Another breath

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/9290780.

Rating: General Audiences

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Category: Gen
Fandom: 文豪ストレイドッグス | Bungou Stray Dogs
Character: Akutagawa Ryuunosuke (Bungou Stray Dogs), Nakahara Chuuya
(Bungou Stray Dogs)
Additional Tags: Underage Drinking, Dazai gets mentioned, Chuuya talks shit about him,
Dazai just left the Mafia, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Kinda, how to tag
this
Language: English
Series: Part 1 of still breathing
Stats: Published: 2017-01-11 Words: 1,403 Chapters: 1/1

Another breath
by SilentRabidWriter

Summary

Dazai left the Mafia. He leaves two people behind.

Notes

See the end of the work for notes

It felt like a dream. Like a bad one.

One of those nightmares where you just can’t wake up. Where you want to scream, want to fight
but you can’t move. Where all you can do is to wait for the morning to come to wake you up.

Except that it wasn’t a dream. His worst nightmare had become reality.

When Mori had told him, he had wanted to laugh, to laugh until his lungs gave out. Instead he
stayed silent; bottling up his feelings only to explode once he reached the safety of his quarters. He
didn’t know how to feel, what to feel.

Confusion, anger, despair.

He couldn’t really breathe. With staggering feet Akutagawa left his room again, just to bump into
his sister. The girl had heard the news already. She paled when she saw the look etched on her
brother’s face. “You shouldn’t go out like this- You’ll do something stupid.” He knew that Gin
was right, but ‘something stupid’ was exactly what he wanted to do right now.

Still…he listened, he stayed in his room. At least it had been his room for the last few months..
Now he didn’t have a real place anymore- Mori told him, he should stay put, waiting to be assigned
to someone else, to get a proper place again.

So – he ended up staying there, right across Dazai’s empty quarters. When he wasn’t needed,
Akutagawa locked himself inside, trying to figure out the emotions that wreaked havoc on his
body. It was difficult to understand them, almost impossible to deal with them. The anger was
easy; it was something he was used to.
Everything else was more difficult. The hurt, the betrayal and the guilt. It was too much, too
intense and he felt like tearing apart.

At first Gin tried talking to him- she eventually just gave up. He didn’t want to talk, he didn’t want
so see anyone- except-
But that was not possible anymore. That man was a traitor now, and he was nothing but the cast-off
subordinate. He didn’t have a place anymore, didn’t belong anywhere now. It was a horrible
feeling, it was so much more than anger- but he didn’t dare to think more about it, it would kill him
if he did.

A week later, someone finally broke into his isolation, quite literally too. Curled up by the window
Akutagawa turned around- completely baffled, that someone had dared to kick down his door. In
front of him was a small man, auburn hair in gentle curls and a confident grin on his face.

Chuuya Nakahara, of course he knew that man’s name. His mentor’s old partner, he had heard
enough stories of the famous double black to respect the older. “You’re Akutagawa, aren't you?” It
wasn’t even a question, instead Chuuya hurled him up, with more power than one would expect of
such a small person. “Come on. We have a lot to talk about. Go change. You look horrible.”
Horrible was a nice word to say it. His eyes completely empty, dark circles stark against the pale
skin. Akutagawa looked like one would imagine death.

He was hauled towards the bathroom, a set of fresh clothes in hand and so he obeyed just because
he was used to doing so. Still, Chuuyas smile baffled him completely, why would he treat him that
nice? Why was he so friendly?

Still, when he emerged from the Bathroom, freshly dressed, the ginger grinned at him and
prompted him to follow. He did.
“Mori made me an executive now that sorry excuse for a human being is gone”, Chuuya began as
the strange pair walked down the corridor. Instinctively Akutagawa opened his mouth, the urge to
defend Dazai as strong as ever, but Chuuya just cut him off with a wave of his hand. “I know how
he treated you. He may be a genius, but he has no sense of empathy.” The smaller looked almost
pained while admitting those words. “You will need someone to complete your training. Since
Dazai was my partner, that someone would be me.”

Akutagawa didn’t even get a chance to protest as the executive dragged him away. But even when
a defence, a declaration for his old mentor was on the tip of his tongue he kept it quiet. Deep down
he knew that Chuuya was right.

Training was a lot different, than what he was used to. For one Chuuya didn’t kick him, not when
he was already down. Also he didn’t taunt, he didn’t mock him. Instead he reached out, pulled him
to his feet, when he was on the floor; and smiled, when he managed to do something right. It was
unnerving. It was exhausting.
Still…he could get used to it.

It was almost night time, when they stopped. But when he wanted to return to his room, Chuuya
just continued to pull him along, talking with him just like they were equal. Completely baffled
Akutagawa just followed along.
They ended up in a bar, where Chuuya deliberately ignored every rule concerning underage
drinking ordering some wine for both of them. The first sip made him cough, it got better
afterwards.

At first the executive kept their conversation flowing with light questions. Asking him, what his
abilities were, where he came from. Even though all this information could surely be found in his
file Akutagawa played along. The wine made him more willing to talk to this strange, way too nice
mafia member. In return the older told him about his way to the top.

After the second glass they fell silent for a while. For a while Akutagawa didn’t even notice, too
caught up in his thoughts. So far Chuuya had managed to distract him, but now everything came
rushing back in. A familiar pain clutching his chest, his bony fingers tightened their grip on his
glass.

“You have to stop it.” The serious words caught him completely off-guard. Puzzled Akutagawa
raised his gaze, looking up.

In the dim bar Chuuya’s eyes seemed unnaturally bright, piercing right through him. His instinct
told him to lie, to pretend so no one could see his weakness.
But his mask already cracking around the edges and he couldn’t bring himself to deny the truth.
“You have to. Don’t let your life revolve around him, do you understand?” There was urgency in
those words and Akutagawa understood.

Those words weren’t just meant for him, they were meant for both of them. He wasn’t the only one
left behind, wasn’t the only one who didn’t know how to deal with this. So he gave Chuuya a nod,
the ghost of an unpractised smile on his lips. “…I won’t”, he promised quietly, eliciting one of
those bright smile from Chuuya. He still didn’t understand how the older could radiate such
warmth, while being one of the most feared from the port mafia.

“Good”, he murmured quietly and Akutagawa almost didn’t catch it. “Good..let’s have another
glass, to celebrate my promotion and that you have a better teacher now.” Akutagawa’s quiet
protest was completely ignored.

The rest of the evening passed in a blur. The more he drank, the louder Chuuya got. Soon he
started telling stories about a younger Dazai, complaining about the man’s bad habits, revealing
embarrassing moments. Akutagawa however grew quieter, putting all his effort in stopping himself
from getting embarrassing and trying to stop his new mentor from dragging the Port Mafia’s name
down.

It seemed that he handled liquor better than Chuuya. It was no surprise that in the end he had to
bring the executive home and when Chuuya realized how exhausted the younger was, he was
ordered to stay the night. That was how Akutagawa ended up lying on a luxurious couch, his head
spinning but still somehow feeling better than he did during the last week.

It was a start.

The next morning he let go of his old room. Instead he moved in a little flat, with his sister. Almost
a year later Mori deemed him ready, promoted him. The world hadn’t stopped spinning, he hadn’t
stopped moving forward.

Only sometimes the quiet longing for someone that just wasn’t there anymore got to him again. On
those nights he somehow always ended up at Chuuya’s place, crashing on his couch.

He wasn’t quite alright, neither of them were. But they were getting there.
End Notes

Hah!
The first time I didn't write something starring Dazai and Akutagawa.

Honestly, I just want to see Akutagawa and Chuuya really interact with each other in the
manga.

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