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Candidate Sample Response 3: Assessor Scores / Comments

This patient has a history of COPD and gout. He was hospitalized in 2018 for an exacerbation of COPD. At his recent appointment, examination found decreased breath sounds and use of accessory muscles. Spirometry showed worsening lung function. The doctor requests specialist advice on intensifying treatment and considering home oxygen therapy.

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16 views

Candidate Sample Response 3: Assessor Scores / Comments

This patient has a history of COPD and gout. He was hospitalized in 2018 for an exacerbation of COPD. At his recent appointment, examination found decreased breath sounds and use of accessory muscles. Spirometry showed worsening lung function. The doctor requests specialist advice on intensifying treatment and considering home oxygen therapy.

Uploaded by

recep
Copyright
© © All Rights Reserved
We take content rights seriously. If you suspect this is your content, claim it here.
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Download as PDF, TXT or read online on Scribd
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134

MEDICINE
Candidate sample response 3
Assessor scores / comments:

Script: WMED 1_Sample3 Profession: MED - William McGuire

Purpose (0 – 3)
3 The initial referral statement sets out an immediately apparent core medical issue, (“I am writing
to refer this patient…suggestive of decreased respiratory function.”). The final paragraph captures
the expansion of purpose very well with the twin enquiry, “I would appreciate it if you could
provide specialist advice regarding possible intensification of treatment and home oxygen
therapy…”. Both of these sections have identified and expressed the reason for the letter very
clearly for the intended reader.
Content (0 – 7)
6 The content is appropriate to the reader, addresses what is needed to continue care and
generally represents the case notes accurately. This response presents a clear and accurate
clinical picture of the current situation and the history of the COPD, although the timeline is not
as precise as it should have been, as when the patient was hospitalised in 2018 is not given.
Otherwise, there is excellent coverage of the detail required, with the Fluvax being the only
omission noted.
Conciseness & Clarity (0 – 7)
4 The candidate has summarised the case clearly, showing some condensing of detail (e.g. “other
investigations are unremarkable”) to keep the reader’s focus primarily on the recent history of
the COPD linked to the recent appointment. The omission of some less crucial information (e.g.
details of the first hospitalisation, the history of gout) is noted but the candidate has included
more than was strictly necessary in the third and fourth paragraphs, resulting in a clear but not
concise enough response, at almost 300 words.
Genre/ Style (0 – 7)
7 The writer shows an excellent awareness of genre and style. Throughout the response, a polite,
professional, and an appropriately clinical and factual tone is used. Vocabulary choice is also
appropriate. The candidate shows audience awareness with the use of the abbreviations and
acronyms, e.g. JVP, COPD, FEV1%, PEFR. A single lapse is the use of “this patient” at the start of
paragraph 3 and also in the introduction, where the patient’s name would have been more
appropriate in each case.
Organisation & Layout (0 – 7)
6 Organisation and paragraphing is appropriate, logical and clear overall and the layout is standard
for the task. The text is arranged in a mostly predictable order; with the introduction to purpose
together with another associated concern, a history of the presenting complaint followed by the
detail of today’s appointment, other history, the final expansion of purpose, and closing remarks.
Paragraphs and their sub-sections are generally well organised and key information is highlighted
for the reader, although the third paragraph is overloaded and would have been easier to digest
if split at “On examination…”.
Language (0 – 7)
6 The language used in this response demonstrates a range of highly accurate grammatical
structures of varying complexity. Only very minor slips are noted e.g. “had smoked” where the
past simple would have been more appropriate, and “a difficulty...” , as well as “breath sound”.
“Progressing dyspnoea” would have been expressed better as “progressively worsening” but the
meaning remains clear. One instance of not expanding the note form is seen with
“cigarettes/day”. The only inconsistency noted in either spelling or punctuation was the final
letter of ‘dyspnoea’. The response reads effortlessly, nonetheless; these slips are easily
understood and have no impact on meaning.
*These scores were provided as a training example for this candidate’s response to a particular set of case notes. Copying the
language used in response to a di erent set of case notes will not produce the same scores and is strongly discouraged.

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