Parts Work

An Illustrated Guide to
Your Inner Life

byTom Holmes, Ph.D

with Lauri Holmes, MSW

Sharon Eckstein, MFA

illustrations by
book design by Jane Murphy, BA
 Copyright © 2007 by Thomas R. Holmes

All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced in whole or in part, stored in
a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means
electronic, mechanical or otherwise, without written permission of the
author or, for illustrations, the illustrator.
Illustrations Copyright © 2007 by Sharon Eckstein

ISBN: 978-0-9798897-1-4
SAN: 854-6614

Winged Heart Press

Highpointe Dr.
Kalamazoo, MI 49008
[email protected]
Thomas R. Holmes
Parts Work: An Illustrated Guide to Your Inner Life
We gratefully acknowledge the following for permission to reprint
material. Coleman Barks, translator, We are Three: New Rumi Poems
(1987). Athens, Georgia: Maypop Books; The Illuminated Rumi (1997).
New York: Broadway Books. Used by permission of the author.
Library of Congress Cataloging in Publication Data
Thomas R. Holmes
Parts Work: An Illustrated Guide to Your Inner Life
Includes bibliographical references
Fourth Edition
1. Psychotherapy. 2. Personality. 3. Self awareness 4.
Psychology spirituality 5. Subpersonalities
 Acknowledgments
This book is the result of the efforts of many people. The foremost
is my wife and dearest life companion, Lauri. Not only did she
connect me with Richard C. Schwartz in the first place, but she has
watched and nourished this book during its long incubation over the
past five years. During the past four months, when a midwife was
needed to make the birth possible, she has stepped in as editor,
encourager, supporter in countless ways and at times as co-author.
Our use of the "parts work" process with each other as we have gone
through the final stages of putting this book together allowed us to
navigate the turbulent waters of this kind of creative partnership in a
way that has deepened the love and understanding in our
relationship. In chapter seven, which we co-authored, you can see an
example of how we used this "parts work" in our relationship.
The other central person in this book is, of course, Sharon Eckstein,
who illustrated it with such creativity, skill and insight. Her unusual
ability to represent the universal in the personal is what gave me the
inspiration to present an illustrated guide to the internal system. The
enthusiastic response of those seeing her drawings gave me the
momentum to bring it into reality.
I am very grateful to Richard Schwartz for giving birth to the IFS
model and nourishing it over the years. I have fond memories of the
years in his training groups in the late 1980s which helped give me a
new vision of therapy that continues to grow and develop to this day.
I also want to thank those people who were central to my
development as a psychotherapist. Mal Robertson, the primary
professor in my clinical psychology program, offered both an effective
model for training therapists and a chance for me to discover my own
love of teaching others. Gene Ballard has been my clinical supervisor,
lifelong mentor and model of the embodiment of therapeutic presence
and ongoing intellectual inquiry.

As my psychotherapy teachers have been important, so have my

spiritual teachers. Pir Vilayat Inyat Khan initiated me into the Sufi
Universalist path of the heart, Atum O'Kane has been a wise and
loving mentor on that path and Taj Inayat helped me deepen my
connection to the path of the heart in recent years. Vietnamese
Buddhist teacher Thich Nhat Hanh and the monks and nuns of his
order offered me the concepts of Buddhist psychology central to this
book and also served as the living embodiment of mindfulness and
compassion in everyday life.
The Holistic Health Program at Western Michigan University
provided a place in academia where I could explore and teach the
integration of spirituality and psychotherapy. I would like to thank
the faculty, staff, graduate assistants and students who have given me
support over the years. I also want to acknowledge Peter Findeisen,
Karin Puescher-Findeisen and the staff of the Caduceus Klinik in
Germany for inviting me to offer my teachings on the integration of
spirituality and psychotherapy and providing an important
opportunity to stay connected to the Sufi path.
Another important source of support has been the training groups
over the past three years in which Sharon Eckstein, Judy Whitehurst,
Karina Mirsky and Inta Dzelma have participated. Their ability to
look deeply into the nature of the internal system and how it heals has
contributed to my appreciation of the wonderful healing capacities of
this work.
I have gratitude and respect for all those who have entered into the
healing journey with me individually or in workshops. I believe that
their courage and determination to bring healing and balance to their
own personal lives, to face pain and fear while awakening love and
understanding, not only heal themselves but help heal the world as
well.
 I especially want to thank Jane Murphy for her time, creativity and
skill in bringing Sharon's illustrations and the text together in the form
of this book. I also want to thank Kathy Jennings for her editorial
consultation at a critical time in the process and Paula Jamison for her
thoughtful and thorough help in editing the copy.
I also want to express our gratitude to Bob and Louise Dunbar and
to Bill and Betsy Maxon for generously making available refuge that
allowed this book to be written.
Last but not least, I want to acknowledge my father and mother,
Durwood and Mary Holmes. I carry their loving understanding and
presence with me in all that I do.
 Table of Contents
Introduction

Chapter 1: Introduction to Parts Work

"There is a part of me . . .”
Chapter 2: Self in the Internal System
"Can we sit in the center and know?"
Chapter 3 How Parts Develop in our Internal System
"Parts is Parts"
Chapter 4 How Parts Interact with Each Other
"Then another part of me says . . ."
Chapter 5 Getting the Parts in Balance
"This part means well but it is working way too hard"
Chapter 6 Parts and Relationships
"You always . . . you never . . ."
Chapter 7 Distracters and Firefighters
"Holding off the exiles."
Chapter 8 Spirituality and Inner Work
"Window to your soul"
Afterword
 Introduction
In the early 1980s, Richard C. Schwartz developed a new approach
to individual therapy known as the Internal Family Systems (IFS)
model. His model provided a systemic approach to working with
what many psychologists have called subpersonalities or ego states.
John Rowan summarized the work of these psychologists in his book
Subpersonalities (1990).
This book represents my own variant of the IFS model as I have
used it for nearly twenty years in clinical practice, in the classroom
with graduate students at Western Michigan University, and in
workshops and trainings throughout the United States and Europe.
Based on these years of clinical and teaching experience, I am
attempting to share my understanding of why we think, feel and act
as we do and how we can move toward harmony and balance in our
inner and outer lives
The illustrations by Sharon Eckstein used in this book had only
been shown as a power point presentation until this book was
published. In my workshops and trainings in the United States and
Europe I had been urged again and again to publish this illustrated
guide to the internal system using Sharon's drawings. These drawings
have delighted people around the world and have helped to make this
internal systems model more accessible. With this book my hope is to
combine these illustrations with an everyday language text which will
be useful to therapists, patients and the general public in
understanding this unique and effective way of understanding human
behavior. For those interested in the IFS model in more detail and in
its original form, I recommend reading the book written by Richard C.
Schwartz, Introduction to the Internal Family Systems Model (2001)
I have chosen the phrase "Parts Work" as the title for this book.
"Parts Work" is the informal way that IFS therapy is referred to by
most IFS therapists and clients. The term "parts" refers to the
experience of having shifting states of mind that have unique sets of
thoughts, feelings and behaviors. When these states of mind reflect
patterns of thoughts and feelings that recur often we refer to them as
different parts of our selves. Our references to "parts" as separate
entities, then, is a sort of shorthand for these repeating patterns of
thoughts, feelings and behavior which we experience. This process is
explained in detail in Chapter 1.

It is a stretch for some readers to imagine that a part of us can have

a wish or intention "of its own." But at times it does seem that in one
state of mind we have one set of feelings or desires while in another
state we have very different ones. By thinking of these states as
separate units, we are able to gain a perspective on ourselves that is
quite useful, and by engaging in the state of mind we call "Self" we
can be in charge of using the energy of these different mind sets to
orchestrate a more balanced life. This is the goal of parts work.
So, although at times during this book we seem to be thinking of
parts as almost separate personalities who somehow reside in our
minds, characters who have feelings, fight with each other, and
dominate our thinking, we are not suggesting that all of us suffer from
what is known as Multiple Personality Disorder. MPD is characterized
by the defense known as "splitting," where the memories of severe
trauma experienced in childhood are completely split off from
consciousness. The result of this splitting is that the person seems to
be an entirely different personality at different times. These
personalities often have no knowledge of each other. This is the
opposite of the goal of parts work, which is to increase our
understanding of all of our parts.
There is another centered place of consciousness where we can
witness or observe these "parts" or patterns of thoughts and feeling we
are experiencing. We refer to this state of mind as the "Self." By
developing the "Self" we can bring harmony and balance to our
psychological system. This is the primary goal of Internal Family
Systems Therapy.

The "Parts Work" model presented here combines the IFS model
with several central concepts about the nature of consciousness found
in Buddhist psychology as presented in the teachings of Buddhist
teacher and scholar Thich Nhat Hanh (2001, 2006). I find it exciting
that a late twentieth-century systemic model of the psyche and ancient
Buddhist teachings on the nature of consciousness fit so well together.
In addition to using these Buddhist concepts as part of the basic
formulation of this book, I give several chapters to integrating the
spiritual life of the client into psychotherapy using the parts work
model. The IFS model of therapy combined with spiritual
understanding and practice offers the most effective model of
psychotherapy I have found in my thirty-five years of studying,
practicing and teaching. This way of working integrates easily with
the spiritual life of the client, and when such integration occurs it
becomes even more effective. I discuss and illustrate the integration of
spirituality into the therapeutic process in Chapter 8.
As a teacher, I have been interested in finding a way to share the
insights offered by this therapy model with a wider audience. This
book is designed for that audience. It is about getting to know
ourselves in all our inner dimensions. In order to give the reader a
complete picture of how the inner system operates we have included
in the later chapters detailed accounts of long term therapy. It is
through understanding the inner system that we can learn to accept
and integrate all the different parts of ourselves and thus develop the
capacity to transform those inner patterns of thought, feelings and
behavior that cause ourselves and others to suffer. It is with this
intention that Lauri, Sharon and I have developed this book. We hope
you will find it an interesting and enjoyable way to understand
yourself and others.
Tom Holmes
Kalamazoo, Michigan, September, 2010
 Chapter 1

Introduction to Parts Work

"There's a part of me...”

We are often surprised at how differently we react to various

situations. It is almost as if we are a different person at different times.
There are many common expressions that describe this experience: "I
was beside myself;" he just "pushes my buttons" "I wasn't myself." Or
we'll say about someone, "When he gets into a classroom he really
goes into his head" or, "She's really shy, but when she gets on stage,
wow!" or, "When he's in a negotiation meeting he turns into a Pit
Bull."
We also can react to the same situation in different ways,
depending on recent events that have occurred in our mental or
physical state. In the Buddhist tradition these states are called mental
formations or habit patterns. Piaget and the cognitive behaviorist refer
to them as schemas. Psychosynthesis refers to them as
subpersonalities and psychodynamic psychologists refer to them as
ego states. We will call them "parts."
"Picturing" the Inner World
The next illustration represents a Buddhist perspective on the
nature of consciousness as presented by Thich Nhat Hanh. This
Buddhist model integrates easily with the internal systems
perspective of parts work. He uses a circle to represent two important
levels of consciousness.
 The bottom half of the circle represents the "store consciousness". In
it are stored the seeds that contain all of the potential states of mind
that we human beings might have. Some of these states of mind seem
to occur over and over again in our lives. These regularly occurring
states of mind are what we are calling our parts.

As long as certain parts are not active in our everyday consciousness,

they reside in the store consciousness.

The top half of the circle represents our everyday consciousness,

what Thich Nhat Hanh calls the "living room" of our consciousness.
When the state of mind or part of us comes into the foreground,
taking over our thoughts, feelings and behaviors, we say it is in the
living room. Buddhist psychology points out that when internal and
external conditions support it, a particular state of mind will arise;
when those conditions no longer support it, it will go back down into
store consciousness.

In the store consciousness are seeds of all of our parts and potential
parts which have yet to emerge. Some parts are temporarily in
"storage," waiting for the right time and situation to come up into the
living room of our mind. The seeds carry habit energies from our
genetic, cultural and personal history. Carl Tung would see them as
having an archetypal basis in past collective experiences. There are
hundreds of seeds that could develop if the conditions were right.
However, most of us have a primary cast of characters, which could
number a dozen or more, a handful of which are the main players in
our system.

Is your interested part activated now as you read this book?

A good way to understand how this works is to apply it to your

inner system right now. At this moment there might be a variety of
parts in your mind that are reacting to this book. It is possible that an
interested part of you is activated, a part of you that likes to
understand and learn new things.

Perhaps as you are reading now a critical part in you is activated.

If so, a part of you something like this may be in the living room of
your mind right now (above).

On the other hand, if you have doubts about what you are reading
here, this book may have activated your skeptic or critic part.
 It is also possible that both parts are activated at the same time.

It is also possible that these two are able to coexist in your

consciousness at this point, and you are interested but cautious.
Depending upon which part of you is in the foreground of your
mind, in your "living room," you will experience your world in very
different ways. Each of our parts filters our perceptions in their own
way. Each has a particular way of seeing the world, so how you view
your life experience varies a lot with which part of you is in the living
room.
As we have said, a simple but profound concept from the Buddhist
model is that when internal and external conditions are right, a given
state of mind, a "part," will rise up into the living room of our mind,
into everyday consciousness, and when those conditions change that
part will go back down into storage. This is why we can seem to be
such different people at different times. The living room of the mind is
quite active, with various parts of ourselves that come and go,
interacting with each other and the outer world to help us cope with
the tasks of everyday life. Some of these parts stay longer than others,
and some will not leave the living room when it is time for them to go.
These are the thoughts you can't get out of your mind, or feelings you
can't shake even when you desperately want them to leave. One of the
goals of this book is to bring awareness and intention to the various
parts of ourselves so that we may have more harmony and balance in
our inner systems.

Example of a Parts Dance

When teaching my classes at the university, I always hope the
students can bring their interested student parts to class. I often teach
evening classes with graduate students who are parents and also
working full time. Sometimes these students are having a hard time
getting their interested student parts to class. They are in class, but
what I see is their "wiped-out" part, which seems to have taken over
the living room of their consciousness. Each part has a job in our
system. What I am calling the wiped-out part is signaling overload
and exhaustion, and letting the person know that it is time to rest.
 Exhausted parts let us know that we need rest and relaxation.

However, as is often the case, we do not attend to the messages of

one of our parts because other parts are driving us forward. Perhaps
caretaker parts were active because someone in the family was sick,
thus keeping their worried part and the nurturing part in the living
room all night and pushing aside the part that is trying to get us to
rest.

In the morning, the multitasker part had to manage other

household tasks before leaving for work. By the time evening comes
the student is exhausted and her wiped- out part has taken over the
living room and is telling her to stop, that it's time to rest. However,
her taskmaster" part dragged her body to the classroom anyway. As a
result, her physical condition allows her no room for the interested
student.
 The exhausted part often arises as a result of work parts or worry parts
taking over for too long.

Remember the principle that when conditions support a part being

in the living room of everyday mind it will rise up; when the
conditions no longer support it, it will go back down into storage. For
the student in my classroom, her manager part is trying to alter her
physical conditions by giving her a double espresso coffee. With
enough caffeine, and if my lecture is interesting enough to help create
the right conditions, the interested student part can return to the
living room, with some haranguing from the boss part.
Coffee is one of the ways we intentionally alter the "conditions" in
our body to make it more possible for certain parts to arise into our
living room. The body is one of the basic elements of the "conditions."
We know that when we are tired or sick, grumpy or sad states of mind
take over our consciousness much more easily and it is difficult to get
our student part into the living room. Psychological, social and other
environmental factors are other components making up the conditions
that trigger certain parts.
 The inner "slave driver" can push us to do things even when we are
very tired.

Parts as Psychological Software

The different parts of ourselves are like very sophisticated
psychological software designed to get us into the state of mind that
will best help us cope with the life tasks facing us. Thus, just as the
computer might have an accounting program for keeping track of our
finances, we have an analytical part of ourselves that gives us logical
information about a situation we might find ourselves in. So we click
on the money manager icon in our computer window if we want to
balance our budget or pay our bills.
For some people, it is easier to access this money manager program
than for others: some may not even know that this program has been
loaded onto their computer! For other people, the first reaction to the
bills may be a panicked child part; for others, a distracting part may
automatically arise so that the task is ignored. Then somehow we find
ourselves playing computer games.

The different parts of ourselves are like psychological software programs

designed to cope with specific life situations. These are pictured above as
icons on a computer screen.

While our human software is infinitely more complex and

adaptable than the current computer software, this "Windows"
analogy can be very useful. The icon on the main menu is a symbol
that represents a part of ourselves that can be activated by various
situations or people, much like we activate a program by clicking on
that icon.
We have the expression "he really pushes my buttons," which
usually refers to a person who activates anger or irritated parts: other
people activate different parts of us. Some might activate a romantic
feeling; others, fear; others, a playful part of ourselves. The aroma of
our favorite food activates our craving part, a little cuddly child might
activate our nurturing part, a friendly person might activate our
affiliative part, a large barking dog might activate a scared part.
Getting the Right Parts in the Living Room
Having the right parts activated when we need them is not always
easy.

It can take time to shift

Sometimes we get stuck in parts, for example
into the part that best fits
when our professional parts follow us home.
the situation.

For example, if we come home from work having been in our

business manager parts all day, we may not be able to respond with
affection when our sad child, who has been missing us, greets us at
the door. Instead, we may ask him if he has done his chores and give
him directions about doing his homework before we even greet him
properly.
The sad child at the door was hoping that the nurturing part would
be available to greet him!
The opposite situation can also happen: the parents' nurturing parts
are so dominant that they can't discipline the child when it is needed.
The ideal is that we have access to the widest range of parts at the
time we need them, so that we don't get caught with just a few sets of
habitual responses we can make to life's varied situations.

Just as with computer software, getting the program to work

properly is not always easy. We might find that when we need to
activate a manager program, we can't seem to get away from the
games program. Or when we might benefit from having our rational
parts manage a situation, our angry or frightened parts take over and
get us in trouble.
With computers, we need to know how to get back to the main
menu where we can see the icons of all the programs and have access
to them. The same is true for the human system. In parts work, the
equivalent of the main menu is called the Self. It is the centered place
in ourselves where we can access to the appropriate parts when we
need them. The next chapter is dedicated to exploring the nature and
function of the Self.

The illustrations in this book provide a way for us to understand

how parts might show themselves. However, please don't let our
images of parts limit how a part might appear for you. All of our
systems are unique, so your parts may or may not be like the parts
illustrated here. It is also true that parts take on a specific form
because they have to play a certain role at times in our lives, and they
may take on a totally different shape or form when the conditions
change.
Getting a sense of the primary parts in our system is an important
step in getting centered. At the end of this chapter, you will find an
exercise that offers you a way to identify and explore your primary
cast of characters, the parts in your system.
 Getting to Know Your Parts
1. Think about some situation in your life that brings on a
strong reaction. Here are some ways to clarify the parts that
are having this reaction.
• What feelings go with this reaction?

• Where do you feel it in your body?

• What are the thoughts that go with this reaction? What
would this part like to say?
• Allow an image to form in your mind that would represent
this part. What would it look like?
2. You can also become aware of your primary parts by
observing yourself as you go through your daily life. Observe
and note:
• What situations activate a part?
• What feelings and actions accompany these parts?

• What function do these parts have?

• How are they trying to help you?
• How do those around you react when you are in that part?
• How do you feel afterwards? Are there other parts that
later react to these parts having expressed themselves?
3. If you think of parts as helpers, you might notice that you
have several of the following types of parts and you might
note them:
• Parts that help you get things done.
• Parts that help you know and assert your needs.

• Parts that help you relax, play and have fun.

 Chapter 2

Self in the Inner System

"Can we sit in the center and know?"

"We dance around a ring and suppose, but the Secret sits in the middle
and knows." Robert Frost, 1943
In the center of the inner system there is something that is different
in its nature from the parts. This is the place from which we can
observe our parts; it is the center of ourselves. In ego psychology it
would be called the "observing ego;" Buddhists refer to it as the
"witness" or "mindfulness." Richard Schwartz, developer of Internal
Family Systems therapy, calls it the "Self." The Self, as we use the
term, is the core of our being, the place characterized by mindful
awareness, compassionate connectedness and calm, confident clarity.
When we are in the Self, we are in a state of awareness quite
different from the ordinary but available to anyone. From this place
we can see ourselves and others through the kind eyes of non-
judgment. We are loving, bemused observers who are very present to
our own inner states and to those of the other people we encounter. In
this place we let go of anxiety, dissatisfaction, and become aware of
our wholeness. Here we can be either passive witnesses or active
doers, whichever is called for, and in this state we seem to know
clearly what it is we are to do.
 The Self is the core of our being, from which we can observe our parts
with compassion and understanding.

When we are in the state of consciousness we call the Self, we are

able to observe the parts but are not taken over by them. For example,
there are times when we may become so angry or sad that we are not
simply angry or sad, we are anger or sadness. In parts work terms, the
angry or sad part has blended with us and we are totally in that mind
state. It has taken over the whole living room. If we are able to step
back from the feeling, then we can get some distance from the
engulfing emotion. In that moment the Self can come in to the living
room of our consciousness.
 The Self can be compared to an orchestra conductor who activates
appropriate parts when they are needed.

The Self is so subtle that it has been difficult to describe it. One
person has said that it is like water: it is clear, and quiet, and calm,
and doesn't have a "personality" like the often colorful parts of the
inner system do.
Another way of representing Self is to see it as a conductor of an
orchestra. All of the parts are the musicians playing the instruments
that make the music of our lives. Without the musicians there is no
music. Without the conductor the music becomes chaotic, if it begins
at all. So when we go to our workplace, the conductor activates the
work manager part. When it is time for our nurturing part to be
present, the conductor, the Self, quiets the loud brass and may bring
out the warm deep stringed instruments of our nurturing parts. So
when we are functioning well and in harmony, our conductor, the
Self, easily brings forth the parts of ourselves that are needed.

What are the qualities we have when we are in the Self? Richard
Schwartz found that when in Self we are calm and compassionate; we
have curiosity, clarity, confidence, creativity, courage and
connectedness (2003). Roberto Assagioli, the founder of
Psychosynthesis, described the Self as the experience of being "able to
remain 'centered' in the face of external hardship and internal distress.
This experience is of being, unshaken by changes in the body, feelings,
or mind, always conscious and capable of choice" (in Brown, 1983, 11-
12).
Self and Psychological Software
The process of describing Self is perhaps the most challenging task
of this book, so I will present a variety of ways for you to try and
understand it. To use the computer software model discussed earlier,
the Self is like working with the "main menu." The main menu in a
computer is one level up in the computer system from the programs
themselves. From the main menu we can move to the computer
program we need at a given moment. In the same way the Self is on a
meta-level of the psychological system, so that from the Self we can
move to the part we need for a given situation.
 Just as the main menu of a computer is at a level above the software
programs, so the Self is at a level above the parts.

However, just as we can sometimes get caught in a computer

program and not be able get out, stressful events can result in a part,
such as anger, fear or judgment taking over our living room so that we
get stuck in that part. We may experience it as a mood we cannot
shake. What do you do when you find yourself stuck in a computer
program and you can't get out? You shut down and restart. When it
starts again you are back in the main menu. This is very much like the
human system. We can do a quick reset by giving ourselves time out.
Some ways to do this are to go for a walk or have a cup of tea, which
brings us back to center, to Self. For stubborn problems we may have
to shut the whole system down and go to sleep. When we wake up we
are usually back in our Self and can approach the day from a more
centered place.
Parents know that when a child gets fussy or grumpy or angry,
they may be able to distract the child with something entertaining, or
cuddle them into laughing, trying to get the grumpy parts out of the
living room. Sometimes, however, the only thing that works is for the
child to take a nap. When the child wakes up the system is usually
reset and the main menu available.
Self and Poetry
I will continue to offer various ways to help you understand the
Self in the hope that several of these descriptions will hit home for
you. To go in a very different direction, I have found that poetry offers
excellent ways of describing the Self. The quote used at the beginning
of the chapter expresses clearly and concisely the experience of Self
from a twentieth-century poet. The second quote is from Chuang Tzu,
who expressed a similar idea more than 2000 years ago.
When we understand, we are at the center of the circle, and there we
sit while Yes and No chase each other around the circumference.
(in Mitchell, 1993, xv.)

Our parts dance around our center engaged with the activities of
life, making judgments, reacting with yes and no to all kinds of
experiences. In our Self we find a place of knowing, a place where we
can observe the dance of the different parts of ourselves without either
being dominated by or having to cast out various parts of ourselves.
These images parallel Carl Jung's description of self as "that center of
being which the ego circumambulates" (Singer, 1973).
Perhaps the most direct description of Self comes from Walt
Whitman, the nineteenth-century American poet, in his poem, "Song
of Myself." Here the difference between our experience of the world
from the place of parts is contrasted with the experience of being in
Self:
Trippers and askers surround me, people I meet,
The effect upon me of my early life or the ward and city I live in, or
the nation,
 The latest dates, discoveries, inventions, societies, authors old and
new.
My dinner, dress, associates, looks, compliments, dues,
The real or fancied indifference of some man or woman I love,
The sickness of one of my folks or of myself, or ill-doing or loss or
lack of money or depressions or exaltations,
Battles, the horrors of fratricidal war, the fever of doubtful news, the
fitful events;
These come to me days and nights and go from me again,
But they are not the Me myself.
Apart from the pulling and hauling stands what I am,
Stands amused, complacent, compassionating, idle, unitary,
Looks down, is erect, or bends an arm on an impalpable certain rest,
Looking with side-curved head curious what will come next,
Both in and out of the game and watching and wondering at it.
(Leaves of Grass, 1897)

"Both in and out of the game, watching and wondering at it." This
condition of observing while being "in" the game of life yet apart from
the "pulling and hauling," is a description of the state of being in Self.
The "pulling and hauling," the "fever of doubtful news," offer a fine
representation of parts consciousness, the struggle of our state of
mind that characterizes our lives when we don't have access to Self.
When we are able to access Self we stand "amused, complacent,
compassionating, idle and unitary." This phrase depicts the qualities
of quiet joy, compassion, an acceptance of things as they are, a deep
place of ease and "impalpable certain rest." Whitman could capture so
much psychological and spiritual wisdom in these few lines.
Jelaluddin Rumi (1207 -1273) was a famous Sufi poet and mystic
revered by those in his religion of Islam as well as by Christians and
Jews. He writes:
When you do things from your soul,
you feel a river moving in you, a joy.
When actions come from another section, the feeling disappears. . .
Don't insist on going where you think you want to go.
Ask the way of Spring.
Your living pieces will form a harmony.
(trans. Barks, 1987, 44)

This river of joy is a deep and peaceful feeling of wellbeing

that characterizes the experience of living from the Self. This
feeling does not exclude our sadness, anger or fear, but joy
arises when we are able to embrace these parts of ourselves
and allow them to find their natural balanced place in our
lives.

Another poem of Rumi describes the experience of our various

parts and how, when one is in the Self, they all are welcome:
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
(trans. Barks, 1997, 77)

This passage reflects a core philosophy of parts work: each part has
a useful function for the person and we should "treat each guest
honorably." When a person is in Self, the parts can be "invited in." The
dialog with the parts from Self is the main content of "parts therapy."
When the Self can undertake this dialog, the part is able to express its
reason for being, the way it is trying to help the person. Through this
process the part can begin to lay aside its extreme behavior and
assume an effective function in the system.

In the coming chapters we will discuss how parts can become

extreme or rigid and how returning to Self helps the parts regain their
natural balance and function. To illustrate the change we are talking
about, let's take for example an angry part, which might look
something like this figure, "Rage." This part is clearly extreme and out
of balance and Self is not in the living room. If, however, we were able
to create conditions which supported bringing Self into the living
room, then this part can transform and take on a more functional
form. One client described such a change as can be seen in this
illustration. From a rageful, sometimes self-defeating entity it changed
over the course of therapeutic dialog into a strong part which can
perform the functions of protecting the person without the excessive
rage that was a problem for the client and for the client's family and
friends.

Another type of part that can provide an example of this shift, is a

worried part. Perhaps like the worry of a who is constantly feeling
anxious about what might happen. In its extreme form this part could
look something like "worry" illustrated here. When Self can be
brought into the living room, then this worried part has a chance to
shift to a form which allows it to perform its function in an effective
way. The useful function of worry is the ability to look ahead and see
dangers or risks so the person can be prepared to cope with them. If
the person can shift into Self then the worried part might change into
a "watchful part." We use these examples to illustrate how bringing
Self into the leadership can help parts shift from out-of-balance states
to states which allow them to perform their natural function in the
system. In later chapters we will describe how parts work can help
this transformation take place.
Mindfulness and Self
The purpose of IFS or "parts work" therapy is to bring the Self into
the foreground, and we have found that meditation practices from
spiritual traditions can also help with this process. One of the most
effective practices is the Buddhist practice of "mindfulness" which is
similar to the state of consciousness we call Self. In our visits to
museums and temples around the world, we have found that
representations of the Buddha in a state of centered meditation
convey the essence of the Self. For this reason we have chosen to offer
this image of a quiet inner smile as another way of representing the
qualities of Self.
 Mindfulness can bring a peaceful and observing awareness to the
actions of everyday life. One can walk with mindful awareness,
prepare dinner with peaceful awareness, wash the dishes, or answer
the phone with awareness. In terms of parts work, we would say that
we are going about these daily tasks of life with the Self in the center
of the living room.
 When we are on the level of the Self, we can smile at our parts, seeing
them with compassion and understanding.
Research has shown the health benefits of mindfulness, and in
recent years its benefits in psychotherapy have also been studied.
Even cognitive behavioral therapists, known for their research-based,
rational approach to therapy, have embraced the use of mindfulness
meditation because of the powerful effect it has in helping people to
find a peaceful calm center from which to live their lives.
A personal experience of mine illustrates the power of these
mindfulness practices. I was at a week-long retreat focused on
Buddhist psychology with Thich Nhat Hanh at Plum Village in
France. As part of the retreat we were divided into small groups to do
the mindfulness working practices which area part of Thich Nhat
Hanh's retreats. My small group included a number of professors like
myself, as well as other psychologists from around the world and
several monks. I was looking forward to the daily mindfulness work
practice.
In my mind I could see myself peacefully chopping vegetables or
digging in the garden. When we received the working meditation
assignment it was not one of these imagined activities but rather to
clean the toilets for the 600 people at the retreat for the whole week.
The mindfulness practice began before I even started the task, as I
became aware of my automatic aversion to what one finds in dirty
toilet areas.

Using the mindfulness practice, centering in Self, I honored my

"grossed out" part for letting me know I should be careful here for
health hazards. I also became aware that waste products leaving our
body are a natural part of life that doesn't need to be reacted to with
such aversion. I became aware that when seen from Self, I could see
my job for what it was. By cleaning this area we would give many
others ease and joy at having a clean toilet space which they could
use. (That doesn't mean the "grossed out" part was no longer there; it
was just more in the background.)
Our group ended up singing and joyfully cleaning the toilets every
day. To our surprise, we had transformed an aversive response into a
peaceful, joyful practice. That, in itself, would have made the practice
very worthwhile, but what happened afterwards showed me that
such a practice can have a profound effect on how I respond to other
difficult situations.
On the last day of the retreat I received a phone call that my father
had had a heart attack and that I needed to get home as soon as
possible. As I flew home I felt the fear of losing my father, but I also
found myself centered enough to be able remember how much I loved
him. I felt gratitude for what he had brought to my life. When I got
home I was thankful he was still alive. Together as a family we had to
discuss difficult decisions about surgery, the risks and benefits. I
experienced a capacity to be present and calm through the whole
process.
At one point someone remarked that it was too bad that the
benefits of my retreat had to be lost because of such an upsetting
event. I remember realizing that the opposite was true, that the retreat
had been a perfect preparation for this experience. The toilet cleaning
meditation strengthened my access to Self in the midst of crisis.
 In the following chapters we will describe how and why parts
develop as they do, how they can become extreme and the various
ways we can bring Self into the living room and help parts transform
into their natural form and function. Dialog with them through parts
work makes it possible for the Self to assume a leadership role. In
addition, there are many ways to support the Self as we move through
everyday life. One of the simplest is to do things that help you to be
aware of your parts. By reading this book, becoming mindfully aware
of your parts as they arise in your everyday life, noticing what they do
for you and by doing the exercises at the end of the chapters, you can
strengthen the Self in your system.
Simple awareness exercises such as meditation and mindfulness
practices taught in Buddhism and other traditions are ways to
strengthen the Self. Thich Nhat Hanh calls them "watering the seeds
of mindfulness." One method is sitting and simply being aware of
breathing in while breathing in, and breathing out while breathing
out. You will find a guide to this practice at the end of the chapter. It is
simple but powerful practice because it takes only a few moments and
you can do it any time during the day. It is a direct way of exercising
the Self, much as you would use sit ups to strengthen your abdominal
muscles. A little bit every day adds up.
While the goal of these practices is to help ourselves be in the
centered state of Self, there is a danger that we may get the idea that
we should somehow find ourselves in a constant state of peace, of
calm, of Self. Given human nature, none of us will be living constantly
in a state of Self. The reality is that most of the time our consciousness
bounces around from parts to the Self, from less aware to more aware
and back again, but the Self can become increasingly available as we
exercise our awareness.
 Mindful Breathing
Exercising Self Through
Awareness of the Breath
The Basic Practice:

• Find a comfortable place to sit which doesn't have a lot of

distractions.
• You can sit on a chair, a meditation cushion or bench—
whatever is most comfortable for you.
• A key is to have your spine comfortably erect and your
head balanced. This posture helps you to become relaxed
without becoming distracted or going to sleep.
• Make a few deep exhalations, stretch and move further into
a comfortable position.
• Direct your the attention to the breath:
o Observe the sensation of the air moving in and out
through the nose.
o Allow your breath to move naturally: you simply observe
it.
o Notice the sensations associated with breathing, the rise
and fall of your belly, the air moving in and out of your
nose.
o Notice how it feels as you begin the inhalation, how it
feels as you are between the inhalation and the
exhalation; notice the sensations of the breath on the
 exhalation.
o When thoughts and feeling arise, observe them without
judgment, from Self, and let them go. Your parts will
certainly enter the open space in your living room and
begin to distract you from concentrating on your breath.
Simply smile at them and return your attention to your
breath.
Getting into Self:

At moments during the day when you think of it, stop what you are
doing for a minute, take three deep breaths and return to awareness,
to Self. Some routine events can be signals for moving back from your
parts and toward the Self. For instance, Thich Nhat Hahn suggests
that when the phone rings you breathe three times before answering
it. You can turn many routine events into opportunities to remember
Self, such as getting into the car, turning the ignition key, stopping at
a red light, or unlocking the front door. These can also be signals to
stop, take a moment and step back into Self.
Mindfulness of Parts:
• During your everyday activity you might bring your
attention to the parts as they arise

• When you notice a particular state of mind associated with

a part, you might smile at that part of yourself and say
something like "Hello worry, I notice you are active today."
Simply acknowledging a part with compassion can return
you to Self.
• If the part is strong and seems to need attention, you might
have an inner dialogue with the part to find out what makes
it so active at this time.
 Chapter 3

How Parts Develop

"Parts is Parts"

As we grow up, many things determine which parts will become

stronger in our internal system. We are born with physical and
temperamental characteristics, and to these are added life experiences
that cause certain parts to become more active. In this chapter we'll
take a look at some of these developmental processes.
All of our parts arise to help us adapt to physical, psychological
and social needs. This helping function is what we call the positive
intention of each of our parts. Each part originally developed to help
the system even when its behavior seems negative. This positive
intention can sometimes be difficult to see when what we notice is the
self-destructive nature of some behavior. It is also hard to keep in
mind that another person's parts have a positive intention when their
behavior is annoying or hurting us.
As we developed into who we are now, the parts that are our major
players gradually took on their shape and form. Some parts received a
lot of support while others were discouraged from appearing. Let's
take a look at the range of parts we develop as we move from early
childhood survival and development to adult coping strategies.
Physical and Survival Parts
 Some of our parts, like the happy pig, help us take care of our physical
needs.

Some of our parts are there to ensure our very survival. One of the
survival needs we have is food. So it makes sense that a powerful part
in our system is the part that takes over the living room when we are
hungry and says, "Hey, it's time to eat and I have some ideas about
what would taste good." We have named this part the "happy pig."
This happy pig part takes great joy in being employed as the monitor
of hunger: its job is to recognize when we are hungry, to know what
tastes good, to find it, eat it and enjoy it.
Other parts related to the survival of the species have to do with
our system's response to others: for example, the nurturing part of
ourselves involved in childrearing. It is critical that the mother
respond to the cues from a baby with a nurturing response.
If the maternal part cannot be brought into the living room when
needed, growth and even survival is very difficult for the infant. It is
vital that our systems can respond to the situation with the part of
ourselves needed to best manage the situation we are in. For that
reason, humans and especially women are chemically programmed to
respond strongly to the stimulus conditions presented by the birth of a
baby. The hormones can have a powerful effect on what parts are
available. A psychologist friend who was very committed to her
professional identity said when she became pregnant that she would
have the child and be back to work in a few weeks.

If we are identified with our professional roles, the manager parts are
often prominent in our living room.

She was not under family or social pressures to be a stay-at-home

mom. Her professional parts were clearly the main cast of characters
in her living room. However, the biological processes which occurred
after the child was born changed things completely.
She absolutely fell in love with the baby and did not want to do
anything else but be with him. Her professional parts had a hard time
finding space in her living room. She did not go back to work for
some time.
 For the survival of babies it is critical that the nurturing parts of the
parents are activated.

Fortunately for babies, the hormones designed to activate a caring

response from the mother will make caring for the child a priority in
its system, so that the maternal parts take up much of the space in the
"living room" during the early months. This doesn't always work
flawlessly, of course: instances such as post-partum depressions are
examples of where the physiological state actually works against the
availability of the nurturing part.
Another survival part is our fear part. This part is on the lookout
for physical or social dangers we might be facing. What would
happen if we didn't have sufficient parts on the lookout for danger?
One clear example for me is when, as a teenager, I visited New York
City with some friends in the 1960s. Through a combination of
ignorance and being teenage boys our fear parts were not active; thus
we went wandering through Central Park at 1:00 in the morning
having a great time. This was not a safe thing to be doing, since many
muggings and even murders were occurring in Central Park at that
time. Our fear parts should have been more active.
 If our frightened or careful parts aren't activated when they need to be we
can put ourselves in dangerous situations.

You can bet that had my mother known about this, her worry parts
would have been going full bore, and her protective parent parts
would never have let us travel again without her spending a great
deal of time trying to activate our fear parts so we wouldn't do such a
stupid thing again. Fortunately, life can be forgiving and many
teenage boys survive escapades that would cause their mother's
"worry parts" to make her hair stand on end.
When our fear part is operating effectively it notices danger and
activates our fight or flight response. This response has the strong
biological component of the adrenal hormone release, which raises the
arousal level of the system. In this activated state we have the energy
to run or to fight. If the fight response dominates, then the anger part
could almost immediately take over the living room.
 Fight, freeze or flight are three parts which might be activated when we
are frightened.

Anger gives us the energy to protect ourselves. While this raw

energy was useful in primitive societies for the fighting process, if it
takes over the living room in present times, we often lose judgment
and do things that hurt ourselves and others. In a later chapter we will
look at how anger can be transformed from a rage state to its optimal
protective and boundary-setting role.

Parts that Help us Adapt

While hunger, fear and anger are related to our physical survival,
we also have other parts whose function as we grow is to help us
succeed in our social world. Early in life there are responses by the
baby which activate the parents' caretaking parts. Initially aimed at
keeping the nurturing parts of the parents involved to ensure survival
of the infant, they are internalized into the mind of the child and
shape the character of what we call approval-seeking parts.

Parts which want to please others are important for coming into right
relationship to our environment.

Meanwhile, the parents are busy trying to develop the self-

regulatory parts of the child so she can go to the toilet in the toilet, eat
at dinner time, sleep when it is time to sleep and play when it is time
to play. From these parental responses to the child's behavior, internal
parts develop in the child: manager parts who know what is safe to
touch and what is not, what you can say and what you can't say, what
is "good" and what is "bad," what makes you a "good child," and what
makes you a "bad child."
 Out of these years of interactions arise parts that take on the lessons
from those experiences and become judging, critical or moralistic
parts in the person's internal system.
 Inner critics have internalized the expectations of the world around us,
and try and protect our vulnerable parts through self criticism.

These parts are similar to what Eric Berne in Transactional Analysis

called "critical parent" ego states, and they also have similarities to
Freud's "superego." The critical and judging parts developed in order
to help us get approval from others. This group of parts has learned
the expectations of the outer world and now gives those messages to
the inner system without any outside activation.
These critical and judging parts are often protecting vulnerable
parts that are easily hurt if we perceive ourselves as criticized or
rejected by others. These vulnerable child parts are easily embarrassed
or shy.
 To balance out the critical and judging parts, most systems have a
rebel part that fights against the inner and outer critics and judges.
These rebel parts are particularly strong during adolescence. What is
their function?
Rebellious parts assert our autonomy and support the development of our
individual identity.

Whereas the inner critic and judge have the function of helping the
person to adapt to the family and social norms, the rebel part has the
function of pushing against parental and social expectations so that
the person can develop autonomy and individual identity.

Manager Parts
As we grow up, parts called managers develop. The functions of
these parts are to assess the needs and capacities of the system, to
accurately interpret the demands and the conditions of the external
context and to develop a plan of action to best meet internal and
external conditions. A good example of a manager part is the
multitasker:
 The multi-tasker helps us to manage all of the complex tasks of modern
life.

This part helps us get done what needs to be done. With the large
number of roles that must be filled in today's world, especially by
women, many people need this part in the living room to help
manage their many internal and external demands.
Managers can take on many forms: for example, a list maker helps to
prioritize tasks. Other manager parts organize other people,
reminding them of what must be done. The women on the right could
be called the delegator.
 The priority manager loves to make The delegator helps us organize
"to do lists," so we can organize our others to do the
day. tasks that need to be done.
These managers compete with each other and a wide range of other
parts for space in our living room. Our family, social tasks and
personal needs each demand time and space. The dynamics of today's
social and economic systems require people to juggle rapidly many
tasks. The living rooms of people's systems are filled with parts
jockeying for time and energy to meet the demands of internal and
external conditions. The statements below represent some of the
external demands that can activate various manager parts.
 We see, then, that there is a wide array of parts designed to help us
cope with the tasks of living. Our mental software is indeed
sophisticated. It actually writes itself as we grow up to fit the context
we live in. We can find the origin of our major parts in key events in
our development, and they shape our inner system. A family crisis or
our role in the family influences the development of our parts as does
the social context.
These drawings of parts are meant to reflect forms that people may
discover as they visualize their parts. Therapists who explore the
inner system find that each client has a different way of experiencing
or imaging her parts. This aspect of parts work is one of the creative
and interesting things about the work: the client and therapist
discover the parts as each individual moves along the path of
discovering their own inner system. One of the exercises that I have
my students do is to generate a map of their own internal system. At
the end of this chapter you will find an outline of steps for developing
such a map yourself. I have included examples of ways various
people have approached representing their inner world of parts.
 Parts Map Exercise
1. Look at examples of the parts maps on the next pages and
at your notes from the exercise in chapter 1. You may use
these ideas to begin planning a parts map.
2. Create images in the way that works best for you. You
could make a collage, using pictures from magazines or other
sources of images such as http://images.google.com/. You could
also draw or paint your own images or simply write out the
names and characteristics of your parts in a diagram format.
3. You can use the types of parts discussed in this chapter or
other parts that you find are aspects of your inner system.
Some people find a lot of parts while others have only a few.
4. Arrange these images in a configuration that best expresses
your inner world. You might place parts near each other if
they go together and you might in some way show parts
which are in conflict. You can vary the size and placement of
the images to reflect the amount of space they take up in your
system. Feel free to use whatever form works best for you.
 Chapter 4

How the Parts Interact

"Then another part of me says... "

We have noticed that there often are several parts in the living
room of our mind vying for attention. In doing parts work therapy we
have discovered that when problems take a lot of time to unravel, it is
often because there are groups of parts that are polarized or in
coalition with other parts. Identifying and working with these
dynamics within the system are important steps in bringing the
system into balance. Here is a light-hearted example of conflicts and
coalitions that might appear in our lives.
The Happy Pig part takes great joy in being employed as the
caretaker of hunger: its job is to find food and to enjoy eating it. Its
first salvo into our consciousness may be to make us aware of hunger
pangs, or perhaps, if it is a very alert Happy Pig, to send us images of
some food we enjoy before hunger pangs even arise. "Why wait?" is
the Happy Pig's motto. It may be that Happy Pig takes over without
ever announcing itself in our mind: it simply slides open our desk
drawer and we find ourselves licking our lips after eating the Twinkie
or the brownie stored there earlier.
 A part whose job is to look for enjoyment can use clever strategies to get
it.

This strategy on the part of Happy Pig has the advantage of not
waking up opposing coalition parts: the inner food critic, the health
trainer, the body image manager, and the Judge.

In many people there is a coalition of parts who try to keep the person fit
and healthy.

This is a group of parts that Happy Pig has labeled the Privy
Council of food intake. This crew, the Happy Pig feels, is better left
sleeping. The Happy Pig's point of view is, "Look, we know you are
going to end up eating that Twinkie anyway, it was a done deal when
you brought it to work, so why go through all of those inner
machinations first?"

Despite the Happy Pig's opinion to the contrary, the Privy Council
might lodge a formal protest to the Self-Improvement Manager. It
may be that this person has recently been taking a holistic health class
on healthy choices, so this part is in the foreground. The Council
objects to the habit they have observed in which a Twinkie is eaten
every afternoon without letting the Privy Council have input into the
decision.
One of the ways the Council works is to get our attention when we
look in the mirror, step on the scales or perhaps see an article about
healthy nutrition in the paper. They then harangue us with feelings of
guilt and remorse for being such an ignorant slob and eating
Twinkies. To appease these parts, our Self-Improvement Manager
suggests something like putting a sticky note on the Twinkie package
which says "Think!" That way we could have input from various
concerned parts and delay eating the Twinkie. This delay lasts for
about twenty minutes, at which point when the Privy Council has its
back turned the Happy Pig returns, and the person ignores the sticky
note and eats the Twinkie.
The Privy Council takes note of this devious action and wants a
more effective plan for interrupting this automatic pattern. The person
might go to a behavior management counselor, and the Privy Council
is happy to agree with some of her suggestions. The Council decides it
would be more effective to interrupt the cycle earlier in the process,
ideally at the point when the Twinkie is being purchased at the store
or at least when it is being packed to take to work. This plan would
"guarantee" that eating a Twinkie at work stops.
However, be forewarned that the Happy Pig is very persistent and
creative. Given that you now have no Twinkie in your drawer it is
likely that you will find yourself wandering down the hall to the
lunchroom where frequently someone has deposited the leftover
donuts from an earlier meeting. While your workplace manager part
is in the living room discussing important issues with a colleague,
thus keeping the Privy Council from coming into the living room,
Happy Pig will quietly consume two glazed donuts. Who knows? If
the work discussion was intense enough, reports may never reach the
Privy Council of this infraction, thus avoiding any annoying gnashing
of teeth and bitter recriminations being levied at the Happy Pig.
The internal systems view of the personality explains why these
"behavioral management" efforts did not work and this pattern did
not change. The situation did not change because the polarization
between the Happy Pig and the Privy Council was never addressed
and there was no true negotiation between them. To break this cycle
Happy Pig needs to be part of the solution, not sabotaging the process.
For this to happen the person needs to move into Self, and then to
enter into a true dialogue about nutrition with the Happy Pig, perhaps
giving it the job of planning tasty nutritious snacks, with the Privy
Council giving input on nutrition and exercise. We will explain the
process of this type of dialogue in chapter 5.
Parts Coalitions
Alliances among parts like the one we saw with the Privy Council
are common in the internal system. These alliances or coalitions are
groups of parts that have shared perspectives and goals for the
system. These groups of parts tend to be activated together and can
have a dominating presence, taking over the living room of our
consciousness. Discovering and working with such a coalition was an
important part of my own inner work.
When I began my own parts therapy, my focus was on the fact that
during my early years as a therapist I often felt on the verge of
burnout. When I began to work with my parts I found that in my
system I had a very powerful coalition of parts that were contributing
to my burnout. This coalition had a little boy part who wanted to do
what was good and helpful, and another little boy part who felt
responsible and burdened: there was also a well developed helper
part with a lot of resources and a part I called Steel.

An overly active coalition of helping parts can take over the living room
and lead to the person's becoming burned out.

Steel knew no pain and was never tired. He was the part of me that
at the weight of one hundred twenty-five pounds was the all-
conference football defensive back in high school; he was the part of
me that ran marathon races; and he was the part of me that could
push me as a therapist, activist and family member until I was
completely exhausted and not even know it.
The parts work for my system focused on separating out this
coalition and finding out what had caused it to drive me so.
Separating Steel out and dialoging from the Self went quite smoothly.
He was happy to have another assignment; helping me to get tenure
and playing hard at racquetball (though he did enjoy the racquetball
more). The therapist/helper part was also fairly easy to separate out
and understood after years of training and supervision the limitations
of what it could do.
 Sometimes young parts carry burdens for years that are much too heavy
for them.
The burdened little boy, it turns out, was the pivotal part. He
would take on the problems and needs of others as if they were his
own to carry and was heavily weighed down by this responsibility.
During my therapy I learned that this extreme form of taking on
burdens was the little boy's way of coping with the death of my
younger sister when I was eleven years old and his way to try and
help the family.
 How we react to others depends on what parts are in our living room
when we encounter them.

The therapy process helped him to set the burdens down. However
before he could do this I had to first experience with him the deep
grief he still carried about the loss of his sister as well as to sort
through feelings of responsibility and guilt that he had developed in
his attempt to cope with the experience of her illness and death.
This example is quite typical of how inner systems work. The
coalition of parts had developed a rigid and extreme form as a way to
help this little boy deal with an extremely difficult experience. In
order for them to shift, they had to first step back and be recognized
by Self. Then the root cause of the rigid coalition had to be addressed
in the therapeutic process. Once the over-responsible little boy part
was unburdened, the other parts could assume a balanced role in the
system. I could be helpful without being overly helpful and Steel
could give me the determination to push forward when that was
needed. My little boy parts could express a wider range of feelings
needed for me to have a more balanced life.
Not all coalitions become as problematic as mine. Many parts
gather together because they have shared roles and values in the inner
system. They become problematic when they are attempting to cope
with trauma, and they can get stuck in a rigid forms as they try to
help.
In responding to an everyday event it is possible to see how
different inner coalitions in the same person react to the same
situation. For instance, if you see a beggar panhandling on the street,
you can have very different reactions depending on the coalition of
parts that is ready to jump into the living room. First let's imagine that
you are returning from church, temple or a political awareness
meeting after hearing a talk on caring for the poor. This circumstance
predisposes you to having certain parts nearer to the surface of the
living room. It is not surprising that the helping part is activated and
comes into the living room with a whole coalition of parts that
support the action of doing something for the beggar.
Notice here that in addition to our well-prepared helper, there is
the nurturing part, as well as the good little girl, who all feel good
when they are helping. With such a strong helping coalition the
person might not just give something to the beggar but spend the next
few hours making sure he has shelter and linking him to social
services and a jobs program.
 Here the caring and nurturing parts want to help the homeless person
they see on the street

Now, instead of just having come from a social awareness event,

let's imagine that it is Friday afternoon and you are on your way
home, exhausted from a hard week's work with one demand after
another having been made on you. Now when you see the beggar a
very different cast of characters comes into your living room. In such a
situation, when you see the beggar, instantly a bossy manager part is
activated and yells, "Get a job, you bum!"
This bossy part has a whole coalition of parts as well. The stern
moralist is sure that the beggar has done something to land himself in
this situation, the overly judgmental part confirms this and the critical
part also has a lot to say.
Let's see what might happen when we get into the Self state of
mind. Both teams are in our living room and Self is seeing them as
they argue with each other.

When Self is present, both coalitions with their different

perspectives can be present at the same time. From this perspective
we hear both sides of the argument. Now instead of an automatic
response, we may have an internal dialogue to sort out our responses.
If we are centered in the Self we are able to listen to the full range of
perspectives we have in ourselves and mediate a solution.
 Here we have critical and judging parts |in our living room and we might
blame the person for getting
himself into this condition.

Perhaps as a compromise the critics are willing to give the person a

small amount of money, "as long as you don't waste your morning
helping this guy out, something he surely doesn't want anyway." The
helper part can be satisfied with this compromise if you can "smile
when you give the money and make respectful contact in the process."
This all happens in an instant and we continue down the street,
Happy Pig planning what we will order at the restaurant we were on
our way to.
 If we can get centered in the Self we can consider the perspectives and
arguments of all of the parts

These examples illustrate both the nature of inner coalitions of

parts and how we can respond very differently to the same situation
depending on what parts the preceding conditions have brought into
our living room. Because different parts have different roles,
attending to the different needs in our system, it is natural that
conflicts will arise as these competing needs and fears are worked out.
Bringing the awareness of Self into the process allows us to resolve
these conflicts, because being in Self allows input from all our parts.
 Inner Coalitions
Looking at your parts map, think about parts that might form
a coalition in your inner system.

• Jot down your thoughts about this.

• You might remake your map in such a way as to express
the coalitions you are aware of.
• Consider how such a coalition helps you on some occasions
or causes you difficulty in other situations.
 Chapter 5

Getting the Parts in Balance

"This part means well,
but it is working way too hard"

When Parts Work Too Hard

If all of our parts are supposed to function in a positive way for us,
why is it that some of them cause so much trouble? Usually because
they originated when our system was under stress, they have become
overly active: they take up too much space in our living room and
appear too often, even when it is not appropriate. Therapy focused on
working with the parts takes the client into the Self and has the client
dialogue with the parts in order to hear their story and find out why
they are doing what they are doing. Once the client understands the
positive intention of the parts, the client and therapist can help the
part see how what they are now doing is not helping then help the
system to come back in balance.
Interestingly enough, parts seem to have minds of their own. Their
view of how to help the person's system is sometimes quite limited,
usually because they retain beliefs that the person had at an earlier
age or under different circumstances. Finding the source of these
beliefs can also be an important aspect of helping the system to regain
its balance.
Getting to Know our Parts
It has been my experience that there are four dimensions to each
part: sensory, emotional, verbal, and imagery. Each of these aspects of
the part offers a doorway to understanding and working with the
parts. The way the part manifests in the body is the sensory
dimension. It might be tension in the neck, a knot in the stomach, or a
weight on the shoulders. Becoming aware of how our body feels and
reacts in an activating situation can guide us to knowing which part of
us is reacting.
The emotional dimension refers to the level of emotions such as
fear, anger, joy sorrow, desire, etc. A therapist with good listening
skills reflects and clarifies feelings, and this process alone can bring a
great deal of relief to people. From a parts work perspective this is
because that part of us feels heard and understood. At the same time,
by clarifying and becoming aware of our feelings we move more into
Self. For example just being hurt or anger, that is to say when those
parts take up the whole living room with no Self present, is very
different than being aware of hurt or angry feelings. Then the Self is
present.
The verbal dimension is also called the cognitive dimension. When
this aspect of a part is being considered, the client and the therapist
explore what the part says or would like to say when it is activated.
For example, a client feels hurt after seeing an acquaintance on the
street who ignored him. The part that is hurt might be saying that the
person doesn't like him. On a day when he feels even more
vulnerable, the part might go on to say, "There must really be
something wrong with me." The vulnerable child part can easily get
caught in such thought patterns.
On the other hand, if the individual were in Self, he might just say,
"Hmmm, that person seems very distracted today and didn't even
notice me." This verbal dimension of a part is a favorite area for
cognitive behavioral therapists to explore. They look for automatic
irrational thoughts that arise when we interpret situations in ways
that cause us to have negative emotional reactions; the cognitive
behavioral therapist challenges them with rational thought. Exploring
automatic thoughts and beliefs can also be a dimension of parts work
In parts work, however, it is in the context of trying to understand the
distorted belief of a part of the inner systems from the perspective of
Self. It is also understood that the cognitive level of a part is only one
of its dimensions in the systemic structure. Nevertheless, helping
parts let go of the irrational beliefs they carry can be very helpful.
Imagery can also be an important aspect of parts work therapy.
When the therapist and client have clarified the thoughts, feelings and
sensations that suggest a part, many clients will have a picture come
into their mind representing that part. Once the image is there, the
therapist guides a dialogue with this internal representation of the
parts. This is a dynamic and interesting process but difficult to
understand if you haven't actually experienced it. With the therapist
helping to structure the process, the parts will often respond with an
internal voice or by showing us pictures. One reason for this
illustrated book is to offer examples of the imagery dimension of parts
for those who haven't had a chance to experience the inner work itself.
In getting to know our parts we can use any one of these four
dimensions as the doorway. Many models of therapy focus primarily
on one dimension. With the parts work we can start with whichever
dimension seems most available and relevant to the parts we are
working with, keeping in mind that by looking at other dimensions
we might get a deeper understanding of the part. Our experience has
been that when the client is able to use imagery the inner work
progresses more rapidly.
Exploring Parts
To illustrate this inner process we will explore a common emotion
that can cause people difficulty, anger. Sometimes people come to
therapy because they find themselves "losing it" with others or fuming
at any provocation or having difficulties with a child or a partner
because their anger flares up too quickly.
Since anger is usually a strong feeling, the emotional dimension is
already clear. The therapist might explore the sensory dimension: how
the body feels when the client is angry. Is it a clenched jaw or fist, a
racing heart? Then the question might be, "What does this 'clenched
fist part' want to say or do?" Then the therapist might ask what that
part would look like if it had a form. Sometimes this will be a human
form, sometimes an object such as a cloud or, in the case of anger,
often a fire or a red ball. Here we see a picture of anger in an extreme
form.

Rage is a protector part in extreme form, activated when a person feels

threatened.

After the part has taken some form, the therapist asks the client to
imagine that the part separates a little so that client can get to know it
better. One client imagined looking at a part something like this
representation of anger. The client's reaction might well be, "Help! Get
me away from him!" That would be a scared part reacting. With the
inner work we would ask the client to become aware of her scared
part and what it might look like. Often with this type of reaction it is a
frightened child part, but we are open to whatever arises in the
person's system and try not to speculate or put our ideas or
associations into what this part might be.
The next step would be to have the client imagine being present
with but separate from the frightened child part, perhaps by finding a
safe place for the child to be. At this point we would ask how the
client felt toward the child. If the reaction was a Self quality such as
compassion or curiosity the therapist knows that the person is in Self.
Then it is possible to proceed by getting to know the parts better with
the Self leading the process.

More effective protection comes when the part can take on a more
balanced form with the help of the Self.
 In most cases when the reactive parts have been separated out, the
image of the original part changes. When the focus moves back to the
angery part, the client is surprised to find that it is not as ferocious as
it originally appeared. This is because initially the part was seen
through the eyes of one of the scared parts, not from the eyes of the
Self. Each part sees the inner and outer world from its own
perspective.
In the case of anger, the shift might look something like this, but it
could also completely change its shape to something totally different.
One of the wonders of this work is that each person's parts show up in
unique ways. It is important not to have preconceived notions of what
the part should look like or what it means for the other person.
One of the hardest things in training therapists in this model is to keep
them from interpreting the meaning of a client's parts. That is up to
the client to do; the therapist's job is to help the person to get into Self
and then assist the Self to understand the parts.

What the therapist does is help the person begin to dialogue with
the part. The questions asked of the part might be: Why is the part
doing what it is doing? What is its job? Does it have a story to tell? It is
important with a protective part to ask what it is afraid would happen
if it stopped doing what it was doing. In the case of anger, that part is
usually convinced that if it didn't flare up the person would be taken
advantage of. The angry part usually developed at a time when the
person was vulnerable and the anger was a form of self-protection.
The problem, of course, is that situations change, but often our parts
keep reacting in the way they learned to react earlier in life.
After working with the anger part and helping it let go of its
extreme position, the client, now more often in the Self, can help the
angry part do its job more effectively, so that it protects, draws
boundaries, and maintains safety rather than exploding.
Calling on Parts to Help Parts
Sometimes when we are angry we are not able to fully get into the
Self because the situation is too activating. We can, in these situations,
use a strong and balanced manager part to help us to contain our
anger. We feel the anger boiling in us, but we are able to hold
ourselves back, keeping from doing something that we would later
regret and that would make the situation worse. This is an illustration
of one client's use of an effective manager to hold back anger.

Even if we can't get into Self, sometimes a manager part can hold back
rage so we don't do something
we would later regret.

Protector Parts
As children we are all vulnerable and therefore we develop
protective parts as a defense. The anger part mentioned earlier is often
a protective part, but there are many other forms that protective parts
can take.
These protective parts are almost always protecting a frightened
Child Part.
 What form the protectors take varies from person to person.

It is for this reason that you can't move a protector out of the living
room by attacking it or trying to diminish it in some way. You will
only make it more determined to protect the vulnerable parts. The
way to get a protector to step back is first to let it know you value its
role in protecting the system and then to educate it about resources
the person has that they didn't have when the person was a child,
which is the point where most protector parts developed. Helping the
protectors learn about and trust the Self is a key part of helping them
understand that there are other, more effective, ways to make the
system safe and strong. It is surprising, but these parts are able to find
better ways of helping once they have been heard in dialogue between
Self and part, and they begin to trust the Self and allow it to lead.
 The protectors are usually protecting vulnerable parts

Often we see people who have a protective part that always arises
when someone tries to get close to them. They fear they might be hurt,
and armor themselves for protection. This can have a chilling effect on
relationships since it is not comfortable to hug a knight in full armor.
We often hold on to the psychological armor that we developed after
we were hurt as children, even though we now have all the resources
of an adult. We have more control over our situation now and adult
judgment about who is safe and not safe. The result of having these
rigid protectors in our adult life may be that we keep people away
through various maneuvers, making it very difficult to have the kind
of relationships we desire.
 Inner protectors make sure that no one gets too close, putting vulnerable
parts at risk.

Protector parts can use many other behaviors such as being aloof or
unfriendly with coworkers or friends, adopting a "tough guy" stance,
or dominating the conversation at every opportunity. A client of
Lauri's had trouble because she was typically irritable and impatient
with people at work and home. Thus her relationships were always
strained. She looked for the part that had this defensiveness and
found a very fierce/ wild alley cat. She managed to visualize putting
the cat in a small safe room and asked it what it would need to
moderate its fierceness. The cat told her that she would have to "visit"
it in her mind every day and maybe then, the cat said, it would begin
to trust the client. This client's former therapist, on hearing of this
image said, "That's perfect! This woman was basically thrown out into
the alley as a child, rejected by her own family and in a series of foster
homes."
The client worked hard in therapy. She found her Self space during
the sessions and worked on staying in it during her daily life. After
some time, she reported that the cat part had become tame, and that
her relationships were much more harmonious. She bought herself a
lapel pin of a cat, which she wore with much pleasure.

A woman who was always in a permanent protective stance in

relationships found an inner "alley cat" protector part.
 As she was able to give regular attention to her "alley cat" part, her
outside relationships improved as well.

Another of Lauri's clients was a very tall, large man who often had
a hard scowl on his face. He was having considerable difficulty in
relationships because people were so threatened by his size and
manner. As a child he had been mercilessly beaten by his father and
so he lived in a constant state of fear. In therapy, he found a "Tank
Part" that was protecting him. The therapy work involved slowly
working him into the position of driving the tank, instead of just
letting it run over people.
Though it shouldn't have surprised Lauri or the client, one day the
top of the tank opened and out popped a frightened little boy. It was
now safe for him to come out and be cared for. Through the
therapeutic process the client was in fact able to get control over much
of his life and he was less defensive in relationships as the Self became
more and more available and his parts less extreme.
People with strong protective parts armoring them usually have a
wounded and vulnerable child inside.
Critics, Judges and Boss Parts

Critical or judging parts can become too strong in our systems

because of childhood experiences in learning what we should and
shouldn't do. Taking in our parents' admonitions about what is
permissible and what is not, we gradually develop our own inner
judges that remind us of the social rules of our family and community.
It is of course vital that we develop these parts, for later they will help
us learn how to be successful within our social context. It is, however,
easy for our system to get out of balance in this process.
A complicating factor is that our biological predisposition causes
each of us to learn differently, depending upon the temperament we
were born with. The difference between the introverted and the
extroverted child is a good example. One effect of this temperamental
difference is that introverts are much more reactive to external stimuli,
such as the stern voice of the parent. If we apply that difference to the
process of developing our inner critics and judges we find this
temperamental difference can have a strong impact.
Take as an example the parent saying no no to a child, perhaps as
they were about to touch an object at Grandma's house. The same tone
of voice by the parent for the introverted child is heard as NO NO
while for the extroverted child it is no no, simply because of the
difference in the inborn arousal level of their systems. The result of
this might be that the introverted child will not touch that or any other
object at Grandma's and is made very cautious by the "severe"
reprimand. The no no for the extroverted child, on the other hand,
barely registers, and two minutes later he is touching the object again.
It is possible under these conditions that the critical and judging
parts of the sensitive child may become both harsh and powerful in
the system, as the child grows up. This can lead to the development of
a severe self-critic part which keeps the adult in constant fear of being
criticized. This can take up much of the person's internal system's
energy and create an over-controlled and perhaps perfectionistic
system that might look something like this living room with its
extreme inner critic and judging parts.

Perfectionism is usually an
indication of powerful inner critics
and judging parts.

If the person has not internalized

external norms enough, the person
will find themselves struggling with
those around them.

The extroverted child may have underdeveloped inner critics and

judges, even though the parents' response was the same to each child.
This can result in difficulties as the extraverted child interacts with
their social environment.
His inner system might look like this illustration, where the critical
and judging parts are very small and barely get into the living room.
The ideal, of course, would be the image seen in the third picture,
where the inner critics and judges are in a healthy form and Self is in a
leadership role.

Ideally, through access to the Self, the various parts are able to find their
natural and balanced form.

We have traced the development of inner judges and critics. As we

have noted, some people internalize the critics to such an extent that
they can never accept their own imperfections or those of others. This
illustration shows how one client's "moralist" transformed from a
harsh, rigid judging stance to a softer, more compassionate moral
guide once it was able to shift from its extreme form and when Self
was in leadership.
The one is hard, constricted and critical; the other offers a hopeful
vision of what the person might become.
When centered in Self, an inner moralistic part can take on a more loving
and kind form.

Therapeutic work can help the parts to release their extreme stance and
allow them to find their more effective, balanced form.
Transforming Critic, Judge and Boss Parts

We saw a friendly manager part in chapter three. This manager

was originally a yelling, driving boss part that changed into a more
helpful manager-boss part after a dialogue with the Self. When the
original Boss Part with the megaphone was asked what his job was, he
said that if he did not yell constantly at the client, the client would fall
into inactivity and never get anything done. When the client's Self was
put in charge and reassured the Boss Part that his concerns were
heard, and his fears worked with, he took on a new role as a planner.
He took on the task of making lists, becoming a part that many of us
could find useful.
All of these parts are problematic when they are working too hard.
They have good intentions. However, they take up too much space in
the living room and often won't leave when there needs to be space
for other parts. As we have said, it is important to remind the parts
that we are not trying to get rid of them, but rather to better
understand them through dialogue with the Self. That process may
take a long time and usually involves finding other parts that are in
coalition with or opposition to the problematic part. The work is to let
each of the parts have their say.
For instance, one client who was going through a divorce found a
dumpy, whiny fourteen-year-old girl part who, she reported, "none of
the other parts like." The client really didn't want to talk to this part at
first. However, as she was assisted in moving into the Self during the
therapy session, she was able to have a dialogue with her. This was
the part of her that felt her whole world would collapse when her
marriage ended. A year later, coming back for a check-up session, the
client said, "I never would have gotten through the divorce so well if I
hadn't found that fourteen-year-old girl."
When Good Parts Become Too Good
Sometimes a part has started out as a very positive attribute. The
person has gotten a lot of approval from other people for doing what
this part does, but the part gradually takes up more and more of the
person's life, taking over the living room and using all of the person's
energy. In the case of many helping professionals, it is a helper part.

People in the helping professions often find themselves with a highly

motivated helping part.

Such a part may have started out in a central but balanced role in
the system with a lot of ability and resources. However, it sometimes
happens that the part can become all-encompassing, giving rise to the
kind of rescuer part we see here.
Helping professionals who attend my workshops often come with
this overactive Helper Part, and they are able to move into a new and
more balanced relationship with these parts. This work is one focus of
my "Healing the Healer" burnout prevention workshops.
These parts can become extreme, taking much of the person's energy and
leading to burnout.

Worry Parts
Another frequent visitor for many is worry. When it becomes
extreme, worry takes up a lot of the living room. It prevents other
parts from being there, even though these other parts are needed to
judge what is a true danger. These anxious parts can also prevent
useful managers from making a plan that will help us cope with
possible problems. In its functional form, as we see in this illustration,
the part that worries can look ahead and warn us of possible dangers.
This can activate the needed parts, but it doesn't exhaust the entire
system and keep us awake at night.
 Lauri experienced an interesting transformation of a worry part
during a mini-parts-work-session we had as we were stuck in traffic at
the border between Canada and the United States when coming back
from a vacation. Lauri liked her job very much but was quite anxious
about going back to work after the vacation because many changes
were happening at her agency and there was a turbulent,
unpredictable atmosphere there. We used the time waiting in line for
a parts work session.
Lauri took some slow deep breaths and was becoming well
anchored in her Self. Then, when asked to visualize the worry part,
Lauri imagined a small, anxious mouse, running around looking for
possible dangers. After talking with the mouse about its function and
its worries, I suggested putting the mouse in a safe place to let it rest,
and Lauri imagined putting it in a basket lined with soft cotton,
whereupon the mouse went to sleep. Then I asked if there could be
another part that might be more effective in keeping watch for
possible problems on the horizon. Lauri said that she was picturing
Athena, in her full regalia, standing on a hill overlooking the
landscape.
When she returned to the mouse, after putting Athena in charge of
keeping watch, she began to laugh. When she finally caught her
breath, she said that the mouse not only was asleep but had turned
into a stuffed mouse. Lauri noted later that she returned to work
much calmer and was more effective. Thinking of Athena now and
then was helpful, but even when that specific image wasn't there she
felt much calmer than she had before. By becoming aware of her parts
and having the appropriate part, "Athena," in the living room when
needed, she had more Self available and could deal more competently
with the turbulent events at work. When working with parts, then, the
goal is not to get rid of problematic parts but to understand their
original intention. The inner work can then help the person find ways
to approach situations from the Self with input from the relevant
parts.
 Worried parts can become so
extreme that they make day to day
functioning very difficult and
uncomfortable

In a balanced form, the worried part

helps us to look forward and warns
us of dangers.

The exercise that follows offers a chance to experience some of this

process. Through inner dialogue with our parts we are able to bring
more harmony and balance into our system, helping our parts assume
their natural roles.
 Bringing Balance to Your System
At the end of this book you will find a web site listed where you can
find therapists trained in the IFS model who could help you fully
engage in the process of balancing your inner system. The following
exercise is not designed to address a serious issue for which one might
need the help of a therapist, but rather to help you explore adaptive
patterns you may have developed that are not optimal. Take what
works for you here and leave what doesn't seem to work.
Reflecting on parts that seem to be working too hard:
• Identify a part that you think may be working too hard.
• What kind of thoughts and feelings do you have when this
part is in the living room?
• What do you do when you are in this part?
• See if you can imagine what a picture of it would look like.
• As you think of this part, how do you feel towards it?

• If you have a reaction like judgement or fear, then simply

notice all of the parts that configure around this issue as you
try to understand all of their differing perspectives.
• If you have a curious or compassionate response you can
try asking it the questions that follow.
Further Questions:
• What is this part's job?
• What is it afraid would happen if it didn't work so hard?
• If there were other ways to manage the situation would this
part be willing to consider that?

• Is there something the part needs from you in order to do

that?
• Over the next week or two explore with the part more
useful ways you might use its energy.
 Chapter 6

Parts and Relationships

"... you always... you never ..."

As we interact with others throughout the day, a wide range of

parts enter the living room. As we interact with our children, parents,
partners and the people we work with, certain parts are regularly
called into play. We have called these repetitive processes "loops."
Repetitive loops can be positive. We have certain people in our lives
with whom we feel a natural warmth or with whom we are
continually joking, or with whom we always seem to have deep
discussions about life. However, automatic loops can become
problematic in our relationships, creating tension or conflict and
limiting ways of interacting.
To find examples of repetitive loops that become negative we have
only to look at a typical parent-child impasse. The child breaks a rule
or does something rude or thoughtless. The parent's judging part
begins a long lecture about responsibility. The youngster's rebel part
rises into the living room. His resulting sullen attitude causes the
parent's judging part to become more moralistic.
The result of course is predictable: the more the parent lectures, the
more stubborn and sullen the child gets, thanks to the rebel parts that
are now taking up his whole living room. After these interactions,
these parts of both parent and child are at the edge of the living room,
ready to go into action at the least provocation. Systemic family
therapists have called this process "the more . . . the more . . . " and
they spend a lot of time trying to do what we would call getting both
the parent and child into the Self in order to calm the parents' judging
and the child's rebellious parts. Once this is achieved, other more
productive parts can be available.

Another common source of loops is between a boss and an

employee. A judging boss can evoke a rebellious or defender part in a
subordinate. Subordinates have their own parts, which can intimidate
a boss and bring the boss's defender parts into the living room.
Loops in Partner Relationships
Perhaps more than in any other relationship, loops appear in
interactions between partners. Interactions can become repetitious,
with certain parts appearing over and over. There are often very well-
established loops, with one partner's part automatically calling out a
part in the other. Some of the most painful interactions seen in any
therapist's office occur when the negative loops in a couple's
relationship are being played out.
As poetry helped explore the nature of the Self, so we will use a
novel to illustrated this type of painful loop between a couple. Leo
Tolstoy, who in his writing shows a brilliant understanding of human
psychology, illustrates a dysfunctional series of interactions in his
novel, Anna Karenina.
Anna's partner, Vronsky, remains late at his club one evening.
Though Anna's inner thoughts say she doesn't want to have another
fight with him, she always reproached him for such fighting,
nonetheless when he comes home, she find herself involuntarily
setting up the fight. She asks with a cold angry expression on her face
if he if he was satisfied now that he had stayed at the club so late. He
responds coldly that he wanted to do it, and he did, that is what was
important. He then tries to reach out to her tenderly. She is glad at his
effort to make peace, but feels some strange power of "evil" in herself.
This resentful part will not let her respond to his tenderness. Instead
of making peace she coldly tells him he always has to be right.
Then she begins to weep, hoping that this will make him pity her. It
works, temporarily, but even as they eat supper and engage in
superficial conversation, she now sees in his eyes the very hardening
resentment she had been attempting to fight in herself. She realizes
that the struggle between them has deepened and will continue to get
worse at the next encounter. The momentum of this sequence has
taken control of them both.

The more Anna's warrior-defender part jabs at Vronsky, the more

his superior sounding armored part arises. When her plaintive crying
part comes into play, she succeeds in piercing his armor, but at a great
cost, since the next time they disagree, Vronsky's armored part will be
stronger and will rapidly come into the living room. Her "fighting"
part will have to use more piercing comments, and they will be driven
even further apart.
The negative impact of loops in couple interaction can be lessened.
The more each person can know his or her parts, and can pause to
access the Self in the midst of the fray, the better the chances of the
loops being interrupted before they become so destructive.
The Z Process
In looking into partner patterns of interaction, we discovered a
process that we have come to call the "Z." The Z is a way of charting
habitual parts interactions in a relationship. We call it a Z because
unlike a loop, it doesn't end up where it began. The sequence when
charted looks like a Z, with each part calling out a different reactive
part in the other person. When doing workshops on parts work, Lauri
and I sometimes role-play couple interactions. Here is Lauri's account
of our discovery of Z's during a role play at a recent workshop:

The role play was a case of art imitating life. It began as an

exaggeration of the loops triggered by the fact that Tom is introverted,
while I'm an extrovert. This means that he recharges by being quiet
and I recharge my energy by being with people. So the scene of the
role play is a Friday evening after work. I bounce into the house, with
my TGIF part in the living room, while he is in his distracter part,
quietly and happily reading the newspaper. Here we are, each in our
TGIF parts. You can see that the TGIF part of an extroverted female
and that of an introverted male and can be quite different.
 Different visions of how the evening will play out.

From my TGIF part I Tom's good little boy part who wants to
enthusiastically announce that I've make Lauri happy and his earnest
arranged that we will go to dinner responsible boy part reluctantly say o.k. to
and a movie with some friends this this plan. Notice Grumpy in the
evening background.
 Then my Manager comes in and I
That pushes his accommodating parts
remind him of the picnic scheduled for
out of the way, and in comes Grumpy.
Sunday
So this was the first stage of the Z process.

Grumpy's job is to protect Tom from overdoing and give him some
space for himself. I quickly see from his face that he's not happy, and
the Z" goes on.

I move first into my maternal part, asking him if I can He responds from
get him something coffee, beer, etc. Grumpy with a gruff No.
 I then go into my whining sad part, "I've
Tom retreats into the distracter
worked so hard all week and I really need to
part behind the newspaper,
get out and enjoy myself . . . I'm just worn
Grumpy at his side. The Helper
out." (rather like Anna!) in hopes of getting a
wanted to jump in, but the other
more pleasant and happy part into his living
parts won't let him take over.
room.

I notice now that all this time there is a judge part inside me, saying
to me that I'm selfish and inconsiderate to this perfectly lovely man
who just wants to sit and be quiet!
Finally, (to end the skit) I walk around and breathe, getting at least
closer to being in Self. And to my surprise, the words that come out of
my mouth as I sit down by him are, "I did it again, didn't I?"
Now, though this was a role play, if you've done role plays you
know that you really can get into the role, and I had! And I realized
that when I spontaneously said, "I did it again," it was much easier to
admit my mistakes when I thought of them as a succession of parts.
None of them was the whole of me, and that made it easier to get
distance from them and come to the situation from my Self. Together
we sat down and with each of us in Self we were able to speak for our
parts from Self. In this mode it was relatively easy to work out a
compromise about how we would spend the weekend.

If we are centered in our Self, we can hear all of our parts, and those of the
other person.

Tom Reflects on His Experience of the Z Pattern

My first response to Lauri's request, as you can see in the drawing,
is an automatic yes from a little boy part who wants others to be
happy and the burdened boy part that takes on his shoulders the
needs of other people. This doesn't give Grumpy any room to give
input about limiting activities and avoiding overload. When reflecting
on my parts in this interaction I see the familiar pattern. The part of
me that wants to make others happy and the part that feels its job is to
carry the burden get into an automatic "yes" response without
checking in with the rest of my system. Then when I get exhausted,
my Grumpy takes over the living room, making it very difficult to
have any good communication. When Lauri's nurturing part couldn't
get Grumpy out of the living room, her sad part set off an internal
struggle in me with my Helper wanting to jump in. Grumpy wouldn't
leave, however, so the distracter part took over again, burying me in
the newspaper and putting a halt to communication.

Let's look at the Z at the beginning of the sequence and explore the
nature of the parts activated. In the picture of my first response to
Lauri's request to go out, the key for me is the parts that automatically
appear in the foreground and say yes. It seems that this moment in the
interaction is where I could stop the automatic sequence. If I can avoid
the quick automatic yes, it gives the system a chance to get into Self
and check with other parts which may have an opinion. Actually it is
rare that Lauri would make plans that include me without consulting
first so there is usually ample time for me to say, "Let me think about
it." I can then check in and see how my various parts are reacting. It is
good to check in with Grumpy at this point since his job is to let me
and others know when I am maxed out and need rest. If he thinks the
system needs down time he can let me know. I can then deal with my
parts that want Lauri to be happy. They don't like the idea of saying
no, but from Self I explain to them that Lauri will be a lot happier in
the long run if I get rest and Grumpy doesn't have to take over. I can
then talk with Lauri from Self and let her know that it is too much and
that I would rather stay home. Some parts are uncomfortable with her
obvious disappointment but those parts are surprised to learn of her
resilience and notice that in a half an hour she has found other ways
to get what she needs out of the evening.
While breaking the loop at the beginning is the ideal time, the
automatic nature of the responses means that sometimes we get
further down the Z road before I notice. Some times I first notice
Grumpy has taken over the living room when I am putting on a tie
getting ready to go out, and I notice him staring back at me in the
mirror. With enough Self awareness at that point, I could give voice to
Grumpy, hopefully from Self, and just let Lauri know that we need to
sit down the next day and go over the schedule, and that I need more
down time. It is also possible that Lauri could notice that Grumpy was
coming into the living room and from Self let me know that this is
happening and ask what my needs are at that point. This can happen
more easily when she is in Self and realizes that Grumpy is an
expression of my overload and not a critic of her. This keeps her own
judging part from beating up on her and setting off her other parts in
reaction to Grumpy.
After this role play and discussion in my workshops, I suggest that
people pair up and help each other to chart out a Z pattern they notice
in a relationship. I have people reflect on the different parts that have
come up, looking at what in the other person has activated them. I ask
them to reflect on what their function is for the person, why they have
come into the living room in this situation and how the Z interaction
could be interrupted. At a recent workshop one of the participants
drew a Z that involved her and her husband. The sequence was this:
 He would do nothing with his
She would clean the house with her Distracter in charge.
Multitasker part in charge.

After a time, she would get mad. Wolf He would get defensive; his Protector
part would take over, ripping into him would send out remarks about her
for not helping. compulsiveness.
They would arrive at a frosty impasse.

I worked with this person's parts briefly after she described this Z. I
found out that the housecleaner part really enjoyed cleaning the house
and didn't care so much whether someone helped . . . she enjoyed
doing it.
What looks like a very hostile part can have buried in it a gentle vulnerable
part.
When we are centered in the Self it can come out.

We moved to a dialogue with her angry part. This was the Wolf
part who ripped into her husband for sitting around being lazy. As we
dialogued with this angry wolf and separated it out, it changed form.
When it was seen from Self, it appeared as a puppy.
In dialoging with the puppy, it became apparent that what she
wanted was not to have her husband help, but just to be appreciated
for her work. Prior to this dialogue she was only aware of her anger
and not of her wish for appreciation. It turns out that this angry wolf
was protecting her puppy part, which felt vulnerable in her wish for
appreciation.
When the participant was able to differentiate the parts of house
cleaner and the wolf, she was able to see clearly what she really
wanted from her husband. She didn't have much trouble figuring out
better ways to get it from him.
What if Anna and Vronsky had access to their parts from Self?
Well, maybe there wouldn't have been such a great novel!
Repetitive loops and Z patterns will always be a part of our
important relationships. When these Z patterns involve very
protective and rigid parts, they become intractable and block out other
more constructive ways of working out differences.
The reason that "you always . . . you never . . . " is a watchword
among therapists who do relationship counseling is that couples often
label each other in a negative way. The parts work view of this
process is that one person's protector parts are labeling the other
person, usually protecting vulnerable parts of their own system.
When these parts can be dialogued with and understood from Self,
they are usually able to stop this defensiveness, because they have
been heard. In this way we can find safe ways to communicate the
needs of these parts to each other.
 Exploring Relationship Loops & Z's
Think about a repetitive interaction that you have with another person
in your life.

• See if you can identify the parts of yourself that are active
in this interaction.
• Can you specifically identify something the other person
did or said that activated this part of you?
Reflect on the sequences described in the chapter. Can you identify
similar sequences in your own life?
• Think of these reaction sequences in terms of parts in
yourself and the other person.
• Try sketching out a Z pattern of these interactions.
• Note: Be cautious about naming other people's parts for
them. You might do this for your own understanding, but it
is important not to label the other person's parts. Doing this
from your protector part is another version of "you always . .
. you never . . . " and can lead to destructive communication
Z's.
• Think about the function of the parts being activated.
• Reflect on where the sequence could be interrupted by
moving into the Self, understanding the parts and speaking
for them from Self.
Some parts believe their job is to replay painful situations over and over.
 Chapter 7

Distracters and Firefighters

"Holding off the exiles"

How many times during the day do you find yourself turning on
the radio when you've already heard the headlines five times, opening
the newspaper you've already looked through, eating when you're not
hungry, scanning with the remote to find something to watch on TV?
As I watch students cross the campus with their iPodsR or cell phones
glued to their ears, I am reminded of how even the open space of
walking to class is too much empty living room space for them. Even
though we have so much information overload in our modern lives,
we race to fill empty space as soon as the stimulation level eases off
even a little.
Why is this? From an internal systems perspective these distracters
must have some function. At certain times, we are restless. External
conditions are not demanding our attention. We want to be free of the
inner managers that have been keeping us on task. We want to avoid
the constant inner chatter or worry parts, critical perfectionist parts or
planning parts that never let us rest. Often the empty space is liable to
be filled by ruminations, habitual concerns about work, a relationship
issue, this or that worry or aggravation. In the illustration we see a
part that one person called "Roma the Ruminator." This part
constantly replays situations over and over, reminding us of the pain
or fear and hoping for a better outcome this time.
Such ruminators are a common activator of distracter parts. These
habitual ruminations can constrict and lock up our system. The
distracter parts are a way of moving these parts out of the living room
and helping the system to relax. I see them as a kind of screen saver
for the psyche. Screen savers were originally developed on computers
so that when you leave a typed page on the screen too long it doesn't
damage the screen by burning in the patterns left there. If these
distracter parts could talk they might say, "Look, if you are going to
leave those same old tapes running in your head I'm going to
interrupt them with a meaningless but sometimes amusing pattern to
put on the TV in the living room of your consciousness."

As soon as someone touches the mouse (i.e. something in the

environment demands our attention) this screen saver goes away.
Distraction has the function of allowing us to shift gears and to get
away from the ruminations of the parts which have been taking up so
much space. But when it is there too often and too long, it can keep
more useful parts from being accessed.
Exiles
There is another important type of part found in many systems
Richard Schwartz calls them exiles. Exiles are parts that for a variety
of reasons are not allowed into the living room, and they are often
locked away in a part of the store consciousness where they can't be
easily activated.

Perhaps these parts were not socially acceptable to our family or

friends. One example for boys could be when vulnerable or sensitive
parts are punished or shamed by their peer group, father or coach. For
girls, the opposite is often true when smart, aggressive or competent
parts are punished or at least discouraged by their social
surroundings. In such situations manager parts learn to keep these
parts safely stored away to avoid the painful social sanctions they fear
would occur.
There is another group of Exile parts that are locked away because
they carry pain and the memory of traumatic experiences. Manager
parts repress these pain-carrying parts and do everything they can to
keep these parts from being activated because they fear that the living
room would be flooded by the painful memories and feelings.

One of the costs of this strategy is that a manager must always stay
in the living room, vigilant that nothing activates the exiled parts. The
Self, which carries awareness, is not allowed to take a central role in
the system for fear that with awareness will come a flooding of the
pain carried by one of the exiles. Despite the manager's best efforts,
however, it frequently happens that life circumstances trigger the
exiles and they begin to flood the person with pain.

With great effort, manger parts keep exiled parts far from the living room
in order to avoid being flooded by the pain they carry.
When Distracters become Firefighters
As we have said, the normal function of a distracter is often to block
out pain of some sort. But in the case of exiles, the pain is so great that
an ordinary distracter can't block it out, and so the distracter parts
take on an extreme form. Schwartz calls them "firefighters" because
they douse the fire of the pain by completely taking over the living
room of consciousness.

Self-destructive firefighter
behaviors often take over
the living room to block out
the painful feelings of the
exiled parts when managers
fail to keep them exiled.

Firefighters, although they are trying to help the system by keeping

the pain away, create their own harmful results. Firefighter behaviors
include anexoria and bulimia, substance abuse, extreme sexual
behavior, and other self-destructive behavior, which can temporarily
block out the psychological pain carried by the exiles. What all these
behaviors have in common is that they completely fill the living room
with sensory experience. This leaves no space for the painful feelings
to flood the system. The problem with this strategy is that it is only
temporary: eventually the stimulus conditions can't be sustained.
When they are exhausted, a revived set of managers is likely to enter
the living room. These are often harsh judges with recriminations
about firefighter behavior, and firm resolutions not to let it happen
again.
An Example of Firefighting: The Bulimic Loop
One of the more common Firefighter patterns is seen in bulimia. In
fact it was working with a bulimic client that led Richard Schwartz to
discover the IFS model over twenty five years ago, as it provides a
means to see a problematic behavior in its full systemic context.
Bulimia is also a good illustration of how a part of the internal system
that has a normal everyday function can be called into a more extreme
role.

When an extreme inner critic takes over the living room, it can even
distort how we see ourselves.
 A person with bulimia usually has an inner system which has an
extremely rigid inner critic part. This Critic is so strong that it takes up
much of the living room and is constantly driving the person toward
perfection.
As can be seen in this illustration, the critic/perfectionist part of this
teenager is extreme. She has on her wall the goals for the week: eating
almost nothing, running long distances and losing large amounts of
weight. As she looks in the mirror she doesn't see herself accurately
but through the eyes of an extreme inner Critic instead. This is a vivid
example of how each part sees the world differently and how when
parts are extreme they can dramatically distort the person's
perceptions.
The binge eating of the bulimic is apt to begin when the person is
feeling the crushing impossibility of ever meeting the Critic's
standards.

The happy pig becomes extreme and now is a firefighter and takes over
the living room to help block out the pain caused by the inner critic.

Feelings of unworthiness begin to flood into the living room and

the alarm rings for the volunteer firefighters. In this case it is our
Happy Pig who answers the call. While he is normally in charge of
helping to get tasty food or sometimes takes on the role of distracter,
in this emergency situation he is called into the role of firefighter. His
job is to take over the whole living room to block out the bad feelings
and he is ready to help.
Just as he is ready to dig in, the inner Critic says something about
calories, but this time the rebel part steps up in coalition with the
firefighter Happy Pig and says, "I don't give a damn about your
ideas," pushes the Critic out of the living room so that Happy Pig is
free to do his job.
Alas, even Happy Pig can only eat for so long.
 The rebel part works to fend off the inner critic.

After the eating binge the inner critic takes over and the loop begins
again.

When he stops, the Critic comes back into the living room, the
bulimic vomits her food and now sits in despair with the Happy Pig,
who also feels remorse. He thought he was helping but somehow it
didn't work out.
The teenager goes to sleep. When she wakes up in the morning, the
Critic is again in charge and she makes new goals for herself.

In order to change these self destructive loops, it is necessary to

understand all these parts and their interactions.

Healing through Parts Work

IFS therapy provides a focused and effective approach to this kind
of repetitive cycle that people get trapped in. A person who has a high
degree of internal polarization and exiled parts needs to work with an
experienced IFS therapist. The following is an outline of how the
therapeutic process might proceed with such an inner dynamic.
The first task is to spend time opening up space in the system for
the Self. The therapist does this by working with the managers, in this
case the critic part that is most involved in this cycle. The therapist
would start by inviting the client to imagine their inner critic in their
mind. The therapist would then ask the client to become aware of how
she felt about it. It is likely in this case that a variety of parts of the
client would react. For example a rebel part would probably pop up
and talk about how tired she is of having the Critic drive the system
so hard.
After listening to the rebel and acknowledging that it too was
trying to help the system, the therapist would ask it to step back to
watch the work with the Critic. Returning to the Critic, the therapist
would again ask the client for her reactions to Critic. It could be that
the Happy Pig would share how exhausted it is over the extra work
load, which doesn't seem to be helping to keep the exiles at bay. The
therapist would listen to that part, acknowledge it, and then ask it to
step back to watch the work from a distance.
Returning to work with the Critic, the therapist asks how she sees
the Critic now. Perhaps her image of the Critic is less severe and she is
curious to understand this part better. At this point the therapist
knows that the client's Self is available for the inner work, and can
now get to know the Critic better by asking why it does what it does.
What is it afraid would happen if it stopped? When did it start doing
this for the person?

Now it is likely that the Critic will emerge as a part that is trying to
protect a vulnerable child part that has been traumatized, and the
child part will slowly emerge. The Critic will perhaps state that it is so
strict with the client in order to keep her from being criticized and
rejected, as she was in the past, which would further wound her child
parts and flood the system with painful memories. Acknowledging
the Critic's positive intention, the therapist would help it to see how
the protective strategy is not actually working. Interestingly enough it
is often the case with this type of protective manager part that it was
not aware of the damaging effects it was having on the system. The
therapist then asks the part, "If there were another way to keep that
vulnerable part safe, would you be willing to shift your strategy?" The
answer to this is usually yes, but with skepticism. It usually takes
some time for such protector parts to learn to trust the Self.
Parts develop this trust by watching the inner work. So the next
step is to ask the Critic to step back to watch the work. Once the client
is in the Self, the therapist can carefully begin the work with the exile,
in this case the young part carrying the unworthy feelings.

Exiled parts need to be carefully reintegrated into the system.

This illustration, take from a client's experience with exiles, shows

the lamp of Self being carried toward the exiles as the work begins.
These exiles carry a variety of fears. It could be that they fear they will
be abandoned, as had happened in the past, if they don't meet the
expectations of those they love. They may believe they have to hold
on to memories of traumas they have experienced to keep it from
happening again. A benefit of the parts work process is that the
therapist doesn't have to figure this out. He or she has to support the
inquiry process, helping the client to be in the Self and letting the
client's Self guide the process. What heals the system and allows the
Critic to shift out of its extreme role is to work with the exiles and to
free them from the burdens which threaten the system. Being able to
work with Self in the lead is what allows the process to take place. It
takes a trained and experienced therapist to guide the process.
Therapeutic work with exiles can be very intense. The experienced
therapist does not bring the exiles into the client's living room until
the system has the resources to stay in the Self; otherwise the work
will set off another critic/firefighter sequence. Sometimes therapists
who use uncovering techniques without stabilizing the system with
the Self make this mistake.
The skilled IFS therapist can help the client to encounter the exiles
in the presence of the Self and thereby help the person hear the exiled
parts' stories without being flooded by the pain. The therapist and the
client's Self both witness the story and bring the necessary resources
to the exiled parts. The loving encounter between the client's Self and
the exiled parts is one of the most profound moments in the
therapeutic process. This often happens with the sense of the exiled
part being held in a loving embrace by the Self.
After the story of the exile is witnessed it often becomes clear that
the exiled part is carrying some burdens. These could be beliefs, pain
or wounds the exiled part is carrying. These burdens and beliefs can
be released or transformed as a closing step in this sequence of the
inner work.
Unburdening
One client, whom I will call Joan, discovered during therapy that a
child part of her was burdened by the impact of her mother's constant
practice of finding fault with her. As a child, she had always been
forced to put away her own needs for recognition in order to meet the
narcissistic needs of her mother or else face punishment.
 The child part's experience of these putdowns was that they were
like a kind of tar that covered her. During the initial stages of the
unburdening, the tar was gathered into a bag, but the little girl part
still struggled to carry the burden.
 Internally still bound to her narcissistic mother, this child part still carries
a sack of tar, burdens from her mother's criticism.

In one session I asked her if she was ready to release these burdens.
She had been unable to do so earlier because she feared losing her
mother's love. She could not let them go until she had been released
from the chain that bound her to her mother. She felt she still needed
this connection to her mother. As Self came more into leadership and
she was aware of all of the resources of her adult self, she now
realized that she could be free from the chain binding her to this past
experience of her mother's narcissism.
I asked her what she wanted to do with the tar. She said she
wanted to mix it with gravel and make a path and she then imagined
doing it. This was the beginning of the therapeutic journey for the
client. There was much more work to do, more deeply buried exiles to
recover; but she was able to free herself from the "tar" she had
received in childhood and turn it into a path that led her toward
healing.

After the therapeutic process has freed the client from the burdens, they
are transformed into a path towards deeper healing.

Once the vulnerable part that carried these painful memories

released its burdens, it could again become part of the system. The
therapist helped it find its place with the other parts. When the return
of an exile occurs, the therapist must also spend time helping the
whole system adjust to this shift. It is the nature of living systems that
whenever one part of the system changes the entire balance of the
system changes. Therefore the whole system must be addressed as it
adjusts to the return of the exiled part.
Working with firefighters and exiles is a central part of therapy
with people who have experienced trauma. It takes special training
and experience in IFS therapy to work effectively with these powerful
dynamics.
However, in many cases we can recognize everyday distracters in
our lives and can benefit from determining whether or not these
distracter parts offer the most useful strategies for our system. Of
course, it is not a problem to watch TV at the end of a long work day,
or eat or drink to feed our Happy Pig. But some activities leave us
truly refreshed and energized while others don't. These days, with an
abundance of consumer products and amusements at our finger tips
we may find ourselves automatically distracting. While this may seem
to give us a break, it may not be giving our system the renewal it
needs. The following exercise is designed to help you explore how to
shift from automatic and less helpful distractions to activities that are
genuinely restorative.
 Distracter Awareness
1. Think about your typical day. At what points do you find
yourself going to an automatic distracter? Radio on in the
morning? Reading the newspaper while eating?
2. Look at transition times, empty spaces. What do you fill
them with?
3. List your most common distracters. What seems to be their
function? How do you feel afterwards? Are they working for
you?
4. Reflect on the habitual thought patterns that precede the
distracters. Jot down the messages in these thoughts. Store
these messages in a spot where you can tend to them at a
later time, reassuring the parts that are sending them.
5. Now think about what truly relaxes you. What allows you
to let go of the tensions of the day and feel refreshed?
6. Can you imagine substituting one of these relaxing
moments for one of the less effective distracting activities?
Try experimenting and simply notice the effects. Let those
guide you.
 Chapter 8

Connecting to Inner Guidance

"Window to your soul"

Early in the development of IFS, Richard Schwartz began to find

parts that seemed to be essentially different from those he had
previously discovered. He called these guide parts, because they
offered wisdom and guidance to the client's inner system.
My first encounter with guide parts came nearly twenty years ago
in the first few years I was offering IFS therapy. During a session, a
client I will call Martha, experienced an image of light from which
emerged an exiled child part. It seemed that this light had protected
the child part for many years until her system was ready and
conditions were safe enough to receive it. It was a significant
milestone to have this child part find its place in Martha's system, and
we took the necessary time to help the other parts adjust to this new
arrival. I was struck by the fact that in her psyche she had a
mechanism to protect her vulnerable parts by sheltering them in light.
As we finished this stage of the work the light returned. At the time
I was working with Nancy, a co-therapist I was training in the IFS
model, and she encouraged Martha to ask the light what it was.
Martha was quiet for a while, and then softly said, "Window . . .
window to your soul." Later she said that it was as if she was looking
into the face of God. It took some time for her to speak as, deeply
moved, she sat in blissful tears.
Nancy and I marveled at what we were witnessing. I had been
interested in the integration of spirituality and psychotherapy for
many years, but was struggling to find the best way to do this. So
imagine my amazement when a client suddenly had a spontaneous
epiphany in my office - in a secular community mental health center!
Working with clients, I had always kept spirituality and
psychotherapy separate out of a sense of professionalism. I told
myself that if people came to a mental health clinic they were looking
for secularly-oriented services; otherwise they would have gone to a
religiously based counseling institution. At the same time, however, I
felt that I was overlooking a powerful internal resource by not
engaging the client's spiritual life. What was remarkable about
Martha's experience was that it didn't result from any intentional
integration of spirituality and psychotherapy on my part, but instead
was something that arose naturally from the client's own inner work.
It has been my experience that spiritual resources are often
available and are an important part of inner work. These spiritual
resources, or guides, may appear in many forms and they are usually
experienced as an interactive living presence. They may take the form
of a nonspecific abstract presence, a light, or more specifically appear
as a sage or religious figure like Jesus or Sophia. The quality of these
guides is always wise and loving. Interestingly, while they are often
available, they usually wait to be invited into the work.

Window to your Soul

What follows is a transcript from the ending of this session I have
just described. I am working with my co-therapist Nancy and our
client, Martha. Earlier in the session Martha had imagined placing her
other parts in a room. The image of a light appeared, out of which a
small child emerged. In the process of working with this child part,
Martha experienced a repressed memory of a disturbing trauma that
she had witnessed when she was a child.
I asked Martha to find out what the child part needed and how that
could be provided. This process progressed smoothly and the child
part felt comforted.
Then Martha reported a transparent form moving back and forth
across her chest. She said it was the same light from which the child
had emerged. My co-therapist, Nancy asked if this part had a name.
The following sequence occurred:
Martha: "Yes ... Window . . . Window to your soul. . . . I don't see
anything but the light."
Nancy: "Does the light have a voice?"

Martha: "Yes, it says, 'It's time you asked.'" [Inwardly, Martha asked
the voice if there was something more she needed to do for the
traumatized child. She then reported back.]. "The information it
gave me is that we looked at that, and there is a truth in that,
but not to get tied up in that [traumatic event] . . . It is not
necessary to go back into it again. I double checked that,
because I don't want to cop out . . . Yes, it says, 'You can go back
if you want, but it won't get you anywhere other than where
you are now . . . What is is what is.' The phrase, 'Trust yourself'.
. . . It is time to move on. Then it said, 'You are a power unto
yourself . . . no need to be afraid.'"
 Often the inner work can be a window to one's spiritual life.

[Long silence ...voice filled with emotion]

"It's a . . . It is almost like looking up and seeing God . . . It is
just rushing down . . . Kind of piped or coming right down into
me."

Nancy: "How does it feel?"

Martha: "It is very moving . . . I can't believe it is happening . . . it
touched me . . . This is the God in us?"
[A prolonged silence]
Tom: "From that place with those feelings . . . can you visit the other
parts?" [her other parts that are waiting in the room]
Martha: "When I brought that focus back to them . . . They were all
talking quietly. When I came into the room, they fell silent. It
was like they were in awe . . . the word 'power' comes to mind.
But they were not fearful . . . A voice says, . . . 'She knows the
truth.'"
[crying]
"A voice from somewhere . . . it must be the voice of God? It is
saying, . . . 'All the answers are within me . . . and I am truly a
magnificent creature.'"

[Pause, filled with emotion]

"I am feeling a lot of love and peace . . . And the voice keeps
saying, . . . 'It is okay. Just keep feeling that . . . I'm just feeling a
little overwhelmed now . . . The word trust keeps coming . . .
and the loving . . . It's just, . . . 'Stay in the loving . . . in the
lovingness . . . feel that and live your life from that.' That's all I
figured out. . . . That is the answer and key to everything."
[A long pause]
Tom: "Anything any part wants to say at this point?"
Martha: "The Compassionate Self just said, 'Thank you.' Reached up
and touched me on the forehead . . . and said, 'Thank you . . .'
There was a real peace and lovingness."
Since this session I have often seen many clients who experience
similar encounters during therapy. These are some of the most
moving and meaningful experiences of my life. In such moments it
feels as if one is in touch with a vast loving presence that is always
there but has been forgotten. Somehow, at certain moments in the
therapeutic process this deep, compassionate and loving presence
becomes immediate and real. Thus an important focus of my work
now is to better understand how I can best train other therapists to
awaken and invite this presence into the therapeutic process.
 In every person there are inner healing resources. Parts work therapy can
help us to access them.

An important question to consider is what the nature of the impact

of this spiritual encounter is on the client's everyday life. Is it a type of
peak experience separate from everyday life, or does it shift the
person's internal system in some significant way? The progress that
Martha made after encountering this kind of guidance is similar to
what I have observed in others: there is no ongoing "nirvana:" all
problems do not dissolve. But after this type of experience there is an
ever-increasing access to Self, and the person makes an accelerated
progress in both inner and outer work. Martha made considerable
gains in her personal integration during subsequent sessions. She
gradually moved out of a destructive relationship which she had been
in for years and began to form new and more balanced relationships.

The great gift of Martha's work was to show me in a clear and

dramatic way that internal resources of healing power can be found
within all of us. Helping people to access them is an important aspect
of the therapy that I offer.
The Nature of Spiritual Experiences
One of the first things I did after the session with Martha was to see
if there was a way to tap this kind of experience in my own inner
therapeutic work. I have always believed that it is a good idea to
receive therapy using the model one is learning in order to know it
from the inside out. In my own inner work, I too had an experience of
encountering a source of guidance, though it was not as powerful,
dramatic or clear as Martha's; in some ways it was more typical. I
experienced a connection to something that appeared as a light. I had
a wonderful and peaceful feeling while connected with the image. I
asked this image if it had any guidance for me and it replied that all I
needed to do was breathe with awareness and it would be present
with me. It was not a dramatic epiphany, but it turned out to be
wonderful and profound advice. Encounters with a source of
guidance may be more or less dramatic, but they usually are quite
profound. One thing is certain. Each person's experience is unique, so
it is important not to have expectations about how inner guidance will
unfold.
Since these early events, I began to actively invite my clients to
explore their spiritual lives. Aside from increasing the pace and the
effectiveness of the therapy itself, the spiritual connections which
clients make in therapy positively affect their overall spiritual life,
bringing a renewed vitality and deeper personal meaning into their
everyday lives.
Healing Presence
 Another client, whom I will call Cheryl, was a member of a fairly
conservative Christian church. To assist in the process of therapy I had
invited her to seek inner spiritual guidance, since I knew this was an
important aspect of her life. She very readily reported an image of
Jesus and felt great comfort in his presence. In the course of therapy I
would often ask her to call on Jesus if she was feeling overwhelmed or
in need of guidance.
One of Cheryl's painful psychological conflicts was rooted in the
fact that she had had an abortion when she was younger. When she
encountered her memory of the abortion in our imagery work she
became overwhelmed by guilt-ridden and judging parts, and the Self
was not available. I remember the internal conflict I had at this time: I
was questioning the wisdom of asking her to seek Jesus' assistance
when she felt so much condemnation coming from the church.
However, the quality of the presence she had always reported when
Jesus appeared was so full of loving compassion and wisdom that I
decided that this was the right course. I suggested that she could
invite Jesus to help her. She wanted to do this.
 The nature or form of the inner guidance is unique for each person.

Cheryl reported having an image of Jesus soothing her young

woman part, who carried the experience of the abortion. This young
woman part was in anguish about what she had done. Cheryl
reported Jesus showing her an image of the child in his embrace and
reassuring her that it was with him. He then took the young woman
part to a place of healing where she could recover from the trauma she
had experienced. There remained work to do regarding her guilt
about the abortion, but the tormented quality of the obsessions
subsided, and the presence of Jesus was available to aid in the rest of
the work.
Transfer of Self Energy
In a later session Cheryl interrupted the work we were doing and
said that Jesus had requested her attention. In my experience this is
not so common; usually these inner guides wait to be invited in. In
this instance Jesus wanted to offer her communion. She reported that
he said, "This is my body; take, eat in remembrance of me," and did
the same with his blood. It was a deeply moving experience,
remarkable in its impact. Prior to this experience Cheryl found it
difficult to experience the qualities of Self without having the image of
Jesus present. After this session, she seemed to have absorbed Self
qualities into her own system, and they became more present in her
everyday life.

From this I gained a new understanding of how one might view the
communion experience. Perhaps spiritual figures represent
concentrated Self energy. Communion could be seen as a process
whereby this energy is transferred from a greater Self, perhaps a
Divine Self, to our personal Self.
Some Cautions about Guides
Other insights about guides came from the inner work of a
therapist I will call Sue, who took part in IFS therapy as part of her
training. When asked if she had an inner source of spiritual guidance
she did not report a religious figure but rather a globe of light that
transformed the atmosphere of her surroundings in a peaceful way.
Her subsequent experience with this globe of light reveals some of the
risks inherent in working with this kind of internal force.

She had been working with a part that she called the Performer.
The Performer was remarkably skilled in pulling off a balancing act
on the high wire, riskily juggling all the demands of professional life.
Many of Sue's other parts, however, were becoming exhausted
through the effort and anxiety required to sustain this act. Through an
inner dialogue the Performer agreed to come down off the high wire,
but this part then went into a depression. In an effort to help it adjust
and find a new and more balanced role, Sue brought the globe of light
over to be with the Performer. This had an amazingly transforming
effect. The Performer was not only renewed, it actually became an
almost superhuman force. This caused a backlash of fear with Sue's
other parts. I was concerned about this fear and certainly curious how
this would play out, but it was near the end of the session, so I had to
leave the work at this point.

This "performer part" thought it could do everything at once with the

greatest of ease, but it was causing great stress to the person's inner
system.

When she came in the next week Sue reported being very
energized, but also noted some problematic relationship issues that
needed to be addressed. In the process of this work we began to
identify an angry part that was seen as a bear in a cage. As we began a
dialogue with the caged bear the whole image suddenly vanished.
When parts disappear it is usually because other parts are blocking
them out or stopping the process. It is standard procedure to have the
client check to see whether there are any parts that are stopping the
imagery work. Sue did the internal check and the Performer part came
forward in all her glory and said that she had stopped the imagery
because there was no need to deal with petty feelings like anger - she
was "beyond all that!"
Then a whole group of Sue's parts started complaining about how
the Performer had been pushing them around and not giving them
any space all week long. Sue decided to have a conference with these
disgruntled parts and as a result decided to separate the globe of light
from the Performer. As Sue did this the system came back into
balance. Additional work was needed, however, so that the Performer
could come to terms with her diminished role.
This experience illustrates that it is usually unhealthy for ambitious
or perfectionist parts receiving an infusion of "spiritual" energy.
Perhaps this explains why some charismatic spiritual leaders, be they
Christian, Hindu or Islamic, sometimes become so imbalanced in their
everyday lives, developing extravagant or exploitive life styles at odds
with the messages they preach. When spiritual energy attaches to a
striving, critical or perfectionist part, great imbalances can arise in the
system, as the person attempts to transcend his or her humanity and
take on godlike qualities. My experience is that when genuine
spiritual qualities enter through the Self, the person can accept and
embrace all of his or her parts and a harmonious cooperation takes
place. Through this process the system can experience both
transcendence as well as balance in everyday life.
When "Guides" Are Not Guides
There is another important lesson from Sue's work with the inner
globe of light. At one point the globe of light appeared, but it was
demanding and bossy. This is not the normal behavior of authentic
guide parts. They usually have no agenda for the person other than
affirming and assisting in some way. Because of this discrepancy, I
was suspicious and decided to check out this globe of light, "guide
part." I suggested to Sue that she ask this part what it was, and when
she did an impish part suddenly jumped out of the light. It said that it
had disguised itself as the light because it felt that was the only way it
could get her attention. This illustrates the potential imbalance that
could come from valuing only the "higher" spiritual aspects of the
inner world - all parts have value, - and parts are not always what
they appear to be.

What may first appear as a spiritual guide can turn out to be something
quite different.

The Transforming Power of Guides

The capacity for spiritual guides to transform extreme parts is
illustrated in the work of a client I will call Joan. Earlier, Joan had
worked with a part she called Warrior that had been relentlessly
driving her even though she needed to rest and heal from an illness. I
asked the Warrior what she feared would happen if she stopped
driving Joan. She said she feared Joan would die. The Warrior
believed that she had actually been keeping Joan alive. Indeed, this
part had been very important in helping loan to survive many life
threatening health crises, and Warrior wanted me to fully understand
this.

It was important for the Warrior to be acknowledged for what she

offered, and as we did this, she relaxed, - somewhat. Still, the Warrior
wanted to block efforts to dialogue with a part she called the Invalid
and wanted to keep this part in exile. The Warrior was unwilling to
relinquish the living room; she was convinced that the survival of the
system depended upon her staying in control. This is often the case
with protector parts that have had to work hard and carry heavy
loads.

The protector parts often need a lot of recognition and reassurance before
they can step back.

At the beginning of the session I had talked with Joan about her
inner spiritual resources, and she described a spiritual guide whom
she referred to as Sophia. Given that the Warrior was unwilling to
step back and leave space for Self, I suggested that Joan gather her
parts in a healing place of safety and invite spiritual assistance into
this sacred space. Sophia appeared and instructed Joan's parts to form
a circle. Sophia reassured the parts that they would not be flooded
with overwhelming emotion and that it was to the benefit of the
system to have this discussion. Sophia's presence softened the
Warrior's harsh stance. Finally she allowed the Invalid to speak. The
Invalid had a lot to say about her suffering. Sophia spent considerable
time enlightening the Warrior and the other parts on the importance
of accepting and caring for this part; it was Joan's physical body, and
Joan depended upon her body for her existence! .The Warrior
understood, but when Sophia asked all of the parts to welcome the
Invalid part into the circle and to hold hands, the Warrior refused to
hold Invalid's hand. Sophia just smiled and then asked, "Who will
hold her hands?" Joan's Nurturing part and her Nature Girl part came
forward. Taking the hands of the Invalid, they brought her into the
circle.
Inner guides can assist the system in accepting the exiles safely back into
the system.

In the weeks following this session the effects of the Invalid's

presence on the other parts became a major theme. It took some time
for her system to rebalance. When Joan began to give time for her
body to rest and no longer drove herself to overwork, her Critic part
began to berate her for being lazy and worthless. When Joan came into
the next therapy session the rest of her system was totally fed up with
the Critic and wanted it banned from the system.

A Monk part that Joan had found in an earlier session suggested that
they all go on an inner vision quest. The parts seemed excited about
this but thought that the Critic Part should be excluded. My
experience of the inner system shows that it is counter-productive to
ban a part. Every effort should be made to find a way to understand
what the unpopular part is trying to do for the system so that it can
find its natural place. I managed to convince the other parts that it was
worth trying to understand the Critic before going on the vision quest.
In exploring what the Critic was doing for the system it became clear
that she was trying to protect Joan from outside criticism, the
harshness of which had been devastating to her when she was young.
The Critic believed that if Joan was perfect she wouldn't be criticized
and hurt by people on the outside. She wanted Joan to be perfect; it
was for her own good!
 It is often the case that the return of an exiled part is not welcome by some
parts.

I asked the Critic if there were a way to keep Joan from being hurt
other than constant criticism. Would she consider easing off? The
Critic agreed to consider that possibility, and reported that she was
exhausted by having to carry this load for so many years. She said she
would be relieved if there was another way. However, she deeply
feared that this meant she was no longer needed. This is a common
fear of parts, especially managers and protectors who have been
carrying heavy loads. I reassured the Critic that there would always
be something for her to do; it might just take another form. The Critic
softened considerably.
 The inner critic and the little Baptist girl have absorbed word for word the
expectations of the critical parent and the church.

At this point another part emerged, which Joan called the Little
Baptist Girl. This part seemed to be attached to the Critic, and it had
definite ideas about what was right and wrong with Joan. The Little
Baptist Girl came into existence because one of the sources of hurtful
external criticism had come from a very conservative Baptist
community. The Critic and the Little Baptist Girl were a powerful
coalition, which had plagued Joan with their constant berating since
she was young. I asked the other parts if they were willing to have
these two parts come along on the vision quest and they agreed,
although not without reservations.
This inner vision quest was remarkable in several ways. Not
surprisingly, Joan found Sophia on the journey; but in addition, Jesus
appeared. This was a great surprise to Joan since she had long ago left
behind her Christian beliefs because of the humiliating pain she had
experienced from the church as she was growing up.
It turned out that it was important for the Critic and the Little
Baptist Girl to have come along on this vision quest, because they
were the focus of the work. It is very often the case that the parts of us
we want to exclude have vitally important qualities for the system
once they are released from their extreme forms. On the vision quest
Sophia approached the Critic part, laid her hands on the Critic's weak,
fault-finding eyes and restored her vision to wholeness. Sophia
announced that the Critic would now be called Integrity and that her
new job in the system was to direct Joan with Self-imbued personal
integrity instead of externally imposed "shoulds and oughts." The
ruler, which the Critic used to measure and evaluate everything she
did in the past, was replaced with a compass pointing toward her
heart. In the months to come, Integrity would play an important role
in providing guidance in the course of Joan's daily life.
Sophia assists the "inner critic" in transforming into her true function,
"Integrity".
 The client was surprised to find that an inner guide in the form of Jesus
freed her Baptist girl from her black- and-white thinking.

Then, Jesus approached the Little Baptist Girl and healed her
narrow black-and-white vision. He announced that her new name
would be Faith, and he replaced the Bible that she tightly held with
the radiant light of the living word centered in her heart. Faith offered
Joan a sense of trust in her own inner spiritual truth which had
previously been discouraged by the church.
As often happens after this kind of inner work the session closed
with the parts coming into a circle, with the guide part in the middle
and the circle symbolizing a return to Self.
 All of the parts can be included when we find Self, sometimes with the
help of an inner guide.

Discussion and Conclusions

Frankly, I don't know how to understand these experiences from a
scientific, objective perspective. It is very clear, however, that these
people have had an authentic experience of inner guidance that offers
profound resources for their healing. Somehow they are able find an
inner connection to a deep and compassionate state from which they
are able to find both guidance and wisdom.
I am deeply moved by witnessing the loving presence that people
encounter in the course of this process. I find my own life is
tremendously enriched by the experiences of my clients. I also
experience a deep sense of peace that comes from those moments
graced with deep spiritual connections. Furthermore, I find that when
I am able to work from Self, I am renewed by participating in the
therapeutic process rather than finding myself relying on my manager
parts who work so hard and lead me to burn-out.
 In light of these discoveries, it seems that one of our most
important roles as therapists is to assist clients in connecting to their
spiritual sources of healing and wisdom. Many people experience this
wisdom and guidance as coming from a source within themselves. For
others, it seems to come from a connection to sources of spiritual
guidance outside themselves.
If a person is able to find this kind of guidance, it has been my
experience that the therapeutic process moves much faster, especially
in cases where there was trauma in their earlier life experience. As I
have noted, my understanding of the reason for this is that these
sources of guidance have concentrated Self qualities. When guides
enter the system they lend these Self qualities to the process. This
means that when a person uncovers a part that is carrying the
memory and pain of a traumatic experience, that part can be helped
from a place of calm, compassionate wisdom.
Without such a spiritual resource the therapist must proceed slowly
to bring Self into a leadership role before the system is ready to deal
with the traumatized part. If the therapist fails to do this these
traumatized exiles will threaten to flood the system with the pain of
the memory, the firefighters will act out and the rigid managers will
come back in force. In the traumatized system the reestablishment of
the Self can take a long time, but if spiritual guidance is available the
healing is accelerated, extreme parts are more readily transformed and
exiled parts more easily comforted and safely brought back into the
system. The presence of a guide allows Self leadership to develop
much faster as well. It is a humbling and freeing experience for the
therapist. If genuine guides are there to offer a powerful source of
healing, then the main job of the therapist is to help the client access
that source.
It can be beneficial for the therapist to explore a client's spiritual
experiences early in the therapy process, and to listen for cues that
may indicate the presence of a guide. However, the therapist should
be careful not to impose such an idea on the client. The guided
imagery exercise found at the end of this chapter may be useful to
help clarify sources of guidance that might be available for inner
work. At the same time it is important for the therapist not to become
enamored with the idea that this spiritual source is available to fix
everything. In all instances the most important work is accessing the
Self, understanding the parts, and working to bring balance to the
system. The therapist can offer the option of inviting in a source of
guidance if it seems that it might be useful. He or she must rely on the
client's judgment about whether to do this or not.

What does this mean for the practitioner? It appears to me that the
spiritual connections that emerge in parts work have an undeniable
ability to transform the internal systems of clients. These spiritual
guides appear to be fundamental forces moving the system toward
balance and equilibrium. They possess a deep wisdom and
knowledge about the client and offer a peaceful and loving state of
mind. This is an invaluable aid when the clients confront pain and
trauma in their system. Perhaps most important, because these
resources arise out of the client's own experience, they support the
client's own sense of wholeness. They are always available if one can
remember to access them.
The following exercise is a guided imagery experience that can help
connect with sources of inner guidance. I use it in workshops and
with clients so that we all can have this inner resource to draw on
during our inner work.
 Finding Your Inner Guide
Please use the following directions to help design a guided imagery,
adjusting, deleting or adding elements to make them fit your sense of
what will work best for you. You can create a tape that you can play
for yourself, or have someone read it to you. It also works well to do
this as a group exercise. It is important that you know that you are in
charge of your experience. Use what feels appropriate for you. While
reading this guided imagery it is important to set a pace that gives
space for the imagery to unfold. I have placed . . . at points where you
might want to pause.
Beginning Directions
This is a journey to a place of healing, a place where you might
encounter a source of spiritual guidance. We will first spend some
time relaxing, letting go of tension, and coming to our center.
• Become aware of your breathing.
• "Breathing in, I am aware of breathing in." (On the in-breath think
"in.")

• "Breathing out, I am aware of breathing out." (On the out-breath

think "out. . . ")
• "Breathing in, I calm my body and mind." (On the in-breath think
"calm.")
• "Breathing out, I release tensions." (On the out-breath think "release.
. . . ")
• Be aware with each breath your body can become more relaxed,
more calm.....
• Scan your body for any remaining tension. Breathe ease and calm
into those areas as you release the tension.

Finding a Peaceful Place

• Imagine yourself on the edge of a beautiful area in nature . . . You
notice a path that you sense will lead you to a peaceful healing place,
a place where you can feel safe, find rest and guidance . . .
• When you are ready begin along the path . . . feel your feet
connecting with the ground. Smell the scent of the air . . . the sounds
of nature . . .
• Be aware of any landscape you pass along the way . . . You may
travel along a valley or up a hill. It is possible that there will be water
in your landscape . . . Move along the path that will lead you to this
place of peace and calm . . .
• Gradually, find your self approaching a beautiful, peaceful, safe,
place . . .
• When you have arrived at your place of peace and healing, spend
some time exploring it and breathing in its atmosphere. . . . What are
the surroundings like? Are there trees or other plant life? . . . Is there
water -- a pool, waterfall or lake? Allow the peaceful qualities of this
place to penetrate deep into your being. . . .

Receiving Guidance
• You may notice somewhere a special place that seems made just for
you where you can sit and relax even more deeply. . . . If you like
you might approach this place and sit or lie down. . . . You feel
comfortable but alert knowing that here is a place where you can
invite your source of guidance to be present. . . .
• You gradually become aware of a source of guidance; you sense a
wise and loving presence. . . . The guidance could appear in many
ways; simply as a feeling that you have, as a figure, a voice, or a
 light. Whatever the form, you should feel safe, cared for and loved in
its presence. . . .

• Allow your sense of this presence to clarify. . . . You have a feeling

of being deeply understood and cared for.....Become aware of how
you can communicate with this source of guidance. . . . Make contact
with it. . . . Perhaps it has a name? . . . Let the source know you
would like its guidance. . . . Perhaps you have a question?. . . . Do
whatever you need to do in this place of peace and healing. . . .
Bringing the session to a close

• Take some time to finish your sharing with your source of guidance.
. . . You might ask how you can bring its presence into your everyday
life. . . . How can you carry back what you have experienced? . . .
• You may receive a symbol that will help you remember your
experience. . . . something to remind you that you can return to this
place at any time. . . .
• Now begin to prepare to depart from this place of peace and
healing. . . . You may want to thank your source of guidance. . . .
When you are ready, begin to go back along the path back to your
everyday consciousness. It may be the same path or a different path. .
. . Take your time returning. . . . You are aware that soon you will
return to your everyday consciousness feeling refreshed and alert,
bringing with you the memory of this inner journey.
• As you arrive back gently bring your attention to your breath. . . .
being aware of breathing in while breathing in, out while breathing
out. . . . Bring your awareness to your body, feeling the peacefulness
you carry with you flow through your body.
• Begin to move your fingers and hands. . . . stretch and bring your
attention back to the room. . . . And when you are ready, open your
eyes . . . return to everyday consciousness refreshed and alert.
 Afterword
We created this book with the intention of giving you some ways of
understanding yourself and others through this parts work model. We
have shared our insights into how and why our inner system works
the way it does. Some readers will find that through this book they
have already begun a journey of deeper understanding of themselves
and others. Others will find that they are curious to experience this
type of inner work themselves.
The last two chapters describe a process that has happened in
intense therapy with therapists and clients who have considerable
experience with this approach. To do this intense inner work you need
a therapist trained in the IFS model; it cannot be done on your own.
If you are already in therapy you might share with your therapist
what you have found useful in this book and explore how you might
use it in your work with them. If you are not in therapy but find
yourself in crisis, we recommend that you seek help from resources
such as a crisis center, community mental health center, or the
religious counseling organization of your choice.

At the end of this chapter you will find a listing of IFS resources.
The website developed by Richard Schwartz includes a list of
therapists trained in the IFS model and suggestions of other readings
about this inner work.
We welcome comments from you about the book: how it has been
useful, how it could be improved. It is "a work in progress," and we
intend to incorporate the feedback we get from readers and
participants in workshops to improve future editions.
We wish you the very best as you continue your inner journey.
Tom, Lauri and Sharon
 Parts Work /IFS Resources
www.wingedheart.org
• This is my website. There you will find more articles I have written,
links to spiritual resources, as well as information on workshops I
offer.

www.selfleadership.org
• This is the IFS website for Richard Schwartz. If you click on the
"resource" tab will see many resources including a "practitioner
directory" that gives you a listing of IFS-trained therapists in your
area.
Other books that offer you more in-depth reading about IFS are:
• Schwartz, Richard. (2001). Introduction to the Internal Family
Systems Model. Oak Park, Il: The Center for Self Leadership. (For a
general audience.)
• Schwartz, Richard. (1995). Internal Family Systems Therapy. New
York: Guilford Press. (For therapists)

• Earley, Jay. (2009) Self-Therapy: A Step-By-Step Guide to Creating

Inner Wholeness Using IFS, A New, Cutting-Edge Therapy. Mill City
Press, Inc.
• Barbera, Mona (2008). Bring Yourself to Love: How Couples Can
Turn Disconnection into Intimacy and Creative Communication for
a Naturally Spiritual Marriage/Committed Relationship, Using
Internal Family Systems. Dos Monos Press.
 References
Introduction
Rowan, John (1990). Subpersonalities: The People Inside Us. New York:
Routledge.
Thich Nhat Hanh (2001). Transformation at the Base. Berkeley, CA:
Parallax Press.
Thich Nhat Hanh (2006) The Nature of Mind. Berkeley, CA: Parallax
Press.
Schwartz, Richard. (2001). Introduction to the Internal Family Systems
Model. Oak Park, Il: The Center for Self Leadership.
Schwartz, Richard. (1995). Internal Family Systems Therapy. New York:
Guilford Press.
Chapter 1
Thich Nhat Hanh (2006) The Nature of Mind. Berkeley, CA: Parallax
Press.
Thich Nhat Hanh (1989). Lectures on the Nature of Consciousness.
Omega Institute, Rhinebeck, NY. Unpublished.
Chapter 2
Barks, Coleman & Green, Michael (1997). The Illuminated Rumi. New
York: Broadway Books, 77.
Barks, Coleman (1987). We are Three: New Rumi Poems Athens, GA:
Maypop Books, 44.
Brown, Molly (1983). The Unfolding Self: Psychosynthesis and Counseling.
Los Angeles: Psychosynthesis Press, 11-12.
Frost, Robert (1943). A Witness Tree. London: J. Cape, 46.
Kunitz, Stanley (1995). Passing Through: The Later Poems. New York:
 W.W. Norton, 107.
Mitchell, Stephen, ed., (1993). The Enlightened Heart: An Anthology of
Sacred Poetry. New York: Harper Perennial.
Schwartz, Richard. The Internal Family Systems Model. Center for Self
Leadership, 2003. Accessed Aug. 20, 2007
http://www.selfleadership.org/ifsmodel.asp.
Singer, June (1973). Boundaries of the Soul: The Practice of Jung's
Psychology. Garden City,
NY: Anchor Books. 271-272.
Whitman, Walt (1897). Leaves of Grass. Small, Maynard & Company.
Original Harvard University, Digitized Sept. 27, 2005, on Google
Books.
Chapter 6
Tolstoy, Leo. Anna Karenina. Trans. Richard Pevear and Larissa
Volokhonsky ( 2002). New York: Penguin Classics, 704-706.
 The Authors
Tom Holmes, PhD, is Professor
Emeritus at Western Michigan
University (WMU). He has been
training graduate students in
psychotherapy since 1985. From 1996
to 2006 he taught in the Holistic
Health Care Program at WMU. His
specialty area is spirituality and the
therapeutic process. Tom received
training in Internal Family Systems
Therapy from Richard Schwartz in the
late 1980's and has been teaching,
training and practicing IFS since that
time.

In recent years his focus has been on burnout prevention: "Healing the
Healer" and "Tuning the Heart of the Healer." His workshops
integrate Western psychology with Buddhist psychology and the Sufi
path of the heart as well as spiritual teachings from Christianity,
Judaism, and Taoism. He specializes in integrating spirituality with
Parts Work.

Lauri Holmes, MSW, was Director of the Family

Counseling Program at Family and Children
Services of the Kalamazoo Area for twenty-two
years where she did therapy, supervised
therapists and did program development.
Trained as a family therapist with Salvador
Minuchin, she met Dick Schwartz in the late
80's at the Family Therapy Network
Conference, and subsequently trained her staff
in the "Parts Work" model. Since retiring she
has assisted Tom in writing and workshop
presentations as well pursuing a variety of
interests in art, music and community service.
 The Illustrator

Sharon Eckstein has a Master of Fine Art degree in

painting and has taught art in public schools, at
Western Michigan University and at the
Kalamazoo Institute of Arts. She was a gallery
artist for many years and has won numerous
awards for her paintings. She also has a Masters
degree in Counseling Psychology and
incorporates art therapy into her private practice.
She has been studying Internal Family Systems
Therapy for several years.