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COLLABORATION

Connect, Then Lead

by Amy J.C. Cuddy, Matthew Kohut, and John Neffinger
FROM THE JULY–AUGUST 2013 ISSUE

Is it better to be loved or feared?

Niccolò Machiavelli pondered that timeless conundrum 500 years ago and hedged his bets. “It may
be answered that one should wish to be both,” he acknowledged, “but because it is difficult to unite
them in one person, it is much safer to be feared than loved.”

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Now behavioral science is weighing in with research showing that Machiavelli had it partly right:
When we judge others—especially our leaders—we look first at two characteristics: how lovable they
are (their warmth, communion, or trustworthiness) and how fearsome they are (their strength,
agency, or competence). Although there is some disagreement about the proper labels for the traits,
researchers agree that they are the two primary dimensions of social judgment.

Why are these traits so important? Because they answer two critical questions: “What are this
person’s intentions toward me?” and “Is he or she capable of acting on those intentions?” Together,
these assessments underlie our emotional and behavioral reactions to other people, groups, and
even brands and companies. Research by one of us, Amy Cuddy, and colleagues Susan Fiske, of
Princeton, and Peter Glick, of Lawrence University, shows that people judged to be competent but
lacking in warmth often elicit envy in others, an emotion involving both respect and resentment
that cuts both ways. When we respect someone, we want to cooperate or affiliate ourselves with
him or her, but resentment can make that person vulnerable to harsh reprisal (think of disgraced
Tyco CEO Dennis Kozlowski, whose extravagance made him an unsympathetic public figure). On
the other hand, people judged as warm but incompetent tend to elicit pity, which also involves a
mix of emotions: Compassion moves us to help those we pity, but our lack of respect leads us
ultimately to neglect them (think of workers who become marginalized as they near retirement or of
an employee with outmoded skills in a rapidly evolving industry).

To be sure, we notice plenty of other traits in people, but they’re nowhere near as influential as
warmth and strength. Indeed, insights from the field of psychology show that these two dimensions
account for more than 90% of the variance in our positive or negative impressions we form of the
people around us.

So which is better, being lovable or being strong? Most leaders today tend to emphasize their
strength, competence, and credentials in the workplace, but that is exactly the wrong approach.
Leaders who project strength before establishing trust run the risk of eliciting fear, and along with it
a host of dysfunctional behaviors. Fear can undermine cognitive potential, creativity, and problem
solving, and cause employees to get stuck and even disengage. It’s a “hot” emotion, with long-
lasting effects. It burns into our memory in a way that cooler emotions don’t. Research by Jack
Zenger and Joseph Folkman drives this point home: In a study of 51,836 leaders, only 27 of them

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were rated in the bottom quartile in terms of likability and in the top quartile in terms of overall
leadership effectiveness—in other words, the chances that a manager who is strongly disliked will be
considered a good leader are only about one in 2,000.

A growing body of research suggests that the way to influence—and to lead—is to begin with
warmth. Warmth is the conduit of influence: It facilitates trust and the communication and
absorption of ideas. Even a few small nonverbal signals—a nod, a smile, an open gesture—can show
people that you’re pleased to be in their company and attentive to their concerns. Prioritizing
warmth helps you connect immediately with those around you, demonstrating that you hear them,
understand them, and can be trusted by them.

When Strength Comes First

Most of us work hard to demonstrate our competence. We want to see ourselves as strong—and want
others to see us the same way. We focus on warding off challenges to our strength and providing
abundant evidence of competence. We feel compelled to demonstrate that we’re up to the job, by
striving to present the most innovative ideas in meetings, being the first to tackle a challenge, and
working the longest hours. We’re sure of our own intentions and thus don’t feel the need to prove
that we’re trustworthy—despite the fact that evidence of trustworthiness is the first thing we look
for in others.

Organizational psychologists Andrea Abele, of the University of Erlangen-Nuremberg, and Bogdan

Wojciszke, of the University of Gdańsk, have documented this phenomenon across a variety of
settings. In one experiment, when asked to choose between training programs focusing on
competence-related skills (such as time management) and warmth-related ones (providing social
support, for instance), most participants opted for competence-based training for themselves but
soft-skills training for others. In another experiment, in which participants were asked to describe
an event that shaped their self-image, most told stories about themselves that emphasized their
own competence and self-determination (“I passed my pilot’s license test on the first try”), whereas
when they described a similar event for someone else, they focused on that person’s warmth and
generosity (“My friend tutored his neighbor’s child in math and refused to accept any payment”).

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But putting competence first undermines
How Will People React to Your leadership: Without a foundation of trust, people
Style? in the organization may comply outwardly with a
Research by Amy Cuddy, Susan Fiske, and leader’s wishes, but they’re much less likely to
Peter Glick suggests that the way others
conform privately—to adopt the values, culture,
perceive your levels of warmth and
competence determines the emotions and mission of the organization in a sincere,
you’ll elicit and your ability to influence a lasting way. Workplaces lacking in trust often
situation. For example, if you’re highly have a culture of “every employee for himself,” in
competent but show only moderate
warmth, you’ll get people to go along with which people feel that they must be vigilant
you, but you won’t earn their true about protecting their interests. Employees can
engagement and support. And if you show become reluctant to help others because they’re
no warmth, beware of those who may try
unsure of whether their efforts will be
to derail your efforts—and maybe your
career. reciprocated or recognized. The result: Shared
organizational resources fall victim to the tragedy
of the commons.

When Warmth Comes First

Although most of us strive to demonstrate our
strength, warmth contributes significantly more
to others’ evaluations of us—and it’s judged
before competence. Princeton social psychologist
Alex Todorov and colleagues study the cognitive
and neural mechanisms that drive our
“spontaneous trait inferences”—the snap
judgments we make when briefly looking at faces.
Their research shows that when making those
judgments, people consistently pick up on warmth faster than on competence. This preference for
warmth holds true in other areas as well. In a study led by Oscar Ybarra, of the University of
Michigan, participants playing a word game identified warmth-related words (such as “friendly”)
significantly faster than competence-related ones (such as “skillful”).

Why Warmth Trumps Strength

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Behavioral economists, for their part, have shown
interrelated ways that powerfully
that judgments of trustworthiness generally lead
underscore the importance of connecting
with people before trying to lead them. to significantly higher economic gains. For

The Need to Affiliate example, Mascha van ’t Wout, of Brown

University, and Alan Sanfey, of the University of
People have a need to be included, to feel
a sense of belonging. In fact, some Arizona, asked subjects to determine how an
psychologists would argue that the drive endowment should be allocated. Players invested
to affiliate ranks among our primary needs
more money, with no guarantee of return, in
as humans. Experiments by neuroscientist
Naomi Eisenberger and colleagues partners whom they perceived to be more
suggest that the need is so strong that trustworthy on the basis of a glance at their faces.
when we are ostracized—even by virtual
strangers—we experience pain that is akin
to strong physical pain. In management settings, trust increases

“Us” Versus “Them” information sharing, openness, fluidity, and

cooperation. If coworkers can be trusted to do the
In recent decades, few areas have
received as much attention from social right thing and live up to their commitments,
psychology researchers as group planning, coordination, and execution are much
dynamics—and for good reason: The
easier. Trust also facilitates the exchange and
preference for the groups to which one
belongs is so strong that even under acceptance of ideas—it allows people to hear
extreme conditions—such as knowing others’ message—and boosts the quantity and
that membership in a group was randomly quality of the ideas that are produced within an
assigned and that the groups themselves
are arbitrary—people consistently prefer organization. Most important, trust provides the
fellow group members to nonmembers. As opportunity to change people’s attitudes and
a leader, you must make sure you’re a part beliefs, not just their outward behavior. That’s the
of the key groups in your organization. In
sweet spot when it comes to influence and the
fact, you want to be the aspirational
member of the group, the chosen ability to get people to fully accept your message.
representative of the group. As soon as
you become one of “them”—the
management, the leadership—you begin
The Happy Warrior
to lose people. The best way to gain influence is to combine
The Desire to Be Understood warmth and strength—as difficult as Machiavelli
People deeply desire to be heard and says that may be to do. The traits can actually be
seen. Sadly, as important as perspective- mutually reinforcing: Feeling a sense of personal
taking is to good leadership, being in a
strength helps us to be more open, less
position of power decreases people’s
understanding of others’ points of view. threatened, and less threatening in stressful
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situations. When we feel confident and calm, we
ability to see them as individuals
project authenticity and warmth.
diminishes. So leaders need to consciously
and consistently make the effort to
imagine walking in the shoes of the people Understanding a little bit about our chemical
they are leading.
makeup can shed some light on how this works.
The neuropeptides oxytocin and arginine
vasopressin, for instance, have been linked to our
ability to form human attachments, to feel and
express warmth, and to behave altruistically. Recent research also suggests that across the animal
kingdom feelings of strength and power have close ties to two hormones: testosterone (associated
with assertiveness, reduced fear, and willingness to compete and take risks) and cortisol (associated
with stress and stress reactivity).

One study, by Jennifer Lerner, Gary Sherman, Amy Cuddy, and colleagues, brought hundreds of
people participating in Harvard executive-education programs into the lab and compared their
levels of cortisol with the average levels of the general population. The leaders reported less stress
and anxiety than did the general population, and their physiology backed that up: Their cortisol
levels were significantly lower. Moreover, the higher their rank and the more subordinates they
managed, the lower their cortisol level. Why? Most likely because the leaders had a heightened
sense of control—a psychological factor known to have a powerful stress-buffering effect. According
to research by Pranjal Mehta, of the University of Oregon, and Robert Josephs, of the University of
Texas, the most effective leaders, regardless of gender, have a unique physiological profile, with
relatively high testosterone and relatively low cortisol.

Such leaders face troubles without being troubled. Their behavior is not relaxed, but they are
relaxed emotionally. They’re often viewed as “happy warriors,” and the effect of their demeanor on
those around them is compelling. Happy warriors reassure us that whatever challenges we may face,
things will work out in the end. Ann Richards, the former governor of Texas, played the happy
warrior by pairing her assertiveness and authority with a big smile and a quick wit that made it clear
she did not let the rough-and-tumble of politics get her down.

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During crises, these are the people who are able to keep that influence conduit open and may even
expand it. Most people hate uncertainty, but they tolerate it much better when they can look to a
leader who they believe has their back and is calm, clearheaded, and courageous. These are the
people we trust. These are the people we listen to.

Before people decide what they think of your

message, they decide what they think of you.
There are physical exercises that can help to summon self-confidence—and even alter your body’s
chemistry to be more like that of a happy warrior. Dana Carney, Amy Cuddy, and Andy Yap suggest
that people adopt “power poses” associated with dominance and strength across the animal
kingdom. These postures are open, expansive, and space-occupying (imagine Wonder Woman and
Superman standing tall with their hands on their hips and feet spread apart). By adopting these
postures for just two minutes prior to social encounters, their research shows, participants
significantly increased their testosterone and decreased their cortisol levels.

Bear in mind that the signals we send can be ambiguous—we can see someone’s reaction to our
presence, but we may not be sure exactly what the person is reacting to. We may feel a leader’s
warmth but remain unsure whether it is directed at us; we sense her strength but need reassurance
that it is squarely aimed at the shared challenge we face. And, as we noted earlier, judgments are
often made quickly, on the basis of nonverbal cues. Especially when facing a high-pressure
situation, it is useful for leaders to go through a brief warm-up routine beforehand to get in the right
state of mind, practicing and adopting an attitude that will help them project positive nonverbal
signals. We refer to this approach as “inside-out,” in contrast to the “outside-in” strategy of trying to
consciously execute specific nonverbal behaviors in the moment. Think of the difference between
method acting and classical acting: In method acting, the actor experiences the emotions of the
character and naturally produces an authentic performance, whereas in classical acting, actors learn
to exercise precise control of their nonverbal signals. Generally speaking, an inside-out approach is
more effective.

There are many tactics for projecting warmth and competence, and these can be dialed up or down
as needed. Two of us, John Neffinger and Matt Kohut, work with leaders from many walks of life in
mastering both nonverbal and verbal cues. Let’s look now at some best practices.
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How
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to Project Warmth Connect, Then Lead

Efforts to appear warm and trustworthy by consciously controlling your nonverbal signals can
backfire: All too often, you’ll come off as wooden and inauthentic instead. Here are ways to avoid
that trap.

Find the right level.

Are You Projecting Warmth? When people want to project warmth, they

How you present yourself in workplace sometimes amp up the enthusiasm in their voice,
settings matters a great deal to how you’re increasing their volume and dynamic range to
perceived by others. Even if you’re not convey delight. That can be effective in the right
feeling particularly warm, practicing these
setting, but if those around you have done
approaches and using them in formal and
informal situations can help clear your nothing in particular to earn your adulation,
path to influence. they’ll assume either that you’re faking it or that
Warm you fawn over everyone indiscriminately.

A better way to create vocal warmth is to speak

with lower pitch and volume, as you would if you
were comforting a friend. Aim for a tone that
suggests that you’re leveling with people—that
you’re sharing the straight scoop, with no
pretense or emotional adornment. In doing so,
you signal that you trust those you’re talking with
to handle things the right way. You might even
occasionally share a personal story—one that feels
private but not inappropriate—in a confiding tone
of voice to demonstrate that you’re being
forthcoming and open. Suppose, for instance,
that you want to establish a bond with new
When standing, balance your weight
primarily on one hip to avoid appearing employees you’re meeting for the first time. You
rigid or tense. might offer something personal right off the bat,
such as recalling how you felt at a similar point in
Tilt your head slightly and keep your your career. That’s often enough to set a
hands open and welcoming.
congenial tone.
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Validate feelings.
Connect, Then Lead

Before people decide what they think of your

message, they decide what they think of you. If
you show your employees that you hold roughly
the same worldview they do, you demonstrate
not only empathy but, in their eyes, common
sense—the ultimate qualification for being
listened to. So if you want colleagues to listen and
agree with you, first agree with them.

Imagine, for instance, that your company is

undergoing a major reorganization and your
group is feeling deep anxiety over what the
change could mean—for quality, innovation, job
security. Acknowledge people’s fear and concerns
when you speak to them, whether in formal
Avoid standing with your chin pointed
down. meetings or during watercooler chats. Look them
in the eye and say, “I know everybody’s feeling a
Don’t pivot your body away from the lot of uncertainty right now, and it’s unsettling.”
person you’re engaging with. People will respect you for addressing the
elephant in the room, and will be more open to
Avoid closed-hand positions and cutting
hearing what you have to say.
motions.

Warm Smile—and mean it.

When we smile sincerely, the warmth becomes
self-reinforcing: Feeling happy makes us smile,
and smiling makes us happy. This facial feedback
is also contagious. We tend to mirror one
another’s nonverbal expressions and emotions, so
when we see someone beaming and emanating
genuine warmth, we can’t resist smiling
ourselves.

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Lean inward in a nonaggressive manner Connect, Then Lead
Warmth is not easy to fake, of course, and a polite
to signal interest and engagement.
smile fools no one. To project warmth, you have
to genuinely feel it. A natural smile, for instance,
Place your hands comfortably on your
knees or rest them on the table. involves not only the muscles around the mouth
but also those around the eyes—the crow’s feet.

Aim for body language that feels

professional but relaxed. So how do you produce a natural smile? Find
some reason to feel happy wherever you may be,
Cold
even if you have to resort to laughing at your
predicament. Introverts in social settings can
single out one person to focus on. This can help
you channel the sense of comfort you feel with
close friends or family.

For example, KNP worked with a manager who

was having trouble connecting with her
employees. Having come up through the ranks as
a highly analytic engineer, she projected
competence and determination, but not much
warmth. We noticed, however, that when she
talked about where she grew up and what she
Try not to angle your body away from
the person you’re engaging. learned about life from the tight-knit community
in her neighborhood, her demeanor relaxed and
Crossing your arms indicates coldness she smiled broadly. By including a brief anecdote
and a lack of receptivity. about her upbringing when she kicked off a
meeting or made a presentation, she was able to
Avoid sitting “at attention” or in an
show her colleagues a warm and relatable side of
aggressive posture.
herself.

One thing to avoid: smiling with your eyebrows

raised at anyone over the age of five. This
suggests that you are overly eager to please and be liked. It also signals anxiety, which, like warmth,
is contagious. It will cost you much more in strength than you will gain in warmth.
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to Project Strength Connect, Then Lead

Strength or competence can be established by virtue of the position you hold, your reputation, and
your actual performance. But your presence, or demeanor, always counts, too. The way you carry
yourself doesn’t establish your skill level, of course, but it is taken as strong evidence of your
attitude—how serious you are and how determined to tackle a challenge—and that is an important
component of overall strength. The trick is to cultivate a demeanor of strength without seeming
menacing.

Feel in command.
Warmth may be harder to fake, but confidence is harder to talk yourself into. Feeling like an
impostor—that you don’t belong in the position you’re in and are going to be “found out”—is very
common. But self-doubt completely undermines your ability to project confidence, enthusiasm, and
passion, the qualities that make up presence. In fact, if you see yourself as an impostor, others will,
too. Feeling in command and confident is about connecting with yourself. And when we are
connected with ourselves, it is much easier to connect with others.

Holding your body in certain ways, as we discussed previously, can help. Although we refer to these
postures as power poses, they don’t increase your dominance over others. They’re about personal
power—your agency and ability to self-regulate. Recent research led by Dacher Keltner, of the
University of California, Berkeley, shows that feeling powerful in this way allows you to shed the
fears and inhibitions that can prevent you from bringing your fullest, most authentic and
enthusiastic self to a high-stakes professional situation, such as a pitch to investors or a speech to an
influential audience.

Stand up straight.
It is hard to overstate the importance of good posture in projecting authority and an intention to be
taken seriously. As Maya Angelou wrote, “Stand up straight and realize who you are, that you tower
over your circumstances.” Good posture does not mean the exaggerated chest-out pose known in
the military as standing at attention, or raising one’s chin up high. It just means reaching your full
height, using your muscles to straighten the S-curve in your spine rather than slouching. It sounds
trivial, but maximizing the physical space your body takes up makes a substantial difference in how
your audience reacts to you, regardless of your height.

Get ahold of yourself.

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When you move, move deliberately and precisely to a specific spot rather than casting your limbs
about loose-jointedly. And when you are finished moving, be still. Twitching, fidgeting, or other
visual static sends the signal that you’re not in control. Stillness demonstrates calm. Combine that
with good posture, and you’ll achieve what’s known as poise, which telegraphs equilibrium and
stability, important aspects of credible leadership presence.

Standing tall is an especially good way to project strength because it doesn’t interfere with warmth
in the way that other signals of strength—cutting gestures, a furrowed brow, an elevated chin—often
do. People who instruct their children to stand up straight and smile are on to something: This
simple combination is perhaps the best way to project strength and warmth simultaneously.If you
want to effectively lead others, you have to get the warmth-competence dynamic right. Projecting
both traits at once is difficult, but the two can be mutually reinforcing—and the rewards substantial.
Earning the trust and appreciation of those around you feels good. Feeling in command of a
situation does, too. Doing both lets you influence people more effectively.

The strategies we suggest may seem awkward at first, but they will soon create a positive feedback
loop. Being calm and confident creates space to be warm, open, and appreciative, to choose to act in
ways that reflect and express your values and priorities. Once you establish your warmth, your
strength is received as a welcome reassurance. Your leadership becomes not a threat but a gift.

A version of this article appeared in the July–August 2013 issue of Harvard Business Review.

Amy J.C. Cuddy is an Associate Professor of Business Administration at Harvard Business School.

Amy J.C. Cuddy is an associate professor of business administration at Harvard Business School. Matthew Kohut and John
Neffinger are the authors of Compelling People: The Hidden Qualities That Make Us Influential (Hudson Street Press, August
2013) and principals at KNP Communications.

John Neffinger are the authors of Compelling People: The Hidden Qualities That Make Us Influential (Hudson Street
Press, August 2013) and principals at KNP Communications.

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CAROL WILSON PANDZA 6 months ago

I whole-heartedly agree that the first work is to connect; we can't forget that because we are driven to do things
faster--it will be self-defeating.

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