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Got a Wicked Sense of Humor?

These 100 Dark Humor Jokes Will
Be Right Up Your Alley
These (sometimes inappropriate) jokes will be just the thing
to crack a smile.
MARYN LILES • JAN 17, 2023

Throughout the last few years, we’ve all

realized just how tough life can be.
Sometimes, a knock-knock joke doesn’t help
lighten the mood and the only resort is to
crack a few jokes about things that normally
shouldn’t be laughed at like death, disease
and depression.

Dark humor jokes should only be told

between the closest of friend groups or if
you read the room well. These jokes may not
be the best way to break the ice with your
coworkers or in-laws but your friends or
equally twisted members of your family may
crack a few smiles. Telling dark humor jokes
is a toss-up, but it’s always better to take the
risk!

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If dark humor jokes make you chuckle, take a

peek at this list and compile a list to tell
when you and your friends get together.
Chances are, they’ll love them just as much
as you do.

100 Best Dark Humor Jokes

1. I just got my doctor's test results and I'm

really upset about it. Turns out, I'm not gonna
be a doctor.

2. My grief counselor died. He was so good,

I don’t even care.
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3. Today, I asked my phone “Siri, why am I

still single?” and it activated the front
camera.

4. A man wakes from a coma. His wife

changes out of her black clothes and,
irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on
you in anything, can I!”

5. As I get older, I remember all the people I

lost along the way. Maybe my budding
career as a tour guide was not the right
choice.
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6. I was digging in our garden and found a

chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run
straight home to tell my wife about it. Then I
remembered why I was digging in our
garden.

7. The doctor gave me some cream for my

skin rash. He said I was a sight for psoriasis.

8. Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight.

Unless you’re prepared for the reaper
cushions.
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9. I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive

everywhere.

10. Even people who are good for nothing

have the capacity to bring a smile to your
face, like when you push them down the
stairs.

11. A man walks into an enchanted forest and

tries to cut down a talking tree. "You can't cut
me down," the tree exclaims, "I'm a talking
tree!" The man responds, "You may be a
talking tree, but you will dialogue."
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12. My mom died when we couldn’t

remember her blood type. As she died, she
kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard
without her.

13. What does my dad have in common with

Nemo? They both can’t be found.

14. I visited my new friend in his apartment.

He told me to make myself at home. So I
threw him out. I hate having visitors.
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15. When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted

his cremations to be buried in his favorite
beer mug. His last wish was to be Frank in
Stein.

16. Do you know the phrase “One man’s

trash is another man’s treasure”? Wonderful
saying, horrible way to find out that you were
adopted.

17. My husband left a note on the fridge that

said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what
he's talking about. I opened the fridge door
and it's working fine!
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18. Why did the man miss the funeral? He

wasn’t a mourning person.

19. It’s important to establish a good

vocabulary. If I had known the difference
between the words “antidote” and
“anecdote,” one of my best friends would
still be alive.

20. Want to know how you make any salad

into a caesar salad? Stab it twenty-three
times.
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21. When I see the names of lovers engraved

on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I
find it weird how many people take knives
with them on outings.

22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm

for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will
be warm for the rest of his life.

23. My wife is mad that I have no sense of

direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.
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24. When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it leaves you and never comes back.

25. A priest asks the convicted murderer at

the electric chair, “Do you have any last
requests?” “Yes,” replies the murderer. “Can
you please hold my hand?”

26. I just read that someone in New York

gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy.
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27. The doctor gave me one year to live, so I

shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15
years. Problem solved.

28. You know you’re not liked when you get

handed the camera every time they take a
group photo.

29. Where did Joe go after getting lost on a

minefield? Everywhere.
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30. What's red and bad for your teeth? A

brick.

31. My grandfather said my generation relies

too much on the latest technology. So I
unplugged his life support.

32. My parents raised me as an only child,

which really pissed off my sister.

33. What did the Titanic say as it sank? I’m

nominating all passengers for the Ice Bucket
Challenge!
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34. Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens?

When he asked them who the best
composer was, they all replied, "Bach, Bach,
Bach."

35. How many emo kids does it take to

screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the
dark and cry.

36. I have a stepladder because my real

ladder left when I was 5.
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37. They laughed at my crayon drawing. I

laughed at their chalk outline.

38. My husband and I have reached the

difficult decision that we do not want
children. If anybody does, please just send
me your contact details and we can drop
them off tomorrow.

39. I have many jokes about unemployed

people—sadly none of them work.
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40. The most corrupt CEOs are the ones

who run pretzel companies. They’re always
so twisted.

41. To teach kids about democracy, I let them

vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I
made pizza because they don’t live in a
swing state.

42. I was reading a great book about an

immortal cat the other day. It was impossible
to put down.
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43. You’re not completely useless. You can

always be used as a bad example.

44. I threw a boomerang a few years ago. I

now live in constant fear.

45. What’s the difference between a hipster

and a football player? A football player
showers.

46. I made a website for orphans. It doesn’t

have a home page.
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47. The other day, my girlfriend asked me to

pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed
her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.

48. Why can’t Michael Jackson go within

500 meters of a school? Because he’s dead.

49. “I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the

same thing. Except at a funeral.
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50. It turns out a major new study recently

found that humans eat more bananas than
monkeys. But, I can’t remember the last time
I ate a monkey.

51. Never break someone's heart, they only

have one of those. Break their bones
instead, they have 206 of them.

52. What’s the difference between a

Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have
a Lamborghini in my garage.
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53. When ordering food at a new restaurant,

my wife asked the waiter what they do to
prepare their chicken.“Nothing special,” he
explained. “We just tell them they’re going to
die.”

54. What is the difference between Iron man

and Iron Woman? One is a superhero and
the other is a simple command.

55. I'll never forget my Grandfather’s last

words to me just before he died. "Are you
still holding the ladder?"
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56. Sorry, what’s the quickest way to get to

the hospital? Easy, just stand in the middle of
a busy road.

57. Why don’t cannibals eat clowns?

Because they taste funny.

58. What’s the hardest part of a vegetable to

eat? The wheelchair.

59. What's the difference between jelly and

jam? You can't jelly a clown into the tiny car.
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60. My grandma has the heart of a lion and a

lifetime ban from the zoo.

61. What do you call inexpensive

circumcision? A rip-off.

62. What did the woman with no hands get

for Christmas? No idea. She hasn’t opened
her present yet.

63. "I work with animals," the guy says to his

Tinder date. "That's so sweet," she replies. "I
like a man who loves animals. Where do you
work?" "I'm a butcher," he says.