Misunderstanding of the self

There are faulty beliefs of oneself that brought some complicated explanation and towards the end of
self-discovery, one’s mind leads to unhealthy convictions that we call it misconceptions. A famous
Victor Raimy (1975) in his book Misunderstandings of the Self explained that, “The misconception
hypothesis holds that if relevant misconceptions can be modified or eliminated, improved adjustment
results” (p. ix, preface). Thus, this chapter will help adolescents learn from their mistakes, help redirect
self-perspectives and to practically find-out necessary remedies to self-improvements.

Misconception means a wrong idea while understanding someone or something. It is due to lack of
knowledge that resulted to poor views and insights.

The idea on misconception indeed can direct us into a bigger discussion on self-discrepancies. For
instance, according to Higgins(1987), to quote.

“One domain of the self (actual, ideal; aught) and one standpoint of the self(own; significant other)
constitute each type of self-state representation. It is proposed that that different types of self-
discrepancies represent different types of negative psychological situations that are associated with
different kinds of discomfort. Discrepancies between the actual / own self – state (i.e. the self-concept)
and ideal self-states (i.e. representations of an individual’s beliefs about his or her own significant others
hopes, wishes, or aspirations for the individual) signify the absence of positive outcomes, which is
associated with dejection – related emotions (e.g. dissapointment, dissatisfaction, sadness). In contrast,
discrepancies between the actual / own self-state and ought self-state (i.e. representations of an
individual’s beliefs about his or her own or a significant other’s beliefs about the individual’s duties,
responsibilities, or obligations) signify the pressence of negative outcomes, which is associated with
obligation-related emotions (e.g. fear, threat, restlessness0. Differences in both relative magnitude and
the accessibility of individual’s available types of self-discrepancies are predicted to be related to
differences in the kinds of discomfort people are likely to experience.”

the famous Johari Window is actually a combination of Joseph Luft and Harrington Ingham names (Jo
and Harry) and has been an illustration for the self-awareness model early on 1955. Ever since then, a
lot of trainers adapted this motivational training design to empower people towards self-improvement,
team development, interpersonal relations and group dynamics in general.

This design offer a clear representation of the self and others’ informative encounters, insights,
capabilities, impulses, moods, etc., from the four windowpanes or standpoints. Every pane is
representation or symbolism of the ‘self’ and ‘others’. The self stands for oneself and others refer to the
people, group or teammates that one is part of. It is an effective evaluation threshing personal and
public perceptions in a way instrumental for self-development and helps understand relationships.

The four Areas of the ‘Self’ with ‘Others’

est example is when you feel good of singing as you submissively sing in front of the crow
The Open Area is your personality known to ‘you’ as well as to ‘others’. It is an open area where you
publicly share what you have like, your competencies, abilities, skills and talents. In school, one bd
during school activities, and so everyone in the school also knows that you are a singer and could sing
very well.

The Blind Area is part of your personality which is ‘known to others’ but ‘not known to you’. You
blankly indentify yourself who is not good in singing, but when you tried singing, everyone is amazed
to such extraordinary rendition of your voice. You are absolutely unaware of what you are capable of
doing, or if maybe you do, there is big doubt and ignorance or perhaps confused. But as far as other
people hear you sing, they could really assess your potential on how good you are in this area.

The Hidden Area is part of your personality ‘known to you’ but ‘not known to others’ or it is otherwise
known as ‘facade’. You seem to keep your potential as concealed self to public. It is where pride resides
but not authentic self. This is also known as ‘fake area’ where compared to an actual arena of life
where you tend to hide who you truly are and pretends what you can be.

The Unknown Area is part of your personality ‘not known to you’ and ‘not known to others’. It could
be the dark side of your personality that your are afraid to reveal so that others would not know and
neither aware of it. It is unconsciousness or cache of your personality.

Cooley’s the looking Glass Self and the Shaping of Our Self-Image. One may suspect that the people
around contributes a feeling of uneasiness and anxiety. Is a boarder sense, insights about feeling aloof,
doubtful and given that insecurities conspire to this extremely metaphoric social interpretation and is
capable to create a toxic social environment. In effect, a detrimental self-affirmation seem to be “all’s
not well”, instead of just shaping “all’s well”. But the problem with this time of exaggerated self-
assessment are the practical dispositions that one way fail to healthy execute nor can perform
productive activities, just as the contagious assumptions of what people think you may have not
contained, or one may have undesirable self-keying and filled with emotional distresses towards you. In
short, you become negative because you think others thought it to you differently.

Believe it or not, but most of our successes depend so much on how people positively perceive us.
According to Isaksen(2013), to quote, “a person’s self grows out person’s social interactions. The view
of ourselves comes from the contemplation of personal qualities and impressions of how others perceive
us. Actually, how we see ourselves does not come from who we really are, but rather from how we
believe others see us.” For instance, one may have an unmotivated self to join a competition, but
friends around yelled for a “go!” and maybe with this powerful remark “you can do it!” Approvingly,
the advantage of being with people is the gain for personal strength.

Briefly, we project what others perceive about our potentials and abilities. It fuels us to become
competitive and dynamic or it could possibly make us frail. Sometimes it becomes the basis of our self-
image and help us become a person we always wanted to be. When people fed us with full content,
little by little we project a beautiful and wonderful person beginning to come out that inspire. Young
as you were, when your self-trust and your mother were telling similar heartwarming words, it is truly
possible that in an easier way your self-trust better support your self-image.

This behavioral idea further describes that the looking glass theory “mirros” and is reflective of our self-
images. In furtherance, the famous idea of Cooley(1902) stressed that it has three methods like a.) our
appearance to another person is whether in better shape or not, b.) our imagination of other’s
impressions and how others evaluate and assess us, and lastly c.) the assumption on how others feel
toward us taken from their impressions. The bottom line is, we tend to anchor realizations from what
people say about us nor change for the better to confirm on their perception. Thus, we based our self-
image in reference to what others see on us.

The Foundation of Self-Image

In this context, Isaksen (2013) deepened his concept with interesting questions starting, “so how can we,
or anyone else, know who we really are?” Can you be sure of the “real you”, separated from all the
stuff in the outside social world? You have probably experienced that you have had a strong sense of
another person’s dislike for you, only to later find out that this was not the case, and that this person
really liked you. Actually, the “real social world” as we perceive it, is often not only wrong, but may
even serve as an illusion”.

If everyone faces a similar idea, I for one will agree what Isaksen (2013) says, “All people want to be
liked and be appreciated for talents or personality. But what if we have a weak self-image, if we believe
that the opinion of others are more important than our own, we can end up living our lives in
accordance to other peoples’ expectations. Sometimes, other evaluations mean more to us than our
own. This is quite a distressing thought, since it implies that others opinion of you can run your life.”

Yes, people differ, so “a person’s construction of an “imagined self-image” is done unintentionally. We

are not consciously aware that we often try to conform to the image that we imagine other people
expect from us. If a person develops a negative self-image the self-esteem will tend to be low. Low self-
esteem and poor self-image has long been associated with whole range of psychological problems, and
it is necessary to counter the passive individual that depends heavily on the social world for building
self-image. Hence, we should develop a self-image that is more based on our evaluations rather than
how we believe others look at us”(Isaksen, 2013).

Thus, the theory on the looking glass self describes that we are prone to change self-identity and
ourselves based from the suggestions, evaluations and impressions of others. But the sociologist-
psychologist Isaksen(2013) was right that one should develop an image based from what you think you
need to become and in accordance to your self-evaluations. Better change if it’s a need, better not if
you are already well-shaped and fine. This interesting theory is more of socio-psychological perspective
where we live in accordance into how others see us. Our identity blooms over the period of time
bearing the social build ups.

Four Direct Approaches to Self-Misconceptions

1. Mistaken Ideas. It was proposed by Paul Charles DuBois(1848-1919), a Swiss physician and a
professor of neuropathology at the University of Berne. “According to Ellenberger (1970), patients with
neurotic problems were referred to him from all over the world because of his considerable reputation.
Despite their faith in him, his colleagues could not understand why his methods were successful were
due yo DuBois’s dynamic and attractive personality, but DuBois would have disagreed. His approach,
called “persuasion” was based upon cognitive psychology in which “incorrect ideas” are seen as the
source of psychological symptoms. The therapist’s task, in his view, is to eradicate mistaken ideas from
patient’s thinking”(Raimy, 1975, p119).

2. Mistaken Opinions. This idea was coined by Alfred Adler by which it was presented as the most
comprehensive and elaborate theory based on that doctrine. “Although his own writings are largely
discursive, his lack of systematic exposition of his views is compensated for by the work of Heinz and
Rowena Ansbacher (1956), who have edited Alder’s books and papers under the title The individual
Psychology “(Raimy, 1975, p.123). The following comment, for example, highlights Alder’s reliance
upon the misconception hypothesis as an explanatory principle in psychopathology; “An individual
with a mistaken opinion of himself and the world, that is, with mistaken goals and mistaken style of life,
will resort to various forms of abnormal behavior aimed at safeguarding his opinion of himself when
confronted with situations which he feels he cannot meet successfully, due to his mistaken views and
the resulting inadequate preparation” (Ansbacher and Ansbacher, 1956 as cited in Raimy, 1975).

“In Alder’s view, the life style(which he originally referred to as life plan) is a unifying but complex
psychological system which all individuals, normal as well as abnormal, construct from their
interactions with others. Dreikurs(1961) refers to the life style as the individual’s self-concept. Although
Alder himself does not seem to have used the term self-concept, as dedicate phenomenologist he would
certainly agree that the self-concept encompasses the individual’s subjective beliefs about himself. A life
style is not necessarily based upon misconception; but by examining it, according to Alder, one can
frequently detect the mistakes from which the person suffers”(Raimy, 1975, p.127).

3. Inadequate Differentiations. As headed by “Arthur Combs and his early collaborator, the late
Donald Snygg, is avowedly phenomenological concerned with the data of perception and with
exploration of the self-concept. This phenomenological theory of personality, for a time at least formed
the theoretical background for client-centered therapy. Human motivation, according to Snygg and
Combs, is guided by the basic need to maintain and enhance the self as perceived. Each of the multiple
motives of human beings is aimed at making the self more adequate to cope with life’ (Combs and
Snygg, 1959, p.129-130).

“For Combs and Snygg, the self is an object in the individual’s perceptual field; this “phenomenal self”
that includes everything that the self-concept, made up of the most important and enduring
perceptions developed by the individual to symbolize or to generalize himself. If the individual’s
behavior is inadequate, the reason can mostly be found in an inadequately differentiated phenomenal
self and related aspects of the total perceptual field. Succfessful psychotherapy, therefore, depends upon
bringing about increased perceptual differentiation of the self. More adequate self-differentiation
produces a change in self-definition, which is synonymous with producing new meanings about self”
(Raimy, 1975, p.130).

There is a big difference between arguing and just having a soulful conversation with a parent at home.
With just a piece of word with a pouting face, a parent could just easily gets angry with; but when a
teenager stays long enough bowing his/her head while beginning to cry, showing an act of apology,
reverence and respect to an adult authority that he/she was facing at surely suggests that a typical
parent can forgive in an instant. What is furthermost emotionally moving here is when a teenager
would eventually start to talk, exploring his/her inner encounters and probably develop a considerable
amount of adequate reasons towards behavioral fallout or misdemeanors. There could be more
peaceful and possible answers to whys and wherefores against outcomes, most especially if the parents
know how to listen and understand. This is what Raimy showed to us on how a “deeper feeling” in a
nonthreatening situation can be applicable to a healthy actual space or exact natural clinic for our
emotional outburst.

4. Irrational Ideas. “One of the most direct and active approaches to changing misconceptions is
found in the in the treatment approach of Albert Ellis, who was originally trained in and practiced
Homeylan psychoanalysis. Dissastisfied with psychoanalysis, he devised his rational-emotive approach,
which emphasizes all forms of explanation in the attempt to modify the patient’s irrational
ideas’(Raimy, 1975, p.134).

“For Ellis, man is both rational and an irrational being whose psychological disturbances are the
product of his irrational and illogical thinking. The therapist can correct psychological disturbances,
then, by helping, forcing, and cajoling patients to reorder their perceptions and to reorganize their
thinking. Although Ellis’s treatment procedures are aggressively cognitive, they are also intended to
control emotional reactions, particularly anxiety and hostility. Ellis insists that “negative effect”, as he
labels anxiety and hostility, can be largely controlled and transformed into normal affect if patients
learn to correct their thinking. A more general or rational emotive therapy is to train patients to
observe and evaluate their thinking in order to reduce anxiety and hostility throughout life” (Raimy,
1975, p.134).

The above (4) four direct approaches to changing self-misconceptions have spring out possible remedy
to attain positive behavioral change. They determine causes and motives which also clued for
transformations based from theorists’ therapeutic point of views. The approaches largely could
influence our need or craving in order to counter our negative sides on habitual flaws.

Effective Plan to Change a Habit

An individual owns a behavior. A behavior has attitude and an attitude executes a habit. A habit is a
pattern which could be positive or negative and has a powerful secret in directing or rerouting our
dispositions in life. In early adolescents’ stage, some have started discovering negative dispositions on
adapting vices, e.g. drinking liquor, smoking, watching pornographic materials, etc. While these vices
little by little penetrate in a young individual’s physical and psychological system, so a plan appropriate
to counteract is necessary. If interested to make a better life free from worries and tensions. Charles
Duhigg’s book and its power to drive you get back from your natural happy and healthy self that will
surely initiate a positive change.

In chapter one of Charles Duhigg’s book entitled, The Power Habit, introduced that MIT researchers
found out a neurological loop in the context of each habit that is comprised of three elements:

a. a cue, which recruit

b. a routine, which is a hint a reward as an incentive

The negative dispositions objectively develop a feed back about our behavior and actions. According to
Charles Duhigg, to quote, “Change might not be fast and it isn’t always easy. But with time and effort,
almost any habit can be reshaped.” Then he added, “To understand your own habits, you need to
identify its components of your loops. Once you have diagnosed the habit loop of a particular behavior,
you can look for ways to support old vices with new routines.”

For example, one may quit from sure-intake due to having diabetes, the cue is lack of energy, the
routine is buying at the canteen between class hours, being bored from class lecture and sleepy, the
routine is eating sweet tempting chocolate cakes and the reward is satisfaction frrom sugar intake ,
bringing energy to the body that counterbalances the lack of energy.

Secrets of Changing a Habit

According to Charles Duhigg in his article How Habits Work, to quote “Once you have figured out
your habit loop – you have identified the reward driving your behavior, the cue triggered it, and the
routine itself – you can begin to shift the behavior. You can change to better routine by planning for
the cue, and the choosing a behavior that delivers that reward you are craving . What you need is a
plan. A habit is a formula our brain automatically follows. When i see CUE, i will do routine in order
to get a REWARD. To reengineer that formula, we need to begin making choices again . And the
easiest way to do this, according to study after study, is to have a plan.”

Bottom line is, whatever our actuations that hinder us to clear self-understanding and acceptance,
there is always a profound self-discovery that wakes us up. It is just, but clever, that our ability to
control the mind is still the most possible solution to retrieve our positive self-image and good
dispositions back while understanding and apply a habit that will renew our desirable beliefs with
strong personal and social convictions.