The quiet threat of 'covert' narcissists in the workplace
Narcissists aren’t all overt and grandiose. There’s a stealthier, friendlier kind who are harder to spot
– but just as dangerous.
Not all narcissists are egoists clamouring for the spotlight, it turns out. There's also a stealthier, friendlier version: the
covert narcissist.
These individuals have the same basic drive as more overt narcissists, craving attention and recognition. But covert
narcissists go about securing this attention in a quieter, more unassuming way: a covert narcissist may appear
friendly, even as they ruthlessly sabotage others for their own self-interest. This kind of person can be dangerous in
the workplace, as colleagues may have a harder time sniffing out their damaging behaviours.
‘Good guys’ who pose a threat
When we think of traditional narcissists, we may envisage someone who thinks they're the centre of the universe, to
the annoyance and detriment of others around them.
In the workplace, narcissists can be poisonous: they manipulate colleagues to get their way, make reckless choices
that don't consider others' viewpoints and can be solely focused on elevating themselves over their teammates. Their
disregard for others is one of the reasons they can climb the corporate ladder so quickly.
But narcissists of the covert variety – also called 'vulnerable' narcissists – are a little different. They have that same
core need to feed their own ego at all costs, but they can be more sensitive in their methods. While overt narcissists
may care less about rocking the boat to demand the attention they crave, covert narcissists are "not comfortable
presenting in that larger-than-life way", says Julie L Hall, author of The Narcissist in Your Life, who's written
about covert narcissism in particular.
They "tend to want to be seen as 'the good guy': basically, easy-going, fun, likable, generous, they may be helpful –
that kind of thing", says Hall. But the downside is that they are calculating; their behaviour is characterised by an
"ongoing passive-aggressiveness". Think backhanded compliments, veiled barbs, insults disguised as humour, subtle
digs or gossiping behind people's backs.
Covert narcissists may affect us in a more invisible way because we are not as prepared to deal
with them - Chanki Moon
They may quietly and strategically fish for acknowledgement or compliments. Perhaps they conspicuously give
someone a gift in front of others, checking others are witnessing this act of generosity. They might "triangulate"
conversations – steering them by bringing in an additional person to pit people against each other or stoke conflict. At
work, they might cosy up to you and a colleague, only to badmouth each of you to the other, pitting you against each
other so that the covert narcissist can look like the model employee in comparison.
Driving this behaviour is an internalised sense of shame, says Hall, so they overcompensate by trying to make
themselves seem superior. Indeed, covert narcissists often have low self-esteem and insecurities, as opposed to
having an inflated sense of self.
In a study published in March, it was found that covert narcissists were more likely to claim they’d experienced
workplace incivility themselves, despite their own behaviour likely being uncivil to others. Due to low self-esteem,
along with a worse understanding of workplace norms like fairness and respect, workers who measured high in
covertly narcissistic traits were more likely to say they experienced rudeness, disrespect or discourtesy from others at
work.
Playing the victim in this way is "super common – almost a given" for covert narcissists, says Hall. "They typically have
a victim narrative, which allows them to pivot out of any situation, out of any responsibility. It's always someone else's
fault, someone has been unfair to them."
Hall says while overt narcissists are more obvious and aggressive, bullying others or hogging the spotlight, covert
narcissists can be sweet and ingratiating, manipulating their victims over long periods before they realise what's going
on. "Covert narcissists may affect us in a more invisible way because we are not as prepared to deal with them," says
Moon. "You may be able to guard against the actions of an overt narcissist because their narcissistic behaviours are
more visible…. Covert narcissism is less easily identified and harder to spot."
‘Fundamentally dangerous’
If you're trying to figure out if someone is a covert narcissist, consider this: how do they react when something good
happens to you? Maybe it's a promotion, getting praise from a boss or even just telling them you're having a good day.
"Are they happy for you? Are they really happy for you? That's a really good way to detect narcissism," says Hall.
If you get the sense that it's fake or they're tucking something about the situation away in their mental filing cabinet,
stop talking to them. Establishing boundaries is critical with any kind of narcissist, and since covert ones tend to do a
better job at keeping up a likable or inoffensive appearance, it's better to err on the side of caution. “Don't share
personal information, because they're always mining information about others so they can get a leg up on them, so
they can find other people's vulnerabilities and exploit those things,” says Hall.
"They're always hiding and armouring themselves – you can have empathy for it and pity for it, because it's its own
form of tragedy in a human being. But at the same time, doing that is not safe," says Hall. "They are antagonistic, and
fundamentally dangerous."
LINK: https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20220518-the-quiet-threat-of-covert-narcissists-in-the-workplace
