Chapter 12 - Socioemotional Development in Early Adulthood

Stability and Change from Childhood to Adulthood

- socioemotional development revolves around adaptively integrating our emotional
experiences into enjoyable relationships with others
- the first 20 years of life lay the foundation for an adult’s socioemotional development
- experiences in the early adult years are important in determining what the individual will be
like later in adulthood
- time intervals in comparing socioemotional intervals, the smaller the interval, the more
similar an individual.
- When attempting to understand socioemotional development we have to look not just life
in the present, but also first 5-10 years to understand stability and change. We cant ignore
the unfolding of social relationships and emotions
- Attachment, during infancy plays important role in socioemotional development
- Romantic partners fulfill some same needs for adults as parents do for children, securely
attached children are defined as those who use caregiver as a secure base from which to
explore the environment.
- Adults may count on romantic partner in the same way to be a secure base to which they
can return and obtain comfort and security during stressful times.
- A study revealed young adults who were securely attached in romantic rltns, were more
likely to describe relationship w parents as securely attached. Infants securely attached at
age 1 were securely attached 20 years later in adult romantic relationships.
o Also in more stable relationships than insecurely attached counterparts
- insecure avoidant attachment at 8 years of age – linked to lower level of social initiative and
prosocial behavior and a higher level of social anxiety and loneliness @ age 21.
- Avoidant attachment declined across the lifespan, being in a relationship predicted lower
levels of anxious and avoidant attachment across adulthood
- Another study determined links b/w early attachment and later attachment were lessened
by disruptive experience like death of parent, or instability of caregiving.
- Adult attachment can be categorized in 3 ways:
o Secure attachment style
 Positive views of relationships
 Easy to get close to others, not overly concerned with or stressed about
their romantic relationships
 Enjoy sexuality in the context of a committed relationship, less likely to have
one night stands.
o Avoidant Attachment Style
 Hesitance about getting involved in relationships
 Once they are in one, they distance themselves from their partner
o Anxious Attachment Style
 Demand closeness, less trusting, more emotional, jealous, possessive.
- Majority of adults are secure attached 80%
- relationships of securely attached adults are more likely to be characterized by trust,
commitment, and longevity
- attachment-anxious individuals have higher levels of health anxiety
- insecure attachment was linked to a higher level of social anxiety in adults
 - young adults with an anxious attachment style characterized by higher negative affect,
stress, and perceived social rejection
- avoidant attachment style - characterized by less desire to be with others when alone
- both insecure anxious and avoidant were more likely to engage in risky health behaviors,
more susceptible to physical illness, and have poorer disease outcomes.
- percentage of students with a secure attachment style had decreased in recent years
- Are you stuck with insecure attachment?
o Attachment categories are somewhat stable in adulthood, but adults have dcapacity
to change attachment thinking and behaviour. Although attachment insecurities are
linked to relationship problems, it isn’t the only factor that contributes to
relationship functioniong.

Love and Close Relationships

- Love refers to a vast and complex territory of human behavior, spanning a range of
relationships that includes friendship, romantic love, affectionate love, and consummate
love. One recurring theme is intimacy.
Intimacy
- Self-disclosure and the sharing of private thoughts are hallmarks of intimacy
- Adolescents have increased need for intimacy, but at the same time are juggling tasks of
establishing identity and independence – a central task of adulthood. Intimacy,
independence, and identity. The 3 I’s.
- Erik Erikson (1968) argues that identity versus identity confusion—pursuing who we are,
what we are all about, and where we are going in life—is the most important issue to be
negotiated in adolescence
o According to him, after individuals are well on their way to reaching stable and
successful identities, they enter a 6th stage INTIMACY VS ISOLATION
o Intimacy is finding oneself while losing oneself in another person, a commitment to
another person.
- early adulthood often involves balancing:
o intimacy and commitment
o independence and freedom
- While trying to establish identity, they face challenges of increasing independence from
parents, developing an intimate relationship w another individual, and continuing friendship
commitments, and making decisions for themselves rather than relying on what others say
or do.
Friendship
- Plays important role in development through lifespan, most people have a best friend, many
friendships are long lasting, 65% of people know their best friend for at least 10 years and
15% know best friend less than 5 years
- Adulthood brings new opportunities for friendships, when individuals more to new locations
they establish new friendships in their neighborhood or at work.

Romantic and Affectionate Love

- There are two types of love, romantic love and affectionate love
Romantic Love
- Some friendships evolve into romantic love, which is also called passionate love, or eros.
- Strong components of sexuality and infatuation, often predominates early part of a love
relationship
- Males show higher avoidance and lower anxiety about romantic love than females.
- A complex of emotions form romantic love:
o Fear, anger, sexual desire, joy, jealousy, sexual desire is the most important
ingredient of romantic love
- Relationship b/w lovers more likely to cause depression than relationship b/w friends
- A heightened state of romantic love in young adults was linked to stronger depression and
anxiety, but better sleep quality
- Declaring a relationship status on Facebook was associated with both romantic love and
jealousy.
Online Romantic Attraction
- Quite a few people reported that they had used online dating sites, in 20’s women have
more pursuers than men, but in 40s, men have more online pursuers.
- Online dating began in 2005, was not considered a good way to meet people, but 10 years
later, national survey said it’s a good way to meet people
- One problem with online matchmaking – people misrepresent their characteristics – how
old they are, attractive, occupation
- Men lie most about their age, height, and income
- Women lie most about weight, physical build, and age
- more than one-third of marriages now begin online and were slightly less likely to break up
and were characterized by slightly higher marital satisfaction than those that started in
traditional offline contexts
Romantic Relationship Changes in Emerging Adulthood
- short-term relationships were supported more as individuals moved into emerging
adulthood
- long term adolescent relationships were both supportive and turbulent, elevated levels of
support, negative interactions, higher control and more jealousy
- in emerging adulthood long term relationships provide high level of support while negative
interactions, control and jealousy decreased.
Relationship Education for Adolescents and Emerging Adults
- consists of interventions to provide individuals and couples with information and skills that
produce positive romantic relationships and marriages
- interventions are diverse include instruction in basic relationship knowledge and skills to
youth in classroom, helping unmarried couple learn about relationships in small groups
settings and premarital education for engaged couples.
- Positive effects from these programs, skills most often assessed are:
o Interpersonal communication
o Problem-solving and conflict strategies
o Self regulation
- Positive effects were stronger for emerging adults than adolescents, and for disadvantaged
participants rather than more advantaged.
Affectionate Love
- Aka compassionate love, the type of love that occurs when someone desires to have the
other person near and has a deep, caring affection for the person
- As love matures, passion gives way to affection.
- Proposed developmental of love:
o Starts with mixture of sexual attraction, gratification, reduced sense of loneliness,
uncertainty about security of developing another attachment, excitement from
exploring novelty of another human being
o Sexual attraction wanes, attachment anxieties lessen or produce conflict and
withdrawal, novelty is replaced w familiarity, lovers find themselves either securely
attached in a deeply caring relationship or distressed – feeling bored, disappointed,
lonely, or hostile
- In the latter case, one or both partners may end the relationship and move on to another
one.

Consummate Love
- Sternberg proposed that love can be thought of as a triangle with three main dimensions
o Passion
o Intimacy
o Commitment
- Passion – physical and sexual attraction. Intimacy – emotional feelings of warmth, closeness
and sharing. Commitment – cognitive appraisal of relationship and intent to maintain
relationship even in the face of problems
- The strongest fullest form of love is CONSUMMATE LOVE, which involves all 3 dimensions
- If passion is only ingredient – we are merely INFATUATED – ex, a fling with little intimacy,
and even less commitment.
- A relationship marked by intimacy and commitment, but low in passion is an AFFECTIONATE
LOVE – found among couples married for many years.
- Lastly FATUOUS LOVE when one person worships another from a distance – passion and
commitment are present, but intimacy is not.
Cross-Cultural Variations in Romantic Relationships
- In collectivist countries – intimacy is more diffused in love b/c strong group emphasis on
connections outside of a romantic relationship
- Individualistic countries such as the United States, intimacy is often more intensified,
individual’s social network is likely to be smaller and less group oriented (EU and US)
- greater passion characterizes U.S. romantic relationships than Chinese romantic
relationships, disclosure is more common in US, than Japanese romantic relationships.
- Commitment feelings are stronger in Chinese romantic than US romantic relations.
- Japan vs France vs Argentina
o Marriage rate jpn is rapidly decreasing, to point government is concerned might
lead to population drop. 45% fo jap women 16-24 nto interested in or despised
having sexual contact.
o The % of jap men and women not involved in romantic relationship has increased
significantly
o Argentina – romantic interest much stronger than Jpn. Sexual and romantic flirtation
is a way of life for many, online dating not as frequent in usa because men are so
straightforward in romantic pursuits in person
o France, high affinity to extramarital affairs, only 47% said its morally wrong.
- In Qatar casual dating is forbidden and public displays of affection can be punished with
prison time.

Adult Lifestyles
- striking social change is decreased stigma attached to individuals who do not maintain
“conventional families”
- many adults choose many lifestyles and form many types of families, living alone, cohabit,
marry, divorce, or live with someone of same sex.
- United states has relationship chaos, in and out of relationships

Single Adults
- dramatic rise in the percentage of single adults
- In 2016, 45.2 percent of individuals 18 years and older were single
o Rising rates of cohabitation and a trend toward postponing marriage
- Common challenges faced by single adults:
o Forming intimate relationships w other adults
o Confronting loneliness
o Finding a niche in society that is marriage oriented
- society has a widespread bias against unmarried adults that is seen in everything from
missed perks in jobs to deep social and financial prejudices
- there are advantages to being single too: time to make decisions on one’s life course, time
to develop personal resources to meet goals, freedom to make autonomous decisions and
pursue one’s own schedule and interests, opportunities to explore new places and try out
new experiences, and privacy.
- fast sex, slow love – millennials want to know as much about someone as possible before
committing to a serious relationship. 95% of single men favor women initiating the first kiss
 and asking for a man’s phone number, but only 29% of women follow first kiss pattern and
only 13% ask for mans phone number.

Cohabiting Adults
- living together in a sexual relationship without being married, cohabitation rates continue to
rise
- a number of couples view their cohabitation not as a precursor to marriage but an ongoing
lifestyle, these couples don’t want the official aspects of marriage.
- United States, cohabiting arrangements tend to be short-lived, with one-third lasting less
than a year
- Less than 1/10 lasts 5 years, its also easier to dissolve a cohabitation relationship than a
marriage.
- There are certain problems cohabiting couples face:
o Disapproval by parents and other family members
o difficulty owning property jointly.
o Legal rights on the dissolution of the relationship are less certain than in a divorce
- couples who lived together before getting married
o majority of studies found lower rates of marital satisfaction and higher rates of
divorce in couples who lived together before getting married.
- women who cohabited within the first year of a sexual relationship were less likely to get
married than women who waited more than 1 year before cohabiting.
- There is a link between cohabiting and divorce
o Explanation? The less traditional lifestyle of cohabitation may attract less
conventional individuals who are not great believers in marriage in the first place.
o Also experience of cohabiting changes people’s attitudes and habits in ways that
increase likelihood of divorce.
- Researchers found cohabiting individuals are not as mentally healthy as counterparts in
committed marital relationships.
- Recent research shows emotional distress was higher in long-term cohabitation than during
time spent single with men especially driving the effect.
- one study found that cohabiting did not have a negative effect on marriage if the couple did
not have any previous live-in lovers and did not have children prior to the marriage

Married Adults
- Until about 1930, stable marriage was widely accepted as the endpoint of adult
development.
- Personal fulfillment in the last 70-80 years has emerged as a goal that competes w marital
stability.
- Increased expectations on what a martial relationship should be, and changing norms of
male-female equality in marriage have produced more fragile and intense marital
relationships than before.
- Wives showed the steepest declines in marital satisfaction, some characteristics of marital
partners can predict whether the marriage will last longer:
o Education
o Ethnicity
 - Study found those w bachelor degree more likely to delay marriage but also more likely to
get married and stay married for >20 years/
- Asians also were more likely to be in a first marriage that lasted at least 20 years.

Marital Trends
- 2016, 50 percent of adults in the United States were married down from 72 percent in 1960
- Us average for marriage 29.5 men, and 27.4 for women. In 1960, male average was 23, and
women 20.
- Increased cohabitation rates = lower percent who are married
- Higher percent of us adults never marry.
- Us is still a marrying society, almost 80% adults 25 and older married at some point in their
lives.
- Marriage rates are declining, average age of marriage is increasing, the view of marriage is a
very important life pursuit.
- Importance of marriage may be whats encouraging them first to build a career and financial
foundation to increase likelihood their marriage will be successful later.
- From this prespective, suggests young adults are just trying to set themselves up best
possible for marriage.
- Very important factors in people looking for spouse:
o Similar ideas about having and raising children
o Steady job
o Same moral and religious beliefs
o At least as much education
o Same racial or ethnic background

- Women have more emphasis on partner w steady job, men more emphasis on having and
raising children.
- Marriage in adolescence are more likely to end in divorce than marriages in adulthood, but
no specific age range that is likely to result in success.

The Benefits of a Good Marriage

- Happily married live longer, healthier
- Divorce or separation experience risk for poor health outcomes, 23% higher mortality rate
- Lower portion of adult life spent in marriage = ↑ chance of dying @ earlier age
- Marriage attenuated increased mortality risk linked to labor force inactivity
- Married had best cardiovascular profile, single men had worst
- An unhappy marriage can shorten persons life by 4 years
- Ppl in happy marriages feel less stressed physically and emotionally, less wear and tear on
persons body

Divorced Adults
- In 1980s we had divorce epidemic proportions in usa, but its declined @ 5.1 divorce per 1k
people
- 2014 divorce rate of 3.2 vs marriage rate of 6.9 per 1000 people
- Usa has one of highest divorce rate, Russia is highest 4.7 per 1000 in a year
- Factors that increase with divorce:
o Youthful marriage
 o Low educational level
o Low income
o Not having religious affiliation
o Having parents who are divorced
o Baby before marriage
- Characteristics in partner that drive divorce”:
o Alcoholism
o Psychological problems
o Domestic violence
o Infidelity
o Inadequate division of household labor
- If divorce occurs, usually it takes place early in marriage, b/w 5 th and 10th years of marriage.
- What causes people to get divorced?>
o Grew apart
o Arguments
o Unfaithfulness/adultery
o Lack of respect/appreciation
o Domestic violence
- Divorced people have difficulty forming satisfactory new intimate relationships
- Suicide rate increased, heart attack risk increased, (higher in women)
- Wives’ increased tension over course of marriage was a factor consistently linked to
eventual divorce, women are more likely to sense something is wrong, and more likely to
seek divorce than men.
- Women show better emotional adjustment and more likely to perceive divorce as a second
chance to increase happiness, social lives, and better work opportunities, however, divorce
has more negative economic impact on women than it does on men.

Remarried Adults
- Usually happens quick, within 3 years of divorce, men remarry sooner than women, and
men w higher incomes are more likely to remarry than counterpart with lower incomes
- Remarriage occurs sooner for partners who initiate a divorce
- Some remarried individuals are more adult focused, whole others are more child focused
- Remarriage rate in usa has declined, one reason is dramatic increase in cohabitation
- Men are more likely to get remarried than women, almost 2x higher than women, so men
are more eager or able to find new spouses than women.
- Remarried find difficulties to stay remarried, divorce rates have declined in first marriages,
but continue to climb in remarriages,
o Many remarry for financial reasons, help in rearing children, and to reduce
loneliness
o Carrying over of negative patterns that caused previous marriage to fail
- Common among remarried:
o Positive attitudes about divorce, low marital quality, divorce proneness
- Remarried adults had less frequent sex than those in first marriage.

Gay and Lesbian Adults

- Researchers found gay and lesbian relationships are similar in satisfaction, loves, joys and
conflicts to heterosexual relationships.
 - Lesbians more likely to raise children than gay couples, increasing amount are adopting
children, and share child care more than heterosexual couples. Lesbian couples being most
supportive and gay couples least supportive
- Greater percentage of dual earner same sex couples said they share laundry, house repairs
and routine and sick child care responsibilities more than different-sex dual earner couples.
- Misconceptions:
o One partner is masculine and other feminine in only a small percent of gay couples
are like this
o Only a small segment of gay pop has a large # of sexual partners – uncommon in
lesbos
- Gay and lesbian prefer long term committed relationships
- About half of committed gay couples do have an open relationship allowing possibility of sex
but not affectionate love outside the relationship
- Lesbian couples do not have an open relationship
- Special concern is stigma, prejudice, and discrimination lgbt face, widespread social
devaluation of same sex relationships.
o Many see stigma as something that brings them closer together and strengthing
relationships.
- Same-sex couples tend to be more egalitarian than heterosexual couples; that is, they share
most decision-making and household duties equally

Challenges in Marriage, Parenting, and

Divorce
- Gottman’s research:
- Principles whether marriage will work:
o Establishing love maps
 In good marriages partners share feeling with each other
 Individuals have personal insights and detailed maps of each other’s life and
world
 Love maps express not only understand of each other, but fondness and
admiration.
o Nurturing fondness and admiration
 Partners sing each other’s praises, when couples put a positive spin on their
marriages history, the marriage is likely to have a positive future.
o Turning toward each other instead of away
 In good marriages, spouses are adept at turning towards each other
regularly, see each other as friends. Friendship doesn’t prevent arguments,
but can prevent differences from overwhelming the relationship. Spouses
respect each other and appreciate each other’s pov despite disagreements.
o Letting your partner influence you
 Bad marriages involve one spouse who is unwilling to share power with the
other. Power mongering is more common in husbands, but some wife’s
show this trait.
o Creating shared meaning
 partners can speak candidly and respectfully with each other
  sharing goals with one’s spouse and working together to achieve each
other’s goals.
- To make a marriage work, Coontz emphasizes like Gottman that partners need to develop a
deep friendship, show respect for each other, and embrace commitment
- frequency of engaging in sexual intercourse was linked to a couple’s marital satisfaction
o a satisfying sex life and a warm interpersonal relationship were more important
than frequency

Becoming a Parent
- parents learn parenting practices from their own parents—some they accept, some they
discard
- desirable and undesirable practices are perpetuated
- more and more women giving birth in 30s
- many individuals consciously choose when they will have children and how many, the # of 1
child families is increasing
- Several new trends arising:
o By g1v1ng birth to fewer children and reducrng the demands of child care, women
free up a significant portion of their life spans for other endeavors.
o As working women increase in number, they invest less actual time in the child’s
development.
o Men are apt to invest a greater amount of time in fathering.
o Parental care is often supplemented by institutional care (child care, for example).
- ADV younger: more energy, less medical problem with childbirth and pregnancy, and less
likely to build up expectations for their child
- ADV later: more time to consider and achieve goals, more mature, able to benefit from life
experiences to engage in more competent parenting, more securely established in careers,
more income for child rearing

Dealing with Divorce

- difficulty trusting someone else in a romantic relationship follows. Some strategies for
divorced adults:
o Think of divorce as a chance to grow personally and to develop more positive
relationships.
o Make decisions carefully, realizing that the consequences of your decisions
regarding work, lovers, and children may last a lifetime.
o Focus more on the future than the past. Think about what is most important for you
going forward in your life, set some challenging goals, and plan how to reach them.
o Use your strengths and resources to cope with difficulties.
o Don’t expect to be successful and happy in everything you do. The path to a more
enjoyable life will likely have a number of twists and turns, and moving forward will
require considerable effort and resilience.
Gender Communication Styles, Relationships,
and Classification
Men’s and Women’s Styles of Communication
- Lack of communication, although high on women’s lists of reasons for divorce, is mentioned
much less by men
- Rapport talk
o Language of conversation, way of establishing connections and negotiating
relationships
- Report talk
o Designed to give information, includes public speaking
- Women enjoy rapport talk more than report, and mens lack of interest in rapport talk
bothers many women. Men prefer to engage in report talk, men hold center stage through
verbal performances like telling stories and jokes, use talk as a way to get and keep
attention.
- meta-analyses suggest that overall gender differences in communication are small in both
children and adults

Gender and Relationships

- women have more close friends, and friendships involve more self disclosure ane exchange
of mutual support, women listen more at length what a friend has to say and be
sympathetic and women have been labeled as talking companions, because talk is so central
in their relationshkp. Friendships are characterized by depth and breadth. Women share
many aspects of their experiences, thoughts, and feelings.
- Males are more likely to engage in activities, esp outdoors. Adult pattern of male friendship
involves keeping ones distance while sharing useful information, less likely to talk about
weaknesses with friends, and seek practical solutions to problems rather than sympathy.
Adult male friendships are more competitive than of women
- Cross gender friendships are common among adults, but less common than same gender
friendships in adulthood. Can provide both opportunities and problems – learning about
common feelings and interests and shared characteristics, as well as acquiring knowledge
and understanding of beliefs and activities that historically have been typical of the other
gender.
o Problems: different expectations, unclear sexual boundaries, can produce tension
and confusion.
Gender Classification
- Transgender is a broad term that refers to individuals who adopt a gender identity that
differs from the one assigned to them at birth
- A transgender identity of being born male but identifying with being a female is much more
common than the reverse, they prefer they or ze in some cases.
o a better overarching umbrella term might be trans to identify a variety of gender
identities and expressions different from the gender identity they were assigned at
birth
- cisgender - describe individuals whose gender identity and expression describe individuals
whose gender identity and expression
- Transgender individuals can be straight, gay, lesbian, or bisexual
- distress of living in the wrong body, discrimination and misunderstanding they experience as
a gender minority individual
- Among individuals who identify themselves as transgender persons, the majority eventually
adopt a gender identity in line with the body into which they were born