Manipulation
Manipulation
Lewis Fischer
Text Copyright © Lewis Fischer
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permission in writing from the publisher except in the case of brief quotations
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Legal & Disclaimer
The information contained in this book and its contents is not designed to
replace or take the place of any form of medical or professional advice; and is
not meant to replace the need for independent medical, financial, legal or other
professional advice or services, as may be required. The content and information
in this book has been provided for educational and entertainment purposes only.
The content and information contained in this book has been compiled from
sources deemed reliable, and it is accurate to the best of the Author's knowledge,
information and belief. However, the Author cannot guarantee its accuracy and
validity and cannot be held liable for any errors and/or omissions. Further,
changes are periodically made to this book as and when needed. Where
appropriate and/or necessary, you must consult a professional (including but not
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in this book.
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using any of the suggested remedies, techniques, or information in this book.
Description
If you’re not very familiar with manipulation, you might believe that it’s entirely
negative and that it has no positive traits, uses, or redeeming qualities. After all,
we always see it portrayed in a negative light in the media, and so, we come to
believe it. But that is, in itself, a form of manipulation, because they only
promote its negative aspects and not the positive ones.
I’m here to tell you that while manipulation can be used for evil purposes, it’s
not all bad! Manipulation doesn’t have to be used to hurt other people; on the
contrary – it’s an important social tool that can bring you immense benefits. That
is exactly what I want to talk to you about in this book. Manipulation can be
incredibly helpful, and I can show you how to use it and why, as well as open
your eyes to the malicious manipulation of others and teach you how to deal
with it.
This book can be your guide to manipulation in all of its aspects – from the very
basics, to techniques you can use to manipulate others, like persuasion, mind
control, and NLP to the tactics malicious manipulators use on innocent people in
order to hurt them and take advantage of them, as well as how to fight against
that. It’s all in here, at your fingertips.
Don’t hesitate to educate yourself on what manipulation entails and how you can
make use of it, yourself. We’ve all encountered manipulation in our lives in one
way or another, so it’s time to learn how to identify it and what to do when
you’re confronted with a manipulative person. Learn all the tips and tricks on
how to become a master of manipulation and use it for your own benefit!
Table of Contents
Introduction
Chapter 1: What is manipulation?
Chapter 2: When you’re the manipulator
a) What you can achieve through manipulation
b) Techniques for mind control
Persuasion
Mind control
NLP – Neuro-Linguistic Programming
Chapter 3: When someone else is the manipulator
a) Detecting manipulative people
b) Dealing with manipulative people
Conclusion
Introduction
Manipulative people are regarded as mean, malicious, psychotic and evil…but
maybe they’re just misunderstood. No, no, listen to me for a second. Allow me
to explain. While manipulation can certainly (and often) be used for evil
purposes and to hurt people, it can also be extremely useful for you, while not
doing anything to harm others.
Didn’t think that was possible? Well, this is exactly what this book is for – it will
explain everything you wanted to know about how manipulation works, what it’s
good for, how to do it, as well as how to recognize and deal with people who
want to use it against you, with nefarious intentions.
Manipulation is nothing more than taking advantage of your God-given
persuasive skills, or acquiring them with the purpose of using them not against
others, but for yourself. This is one of the most important distinctions you need
to learn and remember in order to be able to genuinely use manipulation in your
favor convincingly and without hesitation.
In fact, if you plan on using manipulation in order to harm others, I would advise
closing the book now and re-evaluating your life and your priorities; you’re
heading down a very dark path. The advice and tactics described and detailed in
this book are not meant to hurt others, so they won’t work, if that is your goal. In
fact, you will find a chapter dedicated to identifying manipulative behavior in
others and how to deal with that or counteract it.
In addition, you will learn what manipulation is, how to eliminate your
prejudices against it, and what tactics to employ in order to successfully use
manipulation to get what you want. As for what you can get through
manipulation – we cover that, too. Everything you need to know is neatly tucked
away in this handy guide for you to use. It’s thorough, easy to navigate and
created to help you.
If you lack the natural flair you need for this kind of thing, don’t worry; you
don’t have to be a born master manipulator in order to employ these techniques.
You can learn all there is to know about persuasion, manipulation, influence,
neuro-linguistic programming and even mind control. You don’t have to feel
inadequate, because everything can – and will be – learned.
That is exactly why I’ve decided to write this book; so it can act as a guide to
manipulation for you. It will walk you through everything you need to know in
order to start, step by step. Don’t allow yourself to be manipulated or
intimidated. You can learn how to identify and conquer manipulation and those
who employ it. Better yet, you can become the manipulator in that relationship,
instead of being a victim. Don’t wait any longer, learn how to master
manipulation and all its tactics today. Start right now, with this book. Good
luck!
Chapter 1
What is manipulation?
Manipulation is a bad word, or so we’re taught. When you think about it, it’s
always used in a negative context and it has an unfortunate connotation. But
what is manipulation? Psychology Today defines it as “[…]…the exercise of
undue influence through mental distortion and emotional exploitation, with the
intention to seize power, control, benefits and/or privileges at the victim’s
expense.”
Still pretty negative. Society doesn’t look kindly upon people who try to trick
others or coerce them to do things they wouldn’t, normally. That’s because
people tend to have foul intentions when engaging in manipulation. However,
you may have manipulated people in your lifetime, or have been manipulated
yourself, without even realizing it.
To give a very simple example, the advertising industry is essentially based on
manipulation. Its entire purpose and the point of its existence is to convince you,
through any means possible, to purchase things you don’t need and don’t
actually want. They lie, exaggerate, appeal to your emotions, and use every trick
in the book to get you to buy. Is that evil? Maybe. But it’s an evil we deem
acceptable in our society.
You see, it all depends on the way you look at things. If you want to see evil
intent, then that is what you will believe. But intent is important, and as long as
you don’t want to do harm, exerting influence or using your persuasive abilities
doesn’t have to be manipulative. Or the “bad” kind of manipulative.
Because we can’t guess intent, it’s a matter of subjective perception. Are you
manipulating someone, or just merely suggesting something very
enthusiastically? Is the sales assistant manipulating you, or genuinely
complimenting you on the fit of that jacket? You can never know. Or can
you…? Fortunately, detecting manipulation and manipulative people is one of
the things we’re going to discuss and learn in a later chapter.
The point is that you can try to define manipulation, but it’s difficult to
determine what, exactly and without a doubt, is manipulation and what isn’t. In
fact, to illustrate that point, let’s do a little exercise. I’ll give you some scenarios
and you decide if that seems like manipulation. Ready?
A girl with a little kid turn up at your doorstep. Oh, they’re from an
organization that helps children with heart disease, and did you know
little Timmy over here has a hole in his heart and had to have 34
surgeries since he was born? Isn’t that just terrible, and by the way, if
you want to help the poor children who are suffering with heart
diseases, we’re currently taking donations. Little Timmy is looking at
you all expectantly. What are you going to do?
You meet up with a friend for coffee. You chat for a bit and he
manages to mention money, how expensive something is, or the fact
that he’s broke about 15 times in 10 minutes. He orders the cheapest
drink, tries to stiff the waitress, and tells you how badly he needs
some cash and how much it would help him. He never outrights asks
you, though. Manipulation, or just a friend venting and telling you
about their life?
Lately, your significant other keeps telling you how much they like a
certain style of hair. First, they say it’s cute. Then, they start showing
you other people wearing that hairstyle or pointing out how good it
looks on someone else. They might mention how much they loved it
when you used to have your hair like that years ago.
They keep complimenting you on how good you looked, that it makes you look
younger, it sets off your eyes, it makes you look so hot, etc. After a while, you
start considering it – maybe you should cut your hair like that. You liked it too,
remember? And who doesn’t need to shave a few years off? Do you actually like
it, or were you manipulated into thinking you do, through some intelligent
positive reinforcement?
I know that now you’re probably expecting me to tell you whether or not these
examples were instances of manipulation, but I’m afraid I can’t; I don’t know,
myself. See what I was saying about intent? It could go either way, which is why
manipulation can be so subtle and insidious. You could be manipulated your
entire life and you’d never know.
Unless, of course, you learn how to identify this kind of behavior in other
people. With time and practice, you get to understand the basics of manipulation
better, what is and what isn’t manipulation, who is likely to be a manipulative
person, and who has nefarious purposes.
It’s also important to distinguish between manipulation and social influence. At
a superficial look, they might seem to be the same, or at least, similar, but the
truth is they couldn’t be more different. Why, you ask? Well, intent plays a role
here, once again. You see, social influence is absolutely normal and, most
importantly, mutual. As I said earlier, you might have been influenced – or even
manipulated – without even realizing.
No man is an island, and when you associate with other people, you’re going to
pick up some opinions, habits, preferences, etc. that you didn’t have before. Who
is to tell if you picked them up voluntarily, if you did it absently and organically,
or if someone was making a concentrated effort to make you change? Let me
give you some examples of social influence:
You start hanging out with a new friend who has different political
views than you do. Over time, you discuss some things, you realize
they have some good points, and you start to shift positions a bit. At
some point, you are at least partly “converted” to the other side.
You’ve always hated avocado, but lately, it’s become a trendy meal
option. You’ve been seeing it everywhere, so you decide to give it
another try. What do you know? You love it! You were influenced by
your environment to try it, but you made up your mind about it on
your own.
You never really dreamed about a wedding and always thought you’d
be single or just partnered. But your current partner really wants a
wedding and you want them to be happy. You realize you still don’t
necessarily want it, but you wouldn’t mind it. So you agree to get
married. You were influenced, but you made a choice.
This phenomenon isn’t exclusive just to politics, or religion, things like that, but
we can start “imitating” or sharing values with friends in literally any other
respect. It can be that you admire their fashion sense and unknowingly start to
recreate it. It can be that they’ve introduced you to horror movies and now you
love them. It can be anything at all.
You changing your mind about things or agreeing with someone else does not
have to be manipulation, and it does not need to be done with intent. It’s
impossible to not allow yourself to be influenced by external factors, whether
it’s media, society in general, or specific people.
While it can be argued that we, as a mass, are being manipulated on a large scale
by media and politicians, that’s a completely different ballgame. The apparatus
is entirely too complex to fight against it, and you can never know what is real
and what isn’t. Second-guessing and being suspicious of everything can turn you
into a conspiracy theorist concerned that everyone is out to get them and that
everyone is lying to them. And an existence fuelled by paranoia is not a good
one.
Oftentimes, people feel like fools when they realize they’ve been manipulated,
but you don’t have to feel bad. You couldn’t have known someone was playing
with your mind, because you’re earnest and you believe other people are as well.
But you’re about to have your eyes opened to the many facets of manipulation,
how it can be used against you, and how you can use it, as well.
Chapter 2
When you’re the manipulator
It’s easy to demonize manipulation when we’re talking about someone else, like
a cartoon villain, communist dictator, or the mean secretary from work. And the
truth is, yes, manipulation can absolutely be used for evil, and it can do real
damage.
It’s not something to take lightly or play with if you don’t know what you’re
doing. You wouldn’t want to inflict damage. However, manipulation can be
employed without destroying lives. Think of it like this: “bad” manipulation has
the purpose to hurt other people, while “good” manipulation brings you
advantages.
We’re not here to debate the morality of manipulation, and I would even venture
to say that if you’re uncertain about whether you can, in good faith, engage in
manipulation, then don’t do it. At least, not until it’s become clear where you
stand. I would like to make it clear that it is not my aim to push anyone to do
anything that contradicts their personal moral code. That being said, if you’re
cool with it, let us move forward and see what you can get out of this.
Build confidence
Confidence is the common denominator here and the aspect that is most
noticeable in your interactions. Everything about you has to exude confidence,
but that’s difficult, when you don’t have it. But here is how you can build it up:
Mind control
Mind control, here is where it gets serious. You don’t play around with mind
control, it’s an activity not many people engage in, and with good reason. Mind
control is, perhaps, the ultimate form of persuasion, but it’s more than that. It’s
not just your mad persuasive abilities that allow you to effectively control
someone’s mind. Mind control relies on tricks of psychology and next-level
manipulation. Do not try this at home, kids.
What is NLP?
NLP is short for neuro-linguistic programming and it has been described as a
“behavioral technology”. Neuro-linguistic programming encompasses
psychotherapy, personal development, and communication, and it originates in
California in the 1970s, having been discovered by John Grinder and Richard
Bandler.
To put it in simpler terms, neuro-linguistic programming is used to change your
behavior by influencing your programming and neuro-language. Proponents of
NLP claim that it can help get rid of a whole range of things, including near-
sightedness, tic disorders, colds, psychosomatic illness, phobias, allergies,
learning disorders, and even depression.
They say this works by influencing and modifying the behavior of people,
allowing them to learn skills other people have, often in one single session,
which is, by all standards, an extraordinary claim. If this is, indeed, real, then it’s
an extremely powerful tool that can work in your favor in a variety of situations.
Hypnotherapy appears to be the place where one would go to have this used on
them, but there are also seminars you can attend to learn how to make use of this
technique in your own life, whether it is for personal use or for business
endeavors.
1. Constant criticism
It’s common for the manipulator to try to make you always feel inadequate, so
that you’re off balance and vulnerable. If you feel bad or think there is
something wrong with you all the time, from every point of view, they can make
you doubt yourself and get into your head. Thus, they retain superiority and
control.
How do they achieve it? In actuality, this is cleverly disguised bullying, but it’s
difficult to show that to other people. The manipulator is always judging you,
commenting negatively on everything you do and doing their best to bring you
down. It seems like you can do nothing right and that you’re essentially
worthless. They successfully marginalize you by either making you feel bad
about yourself or creating a negative impression about you in other people.
3. Playing victim
If there is one thing manipulators love to do, is play victim. They love attention
(especially the narcissists) and they will pry it out of you at all cost. They get off
on making you worry, taking advantage of your sense of obligation or duty,
having you spend time and resources to cater to them instead of doing something
important to you, etc. They enjoy the control that gives them and will exploit it
to make unreasonable demands.
How do they achieve it? They will create conflict where there is none, imagine
insults, exaggerate or make up issues or personal problems. A very “popular”
way to do it is create a fake health issue, pretend they are more ill than they are,
threaten they’re on their death bed, purposefully make themselves sick, insist
you are trying to hurt them, lament that everyone hates them, etc. Screaming,
crying, and throwing tantrums is all par for the course in order to get pity and
attention.
7. Weaponizing paperwork
There is more than one way to stall for time, and manipulators know all the
tricks. Procedure, paperwork, documentation can all take a lot of the victim’s
time and make their life difficult or burden them unnecessarily. That is the
ultimate goal of the manipulator. Even if they are not stalling for a specific
purpose, the simple fact that they are making the victim’s life more difficult than
it has to be gives them a sense of power and control.
How do they achieve it? You will see this tactic used a lot in law enforcement
and people working with the public, in general. It’s an attempt at exerting
control through the only avenue they have: inserting legal road blocks. Some
people will actively seek career paths that allow them to do things like this
because of the perceived control they have over other people.
10. Gaslighting
One of the most common and effective manipulation techniques is gaslighting.
That is playing with the victim’s mind and making them question themselves
and their sanity by twisting and manipulating facts. Even if the victim was
present for certain events and knows what happened, the manipulator will deny
and invent a new version of reality in order to confuse and make the victim
doubt their recollections.
How do they achieve it? The manipulator will outright lie to the victim’s face
and try to convince them certain things didn’t happen or didn’t happen the way
the victim remembers them. After applying this treatment repeatedly, the victim
might come to question their own sanity and wonder what is real and what is not.
Especially when the victim is alone, it’s relatively easy to get them to doubt
themselves and their own memories.
11. Guilt-tripping
Guilt-tripping is the manipulator’s favorite pastime. They will pretend to be hurt,
disappointed, insulted, abandoned, victimized, etc. by the victim’s actions in
order to appeal to their emotions and vulnerability. The manipulator relies on the
victim’s good nature and sense of responsibility in order to make them feel
guilty for the hurt the manipulator is supposedly feeling, even when it is not their
fault.
How do they achieve it? Fake crying is an old stand-by, especially employed by
female manipulators, but also children, once they’re old enough to understand
that it attracts attention that is beneficial to them. Talking about their hurt
feelings, about how lonely they are, about how cruel the victim is being for
whatever perceived slight the manipulator is making up, etc. are all tactics to
make the victim feel guilty and cater to the manipulator’s demands.
13. No contact
Silence can hold power and manipulators will use it to their advantage. Whether
it’s by stalling on something important or simply refusing to answer texts or
calls because they want to make a point about how wrong the victim is, they will
use silence as a way to make the victim doubt themselves. After a long enough
period of this silent treatment, the victim will start second-guessing themselves
and asking themselves why they are being punished.
How do they achieve it? The manipulator will use silence as punishment and as a
form of control over the victim. If they can’t control the victim with words and
actions, they will control them with silence and inaction. It’s all meant to make
the victim wonder what they did wrong and start looking for blame within
themselves, thus deflecting blame from the manipulator.
14. Raising their voice
Manipulators are known to raise their voice as a display of dominance and
aggression. It is meant to intimidate and overpower the victim by making
themselves and their emotions louder and more obvious than the victim’s.
Typically, this might also be paired with over the top hand gestures in order to
appear bigger, more overwhelming, and to cause the victim to retreat into a
smaller space.
How do they achieve it? Oftentimes, a discussion will not even warrant raising
their voice, because it does not yet turn into an argument, but the manipulator
can turn anything into a one-sided argument. They can take offense and imagine
conflict at the drop of a hat, just so they have an excuse to raise their voice and
go into “fight” mode, in order to intimidate or overpower the victim.
Ignore them
“Ignore them and they’ll go away” is rarely good advice against bullying,
because that is what this is, a form of (usually adult) bullying. However, unlike
children, who we have a duty to protect, adults can deal with adults on the same
level. Ignoring them might not work for the majority of people; however,
depending on what kind of manipulation is being employed and how much it
affects you, you might just get away with simply not giving it any attention.
The vast majority of the techniques manipulators employ rely on their victim’s
reaction. If you do not give the a reaction, you’ve effectively taken away their
venom, they can’t hurt you if you don’t allow yourself to be hurt, or more
specifically, don’t give them satisfaction by showing them how hurt you are.
That is all they want, at the end of the day, to see how they’re upsetting you.
You can’t let them win.
Of course, even if you understand why ignoring them might work, actually doing
it is more difficult. It’s hard not to react to their hurtful jabs, especially when
they make you angry and all you want to do is lash out. But remember that
manipulators work discreetly, so you lashing out will put you in a negative light,
while allowing them to appear to be the victim. So, what can you do? Employ
some counter-techniques of your own:
Grey-rocking
Grey-rocking takes its name after the action you’re supposed to do – act like a
grey, unfeeling, unmoving rock. That’s just a fancy way of saying that you
should ignore their attempts to hurt you, but also that you should stop engaging.
When they ask something, give a non-answer, or a non-committal reply. For
example:
Information diet
An information diet is exactly what it sounds like it is. If you stop giving the
manipulator information about you, you take away their ammunition. What they
don’t know, they can’t use to hurt you. This is easy enough to do with strangers,
acquaintances, and maybe co-workers, as your private life is none of their
business, anyway. Where it gets hard is when the manipulator is within your
family.
But even in that case, it is entirely possible for you to stop them from using
information about your own life to hurt you. Here are some things you can do to
minimize conflict:
Don’t ever offer information about your life voluntarily. Keep things
vague; if they ask how you’re doing, stop at “I’m fine, thanks.” They
don’t need to know you’ve been to the hospital, that you lost your
job, or that you just won $1 million.
If they ask specific questions, grey rock. Again, none of the things
they ask are things they need to know. Not how much money you
make, not how things are going in your family life, love life, or any
other aspect of your life. Unless this information is vital to them, do
not give it to them.
Don’t give information to people who communicate with them.
Sometimes, even if you manage to shelter yourself and don’t tell
them information directly, it will reach their ears anyway, through
well-meaning third parties.
If you don’t want them to hear something, don’t just tell other people to please
not tell the manipulator – remember that they are very good at spinning tales in
their favor and making people do things for them. Instead of making yourself
vulnerable by allowing info to slip through the cracks, lock it down by not
telling anyone else who could tell them.
Confront them
There is always the option of just letting them know that you are onto their mind
games and tactics and that you are neither intimidated nor weak. You will not
fall for their manipulation and will not provide them with a victim to project
their nastiness on. They will try to gaslight you and tell you that you are making
everything up and none of the situations you describe actually happened. It’s up
to you to stay strong and remember that they cannot hurt you.
It’s not really recommended to do this in public unless you have evidence
(which we’ll talk about in a minute), because otherwise you risk putting yourself
in an unfortunate position. The manipulator is likely to manipulate everyone else
and the situation in their favor. Their penchant for always being the victim will
serve them well and impress everyone else, and you do not want them taking the
abuser’s side.
At the end of the day, confrontation will let them know that you are very well
aware of who they really are, which might as well cause them to escalate, but the
more they escalate and the more obvious their real self is, the easier it is to show
the rest of the world who they really are, as well.
Expose them
Exposure is, perhaps, a manipulator’s worst nightmare. Many times, they rely on
their public image, which is at polar opposites with their real self. Exposure of
their true colors would mean the end of their double life and the end of their
ability to manipulate people. If everyone knows who you are and what you are
capable of, they won’t go near you and they won’t believe your lies. And what is
a manipulator without other people they can manipulate?
Exposing a person like this is not easy, but it becomes easier as they start to lose
control and composure. You have to take advantage of the cracks in the image
and push further to cause them to lose their cool and make a scene.
Alternatively, if you have concrete evidence of a situation they manipulated (like
an audio or video recording), showing the world is essentially the end of their
reign.
You do need to exercise caution with something like this because the
manipulator will not react kindly to being exposed. They will be angry and
depending on how disordered they are, they might come after you. Take
protective measures against possible danger; it’s always better to be safe than
sorry.
Conclusion
Congratulations on making it to the end! If you’ve made it this far, I am
confident in my assessment that you are now on your way to becoming a master
of manipulation. You’ve gone through everything you need to learn about
manipulation, from theory, to practice, from basics to advanced techniques.
Manipulation has no more secrets for you, so look out, world! I hope you’ve
enjoyed the process of learning more about this fascinating social art and that
you now understand the immense value of a skill like manipulation.
Despite the infamous reputation it carries, manipulation does not have to be
strictly evil or used for nefarious purposes. While it’s true that it certainly can
inflict harm and a world of hurt if used by the wrong people in the wrong way,
most importantly, manipulation can bring amazing social advantages to the
manipulator. That is a healthy way of using it, too – as a social tool that can help
you navigate social situations better and gain more advantages.
What I want you to take away from this book is that you do not have to have
these innate skills in order to apply this tool successfully. Anyone can learn
manipulation skills, you just have to pay attention to the lessons I outlined for
you in this book and make an effort to acquire all the skills you need. It’s
certainly a matter of talent, but much more of the process if attributed to hard
work, so get right on that!
I wanted this to be a comprehensive guide to manipulation, so that anyone can
read it and understand exactly what they need to do. All you need to know is
right here, in this e-book, from basics to tactics for the advanced and the
individuals versed in the dark art of manipulation. As you were able to see,
getting started is not actually that difficult. You just need to have a good starting
point and valuable information and advice.
After that, it is up to you to practice and apply what you’ve learned here. You
won’t get it right the first time, but with practice, you too can become an expert
in manipulating people according to your will and preference. There is no limit
on the things you can obtain with the help of pulling strings and bending
people’s minds to your advantage.
I hope this book served as the guide you needed to get your feet wet when it
comes to manipulation. The aim of this book was to teach you everything so that
you can understand manipulation better, and be able to identify it in others in
order to protect yourself from it, but also know how to apply it in your everyday
life. Remember that manipulation can be used for good or evil, and that you
don’t need to hurt people with it. It can be a skill like any other that you use to
gain personal advantages, so start applying it right now, with the help of this e-
book. Good luck!