Beverley Film Transcript

C: Cloe Madanes T: Tony Robbins B: Beverley

C: How do people lose weight and keep it off? We all know that diet, exercise, and nutrition play a part, but
that's not the whole story. Every year a new diet or exercise fad sweeps the nation, and yet most people don't
create the health progress they want. The truth is that being healthy and vital is not just about what you eat, it
has a lot to do with how you live your life. Are you living a life of purpose and fulfillment, or are you stuck in a
life of restriction? Do you get to enjoy the variety of experiences and sensations that life has to offer, or does
that kind of life seem beyond reach right now? The good news is that the solution is right here and right now. It
doesn't require tremendous willpower or nerves of steel. As you will see, it requires following some simple
steps which have created dramatic results for thousands of people.

In this film you will meet Beverly, who stood up with over two hundred pounds to lose. In little more than an
hours' conversation with Tony Robbins, she discovered and broke through the real obstacle in her life. And since
that single conversation, over six years ago, she has steadily lost two hundred pounds, naturally and without
medical intervention. Today Beverly wears a size 10 dress and lives a completely transformed life. So let's join
Tony Robbins and Beverly as she steps onstage.

T: I need Beverly Kingsley up here. Beverly, if you’re willing to come up, you’ve been selected. Give her a
hand. A real hand, ladies and gentlemen! All right, Beverly, how are you?

B: I’m… here!

T: I’m here! [Beverly laughs] That’s a powerful statement.

B: No, I’m great.

T: I’m great. Now, by the way, why did she say that I’m here? Why did you just say that?

B: I’m fairly well terrified.

T: Very well terrified. [audience laughs] OK. Um, so, as long as she is terrified, is she gonna be able to defeat
the enemy? [audience answers “no”] If you’re terrified you’re gonna have a hard time with the enemy.

B: Right.

T: So you’re feeling terrified. Tell me how you do terrified. What do you do with your body to get terrified?

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T: Eat. Or, you eat to get terrified or you eat when I’m terrified?

B: Both.

T: Oh, OK. Um, so sometimes you like being terrified. [long pause]

B: Yea. I guess so.

T: Yes. [Beverly laughs] So the truth is you don’t wanna, be you don’t wanna stop being terrified because you
kind of love the excuse of being terrified.

B: I like the variety.

T: As apposed to being bored?

B: Right.

T: So your life is boring so you use terrified as some excitement.

B: Right.

C: According to Human Needs Psychology, there are three pillars of permanent weight loss. These three pillars
are the secret that enables some people to experience dramatic, permanent, natural weight loss - while other
people go for years losing and regaining the same twenty pounds.

The first pillar consists of your focus - what are you focusing on from day to day? Is it something that is
compelling, specific, and within your control or do you focus on unreliable things that are outside of your
control? Are you crystal clear about what you want to experience every day or are you fixated on fears and
uncertainties? Tony is learning about Beverley's habits of focus.

The second pillar consists of your tools and strategies - if you want to be successful at something, you need to
clearly know which strategies work and which ones don't work. Tony needs to understand Beverley's day-to-day
emotional focus - and Beverley admits that she spends much time feeling terrified. And the reason she is
terrified is that feeling terrified meets some of what we call the six human needs. These six human needs are the
most important forces in your life, controlling your decisions, your emotions, and your destiny. So Tony and
Beverly are going to understand how her habit of being terrified meets her needs.

The first need is for certainty - to be comfortable and avoid pain. Certainty is a powerful survival instinct in all
people and animals. The second need is for variety - to have stimulus and change, and surprise in your life. We
need to feel a variety of emotions every day. The third need is for significance - to feel special and worthy of
attention. The fourth need is for love and connection. The fifth need is for growth, and the sixth need is for
contribution beyond yourself.

Although all of us have the same needs, we can meet them in ways that are positive or negative. You can meet
your need for significance by being courageous and creating the life of your dreams, or you can feel significant

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by having a big problem that you are not able to solve. Here's another example: you can meet your need for
certainty by deciding to believe in yourself, or you can try to feel certain by deciding never to leave your house
again. You can feel connection through giving love to others, or you can feel connection by feeling self-pity.
Whatever behaviors you are noticing in yourself, whatever emotional patterns you are struggling with, you must
ask yourself "Which of the six human needs am I meeting through this behavior?" When you understand that,
you'll understand the deeper reasons for your behavior.

Now take a moment to ask yourself: out of these six needs- certainty, variety, significance, love and connection,
growth, and contribution - which do you focus on most? What do you do to meet that need? That top need,
whatever it is, is the single biggest factor that controls your life. What do you do to meet that need? What
emotions do you engage in? What actions do you do? We will return to these questions at the end of the film.
Now let's go back to Tony and Beverly.

T: So terrified gives you significance, terrified gives you variety, and you’re certain you can get terrified.

B: Yea, oh yea.

T: And besides that, dealing with something terrified might make you grow.

B: Right.

T: And by the way, when you share your terrified-ness with others, it probably connects you to them.

B: Right.

T: So… the only need you’re not getting from this is?

B: Being loved?

T: Yea. By the way, did you see what just happened? And, if you compare the list… but don’t you get some love
by being terrified?

B: [shakes her head] No.

T: What do you get?

B: Loneliness.

T: Loneliness. So you may ask yourself, why would somebody want to change when all their needs are being
met? ‘Cause not all their needs are being met. Why do they keep doing it? ‘Cause five or six needs are met by
that and event connection/love is met to some extent in the short term, but it’s only a little bit with herself and
there’s an isolation and a loneliness that comes with it. So it’s a double-edged sword. So she’d want to change
but why hasn’t she changed up until now? Why haven’t you changed up until now?

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B: It’s safe and it’s certain.

T: It’s safe and it’s certain. Wait a second- terrified is safe?

B: No, it’s not.

T: I guess it’s certain.

B: It is certain. [Beverly nods]

T: Look at that. Is she certain that it’s certain?

B: Yea.

T: Look, it is certain.

C: When Tony asked her, Beverly said she kept her habit of being terrified because it was safe and certain. But
the truth is that being terrified is not safe. Being terrified is part of an emotional pattern that is restricting
Beverly's life and preventing her from getting the progress she wants.

Now, you may not feel terrified very often in your life, but everybody has emotional triggers that are very
intense for them. What are your emotional triggers? Do you feel guilt? Anger? Loneliness? Self pity? Take a
moment and write down all of the emotions that you experience in a given week. You can pause the film if you
like. Now circle the top five emotions for you. These emotions correspond to the quality of your life. Now let's
go back to Beverley.

T: So the reason she hasn’t changed is because she has five needs, maybe even six, meeting at various levels by
this behavior. She wants to change. Here’s why it’s a want. Want is because there’s only a few places that she
sees it could work and she’s not certain that there’s a thing that could work instead. [Beverly nods] Boredom is
not a replacement, right?

B: No.

T: ‘Cause boredom is what?

B: [Beverly shrugs her shoulders] Destructive.

T: It’s what?

B: Destructive.

T: Why is it destructive?

B: Well in my particular case, when I’m bored I don’t do anything.

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T: I see. If you don’t do anything then what?

B: Then I eat.

T: I see. But if you never did anything, what would that mean?

B: I’d be dead.

T: That you’d be what?

B: Dead.

T: I’d be dead. So her thing is she’s a human doing. So that’s why if she’s not doing anything else she should at
least eat ‘cause at least you’re doing something. And it feels good.

C: This is the second pillar of permanent weight loss: the strategies and tools that you use. Beverly has a
deep-seated belief that if she doesn't have something to do, she should at least eat. This is a strategy that is
guaranteed to sabotage her weight loss and destroy her health. Beverly needs replace this with the
strategy of feeling comfortable with herself no matter what, even if she's doing nothing. When Tony asks
her whether she's a human "doing," he's trying to help her to break her habit of thinking that she's not worthy if
she's not doing something. Now, all of us feel unworthy from time to time. Do you ever feel that way? What do
you do when that happens?

T: If I’m not doing something I’m dead. If your belief is that if I’m not doing something I’m dead you probably
don’t want to take up meditation. [audience laughs]

B: I have. [Beverly laughs]

T: Do you see meditation as doing something?

B: It, it, yes and no. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn’t.

T: I see.

B: It’s not consistent.

T: When do you enjoy it, when it’s doing something or not?

B: Yea.

T: So, one of the challenges for her is that she’s gotta be doing something all the time. What if you were wrong,
you weren’t a human doing. What if you were just confused years ago, what if you were hypnotized years ago
into thinking you were a human doing, and you really aren’t a human doing?

B: Then what would I do? [audience laughs]

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T: So the truth is in order for this to work she has to be able to do something else instead of eat.

C: It's difficult to abandon a bad habit unless you replace it with a good habit. When Beverly is bored, she needs
to do something other than eat.

B: How many follow this? [audience members raise their hands]

T: OK. Now you tried doing a few other things. You tried doing meditation but it doesn’t work all the time.

B: Right.

T: Did you hear that guys? How many heard that? So she tried an alternative, doing meditation, but it doesn’t
work all the time. But food works all the time.

B: Yes.

T: Hear the tone of voice change? [Beverly laughs]

C: The third pillar of permanent weight loss is to resolve inner conflicts. You can have a powerful focus to
create change, have all the right tools and strategies, and yet if you have an inner conflict that prevents you from
accessing your true power to create change in your life, real change will never happen. For years, Beverley has
been used to using food as a substitute for other things she wants in life. Tony sees that Beverley suffers from an
internal conflict: she is using food to get certainty and comfort when she experiences boredom or fear. Beverly
is absolutely certain that food will work every time to bring her certainty and comfort. The problem, of course,
is that the eating habit that gives her this comfort is making her fat and unhealthy. Tony has to help Beverly to
break down this certainty about food, and he will do it by bringing up a shocking image.

T: What does food do? How many pounds of fecal waste do you think are in your colon right now, hard and
have been there for at least six months? Think about food. How many pounds, I’m asking you honestly to think
about your favorite food and think about how much of that favorite food is still in you. Tell me some food that’s
still in you right now.

B: Chocolate.

T: Yea. What’s it mixed with, that chocolate?

B: Fat.

T: What else is it mixed with that’s still inside you? What’s some other food you’ve eaten that’s still in there
with the chocolate?

B: Sugar?

T: What other food’s still in there with the chocolate? Tell me all the food that’s in there. There’s a lot of food.

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Take a look. There’s a lot of food still there.

B: Yea. Um, I don’t know… popcorn, potato chips.

T: Yea. What else is in there with it?

B: Donuts.

T: What else is in there?

B: Um, junk. Just junk.

T: No, tell me what else.

B: What else. Um, brownies.

T: Brownies.

B: Um, um…

T: Is there a token piece of broccoli in there with them some place?

B: Yes, there’s broccoli and lettuce and a tomato or two.

T: No, they’re not there, they’re gone.

B: They’re gone. I see. [audience laughs] OK.

T: Isn’t it true? They’re gone. So what you got in there is chocolate and salt and sugar mixed together. Any wine
in there?

B: No.

T: Oh. Any alcohol in there?

B: No.

T: Oh. So we got, oh you wouldn’t do that.

B: No.

T: You have some standards.

B: Right. [audience laughs] I want my sugar in, in hard form.

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T: You want your sugar in hard form?

B: Yea.

T: So it can stick in there.

B: Yes. [Tony laughs, Beverly makes an unpleasant face]

C: While they are talking, Tony has been guiding Beverley through the seven master steps of lasting change.
The first step in creating change is interrupting the emotional pattern. As long as Beverley is attached to the
comfort she gets from food, she can't make progress in her weight loss. Now that Tony and Beverly understand
the emotional triggers that are making her unhappy, they need to go to step two: get leverage.

Leverage is one of the most powerful forces in a human being. Many people go on for years with a longstanding
problem in their health or their relationship or their finances, then one day everything changes and they are able
to transform their life. That's leverage - when change becomes a must. Right now, Beverley needs to get
leverage. She has a bad habit of tolerating the bad eating habits that are killing her. She cannot continue to
tolerate those bad habits, or she will certainly die from being overweight. So Tony uses a shocking and
unpleasant image, referring to Beverly's colon, to connect her with the way that she is abusing her body. She
doesn't just need to recognize the problem. She needs to feel absolutely compelled to change it. It needs to be a
must.

Now take a moment to ask yourself: are you all too tolerant of some bad health habits in your life? What will
happen to you if you continue the road you are on? How will your loved ones suffer if your health gets worse?
Where will things be twenty years from now if you stay at this level of health? Will you be alive to see your
grandchildren? Will you have the health and energy to truly enjoy your life and your family?

T: So you got sugar and salt combined…

B: Mm-hmm.

T: …with fat.

B: Yea.

T: Chocolate syrup?

B: No, I prefer it harder.

T: Hard. Clogs everything up.

B: Things you chew.

T: Chew. You wanna chew.

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B: Yea.

T: ‘Cause chew’s a doing thing. If you just drink, there’s not much doing to drinking. [Beverly throws off her
sweater, audience cheers]

B: We’re gonna get rid of the fat we might as well see it.

T: OK. Good. That was good. That’s good. [audience cheers, Tony kisses Beverly on the cheek]

C: This is what Tony's been waiting for. Beverly had stood up terrified and wanting to hide, so Tony provoked
her and teased her in order to stimulate her courage. Now Beverly's courage is here - she's not hiding her body,
and she's not afraid of Tony. This happens when you get tired of avoiding facing your challenges. For Beverly,
this is the turning point in the day, and, actually, it is the turning point in her life. Tony gave her a kiss to
congratulate her. This is step three: interrupt the limiting pattern, which for Beverly was her terror and
embarrassment. She has broken through that limitation, and she's ready for action.

Now take a moment to ask yourself: What have you been avoiding in your life? Is there something that is so
uncomfortable to deal with that you're afraid to even bring it up? What would happen if you confronted and
overcame that once and for all? How would you feel about your life?

B: Tired of avoiding it.

T: I’ve got a question. Who stepped up here?

B: Me.

T: Me. Who’s you? Who do you call this lady?

B: Courage. I don’t know. She’s very courageous, this little person inside.

T: This little person inside is very courageous, little courageous person. Is little less significant than big? Are
atoms less significant than molecules?

B: No.

T: Or do molecules not exist without atoms?

B: They don’t.

C: It's interesting that when Beverly gets her courage and steps up, she sees her courageous self as being little.
She is referring to the little woman that is inside all her fat. Now ask yourself - how do you see yourself? As
being big or little? Is there a part of you inside that knows better that sees better than the rest of you? If that
little part of yourself were to stand up and take charge of your life, what would it do?

T: Would a man ever make it to the planet without a woman?

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B: No.

T: They have to come through you.

B: Yes.

T: So no man could possibly be here without women.

B: Right. [audience cheers]

T: Can a man have a baby? Can a man actually create life by himself?

B: No.

T: Hmm. I see.

B: Yea. [Beverly laughs and places a hand upon her hip]

T: I like that. Did you see that posture change in her? So, Beverly, what do we call the little courageous one
inside you?

B: I don’t know, I don’t think she’s ever been out.

T: She’s out now. She’s having her outing.

B: Oh, OK. [audience cheers]

T: Isn’t it funny how the real us rarely comes out? Have you seen this theme this weekend, again and again and
again? [Beverly nods] It’s all conditioning my friends.

B: Yea.

T: Give her the conditioning. The real you is there. The real you is not only more than enough, the real you will
give you everything you ever wanted because the real you is designed by something bigger than you. [audience
cheers] So who do we call this little courageous one? [Beverly laughs]

B: Um, I don’t know.

T: Ask her what her name is, she’ll tell you.

B: Joy.

T: Joy. [Beverly laughs] Yes. Give her a hand. [audience cheers]

C: Tony asked Beverly to give a name to this courageous new part of herself. One of the biggest obstacles to

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making progress is our tendency to generalize our behaviors, instead of recognizing the times when we are
doing something truly different. When Beverly took off her jacket and decided to confront Tony, this was a
different decision than she had ever made before. So this new decision deserves a new name: Joy. This is step
four: create a new, empowering alternative pattern. Instead living with fear, Beverly will now live with Joy.
Instead of focusing on the patterns that triggered bad eating and overweight, she will focus on the emotions that
will nourish her soul. Now Tony will help Joy understand what the true sources of joy are.

T: Why’d you start to cry when you realized her name?

B: ‘Cause I didn’t know she had one.

T: You didn’t know she had one? A name, or Joy?

B: I didn’t know either.

T: She is joy, isn’t she.

B: Yea.

T: There’s joy in courage. There’s no joy in terror.

B: No.

T: There’s no joy in food. There’s no joy in food.

B: OK.

T: Food has never given you any joy. All you’ve done is when you gave yourself food you decided to give
yourself some joy. But you really didn’t give yourself joy. You just gave yourself comfort. That’s why you’ve
been sad. You thought it was joy and it was just comfort. It was what you thought was security. You thought it
was doing something that felt good but it was really doing something that felt bad.

B: Yes.

T: It felt real bad.

B: Yes.

T: It was stealing your joy. It was murdering your joy. It was trying to murder that little girl. It was trying to
suffocate her, it was trying to gag her, it was trying to strangle her with fat. Would you strangle a little girl like
that?

B: No.

T: A courageous little girl?

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B: No. I’d never hurt a child.

T: You’d never what?

B: I’d never hurt a child.

T: But you’d hurt a big girl?

B: Evidently.

T: I didn’t ask you evidently, I asked you would you?

B: No. I wouldn’t hurt anybody.

T: Why not?

B: My first thought is it’s not nice.

T: Mm. You’ve been trying to be nice your whole life, huh?

B: Yea. I’ve been a good girl.

T: ‘Cause… You’ve been a good girl. F[bleep] that! [Beverly is startled, audience laughs]

B: OK! [audience cheers]

C: Tony used shocking language to jolt Beverly out of the state of being a good girl. Whenever you want to
change something, you have to draw a clear line between the emotional states and habits that are good for you
and the emotional states and habits that will cause you pain. Beverly had lived a life of hiding, of restriction,
and of conforming to other people's needs. Only when Tony provoked her did she stand up for herself and
experience her own courage. Now she needs to draw the line so that she does not go back to the state of hiding
and being the victim.

T: Do you know why?

B: No?

T: No? Are you being nice right now?

B: Yea? [Beverly and audience laugh] Don’t step on my glasses.

T: Oh, “don’t step on my things” she says! I like that!

B: No, don’t step on my glasses!

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T: Don’t step… I like that! You’re kind of asserting yourself. I like that! [Beverly laughs, audience cheers] That
wasn’t very nice. Beverley Transcript
B: No, I guess not but…

T: Why did you do that when I was coming at you? I was coming at you and you turned and said, “Don’t step
on my glasses!”

B: ‘Cause they cost money! [Beverly and audience laugh]

T: And you’re not more valuable than money?

C: When people are afraid to stand up for themselves, they will give reasons for not doing so. Tony wants
Beverly to see that she can stand up for herself, just the way she is, and for no other reason than that.

B: Yes.

T: How do you know?

B: ‘Cause for this moment I felt like I was.

T: Like you what?

B: Like I am.

T: Yes? You’ve been trying to be a good girl your whole life.

B: Yes.

T: You’ve been a failure. What’s good about being unhealthy? What’s good about covering up your real soul?
What’s good about hiding? Tell me something good about that.

B: There isn’t anything.

T: So the truth is you’ve been trying to be a good girl and you’ve been a failure at being a good girl.

B: Yes.

T: So why don’t you just be what your nature is? What are you really?

B: I’m joyful.

T: Oh. Well that’s a whole different game. What would happen if you were joyful? By the way, joyful means
you’re [whispering] full of joy.

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B: [whispering] Oh. [Beverly and audience laugh] OK? [audience laughs] Um, that’s better than good, huh?
[Beverly laughs, Tony gives her a high five]

T: I don’t know, what do you think?

B: I think so. I don’t think being a good girl’s gotten me much.

T: No, I don’t think so either. [audience cheers]

B: Except a hundred pounds.

T: She said, “except a hundred pounds,” but actually you didn’t get the hundred pounds even by being a good
girl. You haven’t even been a good girl.

B: Yea.

T: What kind of girl have you been?

B: I’ve been a girl that hides and…

T: That’s right.

B: Stays numb.

T: Is it joyful… Stays what?

B: Stays numb.

T: Oh. So you’ve been a numb, hiding girl.

B: In a cave.

T: In a cave.

B: It’s very dark there.

T: Yes. I bet. How does it feel to start coming out and see some light?

B: Really good.

T: Yea. [audience cheers] You’ve been joyful always ‘cause that’s your nature, but back some time ago, I don’t
want another whole story, I just want to know the essence.

B: OK.

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T: The question is being joyful, if you were joyful back then, what happened? What did you believe would
happen?

B: Well, I found that I didn’t get hurt if I stayed numb and isolated.

T: I see. And if you were joyful?

B: Then I’d have to be out and about.

T: Out and about.

B: Yea.

T: If you were out and about, what would happen?

B: Then I would have to…

T: There we go. Have to what?

B: Relate with other people.

T: You’d have to relate with other people. [Beverly and audience laugh] No wonder you couldn’t be a good
person or good girl. You had to relate with other people to be good?

B: Yea.

T: What happens when you relate with other people?

B: Well, then they might get to know me and not like me.

T: I see. And if they don’t like you, what will happen? Why wouldn’t they like you if you were joyful?

B: Um, because they don’t like joyful people?

T: What did your joyful, your feelings of joy cause them to feel?

B: Joy?

T: Pardon me?

B: Joy? Happiness?

T: That’s what you thought. That was true for some of them. But the ones that hurt you and made you hide,
when you were joyful with them, how did it make them feel?

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B: They didn’t like it.

T: Why didn’t they like it?

B: Because children are seen and not heard.

T: I see.

C: When Beverly says that children should be seen and not heard, she's referring to something that happened in
her childhood. Long ago, Beverly was a joyful child, some adult took advantage of her, doing things that should
never be done to a child. It must have been devastating for her that no one stood up to defend her. At that point
Beverly lost trust in adults and made a key decision in her life. She learned to hide and conform, and in order to
console her self in these restricted conditions, she overate and damaged her health and on an unconscious level
her weight gain also served to protect hers from the attention of men and further abuse.

Many women who were abused as children end up with an internal conflict which causes them to gain weight -
so they end up with health problems on top of the trauma of being abused. But this is no way to live. If you have
been abused or otherwise wounded in a way that has caused you to gain weight, it is absolutely essential that
you get rid of your inner conflict. When people are wounded and develop an inner conflict, it causes them to go
into a shrinking pattern.

1. When people are disappointed in life, they often shrink away from their power to do what they want influence
their relationships. Instead, they accept being treated badly or they silently rebel against the people in their lives
or they habitually sacrifice their own desires. In Beverley's case, she decided that if she is a good girl, then
things would get better for her. That was not the case at all.

2. Secondly, they shut down their relationships and communication. When she was abused and no one helped
her, Beverley decided that real communication was not possible - therefore attracting relationships with parthers
who were dominating or even abusive.

3. And finally, they use food to manage things that food can't fix. Because her relationships were not fulfilling,
Beverley used food to manage her emotions and meet her six human needs. We all know where that has led her.

Now take a moment to ask yourself: have you been in a shrinking pattern? Have you shrunk away from your
power to influence the people in your life, or do you feel restrained and restricted from expressing your true
self? Do the people in your life know your real needs and thoughts, or have you kept all that to yourself,
shutting them out? Do you use food to manage things that food can't fix? When something in your life upsets
you, do you solve the problem, or do you use food to manage your emotions?

As we can see, food did not fix things for Beverley, and food won't fix things for you. If you are in a shrinking
pattern, it's time to break out and live a real life on your terms. Beverley will now create a life of growth and
joy, and this will enable her to create the body that she wants as well.

T: Was that true?

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B: No.

T: I can see you and I can hear you. Do you believe me?

B: Yes.

T: I can see you and I can hear you, Beverly.

B: Thank you.

T: It’s my pleasure. It’s my privilege to see you and to hear you. That’s a privilege. That’s a pleasure. I
appreciate you thanking me but I’m getting the joy by seeing the real you. I see it in your eyes, that’s the part
you couldn’t hide, and I see it when you smile. That’s the part you can hide, and I hear it in the gentleness of
your voice. That’s something you’ve never been able to hide. You can try and cover up all the rest but you can’t
cover up your eyes.

B: OK.

T: And you can’t cover your smile.

B: Yea, so far I haven’t done anything right, have I? [audience laughs]

T: I’d have to agree with that. So if that’s true, what should we do?

B: Change. [audience cheers]

T: Actually, you don’t even have to do that.

B: No?

T: No.

B: What do I have to do?

T: ‘Cause the illusion this weekend was that everybody made a bunch of changes. What really happened this
weekend was everybody just became themselves.

B: Then I’m sure glad I came.

T: Me too. [Beverly laughs] Are you becoming more of yourself?

B: Yes, I am.

T: Yea. How you doing that?

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B: I think letting her know, letting me know that I can be joyful and, and playful, and…

T: You can be or that you are?

B: I am.

T: How would you celebrate your joy? If you really got to, let’s say, uh, you and I are standing back here in the
same spot a year from now, and you are one skinny, hot b[bleep]tch. [Beverly laughs, audience cheers]

C: When you have a change to make, it's important to visualize what life will be like a year from now, when the
change is complete. This is step six: Condition the New Pattern Until It's Consistent. Tony is guiding Beverly to
find many ways to reinforce her own courage and joy.

B: You can run around a lot better than I can right now.

T: That’s true. That’s true. And if you came back and you told me, “Oh my God! Thing that just let me have my
joy, just fill me on a regular basis, just allow me to just do it…” how’d you do that? How’d you get yourself
there? What did you do that allowed you to do that no matter what happened in the environment, no matter what
anybody thought? What did you change? What belief did you change in your head that allowed you to just, to
not only pursue joy, you were joyful and simply just expressed it. Over little sh[bleep]t. Over silly sh[bleep]t.
Over stuff that other people think has to be earned.

B: Yea. ‘Cause it’s here. Now.

T: Yea.

B: All the time.

T: Yea. That’s nice.

B: Yea. [audience cheers] I didn’t know that.

T: You what?

B: I don’t think I knew that.

T: You didn’t know it consciously. You know it consciously now. Yea.

B: I didn’t know it consciously, yea.

C: Before, Beverly thought that she always had to be doing something. If she wasn't doing something, she felt
unworthy and would console herself by eating. By standing up to Tony and using her courage, she discovered a
sense of joy that does not depend on the things that happen or don't happen. She can take joy in small things,
and this joy will give her the strength and the happiness to create what she wants in life.

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T: So the question is, are you worthy?

B: Yes.

T: How do you know?

B: ‘Cause I feel worthy.

T: Hmm. Did you feel worthy before?

B: No.

T: Why not? This is really important…

B: Because I thought that I had to do something.

T: That’s right. That’s right. Give her a hand. That’s right. [audience cheers] So, what makes you worthy now?
What if you’re not doing nothing? Are you still worthy?

B: ‘Cause I believe I am.

T: Hmm. But why? Why are you worthy?

B: ‘Cause God doesn’t make junk. [Tony laughs, audience cheers]

T: You’ve thought this before. What was different that time?

B: I listened to other people instead of myself.

T: Hmm.

B: I was using their system of values rather than my own.

T: Yes. So the real reason you’re in pain is cause you weren’t being yourself.

B: Yes.

T: You’ll always be in pain when you’re trying to be something you’re not. You’ll always be happy when you’re
being yourself, and being yourself is effortless, and being what you think you have to be to get love or
significance is effortful and painful, and when you’re trying to be many things for many people, then you have
many pains.

B: Yea.

T: Some ideas just pull you over, huh?

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B: Yea. I’m working on balance.

T: Tell me about this ring you’ve got one here.

B: Um…

T: It’s beautiful.

B: Thank you.

T: What is it? What does it symbolize?

B: Onyx and gold.

T: What does it symbolize?

B: Um, I don’t know, I went to, um, a show and found one and it was like twenty dollars and I thought it was
really pretty so I had my jeweler make it.

T: Wow. That’s not twenty bucks, is it?

B: No.

T: Didn’t think so. [audience laughs] I’ll give you twenty bucks for it.

B: No, thank you.

C: Tony's joking because in the past Beverly has undervalued herself. By offering to buy her ring, Tony's giving
her more opportunities to assert herself. This is step six: Test it. Tony is testing Joy's new courage and self-
assertion. He wants to know that when she encounters doubt or criticism, she conquers her fear and stands up
for herself, once and for all.

T: [Beverly laughs] What does it mean to you? [audience laughs]

B: Um, wow, that there’s something precious inside of each of us.

T: Oh. Would that include one’s self?

B: Yes.

T: I see. When did you get that thought? Have you had that thought before?

B: I have always known that this was one of my favorite rings.

T: But you didn’t know why.

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B: I didn’t know why.

T: So why is it your favorite ring? ‘Cause it reminds you of what truth?

B: That there’s something wonderful inside of each of us.

T: Wonderful or precious?

B: And precious.

T: Hmm. No wonder you wear it all the time.

B: I do.

T: You have lots of other rings but you wear that one all the time.

B: Yes, I do.

T: Hmm, I wonder how I knew that. [Beverly laughs] I’ve not been to your house.

B: No.

T: Maybe I have. Maybe I snuck in there late at night…

B: Maybe… yea… [Beverly and audience laughs]

T: Spying just for this moment.

B: Spying.

T: Just for this moment.

B: Yea. No, I think you’re fairly intuitive.

T: If you look at this ring, there are many dimensions.

B: Yea.

T: Many. I doesn’t look very nice though. It looks like a [bleep] [bleep] and a couple things over here. [Beverly
laughs]

B: No it doesn’t!

T: Are you sure? [Beverly laughs, audience cheers] Beverly, you weren’t being very nice to me just now.

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B: Too bad, that’s not what it looks like. [Beverly laughs, audience cheers]

C: When Tony jokingly insulted her ring, Beverly came to her own defense and stood up for herself. You can
tell from her body language how unused she is to doing this. This is a major breakthrough because, for the first
time, Beverly has certainty that she is worth defending.

T: That feels so what?

B: I guess I just had a breakthrough! [Beverly laughs, audience cheers]

T: What did you just do there?

B: I just stood up for my self.

T: But wait a second. But you’re much smaller.

B: But I’m much stronger. [audience cheers] Wow. I think I’ve been stronger since I’ve been up here.

T: I’ve been a lot stronger since I’ve been up here. [Beverly and audience laugh]

B: I’m not afraid of you anymore. [Beverly laughs, audience cheers]

C: When Beverly stopped being afraid of Tony, she could begin interacting and connecting with him in a new
way. She is able to take risks and express who she really is. And more importantly, when she is no longer afraid
of Tony, she can have something to give him.

T: Taking away all my significance, aren’t you? [audience laughs]

B: I’ll give you a hug.

T: Aww… [audience laughs]

B: Oh, thank you.

T: Oh, you must be very intuitive because love is much more important to me than significance. [Beverly
laughs]

B: Good.

T: Why aren’t you afraid of me anymore?

B: I feel strong.

T: You do?

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B: And… significant. [Beverly laughs, audience cheers] Wow! At least one of those I don’t think I’ve ever felt
in my life so that’s a big deal.

T: This is a big deal, ladies and gentlemen! [audience cheers] So, I guess you’re not buying my theory about the
ring.

B: No.

T: No. [audience laughs]

B: No.

T: I see.

B: Yea.

T: Where’d you get the shoes? [audience laughs]

B: Wallmart.

T: Why’d you bring ‘em?

B: For comfort.

T: That’s a good choice. You seem to be having a good time, we’re not doing anything up here.

B: No, God. [Beverly laughs]

T: We’re not doing nothing. We’re sitting here talking about nothing, having a good time. You’re smiling from
ear to ear.

B: I am. I really am. I find a little interesting too.

C: The reason why Beverly is having a good time talking about nothing is that she feels comfortable with
herself. She feels comfortable with Tony, and so they can just hang out without being embarrassed or afraid.

B: I mean I’ve seen other people get up here and go and I would go, “Right. [Beverly laughs] Like that’ll
happen.” [audience laughs] I mean, you know.

T: Give me an example of, “Right. Like that’ll happen.”

B: Well, I just didn’t think that I would ever come up here.

T: I see. Now give me an example of you saw somebody else up there and you thought, “Right. Like that’ll
happen.”

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B: Well, I didn’t mean necessarily to them. I mean they, uh, were doing what they wanted to do.

T: Right, but you were…

B: I was envying them.

T: Ah… you were envying them.

B: Yes.

T: Now who are you envying.

B: Um… me.

T: Hmm. That’s very nice.

B: Thank you.

C: When you avoid people, when you don't stand up for yourself, when you don't feel comfortable with yourself
unless you are doing something, then you feel unworthy. And when people feel unworthy, one way they express
this is through feeling envy for others. Beverly had felt envy of other participants as they stood up and
overcame their obstacles, but now she only envies herself.

T: How does that feel, to envy your self?

B: Wonderful.

T: That’s a new feeling, isn’t it?

B: Yes! [Beverly laughs] It’s a brand new feeling.

T: Yea. You’re having a bunch of brand new feelings.

B: I know! I’ll never want to eat again! [Tony, Beverly, and audience laugh]

T: What’s the kind of stuff that you used to overeat on? Chocolate, brownies… What else? Chocolate,
brownies… Give me the top four.

B: Uh, chocolate, brownies, life savers…

T: Chocolate, brownies…

B: Winter green Life Savers.

T: Winter green life-savers.

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B: Yea, we have to have our standards.

T: That’s probably why it doesn’t smell so bad down there when it sticks.

B: Probably. [audience laughs] Um… and popcorn.

T: Popcorn. So chocolate, brownies, live savers, and popcorn.

B: Right.

T: Feel how much you envy yourself. [pause] Now compare that feeling to, step over here, and think about
having a brownie. [Beverly steps to her left]

B: Oh.

T: Now step back over here and feel envying yourself. [Beverly steps back towards her right, she smiles and
laughs, the audience laughs] Now step over here and try some chocolate. [Beverly steps to her left, shakes her
head] K, step over here, and envy your self. [Beverly steps back to here right] See yourself as a skinny
b[bleep]tch. [Beverly and audience laugh] Now step over here.

B: OK. [Beverly steps to her left]

T: And eat some popcorn. [Beverly looks disinterested, audience laughs] Now step over hear [Beverly moves to
her right] and feel all the joy you have for your self and… for your self. [Beverly laughs] Now does any of that
taste as good as this feels?

B: No, no.

T: Does any of that taste as good as this feels?

B: No.

T: On a zero to a hundred, what’s that, hundred being total pleasure?

B: Zero.

T: On a zero to a hundred, what’s this [Tony grabs Beverly’s right arm] in pleasure?

B: One hundred. [audience cheers]

C: When you have a habit that you have reinforced for months or years, that habit is a connection in your
nervous system. You can't just wish that connection to go away - you need to re-program yourself with a new
neural connection. Earlier, Tony helped Beverly to overcome her habits of belief by talking about what the
wrong foods were doing to her body. Then Tony shocked and surprised Beverly out of her habits of feeling
comfortable and conforming to others' expectations.

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Now Tony is helping Beverly to re-program her preferences. When she has alternatives to eating - alternatives
like feeling joy and envying herself, why would she keep overeating? Beverly's preference is clearly to be
healthy, joyful, and to envy herself.

Now take a moment to ask yourself: what do you do during the course of the day to make yourself feel good?
Do you eat? distract yourself with work or entertainment? Connect with friends? Do you do something
physical? Intellectual? Write down at least ten options you have for making yourself feel good.

B: [audience cheers] I want it. I’m having it.

T: She said I want it. I’m having it. What do you want and having?

B: I’m having this joy, this significance, this warmth.

T: And this envy of myself.

B: And this envy of myself.

T: ‘Cause there’s nobody else like you on the planet. Nobody.

B: There’s nobody else like me on the planet.

T: Nobody.

B: Nobody. I believe that now.

T: Well I can see that. [Beverly laughs, audience cheers] Do you, do you mind if I steal that? Because I think
I’m gonna use that with me, envying myself. I like that. That’s pretty cool.

B: It’s OK.

T: Thank you.

B: There’s plenty.

T: There’s plenty! [Beverly and audience laugh] You mean there’s an abundance of this good feeling?

B: Seems to be, they’re growing. [Beverly and audience laugh]

T: They’re growing, huh?

B: They keep getting more.

T: Wow. Now let me ask you a question. If somebody said, well what would you like to have for lunch? Could
you, or what are you doing for lunch? What are you doing for lunch? I’m envying myself.

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B: I’m envying myself. [Beverly and audience laugh]

T: I’m having lunch with joy.

B: I, yea, OK, I’m having lunch with joy.

T: Yea. Who’s joy?

B: She’s me! [audience cheers]

T: I know everyone will think you’re psychotic and all of them will know that you had your brain washed by
me, rather than you washed your own brain.

B: Well you may have provided the shampoo but I brought the conditioner. [audience cheers, Tony bows to
Beverly]

T: So, they may think that I brainwashed you rather than you, we, I brought some material, you brought some
material and you did the job.

B: Right.

T: But I wonder what would happen if you actually changed your name to Joy physically and you never used
the name Beverly again, and you told all your friends that’s what your name is.

B: I could do that. I chose my last name so I can choose my first name.

T: You chose your last name?

B: Yes.

T: Well that’s nice. How did you choose your last name?

B: It was easy to spell. [Tony and audience laugh]

T: No honey that is not why you chose your last name, honey.

B: I see.

T: The reason why you chose your last name is because you’ve always known inside that there is a king inside
of you and that’s why you picked your last name, ‘cause you would have taken Smith, which has fewer letters if
you wanted something to spell. You were seeking the significance you’d never allow yourself to admit that you
have that inside of you there is a kingdom of joy, and that’s why your last name is Kingsley. So, Joy would be a
very appropriate first name, it seems, but I don’t know. I don’t know. What do you think?

B: I like Joy.

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T: Yea. You like Joy or do you love Joy?

B: I love Joy.

C: The typical pattern for unhappy people is to underappreciate themselves, and to seek significance by
criticizing or envying other people, and this had been Beverly's pattern. Tony has guided her to value and
appreciate herself, which is an emotional base for experiencing joy. Now Tony will ask Joy who it is that she
envies now?

T: So, if you came home and told your friends and family, um, I went to this seminar for the weekend and… I’m
changing my name… [Beverly makes a face, Tony and the audience laugh] and don’t call me Beverly anymore
or Bev, call me Joy.

B: There’s a good percentage of them that’d do it.

T: Oh, that’s nice.

B: Yes, there would, or, definitely.

T: Well that’s very cool, you must have some good, some great people who really do love you.

B: I do.

T: Hmm. Do they love you because you’re perfect?

B: No, ‘cause I’m not perfect. Or, I wasn’t. [audience laughs]

C: In less than an hour, Beverly has gone from not feeling worthy to now appreciating herself at a level that is
truly rare. How did this happen? What really changed for Beverly to change so dramatically and profoundly?
She simply broke through her restrictions, the restrictions that had been holding her in a pattern of low self-
esteem, overeating, and fear of people. When Tony pushed Beverly out of her comfort zone, then they were able
to understand who Beverly truly is at her core. She is Joy. And unlike the Beverly who first stood up, terrified,
conforming to what she thought Tony wanted to hear, and feeling unworthy in herself, Joy is a joyful,
spontaneous comedian. With this new ease with herself and new levels of happiness and joy, she will be able to
accomplish anything she focuses on.

T: [Tony kisses Beverly on the cheek] We’re creating a monster up here, ladies and gentlemen. [an audience
member shouts something out to Joy]

B: Thank you! [Beverly and audience laugh]

T: So you weren’t before, now you are, so it’ll be easier to be around you, but the…

B: Yea.

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T: So, why do they love you?

B: ‘Cause I love them?

T: Ah, there’s some truth in that in anyone.

B: Yea.

T: ‘Cause love is an irresistible force when it’s sincere.

B: Yea.

T: Love will get through even the deepest shield if love is consistent and constant like you give. Were you
loving them to be a good girl or were you loving them because joy comes from love?

B: I was loving them because joy comes from love.

T: Yea. So, what if you came and said your name was Love Joy? No, I’m just kidding. [audience laughs]

B: That’s pushing it. [Beverly and audience laugh]

T: She said, “I can’t believe I just said that.” Pushing it. Who’s doing the talking up here?

B: Joy must be because I’ve never said this in my life.

T: You’ve never said this?

B: I’ve never talked like this to somebody in authority. [audience cheers] But we’ve leveled the playing field a
little bit since I’ve been up here. [audience cheers]

T: I like the way she says that, we’ve leveled… [Tony places his head on Joy’s shoulder]

B: OK!

T: Wow. Alright. You’re taking a lot of chances up here.

B: Yea.

T: A lot of chances.

B: Yea. And all, they all felt pretty good.

T: They should.

B: Yea.

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T: So, what’s beautiful is you have a real understanding.

B: Yes.

T: And understanding never goes away. That’s the beauty. Understanding never goes away. We can pretend that
we don’t understand, but once we know, we know. So who are you, my lady?

B: I am Joy.

T: Nice to meet you.

B: It’s my pleasure. [Tony gives Joy a kiss]

C: Do you remember how Beverly first came onstage? Now notice the new openness of Joy's physical
expression, her ability to give and receive attention, and her spontaneity. This appears to have nothing to do
with weight loss, but it has everything to do with weight loss for Joy.

T: That smile is so beautiful. [Joy laughs] Isn’t it? [audience cheers] What do you want for lunch?

B: I want to read through my book. [audience cheers]

T: You know what would be neat?

B: What?

T: Is when you go to eat, you thought to yourself, “What could I eat that’ll be consistent with who I am now?”

B: OK. I can do that.

T: So if I said, “What do you wanna have for lunch?”

B: A salad.

T: Oh. Anything else?

B: Mm… no, that sounds pretty good.

T: OK. OK. Um, when you think about your life and you think about your body, what’s your body like, Joy?

B: It’s slim and I’m at the correct weight…

T: Yes.

B: …and I’m lovely.

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T: Yes. Is that correct weight like one locked in pound number?

B: No.

T: Or is it something that has a little room of variance…

B: Yea.

T: …but it feels good.

B: Yea. It’s, my correct weight is if I eat right and treat myself right and move and [audience cheers] I’ll reach
the correct weight. I’ve given up on the numbers.

T: Good for you.

B: Yea.

T: Good for you. And, in the meantime, how sexy are you? [Joy laughs] ‘Cause now that we’re no longer a good
girl, there may be some other action that’s available. [an audience member shouts, “Take me home!” Joy laughs,
the audience cheers]

C: A man in the audience just asked Joy to take him home.

B: I haven’t had an offer like that in years. [audience laughs] Um… I’m very sexy.

T: How do you know?

B: [Joy points to the crowd] ‘Cause he said so. [Joy and audience laugh]

T: What if he hadn’t said so? How would you know you’re sexy?

B: I feel sexy inside.

T: Why do you feel sexy inside? What’s the sexiest thing about a woman?

B: Her spirit.

T: That’s right. Ever seen a woman who’s physically supposedly perfect, but you know to deal with them would
be like being with death?

B: Yes. [Tony and audience laugh] Yes.

T: Yes. Ever seen a man hypnotized by that, then come back beat up afterwards? Murdered? [Joy laughs]

B: Like, “What was I thinking?” Yea.

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T: Yea, exactly.

B: Yea.

T: Yea. What’s the sexiest thing about a man?

B: His integrity.

T: His integrity. [audience cheers] How do you know what his integrity is?

B: By talking with him and getting to know him.

T: How do you know that he has integrity? How do you define integrity within a man?

B: He believes he does the right things for himself.

T: Hmm. Hmm. What about you? What’s your level of integrity now?

B: It’s very high.

T: Yes. What was it before, for Beverly?

B: Not very high.

T: No. That’s why she was unhappy.

B: Yea.

T: ‘Cause she wasn’t doing the things she believes is right. I love your definition. I gotta tell you, it’s the
classiest definition I’ve heard because it’s the definition I give.

B: Oh!

T: The reason is most people think integrity is a specific set of rules that you have for people and if they live by
your rules they have integrity, but what you said is if they are doing what they believe is right within
themselves, they have integrity.

B: Right.

T: That’s the highest and most accurate definition a person can give. It’s the accurate definition. She deserves a
hand for that. That was fantastic. [audience cheers] Integrity is that person, I feel that person is sexy, that person
has the strength of their own convictions and lives by whatever they believe is right.

C: Integrity is one of the highest values you can have. Integrity means that you are focused on your own code of
conduct and your outcome, instead of worrying about what other people will do. When a sensitive person like

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Beverly can decide that her life is about integrity, it gives her the power as well as the sensitivity to accomplish
what she wants for herself and with others.

B: That’d be pretty sexy to me.

T: It’s very sexy.

B: Yea.

T: There’s nothing more sexy than somebody who’s totally living who they are.

B: Right.

T: This is what you’re doing.

B: Yes!

T: Now when you look at that ring now, what do you think about?

B: It represents me.

T: Mm.

B: I’ve got something precious and wonderful on the inside and on the outside I’m shiny and pretty.

T: Ah… [audience cheers]

C: When you have an important emotional experience, it is crucial to save it by linking it to something that will
remind you of what you learned. Tony invited Joy to link her experience to the ring. Now every time she looks
at the ring, she will be able to remember how she broke through her limitations.

T: You see, Joy...

B: Yes.

T: The reason that you’re moving around is because everything’s changing inside, honey.

B: Yea.

T: Everything. [Joy nods] It’s changing back to you.

B: Yea. It’s time.

T: Yea.

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B: Long overdue.

T: It’s true. But it’s here. And who are we to say the timing? All we are is to thank God that those blessings are
there.

B: Yes.

T: And they don’t have to be created.

B: Yes.

T: The wonderful thing is you don’t have to create you. God already did that.

B: Yes.

T: All you have to do is return to yourself.

C: True fulfillment in life does not happen when you become some ideal person different than yourself.
Happiness comes when you become comfortable expressing who you really are at your core, a loving happy
person. In this way, this conversation has not been about transformation, it has been about Joy breaking through
her restrictions to a way of life in which she can be joyful and happy.

B: Yes, I’m home.

T: Yea. How’s it feel? There’s no place…

B: Like home.

T: …like home.

T: There’s no place like home.

B: [at the same time] There’s no place like home.

T: There’s no place like home.

B: [at the same time] There’s no place like home.

T: There’s no place like home.

B: [at the same time] There’s no place like home. That’s my favorite movie.

T: I wonder why. [Joy and audience laugh] It must be why you came to see the wizard. That’s why you used me
as the metaphor.

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T: I wonder why. [Joy and audience laugh] It must be why you came to see the wizard. That’s why you used me
as the metaphor.

B: You betcha.

T: Where’s your dog?

B: Huh?

T: Where’s your dog?

B: Home, probably digging up the yard. [audience laughs]

T: She probably thinks she just needs to do something.

B: Yea. [Joy and audience laugh] Well she actually got expelled from two obedience schools because they said
she was excessively cheerful and she couldn’t follow rules. [audience cheers]

T: Do you see all the clues God has been trying to give you?

B: Yea.

T: What do you pick as a dog, what do you pick as a ring?

B: What do I pick to come do with my time… [audience cheers] alright I got it!

C: When Beverly first stood up, she was utterly terrified. For her entire adult life she had suffered from shyness,
anxiety, and feelings of unworthiness. Her normal habit was to hide from new relationships and behind clothing
that concealed her figure. Tony saw that, beyond any question of weight loss, she was living in a pattern of
shrinkage - where she has given up her ability to influence her relationships and instead using food to manage
her habitual feelings of helplessness. This had caused damage to her direction in life, her self-esteem, and her
relationships - and of course it caused her to gain a tremendous amount of weight as well.

Tony's first step was to understand her pattern of being terrified. He discovered Beverly's belief that she had to
constantly be doing something in order to feel okay about herself. As a result, when she wasn't doing anything
else, she would eat, which was destroying her health.

Tony's goal was to help Beverly break through her restrictions into a new way of living, where she was at ease
with herself, proud of herself, and where she didn't feel compelled to eat when she felt uncomfortable. Tony
provoked her gently until she stood up for herself. When he asked her who she was, she named the courageous
part of herself Joy - a part of herself that she hadn't seen for many decades. Now Joy can enjoy an unrestricted
life, where she accepts herself and feels comfortable with others. Shortly after this conversation, Joy started her
weight loss plan, and has lost over 200 pounds. She accomplished this without surgery or other medical
interventions. Recently Joy sat down with Tony to tell him about her changes.

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T: So I walk in and the first thing I see, I’m looking at the two chairs and I’m going, “No! It’s not her.” [Beverly
and Tony laugh] I’m sitting here right across from you. I would not have recognized you in a million years. I
would have passed you on the street and not known it was you. I mean...

B: I have people do that all the time. In fact, I’ll go to a meeting and somebody will say, “Who is that?” and
somebody will say, “That’s Beverly Kingsley,” and they’ll go, “No! It’s not,” and then you have to give them an
opportunity to stare at you ‘cause that’s the next thing they want to do. [Tony laughs] So...

T: Wow. Well, tell me. I mean, it’s what, two hundred pounds now?

B: Actually two hundred and thirty pounds.

T: Two hundred and thirty pounds! And how many dress sizes is that? I’m curious. As a boy I don’t know these
things.

B: I was on my way up from a twenty-eight to a thirty and now I’m an eight.

T: Wow. At the time when you came there, what were you coming to Date With Destiny for from your
perspective back then?

B: In doing this stuff in Miami I think it started to give me a glimmer that, you know, there was something very
wrong with my physicality. Yes, I couldn’t go out and run and walk and do a lot of the things other people could
do, but, what could I do?

T: Yea.

B: And so the gem started there, and all the process that we went through in writing out that stuff really started
to make a dent in my head.

T: I see this pattern even more so in women and the pattern comes from a place of really trying to sequester
yourself if you will, really trying to numb yourself and isolate yourself. Would that be a fair way of describing
where it’s at?

B: Yea, sure.

T: And tell me, what was that like then and how has that changed?

B: You know, I think that numbing is safe.

T: Yea.

B: Numbing means you don’t have to deal with anything. Numbing means that you put up walls so high that
nothing’s gonna get through.

T: Yea, including Joy.

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B: Including Joy.

T: Yea.

B: Nothing.

T: Or love.

B: Love, nothing. Now there is... Joy. And there is... [Tony and Beverly laugh]

T: That face! That’s where a picture’s worth a thousand words, that face and that giggle of yours.

B: It comes so easily, and love, and when something happens you look at the best of it first rather than the
worst.

T: Yes.

B: And, you know, if something goes to hell in a hand basket, I’m more liable to laugh at it first and say, “OK,
well... That didn’t work well,” [Tony and Beverly laugh] and then say, “OK, well I’ve gotta fix it,” you know?
But it’s much easier to handle.

T: Is that scary that in our lives we’ve made it so wrong to be able to just enjoy our lives or to be able to have a
playful response to something that used to destroy us?

B: Yea.

T: And culturally, it’s become a cultural standard.

B: Yea.

T: But you’ve in spite of that standard you’ve stepped back into your real self.

B: Well and why is it OK to be sad or solemn to react to something and not happy and laugh?

T: Yea.

B: You know. I mean, why is that one OK and the other one is not?

T: Yea.

B: That’s something that I learned from you.

T: Yes.

B: I’d rather laugh.

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T: Well what would you say to a woman who thinks it’s impossible? I mean, I’ve been through everything, I’ve
tried everything, I’ve done every diet and, you know, I’m overweight, who really doesn’t think there’s a
possible change for them ‘cause you were in that place at one time.

B: Yea.

T: We all know in our gut that another diet’s never gonna last without a change in our blueprint of how life is.

B: Diets don’t work.

T: Yea. So what would you say to somebody back there who’s thinking, “Oh my God,” you know, “I don’t want
to get my hopes up again. How is this gonna be any different?”

B: Well I think the first thing is saying, well, “I do want to change.”

T: Yea.

B: And then take baby steps. It’s a change of life. It’s not a diet and it’s not gonna happen today. It’s not gonna
happen tomorrow and I’m not gonna get on a scale unless I go to the doctor’s office. Scales make women cry. It
has to be something that you say I want to do this for myself. Not for my husband, not because my daughter told
me to, not because I went to the dress store and something didn’t fit. I want to do this for myself and I’m gonna
do it in a sane, comfortable manner.

T: At the end of our session, the biggest piece that I was curious about that I was so thrilled about was I asked
you, “OK, does this weight have a number or could this weight really just be reflective of how you feel?” And
you said, “Nope. My main plan’s gonna be to try to treat myself well...”

B: Right.

T: “I’m gonna make sure I eat right,”

B: Right.

T: “treat myself right,”

B: Right.

T: “and move.”

B: Right.

T: And I know doing those three things my body will eventually get to where it’s supposed to be and I’m gonna
feel great.

B: Bingo.

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T: And you kept that formula the whole way it sounds like.

B: I did.

T: The whole time.

B: I did.

T: Wow.

B: I wrote that down and that was something that was unbelievably important to me and I have nerve damage in
my feet.

T: Yes.

B: So I am very limited in how much I can exercise. Through all these years, people say, “Oh, you must have
exercised a lot.” No. Sorry.

T: So what have you done physically along the way over those years to increase your metabolism on the
movement side?

B: Well I did two things. One is I did isometrics.

T: Yes.

B: Because at least I could sit in a chair. When you have a but that’s... large [Tony laughs] and it was that big,
you can sit in a chair.

T: Explain to people what isometrics does to your body.

B: Isometrics are for lack of a better, static exercises, like taking your hands and going like this [puts her hands
together] and you’re moving your muscles all the way up your arms into your chest.

T: That’s right.

B: And you’re working them hard. If you do ‘em right you sweat.

T: Yea.

B: The other was as I lost weight, I tried to make sure that I did move more.

T: Yes.

B: So I may not have been able to go to a gym.

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T: Yes.

B: OK, but I could move in my house.

T: See, I want people to get that you really did start with baby steps.

B: Yea.

T: And that you got this gigantic result.

B: I remember the first walk I took. I mean I have a very short block and it’s only about twenty-five feet.

T: Yes.

B: So the first walk I took was twenty-five feet.

T: Wow. And then you just gradually increased it?

B: Right.

T: Wow.

B: I, you do what you can do. If you’re really big like I was, you do baby steps.

T: Describe for me if you would the woman who walked into Date with Destiny in terms of the kinds of
emotions she felt, her way of looking at her life at that stage, and the woman who left Date with Destiny.

B: Well I think that they were very different. The woman who walked in didn’t know what to think and it was at
a time that I desperately needed it because I had always accomplished everything that I had set out to do. I mean
whatever I set out to do. The one thing that I could never get a handle on was my weight and I didn’t understand
it.

T: Most women that I’ve worked with where they’ve gained over one hundred, one hundred twenty pounds,
have had emotional experiences where they dealt with some form of sexual abuse or challenge and then they
covered themselves up, you know, to make them self unattractive, and then it gets stacked, it’s not just that.
Then it becomes all the other emotions that they are trying to numb. Tell me if you would, how is that
perspective different from you ‘cause those things happened in your life. You went through those challenges,
right?

B: Right.

T: So how do you deal with that today?

B: Well, you know, when you’re an incest survivor and, you know, for a long time I buried that.

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T: Yes.

B: I mean I didn’t even acknowledge it. This time it had to come out because it was buried under fat. It was very
hard and very painful because it was my mother and the few times that I met my father he took a shot, too.
[Tony shakes his head] It’s tough stuff because you have to go to places that are not very pleasant.

T: Right.

B: And so, but you have to get it out.

T: [unintelligible]

B: At that point it was, you know, I’m gonna have to do this and I’m gonna be brave.

T: Yes.

B: And I think that was what happened there.

T: Yes.

B: And I had never felt that I could be brave and face it. I think that’s what you helped me do and that to me
was the turning point that you gave me. And I think that when you’re facing something as horrible as incest, you
need somebody to help you understand and let you believe that you can handle it. But, if somebody can give
you that wonderful bit, that wonderful push like you gave me that says that you’re brave and I have faith that
you can handle this.

T: And you’re more than anything that could have happened to you, you’re more than anything that ever will
happen to you.

B: Right.

T: You’re more than your biography, that there’s something inside of you, the spiritual side of us that when this
type of activity happens, when someone is sexually violated, it’s a spiritual experience. It’s something that
affects the spirit but it doesn’t destroy the spirit. And when we start to believe that, we start to behave that way
and then we live our lives in that place and there’s no one rarely to bring us back to what’s true within
ourselves.

B: That is the horror of it is that, you know, people live with it forever and the ones that don’t get treated are
going to have problems.

T: What was the shift that happened inside of you that started to give you some real freedom?

B: Little by little, this dam that had been there, the pieces had been breaking up and it was work in the tapes. It
was, you know, where you tell people to do two things, two or three things each day and one of those things had
to do with get healthy.

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T: So your physical vitality probably also played a role in your ability to let go of it as well. It’s almost like they
work together.

B: Yea, yea.

T: That’s interesting. The charge started to leave and you started to gain more of your real self simultaneously.

B: Right.

T: It’s almost like a balancing of books, so to speak.

B: So it wasn’t one big thing.

T: Got it.

B: You know, you’ve gotta find out the reason you’re fat.

T: Yea.

B: And if it’s incest that’s one thing, if it’s, you know, whatever it is. If you’re protecting yourself from an
abusive husband, if you’re protecting yourself from, you know, an abusive mother, father, you know, whatever
the issue is.

T: I love seeing the Joy in you. [Beverly laughs] That was my nickname for you that day. I love seeing this
unbelievably beautiful body you’ve sculpted for yourself.

B: Thank you.

T: But what I’m most inspired by, honestly, is that you own yourself.

B: Thank you.

T: I mean, that part. You...

B: Well, I really thank you because without you it wouldn’t have happened.

T: Well thank you. I think you would have still found a way but I’m glad I got to be the trigger.

B: Nah, you were the trigger.

T: My heartfelt prayer is that your life experience will become a gift to other people because...

B: Oh, mine too.

T: You’re a role model. Role models are everything. You’re a beautiful role model and you’re a role model

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that’s real and raw and that’s what people need. A role model isn’t supposed to be perfect, a role model is
somebody that has just found their way and they show people a short cut to hopefully save a little pain from
themselves. I think when they see your transformation it’ll be... What I’m excited for now is for you to see the
film and now, six years later, you’re gonna laugh a lot.

B: Alright, I’d love to see it.

T: You’re gonna smile from ear to ear. You’ll have some good laughs which I know you’ll appreciate but I also
think you’re gonna maybe even appreciate more of how far you’ve come. ‘Cause you know, it’s kind of like
your children. When you’re with them every day and they’re growing and then a stranger walks up or a family
member hasn’t seen them in six months and go, “Oh my God! Look how much you son’s grown your
daughter’s grown.”

B: Yea!

T: Really? You know. It’s even harder with your self.

B: Yea.

T: And even though the results are gigantic and you can see pictures, it’s another thing to watch the psychology
of where you were versus the psychology of where you are today.

B: Alright. OK.

T: ...I’m excited to hear what you think once you see it.

B: Alright.

T: God bless.

B: Thank you very much. [Tony kisses Beverly’s hand]

C: Now it's your turn. After she met with Tony, Joy consulted a professional and made a plan for her weight
loss. When you have a considerable amount of weight to lose, you should think of it as an important life project
- like getting a college degree, or a graduate degree, or a professional training. The purpose of a degree is to
give you a new level of opportunities and qualifications that you couldn't have otherwise. So the first part of
your assignment is to decide how you're going to think about your weight loss project.

Do you need to lose twenty pounds, forty pounds, sixty pounds or more? Is it like getting a college degree or a
PhD? The second step is to go online and look at what the commitment is to get that degree - how many months
and study hours does it take? What are you going to call this weight loss project? Take out your calendar and
every week in the next two months, schedule at least two half-hour appointments per week where you will focus
on your health, just as if you were getting a degree or a part-time job. These appointments will not necessarily
be exercise. They are times for you to focus on your weight loss project. Don't worry about anything else right
now, just schedule the time. We'll see you in the next session. [film ends]

Copyright © 2009 RobbinsMadanesTraining.com