NOT

Personal
Development
Quarter 2 - Module 7
Personal Relationship
LESSON ONE- PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP

Pre-historic humans were interacting already through different forms of

behaviour such as smiling, greeting each other, showing love, affection and
loyalty, or hunting food together. These were all necessary for their survival
especially in the group that you were belonged. The primary reason for the human
beings to be belonged is survival.
Today, belongingness still exists since it has many benefits such as having
support system when you need someone to share your sadness, happiness and
other concerns especially for the teenagers. In adolescence stage, teenagers
begin to form a sense of identity that involves shaping values and setting future
goals. They develop social skills and interact with the people around them. The
nurtured relationships with other people help us to survive. Hence, we need to
understand the relationships formed by the te

Personal Relationship
Refers to the association and close connections between people, formed by
emotional bonds and interactions. These bonds often grow from and are formed
by mutual experiences. Teenagers commonly have relationships with their family,
friends and significant other. The changes in a teen’s physical and cognitive
development come with big changes in their relationship with family and friends. In
adolescence stage, a new understanding of one’s self occurs. This may include
independence, identity and self-esteem.

Family Relationships
Family is defined as “two or more persons who are related by birth,
marriage, or adoption, and who live together as one household.” It includes
siblings and parents who may with you as you grow up, and relatives such as
grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins who you may not see frequently.
Family bond plays a vital role in person’s well-being since it may form other kinds
of relationships such as friendships and romantic relationships. Having strong
family relationships is ideal although it doesn’t happen always. There should be
love and closeness. Parents and older relatives role is to guide discipline and
support you when needed. Arguments, disagreements, moments of anger and
hurt are normal in a family since you spend so much time together, and these are
short-lived for families still love and care about each other. There is an increase of
arguments and conflicts with parents when teenagers assert their independence
and find their identity as adult. These shall pass after teenage years.
In some families, there is little physical contact whereas in others, it is
common for family members to express affection by means such as hugging,
kissing on the cheek or forehead, patting the head or tousling the hair, patting on
the back etc. It is common for babies and younger children to be carried or held.

Friendships
Friends are the people who we are not related to but who we choose to
interact with. They are the people who we trust, respect, care about and feel that
we can confide in and want to spend time with. A friendship is a reciprocal
relationship. Both people must see each other as a friend for it to exist.
There are different degrees of friendship. You may find that you feel closer
to some friends than others. This is perfectly normal. Some friends, especially if
they have only been known for a short time or are not seen very often, may not be
appropriate to confide in about personal issues or concerns. You may find that you
feel more comfortable and able to confide in friends whom you have known for
longer or spend more time with.
Furthermore, friends who are very close and know each other well are
referred to as “best friends or close friends”. Some people have many friends,
while others may only have one or two. There is no right or wrong number of
friends to have and everyone is different. Good friendships are mutually
respectful, supportive and share common interests and ideas. It should be built on
honesty, support and loyalty.
Some friendships can be close while some friends choose to greet each
other by hugging or kissing on the cheek, other friendships may have no physical
contact, or may simply shake hands. Romantic contact or Being intimate
physically is not appropriate in a friendship.

Romantic Relationships
A romantic relationship is when you feel very strongly attracted to the other
person, both to their personality and, often, also physically and should be
reciprocated by the other person in the relationship. A romantic relationship exists
between a boyfriend and girlfriend (in a heterosexual relationship) or a boyfriend
and boyfriend or girlfriend and girlfriend (in a homosexual relationship) or spouses
(in a marriage) or life partners (in a civil partnership or longterm unmarried
relationship). People in a romantic relationship often see each other and when
apart will find ways to contact each other by phone and the like. A romantic
relationship is the closest form of relationship in which, the two people who are
involved will often describe themselves as being attracted to each other and/or “in
love”. They feel a strong connection and bond to each other that they do not feel
with anyone else, even close friends. The bond is also exclusive and
monogamous.
Arguments and disagreements occur in romantic relationships sometimes.
These arguments can be overcome through effective communication,
understanding and compromise. In other cases, if there are frequent arguments,
the two people involved my decide to end the relationship. Relationships can be of
varying duration. Some relationships quickly become apparent that the two people
involved are not compatible and do not want to spend their lives together, and so
the relationship may end after only a few months. In other cases, both may be
together for many years or may stay together for the rest of their lives.
Successful romantic relationships are built on love, trust, respect, support,
acceptance, shared interests and a desire for the two people involved to share
their lives together and end with marriage. For teenagers, various kinds of
physical contact are not appropriate. These include prolonged cuddling and
holding, kissing on the lips and sexual intercourse. Pre- marital sex is
unacceptable.

LESSON 2- ATTRACTION, LOVE AND COMMITMENT

Every human being has his own way of expressing his attraction, love, and
commitment due to our different life experiences. When attraction between two
persons is discussed, it is often understood as based on physical appearance
while this might be true to a certain extent but there is more to attraction that we
already know.
According to Helen Fisher, attraction is primarily on physiology or certain
hormones that get attracted to others and is the first stage during the changes of
personality development which leads to closeness, love and commitment. But,
disappointments in relationships occur usually because of the misunderstanding
about the different ways of expressing their attraction, love and commitment.
Thus, let us explore how we can express our attraction, love and commitment to
others.
In the biological model of love as proposed by anthropologist Helen Fisher, love
can start with any of these three feelings: lust, attraction and attachment
depending on the person. Each involves different neurochemicals in your brain.

Three Brain Systems of Love or Stages of Falling in Love

1. Lust refers to an urge or desire that motivates us to partake in sexual

activity.
2. Attraction is described as the love-struck phase. This is the stage when a
person loses sleep and appetite over someone and become excited to someone
while daydreaming of special person. It is part of lust because it involves focusing
our attention to a particular person or desire. Many factors influence attraction.
 Factors of Attraction
a. Physical Attractiveness
It is one of the primary determinants of romantic attraction. Most people prefer
whom they consider physically attractive especially in the early stages of dating.
b. Proximity
People tend to get attracted to people who are geographically closer to them.
They are more likely to develop feelings of mutual familiarity with the people who
live close to us or go to school with us and increased level of comfort when there
is regular contact and no prior negative feelings.
c. Similarity
People pick partners who we have similarities with such as social class,
background, religious beliefs, age and education. The more attitudes and opinions
two people share, especially when they are similar, the more they will want to do
the same activities, and would create a strong bond between them.
d. Reciprocity
People like others who like them back. People feel indebted when someone does
something good for them and tend to reciprocate the action. The more we are
liked by someone they equally like, the more we behave in ways that promote
mutual feelings of liking.

3. Attachment is a deep and enduring emotional bond that connects one person
to another across time and space. It is when long-lasting commitments are
exchanged.

Robert Strenberg (1988) suggests that there are three main components of love.
Love relationships vary and it depends on the presence or absence of each of
these components.

Three Components of Triangular Theory of Love

1. INTIMACY is an intimate interpersonal relationship that involves physical or

emotional intimacy. It is characterized by friendship, familiarity, or romantic love. It
involves closeness, connectedness, and bondedness.
2. PASSION is an intense emotion, a compelling enthusiasm or desire for
something.
3. COMMITMENT is the attitude of someone who works very hard to do or
support something. It is an act deciding to consistently fulfil and live by
agreements made with another person, entity, or cause, and where the values of
integrity and respect serve as a guide to one’s behaviour and thinking. The easy
ways to express your commitment to your relationships is to show love and
loyalty, respect and appreciate others, convey honesty and trust, work as a team
and compromise, and disagree agreeably.

The combination of the three (3) components can produce eight (8) types of love.
Types of Love Intimacy Passion Commitment Example

Nonlove No No No
Liking Yes No No Friendships
Infatuation No Yes No Experiencing love at first
sight or being obsessed
with a person
Empty Love No No Yes Stagnant Relationships or
Arrange marriage
Fatuous No Yes Yes Relationships motivated by
passion
Companionate Yes No Yes Relationships lacking
passion such as those
between family members or
close friends
Romantic Yes Yes No Being bonded emotionally
and physically to another
person
Consummate Yes Yes Yes Complete love

Love occurs not solely between romantic partners only. Humans can experience
different types of love in various relationships, such as with romantic partners,
friends, family and even strangers. Ancient Greeks studied love and denote each
type by giving each one a Greek name. Lee (1973) offers a theory love styles
which are derived from an analysis of writings about love through centuries.

1. PHILIA – Affectionate Love

It is a love that runs deep in true friendship. Love without romantic attraction and
occurs between friends or family members. It is called brotherly love when both
people share the same values and respect each other.
Ways to show this love:
✓ Engage in deep conversation with a friend.
✓ Exchange beliefs and imperfections with close friends. ✓ Be open and
trustworthy
✓ Be supportive in difficult times.
 2. PRAGMA – Enduring Love
It is a mature love that develops over time. Commitment and efforts are needed
to reach “Pragma”. Instead of “falling in love”, you are “standing in love” with the
partner by your side.

Ways to show this love:

✓ Continue to strengthen the bond of long-term relationships ✓
Seek and show effort with your partner.
✓ Choose to work with your partner forever.

3. STORGE – Familiar love

It is naturally occurring love rooted in parents and children, as well as best
friends. It’s an infinite love built upon acceptance and deep emotional connection.
This love come easily and immediately in parent and child relationships. It flows
between parents and children or childhood friends.

Ways to show this love:

✓ Sacrifice your time, self or personal pleasures.
✓ Quickly forgive harmful actions.
✓ Share memorable and impactful moments.
✓ Show gratitude towards the people close to you.

4. EROS – Romantic Love

It is a personal infatuation and physical pleasure. It is a passionate love
displayed through physical affection.

Ways to show this love:

✓ Admiring someone’s physical body
✓ Engage in physical touch such as hugging and kissing but it is not
appropriate for you yet.

5. LUDUS –Playful love

Flirting and beginning stages of intimate love. It is a child-like and flirtatious love
found in the beginning. This type of love consists of teasing, playful motives and
laughter between two people.

Ways to show this love:

✓ Spend time together to laugh and have fun
✓ Exemplify childlike behaviour together.
 6. MANIA –Obsessive Love
Obsessiveness or madness over a love partner is mania. It leads to unwanted
jealousy or possessiveness.

Ways to avoid this love:

✓ Recognize obsessive or possessive behaviour before acting upon it.
✓ Focus on yourself more than another person.
✓ Put trust into your relationships

7. PHILAUTIA –Self Love

It is having a healthy “self-compassion” love towards one’s self.
It is when you recognize your self-worth and don’t ignore your personal needs.
Self-love begins with acknowledging your responsibility for your well-being.

Ways to avoid this love:

✓ Respect, accept ad appreciate yourself.
✓ Create environment that nurtures your well-being. ✓ Take care
of yourself like a parent would care for a child ✓ Spend time around
people who supports you.

8. AGAPE –Selfless Love

It is an empathetic attitude of love for everyone and anyone. It is the highest love
to offer. It is given without any expectations of receiving anything in return. It is
considered as unconditional love.

Ways to avoid this love:

✓ Dedicate your life to improve the lives of others.
✓ Stay conscious of your actions for the good of humankind.
✓ Offer your time and charity to someone in need.
✓ Express unconditional love in any situation

LESSON 3- BEING RESPONSIBLE IN A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

The situations given in the previous activity can all be applicable among your
family and significant other or partner. Learn to recognize examples of people who
engage in negative behaviors that lead to unhealthy relationships. These are
some important aspects for healthy relationships.

Important Aspects for Healthy Relationships Adapted

from Woititz, J. , Adult Children of Alcoholics
Mutual Respect Do I treat the other person as if he/she is of value?
Compassion Do I have genuine concern for the issues that cause
the other person concern?
Empathy To what degree am I able to allow myself to be open
to what he/she feels?
Understanding Do I try to understand the other peson, what they
say or do?
Acceptance Can I feel I am okay the way I am? Do I accept
him/her as he/she is?
Honesty Is the relationship built on truthfulness, or are there
games involved?
Trust To what degree am I willing to let the other person
know private aspects of my thoughts, feelings, and
life?
Good Can we talk freely about issues that are important to
Communication the relationships?
Do we know how to talk so we each are understood
and sharing is safe?
Consideration Am I mindful of the other person’s needs as well as
my own?
Compatibility To what extent do we like and value the same
things?
Mutual In areas of disagreement, are we able to agree or
Enjoyment disagree?
Personal Am I able to maintain my beliefs and sense of self as
Integrity well as offer my time and attention to the relationship?
Vulnerability To what degree can I let down my barriers and allow
the other person to see my perceived weaknesses,
without fear of negative reactions from them?