Ndwae Ngone Mwaitu - A Postmodern Cultural Phenomenon of Dowry Amo
Ndwae Ngone Mwaitu - A Postmodern Cultural Phenomenon of Dowry Amo
Volume 24
Issue 4 Violence against Women and Girls in Article 11
Africa in the absence of Ubuntu
August 2022
Recommended Citation
Musili, Telesia Kathini (2022) "Ndwae ngone mwaitu: A Postmodern Cultural Phenomenon of Dowry
among the Akamba and its influence on Spousal Violence," Journal of International Women's Studies: Vol.
24: Iss. 4, Article 11.
Available at: https://vc.bridgew.edu/jiws/vol24/iss4/11
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Women’s Studies.
Musili: Ndwae ngone mwaitu: A Postmodern Cultural Phenomenon of Dowry amo
Abstract
Dowry, also referred to as bride wealth or bride price, is a consultative, amicable, and
quantifiable summation of goods exchanged between the groom’s and bride’s families.
Traditionally, dowry (ngasya) payment among the Akamba was an obligation for the parents-
in-law (husband’s parents), but that has in the recent past transitioned to the husband paying
the dowry himself. An emerging trend is, however, catching up with married women budding
together and opting to pay the dowry for themselves, which is not only a cultural shock and
an empowering paradigm shift but also a ceremony that could be riddled and clouded with
rifts amongst spouses. “Ndwae ngone mwaitu” literally translated to mean “Let us visit my
mother,” is a ceremony that is becoming popular among Kenyans from different tribes. The
ceremony is organized by one who goes to see his or her biological mother, accompanied by
friends of the same age. This paper examines “Ndwae ngone mwaitu” as an emerging
postmodern cultural phenomenon in dowry honourship and its relation to spousal violence by
analysing couples’ life narratives. The article employs Akachi Adimora-Ezeigbo’s notion of
snail-sense feminism to examine the viability of realizing fair and humanistic co-existence for
couples after “Ndwae ngone mwaitu” disguised for dowry honourship. Snail-Sense feminism
espouses the pattern of the snail to ‘negotiate’ or ‘dialogue’ within its milieu to get around
impediments with a ‘well-lubricated tongue.” This theory is adopted as it offers women
tactical strategies for achieving emancipation from cultural norms and men’s domination that
perpetuate gender-based violence. The paper employed a qualitative design, utilizing
interview schedules and focus group discussions to elicit experiential data from men and
women attending “Ndwae ngone mwaitu” ceremonies in various parts of Ukambani in Kitui
County in Kenya. The article affirms the value of cultural identity, respect, and negotiating
power and space that one attains after meeting the societal expectations that come along with
the practice, cementing the value of marriage and dowry customs among the Akamba. As
such, dowry honourship, even though contested in the contemporary space, is a cultural
practice that both men and women ought to navigate tactfully, thus, averting spousal
violence.
Introduction
Traditionally, the payment of dowry in African societies is a cultural practice that is
mandatory for cementing a marriage. Dowry, also referred to as bride wealth or bride price, is
a consultative, amicable, and quantifiable summation of goods exchanged between the
groom’s and bride’s families. In most cultures, particularly in Kenya, the exchange flows
from the groom’s family to the bride’s father. This cultural practice, according to Anderson,
1
Telesia Kathini Musili is a lecturer at the department of Philosophy and Religious Studies at the University of
Nairobi. She holds a Bachelor of Arts degree and a Master of Arts degree in Religious Studies from Katholieke
Universiteit Leuven, Belgium; and a PhD from the Department of Philosophy and Religious Studies at Kenyatta
University (KU). Besides, Musili holds a Master’s degree in Bioethics from Atlantic International University,
USA. Her research interests revolve around religion and media, ethics, and religion, focusing on the response to
contemporary issues affecting women and society. Email: [email protected]. Her ORCID ID:
https://orcid.org/0000-0002-9448-7571.
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Musili: Ndwae ngone mwaitu: A Postmodern Cultural Phenomenon of Dowry amo
Cultural shifts and trajectories have emerged and gravitated towards a mutual
understanding of this important relational exercise. Sommer and Schwartz (2011) put the
problem into perspective with an assertion that,
Emily Onyango (2016) faults the term “bride-price” as it brings about a connotation “of a
purchase or financial transaction” (Onyango, 2016). Women are, as a result, seen as property,
which leads to their enslavement, being dehumanized, and being perceived as inferior.
Daughters are culturally perceived as investments, which, in a way, spearheads forced and
early girl-child marriages. This compounding scenario creates a fertile ground for marital
conflict, gender-based violence, and family conflicts resulting in the loss of life either
through suicide or homicide.
Though compounded by multiple vulnerabilities, dowry negotiations and execution
remain a powerful cultural practice among the Akamba. Traditionally, dowry (ngasya)
payment among the Akamba was an obligation for the parents-in-law (husband’s parents),
which in the recent past has transitioned to the husband paying the dowry himself. Due to the
identity-forming and respectful standing that dowry ceremonies and rituals provide, the
practice thrives even as it adopts different paradigms that are foreign to the ancient culture.
One such paradigm is Ndwae ngone mwaitu translated to mean “Let’s go visit my mother”
ceremony. The ceremony is common among women of the same age group who organize
themselves to visit their biological mothers. From these visits, it has become clear that
women are using the money they get from working together to pay their own dowries, which
goes against the rules of the custom.
This paper examines ndwae ngone mwaitu as an emerging postmodern cultural
phenomenon in relation to spousal violence by analysing the couple’s experiential narratives
using snail-sense feminism. Qualitative data was analysed to depict the implications of the
ndwae ngone mwaitu ceremony for spousal violence given its liberative prompt entrance to a
normative cultural event. The article affirms the value of identity, respect, and negotiating
space that one attains after meeting the societal expectations that come along with the
practice, cementing the value of marriage and dowry custom among the Akamba. Mbiti
further corroborates his assertion that marriage is understood and institutionalized within the
context of community, as fulfilling an obligation and a custom of partnership and forbearance
of children (Mbiti, 1987, pp. 31-43). Kyalo also supports the argument with his assertion that
“marriage among the Akamba was a must and every adult and normal Mũkamba had to
marry” (Kyalo, 2011, p. 5). These assertions reflect a culture that has been here for ages.
that Ndwae ngone Mwaitu initiated to make sense and tactfully combat the violence that
befalls women in the hands of men, as fuelled by the dowry custom.
Ndwae ngone Mwaitu is a female bonding type of friendship that is composed of
individual women of the same age bracket for “purposes of supporting each other for a
common good” (Udoette, 2019, p. 68). Female bonding is defined as “the formation of a
close personal relationship between women, and in general, usage to describe patterns of
friendship, attachment, and cooperation in women” (Valen, 2010: p.30). The group meets
every month, where they contribute money to support each other in various social life
aspects. According to Udoette (2019), female bonding necessitates the concepts of female
liberation, collective female consciousness, and female empowerment, all of which contribute
to redefining the woman’s place in society (Udoette 2019, pp. 65-72). The solidarity of
women is a powerful tool for negotiating the power imbalances that define most societies.
One of the outstanding objectives of these groups is to visit their mothers, who are
often neglected when one marries and starts her own family. The purpose of such visits is to
appreciate her for preparing one for marriage, raising them up and at the same time seeking
blessings from her as she ages. The visits are usually elaborate, with song and dance, feasting
and merrymaking, convoys of vehicles, classic dress and traditional blessings coupled with
splashing and showering one’s mother with gifts, sweet words of appreciation and money.
Aunties, uncles, grandmothers, sisters, brothers, and the entire clan witness and celebrate the
power of a woman in nurturing a hardworking girl turned woman and wife. It is usually a
visit characterized by pomp and colour. As the women’s groups continued to hold grip and
celebrate their mothers, their husbands started tagging along. It is of late becoming a group of
girlfriends accompanied by their husbands and friends to honour their parents and receive
blessings, which is mutually possible when the dowry has been honoured. The changing
dynamics have impacted the sole objective of appreciating mothers to honour dowry
negotiated to claim respect from the girl’s husband from her clan and extended family. The
shift has not been devoid of challenges and tensions, that women as change-makers have
embraced boldly to renegotiate their space in this male-dominated custom.
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Musili: Ndwae ngone mwaitu: A Postmodern Cultural Phenomenon of Dowry amo
to the detriment of women’s autonomy and freedom. The study adopts the sisterhood,
solidarity, and female bonding aspects of Snail Sense feminism as tools that necessitate the
liberation of women. African scholars of diverse sociological disciplines have continuously
insisted on the need to appreciate African culture and see to it that the integrity of African
culture is upheld (Maseno, 2021, pp. 6-14). A challenge, however, looms as repressing
drivers embedded in positive aspects of African cultures, such as dowry, and its implications
for women are not addressed. Snail-Sense feminism espouses the pattern of the snail to
“negotiate” or “dialogue” within its milieu to get around impediments with a “well-lubricated
tongue.” This theory offers women tactical strategies for achieving emancipation from
cultural norms and men’s domination that perpetuate gender-based violence.
It is in this spirit that this paper negotiates this cultural tradition by situating women at
the centre for the sake of their identity, respect, and sense of belonging through mutual dowry
honours.
groom’s parents that was taken up by the groom. However, owing to challenging economic
times that have pushed couples into a hefty financial crisis, women have stepped up to assist
in conforming to the societal expectation of honouring dowry. Their involvement in this
patriarchal space has not only raised eyebrows amongst the men-clan but has also fuelled
spousal violence within the institution of marriage. Nevertheless, negotiated, and mutual
consensus to partner in dowry honourship among consenting married contemporaries is a
guarantee that ndwae ngone mwaitu will not only change the emerging negative perspective
of dowry honourship, but also function as a driver of embracing our cultural identity. These
and other sentiments are discussed thematically as they emerge from the qualitative data
collected.
[…] From cooking and cleaning, to fetching water and firewood or taking care of
children and the elderly, women carry out at least two and a half times more unpaid
household and care work than men. As a result, they have less time to engage in paid
labour, or work longer hours, combining paid and unpaid labour. Women’s unpaid
work subsidizes the cost of care that sustains families, supports economies, and often
fills in for the lack of social services (UN Women, 2017).
The grouping of women into welfare organizations for their support is laudable. It is a clear
demonstration that women are resilient and firm in their struggles. They have risen and
braved themselves to navigate the toughest of spaces while respecting societal expectations.
One woman affirmed that the Ndwae ngone mwaitu group was founded.
[…] it is easier to visit my mother when I am with a group of other women friends.
Alone you cannot because, where do you get all the money to buy her gifts like we
have done today? We have children in school who are demanding school fees. We
have to eat and meet other needs. It is only the ’mzee’ (husband) who is working.
Visiting your mother is not a priority. But with the little I get from him and my small
business, put together with other women, we could visit her (F3, May 8, 2020).
Sisterhood forms laudable solidarity where support is guaranteed. It is not only the support
but also a shared understanding that enables the prioritizing of what is of importance to them
without being prejudiced. Once married, the Akamba men do not encourage their wives to
keep on visiting their parents, especially mothers, for no apparent reason. The grouping as
necessitated by ndwae ngone mwaitu makes this possible. In House of Symbols (2001),
AkachiAdimora-Ezeigbo praises this prominent way of navigating patriarchal dictates as
tactful, non-aggressive, and subtle. In one of her interviews with Encomium Magazine
(2015), AkachiAdimora-Ezeigbo reiterated that “I don’t believe in confrontation and
unnecessary aggression, or one being opinionated about everything” but she urges brilliant
negotiation.
Socio-economic challenges such as poverty, the excessive cost of living, and lack of
education, among others, were the major deterrents to honouring dowry, especially on the
part of men. However, honourship is an important cultural symbol of extending friendship
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Musili: Ndwae ngone mwaitu: A Postmodern Cultural Phenomenon of Dowry amo
and being ‘born’ in another home. Commercialization of dowry, where expected animals and
items were converted to market monetary rates and values, was another challenge that has
made it difficult to honour the expectation, given other demanding responsibilities. As such,
the coming together of women was lauded, as it paved the way for not only visiting the
bride’s parents in search of blessings but also honouring dowry expectations.
[…] it (referring to ndwae ngone mwaitu) is a good thing. At least once, when it was
my wife’s turn, I got a chance to visit my in-laws and get blessings too. They
(women) collect and save good money that cannot result in ridicule or embarrassment.
You know you cannot go to your in-laws’ empty-handed. But since it’s difficult to do
it alone, I get an opportunity to throw in what I have, and I accompany them. That
way, I get a chance to visit respectfully (M1, May 8, 2021).
The respondent attests to the importance of women’s solidarity and sisterhood. When women
come together, they empower each other, not only economically but also socially, physically,
and psychologically. As the men ride on their innovative solidarity, they pool resources
together that enable them to mutually honour the expected dowry. Subtle as it may seem,
other women still hold on to the perception that it is the groom and his family who are
culturally mandated to honour the dowry. The men reported their women bashing them after
they used their Ndwae ngone mwaitu collections to honour the dowry.
[…] as a man, when you use ‘their money’ to honour dowry, you have no say at all in
your house or over her! This affects our (men) ego, you either beat her thoroughly or
you just leave and hook up with another woman, for the sake of peace, provided you
don’t go to her parents as the dowry piles up (M4, May 8, 2021).
In such instances, spouses turn against each other, leading to separation and escalating extra-
marital relations, also known as “mpango wa kando’ relations. As a deterrent to break-ups
and separations that hurt families, most women embraced the mutual honouring of dowry
since they also benefited from it. As Kanyoro (2002), argues, culture is a double-edged
sword, it can affirm (giving one identity) and it can also destroy (in this case, objectifying
women) (Kanyoro, 2002, pp. 158-180). Dowry honour has mixed consequences for both the
groom and the bride, as discussed in the following section.
is believed that it is a bad omen for the other unmarried girls as they may get married to
disrespectful families like their sister. The Akamba believed that the deceased could find a
“spiritual husband” as she lay by the roadside fence, who would spiritually take away the
shame from her family.
As such, the man and his clan are ridiculed by the neighbours and their in-laws for
failing to honour societal expectations. After the burial, the families meet and agree that the
bride’s family should give a black he-goat to the groom’s family known as mbui ya ulee
(rejection goat) if there were children borne from the marriage. The bride’s family are
allowed to take their daughter’s children. If the groom allows this procedure to happen, it
becomes difficult for him to remarry, as word goes around that he and his family are poor and
disrespectful to in-laws. In most cases, the groom’s family accepts giving the four goats for
ntheo, to avoid the shame and ridicule. They would later plan to honour the dowry just to
maintain their respect. Shaming is as a caveat to honour societal expectations among the
Akamba. For one to earn himself/herself respect, one had to ensure that traditional societal
expectations, were honoured at the bare minimum.
After the Ntheo ceremony, the groom, and his family honour the dowry as negotiated
by the elders and clan’s men. Dowry among the Akamba legitimizes marriage. Traditionally,
dowry was in the form of livestock (goats and cows) and farm produce (maize, beans, and
honey). Initially, dowry among the Akamba was thirty-six goats, six bulls, and three heifers
regardless of whether you had received formal education or not and was honoured with
friendliness over a prolonged period. Over the years, it was revised to include two drums of
honey, popularly known as ithembe, two blankets, two-bed sheets, 48 goats, three bulls, and 8
heifers (Mutua, 2012). Currently, dowry is converted into cash, where the market price of the
commodities, including goats, bulls, and heifers, is calculated, and expected from the groom.
Initially, there was no time limit to honour the dowry, a trend that has changed owing to the
commercialization of the symbol. Currently, the bride’s parents demand the dowry mostly
after their daughter has sired a minimum of two children. Inasmuch as it puts pressure on the
couple, they still held on to the importance of their culture in matters of dowry honourship.
Respondents reiterated the importance of both ceremonies, especially regarding their
respect, sense of belonging, and identity. Most of the men interviewed noted that honouring
ntheo and dowry was a respectful gesture to their in-laws who had given them their
daughters. Daughters, who in turn became mothers to their children,
[…] this is our culture. It is a must that I honour what was agreed on. It is a sign of
appreciation and respect to my in-laws. They will also respect me, I am not cheap, I
can afford to take care of their daughter (Personal communication, May 8, 2021)
[…] it is the prudent thing to do. These women give us children, families, and also
respect. I will also expect to get something from my daughter. So, if I do not pay what
I was told to pay, then I and the mother will not get anything either (M2, June 19,
2021).
As much as the men chose to honour their culture through meeting the societal expectations
of both ntheo and dowry, it is still evident that they still view dowry as a ‘payment.” The
concept of ‘bride price’ is ingrained and socialized through the very purpose of the symbol,
which signifies mutuality in a new relationship. The commercialization of the dowry paves
the way for such thinking, where a woman’s monetary worth is placed on her. Mentally, one
feels equated either to livestock or thousands of shillings, a concept that brings about
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ownership and objectification of women and girls. So, men think they have the right to treat
women however they want, especially if they pay the dowry.
Women differed in their sentiments on dowry honourship, on whether it should be
honoured at all, and on whether their involvement was of any importance. Most women
affirmed that ndwae ngone mwaitu is a commendable empowering grouping that has enabled
them to attain greater respect and honour. Interesting discussions on whether dowry should be
honoured at all revolved around objectification, parental demands, respect, a sense of
belonging, and the commercialization of the ceremony. One FGD respondent argued,
[…] when a man pays dowry, he feels like he has bought you. He gives you demands
of what to do, where to go, even when to go to visit your parents...it is not a must that
he pays (FGDW2, June 17, 2021).
Concerns about the implication of dowry honourship are still a thorny debate, even among
women. The objectification and entitlement that result after the ceremony create a fertile
ground for spousal violence. However, other women held on to the importance of the
ceremony. One woman noted that “payment of dowry is important. I left my parents and I
now help his parents, and I have sired their children. My parents deserve some cows”
(FGDW4, June 17, 2021).
A woman who sired children for her in-laws is highly respected, and the only way
they can show gratitude is by honouring the dowry. Among the Akamba, children belong to
the father and his clan. To lay a claim on them, dowry honourship guarantees him respect
from the bride’s parents and the entire clan, and the women respondents approved of the
claim. One respondent asserted,
[…] Yes, the children are theirs, and so, in exchange, they need to pay my dowry.
You know if your husband pays dowry, he is respected by your clan, parents, and
immediate family. You are also respected because it means you were accepted there;
you are well-behaved […]. It is a gesture of telling you now you are ours. You
belong. Your people also think that you have now established a home, you are a
grown woman (FGDW6, June 17, 2021).
When the Akamba honour dowry, it raises the status of both the groom and the bride within
the clan and among their peers.
Further, the concept of exchanging a bride for reproductive goals permeated women’s
mentality. Children among the Akamba are valued, and barrenness is shunned (Ngila, 2012).
Even though the Akamba allowed barren women to marry iweto, another woman who would
sire children on her behalf, the ridicule of being barren lives on. Kamba men marry a second
wife without medical confirmation of barrenness (Baloyi, 2017), a practice that should be
discouraged, especially in modern times.
AkachiAdimora-Ezeigbo (1998) challenges women in her novel The Last of the
Strong Ones, to rise beyond the socialized meaning of motherhood and reproach of
barrenness. She persuades women to deconstruct the patriarchal meaning of motherhood by
being economically empowered and independent. AkachiAdimora-Ezeigbo (1998) uses one
of her characters, Flora Nwapa, to deconstruct motherhood as defined solely by having
children to a more accommodating and inclusive definition of motherhood, all through
women’s economic stability and independence (Ezeigbo, 1998). While focusing on Chieme,
another character in the same novel, AkachiAdimora-Ezeigbo (1998) highlights how Chieme
navigates and overcomes barrenness with her productivity in other sectors that are beneficial
to society (Ezeigbo, 1998).
Mercy Amba Oduyoye, childless herself, bore her identity proudly within a
patriarchal society that was foreign to her, having been brought up in a matrilineal society.
Having negotiated the contours of patriarchy, she recognized as the mother of African
Women’s theology that has thousands of followers across Africa. She is the mother of ‘the
Circle of Concerned African Women Theologians,” a network of women theologians across
Africa. As a true deconstruction of ‘motherhood,” the network, in the spirit of ‘mama Mercy’
is anchored on mentoring the next generation of African women theologians to empower
African women in negotiating patriarchal hindrances within religion and culture. Just like
AkachiAdimora-Ezeigbo, Mercy Amba Oduyoye (1995), in one of her books Daughters of
Anowa: African Women and Patriarchy postulates that change will come about only when the
“daughters of Anowa” confront tactfully the realities of culture and religion in propagating
patriarchal oppression and “work to realize the goal of a new woman in a new Africa”
(Oduyoye, 1995, pp. 441-449). Women are encouraged to find new ways to deal with cultural
norms that get in the way of their overall well-being in their daily lives.
Ndwae Ngone Mwaitu Dowry honourship and its implications on Spousal Violence
Spousal violence, also known as intimate partner violence, continues to take root
amongst couples. The World Health Organization (WHO) (2012) defines intimate partner
violence as one of the many forms of violence against women that includes physical, sexual,
and emotional abuse coupled with controlling behaviours by an intimate partner who is in a
privileged position of power. The overwhelming burden of spousal violence is born majorly
by women (Bramhankar & Reshmi, 2021, pp. 1–9), meaning that oftentimes, it is men who
are in a position of power. As sexual gender-based violence surged during COVID-19
lockdowns, deaths, divorces, and separations were reported amongst spouses in Kenya. The
worrying situation manifested during COVID-19 lockdowns attests to the existence of power
dynamics within marital relations, be they economic, relational, or traditional household
headship. Socio-relational dynamics within married couples are worth investigating if the
government or any other agency is to succeed in countering gender-based violence. Dowry
honourship, as a good example of a socio-relational component, is examined over and against
mutual honourship of the custom and its implications for spousal violence.
It emerged from the study findings that women who contributed towards their dowry
honourship accrued feelings of entitlement, a sense of ownership and belonging to their
marital home. Most of the female respondents argued that their husbands, their in-laws, and
their peers respected them. It was further, proof that they could not only inherit their
husband’s property but also enjoy the dowry of their daughters as well as secure a respectful
burial space. Affirming the findings, one woman in the FGD noted that,
[…] this group helped me attain respect from my in-laws. When we went to pay my
dowry, we invited my parents-in-law to accompany us. They were excited about
handing my parents the envelop full of money. They now regard me with respect. My
name has even changed, now they call me after my first-born son (FGDW3, June 17,
2021).
Naming is a powerful rite of passage among the Akamba. The firstborn son is named after the
groom’s father, who is the head of the entire household. “When your father-in-law calls you
mwaitu, my mother is a testament that you now belong to his son, to the entire household,”
one woman opined (FGDW 5, June 17, 2021). The men, on the other hand, attain respect
from the bride’s family and clan as well as from their peers.
The mutual consensus to pool resources together and honour dowry is not devoid of
problems. Oftentimes, spousal violence results after the intention to contribute towards
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honouring one’s dowry on the part of women, or even after it has been honoured. At the time
of conducting this study, one man had committed suicide after word spread that his wife had
paid her own dowry. Such unfortunate deaths have been blamed on psychological distress
because of shame and ridicule. Wife battering, emotional abuse, and homicides have resulted
from dowry honourship under ndwae ngone mwaitu. Women, however, held strong defensive
opinions, especially after they contributed towards the dowry honourship. One asserted,
[…] he has failed to pay the dowry for me, I cannot be buried by the fence as I watch;
I am a big woman I have to respect myself. I cannot stand being laughed at by my
own people. When I suggested that I would assist him pay it using my ndwae ngone
mwaitu turn, he welcomed it. He is happy and I am happy we did it. (FGDW 1, June
17, 2021)
Differing perceptions, however, emanated from the men interviewed. Some men underscored
that after women assisted them in honouring their dowry, they became unruly and
disrespectful. They could no longer obey their husbands as they used to before the dowry
honourship. Though they still lauded the project, their plea was that their wives still respected
them and should be quiet about who paid the dowry! “For a man, it is a shame when other
people know that your wife paid her own dowry. You will be laughed at. I wish they could
just be silent on it, one man begged” (M5, June 19, 2021). Others reported hopping into
alcohol to help them live through the shame. One man noted, “on the day my wife gave me
hundred thousand Kenya shillings for her parents as dowry, I was excited at first, but
accompanying them to my in-laws knowing I had contributed nothing was shameful […]. I
went there drunk” (M1, June 19, 2021). Most men evade the situation through excessive
drinking, which might lead to aggressive behaviour, discord, and conflict with their wives.
Alcoholism has been attributed to personality factors such as feelings of insecurity, low self-
esteem, stress, depression, suicide, aggressive behaviours, or antisocial personality disorders;
factors that are linked to spousal violence (Patel et al., 2020).
Even though one widowed woman in the group had managed to honour her dowry
with the help of the group, the men had no problem with that since, they argued that the
people would understand. The widow, however, opined that, “I had to invite my husband’s
senior brother to give my people the money. If I do not pay on their behalf, I cannot inherit
my husband’s land or even marry off my daughters” (F3, May 8, 2021). A single woman in
the group also went to see her parents so that her brothers would let her build on their
property. Respect and opening an opportunity for inheriting land were components that
correlated with dowry honourship amongst the respondents, both men and women.
Probing on whether mutual consensus on honouring dowry for purposes of cohesion
and appreciating their culture could be pursued as a positive, women agreed that it was
important to exercise prudence and diligence in participating in this male ascribed obligation.
They advanced on how the group had empowered them not only financially but also in
gaining respect from their husbands. The women argued that being poor denied them a
chance to discuss household matters. It emerged that women who were working either as
primary school teachers or nurses within the group were respected more by their in-laws and
husbands because they had economic power. As such, poverty plays a role in fuelling spousal
violence as one party, mostly the man, might feel financially strained and opt to vent his
anger on the wife. Women are most vulnerable to abuse by their spouses in circumstances
when economic inequalities between spouses exist, rigid gender roles are resoundingly
grounded, and there are cultural norms that support the husband’s right to perpetrate violence
on the wife.
Conclusion
The article employed snail-sense feminism that encourages one to be tolerant to
embrace the virtues of negotiation that bring about compromise and balance. Ndwae ngone
mwaitu, a Kamba women welfare group, whose objective is to visit one’s parents and seek
blessings was used as an emerging postmodern cultural phenomenon in dowry honourship.
Ndwae ngone mwaitu creates opportunities for women to negotiate tactfully in the male
dominated culture of dowry honourship. Mutual participation in dowry honourship
deconstructs women’s objectification and entitlement by men within patriarchal frameworks
and paves way for appreciation of the culture of dowry honourship that has received sizeable
backlash among contemporaries.
The paper argues that mutual agreement and involvement of women in dowry
honourship averts spousal violence that has been highlighted as a public health concern. It
https://vc.bridgew.edu/jiws/vol24/iss4/11 12
Musili: Ndwae ngone mwaitu: A Postmodern Cultural Phenomenon of Dowry amo
calls on women to arise in oneness and embrace values of communality, sisterhood, and
solidarity as a strategy of empowerment. It affirms that women have the capability of
breaking patriarchal barriers through compromise, negotiation, power-sharing by virtue of
being accommodative and concerned of the other women’s welfare, regardless of their age.
As such, demeaning terms like bride wealth, bride price, dowry payment among others would
be diminished if women embraced the skill of tactful dialogue and negotiation as advanced
by AkachiAdimora-Ezeigbo. Her liberating ideology for gender discourse is rightly lauded as
being “capable of ensuring a sustainable, context-friendly strategy for women’s
emancipation” (Ezenwanebe, 2015, p.274).
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