HOW TO ANALYZE PEOPLE

Learn to read people properly by Body

Language and Behavioral Psychology.
Improve your personal, social and work life.

Erik Phill
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 Table of Contents

Introduction
People Are Not as Good as They Think They Are
What Are You Doing Wrong?
Why Is It Important to Know How to Read People?
Reading People
Chapter 1. Understanding Body Language
The Power of Body Language
Characteristics of Body Language
Deciphering Body Language
Actively Listening
Proxemics
Behavioral Clusters
It All Comes Down to the Baseline
Types of Body Language
Chapter 2. Manipulative Personalities
The Behaviors of Manipulative People
Chapter 3. Verbal and Non-Verbal Body Language
Verbal Communication
Non-Verbal Communication
Chapter 4. Intricacies of the Face
Anxiety
Fear
Anger
Happiness
Sadness
Desire
Interest
 Boredom
Surprise
Disgust
Pity
Importance of Eyes
Microexpressions
The Influence of Smiles
Head Movements
Chapter 5. How to Fake Your Body Language
Eye Contact
Your Arm Movements
The Smile
Your Stance
Chapter 6. Body Language Analysis
Study the Eyes
Gaze at the Face—Body Movement Touching Mouth or Grinning
Take Note of Closeness
See if the Other Individual Is Matching You
Observe the Head Activity
Look at the Other Individual's Feet
Expect Hand Signals
Analyze the Setting of the Arms
Chapter 7. Types Of Personalities
Components
Psychology Applications
Different Types of Personalities
Chapter 8. Protecting Yourself From Manipulation
Dealing With Manipulators
Basic Fundamental Rights
 Maintain Some Distance
No Personalization
Probing Questions
Time Is Your Ally
Saying "No"
Confrontation
Importance of Consequences
Chapter 9. Manipulation Techniques
Foot in the Door Technique
Negative Reinforcement
The Emotional Triangle
Establishing Similarities
Fear-Relief Technique
Manipulators Will Put You on the Defense
The Gaslighting Technique
Traumatic One Trial Learning Technique
Manipulators Will Refuse to Discuss Certain Topics or Behaviors
Chapter 10. Victims of Manipulation
Lacking Confidence
Have Something Desirable
Caregiver-Type
Empathetic
Dysfunctional Upbringing
How to Identify Yourself as the Victim of Covert Manipulation
Identify When You Are a Victim
What Makes You Vulnerable
Chapter 11. Taking Control of Your Life
Chapter 12. Golden Rules for Analyzing People
Don’t Read Individual Gestures
 Search for Harmony
Read Gestures in Context
Recognize and Decipher Quirky Non-Verbal Cues
Try to Establish Baseline Behaviors
Study Behavioral Changes that Could Lead a Change in Decision
Watch Out for Misleading Non-Verbal Clues
Distinguish Between Comfort and Discomfort
Don’t Act Like a Creep When Analyzing People
So Why Do You Misread?
Chapter 13. Detecting Lying and Deception
Verbal Hints of a Liar
Non-Verbal Hints of a Liar
Chapter 14. How to Spot Insecurity
Factors Determining Good and Bad
Discovering Compassion
Identifying Someone With Insecurity
Chapter 15. How to Spot Romantic Interest?
Ways to Figure Out if Someone Is Romantically Interested
Chapter 16. Use of Body Language
Negotiation Skills
Negotiation Skills Can Be Nurtured
Top Negotiation Skills
Conclusion
Always Listen to and Honor Your Gut Feeling
Pay Attention to Goosebumps
Watch Out for Insightful Flashes
Keep a Lookout for Emotional Energy
 Introduction
Analyzing people can be a hard nut to crack. It requires a lot of mental
work, from studying body language to understanding facial expressions
and how to manage the emotions expressed by people and their egos. It
takes a huge amount of effort to analyze people. However, the mental
work and activities required can only be possible if you can read people
and not just read, you have to be excellent at it.
The ability and capacity to read people is something that you have to
develop with constant practice. Quite naturally, the people who have
acquired knowledge, combined with real-world practice, are essentially the
best at reading and analyzing people. Reading people is a natural act.
Human beings and social creatures are wired to read and study people
every time they interact.
People are involved in the proceedings of this world, and in studying them,
they could either cooperate or not want to. However, even when people
think they are not giving you the chance to study them to analyze them
better, they still are. Sitting by yourself in the corner of the room away
from everyone also requires cooperation on some level with society.
For instance, some nations are not attempting to start a war with each other
because of the interconnected network of human behavior designed to
instill peace and harmony functions as it should. Therefore, it is essentially
the cooperation and behavior of several people cooperating on some level
by essentially, keeping away from participating in acts that might lead to
harm in another person.

People Are Not as Good as They Think They Are

When you contact a stranger, how long does it take you to evaluate the
individual before you arrive at your first impression?
Several people believe it took them less than a minute to do this. However,
science has found that it takes a lot less time than people believe it to be.
Psychologists at Princeton University have established through several
studies that it takes an individual only about one-tenth of a second to make
the first judgment of someone. It is primarily based on the body language
of the other person.
Dr. Albert Mehrabian discussed a fact in one of his books that only about
7% of communication is made through words. The remaining 93% result
from vocal cues and non-verbal messages such as posture gestures and
facial expressions, among others.
Meaning, you need to be aware of how people come across to you and
how you come across to them, as they form the vast majority of human
interaction. Being able to identify these cues could either make or break
the career of a budding professional.
If you are seeing to move up the ladder in a social situation, be it at work,
in your community, etc., you have to harness body language and non-
verbal cues, as they provide you with a huge advantage in both
professional and non-professional circumstances. The ability to speed-read
and analyze people accurately could be what makes you impress the
people you look up to and embarrass the people around you.
However, all of these bring to mind an important question: how can you
improve your ability to read people?

What Are You Doing Wrong?

Before we go on to answer the query, "How to improve your ability to read
people?" We first need to establish what you are doing wrong, so that
these discrepancies will cease to come up, and you will be able to read
people better.
There are some common errors that people make in a bid to understand
people and read them better. These errors may include:
Ignoring Context. This is an important fact people tend to overlook. The
context in which the non-verbal clue being expressed does matter a lot.
You have your arms crossed does not necessarily indicate that the room is
cold or the chair you are sitting on does not have armrests. A good number
of times, things have to go beyond the common sense situations attached
to the environment. Therefore, it is essential to ask yourself the question:
"Should someone in this situation act in this manner?" You should
remember that the arms might be crossed in a bid to fend off danger or
simply hide or protect the torso, it might be crossed for the individual to
self-reassure themself, or because the individual is angry. Always make
sure to include the context in which the individual is exhibiting these cues.
I am not looking for clusters. This happens to be one of the biggest
mistakes you can make. Looking for a distinct voice might be great in
movies, but it is different in real life. In real life, it is more about a
consistent grouping of actions. An example of such is the case of poker
players, rather than the distinct voice described in movies. A consistent
grouping of actions that include sweating, touching the face, and stuttering
together describe what you might find meaningful. Therefore, it is vital to
ask the question: Are most of the behaviors exhibited by this person
associated with "X"? For instance, an angry person will not cross their
arms alone; they would probably frown and fume and exhibit a group of
behaviors that will indicate anger.
You are not establishing a baseline. Baselines are essential if you know for
certain the non-verbal and verbal behaviors exhibited by an individual.
The fact that the individual is jumpy does not indicate anything. However,
if the individual is always jumpy and then suddenly stops moving, you
should ask yourself the question: "Is this the normal way they act?" When
you do not establish a baseline with which new behaviors can be
compared, it will be difficult to understand and ascertain if the exhibited
behavior is normal to the individual.
You are not conscious of Biases. The first impression you make of an
individual is bound to affect your judgment of the person. If you already
dislike or like the individual, then you are bound to judge based on it. If
the people who come close to you and often compliment you are the same
people you like and approve of, it might sway you unconsciously. It will
also be a long while before you can become impressed by people you do
not approve of. (Saying these tricks do not apply to you is also a bias. The
biggest bias of all occurs when you think you are unbiased).

Why Is It Important to Know How to Read

People?
Reading people comes with its benefits, and it is so much more than
playing Sherlock Holmes. It is about observing the people you
communicate with and adjusting how you communicate with them.
In every area of life, there are myriad personality types to deal with, and it
is essential to recognize them if we are going to tap into their strengths.
For instance, if you have an employee or a friend you observe to lack self-
confidence or have low self-esteem or, you should adjust your tone to put
up their insecurities in a way that motivates them. It would be wrong and
inefficient if you were loud and boisterous in your manner of dealing with
them. However, if the individual you are dealing with is an extrovert,
being solemn and serious is inefficient to get through to them.
The world of today disconnects us from one another and even nature than
ever before. Today, we hardly make eye contact with the barista who
hands us our coffee over the counter. The power of observation and the
need to read people accurately is, therefore, not necessary for
communicating effectively. It is only a tool that helps to promote the
connection between us as human beings.

Reading People
The ability to read people has more to do with non-verbal communication
and body language alone. The essential things to look at before you can
successfully read people include posture, gestures, physical movements,
appearance, facial expressions, tone of voice, willingness to make eye
contact during conversations, etc. A study finds that you can read someone
only 7% from the words they say, 38% from their vocal clues, such as
tone, pitch, and volume, and finally, 55% from their body language. The
study was, however, focused on reading someone on a first impression
basis.
You also have to think through the context in which the behaviors are
exhibited, personality, and the possibility that anybody might try to
deceive you by manipulating the communication.
However, these clues do not make you privy to the innermost thoughts and
feelings of other people; however, if you are observant, you will be able to
read their body language.
 Chapter 1. Understanding Body
Language

We sometimes do things without knowing that we do them, much like a

nervous habit, such as tapping your foot or rubbing your hands together.
Though we may not be aware that we are doing these things, others see
these habits and read into them. We may be seen as nervous or agitated by
others due to these unconscious behaviors that we are prone to.
At other times, we might engage in an action or pose with a certain intent
that is consciously chosen. We can choose to turn our bodies towards
someone we are busy talking to seem more attentive. Imagine your first
job interview: you cautiously keep yourself from twitching, rubbing your
face, or slouching. You have been made aware by various knowledgeable
people such as school counselors and career guides to be aware of these
interview bombs. Knowing how bad these make you seem, you learn not
to engage in this form of body language.
We can lie with a written and spoken language. Usually, we lie to avoid
getting into trouble. Likewise, we can also lie with our bodies. We can
project a disingenuous body image and has been carefully polished to
accomplish a certain appearance. I imagine that several of us have been
caught in a scam at some point in time, and this is an ideal example of how
clever users of body language can manipulate it to convince us of their
honesty. We get people to believe us, based on what we show, and not
what we say.
In expressing emotions, facial expression is important. It combines the
movement of the cheeks, nose, lips, eyebrows, and eyes to show the
various moods of a person. Some researchers showed that body and facial
expressions complement each other in interpreting emotions. Some
experiments recognized the influence of body expression in recognizing
facial expression, which means that the brain simultaneously processes
body and facial expressions.
Body postures can also detect emotions. For example, if an individual is
angry, they will try to dominate another person. Their posture will show
such approach tendencies. If they are fearful, their approach will be that of
avoidance. They will feel submissive and weak.
Aside from body postures and facial expressions, gestures also have
different interpretations. For example, if a person folds their arms during a
discussion, it may mean that they are unwilling to listen to the speaker or
has a closed mind. If they cross their arms over the other, it means they
lack confidence and are insecure.
Relaxed hand gestures show that the individual is self-assured and
confident while clenched hands can mean either angry or stress. If they
wring their hands, it means they are anxious and nervous.
Finger gestures show the overall well-being of an individual. In some
cultures, it is acceptable to point with an index finger. Handshakes also
show the levels of emotion and confidence of individuals. They are
popular in some cultures. In Muslim cultures, a man cannot shake or touch
the hands of a woman. In Hindu cultures, a man greets a woman by
keeping his hands together like praying.
When it comes to learning how to read body language, the main goal is
trying to determine if the person in front of you is being genuine. Body
language clues are extremely crucial when trying to decipher someone’s
innermost thoughts, personality, and even intentions. In many ways, body
language teaches you to become a human lie detector. Humans can be
great liars, but while we may have been able to trick our minds into saying
words we do not mean, we cannot trick our bodies into executing the lie
perfectly.
Being able to read body language is an excellent skill to have in situations
such as job interviews when you are trying to solve a crime or resolve a
conflict. Being able to see beneath the surface what is going on inside
someone’s mind will help you make better, more informed decisions.
What makes body language so tricky a skill to master is deciphering body
language cues within the right context. For example, when a person
crosses their arms in front of the chest, you could construe that as negative
body language, perhaps an indicator that the person is not happy to be
here. However, depending on the context, it could also mean that the
person feels cold, uncomfortable, or frustrated. Not accounting for a
situation can lead to the misreading of body language cues and a wrong
conclusion.
Most people generally display a few categories of body language:

Dominant: Dominant body language comes into play when

someone wants to be in command. The most standout cue for
this category of body language is standing tall, with their chest
puffed out.
Attentive: This shows someone’s interest and engagement with
the conversation or situation.
Bored: A common representation of this body language is the
lack of eye contact and constant yawning.
Aggressive: An aggressive person will display threatening body
language cues.
Defensive: A defensive person will look as if they are
protecting or withholding information.
Closed off: You can recognize a closed-off person by noticing
if they are shutting you off by crossing their arms and guardedly
standing farther away from you.
Open: This body language is friendly and welcoming.
Emotional: We normally display this body language when we
feel heavily influenced by current feelings and usually have
different moods.

The Power of Body Language

Body language extends beyond more than just the four types. It can also be
divided into positive and negative body language. Positive body language
draws people towards you and creates a sense of belonging and
accomplishment. This includes things such as encouraging smiles, firm
handshakes, making eye contact, facing someone with your body in a
neutral position, and using an encouraging tone of voice.
Negative body language is based on avoidance. It includes turning your
back on someone, not facing them when they speak, looking down, using a
soft and insecure tone of voice, and avoiding eye contact. When someone
uses these body language tells, we begin to assume the worst about that
person. We see them as being dishonest, uninvested, and disinterested.
Knowing these two forms of body language, which would you choose to
look at? In all likelihood, you would prefer seeing positive body language.
We want to feel acknowledged and valued during our communications
with other people. Seeing someone face you, look you in the eye, speak in
a clear tone without hiding their mouth, and have an honest appearance
due to their open posture is very encouraging and ensures that
communication can happen harmoniously and smoothly.
Yet, we often use negative body language when we feel intimidated or
unsure of a situation. Being skilled at using your body language would
help you to achieve more favorable outcomes from your daily interactions
and communications.
According to Guilbeault (2018), the power of body language lies in that it
can help you gain things that you want, such as friends or jobs; however, it
can also make you lose the things you want because of using negative
body language forms. It can cost you your job, friends, and even intimate
relationships. Without even opening our mouths, we can attract or repel
people.
Body language can build trust, which is the key ingredient in all
relationships, whether for work, companionship, or intimacy. Using the
power of body language, you can lead a more productive and successful
life. Hence, it is well worth learning how to recognize body language and
its meaning in others and ourselves.

Characteristics of Body Language

In general, body language manifests an individual's emotions, meaning
another person can perceive it.
First, it is understood that the signal from the body language to the receiver
can be highly complicated. An individual’s body language consists of
multiple body parts moving or not moving together, and all must be taken
into account to interpret the emotion of a specific person. A specific facial
expression taken out of context from the person’s other bodily reactions
will give an incomplete or otherwise misleading analysis of their emotions.
Another characteristic is that the projected emotion from body language is
perceived automatically in a way similar to speech. This characteristic
makes non-verbal interaction spontaneous, as there is often little need to
further interpret what an individual means with their body language.
A third characteristic is that young individuals can acquire and develop
body language very easily and rapidly. Children learn what gestures and
facial expressions mean from their parents, friends, and even strangers
who interact with them. The ease of acquiring knowledge of body
language can make children carry on specific body language into their
maturity.

Deciphering Body Language

To understand and use body language, you have to learn how to read it in
action and view it holistically as an overall picture of what a person is
trying to communicate. If you want to begin controlling your own body
language, you’ll have to understand how it all works together in the field
as well. Somebody crossing their legs away from you could mean they are
shy, it could mean that they are closed off to you, or it could just mean
they need to pee desperately. To be able to read what they are feeling you
need to notice how they use the space around them, group behavioral
actions into clusters (clusters are multiple body language cues placed
together, so if they cross their legs away from you, cross their hands, and
face in a direction away from you, it isn’t looking good!), and to place
them into context.

Actively Listening
If you are looking at somebody’s posture or trying to pick up the micro-
expressions in their face that occur at one-fifth of a second you might be
closer to understanding how they feel, but you might also be ignoring
something more obvious. The whole point of studying body language is to
better understand what people are thinking to build a better connection to
them. The point isn’t to make you paranoid that they are constantly
deceiving you. It’s to make you less paranoid about what they are thinking.

Proxemics
Proxemics is a fancy word used in the body language community to mean
the study of personal space and proximity. You can’t truly read someone’s
body language without noticing where they are concerning you in space.
Someone seems to be paying attention to you, they have open body
language, they are even pointing themselves towards you – so they’re
clearly paying attention to you right? Well, maybe not if they’re on the
other side of the room and not moving any closer towards you.
When it comes to reading other people, certain elements of personal space
are obvious. If someone is close it will mean they are or are trying to be,
more intimate. However, with some people, especially men, there is a
tendency to be territorial and to feel they have more access to your
personal space than you might feel comfortable with. You can use these
cues to determine if someone is being aggressive, friendly, or flirtatious.
By reading the rest of someone’s body language you can see if they are
leaning towards you to be friendly or to be assertive. It is quite risky to try
and invade other people’s personal space to get an advantage over them so
in general try to avoid getting too close to someone unless they invite you
to by touching you or speaking at a lower volume that requires you to lean
in.

Behavioral Clusters
Body language rarely occurs in just one individual body part, so you can’t
simply read each part of the body in isolation. In the body language
community, people’s moods are often said to be telegraphed in clusters of
behavioral actions (body language) that come together to show you the
bigger picture.
There are six universal visual signals: happiness, sadness, surprise, disgust,
anger, and fear. In general, it’s not overly difficult to tell the difference
between positive and negative signals or emotions. We generally know if
someone is down about something – we just can’t always be sure if they
are annoyed, nervous, or sad. Individually, body parts won’t always help
because a lot of these moods can be hidden by avoiding eye contact and
becoming more closed off with their body language. Sometimes, there can
be confusion between, for example, someone that is being submissive and
nervous because they like you or being submissive and nervous because
they fear you.

It All Comes Down to the Baseline

When it comes to reading body language, it often feels like you are trained
to always work with strangers and speak some universal language. But the
truth is that everyone is different and has an individual way of speaking.
When reading other people, you will likely be reading a few of the same
people a lot, so you need to start developing a baseline level for how they
behave. If you know what normal body language is for them, you can
determine when things are out of place.
This is what is known as a baseline. Every environment and person has a
baseline. A baseline is simply what’s normal in a given situation, and it
differs for individuals as it does for environments. For example, the
baseline at a library will usually involve people reading a book, working
on their laptops or the library computers. The baseline at a rock concert
would be loud booming music and people looking at the stage while
dancing like a mad man. If you switched it around and had someone
dancing around like a mad man at a library, and someone in the crowd of a
rock concert reading a book, the person would look out of place.

Types of Body Language

As with all sciences, we humans enjoy classifying things, and the science
of body language is no different. Whether defining the types of body
language according to body parts or the uses of body language, the aim
seems to be to explain body language better and enable people to become
more effective users and persuasive communicators. For the sake of clarity
and simplicity, we prefer to use the classification according to body parts,
as this is easily understood and enables the body language student to focus
on one area at a time when developing their own body language lexicon.
The four body groups or types used in body language are the head,
posture, facial expressions, and hands and legs. This means that we can
analyze each body group in terms of its uses, what these mean, and how
people react to them. The art of persuasion comes in when we become
adept at using all these body groups in unison to present a whole unified
picture that can manipulate the people we interact with. This may sound
devious and utterly deceptive, but it is a skill that salespeople use all the
time, and it should be in your arsenal of communication if you want to be
effective in your dealings with people.
The head is a complex system all in itself, but as a basic body part, we can
consider which way we turn it, nod it, shake it, and move it. But it also
contains all of our facial expressions because it is the canvas for our eyes,
eyebrows, nose, mouth, and even our ears. It’s a busy place, which is why
it is the part that people look at first.
The facial features all speak for themselves, no pun intended.
Genetically, we are predisposed to finding some features as being honest
or dishonest. Being shifty-eyed can already put you on the back foot when
it comes to body language, but that just means that you need to work
harder to overcome that challenge, much like someone with a lisp has to
work harder to be understood.
The direction of our gaze, what we do with our eyebrows while we talk,
and obviously rolling eyes, all add context to our words, whether we mean
to or not. We are usually not even aware that we are doing something with
our faces, despite the proliferation of selfies.
Facial expressions, or the absence thereof, can become a conversation all
in itself. Often you will hear people say that someone gave them a look. It
may be something that can’t even be put into words, but rather a
combination of the face’s activities which leave a bad impression on the
viewer.
As an interesting experiment, video yourself talking to your friends and
focus on your face. For most people, the face is not a dead zone, and there
is a wealth of activity happening there. Watching that video, are you
amazed or surprised by the things that your face is doing? Did you mean to
suck your lips while you wait for a turn to contribute to the conversation?
Do you know that you have a habit of raising one eyebrow when you turn
to someone and wait for them to answer a question? Being aware of the
things we do with our expressions is the first step toward using them more
effectively and avoiding confusion.
 Chapter 2. Manipulative Personalities

According to George Simon, a psychology writer, there are distinct

qualities that define a manipulative person. If someone possesses these
traits, their chances of being successful manipulators are extremely high.
In the same way, if one lacks these traits, one cannot use other people to
get to their selfish goals. I bet this is one of those qualifications we all do
not want!
In Simon’s words, a successful manipulator must:

Have the ability to hide their aggressive nature and intentions

from the public, and more so their potential targets.
Have the ability to identify the vulnerable aspects of their
potential victims to decide which approaches to use for efficient
manipulation.
Have an extraordinary level of ruthlessness in them to enable
them to overcome the qualms that might arise from the harm
they cause on their subjects. Ruthlessness can be emotional or
physical.
As we can see, the first trait that a manipulator needs so they can
successfully influence other people is the ability to cover up their
aggressive intentions and behaviors. Imagine if they went around telling of
their dark secrets and plans, nobody would dare to befriend them for fear
of being manipulated. Due to this, the manipulator develops a camouflage
that hides their thoughts and plans from other people, so they end up
appearing normal. Often, the victim walks into the trap with the least
suspicion and might not realize it initially. The oppressor will come off as
a Good Samaritan, a best friend, or a random person acting sweet. By the
time the target becomes suspicious, the manipulator already has enough
information to successfully coerce them as they please.
Next, the controller must have the skill to observe and determine the
vulnerable traits of their victims. This is a typical application of the
proverb that if you must cut down a tree, you better take your time to
sharpen your ax. From the identified weak points, they can sit down and
decide on the best approach to use to manipulate them and attain their
goals effectively. At times, the manipulator will use observation to identify
the vulnerabilities while in others, they need to interact with their subjects
for a certain period.
The final trait is that ruthlessness must be applied. It would be pointless for
the manipulator to put in the work required in the above steps only to start
worrying about what their victims will feel or what will happen to them. If
they cared about anyone at all, they would not come up with these plans at
all. That said, the manipulator puts all the care behind them and plays
blind to any emotional or physical harm that may occur to the victim. To
them, what matters is that they achieve their end goals.
From these three traits, we can tell why manipulators succeed most of the
time. The amount of planning and trickery that they use is bound to catch
anyone off-guard. Due to this, the subject will not be quick to realize that
they are in the middle of a manipulative process until the effects begin to
show up. They might assume that the oppressor wishes them well, making
them drop all defenses. By the time they come to their senses and want to
get out, they are already stuck.

The Behaviors of Manipulative People

We already know the traits that define a manipulative person. These are
the requirements that one needs to possess before one can be a potential
manipulator. Some traits define a manipulator during the process of
manipulation. In short, what are the behaviors that these people portray
and use to actualize the process of manipulation?
Let us discuss a couple of them:
Reinforcing
In psychology, reinforcement is a stimulus, positive or negative, that
increases or strengthens the probability of a certain outcome. When we
talk of positive reinforcement, it is a tactic that a manipulator will use in
public to pick their subjects. The manipulator will fake some moves such
as loud laughter, random smiles, giving gifts, crocodile tears, excess
apologies, exaggerated praise, and temporary charm, to mention but a few.
Positive reinforcement places the manipulator above random strangers and
draws attention. The point of fake behavior is to make people want to
befriend them. To be honest, if a person offers us a gift or starts a friendly
chat, our minds immediately soften, and we want to return the favor. If we
find an innocent-looking lady crying by herself at the park, we genuinely
want to know how we can help. Unbeknownst to us, some of these people
are out there hunting.
In negative reinforcement, the manipulator will offer to “rescue” the
victim out of a negative situation if they agree to do something in return.
For example, a teacher might offer to grant a student pass grades after they
have failed if the student offers sex in return. This is a tricky situation
because the victim is usually in a fix and at times, the offer by the
manipulator might be their only way out.
There is also intermittent reinforcement. This is a behavior where the
manipulator creates a climate of doubt, hope, and fear. The victim, caught
up in a maze of hope and doubt or fear, falls into a dilemma. Take
gambling at the casino for example. The odds at any game are set that in as
much as the gambler will be losing some money, they will have
intermittent wins in between the losses to blind them. If they take the bait,
they continue playing for extended periods and only realize they have been
on a losing streak when their pockets dry up. In the same way, a
manipulator will throw regular rewards at the victim while manipulating
them so they can keep them long enough until they have achieved their
goals.
Rationalizing
Rationalization is the act of making up excuses to make one appear
innocent. Even if a manipulator were caught red-handed in the act of
negatively influencing others, they would not accept it. Instead, they
would come up with convincing reasons as to why they committed the act.
In most cases, they claim to have been trying to help the victims.
Punishing
Punishing, in this case, is not necessarily the use of a cane to flog
someone. It is a method of control where the manipulator will deploy a set
of behaviors to influence the psychology of a victim. Some of these
punishment tactics include silent treatment, playing the victim, nagging,
yelling, crying, threatening, and sulking, among others. The action aims to
make the victim feel guilty about something they might not have done. If
the victim plays along, they start apologizing, throwing them deep into the
manipulator’s trap.
Minimizing
Minimization is a combination of denial and rationalization. If caught, they
defend themselves by stating that their behavior is not as negative as it
appears. We have all met people who throw bad-tasting jokes at us, only to
claim that they were mere jokes and should be taken lightly.
Explosiveness
Explosive behavior, also known as traumatic one-trial learning, is the act
where the manipulator will throw tantrums at the slightest provocation.
The sudden reactions, which might include verbal abuse and explosive
anger, are meant to discourage the subject from upsetting, confronting, or
contradicting the oppressor. Beneath the skin, the manipulator is playing a
game of dominance, intimidation, and superiority over the victim.
Diverting Issues
When a manipulator is asked a question, especially one that relates to their
conduct, they are excellent at diverting the questions. Instead of giving real
or straight-to-the-point answers, they give confusing responses. They aim
to try and distract the question, especially if it might expose their negative
behavior. In most cases, they will respond vaguely then come up with a
diversion tactic such as introducing another topic, asking a question of
their own, or exploding.
Lying
Manipulators are masters at telling lies. Because their intentions and
actions are generally unpleasant, they know that by being honest, nobody
would fall for them. As such, they come up with lies. The lies that they
fabricate are so accurate that it is usually impossible to tell when they are
false or not. While the truth might ultimately come out, it will usually be
too late for the victim to respond. A manipulator will use any form of lies
to convince their subjects and get their way.
 Chapter 3. Verbal and Non-Verbal
Body Language

Communication, quite simply, is defined as exchanging information that

we do amongst ourselves and other individuals. This exchange of
information can occur in speaking, writing, signs, signals, or behavior.
If you live in this world, you need to relate to others around you. Nobody
can survive without having their needs met, and to have our needs met,
whether we like it or not, requires the help of other individuals to do so.
And therefore, we need to rely on communication to get by.
Communication is a skill that many don’t think twice about, but it is one of
the most important skills you could have at your disposal. If you want to
know what it is like not to be able to communicate or be understood, just
picture a time when you have gone to a foreign country where you do not
speak the local language.

Verbal Communication
Good communication skills make it easier for you to understand other
people it also makes it easier for them to understand you. While some
people are very effective communicators others truly need to work on it.
Taking a look in the mirror and participating in some communication
activities can help you understand how well you communicate with the
people around you. You may be surprised to find that you have some work
to do.
As it sounds, verbal communication is communication with words. This
piece seems obvious, however, did you know that there are four different
types of verbal communication? Most people don’t look at it this closely,
however, it can help us understand what people are trying to say to us.
Each type of verbal communication can give us insight into ourselves, as
well as, others.
The first type is intrapersonal communication. This is the conversation we
have with ourselves internally. While we figure out a difficult problem or
are working out our grocery list, we all spend time in our heads talking.
Intrapersonal communication is very different between people. Some of us
are very good at building ourselves up while others tear themselves apart
with their thoughts.
It is not uncommon for criminals and those that fall into the Dark Triad to
have terrible intrapersonal communication skills. They may feel like they
have a tiny devil inside their brain that always wins over the even smaller
angel. Intrapersonal communication should not be confused with
schizophrenia, that condition is quite different.
The next type of verbal communication is interpersonal communication.
This is the conversation that you have with just one other person.
Sometimes, people handle one on one conversations very well because it is
more personal. In addition to being more personal, it also tends to leave
you a bit more vulnerable. This is because the sole focus of the
conversation is between the two of you.
If someone is trying to manipulate you, it is likely they will try and get you
off on your own. Working against someone one-on-one is always going to
be easier than trying to persuade or manipulate a crowd. On your own, you
need to keep your defenses up. People that are trying to manipulate you
will spend the time to look at your verbal and non-verbal communication
skills. This helps them to pinpoint what they need to do to get you to bend
to their will.
Then there is small-group verbal communication. There will be more than
two people involved here, however, a small group for verbal
communication is not exactly defined. It is some people that can all be
actively involved in the conversation. Think of things like team meetings
at work or press conferences. Everyone is taking their turn to give their
opinions and thoughts.
Small group communication is where most people thrive. It's not nearly as
intense as a one-on-one conversation and it is not as intimidating as
speaking in front of a large crowd. You will still need to pay attention to
your verbal and non-verbal skills when dealing with a small group to
ensure that you are promoting a clear and concise understanding of what
you are saying.
Very charismatic manipulators thrive in this type of conversation. They are
good at getting the attention of the group. In turn, they are good at getting
that group to see things from their point of view. It is more of a game to
them than anything else. Gaining control is all they are looking for and
some do it very successfully.
The last type of verbal communication is public communication. When
dealing with public communication there is, typically, only one speaker.
They will be addressing a larger crowd. Election speeches are a very good
example of this. You need to remember that many people will conduct
themselves differently in public than they do in private. Looking for
drastic changes can clue you into the darker tendencies of verbal
communication.
Conquering the art of good communication is hard. There are a variety of
factors that equal good communication and the words you pick are only
part of it. Most people need to work on their communication skills but be
aware that those that are scheming against you will focus on it.
The way a criminal communicates verbally can make or break their plans.
Being careful with what they say, they can more easily persuade and
manipulate those around them. When you have improved communication
skills it can make it easier to pick up on the tricks others are using around
you.
So, what does it take to communicate effectively in a verbal manner? You
need to be friendly and kind in the things that you say. In addition,
thinking before you speak plays a major role. Those that prattle on without
thinking tend to be looked down on and people tend to stop listening as
they simply never stop talking. If you have this bad habit you will find that
people look at their cell phones more while you are talking, talk with
others around them, or simply go into a trance state until you stop talking.
Your word choice also is a component that needs to be considered.
Thinking about the crowd in front of you or the person you are speaking
with can help you communicate with them effectively. Knowing what their
common languages and the words they typically use can give you clues as
to how you need to handle them. When you consider these types of things
people are more apt to open up to you and tell you what is really going on.
It gives you some common ground with them and makes you more
relatable.
Effective verbal communication also takes confidence. When you are solid
in the things you are saying it shows. Be well prepared with your thoughts
and people will be able to understand you. Giving others time to speak
their piece is also very important in verbal communication. When someone
feels like you don't give them time to talk they start to tune you out. It's
very rude when only one person is talking and other people have things to
say. Obviously, if you are giving a speech the people that are there are not
going to be doing much talking. So, you will need to take your
surroundings into the consideration to figure out how much you should
actually be saying and how much you should be listening.
Sometimes, it is very hard to say exactly what you mean. Being concise in
what you are saying is important. If there is a lot of fluff in your thoughts
it can be confusing to the person listening. This could lead to questions
that do not relate to what you are talking about at all. In addition, telling a
story in a streamed line is important. If you jump from one point to another
it causes a lot of confusion and a lack of Interest. Here again, spending the
time to think about what you want to say before you say it will be
advantageous.
Verbal communication can be really difficult for some people. They may
not be comfortable speaking in public or exactly the opposite and become
increasingly awkward when put into a one-on-one situation. Different
strategies can help you become better at verbal communication, regardless
of what type makes you uncomfortable.
There are various activities that you can try to make yourself a better and
more comfortable verbal communicator. With a few minutes a day, you
can find the tact and confidence to say what you really mean. This can be a
major benefit in life and lead to fewer misunderstandings and drama.

Non-Verbal Communication
Now we need to take a look at non-verbal communication. Have you heard
of the phrase “it’s not what you say it’s how you say it”? There is the true
meaning behind this as, what we say matters, sure, but the non-verbal cues
we give are even more important. It has been said that more than sixty
percent of what you say is in your body language, not your actual words.
Learning about non-verbal communication can help you in a variety of
ways. You will be more perceptive to what people are actually trying to
say. You may also pick up on lies or deceit more easily. Figuring out a
person’s true motivation can become much clearer when you start to pay
attention to what their body is saying.
Paralanguage is part of non-verbal communication. It encompasses a
couple of different areas that can help you communicate more effectively.
The main pieces of it are tone, cadence, and inflection. All of these
elements play a key role in what you are actually saying.
The tone of your voice plays a pretty big role in non-verbal
communication, as well. It can draw a listener in or make them totally tune
out. A voice that is monotone does not have any inflection. Every word
comes out with the same tone and volume. The cadence of a monotone
speaker tends to be slow and steady throughout their words. This can be
very hard to listen to.
When you are talking with someone changing your tone can help to give
them clues as to how you are feeling. It allows for better communication as
we can express our emotions through the tone of our voices. In public
speaking, having a great tone will get you everywhere. Voice inflection is
just as important, and both play a big role in effective verbal
communication.
If you have a flat voice or you notice that people drift off while you are
talking you can practice this. Find your favorite book and practice reading
it aloud with different inflections and tones. This can help you during
regular conversations to get away from the monotone nature of some
voices. You will notice that people around you are more engaged and what
you say matters more than it did before.
 Chapter 4. Intricacies of the Face
Just like body language can say a lot about a person, so can facial
expressions! Technically, facial expressions are an extension of body
language. However, since there are so many of them it is always a good
idea to look at this separately from other forms of body language. Let’s
look at what different facial expressions people are likely to have based on
how they are feeling.

Anxiety
If a person is anxious, their eyes may dampen. They likely won’t cry, but
they may have a glisten to them. Their eyebrows will likely be tightly knit
and their lower lip may tremble. You might notice a slightly wrinkled chin,
as well as a tight mouth. Their face will likely be pointed downward as
they try to avoid looking at what is making them anxious, or anyone else
noticing how they’re feeling.

Fear
Someone afraid will have their eyes wide and they will be pointing
downward. Their mouth will likely be opened, or they will be slightly
frowning. Their eyebrows will be raised, and their chin will be pulled in.
You will also notice the color from their face disappears as they look pale,
and their head will likely be pointing down.

Anger
If a person is angry, their eyes will widen. They will be staring at the
subject of their anger, likely with their eyebrows pressed together toward
the middle of their face. Their forehead will be wrinkled, and you may
even see their nostrils flaring if they are angry enough. Their mouth will be
tightly pursed or it may be open with tight lips as they show their clenched
teeth. Usually, their chin will put forward, and their face will start showing
some red color.

Happiness
Someone happy or content will be smiling. They may have a wide-open
smile, or a small and subtler smile depending on how happy they are in the
moment. They are likely laughing, or they are easier to make laugh than
people experiencing other emotions. They will get crow’s feet on the sides
of their eyes, as this is proof they are genuinely smiling. Their eyes may
look like they have a sparkle to them, and their eyebrows will be subtly
raised. Their head is even and looking forward.

Sadness
Sad people tend to avoid eye contact. For this reason, they are often
looking down. They may be crying, or their eyes may simply be tearful as
if they are about to cry. Their lips will likely be pinched as they are trying
to hold in the emotion, and their head will likely be down or turned away
from the people around them.

Desire
When someone is experiencing the emotion of desire, their eyes widen and
their pupils dilate. Their eyebrows are typically raised slightly, showing
that they are interested in the person in front of them. Their lips will likely
part slightly, or they may be puckered. They may even be smiling,
depending on what is happening at the moment. Their head is usually tilted
forward as though they are trying to get closer to that which they are
feeling desirable for.

Interest
When someone is feeling interested in someone or something, they tend to
have a very consistent gaze ahead of them. Their eyes may even squint as
they show full attention to the subject of their interest. Their eyebrows will
likely be subtly raised, further opening their expression. You may also
notice they have their lips pressed together, and their head is pushed
forward as they try and get closer to the subject of their interest.

Boredom
Bored people tend to look away with expressionless faces. They may
appear as though they are not looking at anything in particular, and yet
they are looking intently. This is because they are deep in thought, trying
to remove themselves from the situation that is boring them. They may
have a slight frown on their face. If they are especially bored, they may
have their head resting on something such as their hand.

Surprise
Surprised people tend to have a very open expression. Their lips may be
slightly parted, their eyebrows are raised, and their eyes are wide. Their
head may even be tilted to the side or backward.

Disgust
People who are feeling disgusted often have their heads turned away from
what is causing their emotions to boil. They likely have flaring nostrils and
their nose twisted up, with a tightly closed mouth. They may even push
their tongue up against the back of their lips. Their chin is usually jutting
forward.

Pity
When someone is feeling pity for someone else, they tend to have a very
soft and sad look. Their eyes are typically soft and focused, and they may
be damp. Their eyebrows might pull together slightly in the middle, and
their head will likely be turned to one side.
Your face is only one small part of your body, but it has a massive impact
on what people will be able to pick up from you. While your face might be
smaller than something like your stomach or the rest of your body as a
whole, it's still an important part that can express a lot of very crucial
signals to the person that you're communicating with. People will often
look at your face more than anything. They want to look in your eyes or at
your mouth and get a better understanding of what you're trying to share.
Let's take a look at all the ways that your facial expressions can share
greater truth about you in yourself.

Importance of Eyes
We say that the eyes are a window into the soul. That's pretty true; our
eyes give a ton of information away about us. Most animals will
communicate through eye contact. Our eyes are the one thing that we use
to see what's around us and how we pick up on different situations. Let's
first discuss what looking up might mean.
How many times have you simply looked up, but somebody else accused
you of rolling your eyes? This can be a sign of discomfort. Our eyes will
look for the things that are the most interesting around us. If you're having
a more challenging conversation and you start to shift your eyes back and
forth. It can indicate to the other person that you are not as interested.
When a person looks up, it can often be because they're only looking for
more information. They're looking around themselves, trying to either
escape the situation by picking up on something to change the subject, or
they're searching their brain for more knowledge to include in this
interaction.
Looking up can also indicate that we might be trying to recall different
types of information. Looking to the left or right could give a signal to the
other person that we are lying. But we are going to cover more on
deception through body language.
The squinting of the eyes means that we might be trying to focus on
something a little more precisely. You'll have to look at the gaze and how
long it might be so that people can better understand what the intention of
that glare might be. Frequently, we are just like kids are like animals
where if we see something shiny or pretty out of the corner of our eyes,
we're going to look. It's just a natural human instinct to want to see things
that are around us. To use positive eye movements on other people, you
can try to notice glances. You might glance at something across the room
that you want them to look at as well. Our eyes do a lot of talking to the
other person without us even realizing it. If you look at something across
the room, then they might be more likely to look at it as well.
Alternatively, think about how somebody else might look across the room,
and then you also look in that same direction. It's merely a way of our
minds thinking that there's something more attractive now than when you
got in the room.
Even subtle glances that are less than a second can be an indication that
somebody is thinking about something else. For example, if you're having
a conversation with somebody and they glance rather quickly right at the
front door, then it could be a sign that they're getting bored and that they
want to leave. They might look at a clock because they're feeling as though
time is passing too slowly. They might glance down with their hands
because they're not interested in what you're talking about and are trying to
distract themselves.
While eye contact is important, remember that too stiff of eye contact can
also mean that they're trying too hard to show you that they're paying
attention. Eye contact is still essential, but it's also difficult for those with
anxiety. They might shift their eyes around simply because they aren't sure
what they want to look at. In the same instance, we can also cover our eyes
when there might be things that we don't want to see. If somebody is
giving you bad news or shocking information, you might cover your eyes
as an indication that you're not interested in seeing the truth of the
situation.
Pay attention to how people use their eyes, but also consider where they're
looking in the context of the location so you can better understand the
intention of their eyes.

Microexpressions
Microexpressions are tiny little features within our face that give us a
better indication of what somebody else might be thinking or wanting to
do. Whether it's a small wrinkle in their forehead or the way that they
move their mouth, we can start to pick up on these tiny microexpressions
to better understand what somebody is really thinking inside their head.
There are seven different emotions that we can pick up through
microexpressions. These include anger, fear, disgust, sadness, content,
happiness, and surprise.
These microexpressions will show people in different ways. However,
there are specific indications that we can use, which will help us better
understand what somebody might be feeling.
Let's first discuss anger. Anger is something that we can pick up on by the
way that a person uses their eyebrows and their mouth.
If eyebrows are pointed down and inwards towards the nose, then this is a
sign of anger. The lower lid might also become raised up and closing over
their eyes, in a way that makes their lives look a little bit more squinted.
They'll often keep their lips sucked in and tight around their mouths.
They might have a frown in the way that their cheeks are tense and their
mouths are pointing downwards. Let's move on then to discuss something
that we do when something might smell bad, or if we simply don't like the
information that somebody is telling us.
We can show disgust in the same kind of way that we do anger in terms of
eyebrow usage. Disgust will often leave the person with their mouth
hanging open a little bit more. They'll have tense cheeks and a wrinkled
nose. Their face is basically recoiling away from the disgusting thing that
they're hearing.
Fear is going to have similar eyebrow movements as well. However,
they'll be raised extremely high and flat.
Even when we receive bad news, we can still sometimes have a smile. The
smile might manifest simply because we're trying to work through that
emotion in our brain. Sadness is like anger turned downwards. You'll have
those arched eyebrows, except they'll be hanging a little bit looser and
closer to your eyes.
A more relaxed cheek is seen in sadness, but the corners of their mouth
will also be turned down. Content is sort of like complacency. You're
satisfied with the moment, but you're not necessarily happy. You feel
comfortable, and you're not really angry or anything like that. Content is
when we keep our mouths flat. You might have one side or the other
raised. Not in a smile just sort of half expression.
This is because we don't have that much emotion at the moment, but we're
trying to show the other person what that emotion might be in our face.

The Influence of Smiles

Fake smiling is frequent because it's a way to make the other person know
that we're okay with what's going on, but we might not necessarily fully be
feeling that emotion.
You can tell somebody is fake smiling by what their eyes look like.
Somebody who is fake smiling is not going to have any wrinkles in their
eyes, and their eyebrows are going to be completely normal. Somebody
who is genuinely smiling will have slightly raised eyebrows and lines in
the corners of their eyes.
While their mouth might look the same, it's the top of their face that you
can use to determine whether somebody’s smile is genuine or not.
Some studies show that smiling can make you look younger, thinner, and
generally like a more exciting person. Those who smile more might
actually live longer. We need to conduct more research to really determine
if this is the truth or if it's just a coincidence. However, some research has
helped us realize that people do tend to have longer lifespans based on
how much more they might be smiling.
When somebody is smiling, and their mouth is slightly open, then you
know that they're thrilled. However, if they're smiling and their mouth is
free, and they are genuinely using their eyes, it could be a sign of fear or
anxiety. They might be feeling comfortable, but they're using a smile to try
to suit the situation. What we have to understand about smiles more than
anything else, is that the other person might not be actually that happy but
they're at least letting us know that they're feeling generally good. A smile
can be a potent tool so you should learn all the ways you can show one.
Practice smiling in the mirror to make it look more genuine. Fake smiling
isn't always the greatest if you're in a personal relationship. However, a
smile can really help in a business and professional setting, it makes
everybody feel better, more relaxed, calmer, and more collected (Selig,
2016).

Head Movements
Your head is one of the most critical parts of your body. It has your brain
inside of it after all. At the same time, our heads can tell us a ton about
how we might be feeling. Notice the way that somebody uses their head
when they're talking to you.
A head turned downwards can be a way of actually protecting your neck
and your chin from getting hurt. It can be a subconscious way of protecting
the jugular to make sure that no outside threat could kill you. This is done
sometimes when we might be angry, sad, or fearful in general as a way of
trying to protect ourselves. Notice the idea that someone is using their eyes
when they might be turning their head down as well. If their head is down
and they're looking up at you, then they might simply just be tired and
want to rest. If their head is down and they're looking from left to right, it
can be a sign of fear. If their head is down and they're looking down, it
might be a sign that they're sad or depressed.
Notice the way that they turn their heads too. Our leaders can tell us a lot
about what is most interesting to us, though we might often turn our entire
bodies towards the thing that is causing intrigue.
A lot of the time, people simply turn their heads towards things that they
are more interested in. It can be a way for us to rotate our ears so that we
can hear better and to direct our focus towards something that's making us
intrigued.
Somebody who's tilting their head from side to side might also be showing
you that they're interested in what you're talking about. They can also be
trying to make you feel more comfortable and using it as a way to be a
little bit more flirtatious. Nodding or shaking is another powerful way that
we use our heads. Those who bow in approval will frequently be in
agreement with what you're saying.
Disapproval is going to be from left to right. Even if somebody is actively
saying, "Yes," they agree out loud, they might still be nodding their head
up and down. It could be a sign of encouragement and that we are still in
approval.
But if it's left to right, then it might be a sign of their true feelings that
they're trying to hide from you again. Consider cluster movements and
notice the head in conjunction with microexpressions. This will give you
the most authentic insight into how somebody might be trying to use their
body.
 Chapter 5. How to Fake Your Body
Language
The next thing that we need to take a look at is how to fake your body
language. Some people feel that faking this kind of thing is impossible.
They know that it is hard to hide a lot of the body signs that you are trying
to show to others. This doesn’t mean that the process is impossible to work
with, but it does take a lot of time and effort to do.
Many people are not aware of the different body languages and non-verbal
language cues that they send out to the world. But this doesn’t mean that
you are not able to fake some of it and get others to think that you feel and
act in a certain way. Keep in mind here that doing this is going to be
difficult sometimes. It is not always as easy as it seems, and you have to be
constantly aware of what you are doing. If you forget to do this and aren’t
paying attention to the different parts of your body language and how they
are working together, you will find that some part of you will betray you,
and you lose the trust in the person you are trying to work with.
The good news here is that with a little bit of practice and some hard
thinking at the same time, you can control the various aspects of your
personality and figure out how to make people see different things with
your body language. Some of the things that you should focus on include:

Eye Contact
The first thing that we are going to focus on when we need to fake our
body language is going to be eye contact. You need to make sure that your
eye contact is on point. This is one of the easiest things to fake, and if you
are messing up with this still in your personal and professional life, then it
means that you are going to have to work on that before you get a chance
to work with some of the others.
Think about the last time you talked with someone who was not able to
maintain eye contact. Whether it was them focusing down all of the time,
them looking at their phone or their watch, or even glancing towards the
door all of the time, it felt like they wanted to look anywhere but at you.
Eventually, it made you feel like you were not important, and you wanted
to stop the conversation and move on, no matter how important the
information was.
Don’t be like this person. You don’t want to make the other person feel
like they are not important. You want them to know that you are interested
in them, that what they have to say is worth your attention. And the best
way to do this is to make sure that your eye contact is good.
There is a nice balance here. You do not want your gaze to be so intense
that you make the other person feel uncomfortable. We all know this kind
of gaze. It includes no blinking and may feel like you are trying to do a
stare-down with the other person. Focus on a gaze that shows that you are
interested, but include some blinking and some emotion in them as well.

Your Arm Movements

Pay attention to the arm movements that you are doing. If you want to be
able to show another person that you are excited and happy about
something, it probably is not a good idea to stand with your arms crossed.
Happiness and excitement are going to include a lot of arm movements
going all of the time. The bigger the movements (within reason, don’t try
to hit the other person with the flailing arms), the more animated you are
going to appear to others as well.
However, if you want to appear like you are calm and collected, or like
you are more withdrawn (there may be times when you want someone to
leave you alone for example), then crossing your arms, or at least keeping
the arms and hands close to the body, may be the right option for your
needs.
So, when you are trying to fake your arm movements as a part of the body
language, the best way to do this is to figure out what mood you want to
portray to the other person. If you want to show that you are animated and
excited, then the arm movements need to be away from the body and nice
and big.

The Smile
It is vital to spend time focusing on the smile that you give off. Many of us
have been trained on how to give a fake smile in any situation, but then
there is a huge difference between a fake smile and a genuine smile. You
may be able to fake it with some people, but often, you need to try and get
a real and genuine smile on your face to impress those around you.
Remember that with a genuine smile, you need to use more than the sides
of the mouth. This one includes the whole face and even some crinkles
around the eyes. This can be done even when faking it, but you need to do
some practice. An excellent way to do this is to spend some time in a
mirror, working on the smile, and trying to get the whole face into it.
Doing a smile in front of the mirror is going to make a big difference. You
can look at how the smile will appear to others, and get a general feel of
how it is going to feel to do this. Then, when you are in front of someone
else using this smile, without the mirror present, you will know how to
make this smile appear for you.

Your Stance
The last thing that we are going to look at is your stance. You need to
make sure that you are picking out the right kind of stance to impress
another person and let them know that you are interested. Of course,
posture is going to be an important part of all of this. You want to stand
upright, rather than to slouch, and you want to make sure that you show off
the confidence that is inside of you.
There is more to this one than just the posture that you use, though. If you
can add a few more things into this, you will find out that it is going to
help you to get some results with how comfortable others are around you.
The first thing to look at is your feet. If you want the other person to think
that you are interested in them and that your whole attention is on them,
then make sure the feet are pointed in the right direction. They need to be
pointed at the person you are talking to, rather than to the side or even
worse, towards the door.
The way that you lean is important as well. If your posture has you leaning
towards the door, or at all away from the other person, then this is going to
give them the thought that you are not interested in them at all. But, if you
are leaning slightly towards them, with your body leaning in, it shows that
you are interested in what they are saying to them.
It is hard to fake the body language that you are doing with another person.
While we often wish to show off a certain kind of appearance to others, it
is going to be tough to do this. You need to be careful about how you do
this. But with some practice, you will become more aware of the different
cues that our bodies are giving off to others, and it is a lot easier for you to
give off the appearance that you would like.
 Chapter 6. Body Language Analysis

Whether at the office or out with close friends, individuals' body language
speaks. When we can "read" these signs, we can utilize them for our
potential benefit. For instance, it can help us understand the total message
of what somebody is attempting to state to us and upgrade our
consciousness of individuals' responses to what we state and do. We can
likewise utilize it to modify our non-verbal communication, so we show up
more sure, captivating, and agreeable.
Whether you're observant of it or not, you're consistently giving and
getting silent signs when cooperating with others. The entirety of your
non-verbal practices—the motions you make, your stance, your manner of
speaking, how much eye-to-eye connection you make—send solid
messages.
When confronted with such blended signs, the audience needs to pick
whether to accept your verbal or non-verbal message. Since non-verbal
communication is a characteristic, oblivious language that communicates
your actual sentiments and expectations, they'll probably pick the non-
verbal message.
Be that as it may, by improving how you comprehend and utilize non-
verbal correspondence, you can communicate what you truly mean,
associate better with others, and assemble more grounded, all the more
remunerating connections.
Monitoring negative non-verbal communication in others can permit you
to get on implicit issues or awful emotions. Thus, we'll feature some
negative non-verbal signs that you should pay special mind to in this
segment. Your non-verbal correspondence prompts—how you tune in,
look, move, and respond—tell the individual you're speaking with whether
you give it a second thought, in case you're honest, and how well you're
tuning in.
Non-verbal communication analysis expands individuals' comprehension
of non-verbal practices to improve their connections and fabricate
certainty, at work and play, by giving direct and relatable methods that can
be utilized each day.
Non-verbal communication analysis centers around perusing others, yet
focusing on the signs you are giving out. It gives you genuine models that
you can apply each day. Envision how much better your cooperation could
be on the off chance you knew about the other 93% of correspondence that
was going on! It has been studied that body language constitutes more than
60% of what we say; so, discovering to read the non-verbal signals others
send out is an important ability. From eye habits to the instructions in
which a person directs their feet, body language discloses what an
individual is believing. Below are beneficial pointers to help you learn
how to check out body movement and better understand the individuals
you interact with.

Study the Eyes

Eye habits can be too telling. When connecting with someone, pay
attention to whether they make straight eye contact or look away. The
inability to make direct eye call can show boredom, disinterest, or perhaps
deceit. If a person looks down, it typically suggests anxiety or
submissiveness.
Eying something can suggest a desire for that point. As an example, if
someone eyes the door, this may show a need to leave. Eying an individual
can indicate a need to speak with them.

Gaze at the Face—Body Movement Touching

Mouth or Grinning
Although people are more likely to manage their facial expressions, you
can still detect essential non-verbal signs if you pay attention. Pay
particular focus to the mouth when attempting to decode non-verbal
actions. A natural smile can be an active motion. Grinning is a vital non-
verbal signal to watch for. There are various sorts of smiles, including real
laughs as well as fake smiles. A genuine smile involves the entire face,
whereas a phony smile just makes use of the mouth. A real smile suggests
that the individual is happy and values the people around them. On the
other hand, a phony smile is indicated to communicate satisfaction or
approval but recommends that the smiler feel something else. A "half-
smile" is an additional typical facial action that only engages one side of
the mouth and indicates sarcasm or unpredictability.

Take Note of Closeness

Pay attention to just how close a person stands or sits alongside you to
figure out if they see you favorably. Standing or being close to somebody
is perhaps among the most useful indicators of connection. On the other
hand, if someone supports or moves away when you move closer, this
could indicate that the link is not mutual.

See if the Other Individual Is Matching You

Mirroring entails resembling various other individual's body language.
When communicating with someone, check to see if the person mirrors
your behavior. For example, if you are resting at a table with someone and
relaxing an elbow joint on the table, wait approximately 10 seconds to see
if the other person does the same. Another normal coordinating motion
includes tasting a beverage simultaneously. If someone imitates your body
development, this is an incredible sign that they are endeavoring to build
up a relationship with you. Have a go at changing your body stance and
check whether the different other individual changes theirs comparably.

Observe the Head Activity

The rate at which a person nods their head whenever you are talking
suggests their perseverance - or lack of. Slow responding shows that the
individual is interested in what you are stating and desires you to continue
talking. Quick nodding indicates the person has heard sufficient and wants
you to end up talking or offer them a turn to speak. Turning the head
sidewards during the discussion can indicate interest in what the other
person is claiming. Turning the head backward can be an indicator of
suspicion or uncertainty.

Look at the Other Individual's Feet

A part of our body where people usually "leak" crucial non-verbal signs is
the feet. People inadvertently connect non-verbal messages through their
feet since they are typically so focused on managing their faces and top
body positioning that crucial clues are revealed utilizing the feet. When
standing or resting, a person will usually direct their feet in the direction
they intend to go. If you notice that a person's feet are addressed in your
instructions, this can be a good sign that they have a popular viewpoint.
This applies to individual communication as well as team communication.
You can inform a lot regarding group dynamics by merely studying
people's body movements, precisely where their feet are pointing.

Expect Hand Signals

Like the feet, the hands leak vital non-verbal signs when looking at body
language. Seek specific hand signals, such as the other individual putting
their hands in their pockets or hand on head. This can show anything from
anxiety to straight-out deception. Subconscious pointing indicated by hand
motions can also speak. When making hand motions, a person will direct
the individual's general instructions. They share an affinity with (these
non-verbal signs are incredibly essential to look for during meetings, and
when engaging in groups). Supporting the head with the hand by relaxing
a joint on the table can suggest that the person is paying attention and is
holding the head still to focus. Sustaining the head with both joints on the
table, on the other hand, can show dullness.

Analyze the Setting of the Arms

If an individual crosses their arms while interacting with you, it is typically
seen as a defensive, blocking motion. It can also suggest anxiousness,
susceptibility, or a closed mind. When somebody positions their hands on
their hips, it is commonly utilized to emphasize guys' importance more
frequently than ladies.
 Chapter 7. Types Of Personalities

Understanding someone’s personality type gives you a good idea of what

their baseline is, as well as what you may be able to expect from them in
various situations. Let’s explore how you can get an idea of what
someone’s personality type is.

Components
What are the components that define or make up a personality? When we
look at the definitions above, you’d think that a person’s personality is
made of components of patterns and traits. While this is correct, it is not
entirely what makes a personality. Some other core components of
personality are:

Consistency: There are a recognizable regularity and order to

the behaviors seen. People generally act or behave in the same
ways no matter what the situation.
Psychological and physiological: While most agree that
personality is a product of psychological form, research also
points to personality being influenced by biological needs and
processes.
Behaviors and actions: Personality also has an immense effect
on what causes us to act, behave, move, and respond in certain
ways
Multiple expressions: When we talk about personality, it
 extends above and beyond behaviors. Personality is also seen in
our feelings, thoughts, social interactions as well as our close
relationships.

Psychology Applications
How personality develops and changes over a person’s lifetime is an
extremely exciting element of life that one can study. This study and the
results gained serves as an important tool to understand the practical
applications of the real world, why people act and behave a certain way,
and what motivates the behaviors and thoughts.
In most cases, to study a person’s personality, personality assessment tests
are usually done to help people understand and learn more about
themselves and their weaknesses, their preferences, and of course, their
strengths. These assessments may focus on how people level on certain
traits on whether they rank high on conscientiousness, extroversion as well
as openness. Some assessments, though, focus on specific aspects of
changes in personality over time, whereas certain assessments are used to
help people determine the kinds of careers that go well with their existing
personality and how they can perform certain job tasks.
How Do They Answer Questions?
One important thing to pay attention to when trying to gauge people’s
personality type is how they answer questions. Extraverts often answer
questions quickly and tend to think out loud. This means that they will
likely verbalize several thoughts before officially giving their final answer.
Alternatively, all of these thoughts may work together to create their
overall answer. Introverts on the other hand are far quieter. They may use
a filler word such as “um” or “uh” while they think about it, but they are
less likely to provide as much information about the thought process.
Instead, they will quietly mull it over in their mind until they have an
answer for you.
Are They Focused on the Past and Present, or the Future?
These people are more concerned about right this minute, and also use the
past to create their overall outlook on life. In other words, they combine
the past and present to create their perception of reality. The other type of
person is known as intuitive. Intuitive types are people who are more
focused on the future. While they are presently living in the moment, they
are likely to be looking for what is coming next, rather than mulling over
what has already happened.
How Do They Consider Others in Decisions?
If you want to know what drives a person, pay attention to how they
consider other people when they are making decisions. People who make
decisions quickly without considering how the outcome will affect others
are known as thinkers. These are people who are more focused on the
logical, rational, and thought-based side of things. They are likely not
intentionally ignorant toward how the outcome affects others. Instead, they
are simply driven by thought. The opposite of this includes those who are
driven by their feelings. These people are more likely to pay attention to
how the outcome will affect both themselves and the other people in their
lives. They want to know what the emotional repercussions will be and
they are very careful to make sure that no one gets hurt as a result of their
actions.
How Do They Adapt to Change?
Some people adapt well to change, others don’t. Knowing this element of a
person’s personality type can greatly help you when it comes to
understanding them as a whole. If a person tends to be open to options and
is willing to look at all different solutions for a problem, they are more
likely to be comfortable with change. They can adapt to any chosen
solution and are typically more interested in choosing the best solution for
the question rather than the best solution for them. The other type, then, is
someone who is not good with change. These people choose the solution
that answers the question and keeps them feeling comfortable in the
solution. They are unlikely to want to change their decision and will
typically defend their solution quite gravely.
Combining the answers to these four questions is the best way to gauge
how a person is in various situations. You will be able to understand and
predict how they are most likely to act under a variety of different
circumstances, making it much easier to understand their personality type.
Remember, everyone has a different placement on the personality
spectrum. Some may be louder and more outgoing than others, whereas
others might be quieter and more reserved. They may, however, share
qualities from opposite ends of the spectrum. The best way to gauge exact
personality type is to look at each person as an individual and build their
baseline with this knowledge.

Different Types of Personalities

There are five personality traits that are the most widely accepted and are
good categories for starting to analyze personality types. These five main
traits are what ultimately make up someone’s personality type. Someone
could be very careful and only a little bit of an extrovert. Another person
could be equal parts agreeable and open. These combinations can go on
forever. This is a simplified way of defining someone’s personality, but it
is a good place to start.
We will now take a deeper look into these five personality traits to learn
more about them.
Agreeableness
Agreeable as a personality trait is a way of defining how kind or warm a
person is. The more agreeable someone is, the more kind and warm they
are. Agreeable people also tend to be described as compassionate, trusting,
helpful, and good. Highly agreeable people are oftentimes very
cooperative, and they are usually nice people to be around.
Conversely, people who are not agreeable at all, or disagreeable, are the
opposites of these characteristics. They are colder towards other people
and uncooperative in a lot of situations. They do not trust others and are
oftentimes suspicious of other people. Disagreeable people are not as
pleasant to be around. These people are often described as being difficult
as well.
Openness
Being open as a personality trait oftentimes means how open someone is to
experiences in general. People who have a high amount of openness in
their personality are adventurous. They enjoy trying new things and
experiences. These kinds of people tend to have a curious nature and like
to explore. They are oftentimes creative and enjoy art as well as vivid
imaginations. People who are open often like variety in their lives. These
kinds of people enjoy the change in their life. Instead of viewing it as a
daunting thing, it is exciting to them.
Oppositely, people who are very low in their openness in their personality
are the exact opposite. These kinds of people do not like trying new things.
They are happy and comfortable with what they know they like. They are
not usually adventurous and not into trying new foods or activities. In
addition to these two extremes, so many people have different levels of
openness that are between these two extremes.
Extroversion
Being an extrovert or an introvert is probably one of the most popular and
well-known personality traits out there. People often describe themselves
as being an extrovert or an introvert, or somewhere in between.
People who have a high level of extroversion are often described as being
social butterflies. Extroverts love to be social. They enjoy being around
and talking to other people. Extroverts draw their energy from the people
they surround themselves with. These people often have high energy, are
assertive, and fun to be around.
On the opposite end of this is the introvert. Introverts are the opposite of
extroverts. Introverts do not like being social. They prefer lots of alone
time. This is because introverts process social interaction differently in
their brains than extroverts do. Being social is much more physically and
mentally draining to an introvert. It requires a lot of work and energy to be
social. Most people think that if someone is an introvert that means that
they are shy. These are not the same thing. If someone is shy, that means
that they have a fear of social interaction. An introvert can have no
problem being social. They usually just prefer to be social in short bursts
of time and with a smaller group of people.
Carefulness
People who are careful, or conscientious, are the kinds of people who are
often described as being organized and responsible. These kinds of people
have a strong sense of duty, and they are focused on being successful and
achieving goals. These people are often very disciplined. Generally, if
someone is careful, they won’t be the type to do a lot of spontaneous
things like jumping on a plane suddenly and going to a new country.
Careful people are generally planners. They are organized and like to plan
out almost everything in their life.
On the opposite end of the spectrum, people who are not as careful or
conscientious are oftentimes spontaneous. These are the kinds of people
who will do big things without planning or a lot of forethought. Sometimes
these kinds of people can be careless, which can be dangerous and not as
good of a characteristic to have but certainly not all of them will be
careless.
Neuroticism
If someone is described as being highly neurotic, that oftentimes means
that they are big worriers. Neurotic people tend to have a lot of anxieties
and worries. These kinds of people are more prone to slipping into anxiety
issues and depression. With these kinds of people, if things are going great
in their lives, they will find something to worry about. Neurotic people can
be big over-thinkers, and it can greatly affect their daily lives.
 Chapter 8. Protecting Yourself From
Manipulation

Dealing With Manipulators

You can come across manipulators in all aspects of your life, both
professional and personal. Whether you want to believe it or not, even
those you love the most and hold dear can be manipulators. You might
have to deal with manipulative partners, manipulative parents, or even
manipulative coworkers. Regardless of the manipulator, you are dealing
with; you can use the tips given in this segment to deal with manipulation
and manipulative people. It isn't always easy, but you must learn to do so.
After all, you are the only one who is responsible for your overall
wellbeing.

Basic Fundamental Rights

A fundamental right is inalienable, and no one can take it away from you.
This is one thing you must keep in mind whenever you come across any
person who is a psychological manipulator. You must not only recognize
your rights but must also prevent the violation of these rights. As long as
you don't harm others, you must stand up for yourself and protect your
rights at all costs. If you knowingly harm someone, you may lose some of
these fundamental rights. Here are a couple of basic human rights you
must be aware of.
You have the right to be treated with dignity and respect.
You are free to express your opinions, feelings, desires, and
wants.
You are free to set your priorities, and no one can force you to
do something.
You don't have to feel guilty when you say "no."
You have the right to set specific boundaries for yourself.
You have the right to have different opinions, and you don't
have to agree with everyone.
You not only have a right, but an obligation to safeguard
yourself mentally, emotionally, and physically.
All these fundamental rights define your boundaries. You must not only
enforce your limitations on others but must also respect them yourself. Of
course, you'll come across people who don't respect your rights. Especially
those who resort to psychological manipulation, strive to deprive others of
their rights so that they can exert control over you. However, keep in mind,
you have the power to decide what you want to do, and you are the only
one in charge of your life.

Maintain Some Distance

A manipulator often puts up a façade for the world to see and doesn't let
their true intentions rise to the surface. A simple way to detect or spot a
manipulator is to see the way they act in front of different people and
various situations. Most of us tend to exhibit social differentiation to a
certain degree; emotional predators and psychological manipulators tend to
dwell on the extreme ends of the spectrum. An emotional manipulator can
be extremely polite one instant and unnervingly hostile the following. If
you notice this kind of behavior from anyone in your circle, maintain your
distance. If you cannot get away from such a person or avoid social
interactions, then limit your interactions. Spend as little time dealing with
such a person as possible. Even being around them will hurt you in ways
you cannot begin to comprehend. You don't have to worry about being
responsible for their feelings. If the manipulator tries to make you feel
guilty for maintaining your distance, it is a part of their manipulative
nature, and you're not obligated to fix them. So, stay away.

No Personalization
A manipulator is continuously going to look for your weaknesses, and
once they understand them, they will exploit them. Therefore, they might
try to make you feel inadequate, doubt your sanity, and question your
judgment. If you experience any of these feelings, then it means the
manipulator has a stronghold over you. Don't ever blame yourself in such
situations because it only increases the power the manipulator has. In such
instances, remind yourself, you are not the problem, and there is nothing
wrong with you. Take a moment to think about the relationship you share
with the manipulator and answer the following questions.
Does this person seem to have unreasonable demands and
expectations from me?
Does this person treat me with the respect I deserve?
Is this relationship well-balanced, or does it only favor them?
Does this relationship make me feel good about myself?
If your answer is in the affirmative, then there is nothing wrong with the
relationship. However, if it isn't, then you are in a relationship with a
manipulator. Your answers to these questions will give insight into the
kind of person you're dealing with. So, stop blaming yourself, and instead
look at the other person.

Probing Questions
A psychological manipulator will inevitably start making requests. These
requests are subtly veiled demands. Often the claims made will be such
that you are required to go out of your way to meet their need. If the claim
you're presented with seems to be unreasonable, it's time to shift the
attention back onto the manipulator by asking a couple of questions. By
doing this, you can judge for yourself whether the person has sufficient
self-awareness to realize the unreasonableness of their demands. Here are
a couple of probing questions you can ask:
Is this a request or a demand?
What will I get if I fulfill this?
Does this sound fair to you?
Does this seem reasonable?
Do you expect me to (restate the demand) do this?
By asking such probing questions, you are placing a mirror in front of the
manipulator to check their true nature and intentions. If the manipulator
has even a little self-awareness, they will quickly withdraw their demand
or even apologize for it. However, it is quite unlikely that an emotional
predator will have any awareness about the unreasonableness of their
request and might expect you to comply regardless. If the manipulator tries
to turn the tables on you and say you are overreacting or are being
unreasonable, steer clear of them. Either way, you have your answer.

Time Is Your Ally

Not only will the manipulator make unreasonable demands but will also
expect an immediate answer. By doing this, they are trying to maximize
the stress placed on you to exert a higher degree of control over you and
on the situation. In such instances, don't play right into the manipulator's
trap and buy yourself some time. A suitable response is, "I will get back to
you soon," or "I will need to think about it." If you don't respond to this
demand immediately, you are preventing them from controlling you. Once
you have sufficient time, and can carefully analyze the situation along with
its pros and cons. If you feel like it is an unreasonable demand, then you
have the right to say "no."
Saying "No"
A lot of people often struggle with saying "no." You must not only be firm
while declining a request but must also do it diplomatically. After all, you
do want to prevent the manipulator from creating an unnecessary scene,
don't you? You have the right to say "no," and don't let anyone take this
away from you. If you allow someone else to control your actions like a
puppeteer, you are giving away your power to choose. You can say "no"
whenever you want to, and you don't have to feel guilty about it. Don't let
the manipulator shame you or make you feel guilty for not complying with
their demands.

Confrontation
An emotional predator, like a manipulator or a narcissist, is essentially a
bully. While dealing with a bully, keep in mind that they are often
targeting those whom they perceive to be weak or soft targets. As long as
you don't take any action, stay compliant, and passive, the bully will
always have some control over you. A lot of bullies put up a facade of
courage and are often cowardly on the inside. So, once a target starts
disobeying them or not complying with their request, bullies tend to back
down. This stands right not just for a bully in school, but also in a personal
or professional environment. If you ever decide to confront a bully, ensure
that you are in a safe and secure environment. Make sure the bully cannot
harm you and if required, opt for public confrontations. Having a couple of
witnesses around you will be quite helpful. If you need help, ask for it and
don't try to do everything by yourself.

Importance of Consequences
You must not only establish certain boundaries but must also set
consequences for the violation of those boundaries. Whenever you feel
like someone is violating your limitations, you must deploy a result. This
is an important skill, especially while dealing with tricky and unscrupulous
individuals.
At times, regardless of all that you do, being around a manipulator can
cause irreparable damage to your overall wellbeing. In such instances, you
might have to sever all ties and run in the opposite direction. If that's what
you need to do for your well-being, then don't hesitate. You owe it to
yourself, and you deserve better than being manipulated. So, don't sell
yourself short and don't subject yourself to manipulative abuse.
 Chapter 9. Manipulation Techniques
It is important to be thorough about the techniques because there are
dozens of techniques that manipulators use. Sometimes, they make up their
own techniques as they go through their job or relationship as it helps them
gain and keep control.

Foot in the Door Technique

The foot in the door technique is probably one of the most well-known
forms of manipulation. It is also considered to be one of the oldest. It dates
back to when people use to go door to door trying to sell their product. Of
course, the salespeople took the phrase a bit more literally than
manipulators. While salespeople would place their foot in front of the door
so the homeowner couldn't close it on them, manipulators take more of a
mental and emotional stance towards this technique.
The first step manipulators use is by asking for a small favor or “breaking
the ice” through a small conversation. This helps the manipulators build a
rapport with their target. For example, if they are trying to find a
significant other, they will find a way to become compatible with their
target. They will then ask the person questions about what they like and
mention they enjoy the same things.
This technique is often how people get to know each other in a social
setting. For example, have you ever been sitting at a club or coffee shop
when someone came up to you and started small talk? They might have
stated it was a busy night or a nice day. You might have agreed in some
way, whether verbally or through your actions. Giving a reaction is letting
the person keep their foot in the door. While you are probably just trying
to be polite, depending on their motive, they see it as a step into your life.

Negative Reinforcement
Master manipulators will often use a tactic called negative reinforcement
to get you to stop doing something they don’t like. This could be anything
from going out with your friends, going back to college, or getting a job.
Typically, they don’t like anything that gives them a loss of control and
threatens their environment.
When you start to do something they don’t like, they will do something
that you don’t like. This is the first step of negative reinforcement. They
will continue to use negative reinforcement, along with other tactics to try
to get you to stop doing what they don’t like. Once they have manipulated
you to stop, they will then stop.
Another way that negative reinforcement works is when the manipulator
starts to do something you don’t like because you won’t do what they want
you to do. To get the manipulator to stop doing what you don’t like, you
have to do what they ask of you, even if you don’t like it.
The main reason negative reinforcement is used is that it makes it more
likely that you will do what they ask of you in the future without
hesitation. This is especially true for manipulators who use any type of
abuse to get you to stop doing something or to listen to them.

The Emotional Triangle

The emotional triangle is similar to a love triangle; however, it is used
against you. The manipulator will use it to get you to do what they want.
They will create a triangle with themselves, you, and a third person who is
not directly involved in your relationship.
The manipulator will not hide the fact that they are interested in the third
person, even if they aren’t in truth. They will flirt with the person in front
of you and even show affection toward the person. Sometimes they will
use certain affections that you like, whether it is rubbing the person’s back
or hugging them.
While it might be obvious, they like the other person, they will deny any
type of affection in a confrontation. They will blame you, telling you that
it is your insecurities and low self-esteem which is making you believe
this.
The main goal of the emotional triangle is you become insecure about your
relationship, which means you will work harder to make your significant
other happy. You will do what they ask, even if you don’t want to or feel
uncomfortable taking on the assignment.

Establishing Similarities
The foot in the door technique can often lead manipulators into another
technique where they establish similarities. For example, the manipulator
might learn through observation or from a friend that you like a certain
coffee shop. Therefore, they will decide to run into you at the coffee shop,
where they discuss how much you both enjoy the location and the coffee.
Manipulators will also mirror your actions. They will notice if you are
putting your elbows on the table and do the same thing. They will notice
your hand gestures and how often you smile. They will then mirror these
actions as well. This is a psychological tactic that reaches into your
subconscious mind. It makes you feel like you can trust the person because
you feel more connected, even if you don’t realize they are mirroring your
actions and behaviors.

Fear-Relief Technique
Fear is a strong emotion and can often cause us to react in extreme ways.
People are typically uncomfortable with fear, which means they will want
to find a way to ease their fears. Because of this, manipulators commonly
use the fear-relief technique as it allows them to gain the trust of their
target by using emotion.
This technique is heavily used by manipulative people who create a fear in
you, so they can give you relief, which makes you more likely to listen to
their requests next time. For example, if you and your significant other
have a disagreement, which makes you leave the house and go for a drive
or to a friend’s house to vent. You come home and your significant other is
gone. You wait a couple of hours and when they still don’t return, you call
their cell phone. They don’t pick up. Another hour later, you try calling
them again but receive their voicemail. At this point, you start to become
anxious about the situation. You have left dozens of text messages and
they don’t answer their phone. You start to worry that something has
happened to them. A couple of hours later they send you a text that says
they are on their way home and everything is fine.
When you confront your significant other as they walk in the door about
what they were doing, they respond that you left, so they could too. They
then tell you that as long as you do something like that to them, they can
do it too.

Manipulators Will Put You on the Defense

Manipulators like to reach into your emotions because they are powerful.
When you react with your emotions, you stop thinking clearly, make
irrational decisions, and have trouble remaining calm. This is how a
manipulator wants you to react because conversations where you think
rationally and are calm, do not go in their favor.
Therefore, manipulators use a tactic where they will put you on the
defense. This means that you will feel like you need to explain yourself.
You have to defend how you feel, who you are, and what you believe. This
is one of the strongest signs of manipulation, but one that people don’t
often notice because it becomes common.
It is important to realize that just because you find you are explaining
something you believe to your significant other, doesn't mean you are in a
manipulative relationship. There are many times in a relationship that you
might find yourself explaining why you support a cause your significant
other doesn’t or why you find something is fun when your partner doesn’t.
In a healthy relationship, you will find yourself explaining your beliefs and
thoughts when your significant other wants to understand you to support
you. You will also ask your significant other to explain themselves so you
can treat them the same way. In a manipulative relationship, your
significant other will always put you on the defense, no matter what your
action was. The only time you might not find yourself on the defense is if
they approve of your behavior.

The Gaslighting Technique

Gaslighting is phrasing the manipulator will repeatedly use to make you
believe a situation you remember is wrong. Some of the most common
phrases include “You can’t be serious,” “I never said that” “You don’t
remember it correctly,” “Are you crazy?” and “You are imagining it.”
While you might feel that you are right, the manipulator will continue to
stand by what they say, believe, or even give you their version of the
situation. They might mix gaslighting with other tactics for you to start
questioning yourself. They will continue to break you down through
gaslighting or simply find a way to end the conversation.
Gaslighting is a very dangerous tactic because it is used to distort your
reality. If it is used enough, you might start to feel that you are crazy, or
you do imagine all these situations. This will mentally and emotionally
break you down even further, which will allow the manipulator to gain the
upper hand as you start to distrust your thoughts, emotions, and abilities.
You start to distrust your reality, making you believe that you are not
seeing what you see, and you do not hear what you hear.

Traumatic One Trial Learning Technique

Manipulators are good at putting on an act. They don’t always mean what
they say or how they feel, but they will get you to believe that they do.
One technique that manipulators use to get you to listen to them better so
they can keep you under control easier is called traumatic one-trial
learning.
When a manipulator uses this technique, they will become angry when
they feel you have done something wrong. For example, if you come home
later than you said you would, your significant other might yell, make you
feel ashamed, or become verbally abusive. They will act in a way they
know will make you fear their anger, so you are less likely to do
something like that again.

Manipulators Will Refuse to Discuss Certain

Topics or Behaviors
For a manipulator, this is often looked at as a defense mechanism. They
will refuse to answer any questions that put them in a bad light or put their
behavior in question. While they will try other tactics, such as excuses,
making you feel guilty, or blaming you, if nothing else works for them
they will directly end the conversation. Of course, if you continue to try to
push them for answers, the way the manipulator will act varies. They could
become violent, which is why people always suggest that you need to
watch their temper and behavior before you continue to push them for
answers. If they are getting to the point where they might physically
assault you, it is time to step away and leave.
 Chapter 10. Victims of Manipulation
Just as predators have several traits, they often all have, so do their targets.
The people that predators choose to target are typically chosen
methodically, seeking out those who are least likely to rebel or try to fight
back from any sort of manipulation. They can identify potential targets at a
glance, needing little more than seconds to pass judgment on whether that
person should be pursued with shocking accuracy. They can tell based on
body language, clothing, situations, interactions, and more, who will be
able to serve them best, and they frequently act upon it. Here are some of
the most common traits people who find themselves victims of
manipulators often have.

Lacking Confidence
Due to lacking confidence, an individual can be quite easy to steamroll.
Looking for body language that marks someone as lacking confidence is a
surefire way for predators to identify an easy target. Those who lack
confidence are not likely to put up any sort of fight, either if you attack
physically or emotionally. In lacking confidence, the predator can be sure
that the individual also requires the ability to defend boundaries or
themselves. When someone comes across as self-confident, they exude an
air of someone not as willing to put up with any sort of manipulation
without a fight. Those with confidence will fight back when they feel
wronged, violated, or hurt, and would have no qualms walking away from
a relationship because they trust their judgment.
By seeking someone lacking confidence, a predator goes after the easiest
possible target to get whatever is desired, whether it is physical affection,
arm candy, money, a home, a sale, a vote, or even just the feeling of
having dominated someone else. The predator can boost their ego by
completely taking over another person’s life and making decisions for the
person. They may want someone around that will always defer to them,
allowing them a position of power, even if it is undeserved or unwarranted.
They may want someone to make them feel better about themselves, and
someone with low self-confidence is likely to do that.
Sometimes, however, predators will go out of their way to identify
someone with higher levels of confidence, as they see it as a game. They
make it a challenge to so thoroughly break someone with high confidence
that the target allows them to dominate the situation. This predator is doing
nothing more than toying with the target and seeks nothing but self-
gratification from doing so.

Have Something Desirable

Sometimes, personality has nothing to do with being targets. Sometimes,
predators go after someone because they have something the predator
wants. Whether it is money, status, a relationship, or anything else, the
predator may choose to go after that person in hopes of getting it by
association. If the person is someone powerful or influential, the predator
may weasel their way into a friendship with the sole intention of pulling
from that person’s influence in the future. By winning what the other
person perceives as a friendship, the manipulator creates an arsenal of
people with a wide range of skills, abilities, and prestige that can be used
when the need arises. If they want a new job, they may be able to get a
friend to pull strings and get them one, for example.
If what they desire is money, they may worm their way into a friendship or
relationship with someone that has a lot of money in an attempt to attract
that kind of lifestyle. If their partner is wealthy, they would likely have a
little issue spending their money. Further, they may feel as though
associating themself with people who have what they want will help them
learn how to achieve what the other people have. Through learning what
people are doing and how they are doing it, they may be able to emulate
those behaviors in hopes of getting what they want.

Caregiver-Type
Some people are more prone to being caregivers than others.
Compassionate people can become easily manipulated because they seek
to believe the best in others and seek to ensure that others’ needs are met
as thoroughly as possible. The caregiver-type person is likely to see the
manipulator and all of their flaws but proceed with a relationship anyway,
believing that all that is needed to remedy the situation is love and
patience. Unfortunately, that resilience to make sure that the manipulator is
cared for and nurtured back to mental health also makes the caregiver an
easy victim as well.
Because the caregiver is willing to take all of that negative behavior as
signs that the manipulator needs more help, they will often completely
overlook the warning signs and endure the manipulation, feeling as though
it will stop eventually. Unfortunately, no amount of love or patience is
going to change who someone is, and they are likely to be disappointed as
the manipulative behaviors continue to grow, eventually beginning to drain
on even the caregiver, whose personality type is prone to patience and
resilience.
This is yet another common target for the manipulator because they can
get away with far worse behavior far quicker than imagined. Because the
manipulator knows that very little done will successfully push the
caregiver away due to the caregiver’s own inherent desire to fix the
manipulator, the parasitic manipulator can continue to draw upon the
caregiver’s goodwill to get anything desired with few repercussions.

Empathetic
Considering that most of the manipulators you will encounter either lack
empathy or know how to turn off their empathy to steel themselves from
other people’s emotional states, it should come as no surprise that they are
naturally drawn toward the empathetic.
Empathy is the ability to sense and understand how someone else is
feeling. It is as if you have taken yourself and placed yourself in the other
person’s shoes, understanding exactly how they feel because you know
how you would feel in their situation. This sense of putting yourself in
someone else’s shoes enables humans to ensure that those within their
family or tribal unit are taken care of. It extends to other people as well,
and those who are particularly empathetic find themselves identifying with
other people. They may see the manipulator and decide that they see a
person who is clearly in dire need of love and attention. They see the
manipulator’s flaws and want to try to fix them because they understand
how lonely or down, they would feel if they lacked confidence, lacked
friends and family, or lacked whatever else it is that they believe the
manipulator may be lacking.
The empathetic individual, like the caregiver, will take more than their fair
share of abuse, justifying it as the manipulator being in a bad situation and
that any rational person who had suffered the same way would behave
similarly. The empathetic target is also far more susceptible to mind games
relating to emotions and guilt trips, and the empathetic nature of the
individual is eventually used as a weapon against themselves.

Dysfunctional Upbringing
People who have grown up in dysfunction have the disadvantage of never
learning what normal, functioning, healthy relationships entail. They
typically associate their upbringing with what is normal and seek to
replicate those sorts of relationships in adulthood. If a child grew up
around parents who fought and argued all the time, with the mother always
giving up what she wanted while the father took endlessly, the newfound
adult is going to attempt to replicate that dynamic in any adult relationship.
Likewise, someone who grew up in dysfunction is not likely to understand
how to set normal or healthy boundaries or how to enforce those
boundaries. They will be easily steamrolled, especially if boundaries being
disrespected were a common theme growing up. This leaves the individual
quite vulnerable, as they have no sense of normalcy and no sense of how
to protect themself within a relationship. They do not understand that
relationships are supposed to be symbiotic, and because of that, they are
far more likely to deal with misbehaviors and abuse from a manipulator.
Knowing this, manipulators look for those who grew up in dysfunction.
They are seen as easy targets. Their lack of boundaries makes them easier
to manipulate, and their lack of confidence or sense of what a healthy
relationship looks like means that the target is not likely to see red flags
when the manipulative behaviors begin cropping up. With red flags
unseen, the manipulation is not seen as a warning sign that the relationship
is unhealthy or should be ended. Particularly if abuse and manipulation
were prevalent in childhood, the target may have a high tolerance for such
behaviors, meaning the predator can escalate quickly and more effectively.

How to Identify Yourself as the Victim of Covert

Manipulation
No one likes being manipulated. When manipulation occurs, you lose your
power and your will. You must do what the other person wants. You often
have no idea what the other person is planning, and you have no say in the
situation. This makes life very difficult, and it can cause you to do things
that you don’t want to do.
Now that you know the secrets to covert manipulation, you also know
what to watch out for. You can reverse the techniques in this book to see
when others are manipulating you. You can also flip these tactics on
people and give them the manipulation that they are trying to run on you.
There are various ways that you can protect yourself against manipulators.

Identify When You Are a Victim

Everyone has a gut instinct that rears up when they are used or misguided.
Your gut instinct is very sound. You will know when you are a victim. The
problem is, a lot of people ignore their instincts. You might ignore yours.
You might think something like, “I'm just paranoid” or “What could go
wrong if I hang out with this person?” You might think that the harm will
be worth the benefits that you could get from knowing this person who
gives you bad vibes. Maybe everyone else likes this guy, do you think that
you are just weird, and you should like them too. Or maybe they can
charm you and convince you that they are not so bad, and over time you
start to get over your initial bad vibes.
But vibes are not something that you should ever ignore. The minute your
gut warns you about someone, listen. Your first impression of someone is
never wrong. If you get a terrible first impression, don’t give the person a
second chance. You know more about someone by just glancing at them
than you would think. The human brain is amazingly powerful; you only
are conscious of roughly ten percent of your mind, so a lot is going on
under the surface that you are not consciously aware of. Your brain is
capable of reading people and determining the future far more than you
realize.
So, when you get that gut feeling, understand that your brain is working
very hard and noticing things that you are not consciously aware of. The
person that you get bad vibes may not be matching their body language to
their words, or they may be acting oddly in ways that you can’t detect
easily. Listen to your gut!
If you are just not in touch with your gut at all, or if you have doubts about
someone, you might want to consider looking at some other signs. You can
identify a manipulator based on their actions and language choices. You
can also tell by how you feel around this person. Various clues point out
who someone is and what their intentions are.

What Makes You Vulnerable

You may wonder why manipulators are attracted to you, especially if you
have had multiple encounters with manipulative types. You may also
wonder what you should change about yourself to avoid running into a
manipulator in the future.
One thing that makes you vulnerable is being accepted to manipulative
treatment and emotional abuse. If you were emotionally abused or
repressed as a child, this type of treatment might seem normal to you. You
don’t know anything else. You don’t know how a healthy relationship is
supposed to feel. So, you accept the terrible treatment that others would
not think of accepting. As a result, you are projecting a sense of
vulnerability that draws manipulators from far away. The minute you
begin to tolerate their treatment and keep them in your life, they gain
power over you and choose to continue using you until they get what they
want. Work on increasing your self-esteem and avoiding familiar patterns.
If you get that eerie sense of déjà vu when you meet someone, you might
want to avoid that person because they are probably reminding you of
previous abusive patterns that you have been in.
Another thing that may make you vulnerable is neediness or weakness. If
you are in a vulnerable time in life, you might be more open to
manipulators. Manipulators can see that you are in need, and they see it as
an opportunity to offer you what you need in exchange for what they want.
They will use any opportunity to gain control over you, and when you are
in a bad period of life, you hand them opportunities. You need to guard
your heart and mind, especially well when you are at a disadvantage. Be
wary of extremely kind strangers or lifesavers. Not all heroes are good
guys. Your heroes may help you, but they may have hidden intentions.
Most people won’t do something for free, so watch out.
You may also be a target for manipulation if you have low self-esteem.
Events in your life or your childhood may have stripped away from your
self-esteem and confidence. You may be emotionally vulnerable. So, you
want people who build up your ego. Manipulators can spot this, and they
will move in on you, working hard to please you and make you smile.
They see a way into your mind through your bruised ego. Try to build your
self-esteem by yourself and work on loving yourself.
Chapter 11. Taking Control of Your Life
If you feel like your life happens without you, it doesn’t have to stay this
way. This will tie in everything we’ve talked about up until now to teach
the reader how to take their power back and become the one who controls
their life instead of it being the other way around.
In order to be in control of your life, you need to feel in control. There can
be a sense of safety to feeling like other people make the decisions for you.
For one, the pressure is off of you, and you are not responsible for when
things go wrong. However, it comes at a price. You will have to watch
others decide your fate. You will never achieve success if you do not stand
in your power.
There are things in life that you cannot control. Things that happen outside
of you and the choices other people are going to make fall into this
category. You will never have control over your life if you do not learn to
recognize the difference between what you can and cannot have any
impact on. The first thing you need to remember here is that the only thing
you truly can control is your actions and your reactions to stimuli.
This is not to say you cannot be provoked or tempted to lose your temper.
When someone says or does something rude to you, it will only be natural
to feel anger. You will have fleeting thoughts of acting out in anger.
However, if your thoughts become a reality and you actually follow
through with your impulses, you must hold yourself accountable for it.
Everything we do is a choice we make. No one can make anyone else react
in a certain way. It will be an empowering moment when you realize you
have the power not to react when someone provoked you.
People who have hacked their minds place themselves in a position of
having control over their lives. People who do not control their lives put
themselves in the passenger’s seat. They allow others to decide what is
going to happen in their life. Everything a person does, they are gaining
something from it. When someone relinquishes control over their life, they
can place the blame on others when something goes wrong. That is one of
the most prominent benefits of playing the role of a victim. If they are let
go from their job, it is because their boss had it out for them from the start.
If they never accomplished a goal they wanted to, someone held them back
(the person they are in a relationship with tends to be the one this
particular bit of blame is placed on). They can still be in a foul mood by
the evening about a minor rude gesture from this morning, such as being
cut off on the way to work. The problem with having this type of mindset
is that you will always be unhappy and feel unfulfilled. Even if you shift
the blame onto others, you will still feel a sense of shame within yourself.
If you want something, you have to hold onto it with both hands. If you
want a music career, you have to create music and put it up somewhere
that people will hear it. If you want to write a book, you need to start
putting words down onto a page. If you want to start a business, you will
need to bring in customers and develop a sellable product. All of these
endeavors will require a lot of time and effort. Anyone famous for
achievements such as these put in such work and had to pick themselves
back up after a lot of rejections.
You must learn how to deal with rejection healthily instead of internalizing
it if you ever hope to be successful. When you are developing your career,
especially in the beginning, you will deal with a lot of rejection. Many
young people today find themselves rejected because they are sending out
job applications every day and either not getting any replies or being met
with letters that tell them their application was declined. If these rejections
are taken personally, the person is at risk for developing what is known as
post-graduation depression. This means they are worried that they will
never find employment or start their future. This anxiety causes them to
want to avoid it. This means they will stop sending out applications or any
other behaviors to seek employment. This is what happens when you
interpret rejection as a personal failure instead of what it is.
When you are rejected by a business or a person, you were just not a good
fit for that particular situation. For example, if you ask someone out on a
date and they turn you down, they are not trying to say you are
undesirable. They are just not romantically interested in you. Your job
application being declined does not mean you aren’t hirable. There are
only a certain number of people they can hire. They had to look through a
lot of resumes and they saw someone whose credentials matched what
type of person they were looking for. This time it was someone else. You
will suffer indefinitely if you internalize rejection because it continues to
happen to everyone throughout life.
This is something else not to lose sight of. Misfortunes happen to
everyone. No one gets what they want all the time. It is an extremely
unhealthy thought pattern to fall into, to start buying into the idea that
everyone else is given everything while you are denied. This will cause
some ill effects. For one, you will likely fall into a state of depression. You
will also come to be resentful of others. You will spend a lot of time angry,
which is not good for any aspect of your health.
While you need to chase the things you want, there is one caveat to this.
There are things you will not obtain no matter how hard you want it, most
often this comes in the form of unrequited love or trying to fit into a
certain social group. It could also be when you are trying to convince a
friend not to decide you know is a bad one, and you can foresee the
consequences it will mean for them. None of these situations are ones you
can change. This is because the power lies with the other person. In order
to have a relationship, both people need to want it. If the other person does
not love you back, it will never be real. If you don’t have someone’s
approval, no amount of effort will gain it. It is an act of taking back your
power to stop trying relentlessly to obtain the impossible.
All have us have looked at a friend or colleague and thought about how
success comes to them. They seem to ooze confidence and make the right
decision, every time. Even if something does not go their way, they seem
to take it in stride. Maybe they even say something like “Well, I can chalk
that up to experience.” They make a mental note of the event and how
things went awry to be dissected later. What you do not see them doing is
hurling negative thoughts onto themselves because this is a derailed that
has nothing to do with attaining their goals.
It is important to visualize your goal to the point that you can really see
yourself accomplishing it. You can consciously change your thought
patterns to suit your path to success. “Don’t sweat the small stuff” is a
commonly known aphorism, but it can be hard to put into practice. To
some, it does not come naturally where there is an inclination to
overanalyze what one does and how one appears in their interactions.
Removing negative thoughts from your mind before they have a chance to
take root can free up a great deal of space in your mind before they have a
chance to impede you on your journey to prosperity. The concept is sort of
like Disk Cleanup on your computer. You can focus on the positive and
tidy up space in your mind.
Along with our negative thoughts, we all have situations that cause stress
for us. Some of those are unavoidable like the line being especially long at
the grocery store or the traffic being particularly congested when it rains.
However, we should also explore ways we can remove frustrations from
our lives that are a matter of choice.
Let’s delve into some situations and, as we do, perhaps you can think of
personal examples. First, there is a restaurant very near your house.
Sometimes when you go, the experience is great; you have a good time
and enjoy yourself. However, there is one particular waitress who is
negative to the extent that their expression is constantly unhappy and even
their voice shows little liveliness and vigor. When you eat your meal in
this type of environment, it is bad for digestion and the mood lingers into
your afternoon. You have a couple of options such as trying to ignore
them, but instead, you can go to another restaurant down the street if you
peer in the window and see them there. Another example could be that you
are playing your favorite video game and someone is typing vile things on
the screen and it is impacting your mood. Most games have a block player
function so you can return to having the pleasurable distraction that your
game was designed to be. Lastly, training your mind away from self-
destructive behaviors such as looking at your ex-partner’s social media is
vital to your path to success. This is an exercise in futility and will create
bad feelings that will contaminate your path to success.
You can literally train your brain to stop obsessing over things that will
cause feelings that will you stress inhibiting you from favorable outcomes.
When stopping one behavior, it’s important to replace it with something
else that is better for you. Writing down goals you want to achieve is an
important step to making them a reality. The fact that you have begun to
remove negative thoughts from your mind, staying away from situations
that cause anxiety which will rip thoughts of your goals from your mind,
and moved on to positive thoughts will leave you energized. Your mind is
clear and your thoughts are calm. Meditate on your goals and visualize
yourself doing the steps that will take you to them. Is your goal to learn
another language? Visualize yourself purchasing a book and signing up for
a class. See yourself making flashcards for yourself so you can quiz
yourself on your vocabulary words. You have questions and the instructor
assigns some of them to you. Envision that you decide to do all the
questions because you want to get more practice and learn more. As you
think deeply about this goal, you can make decisions such as assigning
yourself moments where you will find someone to practice with and/or
begin to think in your new language, perhaps for an entire afternoon.
With your freed-up “disk space,” your brain is working faster, thinking
ahead about your goals. You are giving yourself positive affirmations so
you are no long defeating yourself before you even set out to accomplish
your goals. You are making plans that will take you closer to your goals.
 Chapter 12. Golden Rules for Analyzing
People
It is so easy to get things wrong when analyzing people. What you see, the
non-verbal cues might mean and translate differently from what you think.
Reading body language is more than the basic gestures. To avoid making
wrong assumptions, these three golden rules will help mold your skills.

Don’t Read Individual Gestures

Here’s one of the first mistakes you can make when analyzing people. It is
often wrong to analyze gestures individually. Most times, individual
gestures usually have no meaning and are inconsequential to the overall
body language of the person you want to analyze.
Like verbal languages, body languages come with all the rudiments of
grammar—words, punctuation, and sentences. Each gesture is like a word,
and as we all know, a word can have a myriad of definitions. For example,
scratching the head comes with lots of meaning—dandruff, forgetfulness,
lying, or just a childhood habit. Perhaps the subject’s mother may have
patted their head a lot during childhood, and the habit stuck as they grew
up.
Therefore, it is only until you put the individual gestures (words) into
clusters (sentences), that you will reveal the truth about the person’s
feelings. Never forget that you need to have a cluster of body language
before you can accurately analyze people.
Let’s examine a body language cluster of someone interested in what you
are saying to support our point on clusters. Imagine you are sitting across
an interviewer whose body language exhibits the hand-to-face gesture.
This body language involves sitting with your legs crossed (defensive
position), your index finger pointing up the cheeks, your thumbs
supporting the chin, and another finger covering the mouth.
When you combine these individual gestures to form a body language
cluster, you can safely conclude that the interviewer doesn’t like what they
are hearing. What’s more? The cross-legged position shows that they are
holding back negative feelings. At this point, you should know that there’s
little chance of winning over the person.

Search for Harmony

Do you remember the phrase “Actions speak louder than words?” Yes,
your actions speak about ten times louder than your words. Therefore,
when your body language is not consistent with what you say, conscious
people, are likely to spot the discrepancy.
Let’s go back to the example in the first rule. If you were to ask the
interviewer to give an opinion on what you said earlier and they replied
that they disagreed with you, their body language will correlate with their
verbal statement. In other words, their body language is in harmony with
their verbal sentences. However, if they said they agreed with what you
said, there’s a high chance that they’re lying since their body language is
not in harmony with their words. And that is one of the steps in detecting a
lie.
Why don’t we look at another scenario before we proceed to the next rule?
Suppose a speaker is standing on a stage, speaking confidently with their
arms crossed (defensive position) and their chin pointing toward their
chest (hostile position). In this position, if the speaker is telling us about
how open and receptive, they are to new ideas, would you believe them?
What if they try to assure you of their caring and gentle nature with their
fists clenched and repeatedly hitting the lectern? By observing the
disharmony between their verbal sentences and their body language, you
will detect that they are insincere.

Read Gestures in Context

What would you think of when you see someone sitting at a park with their
chin down, and legs and arms crossed? You might probably say they are
being defensive and being insincere. Well, congrats, since you now
understand how to read body language clusters.
But wait a minute! Before we put the final stamp on your conclusions, why
don’t you observe the environment's gestures? What if it was a cold and
windy day and the subject was trying to shield themself from the
elements? So, when you take the environment and circumstance into
consideration, you will create an accurate analysis of people. What if the
subject assumed the same position in a library? Then you can safely
assume that the subject is being defensive.

Recognize and Decipher Quirky Non-Verbal Cues

There are universal body languages that are not specific to a group of
people. These universal signals are easy to detect and analyze. You should
know that there is a second type of non-verbal signal that’s limited to an
individual. This is referred to as a quirky non-verbal cue.
Mind you, these less popular signals are hard to detect and are often
associated with behavioral patterns formed out of habit. To detect quirky
non-verbal cues, you have to search for behavioral patterns in the people
you interact with frequently. It’s hard to detect these with those you are
meeting for the first time. The more you interact with someone, the better
your chances of discovering that behavioral pattern upon which you would
base your analysis.
For instance, if a colleague always scratches their nose and bites their lips
before going into your boss’s office, it might be a reliable quirky non-
verbal cue that speaks of their nervousness. Undoubtedly, these non-verbal
cues have become their gestures to show how nervous or flustered they
are.

Try to Establish Baseline Behaviors

Establishing a base behavior is a critical rule in analyzing people. When
you interact with people in your workplace, parties, hangouts, or family
gatherings, try to grip on their baseline behavior. In simpler terms, try to
understand their normal phase—how they act without any pressure or
external stimuli.
Start by studying their normal sitting posture, their feet' usual position,
their common facial expression, their posture, and the tilt of their head,
where they place their personal belongings, and so many other non-verbal
tics. Mind you, this is not for you to start acting all creepy around those
you interact with, or else they will tense up around you.
The goal is to know how to differentiate their “normal” face and stressed-
out face. This rule is not limited to those you are familiar with; you can
also apply it to strangers. At the start of your interaction, you should note
the “starting point.” Establishing a “starting point” or baseline will help
you gauge if the person has deviated from it.

Study Behavioral Changes that Could Lead a

Change in Decision
Let’s paint a scenario: You have been working on a deal for quite a long
time, and you’ve finally gotten the invite to pitch your ideas to a
company’s executive. A few minutes into the meeting, you start receiving
positive vibes from the executive. “This is already a success,” you tell
yourself. However, the boss receives a call just before they make their
final decision. While on the call, you noticed a difference in their mood.
You observed a change in their body language from being receptive to the
defensive. At this point, the signal you are getting from the company
executive is called an intention cue. These are signals that reveal what a
person is about to do, and it gives the observer the time to act fast.

Watch Out for Misleading Non-Verbal Clues

You will undoubtedly come across fake or misleading non-verbal clues in
the course of analyzing people—it’s unavoidable. It takes a lot of
experience and practice to differentiate between real non-verbal clues and
counterfeits.
Veteran readers can also fail to spot the difference between the two.
Therefore, you need to carefully observe before making your judgments.

Distinguish Between Comfort and Discomfort

Let’s face it, there are many non-verbal signs to watch out for. The list is
endless, and it might lead to confusion if you try to actively look for them
all. Therefore, I’ve created a trick for you to easily detect and understand
the non-verbal language you are dealing with.
When in doubt in evaluating a body language signal, all you have to do is
ask yourself if it looks like a comfort behavior, such as happiness or
contentment, or if it looks like a discomfort behavior, such as unhappiness,
stress, anxiety, or disappointment. In most instances, you will be able to
place non-verbal signals into these two main categories.

Don’t Act Like a Creep When Analyzing People

Non-verbal language enables you to assess people and decode their
emotions accurately. One thing you should avoid is making it noticeable
that you are observing people. Observe with subtlety.
Most folks tend to stare at people when they first try to read on their
emotions and thoughts. Analyzing people aims to analyze them
unobtrusively because people tend to clam up and restrict their body
language when they notice an intense stare. So, work on perfecting your
observation skills, and you can get to that point where your efforts will be
subtle and successful. Remember, it’s all about persistence and practice.

So Why Do You Misread?

Remember, it is possible to make mistakes when you read people. Many
body language books teach you that someone has a weak character if they
have a weak or limp handshake. But ask yourself this: what if the person is
suffering from arthritis or any ailment that might affect their hand grip?
What about artists, sculptors, surgeons, and therapists who rely on their
hands' perfect condition to get their work done? These people might prefer
giving you a weak handshake to prevent unnecessary damage to their
hands.
When it comes to analyzing people, there are many factors involved that
people might often overlook in a bid to act as the next Sherlock Holmes.
Tight-fitting clothes might restrict some people’s ability to exhibit certain
body language. For instance, ladies with short skirts often have to keep
their legs closed, making them less approachable. Although these
circumstances only apply to a minority, it is important to consider the
effects of a person’s physical restrictions on their body language.
So, if it is possible to misread body language, can people also fake it? This
is where I set the facts straight; you can’t fake body language. Your body
will always betray you to the trained eye. A trained body language analyst
can detect disharmony between your spoken words, main body signals,
and micro signals. You just can’t fake the micro signals. These are the
involuntary signals that you give off unknowingly. For example, if
someone tells you a lie with a smile on their face while holding their palms
out, their micro-body signals will give them away. Their mouth may
twitch, or the corners of their eyebrows may lift, which contradicts the
message they’re trying to pass across.
 Chapter 13. Detecting Lying and
Deception
Notably, each one of us would like to easily determine deception at any
level such as personal, social, and organizational levels but it is not that
easy. Some professions that rely wholly on determining the truth in
personal and social contexts such as law agencies, health agencies, and
media agencies invest heavily in determining the truth value of their
productions, but they fairly fail despite having immense resources.
There is only one reliable way to determine lying and deception, and that
is establishing a baseline for the target individual and comparing against
this baseline as well as doing an adequate prior investigation before
confronting the person. Unfortunately, creating a baseline for each and
conducting relevant background study is not always assured due to the
time factor and resource constraints and this implies that a speedy analysis
of body language and verbal communication can help determine a
likelihood of a truth or a lie.

Verbal Hints of a Liar

Liars Tend to Respond to Questions That Were Not Asked
If a person is lying, then they want to cover as much ground as possible,
and this includes answering questions that were not posed. By answering
questions that were not asked, the individual is prompting the speaker in a
particular direction and does not want to be caught off guard. Answering
questions that are not asked may also give the individual lying an
opportunity to deny the speaker adequate time to analyze the answers
given by continuously bombarding the interrogator with new information
and ideas. Lastly, answering questions that were not asked also helps the
layperson to appear well prepared and knowledgeable in what is being
asked.
Liars Tend to Answer a Question With a Question
Expectedly, most liars will respond to a question with another question to
shift the burden of thinking and responding to the interrogator. Most
politicians employ this tactic when being interviewed, and it is meant to
buy them enough time to recall information to the main question. For most
liars, not responding is akin to affirming that they lack memory of what is
being asked or what happened. The other purpose of responding to a
question with another question is to irritate the interrogator and derail their
composure. Responding to a question with a question is a defensive tactic
indicating attempts to hide something.
Most Liars Tend to Make Self-Corrections to Avoid Sounding
Uncertain
As indicated, most liars want to ensure that each area is covered to
eliminate any doubts because allowing room for doubt may expose them.
For this reason, most liars tend to self-correct to ensure the information
given is irrefutable. In most cases, liars will repeat the correction to ensure
that the interrogator and the audience also capture the self-correction. As
expected, the liar will blame the need to self-correct on a slip of the tongue
or the fast nature of the interview. Another reason for self-correction by a
liar is that the individual has a premeditated script and outcome and keeps
forcing everything to align with the premeditated picture.
Liars Tend to Feign Memory Loss
As expected, most liars need a safe escape button when cornered, and
feigning memory loss is a favorite excuse for most liars. When a liar is
cornered, then they will cite memory loss and later institute self-correction
to attain the preformed script. Try watching interviews with politicians to
appreciate how they feign memory loss to escape explaining something
and pretend to have recalled the information when there is an opportunity
to sound believable.
Most Liars Tend to Report What They Did Not Do as Opposed to
What They Did
People that lie will give an account of what they did not do to avoid being
held accountable. If a liar dwelled on what they did, then the individual
can be held accountable, and this is not something that a liar wants.
However, if a liar dwells on what they should have done, they have a large
degree of freedom to give any answer and avoid scrutiny. Again, try
watching a recorded or filed interview with any politician to appreciate
how this technique is employed.
Liars Tend to Justify Their Actions Even When Not Necessary
Expectedly, most liars are insecure and are uncertain that they sound
convincing. For this reason, they over-justify everything because they feel
that no one believes them even when people have fallen for the lies. When
examining a potential liar, look for signs of unnecessary justification, and
again, politicians will provide a good case study of over-justification.
Most Liars Avoid Mentioning Emotional Feelings in Their Version of
Events
Since a liar is faking everything, they will avoid mentioning feelings that
were associated with what is being reported. Mentioning emotions may
force one to show them. For instance, if you were talking about an exciting
event that you witnessed, then your facial expressions and voice should
manifest positive emotions, and this is not something a liar wants because
they are not assured of the consistency of verbal communication and body
language.
Most Liars Are Careful, and Will Insist on a Question to Be Repeated
Finally, liars focus more on what is being asked because they only want to
accept a question that they are certain of responding to. Liars dwell more
on what the question is and what the interrogator wants to help them
generate convincing information. The other role of wanting questions
repeated is to help the liar elicit a response by making up one because
there is none.

Non-Verbal Hints of a Liar

Liars Randomly Throw Gestures
Hand gestures are among the best indicator of positive and negative
emotions and are difficult to fake in a consistent manner. If one is angry
but is pretending to be calm, they will throw gestures randomly. Most liars
get irritated when taken to the task of what they just said and are likely to
throw random gestures in the air even as they try to sound calm.
Against the Norm, Liars Speak Faster than Usual
People that normally do not speak fast will suddenly speak fast when they
are lying. Speaking fast helps, the person denies the audience adequate
time to listen and analyze the information. Speaking fast also allows the
liar to exhaust all of the rehearsed information, as any interjection will
throw the liar off balance. Speaking fast also indicates that the person is
uncomfortable with the audience or the message and wants to finish fast
and end the experience.
Liars Sweat More Than Usual
People sweat, and it is normal. However, more than normal levels of
sweating even when the weather is fine may indicate that one is panicking
and feeling cornered. All these may indicate a sign of a liar.
Liars Avoid Eye Contact
Most liars shun eye contact or give a sustained stare to intimidate the
target person. Shunning eye contact indicates that the person feels
awkward or embarrassed about what they are presenting to the audience.
Pacing Up and Down
If one paces up and down more than necessary, then the individual is likely
lying. All these indicate feeling uncomfortable with the message and the
audience.
 Chapter 14. How to Spot Insecurity
When someone is behaving irrationally, you have to remind yourself that
this could be because they are acting out of a certain emotion. It could also
be because their insecurity is behind this false sense of bravado. When you
notice this, you will more likely procure a sense of empathy for these
people who act arrogantly or rudely because what they are trying to do is
covering their insecurity.
Their insecurity can be about anything—looks, power, money, smartness,
getting better grades, and so on—and most of these insecurities creep out
from a sense of material value. Sometimes, insecurity can be justified—but
most of the time, it is not. Insecurity manifests differently, and it can range
from the inability to accept that they’ve done a great job or accept a
compliment to as far as not wanting to wear a swimsuit to the beach.

Factors Determining Good and Bad

None of these traits helps us to behave virtuously. There is a fine line
between being insecure and being a brat. Here are some identifying factors
that can help you separate the good and the bad:
1. Self-Kindness Is Not Self-Judgment
Compassion towards someone insecure is understanding and being warm
to them when they fail, when they suffer or when they feel inadequate. We
should not be ignoring these emotions or criticizing them. People who
have compassion understand that being human comes with imperfections
and failing is part of the human experience. There will inevitably be no
failure when we attempt something because failure is part of learning and
progress. Having compassion is also being kind with yourself when
challenged with painful experiences rather than getting angry at everything
and anything that falls short of your goals and ideals.
Things cannot be exactly how they should be or are supposed to be or how
we dream it to be. There will be changes and when we accept this with
kindness and sympathy and understanding, we experience greater
emotional equanimity.
2. Common Humanity and Not Isolation
It is a common human emotion to feel frustrated especially when things do
not go the way we envision them to be. When this happens, frustration is
usually accompanied by irrational isolation, making us feel that we are the
only person on earth going through this or making dumb mistakes like this.
News flash—all humans suffer, all of us go through different kinds of
suffering. Compassion involves recognizing that we all suffer and all of us
have personal inadequacies. It does not happen to “me” or “I” alone.
3. Mindfulness Is Not Over-Identification
Compassion needs us to be balanced with our approach so that our
negative emotions are neither exaggerated nor suppressed. This balancing
act comes out from the process of relating our personal experiences with
that of the suffering of others. This puts the situation we are going through
into a larger perspective.
We need to keep mindful awareness to observe our negative thoughts and
emotions with clarity and openness. Having a mindful approach is non-
judgmental and it is a state of mindful reception that enables us to observe
our feelings and thoughts without denying them or suppressing them.
There is no way that we can ignore our pain and feel compassion at the
same time. By having mindfulness, we also prevent over-identification of
our thoughts and feelings.

Discovering Compassion
You’re so dumb! You don’t belong here loser! Those jeans make you look
like a fat cow! You can’t sit with us! It’s safe to say we’ve all heard some
kind of rude, unwanted comments either directly or indirectly aimed at us.
Would you talk like this to a friend? Again, the answer is a big no.
Believe it or not, it is a lot easier and natural for us to be kind and nice to
people than to be mean and rude to them whether it is a stranger or
someone we care about. When someone we care about is hurt or is going
through a rough time, we console them and say it is ok to fail. We support
them when they feel bad about themselves and we comfort them to make
them feel better or just to give them a shoulder to cry on.
We are all good at being understanding and compassionate and kind to
others. How often do we offer this same kindness and compassion to
ourselves? Research on self-compassion shows that those who are
compassionate are less likely to be anxious, depressed, or stressed and
more resilient, happy, and optimistic. In other words, they have better
mental health.

Identifying Someone With Insecurity

When we can identify when a person is acting out of insecurity can enable
us to protect ourselves from engaging in a mindless power play and feel
insecure ourselves. Insecure people tend to spread their negativity and self-
doubt to others as well and here is how you can identify them and decide
whether to show compassion or show them the exit:
1. People Who Are Insecure Try to Make You Feel Insecure Yourself
You start questioning your ability and self-worth and this happens when
you are around a specific person. This individual can manipulate you and
talk about their strengths and how they are good in this and that and in a
way try to put you down. They project their insecurities on you.
2. Insecure People Need to Showcase Their Accomplishments
Inferiority is at the very core of their behavior and for people like this,
compassion to tell them that they are not what they think in their heads is
just a waste of your time. They feel insecure and hide it, talk about their
accomplishments, not in a good way but constantly brag about their
amazing lifestyle, wonderful shoes, huge cars, and elite education. All of
this is done to convince themselves that they do have it all and you have
none.
3. People Who Are Insecure Drop the "Humblebrag" Far Too Much
The humblebrag is essentially a brag that is disguised as a self-derogatory
statement. In this social media age, you can see plenty of humblebrags
who complain about their first-world problems such as all the travel they
need to do or the amount of time they spend watching their kids play and
win games, or even the person who complains about having a tiny pimple
when the rest of their face looks flawless. Social media is ripe with people
who are narcissistic and this is not worth your time. Do not feel any less
just because someone shows off how much traveling, they need to do.
4. People Who Are Insecure Frequently Complain That Things Aren't
Good Enough
They like showing off the high standards that they have and while you
may label them as snobs, it might be a harder feeling to shake off because
you might be thinking that they are better than you although you know that
it is all an act. They proclaim their high standards to assert that they are
doing better than everyone else and make you feel less of yourself and
miserable. Pay no attention to people like this.
It does make sense that people who have better self-esteem and
compassion if you are happier and optimistic about their future without
having to worry about what insecure people have to say. When we
continuously criticize ourselves and berate ourselves because we think
other people are winning at life, we feel incompetent, worthless, and
insecure about ourselves, which these people want us to feel. This
negativity cycle is vicious and will continue to self-sabotage us, and
sometimes, we end up self-harming ourselves.
But when our positive inner voice triumphs and plays the supportive
friend's role, we create a sense of safety and accept ourselves enough to
see a better and clear vision. We then work towards making the required
changes for us to be healthier and happier. But if we do not do this, we are
working ourselves towards a downward spiral of chaos, unhappiness, and
stress.
 Chapter 15. How to Spot Romantic
Interest?
If we had the definite guide to spot a romantic interest, Tinder would go
broke. That said, it is not hard to identify the telltale signs if someone is
interested in you. Granted that some people are oblivious to it—but if you
do focus, you will realize if that person is indeed romantically interested in
you or if they are just flirtatious.
Usually, that special someone starts with a casual acquaintance, which
leads to friendship—and before you know it, you look at this friend in a
different light and keep thinking about them. Do they feel the same way
you feel? Identifying if someone is interested in you romantically requires
the careful and skillful interpretation of signals and actions.

Ways to Figure Out if Someone Is Romantically

Interested
Here are 15 ways to figure out if someone is romantically interested in you
or if they are just flirting for the thrill of it:
1. Their Conversations With You
Conversations, meaningful ones are ways a person shows a deeper interest
in you and what you do. Do they keep asking you questions in an attempt
to keep the conversation going? Pay attention to the questions they ask
because it can tell you if they are genuinely showing interest in the things
you do and like. A good and long conversation about your likes, dislikes,
favorite music, and so on is a classic sign of someone genuinely liking you
and your company. If you are enjoying the conversation and the other
person is engaging in it without looking bored or yawning, this is a sign
that both parties are equally interested in each other.
2. They Keep Bumping Into You
Call it fate, but this can also be a sign that they like you, and they are
engineering any possible opportunities to meet you. This is sweet but also
can be creepy if it becomes too much like stalking. If you feel that this
person is following you or you suddenly feel uncomfortable, listen to your
gut feeling and make a report. Stalking is serious and dangerous. However,
if it is bumping into you happens to be at places like the cafeteria or the
lunchroom or neighborhood coffee place and not specific places like your
gym that you’ve been going to for years, your house, or anyway specific
and private – make a complaint.
3. They Discuss Future Plans
Another sign that someone could be romantically interested in you is to
plan for more dates or start talking about the near future because they see
you in it. It isn’t about plans of getting married or buying a house but
merely simple things like a concert in your area that they’d like to take you
to or even a friend’s party in a week that they’d like you to come with.
They have these upcoming events, and they’d like you to be part of it.
4. Five More Minutes
If someone is interested in you, chances are they would like to spend a few
more minutes longer with you. They don’t mind adjusting their schedule
so that they can spend an extra five more minutes talking to you or even
spend that extra 5 minutes on the phone so that they can continue talking
to you. The fact that they do this is also an indication that they have
romantic feelings for you.
5. Reasons to Spend Time Together
" I’m in the area—want to grab a bite? " or " Oh, you have a cold? I can
make a bowl of mean chicken soup—I’ll bring it over " or even " What
are you doing right now? Want to have dinner together? " Make no
mistake that these could be that the person likes spending time with you
simply because you are a cool person to hang out with, but if these reasons
keep piling up and it only involves just the two of you, it is probably a big
sign that this person likes you.
6. Observe Their Body Language
If someone likes you, they mirror your body language and your
movements. They sit in closer, they lean in, they smile when you smile,
they find ways to touch you (not in a creepy way) like brushing against
your shoulder, putting a strand of your hair behind your ear – all these are
classic flirtation signs and if you are uncomfortable, say so. Still, if you are
enjoying it, this person is clearly into you.
7. The Compliments Are Mountainous
Complimenting someone excessively can be a sign of ass-kissing or just
trying to be nice. But if this person compliments you. Sincerely, it could be
that they are interested in you. Look out for verbal cues such as
complimenting your fashion choice or the way you style your hair. It could
be that they are just friends, but their dropping compliments every time
you meet is a big sign of them being interested in you.
8. They Remember the Little Things
The closer you get to know someone—the more information you divulge
to them. Your romantic interest will pick up many interesting things about
you and save them in their long-term memory. These things can be your
favorite color, your favorite ice cream flavor, the first movie you watched
together, where you first met – all of this is an indication that this person is
genuinely interested in you.
9. Conversation Starters
Some people are shy and are not big talkers, so while this is something to
take note of, you cannot be the only one initiating contact all the time. If
someone is willing to connect despite being shy, that means they want to
talk to you. Having one-way initiations for everything is a definite no that
the other person doesn’t like you and does not see the need to spend the
time to talk or even meet you, but if they initiate contact as much as you
do, that is a sure sign that they are into you.
10. Other People Are Off-Limits
Take note of when a person talks about someone else—do they talk a lot
about other girls or guys when they are with you? Or is the conversation
focused on just you and your person? What a person says in a conversation
and how they refer to other people in their social circle can give you real
clues into whether they are romantically interested in you. Talking about
going on a date with a girl or guy is not a good indication that this person
likes you.
Trusting your feelings and your intuitions in all these possible scenarios
above is the best bet. Remember that different people do different things to
show someone they care or are interested in them. Cultural values,
upbringing, and societal norms also play a big part in identifying these
signs, so nothing is set in stone. All the signs described above are a good
telling sign that a person is interested in you, especially if they like
spending more time with you. Even if you are not sure, you can exhibit
signs that you are interested in having an idea and being on the safest side,
telling someone you like them. You’d like to get to know them better and
even start dating is the best way forward to prevent any miscommunication
or misunderstanding between two people.
Of course, the game of love is not as straightforward and as simple as it is.
It takes a little bit of dating experience to figure out if someone is into you
or not, or you can just do the good old fashion trial and error, get your
heartbroken, kiss all the toads till you meet your prince, or princess
charming.
 Chapter 16. Use of Body Language
Your body language is useful in many different ways. When used well, it
can work in your favor. One of these areas is being very effective in
negotiation. You should note that, in negotiation, you are trying to
convince the other person to agree to your terms. Let us discuss more.

Negotiation Skills
Negotiation is a way of achieving agreement through a discussion between
individuals. It is a mechanism that reaches consensus and resolution by
preventing conflicts and disputes.
People try to create the best possible result for their role or perhaps an
entity they represent in any conflict. However, the concepts of honesty are
the keys to having a successful result, trying to seek mutual understanding,
and keeping a connection. In many circumstances, specific bargaining
forms are used as examples; international relations, the judiciary,
administration, industrial conflicts, or domestic partnerships. In a wide
variety of activities, specific negotiating skills can be learned and
implemented. It could be helpful to pursue a systematic approach for
negotiation to accomplish a favorable outcome. For instance, a gathering
might need to be organized in a work environment where all parties will
come together.
The negotiation process contains the following steps:
Preparedness
Before any conversation occurs, a decision must be made regarding when
and where a meeting will be held to discuss the issue and who will be
involved. Setting a limited time scale may also help prevent the dispute
from continuing. This step involves ensuring that you are aware of all the
relevant circumstances to clarify your position. From the above instance,
the workplace was set up in an area that may include recognizing the
company's rules to whom assistance is provided, when help is not
considered necessary, and the reasons for such refusals. The company
might have procedures that you can refer to in the negotiation plan.
Preparing before resolving the conflict will help avoid further conflict and
unnecessarily waste time during the meeting.
Discussion
In this process, people or members of each party put the case forward as
they see it, i.e., their interpretation of the matter. Throughout this phase,
core skills include examining, paying attention, and clarification.
It is sometimes helpful to take notes of all the points put forward, to
remember if further clarification is needed. Hearing is critical; it is simple
to make the error of talking too much and hearing far less when there is a
misunderstanding. There should be an equal opportunity for each side to
plead their case.
Clarification of Objectives
It is necessary to explain the two sides' goals, desires, and viewpoints
involved in the conflict. Listing these components grouped by need is very
helpful. Moreover, identifying and setting up certain common beliefs are
often possible through this process. Clarification is a vital piece of the
arrangement process. However, incorrect expectations may arise that can
cause problems or challenges to achieve a useful outcome without it.
Negotiation Towards a Win-Win Outcome
This phase focuses on what is considered a 'win-win outcome,’ where the
two sides feel that they have picked up something good through the
agreement process and that their viewpoint has been overlapped.
Generally, the best result is a win-win result. While this may not
necessarily be possible, it should be a definite objective through the
agreement. Elective methodology and bargaining proposals should be
considered at this stage. Bargains are routinely constructive options that
can often obtain more influential benefits for all concerned, withholding
from the first positions in comparison.
Agreement
Comprehension can be achieved once the grasp of the two sides'
viewpoints and concerns have been taken into account. It is important for
all needed to keep a responsive attitude to achieve an adequate agreement.
The decision should be made clear so that the two parties will know what
was chosen.
Execution of an Action Plan
After going through the steps, it will reach a point where the decision has
to be made. Therefore, the action takes place.
Now, let us discuss the top negotiation skills that will give you an upper
hand.
In their very own curiosity, some people are very good at negotiating,
while some are not. Which one of these kinds of people would you like to
be? Answer that yourself, as you read through. One of your primary jobs
in nature is to be more successful in manipulating others by acquiring great
negotiating skills and selecting appropriate questions to ask. We consider
that they have the same attributes in many of the researches done by
successful negotiators.

Negotiation Skills Can Be Nurtured

Despite prevalent thinking, top negotiators are not hard bargainers and
extreme firm of characters. They are not forceful, pushy, and do not
request express demands. They don't constrain their partners in negotiation
into unacceptable understandings. The best arbitrators are perpetual,
charming individuals. They are warm, benevolent, amicable, pleasing, and
low-key. They are the sort of individuals you feel good being around. You
have a practically programmed inclination to confide in somebody with
incredible exchange abilities and feel that their request will be of the two
parties' greatest advantage.

Top Negotiation Skills

Talented mediators are generally very worried about finding an answer or
a course of action that is agreeable to the two gatherings. They search for
the "win-win" circumstances, where the two gatherings are contented with
the exchange's impact. In consulting with any agreement in purchasing or
selling anything, there are some fundamental skills in a negotiation that
you have to learn to get the best arrangement for yourself and feel cheerful
about the result. Let us look deeply into these skills:
Pick Good Questions to Ask
Great mediators appear to pose a ton of inquiries and are worried about
knowing what you are attempting to accomplish from the arrangement.
For instance, in purchasing a house, the two gatherings may begin
contending and differing over the cost. They start with the proposition that
the cost is the most significant thing of all, and they must negotiate well
upon it. In any case, the talented negotiator will understand that cost is just
a single piece of the bundle. Moreover, by utilizing great negotiation
abilities, this arbitrator will assist the two gatherings by seeing that the
deal's particulars are also significant, similar to the furnishings and
apparatuses involved in the exchange. Exploring wonderful inquiries to
pose regarding a customer's current needs is the primary way you will
have the option to find out, in a negotiation forum, exactly what is crucial
for them and what benefits they are truly looking for. Price is usually not
the most important thing in a contract, and it is imperative to give the
consumer different benefits that they are open to receiving.
The Act of Patience
Good negotiators ' act of persistence is very cautious. It relies on reaching
a consensus on all aspects of the agreement between the two sides before
searching for nice ways to solve other problems. They always spend time
posting great questions to clarify and understand each topic as they avoid
ambiguity in the nearest future.
Planning Is Key
Planning is responsible for 90% of the achievement made. The more setup
made preceding an arrangement, the more probable it is that the result of
the exchange will be palatable for all gatherings included.
Preparation requires you to complete two things. First, get all the data that
you can about the up-and-coming arrangement. Secondly, consider the
exchange cautiously from the start to the end, and be completely arranged
for any projection.
The first data you need is about the item or administration and the
individual you will arrange. You get this data by picking great inquiries to
pose that every condition is considered. In this sense, data turn into
intensity, and the power is consistently on the individual with the best data.
Make a Move and Gain Self-Confidence!
It is important to know that nothing elevates your boldness faster than
knowing that you've been successful in negotiating a contract, and you've
got a decent arrangement accordingly. Furthermore, nothing will reduce
your self-assurance quicker than thinking that you've been out-consulted in
a bad situation you'd have to deal with. Therefore, trying to arrange skills
and abilities is an important part of your character development and sense
of personal viability and self-assurance.
When you are a good arbitrator, your fearlessness is lowered, and you feel
increasingly optimistic about yourself and other people in everything you
do.
Using Body Language to Negotiate
Whether it’s a new car or a new job, knowing how to use your skills at
reading body language to improve any negotiations you find yourself in
can make a significant difference when it comes to the amount of money
you either receive or pay in many diverse scenarios. Studies have shown
that over 30 minutes, a pair of negotiators can trade over 700 different and
distinct non-verbal cues. Here are some tips to guarantee that your body
language will help things eventually work out in your favor.

Start poised for success: When it comes to making the best

first impression, studies show that those entering into a
negotiation with multiple items in their own hands or on their
person are statistically likely to begin the negotiation from a
negative position. Ensuring you enter the room the negotiation
takes place in as streamlined and ready for business as possible
will make your overall odds of success much higher in the long
run. It’s important to take this momentum and keep it going by
choosing a seat that indicates you hope this will be a
collaborative process, not an adversarial one this means aiming
for a chair that’s at a 45° angle from that of the opposite party.
Take stock of the other party: Blinking, sweating, shaking,
murmuring and erratic looks or gestures are all strong indicators
that the other party isn’t ready for the negotiation. While few
negotiators are so obvious, it’s important to take stock of the
other party to see if you can quickly determine a baseline that
you can use when moving forward. Be aware of negotiators
who’re too ill-prepared, they may be putting on a show to lure
you into a state of false security.
Keep eye contact as much as possible: During any
negotiation, maintaining eye contact indicates trust, sincerity,
and openness both for you and the other party. What’s more,
failing to do so can make it difficult for you and the other party
to build the sort of rapport that’s more likely to lead to a
mutually beneficial position. This doesn’t mean you should hold
the other party’s eye contact indefinitely, only when you’re
speaking directly to them. Too much eye contact will instead
make you seem overly aggressive and will make the other party
less likely to give in to your demands.
Lockdown your facial expressions: Common emotions are
tied to similar facial expressions the world over. This means that
if you allow your face to give away your position during the
negotiation it’ll be unlikely that you’ll be able to prevent the
other party from seeing your true intentions. Take the time to
quickly practice how you hope the negotiation will go
beforehand and consider what types of facial expressions would
drive your specific points home. On the other hand, it’s equally
important to keep an eye on any expressions the other party
might accidentally let slip, they could just give away key
information that you otherwise might not be aware of.
Consider the personal space in the room: Studies suggest that
the ideal amount of space between negotiating parties is roughly
4 feet. This essentially gives each party enough space to feel
comfortable without providing either party an advantage that
they can use over one another. Remember, if it’s possible to
gain any extra height compared to the other party it’s in your
best interest to take it. Likewise, if you’re negotiating with a
superior anything you can do to make the interaction less
personal will ultimately work in your favor.
Act relaxed and confident: Even if internally, you’re
extremely nervous about the way the negotiation is going either
for you or against you, it’s important to maintain an outward
composure that’s calm, collected, and always in control. Ensure
that your feet are firmly planted and that your arms and hands
are loose and relaxed. Whatever you do, it’s important not to
twitch or fidget as doing either will betray your lack of
confidence and cause the negotiation to turn back in the other
party’s favor. It’s also important to avoid any outward non-
verbal cues which signal discomfort in the other party.
Depending on what it’s in regards to, this can either be the sign
that you just need to push your advantage or pull back to avoid
losing the other party entirely.
Avoid smiling: In these situations, smiling is akin to giving in
and saying that you’re the weaker party in this exchange.
Negotiating is serious business, show that you treat the current
discussion as such and keep a calm face until the final details
have been ironed out to your satisfaction.
Mitigating negative body language: If despite your best
efforts, the other party remains unwilling to accept your best
non-verbal cues and continues to display negative body
language, there’re some things you can try to get them back to
the comfort zone. One of the most effective strategies in this
scenario is to hand the other party something relevant to the
negotiation that they can hold and hopefully interact with. This
will also get them in the mindset of changing their body
language which will help to get their mind changing as well.
Use this as a chance to take control of the negotiation and get
the results you know you deserve.
 Conclusion
I would like to end this book with a very important technique that you
should learn and master so that your ability to read and analyze people will
continue to grow and expand and you can leverage the advantages of this
skill. This technique is the art of listening and honoring your intuition.
While body language cues, psychological theories, and personality types
are great factors to help you tune into the underlying things that people are
trying to say and do, your intuition or your gut feeling is the element that
helps you interpret the data suitably. A powerful intuition can help you
catch hidden signals that can take your analysis level to a much greater
height than if you did not use your intuition. Here are some intuition tips
that you can use:

Always Listen to and Honor Your Gut Feeling

Listen to your gut feeling when you are meeting people, especially for the
first time. A first impression is a visceral feeling that lasts just an instant.
Hence, if you are not keenly hooked on your intuition, you likely miss this
reaction. This initial gut feeling lets you know whether you are at ease or
not with the person. It is your inner truth meter telling you whether you
can trust this person or not.

Pay Attention to Goosebumps

Feeling your skin's tingling through goosebumps is a very powerful
intuitive element that cannot be missed. These goosebumps are signs
telling you that something is resonating with the person sitting in front of
you. Goosebumps are also indicators of a déjà vu feeling when you
recognize something you feel deeply for. Pay attention to these.

Watch Out for Insightful Flashes

During a conversation, a small almost indiscernible remark or gesture
could give you a flash of insight and if you are not keenly observant of
your inner self, you will miss it. You must pay a lot of attention to make
sure that you catch these insightful flashes that are important keys to
unlock people's minds.

Keep a Lookout for Emotional Energy

Emotions are powerful tools that light up your intuition. We can easily
gauge whether what you feel towards the person sitting in front of you is a
positive or a negative vibe. You will notice that some people can make you
feel good simply by their presence and some people can make you feel
horrible. This is true even when you do not know anything about this
person and have met them for the first time. This ‘vibe’ is the emotional
energy around the person that could be negative or positive. Watch out for
this emotional energy when trying to read and analyze people.
Lastly, when you decide to read and analyze people, the first thing you
must do is to drop all biases and inhibitions. Do not carry any negative or
positive legacies of the person in your mind. Even if you do, attempt to see
those legacies in a new light or a new perspective. If you carry
unnecessary baggage, your judgment is bound to be clouded and you will
make more mistakes than if you remove the excessive baggage.
Reading and analyzing people is a lot of fun and you will find the joy of
being correct as you get better each day. However, I would like to say that
using this skill to hurt or cause harm should not happen. Use this
wonderful skill judiciously and watch your popularity among your family
and friends grow exponentially.
The next step is to transition from the book practice to real-life practicum.
The experiences are what make us into what we are today. After reading
about human personality analysis and people-reading with speed and
quality methods, you are better equipped with the tools and techniques
necessary to effectively understand people and interact with them. This is
your chance to go out there and start proving your worth by not only
differentiating your friends from your foes but also by turning the threat of
failure into an opportunity for success. No longer should you fumble
around with words to say in front of a stranger, or let misunderstandings
ruin your relationships. Don't let people or environmental factors get the
best of your efforts and well-intendedness or let your misguided
observation or judgmental views get the best of people's good wishes
around you. Look into their personality, try to understand their behavior,
explore the possibilities, and analyze their intentions. This will help you
sustain the old relationships and build new ones and let you get successful
by remaining one step ahead of your opponents.
Although we admit that the subject of human behavioral psychology is
very vast, no way can it be summed up on a limited range of pages.
However, we did try our best to accumulate the most sought-after and
relevant techniques that are easy to understand and focus more on action
than mere wordiness to be learned and implemented right away.