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Coaching for Alphas
Making Real Changes, Making Changes Real

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Alpha Male Syndrome

By

Kate Ludeman, Eddie Erlandson

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Harvard Business Press

Boston, Massachusetts

ISBN-13: 978-1-4221-2162-7
2162BC

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Copyright 2007 Harvard Business School Publishing Corporation
All rights reserved
Printed in the United States of America

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This chapter was originally published as chapter 9 of Alpha Male Syndrome,
copyright 2006 Harvard Business School Publishing Corporation.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in or introduced into a retrieval system,
or transmitted, in any form, or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying,
recording, or otherwise), without the prior permission of the publisher. Requests for
permission should be directed to [email protected], or mailed to Permissions,
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Harvard Business School Publishing, 60 Harvard Way, Boston, Massachusetts 02163.

You can purchase Harvard Business Press books at booksellers worldwide.You can order Harvard
Business Press books and book chapters online at www.HBSPress.org, or by calling 888-500-1016
or, outside the U.S. and Canada, 617-783-7410.
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9

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C H A P T E R

Coaching for Alphas

yo Making Real Changes,

Making Changes Real
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Having read this far, you have no doubt recognized the need to make
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some changes. But, if understanding the need to change were enough,

America wouldn’t have so many overweight, sedentary citizens, and no
one would smoke. When we receive sound advice that seems hard to
implement, or that requires effort we don’t care to make, we resist—and
we rationalize our resistance with illusory excuses, such as “It doesn’t
really apply to me” or “I don’t have the time.” We vow to get around to it
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in the future, when we meet our deadlines, when our kids are grown, or
when we retire. But the changes that matter most should be made now,
precisely when the pressure is on and time is at a premium. All it takes is
commitment. You already know the importance of commitment; you
ask it of your employees and teammates, and you demand it of yourself.
Now it’s time to apply to personal change the same do-or-die determina-
tion that you bring to your work-related duties.
Do

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2 Alpha Male Syndrome

The issues before you now are: Will you make a firm commitment to
change? Will you hold yourself accountable for making those changes?
Will you bring the same persistence to personal change as you do to

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your business objectives? Will you make the changes stick?
If you’re an alpha male, you now know the many bottom-line reasons
to build on your strengths and eliminate your risks. If you’re not an
alpha male, you’ve seen that there are ways to deal more effectively with
the alpha males in your midst. In either case, to add focus, depth, and
valuable assistance to your efforts, we strongly recommend that you

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consider working with a qualified coach.
If you’re one of the many alpha leaders who would just as soon be seen
with a coach as with an astrologer, please don’t close the book just yet.
In our experience, alpha males who operate predominantly from
their strengths welcome coaching. Like successful athletes, musicians,
and others who are thankful for the help they’ve received along the way,
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they recognize the value of the process and continue to take full advan-
tage of every opportunity to learn from a coach. On the other hand, a
great many alpha males see coaching as a soft, touchy-feely fad with lit-
tle substance, like aromatherapy, and they’re about as eager to be
coached as they are to cut their salaries. Even if they respect coaching,
they think they don’t need it, since the problems in their organizations
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are someone else’s fault. Ironically, of course, the alpha males who are
most hostile to the idea are the very ones who stand to benefit the most
from a good coach.
Fortunately, they are often the ones who do benefit the most. Once
they appreciate the bottom-line benefits of coaching, alphas can turn
from a coach’s nightmare into a coach’s dream. They commit to the
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process fully, and follow through with such discipline and tenacity that
the impact on them and their organizations is profound.
That’s what happened with George Allen, the former deputy com-
mander of the Defense Supply Center in Philadelphia, the largest busi-
ness unit of the Defense Logistics Agency. When Vice Admiral Keith
Lippert asked Kate to conduct in-depth 360s for his entire executive team
at DLA, George was not interested. As a very successful executive who
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was close to retirement, he thought coaching would be a total waste of

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Coaching for Alphas 3

time—especially six months after 9/11, when DLA was under enormous
pressure to get critical military supplies swiftly and efficiently to U.S.
troops. What could a consultant who’d never run a business that size tell

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him about how to do his job? He marched into the room, ignored Kate’s
outstretched hand, and barked, “Let’s not waste my time and yours. I’ve
been like this for 30 years, and it’s highly unlikely I’ll change.”
Instead of trying to convince him to sit down and talk, which was what
George expected, Kate said, “Fine, you’re busy and so am I. So, if you
don’t want to make any changes, I’m sure we can both use the four hours

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to do other work.” She started to close the big binder that lay open on the
table. “Wait!” George commanded. “What’s that?” He pointed to a mul-
ticolored bar graph. Kate explained that it depicted his strengths and
weaknesses in different competency areas, as reported by his colleagues
in their 360s.
This was a critical moment in their coaching relationship: George
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had become curious. Scanning the graphics, he saw many of his
strengths confirmed; clearly, he was held in high esteem as a leader. But
he also saw that coworkers found his manner obnoxious and his attitude
about his team parochial and closed-minded. What alarmed him most
was the bright red bar labeled “ability to influence others, especially
HQ.” He was stunned to discover that he was seen as weak in an area he
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considered vital to his job: getting headquarters to see the importance

of the Philadelphia business, and therefore the need to supply the re-
sources George requested. Shocked to learn that his alpha tendencies
were hampering his ability to support his team’s best interests, he sat
down and read the entire report.
“I was stunned,” he says about reading the 360s. “I thought I had a lik-
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able personality, except perhaps when I got agitated and argumentative.

I felt shocked to read statements like, ‘He’s overly dominating and not a
team player’ and ‘He can be stubborn and myopic.’ I’d been extremely
effective in my career, but the data indicated that I was shooting myself
in the foot over and over again. I was in serious danger of losing my abil-
ity to make an impact on others and to effectively represent my team.”
In true alpha fashion, George saw the problem, accepted the challenge,
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and approached the task of changing his ways with the same determined

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4 Alpha Male Syndrome

effort that he brought to every other objective. By learning new ways to

build coalitions and to influence people without bullying them, he found
he actually had a greater impact. Within three months, his transformation

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to a team player was so noticeable that Admiral Lippert began to call him
Corporate George. “Now I make sure everyone who reports to me has ac-
cess to good coaching,” he says.

How Coaching Can Help You Soar

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In the Greek myth, a man named Icarus invents a method of flying.
Donning a pair of wings secured with wax, he ascends into the air like a
bird. But, intoxicated by his own power, he flies too close to the sun.
The wings melt, and he falls to his death. Like Icarus, alpha males get
so seduced by their strengths that they fail to recognize when those very
strengths become tragic flaws. They resist changing what, in their view,
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has given them the wings to soar. Even if they’ve heard that their style
upsets people, they shrug it off as a minor side effect of the medicine
they dispense to cure business ailments. If you’re in that category, let us
assure you that: (1) you may be in danger of flying too close to the sun;
(2) you don’t need to clip your wings or retire them to the storage bin;
and (3) if you strengthen your wings and lower your risks by modulating
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your altitude and speed, you’ll fly a whole lot faster and further. Coach-
ing can help you do that.
Many alpha males acknowledge that they stand to benefit from
changing some of their ways, but they don’t think they can. Their atti-
tude mirrors that of their coworkers, who complain about alpha male
behavior and sigh in resignation, “You can’t teach an old dog new
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tricks” or “A leopard can’t change its spots.” Well, leopards may not be
able to change their spots, but dogs—even top dogs—can learn new
tricks. You’re not being called upon to change the basic structure of
your personality. Alpha risks such as poor listening, belligerence, and
impatience are not wired into the genetic code; they’re merely habits
that can be modified or eliminated.
You not only can change, you do change. Like the rest of us, you
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make mistakes, you suffer setbacks, you earn victories—and in all those

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Coaching for Alphas 5

experiences you see what works and what doesn’t. As a result of what
you learn, you change—not always, and not in all the ways you should,
but you do change. Everyone does, even when we don’t know we’re

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changing, and sometimes when we don’t even want to change. And
when we see the possibility of a significant payoff, we make a conscious,
deliberate effort to change. It’s called motivation.
If you were asked, “What kinds of problems keep you up at night?”
how would you answer? Chances are you’d respond the way most of our
alpha male clients do at first, by spouting a long stream of business issues,

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such as strategic challenges, margin encroachment, and competitive po-
sitioning—all areas of their work that they already handle exceptionally
well. They rarely worry about things like how to get a fellow executive to
buy into an initiative or how to coach their teams to improve their per-
formance. They’re so focused on quantifiable results that they don’t think
about their interpersonal behavior—until they realize that those two areas
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are closely related because leadership deficits have measurable business
consequences.
In short, you might not give a hoot that your behavior upsets people,
but you should care that it impedes performance and diminishes results.
If drilling into people in meetings triggers performance anxiety, or in-
sisting you’re right even when you’re wrong wastes time and stifles cre-
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ativity, do you not stand to benefit from changing those behaviors?

That’s where the potential payoff comes in—and it’s huge. Like a
baseball player who can clout balls out of the park but strikes out a lot
and makes too many errors in the field, the chances are you’ve mastered
a great many business skills but you’ve focused on some areas of learn-
ing at the expense of others. Perhaps you’ve focused on the long ball,
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not the subtle skills; or on systems and processes, not on yourself. A

good coach can show you how to become a complete player. He or she
can help you mobilize your copious energy, intelligence, and determi-
nation to change in the right ways at the right pace, so you’ll be sta-
tioned perfectly for a big payoff.
Still not convinced? We’ve found that most alpha males who resist
coaching are afraid that changing their behavior will limit their ability to
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drive high-level performance. It’s a perfectly understandable concern,

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6 Alpha Male Syndrome

coming from people who value results above all else. They think that be-
coming more empathetic, listening better, and easing off on the whip
will make them weak. They fear that acting nicer would be both inau-

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thentic and ineffective, and they haul out stories about sweet, kind exec-
utives who are loved but not productive. We assure you—as we do our
clients—that it’s simply not in your nature to become too soft. As Eddie
told one tough-as-nails leader with the steely bearing of a marine, who
bluntly accused us of trying to turn him into a wimp, “You become a
wimp? I’m not that good a coach.”

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Do You Need Coaching?
As you may have guessed, we believe that everyone stands to benefit
from competent coaching, whether they’re CEOs earning nine-figure
salaries and adorning the cover of Fortune or ambitious entry-level
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youngsters looking for a leg up. That being said, you are surely an excel-
lent candidate for coaching if you answer yes to any of the following
questions:

• If you took the Alpha Assessment, did you score high on alpha
risks?
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• When you read about alpha risks in this book, did you feel as
though you were looking in the mirror?

• Would you like to more fully leverage the alpha strengths that
drive your success?

• Can you benefit from feedback on how your developmental areas

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impact your performance?

• Is there a consistent gap between your intentions and your re-

sults?

• Are you frequently surprised by broken agreements and miscom-

munications?

• Would you like your team to be more fully aligned around your
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goals and strategies?

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Coaching for Alphas 7

• Is hallway venting and complaining undermining decisions al-

ready in place?

• Do you feel a conflict between your personal priorities and the

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demands of your job?

Choosing the Right Coach

In our experience, alpha male leaders are best served by coaches with
the following characteristics:

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• Strong, direct, and tenacious

• Quick thinking and smart

• Confident, bold, and courageous

• Analytical and logical

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• Able to reduce complex changes to simple steps

• Emotionally intelligent and empathetic

• Nondefensive
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While it’s not necessary for coaches to be alphas themselves, it helps

if they possess a number of alpha characteristics. It also helps if they
have experience working with powerful and prominent clients. You
need to know that they understand the rules by which alpha males play
and the territory they occupy. Otherwise, it will be hard for them to em-
pathize with your dilemmas. Make sure they also demonstrate personal
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strength and self-confidence. If they’re dazzled by your stature or your

strong presence, if they have a need to please you, if they get flustered,
intimidated, overemotional, or defensive when you disagree with them
or question their judgment, you’ll quickly lose respect and the coaching
relationship will be doomed.
There is also the subtle matter of chemistry. Since you’re likely to be
asked to do things that do not come easily to you, it’s vital that you feel a
personal resonance with the person you select as a coach. Not that you have
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to be best buddies, but you should have enough rapport to look forward

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8 Alpha Male Syndrome

to spending time together. A close, intimate bond is even better. Com-

mon interests such as sports come in handy, as does a shared sense of
humor, but the best sign of genuine rapport is the ability to tell each

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other the straight, unvarnished truth without fear of being judged and
found wanting. If you have that, you’ve built a foundation for real and
lasting change; without it, the benefits of the coaching process will be
more limited.
Perhaps the most important quality a coach of alpha males must have
is a dynamic balance of grit and concern. You need to know that the

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coach has the courage to speak his or her mind and is strong enough to
stand up to you when necessary. Coaches who are unwilling to express
the hard truths can’t possibly get the most out of those they coach. At
the same time, you need to know they care. You have to feel confident
that your coach will be there for you when your biggest faults and fears
are laid bare. You also need to know that your sense of connection is
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strong enough to withstand any tension that might arise between you.
Look for someone who’s tough enough to tell it like it is, but also has a
compassionate heart.
Once you make the right choice, be sure you’re both committed to
the long haul. Build time into your schedule for ongoing communica-
tion and follow-up. If you’re a typical alpha male, it won’t be long before
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things seem to be changing for the better and you think your style
changes are completely under control. You’ll be tempted to congratu-
late yourself for another job well done, thank your coach for his or her
help, and move on. The danger, of course, is that you’ll revert to your
old ways at the first sign of stress or setback, and the new behavior you
stepped into so boldly will be tossed aside like new running shoes that
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don’t feel as comfortable as the old, worn-out pair. That is precisely

when you want to call on your coach. One of the key functions of qual-
ity coaching is to help alphas apply the same tenacity to personal
change as they do to their business pursuits. A good coach will remind
you that you’re in a marathon. Throughout the journey, the coach
should perform ongoing follow-up to keep you committed and moving
forward. The rest is up to you.
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Coaching for Alphas 9

We encourage you to move ahead into your new future with boldness
and confidence. But be prepared to falter. The question isn’t whether
you’ll have setbacks, it’s when and how often you’ll have them. More im-

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portant is this question: can you bounce back, recommit, and keep mov-
ing forward? When problems arise, you might find yourself slipping back
into the alpha default position of blame. If you find yourself trying to fix
other people, you might want to remind yourself—and have your coach
remind you—to keep your focus on the one person you can control: you.
Remember to always ask the question, “What can I learn from this chal-

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lenge about my own thinking and behavior?” If you truly value account-
ability, make sure to hold yourself accountable first and foremost.
Above all, make a firm commitment to the process of ongoing growth.
By constantly upgrading your awareness and your behavior, you’ll be
able to reverse the usual alpha dynamic: instead of having your strengths
turn into liabilities, you’ll transform your weak spots into additional
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alpha strengths. If you can rise to this challenge, you not only stand to
benefit personally and professionally, you will bring enormous value to
your family, your organization, and the larger society. The world can no
longer afford the downside of alpha male behavior, but it needs the
strengths of alpha males as much as it ever has.
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