how to do it TM

House & Home

Wedding Planning
published by Barnes & Noble

Pull off your dream nuptials

without a hitch.
A wedding seems to pass in the blink of an eye, but planning the big day takes
months—even years. Make your nuptials an affair to remember by vowing to:

• Create a to-do list of all the little details and stick to your timeline

• Stay on budget with your caterer, florist, photographer, and ideal venue
• Make a guest list without making enemies

to a specific location for the wedding. Remember

How to Announce Your Engagement that destination weddings increase expenses for your How to Pay for Your Wedding
The first step after getting engaged is to let people know the guests, which may deter them from attending. Wedding events and expenses can vary widely in complexity
good news. There are several ways to spread the word: • Religion: Whether to include religion in your wedding is and extravagance. Setting and sticking to a budget is a cru-
a decision with personal and logistical consequences. cial aspect of wedding planning, whether you’re spending a
• Call people: In the hours and days after your For example, religion can determine your wedding’s thousand dollars or a million.
engagement, call family and friends to tell them the location (church, synagogue, etc.) and officiant (priest,
news. A good order to follow is parents first, followed rabbi, etc.). Decide Who’s Paying for Your Wedding
by siblings, close relatives, and friends. Tell only those Before you can set a budget for your wedding, you have to
people whom you plan to invite to the wedding. Make the Guest List decide who’s paying. Common arrangements include:
• Engagement announcements: Depending on your The number of guests you invite to your wedding depends
preference and local customs, you might want to on three factors: • Bride’s family pays : Traditionally, the bride’s family
announce your engagement in your local newspaper. covers the majority of the wedding expenses, while the
Contact the paper to confirm its requirements. 1. Your budget groom’s family pays for the rehearsal dinner.
2. The size of the wedding you and your fiancé(e) envision • Both families pay: In many contemporary weddings,
Engagement Parties 3. The size of the wedding your families envision the families of the bride and groom split all the wedding
An engagement party may range from an intimate dinner costs evenly.
with close friends and family to a big, expensive party. Most Making a guest list can be stressful. You’ll want to invite • Bride and groom pay: If the parents can’t or won’t pay
engagement parties are usually: your own friends, but your parents and future in-laws will for the wedding, the bride and groom often pay for the
probably want to invite friends and family members you wedding themselves.
• Informal events held at someone’s home might not know. To appease everyone without blowing your
• Hosted by the engaged couple, the bride’s or groom’s budget, try these tactics: To prevent conflicts from developing later on, be sure to
parents, or by close family friends discuss money matters openly—with everyone involved—
• Not a time for gift giving, although this varies by region • Be flexible: You, your fiancé(e), and both sets of at the start of your planning.
parents should have input on the final list.
Everyone invited to your engagement party should also be • Compromise: If inviting a certain guest is very Set a Budget for Your Wedding
invited to your wedding. important to someone else, agree to invite the guest. An important part of deciding who can and will pay for your
• Make a singles policy: Make a policy regarding guests wedding is determining your total budget—the maximum
who are single. For example, you might set a rule that amount you can spend or are willing to spend on your wed-
How to Envision Your Wedding only live-in partners should be invited and that singles ding and reception. Once you have an agreed-upon number,
To start planning a wedding, you and your fiancé(e) must should come solo otherwise. you can build a budget of specific expenses that together fit
envision and agree on the type of wedding you want. After • Simplify: If your final list is too long for your budget, within your total.
you get engaged, discuss with your partner the elements of consider reducing other wedding expenses rather than
the wedding that matter most to you. You’ll need to make limiting the guest list. Keeping Track of Your Budget
definitive decisions about the following issues: The best way to stick to your budget is to record every
Consider Using a Wedding Planner dollar you spend on your wedding in a computer-based
• Date: The date you choose can affect many aspects of Wedding planners, or wedding consultants, help couples spreadsheet program, such as Microsoft Excel® or Google
your wedding, such as costs and seasonal constraints. plan their weddings, providing ideas and organizational sup- Spreadsheets ®. These spreadsheet programs can help you
• Indoor or outdoor: In many locations, winter port for a fee. Consider hiring a wedding planner if you’re: keep track of your expenses, assess where each aspect of
weddings of course can’t be held outdoors. your budget stands, and ensure that you don’t exceed your
• Cost and availability: Being flexible about your • Overwhelmed by the wedding planning process total budget.
date can help ensure that you get the officiant or • Too busy to plan your wedding If you don’t have easy access to a computer or spread-
reception space that you want most. It also may • Not interested in being hands-on about wedding sheet software, just keep a written log of your budget and
help you get a better price, since some popular planning details monitor it each time you add an expense.
dates are more expensive than others.
• Location: Typical wedding locations include your Wedding planners typically charge 10–15% of the wedding’s List of Typical Wedding Expenses
hometown, your fiancé(e)’s hometown, or your current overall budget. If you decide to hire a wedding planner, Review the list below to help determine your total wedding
area of residence. Some couples have destination request and check references first. budget and your budget for each individual expense. As a
weddings in which both you and your guests travel general guide, note that most couples, on average, spend
 www.quamut.com Wedding Planning

about 50–60% of their total budget on the wedding cer- • Venues Wedding Ceremony Venues
emony and reception. • Caterer Your choice of a ceremony venue depends on several
• Florist major factors:
Ceremony • Photographer’s fee • Cake baker
• Ceremony site fee • Reprints • Photographer • Personal connection: Do you have a special
• Marriage license • Videography • Wedding planner relationship with a particular location, such as a family
• Officiant fee • Wedding portrait • Stationer or printer member’s home or a house of worship?
• Rings • Ceremony and reception musicians or DJs • Availability: Is the space available on your desired
Music wedding date, or on dates close to it?
Clothing • Ceremony music Finding and Selecting Vendors • Capacity: Can the space fit all the guests you’re
Bride’s attire • Cocktail hour music As you plan your wedding, you’ll have to locate and choose expecting?
• Wedding gown • Band or DJ for reception vendors for each aspect of the event. • Personal taste: Do you enjoy being inside the space?
• Alterations
• Headpiece and veil Reception Finding Vendors Wedding Reception Venues
• Hair, makeup, nails • Bar and beverages To find reliable and affordable vendors, ask for recommen- In addition to factors such as availability, capacity, and per-
• Jewelry • Cake dations from couples who have recently married or from sonal taste, the reception venue you choose may depend
• Lingerie • Coat check other vendors you’ve already hired. You can also attend on whether the venue is on-site or off-site.
• Shoes • Food and service bridal fairs, where vendors show their wares, or look for ads
Groom’s attire • Reception site fee in local newspapers and magazines. On-Site Venues
• Tuxedo or suit • Rentals (chairs, dance In wedding lingo, on-site (or on-premise) means that the
• Shirt floor, heaters, linens, Choosing Vendors venue provides food, beverages, and full service. Examples
• Tie place settings, portable Once you’ve found a vendor who seems promising, set up include hotels, restaurants, banquet halls, and country
• Shoes restrooms, tables, tent) an in-person meeting. At the meeting, ask for cost esti- clubs. Advantages of on-site venues include:
• Accessories • Wedding planner or mates in writing. Always be sure to request and contact
consultant references before making a deal with a vendor. • Cost clarity: The venue’s location manager can give
Flowers you a clear idea of your event’s total cost.
Ceremony flowers Stationery Hiring and Paying Vendors • Convenience: Dealing with just one vendor means
• Bouquets • Announcements Once you find a vendor you like and who seems to fit your fewer details to manage.
• Boutonnieres • Calligraphy budget, try to negotiate a price. Vendors usually expect you • Experience: The staff will likely be experienced at
• Corsages • Ceremony programs to haggle, so don’t be shy—the worst they can say is no. hosting weddings.
• Decorations • Envelopes
• Flowers or petals for • Maps or direction cards Signing Contracts Off-Site Venues
flower girl • Menu cards Never strike a deal with a vendor without a signed contract. Off-site (or off-premise) means you’ll have to hire an out-
Reception flowers • Invitations Read each contract carefully and thoroughly, including the side caterer to provide food, drinks, and service (see Food
• Centerpieces • Place cards fine print, and make sure it specifies exactly which services and Drink). Examples of off-site venues include private
• Decorations • Postage you expect and whether the price includes tips and taxes. residences, museums, and barns. Advantages of off-site
• Reply cards weddings include:
Gifts and Miscellaneous • Save-the-date cards Up-Front Payments
• Gifts for attendants • Thank-you notes Most vendors require that you pay some amount of money • Control: You control all of the details of your event.
• Bride’s and groom’s up front and the rest just before or after the wedding day. • Liquor savings: On-site venues often charge a
gifts for each other Transportation Inquire about up-front costs and be prepared to pay them. premium on liquor. You can save if you’re willing to
• Gifts for parents • Limousine supply your own alcohol.
• Guest book • Parking • Uniqueness: Since you’re hiring caterers, your
• Ring pillow • Guest transportation How to Choose Wedding Venues reception venue doesn’t need to have a kitchen, which
• Wedding favors Venues are the locations where the wedding ceremony, frees you to choose from many more possible venues.
• Welcome baskets Other Wedding Events reception, and any other events will take place. Once you’ve
• Day-after brunch decided on the date and size of your wedding, you should
Photography • Honeymoon start researching and visiting venues. Some weddings have Food and Drink
• Albums • Rehearsal dinner a single venue for both the ceremony and the reception, Whether your venue is on-site or off-site, you’ll need to
• Engagement portrait while others have a different venue for each. plan your menu and decide how you want to serve food
and drinks.
Tips and Taxes • One-venue weddings: The venue must be large
Don’t forget to include gratuities and sales tax when calcu- enough for both the wedding and the reception. Choosing a Caterer
lating your budget—these costs can add up and surprise • Two-venue weddings: Couples typically choose If you choose an off-site wedding venue, you’ll need to hire
you if you don’t account for them. different venues for the reception and ceremony if a caterer to provide food and drink for your event. You can
the ceremony takes place in a house of worship. hire a caterer just as you would hire any other vendor (see
Two-venue weddings often provide guests with How to Choose and Hire Vendors). Alternatively, you might
How to Choose and Hire Vendors transportation between venues, which adds expense. approach the chef or owner of a favorite restaurant to see
You’ll need to hire a number of vendors to provide goods or whether they’d agree to cater your reception.
services for your wedding. A typical list includes:

The information contained in this and every Quamut guide is intended only for the general interest of
its readers and should not be used as a basis for making medical, investment, legal or other important
decisions. Though Quamut makes efforts to create accurate guides, editorial and research mistakes can
occur. Quamut cannot, therefore, guarantee the accuracy of its guides. We disclaim all warranties, including
www.quamut.com
warranties of merchantability or fitness for a particular purpose, and must advise you to use our guides at Copyright © 2007 Quamut
your own risk. Quamut and its employees are not liable for loss of any nature resulting from the use of or
All rights reserved.
reliance upon our charts and the information found therein.
Quamut is a registered trademark of
Barnes & Noble, Inc.
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Printed in the United States
Photo Credits: Page 1: Stockbyte Photography/Veer; Page 3: Scott B. Rosen/Bill Smith Studio (all photos); Page 4: Robert Levin/Corbis (photo 1), C Squared Studios/Photodisc Green/Getty
Images (photos 2-3), Spike Mafford/Photodisc Green/Getty Images (photo 4), emily2k/Shutterstock (photo 5), Rémi Cauzid/Shutterstock (photo 6). Illustrations by Precision Graphics.
Writer: Sally Skinner
 www.quamut.com Wedding Planning

Interviewing Caterers Paying for Alcohol most creative control. However, personal printers are
Once you’ve found a few promising caterers, schedule infor- On-site venues and caterers that provide alcohol typically inferior to professional presses, and you’ll have to
mational meetings with them to find out the following: charge a fee to set up the bar. The alcohol itself is usually assemble, stamp, and mail the invitations yourself.
priced in one of two ways: • Design it yourself, print it professionally: You can
• What are their sample menus and specialties? create invitations using software at home and bring
• Can you arrange a tasting to help you plan the menu? • Consumption: You pay a fee for each drink that your them to a professional to print. Your invitations will look
• Can they provide for guests with special dietary needs? guests order. professional, but cost less than a stationer’s.
• Will they provide staff? Will the staff expect tips? • All-inclusive: You pay a fixed price for an unlimited
• Do they provide silver, china, glass, and linen rentals? supply of drinks. You can also choose to combine various methods. For ex-
• Do they handle liquor? ample, you could create save-the-date cards yourself, buy
• Can they provide an estimate of the total cost? If you expect your guests to drink a lot, you’re probably bet- your thank-you notes off the rack, and get your invitations
• Does the total cost include extras, such as a security ter off with all-inclusive pricing. You may also be able to save made professionally.
deposit, sales tax, and so on? money by supplying the alcohol yourself, although many
• Is the wedding cake included? venues will charge a corkage fee for opening and serving If You Use a Professional Printer
the liquor for you. If you work with a professional printer, be prepared to make
Never hire a caterer without signing a written contract. Be- No matter what you do, avoid having a cash bar at which decisions about paper, printing methods, and color.
fore you agree to a written deal, read the contract closely to guests are asked to pay for their own drinks. Cash bars at
confirm that it contains all of your costs and preferences. weddings are considered impolite. Paper
The quality of paper is determined by its bond weight (mea-
Planning the Meal Choosing a Wedding Cake sured in pounds; the heavier the better) and its contents
Once you’ve chosen a caterer or on-site venue, you can Whether you’re working with caterer or an independent (cotton is better than wood pulp). Printers typically produce
begin to plan the food and drink that will be offered and baker on your wedding cake, consider these factors when invitations in two standard sizes, embassy (6 5/8" × 5") and
how it will be served. selecting your cake: classic (7 1/4" × 5 1/8"). If you want an unconventional size,
that will likely cost more.
Planning Your Menu • Taste: To find the flavor you want, ask to set up a cake
To help you decide what to serve at your wedding, schedule tasting with your caterer or baker. Printing Methods
a tasting in which the caterer or on-site venue allows you to • Style: Cakes generally come in three main types— Professional printers typically print invitations using one of
try several options for hors d’oeuvres (appetizers) and each stacked tiers, separated tiers, or cupcakes. the following methods. Review samples and costs for each
course. For the tasting: • Frosting: Fondant icing molds beautifully and before deciding which to use.
withstands heat well but doesn’t have much taste.
• Request that the food be presented just as it would be Buttercream frosting tastes great but doesn’t hold its • Engraving: The most formal type of printing. Type is
at your wedding. shape or endure heat as well as fondant. etched into metal plates rolled with ink and pressed to
• Try the food with the wines that you expect to be • Cost: The more ornate the cake, the more it will cost. paper, creating raised letters and images on the paper.
served at your wedding. Cupcakes usually cost less than cakes. • Lithography: Flat type is printed by transferring an
inked impression from a rubber cylinder to paper.
When selecting the menu, make sure you offer food choices • Thermography: A special powder is sprinkled onto ink
that will accommodate those with dietary restrictions. and then heated to raise the letters. Mimics engraving
but is less expensive.
Serving Hors d’Oeuvres
Hors d’oeuvres are traditionally served during a cocktail Color
hour that takes place between the ceremony and the main Invitations can range from black and white to multicolored.
reception. Hors d’oeuvres can be served in two ways: Traditionally, formal wedding invitations are black lettering
stacked cake tiered cake cupcakes
on white or cream-colored paper. Using more than two
1. Passed: Servers walk around carrying trays of one-bite colors will cost more.
delights. Passed hors d’oeuvres are usually priced by Wedding Invitations and Stationery
the piece; 8–10 pieces per person should suffice. Wedding planning involves creating a lot of printed items: Save-the-Date Cards
2. Stations: Appetizers are arranged on tables, each with Save-the-date cards are often informal or quirky, such as
a separate type of food, such as a raw bar (for shellfish) • Save-the-date cards: Sent 6–8 months before your simple postcards or refrigerator magnets. A save-the-date
or a cheese table. Stations are usually priced according wedding so invitees can clear their calendars card should provide the following information:
to the number of guests at your wedding. • Wedding invitations: Sent 6–8 weeks before your
wedding to formally invite guests to the event • The names of the bride and groom
You can choose passed hors d’oeuvres, stations, or both. • Other invitations: For rehearsal dinner or morning- • The wedding date
after brunch (see Other Wedding Events); sent after the • The location of the wedding
Serving the Meal initial wedding invitations
Buffet stations and table service are the two most popular • Thank-you notes: Sent upon receiving any gifts You can provide your guests with a schedule of events and
ways to serve the main meal at your wedding. travel and lodging information by including a newsletter
Depending on your particular wedding, you may also want: with your save-the-date card or by using the save-the-date
• Buffet stations: Guests go to manned or unmanned to direct your guests to your wedding website.
stations where they are served or serve themselves. • Ceremony programs: Lists the ceremony events and
• Table service: Servers bring food to the tables. Guests the members of the wedding party Wedding Invitations
can place orders in one of three ways: • Maps or directions: If guests need travel information Wedding invitations contain an invitation and reply card.
• Servers take orders from guests at the wedding. • Menu cards: To list food options for guests if they’ll be
• Guests select their meal in the wedding invitation. ordering their meal at the wedding
• The same meal is provided to everyone. • Place cards: To direct your guests to their tables

The buffet station and table service options usually don’t Getting Wedding Stationery Made invitation
differ in cost, so the choice depends on your preference. You have three options for making wedding stationery:
Buffet stations are generally considered more informal.
• Hire a stationer: A stationer is a firm or individual
Alcohol Options who produces invitations or stationery for a living. A
The most common ways to offer alcohol at a wedding are stationer is the most expensive option but provides
with an open bar (all the drinks your guests want) or a the most complete service. A stationer will help
limited bar, in which you offer specific drinks (such as beer choose designs, fonts, and wording and may also help
and wine only, with no liquor) or set specific times when an assemble your complete invitations. reply card
open bar will be offered. • Do it yourself: Designing and printing invitations
yourself is the least expensive option and offers the
 www.quamut.com Wedding Planning

Wording Your Invitation • Opening words and invocation: The officiant gives a
The wording of a typical wedding invitation contains five How to Plan the Ceremony welcome message, a statement of the purpose of the
central elements, each of which you can modify based on Wedding ceremony planning involves two main issues: gathering, and perhaps also a prayer.
your personal taste or situation: • Readings or performances: Readings from religious
• Which friends or relatives you want to participate in the or literary texts, or musical performances
• Names of the hosts: The people paying for the ceremony • Exchange of vows: The bride and groom make
wedding. If both sets of parents are paying, then both • What you want to happen during the ceremony declarations of love and promises about the future.
sets should both be listed as hosts. If the couple is • Exchange of rings: The best man and maid/matron
hosting its own wedding, the invitation can be written Attendants of honor usually carry the rings and hand them to the
as follows: “Cleopatra Lee Ellis and James Henry Attendants are friends and relatives who participate in the bride and groom at the appropriate time.
Raleigh request the pleasure of your company . . .” actual wedding ceremony. Traditional attendants include: • Pronouncement of marriage: The officiant declares,
• Invitation phrase: The phrase “the pleasure of your “I now pronounce you husband and wife.”
company” is usually used for nonreligious weddings, Attendant Responsibilities Who to Choose • Kiss: The groom kisses the bride.
whereas those held in a house of worship usually Maid of Helps bride plan; Bride’s closest • Recessional: The wedding party exits down the aisle.
request “the honour of your presence.” honor helps bride dress female friend or
• Purpose of the event: Some people prefer to use the (“matron” before wedding; relative; should Wedding Ceremony Flowers
phrase “at the marriage of” instead of “at their.” if married) throws bridal be attuned to • Bouquets: The bride and bridesmaids typically carry
• Name of the couple: The bride’s name precedes the shower and bach- every detail of bouquets. The traditional bridal bouquet is white,
groom’s. If the bride’s family hosts, the groom’s name elorette party wedding though colored bouquets have become more popular.
takes “Mr.” but the bride’s name does not take “Miss” • Corsages and boutonnieres: Mothers and
Best man Leads groommen, Groom’s closest
or “Ms.” (Vice versa if the groom’s family hosts.) grandmothers of the couple usually wear corsages or
ushers; gives male friend or
• Time and location of the event: If the ceremony and carry small bouquets. The groom, groomsmen, ushers,
toast; throws relative; should
reception will be held in different venues, provide time bachelor party be reliable fathers, and grandfathers wear boutonnieres.
and location information for the reception as well.
Bridesmaids Help throw bridal Close female
The guidelines listed above are traditional, but you don’t shower and pick friends/
out gift for couple relatives of bride
have to follow them. For instance, you can make the invita-
or groom
tion less formal by cutting out titles or by changing “request
the pleasure of your company” to “joyfully invite you to.” Groomsmen Escort guests to Close male
(ushers) seats; lay down friends/relatives
aisle runner of groom or bride bouquet boutonniere corsage

Flower girl Walks down aisle Young girl close

throwing flower to couple; old Wedding Ceremony Music
petals or carrying enough to walk Ceremony music can be provided by organists, choirs, hired
flowers down aisle alone musicians, friends, or a sequence of recorded music.

Ring bearer Walks down aisle Young boy close

When to Have Music
carrying pillow to couple; old
Ceremony music is typically played at the following times:
with rings on it; enough to han-
gives rings to dle responsibility
• As the guests arrive
best man and of the ring
• During the procession
maid of honor
• At specific moments during the ceremony
Some couples may have all of these attendants, whereas • While the bridal party exits down the aisle
others may choose to have no attendants at all. • As the guests depart

Officiant Wedding Rings

The officiant is the person who marries the couple. An of- You should buy wedding rings 4–6 months before your
ficiant may be a priest, rabbi, other religious leader, judge, wedding. Rings come in a variety of designs and metals:
justice of the peace, or ship’s captain. A friend or loved one
may officiate if he or she gets registered by the state. This • Design: Wedding rings range from plain to ornate. Plain
may require getting ordained as a minister—doing so is free bands are still the most popular and often the least
via the Universal Life Church (www.ulc.org), though not all expensive. Rings can have matte or satin finishes.
states accept ULC ordinations. In any case, make sure the • Metal: Most wedding rings are yellow gold, white
The Reply Card officiant you choose: gold, or platinum. Platinum is more expensive but
The reply card allows your guests to RSVP to your wedding stronger than yellow or white gold.
at no cost and with little effort. The reply card should state • Doesn’t charge an exorbitant fee
the date by which the RSVP must be provided and can also • Is willing to help you create the ceremony you want
be used to ask for other information, such as a guest’s meal • Can attend the rehearsal the day before the wedding
preferences or dietary restrictions. The reply card envelope yellow gold white gold platinum
should be stamped and addressed so guests can just drop The Wedding Ceremony
it in the mail. (It’s acceptable etiquette not to include stamps You can choose to follow your religion’s traditional wedding Men’s rings are usually thicker and more expensive (since
for any guests who’ll be responding from abroad, but you ceremony or create your own ceremony from scratch. they contain more metal) than women’s rings. A ring fits
may want to give those guests the option of replying by well if there’s just enough room to fit a toothpick between
email as well.) • Traditional wedding: Choose an officiant who is the band and your finger.
familiar with your religion’s proper order of worship, or
Addressing Your Invitations sequence of events, for a typical wedding ceremony. Receiving Line
It’s generally considered polite to address your invitation • Personalized ceremony: Research weddings from After the ceremony, members of the wedding party may
envelopes by hand. There are two ways to do this: different cultures and select your favorite elements form a receiving line to greet the guests. A typical receiving
from each. Discuss your ideas with your officiant. line follows this order (from beginning to end of the line):
• Calligraphy: Beautiful and professional but costly
• Do it yourself: Free but can take hours Sequence of a Typical Wedding Ceremony • Mother of the bride
Most weddings include the following events, in this order: • Father of the bride
Before sending your wedding invitations, take them to the • Mother of the groom
post office to determine exact postage costs. Odd-sized • Procession: The family and wedding party enter down • Father of the groom
envelopes usually cost more to mail. the central aisle, trailed by the bride (usually with her • Bride
father or both parents). • Groom
 www.quamut.com Wedding Planning

The Bride’s Attire

How to Plan Your Wedding Reception Wedding Photography • Dress: It can take weeks or months to find a dress and
Most wedding receptions include the following events: Once you’ve found a few photographers and videographers get the fit just right. Start shopping as early as a year
who seem promising (see How to Choose and Hire Vendors), before your wedding.
• Cocktail hour ask them to send you samples of their work—most have • Headpiece and veil: The more ornate the dress, the
• Celebratory meal pamphlets that they provide to prospective clients. When plainer the veil and headpiece should be.
• Toasts you find one whose work you like, set up a call or in-person • Jewelry: Jewelry should complement the bride’s attire
• Special dances (couple’s first dance, bride’s dance with meeting and inquire about: without being showy. Family heirlooms are often worn.
her father, and so on) • Hair and makeup: Schedule a practice session with
• General dancing • How much experience they have a professional stylist so you’re confident you’ll get the
• Cake cutting • Whether they use film or digital cameras look you want on your wedding day.
• Bouquet throwing and/or garter toss • Whether you (or they) would own the negatives or • Nails: Schedule an appointment to have your nails
digital files afterward done the day before the wedding.
You and your fiancé(e) should feel free to modify or omit any • How much their fees are and what the fees include • Shoes: Make sure the shoes you buy are comfortable
of these events in planning your reception. • How long it takes to get proofs after the wedding and are the right height for your dress.
• Whether they can help create a wedding photo album • Undergarments: Test your lingerie and hosiery ahead
Making a Seating Chart of time to be sure they do their job and don’t show.
Creating a seating chart is a good idea for a few reasons: Planning Your Wedding Photography
As your wedding day approaches, schedule a meeting with The Groom’s Attire
• Everyone knows where to put their belongings. your photographer to discuss exactly what you want. In • Suit or tuxedo: The suit or tuxedo should be bought
• You can separate people who don’t get along well. particular, be sure to: and tailored at least three months before the wedding.
• You can play matchmaker with your single friends. • Shirt and cufflinks: Buy your shirt when you get your
• You won’t have any empty seats. • Bring a detailed schedule of the day’s events and suit. If it has French cuffs, be sure to buy cufflinks.
specify exactly what you’d like to be photographed • Shoes: Your shoes should match the formality of your
If you’ve asked guests to select a meal on their invitations, • Discuss the settings and groupings for posed shots outfit. Polish your shoes the day before the wedding.
a seating chart will help servers know where to bring each • Tie: A white tie will set you apart from the guests.
meal. If you don’t create a specific seating chart, assign Videography • Cummerbund or vest: Choose one or the other to
guests to tables. Some couples hire a videographer in addition to a photog- wear with a tuxedo, but never both. Vests are generally
rapher to record video throughout the day. If you want to do considered more formal.
How to Make a Seating Chart so, keep in mind the following:
1. Once everyone has RSVP’d to your invitation, ask your The Attendants’ Attire
venue for a blank map of the tables at the site. • Most guests don’t like to interact with videographers— The bride and groom may choose exactly what clothes
2. Assign numbers to each table, as well as to each seat make sure your videographer will be subtle and polite. attendants will wear or simply provide general guidelines
at each table. • If you want your vows recorded, you might need about color. Attendants typically pay for their own attire.
3. Write each guest’s name on a sticky note. to be miked. Make sure you discuss this with the
4. Arrange the sticky notes to create all the tables. videographer and the officiant in advance. Female Attendants’ Attire
5. Create a guest list that includes the table and seat Consult with your maid/matron of honor and bridesmaids
number for each guest. before picking their dresses, and follow these guidelines:
Wedding Attire
Table Cards The bride and groom typically choose clothing for them- • Don’t choose very expensive dresses.
Table cards indicate the table at which each guest will be selves and the attendants and also determine the wedding’s • Specify your preference regarding shoes, hosiery,
sitting. They should show the guest’s name on the front and overall dress code. jewelry, hair, and makeup.
the table number on the back or folded inside. You can get • Be considerate of your attendants’ body types.
table cards printed professionally or print them yourself. Dress Codes
You can specify the dress code for your wedding on the If you’re picking out the dresses for your attendants, con-
How to Use Table Cards invitation. Common wedding dress codes, listed in order of sider these options:
1. Set up a table at the entrance to the reception hall. most formal to least formal, include:
2. Display the table cards on the table in alphabetical • Everyone wears the same dress (the traditional choice).
order, by guest’s last name (not by table number). White Tie • Maid/matron of honor wears a dress that differs from
3. Number each table in the room in a noticeable way. • Women should wear: Long, formal evening gown the other attendants’ dresses.
(gloves, if worn, should be taken off during dinner) • Everyone wears different dresses of the same fabric.
Wedding Reception Flowers • Men should wear: Black tailcoat and black pants, • Everyone wears the same dress in different colors.
Flowers are commonly used to create table centerpieces. white wing-collar shirt, white piqué (a type of woven
They can also be used anywhere else in the reception venue fabric) vest, white piqué bow tie, white or gray gloves, Male Attendants’ Attire
to add natural beauty, fragrance, and color. black patent leather shoes, and black socks • Decide whether you want the groomsmen and ushers
to wear tuxedos or suits.
Wedding Reception Music Black Tie • If you choose tuxedos, specify a tuxedo rental shop
Receptions usually include quiet music for the cocktail hour • Women should wear: Long, formal gown or short that the groomsmen and ushers should use.
and louder music for dancing. You may be able to find one cocktail dress
DJ or band to provide both types of music, or you can hire • Men should wear: Black tuxedo with white shirt, black
separate musicians for the cocktail hour and dance party. bow tie, black cummerbund or waistcoat, black patent Other Wedding Events
You’ll also have to decide between hiring a band or a DJ: leather shoes, and black socks Many weddings include other events on the night before,
and the day after, the wedding ceremony and reception.
Band DJ Black Tie Optional
Pros • Women should wear: Long, formal gown, short The Rehearsal Dinner
cocktail dress, or separates The day before the wedding, the wedding party runs through
• Live musicians tend to • Less expensive
• Men should wear: Black tie or a dark suit a rehearsal of the wedding ceremony. After the rehearsal,
inspire guests to dance • Flexible—can play
the wedding party typically gathers for a rehearsal dinner.
more most requests
Semiformal The rehearsal dinner guests usually include:
Cons • Women should wear: Short cocktail dress or dressy
• Expensive • Less interaction with long skirt and top • The wedding party and their dates
• Takes several breaks guests • Men should wear: Dark suit with white shirt, tie, • The officiant and his or her spouse
• May not know every • Doesn’t generate the dressy leather shoes, and dark socks • Parents and grandparents of the bride and groom
song you want to hear same excitement as a • Everyone who will participate in the ceremony
good live band If you don’t specify a dress code, most people will wear
semiformal dress.
 www.quamut.com Wedding Planning

• The parents of children in the wedding party • Rules vary by state, but generally you need to get your • Find cake baker
• Out-of-town family members wedding license within a specified period before your • Choose ceremony music and musicians
• All out-of-town guests (if the budget allows) wedding. You may also have to take a blood test. • Reserve blocks of hotel rooms for guests

Your rehearsal dinner can be as formal or as relaxed as The Officiant’s License 3–5 Months Before the Wedding
you’d like. Many couples present gifts to their attendants • Officiants must have legal authority to perform • Finalize guest list
at the rehearsal dinner to thank them for helping with the marriages. After the ceremony, they must complete • Purchase wedding rings
wedding. Some couples also use the rehearsal dinner for paperwork that validates the marriage. Contact the • Address invitations
speeches and toasts. local county clerk’s office to confirm that your officiant • Finalize menu with caterer
is eligible to preside at your marriage. • Schedule dress fittings
The Morning-After Brunch • If you want your marriage to be recognized by a • Research marriage license requirements
The morning-after brunch is usually a breakfast buffet held religious institution, confirm that your officiant is • Pick out groom’s and groomsmen’s clothes
for out-of-town guests, and sometimes for all guests. Often sanctioned to perform weddings for your religion. • Shop for (or make) wedding favors
a grandparent or close family friend hosts it. • Book rehearsal dinner
Changing your Name • Get travel documents for honeymoon (if necessary)
If you or your fiancé(e) decides to change your name, re-
Wedding Gifts member that you must: 6 Weeks–2 Months Before the Wedding
A wedding is a time to give and receive many gifts. • Send out invitations
1. Apply for a social security card with your new name. • Have final dress fittings
Registering for Gifts 2. Get a driver’s license with your new name. • Buy accessories for gown
A wedding registry is a wish list of specific items that a 3. Change bank accounts, credit cards, tax forms, • Prepare ceremony programs
couple sets up at one or more stores. Guests can then refer retirement accounts, and insurance policies. • Finalize menus
to the registry in selecting gifts for the couple. Traditional 4. Change your passport and voter registration card. • Work on vows (if you’re writing them yourselves)
wedding registry items include china, crystal, silver, and 5. Make sure your employer, landlord, post office, phone • Arrange wedding-day transportation
linens, but it’s possible to register for almost anything, in- company, schools, and other service providers know. • Make sure bridesmaids have dresses and accessories
cluding your honeymoon. • Buy gifts for wedding party (attendants and family)
The order of these steps varies by state, so check with your • Have practice session with hair and makeup stylists
How to Create a Wedding Registry county clerk to confirm. and book both for wedding day
The easiest way to register is online, at the website of an • Confirm ceremony and rehearsal dates and times
e-commerce retailer or a chain store. Remember to: • Finalize rehearsal dinner plans
Wedding Planning Checklist • Have groomsmen submit measurements for tuxedos
• Register for slightly fewer than twice as many items as Weddings require a lot of detailed planning over an ex-
you have invited guests. tended period of time. The following wedding planning 3–4 Weeks Before the Wedding
• Choose registry items in a wide variety of price ranges. checklist is the best place to start, whether you’re a newly • Have formal wedding portrait taken
• Never include registry information on your wedding engaged couple or are closer to your wedding date and have • Submit wedding announcement to newspapers
invitations, as this is considered impolite. already started planning. • Get marriage license and blood tests
• Note that standard etiquette permits your guests up The checklist is not an absolute list of must-dos but • Pick up wedding rings
to one year after your wedding date to send a gift, so simply a guideline for what you might choose to do and a • Meet with officiant
some gifts may not arrive immediately. rough timetable for when you should do it. A more specific • Finalize ceremony details
timetable depends on where you want to hold the wedding, • Confirm honeymoon reservations
Writing Thank You Notes how complex you want it to be, and other priorities. • Finalize rehearsal dinner plans
You must write a thank you note for each gift you receive. • Send rehearsal dinner invitations
12–15 Months Before the Wedding • Work on reception seating plan
• Respond as soon as possible after receiving a gift. • Announce engagement to family and friends • Create song list for reception
• Handwrite your notes and make sure both of you sign. • Envision wedding with partner and both sets of parents • Ask an attendant to handle wedding gifts at reception
• Mention the specific gift and include a sentence or two • Create filing system for ideas and paperwork and to transport gifts from reception to home
about how you will use it. • Determine budget and who’s contributing to it • Hire movers (if you’re moving after wedding)
• If someone gives you money, refer to it as a gift but • Pick wedding date (can be approximate) • Wrap gifts for family and attendants
don’t mention the amount. • Start creating guest list • Get final haircut and coloring (for bride)
• Hire wedding consultant (optional) • Select wedding gifts for each other
Giving Gifts • Find officiant and meet with him or her • Finalize flowers with florist—bring fabric samples
As the bride and groom, it’s customary to give gifts to: • Begin researching vendors • Prepare welcome baskets and arrange for delivery to
• Start dress shopping guests’ hotel rooms
• Your attendants
• Your parents and other family members 9–11 Months Before the Wedding 1–2 Weeks Before the Wedding
• Your guests (in the form of wedding favors such as • Find and book ceremony and reception sites • Follow up with guests who have not RSVP’d
chocolates, cookies, picture frames, and so on) • Sign up for wedding gift registries • Finalize seating chart and make placecards
• Choose attendants (bridesmaids, groomsmen) • Confirm musicians and DJ for ceremony and reception
You should also greet out-of-town guests with welcome • Submit engagement announcement to newspapers • Confirm details with photographer, videographer, florist,
baskets in their hotel rooms. Welcome baskets may include • Continue dress shopping cake baker, and location manager
snacks, maps, and a schedule of wedding events. • Choose caterer (if necessary) and start planning menu • Confirm final headcount with caterer
• Find photographer and videographer • Get final haircut (for groom)
• Meet with potential florists • Prepare directions, schedule, and contact lists for
Wedding Logistics • Find and book band or DJ parents, attendants, and vendors
Planning the ceremony and reception is important, but don’t • Begin planning honeymoon • Pick up dress and veil; pick up and try on tuxedo
forget to take care of the legal details of marriage. • Meet with stationer about invitations and other • Practice walking in wedding shoes
wedding stationery • Pack for honeymoon
The Wedding License
A wedding license is a permit to get married. It’s usually ob- 6–8 Months Before the Wedding Day Before the Wedding
tained at the local marriage clerk or county clerk’s office. • Order wedding gown and bridesmaids’ dresses • Prepare final checks and tips for vendors and servers
You both must go in person to obtain the license. • Reserve rentals (tent, chairs, etc.) • Distribute directions, schedule, and contact lists to
• Order wedding stationery parents, attendants, and vendors
• Bring written proof that you’re old enough to marry and • Send save-the-date cards • Confirm honeymoon travel plans
aren’t married to anyone else (birth certificate, photo • Start planning rehearsal dinner • Get manicure and pedicure
ID, and death certificate or divorce papers if you’re • Decide on florist • Hold wedding rehearsal and rehearsal dinner
widowed or divorced).