Games and Exercises For Couples Therapy
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ScribdTranslationsGames and Exercises For Couples Therapy
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ScribdTranslationsGames and exercises for couples therapy
Couples therapy can help two people strengthen their relationship and navigate
difficult situations. Additionally, arguing through therapy, games , and exercises can
be helpful in promoting meaningful communication without the need to actually
argue. Couples can practice games and exercises during therapy sessions or at home ,
between each session.
Positivity
When a relationship is in trouble, it is common for the couple to forget the positive
traits and qualities that brought them together in the first place. Partners should be
encouraged to make a list of everything they appreciate about each other, and then
exchange them. Because it may have been some time since you last conveyed
appreciative thoughts to each other, this can help you focus on positivity.
Role exchange
It is common for partners to feel that the other is not listening to them. Role-exchange
games, in which one member plays the role of the other, can give insight into how an
aspect of one member's situation is perceived by the other member. Choose a specific
topic for discussion and have each member try to speak from the other's point of view.
Timed discussion
At the climax of an argument, partners interrupt each other, raise their voices, or start
yelling at each other. To avoid this, use a kitchen timer or alarm clock to give each
partner equal amounts of time to talk. During a period of three minutes, say, one
member can speak and the other cannot. After three minutes, the other member can
speak. Continue with this methodology until the topic of discussion is finished.
Share
Sometimes a relationship is in trouble because the partners haven't taken the time to
get to know each other well. So in therapy sessions each member should share some
curiosity that the other does not know. Everyone should start by saying, "I bet you
didn't know..." Then the conversation can develop around this curiosity. The exercise
can give insight into the couple's past.
Silence sound
Between therapy sessions, couples should find a time to quietly enjoy each other's
company. Whether listening to music or sitting in the sun, the couple should spend
time together without talking, enjoying the silence and the absence of arguments.
Exercise for couples
Exercise to improve the couple's relationship by exchanging
positive behaviors
Exercise for couples:
exchange of positive behaviors
Dr. José Antonio García Higuera
Member of the Psicoterapeutas.com team
Consult us at
Center for Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy
C/ Hermosilla, 114. 1ºC Telephone: 914119140 Madrid 28009
Send him an email
Objective of the exercise
It is the improvement of the couple's relationship through the exchange of positive behaviors, without it
becoming a commercial exchange of the type "you give to me and therefore I give to you." Avoid saying
things as harmful in a relationship as: "I give much more than you."
Exercise rules
1. Make a list of things that you think would improve the relationship. You don't have to commit to
doing them, you just have to list them. Make the list alone, do not comment on them or show it to
your partner. They must be operational, that is, they must be noticeable and an impartial
observer must be able to tell whether you have done it or not.
2. Then you will discuss them with the therapist in the session just to clarify them and complete the
list.
3. You give the prepared list to your partner, but without comments.
4. Then, you choose something from the list and do it, without warning and without commitment.
You take note of what you do, the result obtained and the difficulty you have encountered.
5. Afterwards, it is discussed with the couple and what is worth it is perfected. It must be taken into
account that it was done because it was wanted and not because it was demanded, neither by
the therapist nor by the couple. In this session, suggestions can be made to the couple about
things they would like to do, but they are not requests or prescriptions.
6. There may be behaviors that are only done once. It must be pointed out; for example, starting a
honeymoon again.
Communication: active listening
Gives the rules to follow to improve communication between
two people by increasing the ability to listen to the other with
active listening.
Guide to active listening
Dr. José Antonio García Higuera
Member of the Psicoterapeutas.com team
Consult us at
Center for Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy
C/ Hermosilla, 114. 1ºC Telephone: 914119140 Madrid 28009
Send him an email
Communication: active listening
Active listening consists of a form of communication that shows the speaker that the listener has
understood him. There are several levels of listening that can be used depending on the level of
understanding reached in each case:
1. Paraphrase , that is, summarize what you have said. If any part has caught our attention, we
can highlight the words that have impacted us the most. It is a way of directing the conversation,
because the speaker will expand the information about what we have highlighted.
2. Reflect the emotional state . In addition to being understood, it shows him that you know how
he feels. Aid; But it is not enough to say: “I know how you feel” or “I understand you.”
3. Validate : show that you accept what they say even if you don't agree. What is said is
acceptable, it is understood; even if you don't totally agree.
4. Completely agree . There are people who the only way to accept another's empathy is through
the other person's complete agreement.
5. In any case, what is said can be qualified as one's own opinion and not as an indisputable
statement. It is done by introducing a tone in the expression that relativizes what is said or by
using phrases such as: from my point of view, in my opinion, etc.
It must be taken into account that you cannot accept what you do not agree with; but you can validate
what you hear and show the discrepancy as your own opinion. There are times when one's opinion
cannot be accepted in any way, although it can be heard.
Active communication exercises work if those speaking have some common ground on which they
agree. If not, doing communication exercises can lead to distance between those who do it instead of
bringing them closer.
For better communication it is also necessary:
Have expressive skills
Find non-defensive ways to express yourself
What not to do in active listening
Below we list some mistakes that you can make when you try to do active listening.
1. Do not reject the emotions that the other expresses. Emotions are automatic reactions that
frequently occur in certain circumstances; but they are not mandatory and we do not control
them. Therefore, telling a person that they should not feel what they feel implies a reproach for a
behavior over which the person has no control. You have to keep in mind that it is not in your
power to change that feeling.
2. Not judge. Remember the biblical saying: do not judge and you will not be judged.
3. Not solving the problem. Whoever is asking you wants to share it with you, but he (she) is
responsible for solving it. You can only listen and give your opinion.
4. Do not interrupt. Wait for the other person to give way, even if you don't agree with what they
say.
5. Don't tell your own story. Remember that no one teaches someone else's head a lesson.
Furthermore, if he is telling you something it is so that you understand his problem and, if you
tell your story, you will be focusing on yours.
6. Don't give advice that you haven't been asked for.
7. Do not disqualify when you give your opinions.
2/1/2009
Solving problems in the couple
The collaboration of the couple in making decisions that allows
them to solve the problems that arise in daily life and in the
relationship is very difficult. On this page a series of rules are
given to be able to solve the problems and conflicts that arise
in the couple to improve the relationship.
Troubleshooting the couple
Dr. José Antonio García Higuera
Member of the Psicoterapeutas.com team
Consult us at
Center for Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy
C/ Hermosilla, 114. 1ºC Telephone: 914119140 Madrid 28009
Send him an email
Some tips to help resolve relationship problems
Relationship problems generally occur in the form of one member doing a behavior that the other does
not like. Other times the complaint is mutual.
This page presents a method that consists of a structured interaction between two people designed to
resolve a specific dispute between them.
Not all problems are solvable. For example, those that are outside the control of the person responsible.
Others consist of a choice between two people's values that may not be negotiable, for example, having
or not having a child.
The most suitable problems for the techniques explained here are problems that are subject to
negotiation, to seeking creative solutions and to assessing the cost-benefit relationship.
Preliminaries in the problem solving method
A specific and established time and space must be dedicated to solving problems.
The attitude that must be had is to improve the relationship and that it is a mutual problem that
affects both parties and in which both parties have something to say. If you go with the idea that
the other has to make a change and you only push for it to be done, failure is very likely.
Collaboration is the essence of problem solving.
The willingness to change to make others happier is essential to success.
The definition of the problem
Defining the problem involves identifying the objective of each member of the couple. Facing goals such
as winning, revenge, or harm are excluded.
Two phases must be clearly separated: the definition phase and the solution phase and carried out
successively without mixing them. When it is defined, no attempt is made to provide a solution or vice
versa. We must keep in mind that it is not about going back to the past or complaining but about defining
the problem.
Defining the problem appropriately includes the following elements:
1. A positive phrase indicating that there are facets or moments in which the relationship works and
the problem is not important.
2. A description of the undesirable behavior. You have to be specific and reach specific behaviors,
avoiding at all times the disqualification of the person, but rather focusing on the evaluation of
the behavior. It is also about avoiding words like “always” or “everything” that are false and
disqualify those who use them.
3. A specification of the situations in which the defined problem behavior occurs.
4. The consequences that this behavior has for the component that suffers it, including the feelings
that it provokes. It is important that feelings refer exclusively to the behavior and its
consequences and do not lead to disqualification or belittlement of the other.
5. It is necessary to be brief. For example, we must avoid giving too many examples, ask about the
causes and use “why?” which always imply a reproach and do not lead to solving the problem.
6. Both members of the couple have to agree that the problem has been defined and to do so
BOTH must recognize their part of responsibility in generating or maintaining the problem. If a
basic agreement is not reached on who must change for the solution to occur, a bilateral
definition of the conflict can be made. In which the behaviors of both members are included,
within the rule of treating only one problem at a time.
General rules in the problem definition phase
1. Do not discuss more than one problem at a time.
2. Both practice active listening by summarizing what the other says before intervening.
3. Do not make inferences, talk only about what is observed. This includes not making judgments
of intentions assuming that the other is trying to achieve something that is not observable.
4. Avoid conflict by being neutral and avoiding negativity or power struggles.
Solution phase
Once you agree on the definition of the problem, you move on to the solution phase. In this phase you
must:
1. Focus on the solution and do not return to the approach over and over again. The best way to
stay on top of the solution is to use the rules of brainstorming.
2. The solutions must focus on defining changes in the behaviors of both and not only that of the
one causing the problem. There is a maxim that says: “if you want someone to change, start by
changing yourself.” The change of one must entail positive consequences for him, which implies
a change in the other. Assertiveness training can be a good way to reach a consensus on the
solution.
3. Based on the list of alternative solutions that has been generated, an analysis of the pros and
cons of each of them is carried out. From this evaluation a consensus must be derived on the
solution to the problem. It is advisable that the agreement be made in writing, because it
requires greater specificity.
4. Sometimes, if the proposed change is complicated, it is advisable to plan for it.
5. It is necessary to monitor the agreement to evaluate whether the appropriate solution has been
achieved or whether any adjustments need to be made.
Irrational ideas and myths about the
relationship
This page describes common erroneous beliefs that can hinder
the proper functioning of the couple.
Irrational ideas and myths about the relationship
Carmen Penelas Lopez
Psychologist Specialist in Clinical Psychology
Member of the Psicoterapeutas.com team
Consult us at
Center for Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy
C/ Hermosilla, 114. 1ºC Telephone: 914119140 Madrid 28009
Send him an email
This page shows beliefs that are very widespread about the relationship and that actually involve errors
of conception that can be obstacles to your happiness.
It is based on the book by Professor Arnold Lazarus: Marital Myths, editorial,
We talk about marriage to facilitate understanding but it is equally applicable to couples who live
together with a common life project.
Myths explained below in detail
You can click on the one that catches your attention to see why the myth is nothing more than a myth.
1. "Husband and wife should be the best of friends"
2. “Romantic love creates a good marriage”
3. “An extramarital relationship only occurs in marriages that have problems”
4. “If you feel guilty, confess.”
5. “Husband and wife should do everything together”
6. “We must fight at all costs for marriage”
7. “A good couple trusts each other completely”
8. “You must make your partner happy”
9. “Good couples allow all the emotional release”
10. “Good husbands fix electrical outlets, good wives put on the washing machine.”
11. “Having a child improves a bad marriage”
12. “Marriage should be a 50/50 partnership.”
13. “Marriage can make all our dreams come true”
14. “Those who truly love guess what the other thinks and feels”
15. “An unhappy marriage is better than a broken home.”
16. “The husband's career aspirations are above those of the wife”
17. “If your partner wants to leave you, hold on and fight.”
18. “Sometimes a dead love can be revived.”
19. “Competition stimulates marriage”
20. “You must transform your partner into someone better”
21. “Opposites attract and complement each other”
22. “Couples should not reveal their problems to strangers”
23. “Don't have sex while angry”
24. “Settle for what you have”
25. Assessment of irrational ideas about the relationship
MYTH 1: Husband and wife should be best friends
Marriage is sharing intimately, friendship is sharing intimacy.
Friendship puts the emphasis on the needs and interests of two independent people, while marriage puts
it on the family (in general).
Friendship supposes a climate in which all feelings and emotions can be expressed with total freedom,
what one thinks or feels about important topics does not affect the life of the other. In marriage, constant
physical proximity and shared responsibilities dictate the need for some degree of emotional reserve.
If friendship is a relationship in which what can be communicated goes from “A to Z”, in marriage it would
be more convenient for it to be from “A to W”.
For example, discussing sexual fantasies with both of your close friends can harm the relationship.
Discussing them with other friends would have no impact on the relationship in the friendship. The same
comment with a friend would have no impact on the relationship. .
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MYTH 2. “Romantic love creates a good marriage”
Marriage is not a romantic time, it is a practical and serious relationship. Loving yourself can be learned
and put into practice during marriage. Although the romantic education of Western society assumes that
it is a chemistry that “appears” and nothing can be done to make it prosper and be maintained over time.
Differences in economic status, social status, and education are important in the long run, although at
first in love it is believed that they can be eliminated or at least overcome. When passion decreases they
can become a source of conflict and heartbreak.
A happy relationship is based on behaviors such as: kindness, kindness, consideration, communication,
adjustment of each other's habits, joint participation in various activities, consensus on values,
reciprocity, mutual respect.
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MYTH 3. “An extramarital relationship only occurs in marriages that
have problems”
That one of the members has an affair is not something that only happens when there are problems in
the couple. There are many reasons and only some are a reflection of conflict or failures in the couple.
There may be a lack of affection or deficiencies in sexual relationships that make infidelity more likely;
But there are others like curiosity, or simply giving yourself the opportunity and not saying no, which have
nothing to do with failures in the couple.
Other times it is individual causes that lead one of the members of the couple to cheat on the other. For
example, wanting to prove to yourself that you are still attractive and desirable.
Sex outside the couple always affects the relationship and is the first cause of divorce; but it does not
always mean the end of it, without therapeutic help 35% of couples remain united.
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MYTH 4. “If you feel guilty, confess.”
“Total sincerity” in a couple can be deadly sometimes. For example, although there is a great variety in
the way couples relate, the fact that a couple reports infidelity is not usually accepted with serenity.
Confessing can help the cheater feel better and be able to forgive himself, and he is usually very
surprised that his partner does not value his “sincerity and honesty” and blames the deception in his
face, reacting very emotionally.
Nor is it so rare that what the cliché states that “the interested party” is the last to know happens. If the
person really trusts their partner and thinks that he/she would not cheat on them, they often do not
realize what is happening, even if everyone around them is aware.
Saying everything that comes to mind doesn't make much sense either. For example, if you see a very
attractive woman and the husband tells the wife that he thinks he would like to sleep with her, he may
receive a good beating for a thought that he never believed had any significance.
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MYTH 5. “Husband and wife should do everything together”
This myth arises from the romantic fallacy that assumes that the ideal couple consists of a total fusion,
two become one, they do everything together and go everywhere together.
The drawing represents a couple's relationship with few shared areas,
there is little common space.
It can represent an ideal couple, there is a lot of shared activity area,
but there is also an individual part of each member of the couple.
The romantic ideal, two merged into one, if possible, could represent
an intolerable overload for the relationship.
It is about deciding individually thinking together, I don't know that you have to ask for permission for an
individual activity, but you have to take into account the couple's previous commitments and give it
priority, since there is a responsibility with that person with whom you live. and which affects the
decisions one makes.
Insisting on doing everything together puts harmful pressure on both members of the couple and on the
relationship. Not having shared activities is negative for cohesion.
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MYTH 6. “We must fight at all costs for marriage”
Marriage requires adapting and giving in, dedication is also necessary, being a good negotiator and
sharing the interests of the other.
But constantly “trying” at all costs to make the relationship work leads to exhaustion and distancing
ourselves from the object of our hard work.
It must be gratifying to do things for the other person, if you never feel like sharing their time and
interests, and if nothing the other person does for you is appreciated or pleasurable. No matter how
much effort is put in at the end, the work done will take its toll, and the relationship will be damaged.
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MYTH 7. “A good couple trusts each other completely”
Being absolutely sure of your partner's devotion can lead to a subtle lack of respect, if you think that it is
not necessary to do anything to continue conquering the other. If it is considered that the spouse can
attract other people, displays of interest and affection will surely increase so that this does not happen. A
slight “insecurity” helps you stay more careful about your physical appearance, more attentive and
respectful of others.
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MYTH 8. “You must make your partner happy”
It is not the spouse's responsibility to make his or her partner happy, because not even oneself is
responsible for one's own happiness. For example, letting sexual enjoyment be solely the man's
responsibility is a mistake that burdens one with a task that depends on both of them.
On the other hand, if one has the idea that the other should make him happy, his attitude will be to sit
and wait.
Happiness is a product that arises from the activity that one does, although the same activity does not
always produce the same effect, because it depends on many factors. The person who wants to feel
happy takes responsibility for his or her own feelings and the search for pleasurable activities.
Taking charge of your own happiness increases your chances of making your life and marriage
satisfying.
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MYTH 9. “Good couples allow all the emotional release”
Assuming that home is the ideal place to release pent-up emotions is a serious mistake. According to
some people, they are just being “themselves” or “letting off steam,” when in reality they are mistreating
their partner and/or their family in word (and sometimes in deed).
There are serious consequences for this behavior (apart from the legal ones), such as revenge on the
part of the other spouse and even divorce.
Linked to this is the myth that “a good marriage is based on unconditional love”, no matter how one
behaves, the other must love them for “themselves”. But relationships, like any other, require education
and respect.
Also the myth of “loving is never having to say sorry” is a byproduct of these others, but it is false, if
mistakes are made you have to ask for forgiveness, it is the only way to be forgiven and human is to
make a mistake.
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MYTH 10. “Good husbands fix electrical outlets, good wives put on the
washing machine.”
Although, when it comes to domestic tasks, many stereotypes about what is “masculine” and “feminine”
have fallen; There are still some men who think that putting on the washing machine is beyond their
powers, and some women for whom programming the video is unthinkable.
As always, the problem is not knowing how to do or not, but whether or not to agree with what is done.
Therefore, it is advisable to talk about what each person knows how to do and what they are willing to
learn and, if necessary, what can be entrusted to people from outside so as not to get entangled in
absurd discussions about what one has or does not have to do according to one's sex. .
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MYTH 11. “Having a child improves a bad marriage”
Although children are usually a source of great satisfaction for a well-matched marriage; The
responsibilities of educating and raising a child increase the pressure on the couple. If the couple is
having problems, the lack of sleep and time for work or leisure will only worsen an already weakened
relationship.
Assuming that a couple can feel closer by having a child is a big mistake.
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MYTH 12. “Marriage should be a 50/50 partnership.”
The same salary for the same work, the same opportunities for everyone, are very reasonable
democratic ideas; But trying to lead the couple (or family) to a completely equitable distribution of tasks
and responsibilities is a mistake.
In real life, the members of the couple can contribute different skills or knowledge without this being
detrimental to the other. The fact of exchanging tasks, “if you cook, I'll vacuum,” should not become a
fight for absolute equality. If you really love another person, you enjoy doing something for them, without
having to constantly remember how much you “sacrifice” yourself and how little you reciprocate. The
ideal marriage would be a communist society in which each person gives according to their abilities and
receives according to their needs.
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MYTH 13. “Marriage can make all our dreams come true”
This myth is related to the myth of romantic love, but it also adds the “need” of the other; if you do not live
as a couple, the rest of your professional and personal successes, or other important relationships, are of
no use.
A good marriage is very desirable and helps to have a full life, but it is not essential. The idea that
marriage is “everything” creates a lot of unnecessary suffering.
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MYTH 14. “Those who truly love guess what the other thinks and feels”
Again this myth is related to that of “romantic love”. It assumes that compatibility means “sharing a single
mind”, “being on the same page”.
There is some truth in that people who share some type of intimacy (partner, friends, colleagues)
sometimes understand each other without words and perceive each other's thoughts and feelings, the
key word being “sometimes.”
This also applies to marriage, it is necessary to communicate sensitively what I want, what I like and
what I think the other person thinks in order to have a good relationship. Not reading minds or expecting
the other to read our minds gives us great clarity and respect in the relationship.
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MYTH 15. “An unhappy marriage is better than a broken home.”
An unhappy marriage is a tough ordeal that is sometimes maintained for reasons that have nothing to do
with the love and care found in a good partner. There are many reasons of an economic, social, religious
nature, or fear of loneliness, for children, etc. for which it may be worth keeping a relatively unhappy
partner. To do this, lowering exaggerated expectations and demands on the couple can help repair a
damaged relationship, but we must consider that, sometimes, a good separation is better than a bad life
together.
Considering personal happiness above other aspects and separating just because “it doesn't feel the
same” can be a mistake; But continuing in a relationship of constant suffering or fighting is also a
mistake.
What makes children more miserable is not the fact that their parents are together or not, but the fights
and arguments they have. When thinking about divorce, we must keep in mind that, sometimes, fights
last beyond the separation and can become harsher, so the damage to the children continues and can
increase.
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MYTH 16. “The husband's career aspirations are above those of the
wife”
It is up to each couple to assess what priority they assign to the work demands of each of them; it is not
about imposing but negotiating, taking into account individual and family needs.
If a couple works well and both agree on unequal positions, there is no need to change for the sake of a
misunderstood equality.
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MYTH 17. "If your partner wants to leave you, hold on and fight"
If one of the members of the couple wants to leave but stays out of fear, pity, money or guilt, what kind of
relationship is left?
Reluctance to let your partner leave may prevent you from doing so, but it is a poisoned victory. Although
it is brave to fight for your partner, this only pays off when there are two to do it. It is not convenient to
stay in a place where one is only tolerated or endured.
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MYTH 18. “Sometimes a dead love can be revived.”
If there is some affection or understanding left, or at least a trace of companionship, it is logical to try to
avoid divorce. However, if there is contempt and everything the other does causes anger, staying in the
relationship will only bring pain.
Many unpleasant relationships are maintained because their members become attached for reasons that
have nothing to do with love and good communication. For example, fear of the opinions of family and
friends, financial pressures, fear of loneliness, etc. It is necessary to analyze whether these reasons are
sufficient to maintain a relationship in which there is no love.
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MYTH 19. “Competition stimulates marriage”
Competition diminishes the reciprocity, joint efforts, and common goals that are the foundation of a
marriage. In competitive relationships there is a fight for leadership and then camaraderie disappears.
If there is competition, each one tries to show the other that he is better at work, with friends, and even
that he surpasses him in the affection of his children. The fight is continuous and each one insists on
their rights, so there is no coalition nor are cooperative solutions sought when disagreements arise, each
one tries to win in all situations.
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MYTH 20. “You must transform your partner into someone better”
If you don't like the person you are going to marry, it is unlikely that you will like him or her after you do.
And, even worse, if you force the other person to change, the resentment associated with the pressure
for an unwanted change will arise. One thing is the readjustments and adaptations necessary in every
life as a couple and another is the demands for change.
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MYTH 21. “Opposites attract and complement each other”
Opposites attract because they find differences fun and interesting, especially during the first stage of
romance; in the long term, what was previously pleasing may become incompatible with one's
preferences. For example, a very formal person may be attracted to a less conventional person, but over
the years this difference can lead to serious arguments.
Some differences can enrich the relationship, if they are not very important.
Serious problems arise when values are not shared, but they can also arise if preferences about leisure
and free time are always incompatible.
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MYTH 22. “Couples should not reveal their problems to strangers”
The idea that what happens in the couple should not be discussed with anyone because it is a betrayal
of the relationship can prevent a couple with difficulties from finding a solution to their problems, and
even from relativizing them and learning to tolerate the difficulties of a lifetime in common.
Consulting with a professional can save a good relationship if both of you are interested in it.
Consulting all the couple's decisions with the family of origin can prevent the couple from establishing
themselves as an independent entity.
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MYTH 23. “Don't have sex while angry”
Thinking that all sexual relations between a couple must always be a special and wonderful union, a
symbol of the love they profess is absurd. It would be like always eating at a five-star restaurant.
Sometimes a snack is so satisfying and helps us stay fed and happy. It's the same with sex, a quick and
pleasant sexual encounter doesn't need candles, flowers and poetry, sometimes it's more satisfying.
Couples who learn to enjoy a variety of sexual activity such as: loving sex, erotic sex, lustful sex, playful
sex, etc. tend to have fewer conflicts and be more united.
When we are angry, we may feel like punishing the other and we may refuse to make love; But we must
keep in mind that after a sexual relationship the problems are seen from a different emotional
perspective and what we were arguing about loses much of its meaning.
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MYTH 24. “Settle for what you have”
All couples need to adapt and learn to tolerate small inconveniences. Unattainable romantic expectations
prevent you from enjoying a romantic relationship in real life. But you can improve a relationship, and it is
rewarding to do so. If necessary, you must have the help of a professional.
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EVALUATION OF IRRATIONAL IDEAS ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP
WITH THE COUPLE
Instructions: For each of the fifteen statements below, place the number (1-7) that represents the extent
to which you agree or disagree with it.
1. completely (9)
OK:
1. quite agree (7)
1. a little (5)
1. Neither agree nor disagree(4)
Neither agree nor disagree
1. a little (3)
In disagreement
1. quite disagree (2)
1. completely (1)
If a person has some doubts about the relationship, it means that something is not right in it.
If my partner really loved me, we wouldn't have any fights.
If my partner really cared, he would always feel love for me.
If my partner gets angry with me or criticizes me in public, that indicates that he really
doesn't love me.
My partner should know what is important to me without having to tell them.
If I have to ask for what I really want, that already ruins it.
If my partner really cared, he would do what I ask.
A good relationship shouldn't have any problems
If two people truly love each other, there is no need to work on the relationship.
If my partner does something that bothers me, I think it's because he wants to hurt me on
purpose.
When my partner disagrees with me in front of other people I think it's a sign that he doesn't
care much about me.
If my partner contradicts me, I think he doesn't respect me too much.
If my partner hurts my feelings, I think he/she is bad.
My partner always tries to do things his way
My partner doesn't listen to what I have to say
10 COUPLE THERAPY GUIDELINES
Do you have problems with your partner? These are just ten couples therapy guidelines. Before
breaking up your marriage permanently, try to seek specialized help.
1) Be honest.
Being honest and open throughout the session with the counselor will help keep things on track
and encourage each party to open up. Being honest will help you set a clear tone for therapy.
This, like everything in life, will only work if you are sincere. If we put on a show and hide our true
opinions and feelings it won't work. We have to open our hearts to both the therapist and our
partner.
2) Commit to change.
Making a commitment to change a behavior or perspective is difficult, but you can take steps to
share your goal with your counselor and even sign a “contract” to stay on track.
3) Be specific.
Being specific about the issues that are creating tension in the relationship is the first step in
addressing them at their root.
4) Establish quantifiable objectives.
Your counselor can help you set concrete, achievable goals so you can develop new skills along the
way, and can set higher goals as you advance through the levels.
5) Learn to forgive.
Forgiveness is an important part of couples therapy and learning to forgive can save your
relationship.
6) Recognize patterns in your family history.
Many couples don't realize that they are simply imitating the behavior of parents or other family
members in their current relationship. A marriage counselor can help you identify these behavior
patterns to develop a healthier response to your current situation.
7) Look for ways to resolve, not relive, the conflict.
Many people get stuck in the trap of reliving a negative situation. The marriage counselor will
teach you how to resolve a situation and move forward.
8) Know your personality.
The evaluation of your personality is a part of the therapist's process and will help you determine
the specific attributes of your personality that may be aggravating the conflict you are
experiencing.
9) Do your homework!
Couples therapy takes place both in an office and at home. This means that not only do you have
to make an effort in the therapist's office, but you also have to make an effort in the family home.
10) Be respectful.
Showing respect for your partner and the counselor is an important element of couples therapy.
Take the time to listen and avoid jumping to conclusions. Patience and a commitment to respect
