College Essay Essentials

PRESENTER: JAMES GIORDANO

[email protected]
WWW.ADMISSIONSANDAID.COM
MATERIAL SOURCED FROM:
ETHAN SAWYER
“THE COLLEGE ESSAY GUY”
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⚫ Please have a pencil and paper available
 Q&A

⚫ Q: How do I begin to write my essay?

A: If you’re reading this, you’ve already begun. In this guide you’ll
find some ideas on how to brainstorm and structure your essay.
⚫ Q: How long should my essay be?
A: It depends. Your main Common App essay can be up to 650
words, while the essays for the University of California (UC) schools
are around 350 words each, and your supplemental essays will vary.
⚫ Q: How many essays will I need to write?
A: Around 15 is average. You'll likely write a main personal
statement for your Common App, perhaps some separate essays if
you're applying to public schools (the UCs require four, for
example), plus you'll write supplements for most selective schools,
which number anywhere from 6-20, depending on the number of
schools you apply to.
⚫ Q: What should my essay be about?
A: In a word, you.
 Q&A

⚫ Q: What are college admissions officers looking for?

A: They're looking for the answers to these three questions:
1. Who is this person?
2. Will this person contribute something of value to our campus?
3. Can this person write?
⚫ Q: How do college admissions officers evaluate my essay?
A: Each school has its own criteria and different readers will prefer
different elements. Michael Gulotta (Associate Director of
Admissions at American University) for example, looks to the essay
to assess a student's writing ability. But Rick Diaz (Regional Director
of Undergrad Admissions at SMU) is less interested in writing ability
and more interested in a student's story.
⚫ Q: So which is more important: your story or your writing
skill?
A: Both are important. A good story, well told. That's your goal.
 Q&A

⚫ Q: When should I start writing my essay?

A: Today. Right now.
⚫ Q: How do I structure my essay?
A: You’ll learn about two options in this workshop: Narrative Structure and Montage
Structure.
⚫ Q: How much do essays matter?
A: It depends on the college, but generally between 10%-30%. Essays tend to matter
more for small schools, or schools who look at applications holistically.
⚫ Q: If my grades are bad, can I get into Harvard with a great essay?
A: Nope. Schools look at your GPA, course rigor and test scores more than anything.
When you're being compared to other students with similar GPA/SAT scores, that's
when the essays can make or break your chances. Harvard is great, but there are a lot
of other awesome schools too. For a list of Colleges That Change Lives, Google
"Colleges That Change Lives." (Really.)
⚫ Q: Can a bad college essay negatively affect my application?
A: Yes.
 Common App Essay Prompts

1. Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so

meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this
sounds like you, then please share your story.
2. The lessons we take from obstacles we encounter can be fundamental to later
success. Recount a time when you faced a challenge, setback, or failure. How did it
affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?
3. Reflect on a time when you questioned or challenged a belief or idea. What
prompted your thinking? What was the outcome?
4. Reflect on something that someone has done for you that has made you happy or
thankful in a surprising way. How has this gratitude affected or motivated you?
5. Discuss an accomplishment, event, or realization that sparked a period of personal
growth and a new understanding of yourself or others.
6. Describe a topic, idea, or concept you find so engaging that it makes you lose all
track of time. Why does it captivate you? What or who do you turn to when you
want to learn more?
7. Share an essay on any topic of your choice. It can be one you've already written,
one that responds to a different prompt, or one of your own design.
 WARM-UP EXERCISES – VULNERABILITY TRAINING

⚫ Why am I asking you to be vulnerable? A few

reasons:
⚪ Vulnerability is one (of four) qualities of an excellent personal
statement (in fact, it’s the “personal” part). I’ll share the other
three qualities as we go…
⚪ Vulnerability is a great life-skill to learn, and
⚪ It’s one you can get better at as you practice.
⚪ Being vulnerable means simply “laying it all out there”.
Letting a complete stranger in on your innermost personal
truth, truths that you may not even be aware of.
 Option #1: “If you really knew me…”

This one is simple: Begin with the phrase “If you really knew me…” and
share something that you wouldn’t normally share with someone. Be
brave! Go as deep as you’re willing to go.
⚫ Open a blank doc and type “If you really knew me…” then finish the
sentence.
⚫ Bonus points: Record a video of yourself and send it to a friend or
post it on social media (#vulnerability). If sharing with a friend, try
sharing something that this person really doesn’t know about
you. The point of this exercise is to allow yourself to be really known.
⚪ If you really knew me you would know that I believe that everyone has a path and
purpose in life and if you pay attention that plan/purpose will become evident at
some point.
⚪ If you really knew me you would know that I never quit at anything that I do.
 Option #2: “I love...”

This one’s fun too. And simple: Set a timer for one minute and make a list out
loud of things you love by finishing the phrase “I love…” repeatedly until the
minute is up.
Two rules for this game:
⚫ Don’t think ahead to what you’re going to say while the other person is
going. Focus on the person doing the “I loves…”. In other words, be
interested.
⚫ If you run out of things to say, just keep going, stream-of-consciousness
style, even if you’re worried you’ll say the wrong thing. There is no wrong
thing. In other words, be brave.
⚫ Open a blank doc and type I love repeatedly followed by something that you
love.
⚪ I love the beach
⚪ I love dogs
⚪ I love helping people
⚪ I love being with my children
 Option #3: Gratitude check-in

For this one, take turns sharing something you’re grateful

for. Get as specific and as personal as you can. Again,
remember that the goal is to help others get to know you
better.
⚫ If you’re working on your own, you might choose to
record a video of yourself and share with a friend or on
social media with #gratitude (inspire the world!).
⚪ I am grateful for my family
⚪ I am grateful that I am healthy
⚪ I am grateful that I have so many friends and family that I could
depend on to be there for me if I ever needed it.
 Option #4: Celebrations

⚫ This is like the “Gratitude Check-in” above, but

instead you’re something that you’re celebrating.
⚫ “I am celebrating…”
⚪ I am celebrating that I have two wonderful children that I am
able to spend a lot of time with.
⚪ I am celebrating that people are finally starting to wake up to
the injustices in this world.
 Vulnerability

⚫ The purpose of these exercises is to help you to feel

comfortable with exposing your vulnerabilities. Opening
up this way, particularly in a college essay, can allow the
reader a glimpse into the real you. Remember that the
purpose of the college essay is to reveal attributes,
characteristics, and personality that is not readily evident
in your college application.
⚫ Think of it this way…On the common app it lists all of
your activities and leadership roles in those activities.
What it doesn’t list is “why those activities?”
⚫ This will take a combination of research, self-reflection,
and time…
 Brainstorming – Essence (page 3)

⚫ This should be the only brainstorming exercise you’ll

need to write your personal statement.
⚫ In order for it to work, though, you’ll need at least 15
minutes, and a quiet place. The exercise will require
your full attention.
⚫ You can use a computer or laptop, though you may
have better results when you write this assignment
by hand.
 Brainstorming - Essence

⚫ I want you to imagine a box.

⚫ In this box is a set of objects.
⚫ Imagine that each one is one of your essence objects.
What do I mean?
⚫ Each object represents one of your fundamental
qualities.
⚫ Thus, each object is more than just an object.
⚫ For example, in my essence object box I would place
my red Warriors football jersey from when I was 9
years old.
 Brainstorming - Essence

⚫ Why a would I place a football jersey in a box containing my

essence objects?
⚫ First, football is the foundation for all of the qualities that
make me a good counselor today. Overcoming adversity,
mental toughness, pride, family, friends, leadership, etc.
⚫ Second, growing up in a single parent household, football was
the one activity that my father was involved in. Between the
ages of 1-7 I had very little contact with my father. In fact, our
entire relationship all the way through college revolved around
football. My brother, who did not play football, had very little
contact with my father. It is honestly the one memory that I
have of my father that I cherish.
⚫ Third, football allowed me to go to a college that I would not
have been able to attend. It is also where I met my wife.
 Brainstorming - Essence

⚫ The second object I would place in my box is a

decorative tray from Brazil.
⚫ This object was left to me by my Uncle Randy who
was so influential in my life. Before he had it, it hung
in my grandparents house in Montauk, NY, where I
spent every summer from age 7-16.
⚫ So this object represents so much happiness and joy
in my life and is connected to so many special places,
people and memories.
⚫ My uncle is also the single greatest influence on my
personality and characteristics.
 Essence Object

This is my Brazillian decorative tray and my Uncle.

 Brainstorming - Essence

⚫ I want you to make a list of 20 objects. You are infinitely

complex and creative and could come up with a
thousand—I’m asking for just 20.
⚫ Important: Don't write what the objects mean to you as
I have just done. I just want you to write the objects. So
my list would begin like this:
⚪ Red Warriors Football Jersey
⚪ Decorative tray from Brazil
⚫ Just write the objects with a couple details that describe
each, no commentary needed yet.
⚫ If it helps, put on some music. Let your mind wander.
 Brainstorming - Essence

20 QUESTIONS TO HELP WITH THE OBJECTS EXERCISE

1. What’s a food that reminds you of your family?
2. What’s something that reminds you of “home” (whatever “home” means to you)?
3. What’s an object that represents one of the people who raised you?
4. What’s an object that reminds you of something you find fascinating?
5. What’s an object that reminds you of a tradition or ritual in your family?
6. What’s an object that represents a secret, or something not a lot of people know about you?
7. What’s something really nerdy/geeky that you love?
8. If your house was on fire and you could save just three (non-technology) objects, what would they be?
9. What makes you feel safe?
10. What’s your actual superpower? What are you really good at?
11. What’s something you’re known for among your friends?
12. What do you want to be when you grow up?
13. Something that represents a way that you identify?
14. Something that represents a community you’re a part of?
15. What’s a nickname you have?
16. What’s something you could teach someone else to do?
17. Name three objects from your room.
18. What’s the moment you left childhood behind?
19. What’s your favorite photo?
20. What’s a dream or goal you have for the future?
 Brainstorming - Essence

⚫ ONCE YOU’VE WRITTEN YOUR LIST OF

ESSENCE OBJECTS
⚫ Survey your list. Which essences are missing? Is every
aspect of you there?
⚫ Think more abstractly. Think of qualities not yet
represented on the list. How could you phrase those
qualities in terms of objects? For example, if you keep
lists, perhaps a post-it note? Are you easily angered
(lighter fluid)? Good at lots of things (a Swiss Army
Knife)? Or sharp (an Exacto knife)?
⚫ Write down three more objects.
 Brainstorming –The purpose of the Exercise

⚫ T.S. Eliot once said: “The only way to express emotion in

art is through an objective correlative.” What’s an
objective correlative? It’s an object to which you
correlate emotions, memories, and complex meanings.
It’s an object that’s more than an object.
⚫ Every object in your essence object box is an
objective correlative for some important,
complex part of you.
⚫ Now survey your list. Does it feel pretty familiar? It
should. Your college essay should feel that
familiar.
 Brainstorming – Essence - Conclusion

⚫ Just to clarify, I’m not saying all of the objects on your

list will end up in your final draft, but some of them
might. And chances are good that you will at a minimum
write about the “essences” those objects represent.
⚫ The point is this: if you’ve taken the objects exercise
seriously and have described a unique set of objects, you
should have the material for a compelling personal
statement. In fact, you should have the material for
dozens of personal essays, but right now we’re just
writing one.
⚫ The question of course is which one? Which essences or
objects should you choose?
 Brainstorming – Values (PAGE 4)

⚫ Exercise: Select the 10 values you connect with most

(2 minutes). Of those 10, choose 5 (1 minute). Then
your top 3 (30 Seconds). Write them down
Personal Development Family Faith Success Nature
somewhere.
Recognition
Then
Excitement
go to the next
Communication
step.
Independence Objectivity
Accountability Travel Interdependence Variety Leadership
Inspiration Adventure Efficiency Community Wisdom
Music Laughter Stability Patience Respect
Helping Others Entrepreneurship Humor Challenges Strength
Peace Wonder Truth Autonomy Flexibility
Diversity Health And Fitness Order Loyalty Financial Stability
Expertise Love Excellence Courage Empathy
Vulnerability Close Relationships Religion Selflove Belonging
Global Awareness Humility Beauty Ritual Equity
Hunger Art Meaningful Work Purpose Resourcefulness
My Country Responsibility Trust Privacy Decisiveness
Sleep Safety Selfexpression Freedom Competence
Productivity Wealth Fun Quiet Collaboration
Intuition Creativity Rationality Compassion Spirituality
Culture Knowledge Democracy Cooperation Social Change
Healthy Boundaries Inclusion Selfcontrol Growth Honesty
Second Chances Curiosity Balance Authenticity Mindfulness
Listening Gratitude Adaptability Practicality Grace
 Brainstorming – Values

⚫ Now select your number 1 value. Why is this value so

meaningful? How does it manifest itself in your life?
⚫ Write down a couple of things in your life that represent
these values.
⚫ Do the values that you selected connect to one of your
Essence Objects?
⚫ Start looking for correlations and connections. What are
your values and how do they relate to your life and
experiences (the objects and people in your life)? Where
do they come from? Why do they matter? How have they
impacted your life, your education, your extracurricular
activities?
STRUCTURE | FOUR TYPES OF COLLEGE ESSAYS
 FOUR TYPES OF ESSAYS EXERCISE

⚫ While we don’t have enough time in this workshop to

complete the exercises connected to the Essay Types,
you may want to go ahead and complete them
independently. See the “Guide to all four essays”
handout.
STRUCTURE | FOUR TYPES OF COLLEGE ESSAYS

⚫ It’s also important to note that these categories are fluid and
it’s possible to move from one to another. A student who has
faced significant challenges but doesn’t know what s/he wants
to study (Category C), for example, may discover, through a
process of research or counseling, what s/he would like to
study and so move to Category A. Similarly, a student who has
not faced significant challenges and does not know what s/he
wants to study (Category D) may discover, through
self-reflection or counseling, that s/he has indeed faced
significant challenges, and so move to Category C. I
recommend reading all the examples; you never know what
might resonate.
STRUCTURE | FOUR TYPES OF COLLEGE ESSAYS

First, ask yourself two questions:

1. Have you faced significant challenges? (You define
"significant.")
2. Do you know what you want to study?
⚫ Based on these two answers, take a look at the chart in
the previous slide and see which essay approach might
work for you.
⚫ You can write a great essay whether you've been
through challenges or not, and whether you
know what you want to study or not.
The question is: How?
STRUCTURE | FOUR TYPES OF COLLEGE ESSAYS

The answer: Find the right structure.

A good college essay should either:
⚫ go deep, discussing one moment that fundamentally
changed your life, or
⚫ go wide, discussing many different elements of your
life.
⚫ The Narrative Structure, will help you go deep,
while the Montage Structure will help you go
wide. We'll discuss both structures in the next two
sections.
 STRUCTURE | Examples of Challenges
•Discrimination based on being a minority •Having to work to pay for groceries
(race, sexual orientation, nationality, etc.) •Parents or siblings fighting a lot
•Alcohol or drug abuse •Parents not being home a lot
•Joblessness or unemployment •Racism
•Moving a lot and having no real place to call •Crime
home •School or neighborhood violence
•Abuse •Illness (you or someone close to you)
•Failure

•Being afraid to come out as lesbian, gay, •Ignorance

bisexual, queer, transgender •Physical injury
•Having an extremely shy personality •Physical disability
•Natural disaster (hurricane, earthquake) •Mental illness
•Car crash •Sibling rivalry
•Riots •Getting rejected
•Home invasion or break-in •A learning difference or disability
•Fire •Sexism
•Cruelty •Controlling behavior from family or friends
•Destructive behavior/ bullying/cyberbullying •Aggression
•Peer pressure •Parents not supportive of your dreams
•Lack of access to educational resources •War
Challenges (Feelings and needs) pg.5
 Challenges Activity

⚫ Instructions (see feelings and needs worksheet): Take out

a blank sheet of paper and turn it sideways (landscape
view) and write along the top these words:
CHALLENGES - EFFECTS - FEELINGS - NEEDS -
WHAT I DID ABOUT IT- LESSONS LEARNED - SKILLS
& VALUES - (OPTIONAL) FUTURE OR CAREER
1. In the “Challenges” column, list any major
obstacles you’ve faced in your life--anything
from major health or family issues to
experiencing racism or violence. Things that
were meaningful that shifted things for you.
Spend at least 3-4 minutes on this first column. The
more these challenges affected you, the more
productive this exercise can be.
 Challenges Activity

2. In the second column, list the Effects (aka repercussions) that

you experienced as a result of each challenge you’ve listed. How did
each challenge impact you?
⚫ Important: Don’t yet name the emotions you felt as the result of the
challenge, as those will go in the next column. Instead, simply list how your
world changed due to the item in the first column. Try to isolate the specific
external factors that prompted an emotional response Here's an example.
“Moved around a lot growing up” might go in your challenge column. You
might label the effects as “hard to make friends” or “didn’t speak the local
language. Save the feelings you had about not making friends or not
speaking the language for the next column.
⚫ The purpose of this column is to differentiate your experience of the
challenge you named in the first column (e.g., divorce or moving around a
lot) from anyone else who might have experienced a similar challenge.
⚫ Spend at least 3-4 minutes on this column. See if you can write down 3-4
effects for each challenge.
 Challenges Activity

3. In the third column, name the Feelings that each

effect elicited.
⚫ You can name the main emotion you felt or several different
emotions. If you had difficulty making friends, for example,
maybe you felt afraid, isolated, or vulnerable. Maybe some
part of you even felt relieved. Don’t worry if the feelings you
write down contradict. Mixed emotions are normal and noting
them can actually make for a more interesting, nuanced
personal statement.
⚫ What did you feel? Spend 3-4 minutes on this column. See if
you can list 3-4 feelings for each challenge you experienced.
⚫ And, because it can be difficult to think of feelings on the spot,
a list is on pg.5 to give you some ideas.
 Challenges Activity

4. In the fourth column, write the word “Needs.”

⚫ Consider that each emotion you feel has an underlying need
that can help you understand why you feel what you feel. Ask
yourself what need may have been underneath each feeling
you wrote down. Perhaps underneath a feeling of isolation, for
example, was a need for connection, or beneath a feeling of
vulnerability was a need for safety. Spend a little extra time
with this column, as it’s the heart of this exercise.
⚫ Based on the emotions you’ve listed, what need was or is
underneath each one?
⚫ And, again, because it can be difficult to think of needs (for
some of us it’s something we rarely think about), there is a list
of needs in the handout.
 Challenges Activity

5. For the fifth column, “What I did about it,” consider the
steps you took to meet the needs you wrote down.
⚫ Maybe to meet your need for connection for example, you decided to
join cross country or the robotics club. Or maybe to meet your need
for safety you shared your feelings with your parents or a counselor
and that helped you feel better; so you’d write down “talked to a
counselor.”
⚫ I know this is a big question, but ask yourself: Why do I do Activity
X? What deeper need is it meeting for me? If you’re still in process
(i.e., haven’t done anything yet to meet those needs), what could you
do?
⚫ Spend 3-4 minutes on this column.
⚫ Can you link your needs to a particular extracurricular activity that
you participated in. It may have been a subconscious thing, so you
may have to dig deep and draw correlations that may not be that
evident.
 Challenges Activity

6. In the sixth column, “Lessons, Skills, & Values,” ask

yourself: What did I learn from all this?
⚫ And what did that lesson lead to, if anything? Maybe, for example,
you joined cross country (what you did about it) and that taught you
to value your health and nutrition (values), which led you to start a
blog (outcome). Or maybe joining robotics taught you to code (skill),
which led you to create your own board game (outcome).
⚫ For ideas of what to put in this column, take a look at the list of
“Values.”
⚫ List 3-4 values you’ve developed based on each of the activities
you’ve listed in the previous column.
⚫ Spend 3-4 minutes on this. Normally this column ends up being
really full.
⚫ What values or superpowers did you develop to get your needs met.
 Challenges Activity

7. The final column, “Future or Career” is

optional, but can be interesting to consider.
⚫ Here, write down the name of something you’d like
to do in the future. This could be career-focused, like
“doctor” or “engineer.” It can also be more broad,
like “fight injustice” or “be an amazing mother.”
Then write down some of the values and skills you’ve
gained that you believe will serve you in making
these goals happen.
 Challenges Activity

⚫ The final activity is to begin to draw connections and

look for common threads or themes. Literally draw
arrows from one thing to another. This will become
your roadmap for your college essay.
STRUCTURE | FOUR TYPES OF COLLEGE ESSAYS

Common challenges
Note: I’m not saying you shouldn’t write about these, but it can be
more difficult to stand out with these topics. In order to use common
challenges as an essay theme you must provide a bridge to a larger
theme. In other words use these challenges to introduce a bigger
picture:
⚫ Divorce
⚫ Dealing with death of dad/grandfather/sister/etc.
⚫ Adjusting to a new school
⚫ Adapting to a new culture in a new country
⚫ Sports injury
⚫ Anxiety
⚫ Failing to meet someone’s expectations
The task of the college essay is to shape the student’s life into a
coherent narrative.
 STRUCTURE | NARRATIVE STRUCTURE – Types A and C

⚫ Here’s the structure that most American films use.

Learning this may change the way you watch films (it did
for me). It’s a structure as old as time and storytellers
have been using it for thousands of years. Joseph
Campbell called it the monomyth or Hero’s Journey. I’ll
refer to as narrative structure. Its basic elements are:
⚫ Status Quo
⚫ Inciting Incident/Status Quo Change
⚫ Raise the stakes
⚫ Moment of Truth
⚫ Outcome/New Status Quo
 STRUCTURE | NARRATIVE STRUCTURE

STATUS QUO
⚫ Life as is. The hero, our main character, is living
his/her normal life.
INCITING INCIDENT/STATUS QUO CHANGE
⚫ One day, something happens. A boy discovers he is a
wizard (Harry Potter). A girl falls down a rabbit hole
(Alice in Wonderland). A murder happens (almost
every mystery). You get the idea. In short, the hero is
called to adventure.
 STRUCTURE | NARRATIVE STRUCTURE

RAISING THE STAKES

⚫ Things get more dangerous and important.
⚫ In small dramas, the events become more important inwardly,
to our main characters’ personal lives, threatening to change
them forever.
⚫ In action movies, events become more important outwardly,
escalating until not only our characters’ lives are threatened,
but the country, the world, then (in big budget films)
Civilization as We Know It.
⚫ In some films, the character’s inward journey (what s/he must
learn) and outward journey (what s/he must do) are
intertwined. See: Star Wars, Avatar, The Dark Knight.
 STRUCTURE | NARRATIVE STRUCTURE

MOMENT OF TRUTH
⚫ The climax. The moment of highest tension. The character
must make the Ultimate Choice or fight the Ultimate Battle.
⚫ Will Beauty kiss the Beast and save his life? (Beauty and the
Beast)
⚫ Will Neo realize—and accept—his role as The One before it’s
too late? (The Matrix)
⚫ Will Frodo destroy the Ring and save Middle Earth? (Lord of
the Rings)
OUTCOME/NEW STATUS QUO
⚫ The result.
⚫ See this handout.
 MONTAGE STRUCTURE – Types B & D

⚫ WHAT IS A MONTAGE?
⚫ Montage is a technique that involves creating a new whole
from separate fragments (pictures, words, music, etc.). In
filmmaking, the montage effect is used to condense space and
time so that information can be delivered in a more efficient
way.
⚫ Take the classic “falling in love” montage, commonly used in
romantic comedies. We don’t see every single interaction;
instead, we see: he surprises her at work with flowers, they
walk through the park, they dance in the rain, they pass an
engagement ring store and she eyes a particular ring. You get
the idea.
⚫ A few images tell the whole story. And you can use this
technique for your essay. But which essences should you
choose? That’s up to you. (It’s art, remember, not science.)
 MONTAGE STRUCTURE

FIND A FOCUSING LENS

⚫ Why choose a focusing lens? You can’t discuss every
single aspect of your life; you can, however, show us
a few important points through a single lens or
metaphor. And it need NOT be a future career--it
could be many things.
⚫ What type of focusing lens might you use to write
your essay? A sport? A place? An art form? A hobby?
Ask yourself: what’s something I know really well?
⚫ Someone used swimming, another used winning
Hamilton tickets. Be creative.
 MONTAGE STRUCTURE

PART ONE: ESSENTIAL QUALITIES (see handout)

⚫ At the top of a blank sheet of paper in the center of the
page write down the name of the career you’re likely to
pursue.
⚫ IMPORTANT: If you don’t know what career you’d like to
pursue, you may either write down a placeholder career
(i.e. something that you’re interested in) or leave this
blank (if you really don’t know).
⚫ Side note: if you have a clear idea of your career, you’re
writing a Type B essay, and if you don’t know then you’re
working on a Type D essay. (This distinction is not
important--I’m only pointing it out so that you know
what I mean when I use those terms.)
 MONTAGE STRUCTURE

⚫ Underneath the name of the career (if you wrote one) write
“Qualities of an excellent [Write your career here:
doctor/teacher/businessperson, etc.].”
⚪ If you did not write down a career, just write the words “Qualities I
Possess.”
⚫ If you did write a career, make a list of the qualities necessary
to excel in whichever field you’ve chosen. If, for example, you
want to study business, you might consider “ability to work
well with others” and “leadership skills” on your list.
⚪ If you did not name a career, refer to your Values Exercise and write down
5-6 values that you’d like to demonstrate in your personal statement
⚫ Either way, list at least five qualities along the right side of the
paper. We’ll call this your “tell” column (more on this later).
 MONTAGE STRUCTURE

PART TWO: HOW I’VE DEMONSTRATED THESE QUALITIES IN

MY LIFE
⚫ On the left side of your page write at the top “How I’ve Demonstrated These
Qualities in My Life.”
⚫ For each quality in your “tell” column, write down a specific
moment/example from your life that SHOWS that you have developed this
quality. (For example, if you wrote “ability to work well with others” in your
right hand column, write in the left hand column a specific instance that
shows you work well with others—the time you worked with a large group to
organize the Dance Marathon at your school, for example. Or if you’ve
written “good listener” in the right hand column you might describe how
while volunteering at the hospital you found that the patients often felt
comfortable sharing their life stories with you.)
⚫ Keep going until the left hand column is filled with examples of the qualities
named in the right hand column. Remember: the left hand column will be
“show” and the right hand column will be “tell.”
 MONTAGE STRUCTURE

Qualities of a Great Endodontist (See sample

Essay)
⚫ Desire to help others
⚫ Detail focused
⚫ Interested in how human body works
⚫ Curiosity
How I’ve Demonstrated These Qualities
⚫ After-school math tutoring
⚫ Designing my own shoes
⚫ Taking apart machines
⚫ Always asked questions as a kid
 MONTAGE STRUCTURE

⚫ Eventually you are going to write one paragraph on each

element on the left hand column (this is your show).
⚫ Important: You won’t want to explicitly reveal (that is,
“tell”) the qualities in the right hand column or how they
connect to your future career until the last or second to
last paragraph… see the Endodontics essay example from
earlier to see what this looks like. Why? If you say at the
beginning of your essay, “I’ve always wanted to be a
doctor” and then say “...because I am a caring,
hard-working and detail-oriented individual” and then
you give examples of each of those, then the essay will be
kind of boring.” A good guiding rule is this: show first,
then tell.
 MONTAGE STRUCTURE

What if I don’t know what I want to do in the future (for Type D Essays):
⚫ That’s okay! Keep in mind that you don’t have to use your future career as
a focusing lens--you can use anything!
Here are some...TIPS FOR FINDING A GOOD FOCUSING LENS
1. Make it visual. Storytelling is a visual medium. Use a lens that will help
conjure images in the reader’s mind. I’ve had too many students try to
write “soundtrack” or “mix-tape” essays in which their favorite songs
provide the soundtrack for their lives. The problem with writing this type
of essay, however, is that the reader can’t hear the music (and often
doesn’t know or have the same emotional connection to the songs
referenced).
2. Use something you know a lot about. Know how to cook? Use food.
Play chess? Use that! Use your essence objects list for ideas.
3. Find a focusing lens that allows you to “go wide.” Use a metaphor, in
other words, that will allow you to discuss several different aspects of
who you are.
 The Final Test

⚫ Did your essay demonstrate to a college that you will

make a valuable contribution during college and beyond?
1. Core Values: Things that are so important to you that
you would go to war for them. Are they coming
through.
2. Vulnerability – Can I FEEL the writer coming through?
3. Insight – “So What Moments” – 5-7 of these in an essay
usually found at the end of paragraphs. Reveal
something about yourself that is unusual.
4. Craft – Go through each paragraph and word and ask
“Is this necessary?
 The Final Test

⚫ Read the essay aloud to someone

⚪ Now that I have read my story do you feel closer to me?
⚪ What have you learned about me that you did not already
know?

Your essay is like a painting and you are both artist and critic.