FRASIER

"A Life Examined"

written by

David Bishop

(951) 456-8692 FINAL DRAFT

[email protected] 08 16, 2022

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A BLACK SCREEN. IN WHITE LETTERS APPEARS "THE OFFER."

INT. FRASIER'S PENTHOUSE - NIGHT

(FRASIER)

FRASIER IS SITTING CONTENTEDLY IN HIS LIVING ROOM, SIPPING

FROM A GLASS OF SHERRY. SOFT BIG-BAND MUSIC IS PLAYING. THE
SKYLINE OF CHICAGO CAN BE SEEN THROUGH THE WINDOWS.

THE PHONE RINGS AND FRASIER CROSSES THE ROOM AND PICKS IT UP.

FRASIER
Yes, hello?... Oh, yes, hi, Bebe...
An autobiography, you say?... You
know, I must confess that I'd never
considered that before... And
they've already made an offer?...
Oh, my!... Well, yes, I'd be happy
to meet with them... Alright,
Tuesday it is... Hey, thanks, Bebe.

FRASIER HANGS UP THE PHONE, LOOKING RATHER PLEASED WITH

HIMSELF.

FRASIER (CONT’D)
(CONT'D)
Well, how about that?

INT. COFFEEHOUSE - DAY

(BARISTA, FRASIER, NILES)

FRASIER AND NILES ARE IN LINE AT A COFFEESHOP.

FRASIER
I just can't believe this! You
promised you'd go with me to every
Zemlinsky production!
NILES
I know -

FRASIER
And Dietrich Zimmer is singing
tenor!

NILES
I know-
"A Life Examined" 2.

FRASIER
Alas, like Glen Miller over the
English Channel, my plans have
vanished into thin air, yet again.

NILES
Think about it from my perspective.
David's chess match against
Svetlana Federov has been moved up.

NILES SHAKES HIS HEAD.

NILES (CONT’D)
The way she uses her bishops; why,
she has the adroitness of an
English long bowman. I have to help
him prepare tonight.

FRASIER
Well, of course you do.

FRASIER TURNS AWAY DEJECTED.

NILES
Oh, why don't you take that new
lady friend of yours? What's her
name again?

FRASIER
Regina. I will say that I'm rather
smitten with her. I have, however,
grown weary of dates falling asleep
or getting an "urgent" phone call
halfway through a production.

NILES
Well, fortunately for you, "Eine
Florentinische Tragödie" has only
one act.

FRASIER GRUNTS AS HE AND NILES MAKE THEIR WAY TO THE COUNTER

TO PLACE THEIR ORDER WITH THE BARISTA.

NILES (CONT’D)
I'll have the Brazilian roast
americano, with a dollop of cream
and one packet of -

BARISTA
Do you see me wearing a green
apron?

NILES
I beg your pardon?
"A Life Examined" 3.

BARISTA
We serve our coffee exactly as it's
meant to be enjoyed. No sweeteners,
no cream.

NILES
I happen to be from Seattle, you
know, and I enjoy my coffee with -

FRASIER TAKES NILES' ARM AND PUSHES HIM TO THE SIDE.

FRASIER
He'll have the Brazilian americano,
and I'll have the same.

FRASIER PAYS AND THEY WALK AWAY FROM THE COUNTER.

NILES
The nerve, telling people how to
take their coffee.

FRASIER
Just let it go, already.

NILES
Fine. Well, speaking of David's
upcoming match, how is Frederick?

FRASIER
Oh, we barely speak these days. The
man continues to commit himself to
the field of forensic pathology.

FRASIER SHAKES HIS HEAD.

FRASIER (CONT’D)
I just don't understand it. I mean,
aren't there so many other things
to dwell upon? The numinous, the
transcendent? Why spend one's day
amidst bones?
NILES
Well, should you ever become a cold
case, I'm sure that you'd be
comforted to know that there was a
professional seeking to bring your
killer to justice.

FRASIER
As if I'd ever fall victim to some
foul brute.
"A Life Examined" 4.

NILES
Ah yes, I believe that was the
exact sentiment of all five victims
of Jack the Ripper.

FRASIER THROWS OUT AN ARM IN AN AGITATED GESTURE.

NILES (CONT’D)
And, after all, Frasier, he is his
own person. Just because he didn't
turn out to be the spitting image
of you should be no cause for
disappointment. You can't deny him
his ambitions because they're not
to your liking.
THE BARISTA SLIDES THEIR COFFEE CUPS ACROSS THE COUNTER.

NILES (CONT’D)
Besides, that Goth phase of his
should have tipped you off to his
likely proclivity towards this sort
of field.

FRASIER
Oh, shut up, Niles!

FRASIER AND NILES PICK UP THEIR DRINKS AND TURN FROM THE
COUNTER. NILES TAKES A SIP OF HIS.

NILES
You call this coffee?

FRASIER WAVES APOLOGETICALLY AT THE BARISTA AND ESCORTS NILES

TO A TABLE. THEY SIT DOWN.

NILES (CONT’D)
In any case, I heard that Frederick
is hosting a cadaver lab next
weekend. You should go. You know,
at least feign an interest in his
work?

FRASIER
Oh, yeah, sure. Tell you what, the
day you decide to go to one of
those, I'll join you.

FRASIER SIPS FROM HIS COFFEE.

NILES
Then next weekend it is!

FRASIER NEARLY SPITS OUT HIS COFFEE.

"A Life Examined" 5.

FRASIER
Oh! Really? Well, I must say I'd
never have anticipated that
response from you.

NILES
Well, we now have a verbally
binding agreement.

FRASIER
Dear God. Fine.

NILES
But, forgive me, what was this
matter that you were so eager to
discuss with me?

FRASIER
Oh, yes! You won't believe this;
I've been offered a deal by
Silverstone Publishing to write my
very own autobiography! Can you
believe it?

NILES
Really? And they contacted you?

NILES SIPS FROM HIS COFFEE, A LOOK OF DISDAIN CROSSING HIS

FACE. HE GLANCES FURTIVELY AROUND BEFORE REACHING INTO HIS
BREAST POCKET AND TAKING OUT A PACKET OF SWEETENER. HE POURS
THE CONTENTS INTO HIS DRINK AND STIRS IT IN WITH HIS PINKY
FINGER.

NILES (CONT’D)
Ow, ow!

NILES WHIPS HIS FINGER OUT OF THE COFFEE AND STARTS BLOWING
ON IT.

FRASIER SEIZES HIS ARM.

FRASIER
Oh, Niles, will you cut that out.

NILES CEASES HIS BLOWING AND LOWERS HIS HAND, REGAINING HIS
COMPOSURE.

NILES
Well, that book deal is quite the
honor. Are you considering it?

FRASIER
Considering it? Of course I am, you
imbecile!
"A Life Examined" 6.

NILES
That's excellent, Frasier.

NILES SIPS FROM HIS COFFEE AND LOOKS PLEASED.

NILES (CONT’D)
Very mature of you, I must say. I'd
have half-expected you take issue
with being asked to write an
autobiography as opposed to, say,
oh, a memoir.

FRASIER
What do you mean?

NILES
Well, as you know, a memoir is a
meditation upon a particular time
in life or notable event. A, if you
will, life “so far” sort of book.

FRASIER
And?

NILES
And, well, you're being asked to
reflect upon the entirety of your
life. It's the literary equivalent
of a tombstone, as it were.

FRASIER
What a malicious thought!

NILES
Frasier, have you ever seen a
sequel to an autobiography?

FRASIER BEGINS DRUMMING HIS FINGERS ON THE TABLE, PERTURBED.

NILES (CONT’D)
Why should that upset you, though?
Again, it's quite the honor.

FRASIER
Oh, I don't know. It's just that
when you put it that way...It just
seems so empty. My God.

NILES
Well, perhaps that's because you've
lived your life in, oh, what shall
we say, Kierkegaard described as
the "aesthetic stage."
"A Life Examined" 7.

FRASIER
What, exactly, are you implying?

NILES
Come on, Frasier. You've been
moving from city to city. Amusing
yourself with various projects
before tiring of them and moving on
to the next. Not to mention your
going through the same routine with
your romantic dalliances.

FRASIER
So, what are you saying? That I've
frittered away my life? That I'm a
selfish person?

NILES
Not at all, it's not necessarily a
bad thing, it's just -

FRASIER
I will have you know that I care
about my fellow man! I'm a
psychiatrist, for God's sake.

NILES
The profession from which you've
used to launch to this the status
of your celebrity -

FRASIER
I'm a patron of the arts. I sit on
the opera board -

NILES
To attend swanky receptions and
have a say in the opera itinerary -

FRASIER
I pay taxes -

NILES
Which are compulsory -

FRASIER
And I never once considered setting
up that account in the Cayman
Islands that Bebe suggested!

FRASIER GETS UP FROM HIS CHAIR, AGITATED.

"A Life Examined" 8.

FRASIER (CONT’D)
I won't listen to this envious
drivel! Now, you must excuse me. I
must be attending to...things that
need attending to.

FRASIER STORMS OUT OF THE COFFEESHOP.

NILES PULLS ANOTHER PACKET OF SWEETENER FROM HIS POCKET AND

FLICKS IT, LOOKING TOWARDS THE DOOR.

INT. RADIO BOOTH - DAY (FRASIER, ROZ, SOPHIA)

FRASIER IS SITTING BEHIND THE MICROPHONE WHEN HE GETS A CUE

FROM ROZ, HIS PRODUCER, TO BEGIN. FRASIER SLAPS A BUTTON ON
THE CONSOLE IN FRONT OF HIM.

FRASIER
Welcome back, Chicago. For those
just now tuning in, this is Dr.
Frasier Crane and Roz Doyle,
reprising our old roles to fill in
this week for our former colleague,
Dr. Nora.

ROZ ROLLS HER EYES DRAMATICALLY.

FRASIER (CONT’D)
So, Roz, who do we have?

ROZ
On line two we have Sophia, who's
been in an ongoing dispute with her
fiancé.

FRASIER
Hello, Sophia. I'm listening.

SOPHIA (V.O.)
Hi, Dr. Crane. You see, I had to do
a self-portrait for art school. I
spent weeks on it. But, when I
showed it to my fiancé, he took one
look at it and told me I was
prettier than the painting.

SOPHIA STARTS SOBBING.

FRASIER DRUMS HIS FINGERS ON THE DESK, A LOOK OF

CONSTERNATION ON HIS FACE.
"A Life Examined" 9.

FRASIER
Well, I can certainly understand
the conundrum. On the one hand,
your fiancé is clearly enamored by
your beauty, on the other he
dismissed outright a work of art
that you invested so much into.

SOPHIA (V.O.)
And he tells me I'm crazy for being
upset.

FRASIER
Well, Sophia, in cases like these,
it's useful to turn to Ludwig
Wittgenstein -

ROZ
You know, Sophia, you're way
overthinking this -

SOPHIA (V.O.)
Witt-gen-who?

ROZ TOSSES HER HANDS UP IN THE AIR IN EXASPERATION.

FRASIER
You see, Wittgenstein was convinced
that our clumsy use of language is
the cause of most interpersonal
conflicts. One person thinks that
the words they say are conveying
one thing. When, in fact, those
same words can be interpreted quite
differently by the other party.

SOPHIA (V.O.)
So, what do I do? I can't be with
someone who doesn't respect my art.

FRASIER
Sophia, I'm afraid you're missing
the point. Perhaps your fiancé's
remark might serve as a lesson for
us all. It is not merely the
sentiment that matters, but the
manner in which we express said
sentiment. For instance, during a
proposal, even the most well
meaning of suitors might
misguidedly simply plop the ring on
a table.
(MORE)
"A Life Examined" 10.

FRASIER (CONT’D)
When most, like myself - and I
should know, I've proposed on a
number of ocassions - would seek
out the most idyllic and romantic
of locations. And, only then, upon
bended knee -

SOPHIA (V.O.)
He proposed at a Denny's.

THE CALL IS DISCONNECTED.

FRASIER
Well, dear listeners, it would
appear that Sophia knew what she
was signing up for. And, with that,
I bid you good mental health.

FRASIER TAKES OFF HIS HEADPHONES AND STEPS INTO THE

PRODUCER'S BOOTH.

FRASIER (CONT’D)
Well, then, how does it feel to be
back at the helm?

ROZ GIVES AN EXASPERATED SIGH.

ROZ
I forgot how needy these callers
are with all of their trivial
problems. How on earth did we do
this for eleven years?

FRASIER
It's something, isn't it?

FRASIER PLAYFULLY BATS ROZ'S ARM.

ROZ
Oh, Regina called. Said she'll go
to the opera with you. Wants you to
meet her at The Berkshire Room for
drinks first. Apparently, she has
the good sense to know to get
hammered beforehand.

FRASIER
Oh, come now, Roz. The Berkshire is
not that sort of establishment.
It's the height of sophistication.
So, what are your plans for this
evening?
"A Life Examined" 11.

ROZ
Let's see. Leftover Chinese in my
motel room, the Late Night Show,
and plenty of Wild Turkey.

FRASIER
Ah, I see. Yes, some things never
change. Were you able to get an
hourly rate?

ROZ
Har-har.

FRASIER
I still don't understand why you
didn't stay with me while your
house is being fumigated. I have
more than enough space.

ROZ
Yeah, right. Remember what nearly
happened that night we shared that
motel room? No, thanks.

FRASIER
Fine, fine. By the way, what is
Alice up to these days?

ROZ
Well, I told her she could study
whatever she wanted so long as her
first job was in retail or the food
business. You know, there'd be a
lot less jerks in the world if
everyone knew what those gigs are
like.

FRASIER
Well, I don't know about that, Roz.
After all, I never worked in those
fields.

ROZ
Case in point. So, she started
working in a kitchen and ended up
loving it. In fact, she just became
a sous chef at La Arbre Blanc.

FRASIER
La Arbre Blanc? Why, that's one on
my favorite restaurants! Their
Moules Poulette...Plateau de
Fromages...Patesser -
"A Life Examined" 12.

ROZ
Before you go on listing the entire
menu, you'd better get going.
Regina wants you to be there by
six.

FRASIER
Oh, dear Lord!

FRASIER RUSHES OUT OF THE BOOTH.

INT. NILES AND DAPHNE'S LIVING ROOM (DAPHNE, NILES)

NILES ENTERS THE FRONT DOOR. IT'S SMARTLY FURNISHED,

SPRINKLED THROUGHOUT WITH NEW-AGE LOOKING ART PRINTS AND
ACCESSORIES. DAPHNE IS SITTING ON THE GROUND, MAKING SAGE
BUNDLES.

NILES SAUNTERS OVER TO HER.

NILES
Well, what do we have here?

DAPHNE
Making sage bundles. Light 'em up
and use 'em to clear out negative
energy. Here, smell.

DAPHNE HOLDS ONE UP AND NILES LEANS IN AND SNIFFS IT.

NILES
Mmmm, yes, nothing like the stench
of unbathed hippies to send the bad
spirits running.

DAPHNE SCOOPS UP AN ARMFUL OF THE SAGE AND STANDS UP, WALKING

TOWARDS THE KITCHEN.

DAPHNE
Now, time to dry these out in the
oven. Help me take them to the
kitchen, will you?

NILES PICKS UP THE REMAINING SAGE AND FOLLOWS DAPHNE INTO THE
KITCHEN. THEY SET THEM ON THE COUNTER. NILES LOOKS DOWN AT
HIS HANDS AND RUBS HIS FINGERS TOGETHER. HE SMELLS THEM
TENTATIVELY. HE LOOKS DISGUSTED.

NILES
So, you won't believe this. I
somehow managed to wrangle myself
into attending the next cadaver lab
Frederick is hosting.
"A Life Examined" 13.

DAPHNE STARTS ARRANGING THE SAGE BUNDLES ONTO AN OVEN TRAY.

DAPHNE
Oh, how exciting!

NILES
Are you kidding me? Do you know
what those entail? How can I watch
something like that?

DAPHNE
Oh, what's the big deal? It's just
a body.

NILES
Just a body?

DAPHNE
I've seen loads of 'em! They're
nothing to be afraid of.

DAPHNE STRAIGHTENS HER BACK AND STARES OFF INTO SPACE.

DAPHNE (CONT’D)
A course, when you first see 'em
the reptilian part of your brain
fires up. Tells you: "Death!
Danger! What the bloody hell are
you doing here?" You just want to
bolt, feel like you'd be able to
race right out of there faster than
a cat with its tail on fire.

DAPHNE SHAKES HER HEAD AS IF COMING OUT OF A DAZE AND RESUMES

PUTTING THE SAGE BUNDLES ON THE TRAY.

DAPHNE (CONT’D)
Then, that feeling just goes away.

NILES
It does?
DAPHNE
The main thing you should realize
is that you might not be feeling
particularly peckish for days,
weeks, maybe even months after. You
know, a lot of food looks like
innards. So, slurp up all of your
froufrou brownish and yellowish
French soups and sauces while you
still can.
"A Life Examined" 14.

NILES PRESSES A FINGER AGAINST HIS LIPS, LOOKING LIKE HE'S

ABOUT TO VOMIT.

DAPHNE (CONT’D)
A course, as this person might've
been dead for some time, maybe you
should fill up on dried out looking
foods, instead. Pot roasts,
blackened salmon, pork rinds, jerky
-

NILES
Thank you, Daphne...

NILES TURNS AND TAKES FALTERING STEPS OUT OF THE KITCHEN.

NILES (CONT’D)
This has...put my mind at ease.

NILES ENTERS THE LIVING ROOM AND SEES A CHESSBOARD AND CHESS
PIECES SPREAD ACROSS THE TABLE.

NILES (CONT’D)
I see you've been helping David
prepare for his match?

DAPHNE JOINS NILES IN THE LIVING ROOM.

DAPHNE
That's right. Gave him a good
smacking. He's been sulking in his
room ever since.

NILES LOOKS PERPLEXED.

NILES
You beat him?

DAPHNE STARTS PUTTING THE CHESS PIECES AWAY.

DAPHNE
Hey, you don't spend all those
years dictating your brother's
games by correspondence without
picking up a thing or two.

DAPHNE TURNS AND HEADS BACK TOWARDS THE KITCHEN.

DAPHNE (CONT’D)
Now, it's time for me to start on
dinner. Making black pudding.

NILES
Dare I ask what that is?
"A Life Examined" 15.

DAPHNE
It's an English staple! Congealed
pig's blood, lard, and oatmeal. I
swear, you Yanks are so uncultured.

NILES PRESSES A FINGER TO HIS LIPS, LOOKING ILL.

INT. UPSCALE BAR - NIGHT (FRASIER, REGINA)

FRASIER IS SITTING AT THE COUNTER OF A SLEEK, MODERN BAR.

REGINA, NEXT TO HIM, IS DRESSED IN AN ELEGANT GOWN. A WINE
BOTTLE AND TWO GLASSES ARE IN FRONT OF THEM.

REGINA
I'm glad you called. I'm looking
forward to this evening.

FRASIER
I can't tell you how relieved that
makes me, what with it being a
German opera and all.

REGINA
Ah, what's the difference? I can
barely understand operas even when
they're performed in English.

FRASIER LAUGHS.

REGINA (CONT’D)
Though, perhaps you could tell me
what the story is about?

FRASIER CONTORTS ENTHUSIASTICALLY IN HIS SEAT AND STARTS

PATTING THE COUNTER.

FRASIER
Yes, of course! It's really quite a
simple story, you see. A husband
finds his wife with a lover, fears
that he's been made a cuckold of,
and proceeds to kill the man.
Which, in turn, reignites his
wife's passion for him.

REGINA
Well, you can certainly tell that
it was written by a German.

FRASIER
Oh, no, no! It was initially
written by Oscar Wilde before -
"A Life Examined" 16.

REGINA PRESSES A FINGER TO FRASIER'S LIPS AND KISSES HIM ON

THE CHEEK.

REGINA
Must you always talk so much?

FRASIER GRINS LIKE A FOOL.

FRASIER
No, I suppose I shouldn't.

FRASIER POURS MORE WINE INTO THEIR GLASSES.

FRASIER (CONT’D)
So, how is your latest children's
book coming along?
REGINA SHAKES HER HEAD AND SIPS FROM HER WINE.

FRASIER (CONT’D)
I take it it's slow going, then?

REGINA
Would you believe that I have such
a bad case of writer's block that I
found myself throwing a ball
against the wall of my office
today? I mean, Jack Torrance style.

FRASIER
Well, so long as you didn't bring
an axe.

REGINA LAUGHS AND AFFECTIONATELY PATS FRASIER'S ARM.

FRASIER (CONT’D)
In any case, I'm sure you have an
idea in mind?

REGINA HUMS QUIETLY TO HERSELF.

REGINA
The Hedgehog Dilemma. How they
crave to be close to one other, but
their quills only result in them
hurting each other. So they
constantly waver between distance
and intimacy.

FRASIER
And, this is the subject of a
children's book?

REGINA PLAYFULLY HITS FRASIER'S ARM.

"A Life Examined" 17.

REGINA
Shut up. You asked.

FRASIER
I jest, of course. I suspect
Schopenhauer would approve of the
premise. I think it's great that
you're tackling such a weighty
topic and yet still making it
accessible to little ones.

REGINA TAKES A SIP OF HER WINE.

REGINA
You know, I figured that the market
is saturated with enough sappy
garbage. Might as well try to put
something out there that has some
substance.

FRASIER
Indeed.

FRASIER RUNS A FINGER ALONG THE EDGE OF HIS WINE GLASS.

FRASIER (CONT’D)
Interestingly enough, I've been
approached by a publishing house
about a book deal. After giving it
some contemplation, though, I'm not
sure I have much to communicate.

REGINA
Well, so long as you can say that
your writing is honest, you can't
go wrong.

FRASIER DRUMS HIS FINGERS ON THE COUNTER WITH A PENSIVE

EXPRESSION ON HIS FACE.

FRASIER
I'll keep that in mind. You know,
I've been out with a few writers in
the past.

REGINA
And, how did they work out?

FRASIER GESTURES AT HIS BARE MARRIAGE RING FINGER.

FRASIER
(chuckling)
Swimmingly.
(MORE)
"A Life Examined" 18.

FRASIER (CONT’D)
Though, I suppose it's bad form to
bring up failed romances on a date.

REGINA GAZES AROUND THE BAR AND LOOKS BACK AT FRASIER.

REGINA
(smiling)
Well, so long as they're not here,
I don't see the problem.

INT. CAR - NIGHT (FRASIER, REGINA)

FRASIER IS DRIVING WITH REGINA IN THE PASSENGER'S SEAT.

FRASIER
What a splendid production!

REGINA
I really did enjoy it. At least,
the bits that I saw.

FRASIER CHUCKLES.

REGINA (CONT’D)
I'm sorry, again, for falling
asleep.

FRASIER
Oh, don't be silly. You're a sport
for having even come at all.

REGINA
(coyly)
Well, I was hoping you'd be able to
make me do that at some point.

FRASIER
(grinning)
I'll see what I can do.

INT. FRASIER'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

REGINA IS ASLEEP IN FRASIER'S ARMS. HE LOOKS DOWN AT HER AND

DELICATELY KISSES HER ON THE FOREHEAD. HE GETS OUT OF BED AND

SLIPS ON A ROBE.

A BLACK SCREEN. IN WHITE LETTERS APPEARS "THE BADGE."

"A Life Examined" 19.

INT. FRASIER'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

(FRASIER)

FRASIER APPROACHES A BOOKCASE AND OPENS A WOODEN CHEST WITH

REVERENCE. ON THE SHELF NEXT TO IT IS A PICTURE OF HIS
FATHER, MARTIN. HE LIFTS A POLICE BADGE FROM THE CASE AND
CARESSES IT WITH HIS HAND.

FRASIER
I miss you, Dad...God, that's
putting it mildly. I could really
use some of your advice. Just like
I always sought out when we were
living together.

FRASIER LOOKS ACROSS THE EMPTY ROOM.

FRASIER (CONT’D)
You know, I'd pop you open a
Valentine, and you'd hear me out
and then set me straight. God, you
always hit the nail on the head,
didn't you? I've been presented
with the opportunity to write an
autobiography. Fact of the matter
is, I'm not sure I should. Though,
the advance alone would be enough
for me to purchase a case of
Hermitage La Chappelle '61. Still,
I can't shake the sense that, at my
stage in life, most people can look
back with fondness upon their
experiences. My God, Dad, what do I
have to look back on?

FRASIER (CONT’D)
Failed marriages? A son who barely
speaks to me? A successful career,
yes - but what does that amount to
in the long run?
FRASIER PATS THE BADGE, AFFECTIONATELY, AND PLACES IT BACK IN
ITS CASE.

FRASIER (CONT’D)
In any case, thanks for listening.

FRASIER CROSSES THE ROOM AND POURS HIMSELF A SHERRY AND SIPS
IT, GAZING TOWARDS THE SKYLINE. HE LOOKS TO THE AQUARIUM NEXT
"A Life Examined" 20.

TO HIM AND ITS SOLE OCCUPANT - A MASKED ANGELFISH.

FRASIER
And, what do you suggest I do,
Phineas?

AFTER SOME MOMENTS OF CONTEMPLATION, FRASIER SIGHS AND TURNS

TO PLACE A CALL ON THE PHONE.

FRASIER (CONT’D)
Hi, Bebe. I've given it some
thought, and I think I'll have to
decline the deal. Perhaps, one day,
the time will come for me to
reflect on the past. But, for now,
I intend to focus on the future,
and seeing to it that it's one
worth writing about.

FRASIER LOWERS THE PHONE TO DIAL ANOTHER NUMBER.

FRASIER (CONT’D)
Hi, Frederick.

INT. FREDERICK'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

FREDERICK IS DEALING A DECK OF CARDS, THE PHONE IN THE CROOK

OF HIS NECK. CIGAR SMOKE CAN BE SEEN FILLING THE ROOM.

FREDERICK
It's Freddie, Dad.

INTERCUT - PHONE CONVERSATION

FRASIER
Oh yes, yes, of course, Freddie.
Just calling to say that your uncle
and I will be attending the lab
you'll be hosting next week. Sounds
like it should be quite the event!

FREDDIE PUTS DOWN THE CARDS AND TAKES A PUFF FROM A CIGAR.

FREDERICK
(laughing) Really? Think you've got
the stomach for that?
"A Life Examined" 21.

FRASIER
Oh, don't you worry about me. Back
during my days in medical school, I
saw my fair share of, of, you
know... believe you me. Your uncle,
on the other hand?

FREDERICK
I'll make sure he gets a puke bag.

FRASIER
A wise decision. I'm looking
forward to -

FREDERICK
Yeah. Look, I have the guys over
for poker and I'm on a roll. Gotta
go.

FRASIER
Well, you make sure to empty out
their pockets, then! Goodnight,
son.

FRASIER HAS A SAD, HOPEFUL SMILE ON HIS FACE AS HE SETS DOWN

THE PHONE.

INT. OPERA HOUSE - NIGHT (FRASIER)

FRASIER (V.O.)
(singing) Oh, baby I hear the blues
a calling, tossed salads and
scrambled eggs. And maybe I seem a
bit confused, well maybe, but I've
got you pegged! But, I don't know
what to do with those tossed salads
and scrambled eggs. They're calling
again. Goodnight, Chicago, we love
you!

FRASIER IS SOBBING AND GESTURING DRAMATICALLY TOWARDS THE

STAGE. REGINA IS PASSED OUT, HER HEAD LEANING ON FRASIER'S
SHOULDER.