THE
STREET
PERSUASION
PLAYBOOK
101 WAYS TO GAIN COMPLIANCE
FROM OTHERS IN REAL LIFE
P A U L M A S C E T T A
THE STREET PERSUASION PLAYBOOK
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Table of Contents
Introduction........................................................................10
BODY LANGUAGE TACTICS........................................13
# 1 Learn to Read the Signs ..........................................13
# 2 Look for Consistency Between Nonverbal Language
& Verbal Language .......................................................15
# 3 Read Nonverbal Messages In Context ....................17
# 4 Small Gestures and Expressions Are Equally
Important .......................................................................19
# 5 Separate Fake Nonverbal Signals From Genuine
Signals ..........................................................................21
# 6 Express Openness At All Times ..............................23
# 7 Constant Practice Creates a Perfect Master Persuader
.......................................................................................25
# 8 Different Palm Gestures Can Make or Break a Deal ..
27
# 9 Influence and Handshakes: What You Should Know .
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29
# 10 Put Power Players in their Place With a Counter-
Handshake .....................................................................31
# 11 Conquer the Moment with a Smile ........................33
# 12 Avoid Arm Barriers At All Cost ...........................35
# 13 Physical Touch Can Do Miracles .........................37
# 14 Beware of Harmful Hand Gestures .......................39
# 15 Learn How People Expose Their Own Doubt &
Deceit ............................................................................41
# 16 Your Arms Can Convey Vulnerability ...................43
# 17 Gain the Trust of Your Audience Instantly ...........45
# 18 Power the Communication Machine ....................47
# 19 Raise the Energy in Interactions Easily ................49
# 20 Tactical Facial Expressions Get the Job Done ......51
VERBAL LANGUAGE TACTICS ...................................53
# 21 Need Fast Results? Try a Dose of Inconvenience .53
# 22 Prioritize Rapport Over Everything Else ...............55
# 23 Draw Out Your Audience Through A Gradual
Process ...........................................................................57
# 24 Learn to Fully Synchronize With the Subject .......59
# 25 Generosity Can Pay Off Extremely Well ..............61
# 26 Don’t Be Afraid To Admit the Weaknesses of Your
Offer ...............................................................................63
# 27 Talk About Your Common Enemies .....................65
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# 28 Relate a Story About An Individual Who Is Similar
to the Subject ................................................................67
# 29 Big Surprises Give Big Results ............................69
#30 Make Overdelivering a Habit ...............................71
# 31 Follow Up Grand Claims with Understatements ..73
# 32 Precision Matters Each and Every Time ...............75
# 33 Deliver Ease and Convenience While Increasing
Your Profit ....................................................................77
# 34 Gain Compliance Through Active Listening ........79
# 35 Don’t Forget to Ask for Compliance ....................81
# 36 Scarcity Is the Name of the Game ........................83
# 37 Make Your Offer More Familiar to the Influencee ...
85
# 38 Invoke the Power of the Group .............................87
# 39 Hasten Decision-Making with Contrasting
Statements .....................................................................89
# 40 Modify the Time Coordinates of Your Audience ..91
OBJECTION KILLING TACTICS ..................................93
# 41 Affirm as Many Beliefs and Values As Possible ...93
# 42 Outcomes Matter All The Time ............................95
# 43 Take Advantage of Peak Experiences and End-
Experiences ...................................................................97
# 44 Explore Both Sides of the Coin to Avoid Objections
.......................................................................................99
# 45 Debunk Negative Beliefs the Right Way ............101
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# 46 Prevent Option Attachment As Quickly As Possible
.....................................................................................103
# 47 Use Behavioral Scripts to Change a Person’s Belief .
105
# 48 Discover Three Little Known Facts about How
Decisions Are Made ....................................................107
# 49 Handle Buyer’s Remorse Like a Pro ..................109
# 50 Empathy is the King of Objection-Handling ......111
# 51 Encourage Compliance with Strategically Vague
Words ...........................................................................113
# 52 Encourage Physical Involvement to Minimize
Objections ...................................................................115
# 53 All Lines of Questioning Should Lead You to a Goal
.....................................................................................117
# 54 Handle Objections with Three Covert Concepts:
Pleasure, Pain & Ease ..................................................119
# 55 Determine the Roots of Objections......................121
# 56 Dealing with ‘Economic Excuses’ ......................123
# 57 Differentiating Valid Objections from Invalid
Objections ...................................................................125
# 58 Remember This Simple Blueprint for Handling
Objections ...................................................................127
# 59 How Well Do You Know Your Offer’s Benefits? ......
129
# 60 Analyze Objections Like a Pro ...........................131
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NLP TACTICS ................................................................133
# 61 How to Shift a Person’s Mind Flow in an Instant......
133
# 62 Use Agreement Frames to Improve Your Chances of
Gaining Compliance ...................................................135
# 63 How to Get People to Agree With You With “Yes
Sets” .............................................................................137
# 64 Familiarize Yourself With the Subject’s Perceptual
Position ........................................................................139
# 65 Strategic Uses for “But” and “And” ....................141
# 66: Levying Criticism without Damaging Your Ability
to Persuade ..................................................................143
# 67 How to Heighten the Subject’s Awareness Instantly
.....................................................................................145
# 68 A Hassle Free Approach to Establishing Rapport ......
147
# 69 Why Pacing Matters ..........................................149
# 70 How to Use Future Pacing ...................................151
# 71 Effectively Utilize Internal Representations ........153
# 72 Transforming Conversations into Opportunities to
Persuade Others ..........................................................155
# 73 Using NLP to Introduce Change .........................157
# 74 Deal with Difficult Subjects Using the Relevancy
Frame ..........................................................................159
# 75 How to Practice Your NLP Skills .......................161
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# 76 Applying NLP Language Patterns for the First Time
.....................................................................................163
# 77 Create a More Influential Personality with NLP .165
# 78 How to Gain Access to a Person’s Deepest
Thoughts and Emotions ...............................................168
# 79 Shifting the Issue and Cueing the Subject to Take
Action Immediately ....................................................170
# 80 Imploding the Subject’s Past Decisions...............172
PSYCHOLOGY TACTICS .............................................174
# 81 Understanding How Herd Mentality Works .......174
# 82 Expect Negative Messages to Bring Negative
Results ........................................................................176
# 83 Blasting Away the Gray Middle Zone ................178
# 84 More Options Might Mean Lesser Impact ..........180
# 85 When Bonuses Go Bad ........................................182
# 86 Discover the Power of Compromise ...................184
# 87 Why Fear May Not Be a Factor (In Decision-
Making)........................................................................186
# 88 Don’t Forget to Add Your Personal Touch ..........188
# 89 How to Increase the Perceived Value of Gifts ....190
# 90 Give Incentives First Before Asking for Compliance
.....................................................................................192
# 91 Adjust Your Expectations of Personal Favors .....194
# 92 How Small Commitments Can Help Large Causes ..
196
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# 93 Discover How a Simple Question Can Help You
Gain Compliance Effortlessly .....................................198
# 94 Focus on Getting Active Commitments ..............200
# 95 Make Consistency Your Best Friend in Persuading
People ..........................................................................202
# 96 Winning Over People… With a Strange Technique .
204
# 97 Showcase Your Competence Without Hurting Your
Image ..........................................................................206
# 98 Don’t Act Like You’re the Brightest Bulb in the
Room ..........................................................................208
# 99 Use Dissenting Opinions to Improve Yourself ...210
# 100 How You Can Make Any Form of Training Twice
As Effective .................................................................212
# 101 Exposing Little Faults Can Help Persuade Others .
214
CONCLUSION ...........................................................215
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Introduction
Consider this book a time saver.
I started studying the science and the art of persuasion 20
years ago. What I quickly learned was that all of the stuff I
was studying only focused on the science part. Persuasion
is based on Psychology. Once you understand the way
people think and what causes them to make decisions you
can implement certain tactics and strategies to make them
do what you want. That’s actually the easy part.
The hard part - that no one else teaches - is the art of
persuasion. That’s the part that is difficult to put on paper
because it requires a special understanding of certain
factors that can drastically impact the results you get. It
also requires some good old common sense - which based
on my experience really isn’t that common at all.
That’s where Street Persuasion comes into play.
Street Persuasion utilizes all the traditionally accepted
persuasion techniques but with one big caveat: We only use
what works in real life situations.
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I go over this more in depth in my full training; The Art of
Street Persuasion.
For now, use this guide to get quick access to some street
persuasion techniques you can start using right away.
The power of personal persuasion is unlimited – this is
probably the biggest truth that gave impetus to the writing
of this book. When I first started writing this book, I
wondered if it was possible to combine the best of all the
fields of persuasion and place them in a singular volume for
readers to read and apply to their daily lives.
With so many books on persuasion and too few usable
titles, this book was really forthcoming because people
needed a powerful volume that would teach them
everything they would need to persuade people through
body language, verbal language, psychology, etc.
One thing I want you to take note of, there are an
additional 30 techniques on my Youtube channel that
are not in the book.
I specifically kept them out of the book and published them
there instead because they’re much more basic and
rudimentary.
Anyway, the good news is that makes the real total 131
ways to gain compliance from others :)
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You can see them here:
This book is divided into five different sections: body
language, verbal language, overcoming objections, NLP
tactics and psychology. Each distinct field has something
special to offer to the master persuader.
What you have here is a massive toolbox of persuasion
tactics that will help you handle any situation that requires
compliance. Why did I choose five different domains
instead of just one? We all know for a fact that sometimes,
one system of strategies may not work.
For example, if you are talking to someone on your phone
or mobile phone, you can’t use body language because
obviously, the other person won’t be able to see you.
In other situations, non-verbal language would have more
weight than verbal language because people would pay
more attention to your body language than the verbal
content of your message.
When dealing with complex issues within a group, you may
want to try persuasion strategies from psychology
(specifically, social psychology). NLP or neuro linguistic
programming is a special field that deals with programming
the mind to accomplish personal excellence.
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Techniques from NLP can also be used to influence others;
you can use language patterns and sets to get the elusive
“yes!” from even the most resistant audience. The
possibilities are endless when you have The Persuasion
Playbook: 101 Ways to Gain Compliance From Others.
Welcome to your new journey in mastering universal
persuasion and influence!
BODY LANGUAGE TACTICS
# 1 Learn to Read the Signs
Body language works so well because you are accessing
the deepest emotions and thoughts of others by reading
their physical expressions. People have an inborn tendency
to express themselves through gestures and facial
expressions – we can’t modify this tendency any more than
we can modify the fact that we have opposable thumbs.
But it takes more than just being observant to be able to
effectively read body language. To be able to understand
what the other person is really trying to say to you, you
must be able to read gestures and expressions in clusters.
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For example, if a person suddenly frowned, does it mean
that he dislikes you? That singular expression, taken out of
context and its gesture cluster, is meaningless because you
won’t be able to associate it with other gestures.
You have to find associated expressions and gestures to
make a valid interpretation of what’s in front of you at the
moment. If you read isolated expressions and base your
decisions and words on those isolated expressions, you may
not be able to influence the other person because you keep
missing what he’s really trying to convey.
A body language cluster is similar to a verbal sentence. And
like a verbal sentence, a nonverbal sentence needs at least
three elements to work. So before making a conclusion,
you need to link at least three distinct body language
signals coming from the other person.
You also need to determine if the signals you are picking up
are actually related. For example, if the other person
crossed his arms, frowned and suddenly had a bad
coughing fit, do you think the last part was related to the
first two parts of the nonverbal message?
You can hone your ability to read other people’s body
language by watching movies and turning off the sound.
Your sensitivity to body language will become heightened
as your brain works double time to interpret the body
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language of the actors and actresses in the movie. You can
also observe people when you are in the mall or in the park.
# 2 Look for Consistency Between
Nonverbal Language & Verbal Language
How will you know if the other person has already been
persuaded or influenced? Check for congruence between
what he’s saying and what he’s expressing (unknowingly)
through his body language.
Most people don’t realize that the bulk of their message is
contained in nonverbal language, so they keep their guard
down when it comes to expressing themselves physically.
People are very guarded about what they say but they don’t
know how to conceal what their facial expressions and
physical gestures convey. This is one of the biggest
advantages of master persuaders who are adept in both
verbal communication and nonverbal communication.
You would be able to monitor both channels of
communication and check if the other person is confidently
expressing the same thing through both channels.
If the person in front of you is saying “I believe you” but
his body language is saying “I don’t believe a word you’re
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saying” then you may have to uncover the hidden
objections and counter these objections to be able to
influence the other person.
You can also use this technique to see if you have been able
to establish rapport with your audience. Verbal responses
are easy to ‘fake’ especially when the audience is trying its
best to be polite. But what if you really want to know if the
audience is responding to your message?
Again, all you have to do is to look at your audience’s body
language. If your audience is showing signs of being
distracted or distant, you may not be making a full impact
on your audience at all.
In such cases, you have to stop and re-evaluate what you
should do next because what you are doing at the moment
is not having a very beneficial effect on your social
interaction. A master influencer must move fast when he
detects incongruence between what is being said and what
is being expressed through the face and the body.
If you move quickly enough, you may be able to change the
course of the social interaction and create a lasting positive
impression on the other party.
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# 3 Read Nonverbal Messages In Context
The Merriam-Webster Dictionary has two definitions for
the word context:
1. The parts of a discourse that surrounds a word or
passage and can throw light on its meaning.
2. The interrelated conditions in which something exists
or occurs.
Interestingly enough, the word itself was derived from two
Latin words: “com” and “texere” which literally meant ‘to
weave’. This reveals to us that language in itself is
meaningless without context.
You can’t make sense of words (verbal or otherwise) if you
don’t see the context in which the words were spoken.
Nonverbal messages must also be read and understood
within their proper contexts. For example, if the other party
suddenly shivered in front of you, does it mean that what
you were saying actually spooked the other party?
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If you read the gesture/expression in isolation, you may
come up with that conclusion (i.e. you are a scary speaker,
indeed). But if you look at other potential causes of the
behavior, you will be able to come up with a more
informed conclusion as to what the other person is really
trying to say.
Not all body language signals are significant (the same way
that not all our words are groundbreaking and important).
You also have to be able to sift through the mess of
expressions coming from the other party and trace the ones
that are relevant to the matter at hand.
As a master persuader it is also important to analyze
gestures based on the possibility that they may be habitual
expressions of the other person. If a gesture is habitual, it
may be meaningless because the other person does it just
because he finds the gesture/expression nice or desirable.
Some people flick their hands back and forth while talking
(regardless of what they are feeling about the idea on the
table) while some smile broadly even if they disagree
wholeheartedly with what the other person is saying.
You have to be extra careful when reading nonverbal
messages in this type of situation because you might not be
able to detect and resolve objections to your argument if
you don’t even understand the actual message that the
other person is trying to convey.
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# 4 Small Gestures and Expressions Are
Equally Important
Some people make the mistake of ignoring small gestures
because they think that in the grand scheme of things, the
small things are irrelevant. Well, I’m here to tell you right
now that nothing could be further from the truth.
Oftentimes, the most essential gestures are performed at a
very small scale and at high speed. Some adults can be
guarded/defensive about what they say and what they
convey with their physical gestures and expressions unlike
kids who are still developing the gestures that would later
be part of their repertoire of signals in adulthood.
Here’s a good example: have you ever seen a child tell a
small lie? Like who ate the last cookie in the jar? Notice
that most kids (usually those who are younger than 5) will
try to cover their mouths as they say “no, I didn’t eat the
cookie”.
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The mouth-covering gesture is a sign that the other party is
telling a lie. In adulthood, the mouth-covering gesture is
scaled down and is done at high speed.
A teenager or adult who is telling a lie may suddenly touch
the rim of the mouth for a second before speaking. The
small, insignificant movement is actually the same full
blown mouth-covering gesture used by small children. It
has only been scaled down so it won’t be so obvious.
The mouth covering gesture can also be performed in such
a way that it’s not apparent that the other person is trying to
cover his mouth. For example, a person may touch the tip
of his nose with his index fingers (hands are clasped) so it
would appear that he’s just trying to scratch an itchy nose.
Blinking is also another micro-signal that you should watch
out for. Unnatural blinking during a conversation usually
means that the other person is hiding something from you.
Persuasion would be difficult if the other person has not
laid down all of his cards on the table. In such cases you
would need to draw out the other person even more to get
to the bottom of the situation.
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# 5 Separate Fake Nonverbal Signals From
Genuine Signals
I’ve been asked this question many times in the past: is it
possible to actually fake body language? The simple
answer is yes it’s possible to fake body language but it
would take a very long time before a person can control all
of the macro and micro signals given off by the body
during social interactions.
You see, we can only control a very small percentage of all
the body signals that we give out when we speak to
someone. You can smile, but if you absolutely dislike what
is in front of you then your body will immediately work to
reflect this truth.
People who make it a habit to deceive people usually fake
most signals successfully – but not all. There are still many
nonverbal signals that we have no control over and as a
master persuader, it’s your job to catch these signals.
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It’s hard to fake body when the receiver of the signals is a
woman because women are generally more perceptive than
males. Males on the other hand, can learn to be more
perceptive so they don’t become easy prey to con men and
other deceptive individuals.
How can you be more perceptive? You have to be able to
separate the real signals from the fake signals. For example,
if the other person is nodding and smiling at what you are
saying and is expressing ‘I like what I’m hearing’, you may
want to check the cheeks and eye region.
A genuine smile is relaxed and makes the corners of the
eyes crinkle a little. The cheeks would also be relaxed to
accommodate the movement of the mouth muscles. This is
a genuine smile and it conveys pleasure, agreement or
happiness. A fake smile is limited to the mouth region only.
The eyes and cheeks are often stiff and non-expressive. It is
possible to fake body language but you would have to be a
very deceptive person to be able to fake it for long periods
of time. The body doesn’t like hiding what is really in the
mind, so deceptive people need lots of energy to cover up
their body language.
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# 6 Express Openness At All Times
Openness is an important facet of human communication.
When you appear open, you are expressing the following to
your audience:
1. You are not a threat to them.
2. You are not there to take away their resources.
3. You are not there to harm them in any way.
4. You are telling the truth.
5. You are there to hear them out as much as share your
ideas with them
6. You are there to possibly raise their social status.
You can express openness easily by keeping the palms of
your hand visible whenever you speak to people.
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Historically, this gesture is used to show that no deadly
weapon (like a knife) is being concealed in a person’s
hands.
You can express openness by showing the palm of one
hand or by showing both palms. Either way, you are
communicating that you are telling the truth and you have
nothing to hide.
Showing the palm of the hand gives the other party a
reason to think that you are indeed genuine in your
intentions and you are not trying to hide anything when you
are relaying your thoughts and ideas. This is very important
when you are offering something that carries some degree
of risk (i.e. financial risk).
If the other party feels that he knows everything there is to
know about the offer, he would feel less inclined to say no
because he will trust you more easily.
But if you keep your hands closed through the
conversation, this small signal may backfire on you
because the other party might think that you are trying to
hide something.
There is nothing more harmful to a master persuader than a
backfiring strategy – because if this happens to you, you
will have to do damage control before trying to persuade
the other person again. It would best to avoid harmful
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situations so you won’t have to perform damage control at
all.
# 7 Constant Practice Creates a Perfect
Master Persuader
In the previous section I discussed with you the importance
of expressing openness whenever you are trying to
influence someone because this will break down resistance
quickly and will also help you establish harmony/rapport
with the other party faster, too. The open-palm gesture
expresses not only openness but also sincerity.
When a person is sincere, he will never consciously choose
to deceive anyone. The best thing about using this gesture
is that over time, the habit of using this gesture rubs off on
yourself and you won’t feel the need to hide things from
people.
You will become a more genuine speaker/persuader and
people would be able to detect this immediately when you
are in their presence. Using gestures of openness offer an
amazing opportunity to improve your public persona or the
image of yourself that your project to people whenever you
are in social situations.
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If you stick to positive body language, you will become the
embodiment of influence and trust. However, if you choose
to use defensive or critical body language you will also
embody the negativity that these gestures and expressions
represent.
The law of cause and effect comes into play here - if your
body leads the mind through positive body language, the
mind follows suit. Body language is clear proof of the
mind-body connection. The principle of the mind-body
connection stipulates that the mind has a direct effect on the
body and vice versa.
So when the body tries to lead the mind (through body
language) the mind follows suit. When you use happy,
positive gestures, you will feel happy and positive.
But when you start using gestures like arm-barriers (i.e.
crossing your arms) you will begin to think critically of the
other party and you will start feeling defensive, too. All of
this is happening because you chose to use an arm-barrier
gesture.
Here’s another advantage when you use positive gestures:
when you convey genuineness and openness, the other
party will feel obliged to reciprocate the positive values
that you embody during the social interaction. So if the
other party is planning to lie to you, he will feel pressured
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not to because the principle of reciprocity doesn’t approve
of such behavior.
# 8 Different Palm Gestures Can Make or
Break a Deal
Hand gestures are the most powerful means of
communicating emotions and mind states to other people.
And because of the power that these gestures yield, it’s also
very easy to make mistakes when using them. There are
three hand-palm gestures that are commonly used in almost
every social interaction:
1. The palm up gesture
2. The palm down gesture
3. The finger-pointing gesture (palm closed)
Among these three gestures, the most effective one (in
terms of persuading people) is the palm up gesture. Why?
Because the palm up gesture signifies truthfulness,
genuineness and submissiveness, too.
Now, don’t get me wrong – submissiveness in itself is not
enough to be influential. But if you can convey this
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particular trait while you are bringing in the heavy artillery
(the verbal content of the influential message) you will
have a much higher success rate.
Showing the palm during a conversation also shows that
you are no threat and what you are bringing to the table is
beneficial to the other party as well as yourself. Let’s talk
about the other gestures.
The palm down gesture is not as helpful as the palm up
gesture because it is not an equalizing gesture. When a
person signals with his palms down, he is expressing that
he is superior to his audience and the audience may or may
not react favorably to such expressions.
When you ask someone to do something for you with your
palm/s down, you are giving the impression that you are
ordering the other person around. Try it yourself.
Have a friend listen to you and ask them something with
the palm up and with the palm down. Ask your friend if the
hand gesture made any difference. Nine times out of ten,
people will say that they felt that their status was somehow
lowered because of the gesture used. The third gesture is
the pointed-finger gesture.
This gesture should be avoided at all cost because it is
demeaning and immediately lowers the status of the other
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party. No one likes to have their status lowered and so
people can become even more defensive when you
habitually use this gesture.
# 9 Influence and Handshakes: What You
Should Know
Simple handshakes can actually express power and control
in social situations. As an influencer, you should always
strive to present yourself as an equalizing force to others
because you will get their trust more easily this way.
You can easily show this through the handshake. First
thing’s first: you have to determine whether or not you
should reach first to shake the other person’s hand.
If you are in a familiar environment (i.e. at home, in your
office, etc.) it is imperative that you reach out first to shake
the other person’s hand because you are the one welcoming
the other person into your own personal domain.
However, if you are in a party and you are introduced to
bosses and other top brass individuals, you may want to
wait for the other person to shake your hand.
If you reach out first, others might mistake the gesture as a
challenge to authority or worse, “being too big for one’s
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boots”. You have to be sensitive of hierarchies (implied or
not) when you are in unfamiliar situations to avoid
offending others.
If you are the one with rank and you meet others, you
should reach out immediately because this will equalize the
playing field. The people receiving the handshake will feel
that you have raised their social status and they will like
and trust you for doing that.
What does an equalizing handshake look like? To perform
an equalizing handshake, make sure that the palm of your
hands is vertical and parallel to the other person’s palm.
Shake it firmly but don’t crush the other person’s hand.
Try matching the handshake strength of the other person
because you are the one who is trying to exert influence. If
you have a strong grip, tone down the strength of the grip if
the other person has a somewhat weak handshake.
Using excessive force during a handshake may convey that
you are a dominant individual and people may actually
think that they should watch their backs because you would
try to control them. If your handshake is limp and weak,
you will come across as a weak and submissive individual
and others might take advantage of you because of this.
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# 10 Put Power Players in their Place With
a Counter-Handshake
In the previous section I discussed the importance of using
an equalizing handshake when meeting people for the first
time. But what should you do if you meet someone who
tries to dominate you from the outset?
Should you allow this person to get away with his bad habit
of trying to dominate people or should you counter his
gesture with an effective counter-handshake?
As a master persuader, I would recommend that you don’t
let the other party drive you down to submissiveness. Use a
counter-handshake if you have to. A counter-handshake is
simply a strategic handshake that defuses or disarms the
handshake of a power player.
Your first line of defense against dominant handshakes is
the equalizing handshake that we discussed earlier. Keep
your hand parallel or on top of the other person’s hand if he
is trying to put your hand under. A firmer grip may be
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necessary to avoid being symbolically dominated by
another person.
You can easily spot power players by observing how they
offer their hands during a handshake. Power players often
offer an almost completely face down hand when shaking
other people’s hands. People may not realize that they are
being forced to submit to the other person (symbolically) as
they shake hands.
If someone offers you a face down hand during a
handshake, don’t put your hand under the other person’s
hand. Instead, reach out as if you are doing a regular
handshake and shake the hand even if your palms will not
touch/meet.
This might result in a somewhat lopsided handshake, but
lopsided is better than being dominated by a power player.
Also, remember to step forward with the opposite leg as
you shake the power player’s hand.
Another way to counter a power player’s handshake is to
step forward with your right foot as you correct the power
player’s hand (since it’s facing down).
Do this quickly as you greet the other person during the
handshake. Chances are the power player will be too
shocked to make another counter-move – and you will win
that round automatically.
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# 11 Conquer the Moment with a Smile
In the world of influence, appearing to be submissive gives
the persuader the upper hand because the audience will
have no reason to feel defensive during the social
interaction.
You won’t be able to establish rapport with the other party
if you appear to be too dominant or controlling. One of the
easiest ways to appear non-hostile to people is by smiling.
Smiling is more than just a submissive facial expression.
It tells people that you are not there to harm them and you
want to be accepted by those around you. Once a person
expresses the desire to be accepted, people around him
would be more willing to lower their defenses.
How effective is smiling when disarming people? One
study showed that smiling while apologizing to another
person is actually more effective than not smiling. You have
nothing to lose – so it would be best to smile more
frequently during social interactions so that you will have
little trouble disarming other people’s mental defenses.
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And smiling is contagious – people are actually hardwired
to mirror expressions like smiling. So even if you are in a
room full of serious and edgy bosses, your smile would
level the playing field little by little, until you have the
upper hand.
Smiling is also viewed as a token or gift by others and by
virtue of the principle of reciprocity, people must return
smiles – even those given by strangers. Smiling even if you
feel pressured or stressed out is a must – so just do it. Don’t
think about how you feel or what you must do be doing
throughout the day.
At that vital moment when you have to influence someone,
I invite you to smile as happily as you can because this will
make your life much easier, I promise. Smiling is
universally recognized and it appears that the human brain
was designed in such a way that it will be able decode or
decipher a smile even if it was lopsided or even upside
down.
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# 12 Avoid Arm Barriers At All Cost
A few sections back we discussed the importance of being
open to one’s audience so you can establish rapport more
easily. There is one particular group of gestures that can
easily ruin the image of openness: the arm-barrier gestures.
Arm-barrier gestures are even more common than palm
gestures because people don’t think twice about using them
in every social situation. As the name implies, arm-barrier
gestures are performed with the arms and these gestures
simulate putting up a wall or blockade around a person.
Crossing the arms near the chest is the most common arm-
barrier gesture. This gesture ‘protects’ the heart and lungs
from any sudden attacks.
This is one of the main reasons why arm-barrier gestures
are horrible when you are trying to influence others – you
are showing people that you are threatened and you feel the
need to protect yourself.
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Using an arm-barrier gesture also communicates to others
that you are not sure about what you are saying/offering.
How will your audience be confident with what you have to
say if you appear unconfident? You won’t be able to do it.
If you appear unconfident, your audience might end up
being suspicious or critical about what you’re saying and
that is never a good thing. You want your audience to be as
open and uncritical of your thoughts and ideas because
eventually, you also want them to do something for you
(which is really the whole point of trying to influence
someone).
If the other party starts using the arm-barrier gesture, it
means you are probably losing ground. Remember: the
mind follows the body and vice versa. If a person adopts
negative body language can encourage negative thinking.
You can break the negative cycle by offering the other party
something to read or hold (at least). The arm barrier must
be dismantled so you can continue with your other
persuasion/influence strategies. The longer a person’s arm
barrier stays in the place, the more heightened the
resistance to your ideas become.
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# 13 Physical Touch Can Do Miracles
Touch is the last sense to go even in the face of advanced
age – and it is probably the most powerful of all the senses.
Through touch, a mother can convey love and care to her
newborn child. And through touch, a master persuader can
convey respect, integrity and sincerity to others.
A study conducted by researchers from the University of
Minnesota showed that a beneficial response can be elicited
from another person if the other person was lightly touched
on the elbow for about 3 seconds. In the study, the
researcher left a coin in a telephone booth and hid.
The researchers wanted to see if people would actually
return the coin to the original owner. In the first part of the
study, they didn’t touch anyone’s elbow. The result? Only
twenty-three percent of the total respondents in the first
part of the study returned the coin.
But in the second part of the study (where they integrated
the elbow-touching), the return rate for the coin was a
staggering sixty-eight percent. So the next time that you are
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in an appropriate situation, try touching the other person’s
elbow for a few seconds when you are trying to elicit
agreement.
You might be surprised how disarming touch can be even
in the most pressured situations. Why does touching the
elbow work? Well, the elbow is considered as ‘public
space’ because it’s far from the chest and abdomen, so
people can touch the elbow and not elicit a negative
response. Second, touch creates instant impact on other
people.
And finally, touch works because it creates a short yet
memorable connection between two or more people. This is
one of the reasons why politicians like to ‘press the flesh’
during campaigns. When a politician reaches out to touch
people’s elbows and shake hands, they are creating an
instant bond with throngs of strangers who might vote for
them.
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# 14 Beware of Harmful Hand Gestures
Many hand gestures can be helpful in persuading others
because they help break down mistrust or doubt. But there
are some hand gestures that can really destroy a positive
message because they will always signify negativity.
Let’s talk about these hand gestures so you can avoid these
gestures as much as possible during social interactions. The
first gesture to avoid is the clenched-fists gesture.
I know that you have probably seen this gesture somewhere
(and the person performing the gesture may even be
smiling) because it’s a very common expression. Some
people say that they are simply being comfortable when
they clench their hands on top of a table.
Well, according to experts this particular gesture actually
signifies uncertainty and anxiety. And to add insult to
injury, this gesture actually encourages poor blood flow to
the fingers so it’s common to see cold, clammy knuckles
when this gesture is held for long periods of time.
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If you see your subject performing this gesture, you can
break the gesture by offering the other person something to
hold like a business card, a pen, etc.
The second harmful gesture is the steeple gesture. The
steeple gesture occurs when a person places his hands in
front and places the tips of his fingers against each other
(like he’s holding a thin mirror in the middle).
This is a harmful gesture because it communicates that you
are superior and smug at the same time. You don’t want
that kind of impression from people because it triggers
defensive behavior in people.
The steeple gesture also gives people the impression that
the doer of the gesture is naturally arrogant – another big
no-no when you are trying to influence or persuade others.
The third gesture that you should avoid is placing your
hands behind your back.
This gesture fully exposes the chest and the abdomen and
expresses superiority in every angle. However, if you are in
a situation where power players abound, you can use the
hands-behind-the-back gesture to avoid looking
submissive. Apart from this rare occurrence, don’t use it
especially when you want someone to agree with your
ideas.
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# 15 Learn How People Expose Their Own
Doubt & Deceit
Persuading and persuading others is hard enough – but
what if you are faced with a person or a group of people
who make it habit of deceiving others? As a master
persuader, you should be adept not only in persuading
others but also in detecting lies and deceit.
Deceptive individuals often give away their positions by
giving off clear signals unknowingly. The first sign that
someone is trying to deceive you is the eye rub gesture. A
person would suddenly close his eyes and rub one (or both
eyes) for no reason as he speaks. This gesture is more
common in men than in women.
The eye-rubbing gesture may also communicate that the
other party doubts what you have just said. The second sign
is when the person touches or pulls on his ear during the
conversation. The second gesture is called the ear-grab.
This gesture may signify that the person doesn’t want to
hear what you’re saying or he may want to speak right now.
Variations of the ear-grab include: touching the inside of
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the ear with the index finger and folding the top of the ear
to cover the lower half of the ear. The third gesture is neck
scratching.
When someone tells you that he agrees with you one
hundred percent but begins scratching his neck, the other
party is probably just trying to end the conversation.
Another common sign is suddenly touching the nose during
a conversation.
Touching is different from scratching. A person who has a
really itchy nose will scratch not touch. Studies reveal that
when a person is trying to get away with deceit, blood
pressure rises and this makes the nose a little itchy. It’s the
body’s way of expressing deceit – and it’s your job to
recognize the sign.
Yet another sign of potential deceit is pulling on the collar.
Why do people pull on their collar? Well, deceit produces
changes in blood pressure and also changes the general
feeling around the neck and face. People use the collar-
pulling gesture in an attempt to counter the strange tingling
sensation felt around neck region.
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# 16 Your Arms Can Convey Vulnerability
The human body can express a variety of emotions and
mental states – including complete vulnerability. Even if
you don’t feel vulnerable, people can still see you as a
target as you attempt to influence and persuade them if you
look like a sitting duck.
The absolute worst thing that you can do during a
presentation or a conversation is to place both your arms at
your sides. This unconscious gesture is a real deal-breaker
because it renders you in a frozen and vulnerable state.
When your arms drop to your sides when you are trying to
communicate a message to people, your mind will
automatically detect the incongruence between what you
are trying to do (actively persuade other people) and what
your body is doing (the body has become a potential
target).
The primitive mind (the part of the human mind that
governs instincts) also sends out a signal to “play dead”
because there is a potential threat nearby.
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The worst thing about this posture is that it slowly begins to
affect the speaker’s speech rate, vocal projection, etc. Since
the body is emulating an animal that is pretending to “play
dead”, the brain sends out additional signals that further
reduce the impact of the speaker.
This posture is also problematic because when you put your
arms on your sides, it’s either you want to move (fight/
flight) or sleep (playing dead).
You will end up looking overly defensive or asleep. If you
feel threatened with your audience, you will begin to shift
your feet back and forth – this movement will make it hard
for your audience to focus on your message because it
would appear that you are anxious about something.
Remember: during live interactions, people pay attention to
your body language first before listening to the verbal
content of the message. Your audience will also pay
attention to the congruence between your nonverbal
message and verbal message. If there is incongruence
between the two, your audience will think that you are
hiding something from them.
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# 17 Gain the Trust of Your Audience
Instantly
The best thing about body language is you don’t have to be
a rocket scientist to understand the principles and apply
them to any situation that requires persuasion and
influence. For example, did you know that you could gain
people’s trust instantly by gesturing from a particular plane
of the body?
You see, the body is divided into different planes – each
plane communicates differently to people. If you want to
appear genuine and truthful to people when you are laying
down the facts of your argument, it would be best to
gesture from the level of the navel.
Imagine that you have a horizontal plane emanating from
your navel. Your hands and arms should only move along
this horizontal plane whenever you are gesturing to your
audience. Whenever you gesture from this horizontal plane,
you will feel calmer and more in control of the situation.
You will also be able to project your voice more clearly
when you use this communication plane. In eastern lore,
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the navel has been traditionally recognized as the seat of
human power. According to ancient lore, inner power is
stored within this region. It is also considered a person’s
center of gravity.
So whenever you use this center and the horizontal plane
that surrounds it, you embody balance and power at the
same time. The more you access this plane, the more
balanced and at peace you will feel.
This is especially important when you feel anxious or
afraid of your audience. Instead of wallowing in your
anxiety, simply access this plane and let nature take care of
the rest. Your anxiety and self-doubt will melt away as your
body and mind aligns with your physical center.
How important is this plane in communication? We all
know that the body responds instantly to stress. We can’t
stop the body from sending out chemical signals that begin
the stress response. What we can do is to reduce this stress
response so the anxiety and stress won’t take over. You can
accomplish this by accessing the exact same plane that
allows you to express truthfulness to people.
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# 18 Power the Communication Machine
Have you ever wondered how you can speak more
effectively and clearly when you need to persuade
someone? Well, the solution to this particular conundrum is
not speech classes but better breathing. Yes, you read that
right – better breathing.
You see, the human brain can only function at full capacity
if it’s getting enough oxygen. And you can only get
sufficient oxygen if you are breathing well. Most of us, out
of habit, perform shallow chest breathing. Chest breathing
occurs when you overuse your chest muscles when you
breathe.
This is common in folks who have to work in desks in all
day. Since the diaphragm is squeezed in, people find it
‘easier’ to breathe using mostly their chest muscles. This
results in shallow, stale breaths. It won’t kill you, but it
won’t help you think clearly either.
So to remedy this problem, I invite you to speak during the
in-breath. What is the in-breath? The in-breath is simply
the moment when you inhale air. I want you to practice
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speaking right after you have taken in a gulp of air. Doing
so will steadily increase the amount of oxygen being fed to
your brain at the moment that you need it the most – during
social interaction.
Does it work? Well, we can find that out right now. Here’s a
simple exercise to see if the in-breath does make you think
more clearly and more creatively.
I want you to imagine an apple right now but I want you to
imagine the apple as you exhale. Keep exhaling as you
imagine it and I want you to remember what the apple
looked like as you were imagining it.
Alright, keep that image intact in your memory because
there is a step number two. In step two, I want you to
imagine another apple but this time do so as you are
inhaling.
Remember what the second apple looked like. When you
are done imagining the second apple, I want you to
compare both apples. Which apple looks more scrumptious
and fresh?
And which apple looked a little withered? Nine times out of
ten, the answer would be apple number two. So the same
thing happens when we try to think and express ourselves
during exhalation or the out-breath.
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Our ideas and words become stale and unattractive.
Inversely, when we try to express ourselves during the in-
breath, all our ideas become crisp and fresh – just like the
second apple.
# 19 Raise the Energy in Interactions Easily
Often we find ourselves in the position where we have to
really raise the energy and excitement during a social
interaction. Excitement can get people to say “yes” even
before they have fully understood what is being laid down
on the table.
Emotions are a magnificent influence tool because people
tend to follow what they feel emotionally than what their
logic is telling them. In the world of body language,
excitement and energy is expressed through passion. How
can you express your own passion during a social
interaction?
Again, we look at the different divisions of the human
body. In a previous section, you have become acquainted
with the plane of balance and power, which is located near
the navel. The plane that you need if you want to express
pure passion is located near the center of the chest, right
next to the heart.
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Gestures of passion should come from the chest instead of
the navel. When you gesture from the navel, you become
more serene and balanced. However, it’s hard to get excited
about something if you are gesturing from this horizontal
plane. You need to gesture from your chest so that you will
get an instant energy boost physically and mentally.
Whenever you signal from the chest, the body
automatically responds and you will feel a sudden surge of
vigor and energy. This sudden surge will also be felt by
your audience. This technique is so powerful that you can
have your audience at the edge of their seats within a few
minutes of using this plane.
You will be able to gesture well within this region of the
body because you will face safe and confident gesturing
here, even if it is near the heart and the lungs. You will feel
confident because although the gesturing plane is near the
heart, it is protected by a tough encasement of bones.
You will feel invulnerable whenever you gesture from this
plane. However, be very careful when you are using this
particular plane because people can easily associate your
passion with aggression. You can try combining two planes
within a social interaction to produce a more balanced
energy level during the entire dialog.
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# 20 Tactical Facial Expressions Get the Job
Done
Facial expressions have the same weight and impact as
hand gestures, arm movements and handshakes. In fact,
whenever a person speaks the receiver of the message
(during a live interaction) looks at the face for clues as to
whether the speaker is telling the truth or lying.
The human brain is capable of processing visual cues more
efficiently (and more quickly) than verbal cues. This is the
reason why the brain is looking for ‘half of the message’
through body language. Without body language, the brain
has to work overtime to decipher what is really being
communicated.
Now, the first thing that you have to remember about the
face is to never cover your mouth and jaw line whenever
you are speaking. Believe it or not, your audience wants
and needs to see this area when you are talking because the
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brain is decoding lip movement alongside the verbal
message.
If you don’t believe me, try this little exercise: try talking to
a friend or colleague and cover your mouth completely
with a hand or handkerchief as you talk. Make sure that
your voice is loud enough during the conversation. Observe
how the other party reacts to your mouth cover.
After a few minutes remove the mouth cover and observe
the other party’s reaction. Nine times out of ten, the other
party would look and feel relieved that you have removed
the mouth cover.
If you want to bring your hand near your mouth, do so
without covering the region. You can try to bring the
audience’s attention to your mouth so that they would focus
on specific parts of your speech.
Here are some more tips to boost the results of all your
efforts:
1. Whenever you want to give your audience a gentle
smile, do so as you breathe in. This will open up the
entirety of the face and it will lend a gentler and
warmer aura to your smile, too.
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2. When a member of your audience talks to you, raise
your eyebrows slightly to signal that you recognize
that person’s input and you are ready to listen.
3. When someone is speaking, lean slightly toward his/
her direction to signal that you are listening intently to
what he/she has to say.
VERBAL LANGUAGE TACTICS
# 21 Need Fast Results? Try a Dose of
Inconvenience
We have grown accustomed to the idea that if we want to
persuade someone quickly, we have to make everything
absolutely perfect for the other party.
Well, that might work in many situations but what if the
other party seems to be immune to that old tactic? What if
the other party remains resistant to your persuasive
message?
Colleen Szot, a well-known TV ad writer, provided the
world of influence an answer: inject a dose of
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inconvenience to the formula to see fast results. Some of
you might be thinking: that idea sounds absolutely nuts!
But believe it or not, her tactic actually made her one of the
most well-known TV ad copywriters in the industry
because when she added that element to one of her
infomercials, sales generated by her script skyrocketed
overnight.
Her sales record from that one TV ad alone broke all
existing records. What did she do? Well, she simply added
the line “If operators are busy, please call again”.
That single line drove potential buyers nuts. So many
people called immediately to place their orders for the
product nationwide. Why did inconvenience work so well?
The answer lies in how people imagine situations.
Szot knew that the old line “call now, operators are
standing by” cued people to imagine long lines of operators
who rarely got calls from actual buyers. This imagery
generated the idea that no one wanted to buy the product
because there was no clear demand.
But with the addition of the line “if operators are busy,
please call again”, people immediately imagined high
demand for the product. The root of the impulse to call was
of course herd mentality. People generally pay more
attention to things if other people are paying attention.
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n the case of Szot’s TV infomercial, she didn’t even have to
literally show that people were lining up to buy the product.
A single line was enough to boost sales in record time. Now
here’s my challenge to you: how do you think the element
of inconvenience can help you persuade others?
# 22 Prioritize Rapport Over Everything
Else
When you reach out to other people for the first time with
the intent to persuade them, what is the first thing on your
mind? Most people think that they have to bring out the
heavy artillery to impress the other party.
Little do people know that before other people can pay
attention to a product, service or idea, they have to know
first if the person offering cares enough about them. By
‘care’ I don’t mean the persuader has to offer money or
anything like that.
Your audience has to feel your empathy for their needs and
you have to show your audience that you are familiar with
who they are and what they are about.Showing some
degree of familiarity can help you establish harmony or
rapport.
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There is a lot of information written about rapport (as
evidenced by the stuff that you see online) but all you
really need to remember about rapport is that it enhances
the communicate process because it removes all
foreseeable obstacles between the parties who are in dialog.
Rapport allows people to converse freely like old friends –
and if you can reach this level of rapport with any audience,
your ability to influence others will increase tenfold. So
how can you open up the possibility of establishing rapport
with another person?
My advice: don’t talk business immediately. Talk about
something else – try to find common ground and stick to
that common ground before talking business. You have to
reassure the other party that you are no threat and you are
on the same page as him.
This applies most especially to situations where you are
meeting the other party for the very first time and the other
party knows next to nothing about you.
Since it is your first meeting, you have to show sincerity
and interest so the other party will have an excellent first
impression of you. Never-ending interest is important when
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you are trying to draw out important information from
another party.
# 23 Draw Out Your Audience Through A
Gradual Process
When you’re trying to build rapport/harmony with another
person, it’s best to talk about stuff that you both have in
common. Personal experiences are golden but you are not
limited to talking about experiences when you are out to
persuade someone who isn’t really familiar with you.
But here’s the downside if you try to dig too deep during
the first meeting: the other person might feel you are
intruding into their personal space and he just might back
away from you. You do not want the other person to back
away from you so it would be best to steer clear of personal
matters during the first meeting.
What I’m suggesting here is that you use a gradual process
to get more information from the other party. Don’t press
the other party for information about family and personal
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stuff (yet). Instead, start with non-personal stuff like what
their business is like or what their work is all about.
As the other party becomes more familiar and comfortable
with you, slowly shift your questions so you would slowly
discover the other party’s values and needs. Always use a
knowledge level that works for the other party.
Don’t put yourself in the center of the dialog – the other
party should be the center of the dialog. As you gradually
draw out the other party, make sure that you show sincere
interest and deep involvement during the conversation.
Listen extremely well before speaking because we all know
that people love to talk about themselves. If the other
person starts talking about his personal life, you can be sure
that have established rapport. Congratulations – all your
excellent efforts as a master persuader have paid off and
you are that much closer to getting the results that you
want.
It is also important to show the other party that you are
similar to them because people like dealing with people
who are like them in some ways. Trust is established much
more easily this way.
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# 24 Learn to Fully Synchronize With the
Subject
It’s much easier to persuade someone to agree with your
ideas if you synchronize with them. Synchronization or
“matching” is the process of consciously mirroring the
other person so that rapport can be established much more
quickly.
This technique can work wonders but you have to
remember that the other person should never know that you
are trying to match or mirror him. If you get caught, the
other person might distrust you on the grounds that you are
acting suspiciously familiar and friendly – too friendly for
comfort, that is.
People are very defensive when they think they are being
manipulated - they would automatically back away from
whatever is being offered to them. Trust may be lost partly,
or completely. In short, your efforts might be wasted if the
other party thinks you are a manipulative person.
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That’s why matching/mirroring should always be done
covertly or secretly. In the previous sections I’ve already
shared with you some tips on how to showcase your
similarity with the other person. In addition to those
techniques, did you know that you can also use your tone of
voice to match another person?
Here’s how it works: imagine that the other person sounds a
little sad or even a little angry about something. You can
match his or her voice a little to establish commonality
before pacing the other person. How does this work?
Simple: you will match the other person before trying to set
the tone for the rest of the conversation. If the other person
is mad about something, share a similar experience before
gently shifting the topic (and changing your tone of voice
as well).
You have to match/mirror before shifting the other person’s
state of mind because you have to be on common ground
first before you can change the trajectory of the other
party’s mindset. If you try to divert his attention
immediately, he won’t because his mind is still elsewhere –
there is no connection between you and him (yet).
You can also try matching the other person’s breathing
pattern as well as his speech rate. If he’s talking slowly,
talk slowly as well and then increase your speech rate to
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see if he will sync with you. If he does sync with you, that
means rapport has already been established.
# 25 Generosity Can Pay Off Extremely
Well
Human beings will always put themselves first above all
else. We owe this tendency to our ancestors who really
knew a thing or two about surviving the harshest time
periods of human history. This tendency has not
disappeared even if human civilization has almost reached
its cultural, economic and technological peak.
At heart, we are still survivalist beings and there is little
that we can do to change that because it’s part of the
instinctual package that has been handed down to us by our
ancestors. It’s important to keep this in mind when you are
attempting to persuade or influence someone.
Your efforts would be wasted if you put your own interests
at the very center of things. It should be the other way
around – the other party’s interests should be priority. Your
interests are only secondary (as far as the other party is
concerned).
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As master persuaders we have to walk a tightrope each time
we negotiate with other people. We have to balance not
only our interests but also the interests, values and needs of
the other party. To add to this complicated responsibility,
we should also be able to show the other party that we are
watching out for their interests, too.
The easiest way to do this is by showing generosity
throughout the social interaction. You should show
generosity toward the other party because we want to set
into motion the principle of reciprocity.
The principle of reciprocity states that people generally feel
obligated to give back something to someone who has went
out of his way to do something beneficial for the other
person.
Even if your generosity doesn’t pay off immediately the
other person will owe you a favor or two in the future and
you can be sure that the other party will be willing to give
back something to you.
To avoid any disappointments and to make the gesture even
more genuine, offer something of value while expecting
nothing in return. Let the principle of reciprocity do its
magic. All you have to remember is to be generous with
people at all times – that’s it!
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# 26 Don’t Be Afraid To Admit the
Weaknesses of Your Offer
This might sound a little strange, but you will actually
boost your chance of convincing someone to accept your
offer when you admit your weaknesses.
Of course, I’m not referring to your personal weaknesses.
I’m talking about the weaknesses of what you are offering
the other party.
For example, let’s say you have a business offer. Most
people would do everything to make their offer look
bulletproof. But little do people know that they would come
across as even more credible when they admit small
weaknesses of their offer to the other party.
I’m not saying that you should tear down your own offer,
but if you say something like “this product isn’t as good as
Product X which is worth $3,000 more in the market”.
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This technique works because it shows your sincerity and it
boosts the subject’s belief that you are looking out for his
best interests.
Admitting the weakness of your own offer also
communicates you confidence in your idea/offer. After
admitting a weakness, the other party would also be open to
admitting weaknesses.
Knowledge of these weaknesses can be very helpful in the
long term because you will be able to respond to these
weaknesses (which are most likely needs) and in doing so
you will be able to strengthen your relationship with the
other party.
True influence focuses on strengthening long term
relationships with people. It’s not enough to persuade
someone; you have to be able to persuade that person
repeatedly, with little effort, after the first few encounters.
Your influence should work even if you are not there with
the other person.
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# 27 Talk About Your Common Enemies
Some of you might find this a little disturbing, but this
strategy really does work like a charm. If you want to
establish a solid connection between you and the other
party, nothing can do that faster than the knowledge that
both of you have a common enemy.
If you have just met the other person that day it might be
difficult to determine who or what is your common enemy.
If you are having trouble finding the common enemy, try
widening your perspective.
Of course, your common enemy has to be associated with
what you are supposed to talk about that day. If you’re
talking business, talk about an enemy in the industry or
district.
Why is this technique so effective? Having a common
enemy automatically makes allies out of complete
strangers. As long as you share common values with the
other person, it won’t matter if you are a complete stranger.
What would matter is that you have a common enemy.
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Nothing unites people more than the idea that you are
battling the same enemy. The other party will view you as
an instant ally and trust can be established early.
Common enemies don’t necessarily have to be people.
There are two categories that you can refer to when you are
attempting to identify common enemies: internal enemies
and external enemies. Internal enemies are problems and
issues that can be found within the workplace or business.
Stuff like poor sales and lousy advertising efforts are
common enemies. External enemies are things that have no
direct connection to the other party but can still affect their
business or work. Examples of external enemies are rising
gas prices, increases in taxes, etc.
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# 28 Relate a Story About An Individual
Who Is Similar to the Subject
This technique can be extremely useful for folks who have
to offer products and services to clients on a regular basis.
Sometimes, we need to tap into people’s imaginations in
order to persuade them. This won’t be easy if all you have
to offer is a list of feature-benefits.
People can be extremely hard to please; however, this
doesn’t mean that you have to lose every time you meet a
fickle client. What you need to do is to relate stories of past
clients or customers who have agreed to use your idea/
system/service or product.
It’s that simple. Of course, you would need to do some
research and legwork in order to find out if your other
clients have benefited from using what you are offering to
your client now. The more stories you have to relate, the
better off you will be.
Such stories are ideal examples of direct social proof.
When the other party hears such social proof, he would
want to gain the same benefit as the others. You would be
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able to spark not only interest but pure desire on the part of
the influencee.
Relating social proof to the subject also improves the
chances of establishing rapport. Why is this technique so
effective? People have a natural tendency to imagine
themselves in place of other people. It’s how we imagine
and understand physical reality.
Since you will be relating success stories, the subject will
also imagine himself as being on the winning side. You
should also inject some elements into your story that will
rivet the subject’s emotions. Nothing is more powerful than
emotions – and if you can utilize the other person’s
emotions, you will be able to persuade him more quickly.
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# 29 Big Surprises Give Big Results
Do you know why products sold through television
infomercial sell so well? The secret of these products’
success on TV is not so much the props used during the TV
infomercials but the way the copywriters fashioned the
claims presented on the infomercial.
Copywriters are experts in making grand claims. In many
cases grand claims are just what the influence doctor
ordered. A grand claim can be anything that adds an
element of positive surprise to the equation. You can tell
the subject something that only a few people know about
your idea/product/service.
The rarity and value of the information you are relaying
should be apparent, though.
If you say “some people have found my idea useful”, you
won’t be getting a lot of positive response from your
audience. You need something like this to get a good
response: 99% of all office workers increased their
productivity by as much as 40% in the first week of using
my idea.
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A grand claim makes use of statistics and unbelievable
results. It’s alright to make a really big claim – as long as
you can substantiate that grand claim with proof. If you
have basis for a claim, you can use it to pitch your idea or
offer. It is also important to surprise the subject with a little
known fact that directly supports your offer.
For example, if you are selling a piece of software that
improves delivery time of goods, you can tell the subject
that he can double his profits in a month by increasing the
number of orders that he can handle daily.
You can also tell him that his competition are all using
some form of delivery streamlining system and he’s
missing out on the extra profit. You need to deliver this new
information to the subject because this will be the direct
basis of his decision to accept what you are offering in the
first place.
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#30 Make Overdelivering a Habit
Too many people make the mistake of making average
promises and delivering average results. There’s nothing
wrong with this practice (considering that 90% of all
businesses prefer this mediocre strategy) – but if you want
solid, long-term relationships with clients you have to
practice over-delivering.
Over-delivering doesn’t mean you have to give away more
goods than what they paid for. Over-delivering can be done
before a deal is struck. It can be as simple as offering
professional advice to the other person. It can also be as
grand as a one year discount for bulk orders from your
business.
Over-delivering can of course be done after a deal or
contract is struck. For example, if you run a velvet cupcake
business it might be a good idea to add two or three
additional cupcakes for every box if lots of orders are
coming in from a single client.
Overdelivering is an amazing way to keep long-term clients
who won’t have any reason to look elsewhere for similar
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products or services. You will become notable for over-
delivering and your clients or customers will become
indebted to you (through the principle of reciprocity) and
you can expect a loyal customer base to form around your
business.
Can the principle of overdelivering be used in personal
social interactions? Yes – and it works beautifully in
personal interactions, too. Let’s say you want your brother
to start exercising. Your promise him that you will
accompany him on his first workout in the gym.
Instead of just accompanying him, you can join him during
the workout. That’s clearly overdelivering and it will
definitely help you persuade the subject even more.
Overdelivering works so well that it should always be in
your repertoire of influence tactics. Don’t forget to use it
each time you want to establish long-term relationships.
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# 31 Follow Up Grand Claims with
Understatements
The Merriam-Webster Dictionary has two associated
definitions for the word understatement:
1. To represent as less than is the case
2. To state or present with restraint for effect
Understating potential benefits is effective during social
interactions because it allows people to accept and analyze
new information more easily (especially if it’s the first time
that you’ve talked to the other person). Understatements are
doubly effective if you use it as a complement to grand
statements.
I discussed grand statements or grand claims in the
previous section. A grand claim can be used to elicit
positive surprise from the subject. Effective grand claims
always have the element of complete surprise so even
before trying to use a grand claim, make sure you craft the
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claim well and don’t forget to substantiate the claim with
social proof.
How can you create a good understatement? Let’s say you
are trying to sell a line of machines that create excellent
soft ice cream in minutes. Your grand claim can be along
the lines of “our ice cream machines helped over thirty
businesses in the city produce more ice cream in 7 days;
each machine can produce 400 servings of ice cream in
twelve hours”.
The matching understatement can be “if you are able to
produce 100 more servings of ice cream a day at $1.25,
that’s $125 more profit easily”. Of course, these are just
examples of what grand claims and understatements should
look like.
Take note of the elements of a good understatement. If the
ice cream maker you are pitching can produce 400
servings, you have to tone the number down to spark
expectancy in the other person. Your offer becomes more
tempting because even with a modest estimation the other
person would still get clear profit/benefits from using what
is being offered.
The grand claim-understatement combination will only
work if you do not exaggerate. Exaggeration is
unappreciated in almost any social situation so just avoid it
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as much as possible. Stick to facts and stick to claims that
you can easily back up with social proof.
# 32 Precision Matters Each and Every
Time
Only a handful of master persuaders are aware of the power
of precision in everyday social interactions. This applies
most especially in situations where you have to deal with
critical individuals who are hanging on to every little detail
that you are sharing with him.
Unless you have established sound rapport with the subject
and he trusts you completely, you won’t be able to persuade
a critical subject to agree with you because he’s most likely
waiting for you to show your competence, credibility and
rigor.
The fastest way to show your credibility to someone is by
showcasing your ability to be precise. Here’s how it works:
when you promise someone that they will gain Benefit A,
tell them that they can gain Benefit B and Benefit C by
performing Action A, B and so forth.
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You can easily add value to your input by being precise
with your information and advice. Of course, the goal is
still to convince the other person to agree with you and do
what you want.
So the next time a client asks you about how your idea/
product/service can help, don’t round off numbers and
don’t make rough estimates. Do your homework and keep
those figures and statistics on a small notebook or on a
reminders app on your phone.
When someone asks you about these facts, bring out your
reference and relay precise information. The other party
will appreciate the fact that you’ve done research and by
relaying precise information you are showcasing your
competence and credibility, too.
Being precise also puts you at an advantage each and every
time you interact with other people. For example, if you
typically call clients to get orders you may want to list
down the exact time and the details of your conversation so
that the next time you talk, you can reference your notes to
make sure that your client won’t mix up information from
other calls. It’s as easy as that. You will have a bigger
impact on others if you are able to cite specific facts from
conversations in the past.
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# 33 Deliver Ease and Convenience While
Increasing Your Profit
This is another strategy for folks who are in the business of
selling products and services. As a marketer, you know that
the customer is the very center of your business.
Without them, your business will go nowhere fast. So how
can you (as the business owner) get more business from
folks who have never dealt with you before? If you want to
attract new loyal customers to the fold, you have to
welcome these people with three things: ease, speed and
quality.
These three elements should always come together when
you are talking to a potential customer. You have to relay to
the customer that you can offer a high quality product fast
and the process of acquiring and paying for the product
would be extra easy.
This strategy works because in our day and age people no
longer have lots of time to wait. People no longer want to
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spend any of their free hours on things that can be
expedited by specific service and product providers.
In line with this modern mindset, you have to show that
you are running the perfect business that has the customer’s
interests at heart all the time. Use this tactic to make people
even more comfortable with what your business has to
offer.
You can also make more profit by finding out what more
you can offer or upsell just before the customer leaves. Fast
food joints are known for offering sundaes, soda and
French fries during checkout.
What’s your business’ “French fries”? What can you upsell
to attract more profit over time? Identify these products and
services and you are sure to make more money while
dealing with new customers. Does it sound easy? It is easy
and I can assure you that if it is done properly, it will work.
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# 34 Gain Compliance Through Active
Listening
What makes a master persuader a truly great
conversationalist? Is it his hair, his voice or the way that he
gestures while he talks? While these things can definitely
make an impact on a subject, no other effort comes close to
the impact of active listening.
Active listening is simply listening with an effort to block
out everything else. Most people listen to others while their
minds wander elsewhere. That’s not active listening.
When you actively listen to someone, you must put the
other person’s words at the very center of your
consciousness and you must show genuine interest in
everything he has to say. You might be surprised how
effective this technique can be in all social situations.
You will be able to project an image of a professional and
credible conversationalist by listening intently before
adding any input. Again, people love hearing themselves
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speak and as persuaders we must utilize this tendency to
our advantage.
There more you practice active listening, that more in-sync
you will become with the subject and you won’t have to
ask so many questions anymore because once the subject is
in the mood to talk about himself and what matters to him,
you will gain valuable insight without having to ask
questions.
Start practicing active listening today even with just your
family members. The more you listen, the more you will
learn and the more you learn, the more strategic your
responses would become.
It’s fine if you want to plan what to say to your subject but
always remember that you must be prepared to modify the
verbal content of your message based on the input of the
influencee. You can’t stick to just one route even if the
input is telling you to change your tactics. You can’t say the
right things to your audience if you don’t listen to them
first.
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# 35 Don’t Forget to Ask for Compliance
Covert influence is great but sometimes, it fails to produce
the desired goals because the subject isn’t sensitive enough
to respond to the subtle techniques. In such cases, you have
to seal the deal by directly asking for compliance.
Of course, you won’t be saying things like “have I
convinced you?” – such lines will make the other party a
little nervous and defensive because it would appear that
you are trapping them to say yes. You have to frame the
question in such a way that the subject will feel that he is
freely giving his consent to go ahead with whatever you are
offering.
Lines like “I think this is the absolute best thing for your
business right now. Should we get started?” would work
beautifully because you are providing a positive fact as you
are leading the subject to the final step of the influence
process: agreement and action.
However, I must remind you that this technique would only
work if you have built up your subject or audience
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sufficiently from ground up. You can’t ask for compliance
if there is no rapport between you and the audience. You
can’t ask the subject to buy something from you if he
doesn’t feel that it’s the right product or service.
And a customer can’t say yes if the persuader has not
shown competence and credibility. You must be able to
accomplish the different steps before asking for
compliance.
This technique is the logical end point of all your efforts
and if all goes well, compliance will be forthcoming. In
some cases, an excited subject might volunteer to comply
with what you are asking immediately.
Other times, the subject is clearly waiting for the question –
but never gets it. If you don’t ask for compliance, who will
do it for you? No one – that’s why you should always take
a chance and ask ahead if you have the influence
groundwork in place already. You have nothing to lose if
you ask.
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# 36 Scarcity Is the Name of the Game
No one likes the idea of scarcity. The word itself conjures
horrible images of drought and hunger. Human beings are
naturally averse to scarcity because it is closely associated
with hardship and even death.
And this is the main reason why we’re taking advantage of
this natural tendency to avoid scarcity – to persuade or
influence others more easily. If your subject is showing
signs of indecisiveness you may want to add the element of
scarcity to speed things up.
Scarcity works because when we want something but there
a lot of supply, there is no real reason to decide on the spot.
We can wait a day, a month or two years and the item that
we want would still be there. A person’s desire level is low
when the supply level is high.
Inversely, a person’s desire level increases exponentially
when scarcity is introduced. When an object of desire is
about to slip away, the target/subject will immediately want
to acquire the object because it’s about to disappear.
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How can you add the scarcity to the picture? Easy – you
just have to explain why there is scarcity involved. For
example, let’s say you were trying to sell a bundled product
to another person.
The ‘hook’ would be the special low price and the number
of products in the same line that are produced specifically
for the promotion. You have to emphasize that only a
limited number of special packages are being rolled out
from the factories and it will take a long time before the
promotion is run again.
To increase the impact of the scarcity technique you also
have to show the subject that he is going to miss out on a
lot if he doesn’t grab the opportunity you are offering him
right now.
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# 37 Make Your Offer More Familiar to the
Influencee
You may have encountered this problem countless times in
the past: you have something new to offer but no one wants
a bite because it’s unfamiliar and people aren’t just that
ready for change. So you end up failing just because people
don’t like the unfamiliar and the new.
Well, here’s a solution to that common problem: link the
familiar with the unfamiliar. It sounds simple enough but
this is actually the billion-dollar secret of companies like
Hanes. They hire people like Michael Jordan to promote
stuff for them and because MJ is a household name, people
flock to the Hanes brand of shirts and underwear. It’s that
simple.
Does MJ really know more about undershirts and such than
you or me? Of course not. But companies still hire him
because he’s very well-known and his face alone can
literally make sales boom. Now let’s try to apply this to
daily interactions and business deals.
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Let’s say you came up with a wildly crazy idea that will
make your office project a success. The problem with your
idea is that no one has heard of it before and it sounds too
novel to be taken seriously. Without this technique, it is
likely that you will be the target of much criticism.
You can avoid that by associating your idea with an
existing idea. It’s a simple exercise in comparison. You
have to convince your audience that your idea is simply a
massive improvement an existing concept. In the end, your
audience will imagine themselves reaping the benefits of
the new idea while discarding the old.
Change is generally avoided but people know better than to
avoid something that will provide a clear benefit. Just make
sure that you can substantiate your claims that your idea/
product/service is just like another existing idea/product/
service – otherwise, people won’t believe a word that you
are saying and they would be doubly doubtful of what you
are offering.
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# 38 Invoke the Power of the Group
We all have the desire to belong to a group. Unless a person
is antisocial through and through it would be possible to
persuade him to do something for you if he thinks it’s the
norm and a lot of people are also doing it.
Humans want to belong to groups because instinctually, we
associate groups with safety and survival. Humans were
able to survive floods and the Ice Age because they knew
how to stick together.
This is the reason why you should never forget to add this
technique to your repertoire of influence tactics. People
have a natural desire to conform to an existing group that
appears desirable.
Therefore, if you tell the subject that he will be part of a
group of people who are enjoying the benefits of what you
have to offer, he will naturally want to become part of that
group. Both his logic and emotions will be affected by your
offer because both channels of thinking are preoccupied
with survival.
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People will pick the path that will improve their chances of
survival (although people rarely realize that the end-point
of all human endeavors is survival and self-preservation).
Here are some sample lines that make use of the power of
the group:
“Hey, most of us from administration won’t think twice
about working on this project. But we believe that you have
the most potential from your group and you deserve to work
on this as much as the folks in administration.
Congratulations on your moving up in this company!”
“The moment you have this product, you will enjoy the
benefits of a select group of people who want to beat the
national mortality rate and live past 90!”
“When people order the flower shirt they also usually buy
the matching flower hat and flower pants, too”
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# 39 Hasten Decision-Making with
Contrasting Statements
One of the biggest problems that master persuaders
encounter when they are trying to get someone to say
“yes!” is the slow decision making. People always seem to
be stuck on saying yes because they think too much or they
think of the offer in so many different ways that they
become paralyzed with indecision.
This can kill the momentum in many situations – so it
would be best to remedy this situation before it wrecks the
persuasive groundwork that you have already laid down.
How can you do this?
The easiest way to hasten decision-making is by creating a
clear contrast that will make your offer appear in a positive
light. The contrast can be as simple and straightforward as
“what would happen if you got this/what would happen if
you didn’t get this”.
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This is just one way of creating contrast between things and
yet, this particular style can produce great results. Aim for
simplicity because information-logged people will become
even more confused if you come up with a complex
contrast. Also, it would be best to limit the items involved
in the contrasting so people won’t drown in information.
This technique can work in private interactions and in
business situations. Contrasting objects can really speed up
the decision-making process because people would be able
to create conclusions faster and they would be confident
with their conclusions because they will feel that they have
finally understood everything there is to know about the
issue at hand (even if they don’t).
This technique appeals to both logical people and creative
people; logical people will rationalize that they are making
the right choice while the more imaginative individuals will
imagine themselves choosing the better option which
would of course be your offer/product/idea.
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# 40 Modify the Time Coordinates of Your
Audience
When people have to make a decision that involves
spending or losing some resources (i.e. money, time, etc.)
they usually procrastinate in making the decision and they
also devalue what is being offered in their minds.
Personal resources are always limited and if one could
avoid reducing one’s resources, then that would be the
more ideal option. How can a master persuader work
around this tendency to say no to a good offer? If the
person in front of you is stuck on the present you have to
change his time coordinates.
You have to change the way he views the end-result of the
decision that you want him to make. For example, if you
are offering an investment that would pay off in a year or
two, you need to help him visualize what his financial state
would be like in a year (or two).
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He has to be able to see that all of his investments in what
you have to offer will not go to waste and ultimately, he
will be the one getting the best cut of the profit or benefit.
If the other person is unable to see this, he will walk away
and never call you again and you would have to work
double time to create the influential groundwork once
again.
If you have to shift the timeframe or time coordinates
involved twice or thrice, do it. Continue shifting the time
coordinates until your subjects realizes that he has
everything to gain in the end and the resources that will be
invested at the present will be all worth it.
Of course, before you can do this you have to make sure
that you will leave a good first impression on the subject
and you are unique from all the other folks who might be
offering something similar.
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OBJECTION KILLING TACTICS
# 41 Affirm as Many Beliefs and Values As
Possible
Dealing with objections is very common in the world of
influence. Objection is the twin brother of agreement –
there really is no way to have one without the other. This
doesn’t mean you should resign yourself to losses and
defeats; you just have to know how to entice agreement
(instead of objection).
The easiest way to handle objections is by avoiding them in
the first place. You see, people hold their core beliefs and
principles sacred. They have to protect these beliefs
because these ideas represent stability in a person’s life.
Attempting to change them on the spot will cause the other
person to become overly defensive.
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To avoid the situation where you have to engage in verbal
fencing with a defensive influencee, I suggest that you find
as many values and beliefs to reaffirm before making your
offer.
Because as you agree with another person’s beliefs, his
defenses go down until he no longer feels threatened by
your presence or your ideas. A person would slam the door
on a stranger who’s offering the fountain of youth – but a
person would never say no to a best friend who has cooked
up a crazy idea.
I want you to strive to become your subject’s ‘best friend’
during the conversation. I want you to make the subject as
comfortable and trusting as possible so you can avoid
objections. Of course, there would still be objections but as
a person becomes more and more trusting, he would find
fewer and fewer reasons to object to what is being laid out
on the table.
Avoid debates that directly counter the subject’s long-
standing beliefs – even if you win, your subject will never
forgive you for debunking his belief. It’s better to
harmonize with subject as much as possible – arguments
only create friction and distance between you and the
subject.
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# 42 Outcomes Matter All The Time
When a master persuader comes across a truly reluctant
subject, he must not feel even an iota of despair because
even the most reticent subject can be gradually drawn out
from their defensive stance and fully persuaded.
If your influence groundwork is falling apart, you need a
more robust system of persuasion. In this section I’m going
to share with eight simple steps that will counter most
objections by focusing on the outcome of the transaction
between you and the other party.
1. Identify the problem that your offer can solve. You
have to be very specific here because wary subjects
tend to ignore generalizations even more. Be specific
about the issue or problem that you can help solve.
2. After identifying the problem I want you to show the
subject what would happen if this problem continues
and he does not do anything to resolve it. Showcase
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the negative outcomes (i.e. extra costs over time) that
will result from inaction.
3. Ask the subject what type of resolution or outcome he
wants to see after being confronted with the issue or
problem.
4. Ask the subject what would happen if he chooses to
solve the problem.
5. Ask the subject again if this new route (the resolution)
is really what he wants at the moment.
6. Think of the long-term effects of the solution that you
are offering the subject. Will it really help the other
person or will it benefit only you in the end? Re-
evaluate. If you think your solution won’t help in the
long-term you have to make this clear to the other
subject so he won’t have any undue expectations.
7. If the subject gives an answer that doesn’t completely
align with what you want to hear, don’t be too quick to
judge. Hear him out and try convincing him again.
8. Never insinuate or state that the other person’s beliefs
are wrong. You will only open a can of worms each
time that you do that. Harmonize instead of creating
more friction.
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# 43 Take Advantage of Peak Experiences
and End-Experiences
Humans have a funny way of processing and remembering
events. If a person enjoyed something, even if it were just
ten minutes of relaxation, he would remember that for as
long as he lived.
But if he were enjoying something and that enjoyment was
interrupted for even a short period of time, he would
remember the end-experience (which is negative) and
forget all about the previous pleasure or enjoyment that he
had experienced prior to the negative end-experience.
This is by no means an obstacle to influence but rather, it is
a window of opportunity. If someone says no to your offer,
backtrack just a little bit so you can ask questions that
would later erode the resistance of the subject.
If your offer was rejected at first, I want you to ask the
subject about his last experience with your competitor. A
competitor is any person (or business, if you are a business
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person) that was previously associated with the subject.
Slowly draw out their negative experience and what
happened after they had that negative experience.
At this point in time, your subject will slowly remember the
negatives more than the positives because that is simply
how the human mind operates. After drawing out the
negative experiences from your competitor, slowly lead the
subject to what you have to offer and what you can do so
that he will never have such negative experiences every
again (if he chooses to stick with your offer).
Just make sure that you can back up your claims with
action; otherwise, the subject will most likely leave you
again after having a bad experience. You can use this tactic
to transform a “no” mindset into a “yes” mindset. It might
take some time to take effect, but it will eventually work.
And it can be used in any situation, too!
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# 44 Explore Both Sides of the Coin to
Avoid Objections
Most persuaders (even the most seasoned ones) feel a tiny
speck of fear whenever they here words like “I don’t think
this is right for me”. Hearing a “no” may feel like the end
of the world to a practicing master persuader, but in reality,
disagreement is really a meaningless concept.
We now know enough to confidently say that when a
person says “no” what he is really saying is “no until you
show me that you can bring me to point B safely”. People
want proof and reassurance that they are not going to be
harmed when they deal with you.
This applies to any situation not just in business. “No” is
only “no way!” until you can offer proof that you are not a
threat and you won’t be causing harm in any way.
So when someone says “no” to you, the best thing to do is
to really explore all of the possibilities to gain the trust of
the subject. By exploring all of the possibilities and
offering the best option (which is of course your offer) the
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subject’s defenses will naturally be lowered because you
are showing that you have his best interests in mind.
It is also important to remember that people tend to hang on
to end-experiences and peak-experiences. People like to
generalize, too. You have to emphasize that by ignoring
your offer, some negative outcomes might result. And your
position as an expert will be bolstered by your exploration
of all the possible angles and consequences of the problem.
At that exact moment, your subject will encode and
remember only the end-experiences that you are stating.
Whole trains of thought will be summed up in those end-
experiences. It won’t matter if the subject didn’t get all the
details of your discussion correctly. What he must
remember are the potential negative end-experiences that
might come due to his inaction.
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# 45 Debunk Negative Beliefs the Right
Way
When a persuader is operating on full power, he usually
views the subject as a direct target. The persuader will do
everything in his power to disprove the other person’s
beliefs about what is being offered at the moment. The
result of such all-out attacks is usually utter failure.
Because no matter how hard you insinuate that a person is
wrong for holding certain beliefs, that person will simply
ignore you – or worse, fight you until the very end. And we
know what that means for persuaders. Persuaders are at a
disadvantage because if the subject walks away, the
persuader walks away with nothing but tension and
disappointment.
So here’s my advice to you when you are faced with the
task of persuading someone who is unmoving in his beliefs.
Don’t tell the other person that he’s wrong. Don’t tell him
that he has been holding ineffective or false beliefs all his
life.
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Don’t say that you are in the right and he’s utterly wrong.
Instead, harmonize with the other person and ask him to
imagine himself performing something for you by
accepting another belief. The subject must realize himself
what he can gain by accepting your offer.
And if his beliefs are getting in the way, you must loosen
those deeply embedded beliefs by providing beliefs of your
own. Beliefs eventually lead to target behavior. Your goal is
to change someone’s belief so that his behavior will also
change.
You can’t change a person’s behavior for the long term if
his beliefs remain the same. Your subject must experience
for himself what would happen if he changed his beliefs.
You become more than a persuader – you will actually be
instructing and guiding the person as he transforms his
deeply rooted beliefs. That is completely different from just
saying that the other person is wrong. Doing that will
clearly get you nowhere – fast.
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# 46 Prevent Option Attachment As
Quickly As Possible
There are three things that you would always want to avoid
when you are pitching an idea, product or service: buyer
remorse, anticipated regret and the worst of the three,
option attachment.
Buyer remorse takes place when the person regrets having
purchased something from you. Anticipated regret is the
decision to not buy anything because the buyer feels that he
will only regret it later on. Option attachment is the
deadliest of the three because it can leave a potential buyer
paralyzed with indecision for a very long time.
What is option attachment anyway? Option attachment
happens when a person is faced with two options that he
finds very attractive. To the decision-maker, choosing one
would mean losing the other good option and so choosing
would actually equate with instant loss.
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The option-attached individual would also feel that if he
chooses one, the other option would probably look
tantalizingly attractive a few days later. Faced with this
loopy conundrum, the option-attached subject will think
about the two options to no end – but he will not make a
decision anytime soon. To the persuader, option-attached
individuals represent uncertainty and a potential dead end.
You can remedy this problem in two steps. First, you have
to make sure that during the dialog, the subject will not
grow fond or attached to any other option that you present
(in the effort to explore both sides of the coin). To be safe,
showcase an inferior option so that it would not be logical
to be found of such an option at all.
The decision-making stage should also be as quick as
possible. Lead the subject to say yes; don’t wait for him to
say yes because if you allow him to do that he might grow
even more attached to options that you presented him.
The second step has something to do with the options
involved in your discussion. Don’t start with the better
option (which is your offer). Start with the poorer option
and then transition as fast as you can to the better option.
Don’t let the subject develop a connection with the option
that will ultimately be discarded.
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# 47 Use Behavioral Scripts to Change a
Person’s Belief
Objections arise because the subject is unsure where to go –
the ‘default’ response to uncertainty is disagreement.
Disagreement is equated with stability and avoidance of
change.
Change can either be good or bad – but humans
instinctually associate change with negative consequences
so that’s another obstacle that you should prepare for.
If you do encounter a staunch objection, you can try
behavioral scripts to modify the cause of the negative
behavior, which is just the belief of the person regarding a
particular issue or object. Here’s an example of a
behavioral script:
“You open your email in the morning to find that you have
made three hundred sales in just one day. You also receive
a report that your store has been restocked and your
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website is in fine working condition. You don’t have to
worry about a thing anymore as you prepare for a fine day
with the family. We take care of everything, night and day
for you.”
When you give a person a script to work with, you are
actually giving the other person instructions as to how he
can modify his own behavior. He might not understand the
nature of the script, but that’s how it works. The best thing
about behavior scripts is that people tend to repeat the
script even after the meeting.
This is persuasion in action. Your words and your
intentions stay with the subject even if you are not there
with them anymore. However, in order for a behavioral
script to be truly effective you must instruct the subject to
imagine himself in the ideal situation.
It won’t work if he imagines some John Doe getting all the
benefits of your offer. He must experience the benefits in
his own imagination so that the effect and impact of the
script will linger for days. In your next meeting, try asking
for compliance again – you might be surprised with the
subject’s answer then.
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# 48 Discover Three Little Known Facts
about How Decisions Are Made
Most persuaders feel that subjects are often in a critical
state of mind during interactions. Nothing could be further
from the truth. Unless a person makes a conscious effort to
always analyze everything around him, he’s most likely
working on ‘autopilot’.
This simply means that he will be barely working with this
logic center and most of his decisions, words and actions
will be based on simple cross-referencing and mental
heuristics. That’s why you should always structure your
input and questions in such a way that you are able to lead
the subject to a logical end point that will benefit you and
the subject.
Why? Because people form opinions and ideas based on
available input. People’s minds react to current stimuli and
nothing more. Here’s another shocking truth about people:
what they say and decide on now has no bearing on what
they have done in the past and what they will do in the
future.
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They will simply make the decision based on present
circumstances and nothing more. People rarely stop to
think what would happen to them in five years after they’ve
made the decision. This simply does not happen. Also, a
person might change his mind later on but that doesn’t
change the fact that you can get a favourable decision or
action now.
Here’s another strange fact – people can formulate strong
opinions about stuff that doesn’t even exist – like a
hypothetical new law or regulation. This only proves that
most people are creatures of the moment and they are
preoccupied in what they will get now more than anything.
And this is the reason why objections must be handled
swiftly and strategically because people often have a one-
track mind when it comes to decision-making. But the good
news here is that persuaders can have full rein over a
person’s thinking if the right strategies are used.
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# 49 Handle Buyer’s Remorse Like a Pro
Buyer’s remorse can ruin repeat business because it can
dissuade people from having dealings with you again.
Before that even happens, you have to make sure that the
subject has been ‘inoculated’ against buyer remorse even
before he leaves your sight.
Imagine you were talking right now with a person who
seems to be suffering from buyer remorse. He just bought
something from you because your offer looked so tempting
at that time.
And now he’s telling you that he won’t be ordering again
because of reason A, reason B, etc. What can you do to end
this irrational remorse? You can ‘inoculate’ this person by
supporting his decision outright and by helping him prepare
for the remorse that is sure to come. You can say something
like:
“We both know that you invested a lot into this service
because you want your home and business establishment to
be secure, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It’s for your own
peace of mind. What will you tell people if they ask you
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about your decision to invest a sizable amount for your
peace of mind?”
After dropping that vital question, let the subject think of
ways as to how he can fully justify his decision to take your
offer. By doing this, the subject won’t feel hopeless and
helpless when the pangs of buyer remorse start kicking in.
Even if no one really asks the subject why he invested
resources for your offer, the justification that he has crafted
in his mind will be enough to halt buyer’s remorse.
Because in the end, other people’s words won’t really
matter – what does matter is what the subject thinks and
feels.
If he is defeated by buyer’s remorse, you can forget about
repeat business. But if he is successful in battling buyer’s
remorse, your influence stays with that person for good.
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# 50 Empathy is the King of Objection-
Handling
Empathy is defined as “the action of understanding/being
aware/being sensitive as well as vicariously experiencing
the feelings, thoughts and experiences of another person”.
To be empathetic means you are consciously putting
yourself in the other person’s shoes in an effort to
understand him and to communicate with him more
effectively.
This might not sound like a solution to objections at all, but
if you look at the nature of objections, you will see why it
can be such an effective tool of persuasion. Let me repeat a
point I made in a previous section: people only say “no”
because you haven’t shown that you can bring them to your
target destination safely.
The “no” will stay until you are able to show that you will
not cause harm or grief in any way. Empathy is a fast and
easy way to project a genuinely caring persona during a
social interaction.
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To be empathetic means you must how that you are
interested and you are an active listener as well. You are
there not to take away someone’s hard earned resources but
to add to those resources through whatever you have to
offer.
When a person keeps saying no to you that simply means
that trust and rapport has not yet been achieved. If you are
unsure as to how to express your genuine care for the other
party, you can ask them questions that will help them relate
what they want to achieve and what kinds of solutions they
want to see.
As the other party begins to share his thoughts you must
continue asking questions so you will get a fuller picture of
what’s going on in the other person’s mind. Statements like
“I feel the same way about that issue…” can be used to
reinforce the idea that you are there to solve the other
party’s problems and not add to it.
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# 51 Encourage Compliance with
Strategically Vague Words
Before I draw any violent reactions, let me be clear –
strategically vague words and sentences are used frequently
by so many people to gain compliance from people; people
just don’t know they’re actually using such words. Here are
some examples of strategically vague words:
1. You need a streamlined and proactive system to iron
out the wrinkles in your business.
2. The technological revolution will save businesses
from going bust.
3. The best vacation ever is the one that combines leisure
with pleasure.
4. The best decisions are the ones that are done in the
heat of the moment.
At first glance, the sentences above appear to be really
positive messages – but in reality, these are vague
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sentences. That is actually the strength of vague words and
sentences; in the absence of clear meaning, the brain
assigns meaning to make sense of the input.
Sometimes, it would be best to just let the other subject
make his own conclusions on the issue based on a
strategically vague input.
When you are getting a lot of objections and flak from your
subject, backtrack a little and reintroduce your offer with
strategically vague words. Your subject will probably be
surprised at the change and he will start thinking differently
about your offer.
If that works, stick with the theme and start building your
persuasion groundwork once again. We must all remember
that the process of persuading others is not linear nor does
it follow a singular, traceable path.
It’s filled with ups and downs and so many twists that
sometimes it’s hard to keep track of what you had to go
through just to gain compliance. This is the reason why you
should always strive to add to your repertoire of persuasion
strategies because you never know which one would come
in handy.
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# 52 Encourage Physical Involvement to
Minimize Objections
If you are planning to persuade someone who is known for
saying “no” to new ideas, this technique just might help
him say “yes” faster. This technique doesn’t involve verbal
techniques or complex persuasion structures.
The only thing that you have to do is to lead the person to
do something physically during the interaction. By allowing
a person to perform an action related to the interaction,
defenses are brought down immediately and the person is
forced to show body language that approves of the
interaction.
Here’s a sample scenario: let’s say you were about to be
joined in a meeting by a person who was known to disagree
with almost anyone he meets. How can you ensure that this
person won’t disagree with the points you will be raising
later on in the meeting?
You can try asking the subject to arrange the chairs for you
or you can ask him to help you carry stuff to the front of the
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meeting room. Think of something for the other person to
do so that he would a claim over the meeting itself.
Doing so will reduce friction and disagreement and will
ultimately help you persuade and influence that person.
There has to be some degree of involvement especially in
situations where you have to sell something (urgently) to
another person or to a group of people.
If a person becomes involved, he will feel that he partly
owns the event/situation and he will feel responsible for
producing a positive outcome (any positive outcome
always benefits the persuader, or both parties).
The best thing about this technique is that it can be done
covertly/secretly – the other party will never know that you
were trying to persuade him/her in the first place.
This is a good thing because people have a tendency to
think that they are being manipulated. If manipulation
becomes an issue, the other party might decide to simply
walk away from dealing with you.
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# 53 All Lines of Questioning Should Lead
You to a Goal
As master persuaders, we know just how important
questions are for the purpose of persuading someone to
agree with us or believe in our side of the story. But does
this mean that all questions can help you draw compliance
from others?
The answer is no, not all questions are helpful. All lines of
questioning that come from the persuader must be goal-
oriented. You must have a clear goal in sight when you
engage the subject, otherwise, you would be wasting your
own time or worse, the subject’s precious time.
Here’s another reason why you should line your questions
strategically: people have a tendency to ‘push back’ when
they receive information. They push back because people
don’t like being told what to do. How can we work around
this negative tendency?
Since people don’t like being told what to do, we have to
question them in such a way that they actually tell us what
we want to hear. Here’s an example: let’s say you were
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trying to sell an expensive water filtering system to
someone.
The system is high end and it would cost over $3,000 to
make the subject’s establishment completely covered by the
system. How do you convince the subject to fork out
$3,000 for your system? Use the right questions:
- What kind of water do you want to flow in your
establishment’s pipes and taps?
- Do you want rust and other undesirable components
to continue flowing into your personal water system?
- How much do you think you can spend on healthy
water?
These are just basic examples of strategic questions used by
persuaders during a dialog. Think of your own questions
ahead of time so you can modify the questions during the
actual social interaction.
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# 54 Handle Objections with Three Covert
Concepts: Pleasure, Pain & Ease
Masters of persuasion need to be adept not only with
communication but also with human nature in general.
Persuaders need to be knowledgeable about the various
tendencies and values of people, too.
For example, did you know that there are three things that
could capture people’s attention the most? These three
things are pleasure, pain and ease. Believe it or not, these
three things are interrelated because pleasure would be
meaningless without the threat of pain and ease is the only
way to go as far as 99% of the population is concerned.
If you want to be truly effective in persuading and
persuading others, you have to show them that what you
are offering will not only give them a benefit or advantage
but will also save them from something extremely painful
or disadvantages.
If what you are offering your subject provides a simple
benefit but does not save them from any negative
consequence, they won’t be motivated to take action at all.
On the flipside, show them that acquiring the solution to
their problem is as easy as pie.
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Give them everything they would possibly need to be able
to decide on the spot. If they have to talk to people, give
them time to talk to these people. That’s the ease
component. It’s easy to get the solution to the problem and
therefore, it would only be logical to acquire the solution
from you.
To improve your chances of persuading the subject, focus
on the theme of loss. Emphasize that he would suffer from
a clear loss if he lets go of the opportunity to solve the
problem by acquiring the solution that you are offering.
The risk of losing something must be absolute. You must
highlight this as early as possible during the interaction.
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# 55 Determine the Roots of Objections
Why do people disagree? Why do they object to other
people in the first place? These are just some of the more
common questions that master persuaders have to deal with
on a daily basis. But more than anything, a master
persuader has to be aware of the most common reasons why
people object to offers and ideas.
The first reason is people generally do not like making
decisions. Decision-making can be a real headache and if
your subject feels this way, he won’t be making a decision
anytime soon. The second reason is old habits die hard.
People don’t want change.
People don’t want to disturb the equilibrium that they have
created for themselves. To humans, change might mean
discomfort and we modern humans avoid discomfort like
the plague. The third reason is closely to associated with
the second reason – people don’t like giving up what they
have now to make way for something new.
Again, people like having old things and ideas by their side
because they’ve had those things the longest. They will
hold on to those beliefs and ideas because they believe
those beliefs are a part of them. The fourth reason is
probably the hardest to resolve – the other party may have
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had a bad experience with you (or your business) in the
past.
People find it easier to say no to someone who has caused
some degree of harm or misfortune in the past. If you
offered something in the past that failed, the other party
might use this as a reason to say no to you. The fifth reason
is resistance to the idea of being controlled.
No one likes being controlled and if you appear to be a very
dominant person, prepare for heaps and heaps of resistance.
The sixth and final reason is perceived threat to the self. If
what you are offering sounds a little threatening to the
subject’s self-image or his resources, he would most likely
say no to you.
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# 56 Dealing with ‘Economic Excuses’
Let’s face it – most of us have to deal with people to gain
some income. And most of the time, the selling process
becomes twice as hard when the subject uses economic
excuses to get rid of you. But don’t fret – there is an easy
solution to counter such objections.
When the subject uses ‘absolute’ objections to end the
conversation and send you home without your hard earned
victory, the first thing that you should do is to evaluate
what the subject knows so far.
Is the subject aware of the price of what you are selling? If
he isn’t aware yet, don’t volunteer to state the price of the
product. Tell him that at this point in time, it is a little risky
to state the price of what you are offering before you have
even shown him what the offer can do for him and his
target problems.
When he insists on knowing how much the product or
service is, just tell him outright and quickly transition to the
features and benefits. Don’t forget to outline what the offer
solves and what would happen to him if he doesn’t take
action soon.
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Remember – pleasure, pain and ease go together nicely
during social interactions. Link together these elements to
encourage the other person to take action quickly. If you
are successful in creating the persuasion groundwork, the
price of the product or service won’t matter anymore
because the benefits or advantages have easily outweighed
the mere monetary value of what is being offered.
However, I must warn you that this technique will only
work if you can paint an amazing picture that will capture
the subject’s heart and imagination. The subject must be
able to imagine himself using what you are offering and he
must also imagine himself being free from the negative
consequences. This is the only way to modify the behavior
of the most resistant of subjects.
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# 57 Differentiating Valid Objections from
Invalid Objections
By nature objections can be categorized into three groups:
information-seeking objections, sale-related objections and
invalid objections. Invalid objections must be dealt with
swiftly because these are mostly rooted in irrational
thoughts and ideas.
Simply put: a person who has an invalid objection doesn’t
really know why he’s saying no in the first place – you
have to slowly condition the person to listen to what you
have to say first. Examples of invalid objections are:
- “Do you think this product would have been better if it
was produced by Company X instead of Company Y?”
- Silence can also be a form of objection. If the subject
is too quiet throughout the presentation he may not
have been listening at all. You have to build your
groundwork once again and establish rapport before
trying to sell your idea or product again. Otherwise,
the dialog will end in a stalemate.
- “I think I will just think about for a week or two…”
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- “Maybe I will have the funds for it the next time we
see each other.”
- “I’m interested but I don’t think I’m ready for it yet.”
Information-seeking objections are made because the
subject still lacks vital information about the offer and he
does not feel comfortable doing business with you just yet.
Examples of information-seeking objections are:
-“I’m not interested in what you are offering at the
moment”
-“I don’t think I can spare any extra cash or credit for
what you are offering.”
-“I’m happy with what I have at the present time.”
-“Your competition offered me something better”
Sale-related objections are almost always just personal
requests veiled by objections. Here are some examples:
- “I don’t like blue, I prefer red most of the time.”
- “The size is too small”
- “I like double coated paint jobs”
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When you hear a sale-related objection, the subject is
actually telling you “I’m ready to buy, just give me what I
really need!”
# 58 Remember This Simple Blueprint for
Handling Objections
There is no single method of dispelling objections and
persuading other people (which is evidenced by the fact
that we will be exploring 101 different techniques in this
book).
There is no single route to success; but what I can assure
you is that if you are well-prepared, there are few things
you can’t accomplish when it comes to persuasion.
Many people have asked me in the past: is there a blueprint
for handling objections? Well, I can’t really pack all of the
things that you need to know in a short list but what I can
give you is a blueprint of sorts. And here is the blueprint:
1. Attitude adjustment is just as important as behavioral
modification especially when you want to persuade a
person to just go with you plan at the present moment.
If the other person seems doubtful of what you are
offering, it would be best to keep his attitude positive
at all times. Draw out the objections and answer all of
his questions as satisfactorily as possible.
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2. People want to work with allies as often as possible. If
you appear to be an adversarial character, the subject
would have more reasons to object to what you are
bringing to the table.
3. Objections are not meant to be blocked or cast aside.
When someone is objecting, he is most likely looking
for answer or looking for your help. Be gracious when
objections come and be sincere when answering these
objections.
4. If the subject is not responding to most of your
techniques, ask him a question and give him options
(your offer being the best option, of course). This
shows other people that you genuinely care about their
interests.
5. Never forget to explore both sides of the coin. You
will be seen as more credible if you explore the pros
and cons of your offer.
6. Do not show that you are affected by the person’s
objections. Instead, view the objections as simply
parts of the conversation that have be handled
carefully so you can sustain the conversation.
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7. Before entering into a dialog that requires influence or
persuasion, make sure that you have brought along
your long list of benefits and advantages!
# 59 How Well Do You Know Your Offer’s
Benefits?
When we approach someone with the intent to sell
something (like an idea or product) we of course have
biases (e.g. your offer is the best among all other similar
offers).
If what you have to offer is truly amazing, you won’t have
any problems selling it to people by stating its benefits. But
here’s the problem: most persuaders are aware of the fact
that they need to pitch features and benefits but most of
them don’t know how to do it.
I can’t tell you all there is to know about the craft of
pitching benefits because even seasoned copywriters will
tell you that they never stop learning about this essential
step in persuasion.
What I can tell you right now is that there are many ways to
express the idea of getting a clear benefit –you only have to
be really creative about your pitch to make these benefits
shine. Here are some examples of benefits:
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1. They need your idea/service/product right now
because it will solve one of their biggest problems.
Not acting now will bring clear losses.
2. What you are offering is a direct solution to an issue
that has been bothering the subject for a long time.
3. The subject should accept your offer because of your
long history of excellence.
4. The subject should deal with you or your business
because you offer the best possible experience in your
field or industry (as proven by testimonials from your
past customers).
5. The best time to accept your offer is now because you
will be offering incentives and rewards to early birds.
That translates to more benefits, more ease and more
benefits, too.
6. You are always fair in dealing with people and you
have made this one of the core principles in life.
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# 60 Analyze Objections Like a Pro
If there was a magic key that would unlock the power to
dissolve objections, I would easily give it to you but the sad
truth we must all face is that there isn’t one and persuaders
are almost always alone in times of crises.
That’s why it is so important for you to be able to analyze
objections like a true master of influence. If you don’t have
the ability to analyze objections, you will end up making a
lot of missed shots and that is never a good thing because
we always have limited time to persuade someone to do
something for us. Below is a step by step guide to
analyzing objections of any kind:
1. You won’t be able to understand the subject unless
you hear him out first. Don’t react to the objection –
listen carefully first. If he has to speak for fifteen
minutes straight, just listen the whole time. If he’s
mentioning technical requirements and other such
details, don’t forget to write that down, too.
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2. After hearing out the subject, try to classify the
problem. Does the problem have to do with you or the
offer itself? Does the problem point at glaring flaws of
your offer? Don’t be afraid to ask questions because
you need clear and specific answers from the subject if
you are to validate the objection.
After the subject has said his piece, ask again: is there
anything else that you want to tell me? This is an
effective way of uncovering hidden objections.
Objections are better off exposed than hidden, because
if the objections are hidden, you won’t be able to
address them!
3. The next step is to harmonize with the subject even if
he has objected to your offer. Acknowledge that he
does have a point and that his perspective is logical
and serves a purpose.
Remind the subject that you are on his side all the
time. At this point in time I want you to start leading
the subject so his frame of mind shifts from objection
to acceptance.
4. Give your answer to his objection. Do this only when
you have fully understood why he is objecting in the
first place – you have to be aware of the nature of the
objection as much as the details of the objection.
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NLP TACTICS
# 61 How to Shift a Person’s Mind Flow in
an Instant
Too often we are faced with the problem of having to deal
with a subject whose line of thinking seems to be stuck in
one direction. Unless you know how to shift that person’s
mind flow, you will have to wait until he finishes with what
he has to say.
Sometimes, it’s better to interrupt and then shift the issue at
hand so you can accomplish your goals faster. It’s not that
I’m encouraging you to not listen to your subject.
What I am emphasizing is that you have to learn to
stealthily shift the conversation to your target issue or topic
so you can lead the subject more easily to where you really
want to go. You can do this by using the redefine pattern.
When can you use the redefine pattern? Here are some
instances where this NLP pattern would be most useful:
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1. When you find yourself in an endless argument with
someone who doesn’t seem to want to back down
from a single issue.
2. When you encounter an invalid or stalling objection.
3. When the subject seems to be talking about something
that is not even remotely related to the target issues.
4. When you want to ask someone out on a date but the
other person is talking about something else.
As you can see from the list, the redefine pattern can be
used in business and even in the most basic of personal
interactions with other people. It can be used in everyday
situations. The pattern itself is also very easy to remember:
“The real issue here is not (A), it’s (B) and because of
that…”
The (A) variable represents the non-target topic or issue
while the (B) variable is the new topic or issue that you
want to open up.
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# 62 Use Agreement Frames to Improve
Your Chances of Gaining Compliance
One of the biggest problems in the field of persuasion is
that we can’t persuade a subject if the subject doesn’t even
want to listen in the first place. We can’t execute any of our
brilliant plans if the other party is ignoring or worse, being
defensive to the point that he is no longer capable of
listening to any logical argument.
In such instances, you can use an agreement frame to
ensure compliance – and I can assure you, the subject
won’t even know why he has complied with you and why
he has chosen to consciously listen to what you have to say.
As you can see, this particular NLP pattern will work on
creative thinkers and logical thinkers alike. No matter what
kind of mindset the subject has, it would work. An
agreement frame allows a person to agree with another
person but at the same time he would be able to add
elements that are completely opposite to what the other
person is actually saying.
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It sounds a little crazy straight from the page but trust me –
this is classical neuro linguistic programming at its best.
Before I reveal the pattern to you, I have to remind you at
this point in time that no pattern will be effective unless
your vocal skills are supporting what you want to
accomplish.
Your voice has to be just as influential and persuasive as
your words. Most persuaders get too excited and rush the
words as they come to mind. Don’t do this anymore
because it reduces the effectiveness of your message.
Transform that energy and excitement into a deep and slow
cadence so that the other person would easily absorb and
process the information coming from you.
Now that we’ve discussed that, let’s proceed with the
pattern. This pattern is just as easy as the previous NLP
pattern I discussed with you. The basic formula is “I agree
and would like to add that _____”. Notice that you will be
using “and” instead of the more usual “but”.
You will be using “and” because it cues the other person to
listen intently at what you have to say. If you use “but”, that
would cue the subject to be defensive because you are
about to drop something negative. Try this pattern and see
how it actually encourages people to listen to views that are
different from theirs.
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# 63 How to Get People to Agree With You
With “Yes Sets”
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if there was a language pattern
that you can use that would make people say “yes” even if
they haven’t really thought about what they agreed upon?
Well, since you are an ethical fellow who probably won’t
use such a pattern to cause harm to anyone, I’m going to
share it with you in this section.
You may have heard of “yes sets” elsewhere; it has been
around for decades and it has only been revived recently
when the interest in influence & persuasion increased. A
“yes set” is actually a line of statements that pace and lead
people to say “yes!”.
Pacing and leading are basic skills of hypnotherapists and
NLP trainers. You will be able to pace and lead someone if
basic rapport has already been established.
If not, you have to go back to square one because people
won’t respond to a yes set if they haven’t an idea why they
should trust you in the first place. “Yes sets” can be quite
effective because they lead a person to believe that
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everything that is contained within a statement is true.
Here’s an example:
“As you are reading the words on this page, taking in all
the useful information, you are feeling more and more
relaxed”
Did you get the formula just by reading the sample
sentence? If not, that’s alright, here’s the explanation: a yes
set is a statement that is usually comprised by three
elements. Two elements in the statement are true and can be
easily verified by the senses (taste, smell, sight, touch,
hearing) while the third element can either be true or false.
But since it’s a yes set, the person would agree twice in a
row and he would most likely accept the third element as
true, too. This NLP pattern works well because it latches on
cleanly to the cross-referencing tendency of the
subconscious mind.
As you are reading this book, remembering these lessons,
you will feel the need to practice these methods at least 10
minutes every day to get the best results.
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# 64 Familiarize Yourself With the
Subject’s Perceptual Position
A perceptual position is simply a person’s viewpoint in any
given situation. There are two truths that you have to keep
in mind whenever you set out to persuade another person.
The first truth is that the only perceptual position you have
at the present time is your own.
We don’t carry around the full perceptual positions of other
people because we live only our lives and not anybody
else’s. The second truth is in the game of persuasion and
influence, the only perceptual position that truly counts is
the other person’s position.
This might sound a little harsh but you have to hear me out.
When you want to persuade another person, you will lose
the battle for persuasion if you don’t know what the subject
might be thinking.
Of course, we will never know the exact thoughts but we
can certainly approximate them. So here’s my advice to you
before even attempting to use any persuasion technique:
take a leaf from NLP and try to determine the perceptual
position of the subject first.
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Put yourself in the other person’s shoes throughout a dialog
and I can assure you that would have an immense impact in
the way you will be formulating patterns and tactical
statements throughout the interaction. When you put
yourself in the subject’s perceptual position, you would
also be able to ‘test’ your statements for effectiveness.
For example, if you are aware that the subject has a creative
bent, do you think statistics would matter to him the most?
Statistics may not work but if you just take into account
your own perceptual position, you would end up sticking to
that route and you will ultimately fail to persuade the
subject because that is simply how he thinks.
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# 65 Strategic Uses for “But” and “And”
These two words are probably the most overused terms in
the English vocabulary, right next to “I”. But no matter,
we’re going to talk about these two terms even more in this
section of the book because strategically using these words
can have a massive impact on how your subject will
process the information that you are giving him.
In NLP, it’s all about results. Language patterns should
more or less produce the intended results; otherwise, some
language elements may have been misappropriated during
the interaction. Now, you might be wondering: what’s so
special about “but” and “and” anyway?
Why devote an entire section to these two words. “But” and
“and” are very familiar connecting words and since they
are very common, people rarely pay attention to their use
and placement.
But little do people know that these connecting words can
have a profound impact on the way they process facts when
a master persuader uses these connecting words
strategically.
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So how can you use these words strategically? Here’s how
it works:
1. Use and when connecting two elements in a statement
if you want the subject to remember and accept both
elements. That’s why we use “and” in agreement
frames because we want the subject to note that you
have agreed with him and you have provided
additional input after you have expressed your
agreement with the other person.
2. Use but when connecting two elements in a statement
if you want the subject to completely discard the first
element in the statement. People usually make the
grave mistake of putting a positive element at the
beginning of a statement and adding a negative
element toward the end. This is one of the main
reasons why people become defensive when they hear
the word “but”. It doesn’t have to be this way at all. To
avoid resistance, simply reverse the order of the
elements. Consider the example below:
“I think you are in good health but you really need to see a
therapist to help alleviate those joint pains”
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“You need to see a therapist to help alleviate those joint
pains but the good news is that apart from that you have
almost perfect health”
# 66: Levying Criticism without Damaging
Your Ability to Persuade
Sometimes, we set out to persuade others through criticism.
By nature, people greatly dislike criticism because it puts
them in the wrong. But then again, there are times when we
can’t do without criticism. What is a persuader to do?
Thankfully, neuro linguistic programming has several
language patterns that can be used to avoid the common
problems associated with criticism. The first pattern that
you can use is the “delete” pattern that can be accomplished
with a simple “but”.
As I have already discussed in a previous section, “but” can
be used to disconnect two elements found in the same
statement. The “but” immediately negates the first element
of a statement. Here’s an example:
“The project that you have just finished needs some tweaks
but overall it is an excellent example of how a star
programmer can work with the highest level of pressure”
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“I don’t want you to hang out with your friends until 2 AM
but if your friends can wait for you until Saturday night,
that’s a completely different thing”
You can also combine “and” and “because” strategically to
give both praise and constructive criticism in a single
statement. Here’s how that would look like:
“The work that you did was exquisitely done because you
spent a lot of time working on it and how great would it feel
if you went ahead and reviewed parts 1 and 2 just to check
if there were any errors worth correcting?”
Here is another combination that uses the word “yet” to set
a long statement into motion without interrupting the flow
of ideas:
“I almost agree that you shouldn’t be working overtime yet
because it’s your first week on the job and you could just
work on the stuff you have to finish now so you can leave
for home sooner.”
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# 67 How to Heighten the Subject’s
Awareness Instantly
Practitioners of persuasion and influence know how hard it
is to get a subject’s attention and it’s even harder to
encourage a subject to focus on specific parts of a
presentation.
If you thought you had to repeat yourself over and over
again until your subject finally pays attention, think again:
you don’t have to do that anymore if you are using an
awareness pattern. An awareness pattern makes use of
terms like:
- Aware
- Realize
- See
This particular pattern can really create a huge impact on
any audience because words like “aware” can instantly
change the subject’s perception of what’s coming after the
trigger word. If all goes well, the subject will believe that
everything that you will be stating after the trigger word is
irrevocably true.
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I know – this is pure gold to a persuader because nothing
could be more powerful than a simple language pattern that
could evoke this effect on a subject. And the best thing
about this pattern is that you could modify the pattern to
create an even more powerful effect. The basic formula of
the awareness pattern looks like this:
“Notice that as you read these words the power of NLP is
increasing tenfold”
This is just the basic pattern. You can modify it just a little
to give it a little boost:
“Did you notice that as you read these words, the power of
NLP increased tenfold?”
It takes practice for statements like this to come out
naturally, but I can assure you, over time it would begin to
feel natural and these NLP language patterns will slowly
become part of your regular, day-to-day language.
That is why I highly recommend that you practice NLP
language patterns at least ten minutes every day. Ten
minutes (or even just five minutes) every day is better than
practicing for eighty minutes on a Saturday morning. It
doesn’t work that way – the brain needs time to get used to
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something new. Frequency wins over volume in the case of
NLP.
# 68 A Hassle Free Approach to
Establishing Rapport
In a previous section of the book I discussed with you how
rapport helps persuaders win over the hearts of any
audience. I’ve also shared a few tips that would make the
process of establishing rapport easier. In this section I’m
going to share with you a special technique that will help
you establish rapport naturally without having to
consciously mirror the other person.
Now, rapport is important because it allows a subject to feel
at ease with the other party. Rapport also builds confidence
and trust. Without confidence and trust, no one is going to
hand over resources to you. Without these two important
elements, people will also find it easier to object to
anything you have to say.
Classical NLP recommends matching and mirroring to
establish rapport. When we say “match” you are simply
going to act parallel to the other person. Breathing rate, rate
of speech and posture are three of the most common
elements that are mirrored during the rapport-building
stage.
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For a lot of people, this classical approach is difficult to use
because it involves a lot of ‘mechanical copying’. And it
can be quite a challenge to hold an engaging conversation if
you become preoccupied with mirroring the other person’s
breathing pattern.
I’m not saying that you shouldn’t do this but I’ve found a
better technique: think of the subject as a close friend that
you are dying to have a conversation with. That’s it – with
this simple shift in the way you view the other person, you
will be able to establish rapport more easily.
Why is that? Well, when we are talking to familiar people,
rapport comes naturally (sometimes instantly) because we
are at ease. When the subject sees that you are relaxed and
at ease, he will begin mirroring you. And over time, this
mirroring will eventually transform to rapport. Try this
technique today with a friend!
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# 69 Why Pacing Matters
Verbal pacing is a necessary component of persuasion
because it reduces the possibility of objections. When you
verbally pace someone, you give statements that you know
he will agree with so that eventually, you will be able to
gain his compliance when you are ready to make your
offer. So technically pacing is a form of subject
conditioning.
You will condition the subject to trust what you know so
that he will agree to everything that you say. Asking a
series of ‘common sense’ questions is the easiest way to get
someone to say yes to you.
Let’s say that you were trying to sell an air conditioner to
someone who lives in a humid part of the country. The
following questions might be able to condition the person
to eventually buy the air conditioner for you:
“Do you like feeling cool and comfortable?”
“Will you invest in something that would make the whole
family extremely happy?”
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“Will you invest in relaxation at home so you would be
energized for work the next day?”
Unless the subject hates air conditioners, it is probable that
you will get three yeses immediately after you use these
statements. You can then add the most important element in
this set of questions:
“Will you let me install the air conditioning unit in your
house today?”
The fourth statement is the leading statement because it
presents a completely different proposition. This is the
subtle turn in the process of persuasion.
If the subject has been saying yes to most of your
statements, adding the shifting statement would probably
give you instant compliance because there would be no real
reason for the other person to say no to you.
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# 70 How to Use Future Pacing
Outcome based thinking is one of the hallmarks of
influence and persuasion. It’s a hallmark method because it
can work in almost any situation. Unless you are trying to
influence a Martian, outcome based thinking would most
likely give you the results that you want.
And it is fortunate that you can encourage a subject to think
in such a manner through future pacing. Future pacing
allows an influencer to quickly build anticipation in a
subject. Anticipation is important especially if you have
been relating to the subject all of the benefits of your offer
that you could possibly think of.
Future pacing is used primarily to quickly change a
person’s behavior because he will be anticipating a positive
future event. Anticipation can easily double personal desire
which is the reason why this technique works so well in
business settings. The basic formula for future pacing is:
[Agreement frame] + [Regular pacing/yes set] + [Future
pacing]
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This pattern is a little more complicated than the previous
patterns that we discussed because it makes use of three
other distinct patterns. The first part of the pattern is put in
place to gain the trust of the individual.
The second part of the pattern is used to condition the
subject to agree with the rest of the statement. And finally,
the third part of the pattern adds the element of
anticipation. The final element in the formula is actually the
last step before the ‘call to action’. Consider the following
example:
“I agree that you should have been the one who has been
given the higher paying role in the company and I would
like to add that the our focus now should be how we can
help you attain your personal career goals. At the present
time I fully understand that you feel depressed because you
want to be valued as a true asset to this company. Why
don’t we talk on Friday about how we can help you achieve
your other career goals?”
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# 71 Effectively Utilize Internal
Representations
Internal representations are simply ideas that people
conjure in their imaginations. While many people believe
that folks have a more or less unitary view of reality, we
persuaders know better. Each person has his own unique
take on the world.
And having this unique perspective of the world most
certainly means that people would also imagine things
differently from you. Wouldn’t it be great if there was a
way for you to sneak into your subject’s subconscious so
you could plant specific internal representations in his
imagination? Well, NLP offers a powerful pattern that does
exactly that.
When you use this pattern, you will actually command the
subject to think in a particular manner about an idea that
you have but he won’t know that you have been giving him
commands throughout the interaction.
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How is this possible? Well, people normally associate
dominating individuals with abrupt command (e.g. “do this
right now”). NLP offers a more subtle method of
commanding people. The basic pattern for modifying
internal representations is:
[Command word] + [modified internal representation].
Command words that you can use include the following:
- Imagine
- Think
- Suppose
As long as the command word appeals to the other person’s
imagination, you can use it. We won’t be ordering the other
person to do something for us directly – we would just
command him to think of something for us so that later on,
he would naturally want to do what we want him to do.
It’s a covert strategy and it can really work wonders even in
the most pressured of situations. When a person is led to
imagine something that would benefit himself the desire for
that object shoots up considerably. The person begins
making a connection to the idea that would provide a
benefit to him.
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# 72 Transforming Conversations into
Opportunities to Persuade Others
People usually dismiss conversations as minor and
insignificant interactions (even persuaders sometimes think
this way). There is a general misconception that there has
to be a lot of preparation before a person can persuade
another person.
The truth is quite the opposite: you can persuade anyone
even if you have not formally set out to influence a person.
If you are able to interact with a person even in the
strangest of environments, you can still persuade him. How
can this be achieved? Below is a step by step process that
will allow you to persuade another person even if you two
are just having a regular conversation:
1. The first step is to make a clear statement about
something. If you have something on your mind, lay
down this information clearly to the other person so he
can start processing it in his mind.
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2. When the initial dose of information has been given,
ask for the other person’s feedback or response
regarding this matter.
3. Show the other party that you were actively listening
to what he has to say. This can be achieved easily by
saying things like “I understand that you think
______________”. Repetition shows the other party
that you were indeed hanging on to his every word.
4. After acknowledging the input of the other party, it’s
time to pitch you idea/product or service.
5. Once the subject is aware of what you are offering,
immediately invite the other person to become
involved with whatever you are offering.
6. Get the other person’s feedback and perform active
listening once again.
As you can see, a simple conversation can become the
groundwork of much larger persuasion-related projects.
Structure matters a lot to NLP so don’t forget to use
patterns as they are until you are 1000% sure that you can
achieve the same results even if you modify the pattern a
little.
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# 73 Using NLP to Introduce Change
As I have mentioned countless times before, humans are
intrinsically wary of any kind of change. We are so
hardwired to gravitate toward stability that the very thought
of change can actually cause instant stress. This can be a
real problem when you are attempting to persuade another
person.
The idea of change might prevent you from changing that
person’s behavior (which again, is the end-goal of
persuasion). I know that a lot of persuaders experience
difficulties in introducing change, so I prepared a simple,
step-by-step plan to reduce resistance to change as much as
possible in any situation.
1. Begin the conversation by laying down some
expectations about the other person. You can also
begin leading the subject by using agreement frames
and yes sets. Any frames used in this step must be
closely associated to the change that you are about to
introduce.
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2. Quickly transition from the first step to the second
step. Tell the subject about the change that you have in
mind. The subject will most likely react negatively to
this new information. This is normal and it is no cause
for concern.
3. Don’t give the subject time to complain about the
change. Instead, tell him about all of the good things
that will come about because of the change.
This step will constitute the very center of the
interaction so make sure that you have prepared for
this step very well before trying this method.
Otherwise, the subject would probably continue
resisting the idea of change.
4. Finally, show the subject that you are there to support
him throughout the transition period. You can also tell
the subject about his new responsibilities and how
important his role is to the whole plan.
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# 74 Deal with Difficult Subjects Using the
Relevancy Frame
It is fairly common to encounter subjects who seem to have
a fondness for two things: objecting and changing the topic.
If a persuader cannot keep his subject focused on the goal
of the interaction, persuasion and influence may not be
forthcoming at all.
As an active agent in the interaction, it is up to you to keep
the interaction moving in the target direction. How will you
accomplish this? You can use an NLP language pattern
called the relevancy frame.
The relevancy frame, unlike the agreement frame and yes
sets, actually challenges the subject to keep him focused on
the valid points of the dialog. Of course, you shouldn’t be
openly hostile or annoyed at the subject if he veers away
from your target topic.
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Doing so would probably trigger a defensive reaction and
even more objections might pop out of the woodwork.
Instead of embattling the subject by expressing hostility,
it’s much easier (and safer) if you used statements like
these:
“How would that information relate to the items that we
are analyzing right now?”
“What kind of relationship does your point have to the
point that we were discussing before?”
“In what way does that relate to this?”
As you can easily see from the sample statements, this NLP
pattern really does challenge the validity of what the
subject is saying. However, the challenge is framed in such
a way that it doesn’t directly offend people.
The challenge was presented in such a way that the subject
can express his thoughts about the issue. A regular
challenge (e.g. That doesn’t have anything to do with this)
cuts off communication and also demeans the other party.
Relevancy frames attempts to pace and lead the subject so
that relevant dialog can continue.
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# 75 How to Practice Your NLP Skills
Neuro linguistic programming is a lot like tennis or
basketball – the more you practice, the better you get over
time. But if you practice it only once in a while, you’re not
going to improve even if you practice for 1 hour every
week.
You need to make your practice sessions frequent (but short
and sweet). Ten minutes a day is all the time you need to
practice formulas and NLP language patterns. If you can
devote a whole hour to the process, then by all means, do it
– but I’ve found that 10 minutes is the magic number for
most beginning persuaders.
People usually ask me for tips on how to improve their
rapport-building skills and how they use the various
language patterns they’ve learned elsewhere. I only have
three tips for those who really want to learn NLP for real-
life applications.
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First, you need to repeat the stuff that you have already
mastered. Repetition helps the mind remember. You need to
remember the language patterns in their entirety if you
want to apply them in real life social interactions.
Second, I highly recommend that you have fun. Having fun
takes away the stress of the day and also facilitates the
learning process.
You can’t learn language pattern if you are stressed out
from work and you view the practice session as an intrusion
into your private relaxation time. And my third piece of
advice is to be relaxed during the practice sessions. NLP
wasn’t meant to be tackled like a complex math problem or
a political issue.
You don’t have to be extremely serious when practicing
your NLP language patterns. If you are relaxed, the words
will come to you more easily and you will feel more
creative and confident, too. Practicing with a friend is also
better than practicing alone – so find an NLP buddy to
work with.
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# 76 Applying NLP Language Patterns for
the First Time
Most people I have met who want to use NLP for their day
to day interactions come across problems that have nothing
to do with their language skills or NLP itself.
The biggest challenge to beginners, for instance, is not
memorizing the NLP language patterns but finding the
confidence to try these patterns in real life situations. It
seems that people are only confident when they are
visualizing themselves using the patterns but when it’s
time to use the patterns in real life, the persuaders shy
away.
If you feel this way too, you have to learn to let go of your
fear of not succeeding. That is just how influence and
persuasion works; sometimes you get the results that you
want while other times, the subject remains resistant to
your message.
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If you fail one, twice or a hundred times, just keep refining
and practicing your NLP. Because every time you try to
persuade someone with an NLP language pattern, the more
you learn about how these patterns actually affect specific
people.
If you never try, how will you learn? You can’t. In fact, if
you just keep these language patterns to yourself you will
probably forget about them in a week or two. Again, if you
fail numerous times it won’t matter because there is no
harm in applying these patterns.
Some people also feel that NLP is a little devious because it
exploits how people naturally process information. That’s
like saying a car is evil because people have been injured in
vehicular accidents.
The real issue here is how people appropriate NLP. If you
are an ethical person, everything you do is done with the
knowledge that both parties involved should benefit from
the encounter. For me that’s not really manipulation; it’s
just effective communication.
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# 77 Create a More Influential Personality
with NLP
A person who wishes to become truly influential must
possess the right knowledge and a potent and persuasive
personality as well. Your personality constitutes a
significant part of your public image.
Your public image is the picture of you that people see
whenever you interact with others. You have an idea of who
you are and what you are capable of; however, this does not
mean that other people will automatically see how
persuasive and genuine you are.
Unless you make an effort to exhibit these qualities to
people, people will rely on their own perceptual positions
and internal representations to make sense of who you are
and what you are really all about. So how will you develop
a dynamic and persuasive personality? The answer can be
found in NLP.
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Neuro linguistic programming, more than anything, is a
method of transferring any type of excellence to a subject.
You can use NLP to influence yourself so you can have a
more powerful and influential personality.
NLP is like a key that unlocks a vault of endless mental
resources. People have immense potential; it’s just that
most of the time people don’t know how to access their
own treasure trove of potentials and mental resources. NLP
solves that problem. Here is a simple exercise that will
allow you to have a more powerful personality, which you
can then use to persuade or influence others:
1. The first step is to remember a time when you did not
act or behave in a way that was personally satisfactory.
This has to be a notable event in your life where you
felt that you could have done better.
2. The second step is to identify the mental processes and
values that you employed to come up with your
behavior and personality in that given moment.
3. Next, I want you to visualize a completely different set
of mental processes and values that you think would
have altered the outcome of the situation that you were
imagining in step one. Visualize that you are
implementing new actions and you are changing the
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outcome of that situation. Think of how the new you
would act, feel and think at that moment in time.
4. As you are implementing the new behavior, I want
you to adopt a detached observer position so you can
observe yourself from afar. As you see the new you, I
want you to merge yourself with the new self that you
have imagined.
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# 78 How to Gain Access to a Person’s
Deepest Thoughts and Emotions
The usefulness of persuasion techniques is not limited to
business meetings and presentations. You can use these
techniques when you are trying to get someone to go out on
a date with you or if you want someone to support you in
what you are trying to do.
Persuaders usually have problems drawing out what people
think and feel. In a previous section I discussed with you an
NLP method that helps persuaders think more like the
subject.
There are times when this method is not enough since you
will be working purely with presuppositions about what the
other person might be thinking and feeling at the moment.
If you find yourself in such a situation, you can use a
simple pattern that that will cue your subject to actually
reveal his sentiments and thoughts about a particular issue.
This is how the NLP pattern looks:
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“How would you know when you are getting the results
that you want in a particular situation?”
The aforementioned statement is only an example. You can
modify it to get very specific answers from your subject.
The pattern cues the subject to talk about what he thinks
and there a close connection to the subject is established
immediately upon asking the question.
The subject would then begin to relate two things to you:
what he feels and what he wants to see. By accessing this
vital information you can then formulate a better influential
groundwork to persuade and influence the other person.
You can also use the previously discussed technique
(internal representations) to boost the effect of the current
technique. After asking the person what he wants, you can
cue him to think of a particular outcome that involves what
you are offering. Again, this encourages the person to put
himself in the imagine situation so that he could
‘experience’ firsthand what you are talking about.
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# 79 Shifting the Issue and Cueing the
Subject to Take Action Immediately
When it comes right down to it, influence is and persuasion
is most effective when you can get the person to say yes
because he thought it was the best course of action. Some
people resort to shady tactics just to get someone to say
yes.
Of course, as masters of persuasion we know better than
these shady individuals who toe the line between unethical
manipulation and ethical persuasion. There are so many
methods for persuasion that direct manipulation becomes
useless and a most destructive option.
For instance, take this pattern that we are about to explore
in this section. Did you know that you could actually shift
the topic of a conversation while at the same time
persuading a person to take action? It might sound like a
tall order but trust me, it isn’t. Here’s the pattern:
The real issue here is not (A); it is (B) and would you like
to (C)?
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The first element in this pattern is the issue that you want to
delete from the conversation and from the person’s present
concerns. The “not” acts like an instant delete button.
The second element (B) serves as the replacement for the
deleted element. The third and final element on the other
hand, is the call to action. This pattern might look
confusing at first, but it really isn’t because it frames a
single idea and attaches a single action to that idea as it
negates the first idea.
This pattern has been found to be useful in situations where
the persuader has to deal with difficult subjects who are
hell-bent in getting something that cannot be offered by an
influencer. For example, if someone was asking you for a
refund and you cannot give it to the subject, you can say:
“The real issue here is not the refund; it is customer
satisfaction and how would you like it if I sent two people
to your house to repair the machine free of charge?”
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# 80 Imploding the Subject’s Past Decisions
There are times when a persuader arrives ‘too late’ because
the subject has already made a decision in the past that is
directly blocking what you have to offer. Is there actually a
way to implode a past decision to make way for what you
have to offer?
Normally, people would simply battle the subject to the
death just to debunk the past decision. That sounds ‘logical’
especially if the persuader has brought along with him
statistics, facts, etc. But that doesn’t mean that he will get
the results that he wants.
People become irrationally protective of their past
decisions when someone embattles them. It’s just how the
human mind operates. It doesn’t matter if the decision in
the past was made by the subject while he was half-drunk.
He will defend his decision to the death if you press the
wrong buttons. To avoid such problems, you need to take a
subtler approach to imploding past decisions. Instead of
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telling the other person that his decision was really bad, use
this pattern instead:
“The issue here is not (A) but how we both can move
forward by (B)”
This is the basic pattern that you can modify later on
depending on what type of reaction you want to elicit from
the other person. A stands for the past decision or action
while B stands for the new action/decision/route that you
want to recommend to the other person. You can also try
this pattern if the first one doesn’t work for you:
“That is correct, you had (A) but what do you think we
should do so that you can (B) and (C)?
In the second pattern, B stands for the action that you want
the other person to take while C represents the list of
benefits that the subject will gain if he takes that route.
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PSYCHOLOGY TACTICS
# 81 Understanding How Herd Mentality
Works
We all know that people have a tendency to go with the
flow – meaning people are most likely to act fast if they
think that others are doing the same. But the question here
is what type of group would actually encourage people to
behave in a particular manner?
In one study that explored the possibility of convincing
hotel guests to reuse their towels, researchers discovered
that people were more likely to reuse towels if they were
informed that the former users or occupants of the hotel
room have engaged in such behavior.
From one angle it would appear that people won’t be
paying much attention to the fact that previous occupants of
their rooms have reused towels. But the results of the study
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showed that people are more likely to follow the behavior
or subscribe to the norms of the immediate environment.
The previous occupants of the hotel represented the
subgroup within the hotel environment – and people
identified themselves with this subgroup. If we were to
apply this to a business situation, you can tell the subject
that accepting your offer would not only mean that he
would be getting all of the benefits but also, he would be
behaving exactly like your other satisfied customers who
are reaping the rewards of using whatever you are offering.
Your subject must first see or identify the subgroup that he
will belong to before he can fully understand what he will
be getting and why he should be complying with your
request. When the subgroup is revealed, it would be much
easier for the person to think that he is doing the right thing
because others before him have also done it. Trust is
established quickly and the subject ends up being more
confident about his decision to accept your offer.
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# 82 Expect Negative Messages to Bring
Negative Results
We see this type of technique every day in the newspapers
and on national television. Nonprofit organizations and
even the government make use of negative messages in
their effort to persuade people. And yet, so many important
advocacies and worthy messages are immediately ignored
or forgotten as soon as they are transmitted through any
media.
The medium of the message is not to blame; it’s the
message itself. For example, when the government wants to
convince people to reduce their garbage output, they say
that millions of Americans produces tons of trash a year.
People take one look at the message and walk away. Why is
this? The problem with this type of message is that it makes
use of negative social proof. Negative social proof is still
social proof and when people realize that so many other
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people are engaging in the behavior, there really isn’t any
motivation to change one’s behavior.
The same applies to anti-smoking advocacies. “Millions of
people die from tobacco-related diseases every year” – this
is a very common line used in antismoking campaigns. Is it
true? Yes. Does it work? Barely. When people hear this
message, they imagine millions more who are not dying but
are still smoking tobacco products.
The message is terribly lacking in terms of personal
motivation. And the worst part about this is that people
associate themselves with the invisible subgroup that is not
explicitly shown in the message. People think beyond the
message to avoid taking action.
So the next time you want to use negative social proof, I
want you to reconsider because more than half of the time,
that negative message won’t work because people would
simply side with those who did not take action at all. Use
positive social proof instead and give the subject
motivation to take the proper course of action now.
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# 83 Blasting Away the Gray Middle Zone
It is interesting to note that people often modify their
behavior accordingly once they are able to compare what
they’re doing now to what others are doing at the moment.
Consider a study made by researchers to test whether a
comparison of energy consumptions in a neighborhood
would affect the energy consumption of individual
households.
The households were given a report that stated whether
they were consuming more than the average or less than the
average. Ideally, households that consumed less than the
average should be content with the fact that they are not
using that much power compared to their neighbors.
But the funny thing about this study was after these
households received that information; they were drawn to a
gray middle zone. They started increasing their energy
consumption because they found out that they were
consuming less than others.
What about those who found out that they were consuming
more power than the average household? Well, those
households automatically reduced their power
consumption. These individuals were drawn to the gray
middle zone as well.
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While the research itself was sound, it still remains that
some households had increased their energy consumption
because of the data they received. So what did the
researchers do? The researchers used the power of symbol
to encourage the target behavior.
Seals of approval were added to the next set of energy
consumption reports and as expected, the households who
were consuming less than the average did not increase their
energy consumption. As you can see, the resulting strategy
from this study can easily be applied to a myriad of social
situations.
The important thing to remember here is when you are
setting an ideal and you are creatively communicating that
ideal to people, you should always include a feedback
system so that those who are already ‘in the bandwagon’
will not drop out of it because they are drawn to the grey
middle zone.
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# 84 More Options Might Mean Lesser
Impact
There is a popular notion that suggests that the more
options you give a person, the more likely it is for that
person to decide or take action on the spot. No victory is
sweeter for the persuader than to be able to convince
someone to comply within a short period of time. But do
choices really help sell an idea or product to someone?
Or does it do the exact opposite? A spearheaded by
behavioral researchers confirmed that people don’t
necessarily react positively to having so many options. In
fact, one study showed that when people were barraged
with so many options, they simply walked away and they
didn’t buy any of the options at all.
On the flipside, the group of people in the study who were
given fewer choices was more likely to buy on the spot.
Why did people react in this manner when they were given
more choices? The answer lies in the fact that most of the
time, people work on autopilot.
They do not want to spend precious cognitive resources on
stuff that aren’t really that important. So the people who
were given more choices decided to walk away because
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they didn’t want to put themselves through the task of
differentiating between all of the available options.
The sheer number of options presented to them paralyzed
their ability to make a decision on the spot. Those who had
fewer choices on the other hand, were able to decide
because they had fewer things to take into consideration.
More options means having more stress on a person’s
cognitive abilities. Some people like options but if the
options are excessive, the opposite effect is achieved. So
the next time you offer something to someone, stick with
the best options and discard the rest.
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# 85 When Bonuses Go Bad
This technique is especially important for those who make
a living out of offering products and services. We all know
that people like getting bonuses. In fact, bonuses can
readily increase sales in almost any field or industry and it
can be used as an easy incentive to push people to comply
with rules and requirements.
But it’s different when you are using one of your own
products or services as a bonus to sell something more
expensive. It is likely that you will make the sale but it is
also possible that during the sale, the value of the bonus
product or service will drop like a rock.
This sharp drop in perceived value can damage your
business too, because no one would want to spend good
money on something that is simply being given away as a
bonus.
This is the reason why you should be very careful about
what you are offering as a bonus. Do not give away a
valued product or service as a bonus because if you do,
people might not be open to paying well for that product or
service anymore.
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So how can you avoid this scenario where the bonus-giving
suddenly backfires on you? The solution is simple: you
have to make sure that you fully inform the subject about
the value of the bonus that you are giving away. Use
monetary values if you need to and emphasize that you are
giving it away as a bonus because you value the subject the
most.
This will increase the perceived value of the bonus
immediately. You can also tell the other person that he
would have to spend more resources if he chose to acquire
the bonus from a regular provider. So in the end, you will
be able to give away the bonus without harming its value
and you will show the subject that you value him.
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# 86 Discover the Power of Compromise
Compromise is the oil that reduces friction and improves
the movement within a system. Compromise also prevents
people from being stuck around a certain state (like when
it’s time to make a decision or when it’s time to take action
about something).
And it appears that compromise is also the prime mover
when a person is faced with the choice between an
advanced offer that costs more and a middle choice that
costs less but still delivers. A recent study in the field of
decision studies showed that people are more likely to
ignore the newer and more expensive choice in favor of the
‘crowd favorite’ or the option that has been around the
longest.
Unless the new offering is cheaper, if the subject is given
only two choices, he will gravitate toward the older and
less expensive option. People do this not because they want
to save money but they want to save their resources while
getting the quality that they require.
This applies to services and any other item that can be
offered in exchange for financial resources or personal
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resources. If you want the first offer to be noticed, you have
to add yet another more expensive option so that the subject
will focus on the first option.
You will be able to sell the more expensive option because
it will appear to be a compromise between the oldest and
least expensive option and the most advanced and most
expensive choice. It’s all about compromise – people are
always on the lookout for options that won’t cost them a lot
of money but would still deliver what they need.
You can see this tactic at work when retailers bring out new
models of appliances. There is always the “old reliable”
line and then there’s the middle range that are more
expensive and then you have the top of the line range of
appliances for those with advanced needs (and large
financial resources).
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# 87 Why Fear May Not Be a Factor (In
Decision-Making)
It’s easy to say that fear can drive a person to do nutty
things. And it’s true – we can do a lot of nutty things when
we are afraid. But is this is also true for people who are
directly interacting with other people? If you were to
persuade someone by using fear as your main verbal
technique, would it work efficiently to help you accomplish
your goals as a persuader?
A study spearheaded by Levanthal showed that fear is
really not enough to motivate people to perform a target
action. In the study, people were informed of the dangers of
tetanus. One group received information about tetanus and
another group received information about tetanus and how
they could prevent it.
Both groups of people received the same amount of fear-
driven facts. But only the second group really showed
initiative in getting tetanus shots. It sounds a little strange
but it appears that people will only act if they know exactly
what to do avoid the painful consequence of inaction.
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Without a clear program of action, people are paralyzed by
mere facts. They won’t seek out the proper course of
action; they will remain paralyzed. What does this teach us
about persuasion? Simple: if you are planning to scare
someone with facts and statistics, make sure that you have
a solution in hand to solve the problem that you presented.
Otherwise, you will just succeed in scaring the subject. A
frightened subject will remain paralyzed by the facts that
you have presented unless you present a clear path for him
so that he can avoid all of the negative outcomes. Unless
this program is given to the subject, don’t expect the
subject to simply comply with what you want. You have to
give the subject details – clear details that will reassure him
that there is a way to avoid the consequences.
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# 88 Don’t Forget to Add Your Personal
Touch
Sometimes persuaders can become so engrossed in the
process of establishing rapport and using strategic language
patterns that they forget that they are still just having a
conversation with another person.
And if you forget how to treat the other person as just a
person you may be missing out on big opportunities to gain
compliance quickly. In addition to using different verbal
and nonverbal strategies to get the other person to say yes,
you should also use basic strategies that would bring you’re
genuinely closer to the other person.
One such strategy is adding a personal touch to any dealing
or interaction. There is actually a study that supports. The
study (which was led by Randy Garner) showed that people
complied with requests much more frequently (up to 75%
more) if they received a simple post-it note with a
handwritten request.
They compared agreement rates with groups that did not
receive post-it notes at all and the researchers found out
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that fewer people paid attention if there wasn’t any trace of
personal effort on the part of the one making the request.
The respondents were simply asked to fill out a form but
there was no contact between the ones making the survey
and the respondents themselves. The researchers let the
post-it notes do all the talking. If you think about it, post-it
notes are not really that special or valuable.
It’s everywhere – and people don’t really think highly of
these items. But for the researchers, the post-it notes were
enough to gain compliance from complete strangers. Isn’t
that something? So the next time you set out to persuade
someone, don’t just bring your long list of benefits. Come
with something with your personal touch and see the
compliance rate increase tenfold.
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# 89 How to Increase the Perceived Value
of Gifts
We know how gifts can capture the hearts of people. But is
there a way to actually increase the perceived value of a
gift even if you didn’t give away an expensive gift? And
can gifts be actually used to gain compliance from other
people?
A study led by research David Strohmetz sheds light on
these questions. In Strohmetz’s study, waiters at a
restaurant used different approaches to give away dinner
mints. The group of waiters that succeeded in getting the
biggest tips were the ones who pretended that they were
giving away extra dinner mints to people just because they
wanted to.
What does this show us about how people view gifts? Easy:
people view gifts highly when it is given with a personal
touch and the gift has been given unexpectedly. The
principle of reciprocity comes into play when a person
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thinks that he has received something genuine and
valuable.
People feel obliged to return the favor because that’s
simply how things work. Strohmetz’s study also proves that
you don’t have to give away expensive gifts to gain
compliance from people. It’s the way a gift is given that
matters the most to people.
Why did the restaurant patrons tip the waiters who went
back to give extra dinner mints? In their imagination, they
thought the waters did it just because they were fond of the
restaurant patrons.
The waiters’ intentions might be unclear but the act itself
was enough to convince the restaurant patrons that they
were worth tipping. The restaurant patrons gave them extra
tips because they felt special – and it didn’t really matter
what the waiters felt. The action itself was enough to
convince the patrons to reciprocate the act of generosity.
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# 90 Give Incentives First Before Asking for
Compliance
Incentives have been used for a long time to gain
compliance for people. But what if your subjects have little
or no interest in what you are asking of them because there
would be no earth-shattering consequences for them? What
should the persuader do?
Well, if you can offer them an incentive to comply with
what you want, give them the incentive but don’t offer it
after they have complied. Most people would see that as a
manipulative act and no one likes to feel that they have
been manipulated (even if what you’re asking is a relatively
small thing). The old formula was to ask first before giving.
This doesn’t work anymore. The new formula is the
complete opposite – give something that people would find
genuinely good and then ask for compliance. You will be
showing people that you have acted on their behalf and
their compliance with your request would be support for
you. Most people would happily comply because you have
selflessly done something for others.
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Selflessness is a virtue that every culture recognizes and
again, the principle of reciprocity comes into play. People
will comply because who wouldn’t want to help out
someone who has shown drive and initiative? A study that
focused on reciprocation showed that people were 45%
more likely to comply if the incentive was given first
before the request was made.
This particular technique would work in any situation, not
just in times of advocacies and campaigns. For example, if
you wanted your child to help clean his room, you can tell
him that you have already bought the ice cream that he is
going to enjoy later after he’s done picking up his toys. The
ice cream is already there – the child simply has to support
you for preparing the reward.
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# 91 Adjust Your Expectations of Personal
Favors
Favors can be real lifesavers; in time of need, one can call
upon a favor and that just might help solve the problem. In
the world of persuasion, favors are important because they
help the persuader level the playing field in specific
circumstances.
But here’s a question that’s worth exploring: do favors get
better with time? We know for a fact that people are
generally focused on their own comfort and survival; so
where do favors stand when time becomes an issue? One
researcher by the name of Francis Flynn hypothesized that
favors are never one-sided.
A person’s perception of a favor would depend on his role
in the whole transaction. If the person was the one who is
indebted to someone, the favor itself loses its value over
time. So as time passes, the indebted one feels less and less
indebted to the second person.
On the flip side, if a person was the one who had done
something for another person (and was therefore seeking a
favor), the value of the favor will increase over time. So for
givers, favors are like bread – they become moldy and
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rotten after a while. For the seekers (of favors), favors are
much like wine.
They get better and taste better after a long period of time.
You might be wondering: what in the world does this have
to do with persuading people? Well, think about it: if you
want to persuade someone to do something for you because
he owes you a favor, you have to take into consideration
the time that has elapsed since the other person has started
owing you the favor.
If you sought a favor after five years, the other person
might think you are just using or abusing his generosity or
kindness. So be careful when citing and seeking favors –
because the favor-giver’s perceptual position is wildly
different from the perceptual position of the favor-seeker.
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# 92 How Small Commitments Can Help
Large Causes
We live in a day and age where people are almost always
focused on their own personal commitments. People find
their days too tiring and stressful, which is why they find it
very easy to disagree with people.
This can be quite a problem for persuaders who have to
convince people to comply with what they want/need even
if the offer itself is not completely attractive. For example,
a manager needs help organizing an office-wide party – but
no one really likes to help. What should a person in this
position do to get the support of people around him?
The answer lies in commitments. Most people view
commitments as an essential part of who a person is at the
moment and who wishes to become in the future. People
don’t normally commit to something unless they think it is
worth their time and energy.
If you have a cause or advocacy that would require the
personal involvement and resources of other people, you
need to get their commitment first before making the offer.
How can you do this? You need to approach the subjects
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and ask them to commit to something relatively small and
easy.
After they have said yes, you need to wait it out because
people need time to realize that they are supporting
something and they have already committed to something.
When you think people have realized how valuable your
cause is, you can proceed to step two, which is asking for a
bigger commitment.
Studies show that there is a higher success rate with this
particular method because once a person has committed to
a cause in any way he will feel that it is his responsibility to
support his commitment. Commitments are very important
to people because people associate commitments to the
fabric of their identities.
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# 93 Discover How a Simple Question Can
Help You Gain Compliance Effortlessly
Throughout this book we have discussed numerous ways of
using questions to gain compliance from people. Well, we
are going to delve into another method in this section that
also makes use of a particular type of question that covertly
persuades people to do something that you really want
them to do.
This method has two steps. The first step is to ask the
subject a question that would push him to say yes because
it wouldn’t be acceptable, desirable or normal for him to
say no. A good example of this type of question would be:
“Would you support the drive to end world hunger?”
Any sane person with even a little idea of what world
hunger means will most likely say yes. Of course, there
would be a small fraction of people who would say not, but
it would still remain that a significant percentage of
individuals will answer in the affirmative.
Now, after asking this important question (and after the
subject has given an affirmative response), you will then
tell the person that you would be writing that down so you
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can tell the others that he has already agreed. The transition
between the first step and second step must be swift and
you must show that you are firm in holding on to what the
other person has already told you.
Some people might find this method a little unnerving
because of how it covertly pushes people into a state that
benefits another party, but trust me – people can just say no
and move on. If they say yes, that simply means that on one
level or another, they believe that the cause is worth
supporting.
A person can say “yes, I drink gin everyday” even if
medical science frowns upon this practice dimply because
people have the freedom to express themselves. And it is
this freedom of expression that you will be utilizing to gain
instant compliance through this method.
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# 94 Focus on Getting Active Commitments
Any person can say yes to you but still fail to deliver what
he has promised. This is one unfortunate truth that we all
have to deal with. A persuader can pull out all the stops he
has when it comes to persuading another person and he can
even get a solid yes during the interaction.
But sadly, there really is no assurance that the other party
will follow through. There will be times that the subject of
the persuasive interaction will make an excuse and simply
back out of what was agreed upon. What is a persuader to
do in such cases?
The solution to this problem can be found in active
commitments. In the previous section I discussed with you
how small commitments can lead to big commitments
because people want to follow through with their personal
obligations.
This technique becomes even more potent when the subject
actively makes the commitment for himself during the
interaction. The simplest way to do this is to write down the
commitment on paper. I will leave it to you as to how you
can create the perfect document that can be used for this
purpose.
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As long as the commitment is written on paper, the subject
is actively committing to what you are offering. One
particular study showed just how powerful active
commitments can be. In this particular study people were
asked to volunteer for an educational program.
In one group, people were asked to leave their forms blank
if they wanted to join. In the second group, the respondents
were asked to fill up the form if they wanted to join. Sure
enough, those who filled up their forms were the ones who
had the highest percentage of attendance during the actual
event.
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# 95 Make Consistency Your Best Friend in
Persuading People
We now know that people have individual perceptual
positions and most people will defend their core beliefs and
values until the very end because they view these things as
a part of who they are.
So this means that if you are planning to persuade or
influence someone by negating his beliefs that don’t jive
with yours, you are going to have a very rough time indeed.
Does this mean that you should just give up when your
offer negates so many pre-existing values and beliefs of
your subject? Of course not!
Every problem that concerns influence and persuasion has a
solution. If you are attempting to offer something new to
someone who is known to stubbornly hold on to his old
beliefs and values, the key is to never adopt a combative
attitude.
Forget about the strong words and the hailstorm of statistics
– those things don’t change beliefs that people have held on
for decades. Instead of battling the other person, adopt an
approach that utilizes the concept of consistency.
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What does this mean, anyway? Well, people like
consistency. People like it when their lives are stable and
unchanging (especially if they have made their lives very
comfortable at the present time). Anyone who comes with
something new might not be welcome because he
represents change that might rock the very foundation of a
person’s consistent life.
To avoid being driven away, you have to show the subject
that what you are offering isn’t just new, it’s exactly what
he needs because it is aligned with everything that he
cherishes and believes. For example, if you were trying to
sell an idea to a resistant boss, you can say that your idea is
a perfect example of a plan that epitomizes his work ethics.
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# 96 Winning Over People… With a
Strange Technique
When Benjamin Franklin encountered opposition in the
state of Pennsylvania back in his day, he didn’t want to
engage in behavior that would put him under the hostile
legislator. Instead, he waited it out and when he found out
that the legislator possessed a volume that was interesting
enough for Franklin, Benjamin Franklin actually wrote him
a note so that he could borrow the book.
After the book was sent, the formerly hostile legislator
became friends with Franklin and expressed his eagerness
to help out the famous inventor whenever he can. It is a
little strange to see someone succeed in ending opposition
by using the element of inconvenience – but for Franklin,
this technique worked!
In more recent times, researchers tested Franklin’s own
technique. Researchers let a group of people win money in
a contest. Afterward, one of the researchers asked specific
people to give back some of the money (because the money
was ‘out of the pocket’ and giving it away left the contest
master without a dime).
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After asking the favor from the respondents, the
respondents were then interviewed and were asked to rate
the contest. Believe it or not, those who were asked to give
some money back were the ones who gave the highest
praise for the contest while those who have not been
inconvenienced didn’t rate the contest high at all.
Why are people behaving in this manner? Weren’t people
supposed to act negatively when an element of
inconvenience has been pressed upon them?
The answer to this question is simply consistency. When a
person grants another person a favor, he automatically
becomes supportive of the other person. After that, he
would feel that he has to be consistent with his behavior
and therefore, support for the other person will continue.
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# 97 Showcase Your Competence Without
Hurting Your Image
It’s a fact: when we know a lot of stuff about a particular
topic, we want to show the whole world what we know. It’s
a natural tendency that we see even in small children.
A child who knows a lot about dinosaurs will proudly
announce that the tyrannosaurus rex was probably the
biggest and meanest meat eating machine during its reign
here on Earth. People tend to take children lightly, so even
the loudest know-it-all kid on the block would still look
lovable.
It is a completely different thing when an adult wants to
share with the world the fact that he is an expert. Adults
tend to view other adults in a negative light and it’s much
easier for people to think negatively because it’s how were
actually wired (instinctively, that is).
So how can you show your expertness without being
labeled as a miserable blowhard? One way that you can
avoid this common pitfall is by having another person
introduce you to the rest of the group (or to the other person
that you desperately want to impress).
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Having someone introduce you not only lessens the
tendency to label someone a blowhard but also raises your
trust rating (because someone actually stuck out their neck
for you). Some of you might be wondering: won’t people
react negatively to the fact that I have someone with me
who will essentially be singing all the complements and
praises for me?
The answer is: not necessarily. According to recent studies
people don’t really think this way anymore. The important
thing is that you have someone who will tell others who
and what you really are.
That’s the important thing. So the next time you want to
impress a group of people, it would be best to bring along
someone that the group is familiar with so he can do the
introduction for you.
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# 98 Don’t Act Like You’re the Brightest
Bulb in the Room
True persuasion is not just about getting people to say yes.
Genuine persuasion also means putting yourself in a
position where other people will secretly agree that you
have made the right decisions almost all of the time.
If you are able to accomplish this, your persuasion over
people will be deep and long-lasting. And that’s the focus
of this section – I want you to become a good leader
because leaders have the ability to automatically persuade a
whole group of people (we call them ‘packs’).
Most people believe that if a person wants to be a good
leader he has to be the most intelligent and keenest person
in the group. Well, that’s actually wrong. Good leaders
aren’t necessarily the smartest or brightest. What separates
good leaders from bad leaders is how they actually connect
with people.
Good leaders know how to utilize the power of the whole
group to solve problems. Bad leaders are too bright and
intelligent to ask for help. And this tendency to be the
brightest bulb in the room often leads to people’s downfall.
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Nine times out of ten, a leader won’t be able to solve a big
problem if he doesn’t collaborate with other members of
the group. Since the bright leader is too proud to ask for
help, he will try to compensate by thinking and thinking…
until he discovers that he cannot do it on his own.
By then, the group itself (which is still working as a unit)
would have solved the problem. And unfortunately, the
bright leader would have no way to collaborate with the
group then because he has ignored them before, during the
crucial time when people were eager to resolve the
problem.
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# 99 Use Dissenting Opinions to Improve
Yourself
Persuasion doesn’t only work by getting other people to
agree with you; it can also be used for self-betterment.
Believe it or not, objections and negative opinions can
actually be used by the persuader to make better decisions.
A true master of influence knows that the perceptual
position that matters the least is his.
The perceptual positions of his subjects are the most
important. A persuader that cares little for the perceptual
positions of other people would be hard-pressed to
convince anyone in any situation because he doesn’t even
understand the basics of persuasion.
You can begin seeking out dissenting opinions so you can
evaluate and modify what you are bringing to the table. I
know that it sounds like hard work but in the end, you (as
well as the others) will benefit from this rigorous process.
Another way that you can utilize dissenting opinions is
when you think the unanimous decision of a group needs to
be re-evaluated. Your role in such a situation would be to
uncover all of the faults and potential landmines that the
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group will encounter when they push through with what
they have agreed to, initially.
If all goes well, your efforts will ensure that your group
will choose the best possible course of action in that
particular situation. Seeking out multiple opinions also
prevents the collapse of group dynamics during interaction.
There is a tendency for groups to divide itself when
members are in disagreement. Seeking out different
opinions prevents this from happening.
And another thing – dissenting opinions also prevent
“groupthink” which can be harmful to your interests or the
interests of others. If you think you have valid reason to
oppose an idea that the majority of the members of a group
have already agreed upon, don’t think twice about using
this technique.
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# 100 How You Can Make Any Form of
Training Twice As Effective
There are times when we are faced with the responsibility
to training others so that they would become more efficient
at what they already know best. The old model for training
was to provide a large resource of best practices so that the
trainees would be able to emulate these best practices.
Theoretically, performance should improve through simple
emulation. But does this age-old method still work in our
time-pressured and hectic modern era?
Studies suggest that showing people the best practices may
not be the best approach during training. According to one
study led by researcher Wendy Joung, performance of
individual trainees will improve much faster if they were
taught the common errors in their field and how to avoid
these errors in the future.
Joung’s study focused on firefighters – people who are, by
nature of their work, required to make lightning fast
decisions that are so vital for the survival of other
firefighters and those around them. The respondents were
divided into two groups.
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One group was taught the errors that could be avoided and
one group was given the best practices drill. After the study,
the researchers discovered that the group that received the
“error” training was able to exhibit a more adaptive
mindset than the group that had received the “best
practices” training.
I’m not saying that all forms of training should focus on
just the errors that could be avoided. What Joung was
pointing out though was that trainees need to be thoroughly
exposed to common errors and problems that can easily be
avoided by getting the right knowledge.
If you belong to an organization or company that is in dire
need of decision-making training, you can use this
technique to mold the training program.
As for the errors that you will be presenting in the training,
you can probably get some from the more seasoned
members of the company who would have no qualms about
sharing their experiences – provided that you can offer
them complete anonymity.
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# 101 Exposing Little Faults Can Help
Persuade Others
In our day and age, it’s easy to think that only the prettiest
and most perfect people will succeed. One only has to look
at daytime television to see that the world seems to be
preoccupied with perfection.
If you look at magazines (any magazine at all) you will see
people presenting the world in a way that strives to engage
people – as if people don’t have the ability to spot
perfection and beauty by themselves. In this lopsided
reality, do regular people like you and me have a place?
Will it be easy to persuade others even if we don’t look like
Brad and Angelina? The answer is yes, because not matter
how convoluted and ‘perfect’ society becomes, it still
remains that the world at large isn’t perfect and people
know that they can only approach an approximation of
perfection at any given time.
That’s why you should actually be interested in the flaws of
what you want to offer others. Let’s say you were trying to
sell a software suite to a company. Your software suite was
independently created and so it is a little expensive when it
is finally deployed over a large scale.
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The boss doesn’t want it because of the price. Most
persuaders would try to placate the subject by offering
incentives and bonuses. But what if I tell you to scratch
those ideas and instead make your biggest weakness your
biggest strength?
Yes, you read that right. You can do this by attaching what
we call a silver lining to a weakness or fault. Your software
suite may be expensive but this will be offset by the fact
that their systems will be running at full power with an up
time of 99.9% after the installation of your software suite,
saving them hundreds of thousands of dollars over a period
of time. Can you think of ways of how you can make your
biggest weakness your biggest strength?
CONCLUSION
Whew! That was a lot.
It took me years to put these techniques together.
And my hope is that they serve you in becoming the most
persuasive person you can possibly be.
Should you need anything, hit me up at
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