A Professor’s Guide

to Writing Essays
The No-Nonsense Plan for Better Writing
Second Edition

Dr. Jacob Neumann

A Professor’s Guide to Writing Essays (2nd Edition) by Dr. Jacob Neumann

Copyright © 2016 by Jacob W. Neumann

3203 Pelican Lake Ave.

Edinburg, TX 78539

Email me at: [email protected]

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted

in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopy, or
any information storage and retrieval system, without permission from the
author.
 CONTENTS
HOW THIS BOOK WILL HELP YOU
STEP 1: MAKE AN OUTLINE
STEP 2: WRITE A THESIS SENTENCE FOR YOUR ESSAY
STEP 3: WRITE TOPIC SENTENCES FOR EACH PARAGRAPH
STEP 4: WRITE AN INTRODUCTION THAT WORKS
STEP 5: MAKE YOUR CASE
STEP 6: ENSURE YOUR BODY PARAGRAPHS ARE FOCUSED
STEP 7: CONCLUDE WITH PURPOSE
STEP 8: WRITE A POWERFUL FINAL SENTENCE
STEP 9: WRITE COMPLETE SENTENCES
STEP 10: USE TRANSITIONS LIKE THEY ARE ROAD SIGNS
STEP 11: PAY ATTENTION TO VERBS
STEP 12: POLISH YOUR WRITING
BONUS: USE CITATIONS LIKE A PRO
AVOIDING PLAGIARISM
QUICK GUIDE TO WRITING YOUR ESSAY
ARTICLES CITED
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
 HOW THIS BOOK WILL HELP YOU
I want to help you improve your writing. I’ve been teaching since 1996. Now I
work as an associate professor at The University of Texas Rio Grande Valley
where I teach people how to teach. I’ve taught at every level of schooling, and
I’ve taught students from around the world. So I know what students need to
learn to do to write good essays. I’m also a scholar who publishes in some of the
top journals in my field (you can look up my work on Google Scholar). So I
know what it takes to write good essays in the real world of academic writing.
In this book, I boil down all of my experience as a teacher and as a writer into a
plan that will help you learn to become a better writer.

In this book, I’m not going to tell you any cute stories about writing. Instead, I
get straight to the point, with a step-by-step plan, practical explanations, and
examples that show you how this information works in published academic
writing. I’m going to show you how to write an essay from the outside-in. This
means that we’re going to focus on the big picture and put our essay together in
pieces. The purpose is to help you keep the big picture straight in your head.
This will help the details make better sense. This method is different from what
other books and teachers teach. But it works. I’m then going to show you some
editing tips that will address some of the most common mistakes that students
make when writing essays. At the end of the book, I include a long section on
using citations, including specific examples of how to incorporate them into your
writing just like a professor would.

In this updated second edition, I also give you a “quick guide” for writing an
essay. This “quick guide” is an overview of the main points I show you in the
book. It gives you a condensed version of these points so you can clearly see
how the pieces of an essay are put together. This will give you an easy to follow
model for putting your essays together.

As we go through this process, I want you to feel free to email me; my email
address is [email protected]. I’m happy to address comments or
questions that you might have as you work through the steps in the book.
 STEP 1: MAKE AN OUTLINE
Most students don’t make outlines of the points they want to write about.
Instead, they just start writing. Maybe they think it’s a waste of time or just not
that useful. Whatever the reason, it’s a mistake to not write an outline. Outlines
do a lot for you. Outlines keep your ideas organized. They help you to not
repeat yourself. They also help you to not contradict yourself. To make an
effective outline, first list all of the points that you want to make in an essay.
Don’t worry about putting them into any order; just get them down on paper.

We’re now going to start our sample essay, the one we’re going to develop
throughout the book. Our topic is “the difficulties in teaching Social Studies in
elementary school.” I teach in a College of Education, and this is a topic that I
might assign to my students. We’re not going to write a very long essay, but it’ll
be long enough to illustrate the steps. I first want to write down things I think I
might want to write about. Don’t worry about the order; we’re just trying to get
down some thoughts. Here are my ideas:
Standardized testing
Lack of time to teach
Lack of resources
Too much content – what to teach?
Does Social Studies even count?
Pressure to teach just facts
Schools focus on reading, math, etc

How do I know what I want to write about? Well, I’m drawing from my
experience as a teacher, as a researcher, and as a professor. I’ve read a lot about
the difficulties in teaching Social Studies in elementary classrooms. I taught
elementary school a long time ago. I teach students who are thinking about
becoming elementary teachers. And I know elementary teachers. So I’m going
to draw on my knowledge from all of those sources to help me decide what to
write about.

For your essay, you should carefully study the prompt that describes what you
need to think about and write about. Then you’ll probably have to do some
research, some reading, and probably some more thinking. It doesn’t matter
what “type” of essay you’re writing. You’ll need a number of points to
explain/discuss/argue in any of the essay types. Right now I just want you to
write down some thoughts. They can be details or big picture ideas. At this
point it doesn’t matter; you just need to begin making a list of points you might
want to make. Once you’ve made your list, then we can start to think about how
we will order these points. Below, you’ll see my initial thoughts and those
thoughts revised into an order I think I might want to use:

Initial Thoughts:
Standardized testing
Lack of time to teach
Lack of resources
Too much content – what to teach?
Does Social Studies even count?
Pressure to teach just facts
Schools focus on reading, math, etc

Revised Thoughts:
Standardized testing
Pressure to teach just facts
Lack to time
Schools focus on reading, etc
Does it even count?
Too much content – what to teach?
Lack of resources

You might be asking how I knew to revise the order of my ideas. Well, my
knowledge and experience tells me that standardized testing is usually a big
factor that influences teaching. And several of these other factors act as a result
of standardized testing (pressure to teach just facts, lack of time, schools’ focus
on reading, and does Social Studies even count). So, it makes sense to me to put
it first. But if I was arguing different points, say only three points, then I might
put the biggest point last to end on the strongest note. When you revise your
initial thoughts into an outline, start by reviewing all of your notes and research
on your topic. Then decide which order makes the most sense to
discuss/explain/analyze the points you want to make. There isn’t really any one
best way to do it, regardless of what some teachers and books might tell you. It
will vary depending on the essay you are writing and the points you are making.
Instead of trying to find and follow the one “best” way, try to just decide what
order might work best for the task in front of you.
With my revised thoughts, I now have an idea about body paragraphs for my
essay. We’ll study paragraphs in depth later, but for now remember that each
idea gets its own paragraph. So my body paragraphs might look like this
(remember that we’ll also need an introduction and a conclusion, but we’ll work
on that later):

Version 1
Paragraph 1: Standardized testing
Paragraph 2: Pressure to teach just facts
Paragraph 3: Lack to time
Paragraph 4: Schools focus on reading, etc
Paragraph 5: Does it even count?
Paragraph 6: Too much content – what to teach?
Paragraph 7: Lack of resources

This paragraph order might work fine for my body paragraphs. But I can always
change my mind if I think of a better way to organize my paragraphs. Maybe I
want to do the following and reshuffle my ideas:

Version 2
Paragraph 1: Standardized testing
Lack of time
Paragraph 2: Pressure to teach facts
Paragraph 3: Does it even count?
Schools focus on reading, math, etc
Paragraph 4: Too much content
Paragraph 5: Lack of resources

The more I think about it, the more I might want to change my outline. At the
least, this gives me two options for ordering the content of my essay. I’m still
thinking about beginning with standardized testing. But now I’m thinking about
including a lack of time in the paragraph about testing. Then I’m thinking about
discussing the pressure to teach facts, because that is a common result of a lack
of time to teach (teachers often feel that they must squeeze everything in). Then
maybe I’ll group together “does it even count?” with schools’ focus on reading,
math, etc. This is because the question about Social Studies counting is directly
connected to their focus on reading and math. Then maybe I’ll discuss the
amount of content and the lack of resources, just like the first version.
Whatever your topic is, it’s ok to give yourself some options as to how you want
to organize your ideas. Assuming you’ve done good reading and research,
you’re in the best position to make that decision. Just remember that your
outline doesn’t have to be perfect the first time you put down your thoughts. It
only improves after you put a lot of thought into it. You also don’t need to know,
at this point, exactly what you will write about within each paragraph. That will
come as you begin to write them. Write the topic of your essay, write what
points you might want to make in your essay, and then try to organize them into
an outline.
 STEP 2: WRITE A THESIS SENTENCE FOR YOUR ESSAY
After you’ve made your outline, and before you write anything else about your
essay, I want you to write a thesis sentence for your essay. A thesis sentence is a
sentence that explains what your purpose is for your essay. This sentence should
guide your thinking about the rest of the essay. Don’t worry if the language isn’t
exact; you can change that later. For now, you just need a sentence that you can
use to focus your thoughts. Make this sentence simple and to the point. Don’t
use a lot of fancy words and definitely don’t use any “fluff” (words that people
think might sound good but don’t actually mean anything). Let’s create some
possible thesis sentences for our sample essay. We’re going to use the “Version
2” set of potential paragraphs.

Paragraph Outline
Paragraph 1: Standardized testing
Lack of time
Paragraph 2: Pressure to teach facts
Paragraph 3: Does it even count?
Schools focus on reading, math, etc
Paragraph 4: Too much content
Paragraph 5: Lack of resources

So, let’s ask a basic question: what are all of these paragraphs about? Our topic
is “the difficulty of teaching Social Studies,” and all of these paragraph ideas
focus on specific reasons why teaching Social Studies is hard. We need a simple
way of saying that teaching Social Studies is hard for a lot of reasons. Here are
three possible thesis sentences:

1. Social Studies is hard to teach for a number of

reasons.
2. Teachers have a tough job teaching Social
Studies.
3. A number of factors make Social Studies hard to
teach.

Notice how simple these sentences are? To the point without frills or fluff.
They are all pretty similar, and I can decide which one to use later. But they will
focus my thoughts as I keep developing my essay. Some teachers, books, and
guides will tell you that you need a “hook,” some kind of “interesting” sentence
to grab your readers’ attention. This is a mistake. Don’t try to be clever with
your thesis sentence; instead, make your sentence functional. It should be broad
enough to cover your topic, but specific enough to give me a sense of what the
essay will be about. Nor do you need to cram everything into that sentence –
that’s what you’ll do with the rest of your essay.

One last thought about thesis sentences. Say you have to write an essay that
compares and contrasts Shakespeare’s use of imagery in Hamlet and Macbeth.
If you get stuck, try writing something like this: “This essay will compare and
contrast Shakespeare’s use of imagery in Hamlet and Macbeth.” Now, you
shouldn’t actually use this as a thesis sentence. It doesn’t sound that good. But
it will get you going. Later, you can revise it to something like, “Shakespeare’s
use of imagery in Hamlet and in Macbeth has a number of similarities and
differences.” I will show you more examples of thesis sentences in Step 4. If
you think it will help you to jump ahead and look at those other examples, please
do. Now try to write some possible thesis sentences for your essay.
 STEP 3: WRITE TOPIC SENTENCES FOR EACH
PARAGRAPH
Now that you’ve made an outline and written a thesis sentence, I want you to
write topic sentences for each paragraph in your essay. This probably sounds
like a weird thing for me to ask at this point, and it might seem overwhelming.
Most students are used to just writing an essay straight through. But remember
how much trouble most students have with writing essays? That same old
approach usually doesn’t work that well. What we’re doing here is different, but
it will help you to develop your thoughts about the essay one step at a time.
Here, I’m asking you to think about the topic of each of your paragraphs. It
doesn’t matter if your paper has 5 paragraphs or 25 paragraphs. You’ll need to
think about them eventually; you might as well do it now. We’re developing our
essay from the outside in. Also remember that these sentences don’t need to be
perfect. Nor do they need to be fancy. Just make them to the point. Also, you
can always change them later. Right now you’re just working on your ideas and
structure for your essay.

Let’s go back to the second set of potential paragraphs that we used in Step 2.
Really think about each of those subtopics. What is each one about? What
kinds of points might you make in each paragraph? Questions like these will
help you to create sentences that are similar to the thesis sentence: broad, but
focused enough to give the reader a sense of what the paragraph will be about.
Below, I list each of the paragraph topics, I write a possible topic sentence for
each of those paragraphs, and I give you a short explanation of why I wrote each
of those topic sentences:

Body Paragraph 1
Topic: Standardized testing, lack of time to teach

Topic sentence: Standardized testing shapes, and often limits,

how Social Studies is taught.

Why: Since the topic of this paragraph is about how

standardized testing can limit the time teachers have to teach
Social Studies, as well as make it difficult to teach, I want to
include both ideas in my topic sentence. The word “shapes” is
key, because it creates a visual image of teaching being molded
 and shaped by testing. Now, the rest of the paragraph will be
about how standardized testing shapes and limits teachers’ ability
to teach Social Studies. Note that I don’t technically need the
commas around the phrase “and often limits.” I use them because
they emphasize that phrase.

Body Paragraph 2
Topic: Pressure to teach facts (related to standardized testing)

Topic sentence: Standardized testing often creates an intense

pressure to teach just facts.

Why: The pressure to teach facts is linked to standardized

testing. This subtopic deserves its own paragraph, but I need to
make the connection to standardized testing. Note that “intense
pressure” tells readers how strongly teachers can feel this
pressure. I also use the word “often” because I can’t claim that it
always creates this pressure, just that it often can.

Body Paragraph 3
Topic: Does Social Studies even count? Schools focus on
reading, math, etc

Topic sentence: The focus on tested subjects can de-emphasize

Social Studies, since it often is not tested.

Why: I don’t need to specifically mention reading and math in

this sentence. That’ll come in the paragraph. It’s enough to
mention “tested subjects.” By writing “de-emphasize Social
Studies,” I am referring to another difficulty, and making a
connection to the fact that Social Studies is usually not tested. As
I’m working on the paper, I might want to specify which focus,
instead of just writing “The focus.” Maybe I will change it to
“Schools’ focus.” That would make it clearer about whose focus
it is.

Body Paragraph 4
Topic: Too much content for teachers to teach
 Topic sentence: The sprawling nature of Social Studies content
can also impact how it is taught.

Why: I use the phrase “sprawling nature of Social Studies

content” to give a visual of a lot of content to teach, so much that
it “sprawls” across the classroom. The words “can also impact”
work as a transition from paragraph 3 to paragraph 4. Notice that
I again specifically mention how Social Studies is taught. I’ll
describe the effects in the paragraph.

Body Paragraph 5
Topic: Lack of resources for teachers to use while teaching
Social Studies

Topic sentence: Finally, a lack of resources can strain Social

Studies teaching.

Why: This is probably the most basic of the topic sentences. I

use the word “finally” as a transition indicating last of a list. I
clearly state “a lack of resources” and that they can “strain”
Social Studies teaching. Nice and simple.

Let’s take a look at what we have so far for our sample essay. We have a
potential thesis sentence for our introduction, plus potential topic sentences for 5
body paragraphs (for 6 paragraphs total, so far). I’ll list them below:

Introduction
Thesis = Social Studies is hard to teach for a
number of reasons.

Body paragraph 1
Topic sentence = Standardized testing shapes, and
often limits, how Social Studies is taught.

Body paragraph 2
Topic sentence = Standardized testing often creates
an intense pressure to teach just facts.
 Body paragraph 3
Topic sentence = The focus on tested subjects can
de-emphasize Social Studies, since it often is not
tested.

Body paragraph 4
Topic sentence = The sprawling nature of Social
Studies content can also impact how it is taught.

Body paragraph 5
Topic sentence = Finally, a lack of resources can
strain Social Studies teaching.

Now it’s your turn. List the topics of each of your paragraphs and write topic
sentences for them. Keep the sentences simple and direct, just like mine. Again,
don’t worry about getting it perfect; just get down the thoughts.
 STEP 4: WRITE AN INTRODUCTION THAT WORKS
Effective introductions do three things: 1) they establish a context for your
essay; 2) they clearly state what the essay is about; and 3) they (usually) give
readers a sense of the points you’ll be making in the essay. If your paper is
relatively short (5 pages or less), you can do all of this in one paragraph. If your
paper is longer, you might use multiple paragraphs for an introduction. However
many paragraphs you use, you’ll still want to accomplish the same things. Also,
remember what I wrote about “hooks” in Step 2? The same directions apply
here. Don’t get distracted with a “hook.” Great introductions accomplish these
specific tasks; your writing will improve tremendously if you focus on these
tasks.

Examples of Three Different Introductions

Let me make one crucial point here. Many teachers, courses, and books claim
that students need to learn to write different types of essays: expository,
persuasive, argumentative, etc. I disagree. Good writing doesn’t change
depending on a “type.” All that changes is how you make your argument. It’s
important to bring this point up now, since introductions are where we can begin
to see the similarities across different purposes (or “types”) of writing.

I’ll begin to illustrate this by showing you examples of introductions for

different “types” of essays. We’re not working on our sample essay right now.
Right now I’m going to show you different ways of writing an introduction.
We’ll get back to our sample essay at the end of this step. Note that we’re going
to follow this pattern for the rest of the steps: first I’m going to discuss the
information in the step and show different examples of how to use that
information. Then, at the end of each step, I’m going to apply this information
to our sample essay. Keep this format in mind and the rest of the book will be
easy to follow.

The three examples that I show you below are taken from essays that I have
published in academic journals, so you can be assured they are good quality. In
these three examples, you’ll notice that the writing is either bold, underlined, or
italicized. These three markings show the different purposes of the text.
Remember that introductions need to do three things, and usually in this order:

BOLD TEXT: sets up the context. It tells me a little bit about

 the background of the essay. You should use one or more
sentences to express something that you’ve learned about your
topic, from the research you’ve done, that will help readers to
understand the context and purpose of your essay.

UNDERLINED TEXT: shows the thesis sentence. You’ve

already written that, so all you’ll probably need to do is to insert it
here (unless you want to make any small changes in language so
that it sounds as good as it can).

ITALICIZED TEXT: gives readers a sense of what points will be

addressed in the essay. You don’t want to give away all of the
details, nor do you want to get too in-depth about any of your
points. Save your analysis/argument for your body paragraphs.
But you do want to give your readers some general ideas about
what points you will discuss/examine/argue in your essay.

A “critical analysis” essay:

“Best practice” would seem to be the pinnacle of practice to

generate learning inside the classroom. Borrowed from the
language of business, it refers “to a set of techniques for most
efficiently and effectively producing a desired outcome”
(Lampert, 2010, p. 25), suggesting assurance for the educator,
legislator, or parent wondering about what to do to improve
learning in schools. It suggests that if we will simply
implement this practice or this method, then education will
improve. However, important questions can also be raised about
assertions of “best practice.” First, while the language of “best
practice” seems clear at first glance, its definition in the
literature is not. Second, a range of teaching practices might
reasonably be called serious, thoughtful, or responsible. But the
word “best” implies a comparative hierarchy: not many
practices, but select and specific practices. It is not clear, though,
that this philosophy of teaching always best serves all contexts
and purposes in schools. Third, and perhaps more importantly,
for what goals and on what evidence is “best practice” based?

In this example, notice how I get straight to the point. I first introduce what the
idea of “best practice” means. I offer a definition from the literature, but I also
use broad strokes. I don’t want to get too detailed in the introduction. It almost
reads like I am supportive of “best practices.” But then I raise the problem with
“However.” We can call this point/counterpoint analysis. I make the point about
“best practice,” but then I turn that point around into a series of questions. The
thesis sentence works as the “turn” in this case, in that the thesis sentence is used
to turn around the analysis. After the thesis sentence, I list what the problems
are with notions of “best practice.” I examined these questions in the rest of this
example essay.

A “persuasive” essay:

Social studies classes can often feel like a timed race over an
obstacle course. In U.S. history classes particularly, the
amount of information to be learned by students can present
a significant challenge to both students and teachers. Not
only is the breadth of information daunting, but helping
students to make meaningful connections to what they often
see as boring or irrelevant facts can make the task seem
substantially harder. In addition, many students enter the
class with little existing knowledge of U.S. history. One
simple tool for helping students make these necessary
connections is called an “Act it Out.” An “Act it Out” is simply a
short play in which students act out information (specific events
or concepts) that they are learning in class. Incorporating drama
into social studies classrooms is certainly not a new innovation.
But when used as an occasional or even consistent tool to bring
specific historical information to life, it can foster lasting benefits
in students’ learning. Using drama in this fashion helps students
to not only visualize distant and complex events, making the
abstract more concrete, but to gain a better understanding of the
different points of view of the people involved, helping them to
relate to these events at much deeper levels than through simply
reading a text.

Just like the first example, in this paragraph I begin by establishing the context.
Then, in the thesis sentence (underlined), I offer a possible solution. After I
define what an “act it out” is, I offer some reasons why using “act it outs” can
help improve students’ learning. The writing is efficient: I want to create a
context, but I only tell readers what I think they need to know. Just as important,
I persuade readers to keep reading when I tell them some of the benefits of using
“act it outs” in their classrooms.

A “descriptive” essay:

Teachers often struggle to integrate computer technology into

their teaching. Teachers are busy professionals and often do
not have the time to continually search through the Internet
looking for new educational tools to use in their teaching.
Further, it can be difficult to find these tools; the Internet is
full of them, but it is hard to know where to look.
Compounding all of this, school districts too often do not
provide sufficient training or updating on teaching with
technology. The purpose of this essay, then, is to offer teachers a
focused look at ten web-based technology tools that they can use
to teach social studies.

You probably noticed that, like the first two examples, I create a context (in
bold) and I write a thesis sentence (underlined). But unlike the other examples, I
do not elaborate on the topic sentence. This is because I use the next paragraph
to do that. Here’s what it looks like:

Teachers often struggle to integrate computer

technology into their teaching. Teachers are busy
professionals and often do not have the time to continually
search through the Internet looking for new educational tools
to use in their teaching. Further, it can be difficult to find
these tools; the Internet is full of them, but it is hard to know
where to look. Compounding all of this, school districts too
often do not provide sufficient training or updating on
teaching with technology. The purpose of this essay, then, is to
offer teachers a focused look at ten web-based technology tools
that they can use to teach social studies.
Most of these tools are free, and they can be used for a
wide range of teaching and learning purposes. Before we
examine them, however, let us take a moment to consider what
these purposes might be. There are plenty of websites that allow
teachers to create flashcards or spelling exercises, such as
 “flashcardmachine.com” and “edhelper.com.” Such didactic
practice can serve a useful purpose, but the Internet also offers
much more. Besides serving as a content resource, now teachers
can use tools available on the Internet to help students organize
and present information in a variety of engaging and thought-
provoking ways. Students can create products such as
presentations, timelines, and graphic organizers that include text,
images, web links, and video clips. They can create cartoon
depictions that explain or illustrate concepts. They can create
narrated demonstrations of processes or events. They can even
create their own picture storybooks.

The second paragraph continues the introduction by explaining in more detail

the purpose of the paper. Notice that I again give readers a sense of what they’ll
be reading about. I even add a compare/contrast to help make my case; it’s in
sentences 3 and 4.

What You Should Take Away from These Examples

The structure of the writing is similar for all three “types” of essays. I use
different language in each essay, of course, and I make different points. But the
order of the introductions is the same, and I achieve the same goals. Also, in
each “type” of essay, I just got to the point in each introduction. Nothing fancy;
nothing frivolous. Do the same in your writing. I hope this begins to show you
that different “types” of essays are actually more similar than they are different,
and that these steps will work for all “types” of essays.

Let me make two more important points here. First, some teachers tell students
to put the thesis sentence as either the first or the last sentence in your
introduction. I think that’s a mistake. If I put it first, where do I set up the
context? How will readers understand what I’m writing about? If I put it last,
where do I tell readers the points I’m going to discuss in the essay? I
recommend using the order I’m giving you here: first- set up the context for your
essay; second- state your thesis sentence; and third- give readers a sense of the
points you’re going to discuss in the essay. I do it this way in my published
writing; you should too.

Second, you might have noticed that, in the example from the “critical analysis”
essay, I used a quotation. That is, I used a sentence from a different article
(which I cited) as support. This is one of many ways to create a context for your
essay. I explain citations in detail at the end of the book. What you should learn
from this example is that citations are one way of establishing context. You
don’t necessarily need to use them; I didn’t use them in the other two examples.
But you do need to use information that you have researched about your topic to
help set up the context for readers. What is your topic about? What is going on
with that topic that is important for readers to know?

Apply this to Our Sample Essay

Let’s turn back to our sample essay. Remember our list of possible body
paragraphs? I’ll list it below:
Body paragraph 1: Standardized testing
Body paragraph 2: Lack of time
Pressure to teach facts
Body paragraph 3: Does it even count?
Schools focus on reading,
etc
Body paragraph 4: Too much content
Body paragraph 5: Lack of resources

I want to write an introduction that establishes the context, clearly states the
thesis sentence, and encompasses all of these points. Try the paragraph below:

Teaching social studies is hard. Teachers face a variety of

obstacles that can make their job feel impossible. Standardized
testing creates significant pressure on teachers. State and school
district curriculum plans often ask too much of teachers and
students: teach and learn too much content in a too short time
frame. This lack of time can pressure teachers to teach just facts.
Sometimes social studies isn’t tested, so it gets ignored for tested
subjects that “matter.” Even when social studies is tested, those
scores do not always fully count towards a school’s accountability
rating. Further, teachers often face a lack of resources to
meaningfully teach Social Studies.

Can you identify the three sections that we need? Here they are. Remember that
bold means context, underlined means thesis sentence, and italics means points
that will be discussed in the essay:
 Teaching social studies is hard. Teachers face a variety of
obstacles that can make their job feel impossible. Standardized
testing creates significant pressure on teachers. State and school
district curriculum plans often ask too much of teachers and
students: teach and learn too much content in a too short time
frame. This lack of time can pressure teachers to teach just facts.
Sometimes social studies isn’t tested, so it gets ignored for tested
subjects that “matter.” Even when social studies is tested, those
scores do not always fully count towards a school’s accountability
rating. Further, teachers often face a lack of resources to
meaningfully teach Social Studies.

In this introduction, I don’t need much to set up the context. This is because the
points that I briefly discuss will set up the context for me. I just need to mention
that teaching is hard. I changed the thesis sentence so that it is a bit more
specific, but it essentially means the same thing as the one I initially came up
with. And I spend several sentences briefly describing the points I will examine
in the essay. How do I know what points I’m going to make in the essay? I’ve
already written topic sentences for each of the paragraphs; I’ll just include
information from those topic sentences. So let’s add this introduction to our
developing essay:

Essay Topic: “The difficulty of teaching Social Studies in

elementary classrooms”

Introduction: Teaching social studies is hard. Teachers face a

variety of obstacles that can make their job feel impossible.
Standardized testing creates significant pressure on teachers.
State and school district curriculum plans often ask too much of
teachers and students: teach and learn too much content in a too
short time frame. This lack of time can pressure teachers to teach
just facts. Sometimes social studies isn’t tested, so it gets ignored
for tested subjects that “matter.” Even when social studies is
tested, those scores do not always fully count towards a school’s
accountability rating. Further, teachers often face a lack of
resources to meaningfully teach Social Studies.

Body paragraph 1
 Topic sentence: Standardized testing shapes, and
often limits, how Social Studies is taught.

Body paragraph 2
Topic sentence: Standardized testing often creates
an intense pressure to teach just facts.

Body paragraph 3
Topic sentence: The focus on tested subjects can
de-emphasize Social Studies, since it often is not
tested.

Body paragraph 4
Topic sentence: The sprawling nature of Social
Studies content can also impact how it is taught.

Body paragraph 5
Topic sentence: Finally, a lack of resources can
strain Social Studies teaching.

Now it’s your turn. Follow the model I’m giving you here and write an
introduction to your essay. Be sure that your introduction sets up the context,
clearly states the thesis, and gives readers a sense of the points you’ll be making
in the body of the paper. Don’t use complicated language; it’s better to be clear
and direct.
 STEP 5: MAKE YOUR CASE
Now we’re going to write the body paragraphs of our essay. You make your
case in these paragraphs – you make a convincing, well-supported argument for
your reader. You want to gather together all of the facts, reasoning, and other
evidence to put into this section in order to best make your case.

Different Ways to Make your Case

There are a lot of different ways to organize this section. In fact, here is where
the main differences between various “types” of essays come up. When we
write an expository essay or a persuasive essay, for example, we are trying to
accomplish specific, yet different things. With the expository essay, we’re trying
to explain something or analyze something; with the persuasive essay, we’re
trying to convince readers to agree with us. So, we might use different types of
arguments or different structures depending on what we’re trying to accomplish
with our writing. All this really means is just that we write for different
purposes, and the form of our writing will reflect our purpose for writing.

Perhaps the most crucial point I can make here, and what many students find
frustrating, is that there really is no best way of organizing your argument in
your body paragraphs. If a particular assignment calls for a certain type of
argument, such as compare and contrast, then use that, of course. But different
types of organization can often work equally well within the same essay – it all
depends on how you support your points. For example, I can make a persuasive
essay using compare/contrast (by comparing/contrasting reasons to do one thing
and not do another), just as effectively as I can by asking and answering
questions about whether or not to do something. It all depends on how you put it
together. I recommend that you stick with the method that feels most
comfortable to you, or with the method that you understand best. There is no
formula for this; you’ll just have to practice with it.

In this step, I give you three examples of different ways to make arguments and
organize information in your body paragraphs. Note that, like the previous step,
we aren’t working on our sample essay right now. Right now I’m going to show
you three different ways of making your case within the body paragraphs of an
essay. At the end of this step, we’ll apply these ideas and principles to our
sample essay.
Compare and Contrast
One way to organize and analyze your points is through compare and contrast.
Compare/contrast works well if you are discussing at least two different
examples, concepts, etc. Compare/contrast helps you to make your case by
offering examples and non-examples of your points. Read the paragraph below:

Defining quality in teaching is unusually difficult. Were anyone

serious about this issue, they would soon realize that quality is
an ineffable concept, as the best-selling book by Pirsig (1974)
made clear. Defining quality always requires value judgments
about which disagreements abound. Studying teaching cross-
culturally makes this evident (Alexander, 2000). A high-quality
teacher in India does not allow questioning by students. Students
simply listen for hours on end. The opposite is true in many
American classes, where students are expected to raise questions
during class. Alexander (2000) found that maintaining discipline
is not part of any definition of quality in Russia or India because
there are almost no discipline problems in their schools. But in
the organizationally complex world of American and British
schools, with individualization of some activities, promotion of
collaboration and negotiation, and a concern for students’
feelings, there is a greater incidence of behavior problems. Thus,
American and British teachers of high quality must have
classroom management skills that are unnecessary in Russia or
India. (Berliner, 2005)

Let’s break down this paragraph; it’s different than most of the other paragraphs
we’ve looked at. This paragraph compares and contrasts schools in Russia and
India with schools in America and Great Britain. But notice that the author
doesn’t just jump into the compare and contrast. The author first sets up what’s
going to happen. The author begins with the topic sentence, which is
underlined. The next two sentences, in bold, provide context, in this case more
explanation of the topic sentence. The first sentence that is italicized sets up the
compare and contrast. The rest of the paragraph, also in italics, contains the
compare and contrast. Let’s look more closely at the sentences in italics.

The first two sentences are about schools in India, specifically that students are
not allowed to ask questions in class: “A high-quality teacher in India does not
allow questioning by students. Students simply listen for hours on end.” Then
the author compares/contrasts that point with the fact that American classes
expect students to ask questions: “The opposite is true in many American
classes, where students are expected to raise questions during class.” The author
then moves to the next point of comparison – maintaining discipline in the
different classrooms: “Alexander (2000) found that maintaining discipline is not
part of any definition of quality in Russia or India because there are almost no
discipline problems in their schools.” This sentence focuses on discipline in
Russia and India. The next sentence compares/contrasts with discipline in
American schools: “But in the organizationally complex world of American and
British schools, with individualization of some activities, promotion of
collaboration and negotiation, and a concern for students’ feelings, there is a
greater incidence of behavior problems.” The last sentence of the paragraph
provides a small concluding thought about this specific point regarding
classroom management. Compare and contrast is set up like this for all essays.
Decide which specific points you want to compare/contrast, then present
information in a “back-and-forth” that compares/contrasts these specific points,
just like this author did, to make your argument.

Question and Answer

Another way of arranging your argument is by question and answer. In this
method, you simply ask one or more questions and then proceed to provide
answers to those questions. This method helps to focus your readers’ attention
through the question and answer process. The method makes it easy to address
your points, and the questions often create the context for you, but the risk is that
your essay will read like a list and not like a discussion. Here’s an example
below. The first two sentences (in bold) pose the questions. The topic sentence
(underlined) frames an answer for the questions, and the rest of the paragraph (in
italics) offers more specific answers to the questions:

But what do we know about Socrates and the method he used

to interrogate Athenians in the agora? And what are we
talking about when we call it the “Socratic method?” As it
turns out, we may be mistaking common phrasing for common
practice. After all, classrooms in which the Socratic method is
ostensibly employed are hardly all the same. Teachers are at the
center of some and at the periphery of others. Talk is common in
all, but it includes chaotic zigzagging in one class and linear
 directionality in another. Socratic classrooms can be relaxed or
tense, loud or quiet, large or small. They can, in other words,
seem as different from each other as they seem from classes in
which other methods are the basis of instruction. (Schneider,
2012)

Question and answer is a more direct way of structuring your argument than
compare/contrast. It works well when you’re discussing just one thing. You just
state the question(s) you want to answer and then go about answering that
question. It’s pretty straightforward. One advantage to this method is that the
questions you ask will set up the context for you. Notice what the author tells
you in the questions: that they are about Socrates; that he used a particular
method; that he used this method to interrogate people from Athens; and that we
call it the “Socratic method.” That’s a lot of information that will help your
readers understand what you are discussing. Think about how much less
information is provided by a similar question: “What is the “Socratic method?”
This second question gives readers much less context. So, it is important for you
to remember to write questions that give readers lots of information.

Point by Point
Perhaps the most well-known way of making an argument is to list your points
one by one. This method is similar to the “Question and Answer” format, except
that you don’t begin with questions. You still need to provide context to your
readers, however. The difficulty with this method is stating a general point that
you then discuss in detail. Read the example paragraph below:

The first part of the outcomes trap is equating both pupils’

learning and teacher quality with test scores. Increasingly,
under the current educational regime, this is the case. This
equation is far too simplistic a way to conceptualize the
complexities of teaching and learning. Teaching does not simply
involve transmitting bits of information that can be tested, and
learning is not just receiving information about subject matter.
Both are far more complex. In addition, schools and teacher
education programs have purposes in addition to pupils’
academic learning, including their social and emotional
development and their ability to participate in a democratic
society. To represent all of the complex aspects involved in
 teacher quality and pupils’ learning in one number derived from
increases in achievement test scores is a trap – it reflects
impoverished notions of teaching and learning not at all in
keeping with research or experience in these areas and ignores
broader commitments. (Cochran-Smith, 2005)

The first two sentences, in bold, provide context. They tell readers that the
paragraph will be discussing the “outcomes trap” and how that relates to
learning, teacher quality, and test scores. And they tell us that the paragraph is
referring to the present (the “current educational regime”). The underlined
sentence is the topic sentence. It tells readers that the usual way of determining
teacher quality (through students’ test scores) is too simple. The rest of the
paragraph, in italics, states a number of points that make the case for why test
scores cannot account for the complexities of teaching and learning.

What These Methods All Have in Common

Did you notice what these different ways of making your case have in common?
First, they all give the reader a context for understanding the argument, and they
do this in the first few sentences. Without this context, readers will be less likely
to understand the points you are trying to make. Second, each type of paragraph
has a topic sentence, towards the beginning of the paragraph (and often as the
first sentence of the paragraph), that identifies what the argument will be. And
third, each type of paragraph spends most of the paragraph presenting points that
make the case. The importance of these points can’t be overemphasized. Put
simply, you should do these three things: 1) tell your reader the general context
for your paragraph, 2) get to your point as soon as possible, and 3) elaborate that
point. Did you notice how each of the example paragraphs above clearly stated
the topic sentence and established the context first (the bold and underlined
sentences) and then spent most of the paragraph supporting the topic (the
sentences in italics)? You should do this too. Students often want to move on
too quickly from a paragraph and get to the next idea. That’s a mistake. You
need to fully explain/defend/support your topic sentence. In these paragraphs,
it’s always better to write more rather than write less. How do you support your
topic sentence? Well, that’s where your research and your thinking come in.
Basically, you need to offer enough supporting details that go with the topic of
that sentence. Use the three examples above as models. They all make complex
arguments, but they do it in different ways. You’ll just need to practice; there’s
no other way around it.

Apply this to Our Sample Essay

We’ll now apply this to our sample essay. Let’s review what we have so far.
Remember that we can keep changing things (thesis sentence, introduction, topic
sentences, paragraph order, etc) until we find what we like.

Topic: The difficulty of teaching social studies

Introduction: Teaching social studies is hard. Teachers face a

variety of obstacles that can make their job feel impossible.
Standardized testing creates significant pressure on teachers.
State and school district curriculum plans often ask too much of
teachers and students: teach and learn too much content in a too
short time frame. This lack of time can pressure teachers to teach
just facts. Sometimes social studies isn’t tested, so it gets ignored
for tested subjects that “matter.” Even when social studies is
tested, those scores do not always fully count towards a school’s
accountability rating. Further, teachers often face a lack of
resources to meaningfully teach Social Studies.

Paragraph: Standardized testing shapes, and often limits, how

Social Studies is taught.

Paragraph: Standardized testing often creates an intense

pressure to teach just facts.

Paragraph: The focus on tested subjects can de-emphasize

Social Studies, since it often is not tested.

Paragraph: The sprawling nature of Social Studies content can

also impact how it is taught.

Paragraph: Finally, a lack of resources can strain Social

Studies teaching.
Ok. Now we’re going to fill out our body paragraphs. Remember what I wrote
earlier about continually changing or revising your essay as you continue to put
it together? Well, you’re about to see an example of it. I’ve been working with
a certain plan for my essay; I’ve developed some paragraph ideas and topic
sentences to go with them. But, as I worked on this section, I realized that I
needed to make some big changes to my paragraph topics and topic sentences. I
found another way to do it that works better. So, when you read through the new
body paragraphs, you’ll see some changes. I’ll explain the changes at the end of
this section.

I underlined the thesis and topic sentences. And I put in bold any sentences that
create context for readers. The rest of the sentences, in italics,
support/explain/defend the topic sentence in each paragraph (just like the
italicized sentences did in the examples above):

Introduction: Teaching social studies is hard. Teachers face a

variety of obstacles that can make their job feel impossible.
Standardized testing creates significant pressure on teachers.
State and school district curriculum plans often ask too much of
teachers and students: teach and learn too much content in too
short of a time frame. This lack of time can pressure teachers to
teach just facts. Sometimes social studies isn’t tested, so it gets
ignored for tested subjects that “matter.” Yet, even when Social
Studies is tested, those scores do not always fully count towards a
school’s accountability rating. Models of quality teaching can
also be in short supply in Social Studies. Further, teachers often
face a lack of resources to meaningfully teach Social Studies.

Paragraph: Teachers constantly struggle with a lack of

time to teach. Standardized testing plays a crucial role in this
time problem. When Social Studies is not tested, it tends to get
ignored. Elementary schools routinely allot as little as 45
minutes a week to Social Studies. What meaningful teaching and
learning can happen in only 45 minutes a week? Middle and high
schools allow more scheduled time, but frequently subtract from
that time by scheduling things such as pep rallies, school
assemblies, and fundraising meetings during Social Studies
classes. These practices send a clear picture to students that
Social Studies, when it is not tested, is less important to the
school than tested subjects.

Paragraph: When Social Studies is tested, teachers face a

different problem: too much to teach in the time they have. This
often leads teachers to engage in “inch deep and mile wide”
teaching practices. Compounding this time problem is the fact
that students usually come to Social Studies with little to no
familiarity with the content. Teachers then spend considerable
time on repetitive, “drill and kill” teaching practices in the hope
they will help students to retain information at least until testing
day. While many teachers would like to engage students in more
meaningful activities, they often do not feel they have time for it.
According to one high school history teacher in a study by
Kenneth Vogler (2005),
I use the entire
academic year preparing
my students for the
United States history
subject exam. My choice
of instructional delivery
and materials is
completely dependent on
preparation for this test.
Therefore, I do not use
current events, long-term
projects, or creative
group/corporate work
because this is not tested
and the delivery format is
not used. All my tests
reflect the testing format
of the subject area tests –
multiple-choice and open
ended questions (p. 19).
Some researchers claim that
mandated accountability exams
lead to a “just the facts, ma’am”
approach to teaching social studies
(Vogler & Virtue, 2007). Other
 researchers go further and contend
that “because multiple-choice
testing leads to multiple-choice
teaching, the methods that teachers
have in their arsenal become
reduced, and teaching work is
deskilled” (Smith, 1991, p. 10).

Paragraph: Another reason Social Studies is hard to teach is

that teachers have so few models of good Social Studies
teaching. Most Social Studies teaching takes the form of
“telling,” in which teachers lecture, i.e. “tell” students
information, perhaps show a picture or video, and then test
students on the content. In this paradigm, students are not asked
to actively learn, only to passively retain information. There is a
simple reason for this: teachers usually teach the way they were
taught when they were students. High schools and universities
are notorious for this kind of passive teaching and learning. So,
it makes sense that teachers continue to use these methods. The
problem is that they just don’t work that well if thinking is the
goal.

Paragraph: Lastly, finding and using quality resources

presents an ongoing challenge to Social Studies teachers.
Textbooks are the most commonly used resource. This makes
sense. Almost all classrooms have them, and they present
information through efficient explanations, pictures, charts, and
other visual methods. And teachers do not need to go looking for
them, which may be the biggest benefit of all. Yet, textbooks
contain a number of problems too: they usually present surface-
level understandings; their reading level is often too high for
students; and they always contain unaddressed bias. Further, and
perhaps most important, they do a bad job of presenting multiple
perspectives about issues and events. Teachers, then, need to find
resources on their own that can offer students more depth and
more varied perspectives. These other types of resources exist.
Libraries and museums will often loan entire boxes of varied
materials to teachers. Nonprofits and NGOs sometimes provide
materials about specific topics. And the Internet, of course, is
 awash in historical information. The challenge for teachers is
creating the time to acquire these resources and learning how to
use them, especially when teachers are so often overwhelmed by
the other responsibilities of their jobs.

Did you spot the changes? I changed the order of the paragraphs some, and I
changed some of the topics of the paragraphs. I even went from 5 body
paragraphs to 4 body paragraphs, because I decided that “sprawling content” in
what was body paragraph #4 should be put with the discussion of time in body
paragraph #2 (the one about teachers having too much to teach). Since I
changed the order and content of the paragraphs, I also had to change the
introduction some. I made these changes because I think they better support the
thesis statement than what I originally had written. I’m showing you this
because I want you to feel free to make changes to your essay in order to keep
improving it. Your essay is only finished (or “final”) when you decide to stop
working on it.

I make most of my argument in these new paragraphs using the “Point by Point”
format. For example, look at the second body paragraph. I state the topic in the
first sentence. Every sentence after that is a point that supports the topic. You’ll
also notice that I use quotes for support. If you have quotes that work, that’s
how you use them. We’ll go into detail about how to use quotations in the bonus
section at the end of the book. For now, just know that I can use quotes as
effective support. But I don’t use the quote by itself; the quote illustrates a point
I made in the previous sentence.

In addition to “Point by Point” style, I also use “Question and Answer” and
“Compare/Contrast” some. In the first body paragraph, I ask the question,
“What meaningful teaching and learning can happen in only 45 min a week?”
Then I address the question. That question also responds to points I made earlier
in that paragraph. In the last body paragraph, I do a short “Compare/Contrast”
about the positive and negative aspects of textbooks. Let’s take a closer look at
the last paragraph. After the topic sentence, I note the positive things about
textbooks. The sixth sentence, the one that begins with “Yet,” shows the
contrast. I use that sentence and the next two sentences explaining the bad
things about textbooks. Then I make the point, using “point by point” style, to
explain ways that teachers can find quality resources to use while teaching. I
want you to see that it’s ok for you to use multiple ways of making your case,
just as long as each paragraph has a clear focus on only one idea, which we’re
going to address in the next step.

One last note, remember that if you use or reference information from specific
sources, you need to cite it. We want to avoid plagiarism. Plus, citations add
weight and authority to our essay. I know the information in our sample essay
from my work in schools, so I don’t need to cite it. But I did cite two articles in
paragraph 3, because I used sentences and details from those articles. Be sure
that you do the same.
 STEP 6: ENSURE YOUR BODY PARAGRAPHS ARE
FOCUSED

Now that you’ve written your body paragraphs, let’s do some housekeeping and
make sure those paragraphs are as focused as they can be. A big mistake that
students often make is putting too many ideas into one paragraph. I’m going to
show you some examples of paragraphs that are vague and lack focus, and I’m
going to show you how to fix those problems. I want you to remember these
four things from Step 6:

1. Paragraphs need to focus on only one topic.

2. The topic sentence clearly states that topic.
3. All other sentences in the paragraph support or explain that
topic.
4. When you change to a new idea, begin a new paragraph.

Now, if you’ve written strong and clear topic sentences, you’re well on your way
to creating focused paragraphs. But problems can still come up, so it’s better to
be sure. We’ll start with an example of a paragraph a student wrote that has too
many ideas crammed into it. Read the following paragraph and try to identify
the main idea:

In the SAGE journals, “Bilingual Classroom Studies,” there are

questions and issues that underline bilingual education are
constrained by deficit views about the abilities and experiences of
language minority students. However there is a lot of research
that has emphasized how well students acquire English,
assimilate into mainstream culture, and perform on tests of basic
skills. Employing a sociocultural perspective that acknowledges
the many resources that are available to children outside of the
school. The author describes how research about children’s
communities can be used to enhance instruction because I also
believe that the community plays a huge role in student’s
education. In order for this to happen I believe teachers need to
redefine their roles so that they can collaborate and work together
to focus on ways to bring about educational change.
Could you identify a main idea? At first, this paragraph seems like it might
work. It references a journal article in providing context for readers. Then it
seems to establish a compare/contrast in the next sentence (with the word
“However”). But then the paragraph keeps introducing new topics, at least as I
see it. I’ll number them for you:

(#1) In the SAGE journals, “Bilingual Classroom Studies,” there

are questions and issues that underline bilingual education are
constrained by deficit views about the abilities and experiences of
language minority students. (#2) However there is a lot of
research that has emphasized how well students acquire English,
assimilate into mainstream culture, and perform on tests of basic
skills. (#3) Employing a sociocultural perspective that
acknowledges the many resources that are available to children
outside of the school. (#4) The author describes how research
about children’s communities can be used to enhance instruction
because I also believe that the community plays a huge role in
student’s education. (#5) In order for this to happen I believe
teachers need to redefine their roles so that they can collaborate
and work together to focus on ways to bring about educational
change.

The first sentence (#1) seems to create a topic about “deficit views about the
abilities and experiences of language minority children.” But then the second
sentence (#2) offers more ideas, this time about students acquiring English,
assimilating into mainstream culture, and performing on tests. The third
sentence (#3) offers even more ideas, something about employing a sociocultural
perspective. The fourth sentence (#4) moves to children’s communities. Finally,
the fifth sentence (#5) adds “teachers redefining their roles” to this assortment of
ideas. This is a huge array of ideas within this paragraph! Obviously, this is a
problem. But it’s one that students often make.

Here’s another example, from a different student’s writing, of what not to do.
Just like I did in the paragraph above, in this example I also number the ideas in
the paragraph:

(#1) Some of the challenges for ELL students in the mainstream

social studies classrooms encounters a number of critical barriers
which may impede their citizenship education. Some of the
 barriers include the ELL students lack of prior exposure to
elementary school social studies curriculum, a rudimentary
understanding of the cultural context in which social studies
knowledge in constructed, and more importantly, their lack of
English literacy skills which are vital not only for comprehending
social studies material but also for acculturation and socialization
in the dominant culture (Haynes, 2005). (#2) Teaching ELL
students in mainstream high school social studies classrooms
poses a challenge to the social studies teachers who derive their
content from history, political science, sociology, geology, and
economics, each one of which contains its own specialized jargon
and concepts rooted in American culture. (#3) Cultural literacy
poses a unique challenge for both teacher and student in the ELL
social studies classroom. Teachers may or may not be familiar
with the cultures students bring with them to the classroom, and
students are often unfamiliar with both the content knowledge
and the rituals of their newly adopted culture. In the mainstream
social studies course, ELL students are expected to learn about
the society, history, economy, and political system of their newly
adopted country. Although it would be erroneous to assume that
ELL students have no prior knowledge about the United States, it
is apt to think that their experiences with American culture are
limited and /or potentially skewed according to the views of their
home culture and home educational system. (#4)In addition,
learning social studies lessons requires proficiency in reading and
writing in English language. Deborah J. Short (1994) suggests
that “Social studies is closely bound to literacy skills” (p. 36).
Literacy skills for social studies includes reading, writing,
speaking, researching, and organizing information in English. I
believe this is something I completely agree with because social
studies does have to a lot with literacy skills.

This paragraph begins with what seems like a single idea (even though the
wording needs work): barriers which impede citizenship education (#1). The
next sentence even begins with “some barriers include,” which should be a good
start. It tells readers that a detailed discussion of barriers is coming next. But
then the student switches to high school (#2). The student then references
cultural literacy (#3), which is mentioned in the beginning of the paragraph. But
the skip from elementary school to high school is jarring; I’m not sure if the
author is now referring to elementary school or high school (or both). Finally,
there’s one more skip, this time to literacy skills (#4). By the time I get to the
end of the paragraph, we are a long way away from citizenship education. What
the student should have done is clearly list what the barriers to citizenship
education are, assuming that’s the purpose of the paragraph, and then discuss
each of those barriers: what are they, how do they fit together, how do they
impede learning?

Now let’s examine two examples of paragraphs that are clear and focused.
Actually, you’ve already seen them. Here’s the first one:

Defining quality in teaching is unusually difficult. Were anyone

serious about this issue, they would soon realize that quality is an
ineffable concept, as the best-selling book by Pirsig (1974) made
clear. Defining quality always requires value judgments about
which disagreements abound. Studying teaching cross-culturally
makes this evident (Alexander, 2000). A high-quality teacher in
India does not allow questioning by students. Students simply
listen for hours on end. The opposite is true in many American
classes, where students are expected to raise questions during
class. Alexander (2000) found that maintaining discipline is not
part of any definition of quality in Russia or India because there
are almost no discipline problems in their schools. But in the
organizationally complex world of American and British schools,
with individualization of some activities, promotion of
collaboration and negotiation, and a concern for students’
feelings, there is a greater incidence of behavior problems. Thus,
American and British teachers of high quality must have
classroom management skills that are unnecessary in Russia or
India. (Berliner, 2005)

I used this paragraph earlier to demonstrate compare/contrast. Here, we can see

how the topic remains clear: it’s about “quality.” All of the examples refer back
to quality. The author uses a book reference about quality. And the author
repeatedly uses the word “quality” throughout the paragraph.

Here’s another example of a focused paragraph:

 The first part of the outcomes trap is equating both pupils’
learning and teacher quality with test scores. Increasingly, under
the current educational regime, this is the case. This equation is
far too simplistic a way to conceptualize the complexities of
teaching and learning. Teaching does not simply involve
transmitting bits of information that can be tested, and learning is
not just receiving information about subject matter. Both are far
more complex. In addition, schools and teacher education
programs have purposes in addition to pupils’ academic learning,
including their social and emotional development and their ability
to participate in a democratic society. To represent all of the
complex aspects involved in teacher quality and pupils’ learning
in one number derived from increases in achievement test scores
is a trap – it reflects impoverished notions of teaching and
learning not at all in keeping with research or experience in these
areas and ignores broader commitments. (Cochran-Smith, 2005)

We saw this paragraph earlier as well. Look at it again in terms of focus. The
topic of the paragraph is about how test scores are too simplistic to capture the
complexities of teaching. This is established in the first few sentences. The rest
of the paragraph offers examples of complexities of teaching. The last sentence
in the paragraph sums up the argument against using test scores to measure the
complexity of teaching. Now you’ve seen examples of paragraphs that have too
many ideas in them, and you’ve seen examples of paragraphs that are focused.
In our sample essay, there is only one main idea per paragraph. Now apply this
analysis to the paragraphs in your essay and make sure that you only have one
idea per paragraph.
 STEP 7: CONCLUDE WITH PURPOSE

Earlier, I told you that the introduction to an essay should accomplish three
specific things. With conclusions, however, you’re really trying to do just one
thing – make your point stick. This is your last opportunity to give readers
something to think about, to make whatever big-picture point you’re trying to
make. In other words, you don’t just end, you end with a specific purpose.
Sometimes you might want to restate the main points from your essay – that’s
probably the most common way that students will end essays. But other times
you might want to do something else: maybe interpret your points, maybe show
how your points apply to something else, maybe leave your readers with some
sort of question. There are many options; you just need to decide what you want
to do with it.

Remember a few things when writing a conclusion. You don’t necessarily need
a topic sentence. Instead, you will transition into your conclusion with a
sentence that feels like you are wrapping it up. Try not to write “In conclusion;”
there are more artful ways of finishing. Don’t introduce new information or new
details; that should be done in the body paragraphs. Don’t go on and on about
any one particular point; a conclusion should address your entire
argument/paper, not elaborate specific points. Some things you might want to do
are to return to points you made in your introduction and to leave your reader
with something to think about.

I’ll show you three examples of effective conclusions and explain to you what I
was trying to do with those conclusions. Conclusions only make sense in
relation to introductions, so I’ll have to show you both an introduction paragraph
and a conclusion paragraph to different essays. These examples are taken from
articles that I published in scholarly journals. Notice in these examples how I tie
the introductions and conclusions together and I try to leave readers with a
thought to consider:

Example #1: I make a connection to other research findings:

Introduction: After decades of research, the nature of the
impact of state-mandated accountability testing on teachers’
classroom practices remains contested. Many researchers argue
that teachers change their teaching in response to mandated
 testing. Yet, other researchers contend that the nature and degree
of the impact of testing on teaching remains unclear. Some
researchers maintain that teachers’ views on subject matter and on
learners, as well as local schooling contexts plays a role in
shaping teaching practices that might be as or more powerful that
testing influences. Most researchers, however, claim a
deleterious impact of testing on classroom teaching.

Conclusion: This study offers support for the argument that

the influence state-mandated testing has on classroom teaching
depends on how teachers interpret state testing and let it guide
their actions. Even though mandated accountability exams can
cause teachers to feel pressured by test-related time and coverage
concerns, they are not necessarily limited to “multiple-choice”
teaching. Perhaps ironically, instead of causing teachers to
become deskilled, if teachers are to engage their students in deep
and meaningful learning, to teach beyond the test, they will need
to use all of their skills to negotiate the hurdles that mandated
testing can erect in the path of those learning goals.

Example #2: I make a case for the benefits educators can receive from the
argument in the essay:
Introduction: Labels seem to be an inherent part of education.
The broad generalizations captured by labels such as ELL, at-risk,
special ed, and GT both illuminate and guide how educators think
about, talk about, and implement educational concepts and
practices. Many scholars investigate the effects of labeling on
students and society. Less considered, however, is the
relationship between the use of labels and how educators think
about teaching and curriculum. Yet, when considering new styles
of instruction, educators can benefit from rethinking two
commonly used labels in education: “teacher-centered” and
“student-centered.”

Conclusion: As educators rethink old instructional methods

and develop new ones, reconsidering the labels used to describe
educational contexts does not simply clarify educational
 vernacular. It helps us to more carefully evaluate both new and
everyday teaching structures and strategies. It helps us to more
clearly consider and articulate how educational perspectives
manifest in schools and classrooms. It helps us to gain precision
in our research design, analysis, and conclusions. And it carves a
space that recognizes an essential distinction between “student-
facilitated” and “student-centered” contexts. Expanding the
labels we use to categorize educational contexts to “teacher-
centered,” “student-centered,” and “student-facilitated” helps us
to more productively value and promote a paradigmatic quality
towards which many educators aspire.

Example #3: I argue for what we should do with the information presented in
the essay:
Introduction: The practice of having students read textbooks
aloud in class, commonly known as “round robin reading,” is
much maligned. Indeed, some researchers argue that round robin
reading can probably be considered one of the most harmful
components of group learning. Yet, despite the widespread and
intense criticism, teachers across the country continue to use
round robin reading in their classrooms. This begs a question:
why is a practice that is so routinely criticized so commonly
used? This article offers insight into this question in the context
of three middle school social studies teachers’ classrooms.
Contrary to being a harmful component of learning, in these
classrooms round robin reading works as a productive teaching
tool that helps teachers to enact a variety of purposes: it helps
teachers to explain specific concepts, it provides a context for
notetaking and questioning, and it serves as a “jumping off” point
for lecture.

Conclusion: These findings hold implications for teachers’

professional development. Round robin reading is certainly used
unproductively in classrooms. But as this study shows, round
robin reading does not have to be ineffective teaching practice.
The literature clearly shows that teachers continue to use round
robin reading despite efforts to halt its use. While much effort is
 made to eliminate round robin reading, almost no effort seems to
be made to help teachers learn to use it wisely and effectively.
Teacher education and professional development can help with
that. There is no need to eliminate this practice; instead, we need
to help teachers learn to use it well.

Apply This to Our Sample Essay

I’ll add a conclusion to what we’ve already been working on. Let’s compare our
existing introduction with this new conclusion:

Introduction: Teaching social studies is hard. Teachers face a

variety of obstacles that can make their job feel impossible.
Standardized testing creates significant pressure on teachers.
State and school district curriculum plans often ask too much of
teachers and students: teach and learn too much content in too
short of a time frame. This lack of time can pressure teachers to
teach just facts. Sometimes social studies isn’t tested, so it gets
ignored for tested subjects that “matter.” Yet, even when Social
Studies is tested, those scores do not always fully count towards a
school’s accountability rating. Models of quality teaching can
also be in short supply in Social Studies. Further, teachers often
face a lack of resources to meaningfully teach Social Studies.

Conclusion: Even with all of these challenges, quality

teaching in Social Studies is crucial. Social Studies helps to
create a public that is literate about social and historical issues,
can analyze problems through context, and has a global
awareness of the challenges facing society. To create such a
public, students must be presented with meaningful problems and
asked to engage in analytical thinking. Forty-five minutes a week
of Social Studies won’t cut it, nor will a reductionist focus on test
scores or teaching methods that keep students disengaged.
Teachers face significant challenges in teaching Social Studies.
But the urgency to confront those challenges in order to create
this much needed public has never been greater.

The whole essay is about the challenges to teaching Social Studies. So, it makes
sense to begin the conclusion with a reference to those challenges. Then I argue
why Social Studies is important. Next, I refer to some of the teaching methods
that teachers should use. I end the conclusion by repeating my reference to the
challenges in teaching Social Studies and that it is crucial to meet those
challenges. Let’s see what the whole essay now looks like:

Teaching social studies is hard. Teachers face a variety of

obstacles that can make their job feel impossible. Standardized
testing creates significant pressure on teachers. State and school
district curriculum plans often ask too much of teachers and
students: teach and learn too much content in too short of a time
frame. This lack of time can pressure teachers to teach just facts.
Sometimes social studies isn’t tested, so it gets ignored for tested
subjects that “matter.” Yet, even when Social Studies is tested,
those scores do not always fully count towards a school’s
accountability rating. Models of quality teaching can also be in
short supply in Social Studies. Further, teachers often face a lack
of resources to meaningfully teach Social Studies.
Teachers constantly struggle with a lack of time to teach.
Standardized testing plays a crucial role in this time problem.
When Social Studies is not tested, it tends to get ignored.
Elementary schools routinely allot as little as 45 minutes a week
to Social Studies. What meaningful teaching and learning can
happen in only 45 minutes a week? Middle and high schools
allow more scheduled time, but frequently subtract from that time
by scheduling things such as pep rallies, school assemblies, and
fundraising meetings during Social Studies classes. These
practices send a clear picture to students that Social Studies, when
it is not tested, is less important to the school than tested subjects.
When Social Studies is tested, teachers face a different
problem: too much to teach in the time they have. This often
leads teachers to engage in “inch deep and mile wide” teaching
practices. Compounding this time problem is the fact that
students usually come to Social Studies with little to no
familiarity with the content. Teachers then spend considerable
time on repetitive, “drill and kill” teaching practices in the hope
they will help students to retain information at least until testing
day. While many teachers would like to engage students in more
meaningful activities, they often do not feel they have time for it.
According to one high school history teacher in a study by
Kenneth Vogler (2005),
I use the entire academic year preparing my
students for the United States history subject
exam. My choice of instructional delivery and
materials is completely dependent on
preparation for this test. Therefore, I do not use
current events, long-term projects, or creative
group/corporate work because this is not tested
and the delivery format is not used. All my tests
reflect the testing format of the subject area tests –
multiple-choice and open ended questions (p. 19).
Some researchers claim that mandated accountability exams lead
to a “just the facts, ma’am” approach to teaching social studies
(Vogler & Virtue, 2007). Other researchers go further and
contend that “because multiple-choice testing leads to multiple-
choice teaching, the methods that teachers have in their arsenal
become reduced, and teaching work is deskilled” (Smith, 1991, p.
10).
Another reason Social Studies is hard to teach is that
teachers have so few models of good Social Studies teaching.
Most Social Studies teaching takes the form of “telling,” in which
teachers lecture, i.e. “tell” students information, perhaps show a
picture or video, and then test students on the content. In this
paradigm, students are not asked to actively learn, only to
passively retain information. There is a simple reason for this:
teachers usually teach the way they were taught when they were
students. High schools and universities are notorious for this kind
of passive teaching and learning. So, it makes sense that teachers
continue to use these methods. The problem is that they just
don’t work that well if thinking is the goal.
Lastly, finding and using quality resources presents an
ongoing challenge to Social Studies teachers. Textbooks are the
most commonly used resource. This makes sense. Almost all
classrooms have them, and they present information through
efficient explanations, pictures, charts, and other visual methods.
And teachers do not need to go looking for them, which may be
the biggest benefit of all. Yet, textbooks contain a number of
problems too: they usually present surface-level understandings;
their reading level is often too high for students; and they always
contain unaddressed bias. Further, and perhaps most important,
they do a bad job of presenting multiple perspectives about issues
and events. Teachers, then, need to find resources on their own
that can offer students more depth and more varied perspectives.
These other types of resources exist. Libraries and museums will
often loan entire boxes of varied materials to teachers.
Nonprofits and NGOs sometimes provide materials about specific
topics. And the Internet, of course, is awash in historical
information. The challenge for teachers is creating the time to
acquire these resources and learning how to use them, especially
when teachers are so often overwhelmed by the other
responsibilities of their jobs.
Even with all of these challenges, quality teaching in
Social Studies is crucial. Social Studies helps to create a public
that is literate about social and historical issues, can analyze
problems through context, and has a global awareness of the
challenges facing society. To create such a public, students must
be presented with meaningful problems and asked to engage in
analytical thinking. Forty-five minutes a week of Social Studies
won’t cut it, nor will a reductionist focus on test scores or
teaching methods that keep students disengaged. Teachers face
significant challenges in teaching Social Studies. But the urgency
to confront those challenges in order to create this much needed
public has never been greater.
 STEP 8: WRITE A POWERFUL FINAL SENTENCE

Now that you’ve written your conclusion, let’s take another look at the last
sentence in the conclusion, which is the last sentence in your essay. This final
sentence, what I’m going to also call your “closing sentence,” is especially
important…and especially hard to write. Just as your introduction and
conclusion go together, so do your opening and your closing sentence. In your
conclusion, you want to make your point stick. You might have restated your
main argument or developed a few questions for your readers to think about.
Your final sentence, however, presents a more focused challenge. This is
because it’s the last thing that readers will read in your essay. So it’s important
that we get this right.

Examples of Final Sentences

The big question here is - how do you make a final impression without being
contrived or stale or repetitive? You can use a closing sentence to do a number
of things. You can reiterate a persuasive point. You can leave readers with
something you want them to think about. You can tie it back to the opening
paragraph, as if tying a bow. You can use humor. You can try to make a
personal point with readers. Many different forms of closing sentences can be
effective. Just be sure to use one that is appropriate for your essay topic. Here
are a few examples of closing sentences. I’ve paired them with the opening
sentences in the introductions in their essays so that you can see how the opening
and closing sentences fit together.

Use humor:
Opening sentence: So, what’s your teaching method?
Closing sentence: One can only hope that the ghost of Socrates
appreciates irony.

Leave readers with something to think about:

Opening sentence: After decades of research, the nature of the
impact of state-mandated accountability testing on teachers’
classroom practices remains contested.
Closing sentence: Perhaps ironically, instead of causing teachers
to become deskilled, if teachers are to engage their students in
deep and meaningful learning, to teach beyond the test, they will
 need to use all of their skills to negotiate the hurdles that
mandated testing can erect in the path of those learning goals.

Reiterate a point:
Opening sentence: “Best practice” would seem to be the pinnacle
of practice to generate learning inside the classroom.
Closing sentence: Instead of proclaiming practices that are “best”
across a range of educational settings, educators should keep in
mind that any “best” practice is the result of a combination of
factors and is ultimately a negotiation among teachers, students,
and institutional contexts.

Try to persuade the reader:

Opening sentence: Social studies classes can often feel like a
timed race over an obstacle course.
Closing sentence: Because they are relatively short and
compressed productions and because they lend themselves to a
wide range of subjects, “Act it Outs” can be a regular part of any
social studies classroom.

Make it practical:
Opening sentence: Teachers often struggle to integrate computer
technology into their teaching.
Closing sentence: If the purpose is to have students engage with
concepts in creative ways, web-based resources such as these are
great tools for teachers and students to use.

Apply this to Our Sample Essay

We’ll now return to our sample essay and take another look at our closing
sentence. Notice how the closing sentence reflects the opening sentence. The
opening sentence states that teaching Social Studies is hard. The closing
sentence refers to the challenges of teaching Social Studies, which is a direct
reference to the opening sentence. This gives the essay nice balance between the
beginning and ending. Also, the closing sentence tries to emphasize a point
about the urgency of addressing those challenges.

Opening sentence: Teaching social studies is hard.

 Closing sentence: But the urgency to confront those challenges in
order to create this much needed public has never been greater.

I’ll paste the whole essay again and BOLD the opening sentence and the closing
sentence. I will also underline the thesis sentence and all of the topic sentences.
This will help you to see the opening and closing sentences in the context of the
full essay. Here’s what these sentences look like in the essay:

Teaching social studies is hard. Teachers face a variety

of obstacles that can make their job feel impossible. Standardized
testing creates significant pressure on teachers. State and school
district curriculum plans often ask too much of teachers and
students: teach and learn too much content in too short of a time
frame. This lack of time can pressure teachers to teach just facts.
Sometimes social studies isn’t tested, so it gets ignored for tested
subjects that “matter.” Yet, even when Social Studies is tested,
those scores do not always fully count towards a school’s
accountability rating. Models of quality teaching can also be in
short supply in Social Studies. Further, teachers often face a lack
of resources to meaningfully teach Social Studies.
Teachers constantly struggle with a lack of time to teach.
Standardized testing plays a crucial role in this time problem.
When Social Studies is not tested, it tends to get ignored.
Elementary schools routinely allot as little as 45 minutes a week
to Social Studies. What meaningful teaching and learning can
happen in only 45 minutes a week? Middle and high schools
allow more scheduled time, but frequently subtract from that time
by scheduling things such as pep rallies, school assemblies, and
fundraising meetings during Social Studies classes. These
practices send a clear picture to students that Social Studies, when
it is not tested, is less important to the school than tested subjects.
When Social Studies is tested, teachers face a different
problem: too much to teach in the time they have. This often
leads teachers to engage in “inch deep and mile wide” teaching
practices. Compounding this time problem is the fact that
students usually come to Social Studies with little to no
familiarity with the content. Teachers then spend considerable
time on repetitive, “drill and kill” teaching practices in the hope
they will help students to retain information at least until testing
day. While many teachers would like to engage students in more
meaningful activities, they often do not feel they have time for it.
According to one high school history teacher in a study by
Kenneth Vogler (2005),
I use the entire academic year preparing my
students for the United States history subject
exam. My choice of instructional delivery and
materials is completely dependent on
preparation for this test. Therefore, I do not use
current events, long-term projects, or creative
group/corporate work because this is not tested
and the delivery format is not used. All my tests
reflect the testing format of the subject area tests –
multiple-choice and open ended questions (p. 19).
Some researchers claim that mandated accountability exams lead
to a “just the facts, ma’am” approach to teaching social studies
(Vogler & Virtue, 2007). Other researchers go further and
contend that “because multiple-choice testing leads to multiple-
choice teaching, the methods that teachers have in their arsenal
become reduced, and teaching work is deskilled” (Smith, 1991, p.
10).
Another reason Social Studies is hard to teach is that
teachers have so few models of good Social Studies teaching.
Most Social Studies teaching takes the form of “telling,” in which
teachers lecture, i.e. “tell” students information, perhaps show a
picture or video, and then test students on the content. In this
paradigm, students are not asked to actively learn, only to
passively retain information. There is a simple reason for this:
teachers usually teach the way they were taught when they were
students. High schools and universities are notorious for this kind
of passive teaching and learning. So, it makes sense that teachers
continue to use these methods. The problem is that they just
don’t work that well if thinking is the goal.
Lastly, finding and using quality resources presents an
ongoing challenge to Social Studies teachers. Textbooks are the
most commonly used resource. This makes sense. Almost all
classrooms have them, and they present information through
efficient explanations, pictures, charts, and other visual methods.
And teachers do not need to go looking for them, which may be
 the biggest benefit of all. Yet, textbooks contain a number of
problems too: they usually present surface-level understandings;
their reading level is often too high for students; and they always
contain unaddressed bias. Further, and perhaps most important,
they do a bad job of presenting multiple perspectives about issues
and events. Teachers, then, need to find resources on their own
that can offer students more depth and more varied perspectives.
These other types of resources exist. Libraries and museums will
often loan entire boxes of varied materials to teachers.
Nonprofits and NGOs sometimes provide materials about specific
topics. And the Internet, of course, is awash in historical
information. The challenge for teachers is creating the time to
acquire these resources and learning how to use them, especially
when teachers are so often overwhelmed by the other
responsibilities of their jobs.
Even with all of these challenges, quality teaching in
Social Studies is crucial. Social Studies helps to create a public
that is literate about social and historical issues, can analyze
problems through context, and has a global awareness of the
challenges facing society. To create such a public, students must
be presented with meaningful problems and asked to engage in
analytical thinking. Forty-five minutes a week of Social Studies
won’t cut it, nor will a reductionist focus on test scores or
teaching methods that keep students disengaged. Teachers face
significant challenges in teaching Social Studies. But the
urgency to confront those challenges in order to create this
much needed public has never been greater.

It’s your turn. Take another look at the closing sentence in your essay. Make
sure that it complements the opening sentence of your introduction. Also make
sure that it gives readers the last impression that you want them to have about
your essay.
 STEP 9: WRITE COMPLETE SENTENCES

Now that you’ve written a draft of your essay, we need to start checking, editing,
and revising it. We’ll start with checking to make sure that you’ve written
complete sentences. These are the three things that I want you to take away
from this step:

1. Write complete sentences.

2. Use simple punctuation, focusing on using periods and
commas correctly.
3. Put commas where you pause.

It’s easy to not write complete sentences and to accidentally write fragments and
run-ons. In fact, students often don’t know whether or not they are writing
fragments or run-ons, and that can cause real problems. Complete sentences
express complete thoughts. Fragments are sentences that are incomplete, and
run-ons are sentences that go on too long and contain too many ideas. We’ll
review how sentences are put together and how to fix mistakes. I also want you
to only use simple punctuation. In fact, I’m going to suggest that you use only
periods and commas. You don’t need any other punctuation marks to write a
great essay. It’s too easy to make mistakes, and you don’t benefit from
complicated punctuation. Just be simple and direct. We’re also going to review
comma usage. I see students make mistakes all the time with commas, so I’m
going to give you a simple rule you can use that will help you to avoid these
common mistakes.

A Basic Review of Complete Sentences

Fragments – Incomplete Sentences

The difference between complete sentences and fragments is simple – but easy
to miss. Remember that complete sentences express complete thoughts, while
fragments express incomplete thoughts. Here are two examples:

Fragment: The new fence around the field.

Complete: The new fence around the field looks great.

The difference between the two is that the first has both a subject (fence) and a
verb (looks). The second only has a subject (fence). But it’s also more than
this. Incomplete sentences are fragments. There are lots of ways that sentences
can be incomplete. Sometimes it’s the verb tense; sometimes a verb is lacking;
sometimes it’s an extra phrase. It’s more helpful, I think, to gain an
understanding of what a complete sentence feels like when you read it. This also
means that fragments, or incomplete sentences, feel incomplete; they feel like
something is missing. I’m going to give you a list of complete and incomplete
sentences so that you can compare them:

Fragment: Problem-solving so that the student just sees questions

and answers.
Complete: Problem-solving, so that the student just sees
questions and answers, isn’t that helpful.

Fragment: Which states that truth is difficult to find.

Complete: The book states that truth is difficult to find.

Fragment: Although small businesses increased their hiring last

year.
Complete: Although small businesses increased their hiring last
year, wages remain flat.

Fragment: The text found by many to be difficult.

Complete: The text was found by many to be difficult.

Fragment: Themes with widespread agreement within the

scientific community.
Complete: There aren’t that many themes with widespread
agreement within the scientific community.

Fragment: Small businesses gaining ground among many

competitors.
Complete: A few small businesses gained ground among many
competitors.

Let’s look more closely at two of these fragments to see why they are fragments.
Here’s the first one:
 1. Which states that truth is difficult to find.
What states that truth is difficult to find? There is no subject to this sentence.
It’s the first “Which” that mainly makes this thought incomplete. We could
change it to: “I read a book which states that truth is difficult to find.” Now that
is a complete thought. We could also simplify the phrase to “Truth is difficult to
find.” That is also a complete thought. However, if we just took off the first
“Which” and have the sentence read – “States that truth is difficult to find,” we’d
still have an incomplete thought. Who states or what states that truth is difficult
to find? Notice the feeling of incompleteness?

Here’s another:
2. Although small businesses increased their hiring
last year.
Example #2 is also an incomplete thought. Only one word makes it incomplete.
Can you find it? It’s the word “Although.” “Although” tells us that something
else is coming next, such as in “Although I wasn’t hungry, I ate dessert
anyway.” The word “although,” in this case, makes the phrase dependent on a
different phrase to be a complete thought. In the case of small businesses, here’s
what it looks like in comparison:
Fragment: Although small businesses increased hiring last year.

Complete: Small businesses increased hiring last year.

or
Complete: Although small businesses increased hiring last year,
wages remain flat.

Take off the “Although,” and you now have a complete thought. Or add an
independent clause, such as “wages remain flat,” to make the thought complete.

Run-ons – Too Many Thoughts

Run-on sentences are the opposite problem of fragments. Whereas fragments
feel incomplete, run-ons contain too many ideas and should be broken up into
smaller complete sentences. Run-ons either have commas where a period should
go (called a “comma splice”), or they just blend two sentences together without
any punctuation at all (called a “fused sentence”). I’ll give you a series of run-
ons and complete sentences to illustrate what I mean.

Run-on: It’s very weird, I like solving problems, but when

something is actually a problem to me I just wish I could solve it
faster.
Complete: It’s very weird. I like solving problems, but when
something is actually a problem to me, I just wish I could solve it
faster.

Run-on: That’s only because it’s me right now and how I feel but
as for children in elementary school, sometimes they don’t even
know why they receive such a grade all they know is that it’s bad
and they will be in trouble with mom or dad for it.
Complete: That’s only because it’s me right now and how I feel.
But as for children in elementary school, sometimes they don’t
even know why they receive such a grade. All they know is that
it’s bad, and they will be in trouble with mom or dad for it.

Run-on: I feel as though grading takes you off course with

worries and sometimes teachers that do grade they never tell you
as to why you received that grade, which leaves you feeling lost
and also unaccomplished.
Complete: I feel as though grading takes you off course with
worries. Sometimes teachers who do grade never tell you why
you received that grade, which can leave you feeling lost and
unaccomplished.

Run-on: So change is good, and most of the time it is for the

better, the crazy thing is that these writers have been around for a
while and we are still learning from them today.
Complete: So change is good, and most of the time it is for the
better. The crazy thing is that these writers have been around for
a while, and we are still learning from them today.

Let’s look more closely at two of these run-ons and get a better sense of why
they are run-ons. Here’s the first one:

· It’s very weird, I like solving problems, but when something is

 actually a problem to me I just wish I could solve it faster,
because I think that is much more valuable to have a person than
what most people know.

I count at least 4 thoughts in that sentence. I’ll break them apart:

1. It’s very weird.

2. I like solving problems.
3. But when something is actually a problem to me, I just wish I
could solve it faster.
4. I think that is much more valuable to have a person than what
most people know.
If I separated each thought by periods, it would look like this:

· It’s very weird. I like solving problems. But when something

is actually a problem to me, I just wish I could solve it faster. I
think that is much more valuable to have a person than what most
people know.

I don’t know what that last sentence means, but I know it represents a complete
thought (even if it still needs some work).

Let’s look at the other run-on sentence:

· So change is good, and most of the time it is for the better, the
crazy thing is that these writers have been around for a while and
we are still learning from them today.
I count 4 thoughts again:

1. So change is good.
2. most of the time it is for the better.
3. the crazy thing is that these writers have been around for a
while
4. we are still learning from them today.

These 4 thoughts should be grouped into two compound sentences. A compound

sentence is a sentence that combines two complete (and related) thoughts,
usually with a conjunction. It would look like this:

· So change is good, and most of the time it is for the better.

The crazy thing is that these writers have been around for a while,
and we are still learning from them today.

Three Types of Complete Sentences

There are three types of complete sentences: simple, compound, and complex. A
simple sentence states only one complete thought. Compound and complex
sentences join two thoughts together, but they do it in different ways. It’s not
necessary to remember the names of these types of complete sentences. But
having a general understanding of the different forms complete sentences can
take can help you to gain a better feeling for when sentences are complete or
incomplete. Here are some examples:

Simple: I turned in the folder I had been working on for the past
eight weeks
Compound: I turned in the folder I had been working on for the
past eight weeks, but I forgot to include two documents.
Complex: I turned in the folder I had been working on for the
past eight weeks, even though I didn’t think it was very good.

The difference between a compound and a complex sentence is in the type of

conjunction that each one uses. A compound sentence uses what is called a
“coordinating conjunction,” while a complex sentence uses what is called a
“subordinating conjunction.”

Coordinating Conjunctions = and, or, nor, for, yet, but,

so
Subordinating Conjunctions = whenever, because, before, since,
after, although, and other words like these

A Simple Rule for Using Commas

The other common mistake that students make is with commas. Commas seem
simple, but they cause people a lot of problems. We either use too many of them
or not enough of them. And they are easy to put in the wrong places. Teachers
usually tell students all of the rules for where and when to use commas. But
because so many people make so many mistakes using commas, it seems clear to
me that just teaching those rules usually doesn’t work. So, let me make this
simpler for you. Instead of worrying about comma rules, do this instead: Only
put commas where you pause. This means that when you read a sentence out
loud, notice where you naturally pause and then insert a comma there. The
chances are that you’ll put the comma in the right place. Let’s do some practice.

Read the following sentences out loud and put in any missing commas:
1. The fan cheering loudest is my mother.
2. Lauren my cousin is visiting me.
3. Someone that I met at your party once lived in Ireland.
4. Adam a friend of mine from camp will be visiting me next
week.
5. The man who won the lottery gave his money to charity.

(Answers: The sentences numbered 2 and 4 need commas.)

In sentence #2, we pause after “Lauren” and after “cousin.” So, the sentence
should look like this: “Lauren, my cousin, is visiting me.” In sentence #4, we
pause after “Adam” and after “camp.” The sentence should look like this:
“Adam, a friend of mine from camp, will be visiting me next week.” The other
sentences don’t need commas because we read straight through them.

Let’s look at two more sentences that contain phrases. The first one needs
commas, but the second one does not.
1. My neighbor, who is a little busybody, came around last night
asking questions.
2. Teachers who use hands-on teaching methods tend to get better
results with their students.
Each phrase starts with the word “who.” Each phrase describes the subject of
the sentence. In the first sentence, the phrase describes the neighbor. In the
second sentence, it describes teachers. So why does the first phrase require
commas but the second phrase does not? It’s because the first phrase really has
nothing to do with the sentence. It’s just extra information that describes the
neighbor. I could take it out and the sentence would not really be affected. But
if I took out the phrase in the second sentence, it would change the meaning of
the sentence. It’s more important, so I don’t set it off with commas.
Did you notice something else? In the first sentence, I pause right before and
right after the phrase when I read it out loud. But I don’t pause in the second
sentence when I read it out loud. I just read it straight through. So, I can give
you more examples of commas setting off dependent clauses, appositive phrases,
lists of items, etc. But I’m not sure how useful that is. If you can simply find
where the pause is when you read the sentence out loud, you’ll find where to put
the comma…and you’ll put it in the right spot regardless of which punctuation
rule you are looking at. Here are some more examples of how to mark pauses
with commas:

· Grades are inferences, personal interpretations on the part of

the teacher, not infallible truths about students’ mastery.
· Surely, schooling has something to do with this conception.
· At its core, a disciplinary approach to history embraces
interpretation and evidence-based reasoning.
· They can bribe the students by saying, “Only students with
straight A’s can be allowed at the pizza party.”
· Differentiated instruction is a tool that students can lean on, to
have as support when they are having trouble.

Another common problem with commas is that people often put commas before
a verb, especially is the subject of the sentence is long. For example:

· The old movie theater around the corner, is my favorite.

You don’t pause between “corner” and “is,” so there is no need for a comma:

· The old movie theater around the corner is my favorite.

STEP 10: USE TRANSITIONS LIKE THEY ARE ROAD SIGNS

Students too often overlook transitions. This is a mistake. Transitions are not
just essential components of your writing; they are fundamental to making your
case. Transitions come in two basic types: in-paragraph transitions and between-
paragraph transitions. These two types of transitions share the same basic
function - they help guide your readers through your essay. Sure, you can and
will use words such as first, second, next, and then, but if you want your essays
to really be effective, you’ll need to learn how to use transitions in a more
sophisticated way.

In-Paragraph Transitions
You use transitions within paragraphs to distinguish one idea from another.
You’ll usually use simple words or phrases for this - what many people think of
and call “transition words.” Students often leave them out and just skip from
one idea to the next. That makes an essay hard to read, though. Like a road sign
tells a driver what is coming ahead on the road, a transition helps readers to
understand the direction that an essay is taking. You probably know the
common “transition words,” such as however, next, therefore, thus, further,
furthermore, additionally, and many others. The simple key to using them well
is to decide what is happening in the next sentence and then pick the right word
to express that coming action in relationship to the current idea.

In addition, you can also transition from one idea to the next within a paragraph
by how you shape your sentences. These transitions don’t rely on transition
“words” to move the argument; instead, they use the shape of the narrative.
Here’s a sample paragraph that uses both types of transitions. I’ll put them in
italics:

Defining quality in teaching is unusually difficult. Were anyone

serious about this issue, they would soon realize that quality is an
ineffable concept, as the best-selling book by Pirsig (1974) made
clear. Defining quality always requires value judgments about
which disagreements abound. Studying teaching cross-culturally
makes this evident (Alexander, 2000). A high-quality teacher in
India does not allow questioning by students. Students simply
listen for hours on end. The opposite is true in many American
classes, where students are expected to raise questions during
 class. Alexander (2000) found that maintaining discipline is not
part of any definition of quality in Russia or India because there
are almost no discipline problems in their schools. But in the
organizationally complex world of American and British schools,
with individualization of some activities, promotion of
collaboration and negotiation, and a concern for students’
feelings, there is a greater incidence of behavior problems. Thus,
American and British teachers of high quality must have
classroom management skills that are unnecessary in Russia or
India. (Berliner, 2005)

The author uses a transition word, “thus,” in the last sentence. The word “thus”
signals a conclusion to the present thought. But he still maneuvers around his
topic arguing different points. He does this with his sentences. His use of “The
opposite is true in many American classes” in line 6 shows a contrast. He
doesn’t need to write, “In contrast.” The sentence takes care of that for him. In
line 9, the author shows another contrast with “But in the organizationally
complex world of American and British schools.” Yes, the author does use the
word “But” which signals a contrast. But he sets up the full contrast with the
full introductory phrase to that sentence.

Here’s a different paragraph that also effectively uses in-paragraph transitions. It

leans on transition words, but the text still flows smoothly. Again, I’ll italicize
the transition words:
But what do we know about Socrates and the method he used to
interrogate Athenians in the agora? And what are we talking
about when we call it the “Socratic method?” As it turns out, we
may be mistaking common phrasing for common practice. After
all, classrooms in which the Socratic method is ostensibly
employed are hardly all the same. Teachers are at the center of
some and at the periphery of others. Talk is common in all, but it
includes chaotic zigzagging in one class and linear directionality
in another. Socratic classrooms can be relaxed or tense, loud or
quiet, large or small. They can, in other words, seem as different
from each other as they seem from classes in which other
methods are the basis of instruction. (Schneider, 2012)

These are the major transition words/phrases the author uses:

 · “But what do we know” = signals a contrast
· “And what are we talking about” = signals a question
· “As it turns out” = in actuality
· “After all” = as we all know
· “in other words” = signals a conclusion, but also a restatement

Take a look at what the paragraph would look like without those transition
words:
Socrates used a method to interrogate Athenians in the agora. We
call it the “Socratic method.” We may be mistaking common
phrasing for common practice. Classrooms in which the Socratic
method is ostensibly employed are hardly all the same. Teachers
are at the center of some and at the periphery of others. Talk is
common in all, but it includes chaotic zigzagging in one class and
linear directionality in another. Socratic classrooms can be
relaxed or tense, loud or quiet, large or small. They can seem as
different from each other as they seem from classes in which
other methods are the basis of instruction.
This revised paragraph doesn’t have nearly the same meaning or effect as the
original paragraph. That is what transitions do for you. They help to give your
writing more meaning - and especially more precise meaning.

Let’s examine one paragraph from our sample essay for how I use In-Paragraph
transitions. I’ll italicize all of the words and phrases used as transitions:

When Social Studies is tested, teachers face a different

problem: too much to teach in the time they have. This often
leads teachers to engage in “inch deep and mile wide” teaching
practices. Compounding this time problem is the fact that
students usually come to Social Studies with little to no
familiarity with the content. Teachers then spend considerable
time on repetitive, “drill and kill” teaching practices in the hope
they will help students to retain information at least until testing
day. While many teachers would like to engage students in more
meaningful activities, they often do not feel they have time for it.
According to one high school history teacher in a study by
Kenneth Vogler (2005),
I use the entire academic year preparing my
 students for the United States history subject
exam. My choice of instructional delivery and
materials is completely dependent on
preparation for this test. Therefore, I do not use
current events, long-term projects, or creative
group/corporate work because this is not tested
and the delivery format is not used. All my tests
reflect the testing format of the subject area tests –
multiple-choice and open ended questions (p. 19).
Some researchers claim that mandated accountability exams lead
to a “just the facts, ma’am” approach to teaching social studies
(Vogler & Virtue, 2007). Other researchers go further and
contend that “because multiple-choice testing leads to multiple-
choice teaching, the methods that teachers have in their arsenal
become reduced, and teaching work is deskilled” (Smith, 1991, p.
10).

You’ll notice that many of the first words in the sentences work as transitions. I
do this because I want to smoothly guide my readers through my argument. You
should try to do this too. But also notice that I don’t write “The first point I’m
going to make is….” Those kinds of transitions work, but they don’t sound
good.

Between-Paragraph Transitions
The other place to use transitions is when you are moving from one paragraph to
the next. Sometimes you will use a transition word, but more likely you should
use the sentences themselves as transitions. Let’s examine our example essay.
The italicized sentences are the transition sentences; these will be the first
sentence in each paragraph. These sentences link ideas from paragraph to
paragraph, helping to smooth the way for the idea in the next paragraph. They
don’t need to directly address the content of the last sentence of the preceding
paragraph (although that is sometimes a good idea). Instead, they need to
highlight a change in idea, from something previously discussed to what is
coming next. We’ll examine each one. I’m also going to italicize all of the in-
paragraph transitions, just so you can see how they all work together to move
readers smoothly through an argument:

Teaching social studies is hard. Teachers face a variety of

obstacles that can make their job feel impossible. Standardized
testing creates significant pressure on teachers. State and school
district curriculum plans often ask too much of teachers and
students: teach and learn too much content in too short of a time
frame. This lack of time can pressure teachers to teach just facts.
Sometimes social studies isn’t tested, so it gets ignored for tested
subjects that “matter.” Yet, even when Social Studies is tested,
those scores do not always fully count towards a school’s
accountability rating. Models of quality teaching can also be in
short supply in Social Studies. Further, teachers often face a lack
of resources to meaningfully teach Social Studies.
Teachers constantly struggle with a lack of time to teach.
Standardized testing plays a crucial role in this time problem.
When Social Studies is not tested, it tends to get ignored.
Elementary schools routinely allot as little as 45 minutes a week
to Social Studies. What meaningful teaching and learning can
happen in only 45 minutes a week? Middle and high schools
allow more scheduled time, but frequently subtract from that time
by scheduling things such as pep rallies, school assemblies, and
fundraising meetings during Social Studies classes. These
practices send a clear picture to students that Social Studies, when
it is not tested, is less important to the school than tested subjects.
When Social Studies is tested, teachers face a different
problem: too much to teach in the time they have. This often
leads teachers to engage in “inch deep and mile wide” teaching
practices. Compounding this time problem is the fact that
students usually come to Social Studies with little to no
familiarity with the content. Teachers then spend considerable
time on repetitive, “drill and kill” teaching practices in the hope
they will help students to retain information at least until testing
day. While many teachers would like to engage students in more
meaningful activities, they often do not feel they have time for it.
According to one high school history teacher in a study by
Kenneth Vogler (2005),
I use the entire academic year preparing my
students for the United States history subject
exam. My choice of instructional delivery and
materials is completely dependent on
preparation for this test. Therefore, I do not use
 current events, long-term projects, or creative
group/corporate work because this is not tested
and the delivery format is not used. All my tests
reflect the testing format of the subject area tests –
multiple-choice and open ended questions (p. 19).
Some researchers claim that mandated accountability exams lead
to a “just the facts, ma’am” approach to teaching social studies
(Vogler & Virtue, 2007). Other researchers go further and
contend that “because multiple-choice testing leads to multiple-
choice teaching, the methods that teachers have in their arsenal
become reduced, and teaching work is deskilled” (Smith, 1991, p.
10).
Another reason Social Studies is hard to teach is that
teachers have so few models of good Social Studies teaching.
Most Social Studies teaching takes the form of “telling,” in which
teachers lecture, i.e. “tell” students information, perhaps show a
picture or video, and then test students on the content. In this
paradigm, students are not asked to actively learn, only to
passively retain information. There is a simple reason for this:
teachers usually teach the way they were taught when they were
students. High schools and universities are notorious for this kind
of passive teaching and learning. So, it makes sense that teachers
continue to use these methods. The problem is that they just
don’t work that well if thinking is the goal.
Lastly, finding and using quality resources presents an
ongoing challenge to Social Studies teachers. Textbooks are the
most commonly used resource. This makes sense. Almost all
classrooms have them, and they present information through
efficient explanations, pictures, charts, and other visual methods.
And teachers do not need to go looking for them, which may be
the biggest benefit of all. Yet, textbooks contain a number of
problems too: they usually present surface-level understandings;
their reading level is often too high for students; and they always
contain unaddressed bias. Further, and perhaps most important,
they do a bad job of presenting multiple perspectives about issues
and events. Teachers, then, need to find resources on their own
that can offer students more depth and more varied perspectives.
These other types of resources exist. Libraries and museums will
often loan entire boxes of varied materials to teachers.
 Nonprofits and NGOs sometimes provide materials about specific
topics. And the Internet, of course, is awash in historical
information. The challenge for teachers is creating the time to
acquire these resources and learning how to use them, especially
when teachers are so often overwhelmed by the other
responsibilities of their jobs.
Even with all of these challenges, quality teaching in
Social Studies is crucial. Social Studies helps to create a public
that is literate about social and historical issues, can analyze
problems through context, and has a global awareness of the
challenges facing society. To create such a public, students must
be presented with meaningful problems and asked to engage in
analytical thinking. Forty-five minutes a week of Social Studies
won’t cut it, nor will a reductionist focus on test scores or
teaching methods that keep students disengaged. Teachers face
significant challenges in teaching Social Studies. But the urgency
to confront those challenges in order to create this much needed
public has never been greater.

Let’s examine each of the above italicized sentences in turn.

1. Teachers constantly struggle with a lack of time to teach: The
introduction mentions that teachers lack time to teach concepts in
depth. I begin the second paragraph by jumping straight into this
point. The first highlighted sentence, therefore, connects to one
of the points made in the introduction and establishes the new
topic for the paragraph.

2. When Social Studies is tested, teachers face a different

problem: too much to teach in the time they have: The second
highlighted sentence adds a new idea. I had been stating that
social studies test scores don’t count towards an accountability
rating, so people cared less about it. In this sentence, I change
this thought by claiming that “Even if social studies test scores do
count…” I’m stating that, yes, social studies test scores usually
don’t count, but even if they did count, social studies teachers
would still face daunting challenges.

3. Another reason Social Studies is hard to teach is that teachers

 have so few models of good Social Studies teaching: The third
highlighted sentence adds to the list of reasons why teaching
social studies is hard. It does this by stating that “another reason
teaching Social Studies is hard….”

4. Lastly, finding and using quality resources presents an ongoing

challenge to Social Studies teachers: The fourth highlighted
sentence uses a typical transition word, “Lastly.” This word
signals to readers that that paragraph discusses the last item on
the list of reasons why teaching Social Studies is hard.

5. Even with all of these challenges, quality teaching in Social

Studies is crucial: The fifth highlighted sentence, which is in the
conclusion, does two things. First, it recognizes all of the
challenges that were previously discussed (“Even with all of these
challenges”). Second, it puts this list of challenges into a new
context (that “quality teaching in Social Studies is crucial”).

Now it’s your turn. Look through your essay and make sure you are using
smooth transitions, both between paragraphs and within paragraphs. Use the
information in this step to guide you. You want to make the experience of
reading your essay as smooth and easy as possible. Decide where you need to
blend ideas together and where you need to just jump/move to the next idea.
However you do it, the ideas need to easily flow from one to the next.
 STEP 11: PAY ATTENTION TO VERBS

In many ways, verbs are more important to your writing than are nouns and
adjectives. Using the right verbs can add movement, color, and character to your
writing. But bad verb choice can really hurt your writing. Selecting the wrong
verbs can slow down your writing, making it feel clunky and ponderous to read.
Also, mistakes with verbs just jump off of the page. So, it’s crucial that you pay
attention to the verbs you use. There are three things I want you to take away
from this step:

1. Make subjects and verbs agree

2. Strengthen your verbs
3. Write in active voice

Make Subjects and Verbs Agree

One mistake that I often see is when subjects and verbs do not agree. I see it in
students’ papers, and I also see it in newspapers and other professional
publications. These mistakes are easy to fix…if we know what to look for.
Let’s do a short review about subject/verb agreement. All sentences have
subjects and predicates. Put simply, the subject is what the sentence is about and
the predicate is what happens within the sentence. Here’s a simple example:
The girl hit the ball.
The subject is “The girl.” The predicate is “hit the ball.” The sentence is about
the girl and hitting the ball is what happens in the sentence. We can divide the
sentence like this:
The girl / hit the ball.
We can break the sentence down into smaller component pieces: simple subject
and simple predicate. The simple subject is usually one word, usually a noun or
a pronoun, that the sentence is about, in this case “girl.” The simple predicate is
usually one word, a verb, that does the action, in this case “hit.” Such a division
looks like this:
girl / hit
The tense of these words must match. They should either both be singular or
both be plural. These are three points about subject/verb agreement that you
need to remember:

1. Simple subject = usually one word that the sentence is about

2. Simple predicate = usually one word (a verb) that does the
action
3. These must match (either both be singular or both be plural)

Mistakes are easy to spot in shorter sentences, but they can be harder to spot in
longer sentences, especially if the simple subject and simple predicate are far
apart, such as in the sentence below:

· Incorrect: The right toe of her custom-made bowling shoes are

worn through from her follow-through.
· Correct: The right toe of her custom-made bowling shoes is worn
through from her follow-through.

Here, “toe” is the simple subject. Since the simple subject is singular, the simple
predicate must also be singular. That’s why “are” is incorrect and “is” is correct.

Here are a few more examples:

• One of the benefits is that it meets the needs of diverse learners.

• The elephants in the circus that just came to town are well trained.
• That man with the crooked nose who looks a lot like my uncle Phil
has been staring at us this entire time.
• This recipe for brownies that has been passed down for generations
calls for nutmeg.
• Allegations by a previously unknown student were to expose a
scandal.

[Practice 11.1.] Take a moment and practice. Mark the correct verb. The
answers are listed at the end of this step:

1. The lines in that old historic post office (was/were) crowded.

2. One of the statues that has been touring a lot of museums (is/are) beautiful.
3. The past three leaders of the campus debate society (has/have) all been
men.
4. The tomatoes in the garden in the backyard (is/are) particularly sweet.
 5. The safety record of all the workers in all of the company factories (is/are)
superb.

If the subject comes after the verb, we just look backwards. Find what the
sentence is about and match that tense to the verb. In the examples below, I bold
the simple subjects and predicates:

1. There are more matches on the shelf.

2. Here come the lions.
3. How many times has she filled her plate?

If two or more words are in the subject, look at the type of conjunction that joins
those words. You’ll need to determine how the items are used to know whether
or not they are singular or plural. Here are three examples:

1. A tack or a nail was used to put up the poster. (Singular – refers to

the nail or tack, each as just one thing)
2. Football and soccer are interesting games. (Plural – refers to
football and soccer as two different things combined)
3. Bacon and eggs is my favorite breakfast. (Singular – refers to
bacon and eggs as making up one thing)

Take another moment and do a little more practice. The answers to both practice
sets (11.1 and 11.2) are listed at the end of this step:
[Practice 11.2]
1. Which records (has/have) Marsha brought with her?
2. Here (is/are) the stamps from Sweden.
3. There (was/were) three ducks on the pond out back.
4. Coconut pie and apple cake (was/were) our choices.
5. Either Sam or Elsa (drives/drive) the car.
6. Peanut butter and jelly (is/are) my favorite sandwich.

Strengthen Your Verbs

Another way to polish your writing is to strengthen your verbs. Why run when
you can sprint? Why talk softly when you can whisper? Why have a large
impact when you can propel? Forget adverbs. They usually only serve to slow
down writing. You want verbs that illustrate action. Let’s look at some
examples:
Weaker: Watson’s work strongly impacted the field of physics.
Stronger: Watson’s work propelled the field of physics forward.

Weaker: Our group looked carefully at the data.

Stronger: Our group scrutinized the data.

Weaker: Students were talking about the main idea of the story.
Stronger: Students discussed the main idea of the story.

Weaker: These new ideas traveled quickly around the world.

Stronger: These new ideas rocketed around the world.

Weaker: The students slowly walked into the quiet classroom.

Stronger: The students crept into the quiet classroom.

Weaker: The wild horses ran quickly across the mountain

pasture.
Stronger: The wild horses sprinted across the mountain pasture.

Weaker: The architect thought hard about how to overcome the

problem.
Stronger: The architect pondered how to overcome the problem.

Weaker: Eagles flew above the trees.

Stronger: Eagles soared above the trees.

You don’t want to fill your essay with this kind of language. But where
appropriate, it can add spark and color to your writing.

Write in Active Voice

Good writing tends to be active, not passive. Active voice propels writing
forward, while passive voice can slow it down. I’m talking about using active
instead of passive verbs. A simple way to remember the difference between
active and passive voice is that active voice does something, while passive voice
has something done to it. Here are some examples:
 Passive: We were confused during the activity.
Active: We did not understand the activity.

Passive: Updike is commonly considered by critics to be a model

of a great writer.
Active: Critics call Updike a great writer.

Passive: We were late getting home.

Active: We arrived home late.

Passive: Now we have a paragraph that is focused and that makes

a clear point.
Active: Now we have a focused paragraph that makes a clear
point.

Here’s a simple rule: if you use linking or helping verbs, then you are writing in
passive voice. To reduce passive voice, watch out for using too many of these
verbs:

am is are was were be being

been

Let’s edit a short passage for passive voice:

Sometimes children are embarrassed for the reason that they
were singled out previously which leads to tuning out or refusing
to speak out in front of peers which is why cooperative learning is
a positive and essential thing. Not only is cooperative learning
helpful for children but it boosts their self-esteem and
interpersonal relations. Conducting research has only proven that
cooperating and interacting with peers has proven to be effective
and I am for this method.
I put the passive verbs in the above paragraph in bold. Take this phrase:
“children are embarrassed.” This is passive. Active would be “children feel
embarrassed.” I’ll go through the passage and edit it for passive-to-active voice,
as well as make the writing more efficient:
Singling out children in the classroom can cause them to feel
embarrassed and withdraw from a lesson. Cooperative learning
 can counteract these effects. It can generate greater engagement
in the classroom, boost students’ self-esteem, and develop their
interpersonal relations.
Notice how smoothly the revised passage reads compared to the original. It’s
much less wordy, more active, and makes a greater impact. And it’s more
efficient, which makes it more pleasant to read.

We’ll do one more:

There was a study conducted using economically disadvantaged
Hispanic participants focusing on social studies at the elementary
level in a cooperative learning group versus children who
received instruction using a traditional approach. The 12-week
study was conducted in two elementary schools in eight
classrooms using Johnson and Johnson “Brown Book”
workshops. There was a pre-test administered in the beginning
and a post-test at the end. All teachers used the same content but
different ways of instructing it to their students.

Now I’ll revise it:

Researchers conducted a twelve-week study on cooperative
learning with economically disadvantaged Hispanic students.
The study focused on social studies at the elementary level. In
this quasi-experimental study, one group of classrooms used
traditional instruction, and the other group used cooperative
learning strategies. Both groups used Johnson and Johnson
“Brown Book” workshops. Researchers gave students a pre-test
in the beginning of the unit and a post-test at the end.
The revised passage is only a little shorter than the original. But it has more
emphasis and movement. It reads more efficiently and makes a clearer point.
One simple way to check yourself for too much passive voice is to watch for
those verbs: am, is, are, was, were, be, being, been. If you find yourself using
them too often, go back, take them out, and replace them with more active verbs.

Apply This to Our Sample Essay

Let’s apply this information to our sample essay. I’ll copy our essay again below
and BOLD two sentences that we can change:
 Teaching social studies is hard. Teachers face a variety of
obstacles that can make their job feel impossible. Standardized
testing creates significant pressure on teachers. State and school
district curriculum plans often ask too much of teachers and
students: teach and learn too much content in too short of a time
frame. This lack of time can pressure teachers to teach just facts.
Sometimes social studies isn’t tested, so it gets ignored for tested
subjects that “matter.” Yet, even when Social Studies is tested,
those scores do not always fully count towards a school’s
accountability rating. Models of quality teaching can also be in
short supply in Social Studies. Further, teachers often face a lack
of resources to meaningfully teach Social Studies.
Teachers constantly struggle with a lack of time to teach.
Standardized testing plays a crucial role in this time problem.
When Social Studies is not tested, it tends to get ignored.
Elementary schools routinely allot as little as 45 minutes a week
to Social Studies. What meaningful teaching and learning can
happen in only 45 minutes a week? Middle and high schools
allow more scheduled time, but frequently subtract from that time
by scheduling things such as pep rallies, school assemblies, and
fundraising meetings during Social Studies classes. These
practices send a clear picture to students that Social Studies, when
it is not tested, is less important to the school than tested subjects.
When Social Studies is tested, teachers face a different
problem: too much to teach in the time they have. This often
leads teachers to engage in “inch deep and mile wide” teaching
practices. Compounding this time problem is the fact that
students usually come to Social Studies with little to no
familiarity with the content. Teachers then spend considerable
time on repetitive, “drill and kill” teaching practices in the hope
they will help students to retain information at least until testing
day. While many teachers would like to engage students in more
meaningful activities, they often do not feel they have time for it.
According to one high school history teacher in a study by
Kenneth Vogler (2005),
I use the entire academic year preparing my
students for the United States history subject
exam. My choice of instructional delivery and
 materials is completely dependent on
preparation for this test. Therefore, I do not use
current events, long-term projects, or creative
group/corporate work because this is not tested
and the delivery format is not used. All my tests
reflect the testing format of the subject area tests –
multiple-choice and open ended questions (p. 19).
Some researchers claim that mandated accountability exams lead
to a “just the facts, ma’am” approach to teaching social studies
(Vogler & Virtue, 2007). Other researchers go further and
contend that “because multiple-choice testing leads to multiple-
choice teaching, the methods that teachers have in their arsenal
become reduced, and teaching work is deskilled” (Smith, 1991, p.
10).
Another reason Social Studies is hard to teach is that
teachers have so few models of good Social Studies teaching.
Most Social Studies teaching takes the form of “telling,” in which
teachers lecture, i.e. “tell” students information, perhaps show a
picture or video, and then test students on the content. In this
paradigm, students are not asked to actively learn, only to
passively retain information. There is a simple reason for this:
teachers usually teach the way they were taught when they
were students. High schools and universities are notorious for
this kind of passive teaching and learning. So, it makes sense that
teachers continue to use these methods. The problem is that they
just don’t work that well if thinking is the goal.
Lastly, finding and using quality resources presents an
ongoing challenge to Social Studies teachers. Textbooks are the
most commonly used resource. This makes sense. Almost all
classrooms have them, and they present information through
efficient explanations, pictures, charts, and other visual methods.
And teachers do not need to go looking for them, which may be
the biggest benefit of all. Yet, textbooks contain a number of
problems too: they usually present surface-level understandings;
their reading level is often too high for students; and they always
contain unaddressed bias. Further, and perhaps most important,
they do a bad job of presenting multiple perspectives about issues
and events. Teachers, then, need to find resources on their own
that can offer students more depth and more varied perspectives.
 These other types of resources exist. Libraries and museums will
often loan entire boxes of varied materials to teachers.
Nonprofits and NGOs sometimes provide materials about specific
topics. And the Internet, of course, is awash in historical
information. The challenge for teachers is creating the time to
acquire these resources and learning how to use them, especially
when teachers are so often overwhelmed by the other
responsibilities of their jobs.
Even with all of these challenges, quality teaching in
Social Studies is crucial. Social Studies helps to create a public
that is literate about social and historical issues, can analyze
problems through context, and has a global awareness of the
challenges facing society. To create such a public, students must
be presented with meaningful problems and asked to engage in
analytical thinking. Forty-five minutes a week of Social Studies
won’t cut it, nor will a reductionist focus on test scores or
teaching methods that keep students disengaged. Teachers face
significant challenges in teaching Social Studies. But the urgency
to confront those challenges in order to create this much needed
public has never been greater.

The two sentences in bold can be changed to a more active voice. Here’s the
first sentence. I’m going to take out the “is:”
Original: There is a simple reason for this: teachers usually teach
the way they were taught when they were students.
More active: A simple reason explains this: teachers usually
teach the way their teachers taught them.

Now for the second sentence. This involves a more complicated change, even
though I’m still only trying to delete the “is:”
Original: Social Studies helps to create a public that is literate
about social and historical issues, can analyze problems through
context, and has a global awareness of the challenges facing
society.
More active: Social studies helps to create a literate public that
cares about social and historical issues, that can analyze problems
through context, and that has a global awareness of the challenges
facing society.
Now I’ll insert these two more active sentences back into our essay:
Teaching social studies is hard. Teachers face a variety of
obstacles that can make their job feel impossible. Standardized
testing creates significant pressure on teachers. State and school
district curriculum plans often ask too much of teachers and
students: teach and learn too much content in too short of a time
frame. This lack of time can pressure teachers to teach just facts.
Sometimes social studies isn’t tested, so it gets ignored for tested
subjects that “matter.” Yet, even when Social Studies is tested,
those scores do not always fully count towards a school’s
accountability rating. Models of quality teaching can also be in
short supply in Social Studies. Further, teachers often face a lack
of resources to meaningfully teach Social Studies.
Teachers constantly struggle with a lack of time to teach.
Standardized testing plays a crucial role in this time problem.
When Social Studies is not tested, it tends to get ignored.
Elementary schools routinely allot as little as 45 minutes a week
to Social Studies. What meaningful teaching and learning can
happen in only 45 minutes a week? Middle and high schools
allow more scheduled time, but frequently subtract from that time
by scheduling things such as pep rallies, school assemblies, and
fundraising meetings during Social Studies classes. These
practices send a clear picture to students that Social Studies, when
it is not tested, is less important to the school than tested subjects.
When Social Studies is tested, teachers face a different
problem: too much to teach in the time they have. This often
leads teachers to engage in “inch deep and mile wide” teaching
practices. Compounding this time problem is the fact that
students usually come to Social Studies with little to no
familiarity with the content. Teachers then spend considerable
time on repetitive, “drill and kill” teaching practices in the hope
they will help students to retain information at least until testing
day. While many teachers would like to engage students in more
meaningful activities, they often do not feel they have time for it.
According to one high school history teacher in a study by
Kenneth Vogler (2005),
I use the entire academic year preparing my
 students for the United States history subject
exam. My choice of instructional delivery and
materials is completely dependent on
preparation for this test. Therefore, I do not use
current events, long-term projects, or creative
group/corporate work because this is not tested
and the delivery format is not used. All my tests
reflect the testing format of the subject area tests –
multiple-choice and open ended questions (p. 19).
Some researchers claim that mandated accountability exams lead
to a “just the facts, ma’am” approach to teaching social studies
(Vogler & Virtue, 2007). Other researchers go further and
contend that “because multiple-choice testing leads to multiple-
choice teaching, the methods that teachers have in their arsenal
become reduced, and teaching work is deskilled” (Smith, 1991, p.
10).
Another reason Social Studies is hard to teach is that
teachers have so few models of good Social Studies teaching.
Most Social Studies teaching takes the form of “telling,” in which
teachers lecture, i.e. “tell” students information, perhaps show a
picture or video, and then test students on the content. In this
paradigm, students are not asked to actively learn, only to
passively retain information. A simple reason explains this:
teachers usually teach the way their teachers taught them. High
schools and universities are notorious for this kind of passive
teaching and learning. So, it makes sense that teachers continue
to use these methods. The problem is that they just don’t work
that well if thinking is the goal.
Lastly, finding and using quality resources presents an
ongoing challenge to Social Studies teachers. Textbooks are the
most commonly used resource. This makes sense. Almost all
classrooms have them, and they present information through
efficient explanations, pictures, charts, and other visual methods.
And teachers do not need to go looking for them, which may be
the biggest benefit of all. Yet, textbooks contain a number of
problems too: they usually present surface-level understandings;
their reading level is often too high for students; and they always
contain unaddressed bias. Further, and perhaps most important,
they do a bad job of presenting multiple perspectives about issues
 and events. Teachers, then, need to find resources on their own
that can offer students more depth and more varied perspectives.
These other types of resources exist. Libraries and museums will
often loan entire boxes of varied materials to teachers.
Nonprofits and NGOs sometimes provide materials about specific
topics. And the Internet, of course, is awash in historical
information. The challenge for teachers is creating the time to
acquire these resources and learning how to use them, especially
when teachers are so often overwhelmed by the other
responsibilities of their jobs.
Even with all of these challenges, quality teaching in
Social Studies is crucial. Social studies helps to create a literate
public that cares about social and historical issues, that can
analyze problems through context, and that has a global
awareness of the challenges facing society. To create such a
public, students must be presented with meaningful problems and
asked to engage in analytical thinking. Forty-five minutes a week
of Social Studies won’t cut it, nor will a reductionist focus on test
scores or teaching methods that keep students disengaged.
Teachers face significant challenges in teaching Social Studies.
But the urgency to confront those challenges in order to create
this much needed public has never been greater.

---------------------------------------
[Practice 11.1 answers]

1. The lines in that old historic post office were crowded.

2. One of the statues that has been touring a lot of museums is beautiful.
3. The past three leaders of the campus debate society have all been men.
4. The tomatoes in the garden in the backyard are particularly sweet.
5. The safety record of all the workers in all of the company factories is
superb.

[Practice 11.2 answers]

1. Which records has Marsha brought with her?
2. Here are the stamps from Sweden.
3. There were three ducks on the pond out back.
4. Coconut pie and apple cake were our choices.
 5. Either Sam or Elsa drives the car.
6. Peanut butter and jelly is my favorite sandwich.
---------------------------------------
 STEP 12: POLISH YOUR WRITING
The last editing step is to polish your writing. You have an introduction and a
conclusion that works. You’ve created a strong argument. You’ve guided your
readers through that argument with clear and easy to follow transitions. You’ve
crafted solid sentences and paragraphs. Now we need to just make sure that the
last crucial details within our writing are nicely honed. This step will focus on 3
common problems that people make in their essays. At the end of this step,
we’re going to apply some of these points to our sample essay:

1. Eliminate wordy sentences and paragraphs

2. Keep your writing parallel
3. Don’t write “I believe” or “I think”

Eliminate Wordy Sentences and Paragraphs

It’s usually a problem if your writing is too short. That indicates that you
haven’t put enough depth into your analysis. But it’s also a problem if your
writing is too wordy. Wordy writing is not fun to read. Worse, it takes up space
that could be used for better, richer analysis. There are many ways to reduce
wordiness, so we’ll look at a few. We’ll start with sentences and then move to
paragraphs. Read the following sentence:

· Considering students’ success as a priority, we must prepare with

the best strategies to teach them social studies in an enrichment
environment where students can feel comfortable to learn.

The key to reducing wordiness is writing simply and directly. Each word should
have a specific purpose: just get to the point and use as few words as possible to
make your point. The above sentence uses too many words to make its point.
We don’t need to refer to students three times (students’, them, and students).
I’m not sure we need the words “considering” or “enrichment.” Those words
should be implied. Here’s a revised version:

· We must teach Social Studies in a comfortable and engaging

environment, with student success as our priority.

Here are a few more examples of wordy sentences and ways to revise them:
 Wordy: Students can do so much to help society and to make the
world a better place, but if society did not place any value on
education then there would be a lot less students interested.
Revised: Society must value education in order to draw out
students’ potential to impact the world.

Wordy: Today’s teachers have much to take into consideration in

order to educate all students equally regardless of the students’
background in order to effectively teach today’s culturally diverse
classroom and ensure student success in comprehension in
content areas.
Revised: Teachers today have much to consider to ensure
students’ success in learning content, as well as to facilitate
culturally diverse classrooms.

Now let’s take a look at wordy paragraphs. Let’s start with this one:

· Students are being put in classrooms and basically drilled for state
assessments and not allowed to enjoy learning and get them motivated
to learn any kind of subject. I can say that in my own experience as a
mother, I see my 6th grader and she tells me that she loves learning
everyday but that the learning is not as fun as before.
Let’s try to shorten this. I’ll do it in steps. For the first sentence, we can assume
that students are in classrooms. Where else would they be in a school? You
don’t need “basically.” Just write: “Students are being drilled for state
assessments”. Are students really not allowed to enjoy learning? Is that against
the rules? Or does it just feel that way? And are students actually kept from
learning subject matter? Let’s phrase the first sentence like this:

· Students spend too much time being drilled for state assessments,
which can hurt their love for learning.
For the second sentence, don’t write “I can say that in my own experience.”
There’s no need to write “I can say.” You’re already doing that just by writing.
Nor do you need “own.” It’s redundant. Also, you really don’t need to identify
yourself as a mother; referencing your “6th grader” will do that for you. Also,
why write “I see my 6th grader and she tells me?” Just write, “My 6th grader
tells me.” And if she loves learning every day, then she loves learning, so we
can leave that part out as well. So, let’s see what we have so far:

· In my experience, my 6th grader tells me that she loves learning, but

not as much now as before.
When we put them together, we get this. Do you see how much cleaner, clearer,
and faster these sentences are than the original?:

· Students spend too much time being drilled for state assessments,
which can hurt their love for learning. In my experience, my 6th
grader tells me that she loves learning, but not as much now as before.

We’ll do one more. Check out this paragraph:

· Are you someone who learns cooperatively or alone? As I was
once told, “learning is social.” Most students learn from each other.
Cooperative learning is a method of instruction that has students
working together in groups, usually with the goal of completing a
specific task. Using cooperative learning among social studies will
help students learn more than traditional teaching. Conducting
research has proven that cooperative learning is an outstanding method
to use in the classroom. Therefore, as you read you too will be
convinced.
The first three sentences do little to help establish to the topic. They seem to just
be extra to try to connect with readers. Eliminate them. The fourth through
sixth sentences advance the topic. But the last sentence doesn’t work. So, we’re
down to this:
· Cooperative learning is a method of instruction that has students
working together in groups, usually with the goal of completing a
specific task. Using cooperative learning among social studies will
help students learn more than traditional teaching. Conducting
research has proven that cooperative learning is an outstanding method
to use in the classroom.
Let me edit it a bit more. I’m going to change the order of the second and third
sentences. The only sentence I need to change is the second (now third)
sentence. I don’t know what “Conducting research has proven” means. Just
write “Research shows that.” It’s much clearer and to the point. Here’s the
revised version:
· Cooperative learning is a method of instruction that has students
working together in groups, usually with the goal of completing a
specific task. Research shows that cooperative learning is an
outstanding method to use in the classroom. Using cooperative
learning with social studies will help students learn more than
traditional teaching.
Now we have a focused paragraph that makes a clear point.

Keep Your Writing Parallel

Parallel writing means keeping things the same throughout a sentence. It means
that nouns, adjectives, adverbs, and verbs must be in the same form. We’re
going to focus on parallel verbs and parallel lists. Here’s a sentence that uses
parallel verb tenses:
· Teachers may spend an enormous amount of time designing
assessments, providing feedback, and documenting students’ progress.
All of the verb tenses are the same; here they all end in “ing” (it’s called “present
progressive”).

The following sentence would not be parallel:

· Teachers design assessment, provide feedback, and are
documenting students’ progress.
This first two verbs are in present tense and last verb is in present progressive
tense. They all need to be the same. The sentence should look like this:
· Teachers design assessment, provide feedback, and document
students’ progress.

Here’s another sentence that is not parallel. I’ll put the problem in bold:
· Verb tenses match; singular and plural align; and subjects need to
correspond to verbs.
If the sentence was parallel it would read like this:
 · Verb tenses match; singular and plural align; and subjects
correspond to verbs.

Parallelism also applies to lists that don’t include verbs. Here’s an example of a
problem:
· The film lacked a clear narrative, logical transitions, and the
dialogue was unbelievable.

The problem is with the last item in the list. The last item isn’t really an item;
it’s a new sentence. Here’s a parallel version:
· The film lacked a clear narrative, logical transitions, and believable
dialogue.
The sentence lists three things: clear narrative, logical transitions, and believable
dialogue. You would need to keep those three items in the same format.

Here are two more sentences that have lists which are not parallel. I’ll put the
problems and solutions in bold. The first sentence uses a list of simple
adjectives…or at least it begins that way:
Not parallel: The concert was loud, colorful, and many people
attended.
Parallel: The concert was loud, colorful, and crowded.
The list is “loud, colorful,” and then changes to “many people attended.” It
should just be “crowded.”

This next sentence only has two items in the list. Both should use verbs that end
in “ing:”
Not parallel: Taking care of the elderly and the education of
children are important to our plan.
Parallel: Taking care of the elderly and educating children are
important to our plan.

Below are a few more examples of incorrect/correct parallel structure:

Not parallel: Moving deadlines, rephrasing questions, and a
 change in techniques are all ways of scaffolding students’
success in the classroom.
Parallel: Moving deadlines, rephrasing questions, and changing
techniques are all ways of scaffolding students’ success in the
classroom.

Not parallel: The school briefly banned those games, disturbed

by the players’ violence and the fans behaving badly.
Parallel: The school briefly banned those games, disturbed by the
players’ violence and the fans’ behavior.

Not parallel: Early games, however, remained violent and

boredom.
Parallel: Early games, however, remained violent and boring.

Don’t Write “I believe” or “I think”

It’s not uncommon for students to write “I believe” or “I think” in their essays.
This isn’t necessary, and it slows down the writing. Of course you believe
and/or think that. How do I know? Because you wrote it. Here are some
examples:

From: This I believe is the most effective.

To: This is the most effective.

From: I believe that after time has passed, history will vindicate
that judgment.
To: History will vindicate that judgment.

From: I believe, based on my own experience, that outlines are

effective tools to help students to organize any piece of writing.
To: My experience indicates that outlines are effective tools for
improving writing.

From: For me, I believe that progressivism promotes a child’s

environment and allows for questioning.
To: Progressivism promotes a child’s environment and allows for
questioning.
 Apply This to Our Sample Essay

Let’s now apply these points to our sample essay:

Teaching social studies is hard. Teachers face a variety of
obstacles that can make their job feel impossible. Standardized
testing creates significant pressure on teachers. State and school
district curriculum plans often ask too much of teachers and
students: teach and learn too much content in too short of a time
frame. This lack of time can pressure teachers to teach just facts.
Sometimes social studies isn’t tested, so it gets ignored for tested
subjects that “matter.” Yet, even when Social Studies is tested,
those scores do not always fully count towards a school’s
accountability rating. Models of quality teaching can also be in
short supply in Social Studies. Further, teachers often face a lack
of resources to meaningfully teach Social Studies.
Teachers constantly struggle with a lack of time to teach.
Standardized testing plays a crucial role in this time problem.
When Social Studies is not tested, it tends to get ignored.
Elementary schools routinely allot as little as 45 minutes a week
to Social Studies. What meaningful teaching and learning can
happen in only 45 minutes a week? Middle and high schools
allow more scheduled time, but frequently subtract from that time
by scheduling things such as pep rallies, school assemblies, and
fundraising meetings during Social Studies classes. These
practices send a clear picture to students that Social Studies, when
it is not tested, is less important to the school than tested subjects.
When Social Studies is tested, teachers face a different
problem: too much to teach in the time they have. This often
leads teachers to engage in “inch deep and mile wide” teaching
practices. Compounding this time problem is the fact that
students usually come to Social Studies with little to no
familiarity with the content. Teachers then spend considerable
time on repetitive, “drill and kill” teaching practices in the hope
they will help students to retain information at least until testing
day. While many teachers would like to engage students in more
meaningful activities, they often do not feel they have time for it.
According to one high school history teacher in a study by
Kenneth Vogler (2005),
I use the entire academic year preparing my
students for the United States history subject
exam. My choice of instructional delivery and
materials is completely dependent on
preparation for this test. Therefore, I do not use
current events, long-term projects, or creative
group/corporate work because this is not tested
and the delivery format is not used. All my tests
reflect the testing format of the subject area tests –
multiple-choice and open ended questions (p. 19).
Some researchers claim that mandated accountability exams lead
to a “just the facts, ma’am” approach to teaching social studies
(Vogler & Virtue, 2007). Other researchers go further and
contend that “because multiple-choice testing leads to multiple-
choice teaching, the methods that teachers have in their arsenal
become reduced, and teaching work is deskilled” (Smith, 1991, p.
10).
Another reason Social Studies is hard to teach is that
teachers have so few models of good Social Studies teaching.
Most Social Studies teaching takes the form of “telling,” in which
teachers lecture, i.e. “tell” students information, perhaps show a
picture or video, and then test students on the content. In this
paradigm, students are not asked to actively learn, only to
passively retain information. A simple reason explains this:
teachers usually teach the way their teachers taught them. High
schools and universities are notorious for this kind of passive
teaching and learning. So, it makes sense that teachers continue
to use these methods. The problem is that they just don’t work
that well if thinking is the goal.
Lastly, finding and using quality resources presents an
ongoing challenge to Social Studies teachers. Textbooks are the
most commonly used resource. This makes sense. Almost all
classrooms have them, and they present information through
efficient explanations, pictures, charts, and other visual methods.
And teachers do not need to go looking for them, which may be
the biggest benefit of all. Yet, textbooks contain a number of
 problems too: they usually present surface-level understandings;
their reading level is often too high for students; and they always
contain unaddressed bias. Further, and perhaps most important,
they do a bad job of presenting multiple perspectives about issues
and events. Teachers, then, need to find resources on their own
that can offer students more depth and more varied perspectives.
These other types of resources exist. Libraries and museums will
often loan entire boxes of varied materials to teachers.
Nonprofits and NGOs sometimes provide materials about specific
topics. And the Internet, of course, is awash in historical
information. The challenge for teachers is creating the time to
acquire these resources and learning how to use them, especially
when teachers are so often overwhelmed by the other
responsibilities of their jobs.
Even with all of these challenges, quality teaching in
Social Studies is crucial. Social studies helps to create a
literate public that cares about social and historical issues,
that can analyze problems through context, and that has a
global awareness of the challenges facing society. To create
such a public, students must be presented with meaningful
problems and asked to engage in analytical thinking. Forty-five
minutes a week of Social Studies won’t cut it, nor will a
reductionist focus on test scores or teaching methods that keep
students disengaged. Teachers face significant challenges in
teaching Social Studies. But the urgency to confront those
challenges in order to create this much needed public has never
been greater.

Our essay is pretty good. But there is at least one sentence that we can change
according to the points made in this step. Actually, we’ve already edited it some
in Step 11. Here it is:

· Social studies helps to create a literate public that

cares about social and historical issues, that can analyze
problems through context, and that has a global
awareness of the challenges facing society.

Do you see the problem? I don’t write “I believe,” so that’s not it. It’s not too
wordy. The sentences uses a lot of words, but it makes a complicated point.
Look at the list. I’ll put it in bold for you:
· Social Studies helps to create a literate public that
cares about social and historical issues, that can
analyze problems through context, and that has a
global awareness of the challenges facing society.
The problem is that this list is not parallel. The first verb, “cares,” is in simple
and active voice. But the other two are not active. The sentence should like this:
· Social Studies helps to create a literate public that
cares about social and historical issues, that analyzes
problems through context, and that addresses the
challenges facing a global society.
Now the sentence is parallel. Notice how much better this new version sounds
than the original? Our essay is now ready to go. Go back through your essay
and study it for wordiness, for parallelism, and for any “I believe” statements.
Also, please use our sample essay as a model for doing all of these steps.

Finished Sample Essay:

The Difficulty of Teaching Social Studies in Elementary Classrooms.

Teaching social studies is hard. Teachers face a variety of
obstacles that can make their job feel impossible. Standardized
testing creates significant pressure on teachers. State and school
district curriculum plans often ask too much of teachers and
students: teach and learn too much content in too short of a time
frame. This lack of time can pressure teachers to teach just facts.
Sometimes social studies isn’t tested, so it gets ignored for tested
subjects that “matter.” Yet, even when Social Studies is tested,
those scores do not always fully count towards a school’s
accountability rating. Models of quality teaching can also be in
short supply in Social Studies. Further, teachers often face a lack
of resources to meaningfully teach Social Studies.
Teachers constantly struggle with a lack of time to teach.
Standardized testing plays a crucial role in this time problem.
When Social Studies is not tested, it tends to get ignored.
Elementary schools routinely allot as little as 45 minutes a week
to Social Studies. What meaningful teaching and learning can
happen in only 45 minutes a week? Middle and high schools
allow more scheduled time, but frequently subtract from that time
by scheduling things such as pep rallies, school assemblies, and
fundraising meetings during Social Studies classes. These
practices send a clear picture to students that Social Studies, when
it is not tested, is less important to the school than tested subjects.
When Social Studies is tested, teachers face a different
problem: too much to teach in the time they have. This often
leads teachers to engage in “inch deep and mile wide” teaching
practices. Compounding this time problem is the fact that
students usually come to Social Studies with little to no
familiarity with the content. Teachers then spend considerable
time on repetitive, “drill and kill” teaching practices in the hope
they will help students to retain information at least until testing
day. While many teachers would like to engage students in more
meaningful activities, they often do not feel they have time for it.
According to one high school history teacher in a study by
Kenneth Vogler (2005),
I use the entire academic year preparing my
students for the United States history subject
exam. My choice of instructional delivery and
materials is completely dependent on
preparation for this test. Therefore, I do not use
current events, long-term projects, or creative
group/corporate work because this is not tested
and the delivery format is not used. All my tests
reflect the testing format of the subject area tests –
multiple-choice and open ended questions (p. 19).
Some researchers claim that mandated accountability exams lead
to a “just the facts, ma’am” approach to teaching social studies
(Vogler & Virtue, 2007). Other researchers go further and
contend that “because multiple-choice testing leads to multiple-
choice teaching, the methods that teachers have in their arsenal
become reduced, and teaching work is deskilled” (Smith, 1991, p.
10).
Another reason Social Studies is hard to teach is that
teachers have so few models of good Social Studies teaching.
Most Social Studies teaching takes the form of “telling,” in which
teachers lecture, i.e. “tell” students information, perhaps show a
picture or video, and then test students on the content. In this
paradigm, students are not asked to actively learn, only to
passively retain information. A simple reason explains this:
teachers usually teach the way their teachers taught them. High
schools and universities are notorious for this kind of passive
teaching and learning. So, it makes sense that teachers continue
to use these methods. The problem is that they just don’t work
that well if thinking is the goal.
Lastly, finding and using quality resources presents an
ongoing challenge to Social Studies teachers. Textbooks are the
most commonly used resource. This makes sense. Almost all
classrooms have them, and they present information through
efficient explanations, pictures, charts, and other visual methods.
And teachers do not need to go looking for them, which may be
the biggest benefit of all. Yet, textbooks contain a number of
problems too: they usually present surface-level understandings;
their reading level is often too high for students; and they always
contain unaddressed bias. Further, and perhaps most important,
they do a bad job of presenting multiple perspectives about issues
and events. Teachers, then, need to find resources on their own
that can offer students more depth and more varied perspectives.
These other types of resources exist. Libraries and museums will
often loan entire boxes of varied materials to teachers.
Nonprofits and NGOs sometimes provide materials about specific
topics. And the Internet, of course, is awash in historical
information. The challenge for teachers is creating the time to
acquire these resources and learning how to use them, especially
when teachers are so often overwhelmed by the other
responsibilities of their jobs.
Even with all of these challenges, quality teaching in
Social Studies is crucial. Social Studies helps to create a literate
public that cares about social and historical issues, that analyzes
problems through context, and that addresses the challenges
facing a global society. To create such a public, students must be
presented with meaningful problems and asked to engage in
analytical thinking. Forty-five minutes a week of Social Studies
won’t cut it, nor will a reductionist focus on test scores or
teaching methods that keep students disengaged. Teachers face
significant challenges in teaching Social Studies. But the urgency
 to confront those challenges in order to create this much needed
public has never been greater.

We’ve finished all of the steps. Study them, follow them, and practice them and
your writing will improve tremendously. And remember to do them in order.
Each step is important and, put together, they take the guesswork out of writing.
 BONUS: USE CITATIONS LIKE A PRO

When, Where, and How Often to Use Citations

Why Use Citations?

Think of academic writing as a big conversation. When professors or other
academics publish in academic journals, they are joining a conversation with
other academics about that particular topic, whether the paper is about
engineering, chemistry, literature, or anything else. They have to acknowledge
what other people have written about the topic. This creates a context for their
paper – what their paper is about and how it connects to what other people have
written about the topic. Sometimes academics will agree with other studies;
sometimes they will disagree. Doing this helps authors answer the “so what?”
question: why is this study important? What does it have to do with what people
already know or think about a topic? How is the study new, or how does it offer
a new way of thinking about a topic? We have to establish what knowledge
already exists before we can add to or change that knowledge.

Another reason that academics use citations is to support claims that they make.
For example, say I want to make a claim about education or training programs
for inmates or for young children. Well, I would need some actual facts to back
up my claim. Or say I want to state that homework is or isn’t beneficial for
kindergarten students. Again, I would need to cite some studies that have the
hard data to support my claim.

So, why do you have to do all of this if you’re not writing for publication?
Because in writing academic papers, you’re working as a sort of an academic-in-
training so you have to follow the practices that academics do. You need to
create contexts for your arguments and you need to support claims that you
make.

Where Should I Use Citations?

You will usually use citations in the beginning of the essay, when you are
establishing the problem that you’re writing about, as well as towards the end,
when you are discussing your data or your analysis of the problem/issue. You
usually won’t use citations when you are presenting information or data about
your topic. However, this isn’t a strict rule. Say you are discussing an author’s
use of imagery. As you analyze that use of imagery, you might want to compare
it to other examples of writing. You would cite those other sources. Another
place you probably wouldn’t use citations is in the conclusion. It’s possible that
you would want to cite, say, a study or some statistics, but that isn’t common.

How Often Should I Use Citations?

You use citations for support: to support claims that you make, facts that you
present, to create a context, to give background knowledge, etc. So, you
probably won’t need to use them that much. Remember that most of the writing
needs to be your words and your thoughts.

Cite Correctly…and with Style

There are two main ways to cite sources in academic writing: either cite a
paraphrased point or cite a section of a sentence, an entire sentence, or several
sentences.

Paraphrasing
Let’s start with paraphrasing. Look at this short passage. It’s the opening
paragraph of a long journal article:

“There is an ongoing effort by researchers to better understand

the influences on teachers’ work. Teachers’ work can be shaped
by a range of factors, such as teacher education programs, the
types of students on teaches, teachers’ milieu, teachers’
knowledge and beliefs, and mandated accountability testing.
Researchers have studied teachers’ work in a variety of ways, for
example in terms of teachers’ roles (Valli & Buese, 2007),
teachers’ workload (Easthope & Easthope, 2000), teachers’
teaching practices (Wills, 2007; Wills & Sandholtz, 2009), and
teachers’ knowledge (Craig, 2004, 2013).”

In that paragraph, I begin to establish the problem that I’m writing about. At the
end of the paragraph, I make a series of factual claims which I need to back up.
My citations do that for me. I just need to cite one or more studies to support
each claim, in this case about research on teachers’ roles, teachers’ workload,
teachers’ teaching practices, and teachers’ knowledge. All I have to do is insert
the author and year of each paper I want to cite. These are very short
paraphrases, in that all they do is state a broad category.

Another way to paraphrase is to use specific points from other papers. Check
out the passage below:

These frailties are intimately bound in context, and researchers

must form relationships and invest themselves into those contexts
as they seek truer truths about people’s experiences that, yes, may
link to theory but are not necessarily about theory. McLaren
(1992) called this preparing to be wounded in the field, in that
researchers must put at risk their habitual ways of self-
construction. McLaren’s phrasing resonates; to be blinded by self
can blur broader vision. But here I reach for something deeper,
more akin to narrative notions of relationship and the stories
educators live and tell about themselves in context (Connelly &
Clandinin, 1990).

The first sentence is making a point about something that researchers must do.
The second sentence is used to support that point. It paraphrases something that
a different scholar wrote (in this case someone named McLaren). The third
sentence comments on the paraphrased point in sentence two. And the fourth
sentence paraphrases yet another point (something from the writers Connelly and
Clandinin).

Let’s look more closely at the two paraphrased points. In the second sentence,
the paraphrased point is “preparing to be wounded in the field.” It is set up by
the simple phrase “McLaren (1992) called this….” In the fourth sentence, the
paraphrased point is “narrative notions of relationship and the stories educators
live and tell about themselves in context.” This last point is set up with the
words “more akin to…” These are good examples of blending a cited
paraphrasing into the paper. Blending a citation into the surrounding sentences
is crucial if you want to cite well. You don’t want it to stick out. In terms of
punctuation, remember that the period goes after parentheses, but before
quotation marks.

Using Sentences or Phrases

The importance of blending language is especially true when citing all or part of
a sentence. You’ll almost never see good academic writing that just throws a
quoted sentence into the middle of a paragraph. Instead, good writers embed
their quotations. Here’s an example of what not to do:

The population of English language learners (ELLs) has rapidly

 increased, therefore making it very difficult for ELLs to get the
proper education. “Georgia reports that ELLs in public schools
increased by 650 percent during the same period (Batt, Kim, and
Sunderman, 2005). Clearly, public school teachers throughout
the nation will face a greater influx of immigrant children.”
(Brown, 2007).

There are a number of problems with this passage. First, it’s hard to know what
is being quoted and from where. The closing quotation marks after ‘children’
make it seem as if both sentences are being quoted. But from where? The
student included a citation for each sentence. Did she just mean to cite two
whole sentences in a row? Or did she mean that the first sentence was quoted
within the same source as the second sentence? So, that is unclear. Also, the
essay isn’t about Georgia. Yet, beginning the second sentence like that implies
that the paper is about Georgia. Third, the order of sentences 2 and 3 is wrong.
Sentence 2 should come after sentence 3, since it can serve as an example of the
point that sentence 3 makes. Fourth, if you’re going to cite sentences or phrases,
you need to include the page number in the citation (this student didn’t include
them, so I’ll have to leave them out). I’m going to also change up some of the
language. Here is a revised version of that passage:

The population of English language learners (ELLs) has rapidly

increased, making it difficult for those students to get a proper
education. Brown (2007) claims that “public school teachers
throughout the nation will face a greater influx of immigrant
children.” For example, the state of “Georgia reports that ELLs
in public schools [has] increased by 650%” (Batt, Kim, &
Sunderman, 2005).

Notice how much easier this revised passage is to follow. You can think about
arranging the argument like this:

1. Number of ELLs in public schools is increasing

2. One researcher stated that teachers across the nation
will see more immigrant students (this statement
supports the first sentence)
3. An example from a study about Georgia that
supports the second sentence

Instead of just throwing in whole sentences or phrases, I blended them into the
other sentences. I wrote that “Brown (2007) claims that…” and “For example,
the state of….”

Let’s look at one more example of what not to do and revise it into something
better. It’s actually the next 4 sentences from the same student’s essay:

Teachers are greatly affected by the amount of ELLs they have in

their classrooms. They have to get to know their students and
understanding their backgrounds. “Many teachers have a wide
variety of cultures and languages represented in their classrooms.
This presents a challenge in communicating with students and
understanding their cultures.” (Hansen, 2007)

The quoted sentences break up the flow of the sentences, and they kind of feel
like a repeat of what was just written. There is no introduction or context made
for the quotation; it’s just tossed in there. Here’s a revised version of that
passage:

Teachers can be affected by the number of ELLs they have in

their classrooms. Because “many teachers have a wide variety of
cultures and languages represented in their classrooms[, this]
presents [them with] a challenge in communicating with students
and understanding their cultures” (Hansen, 2007). This can make
it difficult for teachers to get to know their students.

Let’s go sentence by sentence. In sentence 1, I changed “are” to “can be,”

because we don’t know that all teachers are affected by the number of ELLs.
But we do know, from the citation in sentence 2, that teachers “can be” affected
by the number of ELLs. I switched sentences 2, 3, and 4 because they work
better in this order. I moved the original sentence 2 to the end, because that
sentence illustrates an example of how this challenge can affect teachers.

Notice also how I embedded the quotation. It’s ok to change a capitalized letter.
It’s also ok to use what was a complete sentence as a part of a new sentence:
Because “many teachers have…” I just added a few words to shape my sentence
to a form that flows better. I also changed the way the two quoted sentences fit
together; what were two sentences became one long sentence. Since I took out
the period, added a comma, and changed “This” to “this,” I needed to do that
with brackets. Brackets show what I added to a quoted sentence. I’ll put both of
the student’s original passages together so you can see what the whole thing
originally looked like:

The population of English language learners (ELLs) has rapidly

increased, therefore making it very difficult for ELLs to get the
proper education. “Georgia reports that ELLs in public schools
increased by 650 percent during the same period (Batt, Kim, and
Sunderman, 2005). Clearly, public school teachers throughout
the nation will face a greater influx of immigrant children.”
(Brown, 2007). Teachers are greatly affected by the amount of
ELLs they have in their classrooms. They have to get to know
their students and understanding their backgrounds. “Many
teachers have a wide variety of cultures and languages
represented in their classrooms. This presents a challenge in
communicating with students and understanding their cultures.”
(Hansen, 2007)

The student has presented some information, and we can mostly make sense of
it. But some of it is unclear, and it doesn’t flow well at all. Now look at the
revised version. This revised version flows much more smoothly and presents
information in a way that is easier to understand:

The population of English language learners (ELLs) has rapidly

increased, making it difficult for those students to get a proper
education. Brown (2007) claims that “public school teachers
throughout the nation will face a greater influx of immigrant
children.” For example, the state of “Georgia reports that [the
number of] ELLs in public schools [has] increased by 650%”
(Batt, Kim, & Sunderman, 2005). Teachers can be affected by the
number of ELLs they have in their classrooms. Because “many
teachers have a wide variety of cultures and languages
represented in their classrooms[, this] presents [them with] a
challenge in communicating with students and understanding
their cultures” (Hansen, 2007). This can make it difficult for
teachers to get to know their students.

Let’s take a look at another example, this time trying to decide which part of a
sentence to cite. We’ll start with the following two sentences:
 1. “Best practice” would seem to be the pinnacle of
practice to generate learning inside the classroom.
2. The notion of a best practice can seem especially
compelling.

In the first sentence, I state something about ‘best practice,’ and in the second
sentence I state that it’s compelling. However, I haven’t defined what best
practice means. But look, I found a sentence that defines best practice: “One
line of thinking about this question uses the term best practices, borrowed from
the business world to refer to a set of techniques for most efficiently and
effectively producing a desired outcome.” I obviously can’t use that whole
sentence, though. It’s too long and just doesn’t fit. Besides, if I put it in, the
paragraph would look like this:

“Best practice” would seem to be the pinnacle of practice to

generate learning inside the classroom. “One line of thinking
about this question uses the term best practices, borrowed from
the business world to refer to a set of techniques for most
efficiently and effectively producing a desired outcome”
(Lampert 25). The notion of a best practice can seem especially
compelling.

Here’s a better way to do it. You don’t have to use the whole sentence; just use
what you need. Try this:

“Best practice” would seem to be the pinnacle of practice to

generate learning inside the classroom. Borrowed from the
language of business, it refers “to a set of techniques for most
efficiently and effectively producing a desired outcome”
(Lampert 25), suggesting assurance for the educator, legislator, or
parent wondering about what to do to improve learning in
schools. The notion of a best practice can seem especially
compelling.

I paraphrased the opening of the second sentence and used “it refers” to tell
readers that this is a definition. I also added some analysis at the end of the
second sentence.

Create a Reference List and do In-text Citations

How to Make a Reference List
There are a variety of citation systems. The two most common ones for students
are probably MLA and APA. MLA stands for the Modern Language
Association, and APA stands for the American Psychological Association.
These two organizations have created a system for referencing sources (as well
as other aspects of writing). You might need to know how to create a reference
list using each system. It’s easy. Here are examples of the three most commonly
cited types of sources for academic papers. When you make your list, make it
alphabetically by authors’ last names. If you have multiple sources for the same
author, then list those chronologically beginning with the earliest date.

MLA
Journal article
Format: Author. “Title of the Article.” Name of Journal.
Volume.number (year published): page range.
Example: Neumann, Jacob W. “Critical Pedagogy and
Faith.” Educational Theory. 61.5 (2011): 601-619.

Book
Format: Author. Title of Book. City where published:
Publisher, year published.
Example: Agar, Michael H. The Professional Stranger:
An Informal Introduction to Ethnography. San Diego,
CA: Academic Press, Inc, 1980.

Chapter in an edited book

Format: Author. “Chapter Title.” Title of Book. Ed
[Editor]. Name (First Last). City where published:
Publisher, year published. page range.
Example: Neumann, Jacob W. “Bilingual education,
culture, and the challenge of developing Freirean
dispositions in teacher education.” Paulo Freire: The
global legacy. Ed. Michael Peters and Tina Besley.
New York: Peter Lang, 2014. 431-443.

Here’s what you do in MLA if you have multiple authors:

For one author, you write it “Neumann, Jacob W.”
For two authors, you write it “Neumann, Jacob W. and John
Smith.”
 For three or more authors, you write it “Neumann, Jacob W., John
Smith, and Bill Thomas.”

APA
Journal article
Format: Author. (Year published.). Title of article. Title
of Journal, volume(number), pages.
Example: Neumann, J. W. (2011). Critical pedagogy
and faith. Educational Theory, 61(5), 601-19.

Book
Format: Author. (Year published.). Title of book. City
where published: Publisher.
Example: Agar, M. H. (1980). The professional
stranger: An informal introduction to ethnography. San
Diego, CA: Academic Press, Inc.

Chapter in an edited book

Format: Author. (Year published). Title of chapter. In
(name of editor or editors) (Ed. or Eds.), Title of book
(page numbers). City where published: Publisher.
Example: Neumann, J. W. (2014). Bilingual education,
culture, and the challenge of developing Freirean
dispositions in teacher education. In M. A. Peters & T.
Besley (Eds.), Paulo Freire: The global legacy (pp.
431-443). New York: Peter Lang.

Here’s what you do in APA if you have multiple authors:

For one author, you write it “Neumann, J. W.”
For two authors, you write it “Neumann, J. W., & Smith, J.”
For three or more authors, you write it “Neumann, J. W., Smith,
J., & Thomas, B.”

How to Do In-Text Citations

In-text citations let your readers know which points, either paraphrased or
quoted, you found in other sources. MLA and APA have different systems for
identifying citations within an essay.
For paraphrasing
Here is an example in MLA format that shows in-text citations for paraphrasing.
In MLA, you just cite the author(s) for a paraphrased citation:

Researchers have studied teachers’ work in a

variety of ways, for example in terms of teachers’
roles (Valli and Buese), teachers’ workload
(Easthope and Easthope), teachers’ teaching
practices (Wills; Will and Sandholtz), and
teachers’ knowledge (Craig).

This is what the same passage looks like in APA. In APA, you cite the author(s)
and the year the source was published:

Researchers have studied teachers’ work in a

variety of ways, for example in terms of teachers’
roles (Valli & Buese, 2007), teachers’ workload
(Easthope & Easthope, 2000), teachers’ teaching
practices (Wills, 2007; Will & Sandholtz, 2009),
and teachers’ knowledge (Craig, 2004).

Here’s another example of a paraphrase in MLA. In this example, there is no

need to cite the author’s name, since it’s mentioned in the sentence. Instead, you
just identify part of the title of the source, in this case “Life” means “Life in
Schools:”

McLaren called this preparing to be wounded in

the field, in that researchers must put at risk their
habitual ways of self-construction (“Life”).

Here’s what that same sentence looks like in APA. You’ll notice that I also did
not cite the author’s name, since it’s mentioned in the sentence. But this time I
list the year the source was published. You’ll also notice that I put the (1992)
right after the author’s name. This is a common practice in APA, but it’s also ok
to list put the year at the end of the sentence. I put it at the end because that way
readers who are familiar with McLaren’s work will know right away which
publication it is:
 McLaren (1992) called this preparing to be
wounded in the field, in that researchers must put
at risk their habitual ways of self-construction.

For sentences and phrases

In-text citations for sentences and phrases are slightly different. You include the
page number because you want to show where in the text you found the
quotation. You can also structure the citation somewhat differently than for
paraphrasing. I’ll explain. Here’s an example of a phrase quoted using MLA:

According to White, social education is about

“social efficacy, empowerment, and emancipation”
(42).

Because the author’s name (White) is in the sentence, you just list the page
number after the quoted phrase. This works if there is only one work by this
author in your reference list. But if you use two works by this author in the
reference list, you will need to give readers information about which work I
used:

According to White, social education is about

“social efficacy, empowerment, and emancipation”
(Social Justice 42).

In this example, “Social Justice” is short for the title of the book, Social Justice
in Teacher Education. You follow this with the page number. Now, if the source
was a journal article, then you would not italicize the title, but put it in quotes
(“Social Justice” 42).

The same sentence can be cited multiple ways in APA. You can put the year and
page number at the end:

According to White, social education is about

“social efficacy, empowerment, and emancipation”
(2011, p. 42).

Or you can put the year after the author’s name and the page number at the end.
This is my favorite method. I don’t have to wait until the end of the sentence to
know which publication this is by White, and the (2011) just after White gives
me a longer pause at the comma. I think it sounds kind of awkward to just state
“According to White, social education….” I prefer the longer pause in
“According to White (2011), social education…:”

According to White (2011), social education is

about “social efficacy, empowerment, and
emancipation” (p. 42).

You can also cite a sentence as support for a point you have been making.
Check this out in MLA:

As Carspecken put it, “we use our research, in fact,

to refine social theory rather than merely to
describe social life” (3).

Here’s what it looks like in APA. First, date and page number at the end:

As Carspecken put it, “we use our research, in fact,

to refine social theory rather than merely to
describe social life” (1996, p. 3).

Now, with the date right after the author’s name and the page number at the end.
This example shows the ways most academic writers structure their quotations
within a paper:

As Carspecken (1996) put it, “we use our research,

in fact, to refine social theory rather than merely to
describe social life” (p. 3).

In the cited book, the sentence begins with “we:” “We use our research….” It’s
ok to make the first word lowercase so that it reads like a phrase: As Carspecken
(1996) put it, “we use our research….”
 AVOIDING PLAGIARISM
Simply put, plagiarism means taking somebody else’s work and passing it off as
your own. Borrowing a whole paragraph or even a sentence and pretending it is
yours is plagiarism. You pretend it’s yours by not citing it. If you cite it, it’s not
plagiarism. However, sometimes it’s hard to know whether you should cite
something or not. When in doubt, cite it in the text. You also cannot just change
a few words of a passage and call it your own. That’s still plagiarism. To
paraphrase something, you need to change most of the words to your own
words. Take the following sentence from a journal article:

“One line of thinking about this question uses the

term best practices, borrowed from the business
world to refer to a set of techniques for most
efficiently and effectively producing a desired
outcome” (Lampert 25).

Say I rewrote the sentence and just changed a few words:

“The term best practices is borrowed from the

business world and refers to a set of techniques for
most efficiently and effectively producing a
desired outcome.”

This would be plagiarism if you didn’t cite it, at least in my classes. The
sentence is basically the same; the last part is word-for-word the same. What
about this sentence?:

“Best practices refers to actions that efficiently

produce desired results.”

This would be a paraphrase, and it would still need a brief citation. It’s still
pretty specific and contains multiple elements (actions and desired results).
However, if we chop it down even more, we might not need to cite it:

“Best practices are aimed towards desired results.”

This example wouldn’t be plagiarism and wouldn’t require citations. We’ve

removed several elements (the business world, efficiency, a set of techniques,
actions). But I’d probably cite it anyway, because the citation gives the sentence
more weight and authority.
 QUICK GUIDE TO WRITING YOUR ESSAY

This section shows you a brief outline of how to build your essay. It doesn’t
give the same thorough explanations and examples that the rest of the book does,
but it will give you a quick picture of how the process works. When you write
an essay, you are in effect building that essay, putting it together section by
section and piece by piece. This short guide gives you an overview of how that
process works. I show you how it works by using the sample essay that we build
in the book, only without all of the elaboration and explanation. Be sure to
notice how I start with the big picture and work my way towards the details.

1. Outline your ideas/points you might want to make in the essay. Don’t try to
get it exactly right the first time, just get down your thoughts.

Sample topic: “The difficulty of teaching Social Studies in elementary

classrooms”

Sample outline
Standardized testing
Pressure to teach just facts
Lack to time
Schools focus on reading, etc
Does it even count?
Too much content – what to teach?
Lack of resources

2. Write a thesis sentence for your essay. This sentence should cover all of the
points you list in your outline. Again, don’t try to get it perfect right now; you
can always change it later. Keep the language as simple as possible. Don’t try
to be fancy. Just be direct.

Thesis sentence: Teachers face a variety of obstacles that can make

their job feel impossible.

3. Write topic sentences for each body paragraph in your essay. Be clear and
direct, using simple language. After thinking about my outline, I decide to
change the order. I’ll list the new paragraph order, and then below it write the
topic sentences for each paragraph.
 New outline of body paragraphs
Paragraph: Standardized testing
Lack of time
Paragraph: Pressure to teach facts
Paragraph: Does it even count?
Schools focus on reading, math, etc
Paragraph: Too much content
Paragraph: Lack of resources

Topic sentences for each body paragraph

Paragraph: Standardized testing shapes, and often limits, how
Social Studies is taught.

Paragraph: Standardized testing often creates an intense

pressure to teach just facts.

Paragraph: The focus on tested subjects can de-emphasize

Social Studies, since it often is not tested.

Paragraph: The sprawling nature of Social Studies content can

also impact how it is taught.

Paragraph: Finally, a lack of resources can strain Social Studies

teaching.

4. Write your introduction. Be sure your introduction does 3 things: 1) it

establishes a context for your essay; 2) it clearly states what the essay is about
(this is your thesis sentence); and 3) it gives readers a sense of the points you’ll
be making in the essay. Don’t try to create a “hook.” Just do these three things
and you’ll create an effective introduction. I recommend doing them in this
order. So you can see all three components, I’ll put the context (#1 from our list)
in bold; I’ll underline the thesis sentence (#2); and I’ll italicize the points I’m
going to make (#3). After the introduction, I’ll list the topic sentences for the
body paragraphs so you can see the essay being built.

Introduction: Teaching social studies is hard. Teachers face a

variety of obstacles that can make their job feel impossible.
Standardized testing creates significant pressure on teachers.
 State and school district curriculum plans often ask too much of
teachers and students: teach and learn too much content in a too
short time frame. This lack of time can pressure teachers to teach
just facts. Sometimes social studies isn’t tested, so it gets ignored
for tested subjects that “matter.” Even when social studies is
tested, those scores do not always fully count towards a school’s
accountability rating. Further, teachers often face a lack of
resources to meaningfully teach Social Studies.

Paragraph 2: Standardized testing shapes, and often limits, how

Social Studies is taught.

Paragraph 3: Standardized testing often creates an intense

pressure to teach just facts.

Paragraph 4: The focus on tested subjects can de-emphasize

Social Studies, since it often is not tested.

Paragraph 5: The sprawling nature of Social Studies content can

also impact how it is taught.

Paragraph 6: Finally, a lack of resources can strain Social

Studies teaching.

5. Write your body paragraphs. The topic sentences that you have already
written will be either the first or second (and occasionally the third) sentence in
the paragraph. When you write these paragraphs, you might find that you want
to rewrite one or more of your topic sentences. You’ll see that I changed most of
my original topic sentences. I even deleted one of my body paragraph ideas
(what was paragraph 5 – about sprawling content) and put it into the second
body paragraph (paragraph 3). Don’t get confused by this. It’s part of the
writing process, so don’t be afraid to do this. I’ll highlight the thesis and topic
sentences. Also, remember that if you use or reference information that you
found in specific sources, you need to cite them, especially if you’re writing any
type of research paper. Most of the information in these example paragraphs I
know through my work in schools, so I don’t need to cite it. But you will see me
cite two articles I used as support in paragraph 3.

Introduction: Teaching social studies is hard. Teachers face a

variety of obstacles that can make their job feel impossible.
Standardized testing creates significant pressure on teachers.
State and school district curriculum plans often ask too much of
teachers and students: teach and learn too much content in a too
short time frame. This lack of time can pressure teachers to teach
just facts. Sometimes social studies isn’t tested, so it gets ignored
for tested subjects that “matter.” Even when social studies is
tested, those scores do not always fully count towards a school’s
accountability rating. Further, teachers often face a lack of
resources to meaningfully teach Social Studies.

Paragraph 2: Teachers constantly struggle with a lack of time to

teach. Standardized testing plays a crucial role in this time
problem. When Social Studies is not tested, it tends to get
ignored. Elementary schools routinely allot as little as 45 minutes
a week to Social Studies. What meaningful teaching and learning
can happen in only 45 minutes a week? Middle and high schools
allow more scheduled time, but frequently subtract from that time
by scheduling things such as pep rallies, school assemblies, and
fundraising meetings during Social Studies classes. These
practices send a clear picture to students that Social Studies, when
it is not tested, is less important to the school than tested
subjects..

Paragraph 3: When Social Studies is tested, teachers face a

different problem: too much to teach in the time they have.
This often leads teachers to engage in “inch deep and mile wide”
teaching practices. Compounding this time problem is the fact
that students usually come to Social Studies with little to no
familiarity with the content. Teachers then spend considerable
time on repetitive, “drill and kill” teaching practices in the hope
they will help students to retain information at least until testing
day. While many teachers would like to engage students in more
meaningful activities, they often do not feel they have time for it.
According to one high school history teacher in a study by
Kenneth Vogler (2005),
I use the entire academic year preparing my
students for the United States history subject
exam. My choice of instructional delivery and
 materials is completely dependent on
preparation for this test. Therefore, I do not use
current events, long-term projects, or creative
group/corporate work because this is not tested
and the delivery format is not used. All my tests
reflect the testing format of the subject area tests –
multiple-choice and open ended questions (p. 19).
Some researchers claim that mandated accountability exams lead
to a “just the facts, ma’am” approach to teaching social studies
(Vogler & Virtue, 2007). Other researchers go further and
contend that “because multiple-choice testing leads to multiple-
choice teaching, the methods that teachers have in their arsenal
become reduced, and teaching work is deskilled” (Smith, 1991, p.
10).

Paragraph 4: Another reason Social Studies is hard to teach

is that teachers have so few models of good Social Studies
teaching. Most Social Studies teaching takes the form of
“telling,” in which teachers lecture, i.e. “tell” students
information, perhaps show a picture or video, and then test
students on the content. In this paradigm, students are not asked
to actively learn, only to passively retain information. There is a
simple reason for this: teachers usually teach the way they were
taught when they were students. High schools and universities
are notorious for this kind of passive teaching and learning. So, it
makes sense that teachers continue to use these methods. The
problem is that they just don’t work that well if thinking is the
goal.

Paragraph 5: Lastly, finding and using quality resources

presents an ongoing challenge to Social Studies teachers.
Textbooks are the most commonly used resource. This makes
sense. Almost all classrooms have them, and they present
information through efficient explanations, pictures, charts, and
other visual methods. And teachers do not need to go looking for
them, which may be the biggest benefit of all. Yet, textbooks
contain a number of problems too: they usually present surface-
level understandings; their reading level is often too high for
students; and they always contain unaddressed bias. Further, and
 perhaps most important, they do a bad job of presenting multiple
perspectives about issues and events. Teachers, then, need to find
resources on their own that can offer students more depth and
more varied perspectives. These other types of resources exist.
Libraries and museums will often loan entire boxes of varied
materials to teachers. Nonprofits and NGOs sometimes provide
materials about specific topics. And the Internet, of course, is
awash in historical information. The challenge for teachers is
creating the time to acquire these resources and learning how to
use them, especially when teachers are so often overwhelmed by
the other responsibilities of their jobs.

6. Write a concluding paragraph. Be sure the conclusion connects to your

introduction. They form a pair that must fit together. Make sure the last
sentence in your conclusion somehow goes with the first sentence in your
introduction. Here’s the conclusion to our sample essay:

Even with all of these challenges, quality teaching in Social

Studies is crucial. Social Studies helps to create a public that is
literate about social and historical issues, can analyze problems
through context, and has a global awareness of the challenges
facing society. To create such a public, students must be
presented with meaningful problems and asked to engage in
analytical thinking. Forty-five minutes a week of Social Studies
won’t cut it, nor will a reductionist focus on test scores or
teaching methods that keep students disengaged. Teachers face
significant challenges in teaching Social Studies. But the urgency
to confront those challenges in order to create this much needed
public has never been greater.

7. Edit your essay. Be sure that you read your writing out loud to yourself.
Your ears catch what your eyes miss. This is the best and easiest editing trick
you can do. While editing your essay, it is crucial that you do the following
things:

· Include only one idea in each body paragraph

· Use effective transitions
· Write in complete sentences
· Keep your writing parallel
 · Pay attention to your verbs
· Eliminate wordiness

8. Put your essay together. Here’s the full sample essay. It’s not long, but it will
demonstrate all of our points.

“The Difficulty of Teaching Social Studies in Elementary Classrooms”

Teaching social studies is hard. Teachers face a variety of

obstacles that can make their job feel impossible. Standardized
testing creates significant pressure on teachers. State and school
district curriculum plans often ask too much of teachers and
students: teach and learn too much content in too short of a time
frame. This lack of time can pressure teachers to teach just facts.
Sometimes social studies isn’t tested, so it gets ignored for tested
subjects that “matter.” Yet, even when Social Studies is tested,
those scores do not always fully count towards a school’s
accountability rating. Models of quality teaching can also be in
short supply in Social Studies. Further, teachers often face a lack
of resources to meaningfully teach Social Studies.
Teachers constantly struggle with a lack of time to teach.
Standardized testing plays a crucial role in this time problem.
When Social Studies is not tested, it tends to get ignored.
Elementary schools routinely allot as little as 45 minutes a week
to Social Studies. What meaningful teaching and learning can
happen in only 45 minutes a week? Middle and high schools
allow more scheduled time, but frequently subtract from that time
by scheduling things such as pep rallies, school assemblies, and
fundraising meetings during Social Studies classes. These
practices send a clear picture to students that Social Studies, when
it is not tested, is less important to the school than tested subjects.
When Social Studies is tested, teachers face a different
problem: too much to teach in the time they have. This often
leads teachers to engage in “inch deep and mile wide” teaching
practices. Compounding this time problem is the fact that
students usually come to Social Studies with little to no
familiarity with the content. Teachers then spend considerable
time on repetitive, “drill and kill” teaching practices in the hope
they will help students to retain information at least until testing
day. While many teachers would like to engage students in more
meaningful activities, they often do not feel they have time for it.
According to one high school history teacher in a study by
Kenneth Vogler (2005),
I use the entire academic year preparing my
students for the United States history subject
exam. My choice of instructional delivery and
materials is completely dependent on
preparation for this test. Therefore, I do not use
current events, long-term projects, or creative
group/corporate work because this is not tested
and the delivery format is not used. All my tests
reflect the testing format of the subject area tests –
multiple-choice and open ended questions (p. 19).
Some researchers claim that mandated accountability exams lead
to a “just the facts, ma’am” approach to teaching social studies
(Vogler & Virtue, 2007). Other researchers go further and
contend that “because multiple-choice testing leads to multiple-
choice teaching, the methods that teachers have in their arsenal
become reduced, and teaching work is deskilled” (Smith, 1991, p.
10).
Another reason Social Studies is hard to teach is that
teachers have so few models of good Social Studies teaching.
Most Social Studies teaching takes the form of “telling,” in which
teachers lecture, i.e. “tell” students information, perhaps show a
picture or video, and then test students on the content. In this
paradigm, students are not asked to actively learn, only to
passively retain information. There is a simple reason for this:
teachers usually teach the way they were taught when they were
students. High schools and universities are notorious for this kind
of passive teaching and learning. So, it makes sense that teachers
continue to use these methods. The problem is that they just
don’t work that well if thinking is the goal.
Lastly, finding and using quality resources presents an
ongoing challenge to Social Studies teachers. Textbooks are the
most commonly used resource. This makes sense. Almost all
classrooms have them, and they present information through
efficient explanations, pictures, charts, and other visual methods.
And teachers do not need to go looking for them, which may be
 the biggest benefit of all. Yet, textbooks contain a number of
problems too: they usually present surface-level understandings;
their reading level is often too high for students; and they always
contain unaddressed bias. Further, and perhaps most important,
they do a bad job of presenting multiple perspectives about issues
and events. Teachers, then, need to find resources on their own
that can offer students more depth and more varied perspectives.
These other types of resources exist. Libraries and museums will
often loan entire boxes of varied materials to teachers.
Nonprofits and NGOs sometimes provide materials about specific
topics. And the Internet, of course, is awash in historical
information. The challenge for teachers is creating the time to
acquire these resources and learning how to use them, especially
when teachers are so often overwhelmed by the other
responsibilities of their jobs.
Even with all of these challenges, quality teaching in
Social Studies is crucial. Social Studies helps to create a public
that is literate about social and historical issues, can analyze
problems through context, and has a global awareness of the
challenges facing society. To create such a public, students must
be presented with meaningful problems and asked to engage in
analytical thinking. Forty-five minutes a week of Social Studies
won’t cut it, nor will a reductionist focus on test scores or
teaching methods that keep students disengaged. Teachers face
significant challenges in teaching Social Studies. But the urgency
to confront those challenges in order to create this much needed
public has never been greater.

9. Submit your essay, and then go relax – and feel confident about the quality of
your work.
 ARTICLES CITED

This is a list of the articles that I cited in this book:

Berliner, D. C. (2005). The near impossibility of testing for teacher quality.

Journal of Teacher Education, 56(3), 205-213.

Cochran-Smith, M. (2005). Teacher education and the outcomes trap. Journal of

Teacher Education, 56(5), 411-417.

Schneider, J. (2012). Socrates and the madness of method. Phi Delta Kappan,
94(1), 26-29.

Vogler, K. E. (2005). Impact of a high school graduation examination on social

studies teachers’ instructional practices. Journal of Social Studies Research,
29(2), 19-33.

Vogler, K. E., & Virtue, D. (2007). “Just the facts, ma’am”: Teaching social
studies in the era of standards and high-stakes testing. The Social Studies, 98(2),
54-8.
 ABOUT THE AUTHOR

My name is Jacob Neumann. I’ve been teaching since 1996. I’ve taught writing
at all levels: elementary school, intermediate school, high school, community
college, and university. I’ve taught writing to all kinds of students and to
students from around the world. Now I work as an associate professor at The
University of Texas – Rio Grande Valley. I teach in the College of Education
where, among other things, I teach students how to teach writing. I have a
doctorate in education from the University of Houston. I have also published
many scholarly articles in education research journals; you can look up my work
on “scholar.google.com.”
 Table of Contents
HOW THIS BOOK WILL HELP YOU
STEP 1: MAKE AN OUTLINE
STEP 2: WRITE A THESIS SENTENCE FOR YOUR ESSAY
STEP 3: WRITE TOPIC SENTENCES FOR EACH PARAGRAPH
STEP 4: WRITE AN INTRODUCTION THAT WORKS
STEP 5: MAKE YOUR CASE
STEP 6: ENSURE YOUR BODY PARAGRAPHS ARE FOCUSED
STEP 7: CONCLUDE WITH PURPOSE
STEP 8: WRITE A POWERFUL FINAL SENTENCE
STEP 9: WRITE COMPLETE SENTENCES
STEP 10: USE TRANSITIONS LIKE THEY ARE ROAD SIGNS
STEP 11: PAY ATTENTION TO VERBS
STEP 12: POLISH YOUR WRITING
BONUS: USE CITATIONS LIKE A PRO