Twelve Steps The 1st Step Rev.

08/31/2011

Twelve Steps to Recovery Workbook for Sexual Addiction

Step Work Table of Contents - Step One

THE SERENITY PRAY .................................................................................................................................................................. 2

THE 12 STEPS .......................................................................................................................................................................... 3
THE 12 TRADITIONS.................................................................................................................................................................. 3

1ST STEP (GETTING IT READY) ..................................................................................................................... 4

Admission Statement ......................................................................................................................................................................... 4

Personal Affirmation .......................................................................................................................................................................... 4
Step One Worksheet Exercises............................................................................................................................................................ 4
List of Definitions ................................................................................................................................................................................ 6
[Exercise 4] 10 Examples of Powerlessness ......................................................................................................................................... 6
[Exercise 6] Pain & Fear Associated with Changing Behavior ............................................................................................................... 8
[Exercise 7] Payoff & Pleasure Associated with not Changing Behavior ............................................................................................... 9
[Exercise 8] Consequences of not Changing Behavior ........................................................................................................................ 10
[Exercise 9] List of Lower Companions .............................................................................................................................................. 11
[Exercise 10] List of Abuses due to Behavior by Others to Me ........................................................................................................... 12
[Exercise 10] List of Abuses due to Behavior to Others by Me ........................................................................................................... 13
[Exercise 10] List of Abuses due to Behavior to Myself by Me ........................................................................................................... 14
[Exercise 11] Chronological Sexual Addiction History ........................................................................................................................ 15
Three Circles ..................................................................................................................................................................................... 17

Based on A Simple Guide To Working the Twelve Steps for Sex Addiction by Charlie Risien (LCDC, AAC, CSAT, CCIP)
With info from
Sex Addicts Anonymous
Joe McQ’s The Steps We Took
Patrick Carnes’ A Gentle Path through the Twelve Steps

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THE SERENITY PRAY

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Amen!

Original by Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971)

God, give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.

Living one day at a time,

Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did,
This sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it,
Trusting that You will make all things right,
If I surrender to Your will,
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with You forever in the next.

Amen.

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THE 12 STEPS

Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery:

1. We admitted we were powerless over addictive sexual behavior, that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood God.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God,
praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to other sex
addicts and to practice these principles in all areas of our lives.

THE 12 TRADITIONS

Here are the Twelve Traditions that ensure unity of the Fellowship:

1. Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon SAA unity.
2. For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority - a loving God as expressed in our group
conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.
3. The only requirement for SAA membership is a desire to stop addictive sexual behavior.
4. Each group should be autonomous except in matters affecting other groups or SAA as a whole.
5. Each group has but one primary purpose - to carry its message to the sex addict who still suffers.
6. An SAA group ought never endorse, finance, or lend the SAA name to any related facility or outside
enterprise lest problems of money, property, and prestige divert us from our primary purpose.
7. Every SAA group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.
8. Sex Addicts Anonymous should remain forever nonprofessional, but our service centers may employ special
workers.
9. SAA, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly
responsible to those they serve.
10. Sex Addicts Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the SAA name ought never be drawn into
public controversy.
11. Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal
anonymity at the level of press, radio, TV, and films.
12. Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before
personalities.

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1 ST STEP (GETTING IT READY)

We admitted we were powerless over sexual compulsive behavior - that our lives had become unmanageable.

ADMISSION STATEMENT

PERSONAL AFFIRMATION

STEP ONE WORKSHEET EXERCISES

1. Read “The Doctor’s Opinion”, “Bill’s Story”, “There is a Solution”, and “More about Alcoholism” in the Big Book of
Alcoholics Anonymous. It is suggested that you read these pages once and then reread them underlining or highlighting
those areas important to you.
2. Read “Step One” (pages 20-25) in Sex Addicts Anonymous (Green Book). It is suggested that you read these pages once
and then reread them underlining or highlighting those areas important to you. ([optional] Read pages 1-88 in
Sexaholics Anonymous (White Book).)
3. Review the words under the section List of Definitions.
4. [Exercise 4] Write ten things that have happened in your life that show you are powerless over sexual compulsive or
fantasy behaviors.
5. [Exercise 5] Write ten things that have become unmanageable as a result of your acting out behavior. These are some
of the things that you will turn over in Step Three.
6. [Exercise 6] What pain or fear do you associate with changing this area of focus?
7. [Exercise 7] What payoff or pleasure are you getting by not changing your behavior (both positive and negative)?
8. [Exercise 8] List the consequences your sexual compulsive or fantasy behavior has had on you and your life.
▪ What will it cost you if your behavior does not change?
▪ Has this problem made your home life unhappy (other relationships)?
▪ Has this problem caused any type of illness?
9. [Exercise 9] Do you turn to the type of person that enables you to practice this behavior (“lower companions”)?
10. [Exercise 10] List examples of the types of abuse due to this behavior for you and others.
▪ Abuses due to behavior by others to me
▪ Abuses due to behavior to others by me
▪ Abuses due to behavior to myself by me
11. [Exercise 11] List your acting out history in chronological order.

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12. It is now time to work your Three Circles, which will become the foundation for your sex plan. A sex plan is a written
description of the sexual behavior for which you are willing to be responsible. When reviewing your inner and middle
circles, consider carefully your behaviors’ consequences (realized and potential) such as:
▪ damages spiritually
▪ damages self-esteem
▪ threatens job
▪ damages financial stability
▪ hurts relationships
▪ illegal activity
▪ jeopardizes your SAA program
▪ threatens your life/health
▪ victimizes someone else
When reviewing your outer circle, consider what you want your life to become. Think about what you can do to make
these goals become reality and who can help you.
13. After admitting you were powerless over sexual compulsive behavior [Exercise 4]; that your life had become
unmanageable [Exercise 5]; letting your addict have his final bark [Exercises 6 & 7]; reviewing the consequences
[Exercise 8]; reviewing the list of lower companions [Exercise 9]; reviewing abuses to you and by you [Exercise 10]; and
chronologically listing out your acting out history [Exercise 11], you are now ready to write your formal First Step.
14. Read “First Step to Recovery” – a guide to working the First Step by the ISO. Remember we want to hear you, not your
addict. The reading of this First Step to your Home Group allows us to get to know you better and for you, by being
able to admit what brought you here, release the shame that kept you isolated.

May God be with you.

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The Principles of Step One are Honesty, Powerlessness, Acceptance, Surrender and Humility.
LIST OF DEFINITIONS

We I and the rest of a group that includes me

Admitted Conceded as true or valid; acknowledged
Powerless Devoid of strength or resources; lacking the authority or capacity to act
Unmanageable Unable to handle or direct with any degree of skill; unable to treat with care
Lives Sequences of physical and mental experiences that make up the existence of an individual
Free from fraud or deception; legitimate, truthful; genuine, real, humble or plain; reputable, respectable,
Honest
good or worthy; creditable; praiseworthy, marked by integrity; frank, sincere; innocent, simple

Purity of conduct and intention; fairness and straightforwardness of conduct; openness or sincerity; virtue;
Honesty
justice; adherence to the facts (honesty implies a refusal to lie, steal, or deceive in any way)
One who is honorable scrupulously observes the dictates of a personal honor that is higher than any demands
Honorable
of mercantile lay or public opinion

[EXERCISE 4] 10 EXAMPLES OF POWERLESSNESS

I list how I am powerless over sexual compulsive or fantasy behavior:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

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[Exercise 5] 10 Examples of Unmanageability

I list how my life has become unmanageable as a result of acting out:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

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[EXERCISE 6] PAIN & FEAR ASSOCIATED WITH CHANGING BEHAVIOR

If I change my behavior and belief system, I will experience the following pains and fears:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

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[EXERCISE 7] PAYOFF & PLEASURE ASSOCIATED WITH NOT CHANGING BEHAVIOR

[Positive] If I do not change my behavior and belief system, the following are the payoffs and benefits:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

[Negative] If I do not change my behavior and belief system, the following are the payoffs and benefits:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10.

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[EXERCISE 8] CONSEQUENCES OF NOT CHANGING BEHAVIOR

It will cost me the following, if my behavior does not change:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

My acting out has created the following problems in my home life or in other relationships:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

My acting out has caused the following illness or conditions:

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

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[EXERCISE 9] LIST OF LOWER COMPANIONS

I turn to the following persons, who enable me to practice these behaviors:

Who: Description how and what behavior is enabled:

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[EXERCISE 10] LIST OF ABUSES DUE TO BEHAVIOR BY OTHERS TO ME

The following table lists the abuses to me, which may have contributed to my sexual and other addictions:

Date(s): From: Description of Abuse(s):

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[EXERCISE 10] LIST OF ABUSES DUE TO BEHAVIOR TO OTHERS BY ME

The following table lists the abuses committed to others by me:

Date(s): To: Description of Abuse(s):

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[EXERCISE 10] LIST OF ABUSES DUE TO BEHAVIOR TO MYSELF BY ME

The following table lists the abuses committed by me to myself, whether directly or indirectly:

Date(s): Description of Abuse(s):

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[EXERCISE 11] CHRONOLOGICAL SEXUAL ADDICTION HISTORY

Date(s): Sexual Addictive Behavior History Details:

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Date(s): Sexual Addictive Behavior History Details:

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THREE CIRCLES

Inner Circle behaviors. Unmanageable behaviors that I feel powerless over. Behaviors that harm me or others and that
Inner Circle I am determined to stop. Engaging in any of these behaviors is a slip or relapse in my SAA sobriety.
Suggestion: Simplify your list until your addictive behaviors are easy to remember and share with others.
▪
▪
▪
▪
▪
▪
▪
▪
▪
▪

Boundary behaviors. Warning Signs. Obsessions and rituals that lead to acting out or acting in.
Middle Circle Behaviors that need more clarity.
▪
▪
▪
▪
▪
▪
▪
▪
▪
▪

Outer Circle behaviors. What my life could become with the help of my Higher Power: Sexually healthy behaviors, as
Outer Circle well as other creative, enriching, nurturing activities that hopefully will displace my obsessive and compulsive
behaviors.
▪
▪
▪ Outer Circle
▪
Middle
▪ Circle
▪
▪
▪ Inner
Circle
▪
▪
▪
▪
▪
▪
▪

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