HALT

Be most careful then how you conduct yourselves: like sensible men, not like simpletons. Eph. 5:15,
NEB.

Through the writings of Paul we find woven the thread of self-control as a Christian virtue. He
writes: “This is the will of God, that you should be holy: . . . each one of you must learn to gain
mastery over his body, to hallow and honour it” (1 Thess. 4:3, 4, NEB). The implication is that we
must respect the Creation laws. The context is often one of avoiding lust- that is, craving for illicit
pleasure.

Recovering alcoholics and addicts have much wisdom to share about such physical battles. An
alcoholic may be “dry,” that is, not drinking, but still have strong cravings to “feel good” by
drinking. Only through surrender to God’s power can the alcoholic learn true sobriety and obtain
victory. This is just as true for men and women in recovery from unwanted Same Sex Attraction.
But God’s power isn’t like a magic wand that instantly solves any problem- living in connection
with God involves making wise choices every day.

HALT offers a practical self-monitoring tool for life balance because it honours the laws of the
body.

In recovery whether it be from alcohol, drugs, sex or food, HALT has been used to stand for the
feelings Hungry, Angry, Lonely and Tired. These are important feelings to avoid for the person in
recovery.

WHEN YOU ARE FEELING ONE OR MORE OF THESE FEELINGS . . . . .

Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired
. . . . . . the first thing to do is HALT (“halt” means to stop). Stop whatever you were planning to do
and use the pause to consider whether your proposed action is balanced and adult. Or has one of
your inner selves (or one of your unbalanced core beliefs) taken over and is now ‘driving your bus’?
Is it insisting that you ‘must’ do something in order to ease your core pain? It’s a good time to
HALT!

This is a useful technique to help the person in recovery deal with addictive behaviours. If the
person in recovery feels like acting out, he can HALT, and take this inventory: Am I Hungry,
Angry, Lonely, or Tired? (These items stand for red flags to acting out. In other words when you
experience any of these items, you are most vulnerable to a fall). If you are hungry, angry, lonely or
tired, you are 'on the edge'. Some people have a high tolerance, others have a very low threshold

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after which they are likely to behave badly. Please note that I am not excusing any bad behaviour at
all. In fact, the reason for offering this fairly well known acronym is based on the idea that, if you
are any of those adjectives (hungry, lonely, angry or tired), you need to "HALT" and take care of
your condition so as to avert a bad choice.

If a person acted out already, he can identify what led him into the behaviour. It is a useful
diagnostic tool to help the individual learn about his triggers or sore spots and proper self-care.

“H” = Hungry

Don't get too Hungry. Hunger may make you more susceptible to less logical thinking. For a
reason we cannot explain, there seems to be in the person in recovery a peculiar psycho
physiological relationship between hunger and the urge to act out. When you are hungry, eat.
Simple and important. Have a snack or a meal. If you are hungry, food is the answer! Irregular or
skipped meals result in low blood sugar levels, often leading to irritability and emotional imbalance.

I would go one step further regarding the adjective 'hungry'. When we do not eat properly, we lose
control of our Self (Self = higher self, true self, real self). It is not only that we need to feed
ourselves physically, but also emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. To use an example, lusting
after another person is usually a message that the person in recovery feels a sense of low self-worth,
looking at someone else to fill his emptiness. This may come from feeling rejected or criticized,
whether real or perceived, by a boss at work, a parent at home, a close friend, a spouse, or a partner.
In the case of same-sex attraction, the person in recovery envies in another what he feels
lacking in himself. He hungers after another man to fill the pain or void.

Another “H” = Happiness

When a person in recovery feels excited about something and tries to share that joy with someone
els, and if the other person does not respond or rejects his sharing, he may feel rejected and
immediately become depressed. Next, he might head for the bedroom or bathroom to masturbate, or
go out the door to have sex. In this situation, masturbation is used as a means of emotional
medication to numb the hurt, pain, and disappointment.

“A” = Angry

Don't get too Angry. Anger is a normal human emotion, but nursing it and rehearsing our reasons
to be angry lead to depression and often actions we regret. It can sneak up on you quickly and put
you in an emotional state of, "I'll show him/her." Which could lead you to rationalize why it might
be okay to act out. Some sex addicts have a whole system where they purposely start a fight with
their partner, leave, act out and come back later justifying their acting out behavior because they
were "Angry."

This is a big trigger for most of us. Does the person in recovery have upset feelings toward someone
or some situation that he has not expressed? Is he withholding frustration, anger, fear, or guilt? If he
has not expressed these feelings appropriately, then sexual desires may emerge, almost magically,
seeming to come from out of nowhere.

Find healthy outlets for your feelings of frustration. Acting out can seem like a quick fix, but it's
always a false fix.

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If you are angry, go for a walk, get away from the situation that is making you feel like a ticking
time bomb. Breath deeply. Do something that will de-stress you. Perhaps talk to a friend. Talk to
God. He knows your thoughts, your anxieties and what is making you angry. If ever someone has
had a right to be angry, it is God. Thus, He understands the emotion completely and He knows how
to do something constructive with it. Read a Psalm. Read a Proverb. Read what was done to Jesus
on the Cross two thousand years ago and the things of earth will grow strangely dim...

“L” = Lonely

Don't get too Lonely. Isolation from other human beings, whatever the reason, weakens us socially
and spiritually. God made us to be interdependent with others (Gen. 2:18). Is the person in recovery
meeting his legitimate needs for intimacy in appropriate, healthy, loving nonsexual relationships?
Everyone has a need to love and be loved. Isolation equals death. It separates us from the many
possibilities of giving and receiving love. Sexual desires will increase in proportion to the loneliness
one experiences. Everyone needs touch. Touching is an important part of maintaining health. If a
person does not fulfil basic needs, then sex becomes a substitute for intimacy. The individual must
keep his love bucket filled. Otherwise, he will go on overdrive, dry up, and use all kinds of
unhealthy substitutes, like sex, to fill the void.

Loneliness can be equated with boredom. Under any conditions, loneliness is the mother of self-pity
and the ultimate end is resentment and acting out. The rule of Thumb? Do something!

Please don't spend your precious time having a pity party. Do something kind and thoughtful for
someone else and your problem will often times be put into a completely different perspective.
Especially if you are helping someone less fortunate than you.

“Lonely” is a difficult feeling for the person in recovery to handle. Feeling alone can make the
person feel vulnerable to want to medicate the feeling by acting out. Having an action plan or an "I
will do" list available in your wallet for when you feel lonely may be helpful. Some other
suggestions are:

1. Go to a public place such as a mall or restaurant.

2. Call someone.
3. Plan ahead to avoid your alone time gaps such as weekends or when your partner may be
out of town.
4. Exercise
5. Help someone else with a project
6. Go to a meeting, church or other social gathering.
7. Pray.
8. Ask others what they do when they feel this way.

“T” = Tired

Don't get too Tired. Being "Tired" in your busy, fast paced life, is a familiar feeling. When we
become overly tired, short of sleep or rest, it impairs our ability to think clearly. Our emotions
become less stable. Physical fatigue will affect both our bodies and our minds adversely and will
thereby lower our defences against the urge to act out, if there is any possibility at all of such a
desire being present, consciously or subconsciously. Tiredness can lower your resistance to the
point of "who cares." To recover, you need to stay alert. Your acting out is a default program that
wants to be fully activated anytime it can find a way.

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Fatigue can be a huge trigger. The rule of thumb is "When you are tired, put the body down!”
Instead of lighting up, give yourself time to slow down and relax a little, or even go to bed early if
you need to. If you are tired, sleep. If you have trouble sleeping, see a Doctor that can help you.
There are a lot of natural remedies available to you so don't give up easily if at first you don't find a
solution.

Tiredness and stress cause the person in recovery to revert to old ways of taking care of his needs,
such as acting out sexually. The person in recovery must come to know himself, his assets, and
liabilities. He must learn to take care of himself healthfully. If not, then he cannot genuinely love
others, for self-hatred works its way out. Living under too much stress may work for some but be
disastrous for others. Keeping the balance is important. Sexual desires may seem to appear out of
nowhere when someone is under pressure. Sex will not solve the problems. Change of lifestyle or
present circumstances will. The person needs to be in charge of his life, no one else. He must
transform his life from victim to victor.

Another “T” = Transference

If the person in recovery is spiritually and emotionally sensitive, he may pick up on someone else’s
vibrations, someone who is putting out a lot of sexual energy. He may feel sexually drawn to or
repulsed by another person and have no idea why. It is important to help the person in recovery
develop healthy boundaries, learning to separate me, from thee. He will need to learn how to
discern what is his and what is theirs.

To prevent a fall, you need an action plan. The action plan can be both proactive/preventive
(preventing it from happening) and reactive/curative (this is when it is to late and it has already
happened).

1. Proactive/preventive plan: What I will do to avoid the following from taking its toll:

Hungry: ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Angry:-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lonely: ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tired:
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2. Reactive/curative: What I will do when the following takes it’s toll

Hungry: ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Angry:-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lonely: ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tired:
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How many times have we read and said Easy Does It? So there it is: HALT--Hungry, Angry,
Lonely, Tired. Once we recognize that these four conditions are dangerous if succumbed to, we

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should avoid them as carefully as we would that first chance to act out, for any one of them could
be the first step to a relapse. So remember if you are hungry, angry, lonely or tired, HALT! Take
care of your genuine need and you are much more likely to avoid bad choices made at the precise
time your capability to make a good decision is at your personal nadir (that is, your worst). Turn
things around. You'll make better choices and feel better for it.

Something To Ponder

A young man who had graduated from a drug treatment program visited with a preacher friend and
told him about the HALT! principle. He had been warned that he was most vulnerable to acting out
of his addictive habits when he was "H"ungry, "A"ngry, "L"onely or "T"ired. In those times, he was
told to HALT and assess his actions and avoid his weaknesses.

Whether dealing with recognized addictive sin or not, many people make foolish, impulsive
decisions that they regret later because they are emotionally on fire. We often react rather than
respond to a difficult situation. This is especially true when we are hungry, angry, lonely, or tired.
We, too, need to HALT! and seek the wisdom of God and the leading of His Spirit.

When facing your emotional fires, remember to HALT, KNEEL, and Pray, rather than
automatically giving in to our emotions and "casting caution to the wind," we should HALT,
KNEEL, and PRAY. In that moment, we can ask the Lord for wisdom, direction, and self control.

He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, And he who rules his spirit than he who takes a
city (Proverbs 16:32 NKJ). Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show by good
conduct that his works are done in the meekness of wisdom. ... But the wisdom that is from above is
first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality
and without hypocrisy. Now the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace
(James 3:13-18). My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the
testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be
perfect and complete, lacking nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to
all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him (James 1:2-5).

Are You Reactive or Responsive

By Dr. Bill Gaultiere

Sandra (not her real name) had a highly successful career as a saleswoman, although she often
switched companies because of her emotional problems. Whenever she started a new job she got
very excited and developed huge plans for what she was going to do with her new company.
Inevitably though, problems would occur. She'd lose her temper with "lazy" assistants who didn't
measure up to her standards. She'd fear harshness or criticism from her boss so much that she tried
to avoid him and her annual performance review brought on an anxiety attack. Any unexpected
difficult event like receiving a harsh letter from her sister set off bouts of sudden crying or floods of
emotion and subsequent fears that these feelings would come up again at an inopportune time, like
in front of her co-workers or clients. Unfortunately, she had problems at home too and would often
lose her temper at her kids, criticize her husband, or lock herself in her room to cry. Consequently,
her family walked on egg shells around her for fear of upsetting her. They treated her with kid
gloves to avoid hurting her feelings.

Emotional Detachment is Hidden Emotional Reactivity

Sandra had a problem with emotional reactivity. For her it messed up her career. Sometimes those
who are highly emotionally reactive can still be quite successful in their work lives, particularly if it

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is highly structured or task-oriented. It is in their relationships with other people that they have their
biggest problems. They often hurt others and get hurt by others and their conflicts tend to be intense
and frequent.

In spite of the stereotype, it isn't just "emotional" women who have this problem. This is an unfair
and untrue judgment. On average women are more emotional than men, but this is just as often a
strength as it can be a weakness. Having strong and deep feelings that you have ready access to is
wonderful and very helpful. As we'll discuss in a moment, this is quite opposite from emotional
reactivity.

Interestingly, men and women who appear to be very calm or rational can also can be reactive,
overly sensitive, moody, and unstable. Sometimes those with an apparent "cool head" are actually
just overly detached from their feelings. When they get into an emotionally difficult situation they
too are liable to "lose it." Being calm, cool, and collected is their defence against emotional
reactivity. They've tried to "cut off" their emotional side. The problem with this defences is not only
that it hides underlying emotional reactivity, but also that it means not really living life at all. Life
without feelings is a black and white world. Relationships without feeling are shallow and boring.
Decisions that don't take feelings into account are often bad ones.

Ironically, emotional reactors and detached reactors often hook up in marriage or friendship. On the
surface they appear to be so different, but inside - in their character structure, ability to set
boundaries, and level of emotional maturity - they are quite similar. Often, the cool head in the
relationship is quick to blame the emotional reactor for their conflicts, but he or she is just as much
a part of it. The cool head's detachment is hurtful and avoids conflicts that need to be dealt with.
Then when he or she finally is drawn into a conflict his or her emotional reactivity becomes an
obvious problem too.

Symptoms of Emotional Reactivity

You probably identify with either Sandra or the calm, detached type that loses it periodically. (If so
you're probably in relationship with the opposite!) Most of us, if we're honest, have to admit that at
times we can be reactive emotionally or use detachment as a defences against pain. The problem is
with extreme or frequent episodes of out of control emotion and or detachment.

Of course, learning to better manage your feelings and reactions to people and situations begins
with identifying your problem. Consider how you handle your emotions. Which, if any, of the
following characteristics of emotional reactivity do you struggle with:

 Quick to lose your temper

 Often make critical or sarcastic comments that are hurtful
 Express 100 volts of emotion when 10 is appropriate
 Significant mood swings
 Prone to anxiety attacks
 Often overcome with sudden tearfulness
 Become flooded with unwanted feelings
 Say or do things they're embarrassed about later

H-A-L-T, Then Respond

What's the alternative you ask? How can you learn to better manage your emotions? Well, instead
of being emotionally reactive you need to learn to be emotionally responsive. Don't just react
impulsively to situations. Instead feel your feelings and then respond. To be responsive requires that

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you pay attention to what you're feeling, particularly in stressful or emotional situations. And you
need to be prepared to H-A-L-T whatever you're doing if you're:

 Hungry
 Angry
 Lonely
 Tired.

The reason you need to watch out for these feelings especially is because they are the kinds of
conditions under which you're most susceptible to overreacting in a way that you'll regret later. If
you struggle with a compulsive or addictive behaviour like alcoholism or overeating then these also
the conditions under which you're most likely to slip back into that behaviour. Psychologists like
myself call that "acting out," meaning you're acting out rather than "talking out" your feelings.
Learning to HALT whenever you're hungry, angry, lonely, or tired is a good defences against
overreacting and acting out. To halt is to pause and reflect. It means postponing your comments,
decisions, or actions in a given situation until you have had time to sort things through.

For instance, let's say you've worked through your lunch hour and your boss calls, upset that you're
not done with a project you're working on and starts pressuring your for an answer to a question
related to that project. You think you have an answer but you realize that you're over hungry and
your angry at the way your boss is pressuring you. If you don't watch yourself you might say
something that would make things even worse with your boss. So you halt and buy yourself the
time you need to take care of your feelings and sort through your thoughts on the subject by saying
something like, "I'm in the middle of something right now. I'll get back to you on that before I leave
today."

Or, what if at the end of long and exhausting day your husband loses his temper at you and
criticizes you for how you handled a problem with one of your kids? If you're not careful you might
react in anger and escalate the conflict between the two of you. You're tired and you're upset that he
didn't appreciate your efforts with your child and was so critical. Time to halt. Better to talk this
issue through later when you're not so tired and upset. You might say, "I'd like to talk with you
about this situation later when I have more energy. Can we talk in the morning about this?"

Or, if you're lonely and you find yourself thinking about food then halt. Instead, of acting out of
your loneliness by eating talk to a friend about how you feel. Or sit down and write out your
feelings in a journal or pray to God about how you feel. It won't give you a quick sugar high or
numb out your pain, but in the long run it'll be better for you.

How to Respond to Your Feelings

After you halt in an emotional situation take time to:

 Feel your feelings.

 Talk to someone you trust about how you feel.
 Focus on receiving care while you share.
 Think about your situation before you speak or act.

Start by feeling your feelings and sorting them through by sharing with a trustworthy listener. It
may take quite a bit of discernment and courage for you to share this honestly, especially if you've
been violated in past relationships or haven't experienced much listening and caring support, but it
is worth considerable effort.

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To get the most out of being listened and cared for to it's important that you join in the caring. To
fully receive care you need to be self-accepting. Usually, reactive people are self-conscious about
their emotional vulnerability and embarrassed about how they feel and so they try to avoid their
feelings. They've judged themselves as "too sensitive" or "overly emotional" or "weak and needy"
and denied or repressed their feelings. Of course, like the beach ball that you hold underwater,
inevitably the unwanted feelings will pop up in emotional outbursts, hurtful words, or foolish
actions. So practice good self-talk by saying affirming things to yourself like:

 "All my feelings are okay."

 "My needs are important too."
 "My spouse (friend or parent) like who I am even though I have flaws."
 "God loves me as I am."

Finally, as you're processing your feelings it's important to work at integrating your feeling and
thinking. In other words, don't just feel about your situation, but think about it too. Then you'll be
more ready to speak out calmly and act appropriately (see chart below). A lot of unnecessary
conflicts and problems are avoided if you follow this simple rule: feel and think first before you
speak or do.

Responding to situations in this manner is called "containing" or "processing" your feelings. It takes
time and practice to learn to respond rather than react, so don't get down on yourself if it's a struggle
for you. It's especially difficult for people who grew in families where their feelings weren't
responded to with concern and care. Learning to respond rather than react is worth serious and
continual effort because it pays rich dividends for you and those in relationship with you. Being
responsive will help you make better decisions and get along better with others. It'll help you
accomplish more and earn other people's respect. It'll help you set and maintain appropriate
boundaries in your relationships and your work. And it'll help you to stay calm and confident when
dealing with others who overreact!

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