Personal Relationships

BASIC DEFINITIONS
1. Relationship
- a relation between people
- a state of connectedness between people (especially
an emotional connection)
2. Personal relationships
- relationships between people, especially those between
friends, lovers and family members
3. Love
- strong affection for another arising
out of kinship or personalities
<maternal love for a child>
- attraction based on sexual desire : affection and tenderness felt by lovers
-affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common
interests <love for his old schoolmates>
4. Commitment
- the act of binding yourself (intellectually or
emotionally) to a course of action
- a message that makes a pledge
5. Attraction
- the act, power, or property of attracting
- attractive quality; magnetic charm; fascination; allurement; enticement
- a person or thing that draws, attracts, allures, or entices
6. Responsibility
- the social force that binds you to the courses of action
demanded by that force
- a form of trustworthiness; the trait of being answerable
to someone for something or being responsible for one’s
conduct

WHAT DO WE MEAN BY PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS?

The concept of relationship is very broad and complex. In our
model, personal relationships refer to close connections between
people, formed by emotional bonds and interactions. These bonds often
grow from and are strengthened by mutual experiences.
Relationships are not static; they are continually evolving, and
to fully enjoy and benefit from them we need skills, information,
inspiration, practice, and social support. In our model there are three
kinds of personal relationships:

Family
The concept of "family" is an essential component in any discussion of
 relationships, but this varies greatly from person to person. The Bureau
of the Census defines family as "two or more persons who are related
by birth, marriage, or adoption and who live together as one
household." But many people have family they don't live with or to
whom they are not bonded by love, and the roles of family vary across
cultures as well as throughout your own lifetime. Some typical
characteristics of a family are support, mutual trust, regular
interactions, shared beliefs and values, security, and a sense of
community.
Although the concept of "family" is one of the oldest in human
nature, its definition has evolved considerably in the past three decades.
Non-traditional family structures and roles can provide as much
comfort and support as traditional forms.
Friends
A friendship can be thought of as a close tie between two people
that is often built upon mutual experiences, shared interests, proximity,
and emotional bonding. Friends are able to turn to each other in times
of need. Nicholas Christakis and James Fowler, social-network
researchers and authors of the book Connected, find that the average
person has about six close ties—though some have more, and many
have only one or none.
Note that online friends don’t count toward close ties—research
indicates that a large online network isn’t nearly as powerful as having
a few close, real-life friends.

Partnerships
Romantic partnerships, including marriage, are close
relationships formed between two people that are built upon affection,
trust, intimacy, and romantic love. We usually experience this kind of
relationship with only one person at a time.
WHY PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS ARE IMPORTANT
Healthy relationships are a vital component of health and well
being. There is compelling evidence that strong relationships contribute
to a long, healthy, and happy life. Conversely, the health risks from
being alone or isolated in one's life are comparable to the risks
associated with cigarette smoking, blood pressure, and obesity.
Research shows that healthy relationships can help you:
• Live longer. A review of 148 studies found that people with strong
social relationships are 50% less likely to die prematurely.
 Similarly, Dan Buettner’s Blue Zones research calculates that
committing to a life partner can add 3 years to life expectancy
(Researchers Nicholas Christakis and James Fowler have found
that men’s life expectancy benefits from marriage more than
women’s do.)
• Deal with stress. The support offered by a caring friend can provide
a buffer against the effects of stress. In a study of over 100
people, researchers found that people who completed a stressful
task experienced a faster recovery when they were reminded of
people with whom they had strong relationships. (Those who
were reminded of stressful relationships, on the other hand,
experienced even more stress and higher blood pressure.)
• Be healthier. According to research by psychologist Sheldon Cohen,
college students who reported having strong relationships were
half as likely to catch a common cold when exposed to the
virus. In addition, 2012 international Gallup poll found that
people who feel they have friends and family to count on are
generally more satisfied with their personal health than people
who feel isolated. And hanging out with healthy people
increases your own likelihood of health—in their book
Connected, Christakis and Fowler show that non-obese people
are more likely to have non-obese friends because healthy
habits spread through our social networks.
• Feel richer. A survey by the National Bureau of Economic Research
of 5,000 people found that doubling your group of friends has
the same effect on your wellbeing as a 50% increase in income!

On the other hand, low social support is linked to a number of health

consequences, such as:
• Depression. Loneliness has long been commonly associated with
depression, and now research is backing this correlation up: a 2012 study
of breast cancer patients found that those with fewer satisfying social
connections experienced higher levels of depression, pain, and fatigue.
• Decreased immune function. The authors of the same study also found a
correlation between loneliness and immune system dysregulation, meaning
that a lack of social connections can increase your chances of becoming
sick.
• Higher blood pressure. University of Chicago researchers who studied
a group of 229 adults over five years found that loneliness could predict
higher blood pressure even years later, indicating that the effects of
isolation have long-lasting consequences.

According to psychiatrists Jacqueline Olds and Richard Schwartz, social alienation

is an inevitable result of contemporary society's preoccupation with materialism
and frantic "busy-ness." Their decades of research support the idea that a

25 MOST COMMON RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS

Here is a list of the most common relationship problems most
often encountered by couples:
1. Affairs / infidelity / cheating. This includes emotional
infidelity, one-night stands, internet relationships (including
‘sexting’), long- and short-term affairs and financial
infidelity
2. Sexual Issues, particularly loss of libido and including
questions around your gender, or your partner's gender
3. Significant differences in core values and beliefs
4. Life stages – you have ‘outgrown’ each other or have
‘changed’ significantly for whatever reason
5. Traumatic and/or Life-Changing Events
6. Responses to prolonged periods of Stress, such as Work-
Related Stress, long- term illness, mental health issues,
Financial Problems, problems with
the children, infertility and many more
7. Bored in or with Your Relationship
8. Dealing with a jealous partner
9. Having 'blended' family issues
10. Domestic violence, which includes verbal as well as
physical abuse: THE most serious relationship problem.
11. Knowing you should not have got married in the first place!
12. Lack of responsibility regarding finances, children, health and many other
issues
13. Unrealistic Expectations- still thinking your partner / spouse is the princess /
knight and not seeing the 'real' human being
14. Addictions - substance abuse
15. Excessive reliance on social media, at the cost of the relationship
16. Lack of support during particularly difficult times from people that matter to
you
17. Manipulation or over-involvement in your relationships with family or
friends
18. Lack of communication about important matters
19. Poor division of and / or one-sided lack of responsibility for chores and tasks.
It is not always women who complain about this relationship problem!
20. Perceived lack of concern, care and consideration / attentiveness: feeling
the relationship is one-sided is a big one!
21. Significant personal disappointments and traumas that lead to a change in
relationship dynamics
22. Long term depression or other mental health issues suffered by one partner or
both
 23. Significant differences in opinion on how to discipline / deal with the
children
24. Long-term stress, particularly when not taking responsibility for doing
something positive to address the cause, or about learning to handle it if it
cannot be changed
25. An unsupportive partner during pregnancy and / or significant problems after
the birth your baby.

We wouldn’t be surprised if you have found that you are experiencing several
of these relationship problems, but you know what? However difficult this time is for you we
promise you that this too will pass. We are rooting for you and we know that you will be happy
again. You don’t have to wait and hope for better times – together we can do something about it
now!
The person you love (or used to love) was always bound to hurt you - it's sadly
a fact of life and we all do it to each other. However, we can become better at solving our
relationship problems by taking responsibility for ourselves.