WANDERER

Or the Literal Extraterrestrial I Met on Grindr

____________________________
By TANK
 CAST OF CHARACTERS

WANDERER, an alien who just wants others to love each other. They can't experience
emotions themselves, but can observe humans experiencing them and is fascinated. Played by
trans non-binary performer.

CLARK, a young queer person, charmingly obnoxious. His mouth moves faster than his brain
can think, and that's saying a lot. He firmly believes in things most people would consider
ridiculous. More femme.

DAVID, another young queer guy, charmingly cynical. On the cusp of being so smart it's sexy
and so smart its infuriating. Highly skeptical of anything he can't see, hear, or touch. More
masc.

TANYA, a recent Law Grad, David's sister, charmingly driven. Level-headed and empathetic to
a fault. A fighter who doesn't let go of what and who she loves.

MICHAELA, a Hospital Intern, Tanya's ex, charmingly depressed. Going through a drastic
quarter-life crisis. Furiously clinging to whatever can give her a firm sense of self.

ROB, Wanderer's host, charmingly terminally ill. A total loner who, despite what he says,
wants companionship. He has developed a dark sense of humor about his life.
 PRODUCTION NOTES

Present Day, New York City. These characters are unapologetically queer. This play can read
intensely over-dramatic, but 99% of these conversations are layered in sarcasm and self-aware melodrama.
Fight to laugh until there's nothing left to fight with but tears.
 "WANDERER" 1.

ACT ONE

1. A FIRST DATE

WANDERER enters. They are an alien from outer space wandering through the
universe trying to help. They don’t have a firm grasp on the English language. But,
they’re doing their best! Throughout WANDERER’s monologue an average, mildly
eccentric twenty something, CLARK, is looking on his phone waiting outside a bar.
He looks around expectantly then gets a text. He looks puts his phone away, as
DAVID, a nicely dressed twenty something walks down the street.

WANDERER
(Struggling to speak in English)
A long time ago I left my home planet. It was very scary, but I had to. I’ve thrived many
location after depart-er-ing. In the earth, only have four years. I know. This planet is dying.
Full of liars and killers. I live in human body while time is there. Rob is his name. I fly
around through years. So I can help with people who need healing. Findings are that for
humans all that most healings need is love. But, so many people don’t love anything.
Humans say no need for love as person. Exist with it or not with it. I don’t knowledge that.
Can human exist with no love love from person?

WANDERER watches CLARK and DAVID talk to each other. It is their first date!

CLARK
Hey! Sorry I’m late!

DAVID
No, no! It’s fine! Sorry about the confusion.

CLARK
It’s totally fine.

DAVID
I think I got confused which bar we were going to and by the time I’d sat down and
ordered a drink you texted and I realized I was at the wrong place.

CLARK
You’re fine. I still was the one who was late.
(Slight pause.)
So, how was your day?

DAVID
Not bad.

CLARK and DAVID start getting rained on. It’s a light rain. Nothing mean.
 "WANDERER" 2.

DAVID (CONT’D)
But, I’m just about done with this weather.

CLARK
What are you talking about? This weather is great!

DAVID
No. It’s cold and damp.

CLARK
But, everything is so fresh. It’s like everything is dying and getting colder so the world is
less crowded and things can begin again.

DAVID laughs loudly.

DAVID
Here I was thinking you’re this super nice, optimistic guy.

CLARK
Oh no. Definitely not. I’m actually very mean.

DAVID
I don’t believe that.

CLARK
Really! I am! I say things and then it’s just like... wham... that hurt.

DAVID
You can’t even say that without smiling.

Throughout the next monologue DAVID and CLARK go into the bar and get
drinks.

WANDERER
Wanderer! I am call Wanderer. I was not help at home planet. Very long ago it ended. I left
to wander before that. No reason did I have to stay at home. No friend, no family, no
knowledge of love there. I do not feel. Not an idea that I have need. However, watch others
feel and knowledge the need for it. The wonder of it! Rob feels very a lot. So, I heal Rob,
help Rob, and find love to Rob.

CLARK leaves a tip and the two start walking around the city, taking swigs out of a
flask.

DAVID
I don’t believe in a higher power.
 "WANDERER" 3.

CLARK
You say that like it’s an accomplishment. A lot of people don’t.

DAVID
Yeah, but a lot of people do. My parents are obsessed with it. The lengths they’ll go to
justify their ancient tome of spaghetti westerns is infuriating.

CLARK
I mean, I think some people need it. You know, it gives them a sense of purpose right?
How else can they justify being alive? Or the sky? I don’t know.

DAVID
I’m sure they’ll find a way.

CLARK
There’s a pin that a friend of mine in high school put on her backpack. It read “Man created
God in his image. Sexist, Homophobic, and Racist.”

It starts raining harder.

DAVID
I think He heard you.

CLARK
Hang on...
(He grabs a blanket from his bag.)
I forgot I had this in my bag.

DAVID
A blanket.

CLARK
In case I get cold! I definitely don’t expect Him to change the weather for me.

DAVID stares at CLARK in disbelief.

Are you just gonna stand there and get rained on or do you want to hide under the blanket
with me?

DAVID moves closer to CLARK and the two continue their conversation under the
blanket while WANDERER speaks again. Lights up on ROB sitting in his bed,
scrolling through Grindr, the images of the profiles scrolling are projected onto
CLARK and DAVID. ROB scrolls past both DAVID and CLARK’s profiles side by
side. WANDERER looks to ROB.
 "WANDERER" 4.

WANDERER
Where I’m from we don’t have high power God. We just see the Sun. That’s all the power
needed. But, with the Earth, humans love to speak of high power God. Rob is of belief for
it. Whatever happen with Rob he knows that high power God love him. Even with sick or
sad. But, if high power God does love him why does he let sick or sad happen? The Sun
does not matter if you have problem. It give you everything needed to solve it. Warmth,
sunlight, happiness, food. It gives us gifts, so we must give back the gifts to new. I had no
one to give to so I become Wanderer. Glad to find Rob. Rob is good.

CLARK checks his phone and cackles.

DAVID
What?

CLARK
Oh. We’ve just been out for like four hours.

DAVID
Wow.

CLARK
I haven’t been out this late since my freshman year of college.

DAVID
Me either. But, I don’t go out much.

CLARK
Why not?

DAVID
I’m not very interested in it.

CLARK
(Teasing)
I get it. Talking to people can be scary.

DAVID
It’s not that talking to people is the problem. It’s what people want to talk about that is. I
don’t want to chat with someone about what they ate for lunch. I want to know their
thoughts on what happens after we die or… or-

CLARK
Or whether they’re a Libra or a Scorpio.

DAVID playfully shoves CLARK.

 "WANDERER" 5.

But, you have to start with the boring things before you get to the good stuff. Not everyone
is comfortable opening up to a total stranger at a bar or a party.

DAVID
You don’t have an issue with it.

CLARK
I guess not. But, you’re not a stranger. And even if you were, I have a lot of opinions on
just about everything and need people to know I’m right about every single one of them.
These kind of conversations are fun for me.

DAVID
Me too! So many of the conversations I have day to day are so boringly pointless!

CLARK
If everything has a point then doesn’t the pointy stuff lose its point? That sounds
ridiculous.

DAVID
It doesn’t sound ridiculous. I disagree with it. But-

CLARK
(Enjoyably annoyed)
Okay, how come

DAVID
There isn’t a limit to how much someone can talk about things that actually matter.

CLARK
I think there is! People aren’t just made out of deep and important stuff. Like, I believe that
our purpose is not determined by an all-powerful being, even though there’s still some sort
of higher power that helps keep our world in balance. But, I’m also obsessed with all the
Lizard People memes and just know deep down in my core that they walk amongst us
today.

DAVID
(Thinks about what he just heard. Replies earnestly.)
I don’t get the whole Lizard People thing. Why is that funny?

CLARK
It just is. Like lizards from outer space taking over human bodies and living inside of them
is hilarious!
 "WANDERER" 6.

DAVID
No. That’s terrifying.

CLARK
Well, when you actually think about it, sure it is. But, it’s just so weird...

They both think about Lizard People. DAVID laughs, which prompts CLARK to do
the same.

DAVID
Did you need to get home? I don’t mean to keep you.

CLARK
Not really, if you’re tired though-

DAVID
I’m not if you aren’t.

CLARK
I’m wide awake.

It really starts to rain.

DAVID
Let’s get out of the rain.

DAVID and CLARK run under an awning of a nearby diner. Throughout the next
part of the scene MICHAELA enters onto her apartment roof. She walks to the
edge of the roof and stares down. A coffee mug, cigarettes, and lighter in hand. She
lets the rain soak her while lighting a cigarette. Lights turn to red surrounding her.

WANDERER
People live as though easier to have sadness. No happiness. Happiness acts like a challenge
for people. Sad and happy both last a long time, but one is much better, still they avoid it.
They do things they don’t like so that they don’t lose the things they do like when the
realest truth is that there is no reason to lose the things they like. They call that fear. I do not
knowledge much, but especially do not knowledge fear.

CLARK and DAVID are sitting in a 24-Hour Diner sharing fries rattling off facts
about their lives.

DAVID
My dad was held hostage in Argentina once.

CLARK
My dad teaches high school math.
 "WANDERER" 7.

DAVID
My parents are only still married by “The Grace of God” and to save the souls of me and
my sister.

CLARK
How’s that going?

DAVID
Well I’m here with you so take a guess.

CLARK doesn’t know what to say.

My sister is my best friend.

CLARK
My sister told me that if we never spoke again it would be too soon.

DAVID
My sister is a- wait. I’m sorry.

CLARK
Oh, I’m fine. It’s just how it is.

DAVID experiences sharp chest pain. It lasts an uncomfortable amount of time.

TANYA enters in pajamas, scrolling through pictures of MICHAELA and her on
her phone. The images sprawl across the stage. DAVID shakes off the fatigue.

Are you okay?

DAVID
I’m fine. I just get weird chest pain from time to time.
(Beat)
How do you feel about that?

CLARK
About... chest pain?

DAVID
About your sister.

CLARK
(Laughable)
Oh! It’s all good I guess. She’s not exactly the most in touch with reality and blames a lot
of that on me and my parents.
 "WANDERER" 8.

DAVID begins drawing on a napkin.

So, what’s up with your chest-?

DAVID
That’s partly why I never want to have kids. I hear about your sister and I have friends
who haven’t spoken to their parents in years, I see what having kids put my parents
through and I just think it can all be avoided.

CLARK
How?

DAVID
By not doing it. Not having kids. Not getting married. Not falling in love.

CLARK
Well, yeah. I can also avoid getting a sunburn by never going outside, but how much fun
would that be? Instead I can just take care of myself, put on sunscreen and I’ll be fine.

DAVID
I don’t follow your train of thought.

CLARK
I just mean that maybe getting married or having kids is inherently dangerous or guaranteed
to have unhappiness, but if you know that going into it and protect yourself then the pain
won’t be that bad.

DAVID
There’s no way to really protect yourself from that unless you don’t go outside.

CLARK
I don’t mean to literally protect yourself. I mean to put on the metaphorical sunscreen of
open communication and honest commitment to your partner. There’s no way to really
protect yourself once love gets involved. That’s what makes it so great.

DAVID
I think love is a little overrated.

Beat. TANYA begins selecting images of MICHAELA and her from her phone.

CLARK
I don’t know about you- but that’s a red flag.

DAVID
It’s just not really that important.
 "WANDERER" 9.

CLARK
Says who?

DAVID
I can’t think of a single instance where love has made a person’s life easier. Even my sister!
She’s been in this beautiful relationship with this really great girl for a while now. But,
she’s still depressed and anxious all the time. Love didn’t heal her.

CLARK
It shouldn’t have to.

DAVID
Well, if we don’t need it to be complete why do we need it at all?

CLARK
(Stumped)
You know, I don’t know.
(Beat.)
There’s a huge dichotomy talking about this on a first date... Which is what people go on
before they-

CLARK pantomimes “Falling in Love”. DAVID laughs.

DAVID
You’re right. Have you ever been in love?

CLARK
Umm... I think so... But...
(CLARK cackles)
I don’t know if I’ve ever been loved back...

DAVID
Umm...

CLARK
Oh my god I’m fine don’t worry.

TANYA deletes the pictures.

DAVID
Sorry. I haven’t been on a date in a long time and honestly I’m only here because my sister
made me.

CLARK
Oh! Well, maybe I should just go-
 "WANDERER" 10.

DAVID
No! Don’t! I didn’t mean it like that. I mean, she made me message you. That doesn’t
sound any better.

CLARK
Not really.

DAVID
I’m nervous! I’m sorry! I’m having... a regrettably good time.

CLARK
Regrettably... me too.

Smiles. DAVID holds up his napkin drawing. It is completed. It is terrible.

Impressive. Didn’t expect that from a finance bro.

DAVID
I’m an artist.

CLARK
Clearly. Stand down Picasso.

DAVID
Also, a writer.

CLARK
Nice. I’ve forgotten Tolstoy.

DAVID
Musician, too.

CLARK
Well, I hope I never hear Gershwin again.

DAVID
A genius?

CLARK
Sure.

The two almost kiss, but CLARK eats a handful of fries instead. DAVID laughs.
MICHAELA pulls out her phone and takes an Instagram video as she throws her
cigarette off the edge of the building and watches it fall. She posts it. TANYA looks
at the looming trash bag of clothes by her front door.
 "WANDERER" 11.

So, I was prepared to have a friend call me about two hours into this.

DAVID
Why?

CLARK
I was expecting to make terrible small talk for two hours and then never speak to each other
again.

DAVID
I didn’t think that was going to happen.

CLARK
That’s surprisingly optimistic of you.

DAVID
Sorta. I expected to make terrible small talk for two hours, invite you back to my place and
then never speak to each other again.

CLARK
Presumptuous of you to think I’d want to go back to your place. I’d never even thought of
you that way until you hit me up on Grindr. Which I remember you claiming to be above
but I guess people change and-

DAVID
Really? You never knew I was into you. I’ve had a thing for you since college.

CLARK
Oh... Wow...

DAVID looks out the window. So does TANYA. They see the sun. TANYA’s alarm
clock goes off. She snoozes it.

DAVID
Oh no.

CLARK
What?

DAVID
The sun. Damn. How long have we been out?

CLARK
Like... Eight hours?
 "WANDERER" 12.

DAVID
Damn.

CLARK
I should probably head home.

DAVID
Me too. Could we do this again some time?

CLARK
I’d really like that.

They stare at each other. Are they going to kiss? MICHAELA extends one foot off
the building and holds it there. TANYA is confronted by the trash bag of clothes and
freezes. DAVID leans in to kiss CLARK, who swerves him.

There’s still so much time! Actually, we’re here for a little bit, but then boom! We’re gone.
But the time that we are here for feels like as long as the time the earth has been spinning. I
don’t know if that makes any sense. It’s really late, I’m tired, you’re tired, we’re both going
to say pretty weird things.

DAVID
Are we?

CLARK
I’m sure you’re about to.

DAVID
Then I won’t say anything.

CLARK leans in.

CLARK
Me either.

CLARK eats one last fry, then exits. MICHAELA steps back onto the roof, and the
scene dissolves away...

2. AN ALIEN ENCOUNTER

CLARK enters and gets into his boxers and sits on his bed. He pulls out his phone
to check notifications. TANYA goes through the trash bag of clothes, occasionally
staring at an article of clothing and then putting it in a separate pile. He gets a
Grindr notification.
 "WANDERER" 13.

WANDERER
Hello!

CLARK opens the message.

CLARK
No. I shouldn’t.

A beat.

Fuck it.

Shift into a technological world. WANDERER speaks to CLARK via Grindr, but
they have a real conversation. CLARK carries on this conversation with humorous
and enjoyable disbelief.

Hey! What are your thoughts on the Loch Ness Monster?

WANDERER
Loch Ness Monster?

CLARK
Like the water dwelling ancient dinosaur creature that lives in Scotland`?

WANDERER
I’m not familiar.

CLARK
L-O-L that’s fine.

WANDERER
Sounds evil.

CLARK
L-O-L. I suppose it could be- but I don’t think so. I totally believe that it’s real, but most
people would say that the myth itself is just the personification of what mankind views as
the fear of the unknown. A water dwelling ancient cryptid that could sink your ship and eat
you at any second if you sail too far out. Or like- maybe Nessie could save you. I-D-K.

WANDERER
So, it is monster?
 "WANDERER" 14.

CLARK
Yeah. It’s also allegedly not real. Or at least there’s no solid proof of it. Actually, I-D-K
I’ve never spent much time researching it. L-O-L.

WANDERER
I-D-K. L-O-L?

CLARK
I know. I use them like they’re punctuation, but T-B-H it’s a part of my identity at this
point.

WANDERER
I do not understand what those letters mean together. Not familiar with those words.

CLARK
They’re not words. They’re just text slang. Or abbreviations for phrases.

WANDERER
What phrases?

CLARK
How don’t you know this? What kind of 29-year-old are you? L-O-L.

WANDERER
In the earth only have four years.

CLARK
Well, I don’t chat with four year olds or aliens. Sorry.

WANDERER
I don’t look like four year-old or alien.

CLARK
You don’t. But, I don’t trust people who say they aren’t from this planet.

WANDERER
And you do trust people from this planet? Liars and killers.

CLARK
Not all of them are. The best ones aren’t.

WANDERER
You’re a good person?

CLARK
Most of the time. Are you?
 "WANDERER" 15.

WANDERER
Yes, I am. But, the context is really hostile.

CLARK
What do you mean?

WANDERER
You wouldn’t understand.

CLARK
Okay. B-T-W- if you really are an alien that’s cool, but otherwise you’re giving a pretty
believable performance.

WANDERER
What?

CLARK
You told me that you’re an alien. Are you lying?

WANDERER
No. I never say that I are an alien.

CLARK
You said you’d only been on this planet for four years.

WANDERER
Yes. This body are no mine. He dying and I need somebody to live.

CLARK
I’m so confused.

WANDERER
So, I save him.

CLARK
Okay... How did you save him?

WANDERER
Keeping it alive.

CLARK
By doing what?

ROB wakes up and walks over to WANDERER. He watches them text.

 "WANDERER" 16.

WANDERER
Healing him. He have some that you call blood cancer. You know that? He kill himself
because of this. If I go this body die. And he is mine now I don’t leave it. But, Rob is still
here.

CLARK
Where would you go if you left his body?

WANDERER
To another one. More healthy. But, I don’t leave here soon.

CLARK
So, what are you?

WANDERER
You can’t understand. I only help him.

CLARK
I want to. Why did you come to this planet?

WANDERER
I am a Wanderer.

CLARK
Where were you before?

WANDERER
I fly around as years. Flying around. This planet dying. You know that?

CLARK
It is. Unfortunately. Do you know how long it has left?

WANDERER
Little, if they continue mistreating. I will go before that happens.

CLARK
I hope we stop mistreating it... So, why are you on Grindr?

WANDERER
I say, I’m not understand all about it. Rob feels things for another mans. He live in this
body too. I help him search for one boy. I help him be happy. Taking him around the
globe. Searching.

A beat.

CLARK
Cool.
 "WANDERER" 17.

WANDERER offers ROB the phone and tries to convince him to reply.

ROB
(Uncomfortable)
You have a nice smile.

CLARK
So does Rob.

WANDERER
Rob does. You can love him?

CLARK
(Chuckles)
Ha-ha! Potentially. If I get to know him. Would he want to get coffee or something?

WANDERER
I don’t know smiler. Ask Rob.

CLARK
Do you want to get coffee, Rob?

ROB
That could be fun.

WANDERER
But, I don’t know where I- do you stay?

CLARK
You lost me.

WANDERER
Where do you live at?

CLARK
NYC. You?

WANDERER
Current in Corrientes.

CLARK googles Corrientes. WANDERER and ROB look to each other.

ROB
I’m feeling better, Wanderer. I can handle texting.

WANDERER
Positive?
 "WANDERER" 18.

ROB
Yes. You know, you don’t have to be so pushy. Bringing someone into whatever craziness
this is would probably be a bad idea.

WANDERER
You don’t have happiness.

ROB
Of course I don’t. I have an alien thing from outer space living inside my body keeping me
from dying. There isn’t any room left in my body for happiness.

WANDERER
Sorry. I want you to find love and happiness in someone so you can be full person before I
get called to Wander to someone new.

CLARK
From Argentina?

WANDERER
YES! HOW DID YOU KNOW?!

CLARK
I googled it. L-O-L.

WANDERER
(To ROB)
What is L-O-L?

ROB
It means you think something is funny. Laugh out loud.

WANDERER
(To CLARK)
L-O-L! What is googled?

ROB
Internet. Let me do this.

ROB reaches for the phone, but WANDERER keeps it away from him.

WANDERER
Oh! Internet.

CLARK
Yes. Ha-ha.

WANDERER
I’m lost now.
 "WANDERER" 19.

CLARK
Why?

WANDERER
I don’t know where this place is.

CLARK
New York City or Corrientes? NYC is in the USA.

WANDERER
Is Corrientes far from you?

CLARK
Very. How did you find my profile? Your locations says you’re 4,790 miles away.

WANDERER
I find you for Rob and for love and-

ROB
Don’t send that. That’s weird. Let me.
(To CLARK)
Visiting soon.

WANDERER
(To ROB)
I will take you there.

ROB
You don’t need to do this again. It never works out.

WANDERER
I believe.

ROB
Why do you believe?

WANDERER
Because love believes.

ROB
But-

WANDERER cuts ROB off by making a loud sound. This hurts ROB’s ears and
maybe his feelings.
 "WANDERER" 20.

WANDERER
Rob?

ROB
Fine.

WANDERER
(To CLARK)
Please. I try to go some close. You can wait?

CLARK
How long should I wait?

WANDERER
Just a few minutes. Is hard travel far travel fast.

ROB
(Praying)
Dear God-

WANDERER
Say hi to High Power God from me.

WANDERER and ROB disappear as they transport. They mean to go to CLARK

but wind up in Hoboken on a front lawn.

New York City!

ROB
Nope. I’m pretty sure this is Jersey.

ROB passes out. WANDERER stands looking at him.

WANDERER
Shit.

WANDERER looks around but, can’t do anything. The scene transitions into...

3. A SECOND DATE

TANYA is waiting for someone on the other end of the phone to answer. She finally
reaches Voicemail.
 "WANDERER" 21.

MICHAELA
(Voicemail)
Hi! This is Michaela. Leave a message. Or don’t. I won’t listen to it, but- whatever, just
text me.

TANYA
Michaela, please come get your clothes. Or don’t. Either way you have to come by this
weekend or I’m giving them to Goodwill. And you should change your voicemail message.
Bye.

TANYA watches the video of MICHAELA throwing the cigarette off the building for
her hundredth time. Transition to CLARK and DAVID sitting outside. Meanwhile,
TANYA puts the clothes into a trash bag and cuddles them.

DAVID
How was your weekend?

CLARK
Pretty busy, honestly. But, I’d rather that than the opposite.

DAVID
What did you do?

CLARK
Aside from talking to a literal alien on Grindr just a lot of prep work for my students this
week, then I sold some of my paintings at the Queer Flea Market on Sunday, and now it’s
Monday and the work never stops. It sounds like I’m complaining, but I’m not.

DAVID
Alien?

CLARK
He said he was. Their name’s Wanderer.

DAVID
Wanderer? Isn’t that name a little...

CLARK
A little what?

DAVID
Gay...

CLARK
Gay?! Oh my god! I mean you work in like finance or advertising or business so I knew
you hated yourself but I didn’t know you hated yourself like that.
 "WANDERER" 22.

DAVID giggles.

DAVID
You’re right... I’m sorry. And I don’t work in like finance or advertising or business. I run
fundraising for the Fair Elections-

CLARK & DAVID

Campaign for a Progressive Good Government.

CLARK
I know. I was just messing with you. Do you think you could talk to them about a better
name?

DAVID
You’re so annoying.
(He kisses the top of CLARK’s head. Beat.)
Do you believe it’s an actual alien?

CLARK
Why not? Isn’t that more exciting than not believing?

DAVID
Sure, but it doesn’t make sense.

CLARK
A lot of things don’t.

DAVID
Then why believe in them?

CLARK
It’s important to believe in the unbelievable...

TANYA digs through the bag again and pulls out a red sun-dress that she lies out
onto the bed very ceremoniously. DAVID adjusts his chair to be closer to CLARK.
TANYA digs through the bag again and pulls out a red sun-dress that she lies out
onto the bed very ceremoniously.

How was your weekend?

DAVID
Good! Relaxing.

CLARK
What did you do?
 "WANDERER" 23.

DAVID
I played a little guitar-

CLARK
Musician!

DAVID
Writer and Artist as well.

CLARK
Don’t forget Genius.

DAVID is embarrassed, but likes the attention.

DAVID
(Referencing the “relationship”)
What is this?

CLARK is stunned by how quick and forward this is.

CLARK
This?

DAVID
This. What’s going on between us?

CLARK
Oh! Umm... Well, I really enjoy spending time with you. And I want to keep spending time
with you.

DAVID
I want to keep spending time with you.

They smile at each other.

CLARK
Can I kiss you?

They kiss. It is awkward because of how their chairs are placed. CLARK tries to
adjust his position without breaking the kiss. DAVID notices and pulls away. He
laughs and then pulls CLARK on top of him. It heats up. Until-

DAVID
I love you.
 "WANDERER" 24.

CLARK
(Caught by surprise, not registering.)
I love you too.

DAVID
Wait! Really?!

CLARK
Oh! Sorry, wait- No! No, no, no, no, no! Oh no! Please don’t freak out!

DAVID
No...

CLARK
Okay not like “No! No, no, no, no, no.” Not “No! Never!” Just, “I don’t know!” You
know?
(Breath)
I just think you don’t mean what you’re saying.

DAVID
Oh?

CLARK
What does that word even mean to you?

DAVID
What does it mean to you?

CLARK
I asked you first.

DAVID
I don’t know what it means. That’s why I asked you.

CLARK
Oh. I’m gonna sound so ridiculous. Like words don’t mean anything unless you give them
the power to.

DAVID
You’re fine. Calm down.

CLARK
(Without breathing)
We’ve just started seeing each other! It’s super unlikely that you actually feel that way for
me. Like, in the past three months I’ve dated three separate guys all named Zach. Wild!
Right? All very different people. All with the same problem. Or all found the same problem
with me? I’m not sure and now I’m really rambling and sounding crazier. My point!
(MORE)
 "WANDERER" 25.
CLARK (CONT'D)
This already is way different than anything I’ve experienced before. I don’t say that to be
dramatic. I say that so you know that I think this has potential. Just potential. I’m not
saying I’m madly and wildly in love with you by any stretch of the words. Though that’s
not out of the questions. I’m saying we could potentially be a decent match for a decent
period of time. And I don’t want to rush things and fuck up that potential. I don’t want to
rush! So, what saying you love me means to me is that you’ve thought through everything
and still feel the same. That you won’t run. I’ve said a lot of words right now. You should
say something.

DAVID laughs, takes a breath and thinks. CLARK is about to burst. TANYA treats
the dress like a person and begins to cuddle with it.

DAVID
How do I make it clear to you that I’ve thought it through and won’t run?

CLARK
Time.

DAVID
I see. So we can just keep doing what we’re doing?

CLARK
I’d like that.

DAVID
I’m going to kiss you again.

They kiss some more. DAVID begins to unbutton CLARK’s shirt. CLARK stops
him.

CLARK
It’s cold out tonight.

DAVID
Freezing.

CLARK
The first cold night of the season.

DAVID
Umm... It’s been cold for almost two weeks.

CLARK
Are you kidding? The past two weeks are what I call swimsuit weather!
 "WANDERER" 26.

DAVID
Swimsuit...? Nope! This weather is-

Realization. Laughter.

CLARK
We’re talking about the weather.

DAVID
Whoops.

CLARK
We are talking. About. The weather.

DAVID
I don’t mind. I like talking about the weather with you.

CLARK
I like talking to you.

DAVID
I like kissing you.

CLARK
So?

DAVID
So?

CLARK
Why aren’t you kissing me?

They kiss until DAVID gets a pain in his chest. He gets very dizzy and sits upright.

DAVID
Yeah. It’s so cold.

DAVID takes CLARK’s hand. TANYA realizes how ridiculous treating the dress like
a person is and puts it back into the bag.

Want to get out of it?

CLARK
And go where?
 "WANDERER" 27.

DAVID
My place.

CLARK really debates for a second before kissing DAVID. They all exit. The scene
transitions into...

4. A SICKNESS

ROB is in medical robes lying in a hospital bed and WANDERER is hovering next
to him. MICHAELA walks in.

MICHAELA
You’re awake!

ROB
I guess. How am I doing?

MICHAELA
You’re awake!

ROB
How many months do I have?

MICHAELA
Woah! I’m just an intern dude, I cannot talk about that.

ROB
(Reminding.)
I have leukemia.

MICHAELA
That’s what the doctor told me.

ROB
What are you doing here?

MICHAELA
Just checking vitals.

She begins to check vitals. Blood pressure, heart beat. All that stuff.

ROB
Oh so you don’t even have the answers I’m looking for?

MICHAELA
Definitely not.
 "WANDERER" 28.

ROB
Well, sorry then. I thought you were the doctor.

MICHAELA
Oh I’m absolutely not. Didn’t you notice the intern scrubs?

ROB
No. So what kind of doctor are you interning for? Not sure if that’s how that works.

MICHAELA
I’m not there yet, but eventually a cardiologist.

ROB
The heart.

WANDERER
(Quietly. Wide eyed.)
The heart...!

ROB
How do my charts look?

MICHAELA pauses to think.

MICHAELA
Well, they’re wild. You’re white blood cell count is practically non-existent. But, if it
wasn’t for that- you’d be- completely normal.

ROB
It’s like I’m already dead on the inside and my outside just hasn’t caught up.

MICHAELA
(Nervous laughter)
Sorry I have to focus for a second...

Full beat.

ROB
I haven’t been in Hoboken since I was twelve.

MICHAELA
It’s changed, hasn’t it?

ROB
Of course. I grew up on Willow Terrace.
 "WANDERER" 29.

MICHAELA
No way! I live on 8th!

ROB
Talk about things changing.

MICHAELA
Sometimes less than you’d wish.

ROB
I like change.

MICHAELA
Me too. That’s why I’m doing this.

ROB
What were you before?

MICHAELA
A manager at Bed, Bath, and Beyond.

ROB
That’s a big shift.

MICHAELA
Well, I did graduate from Med-School.

ROB
Right. That’s not a bad survival job. It smells nice in there.

MICHAELA could say more, but doesn’t. She takes out a needle.

MICHAELA
It helps mask the smell of depression. Alright, I need to take a blood sample now.

ROB
Oh... I’m really not interested in doing that right now. I’m kind bored of all the needles.
Let’s do something fun.

MICHAELA
The doctor’s asking for it now.

ROB
Well, he’s not going to get it now.
 "WANDERER" 30.

MICHAELA
She’s asking.

ROB
Whatever. She’s not getting it.

WANDERER takes over. MICHAELA still looks at ROB through his lines.

WANDERER
Just kidding! I’ll be too okay. Give the needle to my arm.

MICHAELA is confused and takes the blood.

MICHAELA
You good?

WANDERER
Sometimes I feel confusing. But, I just do the best to get the best. Why are you the doctor
health facilitator?

MICHAELA
I’m an intern.

WANDERER
But, why do you do that?

MICHAELA
(Nervous laughter.)
To help people, I guess.

WANDERER
I see. Me too! Who will help you from your sick?

MICHAELA
What?

WANDERER
Who will help you from your sick? From your sad?

MICHAELA is freaked. She finishes the blood work in silence.

MICHAELA
Finished.

MICHAELA exits as the scene transitions...

 "WANDERER" 31.

5. A TELL-ALL

TANYA is sitting at an outside restaurant table waiting for DAVID. She finishes her
iced coffee and starts slurping it. DAVID finally shows up with hickies all over his
neck.

TANYA
Now I see why you’re late.

DAVID
What do you mean?

TANYA
Have you looked at your neck recently?

DAVID
Oh... yeah.
(Teasing)
Sorry. Didn’t mean to keep my busy, busy sister waiting.

TANYA
I’m not the one who bailed twice in a row...
(Beat)
So...? Tell me about the neck.

DAVID
It’s not a big deal.

TANYA
(Giggling.)
It never is.

DAVID
Well, it is a big deal, but I’m not making it one.

TANYA
Oh? For real?

DAVID
I don’t know. He asked to take it slower, so I said I’d go with it.

TANYA
Good for you! Not sure how piles of hickies are taking it slow, but at least you’re going!

DAVID
Shut up Tanya. I’m worried that it means he doesn’t actually like me.
 "WANDERER" 32.

TANYA
That’s not what that means.

DAVID
He said he didn’t love me. Or he didn’t say he didn’t, just that he wanted to wait to be sure.

TANYA
I’m sorry, why are you- did you tell him you... David! Come on!

DAVID
Tanya!
(Grasping)
There’s not a timer on when you’re allowed to love someone.

TANYA
Believe me, I know that.

DAVID
I just don’t know if he’s very into me.

TANYA
Did he say he was?

DAVID
Yes.

TANYA
Then he is.

DAVID
What if he’s lying?

TANYA
Then he’s a liar.

DAVID
That’s scary!

TANYA
But, what if he isn’t lying?

DAVID
That’s... scarier.

TANYA
Oh come on! Relax! I’ve never seen you even have a crush on someone before! This is
cute! You don’t need to worry so much. Just enjoy the-
 "WANDERER" 33.

DAVID
Stop it! Tanya, I’m scared.

TANYA
You might have said that. David, it’s been what? Two weeks, I’m guessing. If even that.
This isn’t some long-term relationship you suddenly have doubts on. Just relax and enjoy
it.

DAVID
Okay.

TANYA
It’d be nice to see you in a relationship.

DAVID
Shut up...

TANYA
What’s his name?

DAVID
Clark.

TANYA
Oh my god! Him! You actually listened to me!

DAVID
Yeah.

TANYA
So, have you told Clark about how you’re feeling?

DAVID
Of course not. I don’t want him to get freaked out... Anymore than he already is. These
things, romantic love and such, never work out.
(Referencing TANYA)
There are, of course, a handful of exceptions.

TANYA
Michaela and I broke up.

DAVID
Oh. I’m so sorry.

TANYA
Thank you.
 "WANDERER" 34.

He takes her hand. She laughs and pulls it away. Physical comfort makes her too
emotional right now.

So, I’m not ordering anything. You should decide what you want so the waiter can serve
us.

DAVID
What happened?

TANYA
(Defensive)
I’m just not hungry.

DAVID
I meant with...

TANYA
Oh... Duh... I proposed to her.

Beat.

DAVID
I’m sorry. You did what?!

TANYA
I know! I shouldn’t have done it.

DAVID
That’s not what I meant.

TANYA
I’d been hinting to her for about three months, and she didn’t seem freaked out at all. So
one night about a month ago-

DAVID
A month?! And you didn’t even call me about it? I would’ve made time for that! Seriously
Tanya?

TANYA
Yeah...? Well I tried to and you didn’t call me back so...

TANYA shrugs sadly.

DAVID
I’m sorry.
 "WANDERER" 35.

TANYA
It’s fine. I love you. You were busy... She still has stuff at my place.

DAVID
When is she getting it back?

TANYA
Good question.

DAVID
You could sell it.

TANYA
I couldn’t.

DAVID
I could.

TANYA
But, you won’t.

DAVID
Fine. So one night a month ago.

TANYA
One night a month ago we were sitting on the couch watching a movie and she fell asleep
on my feet.

DAVID
That’s why you finally asked?

TANYA
No. Eventually she woke up and laughed at herself for falling asleep there. I tried to stand
up to get ready for bed, but they’d both fallen asleep and I fell over. We laughed more, she
helped me up, I looked her in the eyes, and just asked her. It felt right.

DAVID
What did she say?

TANYA
She laughed. I asked again. And she kissed me. The next morning, I woke up and she was
already awake. Her hair brushed, clothes on. Sitting on top of the covers. She looked over
and said that we were breaking up.
 "WANDERER" 36.

MICHAELA
I can’t be the one to stand next to you.

TANYA
Then she left… None of it made much sense to me. If she had just said “No” I wouldn’t
have been mad. It was an impulsive move and really caught her off guard, I’m sure. But,
we would say constantly how much we love each other, and now I haven’t heard from her
since. I got back from work two days later and half the apartment was empty. So then…
Which is weird, because I just, we’ve been… Three years. We were together three years.
How does that change so fast? Two words? Marry me. Words don’t mean anything!
They’re just an affirmation of actions! My actions toward her hadn’t changed!
(Beat.)
We did everything together, literally since the beginning. I met her right after she had just
gotten all those rejections from medical residencies. I knew her at her lowest and was still
amazed. The only thing that could possibly make sense is that because I let things move so
fast she got stuck with me and that was somewhere she never really wanted to be to begin
with.
(Beat.)
Work’s going really well though! I’m super focused on that now!

DAVID
Do you believe there’s some pre-destined person who you’re meant to spend your life
with?

TANYA
You know me. I can’t allow myself to believe that anything cosmic has power over my life.

DAVID
You’re such a control freak.

TANYA
Yeah, yeah I know. No soulmate for me. Or anyone for that matter.

DAVID stares at TANYA. She fades away. His vision briefly goes red before
regaining focus. The scene dissolves into...

6. A NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE

MICHAELA pulls out her phone and listens to the voicemail from TANYA

TANYA
(Voicemail)
Michaela, please come get your clothes. Or don’t. Either way you have to come by this
weekend or I’m giving them to Goodwill. And you should change your voicemail message.
Bye.
 "WANDERER" 37.

MICHAELA pours herself a shot of whiskey. She knocks it back. She does several
shots through out the scene. CLARK and DAVID text each other. Throughout these
texts ROB begins to die and WANDERER has to heal him back to life. WANDERER
resorts to shaking ROB and he wakes up in a fright, but he’s alive. WANDERER
comforts him.

WANDERER
Your show on TV! Let’s watch. You left the remote somewhere. Find it?

ROB
What!?

WANDERER
The people who are family and try to kill each other. They also make laughter.

ROB
I’ll watch it tomorrow. I’m tired.

WANDERER
But, let’s watch!

ROB
Tomorrow. I won’t remember any of it if we watch it now.

WANDERER
Then let’s talk.

ROB
Wanderer, why are you so pushy?

WANDERER
What is “pushy”?

ROB
Kind of angry, kind of excited. Trying to make something happen.

WANDERER
Yes! Very pushy. Stay awake!

ROB
Why?

WANDERER
What did you dream of?
 "WANDERER" 38.

ROB
You know what it was.

WANDERER
Just say it.

ROB
You’re being pushy again.

WANDERER
You understand it. Dreams matter. Say the dream!

ROB
(Annoyed.)
Fine! I was falling. There were red waterfalls all around. They slowly started turning to
black as I reached the bottom. Then I splashed. Then I was drowning. Before I could really
get pulled under you pulled me out of the water. Then I woke up.
(He realizes.)
Was I...? Nevermind.

WANDERER hugs him close.

WANDERER
I’m alive to wander and to heal. I say this many times again to you.

ROB looks confused.

Wouldn’t understand. They never understand. Hopeful you will one day.

ROB
I think I can probably wrap my brain around it.

WANDERER
You can’t....

ROB
How long will you be with me?

WANDERER
Know it’s almost time to Wander again when I half wander from you and half wander
inside you.

ROB
What does that mean?
 "WANDERER" 39.

WANDERER
Like wandering for new host. Part of I stay with you, part of I Wander to find new you.
Feels like I start doing that soon. While you sleep, I Wander. Look at possibles for new
host. No rush for new one. Still must help you.

ROB
Okay. That makes sense. So, when will that be? Soon?

WANDERER
When I can’t pull you out of the Black Water. After you join those at the bottom.

ROB takes this in. He stares at WANDERER.

ROB
I need to get some sleep.

WANDERER
Don’t sleep right now.

ROB
Is this because you’re freaked out or because something might happen?

WANDERER
Wait till morning. Then sleep won’t drown you.

More realizations from ROB.

ROB
Gotcha... Let’s watch some TV

WANDERER
Yes!

ROB finds the remote under his butt.

There’s remote!

ROB
Yep.

WANDERER and ROB watch TV together. ROB speaks up after a few seconds.

So, if I’m going to die soon, why me? Why are you healing me? When I die it won’t affect
anyone.
 "WANDERER" 40.

WANDERER
Everyone can affect someone.

ROB
Of course. I’m not saying I can’t affect anyone. There’s just no one for me to. Beside you.

WANDERER
I know. But, just-

ROB
But, just, have faith, right?

WANDERER
High-Power God look your way.
(Beat.)
What do you want...? Do you want to die?

Beat.

ROB
I don’t know. No. I don’t. This is a hard question.

WANDERER
You want someone to love you, yes?

ROB
Wanderer!

WANDERER
Someone to affect. Love will affect. Want to love someone?

ROB
Woah! No! All I want is to want to want something. Or someone. So yeah hypothetically I
do, but honestly right now isn’t the time. Especially not while I’m in a hospital bed.

WANDERER
You make decisions different every time the same question is asked.

ROB
Every time the same question is asked my life is different!
(Beat.)
So, what do you want?!

WANDERER
Want to find someone for you to affect.
 "WANDERER" 41.

ROB
No I asked what you want!

WANDERER
I want for someone you can affect! I was choosing new host to heal and I chose you. You
are good. But, no one knows that because no one knows you. I will change their
knowledge.

ROB
How! What do you know about love anyway? You don’t “knowledge” it.

WANDERER
But you do!

ROB
No I don’t. I’ve never been in love and yeah it sucks but that’s not gonna change and you
refusing to admit that is making it harder for me to accept! I don’t “knowledge” love, you
don’t “knowledge” it. So there is no way to have it!

WANDERER
Rob! If there are-

ROB
The commercial is over.

They go back to watching TV. ROB falls asleep as the next scene is placed on top...

7. A BREAK UP

DAVID and CLARK are sitting on a couch watching an alien movie. DAVID is
distant from CLARK, who is trying not to read into this distance.

CLARK
Thoughts on aliens?

DAVID
From outer space?

CLARK
Yep.

DAVID
Ridiculous.
 "WANDERER" 42.

Beat.

CLARK
That’s it?

DAVID
Yeah.

CLARK
Huh.

DAVID
What?

CLARK
Nothing.
(Beat)
Actually, that’s a weird answer. You always have really convoluted thoughts on every
topic. But this just gets a “Ridiculous.”

DAVID
Well, I think aliens are kind of the same as God.

CLARK
Here we go! This is what I was looking for! How so?

CLARK gets closer to DAVID who subtly maneuvers away on the couch in his next
speech.

DAVID
There’s no proof of either. Anyone who believes in one just calls it faith or common sense.
Either it’s a floating man in the sky or little green men in a rocket ship. Both of those sound
so incredibly ridiculous! Yet, we believe in them. I say I don’t believe in God and my
parents call me selfish and ignorant. I say I don’t believe in fucking aliens and people like
you will call me self-centered and closed minded. Everyone forgets, that we created both of
those ideas! God and Aliens. Fiction!

CLARK
(Dryly. Upset.)
Okay fierce.

DAVID
There’s nothing out there. No God, no aliens living on distant planets. Nothing. We’re
alone on this earth. People place power in cosmic ideas outside of their control in order to
make themselves feel better when things go wrong or when they fuck up.
(MORE)
 "WANDERER" 43.
DAVID (CONT'D)
God didn’t will anything to happen. Aliens aren’t real. Fate isn’t real. Love isn’t even real!
(Beat)
I don’t think we should pursue a romantic relationship.

CLARK
Oh...

DAVID
Maybe we’d be together a few weeks, or a month, if we’re lucky a year. But, that would be
incredibly lucky. Afterwards it would hurt. It would burn and sting and bring sickness. Do
you want that? I don’t! That sounds awful! Instead, we should just be friends. Because
talking to you is one of the easiest things I’ve ever done.

CLARK
If talking to me is so easy, kissing me must be the problem.

DAVID
No! Kissing you is powerful.

CLARK
Powerful. Wow! Maybe this is just my silly little feelings asking but, if talking is easy and
kissing is power, what is too challenging and what is too weak about this?

DAVID can’t come up with an answer to this question.

I thought that you loved-

DAVID
I was wrong.

CLARK stares sadly at DAVID. DAVID takes his hand. They sit together in silence.
It’s weirdly funny for CLARK, but maybe only because he’s upset and he’s trying
not to cry.

CLARK
Fine.

DAVID
Fine?

CLARK
Look. I’m not saying we’re soulmates, but-

DAVID
Do you believe in soulmates?
 "WANDERER" 44.

CLARK
Well-

DAVID
Sorry to interrupt. I was talking with my sister earlier today and that came up.

CLARK
...I do... But I think maybe you could have different soulmates at different times in your life
and if you miss that chance to be with one person, fate chooses a new person for you. Love
is a choice, and if you’re always choosing not to believe in it, you’ll never have it. So, I’d
rather believe that there is something as incredible as soulmates than not.

DAVID
I disagree, but-

CLARK
(Snapping.)
Good thing I wasn’t asking you.

CLARK realizes how harsh that was.

What did your sister think?

DAVID
We both don’t believe in them.

Silence.

We’ve not been seeing each other that long. I think we’re gonna be fine. We’re doing the
mature thing with this.

CLARK rolls his eyes.

CLARK
Well now that makes me absolutely want to crawl out of my own skin.

They both look at each other. CLARK removes his hand from DAVID and gets up
to leave.

DAVID
Wait Clark! Where are you going?

CLARK
Well, you did say spending time with me wasn’t worth it and that didn’t really sound like
an invitation to get cozy.
 "WANDERER" 45.

DAVID
That’s not what I meant. It’s messy. But like... I meant I didn’t want to pursue a romantic
relationship... I’d like to keep hooking up if you’re comfortable with that. I really like you I
just can’t be there for you like that. Is this crossing a line?

CLARK
(A moment of panic...)
Umm... I don’t think you’re crossing a line.

DAVID
Good.

DAVID grabs CLARK’s hand slowly and pulls him into a deep kiss. They fall into
bed. A strobe of red lights, WANDERER is illuminated in them, confusedly
watching the encounter. As the encounter climaxes the two fall back in bed
cuddling. DAVID rolls away from CLARK and the bed splits in two. DAVID’s side
fades out. In a flash CLARK is alone and staring at his phone. He gets ready for
bed. He is in his boxers and looks in the selfie camera. He really looks at himself.
It’s like a newborn seeing themselves in the mirror for the first time. CLARK’s
digital self talks back.

CLARK
Hi there. You are good... You are fun... People like you... You love yourself.

CLARK is very uncomfortable.

I don’t remember the last time I really spoke to you. Or even the last time I looked at you.
This is really fucking weird.

He tries not to cry while feeling around his face. Becoming familiar with it.

I don’t need to tell you how fucking rough of a day, week, month, year, whatever its been.
All you need to do is look at my neck and you’ll see. Go on. Look! Three giant hickies!
You know the great thing about hickies? They don’t care if you are upset over being
prematurely broken up with or if you are celebrating your ninety-ninth birthday! They still
stare at you in the mirror like tiny-rotted-neck-eggplants. Anyway.

He starts to laugh. That laugh turns into a cry and then back to a laugh.

I’m fucking insane! I know I’m overreacting, but I can’t stop myself, and why should I?
I’ll be as immature as I could possibly want. These emotions are flowing through me like
the water at Niagara Falls and all I want is to shove him in a barrel and watch him tumble
down the waterfall and crash onto the rocks! Ugh, that was a boring metaphor. I can do
better! Umm... Maybe I’ll lean into this?
(MORE)
 "WANDERER" 46.
CLARK (CONT'D)
Stop being so fucking agreeable and just do what I want because I want it. I’m going to
grow a weirdly patchy mustache just because I can. I’ll get a tramp stamp just because I
can! I’ll go paleo just because I can!

CLARK exits. DAVID and ROB both have the same nightmare. The stage goes red.
Glass cracking. Water crashing. Suddenly, they jolt awake. A moment to breathe,
and then...

8. A SPLIT SCREEN

10:00 AM. ROB’s phone vibrates. A notification from Grindr.

CLARK
Hey! Again!

WANDERER rushes back and checks the phone. WANDERER almost replies.

ROB
Wanderer, no! What did I say?

WANDERER
I saved your life from the Black Waters. I want you to message Smiler back.

ROB
Are you using my death as an excuse to get me to do something you want?

WANDERER
Possible...

Stare down.

ROB
Go ahead.

Transition into the technological world.

WANDERER
Hello Smiler!

CLARK
So, I see you made it here from Corrientes.

WANDERER
Yes! In Hoboken now!
 "WANDERER" 47.

CLARK
Nice! I have a friend who used to live there.

WANDERER
Not living here. Just dying here.

CLARK
Ha-ha what?

ROB
(To WANDERER)
If you can’t do this without being weird, I will take my phone and drop it in the toilet.

WANDERER looks and ROB and smiles apologetically.

WANDERER
J-K! L-O-L!

CLARK
Ha-ha!

WANDERER
Only meant that all is dying. Live and die in Hoboken.

CLARK
So, you’re not just an alien. You’re a nihilistic alien.

ROB chuckles. WANDERER is pleased.

WANDERER
Nihilistic?

CLARK & ROB

Philosophy.

WANDERER
(To CLARK)
Oh. Understanding. How has your week?

DAVID enters and CLARK receives a text message.

DAVID
Hey! Did you make it home safe last night?

CLARK is kind of surprised and conflicted inside. All three conversations are
displayed in the Technological World while they also move through the real world.
CLARK in a coffee shop, ROB and WANDERER in their hospital room, and
DAVID sitting on the subway. CLARK thinks about who to reply to first.
 "WANDERER" 48.

CLARK
(To DAVID)
I did. Not dead in on the tracks. Thanks for checking [Smiling Emoji]
(To ROB)
It’s been a long week. Glad it’s over. You?

DAVID’s text bubble appears. Then disappears.

ROB
(To WANDERER)
Say what you think is best. Just no more death talk.

DAVID
Glad to hear. But, I’m sure you could handle them.

CLARK
Thanks... So, can I be weird real fast?

WANDERER
Also glad to have weekend. Nice time to rest and to recover and to heal.

CLARK gets ROB’s notification, but waits for DAVID to reply. Nothing. He replies
to ROB.

CLARK
(To ROB)
Right Ha-Ha! Because Wanderer is healing Rob so he doesn’t die of blood cancer.

WANDERER
T-B-H he was close last night!

CLARK
Oh no.

WANDERER
He alive well now. No worrier-ing.

CLARK
That’s good.

ROB
This isn’t good!
 "WANDERER" 49.

WANDERER
(To ROB)
It will work.
(To CLARK)
I can’t make that decision for you. Let’s see each other’s persons!

DAVID
Of course! Be as weird as you want for as long as you want.

Again- CLARK chooses who to reply to first. As if it really matters. DAVID gets off
the subway and walks down the street.

CLARK
(To ROB)
I’d like to see each other’s persons. Since you’re finally in the NYC area, do you want to
get a drink or coffee or something?
(After some thought, To DAVID)
If you knew you were scared to be with someone, why did you say you loved me?

WANDERER
Can’t do drink or coffee. In the hospital. Could do Something.

ROB
(To WANDERER)
Oh! Umm... That’s...

DAVID
Because I thought I was ready to be with someone. I thought I did.

CLARK
(To DAVID)
That sucks.
(Separate text.)
A lot.
(Separate text.)
Anyway! Done being weird. How is work going?
(To ROB)
Are you okay?! Is this a joke with the alien bit? Or are you actually sick? Is the alien real?
All are valid answers. I’m just confused.

WANDERER
Transporting from Corrientes to NYC was far and draining.

ROB
(To WANDERER)
Let me talk.
(MORE)
 "WANDERER" 50.
ROB (CONT'D)
(To CLARK)
Hi! This is weird. This is Rob. I’ve been letting Wanderer type. I’ll probably sound like a
lunatic, but this is all real. We were in Corrientes, and now we’re at the Hoboken
University Medical Center. Feel free to block us now.
(Separate text.)
I meant me. It’s very hard living with another thing inside of you.

CLARK dismisses these notifications to look at later. He waits for DAVID to reply.
ROB waits for CLARK to reply.

DAVID
You’re not being weird. You’re actually pretty adorable.

CLARK
You’re not allowed to call me that anymore. [Sunglasses Emoji]

Red creeps into DAVID’s vision.

ROB
(To WANDERER)
He isn’t replying, but he hasn’t blocked me.

WANDERER
(Mocking)
“Love is unwanted” but still replies here.

ROB
I’m lonely. Okay? This isn’t about love right now.

DAVID
You’re right. Maybe deplorable works better?

CLARK
Deplorable is typically used as an antonym for adorable. But, you’re on the right track.

DAVID
I know very well what deplorable means, the description stands. [Laughing Emoji]

ROB
(To WANDERER)
He’s not replying. Should I send another message?

WANDERER
That’s very pushy.

CLARK
Well, if deplorable and adorable are the two options I’d rather have adorable.
 "WANDERER" 51.

DAVID walks into TANYA’s apartment, his vision flares red, rushing water, and he
passes out. CLARK waits for DAVID to reply. TANYA enters.

TANYA
David! David! David! Wake up!

DAVID begins to stir. CLARK opens up his Grindr and checks his notifications
from ROB. He laughs uncomfortably.

CLARK
For real?

ROB
Yes! So real. Very weird. Hard to explain over text.

TANYA
What happened? Are you okay?

DAVID
Hi. What are you doing here?

CLARK
Would it be weird if I came to visit you in the hospital?

TANYA
This is my apartment David. Why did you stop by buddy?

DAVID
I needed to talk. Glad I did.

ROB
No, I’d like that. It’s just us here. Pretty lonely.
(Separate text.)
Well, really just me. I know this must sound so bizarre.

TANYA
What happened?

DAVID
I’m fine. Just forgot to eat and passed out.

DAVID has a slight head wound and his eyes won’t focus.

TANYA
I’m taking you to the hospital.
 "WANDERER" 52.

CLARK
It does. I don’t care. I’ll come visit.

ROB
You will?

DAVID
Please don’t! This is not necessary.

He tries to get up by himself and can’t.

Help.

TANYA helps him up. She hands him some candy from her purse as they exit.

TANYA
Eat this. It’ll help with your blood pressure. Or blood sugar. I’m not a doctor.

CLARK
If anything it will make for a good story.
(Separate text.)
Plus, I’m pretty lonely right now, too.

ROB
Tell us all about it when you get here. We have nothing else to do.

The scene bleeds into...

9. A HOSPITAL ARRIVAL

Outside ROB’s room an hour later. MICHAELA is standing outside listening to

her voicemail from TANYA.

TANYA
(Voicemail.)
Michaela, please come get your clothes. Or don’t. Either way you have to come by this
weekend or I’m giving them to Goodwill. And you should change your voicemail message.
Bye.

MICHAELA takes a deep breath then slowly cracks open the door to check inside.
CLARK is sitting across from him ROB. WANDERER watches with anticipation.

CLARK
That’s a wild story.
 "WANDERER" 53.

ROB
I know. I promise it’s true and I’m not just suffering some psychotic break.

CLARK
I mean, if you were you wouldn’t realize it.

MICHAEL enters. She tucks in sheets on the other bed in the room.

MICHAELA
Don’t mind me. Just setting up for your new roommate.

CLARK
Thank you!

Beat.

ROB
Thanks!

MICHAELA
Not a big deal.

ROB
(To CLARK)
Wait- do you actually think this is all in my head?

CLARK
No! No. I was just... being dumb. I believe you. But, like, if this is all in your head- you
wouldn’t realize it.

ROB
Maybe I am going crazy.

This conversation happens in ROB’s head.

WANDERER
(To ROB)
You aren’t. I’m real.

ROB
(To WANDERER)
But, if I’m crazy how would I know that? This could just be all in my head.

WANDERER
It’s not your head. Your head can’t stop blood cancer.

ROB
I guess.
 "WANDERER" 54.

WANDERER
A person has limits for the numbers of “Miraculous Recoveries” for one life.

CLARK
Hey? Are you still here?

ROB
(To CLARK)
Yes! Sorry. I was just...

WANDERER
Rob just needed to believe in the rightness of his mind.

CLARK
Okay.

ROB
That was Wanderer.

CLARK
Oh... Hey Wanderer.

WANDERER
Nice to speak with you in persons, Smiler.

CLARK
My name is Clark.

ROB & WANDERER

They know that/I am very knowledge.

That makes a weird sound for CLARK. MICHAELA notices and cringes as she
exits.

CLARK
That was weird.

ROB
I don’t know what that was...

WANDERER
We said words at the exact time. Different though.

CLARK
You’re selling me more and more on this alien thing.

ROB
I’m really surprised by how quickly you seem to have gotten on board with this.
 "WANDERER" 55.

CLARK
I like to believe in the extraordinary. It makes life a lot more exciting. Like, I could’ve just
written you off as a catfish. Or I could believe what you were saying and live in a world
where aliens are real and heal people with Leukemia and set them up on dates.

ROB
This isn’t a date.

CLARK
No, I know. I just meant that Wanderer tried to do that.

WANDERER
I did.

CLARK
(Laughing)
This is so wild

WANDERER
Wild! Wild! Wild!

ROB and CLARK laugh.

ROB
How hard is it for you to tell when I’m talking and when Wanderer is?

CLARK
I’m figuring it out. You smile while you talk and don’t speak in broken English.

ROB
I don’t smile.

CLARK
You’re smiling right now.

WANDERER
Yes! I’m smiling too!

CLARK
See.

ROB
Shut up Wanderer.

WANDERER
(To ROB)
This is love?
 "WANDERER" 56.

ROB
This is conversation.

CLARK
This is conversation.

ROB
Sorry. That was to Wanderer.

MICHAELA enters into the Hospital Room.

MICHAELA
Hi. Your new roommate’s here. Say hey to each other.

MICHAELA exits. DAVID rolls in on a wheelchair.

CLARK
Hey?

DAVID
Hi....

CLARK
Is everything okay?

DAVID
What are you doing here?

ROB
Is this Da-?

CLARK
(Cutting off ROB.)
Yeah.
(To DAVID)
Umm... Visiting a friend. What happened?

DAVID
(To ROB)
Hi. I’m David.

ROB & WANDERER

Rob./Wanderer.

DAVID is very confused.

DAVID
Say that again?
 "WANDERER" 57.

ROB
(To WANDERER)
Me first.
(To DAVID)
Rob.

WANDERER
Wanderer.

DAVID
Cool...

CLARK
You remember the Alien Thing I told you about?

DAVID
Oh...

ROB
You told people about this?

CLARK
Yeah, I thought it was an interesting story.

Is DAVID jealous?

DAVID
Why are you here?

CLARK
Just talking. Why are you here? What happened?

DAVID
Umm...

CLARK
Is it serious?

DAVID
No. I’m fine. They’re just finished up tests on me.

CLARK
And?

DAVID
I have a concussion. And something is wrong with my heart. They’re only keeping me here
for a few days to monitor it and run more tests.
 "WANDERER" 58.

WANDERER stares inquisitively at DAVID, who is growing more and more

stoically angry.

CLARK
Do you need anything?

DAVID
No. I’m really okay.

CLARK
Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.

DAVID
I’m fine. It’s not as big of a deal as they’re making it.

DAVID takes CLARK’s hand.

Really. Don’t worry.

CLARK kisses his hand. ROB looks to WANDERER, who is not happy about that.
ROB is stoic but stares at DAVID who notices.

Hi.

ROB
Hey! Sorry for staring.

DAVID
You’re fine. I’m staying here.

WANDERER
So your presence is going to be too common in this room.

DAVID just stares at ROB.

DAVID
Yeah. I’m going to be here for a little bit.

There is silence in the room. TANYA enters.

TANYA
Is this your roommate?
 "WANDERER" 59.

ROB
(To WANDERER)
Don’t introduce yourself yet.
(To TANYA)
Rob.

TANYA
I’m Tanya. David’s sister.

WANDERER
(To TANYA)
Very so.

That’s a weird response. TANYA shakes it off.

CLARK
I’m gonna get going. Both of you, have a nice night.

TANYA
Wait! You look familiar. Have we met?

CLARK
Oh. My name’s Clark.

TANYA
(Realizing.)
Clark!
(Confused.)
What are you doing here Clark? Are you a friend of Rob’s?

CLARK
Sort of.

DAVID
Sort of? How do you know this friend?

CLARK
Um.

ROB
We talked on Grindr...

CLARK
Isn’t that funny!? I probably should get going. Yeah?

DAVID
Yeah?
 "WANDERER" 60.

CLARK
Yeah.

DAVID
You could stay if you wanted to.

CLARK
Okay.

DAVID
You would!?

CLARK
Of course! I was just leaving so you could relax, but if you want me to stay I will.

TANYA
(Trying to be discreet.)
Hey!

DAVID
(pissed off)
What?

TANYA
Do you want me to...

DAVID
Yeah I mean you can go. I shouldn’t even be here in the first place so...

TANYA
That’s not really your call, but-

DAVID
I didn’t need you to bring me here- so I don’t need you to stay.

TANYA
Okay then! I love you. Call me if you need me.
(To the room)
It was nice to meet all of you. Feel better? I don’t know if that’s what I should be saying in
this situation. I’m leaving now.

TANYA leaves the room. It is just CLARK, DAVID, and ROB in the room.

DAVID
Do you mind if we pull the curtain so we can talk?

DAVID wheels over and pulls the curtain.

 "WANDERER" 61.

WANDERER
Clark butt looks very good! Very attractive! Sexy!

ROB
Wanderer!

CLARK
Thanks.

DAVID and CLARK stare at each other for a second.

DAVID
(To CLARK)
I have to pee. It might take a while.

CLARK
(Joking)
... Do you need help?

No, he doesn’t. DAVID goes into the bathroom and opens his phone. ROB goes
into the Technological World as he debates sending a Grindr message to CLARK.
DAVID gets a text from TANYA. ROB tries not to eavesdrop. CLARK sends a
message while he waits.

TANYA
So, is that over already?

DAVID
Yes.

CLARK
(To ROB, via Grindr)
I had an oddly nice time meeting you. Also, you’re very cute too. L-O-L

ROB laughs after receiving it.

TANYA
Why did it end?

ROB
(To CLARK)
Me too. Why are you texting me though? Lol
(Separate text.)
And that was Wanderer shouting... But, I guess I agree.

DAVID
(To TANYA)
I don’t want to talk to you right now.
 "WANDERER" 62.

CLARK
(To ROB)
Don’t worry about it.
(Separate text.)
I know your roommate and didn’t want him to hear us flirt lol.

MICHAELA approaches TANYA.

MICHAELA
Hey...

TANYA
Hi... What are you doing here?

MICHAELA
Well, I intern here now...

TANYA
Oh my god! Congrats! Michaela that’s so huge! Finally!

MICHAELA
I know.

TANYA is trying not to cry.

TANYA
Can I hug you?

MICHAELA
Umm maybe not.

TANYA
Yeah sorry. Umm...

WANDERER peaks out the room at this encounter.

MICHAELA
I’m in charge of rounds on this floor.

TANYA
Well, what are the odds?

MICHAELA
Yeah.

TANYA
So do they know what’s going on with him?
 "WANDERER" 63.

MICHAELA
Aside from the concussion? No. That’s why we’re keeping him for a few days.

TANYA
Right. Thank you.

MICHAELA
Now I just have some papers we need you to fill out. Insurance and stuff like that.

TANYA
If you answer a question for me, I’ll fill it out.

MICHAELA
That’s not how that works.

TANYA
Then will you answer a question, just because?

MICHAELA
Sure. Can we go somewhere more private?

MICHAELA pulls them into a restroom.

TANYA
That doesn’t really do anything.

MICHAELA
I know. But, it makes me feel better. At least I can pretend there aren’t people looking over
at us while we have this conversation.

A toilet flushes, so she rushes them into a stall.

TANYA
Seriously? This somehow makes it less private.

MICHAELA
What’s your question?

Silence. Toilet flush.

TANYA
Why did you say no?

More silence.

Michaela?
 "WANDERER" 64.

MICHAELA
I heard you. I’m just thinking.

TANYA
Take your time.

MICHAELA takes her time.

MICHAELA
Do you remember the last time we went to the movies?

TANYA
I don’t know what this has to do with anything. Just answer and we can leave this stall.

MICHAELA
Be patient. I’m getting there.

TANYA
If you say so.

MICHAELA
Well, we went to the movies and didn’t see the movie at all. You got locked in one of the
bathrooms without your phone and I thought you ditched me so I-

TANYA
So you left without even texting or calling and when the security guard managed to unlock
the door you’d already blocked me on everything. But, then we made up and I asked you to
move in two weeks later. How is this relevant?

MICHAELA
This reminded of me of that.

TANYA
Cute. So...?

MICHAELA
I know you want me to answer your question, but I haven’t talked to you in so long and I-

TANYA
You haven’t talked to me because you won’t answer my calls!

MICHAELA
I wasn’t ready. The big stuff is hard to say. The small things aren’t.
 "WANDERER" 65.

TANYA
Michaela, I don’t need to make smalltalk with you. I just need to get an answer from you,
get your things back to you, and then get over you.

MICHAELA
Got it. What was the question again?

TANYA
Why did you say no? Why won’t you marry me?

MICHAELA takes a breath. Another toilet flush. She laughs and TANYA doesn’t.
Breath, then:

MICHAELA
I’m not where I want to be in my life. Like, I’ve just started interning. I need to be me. I
can’t be you and me. Not enough time. There’s not enough me. I still have to earn more of
that. More me. Because if we were to get married, plus my internship, plus..., I’d run into
the negative. I’ve lived through negative amounts of me- or “me debt” and it blows! It’s
dangerous. So, until I have a steady income of me I need to stay just me. You are a “you-
millionaire”. Your life is going exactly as planned and marriage was just the next
investment for you. The next way to cash more of you and I wish I was stable enough to
do that as well, but I’m not. I’m broke. Love is expensive. Both metaphorically and
literally. When my account has more than the minimum required to keep it open I’ll look
into it again.

TANYA
Michaela, I get that you’re intellectual. You don’t have to use these extended metaphors to
get a simple point across.

MICHAELA
It’s just how I think. It’s what makes sense to me.

TANYA
Well, then I’ll say this in a way that makes sense to you. I’m not something you can buy,
and your ability to feel isn’t quantifiable. It’s unlimited... Just like your potential.

MICHAELA
Until three weeks ago I was working at Bed, Bath, and Beyond. I don’t know what
potential you’re talking about.

TANYA
I’m sorry you can’t see it now. But, you will.

MICHAELA
I won’t. Tanya, I know I won’t.
 "WANDERER" 66.

TANYA
Then I’ll see it for you.

TANYA stares at MICHAELA, seeing her potential.

It looks nice.

It is sweet for a second. Until:

MICHAELA
I’ll get my clothes from you sometime this week. Please leave the paperwork with the
nurse.

MICHAELA hands the paperwork to TANYA and rushes out of the bathroom.

TANYA
You’re such a baby!

The focus slides back to ROB and WANDERER.

ROB
You embarrassed me!

WANDERER
I observe Clark didn’t think badly.

ROB
I know! Thank God! But, I’m still embarrassed.

WANDERER
I just said what you were thinking to me.

ROB
No, no, no, no, no. You said what I was thinking to myself. Not to you. There’s a
difference. My thoughts aren’t your personal English Phrase Book!

WANDERER
Is this your anger?

ROB
Yes.

WANDERER
Was not my purpose.

ROB
I know!
 "WANDERER" 67.

WANDERER
All I do try is to help.

ROB
I know! But, you’re not succeeding.

WANDERER
I’m not succeeding because you do not want to succeed.

ROB
Because I don’t want to do love! I’ve said this!

WANDERER
Yes, you do!

ROB
No I don’t!

WANDERER
I read all thoughts you have. I know.

ROB
Okay! But, just because I want it doesn’t mean I should have it.

WANDERER
Why no?

ROB
The Black Waters.

WANDERER
So... Because of the Black Waters you want to stay sad till you drown? Why not love till
you drown?

ROB
It’s not realistic.

WANDERER
Clark is real.

ROB
Clark doesn’t want a terminally ill boyfriend with no life and an alien for half of his brain.

DAVID comes out of the bathroom. CLARK is uncomfortable now.

 "WANDERER" 68.

DAVID
I’m back!

CLARK
What happened?

DAVID
It’s not a big deal. I just passed out and my sister loves to overstep boundaries.

CLARK
But, if it’s not a big deal why are they putting you in a room. They’re here for-

DAVID
Clark. It’s fine. Stop worrying.

CLARK
Please, just tell me what’s going on.

DAVID
Just doing some tests the next few days. I promise I’ll let you know if they find out
anything. It means a lot that you’re so worried. Really.

DAVID kisses CLARK on the cheek or the hand.

Do you want to watch something on-

CLARK
Quit it.

DAVID
What?

CLARK
Are you sure you’re okay? Because I’m about to be mad at you.

DAVID
(Laughing)
Go for it.

CLARK
You need to stop doing what you’re doing right now.

DAVID
I have no idea what that means.

CLARK
Twisting my emotions.
 "WANDERER" 69.

DAVID laughs until he realizes CLARK is being serious. They get quiet.

DAVID
I’m not doing that.

CLARK
Yes, you are.

DAVID
I’m not.

CLARK
Yes, you are.

DAVID
No, I’m not.

CLARK
Yes. You are! I’d rather you not play with my feelings. I’d rather you not treat me like
we’re together.

DAVID
I’m not! Doing either of those things. I’m treating you like my friend. Where is this coming
from.

CLARK almost screams, but decides to just send a text message, because of ROB,
who is absolutely able to hear it all. CLARK copies and pastes a note from his
phone and texts it to DAVID.

CLARK
I’ve been working on this all afternoon.
(Text message)
You’ve been manipulating me ever since we ended things. You held my hand all of
Thursday, kissed my cheek goodbye.You ask me about my day and how I feel about what
happened in it. You sleep over at my apartment. I talk to you more now than when we were
actually something. This might be the definition of over-analyzing. You took things from
zero to sixty so fast I had a hard time keeping up and by the time I did you had already
thrown on the emergency brakes and I was flying out of the windshield. I find it so fucking
weird how upset I am over this. I don’t understand why I care so much about you.
(Whispered)
Have you finished reading it?

DAVID
No. I can’t believe you had this already saved on your phone.
 "WANDERER" 70.

CLARK
(Sarcastic)
I’m a writer too, you know.
(Text message- continues)
We’re not college students who are experiencing these emotions for the first time and
floundering with them. We’re real adults with insurance plans and you’re refusing to grow
up. You’re a coward and a con artist and choke. Now, I realize everything I’ve said is super
intense, but before you call the nurse to have me committed, know that I don’t regret what
I’ve said. I have never stood up for myself in the face of romantic peril. So I’m proud.
(Pulling the curtain- to ROB)
So, this is probably weird. But, can I get your number?

WANDERER
Yes! We very give it to you!

ROB
Wanderer! Can you give me your number? I might call. I might not.

CLARK
Well it’s 380-571-9027.

ROB
Can you just write that down for me?

CLARK
Definitely. Sorry.

CLARK writes down the number. DAVID reads text and watches.

Let’s text.

CLARK pulls the curtain again.

My goal was to come across as charmingly obnoxious. I fear I just came across as
obnoxious.

DAVID
Let’s get this straight-

CLARK points at ROB’s bed and then the phone. DAVID begrudgingly agrees.
Some tension while DAVID texts. He sends the message.
(Text message)
I manipulated your feelings, took it from zero to sixty and then threw on the emergency
brake? A manipulation is an effort to consciously control another person unscrupulously.
We went on two dates, slept with each other and then I told you I didn’t want to continue.
Where was the manipulation? I didn’t put on a front, I was honest. You’re wrong to say
I’m a manipulator. A con artist. No Clark. Very wrong.
(MORE)
 "WANDERER" 71.
DAVID (CONT'D)
In fact, you’re the one manipulating me now. You’re the one blackmailing me. It’s because
of you I wound up in this hospital. You take up too much of my heart. I spent too much
energy trying to spare your silly little feelings that it ate me alive. And as far as your
options go, have you ever just thought that I can see how hard of a time you are going
through outside of whatever romantic shit was going on? Maybe that’s why I was doing all
that. I do care. Or I did care. Not anymore.

Both of them are upset. CLARK gets angry and pulls the curtain back.

CLARK
See you later Rob. Bye Wanderer.

ROB
Bye!

CLARK walks out without looking at DAVID. He gets out of the hospital and calls
him to get the last word. DAVID picks up.

DAVID
(About to genuinely apologize.)
Yeah? Listen. I’m sorry about -

CLARK
Well, I’m being a lunatic right now. I’ve stuck my foot down my throat so far I’m pretty
sure I feel it coming out my asshole. I don’t know. Part of me feels like you’re right and
that I’m not treating you right and part of me feels the opposite. What do you think?

DAVID
Can I ask you a favor?

CLARK
What?

DAVID
I don’t see a need for us to ever be friends again. Can we pretend like we never met? If we
run into each other at a party or on the street. We’ve never met.

CLARK
Are you sure?

DAVID hangs up. WANDERER sees everything. They turn to the audience

WANDERER
Everything is very no sense made.
"WANDERER" 72.

End of Act One.

 "WANDERER" 73.

ACT TWO

10. A STEP FORWARD

CLARK stands onstage with a cardboard box. He is looking into his phone
camera.

CLARK
(Rushing through)
Hi there. You are good. You are fun. People like you. You love yourself...
(Beat.)
I think a lot about moments. There were… are? – Are so many of them to think about.
Wow, I sound so pretentious. So melodramatic. Moments are always in the past, but I
don’t think of them that way. If I can think of them they’re alive. Therefore, if I stop
thinking about them, they’re dead. And if our moments are dead, then so are we. Which, I
guess is fine. I mean, it has to be fine.

He laughs.

I’m imagining what would happen if moments were people and when we stop thinking
about them they die. What would happen if they’re remembered? Then those moments
become these Zombie-like creatures that limp around reminding you about the dumb jokes
made while eating pizza. They’re the most mundane, yet subtly terrifying kind of Zombie.

Looks at the box in his hand. He laughs

What am I doing?!

He looks at himself in the mirror and dislikes what he sees. He strips to his
underwear and finds new clothes. While he is changing, lights come up on TANYA
sitting on DAVID’s bed. He is in the bathroom changing as well, because he is
allowed to leave. ROB sits on the bed, looking over at her. MICHAELA finishes
taking off the sheets from DAVID’s hospital bed and leaves without acknowledging
TANYA.

ROB
Are you excited for him to leave?

TANYA
Very. Very, very. It was nice getting to meet you.

ROB
You as well. Best of luck at work.
 "WANDERER" 74.

WANDERER
The sad health facilitator lady should not be spinning your heart around the circles.

TANYA
Yeah, well she is. Thank you, though. That was Wanderer, right?

WANDERER
Yes!

TANYA
I’m getting good at this.

ROB
And just in time to never speak to each other again.

TANYA
(Laughs)
Enough! I don’t like when you make that joke!
(Serious)
If you need anything, please reach out to my firm. We need to give out more charity
donations and I’d love to help you.

ROB
Umm... Thanks.

TANYA
That sounded bad. You’re not charity. I just... Oh this is... Are we friends now?

ROB
What?

TANYA
Or can we be?

ROB
Yeah. Wait for real?

TANYA
I have really enjoyed getting to know you. The past two weeks it felt more like I was
coming to visit you than I was David.

ROB
Uh huh. Well, that’s because he’s an ass to you.

TANYA
I know. Forget I asked.
 "WANDERER" 75.

ROB
Wait, Tanya! I haven’t really had any friends... for a while... Like, I’ve always kept a tight
circle, but when my parents died, I kinda just dropped everything and... disappeared.

TANYA
You know you can talk about that stuff with me. Right?

ROB
I know. But I don’t want to. It’s never gonna change. And when I say I’m fine about that I
mean it! If humans are 70% water I cried so many tears that I could have hydrated eighteen
different versions of myself. And then I lived my life as each of them. But now I’m here on
my last version and don’t really have any water left to spare. So no more tears.

TANYA
Then we don’t have to watch Titanic next time I visit.

ROB
I meant more like...

TANYA
Metaphorically.

ROB
Yeah! You bring the sinking cruise line and I’ll make the nurse with the avoidant
attachment style get us popcorn!

TANYA
Hell yeah.

ROB
Tanya can I ask a question before I never see you again?

TANYA
Girl...

ROB
Do you believe what’s happening to me? Or do you think I’m crazy?

TANYA
I don’t think you’re crazy.

ROB
But, do you believe what’s happened to me?
 "WANDERER" 76.

TANYA
Rob, I believe in you. From everything you’ve told me I know you have a lot of resilience.
You’re someone who does whatever they can to survive and keep wandering.

ROB
Tanya, I don’t mean to be rude, but just answer the question.

TANYA
I don’t know. I don’t know if I can believe you’re being possessed by an extraterrestrial. I
think that you’ve been through a lot and maybe now that you’re sick you are coping by
creating the narrative of an alien whose sole purpose in life is to keep you alive and who
says and does things you’re too scared to say and do for yourself.

ROB
Why don’t you believe?

TANYA
I’m not saying I don’t. I’ve never been someone who believes in these sort of things. My
parents believed so ridiculously in their religion that it became a running joke between
David and I by the time we were eight. I used to make horrible jokes at Sunday School
until my mother just gave up on sending us. Afterwords they only dug in their heels more
to this idea of a man in the sky predetermining rules that coincidentally benefit those
already in power.

ROB
Yeah organized religion is evil. But this isn’t about God or religion. This is me.

TANYA
It is. And the older I get I see more and more unbelievable things happen. This could be
one of them. I want to believe that we aren’t alone in this universe. But, whatever I think
doesn’t affect what you’re going through. It’s real to you.

TANYA checks her phone.

WANDERER
You need to go, yes?

TANYA
I do. As soon as David is ready.

DAVID
(offstage)
I said just a minute!

TANYA
I know!
 "WANDERER" 77.

Silence.

WANDERER
We get you leaving. Thank you for the words.

TANYA
I love you Rob. I love you Wanderer. I can’t wait till our paths cross again.

DAVID enters.

Ready?

DAVID
I’m so sorry. I was hurrying.

TANYA
You’re fine, David. I wanted to grab things for you.

ROB
Goodbye David!

DAVID
You too.

TANYA picks up DAVID’s bag.

Let me.

TANYA
I can carry it. I’ll reach out to you when he’s settled. Visit. Sneak in some coffee.

ROB & WANDERER

Sure!/Coffee is smelly, but good.

TANYA laughs and exits. ROB and DAVID stare at each other. Red tries to creep
into DAVID’s vision. WANDERER sees that and steps in.

WANDERER
David, speak please to you?

DAVID
I’m leaving.

WANDERER
Too urgent. Listen justly. Your sick. Your sad. The heart you use will fail again soon. I
knowledge that your heart feels closed and cold. Light it on fire now. Only way to keep it
running.
 "WANDERER" 78.

The red dies down as CLARK enters. CLARK and DAVID don’t acknowledge the
other. DAVID takes the bag and exits as the red follows him.

CLARK
Hi!

ROB
Why did you stop by?

CLARK
I was bored.

ROB
You don’t have to keep visiting me. You’re not obligated to..

CLARK
I know. But, I don’t want you to get lonely.

ROB
I’m never lonely.

WANDERER
Here with him for always.

CLARK
Good morning Wanderer!

ROB
How was your day yesterday?

CLARK
After I left here I went shopping.

ROB
Thank God I never have to do that again. One benefit of dying in a hospital is never having
to look at myself in a department store mirror again!

CLARK
Right. You keep making that joke.

ROB
It’s funny.
 "WANDERER" 79.

CLARK
Umm... Funny is a strong word.

WANDERER
(To ROB)
Are you sure you stay with talking about this? Clark looks unenjoyable for it.

ROB
(To CLARK)
Does that make you uncomfortable?

CLARK
Yes!

ROB
Why?

CLARK
Because I don’t like thinking about your death! Okay?

ROB
Okay... But, you know, death can be funny.

CLARK
Can it?

ROB
Yes!

ROB laughs.

My parents died when I was 16.

CLARK
Oh... Hilarious.

ROB
Yes! Well, no, but yes! It can be. If you let it. After all, it was God’s will for them to pass,
and I don’t believe He would do anything to be cruel. He was making me stronger. Making
me able to see the humor in things. Like their death. Like this disease.

CLARK
Rob, do you mind if I ask how they passed? Your parents?

ROB
Oh! Not at all. We were visiting family in Roswell, New Mexico and got in a car accident.
I was 16.
(MORE)
 "WANDERER" 80.
ROB (CONT'D)
And suddenly my parents were gone and I had access to both their bank accounts. So, I
went wild and got a little reckless and well... It doesn’t matter now. Roswell is the sight of
the supposed UFO crash. In case you didn’t know. Wanderer told me that was a fake one
though.
(ROB laughs)
God had to know what He was doing. To put me there and then put them in here.
(ROB gestures from WANDERER to his brain)
I’m not sure what all He’s actually in charge of, but I think he’s responsible for the good.
Laughter is good! Therefore, laughter brings me closer to God.
(Beat.)
Clark... Why are you here?

CLARK
Like why did I come here in the beginning?

Not what ROB meant.

ROB
Sure.

CLARK
Well, I came here because I didn’t believe what I was reading.

ROB
Why did you come back?

CLARK
Because you’re a good guy, and I like talking to you.

ROB
But, why?

CLARK
I think you have a very specific question and you’re not asking it the right way.

ROB
The question is that I don’t trust why you’re here.

CLARK
That’s not a question.

ROB
I know! What are you getting out of this? Is this some sick sort of rebound to make David
jealous?
 "WANDERER" 81.

CLARK
Yeah, I messaged you as a rebound, but it’s not anymore. And this definitely has nothing to
do with David. This is so rom-com right now, can we just calm down?

ROB
I’m not angry at you, Clark. But, I also can’t be in a relationship with you, or whatever else
you had in mind. I’m going to die in less than six months.

CLARK
No you aren’t. You have leukemia, but the doctors just told you yesterday how well you
were doing and how likely a full recovery is.

ROB
Yeah, sure. But, this still feels like there’s ulterior motives.

CLARK
My ulterior motives are that I like you.

CLARK hands ROB the box. He opens it and reveals a red button up shirt.

ROB
Why?

CLARK
You hate shopping, and I think red would look good on you.

WANDERER
Red is a color that Rob prefers to see.

ROB
Red is my favorite color.

CLARK
Try it on.

ROB
(Gesturing to his hospital robe)
I can’t. I’d have to take off my lovely gown.

CLARK
Put it on over it.

ROB turns away and puts it on over his hospital gown. DAVID and TANYA are
driving. The red is still following DAVID.
 "WANDERER" 82.

TANYA
So, what do you want for dinner?

DAVID
I don’t really know. But, I have food at my apartment. So just drop me off there-

TANYA
If you think I’m leaving you alone the day after you leave the hospital, you’re not only
uncharacteristically optimistic, you’re straight up dumb.

DAVID
They said I was fine!

TANYA
For now! They still don’t know exactly what’s happening to you! Rob was telling me
about this hospital he was at in Miami. They told him he just had the flu, which he did, but
clearly that’s not all.

DAVID rolls his eyes.

DAVID
Real smart of you. Make friends with the terminally ill insane alien person. That’ll
definitely work out for you.

TANYA
It’s not a calculated choice to be his friend. It just is.

DAVID
Did you get to know his alter ego that well?

TANYA
I did, actually. Wanderer is kind of a saint.

Awkward pause with TANYA and DAVID. Meanwhile ROB is struggling to get his
fingers to stop shaking, listen to him, and button his shirt.

WANDERER
(To ROB)
Ask Clark to fix up the buttons for you?

ROB
(To WANDERER)
No. I don’t want him to worry.

ROB continues to struggle. CLARK looks at him curiously.

 "WANDERER" 83.

DAVID
Do you know what happened to him to make him think there’s an alien inside of him?

TANYA
Well, Rob’s had quite a life, you could say. There could be a lot of things.

DAVID
What do you think it was?

TANYA
I don’t really feel comfortable talking about his life to you.

DAVID
Why not? I’m never going to see him again.

TANYA
So?

Another awkward pause. ROB screams from frustration and turns to face CLARK.

ROB
I can’t get it to button.

DAVID
Why are you so defensive of this guy? He thinks there’s an alien inside of him named
Wanderer. Which is just one of the gayest names I’ve ever heard.

TANYA
And what’s so wrong with all of that? In case you forgot, you are gay. I’m gay. Most of
our friends are-

DAVID
Stop being argumentative. It’s just like... so fake.

TANYA
Stop being judgmental. How do you know there isn’t an alien in his head?!

DAVID
Because I live in the real world. And so do you. I don’t understand why you all seem so
enamored with this liar.

CLARK walks to ROB to help button the shirt.

CLARK
Let me help.
 "WANDERER" 84.

As CLARK puts his hand on the top of the shirt their eyes lock.

TANYA
Okay so by you all, you definitely mean Clark.

DAVID
As if!

TANYA
Then I don’t know what your issue with him is. Let it go. Like you said, you’ll never see
him again, so it doesn’t matter what myself or anyone thinks of him. Let’s talk about
something else! How was your week?

ROB kisses CLARK.

DAVID
That’s a stupid question to ask right now. You know how it was. Anyway- it does matter
what you think! Just because he’s a nice guy doesn’t mean you should completely abandon
everything logical and ignore the facts of how the world works! Michaela must have done
a real number on you to make you willing to just believe in this faggoty science fiction
delusion.

Tanya is stunned .

ROB
This doesn’t mean anything.

CLARK is stunned, but kisses ROB back as WANDERER silently cheers this on.
ROB pulls CLARK onto the hospital bed as the focus leaves them and goes solely
to DAVID and TANYA.

TANYA
Who are you trying to impress by talking like that? It’s certainly not me.

DAVID
Oh chill out. You know what I mean.

TANYA
Yeah I do. And it makes me kind of sick to my stomach.

DAVID
Tanya, stop.
 "WANDERER" 85.

TANYA
I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you said that because you’re
still super tired and don’t feel well.

DAVID
I feel fine! I’m just over making excuses for Clark and his dramatics and now that he’s
dragged you into that mess, I’m pissed. It’s a ticking time bomb waiting to ruin your life.

TANYA
No one dragged me into anything! I met someone who challenged my heart and my brain
to expand. I’m trying to rise to that occasion. You know you claim to be so above our
parents and to have evolved past their closed-mindedness but-

DAVID
Oh come on! You’re really equating our parents exhaustive homophobia as to why I don’t
believe my hospital roommate is actually an alien.

TANYA
No! That’s not what I’m saying! All that hate that we left behind has made you hard and
selfish. If I don’t agree with you on every tiny little thing I’m your ultimate villain. When I
take you to the hospital after I find you passed out on the floor, I’m overreacting. When I
don’t tell you about my breakup after being given the cold shoulder for weeks I’m keeping
secrets! You say you don’t believe in aliens that’s fine. But, how can you look me dead in
the eyes and tell me you don’t believe love exists?

DAVID groans in pain red and grips the “Oh-Shit Bar”. TANYA pulls the car over.

David, lie back. I have some Ginger Ale in the backseat. That might help!

DAVID
My stomach’s not the problem.

TANYA
Fine! But, please lie back. You could still be -

DAVID
Tanya, listen. I’m perfectly fine! Why does no one listen to me when I say that? It’s like
you all think you know me better than I know myself. Clark wanted me to believe in lies
and got upset when I didn’t. You want me to rest and take time to myself and believe in
love to make you feel better!. Maybe I don’t want to do any of that? Maybe I just want to
be left alone. I’m perfectly fine. I just need to get more sleep. I didn’t do much of that at the
hospital because of alien-man. And when I did there were weird dreams of shattered glass
and black waters.

TANYA
David, are you okay?
 "WANDERER" 86.

DAVID
Yeah! Super okay. But, everyone else thinks I’m not, so I guess I’m not! Or maybe
everyone else just won’t listen to me when I say to leave me the fuck alone!

Beat.

TANYA
I don’t want to lose you David. You’re the only family I really have right now, but you just
keep pulling away deeper and deeper into the well of black waters from your dreams. Love
isn’t this pyramid scheme that everyone in the world has bought into except you. You’re
not the enlightened one here for shutting yourself off to the joy of being known fully.
So, I’ll leave you alone. I’ll drive you home and you can reach back out to me when you’re
ready to apologize. When you’re ready to stop treating the people in your corner like the
enemy. Because I never have been, and I never will, and I can’t keep loving people enough
for the both of us.

DAVID
Just drop me off at the train. I’ll get home myself.

The two exit as the stage washes in red. The scene fades to:

11. AN EFFECT

CLARK is staring at himself in his selfie camera, again, trying to understand what
he’s seeing. His usual tone of self-deprecating humor shines through this. He
speeds through the affirmations.

CLARK
Hi there. You are good. You are fun. People like you. You love yourself.
(Beat.)
This is honestly such a new low or high for you. For me. I’m not sure yet which one it is.
Having sex in a hospital bed has never been a fetish before, but it just might be one now.
That sounds so gross, doesn’t it?
(Beat.)
We’ve been talking a lot more, you and me. Or me and me? You and you? Which is both a
weirdly good and weirdly bad thing. Like on one hand I have never had this open of a
conversation with myself because like usually I just avoid what I’m thinking and feeling
about myself. It’s much more interesting to over-analyze what others think and feel about
me. Don’t you think so? Of course you do. You’re me! And through all this talking I’ve
realized all of the problems I’ve been hiding from. Like this irrational fear of loneliness. So,
now I can work through them. But, on the other hand I’ve created a whole other host of
problems by really getting to know myself. I no longer can filter my emotions. So, I’m
constantly just feeling everything. Like, oh no, that baby spider sitting in the shower got
splashed by the water and is drowning now. “
(MORE)
 "WANDERER" 87.
CLARK (CONT'D)
I’m sorry little, baby spider you had just begun to live! You hadn’t done anything wrong!”
Sounds like a great reason to weep hysterically and inconsolably. What’s better: not being
able to cry or crying over anything and everything? That’s a genuine question, dude. Please
answer. Please?
(Beat.)
But, I’ve been beating around the bush. Do you think that love is individual, to each
person, like a lake, or is it all the same love, and it flows from place to place, person to
person? Like a river. Is it both? I’m worried that love is only supposed to be one body of
water and that it’s meant to be a lake meanwhile I’m carving it into a river.

CLARK fades out as MICHAELA enters. She is sitting at her table. Knock knock on
the door. MICHAELA does nothing. More knocking. Keys jingle. MICHAELA
stands up. TANYA enters with the trash bag.

MICHAELA
Hey!

TANYA
Hey!

They stare at each other. MICHAELA goes to give TANYA a hug, who puts the
trash bag in her hand.

I called. I didn’t think you’d be home.

MICHAELA
I told you I’d stop by-

TANYA
A week ago.

MICHAELA
Right... Well, thank you.

TANYA
You’re welcome.

MICHAELA sifts through the trash bag.

MICHAELA
I forgot you still had a key.

TANYA
Yeah. You ended it pretty abruptly. I didn’t really have time to give it back.
 "WANDERER" 88.

MICHAELA
I didn’t want to give you the chance.

TANYA
Well, here it is.

MICHAELA
How’s David doing?

TANYA
I don’t know. We got in a fight so I dropped him off at his apartment. Something’s still
wrong with him.

MICHAELA
Well, he wasn’t sleeping while he was there, so that’s probably it.

TANYA
Really?

MICHAELA
Really.

Before TANYA can take the key off the chain MICHAELA finds the sun-dress
TANYA had out earlier.

You told me you gave this back!

TANYA
It was my favorite dress of yours.

MICHAELA
Mine too! And you took it!

TANYA
I borrowed it.

MICHAELA
Yeah! But, you never gave it back!

TANYA
I forgot?

MICHAELA
You forgot?
 "WANDERER" 89.

TANYA
I did! I only wore it once, for some work function, I forget, I promise.

MICHAELA
Why?

TANYA
I thought you looked better in it.

MICHAELA
What?

TANYA
Really! I thought that you looked better in the dress than I did.

MICHAELA
Oh. So that’s why you didn’t give it back.

TANYA
Yeah.

MICHAELA
That’s petty.

TANYA
I know. I’m sorry.

MICHAELA
It’s fine. I think it’s funny.

TANYA
That I stole your dress?

MICHAELA
Yeah! It’s like, you’re normally this super level-headed and thoughtful individual.

TANYA
Thanks.

MICHAELA
But the fact that you thought I looked better in a stupid red sundress was enough for you to
steal it.

TANYA
Whoops.
 "WANDERER" 90.

MICHAELA
I’ve missed you.

TANYA
... Thanks. Well, I’m leaving. I wish you the best.

MICHAELA
Are you still mad at me?

TANYA
No.

MICHAELA
It seems like you are.

TANYA
It’s nice to see you, Michaela.

MICHAELA
I really can’t live with you being secretly mad at me. So, if you are, just let me know.

TANYA
I’m not mad at you.

MICHAELA
Promise?

TANYA
Yes.
(Beat.)
I’m sad at you.

MICHAELA
What does that mean?

TANYA
That means I’m over being angry at you.

MICHAELA
Okay.

TANYA
Anger is really hard to sustain. When you’re mad at someone you scream and throw things
across the room.
(MORE)
 "WANDERER" 91.
TANYA (CONT'D)
When you’re sad at them, you can’t even see them or you might, I don’t know,
spontaneously start crying, or lose the ability to speak while you’re hiding in line at Target
holding three boxes of tampons and the 16-year-old boy ringing you up is asking why you
need so many tampons.

MICHAELA
Did that actually happen?

TANYA
It did. You were looking through the clearance aisle and I froze.

MICHAELA
I’m sorry.

TANYA
It’s really okay.

MICHAELA
I really want to get back together.

TANYA
(Laughing)
Yeah?

MICHAELA
Don’t laugh at me.

TANYA
Sorry, it’s just-

MICHAELA
I don’t want you to be sad at me anymore.

TANYA
Two weeks ago you needed “me time.” What’s changed?

MICHAELA
Nothing. I just miss you. I want to be with you in any way you want me to! I meant that.
Any way.

TANYA
And I miss you, but that doesn’t mean we should-

MICHAELA
I love you, but I’m so scared.
 "WANDERER" 92.

TANYA
Of what?

MICHAELA
Of... Of... Me... Of losing myself into you. Of everything moving too fast. Life. Us. Life is
moving so very, very fast. I see friends getting married and having kids and until a month
or so ago I was still working in retail.

TANYA
Why is that a problem?

MICHAELA
I’ve told you! My sick! My sad! I want to be happier with myself, but I realized I’m not
happy at all without you. And how can I be happy with myself if I don’t have any real
happiness in my life at all? I need you!

MICHAELA and TANYA kiss. Clothes are removed. The scene fades to...

12. A REVELATION

ROB is sitting in his hospital room watching TV, fiddling with his red shirt while
WANDERER plays around.

WANDERER
Want to me text him?

ROB
Don’t even think about it.

WANDERER
Problem?

ROB
No.

WANDERER
Why do you lie still with your words?

ROB
Because I don’t want to talk about it.

WANDERER
But, want you to say it out so that you say it all.
 "WANDERER" 93.

ROB
I don’t.

WANDERER
Ever tired of being moody?

ROB
Yes.

WANDERER
Then stop being it.

ROB
Stop telling me what to do.

WANDERER
He make you smile and have orgasm. What’s wrong with him?

ROB
I don’t have feelings for him. He makes me smile because I like the attention he gives me...
And it doesn’t take much for me to have an orgasm at this point.

WANDERER
Why the change of feelings?

ROB
I didn’t change my feelings. I just figured out what they really were.

WANDERER
And they were poor.

ROB
They weren’t poor. I don’t hate the guy. There’s just something that doesn’t click with us
the way it should.

WANDERER
So how can it be made to click?

ROB
It doesn’t need to.

WANDERER
Yes! It must. Very clearly must “click”!

ROB
Not everyone clicks Wanderer. It’s not the end of the world.
 "WANDERER" 94.

WANDERER
Rob, you don’t want my help which makes it very challenge to give it.

ROB
I’ve never asked for it! Do I need to remind you of this again?

WANDERER
You wish I hadn’t Wander to you?

ROB
Maybe I do! Maybe I wish you’d gone to someone else and just left me to do my own
thing.

ROB realizes what he’s said is hurtful, but can’t go back.

WANDERER
If I could Wander out by choosing I would. Maybe not seem that this. I want you to feel
happy. Happy for Rob is all the goal. My Wander out would make happiness for you. Yes?

ROB
I don’t know. Look, I’m sorry. I’m tired of searching for someone. I just want to enjoy
what’s around me.

WANDERER stares at ROB.

WANDERER
But, I must find one boy for love for you. Black Waters are getting closest and I haven’t
given your earliest wants. I have failure you.

WANDERER begins to shake from devastation. ROB takes their hand.

ROB
Wanderer, listen to me: I’m fine.

WANDERER
But, you have no one to love.

ROB
I do.

WANDERER
Clark!?

ROB
No.
 "WANDERER" 95.

WANDERER
(Very excited.)
Who?

ROB
Now, don’t take this the wrong way... but you. I have you.

WANDERER
I don’t knowledge. We can’t be couple because I’m not person. Sorry Rob.

ROB
I’m not talking romantically. Like a friend. Or brother-slash-sister-slash-sibling-slash-
whatever you are it really doesn’t matter. But, I would have died by now if it weren’t for
you. Also, you’re funny... you’ve made these last few months not so terrible.

ROB starts tearing up.

I’m really bad at telling people that they matter to me. That’s a big reason I’m on my
deathbed alone with only an Alien floating around in my head. There’s some roadblock in
my brain that prevents me from telling people my feelings, but it doesn’t prevent me from
feeling them. So, I’m knocking down that roadblock.

Lights come up on DAVID, lying comatose in his bed. WANDERER’s attention

goes to that.

And just in time, honestly. I wouldn’t want to die without doing that.

WANDERER
The orgasm was very strange for me.

Weird response.

ROB
It was for me too. I wasn’t sure I could still do that. What did it feel like for you?

WANDERER is trying to ignore DAVID.

Wanderer? Are you mad at me? I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.

WANDERER manages to focus on ROB.

WANDERER
Almost time for me to Wander to new person Rob. Half with you, half with them. Don’t
forget to swim.

ROB
Wanderer?
 "WANDERER" 96.

Before ROB can really object he passes out and we are inside DAVID’s head.
WANDERER waves at him.

WANDERER
Hello!

DAVID
Hi?

WANDERER
Wanderer!

DAVID
I’m dying. This must be what happens when you die.

WANDERER
What happens?

DAVID
Hallucinations.

WANDERER
Not death yet. You’re in coma right now.

DAVID
So, this is just a coma induced nightmare? You’re not really here.

WANDERER
I am. I’m keeping you living.

DAVID
This isn’t real. I’m in a coma and my brain is playing tricks on me because I’ve been
horrible to Tanya and regret ending things with Clark and-.

WANDERER
You do?

DAVID
You know this. You’re my subconscious.

WANDERER
I’m not.

DAVID
You are. But, it’s nice to know that my subconscious is this creative.
 "WANDERER" 97.

WANDERER
So you’ll let me help?

DAVID
Help what?

WANDERER
Get you to wake from this sleep. Cannot wander to where not wanted.

DAVID
I’ll be fine. But, thank you Alien. Shouldn’t you be with what’s his name?

WANDERER
Rob! I am. I split myself for few moments. Rob has limits on his time. I am looking for a
new soul to help after Rob reaches the end.

DAVID
Maybe, you should just focus on him?

WANDERER
You want me that?

DAVID
(Bemused)
I want you that.

WANDERER disappears. DAVID is alone. The silence is angry

Wanderer...! I don’t like this silence, can you come back?! Come on!

DAVID tries to walk and finds his foot glued to the floor. He reaches down to check
it and finds black glue on his foot.

Shit.

WANDERER returns to the hospital room. ROB is still asleep, but CLARK is sitting
by his side reading a book.

WANDERER
Well! Your eyes very, very, very open. Quite the observing.

CLARK
Sorry. Is Rob around right now?
 "WANDERER" 98.

WANDERER
Not at the currently.
(Beat.)
Very scared for what will be happening?

CLARK
Yeah. I am. God, I haven’t ever known someone my age who was dying.

WANDERER
As you, the humans say, “God has it in his will.”

CLARK
Wanderer, that’s sweet. But, it’s not helpful.

WANDERER
You don’t find help in looking for God? Clark seem like someone who would think of God
as good.

CLARK
I do! But, I don’t know if…

WANDERER
Don’t know if...? Clark?

CLARK
I don’t think I… I don’t believe in a God. But, I can find what people call God in the
smallest of things: Pictures of my dog… My dog! Eating an entire pizza by myself and not
getting sick from it, old pictures of my siblings and I, books that speak to the soul. I see
God in you. You’re some sort of real life fiction. An alien from Outer Space who only
wants to help others? You can’t make that shit up! What you’re doing for Rob is so
selfless. I wish I could be as Good as you.

WANDERER
Humans think God is of magic. Yes?

CLARK
Kind of. When you think about it.

WANDERER
They also think Aliens are magic like.

CLARK
Again- kind of.

WANDERER
So, I’m God because I Wander.
 "WANDERER" 99.

CLARK
No... No. You’re God because you care.

WANDERER
Rob does care for you.

CLARK
I know.

WANDERER
But, he does not love you.

Beat.

CLARK
I know.

WANDERER
I wish he did.

CLARK
Me too.

A moment of reflection. CLARK puts his books in his bag and begins to leave.
WANDERER springs forward and is in CLARK’s mind.

WANDERER
You too? No too!

CLARK
Wait! Are you inside my head? How did you?

WANDERER
It suppose that you do not love for Rob. It suppose that you do not love.

CLARK
I do! Get out of here! I’m fine I promise!

WANDERER
I know opposite your truth.

CLARK
Oh you do?

WANDERER
Yes. Saw your brain hearts; I too believe in the perfectness of all of possibilities. But,
proven to not always be accurate to think that.
(MORE)
 "WANDERER" 100.
WANDERER (CONT'D)
Not accurate to think because eliminates the beauty of what our is’s are. You see everything
with hope for could be’s not for their is’s. Sometimes everything just is!

CLARK lets that sink in.

CLARK
Or is not.

WANDERER
Smiler?

WANDERER gestures for CLARK to smile. He does.

CLARK
Wanderer?

WANDERER
Stop looking for what will find you.

WANDERER gets a worried look in his eye and disappears.

CLARK
What does that mean?

CLARK realizes that WANDERER is not around anymore.

Feel better soon Rob.

CLARK reads a book as the scene dissolves to...

13. A WAKE UP CALL

TANYA and MICHAELA are in bed. MICHAELA is asleep, meanwhile TANYA is

sitting on top of the bed with her clothes on. Silent.

TANYA
Hey...

MICHAELA doesn’t wake up.

Hey, Michaela.

MICHAELA wakes up and looks at TANYA. She assesses the situation and decides
to go back to bed.
 "WANDERER" 101.

You’re awake. Don’t go back to sleep.

MICHAELA
It’s early.

TANYA
But, don’t you think we should talk about what happened?

MICHAELA
No. I think we’re just two people in the same bed.

TANYA
Two people in the same bed who haven’t been in the same bed in a long time.

MICHAELA
So, what’s the problem with that?

TANYA
Don’t make me say it. You know.

MICHAELA
I don’t think I do. Say it.

TANYA
Michaela.

MICHAELA
Say it!

A moment.

TANYA
That was weird!

Not what MICHAELA was expecting. Disappointed.

Don’t get me wrong, it was good sex, but it was weird.

MICHAELA
(Lying)
I know what you mean.

TANYA
It was great and everything, but it shouldn’t have happened.
 "WANDERER" 102.

MICHAELA
(Masking with a joke.)
So we aren’t getting married?

TANYA
No! I never said we were.

MICHAELA
I just thought because we...

TANYA
We got caught up. I’m sorry I didn’t stop it.

MICHAELA
Well, if we aren’t getting married, can we at least try again?

TANYA
I don’t want to.

MICHAELA
Please? I messed up! I shouldn’t have run! But, proposing to me was a big move! You
have to understand that!

TANYA
I do! I completely understand how big a move that was. But, just because we love each
other doesn’t mean we should stay together. I’m not going to save you and I’m not going
to be settled for.

MICHAELA
You’re being cruel.

TANYA
No, Michaela. I’m being realistic. We both need to grow; separately.

MICHAELA stares angrily at TANYA

MICHAELA
I don’t get this. I’m sorry, but I don’t. All I was doing was asking for help and you’re just
dropping me. A month and a half ago you were willing to marry me! Till death do you part.
For better or worse! In sickness or health. For richer or poorer... Marry me!

TANYA
(Shouting)
Michaela!
(MORE)
 "WANDERER" 103.
TANYA (CONT'D)
(Beat.)
You’re not listening to me!

MICHAELA
I am listening! I just don’t see the problem! I made a mistake by running, but I still believe
in you and our love!

TANYA
I believe in you, but...
(Beat.)
We’re like trying on a pair of old jeans that you accidentally ripped a hole in the crotch so
you spend the whole using your bag to cover the rip otherwise everyone at Target is going
to see your purple lace thong.

MICHAELA
Maybe you should stop going to Target.

TANYA
Maybe you’re right.

MICHAELA
So, what you mean is that I’m too broken for you to wear out in public anymore?

TANYA
Yeah... ?

MICHAELA
My own fault. I just didn’t realize you weren’t willing to get out the sewing kit and fix
them.

TANYA
I don’t think the sewing kit is enough to fix this rip.

MICHAELA
Then you should have gone with a different metaphor.

TANYA
(Amused)
We can’t all be you.
(Beat.)
The other thing that’s weird is that those were my favorite pair of jeans.

MICHAELA
So, not even a tailor could fix them?

TANYA
I think I need to be fixed too.
 "WANDERER" 104.

This metaphor has gone on a long time. They laugh.

Do you think I can just keep them till I finally get that sewing machine and learn how to
make my own clothes and make them into a jean jacket?

MICHAELA
Stop talking about me like I’m a pair of pants.

TANYA
Okay. My bad.
(Beat.)
I know you’re hurting inside and that I can’t do anything to stop that. I know that your sick
and your sad are your battles to face alone. This choice isn’t because of any of that.You left
me completely out of the blue. Without a real reason. Or even a conversation. I can’t get
past that.

MICHAELA has something to say, but it is difficult.

MICHAELA
Thank you.

WANDERER wanders into TANYA’s mind.

WANDERER
Tanya! I am here to you!

She screams.

TANYA
Wanderer?

WANDERER
Yes.

MICHAELA
Tanya what’s going on-

TANYA
Shh!

WANDERER
David is very worsening. Please come back to take back to hospital now.

TANYA
What?
 "WANDERER" 105.

The scene snaps to...

14. A WANDER

We are back in DAVID’s head.

DAVID
Wanderer! It’s getting really fuzzy right now and my legs are starting to fall asleep. This
black stuff is pretty gross. Wanderer!

The black floor suddenly is revealed to be glass. He looks down and sees the
waterfalls.

I don’t like what’s happening. This is really familiar! Wanderer!

WANDERER enters.

Make this stop. These dreams aren’t fun. I’ve learned my lesson: don’t be an asshole to be
people. It’s okay for them to believe in stupidity.

WANDERER
Aren’t dreams! This is what the road to death is decorated as.

DAVID
Well, it’s just not! It’s not! It’s really not!

WANDERER
One way to escape it.

DAVID
Bullshit.

WANDERER
Let me Wander to you. Only way.

DAVID
What would that mean for your other guy?

WANDERER brings ROB onto the glass. DAVID and ROB stare at each other.

WANDERER
Rob is prepared for the switch.

ROB
Hi David.
 "WANDERER" 106.

DAVID
How long will he be with me?

ROB
Till the Black Waters take you.

DAVID
So forever?

ROB nods his head.

No! Sorry I can’t. I’m busy all those days!

WANDERER
Busy those days? If I am not asked to wander the Black Waters will take control.

DAVID
That sounds rough.

ROB
You’re an asshole!

DAVID
I’m sorry?

ROB
A gift from God is standing in front of you-

DAVID
“A gift from God”!? Do you even hear yourself right now!

ROB
You mock me for believing in them! But, Wanderer just wants to save your life. And
instead of letting them you... you... Why?

DAVID
This isn’t real! None of this is! There’s no possible way that in the entire universe there is
some lifeforms out there who can do all that they’re talking about! And I’m terrified
because I’m the only person who seems to understand that.

WANDERER
If all have seen but you, doesn’t that make you the one without eyes?
 "WANDERER" 107.

DAVID
(To WANDERER)
Why are you coming to me?

WANDERER
Always same question from humans! Why not believe in their world and believe they are
special, then know that you are of worth to not drown so soon? Why!? You are worthy!

DAVID is scared.

I can see a bright future. As long as there are no Black Waters yet.

The next images outside of the dream are seen as snapshots of the moments,
DAVID watches this through a window: TANYA and MICHAELA rush into his
apartment and find DAVID comatose on the couch. TANYA screams. MICHAELA
calls 911.

DAVID
What’s happening? I have to wake up!

DAVID yanks his foot once and it snaps back. A small crack forms.

Shit!

ROB
You have to let Wanderer in. It’s the only way.

DAVID
No! I can’t live the rest of my life as either a schizophrenic or with a literal alien in my
head! I can still wake up!

WANDERER
Why are you unhappy with being helped from me?

DAVID
It’s fucking weird dude!

TANYA and MICHAELA are seen in the back of an ambulance with DAVID’s body.

WANDERER
Because of weirdness, you’d rather leave your lovely ones heartbroked?

DAVID
No! But, it’s just so hard to-

DAVID yanks his foot one last time and the crack in the glass spreads all over.
TANYA stands with MICHAELA and CLARK in the ER.
 "WANDERER" 108.

WANDERER
If you’d rather meet with the Black Waters I will stay with Rob and then Wander new.
Twice Goodbyes to Rob will get hard. And watching the lovely ones cry will send pain, but
can’t Wander without your asking.

DAVID
You! Rob! How did you do it? I don’t want to meet with Black Waters. But, I’ve spent my
whole life denying that there is any kind of higher power. And now that maybe I’ve met
one, it’s a lot to take in.
(Beat.)
Besides, won’t it hurt? I’m really bad with pain, so if it’s going to hurt I’ll just pass.

ROB
Stop looking for excuses! I didn’t have anyone when Wanderer found me. Maybe you feel
like letting Wanderer into you would mean that you’ve lost? But no! Leaving all those
people without you would be losing. They love you... They love you.

The water begins to turn red. DAVID observes TANYA crying.

DAVID
I don’t know! If it’s my time to die then I just need to do it! Miracles aren’t real! Rob, are
you prepared to... just like that? Because if they attach themselves to me, won’t you...?

WANDERER
Rob will meet the Black Waters.

ROB
(to DAVID)
I’m ready. Are you?

Time freezes and it is just ROB and WANDERER

What happens after I meet the Black Waters?

WANDERER
You decide.

ROB
I do!?

WANDERER
Maybe! I don’t really know.

ROB looks afraid, but begins to laugh.WANDERER points at the waters.

Look below. Look deep. The waters are dark and full of changes.
(MORE)
 "WANDERER" 109.
WANDERER (CONT'D)
But somewhere in them are others who are like you at the bottom. Who understand. Our
context is hostile, but not unkind. You will learn that. Swim to the bottom.

A breath. They smile.

ROB
Is that possible?

WANDERER
If anyone can you will.

ROB
I hope to see you there someday Wanderer. I love you.

WANDERER
I love you too.

Time unfreezes as the cracks become too big.

ROB
I’m ready, David. It’s up to you.

WANDERER
(to DAVID)
The road forward is whatever you believe it to be.

A moment to decide before the stage washes in red obscuring everyone. A white
light on WANDERER shines though. They stomp down and the glass breaks, as the
water turns to Black. Then it turns to a blinding white. The whole stage is washed
over with it. As the lights die down we have transitioned to...

15. A CONCLUSION

CLARK fixing his hair in his phone camera.

CLARK
(Confident. Fighting through emotion.)
Hi there. You are good. You are fun. People like you. You love yourself... Oh God!
(Beat)
Death is really, really weird. I remember being a kid and my great-aunt died. Do you
remember that? I’m glad you do. It tore us up. Remember that? We used to have these
recurring dreams about her death where she would sit next to us on car rides and tell us
stories and draw us pictures. It made us feel a little better, I guess. But, it just kept
reminding me that she was gone. Why was that bad though? Why is it bad that she died?
(MORE)
 "WANDERER" 110.
CLARK (CONT'D)
She had cancer for almost five years, which wasn’t fun for her, I’m sure. But, the
alternative to that pain is so unknown. Like what happens after you die? Maybe nothing.
Maybe everything… But, also, it could be nothing. Nothing doesn’t feel worth it to die
early. But, everything? Everything does. This is so hypothetical. What do you think?

Silence. CLARK laughs.

It’s not an easy question I know. Basically, what happens after death is whatever the hell
you want to have happen after death. I think that’s how you should live your life. Because
it’s going to happen, so make up your best case scenario and go about your day knowing
that if you die you are going to, this is just an example, to die and be sent into a limitless
world where you have magic powers and six pack abs and can eat as much pizza as you
want without worrying about whether you will gain any weight or shit your brains out.
Also you have wings. And infinite fun socks that never need to be put in the wash.

CLARK is given a box with ROB’s shirt. He exits. DAVID wakes up with a start.
There is an empty bed beside him. There is some silence. WANDERER crawls out
from under the bed.

WANDERER
(To DAVID)
You are awakened up! David!

DAVID
So this is real.

WANDERER
So far!

DAVID
We sure I’m not hallucinating?

WANDERER
Doesn’t matter true or false. Still here.

DAVID
I guess so.

WANDERER
(Impersonating humans)
So... “What’s up?”

DAVID
I’m not dead.
 "WANDERER" 111.

WANDERER
You’re very living. Also, so far, much more smiles than before.

DAVID
What happened?

WANDERER
Health facilitator says strow-kee and coma.

DAVID
Stroke?

WANDERER
Word! That word is accurate!

DAVID
Damn. That’s wild.

WANDERER
Wild! Wild! Wild!

DAVID
Thank you. For saving my life. That’s what I should say right now. Right?

WANDERER
Supposedly.

DAVID yawns.

You rest now. Still exhausted from Wander and scared of Black Waters. Yes?

DAVID
Yeah. I guess.

WANDERER
So close eyes and sleep! No Black Waters for now!

DAVID
For now?

WANDERER
For long while. Rest.

DAVID
Okay Wanderer.
 "WANDERER" 112.

WANDERER
Plenty more time to say words and conversation to each other for the rest of your life.

DAVID
Also, plenty more time to teach you actual English.

WANDERER
(Teasing back)
Also, plenty more time to teach you not to be frigid bitch.

DAVID
You win.

DAVID laughs and rolls over to sleep.

WANDERER
I win!

CLARK enters with a box. He puts his hand on DAVID’s arm.

Clark?

CLARK
You’re up! Oh my God! Thank God! I thought you were still asleep!

CLARK hugs him gently, but hurriedly.

When did you wake up? Oh it’s so good to talk to you. Oh man, I’m about to cry.

WANDERER
(Too excited not to talk.)
Relief it really must be for your mind! Also your heart feel good now! His do too.

CLARK
...Wanderer?

WANDERER
Yes!

CLARK
I didn’t think this would ever-

WANDERER
No?
 "WANDERER" 113.

CLARK
No. I thought after Rob passed that you did too, or that you went back to your home planet.

WANDERER
Never gone. Just wandered to new host.

CLARK
And that new host is David...

WANDERER
Plainly.

CLARK
Is he in there?

CLARK tussles DAVID’s hair. He swats at the hand, still with his eyes closed.

DAVID
Stop it.

CLARK
You’re awake! David! Oh my God! You are there! I know you said not to talk to you
again, but I couldn’t just not come see you after everything.

CLARK starts to cry.

DAVID
This is a lot for me to wake up to.

CLARK
Sorry.

DAVID
Hey Clark.

CLARK
Hey David.

DAVID laughs at how hard CLARK is trying to hold back his emotions.

DAVID
You’re ridiculous.

CLARK
Shut up! Let me be emotional. I thought the last words you’d say to me were “Don’t talk to
me again.”
 "WANDERER" 114.

DAVID
Not anymore they aren’t!

CLARK
Nope! And I am so... happy about that.
(Beat.)
Can I hug you?

DAVID
Yeah.

They embrace. It’s kind of awkward.

CLARK
So Wanderer is in you?

DAVID
I guess.

CLARK
That’s got to be a shock.

DAVID
I’ll probably write some poetry or a song about my bizarre feelings on that later.

CLARK
A true artist.

WANDERER
Genius!

DAVID
(To WANDERER)
Let us talk.
(To CLARK)
What brings you here?

CLARK hands him the box and DAVID pulls out ROB’s red shirt. He looks
confused.

CLARK
It’s nothing. Stuff I left here.

CLARK takes the box back.

 "WANDERER" 115.

DAVID
I should’ve believed you. It would have made this a whole lot simpler.

CLARK
It’s fine. I didn’t exactly make it easy for you.

DAVID
It’s really hard to change what’s at your core. I spent my whole life being given reasons not
to trust anyone or anything so at this point nothing feels real to me. Unless I can touch it
there’s no point in believing in it. But, I’m done with that. Rob believed in God. You
believe in Love.

CLARK
So what are you going to believe in?

DAVID
Well, Aliens.

CLARK
Obviously.

DAVID
I don’t know. I’m still figuring that out. Does Global Warming count as an answer?

CLARK
For now.

DAVID
We can figure something out later.

CLARK wants to acknowledge “We”. He doesn’t, instead he pulls out his phone
and starts a text message. He sends it. DAVID grabs his phone off the side table
and turns it on.

Clark?

CLARK
Hm?

DAVID
Will you call Tanya? I need to talk to her, but I’m kinda nervous and I don’t know if she
told you but-

CLARK
Yeah of course! She was just here an hour ago.
 "WANDERER" 116.

DAVID
She was?!

CLARK
Of course. Just give me a second to call her and-

DAVID
Will you tell her I need to apologize?

DAVID’s cellphone turns on and swarm of texts fly to his phone. Texts from
friends, MICHAELA, TANYA, and the most recent one from CLARK.

Did you just-

CLARK
Umm. Actually, please don’t read that. I had typed that up earlier but I’ll just...

CLARK takes a breath.

I know I act like a toddler throwing a temper tantrum whenever something doesn’t go my
way. It’s embarrassing. Being in Love was something that felt so important. Like a mile
marker. No! I can’t believe I’m saying this, but it felt more like oxygen on Mars.
Something so impossible, but something you know is there somewhere you just have to
devote your entire life to finding it. And just believe that it’s there. Believe so hard that you
will it into existence. Believing keeps us alive... Okay I’m done now you need to say
something?

What the fuck is happening?

DAVID
Do you think we’ll ever just have a normal conversation?

CLARK
Don’t you hate normal conversations?

CLARK exits. WANDERER looks at DAVID with a happily suspicious look.

DAVID looks at them suspiciously

WANDERER
Are you happy?

DAVID
Yeah. Why are you asking?
 "WANDERER" 117.

WANDERER
Just see that makes you happy and wanted to help and hope.

CLARK steps back in, phone still to his ear.

CLARK
She’s on her way and is very excited to see you.

DAVID
(shocked and moved)
Oh my god. Thank you.

CLARK
For sure.

WANDERER is so happy they could scream. But they hold it in. They take a deep
breath. They smile loudly and brightly at DAVID.

DAVID
Oh what now?

WANDERER
I love you!

DAVID
(Taken aback..)
Oh wow...
(Beat.)
I love you too.

Curtain!