COUNSELING SKILLS

1) Paraphrasing The counselor rephrases the content of the clients message

Example: Client: I know it doesnt help my depression to sit around or stay in bed all day. Counsellor: It sounds like you know you should avoid staying in bed or sitting around all day to help your depression. Purposes of Paraphrasing

To convey that you are understanding him/her Help the client by simplifying, focusing and crystallizing what they said May encourage the client to elaborate Provide a check on the accuracy of your perceptions

When to use it

When you have an hypothesis about whats going on with the client When the client is in a decision making conflict When the client has presented a lot of material and you feel confused

Steps in Paraphrasing

Client, a 40-year-old woman: How can I tell my husband I want a divorce? Hell think Im crazy. I guess Im just afraid to tell him. Steps a) Recall the message and restate it to yourself covertly b) Identify the content part of the message c) Wants divorce, but hasnt told husband because he will think shes crazy

d) Select an appropriate beginning: E.g., It sounds like, You think, I hear you saying, e) Translate the key content into your own words: Want a divorce= break off, split; E.g., It sounds like you havent found a way to tell your husband you want to end the relationship because of his possible reaction. Is that right? f) Confirm the accuracy of the paraphrase Practice: Get into triads/dyads and do the following paraphrases together

2) Reflection A verbal response to client emotion Example Client: So many things are going on right now: another hectic semester has started, my dogs sick, and my moms ill too. I find myself running around trying to take care of everything. Im not sure I can take it anymore. Counsellor: Youre feeling pretty overwhelmed by all the things that are going on right now. Purposes of a Reflection

Helps clients: Feel understood Express more feelings Manage feelings Discriminate among various feelings Steps of a Reflection

Client, a 50-year-old steelworker now laid off: Now look, what can I do? Ive been laid off over a year. Ive got no money, no job, and a family to take care of. Its also clear to me that my mind and skills are just wasting away. [Said in a loud, critical voice, staring at the ceiling, brow furrowed, eyes squinting] a. Listen closely and observe behaviour Watch nonverbal behaviour Verbally reflect the feelings back to the client b. Identify the feeling category

c. Identify the intensity d. Match the feeling and intensity of a word e. Feed back to the client f. Add content using the form You feel ___ , because _____. g. Check for accuracy

Practice: Get into your triads/dyads and do the following paraphrases together Reflection of Feeling This involves identification by the interviewer of the key emotions of a client and a restatement of them back to the client to clarify and focus attention on the clients affective experience. With less verbal or reluctant clients and children, the brief acknowledgment of feeling may be more appropriate than detailed exploration of complex feelings, as exploration of emotions may be uncomfortable. The predicted result is that clients will understand their emotional states more clearly and will correct the interviewer with a more accurate description of their emotional state if the counselors reflection is not accurate. Stages of interview The microskills hierarchy proposes a five stage organization of the interview that focuses on goals and results. The stages require that the practitioner 1. Initiate the Session. Establish rapport and structure the session so that clients know what to expect from the counseling or therapy process. 2. Gather Data. Define the problem and identify client strengths by drawing out stories, concerns, problems, or issues. 3. Set Mutual Goals. Determine what the client wants to happen. 4. Explore and Create. Generate alternatives, confront the clients conflict and incongruities, generate alternative resolutions for conflict, and help the client create a new way of thinking, feeling, or behaving. 5. Conclude. Plan for the generalization of the learning that has occurred in the counseling interviews to real life and for the eventual termination of the counseling relationship.

The five stages may occur sequentially, particularly in decisional and career counseling, but different theories give varying attention to the skills. Brief counseling, for example, sets goals early and spends considerable time focusing on generalization throughout the session. By way of contrast, a traditional psychoanalytic interview spends virtually the entire session focusing on the third phase of exploration of issues and concerns and gives little attention to goal setting. Different theoretical approaches to the interview also have vastly different patterns of skill usage. For instance, practitioners of brief counseling often focus on questions, while client-centered practitioners avoid questions as much as possible and prefer reflection of feeling, paraphrasing, and summarization.

Concreteness Skills in Counseling Concreteness skill in counseling involves helping the client to identify and work on a specific problem from the various problems presented. It might also involve keeping the client on track with that problem in this session, clarifying facts, terms, feelings, goals, and uses a hear and now focus to emphasize issues in today's session. Concreteness by C.H. Patterson (ext. PDF Concreteness is a skill used to help make vague communication more clear. It is about inviting the client to be more specific when unclear statements are made. It can be a mistake to assume that counsellors will accurately 'guess' or 'imagine' what they believe the clients mean. If a client says "I had a bad day." the counsellor will probably not know in what way the client has had a 'bad day'. If the counsellor asks the client to clarify their bad day, the client might disclose that everything went wrong. The counsellor might clarify what 'everything' means. The client might reply by saying that he had a flat tyre and that he felt frustrated about it. Now the counsellor understands the details about why the client said it was a bad day. Concreteness also helps the client to take more responsibility for their words and actions. If a client tells a counsellor that he 'gave his wife a little bit of a slap', the counsellor might ask "What do you mean by 'a little bit of a slap'? How exactly did you hit your wife? What happened next." It may have been that this client had hit his wife with clenched fists, and put her in hospital. The initial statement was potentially misleading if it had not been followed up with questions designed to elicit a more specific description. Assertiveness Training Assertiveness is a way of thinking and behaving that allows a person to stand up for his or her rights while respecting the rights of others. Nonassertive people may be passive or aggressive. Passive individuals are not committed to their own rights and are more likely to allow others to infringe on their rights than to stand up and speak

out. On the other hand, aggressive persons are very likely to defend their own rights and work to achieve their own goals but are also likely to disregard the rights of others. Additionally, aggressive individuals insist that their feelings and needs take precedence over other people's. They also tend to blame others for problems instead of offering solutions. Assertive attitudes and behaviors are at the heart of effective advocacy. A person with an assertive attitude recognizes that each individual has rights. These rights include not only legal rights but also rights to individuality, to have and express personal preferences, feelings and opinions. The assertive individual not only believes in his or her rights but is committed to preserving those rights. An assertive attitude is important in recognizing that rights are being violated. The passive person is so concerned with being liked and accepted that he or she may never recognize the need to advocate. The assertive person clearly expresses his or her rights or needs. They tend to face problems promptly and they focus on solutions rather than problems. The following will enhance your assertiveness skills. Assertive listening is one of the most important advocacy skills we will discuss. The goals of assertive listening are: (1) to let the other know that you want to understand his or her point of view; (2) to understand accurately what another is saying; and (3) to let the other know that he or she has been understood. Remember that understanding is different from agreement. You can understand what another is saying but still disagree with him or her. You can let others know you are interested in hearing and understanding their points of view in several ways. You can tell them you are interested. Here are some examples of how you could phrase such a statement:

I'd like to hear your views on.... I'd like to understand your views on.... Could you tell me about them? I'm confused about your stand on.... Would you tell me more about how you see the situation? I think we are approaching this from two different perspectives. What does the situation look like from your perspective? I 'd like to hear your thoughts on

Looking directly at the other shows you are giving him, or her your attention. Leaning forward slightly communicates interest, while a relaxed, open posture communicates receptiveness to what the other party is saying. Listening for accuracy takes concentration and requires you to give your full attention to what the other is saying. It is easier to listen for accuracy when you

feel relaxed. If you are tense and your own thoughts are racing, excuse yourself for a minute and go to another room. Take a few deep breaths to relax and clear your mind before returning. Ask questions as they come up, especially if the answers are important to understanding additional points the other party is discussing. Saying "um hum" and nodding your head slightly will encourage the other to continue talking. Most people will discontinue talking without these mild encouragements. Assertive Listening. You can test whether or not you have understood the other party by summarizing your understanding of what was said and asking for verification. This not only lets you know whether you have understood the other correctly, it also lets the other person know they have been understood. Some problem solving or negotiation sessions get stuck because people do not realize that they understand one another. Many times the issue is not confusion, but disagreement about what to do about the problem. Working out solutions is different from establishing an understanding and some issues remain unresolved because parties never get past the stage of establishing that all viewpoints are understood. Below are some examples of language you can use to test for understanding.

If I understand you correctly.... Is that what you meant? I heard you say _____________, did I understand you correctly? I heard you say ______________, did I understand you correctly? Your view is _______________________, is that right? Brain injury can interfere with the ability to process information. Consequently, it can impair the ability understand and make sense of complex information. This condition can be especially troublesome when such information is presented in a stressful context. It may become necessary to have statements or questions repeated or rephrased. Note taking on such occasions can be used to reinforce your understanding. Finally, you can test your understanding of the other party's intentions by following the steps outlined above. Nonverbal Assertiveness Even when we are silent we communicate a lot -through our eyes, facial expression, posture, gestures and personal appearance. Through these nonverbal behaviors we communicate who we are and how we feel. Others draw conclusions about our sincerity, credibility and emotional state based on our nonverbal behavior. Poor eye contact, slouching, nervous gestures and other nonassertive behaviors can convince others that what we have to say can be safely ignored. Awareness of our nonverbal behaviors is an important advocacy tool. Elements of Nonverbal Behavior Nonverbal behaviors are harder to control than verbal behaviors, but with awareness and practice you can become effective in communicating non verbally as well as verbally.

1. Eye contact. Eye contact means looking directly at another, focusing on his or her eyes. Direct eye contact is assertive. Children often play at seeing who can stare the other down. The one who can maintain eye contact the longest wins and gains a sense of power. We are not suggesting you try to out stare others, but looking directly at another while you are speaking strongly suggests, even demands, that you be listened to and taken seriously. Looking down while speaking to another suggests timidity and weakens you in the eyes of others. Looking to the side as you speak suggests avoidance and insincerity and jeopardizes your credibility. Maintaining eye contact while the other is speaking shows your interest in listening. There are times when you will want to minimize eye contact while others are speaking, perhaps to avoid revealing your reaction to what is said or to give you time to think. When this occurs, concentrate on note taking since this also gives the impression that you are listening. 2. Posture. The moment you walk into a room, your posture and carriage communicate messages about your confidence, how you expect to relate to others, your energy level and emotional state. Slouching may say "Don't notice me" or "I'm tired and can be easily worn down" or "I'm not interested in being here". Slouching does not invite the other to take you seriously. A tense and rigid posture communicates you are in a heightened emotional state. It may be interpreted as anxiety or anger depending on your other nonverbal behaviors. This kind of posture makes you look out of control. An erect and relaxed posture while standing and sitting communicates confidence, self-control, energy and an expectation that you be taken seriously. When sitting, leaning forward slightly communicates interest and a sense of purpose. Leaning back communicates disinterest or disagreement. Crossing your arms and legs suggests a tense and closed attitude while uncrossed arms and legs suggests a relaxed and open attitude. 3. Facial expression. We say a lot through our facial expressions. Our face tells others the degree to which we are alert, interested, in agreement, or relaxed. It reveals the types of emotions we feel. It is best to keep your facial expression as neutral as possible.

Assertiveness training involves learning the basic social skills that deal with clearly expressing yourself to others, persisting with your goals in the face of opposition and appropriately standing up for your self in the midst of conflict or criticism. Understanding assertive versus passive and aggressive behavior Passive behavior is charactorized by its overly "nice" and submissive quality. the

individual engaging in passive behavior is typically afraid of conflict and overlyafraid of social rejection. The passive individual frequently holds the belief that if you behave "nicely enough" to somebody who is acting rudely, obnoxiously or pushy towards you, that the rude person will eventually understand how "good" you are and will gratefully stop acting in a rude, obnoxious and overly demanding fashion. Frequently a passive individual keeps his or her personal opinions, feelings or desires to him or herself while looking for those things to say that will best win the other person's approval. Consequently, the passive person frequently feels very frustrated and angry inside, believing that people don't truly "understand" him or her, or don't really "care" about them when they don't intuit the passive person's desires underneith their "nice" behaviors. The passive individual cares too much about other people's approval and focuses too little on honestly expressing him or herself to others and letting natural compatibility or natural incompatibility determine one's relationships. Aggressive behavior is often seen as "bullying," "intimidating" or "manipulative" by others and is charactorized by a lack of concern for other's opinions, feelings or desires. Often the basic goal of aggressive behavior is the domination of others through verbal or physical displays of power and threats of violence or retaliation.While the aggressive individual sometimes gets his or her way in the short run, in the long run aggressive behavior is self-defeating, in that the aggressive individual ends up having few friends and many social enemies. Also, with the addition of alcohol or social conflict with another aggressive individual, aggression quickly and easily crosses the line into illegal and punishable behavior. Assertive behavior is charactorized by a contant search for a "win-win" solution to social conflict, as well as by non-aggressive social methods for standing up for oneself in the face of aggressive social criticism, attack or manipulation. The individual maintaining an assertive position usually maintains that he or she is the ultimate judge of his or her own behavior, although other people are free to have their own opinions and approve or disapprove as they see fit. An assertive person stands up for his or her tastes, desires, values and opinions while respecting other people's freedom to have their own individual differences on these things. A person who behaves assertively understands that he or she is naturally incompatible with certain people and is naturally compatible with certain other people, therefore social rejection is simply an acknowlegment of social incompatiblity with a given person and not a reflection of their worth as a person. An assertive individual looks for naturally compatible people to establish friendships with while leaving naturally incompatible people alone to live their lives as they see fit. Assertive social conversation and communication Assertive social conversation and communication involves learning and then practicing a number of basic skills involving self-expression, such as Self-disclosure In self-dicslosure students learn how to reveal aspects of their past history, opinions, values and desires they normally would have been to anxious to reveal in the past. A key element of successful assertiveness is the development of rejection tolerance, so that disclosure of one's self is not seen to be as threatening as it is

typically viewed by someone preoccupied with the thought "but what will they think if I say that!!??" Free information. Free information is the offering of facts about yourself in an unsolicited fashion. Sometimes this free information is given to the other person simply as a means of self-disclosure and as a means of enhancing a valued relationship, sometimes free information is offered as an invitation to the other person to relax and begin talking on a more personal, intimate level. Persistence Persistence is often required in social situations where you are dealing with a bureaucracy and are facing systematic resistence to your reasonable requests. A key social skill practiced in assertiveness training that teaches persistence is called Broken Record Broken record involves saying what you want over and over again without getting angry, irritated or loud, regardless of how the frustrator is stonewalling your reasonable requests. Assertively coping with criticism Assertiveness is the middle ground between passivity and aggressiveness. Often when people are criticized they tend to react either by"lying down and playing dead"; in other words by being completely intimidated by the criticism and not standing up for themselves, or else people respond by overreacting and becomming angry, loud, insulting and obnoxious. We tend either to give in to the criticizer or fight the criticizer by criticizing back. Either way the conversation goes downhill and the relationship suffers. Dealing with criticism in an assertive fashion involves learning and then using the following social skills:

Fogging Fogging is simply agreeing with the of the criticism leveled at you, agreeing in principle with the criticism, or agreeing with the odds regarding the criticism leveled at you. In any of the above cases, however, you hold fast to your desires or view of the criticized situation in spite of the criticism. You do not become defensive, angry, or intimidated, however. Negative assertion Negative assertion occurs when you offer free information about yourself that you agree is negative. You offer that information, however, in a way that also communicates that you accept yourself as a person in spite of this negative trait or behavior. When you accept yourself as you are--warts and all--others find it difficult to manipulate you based on their criticizing your negative traits. Negative inquiry Negative inquiry involves asking the person who is criticizing you if they have any additional criticisms of you they would like to share. Negative inquiry communicates to the other person that you do not automatically reject yourself simply because you recognize you're human and have some negative behaviors and charactoristics. It often leads also to the complaint

that is unexpressed but which is at the root of the other person's dissatisfaction with you. All assertiveness skills are designed to lead up to the moments of

Workable compromise where you and the other person begin to non-manipulatively negotiate the differences between the two of you, and Working agreements which you and the other person reach between the two of you and which represent the solutions the two of you have worked out regarding your differences.

Assertiveness training is usually conducted in a small group setting, usually taking from four to six sessions. Occasionally, however, assertiveness is taught in the context of individual counseling and as a part of developing a student's overall social skill level. It's easy to understand assertiveness on a conceptual level. What is challenging, however, is mastering the assertive social skills to the degree that you utilize them spontaneously in the midst of an argument or a socially conflicted situation. That is where previous practice in a small group setting can be so beneficial.