The Blackdragon Dating System: Volume Three

How To Create And

Maintain Open
Relationships With
Women
Blackdragon

How To Create And Maintain Long-Lasting Relationships With Women

On Your Terms, While Giving Women What They Want And Crave
Table Of Contents
Introduction 2
1.Overview 7
2. Relationship Types 9
3. “Do Women Really Let You Do This?” 12
4. Controlling Your Jealousy 17
5. Phase One – The EFA Phase 22
6. Phase Two – The Implicit Phase 27
7. Soft Nexting 39
8. Phase Three – The Verbalization Point 45
9. Phase Four – The Queen of the Hill Phase 48
10. The End of the Relationship...or is it? 51
11. Why Long-Term Monogamy No Longer Works 59
12. How To Create And Maintain An OLTR 82
13. Avoiding STDs and Accidental Pregnancy 102
Afterword 166
Introduction
This is book will change your life.

In this book, you’re going to learn the endgame of all of this, the bottom line
reason we actually do all these things. You’ll learn how to create and maintain the
type of relationships with women that will make you and her the most happy.

Unless you’re a pure “variety guy” who gets bored with women after you have sex
with them three or four times, a relationship (or relationships, plural) is the entire
reason you’re in the game in the first place.

Unlike my first two books, this book is a little more...challenging. In two ways.
First, the skill of “picking up chicks” and the skill of relationships are two
completely different abilities. You may have seen something like what I’m about
to describe with men you’ve seen in your own life. There are lots of guys in
pickup community / dating industry, and out in the world at large, who are
fantastic, and I mean fantastic, at picking up babes. They’re smooth, fun,
confident, often good-looking guys who can walk into a party or club, cold, and be
having sex or getting a blowjob within two hours, if not less. Other men often
worship these guys as gods.

But when these same guys finally calm down and get a girlfriend, their results are
no better than the typical dorky schmucks they themselves look down upon. Once
they fall for some “perfect” girl, become her boyfriend, and hand over their balls
to her, these supermen get just as silly, needy, jealous, stupid and dramatic as any
other normal chump. And their relationships quickly go down in flames. Over and
over and over again.

The second way in which this book is challenging is that some of your core beliefs
about relationships, marriage, monogamy, and women are going to be challenged
in ways they never have been. You’re going to be presented with some facts that
are going to shake your foundations, things that are completely opposed to what
you’ve been taught your entire life. Be prepared to read things in this book that
will make you scream “WTF?”.

The good news is that I explain it all, in detail, so you can make up your own
mind. I will only talk about things that I know work in the real word. When
appropriate, I will attach controversial things I say with documented, verifiable
facts that you can verify on your own. No matter how earth- shattering some of the
things are I say, all of them you can verify with your own confirming research.
Keep an open mind, and feel free to independently verify everything I state here.
You’ll find I’m right, even though sometimes you might not want me to be right.

Instead of making you wait in suspense, I’ll throw some of these things at you
right now. You’re going to learn that approximately 90% of women out ether will
happily date you in an OPEN relationship where you are allowed to have sex with
other women (provided you start the relationship off the right way, which men
never do). This includes even “good”, traditional, girl-next-door-type women you
would never have thought would “allow” something like this.

We’re going to talk about how human beings (men and women both) do not want
long-term, life-long monogamy, and never have, even though they all say they do.
You’re going to learn that happiness is not the objective of relationships in most
cases. You’re going to learn that women are more accepting of the concept of open
relationships than men are. You’re also going to learn that in the early stages of
relationships, men usually cause the most problems, and in the later stages of
longer relationships (and marriages), women usually cause most of the problems.

Have I rocked your world yet? Pissed you off yet? Made you scream “Oh, that’s
bullshit!” yet? Or have I possibly made you very...happy? And excited to learn
more? In either case, don’t worry. It’s fine to be skeptical. I was too. But I’m going
go into detail on everything I just said, and prove it all. And you’re going to help
me, since all the typical problems in typical relationships are ones you have
probably experienced yourself.

Let’s start with my own example.

In my early 20’s, I was just like everyone else. I dated and had sex. But once I
started having sex with a woman I really liked, she had to become my “girlfriend”.
Then she would start to boss me around, give me drama, and try to change me. I
would start to take her for granted, and start guiltily thinking about fucking other
women.

Very typical.

In my mid 20’s, just like everyone else, I got married. I was in love and I wanted a
“wife” and I wanted “children”, so what choice did I have? I “had” to get married,
of course! So I fell in love with a woman who was “not like all the rest”, and
married her.

Very typical.

In the beginning it was wonderful. Our love was real and pure. I felt fantastic, and
so did she. Over time, she slowly started to get a little more bitchy, a little less
affectionate, and her sex drive got lower, and lower, and lower. Just like almost
everyone else, our sex went from 3 or 4 times a day when we were dating, to about
twice a month after many years of marriage, living together, washing each other’s
dirty underwear, and regularly arguing about money and parenting.

Very typical.

After nine years of marriage, we got divorced. Even though she initiated it, she
was furious and thought it was all my fault. I lost a lot of hard-earned money
which took me a long time to make and save. She ended up with the kids most of
the time.

Very typical.

This exact same story, or stages of it, or a story very similar to it, I have seen
repeated hundreds of times, with just about every single person I know.
But thankfully, this was all years ago. Since then, I have mastered the proven
principles and techniques you’re about to learn in this book. Today, my life looks
very different.

At any given point in time, I am dating and having sex with at least three different
women. Some are regular, some are sporadic. Some I really care about, and some
are just fuck buddies. I don’t lie to any of these women about what I’m doing.

All the women know I am not monogamous to them. And they keep happily and
eagerly dating me anyway.

These women are not scanky sluts or “swingers”. Almost all of these woman are
good, normal, suburban, girl-next-door types who have always had typical
monogamous boyfriend relationships in the past, and have never dated a non-
monogamous guy like me. I train them to tolerate, and in some cases enjoy, this
relationship arrangement.
In my relationships, I don’t have drama. I don’t have arguments. I don’t have
demands, barking orders, or screaming matches. As a matter of fact, I can count on
one hand the number of times I’ve actually received any drama from any woman
I’ve been dating over the last two years. Drama, fighting, arguing, demands,
cheating, ultimatums...these things are not a part of my existence. My relationship
life is happiness, from start to finish. The women in my life are happy to be with
me, and I’m happy to be with them. Which is the way it should be.

If a relationship with one of these women ends, it’s not a problem. Because I’ve
mastered all the principles and techniques I outline in my first and second ebook, I
can replace these women quickly and easily, whenever I want.

Even better, 71% of the time, women eventually come back to me for more
affection and sex after a breakup. Sometimes it’s two months later, some times it’s
two years later, but they always come back. What a deal!

I have sex whenever I want. I can have female companionship whenever I want. I
can have love whenever I want. But because I don’t have the typical “girlfriend”, I
can still DO whatever I want, just as if I was single. I follow no woman’s orders,
demands, or expectations. I am what they call an “alpha male”. I do literally
whatever I want with my life, whenever I want, and STILL have long-term women
in my life I really care about. I can even be in love.

You may not want a lifestyle exactly like that, and that’s fine. Maybe you want a
main girl who you love, and an occasional friend with benefits on the side. Maybe
you actually want a girlfriend who’s just less of a pain in the ass. Maybe you are
deeply in love and she wants to get married, and you’re unsure about what to do.
Maybe you think I’m being too timid, and want to have ten girlfriends “on
rotation”!

Hey, it’s all about whatever you want. Just like with my dating ebook, whatever
your objective is, I’m here to help, and maybe introduce some new options to you
along the way you may have never considered.

Personally, I truly have the best of both worlds.

You can too.

Let’s get started.

Chapter One
Overview
I’ll start right off by saying this book is not how about to have a traditional,
monogamous girlfriend (which I’ll call “MGF” for the rest of this book). That isn’t
to say you won’t be able to learn a great deal about how improve a relationship
with your MGF by reading this book, because you certainly will. But that’s not the
core objective of this book, which we’ll get to in a moment.

But why not have an MGF? Because MGFs are only for two kinds of men.
The first type of men MGFs are “good” for is men who like relationship drama,
who like to experience lots of emotional highs and lows. There’s nothing wrong
with that, I suppose, as long as you are aware of what you’re doing and why
you’re doing it. If you like relationship drama, if you like to experience wondrous
joy one month, extreme anger the next month, wondrous joy again the following
month, horrible jealousy the next month, etc, then fine. MGFs will certainly do the
job for you. I fully acknowledge there are men like this out there. (By the way,
experiencing emotional highs and lows like those I just described are actually what
women want...but we’ll get to that later.)

The second type of man is the kind of man who just can’t be without the perceived
security having a MGF (or wife) can provide. These are very emotionally needy
men. If you’re one of these men, I would recommend you seek professional
counseling. People who simply cannot be alone and cannot date, who must always
be in a “serious relationship” all the time, people go from one boyfriend or
girlfriend to the next, never taking a break in-between to either be alone for a
while, or date for a while...these are broken people with issues. At least in my
opinion (no, I’m not a psychologist).

For the purposes of this book, I’m going to assume you are not in the second
category. If you are, this book really isn’t for you anyway. I’m also going to
assume its likely you’re not in the first category, though if you are, you will still
find a lot of value in this book. It’s just many of the techniques I will be presenting
here will not resonate as strongly with you.

This book is written for a third kind of man. The kind of man who loves women,
loves being with women, loves sex, loves companionship, loves love, but hates the
drama, compromises, and limitations on freedom traditional relationships with
women bring. If you’re this kind of guy, you’re in the right place.
This book is about getting all the good stuff from women (love, sex,
companionship, feminine energy) while eliminating all the bad stuff from women
(drama, bitchiness, demands, lack of freedom, financial costs and risks). I now live
a life where I can have the good stuff whenever I want (and have it often), and I
virtually never experience any of the bad stuff. While just about every man I know
that has an MGF or wife experiences the bad stuff all the time, on pretty much a
weekly (if not daily!) basis. Yuck...no thanks.

Lastly, I’m writing this book with male readers in mind. This book is geared for
men who want to be with women. I certainly realize and appreciate that women
may be reading this book, and if you’re a lady I hereby apologize in advance for
the language in this book that assumes a male reader.

So now we get to the core reason for this book. It’s about how to create open
relationships with women in your life.

“Open relationship”, as I use the term in this book, means you are having sex with
a woman, and you are having sex with other women besides her, and both women
are aware you are doing this, and both keep having sex with you anyway. The
technical term for this is polyamory or having polyamorous relationships. We are
NOT talking about polyGAMY, where you actually marry multiple women, and
you have sex with all of them, can only have sex with them, and they can’t have
sex with anyone but you. That’s not something I endorse at all. (PolyGAMY is just
another version of polyAMORY anyway.)

The problem with “polyamory” is that it’s a very scary, scientific-sounding word
that conjures up images of men and women having sex with 10 different people a
week. And that’s not what we’re talking about here. In my experience,
“polyamory” either confuses people or turns them off. So I tend to use the term
“non-monogamy” instead.
Chapter Two
Relationship Types
In an open relationship, whether or not you actually love the woman, or are
“serious” with her, or whether or not it’s “just sex”, varies based on what you want
and what she wants. There are three distinct and different types of open
relationships, and in this book we’re going to cover them all. It’s important for you
to determine the type of relationship you want, both “for now” and in the future. In
the second book in my series, Dating Women: Getting To Sex As Quickly As
Possible, I introduced these relationship types. Here, we’re going to get into detail
on all of them.
They are:

Fuck Buddy or Friend With Benefits (FB)

The FB is a woman you have sex with, and who you like as a friend, but that’s it.
You don’t have any feelings for her beyond friendship. She is well aware you are
having sex with other women, perhaps even dating or in love with other women.
And perhaps she’s having sex with other men. And it’s all good. She’s just an FB,
a friend you fuck. You don’t date an FB, which means you don’t take her out on
dates or behave romantically with her. It’s just sex.

Woman You’re Dating (WD)

A WD is a woman you’re having sex with, who you do not live with, but with
whom you do have some actual, real feelings for and attraction beyond friendship.
You’re actually dating her. Unlike the FB, you’re actually taking a WD out on
dates, holding her lovingly, letting her spend the
night, being romantic, and (perhaps) spending money on her.

But like the FB, you are not exclusive to the WD. You can date and have sex with
other women if you want, and the same is true for her and other men. And you are
both aware of this (either implicitly or explicitly; we’ll get to that in a later
chapter). You are not sexually exclusive, or even dating exclusive. This means you
can be dating and getting romantic with multiple WDs at the same time if you
want. You can even love multiple WDs at the same time, if you’re the kind of
person who can do that. (I don’t have the ability to actually love more than one
woman at a time, but some men do; if you’re one of them, you’re more than
welcome to have at it.)

(Note: If you are already familiar with the dating industry or the seduction
community, the more common term used for a WD is “MLTR”. I find that term to
be a little misleading and inaccurate, so for the purposes of this book, just switch
the term MTLR to WD in your mind and you’ll be fine.)

Open Long Term Relationship (OLTR)

This is the deepest type of non-monogamous relationship. An OLTR is a woman
who you truly love, and you love no other. To the world, she is your girlfriend (or
even a wife). And she essentially is. You might even live together. The only
difference is you’re allowed to have sex with other women besides her. However,
unlike with a WD, there are specific ground rules to the sex outside of the
relationship that you both agree to and adhere to (whereas in a WD, you can fuck
anyone you like in any way you like...there are no rules).

For example, in an OLTR, the other women you have sex with can never be more
than FBs or one night stands. You love and are committed to your OLTR and your
OLTR alone. If a woman on the side is a WD, than your OLTR really isn’t an
OLTR, she’s just another WD.

There are two very specific types of OTLRs, the swinger- style OTLR and the
Gene Simmons-style OTLR. We’ll discuss those in a later chapter.

Other Types
The above are the three types of relationships you are going to learn how to create
and maintain in your life. Other types of relationships we will not be learning
about here, but will be discussing from time to time are:

Polygamy
As I said above, polygamy is where the man actually marries multiple women. He
can have sex only with his wives, and his wives can only have sex with him. In the
modern western world, this really isn’t done (with some rare exceptions). The
concept of polygamy really doesn’t sit well with me. I have no interest in dealing
with multiple live-in wives. My goodness. Plus, I want the women in my life to be
happy and free to do what they choose. If they want to be monogamous to me by
their own choice, that’s fine. If not, that’s fine too. Polygamy is not the kind of
relationship we’re going to be learning about here.

Traditional Monogamous Girlfriend (MGF)

Oh, we’ll be talking about this kind of relationship a lot in this book. Mostly about
how to avoid it. Unless you’re a very needy guy, or the kind of guy how likes
consistent relationship drama in your life, an MGF is not for you.

Traditional Monogamous Marriage (TMM)

Yep. We’ll be talking about this one too. As a matter of fact, I’ve devoted an entire
chapter to it, explaining why TMMs no longer work in the modern era. Now take a
deep breath and calm down. I didn’t say marriage no longer works, I said TTMs
no longer work, and a TMM is a traditional, monogamous marriage. Marrying
your OLTR, under certain conditions, is perfectly acceptable. We’ll describe how
to do this, in detail, a little later.

Regarding The Numbers Of Women In Your Life

Discussing these kinds of relationships brings up the question of numbers. Again,

when people first hear terms like “polyamory” or “open relationships”, they
immediately conjure up salacious images of some sleazy player going around and
fucking 10 different people in a week, or wild sex parties full of strangers having
sex. Now, if you’re into those things, fine, go for it. I’m not here to judge. But
that’s not what I’m talking about here. You may want a single WD with one FB on
the side. Perfectly fine. You might think it would be cool to have two or three
WDs. Or, you may be wanting an OLTR. I’m here to show you how to create and
maintain any number or combination of these things you may desire. Do what
makes sense for you.

I’ll use myself as an example, but again, you don’t have to do what I’m doing. I’m
just describing what I do as just that, an example.

In my life, at the time of this writing, I always have at least one or two WDs and
two FBs. Often I will have a few very inconsistent and infrequent FBs on top of all
that. That means there is never less than three women in my life, usually four. If I
have two WDs, usually there is one WD I deeply care for more than the other,
which means even if I don’t have an OLTR or MGF, there is usually a woman in
my life I consider my “main gal” who I really care about.

My long-term objective is to establish an OLTR (the Gene Simmons style) with

one or two FBs on the side. But that’s later. For now, the WD/FB lifestyle is
fantastic for me. It’s the kind of lifestyle I’ve always wanted. I can have sex,
companionship, and feminine energy whenever I want, with any limitations of
freedom or feminine drama or demands. It’s wonderful beyond words.
Chapter Three
“Do Women Really Let You Do This?”
That’s a common question, and I’ll answer it, but first, look at the question! Look
at the societal programming inherent in that question. Look at the wimpyness, the
sense of powerlessness in that question. Women “let me”? Since when do women
“let you” or “not let you” do ANYTHING in your life?

If you’re asking that question, it’s time for a major overhaul of your core premises
about women, relationships, dating, love, sex, manhood, and LIFE. YOU are in
charge of your life, and no one else.

The answer to the question is, of course, yes. Women let you do this. Sometimes
happily, sometimes reluctantly, sometimes neutrally. Almost every single woman
I’ve been in an non-monogamous relationship with was a normal, down-to-earth,
suburban girl-next-door type who always had nothing but monogamous boyfriends
before meeting me.

Hear me on this:

If you start off the relationship right (and most men don’t), 90% of women
out there WILL let you have sex with other women during the relationship.

We’ll get to exactly how to start the relationship “right”, but it’s a fact. I have done
it, continue to do it, and so have many other guys, in westernized countries, all
over the world. The rest of the equation are just the particulars (such as the type of
relationship, how long the relationships lasts, etc). But women DO agree to these
relationships. 90% of them will in fact. The other 10% are women who either 1)
suffer from psychological problems, 2) are off-the-chart needy, or 3) are super-
duper religious. But that 10% is the exception, not the rule.
“90% of women will agree to this? C’mon, man! No way!”

Yes way. The reason you think 90% of woman you’ve come across won’t do this
is because you, and every other man you know, always starts off relationships in a
way that makes her acceptance of non-monogamy impossible. That’s right, it’s
the MAN that does this, not the woman.

Think about it. How does the typical relationship get started? It’s very predictable.
The guy and gal go out on a few dates. The man tells her how much he likes her,
and starts calling her and texting her all the time. Then they have sex. The man
tells her how he’s thinking about her all the time and how he’s “falling” for her. He
gets more and more romantic and sappy. Once sex occurs, he quickly gets
territorial with her, as if he owns her, and starts getting horribly jealous and uptight
whenever another guy communicates with her.

To satisfy his fragile ego, he quickly gives her the “I think we should be
exclusive” speech, usually by the fourth date. Contrary to popular belief, it’s MEN
who usually initiate monogamy in relationships, not women, and by a large
margin. She agrees, and now they’re “exclusive”. They’re “in a relationship”.
They’re “boyfriend and girlfriend”.

But notice how the MAN has set the stage for all of this. The woman was just
following his framing of the relationship. What if a little later, this the guy went to
his MGF and said “Hey, I still love you, but I think I want to start having sex with
other people. What do you think about that?” Of course ̧ at that point, she would
refuse, and likely get very hurt and angry at the guy for even introducing the
notion. But see how it’s his fault he created the circumstance under which she will
react that way?

Of course, men know women will refuse a request like this. Which is why, very
often, they just secretly have sex with other women anyway. But under this MGF
construct, a construct he created to satisfy his neediness and ego, this is a very bad
thing called “cheating”. And usually guys get caught, and drama and arguments
ensue. Then either the relationship ends or the relationship continues in a very
untrusting and drama-filled state.

I’m not saying women don’t cheat, because they certainly do. According to just
about every study done on the matter, men an women cheat about equally. But if
the frame of the relationship was never monogamous to begin with, it doesn’t
matter!

“But I don’t want a woman I’m dating to be fucking other guys,” you might say.
We’ll talk about that in detail a little later, but let me tell you something that will
really brighten your day and change your whole outlook on this, if you accept it.
In my experience, and in the experience of many other non- monogamous men,
generally speaking, the only women who will keep having sex with other men in a
non-monogamous relationship are women who would have eventually cheated on
you anyway. And women who would not have cheated on you, women who think
it’s disgusting for them to be having sex with more than one man at a time, will
stay monogamous to you by her own choice, even while she knows you’re out
having sex with other women.

Really think about that for a minute. It makes non-

monogamy the ultimate win-win situation for you.
Now let’s get back to our hypothetical typical man who has created the typical
MGF relationship, a relationship where even the thought of him fucking another
woman will send his MGF into a screaming tantrum.
Let’s say he did things a little differently. Let’s say his goal was to create a WD in
his life, not an MGF.
He would meet up with an attractive woman on a first date. He clearly, but subtly,
lets it be known he’s experienced with women and dates a lot. He has sex with her
very quickly, by the second or third date at least, and the dates are very short and
inexpensive. He’s read my other ebooks, including Dating Women: Getting To Sex
As Quickly As Possible, so this is easy for him. He doesn’t spend any money on
her while he does this, or spends $15 to $20 at the very most.
He continues to have sex with her, but he only sees her about once a week, even if
she asks to see him more often. During the other days of the week, she starts to
miss him, in ways she’s never really missed a guy. (Why? Because every other guy
she’s ever dated would be slobbering all over her by now, seeing her every minute
of every day he possibly can.)
When the he gets together with her, he avoids any “boyfriend” type dates. Sure
they go out sometimes, and often he pays, but he doesn’t get lavish. He never tells
her he loves her, or is “falling for her”, and doesn’t gush all over her. He’s a
gentleman, and he’s kind, strong, and caring, but not mushy.

On the once a week times he sees her, he always has sex with her, and he makes
her cum every single time they have sex, even if she doesn’t cum easily. He takes
the time to make that happen, every time, if not multiple times in a romantic
evening. To her, he has just moved into the category of the greatest and most
exciting man she’s ever dated, because NO other man has EVER made her cum
every time they have sex. Men just don’t do that. Soon, this man is all she can
think about while she’s at work, at school, or when she’s with her friends.

This goes on for weeks. The man never brings up the topic of exclusivity or
monogamy. And while the guy is dating and fucking this woman, he’s having sex
with one or two others, doing the exact same thing (or even less, if they’re FBs
instead of WDs, which makes this even easier).
Finally, after three, four, or five months, the woman gives the guy the “Where is
this going?” speech or the “What is this to you?” speech. Women are smart, so by
now, she suspects or flat-out knows he’s still dating and/or having sex with other
women. But he’s so amazing, she’s kept on dating him.

If she’s a WD, he takes her into his arms, holds her lovingly, touches her hair, and
tells her he cares about her in a very deep and real way (and he really does, he’s
not lying), and that he wants to be with her for a very long time. But he can’t give
her monogamy. He can give her everything else, but not that. He will be discreet
so no one will know, and he will use condoms so no one is threatened by STDs.
And he will keep treating her the loving, passionate, wonderful she he’s been
treating her. But he can’t give her monogamy. If that’s something she absolutely
must have, he completely understands if she needs to stop seeing him. And he
really means this. He is truly ready to lose her if that’s what this means. Because
he’s an alpha male, this is not big deal.

He’s already dating and/or having sex with several other women, and he knows
how to bring new women into his life whenever he needs them. So while he might
be a little disappointed losing this girl, its not a big deal.

She really, really likes the guy, but she doesn’t like the answer she’s giving him.
She’s not consciously aware of this, but the only reason she doesn’t like what she’s
hearing is because it conflicts with the Disney fairytale bullcrap society has been
force-feeding her since she was a little girl. So she’s not pleased. She even cries
just a little bit. She says she really cares about him but has to think about it.
And under THOSE conditions with THAT kind of relationship he has structured,
there is a 90% chance she comes back to him within a day or two and says that
while she’s not crazy about the arrangement, she will keep seeing him.

Now, if she’s an FB instead of a WD, it’s even easier. The guy just calmly explains
this relationship is just about friendship and sex, and that’s it. If she has a problem
with that, she should forget him immediately and go fuck some other guy. And
she’d better hope he makes her cum every time too. If she has a negative reaction,
he doesn’t care, and just moves on. But odds are (90%) she will agree to this
arrangement, at least for a while.

Yes, this system has a 90% chance of working. Creating a non-monogamous

relationship is not hard.
I just threw a lot at you. And there’s even more to all of this than what I just
described. You probably have a lot of questions or objections, so don’t get
overwhelmed. In this book, I’m going to go over exactly how to do everything I
just said, step-by-step and in detail. Also, what I said was a summary. As such it’s
not quite as simple as that and there is more to it. I’ll explain all of that too. But I
wanted to get this “Women don’t let you do that!” stuff OUT of your head. It’s a
false belief.
Women DO agree to relationships like this, just as long as YOU structure them
correctly, starting from the very first date.
Chapter Four
Controlling Your Jealousy
Before we get into the step-by-step how-to of creating these wonderful
relationships into your life, we need to deal with the biggest problem first.
And that’s YOU.

Yes, you. After talking to many men and women regarding non-monogamous
relationships, both the successful men and the unsuccessful men, and watching
what happens in literally hundreds of relationships I’ve seen, it is very clear to me
that it is men who have a bigger problem with non- monogamous relationships
than women.

That may sound strange to you. Aren’t men the horny ones? Oh, men have no
problem being able to fuck multiple women. They think that’s great. But men
letting their girlfriend or wife have sex with other guys...whoa whoa whoa! Wait a
minute! Suddenly men do a complete 180 on the whole non-monogamy thing, and
NOW we have a problem. As a result, men shun non-monogamous relationships
even more than women do. So they “get exclusive” as fast as possible and then
either painfully stick it out or cheat.

By default, men are far less tolerant of their woman having sex with another
man than women are with their man having sex with another woman.

If a man and woman are dating, and the woman has sex with another guy, the
man’s ego is assaulted in about 20 different ways. He feels like less of a man. He
feels like his “property” is being violated, just as if some guy crept into his home
at night and stole his television. He feels insulted. He feels challenged. He feels
defeated. He feels emasculated.

The reason men feel all of these crazy things is because us guys have biological
wiring, installed in our brains during the caveman era, that makes us feel this way.
When we were cavemen, there were only perhaps five or six women in the tribe of
30 who were available and of child-bearing age. Thus, all the other men in the
tribe except the really old ones became life-or-death competition, and losing this
competition meant being unable to procreate, a very terrible thing. (Not to mention
never experiencing the pleasure of sex; an even worse thing.)

The problem is, in the modern era, this biological wiring is not only obsolete, it’s
completely useless. Women actually outnumber men in the world now. Walk out
on the street, downtown, to a mall, bookstore, college, bar, club, gym, office, etc,
and it’s chock-full of unmarried women, most of whom will have sex with you as
long as you know what you’re doing. Even better, nowadays women of all ages
will have sex with men without men having to promise them anything.I go into
detail about the hows and whys on all of this in Dating Women: Getting To Sex As
Quickly As Possible. If you read that book, you can go out and have sex with a hot
woman literally whenever you want. There is a surplus of women out there and
having sex with them is not hard anymore at all. The days of men needing this
jealous territorialness have been dead and gone for a very long time now.

If you’re a man, and you feel sexually jealous, it’s meaningless, biological
reaction that has no purpose in your life. And I’ll prove it. What’s the point of
feeling jealous of a man flirting or having sex with a woman in your life, if you’re
already having sex with her? Think about it. If your gut reaction answer is “I want
to be the ONLY one she fucks!” then we’re not talking about jealousy here, were
talking about being territorial. And that’s your stupid caveman brain talking. Tell it
to shut up. It’s causing you pain and suffering in your life and you have no use for
that any more. Seriously, acting like this no better than a junkyard dog growling at
another dog as he walks by his favorite trash can.

Are you a man or a dog?

From now on, every time you experience things like:

Her getting a text from another guy.
A flirty message from another guy on her Facebook
page.
Catching her on a phone call with another man that you know is not work-
related.
See photos of her in a social situation with other men, many of whom are
better looking or more successful than you.
Listen to her talk about another man in her life.
Or even discover that she actually had sex or sexual relations with another
man.

...when you feel that caveman territorialness welling up inside you, making you
want to kill someone, immediately do the following:
1. Calm down.
2. Take a deep three breaths. Actually count them out.
3. Thank your obsolete caveman biology for trying to protect you, and then tell it
to kindly shut the hell up.

Yes, this is much more easily said than done. I understand. But if you want to life
the life we’re talking about in this book, you simply cannot be that typical jealous
guy who flies into a rage every time he sees a text on her phone from some other
dude. The non-monogamous lifestyle is for adults, not men who act like seven
year-olds on the playground.

Nothing else in this book will help you if you can’t get at least some level of
control over these irrational and useless feelings. I mean that.
Now look. You don’t have to like the fact that she might get sexual with other
guys, but you have to accept it, and learn to give her the space to do it (if she
wants to, and as I said earlier, she may not want to).

This brings up the question “When IS it appropriate to feel jealous?”

Here’s when jealousy is apt: When you’re deeply in love with a woman, have had
a deep relationship with her for a long time, and you discover (or she tells you)
that she’s actually falling in love with a another man. If you felt jealous then, that’s
perfectly understandable. I would too. But realize, under that kind of circumstance,
we’re not

talking about caveman biology, were talking about getting

legitimately hurt.

But that’s the only exception! Do you see the level to which things would have to
escalate for you to feel legitimately jealous? And that’s my whole point. We’re
talking about sexual jealousy, usually in terms of dating, flirting, and sex. Jealousy
under those conditions is useless. A woman who loves you and starts to actually
love another man, that’s a completely different story and a completely different set
of feelings. That’s love-based jealousy, not sexual jealousy.

There is some good news here, and that is that women don’t have any of this
wiring in their brains. If a woman experiences her man having sex with another
woman, of course she feels terrible, but it’s not like when a man feels terrible.
She doesn’t have her ego under massive assault like a man would. No, the only
reason she feels terrible is that her “Disney” has been violated. The perfect
fairytale picture of a relationship that she’s been taught by society to want has
been damaged. In major cases of cheating, like in a very long-term marriage, her
need for security may also feel jeopardized. But here is no violation of deep
biological wiring, no assault on her ego, no challenge to her womanhood (at least
in most cases).

Think about this. How many marriages do you know where the man cheated, got
caught, but his wife stayed married to him anyway? I don’t know about you, but I
know quite a few of those. Now take the reverse. How many marriages do you
know where the woman cheated on the man, and the man stayed? I’m sure those
exist, but I haven’t seen very many of those, and you probably haven’t either. And
remember, it’s a fact that men and women cheat with equal frequency, so the
answer is not that women cheat less,
because they don’t.

It’s because generally speaking, women tolerate men playing around more than
men tolerate women playing around. Which means it’s GREAT TO BE A MAN!
Get your jealousy under control, and you can have all the open relationships with
women you want!

You can see this play out in history. TMM (traditional monogamous marriage) was
not the norm throughout most of man’s history; polygamy was instead. Women
married a man who had other wives. She was well aware he had sex with these
other wives. She was not allowed to have sex with other men. And contrary to
modern political dogma, many women in those days were more or less okay with
that arrangement. Just like the modern wife with the cheating husband who she
stays with, those women viewed other things in the relationship as more
important than the man being monogamous. These would be things like status,
prestige, security, children, security for the children, societal conformity, and
religious conformity. If a woman is given all of those things, but not given
monogamy, usually, she’ll take the deal. (Assuming, of course, the man does all
the right things, which we’ll discuss in detail later.)

The man, on the other hand, was allowed to have sex with all of his wives, even
the younger, better looking ones. But if any of his wives had sex with another man,
often he would actually get so upset he would kill the wife. And now you know
why. His biological wiring (and accompanying fragile ego) just couldn’t handle it.
So, to recap, in all likelihood, because you’re a man, YOU are going to have more
trouble accepting the open relationship concept, especially in terms of allowing
your FBs, WDs, or OLTR to have sexual contact with other dudes. If you can’t get
a reign on your jealousy at least to some degree, not much else in this book will
help you. You don’t have to like her getting sexual or flirty with other guys, but
you do need to be cool with it and accept it.

It’s critical!
Chapter Five
Phase One: The EFA Phase
Here we go!

In the next several chapters, I’m going to lay out the step-by- step process of
exactly what to do to create any one of the three types of open relationships (FB,
WD, or OLTR).

There are four distinct phases of this process. During each of the phases, you move
the woman slowly through the process of 1) becoming more attracted to you, and
2) become more open to the concept of being with you in a non-monogamous way.
Both of these are done simultaneously. Using these phases you can take a woman
who has never been non-monogamous before and transform her, slowly, into a
woman who happily dates you non- monogamously. I and others have done this
many, many times over, and the success rate is very high once you get the hang of
it. Like I said earlier, a good 90% of women will agree to an open relationship
provided you properly move her through these four phases.

The phases and their approximate time frames are:

Phase Approx. Length
Phase 1: The EFA Phase – 2 weeks
Phase 2: The Implicit Phase – 3-5 months
Phase 3: The Verbalization Point – 1-4 days
Phase 4: Queen of the Hill Phase – anything beyond

The first phase is the EFA phase. EFA is not my term, but it stands for Early Frame
Announcement. As I use it here, an EFA is a message you clearly convey to a
woman, verbally and/or nonverbally, when you first meet her and when you first
start dating with her, starting even before your first date, starting when you first
start communicating with her.

Your EFA is how you are initially “framing” the relationship to her, as well as
yourself. Most guy’s EFA is a frame of neediness, horniness, and territorialness.
However, your frame is going to be much different.

(Important Note: This chapter on the EFA phase exactly overlaps with one of my
other books, Dating Women: Getting To Sex As Quickly As Possible. If you
follow the step-by-step methods in that book to get to sex quickly, your EFA for an
open relationship is already rock-solid. You don’t need that book to make this
book work, but in all honesty, it’s a tremendous help.)

Your EFA, which you’re going to convey to her from the moment you first start
communicating with her, and for two weeks after that, is one of an non-reactive,
non-needy, woman-experienced man who’s in demand.
From the very beginning of your contact with her, even before you actually meet
up for anything resembling a date, during the first date, and during the first two
weeks you are dating her and spending time with her, you must convey, through
your actions, attitudes, demeanor, and words, the following things:

1. You date a lot.

2. You're experienced with women.
3. You're picky.
4. You know what women want and need.
5. You don’t care if this “works out” or not. If it doesn’t, you’ll be on to the
next woman.
6. You’re in demand, and have options when it comes to women.
7. You take things slow; you don’t rush into relationships.

It’s important you don’t actually say these things. Instead you want to subtly
convey these things. Re-read the above list again. Every single item is important.

As some examples, here’s a few ways you can accomplish conveying these things,
in no particular order.

1. Have your Facebook (or MySpace, if appropriate) page full of attractive

women.
2. Be completely non-reactive when she talks about other men. Act like you
don’t care. And hopefully, you really don’t.
3. If you’re phone goes off a lot with phone calls and incoming texts when
you’re together with her, this is good.
4. Always have a relaxed demeanor when you’re out with her. Always be
leaned back, talking in a relaxed tone of voice, and smile a lot.
5. Talk about sex, even if it’s very explicit. Talk about relationships. Talk about
men and women. Be very frank. And don’t act afraid or reluctant when she
brings these things up.
6. Drop quick stories or examples about other women you’ve been with
historically. Do so in a non- bragging, but non-needy fashion, and leave out
 things like names, dates and times, and ages.
7. Dress nice. If you don’t know how to dress, have a woman help you pick out
some cool clothes.
8. Ask deep probing questions. There should be nothing you should be afraid
to ask her, no matter how personal.
9. If she gets upset, defensive, bitchy, prissy, arrogant, or whatever, don’t react.
Just smile and change the subject. (And if she keeps doing acting that way, I
would politely drop her ass and move on.)
10. Never compliment her appearance in any way until you’ve had sex with
her at least twice. Even after that, keep the compliments on appearance very
light and infrequent. The better looking she is and the younger she is, the
more important this is.
11. Don’t contact her more than about twice a week. If she contacts you,
great, communicate with her. But YOU better not be contacting her more
than about twice a week.
12. Give her the impression (and hopefully it’s real) that you’re a busy guy
with a full and exciting life; that you have other exciting things going on
besides her.

So what if you’re not this experienced, relaxed, cool guy? Then you’ll need to act
the part. Don’t lie. Just act the part.

Anyone can be cool, relaxed, and non-needy if they focus on it.

Sex For The First Time

When you have sex with her the first time (and again, I’ll point to my other book
on exactly how to make this happen, Dating Women: Getting To Sex As Quickly
As Possible) you need to ensure several things:

1. MAKE SURE SHE CUMS. That’s right. She MUST cum. We’re going to
really get into detail about this in phase two. But she must orgasm the first
time you have sex. Even if that means you get down there with your tongue
and have to work her clit for an hour. Make her cum. I will tell you exactly
why this is important in the next chapter.
2. Don’t get too needy or too horny. Don’t act like if it doesn’t happen you’ll
freak out. Remember your EFA. Does a cool guy who gets laid whenever he
wants get pissed off or needy if some chick doesn’t put out? Nope.
3. Don’t do or ask for anything weird, like anal sex. Later, you can pursue
 things like that with her if you want, but not the first time.
4. Make sure you perform. You know what I mean. If you have problems with
performance in the past, make sure you take precautions in advance, even if
that means taking a Viagra or whatever. What I often do is make sure I don’t
cum at least 48 hours before a meetup where I know first-time sex is likely
to occur. Do whatever you have to do to ensure your cock is nice and hard
for her the first time.
5. Don’t be the first one to contact her the next day. Let her contact you first. If
you don’t hear anything for 2 or 3 days (which is unlikely if you followed
the above steps) then go ahead and contact her.

The bottom line is that the first time you have sex with her must match your EFA
of the cool, relaxed, experienced guy who dates a lot. The sex must be a wonderful
and passionate experience for her. If instead you can’t get hard, or cum within 3
seconds, or get too excited and horny, or get weird, you kill your EFA, and you
can’t afford to do that right now.

The First Two Weeks

During the first two weeks of dating her, you must pour on this EFA. It sets the
stage for everything else that is about to come. Once the first two weeks are up,
you can relax on the EFA a bit as you enter into the second, and most important
phase, the Implicit Phase.

Achieve Lock-In

The actual endgame goal of the EFA Phase (besides successfully conveying your
EFA) is to achieve what I call “lock-in”. Lock-in is when you have sex with a
woman twice. Once a woman has sex with a man twice, it “locks her in” to him. It
gets linked up in her head that “this is the man I’m having sex with now”, and now
you’re in, at least for the time being.

If you get sexual with a woman, but don’t actually have cock-in-pussy sex, she can
still vanish out of your life at any time. I’ve you’ve dated a lot of women you
know exactly what I’m talking about. Once minute they love you, thinking they’ve
found the man of their dreams, and 24 hours later they’re not returning your phone
calls. This is normal and happens often. It’s just the way woman are sometimes.
But if you have actual sex with her twice, this
does not happen. She’s locked-in.
Understand that lock-in is achieved only by having sex, not by getting sexual.
Making out, sucking her tits, even getting a blowjob does not count. You must
have real sexual intercourse with her.

Also, by sex “twice” I don’t mean having sex with her twice or multiple times in
one evening. No, you must have sex with her twice in a row, two different
meetings in a row. It’s still possible to have a woman vanish out of your life after
having one evening of sex (it’s not normal, but it does happen...sometimes it’s the
woman who does the “one night stand” to the man!).

Whenever I start dating a new woman my goal is to have sex with her twice, in
two different meetings, as quickly as possible. Once this is done, she’s locked-in to
me, and I can begin phase two.
Chapter Six
Phase Two: The Implicit Phase

You’ve been dating her for two weeks now. You’ve had sex with her at least two
times and achieved lock-in. Now, you can relax your EFA a bit and become a little
more natural with her.

That’s the good news. But the second phase, the Implicit Phase, is the most
important of them all. During this phase, you are going to train her on being
accustomed to dating a man who is not exclusive and not monogamous. It’s the
most important of the four phases. Get the Implicit Phase right, and the rest is
smooth sailing for you.

The Implicit Phase lasts approximately three months. As you get more
experienced with establishing open relationships, the Implicit Phase will start to
last longer. And the longer it lasts, the better.

The Implicit Phase ends when she demands an answer to a question like “Where is
this going?” or “What is this to you?” or “Are you still having sex with other
women?”. No, not when she asks that question, but when she demands an answer
to that question. As you’re about to learn, those are two very different things.

Here’s something most people don’t know about women (including women
themselves!): Women will date a guy for about three whole months before
demanding to get exclusive. That’s right. About three months. The reason this
sounds so alien to people is that usually men will demand exclusivity right off the
bat, on about the third or fourth date. And women will usually agree to it, even if
reluctantly.

But if men just keep their big dumb mouths shut about being exclusive, most
women will keep dating them for weeks and weeks before they bring it up!

If you stopped reading this book right now, and all you did was be non-needy and
stopped asking women you have sex with for exclusivity, you could immediately
establish and open relationships that would last a good three months without
learning anything more in this book! During those first three months, you could
date her and date five other women if you wanted, and it would be completely
fine. At least for three months.

(Of course, if your objective is to establish many open relationships that last way
past three months, so you should probably keep reading.)

During the Implicit Phase, you are going to do the following things, all of which
are of equal importance:
1. Ramp up her attraction by not seeing her quite as often, getting her to miss
you.
2. Ramp up her sexual attraction to you by fucking her in amazing ways no
other man ever has.
3. Gently feed her the reality that you are still seeing other women, using
nonverbalization and evidence.
4. Gently convey to her that you don’t need her, using soft nexts.
5. Continue to be the man she met during the EFA Phase. A cool, non-reactive,
non-needy guy with options.

We’ll address all of these things in detail. But realize once you achieve lock-in, the
woman is now officially an FB or WD. You must determine which category she’s
in, because it will directly effect what you do and don’t do to. If you don’t know
which category you want this woman to be in (an FB or WD; not an OLTR, that
comes later), then you need to stop and determine that right now before
continuing. You will be incongruent in your behaviors if you’re at all wishy-washy
on this.

Yes, you could start her as one type of relationship and change it later, but that’s
very difficult, especially if this is you’re a beginner at non-monogamous
relationships. By the end of two weeks, put her in either the FB box or the WD
box.

Making Her Miss You

Here’s a reality about women that men don’t seem to get:

Women are more attracted to men they don’t see as often.

What’s the first thing two people do once they start dating and/or having sex?
They start seeing each other every day, or close to it. What the guy doesn’t realize
is that by seeing her every day, he’s doing four very bad things:
 1. He’s actually hastening the time when she will start to get bored with him.
He’s actually burning her out faster by seeing her all the time.
2. By seeing him all the time, he gets normal and routine to her faster. He’s no
longer exciting and mysterious.
3. She’s never missing him. And when a woman misses a man, it actually
ramps up for her attraction for him in always men don’t understand.
4. Lastly, seeing her all the time presses all the “boyfriend” buttons in her
brain. Which means she will start to expect “boyfriend” type behaviors from
him. Including following her orders, and becoming monogamous to her.

Which brings us to our first rule. Never see a woman more once a week. That’s
right. ONCE a week, max. Yes, there can be isolated times where you see her
twice a week, but those are the exceptions. If you want non-monogamous
relationships in your life, seeing each of all the women in your life a maximum of
once a week is the rule.

That doesn’t have to be as bad as it sounds. That “once” could be an entire day, or
even an entire day, she spends the night, and has another half-day or so with you.
All of that still counts as “once”. But once she leaves you, she’s not allowed
another in-person visit for another five or six days. Also, remember this: if you’re
seeing several women at once, do you really care if you can only see one of them
once a week? Believe me, once you get to that point, you won’t.

You can still communicate with her more than once a week, just not see her in
person more than once a week. However, remember you’re still that guy you
established in your EFA Phase. You’re not going to be calling her or texting her
every day. If she texts you every day, fine, but you have other things to do.
(Including, hopefully, other women!)

When you start doing this (and assuming you follow all the other advice in this
book) she will start to miss you, and her attraction for you will ramp up higher and
higher. You will be amazed at what missing you does for her desire for you!

Fucking Her Well

The next critical ingredient to all of this is to fuck her very, very well. She needs to
be constantly thinking about how great you make her feel in bed. You must be the
most amazing lay she’s ever had in her life, or close to it. Here’s how:
1. Bring her to orgasm, at least once, every single time you have sex. I
mentioned this last chapter, but now let’s get into detail about the how’s and why’s
behind this.

Your number one rule about sex is that she must cum every time you have sex,
even if you have to orally stimulate her until your tongue feels like it’s going to
fall off. She must cum! If she’s the kind of woman who cums easily, then she most
cum many times every time you have sex. Shoot for at least four times per lay if
she’s an easy-cummer.

Do not say “I must make you cum every time.” Just do it and make her cum. Now
this is not a book on sexual techniques, so I recommend you get a hold of some
sex books on how to make women cum and become an expert in this.

Why do all of this? Because once she gets to the point where she has to make a
decision about whether or not to keep seeing you non-monogamously, if she has it
wired in her head that every time you have sex with her, she cums in wild and
amazing ways she never has before, it will be much easier for her to say yes.

Having a woman stick with you in an open relationship where she usually doesn’t
cum, and the sex is the normal sex she’s had with every other guy, is
extraordinarily difficult.

Most men do not bother making a woman cum. Most men are very boring in bed.
If you don’t believe me, ask a few women and they’ll be happy to tell you. Making
a woman cum is the sure-fire way to make sure she will always “cum” back to you
no matter how much you violate her Disney fairytale fantasies about monogamy.

2. Fuck her in wild, dominant, ways.

When you fuck her, slap her ass. Pull her hair. Grab her face hard. Choke her. Suck
her neck, her collarbone. While you’re pounding her, call her a slut, a bitch, a bad
little girl. Make her gag on your cock. If she’s up for it, fuck her in the ass or slap
her in the face during sex.

Ravage her! Women LOVE this stuff.

Any guy can just pump her hard for a few minutes, cum, and then roll over and
have a beer (or worse yet, fall asleep). But that’s not going to work if you want to
establish open relationships in your life. You must be wild, masculine, dominant,
and exciting.

If you don’t come by this type of sex naturally, or if you need ideas, the internet an
your local bookstore is full of them. Do some research if necessary, but fuck her
well.

3. Learn what feels good to women.

I’m not going to give you a course here on good sex, but do some reading and
learn about the vagina, the clit, the G spot, the deep spot, the anus, and the
different ways in which women cum. Learn this stuff, then try it out, experiment,
and get good at it.

Over time, learn what she specifically likes. Certain women like certain things and
dislike others. Do what she likes in bed (and make sure you enjoy yourself too!).

You must be the most amazing man she’s even been with sexually, or close to it,
by the time Phase Two ends. It’s critical!

Nonverbalization and Subcommunication

When it comes to men dating women, there is an overriding rule:

Have you ever seen a woman say “I would never be in an open relationship! I have
respect for myself! I should be enough!” Of course you have. Almost all women
say this. It’s what they’ve been trained to say their entire lives. It’s what they’re
supposed to say.
But yet we know from chapters three and four that women overwhelmingly allow
men to be in open relationships, as well as the married women we talked about
who stay in marriages where men continue to cheat on them.

If you say it, it’s unacceptable. If you just do it, it’s acceptable.

Have you ever seen a woman say “I would never be in an open relationship! I have
respect for myself! I should be enough!” Of course you have. Almost all women
say this. It’s what they’ve been trained to say their entire lives. It’s what they’re
supposed to say.

But yet we know from chapters three and four that women overwhelmingly allow
men to be in open relationships, as well as the married women we talked about
who stay in marriages where men continue to cheat on them.
What explains this disparity? It’s the above rule. If you say it, it’s unacceptable
and she’ll leave, but if you just do it, she’ll likely go along with it.

I’m not talking about lying, cheating or affairs. We’re not going to cheat on
anyone. You can only cheat on someone if you’ve already promised them
exclusivity or monogamy, and we’re aren’t going do to that. At the same time, we
aren’t going to lie either.

But verbalizing our actions also does not work with women. Try this. Go out on
ten first dates, and on every date tell the woman “Hey, I want to be honest with
you. Once we start dating, it’s going to be an open relationship and I’m going to
have sex with other women.” Say that, and likely all ten women will be offended
and you’ll never see them again. They will not allow you to do that, because you
said it. You verbalized it.

Do you think all these married women with cheating husbands whom they stay
with were told by their husbands when they were getting engaged, “Baby, I love
you, and I want you to marry me. But I’m going to fuck other women while we’re
married, OK?”

Of course not. Instead, they dishonestly promised monogamy, married her, and
then cheated on her behind her back. And later, they were caught. But because
they didn’t SAY it and just DID it, she didn’t like it, but she tolerated it.
And that’s exactly how women work.

So if we can’t promise exclusivity, and we can’t tell her we’re going to be having
sex with other women, and we can’t lie, what are we going to do?

We’re going “tell” her we’re still seeing other women, nonverbally. Fortunately for
us, women communicate indirectly (whereas us guys communicate directly). If we
nonverbally communicate to her we are still seeing other women, because we
didn’t verbalize it, it will be acceptable to her. No, she may not like it, but she’ll be
OK with it. Instead of communicating this to her, we’re are going to
subcommunicate this to her.

If you want non-monogamous relationships in your life, you’re going to have to

master subcommunication when talking to women. Here are several ways how.

Showing Evidence But Avoiding Proof

You want to leave evidence all around your life, your home, your Facebook page,
and other such areas, that you are indeed still seeing other women. And you want
to make sure she sees this evidence. This is powerful subcommunication that tells
her, on a feminine indirect level, what’s up with you.

What you don’t want her to be exposed to is proof that you are seeing other
women. Evidence is subcommunication, but proof is just like SAYING it. And
remember, we can’t SAY it. It’s a subtle distinction and difficult for men to
understand. Here are some examples of evidence you want her to see, and proof
you want to avoid.

1. Evidence is when she finds some other woman’s earrings on your dining
room table. Proof is when she finds a used condom in your bathroom trash
can.
2. Evidence is when she smells another woman’s perfume in your home. Proof
is when she sees a recent picture of you making out with another woman
laying on your desk.
3. Evidence is attractive women putting flirty or positive messages on your
Facebook page, like “Hi cutey!” Proof is another woman putting a message
on your Facebook wall saying “I loved our date last night! Such a naughty
boy you are!”
4. Evidence is when she sees wine glasses in your sink with another woman’s
lipstick on them. Proof is when she sees another woman’s period blood on
your bed sheets.
5. Evidence is when she sees a text on your cell phone from another woman
saying “Hey handsome!” Proof is when she sees a text from another woman
saying “I want your cock in my mouth again!”

Are you seeing the difference? Evidence is good, and you want to “leave
evidence” all over your home and your life so she sees it and registers it. But proof
is bad. You’ll just get a bunch of drama from her if she sees things like that.

Evidence being honest. Proof is rubbing it her face. There is a difference.

So be sure to have evidence in your home she regularly sees, but be sure to clean
up any “proof” before she comes over so you don’t hurt her feelings and blow her
out prematurely. The same goes for things like your Facebook page, your clothing,
your car, and any other area of your life she has access too.
“But won’t she get mad when she sees the evidence?”
Not during Phase Two, no. She might ask questions about it, but she knows you’re
not “boyfriend and girlfriend” yet, so she can’t complain too loudly about his. And
she won’t. Phase Four is a little different, but we’re not there yet.

But what if she does ask you about evidence? Or about other women you’re
seeing?

Answering The Tough Questions

Very soon, after dating you for a while, she will certainly start to ask you some
tricky questions. Remember our rules. During phase two, we can’t SAY things, but
we can’t lie either. When we’re asked tricky questions, we must not verbalize the
answers, we must subcommunicate them. We must communicate to her like
woman, not a man.

During Phase Two, the way to answer questions like this is to give a smartass
answer, then change the topic.
Here are some examples on exactly how to do this with common questions you
might get during Phase Two. Treat the answers I have here only as
examples...customize and use your own personality when talking to the women in
your life.

1. Her Question: “Are you still dating/fucking/seeing other women?”

What You Say: “Of course. I’m dating 15 other women. Two for every day of the
week plus one spare. But don’t worry baby, you’re number THREE!”

What She Hears: “Yes I am, but I’m not talking about it.”

2. Her Question: “Whose are these?”, while holding up some earrings she found
on the floor that aren’t hers.

What You Say: “Those are my friend Larry’s! Thanks for finding those, Baby! I’ve
been looking everywhere for those!” Then hold her tight and give her a big
romantic kiss.

What She Hears: “You know those earrings belong to another woman who was
over here, but it doesn’t matter. I care about YOU.”
3. Her Question: “So who’s that blonde chick Suzi who put all that stuff on your
Facebook page?”

What You Say: “Oh yeah. Suzi. She’s so cute. Did you end up going to downtown
to meet up with your friends yesterday?”

What She Hears: “There are other women in my life. But I’m not giving you any
details.”

You get the point. By using subcommunication instead of verbalization, you don’t
SAY you’re with other women, and you aren’t lying, but she still hears what
you’re communicating to her loud and clear. It’s the best of all worlds.

Now as a direct man, instead of an indirect woman, you may have this concern:
“This whole thing about evidence, proof, and dodging questions all seems a little
dishonest to me.”

The only reason you think this is because you’re thinking like a man, not a
woman. But we’re not communicating with another man, we’re communicating
with a female. It’s not being dishonest. Men do not communicate like this, which
is why you (as a man) think it’s dishonest. But believe me, women DO understand
exactly what you’re “saying” when you subcommunicate to them like this.

Subcommunicate that you are seeing other women, but never TELL her you are
seeing other women, and never discuss other women you are seeing, even if she
specifically asks you.

“But I can’t keep doing this forever. Eventually she’ll demand some real answers
and then I’ll have to tell her.”

Exactly right. Subcommunication like this is only for Phase Two. It’s Phase Three
were you’re actually going to start SAYING things. But that’s a good three months
(or more) away. During Phase Two, SUBcommunication is the name of the game,
not verbalizing things. Actual verbalization is coming later. Be patient.

Avoid “Boyfriend Behaviors”

During Phase Two, you cannot act like her boyfriend. Instead, act like her lover.
Act like her sex god. Act like her man of passion. Act like the cool guy she hangs
with, the one she’s always wanted to be with. But don’t act like her boyfriend.
Engaging in “boyfriend behaviors” will press her monogamy buttons, and we do
NOT want to do this. We are going to still date her, spend time with her, have sex
with her, and perhaps even love her, but without acting like her boyfriend.

Here are some of the behaviors you want to avoid:

1. Don’t go on boyfriend-like dates. Going out on dates is fine. I go out with

my WDs all the time. But you want to avoid the typical romantic “dinner
and a movie” type date. Avoid taking her to fancy, romantic restaurants.
Don’t rent limousines for the two of you. You get the point.
2. No expensive gifts. I would like to say no gifts at all, period. But if it’s her
birthday or Christmas or something, giving her a card or a small inexpensive
gift is fine if she’s a WD. Do not ever buy her expensive gifts, and do not
ever buy her romantic gifts. And if she’s an FB, NO gifts, ever, period!
3. No Valentines Day stuff. On Valentines Day, you are GONE. If she’s a WD,
send her a cute text or email at the most, but that’s it. If she’s an FB, do
nothing. Nothing says “boyfriend who follows my agenda” to a woman like
Valentines Day, so you must avoid this day like the plague.
4. WDs should pay for dates at least some of the time.
FBs should always pay their half when you go out, or even better, avoid taking
FBs out at all. She needs to know you’re not her “provider” who will always pay
for everything. If she’s a WD, pay for her 60% of the time or so, but the other 40%
of the time she needs to financially contribute.
5. Do not tell her you love her or are “falling” for her. No, no, no. Save that
kind of stuff for Phase Four. No lovey talk during Phase Two! Nothing
pushes away a woman faster than by some needy lovestruck guy telling her
he “loves” her.
6. Keep the romantic talk to a minimum. Along the same lines as saying “I
love you”, keep the romantic talk to a minimum. If she’s a WD you can BE
romantic, and hold her romantically and touch her in romantic ways, just
watch what you SAY. Remember subcommunication! Of course, if she’s an
FB, you are never to get romantic with her AT ALL, in ANY WAY.
7. FBs are not allowed to spend the night. WDs may certainly spend the
night, but just one night at a time. Remember our very important once-a-
week rule.
8. Avoid all talk about getting exclusive. Never, ever bring this up, and use
the smartass/change the subject technique above if she tries to. Exclusivity is
an absolutely forbidden topic in Phase Two.
 9. Never make “boyfriend” demands of her. Remember chapter four, and
keep a lid on your own jealousy and territorialness. Just like you’re not
exclusive to her, that works BOTH WAYS. If she wants to date or fuck other
guys, you must allow it. Moreover, if you see evidence or proof of other men
from her, you must not react. When you see pictures or texts or Facebook
messages showing that she is indeed playing around with another man,
smile, shrug it off, let it go, and change the subject. If you do what most
guys do and start yelling things like “Who the fuck is that guy?” you lose. If
at any time you start getting jealous, angry, or territorial, go back and re-
read chapter four. She can and will be allowed to do whatever she wants
with her personal life during Phase Two. You’re not her boyfriend!
10. Refuse to assign a structure to the relationship. If she says “What is this
to you?” that means she want to define the relationship, to give it some kind
of structure. You NEVER want to do this during Phase Two. If she really
presses you, just say you’re “dating”, leave it at that, and change the subject.
11. Do not change anything major in your life for her benefit. You want to
avoid things like letting her leave her stuff in your bathroom, or moving in
with her, or moving closer to her, or encouraging her to get a job closer to
your job, etc.
12. Avoid meeting her family. If she’s a single mother and you meet her small
kid(s), that might be fine, but no “going to meet the folks”. That’s one of the
biggest boyfriend behaviors there is.

You get the point by now by what I mean by boyfriend behaviors. Engaging in
boyfriend behaviors like these are going to prevent a non-monogamous
relationship at best, prematurely terminate the relationship at worst.

“But I WANT to do some of these boyfriend things!” you might say. That’s fine.
You might. But these must wait until Phase Four. Do them in Phase Two or sooner,
and you will kill your chances at having a long-lasting open relationship with her.
Get a check on your neediness, and be patient. If you simply can’t do this, than
surrender, make her your MGF, and throw this book away, since it’s not going to
help you much.

Get Her On Your Facebook Or MySpace Page

This is very important, for reasons you’ll discover in a later chapter. If you ever
stop seeing her for any reason, it will be ten times easier to bring her back into
your life later if you have her as a friend on Facebook (or MySpace, if
appropriate).

You Must Be Seeing Other Women

This last point is probably the most important for Phase Two success. Everything
we’ve gone over in this chapter is going to be WAY easier for you if you are
actively seeing and having sex with other women. If this current women you’re
working on is the only woman in your life, your neediness levels for her are going
to start growing and growing. Not only will she feel this, but it will be harder for
you to avoid boyfriend behaviors and to stick to our Phase Two rules.

You MUST be seeing other women, even if it’s just one casual FB on the side. I’m
usually seeing at least four women at a time, sometimes more. It makes these
techniques very easy and natural for me, even if there is one woman in my life I
start to really like.

If there aren’t any other women in your life at the moment besides the one you are
working on, get my other two books How To Fill Your Calendar With Dates Using
Online Dating and Dating Women: Getting To Sex As Quickly As Possible, and
you wont have to worry about not having women in your life ever again.
Chapter Seven
Soft Nexting
I’m about to show you the most powerful weapon in a man’s arsenal when it
comes to dating women. So powerful and important, I’ve devoted an entire chapter
to it. It’s called the soft next.

You may employ a soft next at any time in any phase, as long as you’ve achieved
lock-in. It’s most important in Phase Two, but can and should be used in
subsequent phases as well.

The soft next a technique that acknowledges a fundamental fact:

Men crave SEX. Women crave ATTENTION.

I’m not saying women don’t want, love, and need sex. Women actually enjoy sex
more than men do. But it’s not what women crave all day long. No, that would be
attention. Take sex away from a woman for two weeks, she’s fine. But take
attention away from a woman for just 24 hours, and she’s ready to wither and die
(or go insane).

In addition, I’m not saying men don’t want attention. They do. But attention is not
what they crave, what they think about all day long. That would be sex.

Here’s a question. How do women control their husbands or long-term boyfriends

and get them to do things they would never normally do? Easy. They withhold sex
or threaten to do so. If you’ve ever been married, or have any close guy buddies
who are married, you probably know exactly what I’m talking about. Women have
been doing this for thousands of years, and it’s a very effective method for
controlling men.

That seems a little unfair, doesn’t it? I’m all for gender equality, so in that vein,
how can men control women they’re seeing? Simple. Withhold attention.
Withholding attention is as painful to a woman as withholding sex is for a man, if
not more so.

But that’s easier said than done. The problem men face is that it's relatively easy
for women to withhold sex, but it's hard for a man to withhold attention. Men have
their own brand of drama. Men want to "be heard" and "tell her how it is", so
when she does something very wrong, it's difficult for a man to just bite his lip say
nothing. But men don’t understand that yelling at a woman, arguing with her,
“setting her straight”, or lecturing her is still attention. Doing these things still
feeds her what she craves.

But men who learn how shut up and withhold their attention when she does
something wrong can get women to just about anything they want...including be
with him in an open relationship. And no, we’re not talking about the “silent
treatment”. The silent treatment is still attention. No, we’re talking about a
technique that is much more powerful and effective.

It’s time to finally level the playing field when it comes to withholding things the
other gender wants in order to gain control.

This is done by nexting. A “next” means you move on from the woman you’re
with, and ideally fuck the “next” woman on the list. It is NOT “breaking up”.
Breaking up is something you do to an MGF. A break-up is usually a drawn-out
discussion, a big emotional event, and it’s usually permanent. A next is none of
these things.

There are two kinds of nexts: the hard next and the soft next. A hard next is rare.
It’s when you stop seeing a woman, cut off all contact, and never see or
communicate with her ever again. This is only needed in extreme cases like when
a woman is actually physically violent against you, or breaks the law, or uses you,
or similar transgressions.

But thankfully, unless you have really bad taste in women, these events are rare.
Of all the women I’ve been with in my life (not a small list), I’ve only ever had to
hard next two of them.

Instead, what you will be using, often, is the soft next. A soft next where a woman
does something you disapprove of, and in response, you withdraw all of your
attention from her for a set period of time, usually for three to seven days (though
sometimes it could be longer).

It is not a breakup, though to her it might feel like one. It is not something you do
because you are mad, or trying to get back at her. No, just like the wife who
methodically withholds sex from her husband to get him to take out the trash, you
are going to methodically withhold attention to ensure she doesn’t give you drama,
or doesn’t lie to you, or doesn’t push you for monogamy, or whatever.

Once you withhold your attention for a few days, you will be amazed at how
wonderful, loving and sweet she will be once the soft next is over. And over time,
she will learn your limits and your expectations, so as to not be soft nexted again.

As an added bonus, soft nexting makes her miss you in very, very powerful ways.
It also demonstrates your power, non- neediness, and masculinity. All of these
things are powerful attractors to the female mind!

Here are some examples of situations where you would employ a soft next.

– She gives you drama. I.E. she screams at you, or loses her cool, throws a
tantrum, or cries.
– She makes demands or gives you an ultimatum.
– She lies to you.
– She’s overtly disrespectful to you, especially if in public or in front of other
people.
– She repeatedly asks for or demands exclusivity or boyfriend behaviors.
– Anything else she does that you consider inappropriate.

Here’s exactly how to employ a soft next:

1. Immediately terminate the conversation if you’re having one.

2. Physically leave the area.
3. Do not contact her for at least three days.
4. Ignore all contact from her for at least three days.
5. Reestablish contact with her again and resume the relationship like nothing
happened.

The length of the soft next depends on the severity of the offense. Most soft nexts
for things like being dramatic are going to be three or four days long. For worse
offenses, a week may be called for. Two weeks I would consider a maximum.

Let’s take this into the real world, using a real-world example. Let’s say you’re
over at her place and she gets upset with you about something (it doesn’t matter
what) and starts screaming at you and really losing it. Here’s exactly what you
would do:
1. As soon as she starts raising her voice, or as soon as she insults you, shake
your head in a disappointed fashion, but say nothing. Silently turn around,
leave the room, and put on your coat.
2. As she's saying "Don't walk away from me when I'm talking to you!" or
"Where are you going?", use self- control, do NOT answer her, walk out the
door, get in your car, and drive away. Even if she follows you outside to the
car, say nothing.
3. As you're driving away, she’ll be calling you on your cell phone or sending
you texts (trying to get her attention back). Use self-control, and do not
answer your cell phone. Ignore or even delete her text messages to you.
4. For the next three days, completely ignore all of her emails, texts, and
phone calls. Do no answer the phone when it’s her; let it go to voice mail.
Do not return her calls or texts. This is going to be hard, because your guy-
drama is going to try to kick in, and you're going to want to respond to her
and "tell her how it is", but be strong. Use self-control. Ignore her. Do NOT
contact her in any way. She will quickly realize you are attempting to take
her greatest need away from her, her attention. So she’s going to use every
weapon in the female arsenal against you to get it back. She may leave you
voice mails as she’s sobbing and crying. She may say things to pull your
heartstrings, or make you feel guilty, or infuriate you. She may say she’s
sorry and that she’ll never do it again. She may get angry and tell you it’s
over and to never call her ever again. In extreme cases, she may even do
things like threaten to kill herself. Don’t be swayed by any of this. It’s all
normal and natural. Let her vent all she wants, but DON’T RETURN HER
PHONE CALLS, or texts, or emails, or Facebook messages, or whatever. If
you really care for her, this will be hard. But be strong. The results for both
of you will be worth it when it’s over.
5. After the three days (or however long you deem the soft next should last),
contact her again, and meet up with her again, LIKE NOTHING
HAPPENED.
6. She will be as happy as you’ve seen her for a long time. If she tries to bring
up the topic of the argument you had, or why you were ignoring her (and
likely she will NOT bring it up, because she just wants to forget about it), do
not engage her in that conversation. Make a brief smartass comment, change
the subject, and give her a big hug and a kiss.
7. She will now be sweet, loving, caring, and wonderful, for a very long time.
She will remember what you did and she doesn’t want to go through that
again. So she’ll be a great gal for now.
...at least, for a while, until you need to soft next her again.

Soft nexting, when done correctly, is very powerful and every effective. If you
choose your women wisely, and you’re are a confident guy, and you follow all the
advice in this book, the good news is that you won’t have to soft next women very
often. In my current evolution, I do have to soft next women, but rarely.
Here are the most common questions I get from men about soft nexting:

“What if, logistically, I can't just leave? What if we're in the car or at a restaurant
or something?”

Answer: Be cool and don't argue with her. Don't respond to her points. Take a deep
breath, relax, and just smile and agree with her drama and garbage until you can
separate from her. Then, begin your "ignoring phase".
“What if she's at my house, and she doesn't have a car?”

Answer: Then here's the response to any disrespect she gives you: "Shall I take
you home?" Don't say anything else other than that question. Don't respond to her
drama. Just ask her that question in a quiet, neutral tone of voice. Doing this may
shut her up immediately. Great, then problem solved. If she's really mad however,
she will say yes. Then get her in your car, turn on the radio on the way to her
house, don't talk to her, drop her off, drive away, and begin your "ignoring phase".
I have personally done this more than once and it works great.

“Can I go ahead and have the discussion/argument with her, then soft next her
when we’re done talking?”

Answer: No. That’s not removing your attention. Also, soft nexting is not a
punishment, it’s a training tool. It’s not something you do to a woman because you
don’t get your way. It’s something you do to a woman to teach her your
boundaries. Soft nexting after a long argument sends the exact wrong message to
her, like you’re hurt, or brooding, or trying to “get back” at her. All of which are
needy behaviors, which is a big no-no.
Plus, a soft next after a big argument or discussion does not remove your attention
from her, does it?

“I really can’t communicate with her at all? What if I absolutely need to for some
logistical reason that can’t wait?”
If you’re a beginner at all of this, no, you should not communicate with her at all.
If you do, you will start giving her attention back, and you lose. Also, if you start
talking to her again too soon, likely you will start being sucked back into her
dramatic frame, and then you really lose.

That being said, if you’re very experienced at this kind of thing, or are a very
naturally confident guy, communicating with her during the soft next might be OK
(but you still can’t see her in person). But other than that exception, NO
CONTACT during the soft next!

“But what if she doesn’t come back after the soft next is over?”

That’s men’s biggest fear when they first hear about this technique. First of all,
realize if that if you’re following all the other advice in this book, the odds of her
not coming back are minuscule. That means if she doesn’t come back, that’s
because you were probably doing something else wrong, like seeing her more than
once a week, or not making her cum every time you have sex, acting too
boyfriendish, etc.

If she still doesn’t come back, then she doesn’t come back. You should be seeing
other women so this should not be a problem. Move on. Be with your other
women. And as you’ll learn in chapter ten, there’s a 71% chance she will
eventually come back to you some time down the road.

If you are simply too needy to initiate a soft next for fear she may not come back,
you need to do some hard soul searching and get a check on your neediness levels.
If your neediness is this extreme, not much else in this book is going to assist you.

Usage

Throughout Phase Two you should be using soft nexts on her whenever she gives
you any trouble, and whenever she pushes you hard for exclusivity. It’s Phase Two
where soft nexts are the most important, and it sets the stage for Phase Three and
Phase Four, where you will continue to use soft nexts.
Chapter Eight
Phase Three: The Verbalization Point

Phase three really isn’t a “phase”. It’s more like an event that happens, and then
it’s over. Phase three is one short conversation, some fallout from the conversation
that lasts perhaps 24 to 48 hours, and then there’s a recovery and you’re on to
Phase Four.

But phase three is so important, it warrants it’s own “phase” and it’s own chapter.
Phase three is the Verbalization Point, where you finally SAY to her what the deal
is, and what it will be. It’s the time where you finally lay all your cards on the
table, and leave it up to her to decide what she wants to do.

Everything you’ve been doing in phases one and two are directly aimed at making
phase three be as smooth, quick, painless, and successful as possible. If you have
been doing everything I’ve been saying up until now, phase three is going to be a
breeze. If you haven’t, phase three will probably be a big steaming pile of drama,
and likely be the end of your relationship with her. This is why all the techniques
we’ve talked about are so important. Phase three is make or break time.

Phase three usually happens at about three months into the relationship. If it
happens sooner than three months, you were definitely doing something wrong, if
not multiple things wrong, during in phase two. Also, as you get really good at
non-monogamous relationships, phase three may not happen for five, six, or even
seven months down the road.

This is good. The longer you can prolong phase two, the
better. But three months is normal.

Phase three begins when she asks “Are you still dating/seeing/fucking other
women?” and she simply will not take smartass dodging for an answer. She’s
adamant. She must have an answer to that question now. Her Disney and her
societal programming has taken all it can take, and it can’t take any more. Now
she needs actual, verbalized answers.

Now, you’re actually going to verbalize to her that you are not monogamous.
Here’s the best way to do this:
1. When you’re having this conversation, make sure she is very physically
comfortable. You could be in bed holding her, or on a cozy couch with
blankets while you’re lovingly touching her face. You do not want do phase
three while sitting in restaurant or something like that. You must both be
relaxed, cozy, comfortable, and in private.
2. Touch her lovingly while you are telling her this. This going to be hard for
her and you need to make this as easy for her as possible.
3. Exactly what you say and how you say it will depend on what category she’s
in. If she’s an FB, just tell her you’re not exclusive, you’re never going to
be, and leave it at that. If she doesn’t like it, that’s her problem. There’s the
door. Tell her she’s a cool chick you want to keep hanging out with her, but
that’s the deal, take it or leave it.
4. If she’s a WD, hold her lovingly, and in your own words tell her you care
about her deeply, that you love being with her, or even that you love her.
(But only if you really do love her! Don’t lie!) Then tell her that you’re not
monogamous and probably never will be. Tell her you want her to be happy
and you will support any decision she makes, and then go back to telling her
how much you care about her and how much you love being with her.
5. If she’s a WD who know is truly a candidate for an OLTR, take this one step
further. Tell her everything you would tell an normal WD, but also tell her
you want to be with her long-term, and that you will work with her to find a
way to “make this work”. But again reiterate you will support any decision
she makes.
6. Give her a few minutes to respond to what you said. You may likely see
tears. This is fine, let her vent and emote for a few minutes. Hold her
lovingly, hug her, kiss her.
7. Do not let this turn into a big conversation. You’re going to be tempted to do
this and fall into her “let’s talk about this” frame, but you must resist this
temptation at all costs. Let her have her say, and then END THE
CONVERSATION. If this turns into a long conversation, YOU LOSE. Say
your peace, let her say hers, and be done with it.
8. Likely she’ll be upset. She may even say some harsh things. She may also
say she needs to think about it. Whatever she says, let her say it. Don’t
respond, don’t ask questions, and certainly don’t justify or get defensive.
End the conversation quickly and on as positive a note as you can.
9. Lether go away for a day or two to stew on all of this. She must now
reconcile her love and desire for you with her bogus but powerful Disney
societal programming.
If you have followed everything in this book, if you’ve held a strong, confident,
non-needy, non-reactive, fun, romantic EFA, if you’ve made her cum in wild ways
every time you’ve had sex with her, if you’ve only seen her once a week, if you
haven’t acted like her boyfriend, if you haven’t gotten jealous on her, if you’ve
soft nexted her when she’s given you trouble, etc, etc, etc, then after thinking
about it, SHE WILL AGREE TO KEEP SEEING YOU.

As I’ve said, if you follow everything I’ve laid out in this book, you have a good
90% of her saying yes to this openly stated open relationship. Even if it’s a
reluctant yes.

As soon as she agrees to this, phase three is over and you roll right into phase four.
Congratulations! The hard part is now over. The rest is pretty much smooth sailing
from here on out.

OLTR

It is Phase Three where you may begin to convert a woman from a WD to an

OLTR. I personally would still wait a few more months before making this move,
but starting now won’t hurt.

In an OLTR, the relationship takes on a much more boyfriend/girlfriend flavor.

We’ll talk about the OLTR in detail in chapter twelve.

Her Rules

Most likely, when she comes back to say yes to your open relationship after
thinking about it, she will come at you with a list of rules. She will probably say
something like “OK, I’ll do this, but here are my rules,” and then start laying them
out, one by one, like some kind of attorney.

From my experience (and the experience of other non- monogamous men), here
are some examples of the rules she might throw at you, in no particular order:
1. I have to be number one. No other girl can be more important than me (we’ll
go into detail on this rule in the next chapter).
2. You need to always wear a condom if you’re ever having sex with another
woman.
3. If I want to see you, and you’re seeing some other woman, I’m more
important and you need to cancel on that bitch.
 4. I better not see any evidence you’re with other women. I’ll lose it if I do.
5. (Or the reverse) I want to know exactly how many women you’re fucking,
who they are, how often you’re fucking them, how old they are, how pretty
they are, etc.
6. The other women can’t be prettier than me / younger than me / skinnier than
me / have bigger boobs than me, etc.
7. You can have sex with other women, but you can’t take them on dates.
8. The other women can only be FBs, not Wds.
9. I need to meet and approve of these other women.
10. I will agree to this, but only if you’re planning on marrying me
someday (or moving in with me, or some other future promise).

There are other possible rules, but these are the most common ones. As to whether
or not you agree to these rules, that mostly up to you, your personality, your
objectives, your age, and a host of other factors.

Speaking in general, the more rules of hers you agree to, the worse off you will be.
The more rules in a relationship, the more drama you will receive from the
woman, the less her attraction will be for you, the less freedom you will have, and
often, the more financially expensive for you it will be. Only agree to a woman’s
rules with extreme care, and only after a lot of calm, rational forethought, and
even then only if you absolutely need to. Never agree to a woman’s rules simply as
a jerk reaction to not make her mad or not “lose her”.

In general, and in my personal opinion, I think rules number two and four in the
above list are more or less acceptable. If you’re converting her to an OLTR or plan
to do so soon, rules one, seven, and eight are probably acceptable. Rules five and
nine are sources of trouble and drama but could make sense in certain cases (more
on this in chapter twelve). Rules six and ten are completely ridiculous and I would
never agree to them, no matter how much I liked the woman.

Just remember, the less rules in a relationship (hers or yours), the more enjoyable
the relationship will be for both of you.
Chapter Nine
Phase Four: The Queen of the Hill Phase

By this phase, you have accomplished what most men only dream of: a deep and
open relationship with a wonderful woman who knows you’re having sex with
other woman and continues a romantic sexual relationship with you anyway.

Once you’ve verbalized your non-monogamy to her, and she accepts it and keeps
seeing you, you’ve entered into phase four. Thankfully, phase four is the easiest of
all phases by far. It’s the least amount of work and therefore the most enjoyable.
Most of what to do in phase four is continuing to do what you’ve already been
doing. Most of which should be almost second nature to you now:

1. Keep using soft nexts on her, if needed, when she gives you trouble. Don’t
ever say to yourself “Well, now she knows about other women, and now
she’s special, so I don’t need to that soft next stuff anymore.” WRONG. You
never stop doing soft nexts if she steps out of line.
2. You no longer need to show her evidence of other women, but you do need
to continue to avoid showing her proof. Yes, she knows you are with other
women, but her emotions will be ruffled if you throw proof in her face. This
is one of those times where you do want to respect her emotions if you want
to keep her around, and keep the relationship with her relatively drama- free.
3. Continue to fuck her well and make her cum every time. Never let up on this.

The Queen of the Hill

Once a woman knows you are still sleeping with other women, a very interesting
thing happens. Since she knows she can’t have you in a monogamous relationship,
her feminine brain will switch gears and start to pull from you the next best
thing...and that is something I call “queen status”.

Her rationale will be something like this. “Okay, I’ll keep seeing you knowing
you’ll still be having sex with other women. But I want to be the most important
one. I want to be your favorite, and there better not be any other woman in your
life more important than me.”

We men fight to become King of the Hill. She wants to become the Queen of the
Hill, specifically, “queen” among your women. And she will fight for this status in
your life. Sometimes, fight hard.

Which means at some point in phase four you have a very interesting decision to
make. You must decide to make her your queen or not.

If you do indeed decide to make her the most important woman in your life, that’s
fine. You simply upgrade her from WD to OLTR, which is a much more
girlfriend-like type of relationship.

If you decide to not make her your queen, you just need to keep her at WD or FB
status. Keep doing everything we’ve talked about above and refuse to get into any
big “relationship talks” when she pushes for queen status. As much as possible,
use nonverbalization and subcommunication in lieu of actually saying yes or no,
or giving specifics, when answering her questions or requests.

Pop quiz time. If she pushes hard for queen status, or any status you don’t want to
give her, or gives you any ultimatums, what should you do? If you answered “soft
next her!”, you’re right and get an A+. In my own life, I’ve seen a good soft next
will completely turn around a woman who as complaining about not receiving
queen status in to a great woman who happily dates me as a WD for a very long
time.

Doing all of this will make it clear to her, in a nonverbal way, that queen status is
not a topic of conversation you will entertain.

That’s it to phase four, and that it with the phases. There is one optional phase past
phase four, and that’s where you create an OLTR. Rather than a phase, that’s a
completely different relationship type. We’ll get to that soon.
Chapter Ten
The End of the Relationship...or is it?

This is one of the most important chapters in this book.

We’re not getting into the parts of the book that are really going to re-wire your
brain, and debunk some basic concepts you’ve been taught to believe your whole
life. Right now, as you read this, is one of those times your brain requires the most
re-wiring.

Let’s talk about the term “break up”. When two people “break up”, that means
they permanently terminate their sexual (and romantic) relationship. They no
longer date, and they no longer have sex. They could still remain friends, or they
could part ways and never see each other again. But the key point here is that their
dating and sexual relationship is over. And usually, over forever.

Yes, there are times where two people later resume a sexual relationship for a
while. That does happen, but usually, break ups are permanent. Even if there is a
later recommencement of a sexual relationship, it’s usually more of an FB
arrangement, and there is usually a second break up, and then it’s permanent.
You need to wipe the concept of the “break up” out of your mind, forever.
Successful non-monogamous men never “break up” with a woman.

From now on, you are never going to “break up” with a woman ever again.

Now let me immediately clarify something. Yes, if a woman does something

horrific, like steal money from you, physically attack you, lie to you in some
harmful way, or similar, of course you can and should remove her from your life
by using a hard next. But A) this kind of event is rare (even more rare if you’re
following the techniques in this book), and B) a hard next is not a break- up. Refer
back to chapter seven for more info.

No, break-ups are for monogamous people. We’re beyond that. Besides hard nexts
(which are so rare you may never need to do one), non-monogamous relationships
“end” in one of three ways:

1. A long or short soft next initiated by you.

 2. A long soft next initiated by her.
3. A LSNFTE (I’ll explain this one in a minute.)

I put the word “end” in quotes because all three of these conditions are temporary.
A break-up implies a permanent termination of the relationship. But all three of the
above are temporary. Instead of a permanent end to the sexual relationship, they
are a temporary “break” you’re taking from each other. The relationship will likely
resume, either in three weeks, three months, or three years. But the point is it
likely will resume!

If you’ve already read my other writings, you know that I track everything that
happens in my dating life on a spreadsheet. I’m now going to give you a very
interesting factoid you may find surprising, one I alluded to way back in chapter
one. 71% of all the women I’ve ever had sex with eventually returned to me to me
for more sex well after the
“end” of the relationship.
That’s right. 71%. Sometimes they left me. Sometimes I left them. And 71% came
back. Sometimes it took a month. Sometimes it took six months. A few times it
took an entire year or two. But they came back, to resume having sex with me, and
to resume an FB or WD relationship.
Some real facts from my life on these “returners”:

- I’ve had women leave me, become some other guy’s girlfriend, and then break
up with him and come back to me (this is the LSNFTE we’ll get to in a minute).
- I’ve had women leave me, have a baby with a another man, and then come back
me.
- I’ve had women leave me, marry another man, divorce him, and then come back
to me.
- I’ve had women move away (sometimes even to other countries!), then
eventually move back, and then come back to me.
- I’ve had women leave me, then I have sex with some of their female friends or
relatives, then they come back to me.

And on, and on, and on. Nowadays, when one of my relationships “end”, do you
think I’m at all worried or depressed about it? Hell no. I know that no matter what
she does, even if she marries another guy, she’ll probably be back. 71% of the
time.

Even 71% is an understatement, since there are specific exceptional reasons that
explain most of the 29% who don’t come back. Most of these women are
unusually religious, or women who move far away and never return, or women
who were very quick and short-lived FBs where I didn’t have the opportunity to
take the time to completely flesh out phase two.

The reasons for this amazing return rate (some you may have already surmised)
are:
1. I never “break up” with anyone, ever. There’s never any big blowout, or big
argument, or “Dear John” letter, or big “break up talk”. We just stop seeing
each other. Every relationship “ends” on a very positive note. Of all the non-
monogamous relationships I’ve had in my life (not a small list) I’ve never
had one that “ended” badly.
2. I make these women cum like wildfire every time I have sex with them. And
believe me, women remember this. A woman who goes a few months
without the man she was seeing who fucked her well and made her cum
every time will quickly return to that man, even if she’s having sex with
some other man! Remember, the vast majority of men out there don’t bother
to make a woman cum (and on top of that, are boring in bed).
3. Why do most relationships end? As the statistics show, it’s one word:
Cheating. But I never cheat. I can’t. I don’t promise monogamy, so I can’t
cheat. The “cheating” dynamic does not exist in my life. You can’t have a
break-up from cheating if neither person can cheat. This is a very important
thing to realize and fully understand: Cheating only exists in monogamous
relationships.
4. My relationships are drama-free. Unlike every other man she’s ever been
with, I have never lied to her, never screamed at her, never tried to control
her, never threw any jealousy at her, never got needy with her, and never
tried to throw her into something serious when she wasn’t ready. Like the
with the great sex, this is also something women remember about me for a
very long time, especially when they go back to the world of dating normal
men.

If you effectively manage non-monogamous relationships, breakups aren’t

breakups, they are temporary time-off periods after which you resume the
relationship like nothing ever happened.
Let’s talk about the three kinds of “break periods”.

A soft next initiated by you. We’ve already talked about this. This is a temporary
removal of your attention. Almost always, she will be dying to come back to you
once the soft next ends. There are times (though not often) where a soft next will
result in her considering it an actual break-up, where she then “ends” the
relationship or hits up some other guy. But this is unusual. But in either case, it’s
still temporary.

A soft next initiated by her. Yes, she can soft next you. Maybe she just can’t
stand you dating other women. Maybe you pissed her off. Whatever. During an FB
or WD, it’s possible she may need a little break from you. This is fine. When it
happens, let her go. We’ll talk about exactly how to do this in a minute, but if you
did everything right, she’ll be back, and probably sooner than you think.

The LSNFTE. This is the big one, and by far the most common type of “break”
you’re going to encounter when you start creating and managing non-
monogamous relationships. LSNFTEs tend to really confuse and frustrate men,
and it’s important that you understand them, expect them and accept them.
LSNFTE is my own cumbersome acronym for Long Soft Next For Temporary
Exclusivity. It’s when a woman temporarily leaves you for another man who
promises her monogamy. Not another man she likes more than you, mind you, just
man who promises her monogamy, something you would not do.

As we’ve already discussed, women have massive amounts of Disney societal

programming that almost (but not quite) require them to be in a monogamous or
perceived monogamous relationship with a man. Usually, no matter how
wonderful you are, how much she loves, likes, or is attracted to you, this wiring in
her brain is just too powerful to overcome on a consistent basis for a prolonged
period.

It works like this. She meets you. For the first time in her life, she starts dating a
man who is confident and non-needy, fucks her in amazing ways, makes her cum
every time, makes her miss him, and all the other things we’ve talked about. She’s
so attracted to you she can’t believe it, and she feels wonderful in ways she likely
never has.

But after a while, her societal programming slowly starts to assert itself over her
brain. She starts feeling weird that you haven’t asked her to be her MGF like all
the other guys have. Even if she makes it through the big talk in phase three, she
still feels uncomfortable. She still is attracted to you, but her societal programming
is not being satisfied.
Around this time, some other guy she knows starts to move in on her, and starts
saying things like “Well, if you dated me I would be your exclusive boyfriend!” or
“I would see you every day!” or “I would move in with you!” or “I would marry
you!” or whatever. Remember, most guys hit women up for exclusivity very, very
fast. So she will get offers from men like this all the time, especially if she’s
attractive.

Even though she’s attracted to you beyond belief, and even though this other guy
is the typical boring needy guy and she knows it, even if this guy is lying to her
(and even if she senses his lie on some level!) these promises of a “normal”
relationship are very powerful to her at this point. Often she simply can’t resist and
will suddenly stop seeing you in order to have a “real” boyfriend.

There will be no big break-up when she does this. Usually, you’ll just stop hearing
from her, and she will avoid seeing you if you ask her to do so. She’s got a
boyfriend now, and she’s going to focus on him in order to “make it work”.

The good news is that this boyfriend is temporary. You must remember this and
understand this. No matter how excited she might seem about this new
relationship, one of three things are going to occur with Mr. Typical Boyfriend
within the next several months:

– He will cheat on her, and then she’ll dump him.

– Or He will get needy on her. Which will make her bored and make her
eventually dump him.
– Or He will be Mr. Territorialness and get way too overbearing and
demanding with her, which will make her eventually dump him.

One of these three things will eventually happen. You can almost set your watch to
it. And when they do, who is the first person she will run back to? That’s right.
You.

Here are the steps you should employ when a LSNFTE occurs to ensure she does
return to you eventually:

1. Let her go. When she tells you or when you otherwise discover she’s gone,
do not fight her. Do not discuss it with her. Do not beg or plead with her. Do
not get angry with her. Do to cave in to any of her demands. This is what
other guys do and it doesn’t work.
2. End on a positive note. Tell her she’s an amazing person and that you want
her to be happy, and that you hope it works out with this new guy.
Hopefully, if your core frame is right, you’ll actually mean all of this stuff.
Whenever a woman does a LSNFTE to me, it doesn’t bother me at all and I
really do want her to be happy. I know she’ll be back, and while she’s gone
she’s freed up my schedule to have sex with more women. And I know when
she comes back she will be even more loving and fun! This is the attitude
you adopt as well.
3. Once it ends, do NOT initiate contact with her AT ALL for at least 60
days, if not longer. This is an extension of the “missing you” dynamic.
Women are NOT attracted to the recent ex-boyfriend who calls, texts, and
emails 100 times a day pleading for her to come back. But if you simply cut
off all contact, during the times where she’s upset or unsatisfied at the new
boyfriend’s neediness or territorialness, guess who she’ll be secretly pining
about? YOU. But not if you keep calling her in an effort to “get her back”.
This is equally true if you keep in contact with her to “remain friends”.
Listen...do you want to her to “remain your friend”, or do you want to
FUCK her again? You do not want to “remain friends” with an ex.
Contrary to what most men seem to think, remaining in contact with her to
“remain friends” puts you in “friend zone” and drastically reduces the odds
of her ever coming back to you in a sexual context. At a minimum, it makes
it harder for her to come back, requiring you to work harder. You don’t want
to be her friend, or her enemy, or her needy ex-boyfriend. You want to be
GONE.
4. If she initiates contact with you, make a quick assessment of her
situation. What if she contacts YOU before 60 days? Be nice, be fun, be a
smartass. Your frame should be the same as your EFA back in phase one.
While you’re talking (or texting, or IMing, or whatever), ask her some
questions to get a feel for her status. Is she still dating him? If she is, how
happy with him is she? If she’s contacting you, likely she is not dating him
or is dating him but secretly missing you. If it’s clear she misses you, tell her
to meet up with you again. Whether or not she’s still with her BF is
irrelevant...that’s a judgment call you need to make based on the situation. If
necessary, tell her it will be “as friends”. If she agrees, boom. Meet up with
her again, have sex with her again, and resume the relationship, either in FB
mode or WD mode (again, depending on the situation). If it’s clear she really
doesn’t want to actually see you again and is contacting you for other
reasons, or if she seems ambivalent about actually seeing you again, end the
conversation on a happy note, then resume your no-contact status. Go right
 back to not contacting her again. You need her to miss you and talking to her
right now isn’t going to do that!
5. Carefully reestablish contact after a long time, 60 days at least. Let’s say
at least two months have gone by and you haven’t heard from her. And two
months as a minimum; three or four months is better. Then you should check
out her Facebook page to get an idea of her status. (You DID put her on your
Facebook page back in phase two like I told you do, didn’t you?) If it is
100% clear that she is totally in love and enamored with her new boyfriend
(and sometimes this is hard to tell, I know) then you probably should wait
another two or three months and check again. But if it’s not 100% clear, then
send her a fun, smartass, non-needy text or private Facebook email message.
Just like in step four above, engage her in conversation, determine her status,
and push to meet up with her if appropriate. Otherwise, end the
conversation, terminate on a high note, wait another two or three months,
and try again.

In my experience, if you do everything we’re talking about in this book, it is rare

that YOU actually need to contact her first. SHE will usually contact YOU to get
back together, often much sooner than you think. To this day I’m still surprised at
how women who are so “in love” with their new boyfriend swing back to me
FAST, often while they’re still dating their boyfriend(!). And as I’ve said, I’ve
even had women marry another guy or have a baby with another guy, and still
come back to me.

One very important point about all this. During a “break” period with a woman,
you’d better be out meeting, dating, and having sex with lots of other women. I
never get needy or “miss” a recent ex, because I’m always dating two, three, or
even four other women, all the time. This “don’t contact her for 60 days thing”
sounds like it might be tough, but trust me, it’s really easy when you’re dating
several other women besides her.

Also, like in the EFA Phase, subtly hint that you are indeed dating hotties on
places like your Facebook page, so that your ex can see. This is powerful, and
does work. In some extreme cases, I’ve actually had my ex’s meet one of my
current women. You might not want to do that if you’re a beginner at all of this,
but it gives you an idea of what works.

Over time, you’re going to have a long list of ex’s. I actually have a spreadsheet of
all of my ex-FBs and ex-WDs that tells me when it’s been 60 or 90 days since my
last contact. I just check the spreadsheet every once and a while, and contact
whomever needs to be contacted. Since I have so many ex’s, just about every time
I do this I can instantly “resurrect” at least one ex (sometimes two) and have sex
and resume the relationship. Unless you’re a big “variety guy”, this system sure
beats going out and meeting new women!
Chapter Eleven
Why Long-Term Monogamy No Longer Works In
The Modern Era
This is the toughest chapter in this book. You’re about to read some things that are
going to upset you and rock your world. Prepare yourself.

Up until now, we’ve talked about what to do in the short term and medium term,
and that is to establish multiple FBs and/or WDs, most of which will cycle through
multiple soft nexts and LSNFTEs. During this you may have asked “What about
love? What about something long-term? What about kids, marriage, things like
that?”

This book is like a video game. Every level gets more difficult. We’re now
entering the part where we talk about long-term relationships, “girlfriend-like”
relationships, and even marriage.

But before what we talk about what TO do, we need to talk about what NOT to do,
and why NOT to do it. Otherwise, many of the particulars of the how-to are not
going to make of sense to you. I’m also breaking my typical writing formula of
short chapters here...this is a long one, as is the one following.

Let me rattle off some names. Tiger Woods. Bill Clinton. Donald Trump. Michael
Jordan. James Cameron. John F. Kennedy. Prince Charles. Morgan Freeman. Rudy
Giuliani. David Beckham. Hugh Grant. Jude Law. John Edwards. Ethan Hawke.
Kobe Bryant. Mark Sanford. Alex Rodriguez. David Letterman. Elliott Spitzer.

Those are all guys who have cheated. Lest you think I’m being tough on men, here
are some women who have cheated:

LeAnne Rimes. Meg Ryan. Valerie Bertinelle. Claire Danes. Julia Roberts.
Elizabeth Taylor. Whoopi Goldberg. Madonna. Tori Spelling. Jessica Simpson.
Anne Heche. Gabrielle Union. Ingrid Bergman. Denise Richards. Debra Lafave.
Princess Diana. Kate Hudson.

Of course, I could go on. I could fill the next several pages with names of men and
women I know who have cheated and so could you.
Think about all the people you know, or have ever known, who have cheated on
their spouses, fiancés, girlfriends or boyfriends. Really think about it. It’s a lot,
isn’t it?

Now, think about all the people you know, or know of, or have ever known, who
have been divorced. Oh my. So many names your head is ready to explode, isn’t
it?

Now think about anyone you know who has had more than two or three boyfriends
or girlfriends in their life. Wow! That’s almost everyone you know, isn’t it?
So ask yourself this question: If long-term monogamy works so well, why doesn’t
anyone actually DO it?

This chapter answers that question.

What follows is my explanation of why long-term monogamy (including

traditional marriage) doesn’t work. This conclusion is based on facts, statistics,
observations, my own extensive research, my own experiences, and the
experiences of literally hundreds of people I have known, dated, worked with, or
communicated with, over the course of my life. I will include all of those items
here, as well as the responses to common objections people bring up when I
postulate these things.

First, we must define a few things so we’re on the same page.

Monogamy, as defined in here, means you promise the one woman you are with to
not have any sexual contact with any other people, and she promises the same to
you. And it means both of you actually follow through on that promise. I.E.
neither of you ever have any physical sexual contact with any other people . If
you’re in a relationship where one of you is cheating, it’s not a monogamous
relationship, regardless of what you both call it or what was originally promised.
Therefore, a relationship or marriage where one person is cheating, even if in
secret, is NOT monogamy. Monogamy could include flirting with other people,
but not actually touching them in a sexual manner.

I am also talking about long-term monogamy. I define long- term as longer than
three years. Monogamy for shorter than three years is short-term monogamy, or
serial monogamy, one brief monogamous relationship after the next. Just like we
talked about way back in chapter one, serial monogamy is fine for people who are
needy, or enjoy drama, or who enjoy lots of emotional highs and lows. But
monogamy longer than there years is when we get into the zone where monogamy
simply doesn’t work at all, regardless of what your needs are.

I am also talking about the countries in the western world, such as the United
States, most of Europe, Australia, and similar countries. I am not talking about
countries or cultures outside of the western world. A traditional marriage in one
country is very different than a traditional marriage in another and I do fully
acknowledge that long-term monogamy and/or marriage does work in some other
countries outside of the western world. India, for example, has a 1% divorce rate,
but I’m not talking about India. If you live in the U.S. or Europe, India’s divorce
statistics are completely irrelevant.

I am also talking about this current era. I define “this era” as anything after 1990. I
am NOT talking about anyone who got married in the 1960’s, for example. Only
people married or long-term monogamous after 1990. I am certainly talking about
people getting married or long-term monogamous now or in the future. I fully
acknowledge that that long-term marriage (somewhat) “worked” in other eras,
where the law and social stigmas were quite different than today. But even then,
the monogamous nature of these marriages was questionable. More on this in a
minute.

When talking about human beings, there are always odd exceptions to every rule.
Whenever I postulate a fact, survey, statistic, or observation, there are always
going to be odd exceptions. “Well, I knew this one couple once where...” Yes,
there are always odd exceptions to every rule. But the exceptions prove the rule.
There is indeed a small percentage of people (about 13%) who do have a decent
shot at making long-term monogamy work and I’ll describe them in a minute. But
you’re going to be surprised when you find out how unlike those people you are.

I also want to reiterate that while I’m about to make arguments against monogamy
and TMM (traditional monogamous marriage), I am not against open marriages.
Open marriages are not monogamous, so those are fine. It’s not marriage I’m
against per se, it’s the expectations behind marriage, such as monogamy,
conformity, and communal property. Next chapter, we’re going to discuss exactly
how
to get married “right”, if you must get married.

Now, here are the reasons long-term monogamy doesn’t work, in the western
world, in this era.

Our Biology Was Never Designed For Monogamy

Human beings were never biologically designed to be monogamous for long

stretches. Less than 7% of the animals on planet Earth are actually designed to be
lifetime monogamous, and not only are humans not in that 7%, they aren’t even
close. Even human’s biological relatives, primates, are no where near lifetime
monogamous.

This includes both men AND women, but in different ways. I shall describe each.

Women are designed to be short-term monogamous, but not long-term

monogamous. As every man who’s had a relationship with a woman knows,
women eventually get BORED. Sometimes this happens within three months,
sometimes it doesn’t happen for seven years (the famous “seven year itch”). But
whenever it happens, it’s normal. Women are biologically wired to get bored with
the man they are with within two to three years, sometimes much sooner. This
boredom factor is accelerated the more time she spends with the man. All other
things being equal, a woman is going to get bored with a man faster if she lives
with him then if she only sees him once a week. This explains why things like soft
nexts and our “once a week” rule are so effective at keeping women attracted to
us.

Women are designed to be selective in choosing their mates, dating back to the
caveman era. Humans have, more or less, the same brains and bodies of cavemen
200,000 years ago. Our technology has evolved, our bodies not so much. Back in
the caveman days, women had to be sure to pick a man who would stick around
and survive long enough to raise her children. So today, in the presence of certain
men, a women’s brain will actually produce hormones that will excite her
attraction.

The problem is over time, this hormone production begins to wane. Over time, the
woman will actually, physically be less attracted to the same man. On top of this,
she will also emotionally get bored with him at the same time. Society is full of
married women who say “I love my husband, but I’m so BORED with him!”. This
is a prime factor in the fact that 82% of all divorce is initiated by the woman (more
on this statistic in a minute).
On average, a woman’s sex drive for her man will begin to wane at the two year
mark, especially if she lives with him, and it will continue to decrease over time.

Would you like some real-world proof of this? Try this experiment:
1. Take five married men from your life that you personally know. They can be
of any age, personality, or background. The only requirement is that they
must have been married for at least four years.
2. Take each one out for drinks, individually, just you and him, far away from
his wife and any other male or female friends. Just get enough drinks in him
to get him relaxed and truthful, not drunk.
3. Ask him "How often to you and your wife have sex?”
4. Listen very carefully to his answer. Also listen to how he answers.

Alternatively, you could just ask him “How happy are you in your marriage?” and
listen to that answer. Prepare to be enlightened.

This two to three-year boredom period also helps explain why the vast majority of
people who talk about that “great relationship they had once”. Ask some
questions, and you’ll find it’s always a relationship that lasted less than three
years.

Realize that his is her biology. You’re behavior as her man does not change her
biology. Giving her great sex, making a lot of money, taking good care of her,
being honest, being an amazing man/husband/father, none of these things changes
her biology.

Now let’s talk about men, where the situation gets even worse. While women are
designed for some level of monogamy (short-term only), men aren’t designed for
monogamy at all. Quite the opposite in fact, men are designed to fuck as many
women as they can, to spread their seed around and ensure propagation of the
species.

If a man is monogamous with a woman even for a few months, he is actually

violating every biological urge he’s designed to have. It’s hard for men to be
monogamous, no matter how moral or mature they might be. As a man, I’m sure
you already know this. (And deep down, women know this too.)

Bottom line, being monogamous AT ALL for a man, or LONG-TERM for a

woman, is a direct violation of our core bodily, physiological, and psychological
functions.

Common Objection: “We’re not animals! We’re more than just biological urges
and chemicals! We have intellects and souls and can overcome these things!”

Answer: Correct, but working to overcome your basic biological urges is

extraordinarily difficult. If you’ve ever been on a diet, or have tried to overcome
an addiction to smoking, drugs, alcohol, food, coffee, or whatever, than you know
exactly how difficult it is to overcome the body’s basic biological urges. And this
is what you are doing every day in a long-term monogamous arrangement.
Remember, even if you have been married for 15 years, if you or your spouse has
affair just one time, you’re no longer in a monogamous marriage.

Emotions Have Time Limits, And Love Is An Emotion

Romantic love has a time limit. According to studies, romantic love generally lasts
anywhere from six months until about four years on the outside. Much research
has been done on this in psychology circles. Once two monogamous people marry
or move in together, their romantic love slowly starts to either wane, or to
transform into a type of family love. Her husband is no longer the attractive hot
guy who totally turns her on. He becomes more like a family member. This has
been compared to “a family member you fuck”.

Talk to any married couple who have been married a very long time, as in 30 years
or more, about their marriage. They will always relay two things:

1. They are in love, but not romantically in love. It’s much more of a familial type
of love.

2. They went through huge stretches in their marriage where they weren’t in love
AT ALL, but “stuck it out” because of one reason or another (the kids, their
religion, what other people would say, etc).

In this era, when people (especially women, but sometimes men too) sense the
romantic love waning, they get the feeling that “something’s wrong” and that they
are “with the wrong person”, and then a divorce or affair ensues. “Sticking it out”
is not something most people do anymore.

Common Objection: “Marriage isn’t just about romance and love. It’s about a
commitment you make to one another. Just because the romantic fire wanes,
doesn’t mean two people can't overcome that and stay together.”

Answer: This is true, but men need regular sex, regardless of whether or not his
MGF or wife is in a romantic mood. It is very difficult for a woman to sexually put
out often if she’s not romantically attracted to her man. This means reduced sex,
which in turn means heightened chances for a divorce, breakup, or cheating.

Marriage Has An 87% Failure Rate

The overall failure rate of marriage is 87%. This is an approximate aggregate of

many statistics, all of which are listed further below. “Failure” is defined as one of
the three things occurring in a marriage:

1. A divorce. or
2. Cheating. Or
3. Both the husband and wife are miserable with each other but “put up” with
each other for various reasons. (These could be expectations from society, or
work, or family members, or religion, or some other external reason. Many
of you have grandparents who fall into this category.)

If you get married, there is an 87% chance you will either get divorced,
experience an affair, or experience a awful marriage that never ends.

Let’s cover each of the these undesirable possibilities.

The Divorce Rate Is Very High

The national divorce rate is about 50%. This is an overall average. In most major
cities, it is closer to 62%. So if you live in a city of a million or more people, odds
are the divorce rate you’re looking at is around 62%, not the 50% that is
commonly quoted.

Also, what is commonly called the “divorce rate” is just a comparison between the
total number of marriages and divorces in a given year and given geographic area.
When you actually look at statistics on the odds of YOU getting a divorce, the
picture usually looks much worse.

For example, the divorce rate for people living in a city who are under the age of
25 in most areas of the U.S. is 91%. NINETY ONE PERCENT! I could spend the
next several pages relaying similar depressing divorce statistics, but you get the
picture.

Common Objection: “You don’t understand. I’m different that all those other
guys. I can make it work.”

Answer: This is probably the single biggest objection to the reality of marriage not
working. Notice how that objection contains no facts, logic, rationality, or thought.
It’s just an emotional hope. The answer to the objection is this: You can control
your own actions, but you cannot control the actions of the person you marry. Nor
can you stop her from changing her mind or eventually getting bored (which,
again, is a biological phenomenon, not one created by external stimuli). There is a
classification of people who can make TMM work, but the odds are overwhelming
you’re not in that category. We’ll get to that in a minute.

Common Objection: “That divorce rate applies to guys with bad taste who don’t
know who to pick a quality woman. I will pick a woman who will make a great
wife and mother.”

Answer: Having a long-lasting great marriage based on picking a “great woman”

assumes that women don’t ever change. It assumes that five or ten years from now
she won’t start acting like almost every other woman in western society starts
acting once married. The woman you marry today is not the same woman you will
be married to years down the road. Again, do the “ask five married guys”
experiment above, and you’ll see what I mean. Do you think they were bored,
arguing often, and going without sex when they were dating or engaged?

Common Objection: “Look, often people need a marriage to figure out themselves
and to get it right. Lots of people are young, immature, or just plain stupid when
they first get married. So they get divorced, learn more about themselves, and then
get a second marriage is where they pick the right person, and then things finally
click, and work.”

Answer: Wrong. The divorce rate for second marriages is even worse than the
divorce rate for first marriages. The divorce rate for first marriages, as I’ve said, is
50%. The divorce rate for second marriages is 68%! That’s right, it’s even worse.
Why? Because on the second time around, people are even more set in their ways,
and often there are stepchildren to contend with. People don’t realize that
“stepchildren” is the second most commonly stated cause for divorce.

Also, think about it. If long-term monogamy “worked” everyone would still be
married to the second or third person they dated way back in their late teens or
early twenties. Instead, most people have had numerous relationships that didn’t
work out. If long-term monogamy “worked”, why is this the case?

It’s not “people figuring themselves out” that is the problem. It’s the expectation of
long-term monogamy that is the problem. Deep down, humans aren’t designed for
it, don’t want it, and never have.

Women Divorce Men Far More Than Men Divorce Women

As if you thought the stats couldn’t get any more dismal, ready for a statistic that’s
worse than all the rest we’ve discussed so far?

82% percent of all divorces are initiated by the woman.

Woman-initiated divorce is between 73% and 94% based on varying

demographics, coming to an average of 82%. The sources for this statistic are:
National Center for Health Statistics, American Law and Economics Review,
Divorce Source Research Center in Atlanta, Georgia, and many, many others. If
you just can’t believe it, feel free to Google this and do your own verification. It’s
true.

Men only initiate 18% of divorces, women initiate the other

82% Why?

1. Biologically, women eventually get bored with the same man (as we
discussed above).
2. In a divorce, women get free money in the form of alimony, child support,
and communal property.
3. In a divorce, women end up with the kids 91% percent of the time, and thus
rarely has to worry about “losing the kids” during a divorce. This also means
she receives child support as well. That’s on top of alimony (or “spousal
support”). Whereas men don’t usually receive the kids, child support, or
alimony. (Only 9% of men receive child support, only 3.3% of divorced men
receive alimony).
4. Lastly, in this era, women actually get “big props” from their female friends
 and family members for “finally divorcing that guy”. Whereas in days gone
by, women (and men) were ostracized by society for getting divorced.

So not only do women biologically and emotionally get bored, they are actually
rewarded, financially and societally, for divorcing their husbands.

So saying “I’m a real man who honors marriage, I won’t divorce my wife, ever!”
only takes into account YOU. It doesn’t take into account HER. She’s far more
likely to divorce you than you are to divorce her.

But it gets even worse. The smarter a woman is, and/or the more educated she is,
the more likely she is to divorce you. The 82% of woman-initiated divorces climbs
up to 91% and higher if the woman is college-educated and/or has an above-
average IQ. (Same sources as above...again, look it up for yourself if you don’t
believe me.)

Smart women are what most men look for when looking for a wife! They don’t
realize they are actually increasing the chances of getting a wife who will
eventually divorce them! We just can’t win, can’t we guys?

Actually we can...wait until we talk about the OLTR in the next chapter.

Divorces Are Not Joint Decisions

According to surveys, approximately 76% of all divorces are unilateral decisions.

This means one person wants to get a divorce, and the other person doesn’t. Now
again, these are surveys, not actual stats on what happens, but it does give you a
good idea.

Mix that 76% with the 82% likelihood the woman is initiating the divorce, and
what do you get most of the time? The woman is divorcing the man, and the man
wants her to stay. Think through most of the divorces you’ve seen personally
throughout your life, as well as most of the boyfriend/girlfriend breakups you’ve
seen...and you’ll realize that’s usually how it goes. Girl leaves man, man wants girl
to stay. No, not 100% of the time, but usually.

Think about all of these facts and stats next time the woman you’re dating
demands you to marry her.
Most People, Men And Women Both, Eventually Cheat

We’ve talked about divorce, now lets talk about cheating and infidelity.

Remember, if a marriage or a relationship includes someone who’s cheating, it’s

not a monogamous relationship.

Marital infidelity rates are between 46% and 77%, depending on the individual
study, the country studied, and the area of the country analyzed. There are
numerous sources for this; if you’re interested I suggest you Google it and do your
own research. Cheating in non-married relationships are even higher than these
stats, as I’m sure you’ve seen over and over again with people you’ve known.
If monogamy “worked”, the infidelity rate would be quite low, somewhere around
5% or 10%, not anything near 50% and certainly not 77%.

Also, in 1950’s marriages that are often used as examples of “marriage working”,
infidelity, primarily on the part of the man, was quite common. Next time your
grandpa is drunk, as him a few questions about it and watch in awe as he starts
bragging about the all the pussy he got back in the 1950’s when he was married to
grandma, living the perfect picket- fence fifties lifestyle.

Common Objection (usually by women): “Men cheat more than women do!”
Answer: This was likely true decades ago, but in this era, every study done on
infidelity shows that men and women cheat on their partners about equally. The
sexual revolution of the 1960’s and feminism of the 1970’s changed women’s
opinions on dutiful monogamy. The only difference in gender-specific cheating
stats is that men generally cheat sooner, and women generally cheat later. (Why?
Because men were never designed to be monogamous, and women get bored. The
stats mesh perfectly with how human beings are designed, of course.)

Never Getting Divorced Usually Does Not Mean A

Happy Marriage

Let’s talk about the third type of marital failure: the miserable marriage that people
stay in for the good of...whatever (“the kids”, “the money”, “our faith”, whatever).
I have noticed, and you may have noticed, that many old people who have been
married 30, 40, 50 years or more are not quite as happy as people paint them to be.
When you observe them carefully, many of them are quite miserable. They don’t
like their spouse, they don’t like their married life. But because of other reasons,
they just grit their teeth and stay together until the bitter end.
There are no hard statistics on this as far as I know (though I could be wrong), but
most psychologists and marriage experts state that as high as three fourths of very
long-term marriages fall in this category.

Long-Term Marriages That Work Are Master/Slave Relationships, Not 50-50

Relationships

When men say “My Grandpa was a tough guy and he’s been married for 40 years
and he’s happy with his marriage!” or when women blissly say “I want a marriage
like my grandparents have! They’ve been married 40 years!”, what both of these
people don’t realize is that usually, in this kind of marriage, grandpa is the BOSS.
He says jump, and grandma jumps. It is NOT the “50/50 partnership” marriage of
“two equals” that people desire in nowadays. Rather it is a marriage with a BOSS
and a SUBORDINATE (and sometimes, grandma is the boss and grandpa is the
slave...plenty of those marriages exist too).

In this era, most people (especially women) want a “50/50” marriage. People
nowadays are not willing to surrender themselves to serfdom in just to maintain a
40-year marriage. People are just to picky and independent now.

Monogamy Was Artificially Invented To More Easily Control The Masses

Why do we even have monogamy in the first place? Not for the reasons you think.
Time for a quick history lesson.

Monogamy was not invented because it’s was compatible with, or even desirable
for, the human condition. It was also not invented because the masses wanted it.
Instead, it was invented for the following reasons:

1. Thousands of years ago in Babylonian times, it was first invented to by

wealthy lords and sultans to keep other men out of their harems. These
wealthy men could, of course, fuck all the women they wanted, but their
women were not allowed to fuck other men. (Refer back to men’s
territorialness we talked about in chapter four.) These sultans made it a
criminal offense for other men to fuck one of their wives.
2. This then evolved into true “monogamy” several hundred years later, when
smarter beta males discovered that they were losing all the hot chicks to the
alpha males. Up until then, in the days of the Roman Empire, if a married
 husband wanted to have sex with a prostitute or one of his slaves, this was
completely fine with his wife, and often even encouraged by her if she was
tired, not in the mood, or whatever. Using religious dogma, the smarter beta
males (specifically the Catholic church during the decline of the Roman
Empire) declared it “morally wrong” to have sex with more than one person.
The reason they did this was to “lock up” a desirable woman to them on a
permanent basis. Unlike the sultans of old, these betas could only get one
woman instead of many, but one was good enough for them.
3. Monogamy then spread even further out into society. The reason?
Governments found it easier to control their vast populations if their citizens
submitted to this new concept of “lifetime monogamous marriage”, so
government reinforced this concept through laws, taxation, schooling, etc.

As you can see, monogamy was invented by elite men to lock up their women and
to more easily control society. It was not invented because it was good for us, and
certainly not because men or women at large wanted it or asked for it.

What About What Women Want?

Women reluctantly went along with this new system because although they had no
freedom and were treated like property, the “monogamy” system did at least
provide them with security, which women crave.

Women put up with this slave-like status up until about 2000 years later, in the
1960’s. During this time, American women finally had enough and revolved. The
result was the sexual revolution of the 1960’s, and feminism of the 1970’s. Once
feminism fully took hold of the female zeitgeist, women decided it was “okay” to
have sex outside of marriage, and have sex with whomever they felt like, even if it
was multiple men. As an added bonus for men, for the first time since the Roman
Empire, men no longer had to promise a woman marriage to have sex. It was a
pretty good deal for men and women both. Women were finally free, and men
were getting laid.

Even better, true feminists of the 1970’s did not demand exclusivity from the men
they were with, even if they married them. If a feminist’s FB, boyfriend, or
husband wanted to have sex with some other woman, that was fine. It was
precisely the “ownership mentality” of monogamy that feminists were rebelling
against in the first place. These women truly were liberated.
This all worked fine until the 1980’s. Due to a (false) AIDS scare, and due to the
sudden resurgence of conservative traditional “family values” during the Reagan
era, women started to slowly revert back to their old 1950’s-style monogamy
models...sort of. 1950’s monogamous values started to mesh in women’s heads
along with 1970’s “I am woman hear me roar” feminism.

Which brings to the modern woman of the 21 st century western world. This strange
creature has picked the two or three aspects of the 1950’s she likes and ignores the
rest. She has also picked the two or three aspects of 1970’s feminism she likes, and
ignores the rest. It ends up being very convenient for women, and here’s how...
In the 1950’s and early 1960’s, a wife would have sex with her husband whenever
her husband demanded it of her, even if she was not attracted to him, or not in the
mood for sex, or mad at him. Also, as I described above, many married men were
quietly polyamorous, having discreet affairs that were tolerated by wives and
shoved under the rug (JFK was the ultimate example of this).

Under this system of marriage, the divorce rate in the 1950’s and early 1960’s was
approximately 13% (divorce rates were calculated very differently back then, so
this is general approximation).

In the 1970’s when feminism and “free love” was the rage, it was the opposite. A
wife would not “put out” whenever her BF/husband wanted, but she often would
let her BF/husband go have sex with another woman if she wasn’t in the mood.
Under this system of marriage, the divorce rate moved from 13% to approximately
28%. This was worse than the 50’s, but still incredibly good compared to today. In
the “open relationships era” of the 1970’s, more than two-thirds of marriages still
worked.

But here’s how today’s women have synthesized all of this. Today, generally
speaking, a married woman will not have sex whenever asked, and will not let her
husband have sex outside the marriage. She has, conveniently, combined the
forced monogamy of the 1950’s with the “don’t tell me what to do!” of the 1970’s.
And now, the divorce rate in most cities is around 62%. Most marriages no longer
work. And 82% of the time she is the one doing the divorcing.
And that is the system you as a man are signing up for if you get married or long-
term monogamous. Sound fun yet?

Women Will Demand Monogamy Even If They Don’t Want To Get Serious
With You
I have noticed that women today expect monogamy even if she acknowledges the
relationship isn’t serious! Many men today have experienced the following: A
woman you’re dating says “Now look, I don’t have time for anything serious in
my life right now, I’m too busy with my (career, college, kids, etc) to do that. I
want to date you, but I don’t want to get serious! So we AREN’T getting serious
and you’re NOT allowed to start falling in love with me! Oh, and by the way, you
can’t fuck other women.”

Good girls of the 1950’s and badass feminists of the 1970’s never asked for a
relationship like that. It was “serious and monogamous”, or “not serious but
open”.

Common Objection: “That’s because in the 1970’s people didn’t have to worry
about STD’s! You can't just fuck all the people you want when you’re married or
serious with someone nowadays! You’ll get a disease!”

Answer: As I said all the way back in chapter one, having an open relationship or
marriage doesn’t mean your spouse/partner is out having sex with ten or twenty
other people all the time. As we’ve discussed already, non- monogamy could be as
few and as infrequent as just one other person on the side every once and a while.
Also, if a condom is used correctly, and used 100% of the time, and a man avoids
having sex with the wild crazy chicks, the chances of getting an STD is very low.
(We’ll get into detail about this in chapter thirteen.)

Follow-up Objection: “Oh, come on! I can’t trust my partner to always use a
condom every time if they have sex with someone else!”
Answer: You mean you’re in a marriage or serious relationship with a person you
can’t trust? Oh, really? Then who’s the real idiot here? Lack of trust is your
problem, not monogamy.

Monogamy Creates Drama

This is another one of those things everyone knows, but no one really wants to talk
about. A relationship that is expected to be monogamous automatically creates
drama between the two participants. Ever notice that when you’re dating someone,
but haven’t had the big “exclusivity talk” yet, everything is wonderful? The time
you spend with her is fantastic, 100% of the time. You never argue. She’s perfect!
It’s like being in heaven.
Then you have the “exclusivity talk” and become “exclusive”. Then, suddenly,
without warning almost, the drama starts. The nitpicking, the arguing, the
jealously, the demands, the territorialness...all that crap.

Is this just some odd coincidence? Nope. It’s because in an completely exclusive
relationship, both parties think they “own” each other, and thus have the “right” to
boss each other around, to ask about where the other person was the other night,
what they were doing, who was that person they were with, why didn’t you call
me the other day, why didn’t you pick up the phone when I called, etc.

If instead you pursue non-monogamous relationship using the techniques in this

book, this ownership dynamic doesn’t exist, therefore the chances for drama are
far reduced. I have numerous women in my life, and drama is something I almost
never experience. And this is the primary reason why.

We talked about how dangerous rules can be in relationships back in chapter nine.
Monogamy is a system where two people force each other to adhere to each
other’s rules. Violation of said rules leads to arguments and hurt feelings at best,
the end of the relationship at worst. Since human beings are individuals, and since
no two people are the same, people are going to have differences, and thus rules
WILL be violated at some point. Then drama ensues.

When you are not monogamous, there are little or no rules, and therefore far, far
less drama.

Common Objection: “If a man gets monogamous but remains an alpha male, you
can eliminate most of that drama you’re talking about.”
Answer: You can eliminate some of the drama, but not most of it. The instant you
promise a woman that you will not be sexual with any other woman beside her,
she owns your balls, no matter how much of a tough guy you are. You can only
eliminate all or most of the drama if the relationship is non-monogamous.

Sex Declines In Long-Term Monogamous Relationships

This is yet another example of something everyone knows but seem to magically
forget on their wedding day or the day they move in together. Generally speaking,
women’s sex drives decline over time in a long-term relationship or marriage.
Men’s sex drives, generally speaking, don’t.
Five years into a monogamous live-in relationship or marriage, he will still want to
have sex four times a week. She won’t.

This is a major problem, for obvious reasons. And we’ve already talked about why
this happens (see above about “women getting bored”).
Common Objection: “Not ALL women are like that! Some women have high sex
drives forever!”

Answer: True, there is a small percentage of women who will still want sex all the
time even after years in the relationship or marriage. The problem is all women
say they’re in this category, even though the vast majority are not. And here’s the
critical point: You don’t know which category she’s in when you marry her. You
don’t find out which category she’s in until you’re well into the marriage
and it’s too late..

Women Would Never Tolerate Current Marriage And

Divorce Law If The Roles Were Reversed

Just to show how stupid men are, women would never tolerate the current system
of monogamy, marriage, and divorce if the roles were reversed.
If you really want to have some fun, try this sometime. Tell a woman the following
story.

“A guy and girl are dating and super-duper serious. The guy comes to the woman
one day with a piece of paper and says ‘Darling, I love you so much. Will you sign
this legally binding contract that states that if I ever break up with you, you will
pay me $400 a month for the next five years, and if you don’t you’ll go to prison?’

What do you think that woman would say? Of course she would refuse, and she’d
be correct in doing so. Not only that, she’d probably be insulted, wouldn’t she?
What if the guy then said “Oh my God! I can’t believe you! You are so horrible!
Don’t you love me? Don’t you want to be with me? Don’t you value this
relationship?”

Telling this story really demonstrates the silliness of women expecting men to
marry them under the traditional system. They would never agree to a system like
that. Why should we?

After all the years I’ve been doing this, all the research I’ve made into this, and
after everything I’ve experienced with so many women, I am 100% convinced that
if women made more money then men, and had to pay men child support and
alimony when the man left the marriage, things like alimony and child support
would be abolished almost immediately. Women would simply not tolerate it.
They would be out marching in the streets in front of their state capitals. They’d
leave work early to vote for the proper politicians. It would get done...alimony,
child support, communal property, no-fault divorce...all of that would be gone.

But sadly, men at large in society are either so dumb, so scared, or so locked into
tradition, they tolerate it, and pay the price.

Being Unmarried and Non-Monogamous Brings All The Same Benefits As

Being Married

In the modern era, there is literally nothing a reasonably confident man can get
from marriage he cannot get by being unmarried. Literally nothing. This includes:

– Engagement rings
– Wedding rings
– A wedding
– Changing her last name to his
– Living together
– Referring to each other as “husband” and “wife”
– Children
– Shared medical insurance
– Life insurance
– Joint ownership of assets
– Joint retirement

Everything in the above list can be had without getting married and without getting
monogamous.

Take a minute, and try to think of anything a man can only receive if he’s legally
married. Go ahead. I’ll wait. You’ll be surprised...you can’t. Thus, a man incurs
massive risk for zero reward.

Of course women do receive from something from a marriage a man doesn’t: free
money if the relationship doesn’t work out. Marriage today is nothing more than
relationship-insurance for the female.
Common Objection: “There is one thing a man doesn’t get unless he’s married,
and that’s a commitment.”

Answer: If this were the 1950’s, that would be correct. But it’s the 21st century.
Marriage is no longer a commitment. We live in a society where either person can
get divorced for any reason at any time, and get a big pat on the back from friends
and family when they do it, and even get paid to do it if they’re female. And based
on the very high divorce rates and infidelity rates (as we discussed above), they do
get divorced, quite often. Modern day marriage is no longer a commitment, and
sadly hasn’t been for several decades now.

What About Having Kids?

You might be thinking, “I agree with everything you’ve said about monogamy and
marriage, but what about having kids? I want to have children someday. Two
parents out having sex with everyone in town is no way to raise kids! Kids are best
raised by a man and wife, committed to each other, and who live together.”

First, let’s talk about under what conditions you should have kids or not, in light of
what we’ve discussed regarding long- term monogamy’s failure rate.

In the modern era, most people have kids when they aren’t ready for them, can’t
afford them, and/or deep down don’t really even want them. Because of the law
and of society’s expectations today, a man should not have children unless he
meets all of the following four criteria:

1. He fully understands the financial ramifications of having kids. This means

hundreds of dollars a month out of his wallet for the next 20 years, even if
there is a breakup or divorce with the mother (which as we’ve demonstrated
is more likely than not), with horrible consequences if he ever gets late or
doesn’t pay, including the revoking of his driver’s license, penalties, late
fees, interest, garnishments, and jail time.
2. He fully understands the fact that 20% to 60% of his freedom will vanish
from his life, and stay gone, for the next 20 years or so. (Again, regardless if
it ever “works out” with the mother of the child.)
3. He can afford children. That means he has regular income, and makes more
money every month than he already needs to pay his own bills. He has
carefully budgeted his income and expenses and has determined rationally
and mathematically that he is able to finically support children.
 4. Despite fully understanding the above three items, he is still 100% desirous
to have children, and is going into the situation fully informed with both
eyes open.

I personally did all four of the above things before I had my two children. I did the
research, understood what the ramifications were, earned enough money,
budgeted, and then I was ready. My children were not accidents that I “took
responsibility for” or “tried to make work”. Both of my children were planned
events.

Some idiot who has some girl he’s been seeing for two months come to him and
say “Oops! I’m pregnant!” is not what I’m taking about here. Too many men make
the “decision” to have children only after some chick they’ve been banging has
already told them she’s pregnant. Realize that many men who say they are
“choosing” or have “chosen” to have kids, really haven’t “chosen” at all. The
woman chose, and they went along with it. (We’ll be covering how to prevent
pregnancy in chapter thirteen, in detail.)

Once you have met all four of the criteria for having kids, you can structure a
relationship with a woman and have kids, but in a way that is far superior than
long-term monogamy or marriage. This is the OLTR, and we’ll be discussing
children in an OLTR in the next chapter.

Other Objections And Their Answers

Objection: “What about having someone care for you in your old age?”
Answer: As we’ve discussed, the divorce rate is around 62% in most major cities,
which means getting married as a means of ensuring someone will be around in
your old age is a pretty silly thing to do. The odds are high that the person you
marry will be divorced from you well before you hit old age.

As a man, you have far more control over how much money you earn and save
over your working lifetime than you have over whether some woman will still be
with you when you’re an old man.

Objection: “I want to be long-term monogamous because I don’t want to worry

about STD’s.”

Answer: In chapter thirteen we will discuss exactly how to have a non-

monogamous lifestyle with very low risk of STDs. Also, remember how high the
infidelity rate is. Many people have gotten STDs from their “monogamous”
partners. Monogamy is by no means a panacea of STD protection.

Objection: “Not getting married and not having kids is selfish.”

Answer: Why do you want to have kids? Because YOU want to have them. Why
do you want to get married? Because YOU want to get married. That’s selfish.
Let’s be real here. You don’t want to get married or have kids because you want to
help the world. No, you want to do these things for your own personal, selfish,
reasons.

Which is completely fine. Just remember married people with kids are just as
“selfish” as unmarried non- monogamous people. This “selfish” stuff is actually
yet more societal programming in your head that you should reframe and remove
as soon as possible.

Objection: “Having sex with multiple people is immature. Eventually you need to
grow up.”

Answer: That’s half right, as well as an oversimplification. Having sex with

multiple partners in a reckless fashion is certainly immature. Having sex with
multiple partners in a methodical, adult way is not. For example, things like
having rampant sex with hundreds of complete strangers is immature. And having
sex with lots of people with no birth control or STD projection is immature. But I
endorse none of these things. I endorse having sex with multiple partners after a
certain amount of screening these potential partners, then using all appropriate
STD and birth control protection, and not making any rash decisions regarding
long-term relationships, commitment, children, or finances.

If someone has done all of that, and you still think monogamy or marriage is
somehow more “mature”, then this is a purely emotional argument, based on, you
guessed it, more societal programming. No one has ever explained, logically and
rationally, why having sex with two or more people is a sign of immaturity, or why
having sex with only one person is a sign of maturity.

Objection: “I once had a monogamous relationship and it was amazing!”

Answer: And it lasted less than three years, didn’t it? We’re talking about long-
term monogamy here, the kind that is expected to last way past three years. I have
no major problem with short-term monogamy (as long as you know what it
means; drama, rules, ups and downs, etc).

Objection: “Well, MY relationship/marriage isn’t confining. I can do whatever I

want.”

Answer: Really? Can you have sex with other people? Spend your money any way
you want without having to check with someone else? Spend your day doing
literally whatever you want, whenever you want it? If you’re married or in a live-
in monogamous relationship, the answer to all of these questions is likely no.

If you’re in a long-term monogamous relationship you have a number of rules that

you must follow from your MGF/wife regarding your behavior whenever in the
presence of the opposite sex. Including, but not limited to, hanging out with them,
when and where to touch them, what topics you can bring up to them, how to
dance with them, when/if/how you flirt with them, and on, and on, and on. If
you’re actually married, these rules also extend to your finances, your schedule,
and other areas, no matter how much of a tough guy you are.

If you are monogamous, I don’t care how you structure the monogamy, you are
confined, and you are not free. But regarding sex, it gets even worse than that...
In a monogamous relationship/marriage, your MGF/wife has the ability to remove
sex out of your life whenever they want. All they have to do is say “no”, and it’s
time to either sit there with blue balls, or masturbate, or cheat on her behind her
back...because you’re not allowed to have sex with anyone else. This is one of the
big things that throw men for a loop once they’ve been married for about two
years. It’s not that you can only have sex with one woman for the rest of your life
(that alone might actually be acceptable), but it’s the fact that she can remove sex
from your life completely if she chooses to. And if you do anything she doesn’t
like, or she has a bad day at work, or whatever, she’s likely to do just that, at least
eventually. And the stats bear this out (not that you need stats, just look at some of
your married guy-buddies).

Then Who Can Make Long-Term Monogamy Work?

An 87% failure rate does mean that 13% of the population can and does make
long-term monogamy and TMM work. However, this 13% are made up of a very
specific personally type. According to studies, people in this 13% are generally
low-maintenance, low-sex drive people who live relatively boring lives, and who
are attracted to members of the opposite sex who are themselves boring, low-
maintenance, and have lower sex drives.

Does that sound like YOU? Do you have all four of those above qualities? No, I
didn’t think so. If you are reading this book right now, I highly doubt you are any
of those qualities. You’re probably a particular, higher-sex drive man who enjoys
excitement and knows exactly what he wants. Which would indicate not only are
you not in the 13%, you’re no where near it. Nor are the women you are attracted
to! Which is okay, since most people aren’t anywhere near that type either.
People who enjoy excitement, who enjoy fun, who are picky, who enjoy sex, who
value independence and having things they way they want them...this is most
people in the modern era, which explains why 87% of people can’t make long-
term monogamy work, and deep down don’t even want to.

Deep down, most people who get married know in the backs of their minds they
can always get divorced and try again if things don’t work out. They aren’t
thinking they’re locked into this marriage for the rest of their lives no matter what
happens, which is exactly what they used to believe prior to the 1970’s.

Deep down, people actually want the option of terminating their marriage or big
relationship and like having that option. And this is okay.

Accept this about human beings and about yourself. Don’t beat yourself up about
it, and don’t ignore it, and don’t be delusional and assume you’re part of the 13%
when you know damn well you aren’t.

All is not lost. Now we’re getting to the really good part. In the next chapter,
you’ll learn exactly how to be with that one special person long-term. But in a way
that actually works.
Chapter Twelve
How To Create And Maintain An OLTR

We’ve talked about exactly how to create and maintain FBs and WDs. We’ve
talked about why long-term monogamy and TMM is a bad idea for people who
live in the modern era.

In this chapter, we’re going to learn how to achieve the holy grail of non-
monogamy, the non-monogamous alternative to an MGF or TMM: The OLTR, or
Open Long Term Relationship.

Unlike a WD, an OLTR is just like your girlfriend or wife. In your external life,
people see her as such, and in almost all respects, she is. You’re not dating anyone
else but her. You love her, you are committed to her, and you may even live with
her or even be married to her.

The only differences between an OLTR and an MGF or TMM are:

1. You can have discreet sex with other women, under certain ground rules, and
she allows it.
2. On paper, there is a separation of financial assets and obligations.

Other than those two things, she’s your girlfriend or wife. We’ll cover both of
these differences in this chapter, in detail.

The objectives of the OLTR are the following:

1. Being with a woman you deeply love, but without threatening either of your
finances or other long-term structures (like a home, retirement investments,
etc.)
2. Being with a woman you deeply love, but without having all the negatives of
monogamy imposed upon you (or her).
3. The minimization of drama in the relationship. You are with a woman you
love because you want to experience a happy life with her, not because you
want to be arguing, compromising, or “putting up with her” on a regular
basis.
4. The minimization of work in the relationship. I don’t know about you, but I
 already work for a living. The last thing I want to do after a long day’s work
is to come home and start “working” on my relationship. Puke! Again,
serious relationships should make people happy and “working on” your
relationship or marriage is not happiness.

Will an OLTR be perfect? Of course not. An OLTR will still require some level of
work, drama, and sacrifice. The good news is these things will be in tiny amounts
compared to a TMM or MGF, at a ratio of one to ten at least. But they will still be
there. If you don’t want to put up with any of these things, you should just stick
with one or multiple WDs the rest of your life (and there’s nothing wrong with
doing that, by the way).

Will an OLTR last forever? An OLTR will likely end someday just like a TMM
will likely end someday. As we discussed last chapter, human beings do not
lifetime pair-bond. That’s just not what they are designed to do, or even
want to do.

The difference is if/when an OLTR ends, it will do so without any financial

expense or massive disruption to either of your lives. It is also likely to end without
any hurt feelings and with much, much less emotional pain.

But the most important difference is the entire duration of a properly executed
OLTR will be fun and pleasurable, whereas most of the duration of a TMM or
live-in MGF will be lots of work, compromise, financial expense, and arguing.
There are two distinct types of OLTRs.

The Swinger-Style OLTR

The singer-style OLTR, or SSOLTR, is when you have a committed girlfriend or

wife, and both of you, as a couple, have sex with other people. You engage in
things like threesomes, foursomes, partner-swapping, swingers clubs, and the like.
Usually, you’ll be having sex with other swinger couples.

In an SSOLTR you are generally not allowed to go out without her and
independently have sex with some other woman. That would be considered
cheating, just like in a monogamous relationship.

In that respect, an SSOLTR is somewhat of a halfway point between monogamy

and polyamory. The couple usually has very specific ground rules about when they
can have sex, with whom, when, and under what conditions. These rules are
completely up to you and her. Whatever works for both of you.

While the SSOLTR is not for me, I know many swinger couples, many of them
married, who are quite happy with the arrangement...far more happy than the vast
majority of married couples I know with the standard TMM.

The Gene Simmons OLTR

This type of OLTR is named after Gene Simmons, member of the rock band KISS.
He is one of the few public figures to model and endorse this kind of relationship.
A Gene Simmons OLTR, or GSOLTR, means even though you have a committed
wife or girlfriend, you can independently go out and have sex with whoever you
want, whenever you want, in any way you want, without having to check in with
her or get permission or approval from her in any way. The only real “rule” to this
is that these other women on the side must only be one night stands or FBs,
nothing more. If you start actually dating or getting emotionally romantic with
these side women, that’s a no-no. But other than that one limitation, the sky’s the
limit with a GSOLTR. Have your girlfriend or wife, and go have sex with as many
women on the side as often as you want.

As you can see, the GSOLTR is much freer than an SSOLTR, and involves a lot
less rules, a lot less drama, and a lot less limitations on both of you. It’s therefore
far more conducive for long-term happiness. Which is why I personally lean more
strongly toward the GSOLTR, and try to push men to shoot for the GSOLTR as
their ultimate endgame. (But if you’re honestly more a singer-type guy, go for it!
Just realize your relationship is going to be much more TTM-like, with many of
the negatives included therein.)

Phase Five: The OLTR Phase

We’ve talked about the first four phases. The OLTR is an optional fifth phase, and
that’s a key point. You don’t just start dating a woman and turn her into an OLTR.
No, just like every other non-monogamous woman, you need to move her through
all four phases to get her to the OTLR phase. EFA, implicit subcommunication,
the verbalization point, soft nexting her a few times, getting her through Queen of
the Hill, all of these things must be done before you make a woman your OLTR.
Only then will she be ready, and only then will you know you like/love her enough
and if she’s compatible and complimentary to you for the long haul. (The only
possible exception to this is if she is used to non-monogamous relationships
already and preferred them prior to you coming along. But if women like that were
commonplace, you won’t need this book, would you?)

How long should you wait? While there’s no hard and fast rule, I believe you
should keep her at the WD level for a good seven or eight months at least before
moving into the OLTR realm. A full year is better. The bare minimum you should
wait is a month or two after Phase Three. You want to be 100% sure she’s very
accustomed to a non- monogamous relationship before you move her into an
OTLR, and be sure she’s compatible with you. (I just love these people who “get
serious” after only dating for a month or two. Why is anyone surprised when
couples like this break up or get divorced? Stupid.)

Once you do all of this, here are the parameters to an OLTR:

1. You can refer to each other as girlfriend and boyfriend (whereas in a WD

you would avoid these kinds of words), or husband and wife if you’re
actually married.
2. The once-a-week rule for FBs and WDs is officially gone in an OLTR. You
can see her as often as you want, even move in with her. You still want to
keep a cool, non-reactive, non-needy frame, always.
3. She is allowed to show proof (as defined in chapter six) to other women in
your life regarding your relationship. Other women can and should see proof
from her, and if they have a problem with it, that’s their problem.
4. As always, SHE is allowed to have sex with other men if she wishes. This is
a two-way street and she is an independent human being, not your property.
Got a problem with that? Then go back and re-read chapter four right now!
5. Women on the side will only be one night stands or FBs. Nothing more. The
same rule applies to her if she messes around with guys on the side.
6. If it’s a GSOLTR, sex on the side must be discreet, unless she really, truly,
doesn’t mind if your playing around is public knowledge (which is very
unlikely; she will probably mind). Keep the open aspect of your relationship
private, limited to only a few key people in your life. Keep your side sexual
activities discreet and quiet. That includes things like Facebook, being
sexual or romantic with other women in public, etc.
7. Condoms should be used 100% of the time in side sexual activities. Set your
own ground rules with her regarding this. We’ll talk about STD and
pregnancy protection in the next chapter.
8. Realize you may need to soft next or even hard next women on the side if
 they start pushing you to become anything more than an FB.
9. You no longer need to subcommunicate your activities with your other
women to her. She knows you’re out playing, and she should be informed
unless she’s told you she doesn’t want to be. In an SSOLTR, you can and
will probably tell her everything. In a GSOLTR, you need to be a little more
thoughtful and strategic. As to how specific you get with her regarding what
you do with other women, that’s really going to depend on her, her jealously
levels, her personality, and other aspects. Use your best judgment. If you
waited a year before making her your GSOLTR like I recommend, you’ll
already know exactly where her lines are drawn, so there will be no
guesswork needed.
10. Even though she’s your OLTR, you can and should still soft next her
whenever she gives you trouble. (If you actually live with her, soft nexting
becomes much more complicated. We’ll discuss that in a minute.)
11. Don’t fall into the Disney trap. This OLTR, even if you marry her, is
unlikely to last the rest of your life (unless you are already very old). If it
lasts five years, great. If it lasts 25 years, great. Enjoy every day of it, and
don’t get locked into a societally- based presupposition about how long it’s
“supposed” to last.

Moving In Together

This is the next level, and where you must start being very careful. But if you keep
your head about you and handle it right, it won’t be a problem.

When you actually start living with a woman full-time, even IF you are non-
monogamous, realize several things:

1. The amount of drama in your life will increase.

2. The amount of freedom in your life will decrease.
3. The “having things the way you want them” aspect of your life will
decrease.

I don’t care how amazing or cool or “different” she is, you’re going be putting up
with more “chick crap” if she lives with you. These things will happen if you
move in with a woman. In an OLTR, they wont be nearly as bad as with a TMM or
live-in MGF, but they will still happen. Be sure you are aware of this, both
logically and emotionally, before you make this major step in your life.
There are three different ways to structure a live-in OLTR.

The “Virtual” Live-In OLTR

In this arrangement, you don’t technically live together, but you essentially do.
It’s when she has her home, and you have yours, and both homes are reasonably
close to each other (no more than 30 minutes away, driving distance).

Even though she has her own place, she spends the night at your place five or six
nights a week or close to it. She has areas in your home that are “hers”, and she
leaves plenty of clothes and other such items at your place. Like she lives there.
She has keys to your place, and you have keys to hers. Both of you can just show
up at either place whenever you want, without warning or scheduling. It’s almost
like you live in two homes.

Virtual Live-In OLTRs are great for when one of you has a lot of kids, or simply
can’t move or move in with another person for legal, financial, or logistical
reasons. It’s also good for couples who are both very independent and need their
own space. You don’t need to actually live full-time with a person in order to have
a fulfilling long-term relationship. That’s just more societal programming talking.

The Virtual Live-In OLTR is fantastic because you can still soft next her when you
need to. Soft nexting is still, and always will be, your greatest asset in the
relationship, and the virtual live-in OLTR does nothing to eliminate it’s validity. In
addition the virtual setup makes the logistics of having sex with other women
much easier than actually living together with her full-time.

The “Dual” Live-In OLTR

The Dual Live-In OLTR is hands-down the best way to actually live with a
woman. It combines all the advantages with living with the love of your life but
removes almost all the disadvantages. The only downside is it’s often a little more
expensive, but it’s absolutely worth every extra penny. It’s also not as expensive as
you might think when you start reading about it, especially if you can get creative.

In the dual live-in OLTR, she does actually move in with you, full-time, in the
same home. But here’s the twist. You also maintain a separate, inexpensive studio
apartment (or similar) within five to ten minutes away from your home. This
apartment can be sparsely decorated, but is fully livable with food, furniture,
toiletries, electricity, running water, internet connection, TV, etc. Although you
both chip in for the financial expense of this second apartment, the mortgage or the
lease is either YOURS or HERS, but not BOTH OF YOURS (more on this
concept in a minute). But both of you can use it whenever you want. It’s primary
use would be for three things:

1. A place to have sex with women on the side.

2. A place to remove yourself to (or, if appropriate, send her) during a soft next
3. A place for either of you to get away if you need a break from the other
person (which happens all the time in long-term live-in relationships and
marriages).

The great thing about this arrangement is that even though you still live with her,
soft nexts are still possible. Why do women often start getting bitchy, demanding,
and overall nasty once they start living with a guy? Because she knows she’s GOT
HIM, and he can’t go anywhere. With the dual live-in OLTR, you have truly the
best of both worlds. You can live with her, but still have much (if not all) of the
flexibility of living alone.

Under either a virtual or dual OLTR, you can instantly kick her out or leave her,
either permanently or to initiate a soft next, whenever you want, and she knows
this. Just this thought alone will keep her reasonably drama-free and demand-free,
almost (but not quite) as if she was a WD.

Of course, you could use the apartment for other things, like storage, an office,
business meetings, having get-togethers with friends away from the kids, a
workshop-type area, etc.

You could really get creative with this.

Note that she will be able to use the apartment for whatever she wants as well,
therefore she needs to assist you in paying for the monthly rent and utilities. If you
or her had the money, I suppose you could arrange it where just one of you paid
for the entire thing, and only that person could use the apartment. That would
work too. Structure it in whatever way makes the most sense to you (as long as
you follow all the other rules in this chapter).

In setting up a virtual or dual live-in OLTR, she may give you the age-old excuse
of “We both pay rent, we both pay utilities on two different places. That’s dumb! It
makes more sense to just move in together!” Whenever I hear this, I just shake my
head. People who say this are not thinking ahead at all, and are thinking very
simply, very short-term, and very one-dimensionally. Long-term happiness and
maintaining the power of the soft next are MORE than worth the often negligible
extra expense of having an inexpensive second place. Just remember how nice
women are in relationships when they know the relationship can be ended by you
easily at any time.

Just to get your brain working a little, here are some quick tips on keeping the
financial expense of a second home manageable:

1. Make sure the second home is in an inexpensive part of town, or way out in
the country where property values are cheaper. Just because you live in the
nicer or more middle-class suburban area of town doesn’t mean this second
home needs to be there too.
2. Start a small home-based business and write off the rent or mortgage
payments of the second home. This is completely legal and in my opinion a
home-based business is something most couples should have anyway. With a
little focus, you could easily start making enough money to cover the entire
cost of the entire place!
3. Rent the apartment out on a nightly basis. Use services like Craigslist or
http://www.vrbo.com and rent that sucker out one or two nights a week, or
more. If you live in a touristy city, like New York or Las Vegas, this should
be very easy. But even in normal cities it’s not a big deal. Be sure not to rent
it for long stretches...that would kill the purpose of having it in the first
place.
4. Share the expense of the second home with someone else, via splitting the
rent, timesharing, or subletting. A friend of mine with an open marriage
sublet a furnished, two-bedroom house for $300 a month. He split the cost
with his massage therapist who would occasionally use the house during the
day for her clients. Deals like this are not difficult to come up with if you
just network with people you know.

There is no reason you couldn’t do some or all of the above, but the point is to not
use financial expense as a reason to blow off this concept. Really give this some
thought before you jerk-react with “We can’t afford that.”

The “Standard” Live-In OLTR

This is when you actually have the woman (as well as her kids, if any) move in
with you without any second home involved. You both live in the same home, and
that’s it.

You can see the problems already:

1. Your ability to soft next is destroyed. It is impossible to soft next a woman

you live with. (And no, retreating to a hotel for an evening is not going to
work. Running away to a hotel like a wimp where you have to pay money to
be away from her when she knows you have to come back...that’s not a soft
next.)
2. Your ability to quickly and easily end the relationship is also destroyed. Yes,
you can end it, but it’s not going to be quick or easy, and she knows it, which
means at least one of your balls is in her purse.
3. If it’s a GSOLTR, your ability to independently have sex with other women
is now way more difficult, because you can’t really bring other women over,
causing all kinds of logistical problems with your non- monogamous
lifestyle. (This would not apply if you have an SSOLTR or if you often
travel overnight for work.)
4. Lastly, since she lives with you and you can’t functionally go anywhere else,
she knows she’s “got you by the balls”, and over time, some of the typical
bitchy, demanding, dramatic “wife behavior” will start to surface from her.
She’s a woman. It can’t not happen.

But all that being said, you’re still Gene Simmons. You can still go out and have
sex with other women whenever you want, and she knows it. And you’re still not
going to co-own anything with her just like in the above arrangements, and she
knows that too. So this arrangement could work, especially if you have a higher
tolerance for woman-drama and don’t mind the extra time, effort, trouble, and
logistics you’re going to have to deal with if you want to play around with other
women without her involvement.

Share Everything, Co-Own Nothing

Non-monogamy is only half the equation in an OLTR. The other half is the
protection you must install into the relationship if/when you or her change your
mind down the road and decide to end it. You should now be well aware, after
reading the last chapter, that relationships, even long- term ones, even marriages,
don’t last forever. Your OLTR, be it an actual marriage or not, is likely going to
end someday. Even if you think it won’t, you have no control over her, and she
may decide to end it despite your best efforts (remember our sobering 82% stat).
You want this end to result in minimal damage to both of you.

At the same time, you want her to know that she doesn’t “have you by the balls”
financially and logistically. This ensures a minimum of drama, bitchiness, and
demands from her.

You accomplish both of these things by sharing everything, but co-owing nothing.
Something very few people understand is sharing and co-owing are two very
different things. Sharing is good, and is a wonderful thing you should do, and do
as often as you can. Co-owning is terrible, and brings nothing but drama, arguing,
and hurt feelings into your life.

Let’s say you have a next door neighbor, and both of you need a good solid shovel
for some outdoor projects. So in order to save money, you both go in 50/50 for
really fantastic $50 shovel. You each kick in $25. Now you both co-own the
shovel. You both decide to keep it over at your neighbor’s house, and just schedule
with each other when you each need it.

Sometimes both of you need it at the same time. Which means one of you gets it,
and the other one has to compromise and be unable to use it when he wants it. It’s
a problem, but not a major one.

One day you go out to your neighbor’s yard to use the shovel, and you see him
using the shovel to smash rocks on his concrete wall-fence.

“Whoa!” you cry, “What the hell are you doing? That’s not what a shovel is for!
You’re going to damage it!”

He responds “Whatever. It’s my shovel and I can do what I want with it.”
“It’s my shovel too!” you scream, “And I don’t want you damaging it!”

And now, you argue. You’re both in the right, since you both co-own the shovel
equally. One cannot force the other to do anything. So you’re both stuck. You just
argue and argue until one of four things happen:

1. One of you finally throws his arms in the air, gives up and acquiesces to the
other. So one person gets what he wants, and the other now resents the other
person. A very bad situation for your long-term friendship
 2. One of you uses shrewdness and convinces the other person of doing it their
way. The other person goes along with it, but still resents, and still feels
defeated in a way.
3. One of you bribes the other person, promising some other payment or
service for going along with their way. But that’s stupid...why should you
pay someone to use something that you already paid for and already
belongs to you?
4. Realizing it was a bad idea to co-own something with your friend and
neighbor in the first place, you pay your him $25, he now owns the shovel
100% and can do whatever he wants with it, and you go buy your own
shovel. No more arguing ever again, and your friendship remains solid and
intact.

Now what if instead you shared the shovel instead of co- owing it? You purchased
your own $50 shovel. It’s yours, but you let your neighbor use it whenever he
wants. As a matter of fact, since he’s a good friend and you know he’s a
trustworthy guy, you usually let him keep it in his garage, and you take it back
whenever you need it.

That way, he would never use the shovel to pound rocks, because the shovel isn’t
his. There would never be an argument. Even if he or someone else in his house
damaged your shovel, he’d replace it, no questions asked. Because it’s YOURS,
not BOTH OF YOURS. (Again we’re assuming he’s a trustworthy guy you know
well. If he’s a not a good guy, than you were the one dumb enough to let him use it
and keep it in his garage, therefore the fault would be yours if he damaged it.)

This illustrates not only the beauty of the virtual or dual arrangements I described
above, but also the folly in co- owning anything with a woman in your life. And a
woman in a loving relationship with you is going to be much more emotional and
dramatic during arguments than your next door guy neighbor!

In any OLTR (virtual, dual, or standard), everything would be shared, nothing

would be co-owned. This applies to both assets and debts. The house, the
apartment, the mortgage, the lease, the car, the checking account, the fancy couch
in the living room, the credit card, the student loan, all of these individual items
are either YOURS or HERS, not BOTH OF
YOURS.

This means:
 1. No joint checking or savings accounts, ever. If you want to give her money,
give her money whenever you want. Then in becomes her money. But no
joint accounts. Money you give her goes from your account to her account,
from your wallet to her wallet. There is no “shared” money.
2. No co-singing of loans, ever.
3. No “going in together” on a lease of an apartment, condo, or house, ever.
You sign the lease by yourself, or she signs the lease by herself.
4. No “buying a house together”, ever. You buy it, or she buys it.
5. Only one name on the title of a car. Yours or hers.
6. No joint retirement accounts, ever.
7. Any item in the home that’s worth more than about $200 or so should have a
clear single owner, her or you, not both of you. The owner is the “boss” of
that item, but shares with the other person freely.

There are many other examples but I think you get the idea.

Likely, she will not like this idea. Most women are closet communists, and think a
man and woman couple should own everything “50/50”. Back in the 1800’s or
1950’s, this arrangement was fine, but in the modern era, this is a recipe for
absolute disaster. If you want to live a happy life, you must resist this temptation.
Don’t let her give you crap about how joint checking accounts are more
convenient, or how she feels “hurt” that you won’t co-sign her car loan or put her
name on your IRA. If you’ve put her through all the proper phases in this book,
she will go along with this system. (See now why you can’t just start dating a girl
and then suddenly make her into an OLTR? The four phases are there for a
reason.)

To help her along with this concept, there is one thing you can do, and that brings
up the topic of insurance. Joint insurance polices are fine, and the one exception to
this rule. One putting the other person under a medical insurance policy (for
example) is fine, and actually desirable (its cheaper). Also, if a woman balks at
these concepts, or any other aspect of moving in with you or marrying you under
these conditions, offer to purchase a life insurance policy on yourself with her as
the beneficiary, and that you’ll pay for it. That way if you die, she’ll be covered.
Putting someone on your life insurance does not require marriage, and people
often forget this. In many cases, neither does medical insurance. If it’s life
insurance just make sure it’s term life insurance that you can cancel at any time
without penalty, not universal life insurance that you’re locked into. There’s
nothing wrong with host/beneficiary insurance arrangements at all.
This non-co-ownership system applies to the actual living arrangements as well. In
a live-in arrangement, even though she lives with you, and even if you own the
home, you must give her areas or entire rooms that are HERS, and HERS alone.
She can decorate those rooms any way she wants, with no permission or input
from you. She is a individual and must be able to express her individuality at all
times. The same goes for you. You must have rooms and/or areas that are YOURS,
that YOU can decorate or populate any way you want, with no input, negotiation,
or permission required from her, even if she individually owns the house or
controls the lease.

If you designate rooms as “ours”, that will create disagreements, arguments,

drama, and resentment which will eventually being to damage the relationship.
That means that, yes, even places like the living room, dining room, back yard,
and garage must be HERS or YOURS. One person must be “in charge” of each
room or area. That person shares those areas with you 100%, but if there’s ever a
disagreement about that room, that person’s rule is law, period. If the other doesn’t
like it, they can always do their own thing in one of their rooms.
Ideally, the best house to do this in is one that has two kitchens...one kitchen for
you, and one for her. Yes, you can use the other person’s kitchen whenever you
want (remember, we are still going to share everything) but there will never be any
arguments about cleanup, organization, smells, messes, or whatever in the kitchen.
Paradise!

I know this all sounds weird, but that’s more of your societal programming
talking. Tell it to shut up. Our goal here, as always, is happiness, not looking
normal. If you don’t like drama in your life, this is the best way to go when you
live with someone. On the other hand, if you like drama, by all means, make all
the rooms in the house “ours”, run them all democratically “by committee”, and
enjoy all the spats you’ll constantly be having.

That all being said, don’t go nuts with this stuff. I’ve heard of roommates living
together where every single thing in the refrigerator is labeled as to what belongs
to whom. Let’s not get ridiculous and childish. As I said above, I would not worry
about ownership with anything costing less than about $200. Remember, the goal
here is to prevent arguments, not create nitpicking.

The last aspect of all of this is the issue of who pays for what. Just because one
person owns the house and the other person doesn’t, doesn’t mean the non-owner
shouldn’t contribute to the cost of the house. That person lives there too. If both
the man and woman work full-time and have decent incomes, the non-owner
should absolutely cut a check to the owner once a month to chip in with the
mortgage payment or rent. There’s no reason this shouldn’t happen, and it doesn’t
matter if the non-owner is male or female. If you want to both work out some kind
of other arrangement in lieu of actual payment (like the non-owner is responsible
for keeping the entire house clean, managing the yard, etc), that’s fine. Just
remember this relationship is a partnership of two independent equals, not a
master and a slave.

The opposite of this “pay the other” arrangement could also true. If you really
want a relationship where the woman stays at home, pays for nothing, and the man
works and makes all the money and pays for everything, that’s completely fine
too. Just make sure that you have your accounts, and she has hers. A more
“traditional” relationship setup does not mean you have to have joint accounts,
assets, or debts!

Getting Married

Last chapter we talked about why you should not get legally married, and I stand
by that advice, based on the mountains of evidence I gave you in that chapter.
In case there is no confusion in my advice: Do not get legally married. Ever.
That being said, I realize that people are people, and that some reading this book
are going to agree with all the concepts presented here, but are still going to want
to get legally married. So if you must get legally married, here’s how to do it right,
under the context of an OLTR, instead of a TMM.

To actually get married under the context of an OLTR, you just need to make sure
of the following five things:

1. You have a very good, very rock-solid prenuptial agreement, written by an

attorney that has a long track record at practicing divorce law. No cheepy
“do it yourself” prenups! No borrowing your friends prenup and changing
the wording a little! You’re going to have to actually pay a good attorney to
do this. The more money and/or assets you have, and the higher income you
have, the more complicated and expensive the prenup will be. Pay whatever
it costs. It’s well worth it.
Possible Objection: “But I’m only 22 years old and I don’t have any money
and my job barely pays me anything! I don’t need a prenup!”
 YES YOU DO. Are you always going to have no money? Are you always
going to be low-income? Do you plan on being poor and low-income for the
rest of your life? Of course not. At some point, when you’re older, you will
have money and a good income. If you get married without a prenup when
you have no money, make money, then get divorced, you’re going to have a
very, very serious problem on your hands.
Get a prenup no matter what your current financial situation is.
2. Make sure she signs the prenup at least six months before the wedding. A
year before the wedding is even better. This way she can’t contest the prenup
later saying she was “under duress”. Also make sure that her signing of the
prenup is witnessed by a judge. This way she can’t say she “didn’t
understand what she was signing” because the judge will explain every
sentence to her in laymen’s terms, get her acknowledgement, watch her sign
it, and then sign it himself. It’s going to be next to impossible for her to
successfully legally challenge the prenup later if you do these two things.
One note of caution. There are many places in the world where legally
challenged prenups are virtually unenforceable no matter what you do,
which makes them almost useless (England is one example, but there are
others.) Do your research into the laws in your own area. Or even better, just
don’t get legally married.
What if she doesn’t want to sign a prenup? THEN DO NOT MARRY HER.
Love her and be with her if you want, but if you legally marry a woman
without a prenup, you might as well throw this entire book away.
3. You must get it in writing that she fully understands and agrees to the
sexually open nature of the marriage. This must also must witnessed by a
judge.
This is not to “enforce” anything or ensure that she won’t change her mind
down the road, because it will do neither. This is just to cover your butt if
goes into vengeful bitch-mode later and decides to tell everyone that she
“never agreed to that” and that you’re “cheater”. If you’ve got it in writing
from her that she understands you’re going to be having sex with other
women during your marriage and she’s voluntarily marrying you anyway
(and a judge has witnessed her signing it), she can’t ever do this.
This non-monogamy agreement may be part of the prenup or a separate
document. That’s up to you and your attorney to decide.
4. As I’ve described, you never co-own anything with her, be it an asset or
debt. Everything in your lives are either hers or yours, not both of yours, at
least on paper. You can, and should, share everything you own with her, of
course. But never actually co-own anything with a woman you’re in a
 romantic relationship with. I don’t care how much you love her. Share things
with her. Give her things. Financially support her if you want. But don’t co-
own anything with her. It’s one of the dumbest things men in the modern era
do. Women no longer behave like they did in the 1950’s, and you shouldn’t
either!
5. You must fully understand that this marriage is not going to last the rest of
your life. At some point, it will end. And this is okay. Accept it, and enjoy
her and your relationship with her every minute of every day. Release the
societal programming that says if a relationship or marriage doesn’t last the
rest of your life, you have “failed” or have “done something wrong” or
“chose the wrong person”. None of these things are necessarily true. It just
means you and her are human, behaving exactly how humans were designed
to behave.

Children

So where does having kids fit into all of this?

Having and raising children is beyond the scope of this book, and giving people
advice on how to raise kids is a very touchy subject that people often don’t think
rationally on. But I’ll do my best to give you an overview of how to handle
children in an OLTR. I have two children myself, and possibly will have more
someday, and I have raised my own biological children as well as stepchildren, so
I can speak with experience on this.

First off, go back and review the four criteria I listed in the last chapter that you
must satisfy before you even think about think children. Most people in the
modern era crank out kids before they are financially, logistically, or emotionally
ready for them, and you don’t want to be one of these people.

Secondly, your non-monogamous activities should be kept very discreet and away
from your kids. Kids are not capable of understanding these kinds of things, and
they’ll be receiving societal programming 24/7 that says being non- monogamous
is somehow bad. If the kids are older, as in teenage years, use your discretion on
how much they know or don’t know.

Now...like much in this book, the concept I’m about to describe is not going to sit
will with the massive amount of societal programming that resides in your head.
Try to calm it down as best you can as you read the next few paragraphs, and try to
keep an open mind.

The ideal way to maintain happiness and a happy relationship that lasts a long time
is to extend the “share everything, co-own nothing” concept to the children in the
relationship.

You want the bottom-line responsibly for each child to be hers or yours, but not
both of yours. Yes, of course, you will both parent all the children in the household
and you will love them all equally (or should!). But each child should have a
bottom-line “boss”, either mom or dad, and when mom and dad don’t agree on
how to raise the kid, it’s the boss who decides.

Remember, we want long-term happiness, we want to avoid drama, arguments,

and fighting, and we want to avoid fighting in front of the kids, and resentment
when we don’t get our way, and, if applicable we want to avoid the evil step-
parent dynamic so many couples wrestle with. The best I can explain how this
works is to give you hypothetical examples.

First, lets take the example of step kids.

I have two kids who I see about once a week plus have every other weekend. Let’s
say I fall in love and have a Dual GSOLTR with a woman who also has full-time
custody of two children of her own. So her and her two kids move in with me (and
we maintain a separate little apartment or house for my extracurricular activities).

I will love her two children. I will parent her two children. I will be a good male
role model for her two children. But the ultimate responsibility for the children’s
upbringing will be hers, not ours. So if the kids are watching TV on a sunny
Sunday afternoon, and I come along and say “Kids, you’ve been watching TV for
three hours. I think that’s enough. 20 more minutes and you need to turn the TV
off and do something else. Why don’t you guys go outside and play?”

The kids whine in unison, “MOM!” Then mom comes out and looks at me and
says “Oh, they’re fine. They can watch as much TV as they want.”

I will say “Okay”, and leave the room.

That’s right. I won’t fight, argue, push my point about how lazy this will make the
kids, or how bad TV is for children. They live with me, so her and the kids will
already know where I stand on those issues anyway. I won’t “punish” my woman
for “disrespecting” me in front of the kids (unless she really does raise her voice or
something else inappropriate). I don’t do drama. I do happiness. I love those kids,
but those two kids are her long-term responsibility. If they grow up to be fat lazy
losers, that will be her fault, not mine.

I did my best, but she was the ultimate boss of those kids. The kids will know I
would have rather had them go out and play, and it was their mom who let them
watch TV for nine hours straight every day (to use an extreme example).

To be fair, the reverse is also true. If those two kids grow up to be happy,
physically fit, successful doctors or attorneys, I happily give the credit for that to
her, and take none for myself.

Possible Objection: “I’m not letting her constantly disrespect me like that in front
of the kids all the time!”

But it won’t be all the time, and that’s the point. In a typical TMM or live-in MGF
relationship, you will be fighting about the kids all the damn time. Just look at any
live-in couple you know who has kids and you’ll see what I mean! But in an
OLTR setup, there will be one or two brief disagreements per issue, and that’s it.
No more arguing ever again about that particular issue. The next time I see those
kids sitting in front of the TV getting fat, guess what? I’m not saying a thing. I
love those kids, but those kids are her long-term responsibility, not mine.

The same goes for eating habits, homework, friends, video games, curfew, any
other parenting issue that come along.

I’ll make my parenting preferences known to everyone once or twice so everyone

knows, and then I’ll let her enforce, or not enforce, her rules on her kids. And I’ll
enforce my rules on my kids the way I want. This is not as bad as it sounds, since
most of the rules her and I will agree on, and we’ll both enforce them equally.

Is this a perfect parenting system? Not at all. Of course there will be problems
with this, but it’s far superior to the argue- about-the-kids-forever system most
people have. (How healthy is it for kids to see parents arguing about them all the
time?)

The only time I would have to make an exception to this and step in is if we had
kids who were actually getting violent or committing crimes. But that gives you an
idea of how extreme things would have to get before I had to override her “boss-
hood” of the kids. But this likely won’t happen anyway, because I would have
dated her for a good year before making her an OLTR, therefore I’ll have a very
good feel for her kids by then, and if they’re that messed up (or had the potential
to be), I’ll just keep her as a WD.

Any other co-parenting method means you will constantly be fighting the woman
in your life over how to parent “her” kids (women suddenly start referring to our
kids as her kids during an argument). And as any man who has had step children
will tell you, this is a massive source of painful drama and a losing proposition. As
I said last chapter, “step children” is the number two stated reason for divorce in
the United States. And this is why. If you want to forcibly assert your parenting
style, do it with your own kids, not hers. Unless you like drama, breakups, and
divorces.

That covers step children. What if you plan to have biological children with her?

Guess what? It’s the exact same arrangement. You discuss this system with her
before she ever gets pregnant. That’s when you decide everything. You determine
which of the two parents will be the “primary” parent, the one who has veto power
over all parenting decisions if a disagreement arises, and which parent will the
“secondary” parent. If you can’t come to an agreement with her on this, keep her
at the WD level and go find someone else more suitable for long- term happiness.

If you do come to an agreement, great. Once she gets pregnant, write up the
parenting plan that reflects all of this, establish custody, get it legally ratified, and
away you go with your drama-minimal, happiness-conducive parenting life. (I am
not an attorney, so seek legal advice if going in this direction. Laws will very
widely on this based on where you live.)

Is all of this a guarantee she’ll never change her mind? Of course not. Women
change their minds about everything, all the time. It’s what women do. (That’s
exactly why we’re not going to ever legally marry them or co-own anything with
them.) But if you want to have a child with a woman, this is the best way to do it.
(If you resist this method, you have only three other options: 1) do it the
traditional, dramatic, argument-filled way, 2) get a vasectomy and never have
children, 3) adopt your own children by yourself.)
The good news is under this system, even if you experience a divorce or break up
down the road, there is (likely) no big argument or legal battle. It’s already all been
legally decided. You're not legally married (or worst case, you have a good
prenup), you don't co-own anything with her so you don’t have to give her
anything, you don’t have to pay her alimony or spousal support (but you do have
to pay child support if you’re the biological father of any children, and you
should), your parenting plan and custody is already legally determined, and you're
still getting laid from your FB's on the side. This is a world of difference from the
typical, life-altering, devastating divorce.
Chapter Thirteen
Avoiding STDs and Accidental Pregnancy

One of the knee-jerk objections people give regarding the non-monogamous

lifestyle is “all the diseases you’ll get” or all the “chicks you’ll get pregnant”. If
you get a little organized, and behave like an adult, you’ll never get an STD and
you’ll never get anyone pregnant accidentally. These things haven’t happened to
me and I’ve got some pretty big numbers behind me, both measured in numbers of
women and frequency of sex.

This chapter is a step-by-step system of avoiding unwanted pregnancies and STDs.

Both of these things are absolutely critical if you want to maintain longer-lasting
non- monogamous relationships.

Are these systems a 100% guarantee? Of course not. Even fully monogamous
people get STDs (from sources like cheating partners), and monogamous or not,
100% of everyone you sleep with are not going to be 100% honest and 100%
responsible 100% of the time. But if you do all the things we’re about to discuss,
your odds of encountering STDs or unwanted pregnancy are going to be a tiny
fraction of what they would be otherwise.

Avoiding Pregnancy

Understand this: If you get a girl pregnant and she has the child, she owns your
wallet for the next 18 years. If you don’t comply with this, you will go to jail. No
matter what else happens. It doesn’t matter if she lied to you. You lose.

That fact should be emblazoned on your brain for the rest of your life. I am simply
amazed at the sheer number of men who simply don’t understand or internalize
this basic reality of the modern era.

Don’t ever get anyone pregnant on accident. It will ruin your life.

Before we get into the specific techniques, there is one critical point most men
don’t understand. That is, as badly as you want sex, that’s as badly as she wants to
have a baby. Statistically speaking, women do not get abortions when they get
pregnant and do not give up unwanted children for adoption. Statistically
speaking, these are rare events. If you get a woman pregnant, the odds are
overwhelming she will have the child.

– Even if she has repeatedly said she doesn’t want kids ever.
– Even if she has repeatedly said she doesn’t want kids now.
– Even if she has repeatedly said she doesn’t want more kids (in the case of
women who already have kids).

We’ve already talked about the powerful biological wiring that resides within
human beings, and the biological urge women have to have babies is probably the
most powerful urge human beings have besides their need for food and oxygen.
This biological “baby wiring” in women easily overcomes a woman’s willpower,
intelligence, logic, future plans, desires, and preferences. No matter what she
wants or what she was planning, when she finds out she’s pregnant, once she gets
over the surprise and shock, deep down she will be jumping for joy.

With my own experiences with a large amount of woman over the last 20 years or
so, as well as observing other women both in and out of relationships and
marriages, combined with my own independent research, I have found the
following to be generally true:

1. Women who say they don’t want kids, or don’t want them yet, do want
them. Women who adamantly declare they don’t want kids now, but want
them later in life, will happy have a baby now if they accidentally get
pregnant.
2. Women who have only one child want one more (even if they say they
don’t). The vast majority of women are biologically wired to want two
children.
3. Most women with two kids truly would rather not have more kids, but if
they get pregnant on accident, they will more often than not have the baby
anyway, especially if she’s under age 40. The only women who honestly
refuse to have more kids are women over 40, but even these can surprise you
when a sudden unexpected pregnancy occurs.
4. Women who have had one abortion in the past will refuse to have a second
one. Abortions are traumatic experiences for most women and in many cases
take a lifetime to get over. Most women would rather just suffer through
having an unwanted baby than go through a second abortion, no matter how
disinclined they are to the idea of having an unwanted and unplanned baby
right now.
 5. A woman is less likely to have an abortion if she already has children.
6. A childless woman’s biological clock really starts ticking hard at age 28.
When a childless woman turns 28, for “some reason” she will “suddenly”
want to have kids. There is something magical about age 28 for women in
regards to having babies. If you’re having sex with a childless woman age
28 or older, you are in a severe danger zone when it comes to “accidental”
pregnancy. Be very, very careful.
7. Childless women in their late 30’s or early 40’s (what few there are) are
psychotic, ticking time bombs. These twisted creatures are semen-seeking
Tomahawk missiles. Their entire goal in life is to get impregnated
immediately. Avoid these women like the plague. I do.

Of course, there are exceptions to all of the above generalizations. But they are
accurate the vast majority of the time. The absolute bottom line to all of this is:

Don’t believe a woman when she says she doesn’t want kids.

The Six Rules

What follows are the six rules you must follow now and for the rest of your life
when having sex with women, unless you purposely want to get a particular
woman pregnant. I call these rules because that’s what they are. Not suggestions.
Not recommendations. Rules. You should do all six, 100% of the time.

The only exception is if you’ve had a vasectomy. If you have, you can skip this
entire section and continue on to the STD section below. If you don’t, listen up,
even if you have a “low sperm count”. (Low sperm count is not a vasectomy!)

Rule One: Never cum inside a woman unless you or her are using one of the
four acceptable forms of birth control.

From now on, unless you or her have one of the four acceptable forms of birth
control listed below, you do NOT cum inside her vagina. You can cum in her
mouth, cum inside a condom while inside her, cum on her stomach (or ass, or face,
or whatever) but NOT inside her vagina. Period, end of story.

The only exception to this is the four acceptable birth control methods. The ONLY
forms of birth control that are acceptable to you are:
1. Condoms.
2. A woman with a Marina IUD implant (not the Paragard IUD).
3. A woman who has had a tubal ligation (her tubes tied).
4. A woman who has had a hysterectomy.

THAT’S IT. I don’t care if she’s on the pill. I don’t care if she’s using the
NuvaRing. I don’t care if she’s getting Depo shots. Millions of women have gotten
pregnant using these inferior methods of birth control, especially the pill. Plus,
how do you know she took it that morning? Or if she’s taken other medication that
counteracts it? I could go on and on with real-life examples of these methods not
working, and spend the next several pages telling you why these forms of birth
control are NOT TO BE TRUSTED WITH YOUR WALLET FOR THE NEXT 18
YEARS, but I’d be wasting my time. Only accept the four acceptable forms of
birth control listed above, and you’ll be fine.

Regarding those above four methods, in the cases of numbers two, three, and four,
the woman must somehow prove to you that she has had these procedures done
before you cum inside her. She must show you scars, show you paperwork, or
something similar. If she can’t do this, the deal’s off. Sex is fine, but no cumming
inside her. I don’t care how much you like her or how trustworthy you think she is.
I have literally stopped sexual escalation to make a woman run into her study to
pull out her tubal ligation paperwork before I had sex with her. This is the attitude
you must adopt.

As another example, if a woman says she has an IUD, I will ask her many specific,
penetrating questions about the procedure, and I can since I’ve studied up on it. If
her answers are at all wishy-washy, I use a condom. For example, generally
speaking doctors will not implant an IUD in a woman unless she’s already had at
least one child, so if a woman says she has an IUD and she’s childless, she’s likely
lying.

ONLY those four types of birth control are allowed! This means you don’t cum
inside her in the following situations, including, but not limited to:

1. If she’s on birth control pills, you don’t cum inside her.

2. If she says her doctor said she “can’t get pregnant”, you don’t cum inside
her.
3. If she’s says she’s had a Marina IUD, her tubes tied, or a hysterectomy but
you can’t verify it, you don’t cum inside her until she can.
 4. If uses chemical birth control like Depo shots or the patch, you don’t cum
inside her.
5. If she uses the NuvaRing, you don’t cum inside her.
6. If she says she’s “allergic to latex” when you try to use a condom, you don’t
cum inside her. Or better yet, refuse to have sex with her. (More on this
when we talk about STDs.)

I could go on forever here. You get the point. No matter how much she screams or
calls you silly, don’t cum inside her unless the situation matches one of the four
approved forms of birth control listed above.

Obviously, the vast majority of time, that means you’re using condoms as your
primary form of birth control (as well as STD protection). A few items regarding
condoms:

1. If it’s not made of latex, it’s not a condom and is not considered one of the
effective forms of birth control (or STD protection for that matter).
2. Always have them on you or at least in your car.
3. They must be purchased by you, not her. Women know how to place
pinholes in condoms, believe me.
4. They must be on your person or in a place you are aware of at all times.
5. Condoms have expiration dates. Check these, and discard any outdated
condoms.
6. Condoms lose their effectiveness if stored in a hot area. I keep condoms in
my car, but after many hot summer weeks stored in there, if I have any left I
throw them out and replace them.
7. In terms of sensation and pleasure, Japanese- manufactured condoms are the
best. They’re thin and sturdy. The only problem is they’re quite small, so
they’re very tight, and if your cock is on the big side, putting them on may
be a challenge. (Order a small amount on the internet and try them out
before buying a large number.)

Rule Two: Only use “method” birth control if you have a long track record of
using extreme sexual self-control.

Method birth control refers to the “calendar method” and the “pullout” method.
The calendar method is when you cum inside a woman only during the few days
before her period begins. The pullout method is when you pull your cock out of
her right before you cum and cum on top of her instead of inside her.
Here’s the problem. While both of these methods do technically work, the problem
is they require a man who exercises extreme self-control every single time he has
sex. Most men in society simply do not fall into that category, especially younger
guys.

A lot of guys jerk-react to this and say “Oh yeah, that’s me. I have extreme self
control.” Look, tough guy, thinking you have extreme self control and actually
having it are two very different things. If you have a track record of exercising
extreme sexual self control over a long period of time, I have no problem if you
choose to engage in the pullout method or calendar method. But if you don’t have
such a track record, or have any doubts about it whatsoever, you must avoid both
of these methods, at least until you become older and/or more sexually
experienced and/or attain more control over your actions and emotions.

By the way, there’s nothing wrong with getting a condom ready, having sex, then
when you feel like an orgasm is coming, quickly pause, slap it on, continue, and
cum inside the condom. Yes, I know doctors warn about pre-cum, but I’ve spoken
to MANY men (and woman) about this, and across the board, the only women
who seem to actually get pregnant are those who have had men fully gush inside
them. Putting on the condom towards the end of sex works. That was exactly what
I did during my nine-year marriage to a very fertile woman, and it worked great.

Rule Three: You must give the “abortion speech” to any woman you are
regularly having sex with.

This is a tough one. It’s especially tough if you are personally opposed to abortion
or if you really care about the woman you’re having sex with. If you are absolutely
adamant about opposing abortion on moral or religious grounds, than skip this rule
if you wish, but realize your chances of an accidental, unwanted pregnancy go up
if you do.

Women believe, often correctly, that if they get pregnant, they can snag a reluctant
man into marriage, fatherhood, moving in together, or some other form of
commitment. This is yet another incentive for women to get pregnant “on
accident”, or “forget” to take the pill, or try to convince men
to cum inside them during sex.

You must wipe this possibility from her mind.

Once you’ve had sex with a particular woman several times, and it appears you are
going to continue to do so, you must have the “abortion talk”. It’s not pleasant, but
it’s necessary.

When she’s in a relaxed state of mind, ask her what would happen if something
went wrong and she got pregnant on accident. Her answer will fall into one of
three categories.

Category one would be if she instantly says, without a moment of hesitation, “Oh
my God! I would run right down to the clinic and get an abortion!”

Category two would be if she thinks for a minute and then says something like “I
don’t know,” or “Well, it would depend.”

Category three would be if she instantly says anything like “I would keep the baby,
of course. I don’t believe in abortion.”

The category of her answer is going to determine how tough you’re going to be
when you give her the abortion speech. Before we get to the actual speech,
understand two things.

First, as I said at the beginning of this chapter, a woman will most likely change
her mind in a heartbeat if she gets pregnant even if she gives you a category one
answer.

Second, category two and three answers, and any variation thereof, are woman-
language for the following:

“I would happily have and baby whether you wanted me to or not, and you will
pay me child support every month for the next 18 years, or you will go to jail. I
also fully expect you to be a father figure in my child’s life, even if I forced you to
have a child you didn’t want, and if you aren’t, I will consider you an evil asshole,
and I will say this to everyone I know and make your life a living hell.”

Keep this in mind when you read the little speech I’m about to relay to you. This is
the speech you must give her:

“I want to be very clear with you. I don’t want any children right now. Later in my
life, sure, but not now. I believe that when a woman has a child against a man’s
will, it’s one of the most horrible things a woman can do to man, and I would
NEVER be with a woman who could do something so evil and cruel. I need to let
you know that if a woman ever got pregnant with me on accident, and had the
baby over my objections, that woman would never, ever see me again. That
woman would never communicate with me in any way, ever again. I would not be
part of her life or the child’s life. I would sadly pay whatever the court forced me
at gunpoint to pay, but that woman would never see me again. Now, I know you’re
a cool person, and you would never do something like that. I just wanted you to
know where my position on this was.”

Yes, it’s harsh. If she gives you a category one answer, it doesn’t need to be quite
this harsh. If she gives you a category three answer, it might even need to be more
harsh. Of course, customize this speech based on your own personality and style.

Will telling her this guarantee anything? Again, no. But believe me, she will
remember this conversation. This will instantly pull you out of the “Well, if I get
pregnant then he’ll commit” category in her brain, and that is NOT a category you
want to be in. The odds of a shotgun commitment attempt from her become much,
much lower.

Rule Four: Carefully track the periods of all the woman you’re sexual with on
computer.

“On computer” can mean any type of software you want. I use an Excel
spreadsheet, but you can use anything you like. There are even web sites like
www.pmsbuddy.com that will track her periods for you, and email when her
periods are about to begin. Whatever works for you.

When you first start having sex with a woman, and she tells you she’s having her
period, ask her what day she’s on. Every month, when her period starts again, ask
her again what day she’s on, and adjust your records accordingly. The period day
she’s on is all you need to know. Once you know this, you can now predict all
kinds of things, like when her period is going to end, when she ovulates, when
she’s not ovulating, and when her next period is going to start.

All of these things are critical information, for the following reasons:

1. If her period doesn’t start when it should, you now have an early warning
that she might be pregnant, and have time to react to it.
 2. If you are doing the calendar method (and you’re a guy with lots of self
control, like we talked about!), you know what your “safe cum days” are.
3. If she suddenly becomes really bitchy or unreasonable out of the blue for no
discernable reason, you will know instantly if it’s because she’s PMSing or
not.
4. Many women tend to be more horny during ovulation, and/or right before
their period starts, and/or during their period. You can use all of this to your
advantage.

Assuming a woman is reasonably regular, and the vast majority are, her cycle will
look like this:

Day Status
1 - first day of period, heavy
2 - heavy period
3,4 – period
5,6 - light period
7-11 – normal
12-16 – ovulating
17-22 – normal
23-27 – calendar method “safe day”
28 (or day 1 of new cycle) – first day of new period

Women have their periods once every 28 days, have a period that lasts about six
days, start ovulating on the twelfth day, ovulate for about five days, and are normal
until day 28 when they start their period all over again. Calendar method “safe
cum days” are the few days prior to when her next period starts. One word of
warning for those of you brave or reckless enough to use the calendar method:
Your sperm lives up to FIVE days inside a woman’s body, so even if she’s not
ovulating on the day you have sex, she can still get pregnant if she starts ovulating
a few days afterwards, which is why cumming inside a woman during the latter
days of her period is not a good idea, and doing so right after her period is very
dangerous.

You should be tracking the periods of every single woman you have regular sex
with, every single month. With that information, you are forewarned and
forearmed, which leads right into rule five.

Rule Five: Always have pregnancy tests ready to go in your bathroom.

Purchase at least two home pregnancy test kits of different brands, both of which
with a low MIU detection rating, and keep them in your bathroom. Also purchase
a pack of small plastic cups, like Dixie cups, and keep those in there as well. Then,
make sure any women you are regularly having sex with are aware you have these
things. If they ask you to show it to them, do so. This will ensure she’s never going
to use the “I’m pregnant!” lie against you that many women use against men to
manipulate them.

Now, you’re armed and dangerous. If a woman is ever late on her period, (and
you’ll know because of rule four), or if she tells you she’s pregnant, or if you
suspect she’s pregnant for any reason, no problem. Walk her into your bathroom,
put a Dixie cup and pregnancy test in her hands, have her
pee in the cup, and figure it out right then and there.

When women know you have the power to do this at any time, that alone can often
change the entire dynamic of a relationship to your favor.

Most pregnancy tests won’t work until 10 to 20 days (depending on the test) after
the date of conception. They are the most accurate after the time of the month
when she should have had her period. If you’re following rule four, this should be
no problem for you.

Like condoms, pregnancy tests loose their effectiveness over time. Pay attention to
the test kits’ expiration dates. Discard and replace any unused tests.

Rules four and five are critical to work with in conjunction. Why? Even women
who have no problem with the concept of abortion will often have a problem
aborting a fetus after a few months of pregnancy. For many people (myself
included), around this time frame is when abortion becomes murder. Your mission
is to get the pregnancy determined well before this time frame so you have time to
figure things out. If you’re on the ball with rules four and five, you should be able
to see if she’s pregnant by the fifth week of pregnancy at the latest.

A common tactic of women is to find out they’re pregnant, and not tell the guy for
three or four months, or even longer. Then she announces it to him, and says, with
mock sadness, “Oh, and it’s too late to get an abortion now! Oh darn!”. Following
these rules prevent this particular nightmare.

Also, some women are just mutants, and don’t “show” for months into a
pregnancy, if ever. I’ve been shocked at how hot some women look at well past
three months into a pregnancy. With some women you just can’t tell!

True story (this really did happen): I once tried to have sex with a long-distance
FB, but for some reason, she resisted it. None of my techniques worked. We had
sex many times before, so I was truly baffled why she was so adamant about not
having sex. I went away without getting laid. To my shock, I later discovered on
the night I tried to have sex with her, she was eight months pregnant. I’m not
exaggerating. Exactly five weeks after that night, she popped out a tiny baby boy. I
promise you, that night she still looked plenty hot, and I’m not into chubby
women...she was a medical miracle.

And no, the baby wasn’t mine. I follow these rules.

Rule Six: Always have at least one treatment of morning after pills in your
bathroom.

“One treatment” means two pills, one she takes the next morning, and one more
she takes 12 hours later. Yes, she must take both or it won’t work (many people
don’t realize this).

You can purchase one treatment at places like Planned Parenthood for less than
$30. Purchase this and keep it with your pregnancy tests in your bathroom.

Having your own stash of morning after pills is your stopgap emergency measure
just in case you were too drunk or too stupid to follow the other rules. Never rely
on your morning after pills. They are there just for an unusual emergency.
(Technically, if you follow the first five rules, you should never need them.)

Preventing STDs

You might be surprised to hear me say this, but the risk of STDs is actually much
less serious than your risks of getting a girl pregnant. More often than not, getting
an STD just means taking a pill for a week, and then it’s gone. Getting a woman
pregnant is serious damage to your life for the next 18 years.

This doesn’t mean STDs aren’t serious business. They are. Assuming you live in
the western world, below are your basic risks levels. (Please note that I am not a
doctor, just relaying what my own research and observations have told me.)
Curable and Common: These would include STDs like chlamydia and gonorrhea.
The bad news is they’re very common. The good news is that they often have no
symptoms and are curable by just taking a pill for a week.

Incurable but Uncommon: This would be diseases that are incurable, but are not
super common, especially if you live in the western world, are heterosexual, are
white/caucasian, and don’t do drugs. It would include diseases like HIV and
syphilis. Now, if you don’t fall into all the categories I just listed off, then
statistically your risk for these types of diseases are higher, so be careful.

Incurable and Common: This, in my opinion, is the scariest category. These are
STDs that are common and have no cure. Yikes. The big one here is type two
herpes.

Here’s how to prevent catching all these diseases:

1. Use condoms. Duh. You should always be using condoms the entire time
while you have sex with any new women in your life, or any woman who
are unproven, or any women you have any questions about whatsoever.
When properly used, condoms are damn near 100% effective in preventing
STDs (other than type two herpes).
The only time you allow yourself to have sex without a condom is when
you’re dealing with a woman who has proven herself to be trustworthy, and
that usually takes several months of dating.
2. If you have any inkling that she might actually have herpes, refrain from sex
or heavily armor up. Herpes is the one STD not blocked completely by a
condom because it’s more of a skin condition than an STD. The only way to
truly protect yourself against type two herpes during sex is to actually wear
your underwear while having sex, poking your cock through the hole,
wearing an condom on it, and avoid touching any of her lower “bathing suit
area” while you have sex. Yes, it’s a hassle, and yes, I have actually done
this. Usually, if you’re dating normal suburban women, you will not have to
go to this extreme. But if you’re having sex with a relatively unknown, wild
party girl, it doesn’t hurt to do this. (Or better yet, don’t fuck her at all, keep
it to makeouts, tit-sucking, etc.) Better safe than sorry.
3. ASK women about their last STD test before having sex with them. I
always, always bring up the topic of STD tests before I have sex with a
woman for the first time. The answer she gives me, the words she uses in the
 answer, her attitude when she gives me the answer, and the certainty (or lack
thereof) of her answer all give me a very big clue as to her STD risk levels.
If you are not brave enough to ask these kinds of questions to a woman you
are dating, you need to seriously work on your EFA we talked about in
chapter five. What I often do is just bring up the fact that I had a recent STD
test and that I was clean, and she’ll often volunteer her own test information
from there.
You should always know what you’re dealing with before you have sex with
a new person!
4. Get a full STD test twice a year. That’s right, twice a year, every single year,
for the rest of your life. Twice a year, you should go to the clinic and get
yourself tested for the following STDs:
- Chlamydia
- Gonorrhea
- Herpes (types one and two)
Once a year, you should also get tested for:
- HIV
- Syphilis
- Hepatitis C
STDs cause the most damage to people’s lives when they don’t know they
have them. Getting tested twice a year ensures you can jump on top of a
problem if you encounter one, and ensures you will not infect other people.
It also gives you more sexual confidence when you KNOW you are clean
and STD free. And, you can more easily get women to have sex with you
when they know you’re clean, and it encourages them to get tested as well.
So many advantages to getting tested often! Do it!
5. Any FB, WD, or OLTR you are regularly seeing must also go in for regular
STD checks. It’s only fair. You are, she should too. How often is really up to
the both of you, but once a year should be the minimum. If she’s at the FB
level and/or not completely untrustworthy, make sure she gets the test results
in writing so you can see them with your own eyes.
If she refuses to go in and get checked, soft next her until she reconsiders.
Yes, I have done this, and I hope you do as well. In non-monogamous
relationships, she is allowed to fuck other guys on the side if she wants, and
even if you’re always using condoms, there is still a herpes risk to you.
Regular STD tests for her are mandatory if she wants to continue to be with
you.
6. Avoid highly questionable women. I don’t mind if you occasionally play
around with a young wild party girl FB. That’s fine. But you need to draw
 the line somewhere. For example, I do not date heavy drug users, nor do I
date women who are rampant alcoholics, overly promiscuous, or have dark
pasts that are too recent. People like that are just too dangerous to be having
sex with. If you stick with “normal” suburban women who live largely
“normal” lives, your STD risks are much lower, and doctors will confirm
this.

Bottom line, worrying about STDs is a healthy thing to do, not only for you, but
for the women in your life. Be adult, and be proactive like we’ve talked about
here, and you’ll experience an STD-free non-monogamous life.
Afterword

Wow! We’ve covered a lot in this book. I hope I’ve opened your mind to a few
new things, and I hope the concept of dating multiple women for a long period of
time has become a much more reachable goal for you.

I’ve tried to be as complete as possible here, but you probably have questions. I
would love to hear about your stories and successes regarding the concepts in this
book. Email me at [email protected] and visit me at my web site
and blog at www.blackdragonsystem.com. I plan to put out more books on the
topic of non-monogamous relationships in the future, and I always update my site
with the latest info.

Go forth and practice these concepts and techniques! They work, and they will
work for you!

Good journey, and good luck! ~Blackdragon