Spoken English

GEORGE BERNARD SHAW

speakers of
Ihave said enough to you about the fact that no two native
English speak it alike; but perhaps you are clever enough to ask me
whether I, myself, speak it in the same way.
Imust confess that I do not. Nobody does. Iam at present
Speaking audience of many thousands of gramophonists, many of
whom are trying hard to follow my words, syllable by syllable. If I
were to speak to you as carelessly as Ispeak to mny wife at home, this
record would be useless; and if Iwere to speak to my wife at home as
carefully as Iam speaking to you, she would think that I was going
mad.
As a public speaker I have to take care that every word Isay is
thousands of
heard distinctly at the far end of large halls containing
within
people. But at hone when I have to consider only my wife sitting
that
Six feet of me at breakfast, I take so little pains with my speech
she says "Don't
ery often, instead of giving me the expected answer,
can't hear
mumble; and don'tturn your head away when you speak. I
little careless. Sometimes I
a word you are saying." And she also is a
our meals: and she
have to say "what ?" two or three times during
does not say so,
Suspects meof growing deafer and deafer, though she
be true.
because, as I amnow Over seventy, it might
as I should
No doubt I ought tospeak to my wife as carefully speak toa
as she would
speak to a queen, and she to me as carefully
we ought to; but we don't (don't by the way, is short for 'do
king;
not').
and home manners. If you
We all have our company manners
astrange family and to listen through the key-hole- not
Were tocall on suçh,a'ona
that I would suggest fora moment that you are capable of doing
unladylike or ungentlemanlike thing; but still-ifin your enthusiasm
Very to do it-just for afewL
languages you could bring yourself
Tor studying one another when there is nobody
Seconds to hear how a family speak to
to them and then walk into the room and hear how very
else listening would surprise you:
in your presence, the change
itferentlythey speak çompany manners
when our home manners are as good as our
even
 12 Zest for Life
and of course they ought to be much better-they are always different,
speech than in anything else. and neve
greater in stops, I
and the difference is
forget to wind my watch,
and it
say "what
have to ask You will
Suppose I ask a strarnger I o'clock is
somebodytotell me the time. If I
distinctly. But ifI ask my wife all yo may
hears every syllable but it pedanti
?"" the stranger for her; would not be affectat
That is good enough now much
it
is cloxst". more carefully languaE
she hears Iam speaking to you
So,
good enough for you. please don't tell her ! will ho
but
than I speak to het; to address myself especially to my foreign hearers.
Iam noW going warning of a different kind.
If you are
them another
I have to give to travel in England and wish to be
learning English because you intend English perfectly, because if yon
understood there, do not try to speak explained that there is no
understand you. I have already
do, noone will is presentable English
perfectly correct English, there
such thing as nine hundred and ninetynine
which we call "Good English";but in London
English but speak even
out of every thousand people not only speak bad well
not speak English
that very badly. You may say that even if they do is well spoken. They
themselves, they can at least understand it when it
foreigner,
can when the speaker is English; but when the speaker is a ever
the better he speaks, the harder it is to understand him. None can
and
stress the syllables and nake the voice rise and fall in question
answer, assertion and denial, in refusal and consent, in enquiry or
information, exactly as anative does.JTherefore the first thing youhave
todo is to speak with a strong foreign accent and speak broken English;
that is English without any grammar. Then every English person to
whom yoU speakwillat once know that you are aforeigner and try to
understand you and be ready. to help you. He will not expect you to be
polite and touse elaborate grammatical phrases. He willbe interested in
you because you area foreigner, and pleased by his cleverness in making
out your meaning and being able to tell you what you want to know. lf
you say,Alypy have the goodness. Sir, to direct me tothe railway
terminus at Charing Cross,"pronouncing all the vowels and consonants
beautifully, he will 'not understand you and suspect you of being a
beggar or a confidence trickster. But if you shout Please ! Charing
Cross which way ?"youwill have no difficulty. Half a dozen people wil
immediately overwhelm you with directions.
Even in private discourse with
cultiyated-people, you must 10
speak too well. Apply this toyour attempts to learn foreign languag
 Spoken English 13

and never try to speak them too well. And do not be afraid to travel.
You will be surprised to find how little you need to know or how badly
yoUIONAgngEnglish people, to speak too well is a
pedantic affectàtion. In a foreigner it is something worse than an
affectation, it is an insult to the native who cannot understand his own
Janguage when it is too well spoken. That is all I can tell you; the record
will holdno more. Good-bye !"