and allow them to focus more on the genetic disorder they have,
the same as their child does. They will understand where everything is
coming from and will get the treatment they need. A mother with ADHD
who is also receiving the right treatment will notice an incredible
improvement in her parenting skills and a reduced load on the entire family.
If you can become organized and stay organized, you will be able to give
more attention to your kids. Feeling more relaxed and comfortable with
their children is what every mother hopes to attain. Cognitive behavior
therapy can be a great accompaniment for ADHD medication for both the
kid and the mother. If both you and your child have ADHD, you probably
struggle to pick up their toys or minimize their clutter. Apply the same
techniques you use for yourself and set a timer for them to clear the clutter,
give them something to look forward to, and set a deadline for them. Write
routines for kids so they know what to follow. Set the tone every morning
and try to stay positive; it is likely to carry on during the day. If they
struggle to complete their tasks try helping them with their homework, it
can help them get over that hurdle while you also spend quality time with
them. Organize your kids’ medical records in binders, color-coded if you
wish, and make one for yourself too. You might have bills that are due as
well, but if you need their medical records, which you will very often, you
know where to find them. Try to avoid picking fights unnecessarily; if their
socks do not match every morning, cut them some slack and think back to
what you did as a child, it can help you understand them.
Chapter 20 :
Best Jobs for Women with ADHD
A
n ADHD brain can have unique attributes considered to be an asset in
certain jobs. There is no one-size-fits-all career for either
neurotypical or neurodiverse brains, but there are jobs that would fit
better for women with ADHD. Having said this, there are no jobs ADHDers
cannot perform, but there are some environments and careers that will help
people with ADHD to thrive rather than struggle in their job posts. ADHD
symptoms can cause difficulties in the workplace for adults, just as they do
for children in school. Adults with ADHD will have a very promising
career. Others can face several difficulties, such as poor listening skills,
distractibility, procrastination, and trouble handling complicated tasks.
Seeking advice from an occupational coach, nurse, social worker, or other
health care worker with career therapy experience will help you understand
and cope with ADHD at work. Each person with ADHD faces a unique set
of challenges. As a result, it is essential to remember your specific image
when developing plans, accommodations, and modifications for the job.
If you have ADHD and are struggling at your current employment or feel
like you do not fit the bill at your current post, have a look at this career list:
-
Copy Editor- This is very similar to journalism because you would be set
up to work on multiple stories at once and will need to deliver work within
fast and tight deadlines. Working on an array of different stories will help
with your inattention as well.
Hairstylist- You are working on different clients who are after different
hairstyles, colors, and looks. This environment is very casual and social,
and creativity plays an important role in this career. A lot of hairstylists
might wish to open their salon, and this is also one of the ADHD traits-
wanting to be their boss. This role has many diverse tasks that will keep you
focused on the client at hand. This role also has plenty of room for growth
because you can strive to make a name for yourself.
Beauticians- Beauty salons have different clients walking in, each asking
for different services, which usually require creativity and focus for a short
time. They also tend to work long hours and may be required to work
outside shop hours during weddings or special occasions. Having a packed
schedule leaves less time for boredom and gives plenty of opportunities for
social contact. This job post is also ever-changing because new techniques
come in regularly.
Nurse - Nurses tend to work very long shifts and need to stay focused
because a mistake on their side can cost somebody's life. They are very
aware of this and are happy to be assigned responsibilities. If a nurse needs
to be in surgery or help prepare medication for patients, they can stay
focused on the task and deliver. Because a hospital is bustling with patients
and duties to be completed, nurses often are worked up, and if you are a
neurotypical brain, you might lack enough energy to complete your 12-hour
shift.
The entertainment industry- Jobs in this industry are usually very vibrant
and ever-changing. This will require you to put your absolute best in each
role, kind of like hyper-focus! Once you are done with this role, you can
move on to the next and put the same time and effort into that. Anyone who
thrives in creative chaos will find themselves opting to work in a fast-paced
and artistic environment. This can be as a TV producer, pianist,
choreographer, dancer, or actor. Theatrical stage managers are required to
facilitate production, including rehearsals and meetings. No two days are
the same, and entertainment industry workers are required to maintain their
focus in a dynamic environment. This career also calls for creativity,
something women with ADHD do not struggle with!
Teacher- Adults with ADHD tend to find satisfaction in careers that allow
them to be dynamic and creative. This might also mean that your patience is
put to the test, which is expected when working with kids. Transitioning
from one task to the next and understanding the strengths of kids in your
class who have ADHD as well may be a plus.
Childcare worker- This is very similar to teaching but will allow people
with ADHD to be even more creative and switch tasks constantly because
the syllabus at childcare centers is less academic and more creative. Having
a lot of energy is also very important when working with kids who
themselves are bursting with energy.
Owner of small businesses- Being your own boss can help you thrive as a
woman with ADHD. You can oversee your schedule and duties. You can
pick a business sector that you are most interested in, so you are sure you
will be doing what you find interesting and not be forced to stick to
whatever is assigned to you. Your own business will be something you
create, so hyper-focusing on this will be a plus for you. Your work setup can
vary from day to day, and this will accommodate your boredom and
restlessness. Having the opportunity to choose your career will make your
life more meaningful. Owning a small business and having people work for
you can be advantageous if you want to delegate tasks that you know you
struggle to perform.
Chef- People with ADHD tend to have a lot of energy and be creative.
Chefs work insanely long shifts in a fast-paced environment. Whether they
are pastry chefs or manage an a la carte restaurant, attributes of an ADHD
brain will go very well in a culinary job. Even if you might not be seeing
orders all the time, there is a lot of preparation to be done before service
commences. You will also need to keep a good inventory in your pantry and
fridge. If you hold a higher post as a chef like a sous chef, you will be given
more responsibility, and as a woman with ADHD, this will go very well
with your personality. Again if you are in charge, you may be more flexible
about delegating tasks you seem to lack in, leaving you with more
opportunity to use your strengths instead.
Factory assembly line worker - This might be a boring job post for
someone who does not have ADHD. Some ADHD brains will work better
when they have an ultra-structured career. The process is laid out to them,
and they would also have targets to reach during production. Some
ADHDers succeed when they have instructions spelled out to them. In most
cases, their shift is never the same, and their schedule will vary from week
to week, leaving some sort of flexibility in their daily lives. This career may
not be ideal for every woman with ADHD, but some line workers can be
given more responsibilities and get promoted.
Interior designer- This is a hands-on, creative post and will require your
creativity. Some ADHDers combine this attribute with problem-solving and
often excel in this post. Their brain would be racing with ideas, and they
will transpose beautifully in such a role. Thinking outside of the box can be
very appreciated in this job post.
Personal trainer- ADHD brains have so much energy to spare, and if they
are passionate about sports, this might be a good swap for whatever boring
job they are doing now. This will require them to plan training sessions or
one-to-one classes for their client. Personal trainers may be using up most
of their energy at work, and that will not leave them jumping off the wall at
the end of their day because they feel they have not used up enough of their
energy at work. This may mean you are a yoga instructor, pilates instructor,
do personal training sessions at your client’s houses, or are employed at a
gym or fitness center.
Mechanic- This is a very technical career that requires you to know how
things work. Because vehicles are constantly changing, you will also need
to stay ahead of the game and learn new things as you go. At this point, if
you have chosen this path, cars are probably your passion. So, whenever a
faulty car comes in, you will very likely be invested in fixing it and sticking
to a deadline set either by yourself or by the vehicle owner. This will also
get you in contact with a lot of people, and you can socialize while you
work on what you love. This post may also allow you to work and own the
business simultaneously, allowing flexibility in your schedule.
Adults with ADHD will discover that their original career choice does not
play to their strengths, no matter how hard they try, and that a shift is
needed. Before making a career change try considering the below aspects
before you do, and this can help you better pick an alternative career.
Interest- Take into consideration both your leisure and your professional
interests. Try listing these down and consult with a career counselor. They
can provide a list of occupations that correspond to your likings and what is
required to fit the job. It is best to choose a job that interests you for it to
last; otherwise, you are very likely to quit or be unhappy.
Skills - List down your skills and achievements. Try to look back at what
subject you enjoyed at school. Your counselor will help identify the jobs
that your skills can best fit. Skills can be mental, interpersonal, or physical
depending on the job and whether it entails dealing with data, people, or
things.
Personality- Knowing your personality strengths will help you change your
professional habits, broaden your career opportunities, and chart a more
promising route to a successful career future.
Values - People place different values on various objects. People are usually
accepted to work better and more focused when the job at hand is in line
with their ideals.
Habits- There are habits at the job that can be either expected or measured
up. These often depend on personal traits like reliability, commitment, and
attitude. If you are expected to be super friendly at a sales-career job, and
you tend to be an introvert, then it is very likely that this job is not for you.
Time-management- Divide big projects into smaller ones and make sure
you set a deadline for each task. This will help you stay motivated and work
within the deadline. Cut yourself some slack, and make sure you reward
yourself every now and again. Make use of reminders or buzzers on your
watch, phone, or computer. If you struggle to remember meetings, make
sure you set reminders 5 minutes before, and you can also mentally prepare
for the meeting ahead besides being on time. Try being realistic of the time
a project can take and do not take over more tasks than you can handle.
Procrastination- If you keep putting things off, your colleagues will hate
you for it. If a big project is too much to handle and you keep avoiding
working on it, try splitting it into smaller projects and ask your superior for
deadlines for these. Keeping you accountable is what can make you want to
work on tasks. If you work in teams, try pairing up with someone who has
good time management skills to learn from them and help keep you on
track. If this is hard for you to do, try working with an ADHD coach so they
can help to keep you accountable.
Carelessness- If your job involves paperwork, loads of it, you can struggle
to turn files in as expected or maintain an organized filing system. Make
sure you handle a paper only once and if you have an administrative
assistant at the office, ask him or her to handle that for you if possible.
Leave the papers you are using at the time handy; the rest make sure you
file them where they belong. Try color-coding your files and use labels to
make filing fun and organized.
Interpersonal skills- If you struggle with this skill, you probably offend
co-workers unintentionally because you are too honest, talk a lot, or
interrupt often. Make sure you ask for feedback from co-workers so you can
avoid doing what bothers them. Be more attentive and try to pick up social
cues. You will notice when your behavior is angering your colleagues. If
you are already working with a coach, ask to address this issue during your
sessions and determine what usually leads to these situations. If you
absolutely don’t work well with others, try choosing an autonomous job.
ADHDers are innovators, explorers, risk-takers, dreamers, creatives,
visionaries, entrepreneurs, strong-willed, generous, persistent, amongst so
many other good qualities that cannot be bought or taught. The positives of
people with ADHD outway the negatives; that can be managed. People with
ADHD tend to be people who also like to work and prefer it when they are
busy. Your body will tell you when you need to stop. If you tend to work
overtime or stay up late working, your body will hint it when you need to
stop and get some rest. People with ADHD do not have inferiority of mind,
they are simply more creative, and their approach to things is different than
that of the neurotypical ones. Some might feel that because of their ADHD,
they might struggle with managing workplace pre-requisites; however,
some ADHDers report a high level of job satisfaction not despite their
ADHD but because of it. ADHD brains can love what they do, and they can
succeed at it. If you are at the right job, your position will leverage your
strengths. It is very important to find the job you love to juxtapose your
strengths and accommodate your shortcomings. People with ADHD tend to
take tremendous pride in what they do and do it with a passion. They tend
to be very committed and loyal at work if they are treated well and feel that
they belong there. People with ADHD will admit the impact their condition
has on day-to-day job performance, but it is not insuperable.
ADHDers at work tend to be very distractable, may struggle with managing
their time, may be disorganized, be forgetful at times, and tend to get bored
easily. Despite this, most employees with ADHD do not disclose their
condition to their superiors and do not ask for accommodations.
Here is a recap of all the points addressed above:
People with ADHD may feel like there is never enough time in their day’s
work. Using timers, alarms, and to-do lists can help you manage your time
better. If you feel like you are forgetful or struggle to remember certain
details, write everything down. Always have a pen and a notebook available
with you. If something comes to mind and you know you will forget it later,
write it down and get back to it when you have time. Make use of a planner
or a calendar. Block times during the day and plan your day.
If you are in doubt about what interests you, try volunteering or shadowing
before you commit. It is to be expected that you might be required to work
harder than the average person in some areas but know you will thrive in
other sectors where your colleagues struggle.
Chapter 21:
How to improve focus in women with ADHD
W
hether at work or home, staying focused may be difficult for people
with ADHD. They struggle with staying focused, multitasking,
staying organized, get bored easily, forget things often, fail to meet
deadlines, and are unable to tune out distractions. Having ADHD will not
mean you do not get things done like neurotypical brains, but you just get
things done differently. It is about every individual finding their way of
dealing with tasks and setting your own goals, and being realistic about
what you can manage to get done. Starting a task can be a challenge for
women with ADHD, so here are some tips on how to improve focus: -
Set reminders and timers- If you know you must dedicate so many hours
to a particular task or several duties at home, for example, try planning your
day and set reminders so you can remember you need to do that task. Once
you set a reminder and you are ready to start working on the task, set a
timer for it. This will help you stay focused, especially if you need to stick
to deadlines, but if it is something that you dread doing, this means that
when the timer is over, you no longer must do that thing you dislike
anymore, for now. The timer will add a little pressure to get you to do
things, and you know for how long you must keep at it.
Reward yourself- To follow up on the above tip, you may reward yourself
once you complete a task. Be diligent with yourself, and make sure you
stick to completing the task before you reward yourself. If you dread doing
the laundry or cleaning the house, try to reward yourself with something
you enjoy, maybe watch an episode from your favorite show or meditate if
that is something you enjoy doing. Women with ADHD tend to be reward-
driven, so if you know something you like or enjoy doing is waiting at the
finish line, you are very likely to persevere to complete the task at hand.
Write it down- Writing things down can help you remember more and
think in a more organized manner. Try having a notebook with you
everywhere you go, so whatever comes to mind, whether it is errands you
need to run or things you need to do, you can write it down and go back to
it later. You might use your phone for this, but some might find it easier if
they write things down. It is suggested you keep a notebook next to your
bed because you might have an overflow of ideas as you are going to sleep.
This interrupts your sleeping habits and may have you working on things
you can leave for the next day, at 3 in the morning. You may dump
whatever ideas you get in the middle of the night and see to them the next
morning. You may tend to struggle with shutting off your brain at night, and
adapting this tip may give you a better chance of getting to sleep and having
a restful night. It has been proven that our brains process information better
when we write by hand instead of electronically. Not having an app to keep
your to-do lists is probably more beneficial because you will not get
interrupted and distracted by other social media apps or advertisements. A
physical notebook will also be there whether your phone has run out of
battery or has crashed.
Create checklists- List down the things you know you need to do. It helps
to have one big list of things you know you need to do at some point, but it
will help if you do a realistic checklist, one you know you can manage to
complete. This means you can take things you need to do from your main
list and write them down on a smaller list for the day, like that you would be
taking a larger goal and dividing it into smaller and reachable tasks. Try
making a list of things for the next day so you will get right into it as soon
as you are ready to start your day. Prioritize tasks according to importance
and deadline.
Know your limits- Knowing your limits also means knowing your
capabilities. You will be better off not comparing yourself to others. As a
woman with ADHD, it does not mean you are less valuable or you will do
less; it simply means that you can do things differently. Knowing where you
stand with your skills means you will use them more than trying to compare
yourself to others or compete to reach their same targets. Try focusing on
your strengths and your idea of productivity. When you identify skills you
lack or struggle with, you can improve on them.
2. Set the timer for 25 minutes. When you set the timer, make sure you do
not get distracted, and if need be, set the right work environment before you
start the timer.
3. Work on the chosen task only until the timer is over. This means that no
distractions are to be allowed during this time. If you do not manage to do it
for the set time, stop the timer and start all over again. If someone distracts
you, start over, but ideally, you get to complete your task in a quiet place
and let those around you know what you are trying to attain. During this
step, you will likely get a better idea of how much time is required to
complete that task, especially if you struggle with time management or
always seem to have a false sense of time.
4. Stop working when the timer is up. Try to include reviewing your work
during break time to ensure you have completed the task in its entirety.
There is also no way of turning the timer back or stopping it before it rings,
so you know that if you distract yourself during those 25 minutes, you will
not bring back the time you would have wasted on something trivial as
opposed to a more important exercise.
5. If the task you have at hand will not be completed in 25-minutes, divide
it into various intervals and try having a short 5-minutes break in between.
This will help you distinguish when it is time for work and when you are
free to just do whatever you please.
6. If you have longer tasks that you know will take longer than an hour,
give yourself longer breaks. Make sure you identify your goals during your
time working. If you want to have better quality or produce more quantity
during this time, then make sure this is identified before starting the timer
and make sure to keep at it whilst completing the task. This will allow you
to dedicate more time to revise your work, for example, if you feel like you
need to spend more time on this.
For women with ADHD, this technique or a similar one that works for them
means they will know when to start, and the timer will sort of act as a mini
deadline as well, providing enough pressure to stay focused but not too
much. The break between intervals will also help you stay motivated. The
issue of hyper-focusing will be better managed here because when the time
is up, you know you need to stop. This means you will be setting
boundaries because your life cannot be overtaken by one task. If you have
small tasks that do not require 25 minutes to complete, you can add them up
as one task. If you experienced interruptions while the timer was on, it is
suggested that you take note of these so you can figure out ways to avoid
them during the next cycle. If you manage to finish before the timer, use the
remaining time intelligently, and for next time you know how long it takes
you to complete that task. Same if you did not manage to complete what
you planned in 25-minutes, you know this duty takes more of your time,
and you need to dedicate more time to it. In its simplicity, this technique
identifies time.
Procrastinating does not mean you are lazy; sometimes it just means you
keep putting off tasks to the next day because you do not know where to
start, you do not know what it involves to complete, and watching a movie
or playing a video game will certainly seem more intriguing. If you need to
write an assignment that will require extensive research or a lot of time to
write, dividing the task can help you get less disheartened. If you are
learning to play a new instrument, try dedicating 25 minutes every day to
practice, and you will find that you have made huge progress in a week. 25
minutes a day does not seem a lot out of a 24-hour day, but you can get so
much accomplished if you use your time efficiently and effectively.
Distractions can be caused by external factors, but most of them are also
self-inflicted. Although small distractions may seem insignificant, they do
add up at the end of the day. It is not just time you would have wasted but
think of how hard it will be to refocus on the task. You may remain
distracted and focus on that distraction for over 20-minutes after you have
switched off that phone app, and you might still be struggling to regain your
concentration. Time may be difficult to understand as it is abstract, but
using such techniques can help you change your perception of time, reduce
anxiety, and measure your level of productivity. 25-minute intervals are the
set target for this technique because people tend to reach their peak for
concentration between 25 to 50-minutes with a break that lasts between 5 to
15-minutes. Try performing the tasks you dread the most first. This will
keep you motivated because you know far more interesting things await,
and the day will get better as it goes by. If your assignments are done on a
laptop or computer, try using your break to stay away from monitors. Try
not to get off your laptop and move to your phone straightaway during your
break. Standing up and moving around will probably benefit you more. You
may want to meditate if it is something you like to do or just grab a healthy
snack. You may want to set reminders or use functions on your laptop, so
you are locked out for the duration of your break; that way, you ensure you
take your break and do not hyper-focus.
Always divide bigger projects into smaller tasks and help to complete that
task by using a timer. Use visual reminders to help you remember, whether
they are on your phone or written down, find whatever works for you.
Surround yourself with people you feel comfortable around, as this will
help you stay at ease and feel less stress and overwhelm. If you find it hard
to sit still, try using fidget toys during meetings, for example. If you
struggle with instructions, try paraphrasing to make sure you understood
correctly and help translate it into jargon that you can comprehend. Try
getting into the habit of using planners and notebooks. If at any point you
feel overwhelmed or it just feels too much, learn to stop and take a breather.
Just find whatever works for you.
Chapter 22:
Life-management Tools for Women with ADHD
W
omen with ADHD want to live a more fulfilling life, and they can
do so by reducing their ADHD challenges in their daily lives.
Medication can help you reduce some of the challenges but only
with changes you make yourself will you be able to achieve a more
satisfying life. Therapy can also help you build a life that is more ADHD-
friendly. Increasing your knowledge and surrounding yourself with the right
people can do magic for you.
Join a support group- You might have already realized by now that the
expectations imposed on you as a woman by society carry a heavier load
than you can imagine. With the help of others, it is easier to break free from
those unrealistic expectations. One can find encouragement and
understanding in these groups and help to create a more realistic approach
towards life. These women should be on common ground and help each
other deal with almost impossible situations in life.
Surround yourself with positive vibes- If you are following these tips,
you should have educated the people around you about your ADHD. Not
everyone can come around to support you and understand where you are
coming from. If you feel like your people do not appreciate you and do not
bring out the best in you, try changing your clique. When joining a woman
support group, you are very much likely to meet people who share your
same struggles and will understand you better. Do not compare yourself to
others and their perfectionism.
Make time for breathers- Breathers are great for reducing stress. Try
compromising with your partner so they can take care of the kids for an
hour or so. If your partner is not available, try hiring a babysitter. Make this
a ritual, and make sure you do this regularly. Use this time to do whatever
you like doing, whatever relaxes you, or simply do nothing. You can take
your kids to their grandparents, aunties, or cousins. They keep good contact
with their extended family members while you retain your sanity.
Do not exhaust yourself- With managing a house, family, having kids with
ADHD, and a career, know that you are already doing your best. You strive
to manage your ADHD at work, at home, and with your family, neglecting
yourself along the way. Learn to say no and limit your responsibilities.
Leave time for yourself.
Appoint or eliminate- Try to identify your strengths, and if you feel that
your struggle to accomplish some things, do not be afraid to delegate. If you
think you will be better off without a particular commitment in your life,
eliminate it. If you also have kids with ADHD, try delegating tasks to them
according to their capabilities. If you know one struggles with organizing,
assign them a different task they can do better. This will only build their
confidence in themselves but will make them feel like they are useful and
are just as capable of completing tasks assigned to them. If you struggle to
keep the house clean and can afford to hire a housekeeper, do not hesitate to
do so. And no, you will not come across as incapable of taking care of your
home, but rather create a less stressful environment that all your family will
benefit from, including yourself.
Set goals to achieve- One of the hardest things for adults with ADHD is
reaching their goals. Planning for people with ADHD can be a struggle,
which means we will start working on multiple projects only to finish none.
The best way to achieve this is by first choosing a goal and determine what
you expect to attain if you reach this goal. Once you have picked a goal,
think of how important it is to get to this goal. Make sure you do not choose
this target during a momentary rage, as you will likely run out of motivation
very soon. Think of what you need to get to this goal and what it will cost
you, be it time, money, or energy. Think of what will happen if you do not
achieve this goal, is there anything more important you can dedicate your
time and energy to? If you start doubting yourself whether achieving this
goal is worth it, you might realize there are more important things you can
be working on, or maybe you can amend this target so that it is worth
achieving. Try to anticipate what obstacles you might come across and how
you will overcome them if you do come across them. This will help you
chose the best way to navigate getting to your goal, and by now, if this is
not the right time, you may want to put it on pause for some time. If you
have convinced yourself this is the right goal you need to be working on
and figured out how to overcome obstacles as they come, you will need to
start monitoring your progress. It might be difficult for women with ADHD
to monitor their progress. You can either appoint someone close to you to
help keep you on track or, better yet, hire an ADHD coach.
Do not strive for perfection- You may find yourself comparing your
achievements to others. Try not to do that. Once you have a set list of goals
or tasks you wish to achieve, try ticking things off your list even if you feel
unaccomplished with what you have achieved. Make sure you have done
your best, and if that is the case, you would have likely done your best. Do
not compare your product to others because you can be striving for
perfection when you know that can be hard to achieve. Doing the task
sometimes is enough.
Manage your time- Try predicting what time you have to leave home to be
on time at work or when meeting friends. Try allocating a little extra time
for leaving your car or walking to the restaurant from the train station. Work
backward and plan how much time you need to get ready and how long it
takes you to get there. Try giving a leeway of 15 extra minutes. Make sure
you have multiple clocks around the house, at your desk, and on you. This
will keep you aware of the time the whole time. If you do not like timers or
stopwatches, try keeping track by listening to your favorite songs; it usually
all lasts approximately 3 minutes, so calculate in songs instead of time.
Work on your social skills- Try to wait five seconds before jumping into a
conversation to speak your mind. Try maintaining eye contact when
someone is talking to you to avoid getting distracted and having your mind
trail off. If you said something you should not have, apologize for it and
explain that you did not intend to say that, and acknowledge what you said
was extra. If someone asks you to do something and you know you will
forget, ask them to send you a message or a text so you know you can go
back to it and are less likely to forget.
Control your emotions- control your breathing if you feel like your
emotions are all over the place. If the situation is too much to handle, go to
the restroom or a separate room and take time for yourself. Stop
apologizing when you do not have to and learn that not everything is your
fault.
Adopt healthy eating habits- Plan your meals ahead of time. You do not
need to meal prep a week ahead but make a list of breakfast, lunch, and
dinner for 7-days. Make sure you have all the ingredients available and
keep this list handy. You are less likely to consume food impulsively,
especially if you had a rough day at work. You are less likely to go out of
your grocery budget if you have one, and you get to choose your meals
according to what you like. If you find it hard to prepare the 7-day meal
plan, try creating a bigger list of meals you enjoy and take ideas from there
every week. Make a list of the things you always want at home and once
you run out, put a tick next to it, so you know what you need to get the next
time you go to the supermarket. Have a slow cooker or microwave available
for quick and easy meals to fit our busy schedule. If you have limited time
or dread preparing meals, pick a time during the week to prepare soups or
meals in bulk and freeze them. This way, you can always include soup in
your meal-prep weekly plan and know you have that ready for when you
get home from work. This will have you use the kitchen fewer times during
the week.
Adapt to your ADHD- If you are a night owl, work at night if you can.
Your phone won’t be ringing, and you can work in peace. Try using blue
light for alarm clocks because they tend to wake up your brain. Red or
amber put you to sleep. Use a pillbox if you often forget to take your
ADHD medication and recharge yourself by calming yourself. If you like
everything to go in its place or wish you could keep things where they
belong, try getting your daily bag with multiple pockets and zippers. You
can start putting things in the same place, and you will get used to where
everything goes. If you struggle to choose an outfit in the morning, try
preparing ahead of time and plan your outfit the night before. If you often
misplace your makeup, try using plastic organizers in your bathroom or on
your dresser and keep all your essentials in one place. If you often end up
looking for wipes or tissues, stock your car with them. If you have recurrent
appointments, you need to set repeated reminders on your phone, and if you
need to book ahead, set the reminder ahead of time.
Try not to define yourself by your deficiencies but focus on your talents and
strengths. Do not compare to someone else's benchmark. In some ways,
ADHD can be a blessing, so celebrate it. Women with ADHD are creative,
warm, empathetic, sensitive, humorous, and spontaneous. Try to create an
environment where your personality traits are appreciated and given
importance.
Chapter 23:
How Exercise can help women with ADHD
A
DHD is caused by a malfunction of the brain's attention structure,
which is made up of an interconnected network of neurons distributed
across different areas of the brain, including those that regulate
arousal, motivation, and reward, as well as those that control executive
function and movement. Neurotransmitters like norepinephrine and
dopamine help usher signals through these attention circuits, and here is
where women with ADHD struggle. Treatment for adult ADHD can vary
from medication to therapy. This will help regulate the chemical misbalance
in the brain. Physical activity is a non-prescription treatment that will help
you adjust the chemical composition in your brain. Exercise is often
perceived as a way to reduce your waistline and weight. It turns out that
exercise can also help shape your brain. During exercise, your brain
releases serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine. These are the chemicals
in your brain that are usually lacking if you have ADHD. Exercise can also
decrease the level of adrenaline and cortisol, two chemicals that contribute
to your body’s level of stress. Physical activity also stimulates the
production of endorphins, acts as a mood elevator, and a natural pain killer
in the body. Serotonin also helps with depression, mood, and appetite
regulation.
Exercising for 30 to 45 minutes a day, three times a week, can help advance
cognitive function and behavior. With the release of neurotransmitters in the
brain, you are less likely to struggle with going to bed that night, and that
feel-good feeling is experienced immediately after you exercise. It usually
lasts for about 2 to 3-hours. You are less likely to experience stress during
that day or let stress get to you as you usually do when you do not exercise.
This is a short-term benefit one experiences with regular exercise. In the
long term, regular exercise helps promote neurogenesis, which is the
production of new brain cells. Chronic stress and aging can cause a
decreased production of neuronal production, so exercise can help combat
that.
You might think finding 30 minutes during the day to exercise sounds easier
than it is. Some find exercising in the morning far more beneficial for them
because they get it out of the way, and the boost they get from exercising
will get them ahead in the morning. Others may feel better running after
work to clear their minds and help them fall asleep faster. Some may
struggle with picking an exercise they enjoy doing in the first place. Ideally,
physical activity is done outside because it will reduce symptoms of ADHD
even more. Sunlight is also a mood booster. When exercising outdoors, you
are likely to be drawn by the sounds and sights around you, pulling your
thoughts away from your problems. This can recharge your brain and
refresh you. This can be far less boring than running on a treadmill. But if
you cannot exercise outside, that is fine. Try picking an activity that works
for you and enjoy doing. If you do not like running or walking, try trekking
or biking. If you are into video games and find it very hard to get out of
your room, then try playing video games that require you to move around.
When creating an exercise program that works for you, you must consider
the features of an ADHD brain. ADHD brains need structure, so it is ideal
to have structured workouts incorporated into your daily routine. Having
someone to overlook your progress like a coach is perfect. ADHD brains
seek variety; therefore, you need to allow variety in your exercise program
and switch between functional movements, resistance training, and
cardiovascular training. Incorporating new functional movements will also
help you learn new skills. An ADHD brain usually always works better
when there is a set deadline, so you need to set a specific goal to work
toward. It can be running a 10K run or simply reduce your stress.
If you want to try the benefits of exercise on your ADHD, follow these
strategies to help you incorporate it into your schedule:
Be creative- You may get bored easily if all you do is structured and
tedious. If you are only motivated after you have new gym wear available,
then go and buy some. If you like hiking, try experimenting with different
trails and if you like running, try taking different routes. Do not limit
yourself to one physical activity because you are more likely to be putting it
off every time you must do it. Try having a variety of activities like cycling,
running, and squash. If the court is booked or you do not feel like running
today, you know you have other things to turn to, and there are no excuses.
If there is a new fitness craze like aerial yoga, trampoline workouts, or
spinning classes, do not hold back and try them. Physical activity does not
have to be boring and repetitive. You are less likely to quit if you vary your
exercise regime. Now certain exercises are more beneficial than others,
especially for women with ADHD. If you want to get the maximum benefit
from your physical routine, ideally, you include circuit, strength, or
endurance training. But if you are not a fan, you can still work out; the
slightest physical activity will be much more beneficial than doing nothing
at all. If you feel like skipping it today, try to anticipate its benefits and the
way you feel after doing it; that can help you not postpone.
Take it easy at first- I hope reading this made you excited enough to want
to start exercising straight away but start slowly. You do not have to attend
the first HIIT class tomorrow morning. Start by walking for 30-minutes
daily and increase that as you go along. You may make use of mobile
applications to help you increase your endurance or distance over time.
Make sure that your plan is sustainable. You do not want to start with too
much energy and burn out shortly after. It can be tempting to overdo it at
first because you may hyper-focus on the benefits of this, it is a new thing
in your life, and you want to yield those benefits. You can create a simple
circuit training set including push-ups, squats, use homemade weights, or
your body weight.
Set a routine- Try exercising at the same time every day. Mornings are
ideal for some, but it isn’t a set rule. You need to make adaptations
according to your errands, family commitments, and work schedule.
Getting exercise done first thing in the morning can help you get it out of
the way straight away, and you can be less likely to postpone it as if you
had it scheduled later during the day. If you work a 9 to 5 job, working out
before going to work can be very beneficial, especially if you have
meetings first thing in the morning. The neurotransmitter boost you get
from exercising can last for approximately 3 hours, and this can cover a
portion of your shift at work. It can help you stay focused during meetings
and gets you to concentrate on clearing that inbox in the morning. This can
have you less panicked and stressed during the day because it can seem like
you have less clutter. You may want to start with the more difficult tasks in
the morning because this chemical boost will help you get those things done
quicker without nagging doing them in the first place.
Compensate yourself- Cut yourself some slack and reward yourself after
you manage to work out. If you find running on a treadmill at the gym
boring, try making a playlist specifically for when you are running at the
gym. Select tracks that you enjoy listening to and can keep you motivated.
If you like smoothies or shakes, make sure you award yourself with one
after your workout is complete. Do give yourself credit for actually
completing a task. It may seem trivial for an athlete to incorporate exercise
in their lifestyle, but it is a struggle for you, and that is fine. You may snack
on your favorite refreshment once you have completed your physical
program because you deserve it.
Make it accessible- Driving to the gym every morning can make you feel
disheartened. If you live in an urban area, trekking may be impractical
because you must drive to start your trail. Try investing in cheap home
equipment and dedicating a corner of your house to it. This way, you can
wake up in the morning and work out, or if you feel a boost of energy, you
do not have to physically get ready and be somewhere. If you suffer from
impulsivity, this might be very beneficial for you to use up the excess
energy you might have. The easier it is to access your exercise program, the
more likely you are to stick with it and be consistent. Do not let things get
in between your goals.
Find your power source- Your goal is not losing weight here but making
sure your ADHD symptoms are controlled and you should be motivated to
keep going. The scope of this is to treat your mind and manage your
symptoms. Recording your activity can help you monitor how you feel and
when you see that you are reaping the results for it, you are more likely to
keep doing what you are doing.
Does it mean that if you manage to stick to a regular and effective exercise
program, you can stop taking your medication? No. As previously
mentioned, ADHD is a spectrum, so severity can vary. Some women can
find exercise to be a replacement for prescription drugs because they
usually experience mild to moderate symptoms. If you are already on
medication, it does not mean that exercise will not benefit you. Physical
activity needs to be complementary to your treatment. It will help increase
attention and improve your mood. After consulting with your doctor, you
may want to adjust the timings for your medication. If you exercise in the
morning, for example, you may delay taking your stimulant medication 3
hours after your workout, so you can benefit from the cognitive boost
produced by exercise. You are more likely to be less hyperactive after
exercising, and you will have more mental clarity.
Just know that exercise and ADHD are a winning pair. ADHD brains work
better after a good exercise.
Chapter 24:
6 Executive Function Strategies that Really Work
for People with ADHD
E
xecutive functions are a set of processes used to manage oneself and
one's resources to reach a goal. This involves neurologically-based
skills like mental control and self-regulation. Depending on your
ADHD severity, this can mean that life is a little bit harder to manage or
feels completely unmanageable. People who lack executive function may
struggle to plan their day, remember things that have been told to them, or
get things done on time. The pre-frontal cortex is the part of the brain
assigned to control our executive function, and this area of the body is still
developing till age 25. It is proved that people with ADHD have a 30%
delay in this area of the brain. Although not everyone with ADHD will
struggle in the same way, people with ADHD have some sort of overall
impairment. They are often perceived to be lazy and exhibit a lack of effort
or seem childish.
Before getting to the strategies that can help executive dysfunction, it is best
if one can understand the areas that are affected by our executive functions:
4. Shift- One may struggle with transitioning from one task to the next
and often dislike when things do not go as planned. They struggle
with being flexible, and if they are asked to do something they were
not prepared to do, they may struggle with shifting their attention
and energy to it. People with executive dysfunction would rather
stick to their schedule and have a hard time moving from one
activity to another without getting distracted or lost.
If you have a relative or close friend who you know struggles with
executive functions, it is best to ask them in which areas they struggle most
and how it affects them personally. If you are someone suffering from
executive dysfunction, there are some behavioral tasks that you can make
habits that will help with this:
Plan your day and make sure you have a schedule set up. If you
need to set alarms or reminders so they can alert you to check your
schedule and go by it, do so.
Try to break down large tasks into smaller ones. Because people
with executive dysfunction can have a hard time dealing with large
goals, distributing the tasks into smaller ones can make it easier to
complete and will give you a better understanding of the time it
takes for you to complete each task. Make sure that each deadline is
written down and is clear. Whenever you are working on each task,
make sure that the deadline is visible to make sure you do not miss
out on completing tasks on time.
Make sure you have separate spaces for leisure and work. It is easier
to concentrate and get straight to work if you have a designated
work area and you do not have to work in bed, for example. You are
less likely to be productive if your brain is used to relaxing on the
couch or in bed, and you also use that area to work.
5. If you have been told that you are too emotional or too loud, that is
because those around you focus more on emotional control. You
would rather feel emotions deeply and express them without
boundaries if you have ADHD. What you need to take as advice is
therapy by professionals; give yourself the love and care that you
need. Create boundaries and accept only the treatment you deserve.
You have the freedom to occupy space in the universe.
Incorporating the tips and skills mentioned above can help get a better hold
on your life and manage your ADHD better. Change can take time to adapt
to, and that is understandable. Know the benefits of change and recognize
you are giving it your all.
Chapter 25:
The 15 most effective methods for coping with
ADHD
S
ymptoms of ADHD can easily interrupt your day-to-day activities.
Fortunately, there are a variety of approaches you can take to
effectively handle your condition and treat your symptoms. These will
help you live in harmony and manage your condition better.
1. Get Diagnosed
If you are restless, you are more likely to have exacerbated ADHD
symptoms. This can affect your attention span, memory, and
problem-solving skills. Issues with sleep issues is a common
problem you might face, and the cure can be as simple as a change
of habit. If you are getting less sleep than you need, you are likely
to be more irritable. Adding physical activity can help you get a
restful night.
ADHD rarely exists on its own. If you have ADHD, you are very
likely to have one or more other conditions. This should not be an
alarming discovery, but rather, the goal is to raise awareness. If you
are a woman with undiagnosed or misdiagnosed ADHD, you
probably have already been diagnosed with these coexisting
conditions before being diagnosed with ADHD itself. Identify what
coexisting conditions you have and start treating each one directly.
Sometimes symptoms of coexisting conditions can be disguised by
symptoms of ADHD or the other way round. Other conditions
coexisting with ADHD can be anxiety disorders, bipolar disorder,
depression, personality disorders, and substance use disorders. It is
crucial to share all symptoms with your physician when discussing
your ADHD symptoms as well. This can help your physician get a
full diagnosis and give you the treatment you need.
5. Drive carefully.
6. Give up perfectionism!
You do not need to be perfect. You probably spend too much time
on trivial things, and this is detrimental to your health. Perfecting
small things takes time away from more important tasks leaving
you working on the bigger, most important tasks under further
stress and anxiety. This can have you missing deadlines of far more
crucial things.
If you are a woman with ADHD, you probably struggle with time
management. You often miss deadlines and underestimate the
power of time. You may struggle to anticipate how much time a
task can take you to complete. If you also hyper-focus, you may
devote your time and energy to one task leaving others undone.
This can leave you feeling stressed and overwhelmed. Create a
schedule and get organized. Try writing down the things you want
to get done the night before and prioritize your list. Do consider
your strengths and not only your weaknesses. This will boost your
self-esteem and confidence. If you start working on a task or plan
to, allow some extra time than you anticipate it will take. This can
help you manage your time better and leave you with fewer
disappointments. Make use of timers or alarms; this way, you know
for how long you need to work on a particular task whether you like
doing it or not.
8. Physical activity
If you have the hyperactive type of ADHD, you may highly benefit
from this. Either way, exercise can help you focused and calm.
Physical activity is not only great for your health but also for your
mind. This can help you channel your energy in the right way and
can help you rest better at night.
If you are a woman with ADHD one medication, you may struggle
to remember whether you have taken your medication or
remembering to take it at all. Using a pillbox can help you stay alert
for when your medication is running low because you would
prepare a week's supply in advance. This can help you manage your
filling of prescriptions better and avoid leaving you without
treatment for some time. This can save you from carrying multiple
boxes with you wherever you go. A pillbox can also keep you more
organized, and if you forgot whether you have taken it or not, all
you need to do is look back in your pillbox. There are pillboxes
with timers within them if you feel like you have enough reminders
on your phone.
You may not admit it, but you spend more time in your bathroom
than you should. You can get carried away wondering about your
next invention, things you should have said, or things you have
done in the past when under the shower. Keep a clock in your
bathroom to help you stay on top of time and avoid getting carried
away by unnecessary thoughts.
It is perfectly fine to ask for help. If you feel you are struggling at
any given task, do not be afraid to ask for help, email your superior
for further instructions via email about that project, and if you are
struggling in life in general, do not be afraid to seek help from a
therapist if you feel like you need a little extra help together with
your medication.
You can use this in addition to your bullet journal or your favorite
mobile application. Make a list of whatever comes to mind, and
make sure you always have a notebook handy. Handling this master
list can be a little overwhelming, so it is suggested that this is done
in combinations with a planner. You can take items from the master
list and jot them down on your planner in order of prioritization.
This can help you plan your day better with tasks you actually
intended to complete at some point.
Some things are easier said than done! Knowing where to begin and what
methods you need to apply to get better is what you need to start your
journey towards a better-navigated life with ADHD.
Chapter 26:
How to stop losing things
P
eople with ADHD constantly lose or misplace things. This is because
you are distracted when putting things away and cannot recollect the
last place you left them. You may put things down for what seems to
be a split of a second and forget about where you left it. When looking for
that thing you just misplaced, you are very likely to get distracted by
external stimuli, like the sound coming from your TV set or that open
videogame on your laptop. You can empty the dishwasher and do a full load
of laundry before remembering to start looking for that thing you lost 2
hours ago. This can cause most people with ADHD to be often late to work
or meeting with friends. Some people with ADHD tend to compensate for
this inner turmoil and end up being extremely organized, almost perceived
as obsessive-compulsive, but not every ADHD brain is like this.
Try having a dedicated place for everything you use. This strategy can work
for the neurotypical brain without struggle, but for an ADHD brain, you
might need to modify it a bit to make it suitable for your needs. Putting
things away where they mostly make sense does not always work.
Something can make sense to be placed somewhere in particular now, but
this may not come to mind when you are looking for it. Try placing things
where they are most useful. Think of a restaurant or a coffee bar. Every
server would have their station, which is always replenished. It does not
make sense to have a server cross the opposite side of the restaurant to get a
fork because they are very likely to be stopped a million times by people
along the way constantly asking for things. Those people in a restaurant are
the external stimuli people with ADHD struggle to block out. If you take an
umbrella with you before leaving the house, try leaving an umbrella holder
near the door. If you often leave your jacket everywhere but where it needs
to be, try having a coat hanger next to the door. If you often misplace your
keys, try installing a key holder next to your door. Your keys can have
multiple points of usage because you can place them in your car, bag, or
house. Keep those places to a minimum to avoid confusion whenever you
need to go look for them. It is perfectly fine to have duplicates or more
copies of one item around the house. Take your phone charger as an
example. You will probably need one in the bedroom, one in the living
room, and another at your desk. That is fine. You will avoid looking for it
every time you need to charge your phone.
Make it easy to put things back because you know you can struggle with
this. You can make use of a label machine to label where things go. This can
make it easier for you to put things back, and you do not have to remember
where everything is meant to go. Placing things in clear containers can help
you know what is in them without having to hover down every canister in
your house. Make things fun to put back. Decorate your space and make
sure you can easily get acquainted with where things should go. Think of it
as if it is a puzzle. Spare some time during the day, usually in the morning
before you leave the house and, in the evening, before you go to bed and
scan for things that are out of place. Have a look around you, and you can
probably notice things that are out of place. Take some time to but them
back. This can help you keep a decluttered space every day without having
a backlog of lost and misplaced items. It can also help you find things easily
whenever you need them. Try this with your workstation as well. Try
decluttering it every day at the end of your shift. This can help you start the
next morning on a good note. Do the same thing with your dishes; try
putting dirty dishes in the dishwasher if you have one, or make sure you
clean everything after you finish eating. Like this, you can avoid
procrastinating and can avoid ending up with a pile of dirty dishes, which
you probably put off for days before you get yourself to clear that sink up.
If you are a woman with ADHD who shares a home with a partner who
likes to keep things organized, you might have ended up in a fight a couple
of times because they misplaced your things in the name of tidying up.
Them clearing your space does not necessarily mean they are helping you.
You may struggle with finding things you put away, let alone when
someone else does that for you. You have a lesser chance of findings things
you are looking for when someone clears the space on your behalf. Try to
always clear your things yourself, or if anyone else is helping you do that,
make sure you agree on where things should go. You can encourage
yourself to put things back by making things fancy and as attractive to get
your attention as possible, but things will stay put only if they are practical
to you. Make things easier to be put back and try to facilitate this process
for yourself as much as possible.
Depending on how important that thing you just misplaced is, you are often
going to feel anxious, stressed, and annoyed when you lose it. Do your best
to be organized; highlight, label, or decorate areas, so they get your
attention, and you can misplace things less often. If you often misplace
small things like your wedding ring or watch, try keeping them in a bigger
container like a bowl as soon as you walk in and out the door. Try to do one
thing at a time because it has been established that people with ADHD
struggle with multitasking, so this cannot help you find things when you
lose them. If you need that set of keys because otherwise you cannot get out
the door, try to ignore all other distractions and focus only on finding the
keys, try to recall where you placed them last, and go look for them there. If
you often misplace your stationery at work or home if you work remotely,
try using a compact desk organizer so all your stationery items can stay
collected in one place. Try making it a habit to clear your desk and place
everything in your drawer before leaving at the end of the shift.
If you often misplace your phone, keys, watch, and tablet, try introducing a
docking station in your life. Leave it where you are most likely to leave the
items that go on it. You can have all your valuables and electronics in one
place and charged at one point. This way, you can lessen the times you walk
out of the house with your phone uncharged. The chargers can all be at one
place, and as soon as you walk in the house, you know where things have to
go because you want them charged by the next morning too. You know
where to look for things before walking out of the house as well. You can
include compartments in the docking station to host things that do not
necessarily need to be charged, like your house keys, your precious bullet
journal, and your glasses.
You may find it even harder to find things you do not use often. Say you
have many small items you usually always use only for traveling, like your
passport, your travel toothbrush, your luggage tag, or your padlocks. Try
creating a space around the house that is dedicated to these items only.
Keep everything in a visible container and label it or decorate it as you
please.
If you have a project to deliver at work the next morning and need supplies
to be taken to work, you can struggle to sleep at night knowing the things
you must remember. Avoid the restless night and make a list. Gather all the
things you know you will need and place them in your car, in your drive-in,
or by the door. Collect everything you need to take with you, and if it helps,
try making a list and leaving it where you can see it the next morning. This
way, you can check off the things you need to take with you and avoid the
anxiety or stress that comes with all of this. Although the last thing you feel
like doing after a day at work or running errands is clearing the clutter or
organizing your stuff, try making putting things back a habit and part of
your routine. It can be difficult until you make this a habit.
Chapter 27:
22 Things not to say to someone with ADHD
I
f you, your kids, or your partner have ADHD, you will almost certainly
meet skeptics who do not understand the disorder or its implications in
daily life. Unfortunately, there are a lot of myths about ADHD, and these
misconceptions can be harmful to those that have the disorder. Some people
incorrectly label ADHD as a "made up" condition that is over-diagnosed
and over-medicated. Others see ADHD as a harmless, insignificant disorder
that can be easily handled with good parenting and fades away in
adulthood. Whether you have a child with ADHD, a partner with ADHD, or
if you have ADHD yourself, you've probably heard any of the following
erroneous and upsetting comments about ADHD. It is crucial to know what
to avoid saying so that you can be as helpful as possible to people who have
ADHD.
If you have ADHD, the following things are the last things you want to
hear:
2. ‘’You need to try harder to get organized’’- People with ADHD will often
struggle to get organized like the neurotypical brains, and they can, in most
times, fail to do so successfully. This can make people with ADHD feel like
a failure, and although one would try hard enough, they can still come
across as not doing enough from someone else’s perspective. People with
ADHD must find their way and methods to stay organized because other
people’s ways will not work for them.
5. ‘’ADHD is not real; we need to let kids be themselves’’- Some people are
unaware of the reality of this condition that they do not consider it a real
disorder. Some may say you do not allow kids to be energetic and do not
allow them to be themselves. Some blame technology because you have set
a standard of kids playing on their tablets rather than letting them play
outside like old times. If kids who are now adults went undiagnosed or
misdiagnosed, it does not mean that ADHD is a modern disorder and did
not exist in the past; there was not enough knowledge about it.
8. ‘’People use ADHD as an excuse for bad behavior’’- People with ADHD
may deliver a task on time when it happens to be something that triggers
their hyper-focus. They may perform other tasks poorly and will therefore
be perceived as inaccurate and unreliable. The neurotypical brains that are
not aware of this condition would not understand the impairments
associated with ADHD. Really and truly, people with ADHD put a lot of
time, effort, and energy into staying on track and just being organized.
9. ‘’That child needs more discipline’’- Many parents deal with these
statements when out and about with their kids in public. These comments
come across as judgments towards their parenting abilities.
12. "In females, ADHD is less intense than in males."- This is not the case
at all as women with ADHD have symptoms that are overlooked. Because
boys would disrupt the classroom and hinder learning for the other students,
their behavior must be treated. Girls can often be perceived as disorganized
and lazy, and these can only interfere with their learning processes. Girls
internalize their symptoms and are at a greater risk of sexual promiscuity,
teen pregnancies, alcohol abuse, drug abuse, and cigarette smoking.
Because you do not see the symptoms, it does not mean they are not there.
Undiagnosed females, like undiagnosed males with ADHD, are at risk for
chronic underachievement. The difficulties that ADHD mothers have
dealing with the demands of daily life can easily spill over into parenting.
Because of the genetic connection between ADHD and parenting, many of
these mothers will have children with the disorder, who will need even
more organization, focus, and consistency.
13. ‘’Did you take your meds today?’’- This is something neurotypical
brains would say when they are in a close relationship with someone with
ADHD. ADHDers can come across as goofy or too loud at times, and that is
probably not attributed to their ADHD or them skipping their medication,
but because their character is that way. This can easily translate to someone
not liking your character, and they like you better when you are under the
effect of medication. Coming from someone close to you can make it even
more offensive because they are the ones that should be the most
understanding of your situation.
14. ‘’It is not that hard to focus’’- You can never say to someone with a
broken leg to walk because it is not that hard for you to do with two fully
functioning lower limbs. The same goes for people with ADHD. Where
neurotypical brains have no issue blocking external distractions, people
with ADHD struggle just to shut off the sound of that ticking clock in the
classroom. They process everything around them without filtering the most
important things.
16. ‘’My boyfriend’s brother’s friend from high school has ADHD, I
understand’’- ADHD severity varies from person to person, and no two
people with ADHD are the same. Because you know someone, or you met
someone you know has ADHD once does not make you universally
understand every other ADHD person. Try to be more considerate towards
that individual as a person and do not compare them to others.
18. ‘’I think I have ADHD too’’- Everyone can experience a little
forgetfulness or inattention now and again, but self-diagnosis is not
acceptable here. People with ADHD go through multiple tests and
evaluations to get hold of their diagnosis. This can also be why everyone
underestimates the severity of ADHD and can struggle to understand a
neurodiverse brain.
19. ‘’You can’t have ADHD, you are too smart’’- ADHD does not affect
your intelligence, and people with ADHD are not stupid, no. You can get to
the level of the rest of your friends in class and even surpass that; it is the
way you get there that can be different. Hyper focusing can also play an
important role here because if you find something you enjoy doing, you will
persevere until you get it right. Focusing on multiple things can also be an
advantage because whilst others focus on one thing until they complete it
and move to the next task, people with ADHD struggle to filter things, and
this helps them put everything in perspective, seeing the bigger picture.
Therefore people with ADHD are innovative and creative.
20. ‘’Your handwriting is messy’’- ADHD brains can race with ideas and
can often jot down so many things randomly in their notebook. They know
they can forget if they do not do so quickly. Some may struggle with
reading their handwriting, but they can go without you reminding them of
this every time you cannot read what they have written.
21. ‘’Are you even listening to me?’’- People with ADHD have a hard time
focusing, and the little distraction can take their minds into another different
dimension. If you have a close friend or relative with ADHD, learn to adjust
to their listening pace and ask them to stop you when they lose their focus
on what you are saying. This will avoid embarrassment for them and
frustrations for you.
When you are unsure whether someone is truly lazy or has an underlying
condition, rather than saying things that can come across as inconsiderate,
try just being kind instead!
Chapter 28:
ADHD treatment for Women
A
DHD is a condition that influences different parts of the mind,
intellectual capacities, practices, and everyday life. Compelling
treatment for ADHD in women may include a multimodal approach
that incorporates medicine, psychotherapy, stress management, ADHD
training as well as expert organizing techniques.
Treatment for women with ADHD does not only include medication. The
right treatment can be chosen with the help of your loved ones, taking into
consideration your goals, and taking your doctor’s advice.
When choosing the right medication for your ADHD, your doctor will
consider the negative effects of the drug, the characteristics of your ADHD,
and your needs. If someone with ADHD also suffers from hypertension, not
every drug is suitable for them, so an overall approach needs to be taken
into consideration here. It is very important to monitor the effects of the
medication, whether positive or negative. Adjusting doses and timings for
the medication can only be established by monitoring the effects of the
drug. Try keeping track of your emotions during the day, when the drug has
been taken, until its effects wear off. You may jot down notes in your
journal or use a mobile app. During follow-up consultation, the doctor will
ask for your feedback. This way, if you require additional treatment like
therapy or coaching, this need can be met. The scope of ADHD medication
is not only to treat the symptoms of ADHD, but the overall goal is to
provide improved functioning in the real world. The goal of medication is
to help ADHDers be self-sufficient and cope with the order of daily life. If
taken as prescribed, ADHD medication can improve the functioning of a
good quality lifestyle at the workplace, in school, and in interpersonal
relationships.
If you have been diagnosed with ADHD and were previously diagnosed
with another psychiatric disorder, it is important to decide which condition
needs to be treated first according to its severity and its effects on your daily
life. For example, if someone has been long diagnosed with depression and
has now been diagnosed with ADHD, certain medication can exacerbate
depressive symptoms. Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, also known
as SSRIs, are used in depression and can be used with stimulant medication
for ADHD in harmony. If ADHD was the undiagnosed condition, treating
this as the main issue can help treat the other co-existing conditions. If
ADHD is the main concern, treating it first can improve the other
symptoms.
Stimulant medication is the first line of treatment for ADHD, although this
is surrounded by a stigma, and ADHDers often make decisions about
treatments based on the stigma around medicating ADHD. Stimulant
medication for ADHD can often be considered on the same line as illegal
drugs like cocaine, when for the individual with ADHD, that medication is
giving them a second chance at life, without having to worry of not fitting
in or never making the cut. Stimulant medication cannot be generalized as
any other drug and if taken with caution and as prescribed. People with
untreated ADHD are at a higher risk of drug and alcohol dependence and
not the other way round. People with undiagnosed or misdiagnosed ADHD
tend to use illegal drugs to compensate for their ADHD symptoms,
depression, or anxiety, which has been left untreated. Taking medication for
your ADHD is not succumbing to the condition you have because there is
nothing wrong with taking medication that will help correct the
neurotransmitter deficit in your brain, just as if you have anemia and take
iron supplements to treat it.
Parent training- Women with ADHD are more likely to have a child with
ADHD. A lot of women understand they have ADHD when one of their
kids is diagnosed. They realize that whatever their child is going through
right now, they experienced during their childhood. Parenting requires the
mother to be the manager of the house and juggle multiple duties like
cleaning, setting appointments, and cooking. This requires a lot of focus,
organization, and planning. These are all areas women with ADHD struggle
with. Parenting tools can help women in managing their household duties,
kids’ upbringing, and the pressure at work on top of everything. Parent
training can be done in groups or individually. Some may attend group
classes where basic skills are thought to help women with ADHD cope with
their lives as mothers.
Group therapy - Women with ADHD can struggle with their self-esteem
and social interactions. They often compare themselves with other women
and feel shame. Group therapy can provide women with ADHD with a
therapeutic experience and help them feel accepted and understood. This
can help them accept themselves and better manage their lives. During
group therapy, partners of women with ADHD may be invited to share their
experiences and how they deal with their partner’s ADHD. Hearing people
sharing similar experiences to yours can nest hope in that woman with
ADHD that often felt out of place in the world. Women with ADHD may
compare themselves to neurotypical brains and decide to strive for
perfection when this is often unrealistic. Therapy can help eliminate these
guilt factors and improve overall confidence and self-esteem in women with
ADHD.
ADHD coaching- ADHD coaches will help you via the phone, via email, or
in person. ADHD coaching is a newer sector that has gained popularity in
recent years. Coaching is a non-pharmacologic technique that can be used
in conjunction with treatment. ADHD coaching is a practical technique that
directly addresses the core impairments of ADHD, such as preparation, time
management, goal setting, organization, and motivation. It is a
specialization within the wider area of coaching. ADHD mentors work
cooperatively with their clients with ADHD or ADHD-like manifestations
to address their specific necessities and individual objectives. Most current
ADHD instructing programs recognize the natural underpinnings of the
problem affecting the main manifestations of ADHD like
absentmindedness, hyperactivity, and impulsivity. Nonetheless, training
focuses on the scholastic, professional, passionate, and relational life
troubles that are a consequence of these side effects and assists customers
with discovering approaches to conquer these difficulties. Through
individualized or group help and backing, mentors help individuals focus on
where they are currently, where they need to be and how they get there. A
mentor assists individuals with ADHD complete the down-to-earth
exercises of everyday life in a coordinated, objective-oriented, and
opportune manner. In close association, an ADHD mentor assists the
ADHDer with mastering viable abilities and start a change in their day-to-
day life. Women with ADHD can be aided by a coach to maintain focus,
come up with goals, achieve set goals, bring their abstract ideas to fruition,
and build motivation. An ADHD coach will also help sufferers to identify
what their symptoms of ADHD are and how they play an important role in
their lives. They can help them identify their behaviors in certain situations
and which ones are attributed to their ADHD. An ADHD coach may ask the
sufferer what changes they want in their lives, what steps can be taken to
get to those goals, what motivates them to take action, what actions they’ve
taken toward their goals, and when they want to achieve set goals. The
coach will ask about steps already taken and what is left to be done, if any.
Evaluation needs to be done. Coaches are there to help support their clients
through feedback and practical suggestions. Another thing coaches do is
hold you accountable. ADHDers can struggle to complete tasks if they are
not held accountable. They can be there to help remind you and suggest
better management methods you can adapt. Coaches have an initial session
to identify the goals they wish to achieve by providing their services to the
client, but regular check-ins and follow-up sessions are carried out. These
can be done virtually or in person. Initial sessions can take up to 2 hours
and may not be enough to go over all the issues one intends to address, but
follow-up sessions can take up to 60 minutes each time. During the
sessions, reflection is made whilst discussing whether last week’s goals
were met, how and what can be improved, and what is the goal for the next
session. Once goals are met after several sessions, the ADHD sufferer may
choose to extend the coaching sessions or terminate the service. During this
period, the ADHDer would have obtained skills and learned how to adapt
them. The goal is to carry on putting these skills into practice without the
constant need of a coach. Studies show that coaching improves executive
functioning skills and determination skills in college kids. People under the
care of a coach can develop more positive thoughts and manners. They can
take up greater responsibilities, where before, these were avoided. They can
better regulate their stress levels and emotions, where before, emotional
dysregulation was often present. Coached women with ADHD can improve
their studying and learning skills and report to be more self-aware and
satisfied in life overall. Coaching can be done on an individual basis or as a
group. Coaching is targeted as a wellness model, and dealing with
psychological barriers is usually left in the hands of a therapist. It is more
focused on daily living like practical habits in everyday life, lifestyle
changes, managing finances, and maintaining a healthy nutrition and
exercise regime. Cognitive-behavioral therapy deals with the emotional side
of things, so these two fields do not overlap. Coaches would not be trained
to deal with psychiatric issues and can only focus on practical changes. A
psychotherapist or psychologist will deal with the emotional aspect and
cannot help with regards to practical aspects of life like the coach would.
The ‘’why’’ of an ADHD behavior is better dealt with by a therapist.
Coaching is different than tutoring. Tutoring is more common in kids who
struggle in certain subjects in school and would rather have some extra
hours on the subject via one-to-one encounters to keep up with the class
curriculum. Before choosing coaching as a non-pharmacological
intervention for your ADHD, you must accept that there is an issue and
decide to want to make changes. Coaching can require time to create
strategies and improve your behavior, so willingness is a must. If an ADHD
coach feels like his intervention is not yielding its benefits, he or she may
refer you if the need for a psychiatric assistant is required. Referrals do not
mean coaching will seize, but rather the ADHD coach can work in
collaboration with a therapist or a psychiatrist to help improve your overall
state of ADHD. There are plenty of services as such, and one must consider
their own situation and question whether they require a coach specializing
in any area. If you feel like any specific approach can work best for you;
like humorous or energetic, and if you struggle with comorbid conditions
like anxiety or depression, make sure coaching is the right type of treatment
for you, or if it is best to combine it with other alternative therapy
treatments to get the best results.
T
he ADHD brain can go into extreme mentality. The issue is that
humans are complex and inconsistent. Consequently, often women
with ADHD oscillate between intense views of themselves; poor or
nice, stupid or clever, driven or lazy. This reactive, intense thought
contributes to low self-esteem, which can be supplemented by inward
thought and a good dose of self-compassion. You probably grew up
believing that you were either smart or stupid, happy or unhappy, sweet or
rude. Maybe you feel good and optimistic one day, then the next you were
exhausted, even frozen, by your ADHD symptoms and depressive thoughts.
You can still be experiencing these feelings to date. Changing views and
mood swings are not exclusive to the ADHD brain. Everyone goes through
cycles of delusional thoughts and periods of clarity. One may feel guilty
when screaming at someone they care about, but then be nice to strangers.
Everyone is different at all moments, often within the same day. This is
natural, but these human contradictions are disturbing and confounding to
the ADHD brain. The ADHD brain thinks in terms of extreme polarities:
inspired vs. lazy, imaginative vs. dull, ordered vs. disorganized. Your
subconscious is compelled to take sides. However, when humans are always
evolving and vacillating, this neurological phenomenon leaves them flip-
flopping from day to day, reduced to reactivity rather than deliberate
thinking and behavior.
Kids with ADHD grew up being told they did something wrong more than
neurotypical kids every day. It is estimated that kids with ADHD are given
five times more corrective messages than neurotypical brains every day.
This can go on into adulthood if you are a woman with undiagnosed or
misdiagnosed ADHD. Eventually, this negative talk will become your inner
dialogue, and you start believing the negative feedback you are being given
or have been given for most of your life. It can be hard to get oneself out of
this deeply ingrained negative self-thought. Although it can be challenging,
you can talk yourself out of this negativity and enhance trust in yourself
despite whatever you have been told as a kid or growing up. Once you
receive negative feedback, acknowledge it but do not let it get to you.
Acknowledge and understand you have a condition, and your behavior is a
result of your symptoms. This is not making up excuses but acknowledging
the fact that the reason you missed out on an important conversation from
that meeting you just had, and are now being scolded for, did not happen on
purpose and not because you are careless. It is because of your ADHD.
Much like someone who needs prescription glasses who has run over a
stray cat on their way home from work late at night. It is not because they
meant to do that, but because of their impaired vision, they could hardly
have avoided that incident. Acknowledging your ADHD can make room for
you to grow. If you know you are chronically late, you can try and do better
next time. Beating yourself up and thinking you are a horrible person will
not get you anywhere besides filling you with negative thoughts and
emotions. Try engaging in positive self-talk to help to get you past your
negative self-talk. If you are surrounded by the right people and happen to
feel down because of something you did or failed to do because of your
ADHD, try calling someone you know and trust. Explain what happened
and ask them to help you talk yourself out of the negative self-talk. Make
sure you are well educated about your ADHD. Understanding your
condition, its symptoms, and how it may exhibit in different people can help
you understand and validate your actions. ADHD awareness can help you
understand yourself and empower you to know how to deal with yourself
and daily challenges. To heal, you must be able to keep all of who you are
in one picture that encompasses a wide range of characteristics. That means
no longer dwelling only on your problems or your strengths. You partake in
reductionism as you overemphasize one part of oneself and ignore the
others. You oversimplify or exaggerate one aspect of yourself. Moving into
a more complete narrative necessitates a break from reductionism and the
completion of the whole image of oneself. Women with ADHD have been
given so much shame in their lives that they think they cannot live with
their ADHD unless they correct themselves. Certainly, ADHD influences
who you are, and coping with your brain-based problems is unavoidable.
Accept that you cannot completely differentiate your minds and bodies is a
positive development. You must allow yourself to think you can do a task or
complete a project, even though it might be a struggle to do so. This can
take you away from the two extremities, one of which is often thinking you
will fail or are better off not even trying. This can make room for self-
improvement and positive thinking. When you come to know you have a
condition, you often want to find the fix for it. The reality is that there is no
permanent fix that can have you fit in and perform like neurotypical brains
but focusing on improvement and self-awareness can help you complete
tasks via different methods. It is normal to struggle with this concept and to
have moments where you wish your ADHD would all go away. True
recovery, on the other hand, comes only through the act of convincing
yourself and others that you do not need to be fixed. Once you agree that it
is understandable and natural to have both strengths and weaknesses, you
begin to address the struggles with some self-compassion, and this is the
secret to seeing positive progress. You are well-versed in the difficulties
associated with ADHD. In fairness, you have been overly dependent on
them your whole life. Drawing an accurate portrait of yourself entails
giving equal weight to your talents and dreams that represent your ideals.
However, many people are unaware of these places or find them difficult to
navigate. To help navigate your ADHD, start by becoming aware of your
strengths and take note of what you do well. Acknowledge the fact that you
have acquired skills and developed through the years. Be aware of your
challenges and your weaknesses and how this affects you in your daily life.
Leave room for these weaknesses even if you are on ADHD medication, as
your ADHD symptoms might not always be fully under control. Try
thinking about how you react in certain situations and how your ADHD is
exhibited in different walks of life. Endorse the good qualities you have in
life and how you adapt these in different situations. People speak a lot about
the relevance of ideas, but they rarely use them as a guideline. To know
what humans want their lives to be like, women who are controlled by the
push and pull of the ADHD brain must look inward and return to an internal
compass. When you feel like you are running around in circles, take a
moment to tell yourself who you are and what is important to you. When
you feel confused or mentally exhausted, following your internal compass,
your beliefs, rather than the distractions of ADHD, will direct smarter
decisions. If you have determined what you admire, you should create a
personal mission statement in the same way you would if you were running
your own company. After all, you are in control of your destiny. Start living
by your values and define what is meaningful to you. Become aware of
what you want your life to be about and what you represent. Identify your
values and what you want people to come to know about you. Take into
consideration your past experiences, what you made of them and what you
have to say about yourself.
Self-esteem refers to how you see yourself. It is your assessment of your
abilities and weaknesses. People with high self-esteem can admire their
talents while still being sympathetic about their shortcomings. They esteem
themselves and expect people to honor them. This means that they do not
settle for less than they deserve. They do not beat themselves up for failing
or not trying hard enough. They do not accept being part of an abusive
relationship because they are not deserving of love. People with ADHD
have numerous traumatic memories and life events because of ADHD
symptoms such as poor focus, forgetfulness, and the desire for instant
gratification. For example, they may struggle with academic
underachievement, career issues, or social issues such as making and
maintaining friends and interpersonal relationships. These disappointing
experiences and shortcomings harm their self-esteem. Bad experiences and
mistakes harm your self-esteem. As a result, you begin to question your
skills and talents. To end the loop and begin improving your self-esteem,
you must first believe in yourself. Believing in yourself can sound boring
and predictable, but trusting your strengths and skills is a wonderful first
step toward raising your self-esteem. According to research, individuals
with ADHD may be extremely adaptive and will be able to adjust
continuously, but improvement is inevitable regardless of the background.
This is called resilience, the ability to recover from failed targets and try
again. This means not giving up and using your failures to succeed.
Women with ADHD may struggle with this personality trait because they
have been told they cannot do it numerous times. They were given duties in
society as women or mothers, and because they often struggle to complete
these tasks or fit in society, they may have been told to quit or give up more
times than they can remember. Resilience is striving to be better and
ignoring the negative energy around you telling you to give up. Women
with ADHD may struggle to be resilient because of how they have been
taught to perceive themselves. With the help of professionals and the right
circle around you, you can learn how to become resilient. Go to people you
trust and know can understand you when you feel like giving up. If you
cannot remind yourself of the strengths and good qualities you hold, those
around you can. So, when you feel discouraged, do reach out to someone
you know can help you get out of despair. Remind yourself that someone or
many people around you believe in you and can help keep you on track.
Contrary to all the negative comments you received as a kid, use that energy
to fuel your resilience and prove them wrong. If you feel that your efforts
do not matter, try volunteering. It can make you feel so accomplished and
helpful. Do not focus your energy on negative feedback only. Try to recall
positive feedback you received in the past and use it to empower yourself to
try again. It does not have to be feedback related to that struggle you are
facing; use whatever you can to help boost your self-esteem. Enable no one
to make you doubt yourself. If they criticize something you did, cut
yourself some slack and consider some of the things you have done right,
and remind yourself that not everything you do is a complete disaster.
People are all born with their own set of skills and abilities. If you are not
sure, spend the next week observing which tasks and behaviors come
naturally to you. Which ones do you love performing, and on which do you
get compliments? All of those are hints! Take note of the things people ask
you for help or come to you for opinions on; that is a clear example of your
strengths. Spending time remembering these details is a quick way to boost
your self-esteem. Rather than attempting to improve at jobs that are difficult
for you, devote the rest of your effort to activities at which you excel. Apply
this principle to all aspects of your life, including employment, home,
hobbies, and so on. This does not mean you refuse to work on anything you
do not do well, your weaknesses, or the skills you lack most. Besides
relying on your strengths, there are some fundamental qualities you must
master to excel in life and feel good about yourself. Because of the way
your ADHD brain functions, these abilities may not come easily to you.
However, with practice, they are possible to master. Keep in mind that
improving your skills can benefit you. Arriving on time to appointments or
meetings can make you feel reliable. Managing your money well can help
you avoid overspending and forgetting due bills, can, in turn, boost your
self-esteem because you do not feel like you are being eaten away by your
debt. If you master the skill of meal planning and healthy eating, it can, in
turn, make you feel your best because you are no longer surviving on junk
food and unhealthy meals. If you learn how to manage your house, you can
no longer be crippled by a dirty house full of clutter and can finally enjoy
time with family and friends when they come over to visit, instead of
feeling embarrassed. These activities could be more difficult for you
because they require abilities that ADHD makes challenging. It is, however,
possible to excel at any of them. How you were rewarded and punished as a
kid has an impact on how you see yourself now and then. Children with
ADHD are more likely to earn disapproval than encouragement.
As an adult, you may dwell on anything you did bad or poorly because it
has become your default mode. From now on, for any critique you direct at
yourself, consider two positive aspects of yourself. This can help to
rebalance things and boost your self-esteem. You may have developed the
habit of comparing yourself to others as a teenager. Unwillingly you may
have been compared to others all the time, in class or within your family.
Your siblings, relatives, and peers can most likely do stuff you find difficult,
such as pay attention in class or stay still. When you compare yourself
negatively to others, it undermines your self-esteem.
You are too hard on yourself, which induces actual physical and emotional
discomfort. Rather than focusing on your supposed failures, consider these
uplifting ways to recognize your worth. Adults with ADHD are good at
putting themselves down and being much harsher on themselves. They are
more tolerant and accepting of their mates' blunders than they are of their
own. Self-criticism is a behavior that many people develop as children. A
child with ADHD notices his parents' and teachers' dissatisfaction with him,
and he does not feel well enough. The kid spends his early years striving to
impress others and, as a result, starts to judge himself harshly. By the teen
years, some children are always working desperately for recognition from
teachers and guardians, while others have given up and believe they are still
losers.
I have a strategy for you if you tend to focus on your flaws. Everyone has
flaws, and no one is flawless. Things you have done should not lower your
self-esteem or make the impression that you are not good enough. You are
sufficient, whether you have accomplished something or not. You may have
spent far too much time dwelling on your flaws and weaknesses that you
have forgotten about your talents. Make a list of your innate strengths, gifts,
and expertise. This could include your easy-going personality towards
others, your sense of humor or narrative style, your sincerity, or your
willingness to work well with others. You will learn and develop your skills.
Do not abandon something you like just because you are not good at it right
now. Get the training or practice you need to transform your threats into
opportunities. It is difficult enough to have ADHD without dealing with
family and friends who criticize you for your struggles. Seek people who
admire and value your qualities. Begin by doing an impartial appraisal of
those whose comments are harmful and damaging, and then either teach
them about ADHD or limit your interaction with them. If your mother still
hopes you are more like your sister or if your brother demoralizes you when
he calls, then stops answering their phone calls! You are not allowed to
detach from your family, but you may restrict the amount of time you spend
with them. Being in the company of people who admire you will cause you
to think more positively of yourself, paving the path to satisfaction and
prosperity. Measure yourself against your expectations. True self-esteem is
unaffected by the views of others. To do this, you will need to consult with
a mental health specialist to rewrite the scripts that have been playing in
your mind for a long time if this is something you still find yourself
struggling with despite all efforts.
Stop describing yourself based on your ADHD symptoms. You may have
ADHD, but it does not own you. A condition is just one aspect of who you
are. Learn to appreciate the other aspects of yourself and allow yourself to
feel strong enough to acknowledge some level of self-worth!
Chapter 30:
How mindfulness practice can benefit Women with
ADHD
W
omen who have ADHD face stressful events and pressures.
Meditation, with or without ADHD drugs, should be part of the
management regimen that increases the quality of life. According to
research, meditation may help reduce destructive ADHD-related symptoms,
including difficulty concentrating and impulsivity.
Meditation may not be the only means of treating your ADHD, but it can
help to ease the symptoms. There are many forms of meditation, which
means that there is one that works better on your brain. Personalized
mantras, for example, can be especially powerful due to their familiarity.
Mantra meditation, as opposed to deliberately focusing on silencing a busy
or disturbed mind, asks you to repeat a sentence in your head and let it take
you naturally to a place of peace and rest. So, consider the right methods of
meditations if you are a woman with ADHD because not all forms work.
Mantra meditation has the virtue of providing little space for the mind to
drift. This is one of the most difficult obstacles for beginners of meditations
and women with ADHD and those who suffer the most with concentration.
This refocusing of the mind, if performed daily, will help clear your mind
and strengthen your concentration.
Meditation allows your brain and body to reach a deeper resting state than
even your longest sleep. Tapping into this state allows the prefrontal cortex
to fully relax. As a result, cortisol and other stress chemicals are decreased
by up to a quarter, while happy hormone output increases, leaving you even
more resistant to unwanted yet unavoidable future stress. This is vital for
women with ADHD because it alleviates stress and paranoia while also
building morale and encouraging them to be more loyal to themselves.
Meditation can be performed whenever and wherever the individual
requires it, making it the ideal, independent method for ADHD symptom
control. Although meditation is not a substitute for ADHD treatment, it can
be used as part of a holistic recovery strategy to greatly contribute to the
betterment of women with ADHD. Mindfulness and meditation enable you
to devote attention to your emotions and emotional wellbeing so that you do
not behave recklessly and respond differently to tense situations.
Meditation can be something you master on your own if you know you can
stick to this new commitment together with your already busy routine. Sit in
a quiet spot where you cannot be interrupted for five minutes, concentrating
on the feeling of breathing in and out, paying attention to how your stomach
peaks and drops. You might soon find that you are worried about something
else; your career, a noise you just overhead, or your plans for later in the
day. Mark these ideas as "thought," and then refocus your attention on
meditating and breathing. Do this mental exercise regularly. Increase the
amount of time you spend on the workout every couple of days if you
notice you can. Do this during the day, reflecting on your breath for a few
minutes as you stroll from place to place, at a traffic light, or while seated at
your workstation. You may exercise mindfulness at any moment, even when
conversing with others. Turning on the mind-awareness state at any point
during the day, even for a few minutes, is an excellent practice. It is simply
letting go of the hustle of the mind and focusing on what is happening in the
current moment of the daily situation.
Some people feel that meditating first thing early in the morning helps them
cope with the stresses of the day. Early morning meditation can also help
you incorporate it into your routine before your daily routines begin, and
you are less likely to put it off to later during the day because things seem
more important. If you are a night owl or have trouble falling asleep,
meditating before bedtime might be a safer option for you. There is never a
bad time to meditate. Find whatever works for you. No one posture is more
conducive to meditation than another. Traditional poses are appealing to
some individuals. However, you can meditate either seated in your
comfortable chair or lying down on the couch. Whatever location you
choose, make sure it is comfortable enough for you to hold for the length of
your meditation session.
Make sure the location you chose is quiet with no to minimal distractions. It
can be more difficult to calm your mind if your trousers are uncomfortable
or your sweater itches. The same is true for earrings or shoes that are too
tight. Wear clothes that fit well and are comfortable for you. Place yourself
in a calm, distraction-free environment, free of mobile device reminders
such as text messaging and incoming emails. Close the door or go into a
room where you can be quiet for the duration of your meditation if possible.
It is possible to meditate effectively even though you live in a city or on a
busy street. Meditation, through repetition, will teach you to ignore
distractions by concentrating on your breathing techniques. You can also
block out sounds by meditating to soft music or using a guided meditation
program if you prefer. Meditation incorporates the internal experience of
breathing to get the consciousness back to the current moment. Begin by
naturally breathing in and out, noticing how it makes the body feel. When
you are ready, take a deep breath in and notice how your body feels. Hold
your breath for a few seconds, then exhale softly for as long as your breath
allows. Take note of how the body responds when it exhales. When your
mind wanders away from the present moment, quickly remember the
sensation, and return your attention to your breathing. Accept that thinking
is the essence of the mind and grant yourself consent to have a wandering
mind. Do not criticize yourself or concentrate your mind on your emotions.
Simply return your consciousness to the present moment by concentrating
on your breathing. If you meditate for one minute or thirty, allow yourself a
few seconds or minutes to return to the current moment after the
experience. Open your eyes if they were closed. Take a minute to observe
what is going on around you. Take note of how the body feels. Take a
minute to recognize your feelings and ideas. Much like you allow time for
yourself to get out of bed in the morning, allow time for yourself to get out
of your mindful state.
Meditation is not easy, and it will not heal ADHD. It can be a challenge to
master meditation when you have ADHD. But it can help you train your
mind to work better under higher levels of stress and more demanding
situations. Allow your mind to explore and decide what works better for
you during meditation. More research on the efficacy of mindfulness on
symptoms of ADHD is required, but the research on this natural ADHD
treatment is positive so far.
Chapter 31:
ADHD myths and facts
T
hose who have not come across or know someone close to them who
suffers from ADHD may still struggle to understand and believe
ADHD is real. There are so many misconceptions that create
confusion and make it difficult for people with ADHD to get the help they
need at school, work, and in society in general. The evidence from scientific
findings continues to debunk ADHD stereotypes and misconceptions.
Here are some ADHD myths and facts to help overcome some
misconceptions: -
A lot of people think ADHD is not like any other medical condition. A lot of
research has been done over time confirming ADHD is very much real, and
although the name of this condition has been changed from time to time, it
was confirmed by multiple studies that ADHD exists. The name ADHD was
made up by researchers to describe this condition and has replaced previous
outdated names like minimal brain damage, as used in the past. ADHD is
one of the most researched mental health conditions. It has been established
that ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder. A lot of health centers and
psychiatric associations recognize ADHD as a real disorder. Brain imaging
is being used to prove differences in the brain of people with ADHD.
Needless to say, those who have ADHD do more than recognize ADHD as a
real condition but also live with it.
Kids diagnosed with ADHD cannot grow out of ADHD. Some adults may
still experience ADHD symptoms, but these will not affect them to the point
where their lives are impaired. That does not mean that they have outgrown
ADHD. A huge portion of people with ADHD are not diagnosed until they
became adults. Some adults may be diagnosed when one of their kids is
diagnosed because ADHD is hereditary, and if your kid has it, it is very
likely one of the parents does too. Kids with ADHD grow up to become
adults with ADHD. They learn to cope with their symptoms and find ways
to overcome their difficulties, but that does not mean they have outgrown
this disorder.
People with ADHD do not have a visible impairment. Most of the time,
they would have developed a coping mechanism to help them cope with
ADHD and compensate for their shortcomings. This does not mean that
people with ADHD do not face daily struggles, but it just means not
everyone can see these struggles. ADHD does not have a noticeable
disability or anything that people can see, like a bandage or a tattoo saying,
“I have ADHD.” So, it's often easier for people to criticize because they
have no idea what they're talking about.
People with ADHD can be gifted too. Contrary to what most people
believe, if someone with ADHD is pursuing a college degree that interests
them, they are likely to not only succeed but excel. They can hyper-focus all
their time and energy, making them some of the best in class. Many
successful people who have ADHD have made it in the business industry,
became famous actors or athletes, and come up with inventive ideas. Take
Scott Kelly, an astronaut, and Bill Gates as an example. People with ADHD
can struggle to be part of companies and corporate associations that fail to
fit their needs, so they tend to become entrepreneurs or owners of small
businesses, often with innovative ideas.
There are different types of ADHD. The most common are the main three
types: hyperactivity impulsive type ADHD, inattentive type, and
combination type. There are different approaches to this, and some
researchers and psychiatrists divide ADHD into further categories.
Although the hyperactive-impulsive ADHD type is the most common type
in boys and the most occurring one, it is not the only one. Those who have
the hyperactive type of ADHD may grow out of that symptom later in life,
but it does not mean that their ADHD goes away. Girls often experience the
inattentive type, and this can often go unnoticed. Hyperactivity can also be
internalized, where the brain never stops working and the body is restless.
The purpose of ADHD drugs is not to turn kids into zombies but to make
ADHD symptoms more manageable and their lives less of a struggle.
ADHD drugs can help kids achieve their full potential. It can help them
focus on the right tasks at school or help them transition from one task to
the next. Research has also been conducted on ADHD in different ethnic
groups. To further contradict this myth, research shows that African-
Americans and Hispanics are less likely to accept ADHD medication as
treatment for their kids diagnosed with ADHD.
#12-ADHD is over-diagnosed.
There has been an increase in ADHD diagnosis, but this does not mean
assessment is being done carelessly. Doctors and physicians use specific
guidelines when assessing a potential ADHD individual, and they do so
based on their based practice and resources. The increased numbers of
ADHD diagnoses are attributed to the increased awareness about the
disorder. More screenings are being done by doctors and pediatricians.
Treatment options and diagnostic tools are becoming more available to
more physicians.
It is evident that people with ADHD have trouble focusing, but that happens
only when something does not interest them. If there is something they
enjoy doing, they can not only focus, but they will over-focus, to the point
where you cannot make them do anything else until they are exhausted and
ready to stop. In adult life, this may affect employees at work. As an
employed individual, you may be asked to complete different tasks, some of
which are of interest and others you might find boring. Neurodiverse brains
will dedicate most of their time and energy to the tasks they enjoy doing.
The issue is not lacking focus but finding it difficult to shift their focus from
one task to the next, especially if one task seems boring. So, people with
ADHD can indeed focus.
Symptoms of ADHD interfere with the learning process of the sufferer, but
it does not impede learning skills like reading, working on math problems,
or writing. With that said, this does not mean that kids with ADHD cannot
benefit from adjustments at school. This goes for people with ADHD at
work, especially if they just started their career; on-the-job learning
experience can be more challenging if they have ADHD.
Education and awareness is the only thing that can help people understand
this condition and give it the attention and credit it deserves to facilitate the
lives of people with ADHD.
Chapter 32:
ADHD Q&A
I f you have ADHD, you probably have questions all the time and seek to-
the-point answers to help explain your symptoms and feelings. Here are
some of the frequently asked questions relating to ADHD, whether you are
a woman suspecting to have ADHD or have been diagnosed with ADHD: 1.
What is ADHD?
ADD means an individual has attention deficit disorders but does not
experience hyperactivity as a symptom. Remember, there are different types
of ADHD, and one of them does not have hyperactivity as its main
symptom. ADD is a term that was created to better describe those who
suffer from the inattentive type of ADHD. Think of ADHD as an umbrella
term.
This refers to one of the brain functions that work on activating, organizing,
and managing other functions. This helps people evaluate their actions and
make decisions. This is one of the symptoms of ADHD where most would
experience executive dysfunction and have trouble organizing and making
informed decisions.
4. How is ADHD diagnosed?
Because people with ADHD often suffer from impulsivity, they might binge
eat or fall into unhealthy eating habits. Some ADHDers spend a lot of time
indoors or playing video games, with little to no physical activity. This can
all contribute to obesity and unhealthy lifestyles. This obstacle can be
overcome by seeking help from a qualified nutritionist who can help you
meal plan, make healthy eating choices, and keep you accountable for
regular physical activity that can, in turn, help you manage your condition
and help you keep a healthy weight.
7. Are there any other conditions that can occur with ADHD?
Most people with ADHD can have at least one coinciding condition.
Symptoms of ADHD may hide these disorders like anxiety and depression.
Your doctor can determine whether to treat your coexisting condition first
before your ADHD or whether treating your ADHD can help control your
other conditions.
You need to start by getting diagnosed. Once diagnosed, your doctor can
determine what further assistance and treatment you required. ADHD
treatment varies from parenting advice, medication, coaching, counseling,
cognitive behavioral therapy, and education about ADHD.
This can vary from country to country. Non-stimulant medication can often
be prescribed via refills over the phone and is easier to dispense. Stimulant
medication, however, needs monthly prescriptions because it is a controlled
substance. This is done to avoid substance abuse. Having access to
stimulant medications is possible if you are under the care of a professional,
and when taken as prescribed, this can help control your ADHD symptoms.
Stimulant medication may require more commitment in terms of keeping
appointments, getting your insurance to cover for it, and making sure you
have prescriptions ready for your next month's supply.
Adolescents with ADHD can have a higher risk of cigarette use than those
who do not have ADHD. Smoking is more occurrent in adults with ADHD
also. Those who have ADHD and smoke may have difficulty quitting.
12. Is it safe for women to take stimulant medication to treat their ADHD if
they are pregnant or planning to be?
This can put you in a pickle. Employers may not be obliged to make
accommodations for an individual unless they have disclosed their special
ability. The employee may feel discriminated against as soon as he or she
discloses their ADHD. Ideally, you weigh in your options and determine
whether you need accommodations because if you do not, it can be useless
disclosing. If you already do a great job at work and your position is not at
stake because your superiors think you complete your duties as you should,
then disclosing your ADHD won’t make a difference and can be avoided. If
you feel like disclosing can have you discriminated against, then ideally,
you do not disclose.
On the other hand, if not disclosing means you lose your job because you
cannot complete your duties, you should consider disclosing. If you might
get fired because your superiors think you are not working hard enough, but
the reason for your struggle is your ADHD, then you may consider
disclosing it. Disclosing your ADHD does not mean you put yourself in a
bad light, but rather highlight your strengths so you are assigned tasks that
best highlight your abilities instead of leaving you struggling to complete
something you cannot do by yourself or without having accommodations.
Accommodations need to be fair to the rest of the team and can vary from
having your own space to being allowed to work with headphones to cancel
out background noise. A great employer who is proud to have you on their
team will accommodate your needs and encourage you to reach the best
version of yourself. If your work environment is a difficult one to
accommodate and despite your disclosure, you are still being assigned tasks
that you struggle to complete with no guidance or assistance, then you may
need to consider a career change that better fits your abilities.
Success is subjective, and whatever you view as successful may not be the
same criteria for others. Success needs to be defined as the best version of
oneself, whether they have ADHD or not. But to answer your question,
YES, women with ADHD can and are becoming successful. Take Karina
Smirnoff, a professional dancer, Mary-Kate Olsen, an award-winning
actress, and Lisa Ling, a journalist who was diagnosed with ADHD at age
40. These are all women with ADHD who have become successful. ADHD
can get in the way of your life, but treating it and educating yourself and
those around you about it can make you reach your goals easier than
expected.
15. What is the best advice you can give to women and young girls with
ADHD?
If you feel like you might have ADHD, do not be afraid to speak up about
your feeling and symptoms. If you feel like your current diagnosis of
depression or anxiety is not the right one for you, seek a second opinion.
Make sure you chose a physician you feel comfortable with and is a
professional. Educating yourself and getting diagnosed is the starting point
of an easier journey to life with ADHD. This condition cannot stop you
from enjoying life, but if you understand the change your life needs to
better fit your ADHD, you can be successful. Therapy and getting the right
help can help you feel less sabotaged by your guilt and fear.
16. What are the most common misdiagnosed conditions to mask ADHD?
ADHD in women is often mistaken for anxiety, depression, and mood
disorders. At a young age, they may be perceived as dreamy and lazy when
they would be trying their best.
As young girls, they would not disrupt their classmates and would allow a
lesson to go on as planned. A boy with ADHD, usually the hyperactive-
impulsive type, would not allow this and can be referred by their
schoolteachers for treatment. If a girl misses her homework weeks on end,
she is sent home with a note to the parents or guardians. She can be seen as
lazy and not trying hard enough. As they grow older, women with ADHD
can feel depressed or anxious, and when seeking medical assistance, they
can often be misdiagnosed.
Women usually have the inattentive type of ADHD, and the symptoms do
vary because most of the men have the hyperactive-impulsive type. There
are some universal symptoms that both men and women with ADHD
experience. They may both be chronically late, be impulsive, experience
emotional dysregulation, be forgetful, and often misplace or lose things.
Women are asked to complete many tasks and are assigned a lot of duties as
the organizers in society. Everyone can manage the same situation
differently, so there is no one correct answer. One may feel like meditation
and therapy are enough to manage their ADHD because they are surrounded
by family members that understand and strive to make a household that is
ADHD-friendly. Others may strive at work with the help of coaching and
accommodations from their superiors because they happen to be at the right
employment and have a good support system. But this may not be the
situation for everyone. A single mother with ADHD, who also has a kid
with ADHD, may struggle to manage her symptoms and duties without
stimulant medication. She may require therapy, coaching, accommodations,
and occasionally some medical treatment to help subside her symptoms and
keep up with her demanding life. The ideal situation is to try whatever you
think works for you, and if that is enough and you feel like you are making
progress, you can keep doing what you are doing. There is no shame in
asking for medication or contact your therapist out of your scheduled
sessions.
Educating yourself and those around you can help you live a better life with
ADHD. If you are not diagnosed, you cannot get the treatment you need,
and if you need accommodations at work or from those around you, you
cannot get them because no one knows what you are struggling with, not
even yourself. Getting diagnosed is not labeling you but making you aware
of the situation.
Conclusion
A
s of now, there is very little information on ADHD in women since
only a few studies have been conducted on this population. Women
have recently been diagnosed and treated with ADHD, and today, the
majority of what one believes about this population is based on the
scientific expertise of mental health specialists who have spent considerable
time counseling women. ADHD in small children is often overlooked, the
reasons for which remain unknown, and often females are not evaluated
until they are adults. Occasionally, a woman becomes aware of her ADHD
after one of her children receives a diagnosis. When she explores ADHD,
she notices a plethora of parallel cases of herself . Few women seek care
for ADHD because their lives are out of control; their finances may be in
disarray; their administrative job and record-keeping are often ineffectively
overseen; they may struggle futilely to stay aware of the demands of their
positions; and they may feel much less prepared to stay aware of the day-
by-day tasks of meals, food, and life overall. Different women are more
successful because they are isolated from all their ADHD, fighting bravely
to remain mindful of increasingly problematic demands by working late
into the evening and investing their spare time trying to "get coordinated."
If a woman's life is clearly in disarray or she can hide her struggles, she
often presents herself as overwhelmed and exhausted.
Although research into ADHD in women lags behind that in men, more
clinicians are finding important issues and co-occurring symptoms in
women with ADHD. Women with ADHD may be prone to binge eating,
alcohol abuse, and chronic sleep deprivation. Women with ADHD also feel
dysphoria, severe sadness, and tension issues, as well as troublesome and
anxiety symptoms like men with ADHD. Regardless, women with ADHD
tend to have more emotional suffering and have poorer mental self-esteem
than men with ADHD . Women diagnosed with ADHD in adulthood are
more likely to have burdensome side effects, to be more pushed and
restless, to have a more external locus of control, to have poorer morale,
and to be more locked in adopting practices that are feeling-oriented than
task-situated. According to studies, having a parent with ADHD puts a
strain on the whole family. However, women may experience more anxiety
than men because they are more responsible for their homes and children.
Furthermore, ongoing research suggests that husbands of women with
ADHD are less tolerant of their partner's ADHD than spouses of men with
ADHD. Persistent pressure harms women with ADHD, affecting their
mental health. Women that experience chronic stress, such as that
associated with ADHD, are more vulnerable to illnesses associated with
chronic stress, such as fibromyalgia. As a result, it is becoming increasingly
clear that the lack of proper diagnosis and treatment of ADHD in women is
a critical public health problem.
If you have made it this far, a situation or two must have appealed to you.
You most probably have so much in common with the practical examples
brought to light. ADHD has been defined, and the different types have been
outlined to facilitate the process for potentially undiagnosed or
misdiagnosed women with ADHD. There is no denying that women with
ADHD are misunderstood and overlooked in society. The idea is not to take
the spotlight away from men and young boys with ADHD but rather shed
light on women and their ADHD.
Addressing the main concerns for women with ADHD means no stone is
left unturned. ADHD needs to be discussed and acknowledged in all walks
of life, working women, mothers and mothers-to-be, and women going into
menopause. ADHD cannot be cured, but it can be managed. Understanding
cues the body gives off can help women keep an eye out for potential
ADHD symptoms. Getting the right diagnoses can often mean scouting
around for the best medical advice and seeking a practitioner you feel
comfortable with, who also happens to have the right experience and
sources to diagnose you. Women with ADHD require assistance and support
throughout their lives. Some may have the luxury of having a great support
system, making things easier for them. Others may need to be more
perseverant to manage their lives and those of their children independently.
Women with ADHD need to learn that all their failed tries and mistakes
have shaped them and made them who they are. It does not stop at that.
There are plenty of skills one can have and sources one can go to to help
manage their finances, daily schedules, emotions, and relationships.
If a woman with ADHD feels out of place at work, she can now know better
than blaming herself for not being good enough. Learn to use your best
skills and overcome the weaker ones. Do not let your ADHD define you
because you are more than your ADHD. Begin to enjoy yourself. To begin
with, you have no power over your genetics. ADHD is a psychological
condition, and self-control alone would not be enough to overcome
genetics. Creativity, intuition, and resilience are also hereditary traits that
are often associated with ADHD. Knowing all about this disorder can help
everyone cope with it better. Help yourself understand that you need relief
and assistance. This need fuels your creativity and allows you to excel in
high-risk or high-stress situations. Choose activities where your ADHD
characteristics can support rather than hinder you, helping you feel
accomplished and fulfilled. Know that you are unique and always
remember ADHD doesn’t make you less human; your brain just doesn’t
stick to the “acceptable” way of living set by society. Don’t make ADHD an
excuse but rather the fuel that empowers you to get all your heart desires. I
believe in you!! Believe in yourself and GO GET IT!!!
Author’s Note
Dear reader,
I hope you enjoyed my book.
Please don’t forget to toss up a quick review on amazon, I will personally
read it! Positive or negative, I’m grateful for all feedback.
Reviews are so helpful for self-published authors and your feedback can
make such a difference for my book!
Thanks very much for your time, and I look forward to hearing from you
soon.
Sincerely,
Roberta