1

00:02:33,150 --> 00:02:36,153

2
00:02:43,243 --> 00:02:45,245
Oh, that's a big fella.

3
00:02:45,412 --> 00:02:47,080
Whoa!

4
00:02:50,042 --> 00:02:54,629
<i>-♪ Juanita, my darling, you sure you love me? ♪
-♪ Si, señor ♪</i>

5
00:02:54,713 --> 00:02:59,468
<i>-♪ You feel in your heart you are married to me? ♪
-♪ Si, señor ♪</i>

6
00:02:59,551 --> 00:03:03,972
<i>-♪ You promise to love me the rest of your life? ♪
-♪ Si, señor ♪</i>

7
00:03:04,056 --> 00:03:09,269
<i>-♪ I love Juanita, my sweetheart from Venezuela ♪</i>

8
00:03:09,353 --> 00:03:12,814
<i>-♪ Yes, Juanita, my sweetheart from Venezuela ♪</i>

9
00:03:13,523 --> 00:03:15,692
-Looks great.
-Thank you.

10
00:03:15,859 --> 00:03:17,903
-Happy vacation, honey.
-Ooh.

11
00:03:19,321 --> 00:03:22,157
Manchurian tung oil.
Where did you get this?

12
00:03:22,282 --> 00:03:23,950
Helen got it for me in Oslo.

13
00:03:24,409 --> 00:03:28,789
Well, there's enough here
to do the whole table and the bureau.
14
00:03:28,955 --> 00:03:30,082
Hmm.

15
00:03:30,248 --> 00:03:32,000
I wonder what this could be.

16
00:03:32,167 --> 00:03:36,922
-Oh, honey, you got it. Thank you.
-Enough there to do the entire guest room.

17
00:03:37,089 --> 00:03:39,383
I'm so glad we're spending
our vacation at home.

18
00:03:39,549 --> 00:03:42,344
-I'm gonna get started right away.
-Well, hey, where are you going?

19
00:03:42,511 --> 00:03:43,845
[giggles]

20
00:03:44,304 --> 00:03:45,972
[phone ringing]

21
00:03:46,264 --> 00:03:48,475
-I'll get it.
-Be my guest.

22
00:03:48,642 --> 00:03:49,851
I'll just get the--

23
00:03:50,018 --> 00:03:51,353
[laughs]

24
00:03:53,146 --> 00:03:54,606
-Maybe you should get it.
-I'II go.

25
00:03:54,689 --> 00:03:56,066
Okay. No!

26
00:03:56,233 --> 00:03:57,567
[laughs]

27
00:03:58,527 --> 00:04:00,070
[car driving up on gravel]

28
00:04:00,237 --> 00:04:01,571
[car horn honks]

29
00:04:01,738 --> 00:04:03,115
Oh, no.

30
00:04:07,702 --> 00:04:10,872
Ugh, Jane.

31
00:04:12,207 --> 00:04:14,167
It's your turn, honey.

32
00:04:26,930 --> 00:04:29,266
-Good luck.
-Thanks.

33
00:04:31,184 --> 00:04:32,227
-Hi, Barbara.
-Hi.

34
00:04:32,310 --> 00:04:34,396
I'm glad I caught you.
Heard you were on vacation.

35
00:04:34,479 --> 00:04:35,856
That's right. Complete vacation.

36
00:04:36,022 --> 00:04:39,860
-Honey, today I'm $260,000.
-No, Jane.

37
00:04:40,026 --> 00:04:42,904
-It's 6:45 in the morning.
-This offer is real.

38
00:04:43,071 --> 00:04:46,366
From a man in New York City
who only saw a photograph.

39
00:04:46,533 --> 00:04:49,202
Jane, don't send people
photos of our house.

40
00:04:49,369 --> 00:04:53,623
He wants to bring the wife and family
up here for some peace and quiet.

41
00:04:53,790 --> 00:04:55,459
That's exactly what we're looking for.

42
00:04:55,584 --> 00:04:57,502
But, Barbara, this house is too big for you.

43
00:04:57,586 --> 00:05:00,172
It really ought to be
for a couple with a family, you know--?

44
00:05:01,798 --> 00:05:05,302
Oh, pumpkin, I didn't mean anything.
It's just that this house is too big.

45
00:05:05,469 --> 00:05:07,512
-I'II see you in a few weeks. Okay?
-Okay.

46
00:05:07,596 --> 00:05:08,763
-All right.
-Think about it.

47
00:05:08,847 --> 00:05:10,056
[Barbara] Take care.

48
00:05:12,476 --> 00:05:16,521
[Harry Belafonte's "Man Smart,
Woman Smarter" playing on speakers]

49
00:05:21,026 --> 00:05:22,068
Boo!

50
00:05:22,569 --> 00:05:25,405
-l was just telling Barbara about this offer--
-No, Jane.

51
00:05:25,572 --> 00:05:27,324
Adam.

52
00:05:32,579 --> 00:05:33,914
[music stops]

53
00:05:34,247 --> 00:05:36,625
Barbara, come with me down to the store.

54
00:05:36,708 --> 00:05:39,586
-What for?
-I need a new brush for this tung oil.

55
00:05:39,669 --> 00:05:43,757
-And I want to get a part for the model.
-Well, you just run in, okay?

56
00:06:02,108 --> 00:06:05,362
[Adam] Two weeks at home.
The perfect vacation.

57
00:06:05,529 --> 00:06:08,615
[Barbara] Jane says we should
sell the house to someone with a family.

58
00:06:08,782 --> 00:06:12,327
Well, I don't think that
it's any of Jane's business.

59
00:06:12,744 --> 00:06:15,664
Besides, we could try again
on this vacation, you know.

60
00:06:15,830 --> 00:06:18,458
Oh, really? What are you saying?

61
00:06:35,684 --> 00:06:39,354
-[Adam] How are you doing, Ernie?
-[Ernie] Hi, how are you?

62
00:06:47,571 --> 00:06:48,655
Morning, Adam.

63
00:06:48,822 --> 00:06:51,157
-Need a haircut before your vacation?
-No, thanks, Bill.

64
00:06:51,324 --> 00:06:53,034
-How's the model coming?
-Oh, it's great.

65
00:06:53,201 --> 00:06:58,790
You know, you said Bozman built that
foundation in 1835. But his grandson...

66
00:06:58,873 --> 00:07:02,168
[man continues speaking indistinctly]

67
00:07:07,924 --> 00:07:11,094
He got hair right down
to his goddamn shoulders.

68
00:07:11,261 --> 00:07:14,389
He says to me, "Just trim it a little."

69
00:07:14,556 --> 00:07:18,351
-I took the scissors to him so fast--
-See you later, huh, Bill?

70
00:07:20,103 --> 00:07:21,938
[Bill] right.

71
00:07:31,531 --> 00:07:32,907
This is gonna be great.

72
00:07:33,074 --> 00:07:36,202
Are you sure you wouldn't rather go to Jamaica
or someplace like that?

73
00:07:36,286 --> 00:07:38,955
-No way. There's no place like home.
-Hey, look out for that--!

74
00:07:40,290 --> 00:07:41,875
[Barbara screams]

75
00:07:45,879 --> 00:07:47,797
-[bridge creaking]
-[Adam groans]

76
00:07:57,182 --> 00:07:59,184
[both screaming]

77
00:08:12,739 --> 00:08:16,242
[cuckooing]

78
00:08:24,501 --> 00:08:26,920
[Barbara] Perfect start to our vacation.
79
00:08:27,087 --> 00:08:30,006
Well, you'll feel better
when you're dry, honey.

80
00:08:31,841 --> 00:08:34,928
[Barbara] That fire wasn't burning when we left.

81
00:08:35,512 --> 00:08:39,140
-How's your arm?
-I don't know. It feels frozen.

82
00:08:45,355 --> 00:08:47,107
[both gasp]

83
00:08:56,449 --> 00:08:58,868
I'll make some coffee
and you get wood for the fire.

84
00:08:59,035 --> 00:09:01,788
Maybe we should just take things
extra slow.

85
00:09:01,955 --> 00:09:04,916
Do you remember how
we got back up here?

86
00:09:06,835 --> 00:09:10,255
I'm gonna go back down to the bridge
and retrace our steps.

87
00:09:17,137 --> 00:09:19,472
[creatures growling and shrieking]

88
00:09:20,181 --> 00:09:21,725
[creature roaring]

89
00:09:25,061 --> 00:09:26,604
-You saved my--
-Two hours.

90
00:09:26,730 --> 00:09:30,066
-Barbara, you're not gonna believe-- What?
-That's how long you were gone.

91
00:09:31,568 --> 00:09:34,404
-What is going on?
-I have to show you something.

92
00:09:35,947 --> 00:09:37,115
Look.

93
00:09:45,081 --> 00:09:46,583
There's that.

94
00:09:46,958 --> 00:09:48,793
And there's that.

95
00:09:56,342 --> 00:09:59,679
<i>-"Handbook for the Recently Diseased."</i>
-Deceased.

96
00:10:02,265 --> 00:10:03,641
"Deceased."

97
00:10:03,808 --> 00:10:07,479
I don't know where it came from.
Look at the publisher.

98
00:10:11,483 --> 00:10:14,694
"Handbook for
the Recently Deceased Press."

99
00:10:14,861 --> 00:10:18,782
You know what?
I don't think we survived the crash.

100
00:10:23,077 --> 00:10:24,204
I hate this.

101
00:10:24,621 --> 00:10:27,290
Just-- Can you give me the basics?

102
00:10:27,457 --> 00:10:30,251
Well, this book isn't arranged that way.
What do you wanna know?

103
00:10:30,418 --> 00:10:33,880
Well, why did you disappear
when you stepped off the porch?

104
00:10:34,047 --> 00:10:36,508
Are we halfway to heaven,
are we halfway to hell?

105
00:10:36,674 --> 00:10:38,676
And how long is this gonna last?

106
00:10:38,843 --> 00:10:40,887
I don't see anything about heaven or hell.

107
00:10:41,054 --> 00:10:43,890
This book reads like stereo instructions.
Listen to this:

108
00:10:44,057 --> 00:10:45,892
"Geographical and Temporal Perimeters.

109
00:10:45,975 --> 00:10:49,771
Functional perimeters vary from
manifestation to manifestation."

110
00:10:50,730 --> 00:10:53,107
Oh, this is gonna take some time, honey.

111
00:10:53,233 --> 00:10:54,567
[Barbara groans]

112
00:11:01,741 --> 00:11:03,743
[man humming]

113
00:11:16,756 --> 00:11:19,801
Damn sandworms. Thirteen percent, huh?

114
00:11:19,968 --> 00:11:23,429
Well, I better find a job.
Let's see. Business section.

115
00:11:28,142 --> 00:11:29,185
Ooh-Ia-Ia.

116
00:11:29,352 --> 00:11:31,938
What do we got here?
The Maitlands, huh?

117
00:11:32,105 --> 00:11:33,773
[chuckles]

118
00:11:33,940 --> 00:11:37,443
Cute couple. Look nice and stupid too.

119
00:11:37,610 --> 00:11:39,612
[laughs]

120
00:11:41,197 --> 00:11:44,158
[over stereo] <i>♪ Work all night on a drink of rum ♪</i>

121
00:11:44,242 --> 00:11:47,036
I wish I had a better view
of the cemetery from here.

122
00:11:47,203 --> 00:11:50,123
I can't tell which is
the best placement for us.

123
00:11:50,290 --> 00:11:52,292
[sputters]

124
00:11:53,793 --> 00:11:54,669
[grunts]

125
00:11:55,378 --> 00:11:57,130
Cabin fever, hon?

126
00:11:57,297 --> 00:11:58,923
Well, I can't clean anything properly.

127
00:11:59,090 --> 00:12:01,843
The vacuum's out in the garage
and we can't leave the house.

128
00:12:02,010 --> 00:12:03,511
Why don't they tell us something?

129
00:12:03,595 --> 00:12:07,473
Where are all the other dead people in the world?
Why is it just you and me?

130
00:12:08,558 --> 00:12:09,809
Maybe this is heaven.

131
00:12:11,144 --> 00:12:13,938
In heaven there wouldn't be dust on everything.
132
00:12:14,147 --> 00:12:15,815
[car door closes]

133
00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:22,614
<i>♪ Six foot, seven foot, eight foot bunch ♪</i>

134
00:12:22,739 --> 00:12:23,865
[Adam] It's Jane.

135
00:12:27,827 --> 00:12:32,582
-God, what's she doing here?
-I don't know. Hey, Jane, up here. Jane.

136
00:12:38,296 --> 00:12:40,924
-Can't see you, right?
-Uh-uh.

137
00:12:42,550 --> 00:12:45,845
In the book, rule number two:
"The living usually won't see the dead."

138
00:12:48,139 --> 00:12:50,558
-Won't or can't?
-It just says "won't."

139
00:12:50,725 --> 00:12:54,729
God, this book is so stupid.
I can't understand anything in there.

140
00:12:56,189 --> 00:12:57,774
Barb, honey...

141
00:12:58,358 --> 00:13:00,026
we're dead.

142
00:13:00,193 --> 00:13:03,655
I don't think we have very much
to worry about anymore.

143
00:13:21,130 --> 00:13:23,132
[rumbling]

144
00:13:27,887 --> 00:13:29,222
[Barbara] Ah!

145
00:13:32,600 --> 00:13:34,268
[banging downstairs]

146
00:13:36,479 --> 00:13:40,108
[man] Ah, this is great.
This is just what the doctor ordered.

147
00:13:45,488 --> 00:13:47,156
Sorry, ma'am.

148
00:13:49,575 --> 00:13:52,578
Delia Deetz, welcome home.

149
00:13:52,745 --> 00:13:54,122
Charles.

150
00:13:54,622 --> 00:13:56,916
It's okay, there's no damage.
Look, see? It's okay.

151
00:13:57,083 --> 00:13:59,419
Good, sturdy, country craftsmanship.

152
00:13:59,585 --> 00:14:01,254
And look at that kitchen.

153
00:14:01,421 --> 00:14:04,507
You're finally gonna be able
to cook a decent meal.

154
00:14:06,509 --> 00:14:08,469
Come and have a look.

155
00:14:17,520 --> 00:14:21,566
A little gasoline. Blowtorch. No problem.

156
00:14:21,733 --> 00:14:24,068
Excuse me. Down we go.

157
00:14:35,079 --> 00:14:38,374
We're gonna have to rip out all the plumbing.
But other than that,

158
00:14:38,458 --> 00:14:40,585
-[camera clicking]
-it's perfect. Just perfect.
159
00:14:41,627 --> 00:14:44,589
-What do you think, honey?
-Delia hates it.

160
00:14:48,259 --> 00:14:49,427
I could live here.

161
00:14:49,761 --> 00:14:51,471
Careful. That's my sculpture.

162
00:14:51,554 --> 00:14:55,933
I don't mean "my" as in "I bought it."
I mean I made it. It's my sculpture.

163
00:14:56,809 --> 00:14:58,811
Put it on the table.

164
00:15:07,111 --> 00:15:10,239
Ten minutes. I'm already perfectly at ease.

165
00:15:10,865 --> 00:15:11,908
It's perfect.

166
00:15:12,075 --> 00:15:13,117
[man grunting]

167
00:15:13,284 --> 00:15:16,120
-[man] help!
-It's Otho.

168
00:15:16,537 --> 00:15:19,624
[Charles] Otho, why don't you just
come in the front?

169
00:15:20,166 --> 00:15:21,334
It's bad luck.

170
00:15:21,501 --> 00:15:24,420
Otho, you left the city for me.
I am so happy.

171
00:15:24,587 --> 00:15:26,547
Of course you are.

172
00:15:28,007 --> 00:15:29,092
-Delia.
-You're right.

173
00:15:29,258 --> 00:15:31,177
-Let's get one thing straight.
-You're right.

174
00:15:31,344 --> 00:15:33,471
-We're here to enjoy the country setting...
-Mm-hm.

175
00:15:33,638 --> 00:15:35,348
-not to trash the place.
-You're right.

176
00:15:35,515 --> 00:15:38,101
[Otho] Charles, you're lucky
the yuppies are buying condos

177
00:15:38,267 --> 00:15:41,813
so you can afford what I'm going
to have to do to this place.

178
00:15:41,896 --> 00:15:46,943
Otho, I'm here to relax and clip coupons,
and, damn it, I mean to do it.

179
00:15:47,110 --> 00:15:49,695
Then go do it quietly, dear,
and let Otho and I think.

180
00:15:49,862 --> 00:15:51,948
[Otho] Is the rest of the house as bad as this?

181
00:15:52,365 --> 00:15:54,992
Is this a punishment or something?

182
00:15:55,159 --> 00:15:56,536
What are we gonna do?

183
00:15:57,620 --> 00:16:00,039
We're not completely helpless, Barbara.

184
00:16:00,206 --> 00:16:04,168
I've been reading that book
and there's a word for people in our situation.
185
00:16:04,877 --> 00:16:06,504
Ghosts.

186
00:16:07,880 --> 00:16:10,675
[Otho] Delia, let's get this show on the road.

187
00:16:13,427 --> 00:16:15,596
We're dealing with
negative entertainment potential.

188
00:16:15,763 --> 00:16:18,474
I mean, there's absolutely no organic flow-through.

189
00:16:18,641 --> 00:16:22,270
I noticed that too. It's like a giant ant farm.

190
00:16:24,730 --> 00:16:27,358
-What?
-I thought I saw something.

191
00:16:38,828 --> 00:16:41,205
[Otho] You've read my mind.

192
00:16:41,372 --> 00:16:44,208
-I did?
-So few clients are able to read my mind.

193
00:16:44,375 --> 00:16:46,919
They're just not open to the experience.

194
00:16:47,336 --> 00:16:48,671
Hmm.

195
00:16:51,924 --> 00:16:53,426

196
00:16:54,093 --> 00:16:55,511
[screams]

197
00:16:55,678 --> 00:16:56,721
My God.

198
00:16:56,888 --> 00:17:00,308
We just have to pray the other closets
are bigger than this one.

199
00:17:00,474 --> 00:17:02,643
Ooh, look.

200
00:17:03,895 --> 00:17:05,563
Ozzie and Harriet.

201
00:17:05,730 --> 00:17:07,064
Ugh.

202
00:17:07,732 --> 00:17:09,692
-What happened to these people?
-They died.

203
00:17:09,859 --> 00:17:11,903
Oh, look, an indoor outhouse.

204
00:17:15,781 --> 00:17:18,034
-Otho.
-Viridian.

205
00:17:18,201 --> 00:17:20,620
Viridian. Now, why do I know that name?

206
00:17:20,786 --> 00:17:22,622
Blue-green.

207
00:17:22,788 --> 00:17:25,124
Hydrated chromic oxide.

208
00:17:25,291 --> 00:17:28,711
Remember, I'm schooled in chemistry.
I was a hair analyst.

209
00:17:28,878 --> 00:17:31,172
-What?
-Briefly.

210
00:17:35,676 --> 00:17:38,971
Yuck. Deliver me from LL. Bean.

211
00:17:39,555 --> 00:17:40,932
-Boo!
-Aah!
212
00:17:41,015 --> 00:17:43,851
I know what you two are up to
and you're not gonna get away with it.

213
00:17:44,018 --> 00:17:46,145
Oh, honey, this is not working out at all.

214
00:17:46,312 --> 00:17:49,982
Charles, I will not stop living and breathing art
just because you need to relax.

215
00:17:50,149 --> 00:17:51,192
Ha.

216
00:17:51,359 --> 00:17:53,736
[Delia] I'm here.
I will live with you in this hellhole.

217
00:17:53,903 --> 00:17:57,865
But I must express myself.
If you don't let me gut out this house

218
00:17:58,032 --> 00:18:02,745
and make it my own,
I will go insane and I will take you with me!

219
00:18:04,664 --> 00:18:08,000
Yeah. Well, you know,
maybe the house could use a little remodeling.

220
00:18:08,167 --> 00:18:12,088
Uh, but why don't you just leave
this room alone, okay?

221
00:18:12,672 --> 00:18:13,881
Okay.

222
00:18:19,762 --> 00:18:21,138
I'm gonna get her.

223
00:18:21,681 --> 00:18:22,723
So?

224
00:18:22,890 --> 00:18:25,685
Once you cover up the wallpaper,
knock down a few walls,
225
00:18:25,851 --> 00:18:27,395
this place might just be livable.

226
00:18:27,561 --> 00:18:30,481
-What's on the third floor?
-Attic space.

227
00:18:30,648 --> 00:18:32,817
Oh, I forgot to lock the attic door.

228
00:18:41,033 --> 00:18:42,702
-Did you feel something?
-When?

229
00:18:45,705 --> 00:18:47,039
[lock clicks]

230
00:18:50,543 --> 00:18:51,877
[doorknob rattles]

231
00:18:52,044 --> 00:18:55,006
-You don't have a key?
-Maybe Charles does.

232
00:18:55,172 --> 00:18:59,218
l have a feeling there's something
very interesting behind this door.

233
00:18:59,385 --> 00:19:03,180
Yeah, ghosts of the people who died in this house,
and they want us out of here.

234
00:19:03,347 --> 00:19:05,558
So let's do them a favor.

235
00:19:22,366 --> 00:19:25,077
My God, that was close.

236
00:19:26,162 --> 00:19:28,581
[Barbara] I cannot watch this.

237
00:19:28,748 --> 00:19:31,667
What's the good of being a ghost
if you can't frighten people away?
238
00:19:31,834 --> 00:19:34,670
-Honey.
-No, I'm not putting up with this.

239
00:19:40,468 --> 00:19:41,510
[screams]

240
00:19:44,513 --> 00:19:47,850
-Barbara, you don't know what's out there.
-I don't care.

241
00:19:48,642 --> 00:19:50,603
[Adam] Barbara!

242
00:19:54,023 --> 00:19:55,232
[Barbara] Adam.

243
00:19:55,649 --> 00:19:58,027
-Adam?
-Barbara.

244
00:19:58,194 --> 00:20:00,112
[Barbara] Adam!

245
00:20:00,905 --> 00:20:02,615
-Adam. Oh, help.
-Barbara.

246
00:20:02,782 --> 00:20:04,283
Help, I'm getting all yellow.

247
00:20:04,450 --> 00:20:06,452
[sandworm roaring]

248
00:20:19,382 --> 00:20:20,549
[roars]

249
00:20:21,884 --> 00:20:23,552
[growling]

250
00:20:25,805 --> 00:20:27,473
[whimpers]

251
00:20:33,062 --> 00:20:34,397
Adam!
252
00:20:41,737 --> 00:20:43,447
Oh, Adam.

253
00:20:44,365 --> 00:20:47,284
We're trapped in this house with those people.

254
00:20:52,331 --> 00:20:55,334
I can't believe we're eating Cantonese.
Is there no Sichuan up here?

255
00:20:56,085 --> 00:20:59,880
Plan to have a stroke
from the amount of MSG that's in this food.

256
00:21:00,548 --> 00:21:02,216
This is our first meal in this house

257
00:21:02,383 --> 00:21:05,928
so why don't we all do our little private parts
to make it a pleasant one?

258
00:21:06,095 --> 00:21:08,222
Don't bait your mother, pumpkin.

259
00:21:08,389 --> 00:21:12,351
Soon as we get settled, we'll build you
a darkroom in the basement, okay?

260
00:21:12,518 --> 00:21:14,687
My whole life is a darkroom.

261
00:21:15,438 --> 00:21:18,983
One big dark room.

262
00:21:19,150 --> 00:21:20,818
So you were miserable in New York City

263
00:21:20,985 --> 00:21:23,529
and now you're going to be miserable
out here in the sticks.

264
00:21:23,612 --> 00:21:27,700
-At least someone's life hasn't been upheaved.
-I don't know about you, I'm perfectly happy here.
265
00:21:27,783 --> 00:21:30,536
Those people in New York
just don't know what they're missing.

266
00:21:34,999 --> 00:21:37,501
You know, we could become
The Summer Art Center of New York.

267
00:21:37,668 --> 00:21:40,671
I could start sculpting again.
I'm only truly happy when I'm sculpting.

268
00:21:40,838 --> 00:21:44,758
That's a very good idea.
That'll be, um, ahem, very time-consuming.

269
00:21:44,884 --> 00:21:47,303
First the house.
Otho and I have some great plans.

270
00:21:47,470 --> 00:21:49,388
I think we should keep it the way it is.

271
00:21:49,555 --> 00:21:51,474
Good idea.

272
00:21:56,061 --> 00:21:59,398
Furniture truck is coming. We're gonna
have to decide what goes and what stays.

273
00:21:59,565 --> 00:22:01,984
Everything goes,
along with whatever's in the attic.

274
00:22:17,500 --> 00:22:19,919
Put it up. Come on.

275
00:22:20,085 --> 00:22:21,587
Careful.

276
00:22:21,754 --> 00:22:25,424
You see, if you tell me what you do
I'll tell you why my husband will fire you.

277
00:22:26,717 --> 00:22:29,553
-Isn't there an index or something?
-No, nothing.

278
00:22:29,678 --> 00:22:30,888
All right, now.

279
00:22:31,597 --> 00:22:32,765
What's this?

280
00:22:32,848 --> 00:22:34,517
[furniture crashing]

281
00:22:36,685 --> 00:22:39,063
[Delia] No, no, I'm sorry.
That does not go there.

282
00:22:39,230 --> 00:22:41,941
Do you know where that's going?
Did anyone tell you where to--?

283
00:22:42,107 --> 00:22:45,027
Why are there only three sculptures?
There were four sculptures here.

284
00:22:45,110 --> 00:22:47,196
Where's the fourth sculpture? No!

285
00:22:47,738 --> 00:22:49,365
No, what are you doing?

286
00:22:49,532 --> 00:22:51,700
Excuse me. Put it down!

287
00:22:54,286 --> 00:22:57,831
[Adam] "Betelgeuse, the bio-exorcist.
Troubled by the living?

288
00:22:57,957 --> 00:23:00,626
Is death a problem and not the solution?
Unhappy with eternity?

289
00:23:00,793 --> 00:23:03,504
Having difficulty adjusting? Call Betelgeuse."

290
00:23:03,587 --> 00:23:05,172
-[furniture crashing]
-[man] Careful!
291
00:23:05,256 --> 00:23:07,049
-[Delia] Put it down.
-Betelgeu-- BeteI--

292
00:23:07,132 --> 00:23:09,134
That's it?
There's no number or instructions?

293
00:23:09,260 --> 00:23:11,887
Nothing. The "bio-exorcist." I don't get it.

294
00:23:11,971 --> 00:23:13,973
[crashing continues]

295
00:23:15,808 --> 00:23:17,851
-[Delia] Would you put that down?
-Straight back.

296
00:23:17,935 --> 00:23:19,478
[Delia] Why is that still up there?

297
00:23:20,563 --> 00:23:23,357
Why don't you guys, uh, take a break
for about half an hour, okay?

298
00:23:23,440 --> 00:23:24,650
Uh-huh.

299
00:23:42,543 --> 00:23:43,794
Jesus Christ!

300
00:23:43,961 --> 00:23:45,754
[Delia] What are you doing? Put that down.

301
00:23:45,838 --> 00:23:47,965
What the hell are you doing out there?

302
00:23:48,132 --> 00:23:50,551
-[Delia] Listen to me. No!
-Jesus.

303
00:23:50,634 --> 00:23:55,097
[screams] Why are you doing this to me?
This is my art and it is dangerous.
304
00:23:55,264 --> 00:23:57,141
Do you think I want to die like this?

305
00:23:57,641 --> 00:23:58,559
[camera clicking]

306
00:24:09,528 --> 00:24:11,030
[car horn honks]

307
00:24:11,196 --> 00:24:14,199
-[woman] No, no.
-[Jane] Hi. How are you?

308
00:24:22,541 --> 00:24:24,710
That little girl saw us.

309
00:24:25,210 --> 00:24:27,963
-Honey, nobody can see us.
-But she did.

310
00:24:30,049 --> 00:24:32,176
What happened to the people
who used to live here?

311
00:24:32,259 --> 00:24:35,888
-They drowned.
-Yes, they were family. I was devastated.

312
00:24:36,055 --> 00:24:38,349
-Here, take that.
-Is this the key to the attic?

313
00:24:38,515 --> 00:24:41,560
That's a skeleton key.
That key will open any door in the house.

314
00:24:41,727 --> 00:24:42,978
Give that to your father.

315
00:24:43,145 --> 00:24:46,315
And you might mention that I
single-handedly decorated that house.

316
00:24:46,482 --> 00:24:50,694
In case he needs any advice in that arena,
have him come see me.
317
00:25:08,587 --> 00:25:10,255
[staircase creaking]

318
00:25:11,340 --> 00:25:12,883
Don't worry. I locked the door.

319
00:25:15,886 --> 00:25:17,429
[lock rattling]

320
00:25:21,266 --> 00:25:22,309
[static on TV]

321
00:25:22,476 --> 00:25:24,853
[Betelgeuse laughing and whooping]

322
00:25:31,068 --> 00:25:34,446
<i>Having trouble with the living?
You tired of having your home space violated?</i>

323
00:25:34,530 --> 00:25:37,324
<i>You want to get rid of them
pesky living critters once and for all?</i>

324
00:25:37,408 --> 00:25:41,203
<i>Well, come on down and see me, folks,
I'm the afterlife's leading bio-exorcist.</i>

325
00:25:41,286 --> 00:25:45,374
<i>Yes, sir. Come on down here,
and I want to tell you, I'll do anything.</i>

326
00:25:45,457 --> 00:25:47,459
[TV playing faintly behind the door.]

327
00:25:47,626 --> 00:25:51,755
<i>I'll scare them real bad. The point is, folks,
I'm gonna do anything to get your business.</i>

328
00:25:51,922 --> 00:25:54,133
<i>Hell, l'll possess myself if I gotta.</i>

329
00:25:54,299 --> 00:25:57,469
<i>Wow! Yo, I got demons
running all through me.</i>
330
00:25:57,636 --> 00:25:59,847
<i>All through me.
Come on down here and see it.</i>

331
00:26:00,013 --> 00:26:03,809
<i>And hey, if you act now, you get a free
demon possession with every exorcism.</i>

332
00:26:03,976 --> 00:26:07,020
<i>Now, you can't beat that, can you?
And bring the little pards down here.</i>

333
00:26:07,146 --> 00:26:11,275
<i>Hell, we got plenty of snakes and lizards
for them to play with. No problem at all.</i>

334
00:26:11,442 --> 00:26:15,362
<i>So say it once, say it twice,
third time's the charm. And remember:</i>

335
00:26:15,446 --> 00:26:18,991
<i>♪ I'll eat anything you want me to eat
I'll swallow anything you want me to swallow ♪</i>

336
00:26:19,158 --> 00:26:22,161
<i>♪ So come on down, I'll chew on the dog ♪</i>

337
00:26:22,327 --> 00:26:24,329
[howls]

338
00:26:50,230 --> 00:26:55,152
We need some help. I read something in this book
this morning about emergencies.

339
00:26:55,319 --> 00:26:59,531
All right, here it is.
"In case of emergency, draw a door."

340
00:27:03,619 --> 00:27:06,872
"Draw a door"? I don't know why
we keep looking in that stupid book.

341
00:27:10,334 --> 00:27:12,920
Hey, maybe we should try that "Beetle" guy.

342
00:27:15,589 --> 00:27:16,924
Oh.

343
00:27:28,227 --> 00:27:31,438
You didn't actually think
that was gonna work, did you?

344
00:27:31,522 --> 00:27:32,815
A-ha!

345
00:27:34,149 --> 00:27:35,901
"Knock three times."

346
00:27:40,739 --> 00:27:42,741
[rumbling]

347
00:28:16,608 --> 00:28:18,610
[blabbers]

348
00:28:21,822 --> 00:28:23,490
[whistles]

349
00:28:38,088 --> 00:28:39,506
Birdies.

350
00:28:48,515 --> 00:28:49,558
[Charles recoils]

351
00:28:50,225 --> 00:28:51,685
-[Lydia] dad.
-Jeez!

352
00:28:51,852 --> 00:28:54,980
-Can't you see I'm relaxing in here?
-Well, I wanna tell you what I saw.

353
00:28:55,147 --> 00:28:58,734
What is the point of my coming up here
if you people won't let me relax?

354
00:28:58,901 --> 00:29:00,944
Pumpkin, sweetheart...

355
00:29:02,070 --> 00:29:03,906
go help your mother.

356
00:29:04,072 --> 00:29:06,783
Maybe you can relax in a haunted house,
but I can't.

357
00:29:12,372 --> 00:29:14,333
Hmm. Nice building.

358
00:29:15,042 --> 00:29:17,961
Bad roof. Good parking.

359
00:29:31,016 --> 00:29:32,351

360
00:29:48,241 --> 00:29:50,410
-Adam?
-This way, honey.

361
00:30:02,756 --> 00:30:04,716
You don't have an appointment, do you?

362
00:30:04,800 --> 00:30:06,385
Well, we didn't know how to make one.

363
00:30:06,510 --> 00:30:08,220
-Appointment for what?
-What do you want?

364
00:30:08,387 --> 00:30:10,389
-We need some help.
-Ha! already?

365
00:30:10,555 --> 00:30:13,141
You just bit the big one two months ago
and you want help.

366
00:30:13,642 --> 00:30:15,477
What does that have to do with anything?

367
00:30:15,644 --> 00:30:19,356
You're gonna use up all your help vouchers: D-90s.

368
00:30:19,523 --> 00:30:22,901
You spend 125 years on Earth
actually in that house

369
00:30:23,068 --> 00:30:27,239
during which you get only three
class-one D-90 intercessions with Juno.

370
00:30:27,406 --> 00:30:30,367
You probably haven't even read through
the manual completely yet.

371
00:30:30,534 --> 00:30:33,370
You'll have to wait
if you don't have an appointment.

372
00:30:33,537 --> 00:30:38,250
-An appointment with whom?
-For Juno, your caseworker.

373
00:30:40,627 --> 00:30:44,589
Number 54,000,601. Ferndock.

374
00:31:50,280 --> 00:31:52,866
-Want a cigarette?
-Uh, no, thank you.

375
00:31:54,076 --> 00:31:56,453
Trying to cut down myself.

376
00:32:13,428 --> 00:32:17,182
Adam, is this what happens when you die?

377
00:32:17,349 --> 00:32:19,059
This is what happens when you die.

378
00:32:19,184 --> 00:32:23,021
That is what happens when he dies.
And that is what happens when they die.

379
00:32:23,188 --> 00:32:26,024
It's all very personal.
And I'll tell you something.

380
00:32:26,191 --> 00:32:30,362
If I knew then what I know now,
I wouldn't have had my little accident.

381
00:32:30,529 --> 00:32:32,197
[chuckling]

382
00:32:32,280 --> 00:32:33,490
[bell tolls]

383
00:32:36,034 --> 00:32:37,869
Maitland. Party of two.

384
00:32:38,036 --> 00:32:40,664
Take the handbook and go to the sixth door.

385
00:32:41,123 --> 00:32:43,792
Oh, we forgot our handbook.

386
00:32:44,376 --> 00:32:46,711
[muttering]

387
00:32:47,337 --> 00:32:48,797
Come on.

388
00:32:54,052 --> 00:32:57,889
[woman over pa] <i>All new arrivals,
report to waiting room number 8.</i>

389
00:33:00,225 --> 00:33:03,728
<i>Flight 409 is arriving at Gate 3.</i>

390
00:33:03,895 --> 00:33:06,439
How do I look?
There are no mirrors on this side.

391
00:33:06,606 --> 00:33:08,233
-Fine. You look fine.
-Yeah?

392
00:33:08,316 --> 00:33:10,318
-Fine.
-Thanks. I've been feeling a little flat.

393
00:33:10,402 --> 00:33:11,528
[laughing]

394
00:33:16,116 --> 00:33:19,995
[woman over pa] <i>Will the Peterson pan'y
report to door number 9?</i>

395
00:33:20,745 --> 00:33:24,332
<i>Peterson party, please report to Door Number 9.</i>
396
00:33:25,167 --> 00:33:28,545
<i>All new arrivals,
report to Waiting Room Number 8.</i>

397
00:33:35,051 --> 00:33:38,096
A hundred and 25 years. I can't believe this.

398
00:33:38,263 --> 00:33:40,515
I can't believe they didn't tell us.

399
00:33:41,266 --> 00:33:43,268
[ghosts moaning]

400
00:33:43,435 --> 00:33:45,854
Oh, Adam, what is this?

401
00:33:49,649 --> 00:33:52,444
That's the Lost Souls' Room.

402
00:33:52,611 --> 00:33:55,363
A room for ghosts that have been exorcised.

403
00:33:56,448 --> 00:33:58,074
The poor devils.

404
00:33:58,241 --> 00:34:00,368
That's death for the dead.

405
00:34:01,578 --> 00:34:03,663
It's all in the handbook.

406
00:34:03,872 --> 00:34:05,373
Keep moving.

407
00:34:10,462 --> 00:34:11,796
Five.

408
00:34:12,797 --> 00:34:14,883
This is the sixth door.

409
00:34:21,640 --> 00:34:24,893
Boy, oh, boy,
this place just gets weirder and weirder.
410
00:34:31,233 --> 00:34:32,901
Barbara.

411
00:34:35,820 --> 00:34:37,405
We're home.

412
00:34:38,323 --> 00:34:42,160
Look at this place. Everything's different.

413
00:34:43,203 --> 00:34:45,413
All our furniture's gone.

414
00:34:45,914 --> 00:34:48,625
How long do you suppose we were waiting there?

415
00:34:48,708 --> 00:34:50,293
Three months.

416
00:34:51,461 --> 00:34:54,339
I'd almost given up on you.
I was about to leave.

417
00:34:54,506 --> 00:34:56,800
I do have other clients.

418
00:34:56,967 --> 00:34:59,552
-Are you Juno, our caseworker?
-Yes.

419
00:34:59,719 --> 00:35:06,268
I evaluate individual cases and determine
if help is needed, deserved, and available.

420
00:35:06,434 --> 00:35:08,186
-Are you available?
-No.

421
00:35:09,646 --> 00:35:12,857
-What's wrong?
-We're very unhappy.

422
00:35:13,024 --> 00:35:14,776
What did you expect? You're dead.

423
00:35:14,859 --> 00:35:17,195
We want to get rid of the people
who have moved in here.

424
00:35:17,279 --> 00:35:19,614
Barbara and I worked very hard on this house.

425
00:35:19,781 --> 00:35:22,867
We probably wouldn't mind sharing
the house with people who were--

426
00:35:23,034 --> 00:35:25,287
-More like you used to be.
-Yes.

427
00:35:25,453 --> 00:35:27,038
But these people...

428
00:35:28,999 --> 00:35:31,167
Things seem pretty quiet here.

429
00:35:32,168 --> 00:35:35,380
You should thank God you didn't die in Italy.

430
00:35:35,839 --> 00:35:37,132
The Deetzes.

431
00:35:37,299 --> 00:35:41,219
-Okay, have you been studying the manual?
-Well, we tried.

432
00:35:41,386 --> 00:35:45,223
The intermediate interface chapter
on haunting says it all.

433
00:35:45,390 --> 00:35:48,476
Get them out yourselves. It's your house.

434
00:35:49,644 --> 00:35:52,230
Haunted houses aren't easy to come by.

435
00:35:52,397 --> 00:35:54,733
-Well, we don't quite get it.
-I heard.

436
00:35:54,899 --> 00:35:56,735
Tore your faces right off.
437
00:35:56,901 --> 00:36:01,239
It obviously doesn't do any good to pull your
heads off in front of people if they can't see you.

438
00:36:01,406 --> 00:36:03,575
-We should start more simply?
-Stan simply.

439
00:36:03,742 --> 00:36:06,536
Do what you know. Use your talents. Practice.

440
00:36:08,330 --> 00:36:12,208
You should have been studying
those lessons since day one.

441
00:36:13,126 --> 00:36:14,169
[watch beeping]

442
00:36:14,336 --> 00:36:18,423
-Ooh. I've got to go.
-What about that guy in the flyer, BeteI--?

443
00:36:18,590 --> 00:36:19,632
Shh!

444
00:36:19,799 --> 00:36:23,053
Don't even say his name.
You don't want his help.

445
00:36:23,595 --> 00:36:25,096
-Well--
-We might.

446
00:36:25,263 --> 00:36:28,975
No, you don't.
He does not work well with others.

447
00:36:30,060 --> 00:36:31,811
What do you mean?

448
00:36:35,982 --> 00:36:37,776
I didn't want to bring it up.

449
00:36:37,942 --> 00:36:42,906
But rather than have you stumble onto it
and make another mistake, I'll tell you.

450
00:36:43,114 --> 00:36:45,033
He was my assistant.

451
00:36:45,450 --> 00:36:48,536
But he was a troublemaker.
He went out on his own

452
00:36:48,703 --> 00:36:51,790
as a freelance bio-exorcist.

453
00:36:51,956 --> 00:36:55,960
Claimed he could get rid of the living.
Got into more trouble.

454
00:36:58,505 --> 00:36:59,839
[sighs]

455
00:37:00,006 --> 00:37:04,469
In fact, I believe he's been
sleazing around your cemetery lately.

456
00:37:05,553 --> 00:37:11,601
The only way he can be brought back
is by calling his name three times.

457
00:37:12,394 --> 00:37:17,649
But I strongly suggest
that you remove the Deetzes yourselves.

458
00:37:18,441 --> 00:37:21,361
Well, how do we contact you
if we need you again?

459
00:37:31,621 --> 00:37:34,874
Oh, Adam, that guy's in our cemetery.

460
00:37:34,999 --> 00:37:37,210
She's right, honey.
We just have to keep this simple.

461
00:37:37,293 --> 00:37:38,711
We can do this. Come on.

462
00:37:38,837 --> 00:37:41,840
[fly buzzing]

463
00:38:02,610 --> 00:38:05,321
[Betelgeuse] Hey, you. Hey, come here.

464
00:38:05,738 --> 00:38:07,323
Hungry?

465
00:38:07,490 --> 00:38:09,492
Come on. Hey, come here.

466
00:38:10,869 --> 00:38:13,705
I got something good for you.
Come on. Come on over.

467
00:38:13,872 --> 00:38:16,666
We'll have a little bite,
you'll have something to nosh.

468
00:38:16,833 --> 00:38:17,959
[laughs]

469
00:38:18,126 --> 00:38:22,714
-Come here.
-[fly] Help me. Help me. Help me.

470
00:38:23,339 --> 00:38:24,591
[Betelgeuse belches]

471
00:38:24,966 --> 00:38:29,053
Maxie, have I not always made you money?
I think that's the only real question here.

472
00:38:29,137 --> 00:38:31,806
Well, Charles, nobody made me money like you.

473
00:38:31,890 --> 00:38:34,058
I mean, before your nerves went,
you were a demon.

474
00:38:34,559 --> 00:38:39,689
It's just that Winter River, Connecticut,
is, if you'll forgive me, nowhere.

475
00:38:39,856 --> 00:38:43,067
I mean, why would I wanna invest
that kind of money in an old building

476
00:38:43,234 --> 00:38:46,696
<i>-way the hell up there?</i>
-It's not a building. That's the beauty of it.

477
00:38:46,779 --> 00:38:48,990
These people don't know
the value of their property.

478
00:38:49,073 --> 00:38:50,867
I can buy the whole town.

479
00:38:51,034 --> 00:38:53,703
Oh, then we own a whole town full of nowhere.

480
00:38:53,786 --> 00:38:55,830
Max, you've got to come up here and see.

481
00:38:55,997 --> 00:38:58,166
<i>And, uh, bring Sarah.</i>

482
00:38:58,333 --> 00:39:01,920
Yeah, all right, Charles.
It's just that I am kind of busy here.

483
00:39:02,045 --> 00:39:03,046
[ghostly moaning]

484
00:39:03,129 --> 00:39:04,672
Uh, just a minute, Maxie.

485
00:39:04,839 --> 00:39:08,009
Now, listen. Enough of this talk
about visiting, okay? I gotta go.

486
00:39:08,176 --> 00:39:10,720
-[moaning continues]
<i>-You take it easy up there, big fellow.</i>

487
00:39:10,887 --> 00:39:13,598
-Goodbye.
-Uh, Max, wait, wait, wait.

488
00:39:14,933 --> 00:39:16,726
[dial tone hums]
489
00:39:17,685 --> 00:39:18,728
Putz.

490
00:39:18,895 --> 00:39:21,898
[moaning continues]

491
00:39:39,582 --> 00:39:43,795
Jeez, Lydia, is Connecticut so boring?
I had Maxie Dean on the phone, honey.

492
00:39:43,962 --> 00:39:48,341
Dad's found a way of making some money
while I relax, so would you scram?

493
00:39:50,134 --> 00:39:53,638
Your mother's gonna kill you when she
sees you cut holes in her $300 sheets.

494
00:39:56,516 --> 00:40:00,144
This is so corny.
Is this what we've been reduced to? Sheets?

495
00:40:00,311 --> 00:40:01,980
[Adam] Think of them as death shrouds.

496
00:40:02,146 --> 00:40:04,649
And the moaning is important. Really moan.

497
00:40:05,733 --> 00:40:08,736
[both moaning]

498
00:40:19,831 --> 00:40:21,791
[Adam and Barbara moaning nearby]

499
00:40:21,958 --> 00:40:23,001
[sighs]

500
00:40:23,167 --> 00:40:25,628
God, how can he stand that woman?

501
00:40:32,218 --> 00:40:35,805
Cut it out. I'm a child, for God's sakes.

502
00:40:39,434 --> 00:40:41,436
[moaning continues]

503
00:40:43,730 --> 00:40:47,650
-[Barbara] I feel so stupid.
-[Adam] It's not stupid. We're ghosts.

504
00:40:47,734 --> 00:40:50,778
Do you want to spend the next 125 years
having breakfast with this woman?

505
00:40:50,903 --> 00:40:52,447
Moan louder.

506
00:40:52,614 --> 00:40:54,115
[both moaning loudly]

507
00:40:57,410 --> 00:40:58,745
[TV clicks ofi]

508
00:41:00,872 --> 00:41:02,498
[Adam] Oh, God.

509
00:41:03,333 --> 00:41:04,667
[Adam sighs]

510
00:41:08,338 --> 00:41:10,131
[camera clicking and whirring]

511
00:41:10,298 --> 00:41:12,342
Sick. Sexual perversion.

512
00:41:12,508 --> 00:41:16,220
If you guys are gonna do that weird sexual stuff,
do it in your own bedroom.

513
00:41:22,352 --> 00:41:24,187
[gasps] No feet.

514
00:41:35,573 --> 00:41:37,784
Are you the guys hiding out in the attic?

515
00:41:37,909 --> 00:41:40,244
[Adam moaning] We're ghosts.

516
00:41:40,411 --> 00:41:41,454
[Barbara] Whoo!

517
00:41:41,621 --> 00:41:44,248
-What do you look like under there?
-[Adam] Aren't you scared?

518
00:41:44,415 --> 00:41:47,460
I'm not scared of sheets.
Are you gross under there?

519
00:41:47,543 --> 00:41:50,254
Are you <i>Night of the Living Dead</i> under there?

520
00:41:50,338 --> 00:41:52,757
Like all bloody veins and pus?

521
00:41:52,924 --> 00:41:55,635
-Night of the what?
-<i>Living Dead.</i> It's a movie.

522
00:41:55,760 --> 00:41:59,180
If I had seen a ghost at your age,
I would have been scared out of my wits.

523
00:41:59,889 --> 00:42:03,017
You're not gross. Why are you wearing sheets?

524
00:42:03,184 --> 00:42:04,519
We're practicing.

525
00:42:04,686 --> 00:42:08,272
-You can see us without the sheets?
-Of course I can see you.

526
00:42:08,439 --> 00:42:10,858
Well, how is it that you see us
and nobody else can?

527
00:42:12,318 --> 00:42:15,947
Well, I read through that
<i>Handbook for the Recently Deceased.</i>

528
00:42:16,114 --> 00:42:20,785
It says, "Live people ignore
the strange and unusual."

529
00:42:21,411 --> 00:42:25,623
I myself am strange and unusual.

530
00:42:26,290 --> 00:42:28,710
You look like a regular girl to me.

531
00:42:28,876 --> 00:42:31,129
-[Adam] You read our book?
-Yeah.

532
00:42:31,295 --> 00:42:34,132
-You could follow it?
-Yeah. Why were you in Delia's bedroom?

533
00:42:34,298 --> 00:42:37,260
-We were trying to scare your mother.
-Stepmother.

534
00:42:37,427 --> 00:42:40,888
Anyway, you can't scare her.
She's sleeping with Prince Valium tonight.

535
00:42:44,308 --> 00:42:47,937
You did this?
You carved all these little houses and things?

536
00:42:48,104 --> 00:42:49,313
Mmmm.

537
00:42:49,480 --> 00:42:51,357
And this used to be your house.

538
00:42:52,316 --> 00:42:54,610
Why do you want to scare everybody?

539
00:42:54,777 --> 00:42:57,613
Well, we wanted to frighten you
so you would move out.

540
00:42:57,780 --> 00:42:59,365
[laughs]

541
00:42:59,532 --> 00:43:01,367
You don't know the Deetzes very well.

542
00:43:01,534 --> 00:43:05,204
My father bought this place.
He never walks away from equity.

543
00:43:05,580 --> 00:43:07,540
-Why don't you leave?
-We can't.

544
00:43:07,707 --> 00:43:09,625
We haven't left the house since the funeral.

545
00:43:10,668 --> 00:43:12,336
Funeral.

546
00:43:12,503 --> 00:43:15,173
God. You guys really are dead.

547
00:43:17,592 --> 00:43:18,843
This is amazing.

548
00:43:19,469 --> 00:43:22,221
-[Charles] Lydia.
-[sighs] I better go.

549
00:43:22,305 --> 00:43:25,850
Wait. I don't think it's a very good idea
to tell your parents that we're up here.

550
00:43:25,933 --> 00:43:28,269
Not unless you think it'll frighten them away.

551
00:43:28,352 --> 00:43:30,104
You tell them that we are horrible

552
00:43:30,188 --> 00:43:34,734
desperate, ghoulish creatures
who will stop at nothing to get our house back.

553
00:43:36,986 --> 00:43:41,199
What if this is a dream? Can you guys do
any tricks to prove I'm not dreaming?

554
00:43:45,203 --> 00:43:50,124
Well, if you are real ghosts, you guys better
get another routine because those sheets...

555
00:43:50,208 --> 00:43:52,210
they don't work.

556
00:44:01,677 --> 00:44:02,887
[Delia] Ghosts.

557
00:44:03,054 --> 00:44:05,348
You're telling me we have ghosts in this house.

558
00:44:05,515 --> 00:44:08,059
Those pictures are of ghosts. Are they?

559
00:44:08,226 --> 00:44:09,477
Ghosts.

560
00:44:10,603 --> 00:44:13,606
Lydia, I am giving a dinner party
tonight for seven people.

561
00:44:13,773 --> 00:44:17,318
My agent, Bernard, is bringing a woman
who writes for <i>Art in America.</i>

562
00:44:17,485 --> 00:44:21,739
In fact, no one dining here this evening
has not been in <i>Vanity Fair</i> except you.

563
00:44:21,906 --> 00:44:23,908
I told them you were too mean to be afraid.

564
00:44:24,075 --> 00:44:25,910
Don't you dare speak to others about me.

565
00:44:25,993 --> 00:44:30,081
All that scares me is being embarrassed
in front of the few hip people I can get here.

566
00:44:30,164 --> 00:44:32,708
So let's play family just for tonight, hmm?

567
00:44:38,589 --> 00:44:40,591
Lydia's trying, but they don't believe her.

568
00:44:40,758 --> 00:44:42,844
She's got photos, Barbara.

569
00:44:43,010 --> 00:44:45,763
Adam, you had a photo of Bigfoot.

570
00:44:46,430 --> 00:44:49,433
My photo of Bigfoot is a different story.

571
00:44:49,600 --> 00:44:51,269
Anyhow, we've gotta get some help here.

572
00:44:51,435 --> 00:44:54,105
We've gotta contact this guy, Betelmeyer,
or something.

573
00:45:01,654 --> 00:45:03,239
Adam.

574
00:45:07,577 --> 00:45:08,619
Look.

575
00:45:13,457 --> 00:45:15,293
It's him. Betelgeuse.

576
00:45:17,086 --> 00:45:18,588
Betelgeuse.

577
00:45:20,339 --> 00:45:22,592
Go ahead, Barbara, say it.

578
00:45:23,426 --> 00:45:25,136
Betelgeuse.

579
00:45:29,098 --> 00:45:30,808
What happened?

580
00:45:31,934 --> 00:45:34,103
I think we're in the model.

581
00:45:37,481 --> 00:45:38,900
Hey, look at that.

582
00:46:02,506 --> 00:46:04,133
Well, where is he? What do we do?

583
00:46:08,179 --> 00:46:10,181
Looks like we dig, Barbara.
584
00:46:17,855 --> 00:46:19,190
[Adam grunts]

585
00:46:40,544 --> 00:46:42,338
Oh, it's about time.

586
00:46:50,763 --> 00:46:53,683
-I say we open it.
-Maybe we should knock first.

587
00:46:53,766 --> 00:46:57,353
[rumbling]

588
00:47:04,068 --> 00:47:05,403
Yeah.

589
00:47:12,159 --> 00:47:14,704
Adam. Babs.

590
00:47:21,627 --> 00:47:23,087
Boy, do you know how to pick them.

591
00:47:23,170 --> 00:47:25,631
Is this relationship really solid?
Do I have a shot at her?

592
00:47:25,756 --> 00:47:27,925
-Excuse me.
-Sure. Am I overstepping my bounds?

593
00:47:28,092 --> 00:47:30,761
Just tell me. Come on.
Know what's really beautiful about this?

594
00:47:30,928 --> 00:47:33,556
You two kids picked me.
You didn't have to, but you picked me.

595
00:47:33,723 --> 00:47:36,350
It makes me want to kiss you guys.
Come on, give me one.

596
00:47:36,517 --> 00:47:38,519
-No!
-I beg your pardon.
597
00:47:38,686 --> 00:47:40,438
All right, let's get down to business.

598
00:47:40,604 --> 00:47:43,566
I've got a card around here somewhere.
Here. Who do I have to kill?

599
00:47:43,691 --> 00:47:45,651
Here, hold that for me, will you?

600
00:47:45,735 --> 00:47:46,861
-[rat squeaks]
-Whoa! Ah!

601
00:47:47,028 --> 00:47:49,238
-There you go.
-You don't have to kill anybody.

602
00:47:49,405 --> 00:47:50,656
Ah, possession. Good.

603
00:47:50,781 --> 00:47:53,951
[Betelgeuse] Learn to throw your voice.
Fool your friends. Fun at parties.

604
00:47:54,118 --> 00:47:57,163
[in normal voice] no. We just wanna
get some people out of our house.

605
00:47:57,329 --> 00:48:01,917
I understand. Well, look, in order to do that
I'm really gonna have to get to know you guys.

606
00:48:02,084 --> 00:48:04,587
We've got to get closer.
Move in with you for a while.

607
00:48:04,754 --> 00:48:07,089
Get to be real pals.
You know what I'm saying? In--

608
00:48:07,256 --> 00:48:08,549
[snorts]

609
00:48:08,632 --> 00:48:10,134
-Save that guy for later, huh?
-Ugh!

610
00:48:10,217 --> 00:48:12,511
My wife and I would like to ask
a couple of questions.

611
00:48:12,636 --> 00:48:16,932
-Sure, sure, sure. Go ahead. Shoot.
-For instance, uh, what are your qualifications?

612
00:48:17,099 --> 00:48:21,187
[in cultured voice] Ah. Well, I attended Juilliard.
I'm a graduate of the Harvard Business School.

613
00:48:21,270 --> 00:48:24,690
I travel, lived through the Black Plague,
and had a pretty good time during that.

614
00:48:24,774 --> 00:48:27,401
[in normal voice]
I've seen <i>The Exorcist</i> about 167 times

615
00:48:27,568 --> 00:48:31,197
and it keeps getting funnier
every single time I see it.

616
00:48:31,363 --> 00:48:34,075
Not to mention the fact
that you're talking to a dead guy.

617
00:48:34,241 --> 00:48:37,328
Now, what do you think?
You think I'm qualified?

618
00:48:38,370 --> 00:48:40,331
What I mean is, can you be scary?

619
00:48:40,498 --> 00:48:41,540
Oh! Oh.

620
00:48:41,707 --> 00:48:44,502
I know what you're asking me.
Can I be scary?

621
00:48:45,419 --> 00:48:47,004
What do you think of this?
622
00:48:47,129 --> 00:48:48,172
[both scream]

623
00:48:48,339 --> 00:48:49,757
You like it?

624
00:48:50,800 --> 00:48:54,303
-Will you excuse us, please?
-Sure. Talk amongst yourselves.

625
00:48:54,470 --> 00:48:57,681
-Adam, let's go.
-I know, but I think he can be useful later.

626
00:48:57,848 --> 00:49:00,351
-[Barbara] We can work something out.
-Oh, yeah.

627
00:49:00,434 --> 00:49:02,269
-[Barbara] Hey, hey, hey.
-[Adam] Excuse me.

628
00:49:02,353 --> 00:49:05,523
-What?
-Excuse me. We are leaving now.

629
00:49:05,689 --> 00:49:07,691
Oh, come on. Don't go yet.

630
00:49:07,858 --> 00:49:10,236
Hey, guy, come on. We're simpatico here.

631
00:49:10,361 --> 00:49:12,446
Look at us, huh?
we even shop at the same store.

632
00:49:12,613 --> 00:49:14,281
Hey, <i>hermano.</i>

633
00:49:14,448 --> 00:49:16,075
Yeah, there you go.

634
00:49:17,284 --> 00:49:20,579
Hey, come on. We're like peas in a pod,
the three of us. Let's face it.
635
00:49:20,746 --> 00:49:25,042
You want somebody out of the house.
I want to get somebody out of your house.

636
00:49:25,126 --> 00:49:28,546
Look. We've been to Saturn.
Hey, I've been to Saturn.

637
00:49:28,712 --> 00:49:31,132
Whoa. Sandworms.

638
00:49:31,298 --> 00:49:34,468
You hate them, right?
I hate them myself.

639
00:49:34,635 --> 00:49:38,347
Come on, kids, what do I have to do
to strike a deal with you two, huh?

640
00:49:39,515 --> 00:49:41,559
[screaming]

641
00:49:45,604 --> 00:49:47,815
-Don't you hate it when that happens?
-Let's go.

642
00:49:47,982 --> 00:49:52,069
Wait a minute. Just come up for a while.
We'll talk inside. Come on. Come on.

643
00:49:52,236 --> 00:49:54,572
-[Barbara] I'm not staying here.
-The place is a mess.

644
00:49:54,738 --> 00:49:57,324
-We have to get out of here.
-I'II fix you something to eat.

645
00:49:57,491 --> 00:49:58,868
Home. Home. Home.

646
00:50:00,661 --> 00:50:04,081
-Barbara, how did you do that?
-Hope you like Italian.

647
00:50:04,248 --> 00:50:07,168
Where'd you go? Hey, come on.
Hey, where'd you go?

648
00:50:07,251 --> 00:50:09,753
Aw! Hey. Come on.
You've got to work with me here.

649
00:50:09,920 --> 00:50:12,590
I'm just trying to cut a deal.
What do you want me to do?

650
00:50:12,756 --> 00:50:14,091
Where are you?

651
00:50:14,258 --> 00:50:16,594
You bunch of losers!

652
00:50:16,760 --> 00:50:19,597
You're working with a professional here.

653
00:50:23,976 --> 00:50:25,144
Nice fucking model.

654
00:50:25,227 --> 00:50:26,270
[honking]

655
00:50:26,437 --> 00:50:28,814
[Barbara] See, we can do this stuff on our own.

656
00:50:28,981 --> 00:50:32,026
Besides, I'm not exposing that little girl
to that pervert down there.

657
00:50:32,193 --> 00:50:35,070
Barbara, we did call him,
and he seemed awfully pissed off.

658
00:50:35,237 --> 00:50:36,780
I don't care. I've changed my mind.

659
00:50:36,947 --> 00:50:40,492
Listen, I think we can scare them off
ourselves, tonight.

660
00:50:40,659 --> 00:50:42,161
I have an idea.

661
00:50:49,585 --> 00:50:51,795
I think what you did with the place is wonderful.

662
00:50:51,962 --> 00:50:53,964
[whispering] Not me. Them.

663
00:50:54,965 --> 00:50:57,051
-80?
-Oh. Um.

664
00:50:57,218 --> 00:50:58,969
[Bernard clears throat]

665
00:50:59,136 --> 00:51:00,471
Uh.

666
00:51:01,013 --> 00:51:02,723
You like them.

667
00:51:03,807 --> 00:51:07,311
I just hope it wasn't yet another
of your dreary suicide attempts.

668
00:51:07,478 --> 00:51:10,147
You know what they say about people
who commit suicide?

669
00:51:10,314 --> 00:51:13,108
In the afterlife, they become civil servants.

670
00:51:13,275 --> 00:51:15,569
[chuckling]

671
00:51:15,736 --> 00:51:18,489
Otho, I didn't realize
you were into the supernatural.

672
00:51:18,656 --> 00:51:20,658
Well, of course. You remember.

673
00:51:20,824 --> 00:51:23,577
After my stint with The Living Theatre

674
00:51:23,911 --> 00:51:27,373
I was one of New York City's
leading paranormal researchers

675
00:51:27,456 --> 00:51:29,250
until the bottom dropped out in '72.

676
00:51:29,333 --> 00:51:32,962
Paranormal? Is that what
they're calling your kind these days?

677
00:51:33,212 --> 00:51:37,841
Don't mind her. She's still upset because
somebody dropped a house on her sister.

678
00:51:41,136 --> 00:51:43,681
Well, this looks really good.

679
00:51:45,057 --> 00:51:46,433
I saw some ghosts.

680
00:51:53,065 --> 00:51:56,610
-It's a little private joke that Lydia and I share.
-It's not a joke.

681
00:51:56,777 --> 00:52:01,031
Yes, it is. Just today she tried to convince me
that this house is haunted.

682
00:52:03,284 --> 00:52:05,828
Kids. You know, I love them.

683
00:52:07,204 --> 00:52:10,416
-By ghosts?
-In designer sheets, no less.

684
00:52:11,458 --> 00:52:14,336
I'd like to propose a toast to our intrepid friends

685
00:52:14,503 --> 00:52:17,715
who braved the expressway
and two dozen tollbooths to be with us.

686
00:52:17,881 --> 00:52:19,550
May your buildings go condo.

687
00:52:21,176 --> 00:52:24,179
Now, Lydia, favor us about your ghosts.

688
00:52:24,346 --> 00:52:26,724
No. I am sick of that subject.

689
00:52:26,890 --> 00:52:29,059
Oh, Delia, lighten up.

690
00:52:29,226 --> 00:52:31,437
I would rather talk about--

691
00:52:36,984 --> 00:52:39,987
[singing "Day-O"
in Harry Belafonte's voice]

692
00:52:40,070 --> 00:52:42,031
<i>♪ Day-O ♪</i>

693
00:52:42,948 --> 00:52:46,243
♪ Daylight come and me wan' go home ♪

694
00:52:46,327 --> 00:52:48,245
That's cute, Delia.

695
00:52:48,370 --> 00:52:52,207
♪ Day, me say day, me say day, me say day ♪

696
00:52:52,291 --> 00:52:53,625
[chuckles]

697
00:52:55,544 --> 00:53:00,507
♪ Daylight come and me wan' go home ♪

698
00:53:00,674 --> 00:53:02,468
Otho, are you doing this?

699
00:53:02,551 --> 00:53:06,388
♪ Work all night on a drink of rum ♪

700
00:53:06,472 --> 00:53:10,225
♪ Daylight come and me wan' go home ♪

701
00:53:10,309 --> 00:53:13,729
♪ Stack banana 'til de mornin' come ♪
702
00:53:14,355 --> 00:53:18,400
[all singing]
<i>♪ Daylight come and me wan' go home ♪</i>

703
00:53:18,484 --> 00:53:22,363
<i>♪ Come, mister tally man, tally me banana ♪</i>

704
00:53:22,446 --> 00:53:25,491
♪ Daylight come and me wan' go home ♪

705
00:53:25,574 --> 00:53:29,661
♪ Come, mister tally man, tally me banana ♪

706
00:53:29,745 --> 00:53:33,290
<i>♪ Daylight come and me wan' go home ♪</i>

707
00:53:33,374 --> 00:53:37,127
♪ Lift six foot, seven foot, eight foot bunch ♪

708
00:53:37,211 --> 00:53:41,465
♪ Daylight come and me wan' go home ♪

709
00:53:41,548 --> 00:53:45,386
<i>♪ Lift six foot, seven foot, eight foot bunch ♪</i>

710
00:53:45,469 --> 00:53:48,931
♪ Daylight come and me wan' go home ♪

711
00:53:49,014 --> 00:53:52,726
<i>♪ Day, me say Day-O ♪</i>

712
00:53:52,810 --> 00:53:56,730
<i>♪ Daylight come and me wan' go home ♪</i>

713
00:53:56,814 --> 00:54:01,610
<i>♪ Day, me say day, me say day, me say day ♪</i>

714
00:54:01,693 --> 00:54:04,780
<i>♪ Daylight come and me wan' go home ♪</i>

715
00:54:04,863 --> 00:54:09,159
<i>♪ A beautiful bunch o' ripe banana ♪</i>

716
00:54:09,243 --> 00:54:12,579
<i>♪ Daylight come and me wan' go home ♪</i>

717
00:54:12,663 --> 00:54:16,834
<i>♪ Hide the deadly black tarantula ♪</i>

718
00:54:16,917 --> 00:54:20,421
<i>♪ Daylight come and me wan' go home ♪</i>

719
00:54:21,338 --> 00:54:23,757
[all screaming]

720
00:54:30,431 --> 00:54:31,807
We did it.

721
00:54:33,434 --> 00:54:35,185
Let's watch them scatter.

722
00:54:35,352 --> 00:54:38,856
Any minute now they're gonna come
running out of that door screaming.

723
00:54:42,234 --> 00:54:43,735
Any minute now.

724
00:54:45,571 --> 00:54:47,573
[knocking on door]

725
00:54:50,826 --> 00:54:52,536
[Lydia] It's me, Lydia.

726
00:54:55,914 --> 00:54:57,708
They want you to come downstairs.

727
00:54:58,208 --> 00:55:01,378
Delia says you can wear any sheets you want.

728
00:55:02,254 --> 00:55:04,715
It was like being in an amusement park.

729
00:55:04,882 --> 00:55:06,049
[laughing] Wham!

730
00:55:06,216 --> 00:55:10,053
-I didn't even know I could do the Calypso.
-Who has more fun than us?

731
00:55:10,220 --> 00:55:12,890
We're dealing with Tracy and Hepburn here.

732
00:55:13,056 --> 00:55:16,685
A very sophisticated pair.
I mean, they even appear in sheets.

733
00:55:16,852 --> 00:55:18,061
[laughs]

734
00:55:18,228 --> 00:55:21,398
Charles, what I wanna know is
why didn't you tell us about this before?

735
00:55:21,482 --> 00:55:22,357
Well...

736
00:55:22,441 --> 00:55:24,485
Well, we're not even sure
we want our secret out.

737
00:55:24,568 --> 00:55:27,571
I mean, everyone's gonna want them
for their parties, ha, ha.

738
00:55:27,696 --> 00:55:30,032
People will pay big money for this, right, Grace?

739
00:55:30,115 --> 00:55:33,577
The <i>Enquirer</i> is offering $50,000
for proof of life after death.

740
00:55:33,744 --> 00:55:35,245
[Delia] Fifty thousand?

741
00:55:35,412 --> 00:55:38,415
This is it, Charles.
You can get Maxie Dean up here now.

742
00:55:38,832 --> 00:55:42,127
-You think so?
-Sarah loves the supernatural.

743
00:55:42,294 --> 00:55:47,424
She'll have him sprint up here in his helicopter
if you can produce ghosts for her.

744
00:55:48,759 --> 00:55:49,927
Oh, Charles.

745
00:55:50,844 --> 00:55:53,514
I should remind you all that I am Delia's agent.

746
00:55:53,680 --> 00:55:56,266
l have consistently lost money
on her work for years.

747
00:55:56,433 --> 00:55:58,936
If anything actually happened here,
I shall handle it.

748
00:55:59,102 --> 00:56:01,396
But not until I've seen some real proof.

749
00:56:01,563 --> 00:56:05,400
-But, Bernard, what about this table?
-What just happened, what was that?

750
00:56:05,567 --> 00:56:07,444
And what money?
Don't you believe in my work?

751
00:56:07,611 --> 00:56:08,862
[Charles] Ah-ah-ah!

752
00:56:09,029 --> 00:56:10,572
Here's Lydia.

753
00:56:11,365 --> 00:56:14,284
-Well?
-They don't want to come down.

754
00:56:15,494 --> 00:56:17,204
[Delia] Charles.

755
00:56:21,625 --> 00:56:23,460
Why not?

756
00:56:24,253 --> 00:56:28,882
I think the reason is that they were trying to
scare you away, and you didn't get scared.

757
00:56:29,550 --> 00:56:32,886
Please, they're dead. It's a little late to be neurotic.

758
00:56:36,139 --> 00:56:37,516
All right.

759
00:56:43,522 --> 00:56:47,609
This was not a hallucination. This was real.

760
00:56:47,776 --> 00:56:52,906
We all just experienced a very super-powerful
paranormal experience and it was real.

761
00:56:53,073 --> 00:56:57,119
Delia, you are a flake.
You have always been a flake.

762
00:56:57,286 --> 00:57:00,956
If you insist on frightening people,
do it with your sculpture.

763
00:57:02,874 --> 00:57:04,251
[Charles] Drive carefully.

764
00:57:04,418 --> 00:57:06,336
-I'm dead.
-Where do they hide out?

765
00:57:06,920 --> 00:57:09,590
-The attic.
-The attic's locked.

766
00:57:10,048 --> 00:57:12,259
They're ghosts, Dad.
They can do what they want.

767
00:57:12,426 --> 00:57:16,096
Yeah, they do whatever they want.
Lydia, you take us up there right now.

768
00:57:21,852 --> 00:57:25,188
Fabulous. Otho Fenlock's
"Locked Door Ghosts."

769
00:57:25,355 --> 00:57:26,940
Probably committed suicide up there.

770
00:57:27,107 --> 00:57:29,276
-I'm totally enchanted.
[Delia] They're in there?

771
00:57:29,443 --> 00:57:32,362
-They must live like animals.
-It's locked. How did they get in?

772
00:57:32,529 --> 00:57:35,324
Open this door, you dead people,
or we'll bust it down

773
00:57:35,490 --> 00:57:37,909
and drag you out by the ropes
you hanged yourself with!

774
00:57:38,035 --> 00:57:40,537
-Shh! they didn't commit suicide.
-It doesn't matter.

775
00:57:40,704 --> 00:57:44,124
I have a chance to teach you something.
Take the upper hand in all situations

776
00:57:44,291 --> 00:57:46,960
or people, whether dead or alive,
will walk all over you.

777
00:57:47,127 --> 00:57:49,129
Open up!

778
00:58:00,849 --> 00:58:02,434
So where are they?

779
00:58:02,601 --> 00:58:05,145
Listen, you guys,
these ghosts are really nice people.

780
00:58:05,312 --> 00:58:08,649
I think we scared them away,
so let's just leave them alone, all right?

781
00:58:08,940 --> 00:58:12,361
It's the whole damn town.
782
00:58:13,111 --> 00:58:17,741
l have never been so embarrassed.
They haven't gone for good, have they?

783
00:58:18,575 --> 00:58:20,243
Hmm.

784
00:58:24,164 --> 00:58:28,418
-[Charles] Beep, beep.
-Dad, don't. Come on, let's just go.

785
00:58:40,263 --> 00:58:41,848
No ghosts here.

786
00:58:44,643 --> 00:58:47,562
Come on. If they are in here,
I don't want to scare them away.

787
00:58:50,107 --> 00:58:53,151
Well, we're leaving now.
You can go about your business.

788
00:58:55,529 --> 00:58:58,365
-[Charles] What are we doing?
-[Delia] Quick, quick, quick.

789
00:59:02,077 --> 00:59:04,371
[Betelgeuse laughing]

790
00:59:05,706 --> 00:59:09,543
Oh, boy. You guys are really
a couple of spooksters, aren't you?

791
00:59:09,710 --> 00:59:13,380
Now, let's turn on the juice
and see what shakes loose.

792
00:59:16,133 --> 00:59:19,636
Otho, you get Maxie on the phone right away.
We've really got something here.

793
00:59:19,761 --> 00:59:23,890
We can turn this place into the world's
leading supernatural research center.

794
00:59:24,057 --> 00:59:27,310
An amusement park. I'll make the presentation.
Lydia will bring the ghosts.

795
00:59:27,394 --> 00:59:30,272
I can't bring the ghosts, Dad. They're not here.

796
00:59:30,355 --> 00:59:34,776
-Otho, can't you do something?
-Perhaps. If I'm properly motivated.

797
00:59:36,820 --> 00:59:39,573
Just what type of motivation do you require, Otho?

798
00:59:39,740 --> 00:59:43,326
[Lydia] Why don't you leave them alone?
They didn't do anything to you.

799
00:59:43,994 --> 00:59:45,328
[hissing and rattling]

800
00:59:51,918 --> 00:59:52,961
[Delia gasps]

801
00:59:53,837 --> 00:59:55,464
[hissing] Hi.

802
00:59:55,630 --> 00:59:56,965
[screams]

803
00:59:59,634 --> 01:00:00,844
[screams]

804
01:00:00,927 --> 01:00:01,970
[chuckling]

805
01:00:11,438 --> 01:00:13,106
Whoa!

806
01:00:14,483 --> 01:00:16,485
[Betelgeuse laughs]

807
01:00:31,291 --> 01:00:33,502
We've come for your daughter, Chuck.

808
01:00:34,669 --> 01:00:38,006
-Stop. Stop!
-No. Ah!

809
01:00:41,218 --> 01:00:42,385
Yeah.

810
01:00:47,724 --> 01:00:50,519
-Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse, Betelgeuse.
-Oh, no.

811
01:00:53,271 --> 01:00:54,856
Why are you doing this?

812
01:00:56,066 --> 01:00:58,318
Leave me alone, all of you.

813
01:01:02,197 --> 01:01:04,658
Great choice we got here.
We get to spend the next century

814
01:01:04,825 --> 01:01:07,285
either hanging out the window
or doing parlor tricks.

815
01:01:07,452 --> 01:01:10,121
Maybe they'll leave now.
That snake was a pretty nasty customer.

816
01:01:10,205 --> 01:01:12,249
-Well, he could've hurt somebody.
-But he didn't.

817
01:01:12,415 --> 01:01:15,502
-We've got them right where we want them.
-[tires screech, then crashing]

818
01:01:18,964 --> 01:01:23,009
You bunch of losers. How dare you
interrupt a professional while he's working.

819
01:01:23,176 --> 01:01:25,762
I'm not fond of Charles Deetz,
but you could've killed him.

820
01:01:25,929 --> 01:01:29,099
Hey, I'm just doing my job.
Besides, I thought we had a deal.

821
01:01:29,933 --> 01:01:32,394
Hey, it's okay. You know why?

822
01:01:32,561 --> 01:01:36,231
I don't wanna do business
with you deadbeats anyway, thank you.

823
01:01:36,314 --> 01:01:40,151
The only one I think I can deal with
is Edgar Allan Poe's daughter.

824
01:01:40,277 --> 01:01:42,612
-I think she understands me.
-You leave her alone, you--

825
01:01:43,613 --> 01:01:45,323
-Ow!
-[Betelgeuse laughing]

826
01:01:55,000 --> 01:01:57,294
Go ahead, make my millennium.

827
01:01:57,460 --> 01:02:00,130
[laughing]

828
01:02:03,300 --> 01:02:04,676
Yeah.

829
01:02:04,843 --> 01:02:08,763
I'm feeling a little, uh, ooh, anxious,
if you know what I mean.

830
01:02:08,930 --> 01:02:11,308
It's been about 600 years, after all.

831
01:02:11,474 --> 01:02:15,145
I wonder where a guy,
an everyday Joe like myself,

832
01:02:15,312 --> 01:02:17,314
can find a little action.

833
01:02:17,480 --> 01:02:18,815
[woman] Hi.
834
01:02:19,691 --> 01:02:21,151
Yeah.

835
01:02:25,196 --> 01:02:26,990
[woman] Come on. Come on in.

836
01:02:27,073 --> 01:02:29,242
[dance music playing]

837
01:02:34,372 --> 01:02:36,499
Oh, yeah. Here I come, baby.

838
01:02:40,170 --> 01:02:42,756
Oh, yeah. Hey, Adam, nice move.

839
01:02:44,257 --> 01:02:46,801
-Adam, why did you build that?
-I didn't.

840
01:02:52,599 --> 01:02:55,936
[woman over pa] <i>All new arrivals
report to waiting room number 8.</i>

841
01:02:56,019 --> 01:02:59,356
-[chattering]
-Will you guys shut up and leave me alone?

842
01:02:59,522 --> 01:03:01,691
I've got all this paperwork to do.

843
01:03:04,152 --> 01:03:06,112
You two, come in here. Sit down.

844
01:03:06,279 --> 01:03:08,198
Get in here, both of you.

845
01:03:11,826 --> 01:03:16,373
The whorehouse was my idea.
I want Betelgeuse out of the picture.

846
01:03:17,123 --> 01:03:19,668
Oh, you two have really screwed up.

847
01:03:19,834 --> 01:03:22,712
I received word that you allowed yourselves
to be photographed.

848
01:03:22,879 --> 01:03:25,715
And you let Betelgeuse out
and didn't put him back.

849
01:03:25,882 --> 01:03:28,176
And you let Otho get hold of the handbook.

850
01:03:28,343 --> 01:03:29,636
The handbook? When?

851
01:03:30,637 --> 01:03:33,139
Never trust the living.

852
01:03:33,306 --> 01:03:35,976
We cannot have a routine haunting like yours

853
01:03:36,142 --> 01:03:40,230
provide proof that there is existence beyond death.

854
01:03:40,397 --> 01:03:43,817
-Coach. Coach, where's the men's room?
-[players] Yeah.

855
01:03:43,942 --> 01:03:46,569
I'm not your coach. He survived.

856
01:03:46,736 --> 01:03:51,074
Wait, coach, let me get something straight.
What's our curfew around here?

857
01:03:51,157 --> 01:03:53,159
-Will you get out of here?
-Whoa!

858
01:03:53,326 --> 01:03:55,578
Go on, get downstairs. "Men's room."

859
01:03:55,745 --> 01:03:58,248
Are you kidding? Can't you read signs?

860
01:03:58,665 --> 01:04:00,417
I'll be right back.
861
01:04:00,834 --> 01:04:03,461
[football player] come on. Get out of my way.

862
01:04:12,303 --> 01:04:14,556
Maybe this was all a bad idea.

863
01:04:14,723 --> 01:04:16,725
I didn't say anything.

864
01:04:18,685 --> 01:04:21,730
Oh, who are we kidding, Charles?
You've never had a bad idea.

865
01:04:21,896 --> 01:04:23,064
Yeah?

866
01:04:25,233 --> 01:04:27,485
Yeah, this could all work out.

867
01:04:29,112 --> 01:04:30,405
Home.

868
01:04:31,990 --> 01:04:33,116
Though...

869
01:04:33,867 --> 01:04:36,536
I'm not sure that this is
the right environment for Lydia.

870
01:04:36,703 --> 01:04:39,247
-Snakes. Ghosts.
-Shrimp.

871
01:04:40,457 --> 01:04:42,042
You family types.

872
01:04:42,208 --> 01:04:46,004
You've got other things to worry about.
Maxie Dean's coming up here tonight.

873
01:04:46,171 --> 01:04:49,966
You've got to figure out a way to sell these ghosts.
I can only do so much.

874
01:04:50,133 --> 01:04:53,261
What are you gonna do, Otho?
Viciously rearrange their environment?

875
01:04:53,428 --> 01:04:57,766
I know just as much about the supernatural
as I do about interior design.

876
01:05:05,440 --> 01:05:06,983
[Lydia] "I am...

877
01:05:07,150 --> 01:05:08,860
alone."

878
01:05:18,828 --> 01:05:20,705
"I am...

879
01:05:20,872 --> 01:05:22,624
utterly...

880
01:05:22,791 --> 01:05:24,000
alone.

881
01:05:25,460 --> 01:05:27,504
By the time...

882
01:05:28,838 --> 01:05:29,964
you read this...

883
01:05:31,091 --> 01:05:32,842
IwiII...

884
01:05:33,009 --> 01:05:34,844
be gone.

885
01:05:35,845 --> 01:05:38,640
Having jumped--

886
01:05:39,891 --> 01:05:43,353
Having plummeted...

887
01:05:43,520 --> 01:05:50,110
off the Winter River Bridge."

888
01:05:50,276 --> 01:05:52,946
So I don't care what it takes.
889
01:05:53,113 --> 01:05:55,782
You get the Deetzes out of there now.

890
01:05:55,949 --> 01:05:59,202
-[woman over pa] <i>Flight 409 arriving.</i>
-Whoa, wait a minute.

891
01:05:59,786 --> 01:06:03,039
-[woman over pa] <i>Flight 409 is arriving at gate 31.</i>
-What are you going to do?

892
01:06:03,123 --> 01:06:04,833
To scare them.

893
01:06:04,999 --> 01:06:07,794
I want to make sure
it's not some silly parlor trick.

894
01:06:09,087 --> 01:06:10,130
I'll go first, honey.

895
01:06:20,306 --> 01:06:21,641
[Adam grunts]

896
01:06:24,185 --> 01:06:25,854
[squishing]

897
01:06:32,902 --> 01:06:36,072
Not bad. Not bad. Now you.

898
01:06:37,240 --> 01:06:38,575
Go ahead.

899
01:06:52,297 --> 01:06:55,008
Okay, you look great.

900
01:06:55,175 --> 01:07:00,638
Now, go clean house and don't forget
the photographs and the damned handbook.

901
01:07:00,889 --> 01:07:03,766
[woman over pa]
<i>Please report to door number 9.</i>

902
01:07:03,975 --> 01:07:07,562
<i>All new arrivals,
report to Waiting Room Number 8.</i>

903
01:07:08,771 --> 01:07:11,691
-Coach?
-[Juno] What?

904
01:07:11,858 --> 01:07:14,235
I don't think we survived that crash.

905
01:07:14,652 --> 01:07:16,112
How did you guess?

906
01:07:19,532 --> 01:07:21,451
Mr. and Mrs. Maitland?

907
01:07:26,206 --> 01:07:27,832
Hello?

908
01:07:28,583 --> 01:07:31,461
-Where are you?
-[Betelgeuse] Dead.

909
01:07:32,128 --> 01:07:34,339
Dead, dead, deadski.

910
01:07:35,423 --> 01:07:37,383
Of course they're dead. They're ghosts.

911
01:07:37,550 --> 01:07:41,971
No, I mean they're gone. Split.
Out of here. Afterlife kids.

912
01:07:42,138 --> 01:07:45,475
-Deceased.
-Are you a ghost too?

913
01:07:46,392 --> 01:07:48,937
I'm the ghost with the most, babe.

914
01:07:51,272 --> 01:07:54,776
You know, you look like somebody I can relate to.

915
01:07:55,818 --> 01:07:58,321
Maybe you could help me get out of here,
you know,

916
01:07:58,404 --> 01:08:01,824
Because I gotta tell you, this, uh, death thing--

917
01:08:03,785 --> 01:08:05,119
[crunching]

918
01:08:05,203 --> 01:08:06,496
It's just too creepy.

919
01:08:06,871 --> 01:08:08,665
See, here's my problem.

920
01:08:08,831 --> 01:08:11,751
I got these friends on the outside
that I said I'd meet.

921
01:08:11,834 --> 01:08:14,420
It's the kind of thing
I have to be there in person, you know.

922
01:08:14,504 --> 01:08:17,674
So I was just wondering,
could you help me get out of here?

923
01:08:18,091 --> 01:08:19,133
I wanna get in.

924
01:08:20,969 --> 01:08:22,011
Why?

925
01:08:22,553 --> 01:08:25,265
Well, you know,
hey, you've probably got your reasons,

926
01:08:25,348 --> 01:08:27,600
but, the thing is,
I can't do anything from over here.

927
01:08:27,684 --> 01:08:32,188
If you could get me out, over there,
then maybe we could talk or something.

928
01:08:32,355 --> 01:08:36,025
But, you know, in order to do that
you've gotta say my name three times.

929
01:08:36,192 --> 01:08:38,069
What's your name?

930
01:08:38,236 --> 01:08:41,531
-Well, uh, I can't tell you.
-Why not?

931
01:08:41,698 --> 01:08:46,160
Because if I tell you, you tell your friends,
they're calling me on the horn all the time.

932
01:08:46,327 --> 01:08:50,039
I've gotta show up at shopping centers
for openings, sign autographs, shit like that.

933
01:08:50,206 --> 01:08:53,710
And it makes my life a hell, okay?
A living hell.

934
01:08:53,876 --> 01:08:58,548
But maybe if you have a pen, maybe we can--
Oh, I know! You ever play charades?

935
01:08:58,715 --> 01:09:00,508
-Yeah.
-Ah! Good. Good.

936
01:09:00,675 --> 01:09:02,510
Ahh, here we go then. Ready?

937
01:09:02,635 --> 01:09:06,139
-Um, two words.
-Right. Uh...

938
01:09:07,724 --> 01:09:10,101
First word, two syllables.

939
01:09:10,351 --> 01:09:12,145
Look.

940
01:09:12,312 --> 01:09:14,564
You know, just turn around.

941
01:09:15,523 --> 01:09:17,317
I don't know what your signal means.

942
01:09:17,400 --> 01:09:19,319
Turn around and look behind you.

943
01:09:20,445 --> 01:09:22,071
Hi. How are you?

944
01:09:22,196 --> 01:09:25,658
-[gasps] Beetle.
-Got it. Okay, now, two. Second one.

945
01:09:27,952 --> 01:09:31,247
Uh, breakfast? orange? orange beetle?

946
01:09:31,414 --> 01:09:33,249
Beetle fruit?

947
01:09:33,916 --> 01:09:35,251
Beetle breakfast?

948
01:09:36,044 --> 01:09:37,420
Beetle drink?

949
01:09:37,587 --> 01:09:40,298
-Uh, Beetle-- uh...
-Yeah.

950
01:09:40,381 --> 01:09:41,883
Beetle juice?

951
01:09:42,050 --> 01:09:44,552
-Yes. That's it.
-Your name's Betelgeuse?

952
01:09:44,719 --> 01:09:47,555
Ah! You said it twice.
Just say it once more. Come on.

953
01:09:47,722 --> 01:09:49,432
It was you, wasn't it?

954
01:09:49,599 --> 01:09:51,392
-Wha--? Me?
-The snake.
955
01:09:51,559 --> 01:09:54,395
No, what snake?
You kids and your imagination.

956
01:09:54,562 --> 01:09:56,022
Just say it.

957
01:09:56,439 --> 01:09:57,732
No.

958
01:09:58,775 --> 01:10:00,109
I want to talk to Barbara.

959
01:10:00,276 --> 01:10:03,780
No, you don't need to talk to Barbara.
Just say it.

960
01:10:07,283 --> 01:10:10,912
Oh, Adam, I can't go through with it.
I like that little girl.

961
01:10:11,079 --> 01:10:14,624
But, Barbara, honey, it's too late.
We have to go through with this.

962
01:10:14,791 --> 01:10:18,795
No, we don't.
I mean, can't we rebel or something?

963
01:10:19,212 --> 01:10:20,880
[Adam sighs]

964
01:10:21,464 --> 01:10:23,257
Barbara.

965
01:10:24,133 --> 01:10:26,427
Adam, I want to be with Lydia.

966
01:10:37,313 --> 01:10:39,899
Come on. Just say it.

967
01:10:40,817 --> 01:10:43,152
-[Adam] No!
-[Barbara] No! Lydia, don't say it.

968
01:10:43,319 --> 01:10:46,155
You. Say it.

969
01:10:46,322 --> 01:10:49,200
It's okay. It's okay. It's us.
What's going on?

970
01:10:50,326 --> 01:10:51,828
-BeteI--
-Shh!

971
01:10:51,994 --> 01:10:55,748
He told me that if I let him out
he would take me to the other side to find you.

972
01:10:56,290 --> 01:10:59,127
No, Lydia, we're dead.

973
01:11:00,211 --> 01:11:03,214
-I wanna be dead too.
-No.

974
01:11:04,632 --> 01:11:06,259
Lydia...

975
01:11:10,847 --> 01:11:13,850
being dead really doesn't
make things any easier.

976
01:11:14,308 --> 01:11:18,855
Listen to her on this, Lydia.
This is something we know a lot about.

977
01:11:19,021 --> 01:11:22,525
And you can come up here
and visit us anytime you want.

978
01:11:23,234 --> 01:11:26,571
I have a feeling things are going to be
a little better around here from now on.

979
01:11:26,737 --> 01:11:27,989
[grunting]

980
01:11:28,614 --> 01:11:30,283
What do you mean, better?
981
01:11:30,450 --> 01:11:35,246
Well, we've decided that we're going to
invite you and your family to stay.

982
01:11:35,997 --> 01:11:37,039
That's right, Lydia.

983
01:11:40,042 --> 01:11:41,169
[lock clicks]

984
01:11:42,253 --> 01:11:45,882
-[Otho] Why can't we just bring Maxie up here?
-You've got a stake in this too, Otho.

985
01:11:46,048 --> 01:11:50,511
This is a presentation.
It requires a sense of occasion, a sense of style.

986
01:11:50,595 --> 01:11:53,431
-It's so big. How will we get it out?
-It's sectional, get the ends.

987
01:11:53,514 --> 01:11:55,016
-Wait, there are plugs.
-Careful.

988
01:11:55,183 --> 01:11:56,642
Okay, go.

989
01:11:58,561 --> 01:12:01,564
-What's going on?
-I don't know. I'll go find out.

990
01:12:01,731 --> 01:12:03,566
Be careful.

991
01:12:04,609 --> 01:12:06,903
We've got Ed Cornwall
to head the wax museum

992
01:12:07,069 --> 01:12:11,199
dedicated to 50 great moments of
the paranormal here in Thanksgiving Park.

993
01:12:11,365 --> 01:12:14,035
Now, you must remember Ed, Maxie.
994
01:12:14,452 --> 01:12:18,789
He's the genius who gave us the talking
Marcel Marceau statue. It was a sensation.

995
01:12:19,499 --> 01:12:24,128
And d-CON is on its knees
to sponsor the insect zoo

996
01:12:24,295 --> 01:12:26,923
here in the old hardware store.

997
01:12:27,089 --> 01:12:28,424
We can't lose.

998
01:12:34,639 --> 01:12:36,682
Lydia, you finally decided to join us.

999
01:12:36,849 --> 01:12:39,060
Honey, I just, uh, finished
the initial presentation.

1000
01:12:39,185 --> 01:12:42,021
And now I think it's time to have a stretch

1001
01:12:42,188 --> 01:12:45,775
and to invite our friends
to meet your friends, okay?

1002
01:12:46,776 --> 01:12:48,277
Are they here yet?

1003
01:12:48,945 --> 01:12:52,198
Charles, we're here to see some ghosts.

1004
01:12:53,157 --> 01:12:55,535
They're not here anymore.

1005
01:12:58,246 --> 01:12:59,080
[scoffs]

1006
01:12:59,747 --> 01:13:05,294
Every time she says that, the paint peels
and, uh, some wild creature tries to kill us.

1007
01:13:06,837 --> 01:13:09,090
But we have these pictures, Lydia.

1008
01:13:09,257 --> 01:13:12,301
No, really. They said they might come back
and we could all live here

1009
01:13:12,468 --> 01:13:17,056
if you agreed not to tease them
or make them do stupid tricks.

1010
01:13:17,932 --> 01:13:20,309
She has such a tendency to overreact.

1011
01:13:20,476 --> 01:13:25,147
Don't worry, we're not relying on her.
We have Otho.

1012
01:13:27,483 --> 01:13:30,695
-Are they still here, Otho?
-Otho, are they still here?

1013
01:13:30,820 --> 01:13:34,490
Oh, they're still here.
They're just hiding out.

1014
01:13:35,324 --> 01:13:37,285
Probably feel guilty
about what they did to me.

1015
01:13:37,410 --> 01:13:39,036
They're sorry they didn't kill you.

1016
01:13:39,203 --> 01:13:42,582
Well, I don't know from guilt.
I just wanna see them.

1017
01:13:43,457 --> 01:13:45,209
Otho, can you do it?

1018
01:13:45,376 --> 01:13:49,297
-It'll be tricky, but I think I can handle it.
-No.

1019
01:13:53,426 --> 01:13:56,929
Wait. What am I worried about?
Otho, you can't even change a tire.
1020
01:13:59,807 --> 01:14:02,643
I'll be needing something personal of theirs.

1021
01:14:02,810 --> 01:14:04,812
You'll have to go to the Goodwill.

1022
01:14:08,024 --> 01:14:09,191
Excuse me.

1023
01:14:21,579 --> 01:14:23,414
The wedding clothes.

1024
01:14:25,082 --> 01:14:26,459
The words:

1025
01:14:34,759 --> 01:14:36,427
[chanting]
<i>Hands vermilion</i>

1026
01:14:36,886 --> 01:14:39,180
<i>Start of five</i>

1027
01:14:39,347 --> 01:14:40,890
<i>Bright cotillion</i>

1028
01:14:41,974 --> 01:14:44,268
<i>Raven's dive</i>

1029
01:14:44,435 --> 01:14:46,062
<i>Nightshade's promise</i>

1030
01:14:46,812 --> 01:14:49,523
<i>Spirits strive</i>

1031
01:14:49,690 --> 01:14:54,945
<i>To the living
Let now the dead come alive</i>

1032
01:15:07,833 --> 01:15:09,251
Barbara?

1033
01:15:10,086 --> 01:15:11,212
Barbara?
1034
01:15:11,379 --> 01:15:14,590
[chanting]
<i>As sudden thunder pierces night</i>

1035
01:15:14,757 --> 01:15:17,551
<i>As magic wonder mad affright</i>

1036
01:15:17,885 --> 01:15:20,930
<i>Rives asunder man's delight</i>

1037
01:15:21,097 --> 01:15:24,141
<i>Our ghost, our corpse</i>

1038
01:15:24,308 --> 01:15:26,102
<i>And we rise to be</i>

1039
01:15:29,355 --> 01:15:30,564
Oh, no.

1040
01:15:36,278 --> 01:15:37,446
[mouths] <i>Help.</i>

1041
01:15:37,613 --> 01:15:39,156
Barbara?

1042
01:15:45,955 --> 01:15:47,707
-Stop it.
-Shh!

1043
01:15:48,624 --> 01:15:49,667
[Lydia] No.

1044
01:15:49,834 --> 01:15:51,585
[Otho chanting]
<i>As flies the lizard</i>

1045
01:15:51,752 --> 01:15:53,295
<i>Serpent fell</i>

1046
01:15:53,462 --> 01:15:56,966
<i>As goblin vizard at the spell</i>

1047
01:15:57,133 --> 01:16:01,178
<i>The buried, dead and slain rise again</i>
1048
01:16:33,043 --> 01:16:35,045
[mouths] <i>Barbara ?</i>

1049
01:16:47,641 --> 01:16:48,851
What's happening to them?

1050
01:16:50,311 --> 01:16:51,937
I don't know.

1051
01:16:53,355 --> 01:16:54,398
They're dying.

1052
01:16:54,565 --> 01:16:57,485
No, they're not. They're already dead.
They can't feel a thing.

1053
01:16:58,569 --> 01:17:01,614
-That's not true. Look at them.
-[Charles] All right, that's enough now.

1054
01:17:01,989 --> 01:17:03,783
Can you stop this?

1055
01:17:04,867 --> 01:17:05,951
Otho.

1056
01:17:06,118 --> 01:17:08,454
It's too late, Charles. I'm sorry.

1057
01:17:15,795 --> 01:17:19,673
Where are you? Help them, please.

1058
01:17:22,468 --> 01:17:25,888
Sure, I can help them.
But you've gotta help me.

1059
01:17:26,055 --> 01:17:29,016
-What?
-Look, I'm what you might call an illegal alien.

1060
01:17:29,266 --> 01:17:33,604
I want out for good. In order for me to do that,
hey, I gotta get married.

1061
01:17:34,522 --> 01:17:38,734
Hey, these aren't my rules.
Come to think of it, I don't have any rules.

1062
01:17:40,194 --> 01:17:41,570
Come on. Come on.

1063
01:17:41,737 --> 01:17:45,407
Think of it as a marriage of inconvenience.
Okay? We both get something. I get out.

1064
01:17:45,574 --> 01:17:48,994
You get to say you're hitched with
the most eligible bachelor since Valentino.

1065
01:17:49,161 --> 01:17:52,498
-We're even, babe.
-Okay, just help them.

1066
01:17:54,750 --> 01:17:56,293
Sure.

1067
01:18:06,554 --> 01:18:07,596
Betelgeuse.

1068
01:18:09,557 --> 01:18:10,724
Betelgeuse.

1069
01:18:14,353 --> 01:18:15,396
Betelgeuse.

1070
01:18:16,272 --> 01:18:17,857
It's showtime.

1071
01:18:35,749 --> 01:18:37,585
Attention, Kmart shoppers.

1072
01:18:44,675 --> 01:18:45,759

1073
01:18:45,926 --> 01:18:47,928
[laughs]

1074
01:18:48,554 --> 01:18:52,641
Well, I'm back. I feel real good about myself.
You know what I mean?
1075
01:18:52,725 --> 01:18:55,269
So without further delay...

1076
01:18:56,645 --> 01:19:00,983
Welcome to Winter River Museum
of Natural Greed.

1077
01:19:01,150 --> 01:19:03,068
A monument to the bored businessman.

1078
01:19:03,235 --> 01:19:07,406
Come on, a little closer.
Step right up. Test your strength.

1079
01:19:21,837 --> 01:19:23,339
-[stammers]
-[laughs]

1080
01:19:29,136 --> 01:19:30,679
[Betelgeuse] Thank you.

1081
01:19:30,846 --> 01:19:33,015
Thank you. Whoo!

1082
01:19:33,933 --> 01:19:37,686
That is why I won't do two shows
a night anymore, babe.

1083
01:19:37,853 --> 01:19:39,355
I won't. I won't do them.

1084
01:19:39,521 --> 01:19:43,651
Well, what have we got here tonight, kids?

1085
01:19:44,652 --> 01:19:47,571
Ooh. Well, we've got the, uh, Maitlands.

1086
01:19:47,655 --> 01:19:50,532
I think they've had enough exercise for tonight.

1087
01:19:57,790 --> 01:20:00,751
Not so fast, Round Boy.
We're gonna have some laughs.

1088
01:20:00,918 --> 01:20:02,419
[cackles]

1089
01:20:04,546 --> 01:20:06,048
Otho.

1090
01:20:12,805 --> 01:20:14,473
[screams]

1091
01:20:15,057 --> 01:20:16,725
[Betelgeuse chuckles]

1092
01:20:16,892 --> 01:20:18,852
Come on, come on, come on.

1093
01:20:19,269 --> 01:20:20,604
Yeah.

1094
01:20:21,563 --> 01:20:23,315
Mom, Dad:

1095
01:20:25,693 --> 01:20:28,529
I just want you two to know
you're welcome in our house

1096
01:20:28,696 --> 01:20:30,906
anytime you want to come over.

1097
01:20:31,073 --> 01:20:34,743
In the meantime, the dowry's on me, Dad.

1098
01:20:37,246 --> 01:20:40,040
Well, the Maitlands are taken care of.

1099
01:20:40,207 --> 01:20:44,086
Everything seems to be
pretty much back to normal, I think.

1100
01:20:48,090 --> 01:20:49,383
Shall we?

1101
01:20:59,476 --> 01:21:02,062
Called the caterer. He's got a great band.

1102
01:21:02,229 --> 01:21:05,482
We're gonna need witnesses. Would you?
1103
01:21:38,474 --> 01:21:40,934
[screaming]

1104
01:21:55,365 --> 01:21:57,493
Come on. Let's go.
Let's get on with the ceremony.

1105
01:21:57,659 --> 01:21:59,244
Do you, BeteI--

1106
01:21:59,411 --> 01:22:00,662
Aah! Uh-uh!

1107
01:22:00,829 --> 01:22:04,917
-Nobody says the B word. Come on.
-[preacher] Do you take this woman

1108
01:22:05,084 --> 01:22:07,544
to be your wedded wife?

1109
01:22:07,628 --> 01:22:10,380
Oh, jeez, I don't know.
I mean, it's kind of a big decision.

1110
01:22:10,506 --> 01:22:14,384
I always said if I ever did it,
I was gonna do it once and that was it.

1111
01:22:15,594 --> 01:22:16,929
Sure. Yeah. Go ahead.

1112
01:22:17,096 --> 01:22:20,140
And you, do you, Lydia, take this man--

1113
01:22:20,307 --> 01:22:21,517
No. BeteI--

1114
01:22:23,268 --> 01:22:26,772
She's a little bit nervous.
Uh, maybe I should answer for her, okay?

1115
01:22:26,897 --> 01:22:29,108
[in Lydia's voice]
I'm Lydia and I'm of sound mind.
1116
01:22:29,274 --> 01:22:32,486
The man next to me is the one I want.
You asked me. I'm answering.

1117
01:22:32,653 --> 01:22:34,947
Yes, I love that man of mine.

1118
01:22:35,030 --> 01:22:37,241
-[in normal voice] Come on.
[preacher] Then by the--

1119
01:22:37,366 --> 01:22:39,201
BeteI--

1120
01:22:40,786 --> 01:22:42,955
Come on. Come on.

1121
01:22:43,163 --> 01:22:44,581
Betelgeu--

1122
01:22:45,624 --> 01:22:48,210
Hey. Hey. Hey.

1123
01:22:50,212 --> 01:22:51,463
Scram.

1124
01:22:53,257 --> 01:22:54,508
Come on.

1125
01:22:56,385 --> 01:22:57,886
Take a hike.

1126
01:23:01,014 --> 01:23:03,725
[preacher] May we continue with the ceremony?

1127
01:23:03,892 --> 01:23:05,352
[preacher clears throat]

1128
01:23:05,519 --> 01:23:07,563
-Then by--
-Betelgeuse.

1129
01:23:07,646 --> 01:23:08,814
[squeals]
1130
01:23:12,234 --> 01:23:15,279
-Betelgeuse.
-Oh, gee.

1131
01:23:17,656 --> 01:23:18,907
Strike.

1132
01:23:22,035 --> 01:23:23,620
Come on, let's get rolling now, rev.

1133
01:23:23,745 --> 01:23:26,748
Then by the authority vested in me--

1134
01:23:26,915 --> 01:23:29,585
-The ring, please.
-The ring. Oh, no.

1135
01:23:32,838 --> 01:23:34,923
Jewelry store. Here.

1136
01:23:35,090 --> 01:23:36,258
That's not it.

1137
01:23:37,759 --> 01:23:39,636
You know I got it, honey.

1138
01:23:46,101 --> 01:23:47,769
[sandworm growling]

1139
01:23:55,402 --> 01:23:58,030
-Here it is. Here you go.
-Ugh!

1140
01:23:58,197 --> 01:24:02,034
I'm telling you, honey, she meant nothing to me.
Nothing at all.

1141
01:24:07,706 --> 01:24:09,917
-I now pronounce you--
-Yeah, yeah, come on.

1142
01:24:11,668 --> 01:24:13,128
Man and--

1143
01:24:13,295 --> 01:24:14,963
Ow!

1144
01:24:15,130 --> 01:24:16,632
[both screaming]

1145
01:24:16,798 --> 01:24:18,550
[screams]

1146
01:24:43,784 --> 01:24:45,452
[chuckles]

1147
01:25:01,510 --> 01:25:04,012
-[girl] Bye.
-[Lydia] Bye.

1148
01:25:04,179 --> 01:25:06,014
Bye.

1149
01:25:06,181 --> 01:25:08,308
-Bye, you guys.
-Bye.

1150
01:25:12,646 --> 01:25:16,191
-What time is it, honey?
-It's about 3:30, I guess.

1151
01:25:16,358 --> 01:25:18,151
Give or take a year.

1152
01:25:20,570 --> 01:25:21,697
Hello?

1153
01:25:24,992 --> 01:25:26,493
Well?

1154
01:25:27,160 --> 01:25:28,203
Did you get the paints?

1155
01:25:28,370 --> 01:25:32,040
Yes. And I took pictures
of the new town hall for you too.

1156
01:25:32,124 --> 01:25:34,001
[Barbara] How'd you do on that science test?

1157
01:25:34,084 --> 01:25:36,962
It was gross.
They wanted me to dissect a frog.

1158
01:25:37,129 --> 01:25:40,674
I told them no way.
I said it was against my religion. 80 I got a C.

1159
01:25:41,425 --> 01:25:42,676
And how about the math test?

1160
01:25:44,303 --> 01:25:48,557
You have got to be kidding me.
We spent the whole week studying for that test.

1161
01:25:48,724 --> 01:25:50,392
I got an A.

1162
01:25:50,559 --> 01:25:52,519
So can I?

1163
01:25:53,061 --> 01:25:56,231
Well, I don't know.
Got a C on the science test.

1164
01:25:57,232 --> 01:25:59,818
Adam, don't tease her.
You never got on A in science--

1165
01:26:05,032 --> 01:26:06,241
Come on.

1166
01:26:07,826 --> 01:26:09,536
Well...

1167
01:26:10,412 --> 01:26:11,705
I suppose.

1168
01:26:16,126 --> 01:26:19,755
[Harry Belafonte's
"Jump in the Line" playing]

1169
01:26:27,637 --> 01:26:30,140
This thing reads like stereo instructions.

1170
01:26:30,307 --> 01:26:33,435
Sounds like Lydia got an A
on the math test. Jeez!

1171
01:26:35,437 --> 01:26:37,272
He likes it.

1172
01:26:38,065 --> 01:26:41,276
[singing "Jump in the Line"
in Harry Belafonte's voice]

1173
01:26:42,611 --> 01:26:46,698
<i>♪ Shake, shake, shake, señora
Shake your body line ♪</i>

1174
01:26:46,782 --> 01:26:50,744
<i>♪ Shake, shake, shake, señora,
Shake it all the time ♪</i>

1175
01:26:50,827 --> 01:26:54,831
<i>♪ Work, work, work, señora,
Work your body line ♪</i>

1176
01:26:54,915 --> 01:26:59,127
<i>♪ Work, work, work, señora,
Work it all the time ♪</i>

1177
01:26:59,211 --> 01:27:03,632
<i>♪ Jump in the line, rock your body in time
Okay, I believe you! ♪</i>

1178
01:27:03,965 --> 01:27:07,928
<i>♪ Jump in the line, rock your body in time
Okay, I believe you! ♪</i>

1179
01:27:15,185 --> 01:27:16,520
Hey!

1180
01:27:17,521 --> 01:27:19,856
Sorry. Didn't see you sitting there.

1181
01:27:22,442 --> 01:27:23,985
Women.

1182
01:27:24,152 --> 01:27:26,530
I don't know what her problem is.

1183
01:27:27,322 --> 01:27:28,740
Normally, chicks--

1184
01:27:35,497 --> 01:27:36,832
[chimes]

1185
01:27:36,998 --> 01:27:38,333
[sighs]

1186
01:27:43,380 --> 01:27:45,465
Pardon me. Did you do that?

1187
01:27:46,007 --> 01:27:49,177
That's very nice work.
Let me ask, how do you get them so small?

1188
01:27:49,344 --> 01:27:51,263
Hey, there goes Elvis. Yo, King.

1189
01:27:53,723 --> 01:27:57,310
Well, looks like I'm next.

1190
01:27:58,270 --> 01:28:03,692
Good thing too. I gotta do a photo shoot
for GO in about an hour and a half.

1191
01:28:03,859 --> 01:28:07,696
They've been after me for months.
Doing some kind of underwear deal, I don't know--

1192
01:28:09,406 --> 01:28:12,200
Hey, what are you doing? Stop it.
You're messing up my hair.

1193
01:28:12,367 --> 01:28:15,203
[in high-pitched voice]
Come on! Whoa! Whoa! Stop it!

1194
01:28:15,370 --> 01:28:17,956
Whoa!

1195
01:28:18,123 --> 01:28:20,792
Hey, this might be a good look for me.

1196
01:28:21,334 --> 01:28:25,130
<i>♪ Tango, Waltz, or the Rumba
Señora's dance has no title♪</i>

1197
01:28:25,213 --> 01:28:27,591
<i>♪ You jump in the saddle
Hold on to de bridle ♪</i>

1198
01:28:27,674 --> 01:28:30,218
[all singing]
<i>♪ Jump in the line, rock your body in time ♪</i>

1199
01:28:30,302 --> 01:28:31,887
<i>Okay, I believe you!</i>

1200
01:28:31,970 --> 01:28:35,557
<i>♪ Jump in the line, rock your body in time
Rock your body, child! ♪</i>

1201
01:28:35,640 --> 01:28:38,643
[Harry Belafonte's "Jump in the Line" playing]